The Basement Yard - #160 - Sneaking Out & Stealing Cars

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

A special guest joins us this week! YouTube.com/TheBasementYard Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. Today is me and Danny. Yay. Yay. Just hang sorry. What was that? I don't know. I've been listening to a lot of ice cube ice cube says yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh I don't know. Can you not do that anymore? I'm sorry. Yeah, you're fired. It's This is your last episode. It's my third day getting fired in a row. Yeah this morning. You got fired. Where'd you get fired for this morning? Um For beating you twice in a row Madden that didn't happen. I beat you twice in a row I beat you twice in a row though that had happened and then I just beat you twice in a row today Yeah, then you brought your dog. I brought my trying to distract me, but it didn't work. It worked for a while. No

Didn't work. It's fine. Um, anyway, I kind of wanted to start this episode with something that I saw on the internet. Uh apparently people are Taking the skin Off of their dead relatives where their tattoos are and then framing it and saving it And putting it on their wall Why you doing that pretty gross why would you save skin? I think it's a little disgusting to be honest What saving skin? Yeah, like if somebody died like I wouldn't want to save their skin Like I want their tattoo and I want it

You know what I mean? Yeah, I want it. I understand what you're talking about, but I just Look, it's not the worst thing in the world. Like you've heard of like families like saving foreskins. That's not the worst wait An umbilical cords you've never heard of that. Yeah, that was saving that Why would you save a foreskin? They're their families that do that. Why? Where do they put it? It's a keepsake and like a like a what's that called like a tupperware? Not a tupperware. I think they have like little like like little jewelry boxes. What was it little treasure boxes, you know Or like a yeah like a book they open up. It's like taped in there like baby books. Yeah, yeah a baby book Some people eat their kids umbilical cords some people eat the the placenta too the placenta placenta

I've heard umbilical cords. I've heard that. I don't know if that has any they chew on like a nerd's rope. Yeah, I've heard of that Yeah, by the way nerd's rope fire not good. What? Yeah, I wasn't I wasn't a big don't do this too much texture There's a lot of good things happening on a nerd's rope. There is but it's too much happening at once I don't agree with that. I oh, I agree. What about red vines? You like red vines? No, I'm not whoever like whoever likes red vines over Twizzlers is out of their fire red vines is like they're like the spaghetti of twizzlers So you could pull them apart Well, I just want to I do like to pull apart twizzlers. Those are heat Yeah, I will go on the record and say that twizzlers are one of the worst candies of all time

You're adding I I disagree black black licorice twizzlers garbage garbage. Yeah, we can that's you know, I literally was about to flip out If you saw my face just now, I was like I was like don't say that that one is disgusting. No, it licorice though. Dude. I'm having candy. I'm not like this is No, but like a twizzlers is really good. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No. Yeah compared to the rest of the candy world It's gabbage. I don't know about that. You you're also someone that used to eat fucking hot tamales like they were going out of style Hot tamales are good candy. They're good, but they're hot tamales are not good. I'm sorry. They're fine They're not you don't like them a lot You're not going to reach for them. No not like them dumb bitches. No. Yeah, you're a bit if anything you're a basic bit

Yeah, 100% oh hot tamales. Yeah, you probably like you guys go over here eating twizzlers like you're 90 years old 90 Black licorice. If you go to a retirement home, there's twizzlers in every room black because they are universally loved candy Yes, no, they're not. Yes, they are. No black licorice is an old person's food. My mom Mom loves twizzlers. Yeah, but that's fine. Your mom's great and she's an older lady You just made the case for twizzlers. Your mom likes them older women. No, I like I like twizzlers He likes twizzlers a lot of people out there like I think you're confusing black licorice twizzlers and red I know what a twizzler is. I know but black licorice is like an old person. Yeah, that's karmic Black rick rick rick rick rick rich rick rick rick. Yeah, richy rich

black licorice That was a good movie by the way black licorice Awful no one's no one can make a case for that. I'm not gonna listen to black jelly bean trash too. Oh my why are we making these things? Yeah, I want a white cardigan coconut. Yeah, like coconut. I was gonna get somewhere that I stopped He was gonna go black anything's awful. I know you were gonna say that But you're talking about candies. Yeah, what any black licorice candy is terrible Any any licorice is awful. No, well, yeah, good plenty. Wow. Yeah garbage garbage. I'd rather like eat a whole box of Tylenol. I'll be honest with you. I'll put good and plenty up there or hot tamales

Yeah, they both suck. They both suck Frankie Frankie hot tamales are fine. Everyone relax. Yo, everyone relax Yo, you had hot tamales to the point where it's like no one on the planet likes these these much Good plenty. It's not near hot tamales. Yes, it is. They're in the same. Yes, it is. You don't even believe that Yo, yes, I do. This is for the cameras. I really hope it is. We're having a conversation after the cameras are off Because there's no way that these things are close to each other. Yo, good and plenty's are just as bad If not worse than hot tamales. What about Mike and Ike? Yo, they're bad too. They're the most basic. Yeah, Mike and Ike's terrible What? Yo, I honestly felt I was just I was trying to like get back on your side. No, no, no, no No, I was being nice. Mike and Ike is the most basic candy on the planet. It's literally just a long jelly bean. It's nothing

If you're gonna, jelly beans are great. Yeah What is the only problem with jelly beans? Not big enough. Not big enough. They're basic. They're basic But yeah, you know what? I'll give you this if you were to argue that jelly beans were not big enough Cool, you have like the cool flavors like popcorn. Yeah, fucking popcorn jelly beans Yo, all Mike and Ike's are like cherry blueberry green apple lime fruit punch like they're wrong They have like a hawaiian box. They have a blue box Which is like what the fucking flavors fruit punch pineapple Like you want like I if they had like butter and popcorn Mike and Ike's we would talk

I would fuck with those. Thank you blown away by this Here's why of all the small box candies that you could have picked you've picked all the worst ones Do you literally pick they're just like re-skinned Where do you put candies? Yeah, where do you put nerds on that? Yo nerds are great Nerds are the are the king of the little box king of little box candy Mike and Ike's Are not in little boxes. Well, well, you can get them when you get them in large boxes. Sure

But they're in little boxes. You know what I mean? They're little box candy the pound for pound Yeah, it's like a hundred pound of feathers hundred pound of bricks type of thing. You know what I mean? If You know how they sell the big boxes of nerds, right? Yes. Yeah, you're more inclined To reach for a big box of nerds than a big box of Mike and Ike's or hot tamale any day of the week I would I don't know Any day of the week that's a that was a hard fall right there. That was loud. No, I gotta clean that up

Thanks, you're fired again. Jesus. Yeah, I I I'm sorry Mike and Ike's Mike and Ike's Mike and Ike's hot tamales and Good and plenty's are They're they're the bottom tier of candies and then like fucking like what are the what are the the snow caps? Oh snow caps are old people stuff those suck. We can agree on those are those are bad Those are bad and they're like 11. I don't know why they made that like a movie candy Yeah, well like oh

And these snow caps it's like fuck these of all the candy we could put in here. We're gonna put this shit in here Yeah, I don't even see snow caps anywhere except the movies. Yeah, I don't think I do either We should get they're literally in like the bottom rung of every deli like and they're untouched Like dust on them. Yeah, exactly. That's is that a new y'all? I honestly I'm not y'all all jokes aside This is this is a crazy conversation. No, I literally did not think anyone would be like, yo Mike and Ike's are trash Yo, we couldn't plenty like you're really hurting my feelings. It is not news here that we have called you vanilla joe before What is Mike and Ike? Hot tamales you like twizzlers. Yeah, they're great. They all taste the same

So how is that vanilla joe? First of all, you don't even if if if I was the person that I would be eating Like picking Mike and Ike's to eat. I'd be like, oh, let me have a green one now Let me have a red one You'd put a handful in your mouth where you'd have just like a brown colored mess of fucking sugar in your mouth Wait, what the fuck are you talking about you? I remember when you would eat like good and plenties not good and plenties Mike and Ike's when you would eat Mike and Ike's you would just take a handful and put it in your mouth It was that was like when you mixed all the paint together and it just came out like a shitty brown Ike girls

That's what you used to do. You gotta eat one at a time. You don't even like eat them one at a time. Yes. Yes. Yes Keep your power sociopath eating Mike and Ike's I wanted you popcorn one at a time a sociopath because he said I lied When I was 13 about oceans avenue by yellow card Now he says I'm a sociopath because I eat my candy one at a time. Do you eat popcorn one at a time? I start one at a time, but then I'm like I can't do this anymore I 100% eat one at a time the entire time. I have a reason why though is because let's hear pop corn is easily the most dropped Food of like all time you can't eat popcorn neat So if you grab like seven or eight of them three of them are ending up on the floor. I want that corn

I need that corn Let me get a consensus on candy corn by the way. It's october disgusting. Yo, you're out of your fucking mind candy corn's amazing So you have to humanity only be like the bottom The gift of humanity Hey Spoiler alert the whole thing tastes the same. Yeah, there's no like different candy. I only bite the bottoms though If that's stupid, that's really dumb. No because I bite them and then I just toss the other piece. It's dumb I'm not trying to justify. Oh, yeah

I'm just enjoying picking them up biting the orange and yellow and dude. I love something about you By the way, this is going to set the internet on fire because everyone hates they taste like shit Yo, whoever hey, no, no candy corn is the most polarizing candy. There is why it's so good And it and it's so like it's it's such a time of the year thing. You know what I mean? Like it tastes like shit No No, it doesn't I heard him say Candy corn I eat so much of it and I don't even enjoy what what I'm doing Yeah, like I'm like, I don't I don't know why I can't stop doing I don't enjoy that candy, but I will eat it

Yeah, I will eat it. That's fine. Yeah, I'm right there with can I ask you guys another thing? Yeah Do you remember like how your grandma's would always have like that big cylinder with like cherubs on it and it had all different kind of popcorn in it Cherubs Yes Different kinds of popcorn Popcorn like flavored popcorn tin With cheddar caramel and regular

Which one did you like the most? I mean, I'm a big cheese guy. I love cheddar cheddar the caramel popcorn though Was fucking good The only thing about caramel popcorn is like sometimes it changes the texture of popcorn and I don't like that And then yeah, it just becomes like a like a wet thing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I just I need popcorn in my life That's true. And also I Cheddar popcorn. I don't know about you guys, but I hate the feeling of being sticky So like you have white cheddar popcorn. Yeah, but like that you just jerked off like an animal

Yeah, and like part of it's like soul came with you too. It's disgusting. It's like why won't this go away? You're done with like like with white cheddar. What are you doing cheddar? You like your fingers? I like my finger. Oh, I don't do that. I'll lick it out. I'm a super finger licker That's how I clean myself. Yeah, well like when I'm eating like popcorn You're a pants guy. He's definitely a pants guy. Don't a pants guy. No, I'm not a two-armed pants guy That's gross. I am. I will tell you you are a pita dipping pita in the ketchup. Oh gosh That's not a crazy thing. Yes, it is. I've never seen somebody dip pita in ketchup either of I a piece of pita bread It's bread. No, but not all bread is the same. Yeah, if even if you dipped any bread into ketchup

It's weird. What look it is. But he's hamburgers. Yeah, but there's a piece of meat in there There's something with it Like you have I will to his defense. He has been dipping bread in ketchup since as long as I could remember What literally as long as I can remember he used to do it. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. It's not just yo the first of all This is a this is not a big deal. Everyone relax. You guys how long have you guys known each other since we were like Yeah, no, 22 years 22 years. I have another question actually going on that 22 years He's been dipping

Bread into bread like white bread Like whatever came with school lunch. I've never seen him at home be like, oh What does that mean? Like I won't dip a pizza into ketchup. No, no You remember the buns that used to come with like the burgers for like elementary school lunch Like they weren't white bread, but they were like they were bread I honestly don't really remember. Well, he wouldn't take out a loaf of bread and just start snacking on bread and ketchup Oh, but if I'm eating a hamburger and there's an extra and there's extra bread. I'm gonna dip it in ketchup That makes sense. I'm getting crucified over. No, but that before was not what you were doing

You didn't even touch the pita bread. You went straight pita bread to ketchup You knowingly ripped the pizza and Frankie watched you the whole time He knowingly just took a piece And just went like this and just swiped it in there and put it in his mouth and I had to say something Yo, I just looked you guys are going crazy. He has criticized my culinary Appreciation nothing about you is culinary Listen, I have a different my culinary appreciation. Who is this guy? Look I elaborate elaborate look I'm

We grew up in Astoria best greek food in the states arguably from all the other places Where's the stack over from listen arguably the best greek food in the states When we think when I think of pita bread, I don't think of ketchup. I think it's hot sticky I think I think it's it's it's sticky does it ski. Yeah, so when you're going to turk nabinsky You got a gyro platter and you didn't even touch the pita bread to the chicken You wait the chicken by itself. I watched this whole ordeal and you picked up your pita bread tore it And went straight into grainy ketchup grainy. It was grainy. It was a little it was like organic ketchup

There was a little grain in there. It's organic ketchup. All right, but you went straight into it. All right I don't mind organic ketchup. I think organic ketchup is better than an actual fine. You get a little weird I'm a dip. You know, you know No, there's there's no sugar and organic ketchup. Good. Good. Yeah, it's good That's why I do it and it's not that big of a drop-off, but if I had to pick one which one tastes better Oh, yeah, bring me the give me that sugar. I don't know Like it's just and look I'm all I'm all about dipping and and and scooping and spreading But like that I was it was just so

Like out of left field. I was I was interested. I was intrigued. I'm sorry that you were taken back I'm happy that you caught it at the same time as I caught it too I'm glad you said that because now you don't get to be on his team No, because you just said you understand that if you're eating a burger and there's a couple pieces of bread left You'll da da da da Which is fine, but you took that piece of bread and ripped it in the little pieces and dipped it in ketchup Yeah, there was no middleman ripped it into little it wasn't a hot. There wasn't extra bread Besides you finish something off and like oh, I want to eat all this food, but I don't want to eat dry bread

I get to my to my defense Uh, I usually will rip off a piece of peter bread and put hello Uh put like two, uh, it's an episode of the basin yard. There's a voice crack And put like two pieces of chicken in it and then dunk that whole thing in bread. Yeah in bread Don't go on bread. Yeah, that's I'm a big time dunker. My food needs to be soaked. Yo, mine too. All about it Do you see what I was housing that sanziki? I love that. Yo, people who just eat fries? Sanziki? Sanziki. Sanziki is good. So it's not Sanziki. There's no tea is silent. Yeah. Well, it's not really silent. It's not a tea. It's a z. It's a z. Sanziki. Sanziki. Sanziki. Sanziki. Yeah

Nice suds. Yeah tatsiki Tot ziki. That's what that's what people say Tizat ziki. Yeah, you got tizat. You got tizatski. You got You got tizatski diamonds. Kawasaki The worst is when people call it white sauce Oh my god, that hurts. It actually was on that menu as yogurt sauce. Oh, that's it's what it is. It's what it made out of I don't like it What the fuck is that white sauce at those fucking

Halal people. Yeah, I'm not a halal guy. So oh, I don't know, but it's I think it's that white sauce Flames, I think it is tatsiki probably is tatsiki and like the hot sauce they have there It's like do you want like that shit makes you want to die? They're hot sauce. Oh my god. It's so hot. I've never really had it. Is it really like that like well It's just a cherry on top of Oh, you're gonna have diarrhea Let's add fire to your diarrhea because now it comes out and it burns your rim. It's so yeah, it's so hot They literally only put like

Smallest of squirts on it Yeah, remember remember when we went to that, um, the cuban spot and I they had that green hot sauce hotter than that Oh way hotter green hot sauce is great. Green hot sauce is amazing. It's probably the best hot sauce. I in my opinion Oh, you mean like I'd rather have I'd rather have green then red. Yeah, I'm with you like green to green Tabasco You mean whatever any green hot sauce any green. I'm right there except for frank's red hot Frank's red hot. I can I literally can drink that stuff I've done that before drink Frank's red hot. Yeah me and Keith one time I took I've taken a shot of it like as it is disgusting me and Keith did it one time where we filled up shot glasses

He's getting your spit. Yo, honestly, honestly, it's it's really really bad. It's hard. Really? Yeah, it's like it's so Do you have any Frank's red hot? I'll do it. I have sriracha, but it also I'll do it I'll do a shot of sriracha right now. It might go down easier, but yeah, you shouldn't Yeah I'm most concerned you've ever been because you'll burn right up my stomach Yo, you he didn't say like me the person he put it up my stomach. You shouldn't he can not you Please don't do that. Please don't I think it's that xanthan gum xanthan gum. It's bad for you It's that stuff that like makes hot sauce kind of have like that layer on

It's weird It's that santhan it's a silent x it is not great for you No, but that's what it makes it feel like it's continuous. It's like a becomes like a booger almost Oh god, yeah, it thick it thickens it up. It thickens it up. So that's why when you take the shot it tastes like a booger I honestly have never even heard of this gum. It's just like an ingredient that they put in there that makes a powder actually Yeah, it's but it makes it thicker. It's it's like That's why when you have certain like texas peat hot sauce It has like that little bit of like mucus membrane type of

Skittles have that. Yeah, exactly. You know, I almost died from skittles. What? Yeah, like I was really drunk And then I had skittles Like right before I went to bed and you know how it makes your saliva so thick. Yeah so I was sleeping and I guess I was sleeping with my mouth open and I guess there was just like a film of skittle saliva over my mouth Not over my mouth, but like in my throat that I couldn't breathe. That's like skittles sleep That's exactly what happened. I almost skittles almost killed me and I woke up going like That yeah, and I didn't terrified and I was in a bunk bed with another dude

And he threw his phone because he thought I was throwing up. Wait, what? It was we were at it was like this youtuber event and they put us in this one room And there was like a bunch of people so it was like me, you know the mag cons and stuff like that Exactly It was me this kid Jonah and then two people were below us and then joey gotta was In the bathroom throwing up the whole night But sounds like joey. I I came out of my sleep like And I didn't realize it because I had just like woken up a drunk and then everyone's just like I remember looking around and everyone's looking at me like

I'm like, what like dude, you just what was that? I was like, what are you talking about? That's terrifying And they're like, yo, you just like screamed or something and I was like, what like, yeah, dude You almost like died like you were like gasping for air. I was like I was mad drunk. I was like, that's tight You know, it's weird Is that you laid in a bed with another man and ate skittles next though No, I had skittles before I got in the bed, but I was definitely in that bed with another dude That's whatever That's whatever but like eat skittles next to like a person sleeping is kind of

Well, uh, here's a fun story. I thought that you were eating them and fell asleep eating them. Oh, no No, no next to I got there's a fun kid that I knew and I had had just eight skittles and then we went to bed and that's why Joey knows that I like to like snack on weird things sometimes So there was a phase where and I mean I still would I just haven't done in a while where I I just straight up eight cucumbers Just like straight up before with a cop them with a cup of italian dressing. Yeah, I've never done that He's filled up a cup of italian dressing and dunked it and yo, it's so good and Um, I was at my lake house once not the best and I was I was going to like I at that point in time

Was Sharon like a room and a bed with my cousin. I thought you said Sharon Sharon no, not sure Sharon wasn't there that we Sharon stone was not there Different different weekend. He was like he went to sleep and it was pitch black and he just he was like He's like, yo, what the fuck is that and I didn't I didn't say anything because I didn't I felt bad I thought I was waking them up and like here like three more times and he turns on the fucking light And I'm just sitting in the middle of the bed with a cucumber Yo, at least it was at least you're eating it. Yo, I could have woke up something a lot I could have eaten it elsewhere could have been jamming that in your a yeah

There it is jamming it. Hey, remember when you were younger and you Nope I'm just gonna cut that one off real quick. Nope, whatever you say right now is gonna be a big You're gonna relate to this. Do you remember? No Oh, shit, that was funny. Um, but I remember a lime wire, obviously The best You would download like porn on it Yeah, and go to school all day. She'd be like, I cannot wait. Barry Sanders ASPN classic

I remember that but there was also one time I downloaded something It was just like big titty whatever. I was like, I'm in so I downloaded that And when I opened it, it was a girl with a cucumber Just I'll actually it might have been an eggplant because this was a massive fucker. This was a thick thick bitch Not her The vegetation This thing was in a factory and they were injecting steroids In the snazor in the b in the sniz in the snatch in the snatch. Wow in the cage

That's in the gauge. That's cage. Oh in the the gauge that I like That's that's did you ever see that video a long time ago? I know what you're gonna do You know exactly what I'm doing I just did this and the guy like opened the girl up and literally like opened it up and he's a bald guy And he shoves his head inside. Yeah, no way. Yeah, I don't know if it's real, but he got his head in there. Yeah I feel like you're watching the time Let's open this new watch it vibrated. You never wear a watch. I know what is that? Vibra out past tense What it's past tense vibra out

He is god damn you're right God damn you're so right. You're right. What's up? I've never I don't think I've ever seen you wear a watch No, I this is a running watch. Oh, you're running now What I'm just saying this news to me. Yeah, I just you know, all right good for you. It's nice How do you I need I need to do it because I hate running That's why I started doing it because I'm like I hate doing it And I feel like if I do something that I can't even imagine myself like I want to be able to run 10 miles in one shot Oh my god, that's honestly

Like I I'm laughing like admirably, but I'm laughing at myself like the thought of running 10 miles I know I will never do that. Yo, I hate I hate car. You're so damn much I can't even like see myself doing it What's the most you think you could run right now if we if we literally went outside and you just took off And we followed you in a car three miles Three miles. Yo three miles is fucking far dude. Yo to be honest though like I would be I would have to be on the verge of death though

Like it wouldn't be great if I'm running with someone else like I think like that would motivate me more to keep up Well, that's why I got the watch because the watch um Because the first day I went to go run the reason why I'm running now is because I feel like it just adds this certain level of like discipline of like, you know, just go out and run Because I hate doing it. So it's like just go do something. It's one of the most disciplining things that you could do Dude, it's a fight I can't fucking breathe

But the reason why I got the watch is because usually when I run one of my biggest problems is I get fucking bored running So I got the watch because this watch tells you your pace for a mile So it tells you your distance how long you've been running and your current pace So it's like now, you know, if you're going too fast or you're going too slow because Another problem that I had was I would run too fast And like I wouldn't be able to run a mile because I'm trying to run it I'm running at like a six twenty and I'm like dude slow the fuck down, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah, so in order to like you gotta take it step by step

You think you could ever like run like a half marathon Is that like the next goal? Like I don't I don't want to say that I don't want to hold me to that because I don't know how long this is gonna last But I probably do a half marathon. He did a full marathon. I did the New York City marathon. That's insane. Yeah, that's absurd That's the craziest thing I've ever I think I would die. Yeah, I think so too. Well, I mean you could walk I could walk you could finish the marathon

Did you see these guys that did like that 34 mile walk for drew breeze or some shit like that? No, it was like a They ran They did 70 something. He just broke the record for yards. Yeah, but it was like 72,000 or some shit like that It came out to like 34 miles or some I was like 41 miles and they walked it. Yeah to like the stadium. That's insane Those guys Big time losers. Oh, yeah Yeah, they couldn't stand up to cheer for him at the game when he and the only thing that makes the guy the original idea Less of a loser. Is it the guy next to him thought that it was a good idea? He's like, yeah, dude

Yo, that would be awesome. I mean, hey, we're a bigger loser than he is. If one of you guys suggested like dude Let's walk 41 miles for drew breeze. I'd go dude No, dude, if you said hey, let's just walk four miles right now I'd be like dude. Hold on because the jokes on us. They got to go on the field. They got to meet drew breeze they got like vip like They got problems honest 100% if they were like, yo, you have to walk 2000

something You know yards Oh for Derek Jeter For the hits all the hits that he got in his career. Would you do it? 2000 yards is not far at all. Yeah, it's like 200 football fields Okay, yo, is what I know you're trying to say is walking 40 miles like Impossible Why is that hard? I don't know. I walking 40 miles. They had to like stop. You know far 40 miles

Wait, hold on. You're walking for two days. How far? No, that's not true. If you walk at an average of 30 miles an hour If you're gonna walk 30 miles an hour, this is a breeze. You need to call Nick Fury. I meant three I meant three if you are an average pace of like three miles an hour That's like 10 hours. That's not that bad. How far could you walk straight, Danny? Me the longest walk I've ever gone on was three and a half hours No, I'm talking distance. Oh, well, that's When I did that, I mean I stopped a couple times. What was it three and three and change

Miles. Yeah. No, it was like five six miles. Yeah, yo, you can walk a mile in like eight minutes The farthest I've ever walked it was like six miles. Remember? No, you can't remember no one's walking a mile in eight minutes You are completely off with your speed. I have I do I ran a mile the other day and I walk I walk miles in like 12 minutes. Yeah, like 30 no no like 13 14 minutes. Okay. It takes me to like walk a mile Yo, I'm a quick walker too. So I can say it doesn't matter. No It takes me 14 14 minutes on average to walk a mile And I I think that makes a walker that's like when I'm like I'm going for a walk

If I was just like gradually walking it would probably take me like 20 minutes to walk a mile Because like you're stopping you're stopping and looking around if you could walk 30 miles an hour. Yeah No, because honestly, that's that's what that's what helped with like my initial weight loss was like I was going on these long Long walks are dope. So dope. I love walking places. I just can't run yet Oh, I I I can and I hate it. I can't you can No, dude, not with my back. That's the thing that's been bothering me a lot. Yo ride the bike I wasn't able to I was I was thinking about getting one of those ones that fold out

What oh you mean like a real bike. I was saying like I was going to the gym and doing like no No, they have the stationary bikes, but they fold out and you could put them in your closet and pull them out and they snap What what the fuck? Yeah, it's like so like they you know because like treadmills and bikes and they take up a lot of space They have ones now that are collapse. Do you have a bike? I used to have a bike I don't have one now Oh, because if you did they do make like these things that you could put in your apartment that it's literally just like a Triangle and you put your bike on really and you could just bike. Yeah I might I might look into that because only the back tire moves

So you put the front tire Like on the floor and then the back tire goes into this thing and it's has like a wheel So you pedal on just didn't you have a bike? I have a bike. Oh, it's still here. Yeah My tire's flat, but I could never ride a bike in New York City I think those people are the craziest people on earth. I think you have to be Certifiably insane. Yeah, because they get out there whipping through traffic and shit. You're fucking mania Yeah, this guy's Dave Mira coming off of second avenue. I'm like, whoa, I'm driving here. You fuck But I'll take a biker over a fucking skateboarder through the city any day

How many skateboarders are there in the city? I will see it especially with the electric ones now. Oh, yeah the boosted you'll see a guy It looks like he's never skateboarded a day in his life. They're all longboarding like yeah, and fucking michael kors fucking Johnny tsunami get the fuck out of here. He's got like dockers on just fucking zipping through fucking uptown Have you ever biked through like there is on not unwritten, but there are rules about biking in the city People go insane. All right. Hey get in the bike lane, buddy. Yeah, you're on the wrong side I've had people yell at me for like Trying to cross the street and walking through the bike lane

I saw because I had gotten a like a ticket not long ago And a part of the ticket says like for bikers and it has like Different like biking violations and you can get yo if I was riding my bike and got pulled over by a cop I'm fucking killing myself I'm riding off the bridge into the fucking water. I'm killing myself Funny that you say that a buddy of mine got a dui on a bike. That's awful. I didn't even know you could do that On fire island, they don't have cars They just have you just bike around and you take like water taxis and shit

And a buddy of mine got drunk and got pulled over by bike cops and got a dui for riding his bike drunk I would kill myself Yeah, that's rough and that goes that goes on your record as an actual dui. It's not like dui on a bike It's like no, this is a dui. Also, I don't like I don't know if this is damaging to say I feel like it's easier to drive a car drunk than it is to drive a bike drunk I would agree with you because it involves less physical coordination. You know driving a bike drunk would be impossible Physical coordination balance. You can barely walk. You're expecting the person to balance on a bike and pedal Is it also weird how you never forget how to ride a bike? But you have to learn how to do it

Does that make any sense? Yeah, no, that's not weird. No, I don't think it's weird at all. It's muscle memory. Yeah I know but it's like keep going forward. I know but like do you remember learning how to ride a bike? Not really. I remember Keith learning. It was terrible. I remember Keith learning. Keith was fearless Keith with his was a psycho on a bike. Yeah, I told that story Keith remember Keith used to stand on his pegs not touching the Right down the hills right down the hill. Yeah when he was learning how to ride a bike They had training wheels on and he'd be like just take him off. Yeah, because like he didn't care And he'd be at the top

We had an alleyway where we lived on a hill and he would come flying down and he didn't instead of like Because you know, you like pedal backwards to break instead of doing that. He would just crash into garbage cans in front of our house I remember he was always reckless like that. Yeah, he was nuts. It was hilarious though. No, I I do not remember riding a bike, but you know, honestly, I don't think I've ridden a bike in like eight years Riding a bike is awesome I kind of want to do it. But like so bad like a beach cruiser No, I don't want to ride like a gt dyno because everyone expects you to fucking like no do a fucking tailspin Like a cyclist bike like a like a bike

No, no those involve way too much work anything with gears on it. I don't wait. Yeah, they're they're kind of confusing where it's like Oh, we're going up this hill go to eight. Yeah, now we're going down shift to three like just let me ride I don't want to yeah, I don't want to drive like I was like a priceless fucking like Yeah manual manual shift car here You don't have to and like these bikes that are like lighter than like a feather. Yeah, I don't want yeah I don't want to be that guy that runs with his bike. Yeah. Oh my god. I hate those guys I have one of those bikes Like an iron man bike. No, but it's not like that. It's the one with the hook. Is it a carbon fiber? No

It's not the one with the hooks. It might be gray hound. No, no, no, I don't have hooks It's a regular bike. It has like regular handlebars, but it has skinny tires Yeah, like it's for going quicker than like you can't like I could Beat someone who's on like it's a cyclist bike. It's not it like a kid's not a kid's bike I like the beat definitely It's a cyclist bike it's a cyclist bike But I like the beach cruisers because you could you could ride that Like a basket. Yeah, put people on the fucking handlebars. Those things are massive

Yo, they're huge like I got on it and literally I'm like Like I almost fucking fall and I'm I'm fairly tall. I grew up on those though That's that's all we had That's all we grew up on beach bikes. Yeah, I grew up That's what we grew up on I lived by the ocean I did Oh the way you said it sounds I I grew up on a bike yo

No, no, no like grew up on the beach. Hey, you knew what I meant Dave Mira relax. No. No. No. No. I grew up on pegs No, it's like uh, by the way, it's like how you grew up on On the tv show like oh, yeah, yeah, I grew up on it. I know it was just funny like All right before we move on let's get to the sponsors here the first one being scent bird Which is a luxury fragrance subscription service you get a new cologne every month. Give me a break Okay, this is a great invention. No one likes to smell like shit That is unanimous across the board. We can all agree on that Why not sign up for scent bird and get a new cologne

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no pegs No, no, you don't see pegs anymore. Yeah pegs are a relic of the past kids don't share that's where that's where men were made What if you could ride a bike while someone was on the back and yo I remember that shit like if the person was sitting down like on the pegs You were like cool like and you were best friends, but like when that person stood up It's like you're back there like fuck like you're you're just Integral to the balance of that motor vehicle whoever whoever came up with that Idea is a genius. I just never understood how they worked because I always thought that the back tire would just go

Flat well, that's what the tires for I know what the tires for the psi get it up You can't have like some gigantic fat third grader on the back of there Yeah Yeah, when you roll like when you rolled deep with your friend on the fucking pegs on the bike That was so dope front pegs. Do you ever have those? I I was a backpacker. Yeah Peg me in the back

Like my brother had front and back pegs on a gt dino when I was like, uh, you remember those, right? No, what was he grinding bikes? No, those are like big bikes back then gt dino was in in a mongoose's I had an echo bike Like an echo the clothing line like oh the more echo. Yeah, I had an echo blue that bike was eight dollars No, that's probably worth mad money. I don't know. I mean it got stolen. So hell. Yeah, I got stolen Everyone's bike got so yo stealing bikes was just like literally a job for some yeah Yeah, but it's like but you don't steal them for keeps You steal them you spray paint them and you toss them

No, not really. Oh no scrap metal places. A lot of people will take that but then also like no, but you're kids You weren't thinking no, like if I saw somebody's bike sometimes I would just get on it and like ride it to wherever my destination was and just leave it there No, but in our in our like like I would half steal it. I don't think I ever stole a bike That's like in grand theft auto. Yeah, I would half steal it. I don't steal. I don't think I ever stole a bike I'd be like, yo, can I use your bike? I'm going to the store I'd go to the store get a fucking whatever and then go back every time I use one of my friends bike It was because I had to go home and take a shit

Yeah, you always had a poop. I always had to poop like when it was like gain point like 20 to 19 I'm like, I really can't stay for another point. I got a shit. Yeah, someone give me their bike Yeah, you were you were pretty impressive with it But or I used to rollerblade a lot Y'all are blading. That's also a thing of the past. I saw a guy roll blades. I'm like, look at this fuck Look at that. That's nice. Look at this guy. Is that what the time? You know what? I haven't seen in years moped Right, I haven't and I haven't heard them either. Like, you know when you heard them You knew who was coming. Yeah, you were like, yo, that's fucking that's nicky from down the block. What is moped like?

You knew who it was. Dude razor scooters. You don't see much anymore And the other thing you don't see anymore are those hoverboards They're coming back. I saw them recently at target. Really? Yeah, but like 150 bucks. Oh, I'm so good on that Yeah, are you I'm not paying these. No, I'm not paying that Like oh, I thought you meant like I'm good on the I would pay. No, no keep it. I'm good. Well, they're illegal I would pay 60. What you can only in the state of new york. You can only write it in your home You can't wait a second in your home because everyone in new york lives in a fucking place this big Yeah, what I'm telling you the ones that are like you stand on it's like

Like those. Yeah, you're not allowed to ride them. Yeah, but what's that one? What's that one? That's one wheel Oh, oh, yeah How the fuck do you bounce on that you know, we'll I don't know. I don't know Dude, I literally saw a dude just zipping up fucking york avenue. Just like this and they're Yeah, look at this guys going 30 miles an hour. They do they got some speed on this thing You're fucking insane I was like, who the fuck is this guy? I still think it's so funny to see grown men in suits like on scooters on scooters

It's great. It's especially city bikes a satchel and it's like you're very professional. It's like the ultimate contradiction But you're biking. No, the best is like the the people that wear like that Dressed like that and work in the city, but then skateboard. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're like, what? That doesn't make any I've seen guys on unicycles. Mike, what are you? What is this a circus? I don't think I've seen a unicycle in real life. I've seen unicycles How much that thing looks how much those are why you want to get one and try it? I would love to try How's your balance right now? My balance is pretty good. I feel like it's all right. Keith has great balance my balance Not that great. Not great. I would need some practice

I feel like we'll do it on grass or on the turf Let me see. What are those called? I don't know unis scooter How much is it? There's one here And they're called one wheels. This one is for 1800 1800 Then hold on. This is not amazon. You can get a car for it

This is on amazon. That's like a car payment like four times. This is on amazon a one one wheel self balancing personal Transporter with mobile app control. I don't know what that is 600 self balancing and mobile app control I don't know what that. Yeah, I don't know what that means, but this is how much is it? This is 600 Can you play the video of it real quick just so you could see it just I mean so I could see it Whoa, it looks cool. Wait, can I see? Yeah Where this looks like a porno for like a one wheel contraption I've definitely heard people fuck to this that thing 100 percent is cool as shit Yeah, there are people that that you know what that's made for that is cool. That's made for fucking california

That's not made for new york or the or the bike lane bike lane in new york You could zip on yo those like the two pedal self balancing ones. Those are you're not allowed to use those in new york anymore I mean the two wheel ones. You know the ones that that yeah, yeah, like the wrapper ones Yeah, those you're not allowed to use in new york anymore. They're i'm pretty sure they're illegal like that makes sense You can use them in your house. Why would they why does that make sense? Why would those be illegal because they because like well they also were like catching on fire? You remember that? Yeah, but like Yo, you know

Everyone wanted one of those there was like samsung phones that were exploding on planes. Wasn't there? Yeah They had to cancel a whole line as if I needed that If I was on a plane and someone's pocket exploded next to me. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. I'm like no one's believing you either It was my phone. Yeah, like we know Just start beating up the guy next to you. Yeah, no, it's uh terrifying that shit is terrifying I would beat the shit out of someone on a plane if I saw the inkling of smoke come out of any part of your body Yeah, it's a wrap for you. I'm gonna fuck you up. Yeah, it's over Like and I'm telling everyone this guy is there's smoke coming out of this guy smoking

I'm gonna beat the shit out of you. I don't know. I'm too afraid Yo, I don't know how this happened, but on my youtube app in my like recommended page. There was a lot of like Plane has engine failure, but landed safely Was it on your one or the or the baseman yard one? I I think it was mine It was watching it on the basement Was it before I went to Italy probably I was watching all like no it was recently All right, then it's not me. Yeah, because it was just random videos of like the cockpit and this dude just like driving like a propeller plane and all of a sudden you see the propeller in the front just

Stop moving and then they start looking at each other and start checking knobs because there's a thousand fucking What are all those things in a cockpit? We got decompressed. Yo, I don't know but I anytime I get on a plane I like have to accept that I'm like ready to die. Yes. I get up there And I'm like, yo like whatever like if I die, it's out of my hands like I'm dead I'm more afraid you make your peace with my peace. I'm like if I die, it's whatever As I feel more scared on the ground Like as I'm we're going and taking off then I am one more in the air Well, you know what they say they say

It's not what they say at that point. I had no control statistically flight is the safest form of transportation Right. The worst is when that thing hits you with a little And I'm like, what was that one one more time? And you hear all this stuff start shaking around. I don't think I ever got hit with a rakka kaka kaka Yeah, I mean either you never got hit with bad turbulence like a rakka kaka kaka rakka kaka. What is that? What kind of plane were you on? Well, there was that one time where we were coming back from vegas. Remember with dom We got some turbulence and they were like, oh under your seat is your fucking right and do that Play the ball, you know, like, yeah, yeah, like so he just grabs under his seat on like the inflatable and we're like,

Yo, we're not flying over water. This is like the desert. It's like dumb if we hit the floor. We're all dead You could grab your thing, but we're it's over. Okay. I like said I literally have to accept like, yo I'm putting myself in this position knowing I could die and if I die it's fine every time I go like on a plane I get somewhere and I have a really good time on the flight back. I'm like This is gonna go south because I had a really good time I was like I had a really good time. I don't know if anyone's gonna let me you know I'm also on my flight back from italy Somebody passed out on my plane

So then I'm like I can't handle that. Yeah, and he was literally he was like like turkish So like no one understood what he was saying. Yeah on the plane Yeah, so like the poor guy passed out and woke up and people were like coming over like they literally hit us with the If there's a doctor On the plane. Yeah, which brings me to my next point Why isn't there a doctor on every plane? It's a good point It's a good point You gotta just hope god forbid you have something going serious same reason why there aren't parachutes on every plane

Cost money And it opens up like legal issues parachutes. It also opens up like legal issues like malpractice or something Malpractice and shit like wait the parachutes would be pointless No, if the plane's going out open that son of a bitch. I'm jumping out open in that parachute up I don't give a fuck it like I'm dying either way. I'd rather die trying I agree if I had a shot to jump I'm jumping Obviously, I think we're all I'll jump out with you guys like the triangle like this I don't think you could jump out at 30,000 feet. No, no, no, they would have to lower it and then we would jump

But yeah, but you'll die because because of the pressure and it's also All right, I'll wait You just like all right like 10 9 8 you hit 1 then you're like, all right I'm jumping out and that would be the scariest thing if the if the guy was like, all right We're lowering to jump altitude And like it's like, all right, everyone line up. Yeah, that didn't make the stewardess It's just fucking tossing people out of the fucking place. Everyone's got goggles your goggles will drop from above you

and God willing you fucking But not only that, no, also if you jump out of the side of the plane you get sucked in that engine and you're turning into dust necessarily serially It would have to be the back Yeah, like do like a cargo like let me jump out the cargo part fire That'd be dope, but at that point if we're going down you'd have to like jump up kind of you know what I mean

Yeah, that's that's fine. The wind will take you. Who's that comedian that was like, uh, it's like I hate the the the black box Like the air there's things on the yeah black box the black box that's like indestructible They go, why don't they make the whole plane out of that? Yeah so that too And it's funny because it's orange. It's not even black. So That is true. That has like the They're destructible apparently It's like and like they find them like years like like this thing can go down in like a blaze of glory

And like they find the black glass like Can we just can we just make the whole plane? Honestly, I think it might be like too heavy of a metal probably A plane is one of the most amazing things I don't get it. I really don't do this day. I don't get it the other day. There's no flapping part. There's just like Oh, no, it's just all power I guess what these guys that the guys that created planes obviously the right brothers crashed a million of them They like almost they just tried to die every day They didn't even make planes. They made the fucking wingy. Yeah, like wingy. Yeah

What were we watching just before? Huh a guy went hang gliding above the clouds. Yeah, who's who created the hang gliding? Yeah, or just put in give everyone like when they get on the plane like those fucking like flying squirrel outfits You know what I mean? That would be dope. Yeah, but you also need a parachute for that You don't need to there was a guy that fell into a giant net They just got nets all over the world No, but like if you can just like level out People on the ground like

Left left left left he's coming in hot He's coming in very hot like I've always like and again This is me just like over thinking this but like if you have one of those and you like Level out right before the ground you can like like skid your feet on the ground and like slow down. No, nope I like I could never jump out of a plane unless my life's over. Yeah I also love the videos they play before you get on a flight because they're so like pleasing But it's all about like if we're gonna die. Yeah, no, it's not like they're like it's funny because they give you these protocols It's like protocols before death like there's no to like by the way if we happen to hit the fucking ocean

Grab your float, but we'll probably all be dead and please stay calm while you're thinking of your family and everything that you've done wrong in your life I would lose my shit in the event that we hit a mountain I would lose my go up. I would be like, yo, whatever we're going down I'd start calling people on my phone and should be like, yo, this is it Yeah, turn the wi-fi on Yo, honestly though, honestly, do you think who's the first person you call if it's going down? I'm not calling anyone. I don't have to wear with all to have a conversation. Oh, no, I think I call someone I'd call both my parents. I don't know who first

I don't honestly The first one that comes up in my frame. You would die before you like, I don't know. I should really think about it Oh Yeah, can you imagine like I I get like sent To fucking voicemail like I'm busy My brothers my brothers wouldn't answer because they're playing fortnite But yeah, I'm in squads. Someone was gonna say something you were about. I don't know you said oh, yo but then I then I asked uh

Who'd like would you try to call somebody if you're at scratch playing when this happens? I don't remember. I think like I would just like what if I knew it was going down Like I'm regardless if I have a fucking parachute with me or not I'm probably just gonna jump and like hope for the best See, I always know and like do one of those like, yo, why can't my shirt fucking like help me like obviously I know I like a blanket because it's your fucking shirt But like if they have like a really like if they have a blanket like try to fucking Mary Poppins that shit on the way down Also, I'm trying. I know I'm gonna die. It's just I want it to be maybe I'll live right so is there an umbrella on board? Yeah

I think he's going You were going straight down, but like remember another thing to uh Just to go along with like the shirt remember tying blankets together Yes, they would always do that in movies to like climb out of the window. Yeah Does that work? I don't know. I don't think I've ever done that like I like girls would do it like I'm going to this party Fuck my dad. Yeah, they throw like this. They tie it to the radiator 14 sheets. Yeah, how many blankets you got lady? And also, I don't you know, I'm ripping the shit out of whatever I try to use the climb My family was way too broke our thread count was way too low. I was like a 30 thread count

Exactly. It was like, okay. This is toilet paper. What are you doing? Yeah, I had like the quarter ply toilet paper and shit You go to tie it. They just rip both of them Well, there was that idea. I'd be better off using it as a parachute than fucking doing any of that I could never Like if if I had to go to a party and it meant tying blankets together I'm not going to the party. I can't get out, bro. I can't do it. Not only that tie some blankets together No, just like what the fuck I'm going next week What kind of psycho child is like, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna tie every

fucking cloth I have in here like it would take longer for me To find the blankets and tie them together than it would to be to try to just go out through the front door You didn't walk through every fucking room in the house to get all these blankets Yeah, my dad's gonna be like, hey I'm freezing. What are you doing? It's all the blankets Where's my blanket? They won't notice I'm gone when they until they wake up and they're fucking ice cold Yeah, honey, every sheet in the house is gone

Either our son's in the kkk or he's snuck out. Check Danny's room. One or the two check Danny's room. Oh, man No, I never understood that. Yeah, not only that, but you know how brave you have to be to just throw this thing out Blunk out of your fucking house and rebelled down three floors. What are you a psycho? What are you tying that to like the radiator the radiator but like even the bed post Yeah Yeah, it should be like the fucking poultry I had a spring mattress that weighed less than eight pounds and then the bed was just a frame I would drag that thing out the window with me. Yep 100%

90s kids or 90s like 80s kids. I guess we're pretty brave Yeah, that's an 80s Like living in fucking like the suburbs of connect. We're doing that or they were the one street They were the ones who like they're they're fucking the roof of their house was like not steep enough where they could walk on it Like fuck you. Yeah, you know what I mean I always wanted to hang out like lay on there and yeah smoke sigs Yeah, smoke like unfiltered marbles and camels and shit I like the concept of like when you see in movies like people like sneaking into their boyfriends or girlfriends window

Like that's insane to me. You're climbing up the vines. Yeah, like what are you tarzan? I've been Real horny before but not horny enough to put my body at risk not horny enough to scale the side of a building Like i'm fucking spider-man and crawl into your bedroom. She could be like come up. I'll be like, you know what now No, you come down What I would give it like the college try like literally one foot on the wall And just be like, you know what? I'll come back next week when your parents are at town. She's like, Jesus. No chances happening No chance zero percent. She's like, do you have a fucking ladder? What do you do? Yeah, I also hated it

I get no, I guess that's like a protection thing. Hey, this is what I mean Bedrooms on the second floor. Mm-hmm. If I was a kid, I would always try to get a bedroom on the first floor I'm good to fucking out of there I had my when I was like going through like my like formative years like mid like sophomore year of high school on Why are you looking at my fingers? I'm just laughing at you said my formative years with a formative year. They formed You're not on a job interview Well in my formative years, I uh But like when I was an undergrad like usually caught up on risk on the lower level of my middle of like middle school

to like College my my room was in the basement. So I would just like walk out the back. Yeah I could do that if I really wanted to like these whole like, you know, like you didn't sneak out like no I just walked the fuck out. See I lived in an apartment. So we had to like Open the door. That's rough and my mom was always like one of those Puerto Rican women that like had to put something on the Door that made noise for like every holiday. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like just open And then I asked her why she was like because so I would know if you guys I mean, don't get me wrong I figured it out for some reason. I never realized why she did that

I'm halloween one year. There was this thing near the front door That if you walked by it, it was like motion detector. I was like So that's scary. There was no getting out of that. I mean, I had natural fucking stoppers in my house like the floor and The stairs creaked So much louder than they there's and his parents. It was like It was loud like you wouldn't be able to sneak out even if you wanted to Yeah, it was pretty fucking loud. My dad called me coming up the fire escape hammer drunk one time Really? Yeah, because they'd locked. Wait, how'd you get up the fire escape? I'll tell you

So you jumped up? No, no, no, no. So this is what happened. I came home one night. I went upstairs. They locked The apartment that me and my brother shared And their apartment what you had two separate apartments. Yeah, because my family owned the building so So, um, we had like units that we could sleep in so there was two bedrooms me and Mike And then my parents and my sister and the other apartment. So I get home. I'm fucking Super wasted. I'm like this one's not opening. This one's not opening credit cards. I'm trying fucking I'm trying to fucking shove Anything in there my wallet in there my fingers in there. I can't get it

So I go, you know, I'm gonna have to go through the fucking fire. So hold on. Wait. I'm sorry real quick So credit cards didn't work. So you went straight for fingers dude. I'm wasted. I'm trying to pull the thing I'm trying to You see the part you see the part of the door where it hinges on there Yeah, I'm trying to see if I could pull the pins out. Oh, I'm trying to like get in at gotcha gotcha gotcha So I go outside and then the thing the ladder they're on a hook So like the ladder is like this So if you push it up

It'll come down. It'll come down. So I'm lowering it Wait, how did you get I thought they're pretty high. No, no, no, no. It's the second floor. You can get them They're like a little bit above. So I just pushed up The ones in in New York City are high some of them are really like you can't just grab them. No, I think that's but that's for Protection. Yeah. Yeah. This is the suburbs. So I pushed up brought the thing down And I'm climbing up this thing and this thing's not a tall ladder, but I'm hammered Yeah, so it felt like I was climbing like Mount Everest. Yeah So I get up there. I'm like, oh my I'm thinking I'm being quiet

probably so loud hitting everything's Your neighbors across shoot smoking a cigarette like this. Yeah. Yeah. It's like 3 30 in the morning And my dad I opened the window. My dad's just staring at me And he was like, yeah, he's just staring at me He goes, what the fuck are you doing? I was like, you guys lucked me out He was like, we thought you were home. He's like, and I was just like Nah

And then he's like, yeah, I was just like nah, and then he fucking I ended up waking up the next morning in a hospital On the fire escape. No, I ended up waking up the next morning. My dad just being like, hey, what's up? Like you all right? I was like, yeah, and he was like, all right, get off the kitchen table though. That'd be nice I picture evidence too. It's hysterical. Oh my god. That's that is good I don't think I've ever like my parents haven't like Caught me coming home drunk because like my mom look my mom was not advocating me to drink when I was young But she was just like, look if you're gonna do it, like just don't get in a car at anyone Like and try to my parents never cared. My parents are real and my dad like he didn't really give a fuck either

But like Yeah, I don't think there was ever a time where I like snuck out. I never got caught I'm sure my parents would be upset about that. I used to take my parents cars when I was 14 That's crazy 13 14. I used to go pick girls up and shit I never I never did it. I mean I would I took my mom's car, but I had a license No, no, I was like 18 when I was I was 13 14 pushing the whip Becca told me of a story where she took her parents car Like I think she had her permit and she took it to like fucking Connecticut

Connecticut yo, she like took it like I'll like like two and a half hours Like that's crazy to me like taking cars is crazy, but then she's like, yeah, I took it like that far I was like, yo, that's do you have a license? I think she had like her junior's license or some shit. I'm not exactly sure You can't drive that you can drive between like 8 a.m. And 8 p.m. Or so I I got pulled over a couple times with that, but they were like just go home I didn't drive until I had my license You like that I had a permit, but like I never I never used it I never really drive before my license either really no I driven some of my friend's cars

Like your older brother like your older brothers. They never took you like he didn't have a car I see that. Yeah, and he was also like a way at college. But when I was like 18 Okay, all right There was one time I had to drive my sister's car because she had to get like a tooth pulled So she was all fucking drugged up. So I drove from like like five blocks, but You want to hear a funny story? My friend Dominic went to get his wisdom teeth taken out And he's like, yo, come with me like, you know, whatever

He's like because I'm gonna be drugged up afterwards. I'm not gonna be able to get home I was like, yeah, I'll drive you like it's cool. So I went with him And I parked the car and then I'm sitting in the waiting room and I'm waiting around It's like whatever it was like 40 minutes He comes out his kids He looks all fucked up and he has like gauze in his mouth and there's the blood on him like he's bleeding I was disgusting. Yeah, so he's like, you know, whatever. So I'm like, all right, let's take you home, bud We're walking back to the car and I'm like

You know the car was right here The car got towed And there was a sign that was blocked by a tree that said no parking and it just got towed. So I was like So I kept walking down the block and then eventually I just turned around and I was like, yo, I don't know where your car is And he's like, what? And mind you, he has gauze in his mouth. I was like, huh? Yeah, and I'm like, I don't know where your car is. I parked it here and he's like

I was like, yeah, I don't know where it is And I was so like, fuck So because I've never gotten a car towed before and this was the first time I don't know who who you spit all over the place I don't who do you call when your car gets towed? You can call the police department I you call the police department too and they tell you exactly where you know, that's like a that's like a Honestly, a fear of mine like I always feel like I'm in a first summary I could be like completely confident with where I parked come back and like the car just not be there

You know what it is? $185. I had to pay for it And when I got there when I got there because we eventually found it but I we picked up his girlfriend and devino who had a car and Because I was I had just like I was maybe 19 years old when this happened So I had a license, but I didn't have it for a long time, but We called devino and he was driving us around until a bunch of different lots because we didn't have like We didn't you call 311 or you know the police department and they'll tell you where it is like they'll they tracked or whatever

But we didn't know where it was. We went to a bunch of different ones. We finally find it and I have to pay $185 The dude in front of me is the most sketchy itchy looking guy Yeah, who's just like it's the method and the the woman behind the counter is like You need someone to co-sign for you and I'm just standing behind him and he's like he's like come on man I'm just gonna drive it off. He's like you can't drive it off a lot But once he gets onto the street then you can take it So he's like you gotta be kidding me like all the stuff and whatever So she's like those are the rules or whatever. So the guy just turns around. He's like

You know you want to sign this for me? I'll give you 20 bucks And I look at the lady. I'm like and she's like I was like, all right, fuck it. So I took his $20 and I signed for him 165 now I mean, yeah, it was trash ship away. Also. My car got towed over here Yeah, I remember on my block But I just called and they just moved it to a different place because they filmed like a movie on my blog or something You want to know what's weird? You never car tickets are like titties

Here's why Here's why this is a hot titties. Here's why here's why you ever imagined somebody's titties They're they never look like what you imagine them I don't know. I think I have a pretty good like you could tell like by looking at somebody like what their titties are going to look like The reason I'm comparing it to a ticket is because I never know I always think it's going to be like 45 dollars and it's never 45 Oh Yo, I I like I'll look at it and be like

What is this no, all right ambulance 35 bucks so it's like a hundred and five dollars I think I have a pretty good tittie batting average to be honest. You think you could guess. I would say so. Yeah I'm terrible. I could bet like 290. I think a ticket. I think titties can't guess them Tickets. I mean the worst day of my life was when I got those three tickets when I was here Three tickets up one. Yo, how's that possible? I went in one spot. I thought if you had a ticket They can't give you another one. I was literally one and my car died that day Yo, I parked right before the no parking sign like between eight which you can't park around here It's fucking impossible. Yeah, you can't and I was literally like not even like two feet in front of that sign

I go to my car one. It's dead and it wasn't there was no ticket. We went and got food. I come back dead ticket and I'm like Fuck we come up here. You're like what at this point just leave the ticket on. Yeah, you're good I come back up here. We go down. I move the car to another spot, which I think is like completely fine We black out hard off of fucking the dirt. It was a Wednesday, dude. We blacked out Hard we woke up Thursday morning at 3 a.m. Like I don't know what happened here. And then I go to my car at 8 a.m Two more fucking tickets on the car. How much did you have the loan? 180 dollars? Yeah, they're like He was okay. He was like, you know, what'd you think they were gonna be?

And they were parking tickets. So I knew they were 60. I knew that one I once got like an incorrect ticket and it was 150 dollars and it was on my block Yo, I was the most like soccer mom person and I wrote a novel Novel I'm gonna need to speak to a manager fighting it and I and I ended it with look This is clearly an error on like the person who wrote this and I forgive them But I will not pay this you want to know and hold on the worst fucking part is they were so wrong So clearly wrong. They emailed me back saying due to a computer error. We threw your ticket out Yo, I lost my shit. I was like a computer error

This person was like I yo, I was so mad so mad one time I took a ticket off a car as a kid Like for some reason like I was walking home and I just like I'm gonna take this I just took it for some reason That's awful. You know what person probably had like a warrant out for their arrest because of me No, they get them in the mail. Oh, they get them another one. Yeah, when you get it Yeah, when you get a ticket it comes in the mail saying you have another 30 days Or like 15 days because they have like the registration. Yeah. Yeah. And that guy was probably like what the fuck is this? Probably a little bastard. You might probably fight it though now Dude, I mean if you were wrong you can't fight tickets. Here's why

There's an app for fighting tickets if you go The judge does not want to hear anything you have to say that day So if you're like you literally go there to enter a plea, that's it So it's like when you pull up pull up to the judge and you can't be like, well, this is what happened He goes, I don't care. Are you are you pleading guilty or not guilty? I'm like, uh Not guilty. All right, then we'll see you in court when you get scheduled So you have to go to court and then go to court again, but now they have an I'd rather pay six

Yes, I'd rather I I eventually I mean that's because it costs way more and you you'd have to miss work Like you'd end up losing money. You have to lose another day. Yeah, that's true They have an app now and it's like it's called payer dispute and I have that but it also says like you you throw that in there But then you also like They'll give you a court date and like I'm not showing up to this You want to know another thing that they should make though too? You know how signs are so confusing to read in New York City Yes, they should have bark like not barcodes, but like scan like qr codes

That you could scan to see if it's okay to park there word like at this time Well, like yeah, you know, you know what I mean like and you could scan it and it would validate if it's a good parking spot So people don't fucking make accidental accidental parking Well, they're also fucking certain places where you can't park there But the money the the meter will still take your money like don't yeah Don't fucking take my money if I can't park here fucking scumbags Just like there's a there's a fucking way you could say hey between 3 p.m. And 9 8 9 p.m. Like no one can park here locks it off. So you're like, oh shit

And then it's like tuesday's wednesday's uh nine just let me scan it and be like hey Green lights up green. There's a sign down the block It's like no parking and it's like bookending signs And it's like all right inside that you can't park. So I'm like, all right, I'll park outside and then on the outside It's like, oh no parking here. He's like, why the fuck just put the double arrows. I hate that. I can't stand it. Yeah, it's terrible I'm so happy. I don't have that is a huge advantage of jersey. I will say you could park fucking anywhere Yeah, anywhere. That's nice about your new spot though, too. They're starting over there. Yeah hard, but uh What I was gonna say is

When my car got totaled The front and back smashed. They still never found that guy I don't know But the front and back is smashed the side was smashed. I couldn't even get the driver's door open without yanking it Two tickets That's insane because it was in a spot where he wasn't supposed to be I would have told them I'm like, what kind of piece of shit Bastard that has got to be two tickets on this day the worst job on the planet because first of all everyone fucking hates you

Yeah, and they didn't like exercise Like discretion at all, you know, I would be like, yo like They're parking in front of this car. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna leave this You know what I mean? But like that I would lose my fucking job because it'd be like you didn't hit your quota They say the the worst time for parking is between the that the beginning and end of each month Because that's when people try to hit their fucking quotas word That job

That job. Yeah, that job is a piece of shit. Yo awful Literally, I feel like it's dangerous like in certain neighborhoods. You get fucked up Yeah, 100% people see like writing tickets on their car like I've seen people while out I wish I was crying while out like yeah, I'm up here for fucking two fucking seconds I saw a dude curse this bitch out one time just you fucking bitch You fucking cunt. She was like, you know who I know. I was like, yo, dude It's like a fire hydrant ticket. You parked in front of a fire hydrant, dude. Yeah, that shit is crazy I was like, I had to I had to say to her. I was like, yo, yo just relax man

And he was just like fucking bitch write me a fucking ticket. I was like, dude, there's a fire hydrant right there The worst though it happened to my dad. He said I was in my car and I was in a hydrant But I'm sitting in the car and a guy just walks over and just beeps and my dad goes, what was that? You guys like I'm giving you a ticket. You're in a hydrant. He's like, I'm right here. Just ask me to move it I'm literally sitting in the car. That's never happened to me. But if that did, I don't know how I'd react I'm a bitch though because when I came out of my new apartment I was measuring stuff. My car was in a hydrant, but I have like a fireman Thinking it from my dad. It's like a retired fireman thing

And It doesn't expire until 2022. So it's like sometimes you catch a break because of that Which you definitely should use more often I I use it like a lot especially over here because it's like you can't park anywhere and sometimes I'd be like, yo Fuck it. Like I'm leaving it and just taking a shot. Yeah, and for the most part. It's like 80% I'll I'll be good But I put it in a hydrant because I was only gonna be there for five minutes and uh

I When I came outside there was a cop near the car And so I just like stood around because I was like, I'm not gonna go over there and have this conversation Like I was wrong. So she drove away, but I walked over. No ticket. Oh Nothing is better than when you know you're parked illegally and you go back and the ticket's not there. Oh, it's great I did you're like, uh, yes Yo for work a few weeks ago. I parked like right right before like on a road right before the george washington bridge Yes, and I knew like it was like clear as day. I was in front of a hydrant

I ran and I would just like kept looking back to see if there were like cop cars passing everything I was like, yo, that's it. I have a ticket and like aren't hydrant tickets like 300 bucks. They're bad. Are they? Yes They're awful. They're awful. I don't know what I would do those ones and blocking like driveways of like, um Businesses of businesses. Well, you know, it's still like you're not even allowed to park in front of your own driveway Really? Yeah, you can get a ticket for it Yo, another thing I don't understand is we have alternate side because they clean the streets They do but they do they clean they the thing the big machine comes but it doesn't do any That's what i'm saying that machine covered in new ports in like three minutes

Not only that but it's like it's a big circular Brush brush that comes by and spins and it just knocks all of it into the street. Are we cleaning or we just moving stuff around No, yeah, it's the dumbest shit That's moving that's like the epitome of like putting stuff under the rug and yo, I am the biggest most pretty No, it's literally like just taking it and just putting it here Literally, yeah, I sweeping it. It's sweeping it under the rug, but there's no fucking rug. Right. You're just sweeping it over At least with the rug you're covering it and it looks clean That's just I am the most petty person because if I'll go outside and I'll literally walk by cars that are

I know are parked illegally and they don't have tickets and I'm like, yo, I'm I want to lose my shit so bad I want to like put like fake tickets on their car to like fucking ruin them But I don't do it. There was one time where I came outside And I had the fireman thing in the window and Like the car in front of me and the car behind me both had tickets and mine didn't I'm like, wow I feel like a piece of shit right now. No, man. Don't feel like a piece of shit. Yeah, you got the paperwork I felt bad. You got the paperwork. Hey, my father put his life on the line for me. I almost not pay this ticket I almost did. I almost used one of my ex-girlfriend's

Dad's pba card not long ago. Dude. I love I use my girl's mom's like no no Handicap thing like two years removed ex-girlfriend father's pba car I've I think they followed up on it. We're gonna call this. Yeah, you're fucked. Yeah, I would have been like, yeah Just give me a ticket. Yo, I love being in the car. I have never been pulled over by a cop before in my life I got pulled over for the first time I have no idea where my registration is by the way I'd be like, here's my license. You're gonna have to help me look for this registration though but uh I was I've been in the car with some friends and they get pulled over

And I love when they hand the pba card the cops. I was just like, I don't give a fuck about this Yeah, my favorite. Yeah, sometimes they don't because your friend's always just like Got it They're just like, yeah, it's fucking great. Shit on that wipe is his fucking ass with it Yeah, I got pulled over for the first time a few weeks ago because in Manhattan because of these fococked fucking between 7 a.m. And 11 focock fococked. What does that mean? Like fococked like they're fucking they're fococked. They're all fucking weird like stupid Fococked. Yeah, you never heard that. No, no one says fococked. I've a lot of people I know say fococked I thought you said I thought you were trying to say like

Fucked and cocked and then accidentally maybe maybe I mean, it's a cool sounding word. Like it's all fococked. I would use it I feel like that's a term girls should use like I fococked like I Focked like you just cocked him cocked him cocked him because you just fucked a cock. They're all fococked Yeah, I like it. I'm gonna use it But as I was saying it was one of those things that's like so who is fococked the rules the rules Oh, the rules are fococked the rules were fococked. We're fucking Well, they did they did fuck my cock. Yeah, they did It was like one of those like no turning between 7 a.m. And 11 a.m.

And then no turning between 2 p.m. And 4 p.m. No turning between 8 and it's like, yo, just let me No turns or let me turn and I made the turn and the guy pulled. He's like, you know, I pulled new over and like No, not really. There's a fucking I said, I was like, honestly. No officer. He's like, all right You turned when you were not supposed I was like, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. He's like, all right Well, unfortunately, I got to give you a ticket. I'm like, all right, whatever. Did you be like, hey, man Your rules are fococked. I didn't I didn't tell him about his fococked rules. I want you to go focock yourself You know, I'm also look I'm Hispanic

I got pulled. I need to be a little careful. No, I've been racially profiled I don't think I have thankfully knock on wood. I was picking up my girlfriend from Colombia one time like the university or No, the university Or the country No, no, no, that that'll get my plane over to Colombia to pick her up real quick had cocaine in there Pulled me whatever. No, but they pulled me over and the first thing the guy said, what are you guys doing here? I was like, I'm picking up my girlfriend. My cousin was with me in the passenger seat. Listen to this So I was like, I'm picking up my girlfriend. We're going back to Westchester. He was like, why your seat so far back?

It's like, what does that mean? Yeah, so now my cousin Who's Italian looks whiter just goes, are you serious? He goes, dude, there's people out here selling coke and fucking crack and you're pulling us over for this He's like, what's the matter with you? He was like, both you guys don't have seatbelts on and wrote me and him No seatbel tickets and you were parked. Those are pricey too, right? No, no, no He waited for us to leave and I was just driving leaned back and I had like my hood on and I was driving going to get ready to get on the west side highway and come back

Did you not have a seatbelt on? I had my seatbelt on but I took it off. John didn't have his wait. Why did you take yours off? Yeah, that's kind of stupid because I got pulled over and I just wasn't really literally like just supposed to stay Hands on the wheel. I took the keys out of the ignition. I put them on the fucking dashboard I did the whole fucking spang. The only thing I did was take my fucking seatbelt It was you know what that situation was for cocked for cocked. I got for cocked racially for cocked One time I got actually Had a big bushy beard at the time. I did get pulled over once. I was leaving a hookah lounge Hello hookah

Not good for you. Not great for you. But anyway, I was leaving a hookah lounge. You've smoked hookah Yeah, I it's not good when I heard that they had milk flavor. I was like, you know, I'll never try this That's disgusting But I was leaving and I had a hat on And then a hood over like just on my ears And I was driving and some cop like it was a dt who pulled me over. Yeah, and then I was like, what's up? He didn't even ask for anything And he just said like

He's like Take your hood off in your hat. Yeah Yeah, and then he just told me to leave I was like, I've had that I've had that happen to me before And I'm not sure about this, but I think it's like you're not supposed to drive with a hood on Um, like the hood might be true. Yeah, I think I think that might be a case. You're not allowed to drive with your shirt off Yeah, I don't think you're I I also don't know if you're a distraction the other drivers I don't know if you're allowed to drive with some Yeah headphones. I don't think you're allowed to drive a headphone down

I see people doing it all the time I had a buddy whose radio was dead and he used to drive around with headphones on all the time I'd be like, what are you doing, man? Yeah, that's not I that doesn't even make sense. Like I need to hear what's going on here. Yeah I need to hear what's going on here. Was your watch telling you go fucking Run up a hill or something? No, a med's texting me. Oh, you got text on there, too? Yeah, it shows like some it's a smart watch. It's it's a smart watch, but he had to put an Apple watch He said let's hang someday soon

Oh, it's yo, it's a smart watch, but he had to put in it's a running watch Yeah, that's a smart. It's a running. I thought you just got like one that you know what this is a running watch, too Yeah, it is. It's just made by Apple. No, there's no like the like is it by Garmin. Yeah, of course it is fucking What does that mean? That's a good guess You know more about running watches than I do because I just learned this because I bought it, of course It's the apple. I would have thought you would have got an apple watch or an apple. No, they're very expensive This one was 150 bucks. Oh now you worry about price, but you you don't care when you're how much was your apple watch

I don't like this. It was a gift. Yeah, how much was it $600 mine was mine was $4.99 I don't know because mine was a gift. I really don't I only need it like I don't need to hello Hello, like I'm fucking James Bond. Well, this thing does everything that yours does and a little bit more. Yeah, right So I don't I don't need to pay four hundred dollars for the extra shit. I don't need any of that I mean watch youtube video. I don't think you're perfectly perfectly content. My brother got his uh For his I hope Julie is not listening. Oops for his girlfriend for her birthday. Um, he got it What's her birthday? It was a few like last month or two months ago, whatever So why are you saying?

Because he got it for like 320. Oh It was not that expensive. It was like 320 plus tax. Oh, that's a great that's a great amount of money He spent on a gift though. Yeah, no, but you know, people don't like telling, you know, their significance when they spend on them Not a fucking no, so I don't know about you guys, but If anyone ever saved one of my dead relatives tattoos Lose my shit Including if it was my brother's awful fucking tribal tattoo that they got at 18

You would never get a tattoo. I don't have one. Would I get one? I think I would I'm surprised you don't I don't have any piercings gonna get iron man's dick. That's what I would have thought I would have thought that you've gotten like some kind of like I've want y'all Like spider-man webbing, yo, I've honestly like over the last like a year I've thought more and more about it, but I know what I would want would be way more expensive than what I currently make So like if I were to get like I'd want it to be like a fucking dope like mural and shit like around my arm And like down to my hands and like like whoa like a whole sleeve I would get I would get you look good with a sleeve. Thanks, dude. I really appreciate that honestly

You look like adam levine if you got a sleeve. Oh, yeah adam levine's a smoke I'm not saying it's make fun of you. He's not he's not the hottest guy out there. He's like a hot fucking god I don't know. He's a little he's a little fruity looking and he talks like this. Yeah, he's a little bit of a high boy Hey guys, I'm adam levine. He does not sound like that. Yeah, he does. No, he does. Yeah. Yeah, he's a little high-pitched like mike tyson No, Mike. Mike tyson my type of here adam levine is right here like like That's the same thing. You just tongues in between your teeth. Hey, I'm I think adam levine is more like hey guys It's me. I'm adam levine. That was that was pretty good Adam levine sounds nothing like that. Yeah, he does. He's like hey guys. It's me. I'm levine for proactive

Hey, hey. Hey. Hey. Do you want to be on my team or First of all maroon five has bangers adam levine. I'm not saying there's a fucking vs model. I'll take married and He he sounds it's the same thing with david beckham. You know, I saw david beckham I was like this dude is is a good looking dude and he opens his eyes like My I am uh, I have my underwear on and uh play soccer play footy He is not what I thought I thought he was gonna sound like yeah, it's a bomb david beckham But he was like Yeah, I married the push boys in there. I like play footy with my friends

You know who's got a crazy shot michael's Dude the rest of it Let me kill the thing. Yo, his eye is awful. I'll give someone the sweet chip music right now. I'll do it up the band His eyes are like yo, listen You know back in the 90s in the attitude. Yeah, it was let me tell you back when I was a good Like his voice it sounds like literally someone's got their fists in his mouth. Yeah, he's taken a couple. Yeah I've never heard a voice like that And he's so cross-eyed it's oh my god, it's so bad. It's not even across

It's really just I think he got into like too many bar fights. He's literally just like Yo, I took an aware my brother nick sends me pictures of him all the time and it's the funniest fucking thing because He took he did one where he was in a new movie and he's like this cowboy's angry and it's like him like And I was so deep behind I pissed my pants. God degeneration Brother nothing makes me happier than people whose voice does not match what they look That's what he does like He's a hot guy though and he's like fucking shirtless and ripped and they asked me like, all right, David

What do you think about that game? He'd be like He was one of the better games I've played in a while Like it's not line up It doesn't line up Adam Levine's the same way like you see Adam Levine and you think he'd be like, yeah, what's up? He's like, yeah, what's up? I'm Adam Levine dog same thing with Justin Timberlake Justin Timberlake, you know, I'm like, oh, yeah He's like a muppet. I could see his voice being like that though

Do you think I have a good voice? You like like an actual like talking voice. I think I is your voice deeper than mine. I don't know. I don't think so He dropped it Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I don't know. I don't think I necessarily have like a deep voice I hate the sound of my own voice. I don't enjoy the sound of my own voice Yo, spoiler, don't listen to any of the podcasts I'm on. I don't listen to them Why would you you lived it? Well, I would I don't listen to them Gordon and Nick Nick listens to I need to get bad out what I do

This is my craft No, I mean, I some people listen to the podcast but I don't I don't listen to I don't listen to things that I'm on Because I I live I hate I know what happened. I know and I hate the sound of my own voice I hate it so much. I hate that. Yeah, I hate you the sound of your voice Fuck you Yo, that David Beckham impression Danny, you're right. You're gonna you're good Oh, that was a weird laugh. That was creepy. Actually, I didn't like that at all Yo, you're gripping onto that nose pretty heavily

Yo, your nose looks like the tip of a penis right now. Stop. Let me see. Look at it Yeah, if you put like a little hole in it, that's a peepee Oh, what a good time man, sorry You got a pretty big schnoz over there not bad. No, it's just like thick. It's got girth It's a powerful nose power nose. Yeah, I got like a sharp one. Look at this. Yo, Becca. No, you got a good nose Yeah, I don't like it. Becca really don't like your nose. You guys got you're pretty powerful Becca said she's like, I love a powerful nose on a man. I'm like, what? Yeah, your shit. Your nose looks like an emoji. Really? Yeah. Yeah

A lot of power in it. You got a good nose. A lot of power in it. That's really nice. I give like a bitch ass nose Yours is very like, you know how people say like, oh, you have nice cheekbones Like you have nice definition to your nose. You got a good symmetry of the face. Yeah That's why you know, that's why you're such a good-looking person. Your face is perfectly symmetrical. Oh, I don't agree with that You got a good face. You got good facial facial symmetry. Yeah, but your voice isn't like it's not that man It's not manly None of us have a manly voice. No, I have a manly voice for sure. Yeah, you dropped it You dropped it. I don't have a manly voice. I think I sound like this

People say I sound like Seth Rogen all the time on the fucking thing. I've never heard that when I when I'm aware I do not understand why people think I sound like him. Uh, when I'm aware of what I sound like I get a little deeper, you know when I'm aware and I want to fix it I get a little back here, but like when I'm actually like talking I can get like up here sometimes I get real high and my voice cracks. Yeah, I'm a bitch. That's all good. You're not a bitch. No, that's fine All I know is your noses are gonna beat mine in a fight like for certain Yeah, I'm pretty sure everything of mine will beat yours. I have like a door like a doorknob. Except looks and dick probably

Should we have a dick off extra joe a dick off It's like slapping against each other just use packing more heat. Oh Could do it. You should do it We can't do it But I was about to say it was so outlandish. I do not want to say No, I was gonna say Me and joe took our penises out blindfolded frankie and he had to guess whose penis it was Yo for the story

Yeah, that's honestly one of the gayest game shows That would be the gayest thing in a long time. Yo, if it like I would I would do it First of all blindfolded frankie come out of the bathroom And we're both just like no, I would be sitting stationary and you guys would be coming at me when I am blindfolded I'm not coming at you If you wore like white if you wore like those white gloves Those like white satin gloves white sister wearing for a wedding. Can I borrow them for this? Can I borrow them for this? I'd let you if it was like that because I could probably off texture alone

I could probably tell you whose dick is whose what does that mean? He's he Danny and this isn't an insult you look like you have more like there's more texture to your dick like yours is probably like silky smooth Sleek like a baby silky smooth like danis has like seen some shit. You know what I mean? Like his is a weathered Like veteran a grizzled vet. Yeah, my penis is battle hardened. You're yeah You have the david beckham of dicks Probably. Yeah, it's got a high pitch voice. It's and then yeah as soon as I start you have a satin penis I have more of like a iguana penis. Yeah, corduroy. You're dick. You have the dany trejo of dicks. I bet yeah

Got it And you have like the fucking antonio banderis like it's seen some shit, but it's not dany trejo Yeah, but my dick will kick your dick's ass. Yo, dany trejo will fuck your dick up. Yeah, but And that voice yours Voice of yours. I think they're james roll jones. I think I'm perfectly fine the way I'm not dropping my voice This would be dropping my voice. Oh, yeah, this is me talking. Yeah, you're real. You're real. Oh, yeah, I got you I'm real as fuck. Yeah, you see how the difference

Yeah, okay. Um, anyway, I think we should wrap this up. We've been going for a while. All right Where can I find you dan at daniela period on twitter and instagram, please Frank f alvor is 8085 twitter instagram twitch I don't I'm sorry. Yeah typing. Uh, yeah, I guess I am and I do a wrestling podcast And I'm going to be recording shortly called the squared circle jerks Yeah, bro on twitter danie's been on there a few times at scj pod joey's been on there a few times too, but I have Yeah, so Uh, but yeah, also guys if you want to sign up for the patreon it's patreon.com slash the baseman yard

Go check it out patreon.com slash the baseman yard and go follow our instagram at the baseman yard and that is all See you guys next time. Mm-hmm