The Basement Yard - #164 - The Craziest Celebrity Riders

Episode Date: November 19, 2018

Some celebrities have the craziest demands for what they want in their dressing rooms... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard What was that? I don't know finger finger guns. You just shot finger guns at me. You did 1994 I saw you do it recently. Like I don't know finger guns are fun. I didn't do that. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Oh, I know you're talking Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is very I then honestly, I haven't been able to kick them since kick the guns guns Sarable anyway guys If you want to support the show the basement yard, we do have a patreon set up patreon.com slash the basement yard If you pledge money every month, there are certain rewards that you can get you can you can get episodes like a week early

Also patreon spelled P a t r e o n dot com slash the basement yard So go check that shit out or don't tell me to go fuck myself either way. There's some interaction there Which I am grateful for yes, okay Anyway today What are we talking about? I don't even know we just had a conversation of whether I could kill you with my bare hands or not Yeah, well, we want to talk about that There's no way that like if you were to come across the table right now. Yeah, you couldn't kill me with your bare hands Wait, that's not true. It is you don't think I could knock you out

No, like with a well landed shot I mean, and anybody has a puncher's chance, but that's what I'm saying if you're coming at me to attack me I'm not gonna let you punch me though Well, obviously, but I could sneak one in you could sneak one in and I what if I sleep you then I just get on top of you And I beat your face in until it's dust. Yeah, I would shoot on you though. You double leg Yeah, shoot on me dude if I get on top of you, you're done. Yeah, if you get on top of me, I'm dead Yeah, yeah, you could kill me with your band bear hands. I used to roll a little bit back in the day You did not roll with anything. Okay. I could put you in a comorra in about two seconds

Come put me in a comorra over here. I could put me in a comorra. I could show you how to do it, too Come put me in a comorra. You want me to? Comorra, I could do the arm bar. I had no judo. Well, I don't know judo, but I took judo as an elective You could probably judo toss that shit out of me. Yeah, only things I ever learned what rolling was how to do Arm bars had a trend like from your back and from the top and then I learned how to do comorras and Like rear naked chokes and then like collar chokes. Nice But you you don't wear a gay. Yeah, I don't know. It's like I can't just come over there and choke you with your collar

But yeah, probably not. No, I did it for like two months. Yeah Yeah, you learn much and then it became too expensive Here's what it comes down to at the end of the day though. If you were sleeping at home in your bed And not expecting anything And I just came in there And while you're sleeping, I just crept up to you and I fucking clockwork And just fucking punched you in the face I'm getting the first one for sure and then I'm getting like a couple of like

Other ones as well because you're gonna wake up and be like bam and you're like, wait, what's going on? And then there's just a dark figure in your room and you're like, is that an animal? What's happening? My glasses are just catching punches. Yeah in the face. You can't see I but I think though angle wise Listen, I would be in a bad spot. Yeah, I'd be in a bad spot, but I think angle wise you would have to like hammer fist me to do the most hammer. Well, yeah Like because if you like punched me like this I don't think you would get as as much force as I would Superman punch

So I'd be like by your bed. Yeah, and then your bed's not that high. It's like this high, right? Yeah So I can creep up right here And then I'll just jump and fucking punch you in the face. Yeah, I could hurt Break your nose your nose nostril. I'll break your whole nose and then you can't breathe. Yeah I'm not saying it's impossible. No, I'll kill you. I I'm not saying it's impossible Dude, if we were to wrestle and you somehow got your arm around my throat, you could choke me to death But what I'm saying is is that I go in there naked too. See that's where we get weird. Yeah, because now I'm fighting against you and your dick

Right. Yeah, you know you have to play two kinds of defense. Yeah, it's like I'm guarding here and I'm guarding up here It's like, yo Stop I'd much rather you punch me in the face and like rub your dick all over me Yeah, I hate that. Yeah, you remember when you were younger and someone'd be like, oh you want your phone? Oh, yeah here Thanks dick. Yeah, I did do that to people though sometimes. Yeah me too I don't know why I was like grossed out by it though Like someone rubbed rubbed like a pencil on their dick like fine. You do pencil here

And I was just like I'm not touching that now. There's a lot of things you do now I take it and jam it in my mouth and be like never did you eat food off the floor when you were in school? like if you drop What like if you drop something in school say you're not bro. You're like check. I'm good You're leaving it, right? I'm not I don't know. I'm not eating it. I'm not eating it. No no five second rule, bro Is this the school that's what I was saying like five second rule was like a middle school thing Yeah, but not in school up there with this

What rub it against my dick here you have it here Yeah, no five second rule. I can still I don't really believe in the five second rule. No germs move way too fast. Not only that Germs everywhere. Not only that but like Is it is it seconds or does it want to hits the ground? That's enough I know and is it catching germs on its way down to it has to germs are airborne You know one time I saw something on tv. I would count the dismount As well one two three four five Yeah, what are you saying watching on tv? I watched a show on tv that had like an uh infrared

Maybe is it infrared the right word but like whatever like they had like a heat map basically of a bathroom And the guy flushed the toilet dude. It looks like a volcano exploded I just said exploded exploded. Yeah. No, it looks like a volcano explodes of germs that go into the air That's why they say you have to cover your toothbrush and don't leave any of the the toilet because When you flush the toilet it just kicks up all these germs and already in the air. It looks like chicago in there Like there's just like green and red everywhere. I've never I never really thought about that. Yeah A lot of fucking germs shit. Shit. There used to be a guy at my old job That used to brush his teeth at work and I was like dude

You're brushing your teeth at work I'll raise you Can we agree that brushing your teeth at work is disgusting? And that is so stupid like a why Why don't brush your teeth at work because he used to smoke cigarettes downstairs And then go upstairs and go right to the bathroom and brush his teeth I got a better idea stuff smoking cigarettes. Yeah, you fucking idiot, but that was like I never understood why somebody would brush your teeth at work. Dude. I was at a giant scheme

And I went to the bathroom. No, no, it was Yankee stadium. I I can't believe this There was a man brushing his teeth in the bathroom at Yankee stadium And I'm not saying that to be funny or to propel this show into a funny. Ha ha There was a man Brushing his teeth at Yankee Stadium. Yeah What are you doing? Yeah, that's that's the most german festive one of the most german festive play 50,000 people have probably peed and pooped in there about an hour before you got there

If that was the cleanest place on earth After one inning it is now one of the worst places you can be. Oh, yeah, it's a fucking war zone There's a how many people in there to have fart and shitting peeing on the ground Smoking doing dropping hot dogs and shit Gross you're gonna brush your teeth in here. I hope my breath. I hope my breath I hate I hate Someone if they brush their teeth in public. First of all, it's gross. It's gross brushing your teeth is kind of gross

Well, not for you, but I mean like to do it in public like while people are going to the bathroom That's weird. You're making me feel uncomfortable. It's not gross, but it's uncomfortable my fucking roommate Yeah, why are you brushing your teeth with me? You don't live here. Don't brush your teeth at places where you don't think about How many people in your life you brush your teeth with it's like maybe six? Yeah In your whole life, let me ask you this you grew up with a big family. Yeah, have you ever accidentally used somebody else's toothbrush? What are you fucking crazy? I would hide that shit. My dad would use whatever's close I've made that mistake. I don't do that and I've been disgusting if I found out That someone used my toothbrush. Oh

I would Vomit how often do you get in your new toothbrush? Or are you still doing? I do quip you do quips. So it's like every three months. They send you a new thing Which is amazing because so me also growing up whenever I got sick I throw my toothbrush out Or if I ever would take it out of the house like if I was going to on vacation or something I took my toothbrush. Yeah, I'd leave it there and then I'd get a new one See, I would buy a new one when I go on vacation. I just buy a brand new one

I just take it because I'm like I'm packing everything so I just pack it and like whatever, but do you like those things that? Like the protectors look like dildos. Yeah I don't like that because it stores all that gross water in there. Yeah, and like there's like residue There's jizzy toothpaste No, no, no, no, I don't like that brush your teeth in the shower Ever sometimes I like it Yeah, I don't mind it. It's just one less thing. It's It's consolidated. Yeah, because in the morning, it's very stationary. It's like, okay toilet toilet time

Let's move on to the sink. Yeah now. We're in the shower. Let's get out of the shower Let's get clean now and another thing I wanted to ask you. Mm-hmm. Do you Draw your feet before you put your socks on I don't think so But they're not wet when I put socks on I'm not a psycho, but they just dry on their own That's how people get like Foot odor What when they put like socks on when their feet are wet and like their feet are wet out of this shower

What the fuck does that some people do they don't they don't dry their feet idiots. Yeah, I dry my feet like crazy. Yeah murderers Boy touchers That's who do that. Damn. What no, I said rapist killers murderers. I say boy touchers now. I'm not a bad guy Yeah, it's just I know it's a sensitive subject, but Jesus christ. Give me a break I'm saying it's a bad thing God toothbrushes are gross

Like like you gotta think about yo mouths are disgusting mouths. They're the dirtiest part of your body. They say, right? Not not good. No, it's not. No making kissing's fine making out with people little nuts. It was fucking hot though Yeah, it's cool. Yes But like in the privacy of your own home like you know looking back on it like when you would make out where a random girl on a bar You're like Dude, I wouldn't even eat a french fry in this place like I need to wash my hands first I'm making out with you. I don't know what the fuck you did today. I'm a big hand wash if I'm going out to eat guy I don't like shaking people's hand on the subway either. No, it's like you're on the subway

I don't want your subway with mixed with my subway. Hey, I gotta watch these You know how you can hold the bar in the subway. Oh, goodbye. I put my arm around I can do this Yeah, yeah, I do the cut I do the cuff like this. I don't like that into my jacket pocket Yeah, you ever think you got pickpocketed No Like check your pockets. Yo, by the way, we have someone bumps into me on the train I think someone's stealing from it. We have flown through about 800 subjects. I know You ever think you got pickpocketed? I think I have I would love to learn how to do that

Like Cameron Diaz and games in New York. Oh and just you have like five watches think about how good you have to be I know It's like that's like magician. It's all about applying pressure To like certain parts so it doesn't feel yeah out of sorts. You know what I mean? Yeah Well, I don't I'm making this up. I have no idea if that's sure or not I'm making this up as I go along, but I just like feel like that's what it is. You know. Yeah, I don't know man Just to go back on like the thing of the mouth um

The thing of the mouth thing of the mouth Like do you think like like celebrities? Like think about how clean their mouths are though like real rich celebrities. Why would they have clean mouths? Dude because they have like the best like dental fucking work in the world doesn't mean they go They all got veneers. It's not even their teeth not even real teeth That's what's crazy. You take all the years. I've never seen the veneer process. Yeah, I watch the video. It is terrifying Yeah, you basically turn these these and human beings into goblins because they fucking Shave your teeth down to little nubs and then put caps on them. Yeah

No, not for me, but that's the other thing that makes like me like yo to my She Dude, your teeth are mad big. Yeah, not your fake teeth now. Yeah I don't think his other teeth were that bad. No, but I think he was missing like a couple here Maybe so like I think my teeth aren't great. My teeth are terrible. I mean on the spectrum below average Yeah, I don't have great teeth either. We were just talking about how we had to go get cleanings. Yeah I hate the fucking dentist. I hate that I'm not gonna

Dude, so I've never have a I've never had a cavity in my life I don't believe but I've had two root canals So those are cavities kind of yeah, like mega ones. Yeah, but I've never had like oh just a little And I've never had that like we're going in there. Yeah, no, dude And by the way the last time this was last year that I got a root canal Uh, I remember mine First of all, it's not that bad. No, they numb the shit out. Yeah, they they numb the fuck out of you But it's like I gotta keep my mouth open for so long. It's like she's my fucking jaw

But anyway, this guy who was my dentist is his little fucking asian man And that dude's got power in his body because he's in there fucking dude I can't see what he's doing, but it feels like he's putting like A knife into my gums and then just fucking cleaning it out like Doing all kinds and I'm like, yo If this thing wears off for I'm looking at the whatever the whatever the assistant I'm like, yo start hit me again with the nova canes to be safe Did she do it?

No, no, no, I couldn't say anything. I got a fucking dental dam in my mouth Yeah, and I'm like trying to keep my fucking I'm like, yo keep sucking the Because y'all I have a lot of saliva in this goddamn thing. Yeah, I last time I went I was choking like a motherfucker because I got saliva, man I hate that that's not coming out clear me clear me out. You know spit. I'm like, I'm afraid I hate the dentist was the last time you went you think last year. I think it's yeah You're supposed to have what every six months not happening. By the way, the last the last time I went I think it's every three months. I go like every three years. Yeah, I'm in that spectrum too. Yeah The last time I went I've been mid to the dentist in two years last time I went they were like, we don't have any records on you

And I was like, yeah, good. Yeah, you fucks. So if my car blew up, you guys couldn't identify me for my dental He doesn't have any. Yeah, he hasn't been here in a while That's a weird thing though. It's like we do all this stuff like when we're old They're just gonna be fall out anyway Not only are they gonna fall out But they're gonna get like A green tint. Yeah, they're gonna see old people's teeth. Yeah, they're like It looks like it looks like a bathroom floor like there's like grout in between each tooth

Like it's dark and they have like a green hue and you're like What did you do? Were you out in the yard eating grass and dirt to get that? What were you doing? That's what always makes me think like when I see like the walking dead And like the actors are like, ah You're screaming. They have these amazing teeth. Like you guys it's a fucking post apocalyptic world How the fuck do you have perfect teeth? Fucking five years out of dentistry have better teeth than everybody I've ever seen in the world. This guy's clean shave. Yeah

What was he cutting his fucking beard off with a knife? I can't believe any of that shit Then and that's why like what makes me think about like back in the day Like is it because of what we eat like our teeth get fucked up now Or did like did people have better teeth back then or they just had shitty teeth What are you talking about? Like people in say in the 1800s. Yeah, right? I'm sure they had some kind of dental care in the 1800s, but like Were they able to like keep their teeth? Like fresh. Yeah

I don't think so Probably not plaque builds up. Yeah, and that damages your teeth And also like crack it off. You ever see some people like they're talking to you like, yes How are you doing and you're like, oh my god? And it just looks like there's like a film over their tooth and you're like, dude I just want to pick that out you fucking dirty bitch. Yeah, that's why I need to go get a cleaning on my bottom teeth I want to get that done. Oh the plaque. Yeah, just get it cleaned up like more like in the back too Like that's where it all builds up where you chew food if I could pay

That's why I wish I was just fucking rich where I could just pay somebody to do everything for me No one's gonna brush your teeth Dude, you're gonna lay in bed and let someone jam a toothbrush in your mouth. Let me tell you something Do you gag by the way? No, I'm not a gager You said there was so much pride fucking up. No, I'll take that fucking thing down Yeah, no, but when I brush my tongue sometimes maybe see I I never brush my tongue See, that's what you got. You got to do that. That holds a lot of fucking well mouthwash. It's fine. Well, I have mouthwash

I get one of those Tongue scraper things Dude, why are people scraping their tongues? It like takes all like the film off Yeah, I have film. No, you're good. I don't do it. You're fine. I don't use soap On my face. That's weird on my face. Yeah, I wash my face. I don't wash my face. You look like you never really had pimples though No, yeah, so you're fine. You got lucky one of those guys. Yeah, I'm one of those guys That would hell would hate me but going back you said that a rich a rich person could not pay somebody to brush their teeth I'm sure you could. Yes, you could and I guarantee you there's a celebrity out there that does it

All right, definitely tom cruise tom cruise would be one where he like lays in bed. Someone comes in is like i'm I was ready for your brush. Yeah, fucking he brushes his teeth in bed Yeah, like tom brady like his son probably brushes his teeth and then they kiss and then they kiss Yeah, tom brady's gotta stop kissing his kids. God stop kissing. Yo Look, listen kissing your kids on the lips Do your thing. I'm not gonna tell you how to raise and or smooth your son but At what age does it become like?

All right, dad six you made your point six I think six is old. No, how old is it? How I think after kindergarten, which is first grade What is six six? How old do you six? I'm really bad. You're five. You're five in kindergarten. You're five in kindergarten. Yeah Nah, if i'm going into school, don't kiss me on the mouth I got homework. Yeah, you know what i'm saying? I gotta go learn If i'm learning i'm gonna kiss me. How about this? If you know your abc's you can't kiss somebody don't kiss me Yeah, if I can spell kiss it's a right for you. Yeah, once I could spell kiss it's done Yeah, but I think tom brady still kisses his dad. Yeah, that's a family thing

It's like that family on s&l that they all like make out you ever see that's guys. That's what it's like Dude, I can't I if it it makes me feel awkward I would just love to be that rich Not that I could kiss my son, but like that rich You have to have money to be able to have smooch. Yeah to smooth your kid, but like That much money to be like I can have like a full-time cook a full-time fucking like yeah

barber Full-time fucking chef kiss your kid on the face kiss my kid's mouth Like all that shit realistically. Are you gonna kiss your kid on the mouth? Fuck. No Baby, I'll kiss a top. Yes, like a baby my baby and I made it. I'm gonna kiss it. I'm gonna kiss that fucking baby Yeah, I kiss my dog. Yeah, I don't make out my dog like some of those like I hate when my dog I'll kiss my dog's nose, but when he licks my mouth, I get a little grossed out. Yeah, I put him back down Yeah, I take I take a laugh. You're like, all right. Yeah, I take a laugh No, but the reason I was talking about like the celebrity is I was reading this thing on charlie puth

Is it puth or poof poof poof? Is it I thought it was puth Puth like charlie puth puth. No, not puth. I'm pretty sure it's poof charlie poof. All right poof He has a driver Which where do I would I would love to have a driver But when he goes to wanty when he wants to go get food What's going on with that? I had a Mini stroke there. He wants to give you what he wanted to go, but puth

But when he wants to when puth wants to go get food, he tells his driver. Guess what he tells him Can I go get food? No, he says bring the car around. No You're gonna be you're gonna it's cringe-worthy. He says i'm hungies Yeah, I just read the article. He tells his grown man driver like he's joking. Are you serious? He's serious I'm hungies and the guy goes and gets some food Imagine if another grown man said to you i'm hungies And you had to go get him food

Oh my god celebrities are crazy dude Yeah, I think everyone is like weird in some way like they're into some weird shit But like celebrities can can afford to be weird in like ways like that Where it's like and isn't there another thing about ariana grande where like she likes to get carried Yeah, yeah, there's a rumor that like she gets carried around by somebody like backstage like she never walks You are a rich psycho. Yeah, I need to have a talk with you. That's true. You're psycho first I need to talk to ariana grande. Yeah, get her on the horn. We'll get her next week. Yeah, we'll get her on the We should be on the basement next week. We're really good friends. We grew up together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but like

another thing too is like I've worked in in places where like a lot of celebrities would come in and like they have these things called riders Which you know what they are, but for anybody in the audience Do you want to explain what it is in the audience? Well, that's listening The millions microwave, you know what a rider is in the audience here No, but a rider is basically a list of Demands for you know, like a better word of what you want in your green room of room before you go out So it's like you want, you know, uh, I've I've made one before because what was on yours. Well, it was like at a club

Okay, it's like a club and I was just like, you know, you get water bottles or you get, you know Let me get two bottles of gray goo. So one bottle of this and some these uh, fucking Mixers and maybe some food or whatever. Yeah, you know, but I didn't like do anything because usually what celebrities do is they Make outlandish fucking like I want only red skittles. Yeah Like I just picked from the shit that they had there already, you know But they will ask for crazy stuff like a towel warmer and like 15 fluff towels that

Have been washed three times like they really get specific and like specific bot like four bottles of patrone Yeah, it's like where did you get four? I don't know, you know, and who's like are they really coming up with all that shit? Yeah, they have to Think about how expensive that is. Well, it's worth it to them because they're probably making a ton of money off of like if fucking Rihanna pops into your place. Yeah, you're gonna give her whatever you want Yeah, like we'll give you bottles and shit like if it costs us like 10 grand, we're you know, I don't know All right before we move on let's get to the sponsors here The first one we have is stamps.com which brings all the services of the us postal office

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But yeah, anyway All right, I pulled up some celebrity writers. Do you want to hear them? I'm gonna go through like the most famous people Tell me the person's name and I'm gonna tell you what one item I think is on it. All right Adele Adele, yeah I would say like mad candles or something It's not a bad guess One pack of marbara light cigarettes

Damn, she's Sucking down on those things in there also smoking inside can't bring your own cigarettes It's a it's a pack of six. It's 15 bucks. Jesus. You can't bring that in your purse Come on Adele. I don't think Adele has a purse. Do you think famous people have purses? Uh, yeah, but they're like they're fucking there's nothing in there. They're fucking people have it's like the Never mind like imagine being Adele and you're you have a cell phone like what are you doing on that phone? They have cell phones. I know but like you text in people. Yeah, I saw what's her face? Elizabeth banks

She has a facebook that she has with her family and it's under a fake name So she has like a fake name on facebook that all of her like real family can like right and like that I get Right, but like a cell phone. I feel weird having a cell phone being why because dude look at the fucking fappany Yeah, don't take pictures of your snatch. No That's all you got to do if I was a girl I would send mad nudes Vaginas I don't know Definitely tits

Definitely my titties definitely tits. Definitely. I would definitely send my titties But like I wouldn't send I wouldn't send my my snitch in a way. What about butthole? No, you're not going back door hole us if somebody sends you their butthole Worried about them But just a little bit. I think some dudes would ask for it Absolutely. Let me see your asshole. Yeah, which I think is that would be a red flag for me. I'd be like, whoa Hey, man. Yeah There's other things going on here. Yeah other things that you should be more concerned like what should want to see

I don't want to see where poop comes out just yet, but It's work over there She also requests to be given two bottles of the best californian red wine and one bottle of the best quality savant blanc Makes sense. I guess Justin Bieber Oh, Justin Bieber's got crazy shit. All right. Take a guess. I don't know, but I think in his heyday there was probably like uh, spanish women That was supposed to be in there

From the crowd maybe. Okay, uh I definitely think Some some white. Yeah, it probably has some shnokane in there. Yeah, that's not going to be in there He was he was sniffing and probably like a tattoo artist or something. Yeah So his rider lots of snack food And then that was in 2010. It was just snack food But now it's 10 luxury sedans for like his crew to like come and go if they want to go places during the shows and shit 10 cars 10 luxury sedans

A massage table That's fire. Yeah, and a private jet on standby a private jet on standby How can the club provide a jet? That's what they he makes them pay for it Wow, yeah, that is something else. I mean in a way though if I'm coming to do your show Justin Bieber can't sit coach First class. He's got his own plane. No, I'm sure he has his own plane now, but planes are expensive, dude I don't know man. All right. That's Beyonce. Oh Beyonce. He's got all kinds of shit

Yeah, she probably has to make the dressing room is probably made out of like like, you know when you make a tent in your basement We're a bunch of sheets like I imagine walking in and it's like a Christmas lighting. There's an altar Yeah, and a priest just covered in roses. Yeah, and there's a lot of birds flying around too and white light And they all come to her. Yeah It's like that in snow white when she's cooking and all the fucking deer can sing or whatever the fuck is Beyonce still hot She yeah, I mean she's not crazy in love hot. She's no Soldier hot Not soldier hot. No, no, no, no, but yeah, she's hot. She's Beyonce. She's hot. She's hot. She's hot. I think she's overrated

Yeah, at this point. Yeah, come on. But marry jz too. Come on. Get a better looking guy than that. All right. Here we go Uh, don't bring coca-cola products around Beyonce She's not allowed. She's in a contract with Pepsi and is not and is not allowed to be seen with coca-cola That's kind of insane, but okay. Yeah, she can't be seen with it um Her hospitality rider heavily seasoned baked chicken legs Breast and wings and hot sauce heavily seasoned heavily seasoned. That's that down south shit. Yeah, she's from houston. Yep And her uh, her dressing room has to be 78 degrees at all times

Now i've dealt with a celebrity Who was like that? Who? Fuck them bob saggett Bob saggett. Yeah, what was his degree? Like 65. Yeah, that's mad cold. Yeah He wanted to be cold. Yeah, how'd you make it cold? We brought fans in for him And turn the acyon Like when he said it to me, I thought he was joking like I brought him water. Yeah

um, and he was like He was like, oh man, he was like, can we get it to like 65 in here and I was like and I me I was just like, right, right? Stone cold face. Yeah, and you're like, oh you want me to make it 65? He's like No, like no 65 degrees can we get it to 65 degrees please and I was like, whoa I was like this guy's fucking serious That's insane to me. I don't know if I would ever get to the point where I'm starting to dictate the weather

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I literally was putting the water down He was like, can we get it to 65 in here? I was like, I know, right? And he I looked up and just bob saggett from full house He's just staring at me like this It's great. It's great And I was like 65 it is 65 it is fans. I wouldn't told everybody at the establishment. I was like, yo, we need to make it 65 degrees now Or Danny Turner is gonna leave

That dressing room is small too. Fuck. Yeah. Oh my god, man. That's insane. Shout out bob saggett though. He was mad cool actually Besides that whole 65 degrees I wasn't even supposed to be doing that too. I only would like I can't imagine getting to the point where I would say something like that Like can we get to like 77? No We're going out of your way to be an asshole, but unless it was like winter and the window was open. I was like, can we just shut this? Yeah

Christina Aguilera. Oh Christina. She uh What year it's it's just now. Oh now. Oh, I don't know now. I said back in her heyday though. There was probably a lot of like Uh Bottles of like oh, I think she drinks fireball. She seems like one of those girls that like they woo a lot Yeah, yeah, damn. Whoa, dude. We were on key there. They were yo speaking of on key. She's got pipes Yeah, she's she's one of the best singers of all time. She's nasty. She's she's something else. She's got weird shit Um, she the the singer really hates traffic So to bypass any on her way to the helicopter. Don't tell me. No, no, no police escort

That's a bit much. Yeah under no circumstances are the vehicles to be allowed to encounter any delays All right, listen, I understand you're a genie in a bottle but There's traffic sometimes. I know how would you so we just shut down These streets. Yeah, and not hit traffic. All right. Come on Imagine imagine you couldn't call home and see your kid Because Christina Aguilera had to get to the Staples Center And you're stuck in traffic in LA no less. Yeah where it's already impossible to get around no traffic. Good fucking look get on the 405

I would have missed it. All right drake drake Oh man, I'm gonna say mad pillows. All right. That's kind of close. Oh mad hookah though. All right. You're very close now I know he's got hookah in there. All right. His drake's list is very weird. It's four dozen natural scented incense Sounds about right. Yeah Hookah incense they go hand in hand. Dude. What is he a fucking yoga instructor? Why is he got so much incense? I know what you got a church in there a ton of alcohol including bottles of hennessey Patron gray goose jack daniels and heineken Heineken. Yeah, but I know for a fact that he drinks mad white wine spritzers

Yo, I know that on good faith. That's like his favorite wine spritzers incense hookahs pillows What is this? I don't know drinks is 14 year old girl. Basically. Yeah, so surprises in those smirnoff ice in there Or just like a single mother. Yeah, that too t-swift. You ready? T-swifts probably got some weird shit in hers. I feel like I would say I would change that weird to white White I would yeah some white shit. Oh, probably like paydays Or like all right like the maca rena song is playing in the background very very like lightly Or uh the cha cha slide

Uh tv with like old 90s sitcoms on the tv. Yeah, like netflix in there. Yeah, uh, I would uh, I would say um Uh a dream catcher That would be that's a good guess a dream catcher's in there somewhere. You ready for this A mop. You're not even gonna believe I don't know why I said that she kind of looks like a mop. All right. Taylor swift loves your starbucks So specific order Uh has to be delivered to her before 11 a.m. She can't have it after 11 a.m Yeah, she can't have this after 11 a.m

One grande iced caramel latte with two sweet and lows one grande iced americano with two sweet and lows And soy milk and one slice of pumpkin loaf That is the whitest thing i've ever heard in my entire life Yeah, that is you can't even look at that right in the eye If you look right at that your eyes will go blind because it is so white and bright I don't even know what pumpkin loaf is what is a pumpkin loaf sounds disgusting. Yeah Oh, can I uh, can I have a slice of pumpkin loaf? Disgusting garbage

You gotta fish that out of the trash. I'm only gonna do by the way. She's getting two coffees Yeah, mad caffeine. Take it easy there t-swifts. I'm gonna do the top 10 which includes selena gomez Rihanna justin timberlake and jailo. All right, so let's go selena gomez Selena gomez Yeah, um I would say jack daniels is in there somewhere I would say that There is a rate a karaoke machine is in there

Um, like one of the old ones that have like that plastic microphone that doesn't really sound like a speaker. It's kind of like You know what i'm talking about. It's all fucked up sort of like a like a toy or whatever. Um I would say she has three different pairs of pants to choose from As well. Okay. I'm sure they have wardrobe. Yeah. All right. Here you go All right gomez has declared no one she worked with go by the name justin Okay, this is going exactly how I thought it would go Apparently quite a few crew members had the name and therefore were given different monikers during her time of morning

This is like post their breakup morning like her breakup and shit. Don't say morning That's what it says. Jesus other than one strange request gomez just needs chicken pot pie and pickles in her room All right. She's a normal person who's also fucking weird as hell. Yeah Hey, you guys with your names I need you to change your names. All right. What? Hey, what's up? Your mom gave you that name. Guess what doesn't exist. I don't care about it Oh, you named after your dead dad. I don't care You're not that person today, sir. Today you are bar bartholomew. All right chris

What's your fucking name? It's chris. All right reary Rihanna. Yeah, I guess sex swing candles for For burning onto people. Yeah leather masks Uh a couch made out of men Yeah, like that are naked and like the armrest or dildos. Yeah. Yeah, the men are naked, but they're wearing that tarzan flap

Yeah to cover their shit. Yeah, um, and they're all like sweating sweating sweating glistening glisten. Um, there's a buffet of food Uh and like a whole pot of peas and held by like some beef cake Yeah, and they're not and there's no utensils. No, you eat it with your hands. Yeah, you eat it with your hands. All right During her last girl on earth tour Uh Her rider included one large fur rug Preferably animal printed. Okay preferably so like a zebra print for her to walk on barefoot It's

Pretty hot. Yo, why are people so weird? I don't know man You're going to work because you do you got to think about how powerful these people are. Yeah, but why just do it? I just don't know where's day one. There's a day one where you're like, you know what? I want a fucking cheetah rug so I could walk on it with my bare feet. Yeah, let's get that or I'm not doing the show I know it's just it's weird that one day you were like, you know what? I Like my feet to have a better experience with this whole deal. Like I don't even know what I would want I think you have to be that level of famous where it's like you get anything you want. So now it's like, all right

Let's get weird. Yeah, you get so bored that like dude. I can get more than like pole and spring in here Like I want to fucking flat screen in here with like the nfl network We're red zone. Yeah, what would you have on your rider? Um, definitely a tv. Yeah, like with the apple tv that works Yeah, um My own bathroom Okay, like That I could shit and pee in because I'm like self-conscious about pooping and like public and stuff

That's what bathrooms are. Yeah. No, but like my own nobody else can use it right like not even you Oh me. Yeah. So if we go on tour, we can use the same bathroom. Okay. I don't want you to smell my poop I've smelled that fucking mess before. I know you want to smell again. No, all right. Just helping you out. What else? Um Pretzel rods Love pretzel rods. These are like normal ones. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any weird stuff? Only thing maybe that would be weird Would be like pajamas What's up like pajamas and like moccasins That is a weird combo. No pajamas and like indoor moccasins like ugg moccasins

Oh, like I would like I would call those slippers slippers. Yeah moccasins are our outdoor Where yeah, like moccasin esque slippers. I hear you and I would like to be in a comfort like and dim lighting That's all I want. Okay, like I would want my basically I want my living room in there. Yeah And so wherever I could poopy and pee pee, yeah And then and then just have like whatever my friends want like beers and shit like that But the only thing that I would want would be like full-on pajamas like silk pajamas That's not that weird. It's funny though. Yeah, I would like to and then when it's time take it off And then let's it's showtime

That's hilarious. Yeah, what would be on yours? What would be weird on yours? Uh, the only thing I thought of is when I'd have like an exotic animal in there. Sorry Like like a cheetah. No, but no not not a cheat nothing that crazy But you know like those cats that are like mad big but you could keep them What they're like they they look like uh, they're very expensive cats. They're huge. Remember John Jones had one Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it died like a month later And it died like a month later I would want like one of those just to be in there and I've never met it before I just want it in there

Right, so if I had to get something super crazy, I want an exotic animal in there I would want a dog that can retrieve beers when I say beer. Yeah And the dog and it's like a golden retriever. So I want to cuddle with it. Oh, yo first of all mad dog Yeah, in my shit. I would have a three puppy minimum. Yeah three puppy minimum One of them is going to be less than six months old. Oh my god, but but Has a shot has a shot has it shots I don't know how dirty I am walking in there. Yeah, and then I want a full-grown Retriever in there. Yeah, then I want like Beethoven in there. Yeah now from the movie just that kind of dog like a

St. Bernard St. Bernard. Yeah, one of those big fountain dogs or whatever. Yeah, I like to hug Yeah, I'm just hugging that fuck. Yeah, also the entire floor grass like grass fake grass But it feels like no not turf It feels like grass so that I could walk you ever walk barefoot on grass And it feels really nice on a summer night on a summer night In a meadow walking with the love of your life walking hand in hand with somebody on a summer night is like Probably the best thing in the world Imagine you're barefeeder on grass. Oh my god, and you're fucking shirts leaves are rolled up and your pant legs are rolled up too

Oh my god, and you gotta I got see it I can feel it and you rolled your own cigarette and it's just in your ear Yeah, and you're not even gonna smoke it. No, you're just gonna have it for fashion points. Yeah damn, dude Can we get all that in a room? I don't I think so that'd be dope. I just want fake grass in there. Yeah puppies dogs That are trained. Yeah, maybe like a big bed Yes, yeah, I want comfort. I want comfortable comfortable. Yeah comfortable shit

I want something I can lay on dim lighting. I want it to be like almost like a pre party And then when I come back It's like more like awesome Lights around people are partying in there and I'm just joining that's like the first day of tour When you get near the end, I think it would get weirder like there'd probably just be like a woman who has like Big ass boobs just doing this the whole time In the room with like tassels. Yeah, and like I don't make eye contact with her once

No, she just stares at the wall the entire time and does she shakes her tits. Yeah Like I don't even I don't even address her once at all. Yeah, and they're not out. They're in yeah They're in but she's shaking them around. Yeah, or they have like those tassels on them. Oh, yeah, and they're swinging them Yeah, she's just doing this or maybe she's going circles. Yeah Yeah, you know and she can't stop. Yeah, she can't no or she or i'm not doing this No, like she physically can't she has a condition where she constantly is in a circular kind of clockwise motion. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Um And I think that'd be all yeah, I would have like a yellow lab puppy a black lab puppy and a chocolate lab puppy

And then a chef on site too a chef on site Mad sushi when I get in there. I would want a ton of fucking sushi and then um I would have like Oh, and then um, like stuff to play music But like Like uh, like a uh speaker. Yeah, like a speaker like a pill like a beats pill or something. Yeah, it's like I'm fucking bump my shit bump my Um, but I love how we were like y'all these slivers have weird ass requests and we just came

We're the mayor Yeah, probably but now that i'm thinking about the degrees thing kind of makes sense But when it's an actual number you're fucking weirdo Also, it's just the fact that you want it 65 like that's a weird number. Yeah, that's weird. It's strange. It's strange I get being like can't can't can we not make it cold in there like make it like, you know Yeah, 75 degrees. Yeah something in the middle. All right. You ready for Justin Timberlake's Oh, this should be good Justin Timberlake. He's a health conscious guy

Blueberries. No, he requires someone to disinfect all the doorknobs of any backstage venue and hotel. He's listen Oh my god, he's one of these every t man every two hours JT. Yeah They're shit. They're cleaning the doorknobs every two hours for this fucking guy. Yep And when he gets a hotel, he has to have the elevator to himself and the entire floor to himself Which I get I get you're super famous. Sometimes you want to run around naked in the home Yeah, he's got a kid and shit. Yeah, you know that makes it like more like

Homie, I guess. I also it, you know, you would have an Aaron Andrews Someone was like filming through a peephole and saw her naked or whatever like, you know, she got crazy pay off of that Did she what like over a hundred million dollars? I think what? Yeah, I'll look that number up after I don't want to miss Fucking quote about a hundred million. Let's see Oh, I'm looking it up right now. Aaron Andrews settlement Let's see a hundred million I know it was a lot

Where's the number? Where's the number? Who pays that money, by the way? 55 million Who pays that? That's still a lot of money though. But who pays that the fucking hotel? 55 million in damages Well, good night 55 million. Yeah, good luck getting that money. She's gonna take They don't give that to you and like, oh, here you go. Here's 55 million. Yeah, but they'll like pay her over time like

I mean, hey, hey Even if it if it takes 55 years, you're still making a million a year. Yeah, for sure. I mean, listen It's not a bad day. I let somebody film me through through a peephole any day 55 million Fisting my own ass. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I let you fucking. Yeah, fucking you could come in hang out I don't give a fucking give me a colonoscopy of 55 million dollars. I'm saying you get a good one. Yes Take a picture or whatever you want. I'll pose. I'll bend over to tell me what to do. Yeah And it's weird though, too. It's like I

Who makes keyholes like that anymore Is it key? I thought it was a peephole. No, it was a keyhole. Oh, literally a keyhole to a door Oh, keyholes are done keyholes doorknobs. I can't even remember nice how much doorknob. I meant doorbells Doorknobs to death doorknob. Get them out of here. Doorknob's done. They're done No doorbells Good night Doorbells I hate Call me dude. Yeah, just yeah, don't ruin my doorbell

You're not you're not grown up, hub. All right Disinfecting doorknobs every two hours. That is a psycho. Yeah Yeah, that's called getting whatever you want from the time you're 13 Jessica Biel put on fucking entire suits made of condoms and and then rub up it like You get dirty get dirty jt. She was yeah, and all your songs about getting dirty. Yeah This guy's disinfecting anything bringing sexy back. Fuck out of here, man. When's the last time you cleaned your toilet? Never that's what I'm talking because you're a man. So I'm saying I'm not cleaning toilets I'll sit on my own pee the day I die until I'm dead. I will sit on my dry pee whenever I please

Fuck out of here, man. I don't lick the doorknob on the way out. I'm not gonna do that. That's a little That is disgusting. I came in a little too hot. I apologize. All right, Jennifer Lopez Whatever she wanted Fine. Yeah, and I will supply this is your girl I don't care what she needs I hope she needs an ass massager Everything. Yeah, she probably does Yeah, sorry a rod. Yeah, he's not watching. No, he is he might no

Her entire dressing room is white Everything's white cool candles curtains rug couch table white, right? Only thing that's and it's a creamy shade of white. It's not just like run-of-the-mill white Cream white like you see your shirt. That's white too white for J. Lo too white too white for J. Lo What about my skin tone? Am I too white for J. Lo? I think I'm no she's no she used to date She had like she dated the white backup dancer for a while Yeah, imagine being a backup dancer and the fucking person you dance for fucks you

That's awesome And imagine it's fucking J. Lo. I know and you're just fucking back there fucking Doing some stupid shit and then she fucks you after the show Who got paid for the show me or you I know I know you got the money, but I got the real thing I oh, yeah, what do you do? I get paid to dance and fuck J. Lo. What do you do? That's what happened. Uh Britney Spears What you do Kevin Federline was a backup dancer. Yeah, that was that was a bad call though, dude Do you I always forget about Kevin Fed and the crazy era of Britney Spears

Oh the bald Britney Spears. Oh my god. Remember that she went through some stuff. That was fucking wild Yeah, that was crazy stuff I feel like that would happen to me though if I got famous and then our little sister got pregnant Yeah, sometimes you got to get pregnant, dude. Jamie Lynn Spears. Jamie Lynn. Yeah, all right, katie parry Uh Hearse is full of fucking weird. It's full of snacks. It's probably like a table that looks like a mushroom Or like, you know, I mean she only eats dried fruit That's weird and lightly salted dry roasted edamame

I don't even know what the fuck that is. Is that like a seed? It's like a peas. It's like a pea pod It has like three peas in it Oh, oh, yeah Oh, I thought you were gonna say something. I'm sorry jz He he's demands seven different dressing rooms What yeah, you need seven. Yep How many outfits this guy's got and he needs the best quality peanut butter and the best quality jelly So you can make bomb pb and j sandwiches

What is the best quality peanut butter? I don't know Jiff or skippy off Skippy all the way. Come on. That's why you're my boy though. That's why you're my boy, dog jiff Get that shit out of here that fucking shit. What is this 1992? Get that fucking shit out of here I don't want that shit. You know, by the way real quick peanut butter commercials. What is going on You ever see like what how they spread the peanut butter? It's like a sandwich With actual peanuts on it and then they spread peanut butter over the peanuts Who the fuck's eating that? No one

No, just get crunchy fucking to an elephant. What the fuck is this? Why is there a piece of bread with peanut? Crushed up on it. Do you like crunchy peanut butter and then no Don't like it. I don't like it either. I judge if I want a peanut. I'm gonna eat a peanut. Yeah All right Okay, I'm not gonna fucking eat this chunky shit. I don't want that. No not one port What's going on? Are you throwing up? No, you heard about chunky. You're gonna throw up. Yeah, I think so a little bit in my mouth, but I cannot

for the life of me Think or believe that somebody actually likes crunchy peanut butter ours juice Yeah pulp It's disgusting dude. I only drink pulp in front of people that I know are gonna be like, well, you're a pussy You're not gonna drink that so I'll drink this fucking pulp, but I'm not gonna like it because without this fucking Shit in it. It's a it's way better. But what I feel like I'm drinking coleslaw at that point What am I drinking here? Yes, like, yo, would you put a spaghetti in a lot of water?

That's what it looks like and then and then and then oh you want to be you want to be a little courageous. You can get some pulp What kind of fucking gauge is that? Yeah, first of all, those are the real cowards pick a side. Yeah, okay Fucking pussy. P. Don't be a be a fucking man. Yeah, drink your goddamn pulp or just don't drink it at all I agree. Don't get this like oh, I you know, I flirt with no You can't can't pick a fucking side If if you're in the orange juice game, you need to be on one side pick a side You fucking spy and I'm definitely not on the pulp side. No, fuck that pulp is gross. It's disgusting It's gross but texture. No ruin it for me. You're ruining the drink. Yeah a classic american drink. You've ruined it

What's the best juice drink? Like apple juice orange juice What are the juices are there fruit cranberry juice? Oh, that's disgusting I don't mind it. Oh, I do I don't mind it I would say grape juice Ew Well, it's just grape juice. No like concord grape juice. No

It's not It's not better than orange juice man concord grape juice is good. Okay. You're sitting down. Let me paint a picture for you Let me paint a picture for you. Hold on before you paint that apple juice very good Lot of diarrhea after yes Makes me shit like unless it's like dickens martin ellies martin marinellies or whatever the one that comes in that little Cute fucking glass jar. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, me too. You like apple cider

Spike cider. You ever had that all that stuff's gross. You never had spike cider apple cider. It tastes like a penis What about cider beers? I hate them. You hate them. Yeah, what sucks because my talk about teeth I feel like my teeth are gonna fall out when I drink that shit. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah uh and like angry orchard fucking That's pure fucking. I want a beer. I don't want apple juice right now. Okay. I'm not seven I have to go with I'm gonna say orange juice

Makes me spit a lot though after you What like Like orange juice. Yeah, hi. I don't know. It just leaves my mouth very thick I feel so ever so thick when it's in my mouth ever so thick. Yeah Oh, like when you eat skittles and then you're like saliva gets like Jesus Christ This is like ever so gross. She's like, what did I just make syrup in my mouth right now? No, I know what you're saying. We've talked a lot about the mouth today. Yeah. Yeah, the mouth the mouth What'd you say to me in the car?

Like if you gave me a five. Oh, yeah, I remember what you said to me, um Oh, what would you do? Oh, yeah, yeah, you tell it you said it. I don't want to butcher it. I don't want to butcher it I don't always came up. Oh man. You know how we always talk about gay stuff Yeah between me and you. Oh, yeah And people are always like, you know, it could be fucking gay. I don't think it's official unless something gay is said on the show Right, exactly. So anyway, voice crack and gay Gay stuff and voice cracks. Those are a staple on the show. If you don't like voice cracks and gay shit get the fuck out All right, fuck out of here

Fucking losers if I was a gay, dude, I'd be such a hardo Like I like if I was gay, I'd be so fucking jacked and a douche What'd you be like? Yeah, you were you fuck girls. Yeah, what do you fuck girls? Get the fuck out of your head real bitch Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here pussy. You fucking pussy eating bitch. I gotta be so confused. You're like, wait The guy pussy eating bitch. You're like, wait, uh, what? Yeah, I think we just described jail Yeah, I don't know. I don't know But would you ask me? I was like, what would you do if because you ever see I love you, man? Yeah, there's a scene in that movie where

Paul Rudd's character is like out on a date with a guy As friends or whatever they just had like dinner and like it's all like friendly the whole time and the other dude thinks it's like a Gay thing. So he like he's like, all right, man I'll meet you. I'll see you next week and they do a high five and then he just pulls Paul Rudd in and starts kissing him And Paul Rudd's like, oh shit, like he's confused by it. And then I asked you. I'm like, yeah, what would you do if I did that to you? Like I was just like, all right, man. I'll see you tomorrow And you gave it the funniest part about this whole thing is that you didn't like I asked as a joke But you gave the most serious

I was trying to have fun here and you're just like no because here's the thing if somebody Says hey You know, I'll see you later to give you a five and kiss you Yeah, and it's somebody of the same sex and you're not gay. Yeah You know I look at is like you're like you're struggling You're like, you know what I mean? Because you're not you you're not an out gay man, right? Well, you're not a gay man But you're not you're not out. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't mean you're not out. Yeah

So like I wouldn't want to out you like Yeah, kiss me. Yeah. Yeah, like in public it'd be like, oh my god disgusting gay. Yeah, I'm not Yeah, sorry, I still got a little bit of a cold if I'm coughing, but I don't I wouldn't want to do that to somebody. Yeah, like I wouldn't want to damage you Yeah, in that sense because then like you just fucking put yourself out there You know what I'm saying Yeah, I don't know what you mean, you know, like like the reason I answer it's here because I really thought about it To be honest, if it was the reverse, you know, like, all right, man. I see you later. You kiss me. I'd be like, yo

I would I honestly would start dying laughing. No, but you would you would text like every would you tell everybody that I kissed you? Eventually, I wouldn't tell anybody, but I would just think it was so funny. Yeah But like I would think of it so differently I'd be like, oh this poor guy like struggling like probably like is afraid of himself And he felt so comfortable with me to kiss me like oh, you read it so wrong. Yeah, you read it so wrong But like I'm not going to go home and tell everybody like, yo Joe kissed me because like that I'm outing you that's that's not cool I wouldn't tell people under the circumstance of being like, yo, can you believe this? But I have to be like, yo, like

What do I do? Like what is the next like I would have to get second opinions Yeah, well, also, I would have to come in the work the next day. Yeah, it would be great. Yeah, and anybody just be like, yeah What's up? Yeah, it didn't mean anything But it did You know, like when I was younger, I used to be like, yo, if you're gay, like why don't you just be gay, man? What does that mean? Oh, like tell people and just be outoutly gay. Exactly. Yeah. What does that mean? Outoutly gay. I don't think that's the term. I don't know. No, but I know

It's okay. Yeah, I know. It's not bad. Yeah, I mean you're young. You don't know you don't know But now like that I'm older. I'm like, yeah, like that's a big thing for somebody to do Yeah, absolutely. So if if you were to hypothetically kiss me on the mouth Authentically gay Authentically gay. Yeah, not just like drunk like I love you. Give me like plant one on me. Yeah, for no reason Yeah, like like I got married and you plant one on me like I love you kid. All right. That I get it's not gay Yeah, but if you like came in close and kissed me and then I like I kissed you and then I went Wow, yeah, and I had to pull back and be like

Like literally put like my two fingers on your lips like this like That's and then you know like We start whispering What are you doing? Yeah, I wouldn't tell anybody that you did it to me But it would be a conversation also would be like My boss kissed me You'd be able to file that. Yeah, you have like a little fucking you'd be able to meet you at the shit out of that Yeah, 50 shades. Well, maybe I liked it

I mean, I kissed you. I didn't beat you with a pipe and listen one thing leads to another If you're comfortable enough to kiss me out of nowhere, if I let it go, you don't know what's gonna happen Oh, man, that is funny. Yeah But yes, that's how our day went Yeah, that's how our day went Oh, fuck. Oh, man, but we also filmed something very cool The commercial yeah, yeah, so if you're gonna want to see that you're gonna have to Oh, yeah, you get if you're listening to this right now go go to the youtube channel youtube.com slash the baseman yard

In the beginning of the episode we did like a little commercial Uh for something I mean, it's the merch at this point at the end of the episode Yeah, so we have new merch that came out I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but we shot like a mini commercial for it. Yeah If you want to call it a commercial, but like It's it's funny. I think it's our best piece of work. I worked. I got in the character. I worked hard for it Now I'm sure you got I got in shape for the cat for the for the actual part. Yeah, he did he dropped pounds for it Yeah, so you know what I mean, but I'm still fat and I'm still living that lifestyle. Yeah, you know, that's it

All right Realistically, oh no, I hate when you say that. I know Do you have any gay friends? uh Yes, yes, I do. All right, you feel comfortable around him A thousand percent. Okay, so if he kissed you How would you react? Well, we have like a relationship where you kiss each other Where it would be it would be funny because like

It's already known that like I'm not gay right, but if he had kissed me I would die laughing and he's like out. Yeah. He's yeah. He's like he's he's gay So that makes it that makes it a little different, but like I'd be like, yo, what are you doing? Yeah, like it would be like a funny like I wouldn't be like I know, but I'd be like, yo, what the fuck is it like when you were 13 you'd be like, uh Oh 100 percent if someone touches your if if a dude held your hand for a second you'd be like Jesus That's so gay. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know why I mean, that's not my fault. I'm 13. I'm 12 like no, none of my thoughts are my own at that age

Realistically, that's probably a true statement None of my thoughts are my own. No, I haven't had I didn't have my own thought until maybe like 16 Everything else was influenced by everyone else. Yeah, I I was on autopilot till about 17 Yeah, like you like that stuff like Especially with the gay stuff. Oh, yeah

Like I said, the thing where you rub something on your dick is like, oh my god, I'm not touching that teacher penis It's like, all right, dude relax. Yeah, but you play quarterback and you fucking Yeah, your hand up a guy's ass the entire game. You feel the curvature of his nuts on your hand That was the worst thing about playing quarterback though. What touch the ball. Oh my god I never played quarterback. Well, I played quarterback up until ninth grade and then my hands were too small I couldn't throw the other ball Really? Yeah, swear to god. You can't throw it. Well, you're in like seventh. No, I could throw it Yeah, I could I could throw it pretty well, but like in a game

I have small hands, so I'm not able to throw that throw darts. Yeah, no Yeah, but getting underneath and being like We would go on silent count. We would go on silent counts where I would have to just tap his balls Yeah, then we would go ball tapping. Yeah, but you won't grab a pencil from this kid if he rubs it on his wing I know I don't break. I just think like uh Uh gays come a long way

As far as what just like as far as like being accepted. It's not all the way Oh, it's fucking night and day from when we were like in that's what i'm trying to say And and uh a little younger like eighth grade or whatever. That's the height of like that is fucking gay, dude Yeah, like everything was gay everything if you hung out with a girl instead of us You were gay You know what I'm saying? Oh, what are you gonna do go have sex with a girl gay? Well, we're sitting there like jerk off It's like, yeah, this kid's hanging out with his girlfriend again. He's so gay. Yeah, let go. That's like, where is that?

I don't know. Where is that? I don't know and you want to know who says the gayest stuff to each other Straight guys, it's like me and you. Yeah straight guys. We should have a full-blown conversation about if I passionately kissed you Passionately now 13 year old me. What did I like? I lost their mind. Oh, you know what makes me super uncomfortable when when when guys are like so hard-o masculine that you can't even like Talk about it or like say anything or like make a joke or like hug them or put your arm around them

Like yo stop man like yo Get off. I'm like relax. I feel like boss boss doesn't like to be touched Yeah, but I don't think that's like a a dude thing. I think he's just like don't touch me. Yeah He's like a don't touch me guy. He also only does it to me because I bother him a lot. I'm like, yeah, come on, man Come on, yo I don't like hard-o dudes because

like Me myself, I wouldn't consider myself like a full alpha male like I have alpha traits, but like I feel like to be a full alpha male. You have to be a douche Yeah, you have to be a douche. Yeah, like would you consider yourself like an alpha male? No, look at me Yeah, but does this look like if you can be small and be an alpha male? I mean it's not about being small It's about just like How long am I gonna last here? Like there's dudes who you're like, all right, that guy's a little fucking Jesus christ

I'm gonna eat nails for breakfast like relax like Like ct from my real world. You're fucking maniac. I don't know who the fuck that is. That was that dude Who's like, I want to smash your head and eat it That guy's sounds awesome. Yeah Wait, you don't know who ct from real world is. I don't watch that shit dude. You have a lot of amazing stuff to watch I'm not watching it. Oh my god. It's from like 1997 Sounds even better. Yeah Fuck that. Would you ever go in the real world? Fuck no

I never understood how these kids go on the show and they're like, I have girlfriend back home And then they'll like suck a girl's titty on tv like they're not gonna run it I know it's like this is what we pray for. Yeah The tit sucking is how how we get by He has a girlfriend And then it just like cuts like a night vision shot and they're just like under the covers And it's like and then some random girl in the house is like I feel really bad for what's his name? Uh, ronald

I feel really bad I feel really bad for ronald's girlfriend because she's back home and he's sucking tits right now I can hear him sucking the tit and then coincidentally. They're always visiting like the next week. Yeah, and she's like so, um Who's shirt is this? I'll tell you this The jersey sure though Probably one of the greatest shows of all time. Yeah easily dude everyone talked about easily when it was out Oh my god, everyone's going ham for that show. Yeah, I think that show revolutionized Television. No. Yes. It did revolutionized. Yeah, because here's why people have been trying. I look at it like this

Well, yeah, you try I've been trying to replicate that fucking show since it came out There's a reason why they put them back on tv, but it wasn't the first of its kind No, it wasn't the first of its kind. It was so good. It was just so good It was so good. It was so good. It was must-see tv. That's why they made that buck wild show with all the fucking hicks. Yeah Like they basically made jersey sure for like people from alabama Yeah, like they tried to do spin-offs and shit and then they realized nothing worked and they had to put those people there Yeah, so that's why i'm saying like When people try to do what you do you're changing the

The actual fucking Makeup of television because people were trying to replicate your success. Yeah, I mean it's a copycat thing Yeah, especially I think most television mtv has a fucking tendency to run everything into the ground also Yeah, that's my one guy code was popping the guy code girl code guy court could take the every code in the fucking all the codes Yeah, but like I just think that show for what it was for the people that they had They could not replace anybody and it wouldn't have been the same Yeah, what's your favorite jersey short moment?

When the situation bashed his own head and they'll fucking They hyped that up like there was this big fight and that was the thing too. They always hyped up the fights They were always bad. Oh, wait. No. Sookie getting punched was kind of awesome. Oh my god. She's got a that was insane She got some chin. How'd they air that? I don't know That dude's fucked when that dude punched her in the face. I didn't think they were gonna show it They he rocked her rocked her shit. Yeah, and then when Ronnie ran away one shot kid That was one shot. And then uh, my I think my favorite jersey short moment though was when sammy was like Who wrote the note?

You too That was it the show was good. Yeah, that was great. That was great. Uh, anyway, I think we could wrap this up here We've had some fun. Anyway, go check out that merch Uh, the sanagatastore.com that that merch right there that you're seeing on video not gonna say what it is For the people who are listening. No, no, no. Um, but there's some other stuff stuff up there as well Uh, we're gonna have black friday codes coming out on black friday Also, so if you want to wait for that wait for that, but it's gonna happen. Um Yeah, but anyway, dany where can they find you at dany little purity on instagram and twitter go follow us on instagram

At the baseman yard, uh, and yeah, that is all we'll see you next time