The Basement Yard - #180 - Kids Say The Darndest Things

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

On this episode, Danny and I talk about how mean children are. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. I already know what everyone's reaction is gonna be like. Oh my god. They switched sides Isn't that weird like back in like third grade like when you how do we already start with one of these things? I know right, but isn't that weird but like in third grade right when you would go on like a school trip Yeah, and you would sit under a particular seat in the bus You Automatically said particular what a particular yeah, sorry you would sit at a particular spot Yeah, I try to sound smart today. It's not working. Okay, doesn't work most days But anyway before before I was so really interrupted. I'm so sorry. No, it's alright

You automatically when like on a field trip you get off enjoy the field trip go to the zoo do whatever you do and then you come back You go right back to that seat Yeah Yeah, we've been just like kind of conditioned to sitting in the same spots You know like when we had dinner growing up on the days that we did have dinner dinner together like as a family like everyone sat in the same spot every time Yeah, and like in college when I was there Even in high school you would sit in the same spot you would sit in the same spot in the cafeteria

It's not assigned seats, but everyone just accepts their place. Yeah, isn't that weird? I think we are creatures of habit. That's human conditioning though Yeah, I think that someone made this trying to turn us into a you know like if you walked into a class Yeah, and you've been sitting there the whole semester and then you came in and somebody was sitting in that seat Part of me would be like the fuck. Yeah. Yes. Were you in front of the class or back of the class? I was back in the class just because my last name. They usually put you in alphabetical order. What the fuck. Yeah It's a Catholic school high school No, but even even in fucking public school. They would have we would have

Fucking by your last name So yeah, we never had that. No, you had a big school, but like you guys could sit wherever the fuck you want anywhere We want us Anywhere I still would have went to the back class anyway, and you could yeah me too I hide all I usually would get moved up to the front if you act like a cock I used to try and I used to try and get my first answer out of the way so early in class So I can coast the rest of the way But what page did we read up to last night? I was like, oh, oh, oh

11 all right nice Danny Can you imagine trying to go through school right now with a phone Dude, I was falling asleep. I wasn't paying attention, but I didn't have anything to I didn't have a phone or anything to do Yeah, that that would be the hardest thing but the other thing too is like when we had phones I Remember you could charge a phone and it would stay charged for like four days. Yeah, what the fuck happened well now It's now it's fucking we're googling all types of weird shit. We're looking at whale penis the other day Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that takes some energy remember downloading a ringtone took like three and a half months Yes, you could write like a fucking book by the time you downloaded that thing and also just it could just you remember you

Would download stuff and all of a sudden you click on it like oh my god I can't wait to listen to a Shake that Laffy taffy and then you click on it and it was like you should vote for president and you're like yo fuck man I got one of the I got What winked they got me they got me. Yeah, I just like um yo first of all when you were talking about field trips What like what was your favorite field trip you've ever taken in school? Oh, man, I had a couple There was the reason I brought up the zoo because I did go to the zoo I went to the zoo once with Frankie. We were in pre-k petting zoo

We pet magic. Yeah, I was on a pony. Yeah, and There was like a show which looking back on it was kind of fucked up of like a sheep getting sheared It's very scary to see in person. It kind of looks like you're hurting them. Do they make a noise? Oh, they make a noise I Hope my fucking my neighbor can't hear me right now But it's literally that's what they sound like as they're getting shaped and I'm like hey Take it easy on that sheet man. Remember when we fucking rubbed that that sheep and I was discussing zoo Do we go to Central Park zoo that thing was like?

Yeah, I think hasn't been groomed in ages. I think needs a bad had leaves from like three falls ago Yeah, and hey hey everywhere poor guys feel bad for him like I Just remember those zoo ones so well because there was like a peacock like a wild peacock walking around Yeah, I had electric fences and I'd lifted it up and I got zapped at the zoo That's like you live up the fence because I didn't know it was electric I just thought like the peacock got out. So I was like, oh, let me help Peacock get back with peacock bros and then I was I went to lift it. You got shocked and went pop up

And I was like I remember like oh shit like that scene in fucking Jurassic Park where you get shot off the fence Not that bad. Well, yeah, they were trying to keep a t-rex in that shoot Yeah, yeah, yeah, yo, how about that in fucking Jurassic Park? They're like, oh, yo, we'll take care of this fucking t-rex Electrical fence. Yeah, dude build a fucking keep that thing in there. Do you think if they cloned? Or if they can if possible, they clone direct like Jurassic Park Would you go to it? You're asking me if I would go to a park that had a bunch of fucking dinosaurs. Yeah, absolutely not

I think I would go if they were all behind 10-inch bulletproof glass. Yeah. Yeah Open like, you know the ones that like eat trees like I'm not trusting this fucking thing to eat a tree Yeah, I've run a source to like if it just walks by you probably knock you Across the fucking street. I went to Disney and they have like an animal kingdom. They had dinosaurs there Yeah What's the animal? I went to animal Disney now. I'm all fucked up. I went to animal kingdom and we went on a safari drive thing Yo, the giraffes are like right there and I'm like, yo, I know this giraffe doesn't eat people

But maybe we just caught him on a bad day and he'll just bite my arm off. Yeah, they're huge Have you ever seen giraffes fight? Yeah, they whipped their fucking next at each other And they fucking slap each other with their necks. That's absurd. You can't tell me a giraffe's not a dinosaur. I'm sorry Yeah, look at it. It looks like a fucking yeah Why is it that big? What does a giraffe need to be that big for to eat trees? Yeah, but dude, there's I could eat off that tree Take a little work, but I could eat off that tree. Yeah, it's cuz you got it. You'll get a ladder Yeah, but I'm saying this a giraffe doesn't need to be how tall is the giraffe you think 18 feet tall?

Oh, I'm bad at job. I'm bad at this. I think taller. They could be taller than 18 feet Like I'm thinking of a basketball hoop. They're way taller than that. Yeah, that's 10 feet Maybe how high is the backboard 12 like 12? How tall is a full-grown male giraffe? I'm gonna guess 20 21 feet 15 to 20 feet or northern giraffe. Yeah, see all right So I was in the ballpark on both because a northern giraffe. What needs to be 21 feet tall 20 feet tall Drafts and then the thing is I don't understand too about dinosaurs is that they could find like

How can you tell something eight meat just from finding its bones? Yeah, I don't know those crazy scientists. They know tons of shit. She's like, you know, I know these ones eight meat Oh, you see this piece of dung. Yeah It's like I love I love watching the fucking Discovery channel and they call poop dung. Yeah, I'm like, just call poop. Yeah, it's poopy shit shitty shit not dung No, you know that. Well, who's that other guy a survivor man? You ever watch that guy Bear Grylls not Bear Grylls not survivor man It's like it is probably a survivor man man a man versus wild or whatever is is Bear Grylls No survivor man is that crazy dude

That's like from the country and like captures like raccoons and people's basements and stuff. What the fuck? Yeah, the guy's the man. He's like, yeah, we're gonna go down here We're gonna catch a couple of these snapping turtles and he just literally put his hands out and let's invite him He's like got one got it. I was like this guy's amazing You ever see those videos are those like rednecks that like stick their arm into a like a river and also in a giant fucking fish It's like eating his hand. He's like see and I'm like see what I remember what I saw some video with the girl doing it She was just catching fish with her hand. He was like you got a charlaine. I don't mind. That's a big one I was just like yeah, it is. Yeah, he's just Bobby may every time. Oh, you got a buddy got grip on him

Huh, I don't fuck with fish. Do you remember those guys used to hunt crocodiles? What was that show? Like Steve Irwin. No, no, no not crocodile hunter Please It was something about these guys would like go out and hunt crocodiles to kill to sell Just killing so yeah, I'm like one of them was like a Native American guy. It was like an arm wrestling champion That's a very Yeah, very weird combo. You gotta check out that show. It's crazy. He was a Native American arm wrestling crocodile hunter Yes, and who the fuck is this man? I don't know, but he's a badass. I would trade him for you in a heartbeat

Just based off his credentials. He has like a long pony tail This is getting even better and he wears like a tight he wears like under armor, but like as a regular shirt Like tight as fuck. Don't you hate when people do that? It's just like why are you wearing? Jim closed as a regular clothes. I don't want to see you wearing a tight ass under armor You're in the supermarket. Why are you wearing under armor? Yeah, and he has like one of those like those Like tribal around the arm. Oh, I was just gonna ask if he had tattoos. Yeah. Yes, he does. Wait. Who is this crocodile? Yeah, they used to

They told I did it down in a bayou They ever they set up a trap so they go out there and they shoot all the crocodiles they can't The crocodile hunter. Oh, no, that's no, no, no Just type and show where they hunt crocodiles And then you could see him he used to he would always do it with his son Him and his son would go out and they would like lay traps like they would just hang meat random places Gotta love that. Yeah Fuck I don't know man. I

Pops up his fever one. All right, but um Someone will know I remember seeing a show. Yo, there's random shows. I don't know a real or fake Like they have that one like what the crocodiles is these guys that go around here likes Get crocs out of people's backyards and like fucking Florida Yeah, I imagine that was a problem that you had to deal with like we don't deal with crocodiles here No, like there's like a mouse in your house or like a cockroach like one time I gotta call an exterminator and just exterminate fumigate my house and then down there they're like there is a Man-eating crocodile in our backyard. I know those are completely different things like I think the craziest animal

I've ever had in my backyard was like a possum Not really crazy fuck pop ugly things. Yeah, anything. That's ugly. I don't like it ferrets. Those are possums Yeah, by the way, is it opossum or possum possum, but why is it opossum? There is no yes, there is. No, it's not. How do you spell possum P wrong s s u.m. No opossum You didn't know this Opossum you mean a possum opossum. I think I think you're a possum Let me see it. Yeah, I'm telling you. I think you're making this up. Oh possum bitch. Oh

Type in this possum and see that comes up. Okay Can be like one of those things with like two names Nope, I typed in I typed in possum and opossum came up. I never knew that silent. Oh Never heard of that mean either and then some some I someone's like I like spelled it out one day and someone's like nah And I was like what and they put it. Oh, it's like the fuck. Yeah, I'll be as honest as possible I've never seen it spelt like that. I think I was taught to spell it the other way. Oh possum Isn't that weird? Oh, why do we have silent letters? Yeah silent letters are bullshit. It just doesn't make sense like xylophone

It's xylophone I don't even know what the fuck that is. No one plays that. Yeah, I know Also accordions are mad. We're how do you spell that like xyz the phone x yl xyl Z y la phone Z yeah, right. Oh, it's this. Oh, it's that thing. We go X is an X or Z. It's his X. It's X. Yeah, anything that has an X in it is so hard to spell. I know it's terrible But yeah, I said Z y la and I go, oh, it's a it's a quiet. It's a silent letter My dad hit a possum one time when he was driving and

He got home and just like sat down at the table and we're all like, yeah, what's going on dad or whatever Just walk over Mike. What's going on? He's like I hit possum and I was like, all right, he's like I Like okay, like you made it seem like it was like a 13-year-old child that like this and not that I don't care about You know, oh possums, but oh possums. Now the funny thing at me and well, he lost it. I feel bad Yeah, he cry. Yo, he he was crying like full cry. He said I would rather hit a person Wow. Yeah, that's like full sociopath. Oh, he's full sociopathic behavior, brother. Well documented that I grew up with one of those in my house

well documented Yeah, like they say like sociopaths show like compassion for children and animals, but like not other people Like Love animals. No love little children Me and my brother Mike were driving to a party once and we hit a raccoon And there was three initial hits the front of the car under the car and the back of the car So each one me and Mike like oh And then we drove around and he was just so dead

He was on the floor. Yeah, then we were like, uh, do we move them and like I got out to like try and move them But I was like, no, it's icky because he's bleeding everywhere. I was like, I don't want to kick this thing No, you probably get rabies. Yeah, I feel weird. Just I don't want to kick it to the side of the road And then I just like called like the the town. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're a good person. Yeah I would have just left I called the town. I was like, listen, I hit this raccoon Uh, it's in the middle. I don't want to touch it though. And they were like All right Yeah, yeah, they were not happy about it. What uh, but I did feel bad

I felt genuinely bad to kill something because it's probably a mom I saw a bird get hit by a car the other day. I was so upset like a little fucking little cheap One of those little brown ones who could do really good bird noises. Oh my god. He did. Yes He fantastic. He does bird noises and I'm like, what the fuck's going on? It's a real bird. Yeah He's got a bird in his mouth. Yeah, it's he I need I need him to like show me how he does that Why? Because I would love to be able to do that just like how you would love to be able to do this Well, yeah, you can't do that. No, I would love to be able to whistle like that

No, not even close. Can you whistle regularly? Yeah, so you're fine That's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good. What the fuck are we just talking about? Oh birds getting hit by a car Do you see that video of that bird and that lady was freeing it from a grill? What so so there was a bird stuck in a grill of a car Oh, and she was freeing it and she frees it and as soon as it gets free the car comes by and just hits it Yeah Yo, there's nothing

More sad than like an injured bird. Oh, yeah when they're on the ground they're like, I'm trying to but I can't fly And you're like, oh man, could you kill that bird? No See, I don't know how like people are able to do that and I was gonna ask you that about your fucking raccoon story Like if it was alive, what would you do? You get to get the bed out of the trunk. Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't bash its head in. No, I couldn't do it No, I couldn't do it. I can't kill anything I'll kill a bug

Oh, I'll crush bugs. Yeah. Yeah, like I actually can't even do that because I get scared Like, um, I hate when people say bugs are like good bugs to have in your house I hate that shit so much. Oh to centipede leave it. It eats other bugs. I was like, I don't want any bugs I'm gonna kill all of them. I'm not trying to start a world war in my fucking living room Yeah, fuck this bug and that bug get them both out. Yeah, you got a spider and a centipede I'm like, yeah, one of them will take care of the other one. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I'm like, listen I'm not trying to build a fortress. Yeah, Jesus. This isn't this isn't fucking Narnia. Yeah, this isn't the event I'm not gearing up for a battle. This isn't the bug version of the Avengers here. Keep that spider. It's gonna kill mosquitoes dude

Just close the window. Yeah, and fuck this guy. Yeah, suck him up with the vacuum. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, hand me the handy vac He's gone forever. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. No, don't do it, man It's like, yo, when the fuck did you become like? I it's like that too and then I hate when like, um Like I get recycling. I get it. I really do. I promise but I hate when people tell you to always use like Nal genes What like, um

Nal genes like uh reusable water holder things You know, I've never I've never heard a Nal gene It's like a clear one like for like mountain climbers. It has like the little like hook on the top You've seen them. What is it? It's the thing that holds water Okay, why are we talking about this because I hate because you were saying how you hate people with the bugs How it's like all of a sudden and then there's people. It's like, oh, like you shouldn't use like a plastic water bottle Oh, I mean come on Yeah, I'm gonna do keep filling up water. Yeah, I did my part. I watched a documentary about how there's a water crisis

But what am I gonna do? I got a drink. That's what I'm saying Let me go get a box. Listen. I recycle. I'll recycle it Yeah, I'm doing half of it. Otherwise I get fine. Yeah, I got a recycle. It's true That kind of sucks Which one you ever go to so do you recycle? Yes, I have to right but like Like my my building like makes me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You ever go to someone's house and they just don't and you're like, what a fucking piece of shit this person Yeah, a little bit a little bit because like we're forced to do it

And if I didn't have to probably wouldn't no, but I've just been conditioned to now do that But whenever I go to someone's house, I suddenly feel like captain planet. I'm like What is this another thing a two liter of coca-cola in here? Yeah Next to a sandwich. What is this is disgusting. Yeah, get it out of there That honestly makes me feel dirty to see it in someone else's house. Yeah, and I don't trust anyone else's fucking fridge either I don't know about you I don't like other people's fridges. I don't either. I don't appreciate I trust my mom's fridge I don't trust anyone else's fridge because I check all the dates. I'm like, yo, why is this mustard from 1998?

Yeah, get it the fuck out like I ate a bar from mika's fridge. That was like four months old I still ate it like yeah, that's out of control. It was like a healthy bar But I was like probably shouldn't they eat that yeah four months Four months is not Four days. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's why I don't like drinking milk because it's like dude I can only have this for a week and it's like oh like

Expired milk is one of the most disgusting things ever it curdles Which is one of my least favorite words and you could smell it like Milk always smells rotten to me No, there's a clear difference. You know what's fucking crazy milk sometimes just goes rotten spoiled whatever Before the expiration date. Yeah, who got this science wrong? It fucking stinks today. Have you ever taken a shot and put it in cereals? Wait, what like taking a shot like if it's the day of the expiration Fuck no. Yo, no. Fuck first of all. I need at least 24 hours

Even if it's the day before it's like oh tomorrow's the day not doing it Yeah, no, and then there's also people out there that eat cereal with water Excuse me. Yeah There's water cereal people That's disgusting. Well, this is their argument. Oh you eat dry cereal What's the big deal if there's water? There's water in your mouth. You have saliva in your mouth. You're just eating dry cereal I'm like no, it's it's a huge difference. It is different cereal was made for milk Not water

It's disgusting Who the fuck is eating cereal with water you assholes. I think like vegans Don't tell me that no, I think that was that was a hard guess I would say it's a hard guess. Yeah. No, I don't I don't know But I mean it would make sense because you know, I just don't think we should be drinking milk of like what about almond milk Yeah, I don't know how you get milk from an almond. I don't either. What is that process? I don't know you just keep grinding it up until it becomes wet Yeah, just like almond titties like just just like a like a super almond that they milk

I don't I don't understand it. You gotta like jerk an almond on coconut milk. I get Because there's liquid inside of coconut. Yeah, but it's like you can make milk from that But almond milk, I need to see the process. Are you squeezing it so hard that it becomes liquid? How the I can almost guarantee that's not the way you do it How to make almond milk We're getting we're getting the heads up here Who is this? This is like a how-to video People make their own almond milk from clean and delicious

This is a woman's youtube channel where she teaches us how to make almond milk because no one knows how this fucking day If this fucking advertisement doesn't go through Just kind of a smoke Older smoke, but yeah, that's a mom smoke mom smoke. Yeah mom smoke. Yeah It's like you're pleasantly surprised you go to a new school You meet a kid and he's like, yo you want to come over you like all right cool You get to the house and you go well you guys have a lot of whoa Yeah, your mom is hot and it's also like you don't mind talking to her like while you're at your friends like

Hangout session. She's always doing dishes. Yeah, what's going on jelly? Why are you guys always talking to my while you was talking to my mom? I don't know just being nice. Yeah, but she's hot. You play Stacy's mom on the way home. Fuck. Yeah All right. No, hold on. How'd these almonds get wet? I fast forwarded too much. They just put water on. Oh, yeah. They just put water on them. All right now She's draining them more water What the fuck is that thing she's just pressing it Without

Hold up some salt, bro. What's a baby kiss? X Tom Brady, I don't fucking know Okay dates. Yes. Oh shit. Are you serious? It becomes milk from dates Dates makes it a little sweet. Almonds are in there and water and water. Wow You put chocolate powder in there Yeah, that's fire. You want to make some almond milk? Yeah, I'll try it. I bet you it doesn't taste anything like the one in the store No

You ever taste almond milk? You're like, this is way too good to be almonds. Yeah You're like, yo, this almond milk is fucking delicious. I don't get people who don't like it. It's way better than regular milk It's better than soy milk. I'll fucking tell you that anything soy is disgusting. I don't even like soy sauce Really? It's basically liquid salt to me. Yeah, I like I like low sodium salt. I eat sushi though like low sodium, uh Soy sauce tell me more Because uh, I wish I wish that you would try sushi once I'll try it. I think you might like it. It's not about that I don't it's about that. It's about that for sure. That is the whole basis of food. Do you like this or do you not fucking like it?

It's like for for me whenever I see like people that are kind of like picky with their food They're very interesting to me Here we go because I want to know why you don't eat it, right? And it's like it's not like I won't attack somebody like, yeah, you don't want to eat a steak Don't eat a fucking steak. Who's not eating steak? No, but some people don't but I just want to know like why don't you want to eat that? Right, what's what's keeping you from eating that? I'll tell you this right? So as a person who people would consider a picky eater. Yeah, I just don't like raw food however

It's because I ate fish when I was younger and like this is just something that I have to get over obviously It's one of those things it's in your mind. It's in your mind And it's just like I if I have a preference if I have an option If I was dying and there was fish I'd eat it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but the smell of fish I don't like so But when I was younger I ate seafood and it Didn't really agree with my stomach and like I've eaten things like, you know, galamad

Good old galamad. Can't beat that calamari um Fried though. Yeah fried calamari, whatever but The only food That I look at and I go there's no fucking way I would ever eat this The only possible way is literally if bear grills is looking at me in the face and he has both his hands on my cheeks

He's going you're gonna fucking die on the ship That's what I was gonna. If you don't eat this thing and then I'd have to and then try not to throw up oysters Oh, you can't suck an oyster. Oh my god oysters are fucking disgusting I'll suck oysters down. Those are boogers. A little horseradish, a little Tabasco. I don't even know what horseradish is I know it exists. I don't know what it is either. I know it's a condiment. No idea what it is. It's basically like Monsters, I used to think there was horse in it. I used to because I was a stupid young person No, I used to think that too. You're not as dumb as as you look. This isn't really helping me either. No, I don't know It's all right. We're both in the same category of asshole. No, that's fine. You know, but yeah, I just

I can't I can't do oysters. It looks disgusting Baked clams is kind of the same thing. Anything that's really boogery. I can't I can't what's going on my fucking leg, man Oh from basketball. I thought you were taking a dump over there. No, no, no, I wouldn't do it here. I do it on the floor You ever shit on the ground? Yes I'm shit on the ground. I'm not gonna lie Wait, what kind of ground? I was walking home from a keg one time and uh You so we would have our kegs in the woods, right? Yeah, yeah, of course

So we come through the woods walk out. So we would walk through this field called Reynolds fields. Yeah, yeah, I grew up and I had this shit so bad And there's usually an outhouse there that you could shit Wait, where the fuck did you live that you had outhouses or like a porta pot a porta potty? Ew, why'd you just call it an outhouse? That's what they're called. Aren't they? No, they're porta potties. I hear when people say porta johns My dad says that he's that's like a 1950s. My dad also says dungarees when you talk about jeans Where's my dungarees? It's like that. What the fuck is that?

Same ones for like 50 years. Oh my god have like bleach stains on them Yeah, the you could see the wallet imprint in the fucking head. There's no wallet in there But you could see it. They always have like that little hole starting in the corner of like the back butt pocket, too No belts. No belts Big these guys. Yeah, well, I'll just hold it up. I'll hold my pain. Why you think I've I got arms I lost some weight. I'm like, no, you've been wearing the same jeans every day for 50 years They're coming apart at the seams. This is what's happening. I lost some weight Fucking stretch them out, but no, so I was walking home

And I was like, dude, I have to shit so fucking bad like just like From nervous of like having to be home at a certain time right drinking a whole bunch of beer Eating fucking snacks and I was just like, yo, I don't have I have to shit, dude Yeah, poop's coming. Yeah, so I was like, yo, I'm gonna do it right here So I just walked under the basketball hoop and just took a big old shit Wait, you shit on a court. Yes. I shit on a basketball. You shit on hard ground Yeah, dude, and there was woods around no the reason that I shit on the basketball is You shit on a basketball not a basketball on the basketball court is because I could lean up against the pole

And sit in a shitting position Did you shit in bounds or out of bounds? I shit partially in partially out. It was baseline You shit on the baseline. Yeah, basically Wow, yeah, and then I remember like why don't you put just lean up against the tree like a shaman bear I did no, I mean I could have but like I didn't want to lean up against a bear Not a bear, but I didn't want to lean up against a tree because like I didn't know what like bugs or like stuff like that I didn't like it Oh, you were trying to be clean while shitting on the floor. No, I just it was just like a split second decision

Don't judge me on that. No, I mean you listen. I got the shit. I had the shit. I got a shit story I've told it before on the podcast, but like two years ago I think hearing shit hit the floor one of the worst Things disgusting. Yeah, it's it's horrible. It's really not great. No And I remember playing basketball there like a week later and nobody knew and I was like me and this basketball hoop We know that we know something that people don't I shit right there Oh my god, don't go there

Go baseline. You're Danny. Go baseline. No, I'm gonna stand out here. I'm gonna stand on the three I'm gonna stand out here and shoot threes. No, but did you ever tell you the story? No about how I shit on the floor? No So yeah, I've shit outside before and like anyone who's like a true fan of this podcast will know the story But anyway, I'm gonna tell you because you don't know it There's a field over here. Yeah It's always fields. We're always shitting fields. Well, it's fields. There's something about them that make get your stomach going Everybody else shits there. Every other animal's taking dumps. I don't yeah, I don't know I feel like when there's wide open land my body's like we could just shit here

And it's like we can't we need a bathroom like if I lived out in like Certain parts of like pennsylvania. It'd be over for me. I'd have to shit 24 seven. I know it's too open Um, but anyway, it's too open um So I think we were like walking my friend to the bus stop and it was like I think me frankie and Whoever the fuck it was. I can't remember but we walked to this bus stop and the bus stop is right behind this field We used to play football at okay, and it's aligned with trees like bushes Oh, great, right? And then there's grass on one side and the bus stops on the other

so You know You knew you start getting cold sweats. You got shit real fucking bad. Yeah, you know when you start praying things Like just hoping oh shit turns anybody into a christian Yeah, I'm like, yo, please you say anything. Yeah, and then you like try to cut you like put I don't know about you, but whenever I have to shit really bad start putting my thumb on what my waistband. Yeah, I mean like oh, man, let me just I I unbutton my I'll unbutton my pants are untied like my drawstring and just yeah It just needs more air. I'll just start rubbing where that v

Like that goes straight to your cock is even though I don't have one I haven't had one since 2010, but yeah where it should be more of a you. Yeah, it's more it's more It's just like a you just a you now. Yeah, but you do what you do what you can Yeah, it kind of like you know how like a bra has like that hard thing on the bottom Yeah, the wire the tip like falls over it. That's kind of like what this looks like Yeah, you know, I mean you got down right. I know but anyway, so I had to shit really bad So I was like, oh my god. I have to just Shit now. Yeah, so I split the difference because

Hell so because on the where the bus stop is there's the street and then an airport You know on the other side is grass and Residential housing I'm gonna take grass and residential housing. Well, I split so I went like in the bush like in the middle of the bushes And it was dark. Yeah, so I was like, all right cool and I shit now After a poo poo, uh You know, you got a wipe. Yeah I didn't really have anything to wipe with I know what you used what I used. I told you your underwear

No, I didn't what'd you use see see hold on it's gonna get really bad here So I didn't I didn't that's what I used I used my why did I start telling the story I used my underwear from that night. So I was a young person and I didn't really know what I was doing back then and um So I shit And uh, I was like, oh my god, I need a wipe and then I was like, what do I do here? And I kind of like just kind of looked around. I was hoping for like a leaf or something, but

The only thing I could find was An umbrella Shut the fuck up You wiped your fucking asshole with an umbrella I'd never heard this story Oh, yeah with an umbrella was it was the one that was like turned out already like someone just left for dead Oh, it was fucked up. Did you rip it apart like rip it off of like its hooks or did you literally just take the umbrella and just Rub your asshole with it. Yeah. Yeah

Wow. Yeah, so I rubbed my asshole with a ditched umbrella And I don't know if you guys know this but umbrellas don't get ditched for no reason So this thing must have been fucked up. Oh, yeah And now, you know, whatever that was on that umbrella was in your asshole was in my asshole That's fire, dude. Yeah, at least you didn't get the fucking pointy part. I'd stuck up there Thankfully it was like one of those clean like Kind of poops if it was oh a saucy one. It would have been bad. Yeah A saucy one. I hate that there's variations of poop. I just wish poop was one way

Just be one way of poop Why we gotta have wet poop hard poop dry poop green poop black poop red poop. It's like dr. Seuss poop You know dr. Seuss poop, I'm just saying it's like I understand, you know, it's just like give me just everyone Just take the same shit peas like two two peas. Yeah Yellow pea clear pea. Yeah, that's fine. I don't have 10 different peas Dude, I think I have something wrong with my butt every fight three days Because my poop is all different all the time. Yeah, it's definitely randomized. There's nothing consistent about my poop Nothing consistent. I know

If I have a good poop The next poop is gonna be wildly different. Yeah, that's true. You ever take a poop and you're just like Man, that was an amazing poop. Like you feel like like everything that was bad that day is like is working now Like you're good. You're good What like if you weren't feeling well and you take a nice dump you feel revitalized Yeah, it's like taking a shower sometimes sort of you know take a shower you feel good You're ready to go take a nice dump. You're great There's nothing better than like you like you got it all out

Not yeah, like you cleared out that shit and like now it's like yo my stomach feels like 10 pounds lighter Yes, I can kind of run a little faster now. Yeah for sure, you know You ever take one of those poops that just stretches you to a capac Oh my god, he farted. Oh, man, that's squeaked out of me. Oh, man. Oh, that's getting posted. Oh my god No one's gonna let me live that down. We are not cutting that out. We're not fixing that post I'll tell you Yo, god you farted. I can't even remember what you said that made me laugh fart Fucking lartin all over the place

No, um, when you take one of those poops that just stretches your butt to capac Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's like a fight like it's usually one And then it comes out but you have to take like four breaths and get this one out You know what I mean? It's like a football. It's like It's It starts off like all right. This is manageable and it's like yo, why does this thing keep getting wider? And then once you get past like the breaking point We're like if my asshole gets even a little bit bigger

I'm gonna need to get some stitches and then you get past that point and then it kind of just like slides out of you and gets like Oh Like what made it so thick in the middle and then when you see it in the toilet You're like that was it that was the thing you ever take a shit And you and you want to keep it one piece and a part of you actively tries to keep it one piece And you're like i'm not clenching these cheeks no matter what i'm going for the record Oh my god

Oh my god Because this is what got this is what guys do. This is what we do I didn't know anyone did that. I didn't know anyone did that dude. I've done that so many times in my life And you're like, oh, this is a rope dude It's like you're fishing like oh, we got one. We got one So I just want this fucking piece of shit to come out in one piece. It's just so I can immediately look at it Yeah Men i'm gonna go out on a limb. I'm gonna judge us all we are so quick to want to send friends pictures of our shit

I never really got into that sending poop pics, but trophy shits Yo This conversation Is so fucking funny. I know it just makes my day. My brother jarred shit a perfect j once I Love how you're talking about it like a mythology. You're like one time. I knew a guy shit

Yeah, I took Keith used to take snakes, dude This kid was pooping animals Like they were long at was it one of those poops that like Halfway down the drain and like half of it's still coming up. It's like it's out of the water. It's like a shit submarine Yes, exactly. Yeah, and when you would flush it it would just paint Looked like someone's trying to jam a jar of peanut butter in there. It's disgusting

Dude, you ever lift up your toilet seat too and you're like, oh, I saw shit on this and you're like, look at this Dry piss and shit everywhere. Oh man. It's disgusting Scary that's why that's why I gotta get that's why I gotta get like one of those Your quip has a cover, right? What your quip has a cover I put it it come. Yeah, you can get it. Yeah, it has a cover But I put it in a thing anyway because of that. I saw a video of a parent Yeah, right apparently just like when you flush it when you flush your toilet

There is an because there was an infrared camera in a bathroom And then they flush the toilet and there's an absolute eruption of shit of shit dust and piss spray Molecules all over the place and I was speaking of quip That is our Speaking of quip that is our Sponsor for today. It's so weird that you brought that up. Did you know that this was quip? No, all right They got a little extra time in there. I guess there you go quip Um quip for those of you don't know that is my electric toothbrush. Do you have quip yet? No get a quip

Um, I'm gonna get it today after after get equipped Get equipped and what was the one that I said I made a great fucking slogan. I don't know But we can't talk about other things. No, no, no, no, no for quip. No, I don't know Um, but no quip is an electric toothbrush. It's amazing. I love it If you see on my instagram stories sometimes in the morning when I brush my teeth I act like an asshole. You can see that I clearly use this goddamn quip But the quip is amazing. It has a built-in two-minute timer That pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when to switch sides

Which is nice because I never know how long I've been quipping. Yeah, man. You know what I'm saying? Um Brush heads is the best part brush heads are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule Which is every three months for just five dollars So that's amazing as well but Yeah, three out of four Of us use bristles that are old worn out and ineffective. Would you say that you you you're one of those three?

Yeah, I would say about two uh, three We'll get into this after I talk about quip a little bit But there's something about toothbrushes. I want to bring up But anyway, um, if you want to try out quip, uh, you know The quip it just started at 25 dollars if you go to get quip.com slash basement Uh, you get your first refill pack free With a quip electric toothbrush. So that is get quip.com slash basement G e t q u i p dot com slash basement

Fuck with the quip. All right, quip it good. That's what it was. Oh, yes Quip it real good From what quip said. Mm-hmm three out of four people use fucked up toothbrushes basically. Yeah I wish You could have seen my fathers toothbrush I don't know how strong this man truly is

But if you saw his toothbrush, you'd be like this guy needs to take it easy on his mouth Really? It was so fucked up. You look like donkings hair like bristles. We're just going everywhere dude It literally was like Which seat did moses part? The red seat the red seat. Yes, of course it is Well, so what am I impressed? No pun intended Oh jesus christ, um, what are we doing? It literally got to bring you to fucking church

Yeah, let's make a vlog of us going to church. I'd be sick Oh That was halo, was it? I think so. I don't think so Yeah, like right before the flood comes in the first game. Anyway, the the bristles how they're supposed to be standing straight up They one side would go this way and the other side would go that way And there would just be a line down the middle of plastic like where the toothbrush head is He had a hair. He just like his looked like shawn's hair from boy meets world. That's exactly what it would look like Okay, yeah, and and he would use just whatever one

Oh, it's disgusting. He's like, what's the difference? This is what you you know, I'm your father. I'm your blood You have gingivitis I don't want it One time his whole tooth came out The whole thing not like oh my tooth came out. I'm a child. Here's some money With the like a cartoon where people draw teeth with the roots with the with the hooks just out of his just fell out of his face A whole tooth. What did he do? He just did nothing

He just had a tooth That's fucking wild. That's my dad, dude That's fucking crazy if my whole tooth ever came out of my face Oh, I would I would I would be so scared the the whales will be turning I'd be making up different kinds of disorders and diseases that I had Yeah, this guy was just like oh, oh and then his life went on You have that you have that dream where your teeth fall out, right? Yeah, and I also have a dream where I go like this

And my teeth pop and break. Yeah, I've had that one too where I just like squeeze them to death. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, what would you say is like your biggest reoccurring dream that you have? Probably that one the teeth thing. Yeah, and I hate how everyone wants to interpret these dreams Oh, it means you're losing power. What the fuck's that mean? You're about to die You're thinking about death. Yeah, if someone dies in your dream, they're gonna. Oh, no, that's another thing I said I had a dream of something And someone's like that means someone close to you is gonna die It's like what even if I knew that was true, I wouldn't say that somebody why would you

Oh, yeah, someone really that you love is gonna die soon Oh, I can interpret this it means you're gonna die like that's like being like someone telling you like oh My mom has has this disease. It's like oh, she's not gonna make it Thanks, man because of your dream Yeah, thanks, okay, you dreamt it you dreamt it into reality fucking idiots. What about like palm reading. Do you believe in that stuff? Oh, like oh, this is your age line. Yeah, you know, we should go get our palms read dude. Do people do that? Yeah, yeah as an occupation. Yes. They do palm reading. Yes. I walked by one the uh yesterday Do you remember the trick you do to everyone?

With the palm reading no remember girls used to do it because they're like you guys have way more You had way more hand stuff when I was a kid. I think so. Yeah, but we were I do it. Just do it to me I'm not gonna do it to you because it's disrespectful It's disgusting. So yeah, I'll explain. All right, just do it. So they'll look at your palm. They'd be like oh, okay You have a good you're gonna live a long life. Oh, that's good and you're gonna have a dog Okay, I'm like, how are you feeling my hand and know if I'm gonna buy a pet? Yeah, and then they go you're gonna have a big yard and then they'd go You're gonna have a pool and they'd spit in your hand

Girls would do that. Yep. That's fucking hot It wasn't hot back then if a girl spit in my hand to be like, ew He's like, ew We just looked up Technically we just Ew, what are you doing? The funny thing about my pool is that I can drink it Ew Did you ever have like kisses? I terrible kiss her. Yeah

My girlfriend in eighth grade Terrible. What was it like? Just very fast. It was like Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I couldn't keep up my mouth. My jaw didn't move that fast But she was getting after it. I kissed the girl once who her mouth just wouldn't do anything It was like this. I was kissing her teeth Fire No

Ice I was like, this is weird ice. It was no because you said fire. I said ice. Oh, it's like the opposite of fire I thought you met her teeth were cold. I was like, what the fuck? Yo, you got some cold ass teeth. Yo, you're why your teeth so cold? But I was like, yo, I was like, I want like a part of me just wanted to be like open your open your mouth Your fucking mouth. Yeah, but then I was just like Okay, yeah, no one knows how to kiss though. No, especially back then. No, I think I'm mad good at kissing. That would be honest Prove it

No, uh, do you trust yourself kissing? What does that mean? Like, yeah I'm getting a package. Oh, we'll take a break from this. Yeah. Yeah, I kissed a girl one time and She just said what was that Oh, yeah, I didn't know if she meant like the move Or if she meant like the act if that makes sense. I would have messed me up Yeah, I was very confused for a very long time because I never got like a definitive answer on what it was. Yeah it was kind of just like

I didn't know if she meant like did you just work? Ew, what was that? All right. Yeah, I just kind of I just kind of plowed through. I mean, I didn't continue Oh, I thought you were like, I know right? No, no No, our lives just went on word from there Yeah, but I didn't know if she meant like why did you kiss me or like why the what the fuck was that? You know, like you don't know how to like I didn't know. Yeah, but that was one of the main things When you were like growing up, I feel like it was like you were afraid of kissing because you're like, oh, man

So bad at it. Yeah. Yeah, definitely were imagine being a girl and being like, yo talk about kissing Well, I want to eat my boy. Yeah, I haven't had one of these sounds like eighth grade I just recently got back into them the listerine strips. They're fantastic. Uh Well, this one's burning The best is when you get it perfectly on your tongue. Hey, yeah, that's perfect. I feel like I'm dropping acid. Yeah Is this how you drop acid? Yep. Nice Oh my god

Why is the listerine so fucking hot? I don't know. We just have bad mouth What? A lot of bacteria in our mouth. That's what that means. Mm-hmm Are you making that up? No, I am not so it burns more when there's bacteria. Yes, because it's killing the germs I thought that was a myth. No Kind of like your brother's j-poop No, no, I'll tell it. We'll get him on the horn We'll get him on the horn. Yeah, confirm that poop. Yeah, man. I'm telling you. Yeah, it's Thomas about Keith snakes

Like he was dropping bombs back then. I thought Keith actually had a snake. No, he had blizzards though Yeah, Keith looks like a lizard guy. Yeah, there's a picture of him having like two lizards here And then lizards up his arm. He had mad lizards, bro. Why are they all now? Uh, they are deceased What was their names? Do you remember any of them? Uh, no, were any of them cool? They were lizards. Yeah, lizards can't really be cool. Can they I hate when people have like lizards or like birds And like that's like their animal like they love them I hate when people have pets and love their pet No, but what I'm saying is the lizard isn't a primary pet. It's a secondary pet

A lizard. Yes, it depends how old you are a fish secondary pet a fish is literally a decoration Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's a plant. It's a plant. Yeah a bird secondary pet It's not gonna satisfy my pet needs. I need a dog Yeah, I want to pet some. Yeah, I don't want a fish. That's why it's called a pet. So you can pet that bitch. Yes What do I look like pet in a lizard? Yeah You know, I've never even thought about that What the word pets? Yeah, you gotta pet them so you can pet them. Yeah Also another thing. Are you a chapstick guy or are you a tin guy?

No, I like chapstick. You like chapstick. I like these though We're both cocoa butter users. Well, it's because it's because I like the I don't like to touch You don't like to do that. I don't like to touch my lips I hear you because I get like my I mean not this year because I've been chap sticking hard. Yeah You get split lip my lip splits and it starts to look like all right. Well, maybe this guy Did you remember when you were a kid how bad your lips would get chapped? Like disgusting like and look how you wore lipstick It was so bad. Mine honestly didn't even get that bad. Dude. I used to have horrible horrible

Horrible chapstick. My mom was on top of our lips Fuck Why'd I say that? She was though. She was on top of our lips. Give me your lips Get over here and she put that. You know the blue one blistex. Yeah, she burned like a bitch I use it all the time. Yeah, that's it's good when it hurts. I'm like this stuff's working You know what they say you should use it before you go to sleep I do you should apply chapstick before you go to sleep. I do that a lot of times that's where you breathe with your mouth open You breathe with your mouth open and it dries out your mouth. Yeah, so

Remember those kids in school that their lips were so fucking chapped that their whole mouth was chapped. Yeah, and they would sit and Red ring. Yo, did you drink some Kool-Aid? The fuck's going on your face. I was one of those kids, but you had a red ring No, I had it like literally like it. I looked like Like like a Puerto Rican woman Like, you know what like they would do the lip liner. Yeah, that's what it looked like. It was like dark on the outside and light on it Yeah, yeah I look like I worked at a place called Dakarys and I was coming to the stage

Right, that's what it looked like But I hated those kids that always had dry lips and they'd always be in class like this Oh my god picking your lip My dude if you don't stop picking your dead fucking lips, I'm gonna fucking kill you. Can I ask you a question? Yeah You ever look back at somebody like jokes you you've said to people or like said whatever like when you were like really young like third grade and be like That's really mean. Yes. Yes You want to hear the meanest joke I ever told somebody I cannot wait to hear this I don't even know if I could say it. It hurts my stomach now. Just to say it. Nice. This is so fucked up. Oh, no

I don't think I want to say it. Oh, I know I need to know All right, you tell one first and then maybe I'll think about it. I shouldn't have brought it up I don't I can't think of one on the side of my head, but I just know whatever. Yeah, I was in third grade I wasn't like no fourth grade. I remember kids are mean though I have no idea why but then that's why you become the person you you know No, but this kid trying to help you this kid kind of bullied me Yeah, um and by kind of bullied me. He bullied me. I beat the shit out of him one day because of it. Um But he didn't have a dad

Fuck me. I mean, that's all you gotta say. I know what you said. Yeah, so like Oh my gosh, we were playing flag football and I dropped a ball And I was one of the younger kids playing. I think he was in sixth grade And they were like, oh my god, like this kid sucks Like I don't want him on my fucking team like he stinks like he sucks And the only thing that came to my head was like, yeah, at least I have a dad Yo, it's so fucked up It's so fucked up and his dad died dude. It's not like his dad like left his dad was dead as fuck

Yeah, and the thing was is like his dad like died the summer before oh my god, I know man I know I'm not even laughing telling this story. I feel so fucking bad now But this kid was this kid was a monster to me. Yeah, he would bother me every day Dude, when you were younger every day, he would fucking try to knock my fucking. Oh, you know what he used to do Remember those milk cartons that were impossible to open. Yeah He used to put his like whenever I would get it open and he put his finger in it And go like this I was like, yo dude, like why are you doing this? I don't want to say his name because I don't want people to like

Look after him, but he had like the bulliest name Man, um, I don't want to know it. Yeah, I'll say I'll say his name later, but like I'll tell you off Yeah, but I remember when that happened Everyone looked at me like, you know, I cannot believe you just said that I was like, yo, he's gonna kick my fucking ass Yeah, he was two years older than me. Right. He's my brother's grade. I was like, yo, he's gonna kick my fucking ass Yo, you just started crying tears And then a part of me felt good for a second and then when I got I went to the office

Yeah And then I was like, yo This kid's dad's like dad, dude, and like my principal had to like basically explain to me Like why you don't why this is so fucked up. Yeah, like yeah, man. Fuck dude, you know, I should have said that No, but it's good though because Here's the thing, right? I'm this is 25 years later. Oh, I feel terrible. If I saw him today, I would apologize to him I know the type of person you are you would probably empty your bank account for this. Oh my god

I feel so fucking bad. But I think about it. Oh, I did another one too I did another one too Oh my god. All right, so this is older. This was like 1516 It's me my cousin john Um and a couple people were uh, we're at my friend's basement. We're just like rapping and shit and um My dad was a sports writer and this kid was uh, was like, uh He wanted to be be a sports writer as well and he was like rapping and shit

Like he's like, yeah, like a dad's like whack and like writing writing in the paper and shit Yeah, yeah, like we were just like rap battling. I had no idea this happened, by the way So this wasn't like something I knew the other kid I knew his dad was right dad got rest of soul But this one I was just like, yeah, I was like said something about like Like like I drop bombs like the one I drop on your mom's And his mom died like a week ago And my cousin john looks at me he goes dude And I thought he was looking at me like that was fire

Oh Man and then he and then he was like, yo, what's wrong with you and I was like what? He's like, yo, you fucking serious? And then the kid that happened to he's like, yo, it's all good He's like, no, I like not a lot of people know yet like I didn't know yet This was like four or five days ago apparently that it happened Everyone's had those type of things though like you say something and you don't know it makes my stomach hurt now Just thinking about those things that I said, I feel so bad

DeVino still brings us up. This is not nearly as bad because I didn't say that shit But um, we were driving by on some block and I'm in the car with DeVino and he goes Oh, my grandma used to live over here. I was like, oh, where'd she live now? And he goes heaven He got mad at me because I was I died. I was this was like two months ago. Oh, so you started just cracking I was dying. Oh, it's just funny. That was hilarious. I had a fucking no And he's like heaven and then I was laughing because I was like, I'm like, sorry, dude. I didn't fucking know Yeah, dude. I was I was a fucking mean kids

No, no, because I was small though and like I had to stick up for myself somehow And I've always been really good with words like Like like cerebral like quick-witted like I'll fuck you up like if if you're trying to sun me Like so like that was kind of my thing. Nobody really fucked with me because of that because I could just fucking sun you Yeah, and this one I didn't mean to sun him But I got so mad because he just kept saying I was so bad at football And I was like the only way that I can get back at him is talk about his dad And that's so fucked up

Yeah, I think when you're a kid though, like those are the type of things that you do like I'm sure I've said fucked up Things that to kids before and like I just didn't even like realize like there was this one kid in our neighborhood that we were friends with But we just For whatever reason just fucked with him just fucked with him. Yeah, like all the time and like We're still he'll like There wasn't any like damage that we did but there was things like we used to just that you know of Huh that you know that you know of no, I know you mean like physical damage Well, like he moved away eventually and then when he came back after like six years. He just walked into my house

All right, that's that's cool. Yeah, I mean it wasn't I was like dude. Can you fucking knock like oh I thought you meant like he like it was all good like yeah, you know just come in man No, it was but like he didn't even knock he just walked in. I was like, oh shit. Like what are you doing? Maybe it was a little loosey-goosey. No, it wasn't he's fine He's like a totally normal kid and like it was we were just young idiots, you know But he always like he was never It was never like y'all. I'm sad and you're like, I don't give a fuck if you're sad I'm still gonna make fun of you type of thing. He was just like an easy target

Yeah, and he's just like when you're a kid sometimes you do stuff like that and you look back and you're like, yeah Why the fuck was I doing? Yeah, and like like It was so weird for me like growing up because like part of my life like first second third fourth grade I was bullied Like constantly constantly and then

um up until like fifth or sixth grade like I beat I beat up my bully and then after I beat him up a part of me was like still like a little more like Still like afraid to get bullied but like I just had enough shit Like for years in the same school like these fucking people just kept fucking with me And I was like, yo like I'm gonna beat the shit out of this kid So one day after school, I just beat the fucking shit out of him And then I remember just being like I'm never gonna let

Myself get bullied or like someone get bullied around me. That's why like I stick up for my friends more than I'll stick up for myself I'm the same way, you know, so then when I moved to new york, I was like, you know, I'm coming in here hard Like I don't like anybody like like I'm gonna come in here and just be like I'm not to be fucked with because every other school that I went to people fucked with me And then I became really cool all of a sudden And then like, you know, like I had to stand up for myself because I was always kind of on the smaller side And people thought that they could fuck with me And then I remember when I moved to new york, I was like, yo, I'm not gonna let people fuck with me anymore

And it's weird, but like a part of me if I never did that I wouldn't be where I am today. Did what like stood up for myself. Yeah, of course I think that even back then That early in my life. It was that pinnacle. It was that uh, uh, pivotal. Sorry In my life In my actual self self growth. I had to beat the shit out of that kid Yeah, like because I would have never had the confidence to be like No one's gonna fuck with me. Well, that's what I was gonna say unless you're like obese

Then you're gonna fuck with me. Well, that's that that's what I was saying I was trying to say earlier when you were talking about like that fucked up thing He says to that kid It's like everyone learns in those situations like those kids learn like, all right I can't just fuck with people because I'm gonna get punched in the face You say that to that kid even though you're not A bad person and you say that and you see the impact that it has on people and you go Well, I'm never gonna fucking do that again. Yeah, and then like, you know, it everyone kind of learns from that situation

You know what I mean? Yeah, so I feel like that's that's why I brought it up because You know, especially in this day and age like it seems that anyone that gets super poppin Like people go back and they find something like oh when you are 16 years old you said this thing, right and it's like Some of those some of them are like I get it because it looks it's just like a pattern of behavior And I'm like, yeah, you look like an asshole right now. But but some things are just isolated and they're lessons, you know And when you're younger, that's why I said Everyone has said fucked up shit to another kid that you should have never said and you feel like oh man

I might have bullied that kid or it might have been too mean Yeah, even if it was to someone who was bullying you it might have been like I might have went too far but those are just like Lessons you learn along but and it was also though like because like I was getting bullied and in like a part of me like It made me a mean person Like as a kid Like it made me like guard was super high. Yeah, so like I was kind of a dick Like the people that were like my age are younger than me because I was just like yo like

The shit that I like these kids were fucking like try to put me like Block me in a closet and shit and then my older brother then Mike found out and like started like fucking people up But you know what I mean like like they did that shit to me like as a kid and like If you don't stand up for yourself at some point, you're gonna live the rest of your life like that Right, I'm a firm believer in that I could be wrong But I'm just a firm believer at some point you have to make a stance But the stance that I made was kind of fucked up against that other kid. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't great a little bit a little bit

But I learned from I've never said anything like that to another person except for that time Accidentally in a rap battle when I didn't know that that person's mom passed away. Yeah, but still makes my fucking stomach turn over Yeah, it's kind of fucked. Yeah I never had to deal with bullying. I don't think I was ever bullied or anything like that. I just Yeah, I just didn't it just didn't happen to me and I but I have Like I don't let that should happen like like whenever I watch the high school movies where it's like all the bully and like

Kids sitting by themselves and like whatever like I was on the football team in high school And like I wasn't like a super popular kid Like we were I was friends with the football team and like whatever technically that would make you quote-unquote popular Whatever, but there wasn't really ranks like that. No, but you're in it. You're in a particular Population, right? That's like but all right. All right. They're all right Even then like you would think those kids the the football team Yeah, would be like the dicks which we were but not like fucking crazy if there was a kid eating lunch by himself We like multiple times come in. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like that

Being actually mean is so fucking like yeah Me yeah, it's hard. It's hard But like that shit that I went through at a younger age made me kind of a dick when I was in my teens Because I was just so used to being on the other side of it It kind of forced me to like you like you said have my guard up but like I remember like when I was When I was a senior and the freshman we had the our team was too small. We had to have the freshman play varsity Every other time like the varsity team was dicks to the younger kids. I was like, we're not doing that anymore

All right, we're not going to be dickheads to these kids So like we hung out like with the freshman like we took care of them We took them under our wings and shit. We showed them certain stuff Alcohol and like, you know, like let them have fun and like let them come to parties that we were having and shit like that Because I didn't we didn't we didn't haze Like we they used to do like hazing type of shit nothing bad But like, you know, they would be dicks or like now let them go to parties like we let them rock Because I knew what I went through and I was like, I'm not doing that to a fucking kid

I never got like the whole hazing thing No, like when you hear stories about like fraternities or like whatever and like Oh, the the captain of the football team held down this kid and put a broom in his ass. He's like, dude, what the fuck Goes on in your locker. Let's put our dick in their mouths because they're gay. Yeah You know what I mean? I'm like, no, it doesn't work like that. Let's make them show us their penises. Yeah Yeah, and put the basketball sauce on your cock Like why are we doing this? I don't I don't understand any of that and I would never want to join anything like that No, I have to punish myself to do that like even on a different scale like even like street gangs

Who came up with the logic that hey to get in we're all gonna beat the shit out of you eight of us. No, thanks Yeah, I'll go read it. I'll go read Yeah, it's scary No, that shit is fucking scary, bro You ever see like they did a vice on it what jumping into yeah The guys are yeah like today's the day like I'll just go get jumped into the crypts. I was like, what the fuck We're filming this shit now. Yeah Dude when we were younger we used to do a fake initiation with our friends and and uh the initiation was we had to 3d through a bush

That's fun. No, so for people who don't know the deli boys Yeah, 3d great one of the greatest tag teams in wrestling history, but they used a lot of tables The only person that got it bad was josh because josh was tiny when we were younger did he get like Like hurt by the bush. So here's the thing, right? He didn't get seriously hurt, but he got hurt like he got hurt We went to go 3d him through a whatever and like we're all like laughing and shit and he's not like, oh my god, stop Like we're just fucking them Picked them up and then whoever

Through the bush in the middle of the bush. It was a fence. Oh, fuck that we didn't know about This guy hit the book hit the fence. He was all right though. You ever fell off a fence Fuck yeah, dude. I remember one time I fell off a fence Right onto the back like back and whiplashed and fucked my whole head up I fucking bleeding down the back of my head and shit I walked into a party and I and I just went home. I was like, yeah I fucking feel like shit. I fell off a fucking fence probably concussed. Yeah, probably but I was just like, yo, man Falling

This is going a little bit. I'm so scared to fall off stuff Like heights. Yeah, I'm terrified of heights. Okay, like and I never liked climbing fences as a kid. I never liked climbing trees as a kid. I never liked ladders I didn't like any of that shit Is that candy? You just whipped candy out Yeah, I did but Someone played a prank on me. Oh, what's in there? Oh, what a douche. I'll eat it. Fuckin Vin and Keith. They went and got balls

Now I gotta grab a different one. That's fine. But yeah, for some reason every time I would like I didn't want to do any of that Like a diving board. Yeah, I didn't go off a diving board until like I was like Oh diving boards are high 13 Anyone who could dive off a diving board like a high like a high dive. Yeah, not like a regular pool one because I could dive off of those But like I still I mean even then I can't dive like too well Off of that, but like people who did like high dives. Yeah Nuts fucking McTwisty things and make like a little splash. Look at them. Yeah. It's like, how the fuck did you do that? Yeah, those things are fucking amazing. Those those people are that's insane

Yeah, contort your body. Yeah, crush that. Is that the one with the milk in it? Basically No chocolate. Damn. I miss chocolate so much Oh my god. Yeah Jesus take it easy. What chocolate? I'm stuck with it in here. Yeah Oh speaking of chocolate The chocolate factory our kelly's album um Are we still allowed to listen to our kelly?

You Probably that album was a great album man chocolate factory chocolate factory had like uh step step on it ignition Everybody do the love slap step in the name of love God you let the fucked up thing about this whole our kelly thing is that we had video of this guy peeing on somebody 12 years ago. Yeah, it takes one lifetime especially to get the guy arrested What's going on?

I watched I just finished that documentary not too long ago. It's fucked. It's insane. It's really it's really like What the hell but I don't I don't I don't know like Like Where where I guess because like Michael Jackson went through his shit Michael Jackson's got one coming out too Oh, yeah, I heard they fucking roast his ass too because I mean Yo, he did he did that shit. Come on

I'm sorry. I know there's like gonna be people in the comments saying like you don't know that he was acquitted He did that shit, bro. There's just too many things that lead up to there's too many like weird things That like you know what I'm saying with our kelly is different. It's like bro. I saw you piss on somebody Yeah, and then you're like at concerts like telling girls like wipe your tongue and shit I'm like, you know what? He's like wipe my tongue He's like wipe my bones. You never saw that one when he's doing that like on stage. No, he's like wipe my head I'll show it to you after this. It's so weird what he's like making her wipe his head. Yeah. Yeah with like a cloth And then he's like wipe my tongue

Actually wipes his tongue. I was like this guy does weird shit. Yeah. Yeah. He pees on people. He pees on people It's it's really crazy how like You know in that documentary the peeing thing I thought was the only thing and it's really the tip of the iceberg No, he like ties into like refrigerators. He doesn't he's like you he starves them. Yeah Allegedly, yeah, I guess in innocent until proven guilty, but It's just like too many too many fucking things. Yeah, I mean That's why like I feel like with these like celebrities I get in these certain situations like even like with like bill cosby It's like, yo like are 85 people really going to do this right now

85 like not four. Yeah 85, you know, there's mad people. Some people don't even have sex with 85 a 45 That's what I'm saying. It's like listen. I'm sure some of them lied. I'm sure some of them lied but Not everybody's lying 85. Yeah Come on. That's a case study even if 80 of them lie Five Once too many it's a lot it's a lot I would be comfortable with 84 of them lying. Yeah, if one of them's like dude

This guy fucking drug me. I know I know get this guy the fuck out of here That's the scary part though. It's like There's still people like I saw r kelly getting arrested like I love you I it's very scary to see that because if you know all the information about r kelly it just If it's listen, I'll say this and it hurts me because he was one of my biggest like musical inspirations ever Here's another thing. I'll say before I get to my point I think detaching the two

Is okay, you could detach music from if a guy's nuts. Yeah, I think you could still be like, yo Like I get not wanting to support someone and being like I'm not going to support someone to put Money in their pocket like I get that. Yeah But I also don't have a problem with someone being like, listen, I just really enjoy this music Yeah, you know, like I won't go to his concert or whatever. Yeah, but Ignition is gonna be on. Yeah, like if I hear ignition, I'm like, I'm not gonna act like it's not. Uh, I don't know Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna be like, oh no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah close my ear You know, it's like the dude's obviously talented and the dude can sing his ass off. Yeah, he's a fucking maniac. Yeah

He's not same like Michael Jackson. Yeah, and with Michael Jackson same thing. It's like I get it But like the problem is when people can't Detach I think that's when the problems start because not only Um Do you become this person that I'm not really a fan of that that are just like, oh you're listening to a Michael Jackson song Like what do you support pedophilia? And it's like dude, I don't know how you got there Yeah, I just think man in the mirror is a fucking classic and I love it. I just beat it's a really good song. Yeah, that's it I'm not saying this fucking guy. Like I don't fucking know Michael Jackson, dude. Yeah. He doesn't know me either

Yeah, so I'm saying like I just like this song But and maybe we're wrong for feeling that way. But but I don't think I don't I mean, I have my opinion So I don't I'm not gonna say I honestly don't think so. No because here's also another problem Right. So you either you become that person if you can't detach and also if you can't detach you become one of those people that R. Kelly has all his things come out and Literally so much information that if by some miracle he didn't do any of it It would be like the Like how many times you have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? You know what I'm saying?

Yes, like for all this to not add up. Yeah, it would be like, dude This it's just you just you just did it. Yeah, we know you did. You know, that's it And the scary thing is though, it's like you look at guys like dmx, right? Like dmx goes to jail like every like six months right for something that he does and You're gonna tell me that it took this long to catch R. Kelly though I don't know

It's very strange. It's what the fuck but what I was saying before is like not being able to detach you become one of those people that When R. Kelly Is like walking out of jail Is like, oh my god, I'd love you R. Kelly like free R. Kelly and like whatever. It's like you are choosing to ignore All of these all of these allegations. Yeah Because you love his music and it's like if you were just able to detach yourself from that And know that you love his music and not him as a person

Right, then you would like be able to be like wait, hold on like you know what I'm saying Yeah, you know, I mean, but like that's just how I feel. No, no, I think you should be able to also. Sorry The overport came out That R. Kelly as soon as he posted bail He went straight To the mcdonald's where he used to pick up where he allegedly picked up a girl on her prom night

In like 1998 went straight there Yeah, this guy also married aliyah when she was like 15. Yeah like This documentation here. Yeah, you know, there's legal documents at the end of the day if if nothing is true He married aliyah when she was 15. Yeah, there's something there like that happened Yeah, why should we not believe this other shit? Right? Yeah It's like it's like the kid cries wolf But the opposite but it's like yeah, I'm believing all these cries now. Yeah. Yeah, but you know

It's one of those situations like like so on a other scale like Like I don't wear my Gucci glasses anymore. Okay, because they because they had like that blackface fucking thing, right? Like am I ever gonna be able to wear those again? I mean people are gonna wear Gucci I know that's the hard part and the sad reality of it is yeah, you are probably but at some point I'll put them on here's the thing. I think that I don't know the whole history behind the Gucci thing. Right, nor do I Can I comprehend?

What blackface means Like how hurtful it actually is. Yeah, especially black people. So I don't even know But if it was just like a one-off mistake that they've made before that they that they made, right? Then obviously I think there's room for forgiveness there But I have no because I don't know what the fuck about Gucci Yeah, if there's like a pattern of like they've done this like multiple times and it's just like They're taking these little sub shots at like the culture. Yeah. Yeah, because there's certain parts of uh

Gucci's like Italian, right? Yes of Italian culture that I say would be like, you know, there's like slavery and like whatever and it's like if Choose to not Celebrate that part. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like we don't celebrate fucking You know slavery in a way. We're like, oh, yo, let's just like take these like sub shots put them on shirts and shit Yeah, you know, like don't don't do that. Yeah, don't monetize it Yeah, because if that's if that's what's going on then like, yeah, fuck them. Yeah, that's insane Well, then like also a lot of times though, it's like

Especially in the hip-hop community a lot of a lot of those people in those communities are trend setters so like They're wearing your shit Yeah, and Gucci, I think I would say before this happened was like the most popular one. Yeah Everyone was but then a part of me feels like these fucking companies don't want rappers wearing their shit I don't know about that. I don't think they do why Because I just So I think I think the fashion industry is a little bit racist. I mean

You know and then burberry put out a thing that had a noose on it What you didn't see that they had a hoodie that had a noose on it. No, I didn't yes Like rope. Yes a rope I'm looking this up. It's like they're either like supremely oblivious or like Who put it out burberry Just type in like burberry noose hoodie You know what I'm you know what I'm saying? It's like yo like

What are we doing here? What is wrong with you? That's what I'm saying. Yo, yo, honestly, this is an easy no That's an easy no like if you showed that to me, you're like, yo, let's go out I'll be like, you know what let's put that one back in the closet. Let's put the noose down Dude, that one's worse Yo, this is like a blatant. Yes Yeah, it's insane. It's insane

But it's like, you know, it's like That's why I haven't been wearing like my Gucci shit Because of that. Yeah But then I but then I'm gonna feel like a hypocrite if I ever put them back on but I just think like that's like Part of life Yeah, but it's also I don't know. It's I don't know. Like I said, I don't know enough about like well. I look at it like this

I just I I only saw the shirt. Yeah, that's it. It's like listen. I love a conch capper next doing Barla football You know, it's tough. Yeah, you know, and he listen he got his he got his money He's they settled like 70 million. You know what I mean? And then he'll and then he'll take that money from the NFL and he'll He'll build his brand and I know and it will do what he does in his community Yeah, I don't know. We talked about it on veterans minimum a lot How do you feel about it about capper Nick? Yeah

Well, the argument was does it upset you that he settled because we're all on board obviously with Colin Kaepernick's like message Right, right, right. I think the fact that people were upset about it was kind of ridiculous Would they say that he like copped out for settling? Well, it was just kind of like devil's advocate of being like There are some people who are like they feel like he kind of copped out in a way And I I don't really see it that way at all because my my fight wasn't with the his fight wasn't with the NFL They blackballed him. Yeah, they prevented him from being paid. That's my My well-being is the NFL is my job. You guys are not letting me in

Which is like he should have been on a roster no matter what yeah, like there's some horrible core backs out there Terrible so how is Nathan Peterman like an starting games and and he's not on so like He's clearly blackballed by the league They were gonna they had a court date and then the NFL settled. So what does that tell you? If they go to court, they have to turn in all their phones and messages They would have found all this shit and they would have looked like assholes I think settling makes them look like assholes anyway So you did what you had originally wanted to set out to do right? Yeah, you brought out all of the this

you brought attention to uh, you know cops doing these things to to african-americans and whoever and uh The NFL looks like idiots now. Yeah, because viewership dropped off. Yeah now they settled which makes them look guilty Yes, you got your money and now you you I know you could take that money and put it in your community now they but they the only the part that People have a problem with is he signed an NDA With them a nondisclosure agreement that he can't speak about

The collusion case with the NFL. Yeah, but to me it's like whatever who can't like this NFL thing is so secondary To what I was actually kneeling but what does he have to disclose? We all saw what happened. Yeah There's nothing to disclose They just don't want him to just like shit on shit on the league continuously shit on the league So they wanted they wanted people to eventually forget about it. If I was him I'd go play in the AFL Or the XFL or the XFL fuck the NFL. Yeah, you got your money from them. I wouldn't I wouldn't why would I go? I wouldn't go but I wouldn't And look at robert craft though. This guy takes a knee loses his job

Robert crafts out here getting fucking hand chops. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like if you get caught getting hand jobs like that, do you think he should be forced to sell his team? It's just a hand job I know but you're you're paying and they're breaking the law and they could be human trafficking through these places If they're human trafficking that is different. They're getting jerked right But I'm saying if you're getting jerked at a place that they're running human trafficking. Oh, yeah, but if he knows Who knows apparently there was a group of them. I don't have all the information So I don't want to sandbag anybody here

But what I'm saying is this if you get caught with something like that Human trafficking. Let's say it was soliciting prostitution Should he have to be suspended from the league? Suspended sure, but I don't think you should sell your team. You shouldn't have to sell your team, right? Do you know how many these old fucking white dudes fuck hookers? That's what I'm saying. He's worth 6.6 billion You can't get jerked off at home. That's what I'm saying. Why do you have to go there? You literally don't have to pay for this. You can helicopter 11 people and they suck your penis Yeah

That would be willing to do it Yeah, people that fucking they brought there in a goddamn van god knows where they these fucking poor people came from I don't get it. I don't know why Successful people like paying for sex because they have everything and they want the thrill of this weird shit I guess so that makes sense where they're like, oh, I want you to like beat me with candles Yeah, dude, like if you're like so rich and you can have everything just whatever you want Sooner or later, you're gonna want some weird shit because you have everything else Speaking of weird shit. Did you see that Cardi B? Damn, Blizzardian thing

What? Cardi B posted a picture with damn, uh, Blizzardian, Bilzerian or Bilzerian? Not sure. All right. So whatever. Bilzerian or whatever. They took a picture together. Yeah And in one photo on hers Isn't photoshopped on Dan Bilzerian's page He photoshopped her stomach and her butt What?

Yeah, to like make her look like Skinnier. Yes I feel like if anyone would it would make a sense if she did it. That's what I thought But she was like, yeah, I'm here with like at an event with like Dan Bilzerian and here I am and then if you go to his page, it's so photoshopped. It's insane Hold on that's either a marketing ploy or you're just stupid Let me see Uh

Cardi B. Yeah I thought she deleted her instagram Wow, it's very noticeable. It's huge how noticeable it is. Why would he do that? That's so weird. I don't know I don't know. It's fucking weird His team did that Because I'm sure he's not out there on photoshop You just farted again. No. Yeah, he did. What? Yeah, he did. Yeah, that's very strange. It's weird Why would you do that? They didn't like throw a woman off a roof once

What? He like threw like a girl off a roof tried to throw in her pool, but her leg hit the side of the pool You never heard that story about him. No, apparently she wanted him to do it. She was like throw me off Throw you off the roof or throw you off like a balcony into a pool like in vegas somewhere and she and um He was she was like, yeah, like like throw me off and then like he went to throw her off He like didn't toss her well enough She like broke her leg and shit Yeah, dude, I don't understand. You really don't understand people. They scare me I couldn't be one of those like rich like social

So sociolites is that it sociolites? I don't even know what that means Like a socialite like some of that just like parties at night and you're famous for like partying Oh, I see what you're saying like how Paris Hilton was just like hey, I'm Paris Hilton Oh, yeah, and I'm just gonna go out and just do this and do this and like for some reason people just started taking pictures over Yeah, like that's such a weird life like you just club for a living I don't even like going out that much. I know I'll just be like fuck this. I'm just hungover every day. I just want to be alone I just want to be out of everyone's way. I just want to be comfortable

Like my like I look at life like this in a way. I'm like, I just want to be comfortable I want to be free like debt-free um Happy and just comfortable Like do you think like not I don't know because they were talking about this on the breakfast club um dj envy and killer mike Would you

Do you think most people strive to be millionaires or most people strive to be comfortable? Millionaires probably I would say an opposite No, I think the the logical thing is to to chase being comfortable But I think most people like they hear millionaire right. I don't really think about Being comfortable because a lot of people it never ends like yeah, that's why you see these people who have billion-dollar companies and they're like not paying their People well, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I feel you I feel you so I think the right answer is comfortable. That's what you should chase right, but

People don't do that. Yeah You looking up that thing I told you look at no, oh, I I wanted to give some shout-outs before we wrap up here On the base of me. All right. Can we just talk real quick about that stranded train? What there's a stranded amtrak train with 183 passengers on it one how the fuck does a train get stranded? The electrical problem, yeah, but how do you not just the door is open and just get people out of there Yeah I'll kick the window and if anything that's what I mean. Can you look it up? I think it was in Alaska or some shit amtrak stranded train

Uh, so probably not Alaska All right, just type in just stranded amtrak train Okay, all right any news For more than 36 hours 36 hours Yeah, a train with nearly 200 people on board that had been stranded in deep snow deep snow Oh, how the fuck does a train get stuck in snow? You get a snowed-in train?

This isn't adding up global warming The train originally in route to to los angeles will return to sea out of receiving maintenance in Eugene Like whatever city that was so I guess it like snowed on the fucking I guess it's not yeah, look it snowed on the it was crazy snow So they just had to just sit and wait for what though. What do you wait for? Someone's got to like shovel the track. That's yeah, that's 36 hours. Wait. How do we not like have heaters on the tracks? That's what I'm saying. That doesn't make any sense

How the fuck do people get stranded on a train 200 people fuck that there's a random record setting snowfall I didn't know snow could stop trains Well, it's electric boogie boogie boogie. Yeah, but yeah, you think of the snows that the snow we have here the subway always runs We're underground. No, you have the one the the one out here the above. Oh, yeah Yeah, I don't know. There should be running dog that picture. You sent me that thing that went through The thing fell off the subway and went through the fucking window Oh, yeah, there was like a giant. It was like final destination. That shit would have killed somebody man Yeah, dude, that picture was insane. If that's why I don't take the train. It's a wrap that happens to me

I'm like, oh, I can't I can't do this. Um, all right, let's get some shout outs right here before we End the Cheryl These are our patrons who just want to give a quick shout out to them. You know I'm saying Geneva um Dryger dry jerk great name John Hubble, Nicole Ango Pez Joe Herrera Christian Herne Logan Peterson Matthew Arani Uh, Cherise ready Kia Gray Uh, who else we got Samantha Dennis Brenna K

Alexandra Perez Alex Brath Christian Rivera, Megan Lux. Thank you guys for being patrons at the base. We are we appreciate it so much. Hell, yeah um But yeah, we just uh, you know, if you guys want to co support the show you can head over to patreon patreon.com Slash the baseman yard uh some extra content there. You get every episode a week early also Okay, hell, yeah, and uh Yeah, I think that's it Danny. We're gonna find you uh Danny Lopiori on twitter and instagram and not on a stranded fucking train

Yep, and you guys go follow the show at the baseman yard on instagram Not at all