The Basement Yard - #169 - The Gift Exchange

Episode Date: December 24, 2018

Danny & Joe exchange Christmas presents live on the Basement Yard. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, bitch. Oh, sorry. Oh Oh, oh, yeah, not my mouth. I have a canker sore on the side of my tongue So if I have like a little bit of a lisp, it's because I'm trying not to be in pain. Yeah, all right, but Merry Christmas It's uh, it's Christmas Eve right now. Yes, it is not now, but it's going to be Christmas Eve If you guys aren't watching this go check it out On youtube youtube.com slash the basement yard for full videos Every week also our patreon if you'd like to support the show you can head to patreon.com slash the basement yard You know I'm saying patreon spelled p-a-t-r-e-o-n support the show

But yeah, Merry Christmas Merry fucking Christmas the fucking best time of the year bitch Christmas whip That was hot. You know I'm saying hell. Yeah, it hurts. Oh, no. Yeah, you know I Won't hurt a little bit. I won't hurt Yours are more painful. It's way more painful. Yeah, um that canker sore is really hurting, huh? Yeah, it doesn't hurt if I just be But definitely when I like I'm sorry when I just when I just be uh-oh It doesn't hurt, but once I start like swallowing or eating food and moving it around it starts to hurt

So did you get to that that from like making making love with a lady? No, I what I don't know What's a kanker sore? You don't know what a kanker is it like the thing that becomes a hole in your mouth? What the fuck? No, what are you talking about like a little hole in your cheek or something? I? No, what can you go? I guess on it? I don't know your dude I can't see under your beard Danny's in a full Santa outfit by the way if anyone if you don't if you're not watching Listen if you're gonna do Christmas you got to go all the way I agree, but what kanker sores. Yeah, is it like a scrape isn't it like a scrape in your mouth? That just is so sensitive to the touch like you bit the side of your mouth. Uh, it could be

I don't know what it's from they just happen. It's like bacteria, and then it causes like the sore You know, it's not like on my lip, and it's not like you know an STD. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I don't know honestly. I don't know I'll get you something for Christmas. Give me some give me a purpose in do me a favor cut This out of the episode, huh? No, but yeah, I got one it's on the side of my tongue. Oh, it's on your tongue. I thought it was in your cheek No, no, no, it's on my tongue that sucks. Yeah, you ever get like a sore like a tip. Yeah It's like it feels weird like I have one on the side. You ever even it touches my tooth every time I move my tongue Oh, you ever have a taste bud that hurts on your tongue?

What like on the tip of your tongue like a taste bud that hurts no never had that no like a burnt taste bud You just said burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt. No, I've burnt my tongue Yeah, sure, but I don't feel when I burn my mouth. I feel at the next day. Yeah, you saw me just try to say next Yes, nice. Nice day. I I feel at the next day. Ow. I heard so bad You're powering through you're the real MVP. There's tears in my right eye right now. Yeah, so Merry fucking Christmas. This episode's gonna be 12 minutes long We're gonna have to take 10 minute breaks every so often I hope everyone's having a wonderful I guess a Christmas so far a Christmas Eve families get together they start

Yeah, start popping off Christmas Eve Do you are you one of those families that does like you don't know what I'm gonna say. Why are you shaking your head? Oh, sorry. I just don't yet No, are you one of those families that opens up? Oh, you're gonna open our gifts on Christmas Eve No, no one time my sister suggested that you know what I did spit in her face Good, I didn't spit in her face. Oh, and it was my mom good Yeah, so I lied about a lot of that story, but I would have spit in either of those faces in a different setting, right?

You know, I would hope not all jokes said no all jokes aside. I'm not gonna spit my mom or my sister's face I don't know why I continue to lie on the show But I was very angry and like that's trying to ruin tradition. Well, I know some families like oh We only opened one present on Christmas Eve. Yeah, wait Wait Wait till Christmas morning. Yeah, not gonna ruin my Christmas, right? traditions but how about this though if you're not gonna see that part of your family on Christmas you got to give them their gifts

Oh, you can have it don't open in front of me So what do we do here Well, you're gonna break your own rule today. Yeah, I am but this is special. This is for the show show It's for the show. It's for you showmanship. We're breaking traditions. I mean Danny We got each other gifts this year. Hmm, you know So we were gonna like you know what we'll open them on the show, you know for you guys I'm breaking my own fucking tradition here Okay, it's all right pain

Tradition add a tradition. Yes, we'll fight through this. Yes before we exchange these gifts. Okay Is there any other Christmas and no-knows that you have I have a ton. All right, let's go Let's hear them. Well for one. Hopefully I agree with them for one egg nog is a big no-no You will see that on the YouTube channel youtube.com slash Santa gato studios. I Rebrained in my vlog channel, but go check that out. I tried eggnog for the first time. Oh, yeah, it was gross. It's spoiler For a spoiler alert. It fucking sucks ass. All right But yeah eggnog no

What else don't make me wait until like 11 in the morning. I don't have that kind of time Oh, really? No, so you can what's the latest you could open a gift on Christmas? personally Kid Joe and adult Joe. They're the same Joe I'm like I'm a child on Christmas. It's crazy. I wake up and like I'm gonna I'm Opening my gifts at my mom's house. Yeah, so I'm gonna wake up here and Fucking break down that door and get everyone there, but my brother Lives out in Long Beach

So he has to drive all the way here fucking I have to have a serious talk with him like dude listen if you think you're Coming here anytime after 10. I'm going to snap your neck in half. Yeah, that's Thomas's problem Yeah, he's gonna give you the run around to he's definitely gonna give me the run around. That's the kind of guy He is yeah, he's a big run around guy. He's a big run around random marathon run around sue. Yeah, run around sue Keep away from run around sue. Hey, hey That's a good song. Is that a real song? It's you don't know. I thought you just made that up That'd be awesome. If I did no, it's a real song. You never heard it like weddings and shit. You're not that white Yeah, run around sue that sounds like a whore

Yeah, I think yeah, I think that's a run around sue. There's a sue that runs around. She's she's a whore She's a little bit of a whore. She's I mean a lot of bit of a whore. I think yeah for sure. All right any other Christmas I don't know um Don't give me a gift card Unless There's other things You know what I'm saying elaborate don't just give me a gift card and be like have a good day I'm like yo Barnes and Nobles

Yeah, cool, but like Give me some effort here. I don't read which buy this on the way over. Yeah the fuck out of here Yeah, and in the second of all, I don't fucking read. Yeah, everyone knows that you watch five seconds of the show And you'll know that I don't fucking read clearly. We could barely formulate a proper sentence Yeah, I can't even speak now. So I don't really have anything going for me at the moment But I wouldn't say that you got a lot going for you. You're a good guy. I was gone tomorrow's Christmas That's the best part. Yeah, that is true. But that's it. That's true Now any other big no-no's that you could think of because then I had another question. I don't think so. All right

Good boy or bad boy this year me. Yeah, I think I was good. You think you were a good boy Yeah, I think you were a good boy this year. I think I was a good boy. I think you're a great boy I think you're a great boy all the time, but you had some bad boy times Oh, no, did you like plan something and like think of times that I did some no, no, no No, that's pretty good Santa laugh. Thank you. Okay, that was bad All right, give me your best Santa voice. I can't I'm dressed as an elf I can't do that. Give me your best elf voice mean you are working at the mall. Give me your best elf voice. I Honestly don't know

Children that's pretty good. No, you know Oh Yeah, I'm good, but you got to be an elf kids are waiting in line. How do I sound like an elf? How do I help sound they have like a voice is like What do you want for Christmas little boy? Yeah, you know, you have to be very good to your mother and your papa Yeah, this you know Christmas now is starting to sound like a real like like a pyramid scheme sort of with parents Oh, definitely, you know, yeah, it's like a way to trick your kids into acting good yeah, I

I think most kids are good. Oh I don't think that you don't think so. You're some fucking asshole kids. I was I know I was an asshole Did you just did you deserve gifts every year though? I deserve nothing and my parents did on Christmas my parents went above and beyond for Christmas like you would not believe they always did and And Like my dad one time when you're because back then when you wanted toys It was like alright like let it rain because toys are like 20 bucks. Yeah, but then when you get to like a teenager It's like oh, I want a phone or I want this police station now things are starting to cost hundreds of dollars

You know, but you could let it rain when you're a kid like oh, I get here's like a tricycle Here's fucking a Batman thing Legos all this shit. You know what I mean when like I have nieces that are like 10 not not 10 like seven and four One purchase 25 bucks. They're taking care of it's the older ones. You gotta give money Yeah, you gotta fucking get them a card and like act like they they're even gonna read the card They're not gonna read the card on the cash Let me let me tell you something a big card reader. I read the card I was just about to ask that not a card guy. You're not a big card guy

I literally could care less. I know did you write it? We wrote each other cards here We're breaking traditions. I'm breaking traditions. I not that I write cards. I'm just not a big card guy because I'm throwing this out like how how how soon after I read this Can I throw it out and I not be disrespectful? Here's what you got to do here Here's the everyone listening. I hide it so that I can't see it So I think it's thrown out and then when I find it then I throw it out You know what I mean when you I know what you mean, but when you get a card with cash in it

Don't look immediately at the cash look immediately at the text read the text With the money still in the card say, thank you so much hug the person Put it in your little bag that you're taking home with like all your gifts and then you take the cash out when you get home That's the proper etiquette. That's not what I was doing. What were you doing? I Count it up. Yeah, yo, I gotta see how many it depends how many dollars. That's how far into the text. I'll read Do you remember how many stacks you would like literally counting your Christmas money as a kid?

So here's the thing also. I never got Christmas money. My mom always took it. I Never got money ever for a Christmas gift. I never got money anyway. Wait, what I never got money Not even from like an uncle that like you've seen like once to this day never got money That's insane the only times I've ever gotten money were Like my communion, which I was in third grade. I don't fucking remember. That's more religious religious holidays like not holidays like When I graduated from like CCD like yeah, no, no what when I made my confirmation my my communion and then

like Maybe I graduated high school. Yeah, that was the only times that I've ever gotten money Okay, and it wasn't even a lot of money. I'm surprised that you know a lot of people get money I never got it feel like most kids like that from like 13 and over start getting money I never I'd never get money. I would rather not get money like I don't want your fucking money Mmm. I don't I'd like gifts because it shows me that you thought about something I want an item here, but if I don't know you that well just get me money Because I don't want you to go out of your way and get me something that I don't really want this

I don't really need this But I'm gonna be nice and take it, but I'm never gonna use this I don't know. I haven't really gotten a gift where I was like, okay, we're tossing this Have you ever had a bad Christmas like when you were a little kid like oh my god? Honestly not really I've done that there was one Christmas where I really wanted a PlayStation 2 and I opened all my gifts and It I didn't get it fuck and I was like damn, bro And I was like kind of upset, but I was trying to be like alright. I still got a lot of stuff and like

I'm sad, but like, you know, whatever blah blah blah fucking tough through that shit. Yeah, and then my brother Thomas the oldest like grabbed a pillow off of this rocking chair we had we had a rocking chair Chairs are dope. Yeah, I know I mean I was just saying like I'm just trying to like get to like the level of whiteness That we are like we have a rocking chair in our house So he took the pillow and he like hit me with it And I was like, what are you doing and then when he took the pillow the PlayStation was under the pillow Yeah, I was like you came back to consciousness like then I was like, oh my god It's the greatest Christmas ever you either hit you too hard with the pillow that you imagined one or it was real

Yeah, and my dad is a big Christmas guy, too Like my dad would go to the store during mayhem hours and try to get the things that we wanted And then I remember one time he like paid double for like an Xbox or something Like we wanted Xbox and this woman had it and he's like, I'll give you I'll give you double for it And you're like legend. Yeah, see I feel like now when we were kids There is always the one thing that every kid that you that went to school with wanted. Yeah, they don't have that anymore I don't think so because I remember when we were like everybody wanted an Xbox or everybody wanted a PlayStation or everyone wanted a certain game Or everyone wanted a certain, you know, that might be a certain accessory or something

Everyone wanted it so you could say you got it on Christmas. Yeah, but I think that still happens We're just out of touch with the second-grade community. It could be I'm sure like someone wants a Beyblade or something. Yeah, but listen Fuck You know Beyblades are dangerous. Fuck. Yeah, they were fucking badass, too. Hell. Yeah, but like listen There remember tickle me Elmo. Remember the craze over tickle me Elmo. That's a little before your time All right, so let me explain this to you. I remember like my siblings getting it, but I don't really remember. Let me explain this to you Tickle me Elmo was a doll of Elmo that you would tickle you and he would go And I'd be like wait what the fuck. Yeah, did you just play that from a phone or something? No, it was me

Can you do that again? Oh? That tickles What that is unbelievable, thank you Wow, what is going on under that beard this thing under here? Oh, God Yeah That was crazy. Yeah, but I'm away by that. Thank you, but I'm uh, it would fucking it would do that people were like Going fucking crazy

Cramming malls cramming fucking targets going nuts. My mom happened to get one Everyone and their mother wanted to buy this thing this and people like That were like 12 and 13 wanted it people that were adults wanted it Made no fucking sense. Mm-hmm. Like that's what I think of of like the toy to get you ever see that that movie Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah sin bad. Yeah, that's not not last action hero. It's um, but that dumb cookie down He's got the bomb that one. Yeah, but uh, got them page Arnold's great. Yeah, but uh, it was jingle all the way. Yes called. That's what a great movie Um

Why do I need the action figure for that the real one at home? He's the man in that sin bad is great in that too. I'll blow up blow it up Come on come on But uh, that's that's what it was like. That's what it was like Xbox 360 was the same thing. Yep How do you think when Xbox 360 came out? What did it come out like 12 years ago? Yeah, if that's a case then you're probably like 11 anywhere 11 the 13th probably that age range Mm-hmm cuz Keith's a year older than you. Yes. Yeah, so

Yeah, you were probably that that's all you wanted. Mm-hmm. That's all probably Frankie wanted. That's all Fucking Dom probably wanted. Yeah, you know everybody probably wanted that shit. Yeah, so now that you think about it. I Don't know what to get kids these days. Yeah, I don't know. It's weird. They got apps That's what I'm saying. They have everything in their phone. Yeah, Christmas has been kind of killed a little bit by phones Not not for me. No, I'm having a great time out here I'm enjoying Christmas because I think a part of us our old-school Christmas guys Yeah, I swear to God if technology ruins Christmas I'm gonna find technology and I'm gonna drown him in a river. So how do you feel about online shopping for Christmas?

I did all my shopping online. I think it's a that's where technology wins. Hell. Yeah, I don't Store I gotta go fight a fucking 400 pound fucking man or woman for this goddamn thing I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that dude. I'm not gonna have some woman like, you know We grab a box at the same time and she's like, oh my he assaulted me. Yeah, lady. I'm taking the fucking Kinect 4 with me All right, that's it Falls down. I can't I can't do that. God why people always fall down every time. Why do they fall down? I got pretty decent balance and I am a whitest snow. They're always falling down I always get it. You know what it is. I don't get it as white people age

Their knees go. Yeah, their equilibrium is all thrown off thrown off Yeah, I feel like especially on black Friday and near when it's near the end of the year when it's cold out Why people go down shatter like fucking eggs. Yeah, that's why they're always shoveling snow Yeah, they're like someone is gonna fall here. Yeah, I'm like, no, I think it's just you They don't have balance. Everyone else is like a little athletic. You know, have you ever busted your ass on ice? Dude, what? Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah, it is one of the most Embarrassing things of all time. I kind of like it. You like falling on you can die

Die No, that's icicles. That's icicles of those you get that could kill you that could kill you Have you ever got hit by an icicle? No, I got it. This is gonna sound very funny And I don't mean this. Okay. I once got hit by an icicle taking out my bicycle out of the garage You get hit by an icicle when you were taking out your bike. Yes Yes. All right, dr. Soyes dr. Soyes. Yeah, but yeah taking my bike out Did it hit you in the head? No, because I opened the garage door Oh, yeah, that'll do it and fuckish thing came down and hit me right on the top my head

Well, we actually actively wasn't big wasn't a big icicle at my mom's There's a there icicles like form there and like the ones like it are both like the window aren't bad But there's ones that like on the second floor that because like my house is connected to the neighbor's house. Yeah, and like There's a spot in the corner where big icicles that are like dangerous even for little children Form so I have to go out there with Keith and we have to throw snowballs at it because it'll kill the dogs Like if they're under it, it'll it I will go out there and my dog will be speared. Yeah, that's crazy. Yes That's terrifying. Yes. It's awesome. That was a great thing to throwing shit at icicles, too. I Love and throwing snowballs at signs. Yeah, I can hit that stop sign. No, you can't

Miss it by a mile always never I'd never hit a sign You ever do something so cool That obviously no one's there to see it I feel like that's when I've done the coolest things in my entire life Like throwing like throwing shit or like throwing it in like the smallest of holes one time I threw a fucking piece of aluminum foil into my shoe from like way across the room and Nobody was there to see it and I was like this fucking sucks. This is no one's gonna believe it. Yeah, I was I hated doing that shit Yeah, hold up

There was this one time that mean Keith were out like what our friends and then you know like all right We're gonna head home. I mean Keith had walked a couple blocks and We would always fuck around me and Keith like whatever and we're it's and it was snowing like a lot So we're standing on this corner and we see this big-ass bush that's covered in snow And then he goes yeah, I'm gonna jump into that bush So Keith and I'm like All right, cool, and then he looks at it and then looks at me He looks at the bush looks at me and he goes turbo time

Turns towards the bush goes to take a step and we were standing on black ice and just falls flat on my fucking face Dude, I was on the ground for like 20 minutes We were laughing so hard if anyone could see us they're like yeah, these kids are insane if you don't laugh After you fall you lose My favorite is not even falling right cuz falling isn't as funny as Almost falling when people almost fall on ice. It's my favorite thing in the world. Well, I almost felt the zoo It's my favorite. I love it so much Yeah

I was busting my ass at the zoo. Yeah, I saw that I didn't like that. I liked it That's there snuck up on me It would have been dope if you were like just stumbled in and fell into that seal cage I feel a part of me feels like I felt I belonged in that cage. Yeah, yeah I could see that slippery and gooey Felt great. Yeah, I don't know. No, probably not. Yeah, but if you don't laugh when you fall down At yourself, you're losing. Yeah, you have to yeah, it's great. My dad Hates when you laugh at him

We laugh at everyone. Yeah, no see like my dad like if you laugh at him, it's over. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead All right. Yeah, well sounds like a great guy. Don't laugh at my dad. Don't laugh at your dad. Don't laugh at my dad I've never laughed at him ever in my whole life. I'm just talking about you. Yeah. No, but back to what I was saying before I'm still curious about How long after you finish breeding a card? Mm-hmm Can you throw it out like how suit like is it new years? New years? No, I'm talking about any card No, oh If it's a birthday card you keep it

To put away for it for life. So at least your next birthday till it has a replacement a year. Yeah What am I gonna do with it? Just keep it. Why don't people? It's not for it's not for you. It's for people that it's for them It's my birthday. I know it's your birthday But I have a responsibility. I gotta keep this like it's a book report that I'm proud of no But they gave it to you out of out of love. I'm guessing so a part of it is showing that the reciprocated love No, it is is kept. I would say when you leave Don't ask me about this card. You ever have someone be like, where's my card that I got you? Yeah

Like what the fuck do you care? I have I have had that have what do you want me to do with it? It's it's a little awkward that happened with my mom once. I hate that dude for me I'm serious if I wrote you a card and I didn't write some long thing. That was like, oh my Yeah, crazy year together and you and I just wrote like a regular card gave it to you and you read it's like that was very nice Fucking threw it away in front of me. I'd be like good. That's what you're supposed to do with it I notice I'm never gonna ask about it again. You're not gonna read it again Why would you who's re-reading cards if you are Jesus Christ pick up the phone and call somebody? You can't be re-reading birthday cards or whatever. I'll tell you this though

If like my grandma gives me a car, I'll hold on to it. Oh, here's why here's why Grandma I get in a pass. I don't know. I don't know toss in your car grandma. I don't know how much longer She's gonna be around. I hate to say it that morbidly, but it's like, you know It'd be like the last thing one of the last things she gave to me like I have a I have a Christmas card for my grandma Who's not here anymore? It's a birthday card actually, I think you're not a big card enthusiast. It's fine I'm a little more of a card enthusiast. The only thing that I don't like is when people go well, you got to get him a card

Don't tell me what I got to get if I got you something. I got you something I got you something. I got you something And realistically the reason we only did cards this year was to just so nobody came after us Yeah, I didn't want to have to be like we guys didn't write car All right, we did another thing that we did for you I'm breaking all my traditions here. You're breaking mega traditions. I write cards, but I hate it I definitely hate it because dude. Ah to me a card doesn't feel like right

genuine What do you think if I feel a certain way? I'm gonna write it down on a piece of paper and fold it up and give it to you I'm just gonna tell you with my fucking mouth. Yeah now. I'm forced to write like You know, I have a good fucking back to John and then fucking you know, I mean, I will challenge you a little bit Challenge me. I will challenge you a little bit on that challenge me You're a you're you're a you're a thank you person Like you like you like you're like very great. Like you'll be like, oh man. Thank you so much. Uh-huh. You're not a big

You're welcome person Well, uh, no cuz you cuz you are but you have your own way about it. It's not like oh you're welcome, man Like it'll be like that was cool, right? I don't know don't worry about it a Part a part of me feels like you're welcome is a little pretentious All right elaborate a little bit because if you if I do something for you and you go, thank you Not like this, right? Because this is me giving going out of my way and giving you something You say thank you and I go you're welcome, you know, cuz clearly like whatever but if I

Did something that I didn't think was a big deal and then you're like, yo, thank you so much for me to go You're welcome. It kind of makes me feel like I'm like, yeah, I know you should be thankful Yeah, and I also hate how people go like you don't say thank you and they go, uh, you're welcome Yeah, they kind of ruined it for those people are the worst. Yeah, it's just I don't know. You know who's the worst You sneeze and then you just Well bless me. Yeah Do you need me to bless you and it's all you need me to bless you It's only one bless per three sneezes not even you sneeze

I do sneeze in ones or twos or threes usually twos. I I'm a double sneeze here as well. Yeah If you do anything more than what you're averaging if you're averaging to sneeze Yeah, two sneezes per sesh and you hit three. You're on your own. Yeah after two. I'll play ball Three though. I'm not going into overtime. No, I'm not this is now it becomes a job Yeah, now I gotta put my ear to the wall make sure you're not seasoning the other room because now I you know I'm saying it's too much. It's too much It also gets to the point where it's how many times I need some blessings too. I need God to bless me Yeah, I can't just happen blessing you all the time. God bless you. God bless me

Why am I blessing you? I would love some blessings. You should bless me. It should be returned reciprocated reciprocate versus You never say God bless you and the son of a bitch doesn't say thank you. It's cock suckers. I hate them If I bring up so funny of you saying that while you're on my way It's just like come on man. Yeah, I just went out of my way to say bless you bless you and then I was even politically correct You might not even believe in God. I just said bless you. Yeah, that's all I said And you don't know what you're saying. You don't know what you're saying. You don't know what you're saying And you don't say thank you. Do you know anyone that complains about God bless you? I I've had people do that to me. I would tell them to suck my asshole. I basically did with a straw in nicer words

I said, oh, I didn't know it was like that That's not saying No, but that was just me I worked with somebody I was like, oh god bless you and they were like, uh, I don't believe in god Like like wipe their nose and I was just like that's sick. I don't give a fuck. Yeah I will pardon me. I wanted to be like, well, I do so suck my fat ass. Does anyone Does anyone like say god bless you in a religious manner? No, no one's like, you know what Jesus god bless you sir. Are you sneezing and I'm keeping the devil out

That would be like if I went up to one of my jewish friends when they were like, oh jesus christ It'd be like, hey, hey man. Cut it out. Take it easy. All right Let's spin your dreidel. You know what I mean? Like I'm not gonna do that It's not has nothing to do with religion at this point. It's more of just like a fucking it's a bullshit now Because it started out it started out as a religious thing. Yeah, but now it's turned into this like social like Do this favor for me because I had a reaction to yeah Fuck your nose and mouth or wherever a sneeze. I don't know what a sneeze is

It's a little off. I don't even know what a sneeze is either. What the fuck is a sneeze useless, but um It's a little sidebar from christmas. Do you believe in like bad luck stuff like walking under a ladder? um Like breaking a mirror to me. It's like ghosts like I'm not gonna say no And say yes, I will not I won't walk under a ladder I don't walk under ladders because it's dangerous a little bad too, but like Like if you're doing something with a ladder

Yeah, I I won't walk underneath it I I really don't find like it to be Like why would I walk under it like I I don't know I I don't go out of my way to not walk under it I just don't because it doesn't make sense to will you open an umbrella indoors. Yeah So you'll do that before you step out Yeah, I won't do that Oh, no, I won't do it. I want no no I'll I'll put it outside and open it and step into the ring. Well. Yeah, I do that because if I opened it indoors

Then I can't get it through the fucking doorway Stuff it through anything more fucking wasteful than an umbrella one gust of wind and throughout then things gone Oh my god things inside out like a goddamn belly button. We need to figure this out Umbrellas are are not made well. They're shit. They're shit. They're absolute shit like 85 percent of them are shit There's like a good percentage where it's like, okay Yeah, this was constructed the metal is tough and it holds up to certain amounts of winds Yeah, but if I'm outside and I get a little nice like eight mile per hour gust though It's over this thing

Yeah in the fucking wind looks like a bloom fucking flower that thing also There should be laws against the size of your umbrella lady Umbrella should be illegal on the sidewalks of new york because they are all fucking Knives and they get stabbed you and they're painful. I've had people walk into me with their umbrellas. Hold it up here Yeah, don't bring it down here. You fucking little shit. Mary Poppins. Yes fortnight it Yes, fortnight that shit hold it up the entire way like a goddamn scepter over your hand craig council You know I'm saying this shit exactly. Yeah, but and people have giant umbrellas. It's like yo you live in new york city You can't you can't have it you're taking out all kinds of people with this thing

They're cock suckers till cock suckers and people have umbrellas in the summer. Get the fuck out of here. Okay I know I know go to like fucking alaska or something where it's like dark And for like a month or is that even right? I don't even have them right there. No, no it is I'm kind of geographically. I think you're gonna say I was kind of jewish. I was like what was I had to do in alaska You know those jews in alaska. Oh those guys are crazy. But um, yeah, so like that sidebar umbrellas needs to be illegal I agree at least in new york city on the sidewalk. They're disgusting. Just walk in the rain. I agree or go take a subway There's underground trains There's underground trains underground trains people have umbrellas in snow

You know what also I hate being an adult. Yeah Yes, you know what I hate cross-country skiers that walk around with the poles But what are you doing? So back to what I was saying before we have a rocking chair in our house We're white people You're cross-country skiing On a wednesday night. Yeah in new york city Mm-hmm I mean

What is more? Caucasian than that. Also newsflash. You're not going across the country either. You're not going across the avenues You're not going across there. It's a fucking morton williams to get a to get a fucking trash bags and a fucking seltzer No country. Yeah. Has anyone even crossed country? No I don't think anyone's even crossed a state line with those things. What i'm saying Well, you do not need poles To walk around in the snow Tennis racket shoes, I hate them. This is in alaska where it's fucking 20 feet of snow

But another thing is how does that even work? It's just a shoe with a net on it. I don't know. I don't know. It's terrible winter traditions Well, anyway, Merry Christmas. Yeah, I gotta do something here. Who wants to go first? Um You go first Wait, what does you go first me? I'm santa. You open it. Oh, I open first. Yeah, okay. I won't put this on the floor then Yeah, there you go Should I read the card? Yeah, you can read the card out loud. You can read the card out loud if you want All right, cool. I'm gonna read the card. I didn't lick it because I know you're grossed out by people that lick stuff

What You literally made that up out of thin air. I thought I thought you don't like I don't think you like that I wouldn't think you would want to touch my saliva Every card I've ever opened was licked by somebody. Isn't that weird? No, okay There you go. I love how you just pulled that out of your ass. What I know I know how you are with like people licking you and stuff You're double. You're don't don't lick my fucking face ever. We're good. You're a double hand washer What does that mean? I'm just looking out for you to treat the card. All right, whatever

Uh, the card says merry and bright. That's him. I swear to god if there's not money in here and there isn't. Okay, anyway Um, here's another rule with cards. You read the Uh, regular text first and then the stuff or the stuff and then the regular text I read the card built-in text first built-in text and then you go to the the personalized. Yes. Yes So the the the built-in the template here says here's to a wonderful holiday and a happy new year Standard stuff. That's perfect. I'm this is good enough for me already. I know I know To joe to joe. Yeah, it's to you. What do you sign in an autograph? You're a baseball player. I don't know. I'm a dear joe. I'm Santa to joe

Thank you for not only wait. Thank you not only for the amazing gift. Oh You haven't opened your gift yet. I know but I know it's gonna be amazing Thank you not only for the amazing gift But thank you for giving me a second chance at making people laugh and letting and then you fucked up And you cross it out your handwriting terrible. This looks like I tried to write it lefty drunk and upside down Thanks for giving me a second chance at making people laugh and letting me be a part of this journey Merry Christmas, Danny. Hashtag still fat and my doorbell just rang

Oh, oh I don't know who that is. It's not. Is it a person? I don't know. I don't think so. Whatever. They're fucking this up for us And then said uh ps. I cried writing this pps. I'm not lying Dogs you're crying. That was that was sweet. Thanks, bro. That's very sweet You can open the gift now All right, cool. There's two. Which one should I open first? Open the first one if you want this. Yeah, okay This is a big ribbon, man. Yeah, man. I really don't have time for this. No, you can go underneath it. We'll do it later I'm doing it

Oh, ups probably. Yeah, it's probably ps. Um All right, so we've got a big ass ribbon here big ass golden ribbon Guys, if you're not watching this go and head on over to youtube.com The baseman yard to check it out. Uh, all right. I'm gonna open up this first one here. Go for it All right, cool. Oh, is this a book? Yeah Guys, it's a book. I'm a good guesser A Seinfeld book. Yes a complete episode guide. It's a complete episode guide. So here's the joke They're all listed

And there's no plot written But it's for when you watch episodes You can write down your favorite parts of the episode so you can remember which episode they're from And what was the part of the episode that made you really laugh? So they're all listed in there Oh, so you like you basically fill in the plot So like you can watch it and then be like, oh, this is the episode where george says this And then you could like keep like your notes like writing it

Yeah, this is actually like a really good gift for me because I literally watched Seinfeld every single night and Uh, I never remember like for the most part. I don't really remember like titles Like obviously I remember like the big ones that are like, oh this one everyone the puffy shirt. Oh, yeah Like that shit, you know, I mean, but like there's certain ones where I'm like, I don't remember this was and then I'm like, oh, okay Yeah, so like this is that's cool. Yeah, so you could so you could write it like you'd be like, oh, man george was so funny when he said this and you could refer back to it This is great. And I love how they have the dates too. Yeah. Yeah, they have the listed air dates and the plots

Well, there's no plot. It's for you to fill in but that's that's kind of like the joke So I know you watch Seinfeld so much so that's awesome. Yeah Thanks, dude. You're welcome, brother All right now I love opening gifts. Yeah, it's the best feeling in the world A nintendo switch Nintendo switch that's from santa That's from santa. I was just talking to frankie the other day saying I was gonna get one of these. Well, guess what you got one now

Oh, that's fire. Yeah, bro. And then um, there's a Where is it? Oh, I've got to put the other thing in there No, it's um, $10,000. No, no, no, no, no. It was a A car to download it. Oh to download a game. Yeah. Yeah, because super smash just came out. Yes, it did So And also i'm a beast at fucking mario kart Yeah, you know, I might have to give some people the work in mario kart too

Just online just start fucking people's a's because I know you're not like a big like uh Like console guy in the tv much anymore Yeah, but I figured I said, you know what keith has it frankie has it I got it. Mm-hmm. So you could join the switch for his uh revolution there. Dude, that's fire Yeah, man, I feel like I would be more inclined to play it if I could just lay in bed and just like yeah Sign filed on the background got my book to fill out shit. Yeah, and then bust ass. Yeah on my in my hands You're ready to go. That sounds weird bust ass in your hands. I got it though. I I took it around with it Uh, dude

Fire got you bro. Thank you santa. Absolutely Oh my god, that was such a good boy. You were a good boy. These are good gifts. Yeah, man Christmas is off to a hot start hot start hot start hot jambalaya Now also for the record lift the card over here Yeah, you know That's that's garbage. We all know we all know cards are garbage. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, david let him in that ship Jimmy Fallon try to hit the Fucking all right. So I hear I got you a gift

All right Oh, it's heavy. Yeah, that's heavy. Yeah It's dumbbells. Let's see. Yeah, no, I need them. Can you uh walk around with those with those gloves with these? Yeah Like this? No Walk around was not what I wanted to say. I meant like, you know, can I walk around with gloves on? Yes. Yes I can I meant like open the card and shit. I got it. Okay Oh dear dandy you went with the deer. I'm a deer guy. You have good handwriting. Yeah, I'm like a girl Yes

Merry Christmas big man. Okay fat I just remember a year ago when you were fat dan great guy you've come What Seltzer you have. Yeah, I spell come see you. I'm a child. You've come such a long way now. You're skinny d with a thick penis Both true That's fire. Definitely fire. Thank you for all the work you put in this year

For and for being solely responsible for my recent spending habit. That is true. Merry Christmas and happy new year Joe ps. You're fired Dammit crush that car And it's pictures of polar bears because I am the big bear around here. Yes. He is and that's it. Thank you, sir See, I put it back in there and I'm gonna keep that Keep it forever Whoever wrapped these gifts shout out to you. Yeah, because because we didn't I didn't wrap this shit Oh, wow that ribbon came right off mine was a little harder than that

Oh, there's gonna be this glittered fucking shit everywhere, isn't there? Yeah, get in there open that shit. I'm a neat. I'm a neat opener. You're a neat opener. Yeah, I hate these people man All right, they're fucking I'll open that bitch. Stop what? What Joseph what It's louis what time it is louis louis. Oh, dude louis viton Oh my god LVs Holy shit, what I want to cry. Don't cry. I won't cry. Yeah, don't you can hide it underneath those glasses in that beard

Anyway, if you wanted to I know you're gonna keep that ribbon too. Fuck. Yeah, that's a headband, dude They're sneakers you love sneakers and you love louis viton and they have their own little bags. That's fire. I didn't actually know that Dude I'm trying to get it open. I'm sorry guys as far as I'm stuck in this bag Oh my god, get out of there. I want to see you These are the revolies Yeah

Those are sick, right? Dude, you like them like them. I fucking love them man. Yeah, those are dope Oh, dude Dude, thank you so much. No problem. You're welcome. Boom. Boom. Just did that. You're welcome Those are sick. Can I see them? I was gonna buy them, but that was like, you know what? I don't want my car declined so I feel I feel bad now. I I mean it got you some bigger No, you ass Relax, these are dope though. I like the tongue and the strap too. Dude. I've been looking at those. Yeah, these are cool

Yeah, man. I wanted to get you some nice little christmas bonus. You know what I'm talking about. Jeez Is that charlie snoring? I don't know. I think it is Yo, these shoes have bags though. That's fire Is there anything else in there that I should know about? I don't know. I'm like blown. I'm speechless Like I usually have something witty and funny to say you're not I don't have I don't have it Those are going all over your instagram story. Oh my god If anyone doesn't follow danny every two hours, there's a new pair of sneakers On there. Oh, you're having some big trouble over there, but you want to know it is the gloves

Yeah, it's the gloves. That's what I was saying. I thought you were gonna have a little trouble with that I just want to be careful with them. They're fucking beautiful. Yeah I think that you know, I like them too. They're like Like high top, which is cool because then you could wear them with like anything They're like a sneaker, but like oh, man, I feel like they could take some damage also Like they're not like suede. You know what I'm saying? They're nice They're amazing nice

I crushed christmas this year. Jesus Christ. I seriously I want to cry, but I'm not going to because I gotta I gotta keep up appearances. Yeah, you know keeping the card Santa doesn't cry Wow, thank you so much You're welcome. I don't even know where we go from here. I don't know. Have you finished all your other christmas shopping? All of my christmas gifts are right behind that camera All of that is Gifts and then I I my doorbell just rang so I have wrapping more you I spent a lot of money

I spent a good amount of money this year too. I love Buying gifts though seeing somebody be happy See here's the thing when I got you the gifts I didn't know if you'd be genuinely happy or like Or like oh, all right, because like you could have bought yourself a nintendo switch But I know that you you'd rather buy other people gifts before you would get yourself a nintendo switch You're way more of a giver sounded weird

You're you're big that's also coming off the the heels of you going on the bear around here And now i'm the giver so no no no no no, but you are Like you put you put other people before yourself. I like giving gifts a lot. Yeah, so I wanted to get you something that you liked And we're gonna be playing super smash dude. Yeah, man. First of all, I want to apologize in advance for Beating this shit out of you in that game. I'm not gonna. I'm I'm the worst. I'm terrible I'm terrible Like you might not even want to play with me. Frankie's really good. So we'll have a good team We're gonna need Frankie to teach us. Yeah, because I don't know how to do shit

No, I know how I know how to play that shit out of game Kirby. I use saying nice If I can make that block come down Steel's fucking people. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Um Yeah, so ton sneakers, man. I'm blown away sick. I'm blown away. I'm gonna wear them to my Christmas Eve party. Nice. Yeah Break them out. No, I'm gonna say My boss got him for me Also, you didn't see it on the card. I wrote the boss

Where I'm there It's gone now Yeah, I spent a lot of money this Christmas. Um, I think in essence as you get older Giving becomes a much better feeling than actually getting also. It's like Don't get me wrong. Love getting love getting love getting anybody out there big fan of getting no, but uh, I um, are you crying back there? Oh, he didn't get a gift. He didn't get a gift. Charlie yours is coming. I gave him a trip He's he's barking back there. Um, but You're distracting me. Come here, Charlie

Give me a butt Um, no, but when I was growing up I Even when I was because I didn't start to I never really had money at all. Yeah until I was like 22 23 and even then I didn't have enough to be like Right, I'm saying. Yeah So these past like two years two or three years I'll say three years. So the past three years Have been the years that I've had money right and money where I can really spend it on

You know nice things for my family. So I love doing it and this year was the first year that my family, um We did like a secret santa between us so that we weren't like everyone's buying for everyone You know what I mean? Because like my sister just uh moved out and she got married my my brother got engaged and he's You know getting a house and shit. So it's like you could go All adults and shit. I'm the youngest and I'm 20. I'm turning 27 in february. So it's like, you know at a certain point This has to end He's over here. He's okay. Uh, so And you could also go a little harder on that person if it's secret santa

Yeah, so but I told him I was like, I'm not I'm not doing this. Yeah Like I'm I'll do the secret santa. I was like, but I'm buying for everybody. Right. I don't care Like I love buying. See that's that's what I knew you would do. I love it. Yeah, and I got shit for it But I was like, I don't care like I'm not going to listen to you like I'm going to buy shit Yeah But it's fun, man There's something that feels good about that because you really think about it like getting your mom something and it's like Your family it's like you've been through so much

With each other. We all cried last christmas. Yeah, that's what I'm saying It's like you go through so much with these people and then that's why holidays like christmas are so great Or whatever holiday you celebrate, but That's why they're so great because it makes you think about all the fucking amazing shit that you've been through together And even the shitty shit Yeah, and it's like we all we all made it. We made it to another one made it to christmas We made it to another one and this is how much I care about you and love you So that's why that's why christmas is as magical as it is

Christmas comes and goes so fast Charlie's taking the wires. Yeah, Charlie's wrapped up in the Christmas goes so fast Because I feel like you get lost in like the hustle and bustle of it That's why I'm happy like I got all my gifts out of the way early this year so I can like enjoy christmas, right? Now now I can just enjoy everybody's purchased floor Let's just go Yeah, and just fucking sit back in my fucking chair and watch my christmas tree and chill

Yeah, and and last year me and my family had like uh, it was a crazy year and it was almost like it could have been like the worst year ever But it ended up working out like tremendously in our favor and um So it was an emotional morning. Yeah, and it was dropping tears I'm gonna cry right now thinking about it But like I was like holdy like it was just it was crazy Yeah, and everyone was crying in the fucking living room of my mom's house and like I could I could if that if something like that happens again

You'll cry. Oh, I'll I'll let him I'll let him go. That's a beautiful moment though See that's that's a that's a moment you'll never forget for the rest of your life. No, especially that one, you know, yeah, that's why you know I don't want to say you like for lack of better words you take a you take advantage of having a family sometimes Take it for granted. Take it for granted I was like I couldn't get the word Use my mom's credit card. No, it's like, uh, you take it for granted sometimes because it's like, oh, it's just it's just your brother It's just a brother and then it's like oh wait

I actually You know, I have a tie to this person an emotional tie to this person and it makes you feel like your whole life You know You take things for granted and then they come back around and it's like, you know, I love this person Yeah, and I did a lot of that like these past two three years where I'm like For me like especially like as of recently like whatever it comes and goes for me But ever since I moved into that old apartment that I was at there would be like times where that was the first time I was like alone

Yeah from my family and my friends because I was like in a different neighborhood I was sorted by myself like 20 minutes away. Nothing crazy, but you're still alone for a lot and especially from here to over there It's kind of annoying to get there. Yeah, so it's not like, you know, you know, oh, let's just head out and you know Meet up. It's like a thing that we have to go and meet up. So it's like whatever you just see everyone less and I'm just like dude. I don't care about anything except these fucking people. Yeah, like you know what I mean like and that's why Uh, I'm not a big like money guy Right and I always just say like whatever it's just it's just fucking money You know, and I got that from my dad because my dad says that a lot. He's like, it's just money, you know

But it's like dude with this money. I could either what buy another fucking buy a thousand bacon egg and cheese sandwiches or Get something for someone and that warrants a reaction that makes me feel so good You know, and then on Christmas you just get to do it like over and over and over and over again It's great. I can't wait for people to open my gifts on Christmas I'm I've spent a lot of money and like we have I have that whole fucking pile of shit right there Oh, yeah, you sent some money. I'm not done like I still want to go out and buy shit. I'm addicted to it Trying to max the card. Who the fuck are you talking to? I know I'm the worst

But like even though even on another side note like even like as like the year comes to an end like you said like it's been a big year like, um I don't want to get sappy on here, but the opportunity you've given me to be like on this show No, no, no, I'm not gonna cry But the opportunity that you've given me on this show, it's given me so much more confidence as a person to like You know, like I had my stuff of my depression and anxiety and I still deal with that on a daily basis And anyone that's listening that still deals with that on a daily basis. Just know I'm out there fighting with you too um

You were so Like you were so eager for me to be a part of this that you were so willing to like let me get my help and like Be my like a backbone for me and like a like you helped me through all that shit So like to be able to spend a holiday with you. It's it's special to me. It is Yeah, I really appreciate that because like I kind of grew up in a house where it was like you didn't really express like How you felt. Yeah, but like as I got older. I was like, yeah, like You only get so many opportunities in life And it's like you gave me another one

And you like here like here's the ball run with it like just be yourself and that's You didn't have to do that for me You know what I'm saying like you did it because you saw something in me and like that's that's something i'm never gonna forget and uh That's why I was happy at least to get you something that you liked for christmas Do we kiss or yeah, we're gonna kiss But I just wanted to say that in 2019. We got a lot of big fun stuff coming up. Yeah, it's gonna be fire

Yeah, it's gonna be fire. So that was a good little speech you did there. Yeah, you know, i'm a i'm a thankful guy I'm a thankful guy. You are a thankful guy. It's it's really hard It's like I don't know where to look because usually you look at people's mouths, but I know it's just it's just a I'm just trying to pay attention here. I know but it's like Like I feel like I've always been like in touch with my emotions But something about the holidays makes me into a bitch It just turns me into a fucking crying bitch. Yeah, it really does

I just want to tell people all the time like hey, man, just want to you know that I love you and they're like, what's up? Yeah, like why that's why it's like. Yeah. All right, dude I'm just like no, it's just like I saw one single snowflake fall today. So I was like I just want to tell everyone I love them It's flooring outside. So I just wanted to hit you up and be like, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's just like, yeah I'm sorry if I've ever wronged you like ever It really does man. Christmas is a fucking bastard. I love it. I love it so much. I love it so much Makes me so happy

You know, yeah, and then and then like I feel like Christmas Doesn't lose its power until the Christmas tree comes down Then it's gone How long can you keep the Christmas tree up is the real question? I keep mine up like Well into like if there's snow on the ground, it's it's probably up. Yeah, it's just such a pride. It's a whole day Yeah, it's such a process. I know, you know what I mean my wreath

was up Like into july like people were like take it down upset about it. Yeah, you know because I had nothing to put above the fireplace People should mind their own business Suck a ball. God wants to keep a wreath up. Let me keep a wreath up there. I'm trying to keep the spirit alive in this joint I mean live you will I will also say Your tree is fake. Yeah I have a real tree Dude, I'm fucking Santa Claus. That does that doesn't deserve a pause because I I

Should have a real tree what why is there what's up with the net? What's the fake tree? I bought a fake tree because in my old apartment It was a walk up a ton of stairs 10 stairs to even get to the door of the building right right because it was like a brownstone And then there was a big flight of stairs and then a big flight of stairs Not a lot of room to work on that skinny hallway. Yeah, and I was by myself. So I'm like am I really gonna lug a fucking Giant tree Up these stairs. Yeah, and then have to clean my entire apartment because it's scraping against every wall

And then I hear you Have to do it on the way out. I'm like, well, I'm just gonna get a fake tree. Well, thankfully also I wouldn't be able to even get it There like the fake tree Comes in the box or whatever. Yeah, I was just able to get into my car And then just able to get it up and it was I like had to I see hot in my back and take like an ebbson salt bath You know that you can get christmas trees delivered now

That I didn't know well next year. How about next year? We do real tree Well, also, I think the pins the needles or whatever from the tree are poisonous. It dokes Yeah, I mean Eli's ate a couple. He's all right. He's hanging in there But we I got that room but running like crazy to clean that shit up. Yeah. Yeah, they're not great for dogs But I will say next year. Maybe we try real tree. We could try it Who knows where we'll be next year? That's true. This could be my apartment and then we'd have a studio Just for the show. That'd be great. Put a tree in that fucking whore. Put three trees in that bitch. Fuck. Yes Fuck. Yes, santa gato studios. She's like, oh, we have to ring to it. We have a production

Budget, that's great. Spend it all on trees. Yeah All right What's the christmas party? Oh just like 11 trees Who's coming don't worry about it. Just get the fucking just get the fucking trees and shut up I'll tell you. Worst christmas gifts you ever got Don't have the same names. Don't have the same names Worst gifts. Oh my oh my mom like Four years ago got me a lava lamp. I'm like ma. Yeah, it's terrible. Like ma. What is this 1991? Yeah

A lava lamp. It's like what'd you find like weed in my backpack or something? What the hell is this? What is this? What'd you say? Nothing. She was just you know, it's just one of those things I think she was going through a target and she was just like spending stuff and I was like, oh, fucking a lava lamp I guess. She was gonna love this. Yeah. Do you have any idea where that lava lamp is now? In a landfill Probably or like on a dolphin's face in the ocean somewhere. I got a birdhouse once That is so bad. Yeah, it's trash. We got it for you. Uh, I don't even want to say because they're they're not alive anymore

Damn, what are your grandparents? No, not one of my great. It's like a great uncle All right, listen. Yeah Oh, no disrespect. Yeah, no go for it. That is a shit hole prison. Yeah, it is a bird Yeah, it's a birdhouse. Were you like into birds? Never once I'll be honest. I hate birds Birds are scary, man. Birds are scary and I feel like they could like most of them could like hurt you So like I fuck a bird Fuck birds. I don't like them either. Never been a fan of birds. It's not a bird guy

I don't even know where that birdhouse is. I hope somebody is using it because I Yeah, even my mom was like Dude, that's one of the funniest things. I can't imagine being a kid me like, what did he get? Oh, it's so big It wasn't fun. It wasn't fun A buddy of mine once got a doll house Yeah Yo, here's what I'll say all right, and I'm not saying this

to make a certain group of people happy, but Doll houses are kind of fire hell. Yeah, especially like If you have everything that go with it, it's so dope Like and I'm not saying that so that people are like, oh, he's so in touch with his feminine side And he's doing this and that I'm not doing this to like to please to please anybody We don't want to appease you Like polypac polypockets. Yeah, fuck with that heart. Yeah, I had a mad max pocket Do you remember mad max? No, man. I was all about poly. It was the poly pocket for boys

Oh, no, I was all about the girl shit. Good for you Uh, the the doll houses though that like you that looks like a house and then you spin them around. There's mad rooms Yeah, I want to play or the one that would open up like a chest. Yeah It was like it was like an arm. Yeah And then the fucking barbie had her own shit over here. Oh, let's go take a bath. Yeah Got candles little fucking french toast in the fucking kitchen. See I Fucking doll houses are fire. What was that thing you could bacon? That was a big easy bake oven dude. I don't know what the nutritional value of that is. It was terrible

Everyone had that too. Yep. Yep. Play dough. Play dough is a big thing too. Play dough is sick. Play dough is huge Sick man. I love play dough. Hell yeah, um Here's one thing about like barbie. So I got my niece a barbie for Christmas. She's four seals in the shop How are the tits on barbie now anything? Here's what this is funny that you said that they got big titties No, no, no, no. I got no titties. I got one that was like a yogi Barbie she has like yoga pants on and like why don't you say yogi? That's what they're called yogis Oh, okay. Not yoga. Yeah, yoga. Okay

Okay, yoga pants on. Yeah, yoga pants. She had some ace. I'll see. It's at my house. I'll check it out later I'll let you know. Nice, but um I didn't want to get her like a slutty barbie. Is that bad? Is there slutty barbies? It was like the tits were out mermaid barbie and it was like This other one I got is it that's for me Like eye-wise like I don't want her to look at a barbie the first thing she sees is like barbies like bursin out tits She's got big tits. I mean, she's got tits You have a big tits. It was a dream topia barbie

How big were the tits 32c? That's a solid. That's a good tits. Yes But is it weird that I didn't want to get my niece like a slutty barbie? No, it's not weird, right? But you also can't get her like a you know an emo grunge barbie that wears oversized Sweaters. No, this one is called to make a move barbie make a move. Yeah, and you can make it do poses Oh, I thought make a move like some like go get ken to hit on me. Oh, no I didn't know what you meant by that. No, no, no, so I got her like a barbie with clothes Yeah, they all have clothes. No, but these this great topia barbie. It was a mermaid with big old titties I don't want to give that to my niece. Also, you can get like a barbie that has like a convertible

There's like two guys. Yeah, she's in a bathing suit. It's like what is going yeah on here See Buying gifts for children is so hard I would just go to toys for us and just start I just put my arm out Yeah, and then just pick it and then put my cart here and then just drive it and knock everything off the aisle And then here you go. Like I've gotten mine. I got my niece a pokemon car. She loves pokemon cards. So I got her that With a hologram charizard Dude what?

Hologram hologram hologram hologram charmander hologram charmillion Six six individual packs And she's ready to go You didn't think you'd get me this dude. You're about to be playing the fucking Super Smash for Pikachu in like an hour from now Lesson that yeah You're ready to go. I'm fucking ready to go. I'm gonna Swallow this. I'm not gonna do that. I still can't believe what you got me. I'm still in shock Lv sneaks

I want to put them on right now, but I won't wait. Yeah, they're called revolts I hope they fit you because the european sizes are they like come big so I got them smaller I don't give a shit if I have to shove a fucking human person in there for it to fit They're mine I'll keep them. Yeah, uh, also when I went Uh, I was this close to getting a um Duffel bag for myself, but I was like, let me not but they're nice

All right, I might do that birthday's February. Yeah, I mean I'm going. Uh, uh That is way too expensive. Here's here's I think everyone should buy a christmas gift and a birthday gift for themselves You deserve it You do you're gonna put a hole in that table there. It's like a fucking ostrich That looks like a snake's like biting or something But uh, but I think I think everyone should buy themselves a christmas gift I don't think I have I bought a seinfeld hat

That's a christmas gift to yourself. All right, I'll take it. You got two seinfeld gifts this year And I said, dude, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get more though. Yeah, I'm heavy on the seinfeld. Yeah, I'm easy when it comes to that No Yeah, here's why you're not easy because I'm pretty impossible to buy for because you could I buy a I don't want to suck your own dick, but you could you could you could get what you want So it's like I had to put thought into it Yeah, I would hate buying for me because I buy stuff like oh, that's cool I'm gonna get that now and like I just go on amazon and get it. Well, thankfully you didn't buy the fucking switch

It would have been terrible No, but I did buy that thing behind you The playstation classic right looks awesome. That was one of those things. I was like you told me about I was like Oh, that's sick when on game stop bought it immediately. Click click click click. Thank you hundred bucks. I'll take it Yeah, man. This fucking thing's got everything on it. There's one gift on there. I'm not gonna give it away because it's probably I don't want to give it away, but is it the one on top? Yeah. Oh, you could say that. Okay It's a bob ross mug. Yeah super jealous thought about stealing it Yeah, it's like a bob ross mug of him just going like this

And then it's black and then when you put hot, um Liquids into it then it turns into a painting around him. No shit. Yeah, I got it on uncommon goods. I think That fucking thing is awesome. You ever did you shop on uncommon goods? I've never even heard of that It's it's good. It's really good. And this is not uncommonly. This is not a This is not a plug for them at all. Like I just I use their site to buy most things like like at least one thing I'll get from their site. Sometimes I go through it. I'm like, I don't like anything But there's some really cool stuff on there. Very nice. Very nice. Yeah when the camera's cut off. I gotta know what else is in there Yeah, yeah, I don't want to blow anybody else's fucking Christmas. Yes, but there's some there's some good stuff over there. Nice. Nice. Nice

Oh, yo one thing I wanted to tell you real quick before we wrap this up Could you name all the reindeer? Comet Blitzen Why are you going out of order? You don't know the song? No. Okay, go ahead. Comet Blitzen Rudolph's not one. Yes, he is. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. He's not a real one. What? It's Rudolph's not a real part of the reindeer's

What the fuck are you talking about? He's not part of them. Why? Because he's he's not dancer. He's not prancer. He's not He's not what what Rudolph he's on the front. You dick. That's in the movie in life. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Danny Bad start no Rudolph is not a part of the original original reindeer Have you are you familiar with the song Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer? Yes, I am but he's not watch So let me tell you your gloves off the gloves are coming off. You just told me Rudolph isn't a reindeer He's not a real reindeer, dude. I'm

I'll be honest with you what listen. Yeah, you're a great guy. Yeah, we've had a hell of a year, right? I want you have a good, you know holidays, whatever. Yeah You are a fucking idiot. Okay, you think okay Rudolph isn't a reindeer. Okay. You ready for this? You son of a bitch in Traditional festival a legend Santa Claus reindeer pull a sleigh through the night sky to help Santa deliver gifts to children on Christmas Eve The commonly cited names of the eight reindeer are Look it up. I was asking you. I know them. You don't know him dasher dancer

Prancer vixen comet Cupid Donner and Blitzen. That's eight. You see we're off on that fucking list We're off is on that fucking list. No, he's not a fuck. What do you want Wikipedia? Look, this is Wikipedia. Oh, shit He's not a real Reindeer he is a real reindeer you dumb bitch. No, he's not. This is from 1823 1823 we were still sacrificing version so it rained back then This is this is stupid. You know it and I know it everyone out there watching. Please tell this grown man That Rudolph is not one of my reindeer because I'll tell you this right now. Don't ever disrespect me like that again You are a monster

I'm just telling you the truth Rudolph like most things. I'm telling the truth on here He's not a real reindeer man. You haven't seen any of the movies. I've seen Rudolph the rain Other than you so I've seen it more than you. What is he then? Who is he? He's a he's a created part He's an add-on. They're all Created you fucking ledge listen though. There's the originals then there's this all right listen Power Rangers, right? What are the original power Rangers colors? White no no white. He was an original power Ranger

I don't know that was before my time is red black blue yellow pink Then the green Ranger then the pink Ranger came along think right here Kimberly was a smoke show had absolutely that's on her but Rudolph is not one of Santa's reindeer They only used them because he was a fucking Disgusting monster with a red nose The only reason I'm saying that is because you saw what came out, right? What like there's like a backlash that like Rudolph the red nose reindeer is like a racist movie Racist yeah, they're deer. How is it racist his nose is red. So what does that signify?

I don't know. I think it's bullshit, too, but that's that's something that came out There's a big backlash that it's a racist movie It's guys, it's a fucking cartoon from like fucking the 1901 Why why did why do PC people have to ruin everything? That's that's fine. Listen. Listen. Here's what I'll say if you want to ruin stuff Ruin it as it happens. Don't go digging a hundred years into the past Yeah, don't do that to me and there's no way it can be racist. These are deer. Yeah Next thing they're gonna tell us sexist may be bullying sure right tease in the kid because he's got a red nose But that's well, that's part of the game. Yeah, everyone gets bullied. It's bullied happens happens

All right, you know if you you got a weird fucking thing on your face people Be out of so much of shit on your face. Yeah, you know, it's part of life Do people see the end of the movie saves the day and then they love them. Yeah, it's a it's a feel-good story Yeah, make me feel warm watch the whole movie and then make your judgment Yeah, but that was the big backlash cuz Santa didn't think he was good enough to join cuz he tries to join there Like you're not good enough He was good enough and he fucking showed it and he and he led the pack. He fucking Was lit so you you're admitting that he no, he's not he wasn't one of the chosen

He didn't make the team, but he eventually walked on. Yeah, so then he's part of the team. He is not Leave it up for the people But I know my reindeer. I Know how I got here. I know how I got here boy The reason why I'm asking that is because my sister told me the other day, you know Donner. Mm-hmm. Apparently the name is Donder Some may say I Can clarify as Santa Claus that that is not true. I Don't want it to be true

Donner. I hate like he done something. I hate went that what like a Donner What's a Donner what the fuck? I don't know. It's his name. Yeah, but Donner's you ever met anybody named Donner a Vixen is a thing What the fuck is a comic? A dancer is a thing. What's a comic? What's a blitz it Stumped you Santa a fucking great linebacker Blitzin. Yeah, what what is the definition of blitz it shut up? What is the definition of blitzin

It's a glistening It's a glistening. I was gonna say blitzin is like some wet. I'm gonna look it up, but I think blitzin is a word No, it's not which one's your favorite What's my favorite reindeer? Yeah, just my name Probably Comet that's cool name. Yeah, it's very cool. Blitzin's cool, too Blitzin means flash. Oh So there's that Donner means I real quick put your phone down. Okay. Here's what we're doing favorite Christmas movie

Okay, that is not how the games played no cuz there's so many there's so many I mean, you all right you you go first you go first. I'm alone to the loss of New York Hold on to lost in New York. Great one. I am going to have to say my favorite is a Christmas story Is that you're gonna shoot your idol kid? Yeah, how take for you that movie is fucking garbage a lot of people say it's garbage That movie is terrible. I love it. Why cuz it was like a family tradition to watch now But it sucks. It's a wonderful life is a good movie. Oh Look at you movie house I'll throw a rope around it pull it out

Is that that movie to my brother George the richest guy in town, yeah Those those pedals Mr. Potter, that's right. That's right. Mr. Potter. You could suck my ass Every time a bell rings an angel gets a twinge That's all around it. I don't boy. I'll throw that ball like a ring. What's it? What's his? His What's it? What's that fuck is his ring? Oh doorknob? I love you. You don't doorknob What's the name of his cranky

That a boy Clarence that a boy Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. That's right. That's right. I had a boy Clarence. What was it? Oh, that was Clarence's name Clarence Clarence. Yes. That's a great movie, too. That movie makes me cry every time Doesn't mean you cry, but it is cool. So hard so hardened actually you did talk about crying earlier. I'm so hardened Yeah, oh Referring to yeah, so they're all named after things. Oh, no. Had a great so Christmas with Jim Carrey's phenomenal. I wasn't a big fan of that movie Go to the big fan Why just didn't like it why it's creepy who?

exactly The who yeah, the who's are weird. They're supposed to be yeah, the Grinch is weird. He's supposed to be yeah He's got a enlarged heart needs to get that checked out. No, he had a small heart you dumb bitch Yeah, and then it gets too big and it breaks the thing remember yeah, yeah He's got an enlarged heart a guy gonna die in a second. No, he's too small too big Give me a break here. I don't have a small heart and big heart All right, well, I think we can wrap up here I'm through with you after that comment. I know

It's right back to business Got sappy in the middle, but now it's right back right back to it right back to it. Yeah, you're gonna get fired Is there any can before you go? What is your ideal Christmas? It's the same every year. I like it. It's ideal. It's exactly what I want My ideal Christmas is the same Christmas that I have every year. It's you know now Fortunately, it's me being able to spend a bunch of money. Yes and have my family open it by I get to walk over to my mom's house put a sack on my back and Give everyone presents

We open them we go to my uncle my uncle's house in New Jersey We do a like a full family gift exchange kind of thing and then we leave and then my immediate family We all meet back at my mom's house and we just get Hammered that sounds like a fantastic dance in my mom's living room. It sounds like a fantastic Christmas We do it every year. We go back there We open up two bottles of Jameson and we just get fucking nuts good for you And we tell the neighbors like listen, we don't really go crazy tonight. We're going nuts for you We have the best neighbors in the world also any good for you. Yeah

Well, how about you? My ideal Christmas is just being surrounded by people that I love and hanging out That's it. It sounds like you feel that a homework worksheet I don't drink anymore, so you know, I want to fucking get hammered on Christmas That's it. All right. Well, that is all on the basement yard Merry Christmas everyone enjoy your time if you're Jewish Sorry Sorry about it. No, but I think Jewish people have their own thing. It's like the Chinese food Yeah, they go and they go to the movies, right? That's the thing Jews love movies. Hell. Yeah Hell, yeah, um, but yeah, that is all

Merry Christmas. See you guys next time