The Basement Yard - #183 - We're Afraid To Get Old

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

On this episode, Danny and I discuss getting old, head transplants and donating kidneys to our best friends. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard me and Danny hanging out today. How you doing? What's up? No, my mic was like dancing a little bit. So I got a little afraid. What do you mean? Oh You ever be in restaurants and you'd have that like chair Would you go through the rest of the dinner with a chair that wobbled or would you ask them like oh? Can you put a deck of cards under here? Matches I don't know. I don't think I've ever been in one of those chairs in a restaurant You've never been in a wiggly chair or had a wiggly table. I've had a I've had Wiggles everywhere, but I haven't like in a restaurant. Yeah, I think they take care of their wiggles

I mean like at home like at my mom's there was like some wiggly shit or we had some shit That would come apart at the seams like you know I'm saying like you could shake your butt a little bit and you would feel it like Move rocking back and forth. Yeah. Yeah, he has numerous chairs like that in his apartment. You sit down on anything in there It's like I don't know. I could be going down here It's probably the weight of his penis that throws everything off kilter. You know everything off its axis exactly My grandma once sat in a chair at my mom's and shattered it It was fucking hilarious and she fell down. Yeah, we flamed her Yeah, your grandma my grandma how like quick was the get-up though. Oh, she was on the ground

She was definitely on the ground. How old is she at this point all the shit damn white hair Yeah, I mean I was too young to understand all I knew is like, oh bitch fell down, right? So I was like, ah grandma Did everybody else life? Oh, we were dying. It was great. It was a whole thing You know what but she was like watching the kids So like my mom was there and my dad would have beat the shit out of me. Yeah, literally throw me against the ceiling Yeah, you can't but they weren't so I was like, ah My young grandma fell my fuckers. Yeah, go upstairs one time. She farted and we let her have it too. Yeah, that's fine fart

Yeah, I mean old lady farts like you don't really get that many opportunities to hear something like that Yeah, cuz they're mostly like windy at that age. Yeah, there was not a whole lot of like there's a lot of fluff Yeah, it's not a whole lot of butt muscle not left. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like You gonna have some sexual ass farts You ever are you afraid to get old But yes and no like I don't want to get to the point where it's like shit just falls out of my ass. Oh That'll happen. Oh I think that'll happen like sooner than you think

You know You know what it is? It starts off like I feel like once you get like further into your 30s Yeah, you just have to like wipe randomly cuz you're like I'm wet You know, I think like Lucy K did a joke about that where he's like my ass just always wet Yeah, I feel like that's a real thing because there's sometimes where I'm like I've eaten really bad and I drank a lot these past few days like and I'll get a random wipe Like in the middle of the day and I'm in my 20s. Yeah, no my 30s my butt starts like letting it go Yes, and no, I mean I I have

Had days where I've had to crumple up like toilet paper and put it in the crack of my ass like a preemptive Yeah, not yeah, like like Um No, just like cuz I had a very wet ass that day So like I would need something to soak it up because it would make my ass whole itchy Wetness. Yeah, wetness and like wetness makes your ass itchy. Yeah

I'm gonna try this makes your ass. No, no, no both both. I kind of like some like you like a lubricated ass Yeah, I mean I get it like a like a like a snake or like a fish. Yeah wet ass See, I don't like that feeling so I don't really I'm like I don't prefer it I'd rather just like a you know a normal. Yeah, like I'll tuck it in there and like Clinch wait and like I'm not putting it in my asshole. I'm saying in my ass crack Okay, but I want my ass crack to hide it cuz I don't want to like if I'm wearing a tighter pant I don't want to look like I have like yeah like a tail. Yeah, like dude with my pants or that yeah I was thinking more of like a bunny tail or something. We should make like what were we talking about making like cool

diapers for old people We had a conversation about that. Yeah, remember at my brother's birthday party. We were talking about a Like Under Armour meets like old people shitting their pants. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, little thicker little more stylish But they're tight, but they're tight. So shit can't fly out of that. No, no, no, why are diapers so loose? I know poop can slip out of the cracks over there. I think I get the absorbency But like let's keep it in there. Yeah, you know, it's like cuz my like honestly like I'm not I'm not afraid to die really like in a way. I am I'm saying like when I'm like getting older. Yeah Like I'm just more afraid of just living old

Why because it's like you can't move that fast and then like me start to forget shit Yeah, but maybe I'm worried about that type of shit like I'd rather be fucking dead at that point me being 27 years old. I Like to think and I know this isn't true I'd like to think that I won't let that happen. Yeah, like I'll try to stay in shape as much as I can But I think no matter what eventually you're gonna be like Your knees are gonna like I don't want to get old enough to the point that if I fall in the shower It's a death sentence you drown. No shower. Yeah. Yeah, or like you break your hip and like you're done

Like you fall asleep in a bowl of soup. Yes, I Don't know how many people die a year from that Three I think three people die from soup people die in their soup all the time Not all the time, but you know some time That's pretty crazy people have died in their soup. I think if I'm old I'm gonna have animals Animals yeah, yeah, I would have pets and animals like actual like service pets like they're like chickens They're like do their own eggs. So like I don't have to walk to the store all the time. I would try to have a farm Yeah, I would have like a couple farm animals

This is getting interesting now. No, because I feel like when you get older your kids don't like you You know, I've actually become like a liability. That's what I'm saying Like I want to be the least liability as possible like Junior and you go to the store the store for me. I just walk outside Take a couple shit eggs and come inside to make an omelet. Honestly my my whole family, especially the women when they get older They're just like so independent. Yeah, my grandma. Like I said, I've talked about my grandma She's a goddamn psycho like she would walk three miles to the supermarket. Yeah, then she got her all face was hanging off She's tripped and fell. Yeah. Yeah, meet was hanging from her fucking chin. She's like, no, it's pretty good

Put a fucking napkin on it. I'm like Jesus grandma Rubs and dirt on it. My mom's a psycho too. Like if she hears someone in the house, just oh, so I think someone's downstairs I'm gonna go down there. It's not like guys get out of here. We got it. It's like let's go check it out Like I don't think our era like I Hate this I hate this word, but millennials. Yes I don't think we were born to be old Whoa, and here's why let me delve Dive I think delve is the word. That's fine. Let me delve into it. Yeah

I was gonna say 12, but I said delve. Yeah, that just sounds like you're trying to say 12 12. I'm 12 Well, that's another thing too, but after I'll bring it up, but like It's like I like I always used to think about this like at one point We're gonna be in our cars for our kids, right and be like, you know, you don't know about this This is a classic and it's like throw your hands up in the sky Like, you know, I'm saying like that song already is like kind of a classic Yeah, but one like our parents showed us like Billy Joel and like the Beatles like classic rock Yeah, like we're gonna show our kids that too because thank God for the internet

But it's like we're also gonna be like oh, you don't know about this It's gonna be like mob deep, you know what I'm saying like it's gonna be weird Like the generational like things gonna be weird and like as technology goes on and as we evolve as humans I don't know if we're gonna be comfortable with getting old Like I think our generation is gonna do whatever it can to not get old Well, there is some thing well first of all, I think that's ridiculous I just think that's because you're not old yet and you're thinking about it, but you you adapt That's what people do. I couldn't picture being like 23

I always thought like yo people who are 23 have their life together and like yeah 23 year olds are fucking idiots Yeah, at least I was and everyone I knew I was I was I was I was up there in stupidness You also don't know exactly what you're doing for the rest of your life at 23 You have a job maybe right out of college and you're like still figuring it out, but you could still change your path It's like you just think that it's way more complex than it is. Yeah, but like also that I understand though Okay, that went to your point about us doing everything we can to stay young or whatever There's actually it's so crazy that you brought this up because we were not planning on talking about this But there is a thing

That like rich people are going to start doing that I've like read about my friend was telling me about What is this where they? Do like blood transfusions? from younger kids So like fuck a 19 year old They'll pay to have their blood put into their body and apparently that's supposed to keep you like anti-aging Yeah, it's like blood-doping or something. I think it's yeah Like I think um, what's the name Peter teal or whatever the fuck his name is that like

The businessman or like whatever the fuck okay? He was the one who came out and said I'm gonna look it up because but it's literally like it's like anti-aging shit It's vampire. Yes. It's where you're taking the blood of younger boys and putting it in your body Because it like I guess I don't know. I don't know. There must be some science behind it. That's so odd That's extremely I would not think that people will be willing to go that far. I was thinking more along the line of like Diet and pharmaceuticals not sucking the blood of the young Yeah, you don't have to suck it well In a way you do regardless of use of device or not. You're sucking. Yeah, he said on Bluebird TV in 2014

He explained he was taking HGH pills I wanted to start that as part of his plan to live 120 years. He wants to be 120 years old Well, we talked about this the first person To be 120 years old has been born How do you know already because if you look at the statistics humans are living longer than ever Yeah, it goes up. So if you think about someone who was born yesterday Mm-hmm their probability of living to 120 is is higher So that's why I believe the first person to live to be like the oldest human being ever has been born has been born

All right So here's here's what it says So it's called parabiosis. Okay It includes the practice of getting transfusions of blood from a younger person as means of improving improving health and potentially reversing aging And then there's a quote. I'm looking into Parabiosis stuff, which I think is really interesting This is where they did the young blood into older mice and they found that a massive rejuvenation effect So yeah, I guess it's testosterone too, or is it just like you just feel better

Whatever that means reverse aging I guess like, you know, your your organs and everything just like works a little better So I guess that would expand your life. Yeah But okay, it's a little it's a little ghoulish. I'd say it's gross. Yeah, definitely ghoulish. Yeah. Yeah, it's very ghoulish Yeah, you like hey, what's up? Let me get your blood and it's very expensive too It's like $8,000 a session or some shit. How much do you I wonder how much they pay you to give your blood? I don't know But if I'm making some successful dude like live longer first of all, I think I passed I drank way too much for anyone Yeah, true. No, definitely no one wants that blood over there. No not over here

My fucking blood's like 50% powdered sugar Probably not but yeah, it's so strange Let me ask you. Oh Gauker has reported that it received a tip in June claiming that he spends $40,000 per quarter to get infusions of blood from an 18 year old Based on research conducted at Stanford on extending the lives of mice So if it works in it seems to be working in mice, so that's why he's like well, I'm gonna do it How do you feel about?

using animals for stuff like that It's a perks of being at the top of the food chain, baby. That's what it is, right? Yeah, like if it's for the greater good You know I'm saying like it's it's not necessarily for the greater good. I know I know it's our good Selfish not yeah, but that's that's just the way it is. I think that's nature I mean at the end of the day, you know when people talk about and this is I'm gonna get so much shit for this No, I'm gonna back you up on this now because you know with animals and shit and people don't really like the way that we treat animals And I don't either like we're keeping fucking chickens in the dark and like they're shitting all over each other Yeah, we're eating that is not great. Yeah, but like hitting them over the head with a bat and saying like they don't feel anything

Right. It's like come on. That's a little crazy. Yeah, but I have no problem with You know It feels weird to say but Like mass murdering animals for to eat, you know, because that is just the way it is Like if you watch the Discovery Channel, like what do animals do? Like they're chasing a pack Yeah, either the youngest one or the one with the fucked up leg Right. It's dead. Yeah, the strong survivor and they leave them. They most of the time they leave them. Yeah, and it's like this Those two guys like people will be like, yo like

Like I've made an attempt to eat less animal products But um, but was that for the animals or for diabetes? But like here's the thing But now but like it's turned a little bit into the animals because it's like I don't need to eat red meat like Six days a week. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like I don't need to constantly be doing that right, but If they can grow like an ear for somebody on a mouse Like they do that like they do what they can generate body parts on mice Like they don't have an ear so they make an ear. Yeah. Yeah, look it up. Look it up real quick

I know you don't like looking stuff up. But like just look up generating organ Body parts on mice Like they're using that technology like if you could generate like if somebody got like an ear or something you could get it on a mouse I'm down I'm down to get that mouse ear Wait, you want to you want to what like if say you lost your ear in like a And you want to in the war war or something. Yeah, and they could grow you an ear Yeah, I'll take an ear. I'll take a fucking mouse ear

Well, not a not the ear of the actual mouse a human ear that grew on to the mouse Yes, what the fuck are you talking about? I'll just show you let me show you what you just said is that there's a mouse That grew a human ear on its body and then we cut it off and put it on me. Yes, what? Yeah, dude, how the fuck can we do that? And ew that's gross A human ear is grown on a rat When there's a picture there's a picture of a human a human ear on a fucking mouse. Yes Researchers take key step towards growing human organs in laboratory

Yeah, but like Researchers have learned the precursor cells for skeletal muscle actually also gives the neurons gives the neurons blood vessels Blood cells and immune cells. Nobody listening knows what that is. I have no idea what that means It's okay to do it pushing science one step closer to generating body parts in a laboratory So basically what they've been doing is they've been running these clinical trials to grow human body parts on animals but like Like giving a sheep a human arm Not that's the goal

That's the goal Why is that the goal because they like if people lose their arms in whatever in war or whatever They want to be able to if they could generate a human arm that they could attach they'd want to do that But why would you grow it on the back of an animal because that's the only way they could do it That's weird. I don't like that. It's a little strange. That's terrible Yeah, because you know what's gonna happen. They got to cut that arm off Well, yeah, they got to cut the fucking arm off But not only that but then eventually animals are just gonna be these weird things with random fucking

There's gonna be legs hanging off of spiders. Yeah, I can't have that Well, there are legs hanging off spiders. I'm talking about human legs You can't put a human leg on a spider. You would need something to be able to carry it Maybe one of those spiders in like Australia or something. That's true big fuckers over there. That's another thing too. Like, uh Do you how do you feel about like cosmetics being used on animals? Why are we doing that? Can't you just use it on people wait? What? Like they'll use makeup On animals to do what to see like if it causes any allergic reactions or like shit like that

Wow, they're really getting the shit into the stick. Yeah, they are. It's fucked up Geez, it scares me a little bit to know like, you know, it makes you think though But here's the thing is somebody could tell you that all this stuff that they're doing on animals could help you live an extra 20 years Are you okay with it? Yeah, selfishly, of course. You have to be. Anyone who says no I'm worried about you. Not that I'm worried about you, but like I just don't think you mean it I mean at the end of the day, like I said, I I am a firm believer in nature and you know, what it's intended

To be and like I said when you watch that fucking channel, you see the the fucking Giraffes are running away from the tigers And then I don't even know if those two things live in the same area. I'm just you know But like, you know what I'm saying? And then like the the young one or the one with the fucked up knee is gonna get eaten Yeah, and sometimes they get away and then the tigers can't eat and then the they they die and so you feel bad either way Someone's going down here and they're also gonna compare like oh, yeah, but we don't live in the wild like that Yes, we don't live in the wild anymore

But at some point we did but not only that but it's like we don't live in the wild because we have been at the top and selfish For so long that now this is what we can live in right, you know Yeah, so that's just like that's just what it is and it's gonna continue and everyone else below us Is just gonna you know, whatever and I'm not saying like, you know, we're doing it the best way Like I said, we shouldn't be having chickens like that and like I bought by organic shit And like free range like whatever like let those chickens get some sun before I eat them. Okay, you know what I mean? Yeah, but You know, that's what I'm sorry. All right, so say your dick got blown off Okay, all right, you dick I've blown you dick I've blown the high heaven

Particles a dick explosion just dick exploded. You were like working You were barbecuing thing blew up blew your fucking cock off. Okay, your balls are still there But you're just cock is just like you just spatter out of a little hole there. It's gone So I have my balls you have your balls, but you like literally like drip onto them because you have no penis down to the Fucking base. Okay. Excuse me. I bless you. Thank you Um, but it just spatters out like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. We get it All right, your penis is gone. I'm talking about my dick. It's gone. We get it. Go. All right So you and your gone penis

Go to a laboratory and they're like, hey, listen We can grow you a cock On a mouse. Okay, or we can give you a cadaver dick A dead motherfucker's dick. Yeah A dead ass dick. Yeah, would you rather grow your own dick on a mouse? Or use a dead guy's dick How big is the dead dick? You don't get to choose. You just get it. Whoever dies next on the list you get that dick I want some like I need some background information. I'd need I'd need to show me the car facts is what I would need

Honestly, I need to know about this penis Because I can't sacrifice my own it is a mouse dick Well, your dick is gone. You have no dick if I'm by the way, the real like thing here is if you're trying to get me to like Not do this to this poor mouse like I would grow this dick. Oh my mom's forehead Right, that's what I'm saying is my dick. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying Yeah, you need a penis so they could grow it on this mouse You have more. How big is that you have more say Okay, you have more is it gonna be a dick or is it gonna be like look like a mouse?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's gonna be a dick that grows onto a mouse It's gonna get cut off the mouse mouse lives a happy life. You get a dick clean penis clean penis exchange So I could get my The same dick if I if I wanted. Yeah, you could get your same dick. I could even maybe get an inch It will it the most you can be given is half an inch The cadaver dick that's a giant the cadaver dicks a roulette wheel. You don't know what you're gonna get Listen dicks are just like betting half a point. It's a lot. Yeah, it's true It is swings the line. It does big time. Yeah difference in a push and going home. Yeah, I would definitely buy a point in this situation

So you're going mouse dick over cadaver dick if I have more say because I could get screwed there If the average the average dick is like what five something right, right? But that's why I asked you you said you're not down with them growing body parts on them. Oh, but we're talking about my dick That's what I'm saying. Yeah when it comes down to your dick. No, man You're going mouse dick over cadaver. I would grow that dick out of my grandma's spine. Yeah, word. Like I don't give a shit I need a penis would you Also having a dead guy's dick would be mad weird. What if the dicks ought to that's what I'm saying

What if it possessed you that's what I'm saying if it just starts Doing shit when I'm sleeping. I think they they they've Done successful penile transplants. I think one or two and they've done a successful head transplant How are you not a ghost? No, bro. Yo, how are you not a ghost dog? Yes, they did they put a head they took a head out of of a man hold on You got a you have your head. Yes, right? And they cut that way who was alive the body or the head the the

Had to be the body who came first chicken or the head. So I'm saying no the guy The body I guess it's like frozen Wait, so the head was alive the head was alive and they put the head on a body. Yeah Yes, no fucking way. Look it up. You watch successful head transplant Frankenstein successful. I'm looking it up too successful Head transplant. They did it on a monkey Yo, this can't holy shit Oh my god, they did it. Oh, this is the new york post though

New york post is pretty reliable though. I mean Wait, yo, wait, so okay. So this is what happened Your head is alive. This is the national world's first human head transplant successfully performed on a corpse Oh my god, that means that the head was alive the Frankenstein notion of head or accurately body Transplants move closer to reality friday with the announcement that the first head swap has been carried out on human corpses I can't even begin to Understand this wait. Hold on. Just look at me. Look at me in my face. I'm just this is fucking crazy. Just look at me in my face Yeah, your head. Mm-hmm is alive right

There's a dead body And they cut your head off. Uh-huh put it on that body right now that body's alive. Yeah I'm good with all of this. I think you do you become them? No, it's just your body your brain Yeah, but if you got new limbs you got to learn how to move with your shit But that's what i'm saying though because if i'm me Right and I die and I get joe schmoe's head. I become joe schmoe your body does Yeah, everything. No. Hey, it's your brain. Do you if you die? You don't become anything

You understand what i'm saying I'm confused. Is that a philosophical statement? No, no, no the dude who's alive becomes your body No, I don't I don't know where I went. This is a real chicken or the egg thing. I'm gonna get a nosebleed thing I know I know no no the dude who's alive. Okay his head He's the person who's gonna be something right. He's gonna be something for sure. You are gone now. I'm gone So your name is not even brought up. It's just like this body We're gonna put you on this shit And then you're gonna be just and then he's gonna

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah dead a lot alive get transferred to the already becomes you you stay dead, right? You don't become shit. Damn. That's whack. Yeah, you don't yeah, you don't get anything Wait, but if you have diabetes and you put a head on that to then does that head now? I got diabetes now No, that's a pancreas thing I gotta the pancreas is right here. No, you're mistaken. The head is different I'm saying if they put a head on your body If they put a head on my body, they will have diabetes. That's what I was saying. Yeah Would you rather have diabetes or no head?

Or no body That too Or no life There's three options here really you could be dead diabetes or or ahead With no body with no body I'm taking a diabetes. Yeah, take those You gotta eat more fucking kale or spinach. You figure that out. Let's figure it out Yeah, fix that in post. Can't really drink but no

It's fine. Yeah What the fuck were we talking about at the beginning of this thing? I'm no idea. Oh the blood Oh the blood uh, the people taking the blood is then we decided that it was would you do it though? Yeah, if I could afford it if I would love to do like hgh And like testosterone like shit to like Is hgh like really bad for you? No I've known people that have taken it. I would like to do like Testosterone replacement therapy. I want to do like CBD stuff

I heard that's really good for you. A lot of people say it's good. I think as science Damn, we're good. Like very smart on the show. You did not really. We're just kind of saying we just argued about Heads on bodies and shit. Yo, but CBD oil, you know, it's you know, it's crazy about stuff like that It's like it says it's like there's all these studies and like science backs whatever, but nothing's proven. I'm like, well If you studied it and you're making claims, why would you make claims if it wasn't proven? Because that's something that they like to do like that's like if something um Like if I give you a supplement, right and it's not FDA approved

That's all it means is the food and drug administration said it's not FDA approved to do that Like say that like this definitely will result in right it will result in decreasing your anxiety If there's not like if the FDA doesn't prove that like this actually does that They're not going to put their stamp on it, but some people it might do it for them. You know what I'm saying Yeah, I guess because if I if it says like it lowers your chance of like Heart disease and then you end up getting heart disease. It's like, well, dude. I was taking this Right like if you take like omega three pills

Supplement the fish oil things. Yeah, they said they could lower your risk of like whatever, but it's not FDA approved It's just like they think that because these fats are good for you This can help your heart. Are you sure they're not FDA approved? Yeah, a lot of supplements aren't Yeah, I don't really know but I just the idea of someone putting someone else's blood. I'm not a big blood guy I don't I just like uh like I'm not like grossed out by blood Like and I I'm not gonna like see blood and faint and shit. Yeah, but I don't want it on me No, definitely don't want it in me. No Let me ask you this

Would you give your kidney to a friend that needed it? Yeah, that's tough to a family member without question friend you you're you're gonna be like you're on your own this one Frankie oh If Frankie came to me, I wouldn't expect you to give me your kidney yet Yet. Yeah, like if we get to like 200 episodes then maybe like Maybe we'll celebrate we'll enter kidney territory. Celebrate with a kid. Yeah. Yeah, we'll do so We'll do celebratory kidney territory Um, but Frankie's like yo man like listen, you're a perfect match. I need this fucking kidney man or I'm going to die

Yeah, I gotta give it to him I don't think you could drink after that Having one kidney. Yeah, I don't think so. I figure that yeah Listen, I'll get some blood transfusions and I'm drinking with my one kidney Right, we're gonna work this shit to the bone. All right We're gonna figure this out. You're Irish. You probably have like six kidneys that works Yeah, so so you would

Yeah, honestly if it came down to him dying, but I'd be like yo if anyone really asked me like Not anyone but like right not a person that I knew personally, right Don't put yourself in hot water here. You might have like 11 inboxes By the way, I need a kidney and I'd be like, listen, I didn't mean what I said No, but if someone I knew personally like for many years like, you know, I have a lot of friends But like if someone was if one of them was like, I'm gonna die. We're flexed, but okay I have so many fucking friends no, but I

If if one of them came out to me like I'm gonna die if you don't give me your kidney I'm like, well, take my fucking kidney right fuck man. I don't know if I'd be that like I'd be like, yo You sure you're dying like let me go to the doctor with you Like let's talk about this. It's not really something you'll lie about. Oh, you'd be surprised. I'd be shocked I don't know man People lie about dying from kidneys. Oh, why would people lie? Yeah, people lie about a lot of shit I get it. But like why would you lie? Why would you want another kidney? And what is that cool?

No, dude, but I'm meaning more like a new kid. I'm I'm I'm leaning more along the lines of like people will lie and say to have something Like I just want to see some paperwork. That's all I want to see Oh, yeah, I mean, it's like a cop someone pulls you over. You're like, I just need to see your badge, dude I'll do you want to show me your badge. Yeah, I just I don't know who you are. You don't know who I am Yeah, let's talk this out here. Yeah, let's go to the doctor together Let's make sure we're a perfect match because I don't want to go throw away kidneys. Is the shit ain't gonna work Keep my shit. That's fair. That's all I want to know. That's fair. That's all I want to know It's very fair, you know, and this is all stemming from me being afraid to get old

That's where it's that's where it started. Yeah, the show goes off the rails. It's like Yeah, but I think I think I think it goes off the rails, but we have such a good Time talking going off the rails that we could find our way back somehow I mean, that was tough to get back. No, I found it. I found it. Yeah Gotta leave breadcrumbs along the way like Hansel and Gretel God, you ever have that fucking bitch in that cock? No, no, you ever have that itch on your balls Where you kind of have to pinch the skin and like rub it back and forth Yo, you know what I'm talking about, you know, I'm so glad that I'm I'm not the only one who does that

Oh, it's fantastic. I'm doing it right now. You gotta grab it. You gotta go like just twist it That was weird. Yeah, why did you say that? Because I don't know. I don't know. I got afraid I was doing it at the same time. So I was enjoying the sensation now. I'm doing it. It feels great Yeah, you're like you're like rubbing the skin back and forth. Yeah, just nicely tight and you're just curling it I feel like this is like how crickets make noise. Yeah It's like they just rubbed their balls and it just feels so good. It just gets Satisfying and itch Top 10 feelings in the world. Yeah, if you had the rate top three feelings in the world

What would you say coming well unanimous coming number one so fire two is uh Just making it to the bathroom to take a big old shit Satisfying. Oh my god, where you're like you're cold sweating. You're like, I can't even get my keys Yeah, out of my and then you get and then you just Fire that dump. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it's just like It's just like, you know Slow motion scene in there. That's like winning the olympics. Yeah running through the fucking ribbon. Yeah

Oh Love that. Um, and then three I think is I don't know I would say food No, I don't get it. Oh, man, I get some Oh, try being on a diabetic diet. You'll know the things you miss. Yeah. Yeah. I food doesn't really give me like that. Oh You know It doesn't really do that for me. God taking a shit does though. That's weird. No, that's a human Taking shit is amazing. Yeah

Maybe when hiccups stop. Oh, I love when that happens. I'm like, yeah It's like a sense of relief or when you blow your nose like just perfectly You know and you actually breathe through your nose again, that's nice. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah Damn, why are we having so much trouble like figuring out what feels good? Because we're sad or we're just only thinking about coming. No. Yeah, that's two uh things that feel good Um taking your socks off after a long day Okay How much do you love taking your socks off in bed with just your feet?

You get that tell under that first sock. You're like, oh, I'm good money Dude, I can't I can't even tell you how many times I went to make my bed and I'm like, what are these fucking socks at the end of this thing? Fucking funny that you said that What Alana's been out of town for like two or three days socks all over that bed. I made the bed today seven socks Just looking curled up Because Eli eats them. Yeah, so I saw him down there. So what the fuck you doing? I said, oh, it's a fucking sock cemetery down here Yeah, yeah

Oh A good hug a good hug, but like a good hug Precursor by something Just like a squeeze. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know like if I haven't seen you in a month Like that kind of hug crying is sometimes fire. I think crying is one of the best human emotions possible I really do I really do because yo like honestly, there's been times I think crying's like the greatest thing. I think I think it's better than laughing I think that is so fucking stupid. Here's why here's why I think it's better than laughing because when you're laughing

You're it's it's like stimulation outside Like you're stimulated by something that's happening, right? Okay, like if you make a funny joke ha ha ha ha gut buster And then when you're crying though, it's more internal. So like you're it's like self healing kind of in a way to cry Damn that was deep as shit. You're it was a good try But you're not gonna fucking convince me that one of us on this table is on lexapro. Yeah, let's just say that Someone's taking depression medication

All right, but you know crying is better than laughing. I someone get this man What do you think's more therapeutic laughing or crying? That's the better question. I think more therapeutic I think crying is more therapeutic because you because it's internal. It's something that you're stuff I get what you're saying because like there'll be times where I'll like randomly will have like a really good cry And yeah first I'd be like I needed that. Yeah Yeah, it's like I listen like way better laughing is way better because it's fun What's better than fun?

Coming There we go, there we go, that's why we do the show. Come on man. We're on fire The best in the business too. Almost too funny today. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Also a hot ass story Have you ever like been like when we're doing an episode and you're kind of just like, yeah, we're this is a good one I'm not even getting like 12 minutes into this. I was like, yeah, goddamn this episode. We got him Ladies and gentlemen, we got him like uh I remember we were we were talking about it one time like we were talking about crying Yeah

Because um, it was that day where I just started crying in the studio remember What's your time? Yeah, I know but like a part of that for me, it's like you're You're never more vulnerable than one like you're crying alone Like crying around other people it could get misconstrued Okay, like when you're crying by yourself, you know why you're crying it can be from happiness

That's why like crying isn't just sad shit Oh, I cry from being happy. That's what I'm saying like those golden buzzers Yeah, dude that talent Dude, if I see like a kid that like with like cerebral palsy like that video that kid like deadlifting Made me fucking cry I'm so I felt so happy for this kid. No, so that's why I think crying is the ultimate emotion All right, because it could be sad tears Bad tears, it's it's versatile good. Yeah, it's versatile

Do you say versatile versatile? I just said versatile. Yeah, I'm a versatile guy Versatile no pun intended Why would that be pun intended because I think I'm versatile like as a human I think I'm humanly versatile what What is it? I think how did I get here now? You're just trying to sound like so like

introspective and smart I went to college. I swear to god. I went I swear All right, anyway, let's get to these ads real quick. It's pumped the brakes a little bit Listen, let's pump the brakes a lot of bits. Yes, I hear you Sorry What a little stretch a little stretch in the hammies Do you stretch every time after you you exercise? Absolutely not. That's a terrible thing that I do You should stretch and I don't how often do you think you should stretch?

You should stretch after your workouts. Do you stretch before workouts? There is certain exercises you can do before the workouts But usually like in high school like the ones we did before football those in some studies have been proven to actually Not help. Okay But you are supposed to stretch after you work out like every time because I'm back in the gym now Which I don't so I got to figure that out stretch after your workout. Okay warm up With like lightweight. Yeah workout then stretch Okay, boom. Um, all right, let's get to the to the sponsors we have today first one harry's

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Dot com get a free stock like apple ford or sprint. So go check that out as well And that is all Sponsors we have today. We love our sponsors here on the basement. Love them all. You know who else we love Our patrons. Yeah, you beat me to it beat me to it Right now. Let me check Danny's getting awfully close to getting a raise here. I said at 1500 patrons He would get a raise and we'd probably do it on the show But right now have a raise special. Oh, we are less than 125 patrons to the goal

We have 1378. Yeah, and we're just gonna keep making goals, but If you want to support the show, uh, you can head on over to patreon.com slash the basement yard And uh, it it helps the show a lot. Absolutely We're trying to do a lot of stuff in the future with it And you know the the money that people are pledging every month Really helps and there are some cool things that you can get like personalized video shoutouts from me and danny You get every episode a week early. There's some extra content that we throw up there and there's always room for More stuff to be done on there as well, which we are working on actually

Oh, and they also get an exclusive episode every single month That is not anywhere else. You could only see it At patreon.com slash the basement yard. Yes patreon spelled p-a-t-r-e-o-n Yeah, you want to be closer to the show now. You can be closer than ever. There you go. There it is filthy sluts. That's it Also, so I really want to talk about something And I'm expecting it to be forever because We're at 44 minutes into this thing. That's fine. This is gonna take three hours. It's disgusting. I listen. I'm down Shane Dawson

Yeah Some stuff going on with Shane Dawson. I was fully immersed in it. I'll be honest. I'm not fully immersed But I'm definitely sitting on the edge with my legs in. Yeah, you know, like I know what's going on But I don't know the water at least. Oh, it was going to oh my listen. I'm up into my fucking knee right now uh If you type in Shane Dawson's name into google right now Yes, the first search that comes up is Shane Dawson cat. Yeah Would you like to explain why? Okay, so by the way for those who don't know Shane Dawson

Is a very popular youtuber who's been doing it for years Long time. So long time. That's okay. So this is how long he's been doing it. So back in 2014 or 2015 he was a guest on a podcast and during that podcast he had some Very special things to say about uh relationship between him and his cat known as cheeto Okay, so during that podcast he goes on to state that

he Laid his female cat on her back Spread open her chicken tight legs I don't know why she would call their cat legs not chicken legs But anyway, and he proceeded to hump the cat and he ejaculated on it You say ejaculated. Yeah, I did. That's fine. But this dude came on a cat. He jizzed on his cat and he said it I have the clip. You have the clip play it

Hold on just so people can hear this Red flag number one What you do one time I laid my cat down on her back I don't I don't know think about it. I don't think so. She's trying to help him. Don't say it. Yeah big time trying it Move her little chicken legs like you know spread open or whatever And I was like if I just like hump but like on her tummy like that's not weird like whatever and then I humped it I humped it and I kept going kept going that came all over the cat. No you did not. Was it my first sexual experience? I was like

Hey bud 19 way too old to come on a cat. Yeah You know, you know, you're too old to come on a cat when you start being able to come Yes Anytime you're able to fucking bust a nut probably shouldn't be busting nuts on animals If he was nine and humped the cat I I could get it Okay, you're still a little weird a little weird going on but what i'm saying is this 19 is old 19 is 10 years later It's a college student coming on a cat by I was a kid. Yeah

What? I was 19 years old. I'm a sophomore in college and you're coming on cats, bro Dude little pumps like 15 years old. He's got millions of dollars. You can barely speak english And he knows he can't come on a cat exactly And you had years on him. You can't you can't be coming on cats Can't be coming and he later came out to say that he was joking. He said it was a joke I'm not gonna defend myself because blah blah blah. That's why I'm trying to find the thread his tweet Yeah, all right, so this is the first tweet of the thread

I didn't fuck my cat That's a hot start hot start hot start to your apology tweet gets hard, uh harder gets hotter I didn't come on my cat This dr. Seuss I didn't put my dick anywhere near my cat I've never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself I wasn't going to make apology videos at the last year's thing So i'm trying to be as short and honest with you as possible Do you want me to keep reading? Yeah

I've apologized many times for all the dumb shit I've said in videos and podcasts over the years I've learned my lesson over and over and over again And i'm more confident now in my ability to be entertaining by just being myself and not being so shocking for laughs Okay, buddy Third that story was fake and was based on a dumb awful sketch idea I had years ago that I never made so this guy's just lying. Okay Thank god and when the opportunity came up for a funny moment in the podcast I told it as if it was a real story, which was very disgusting and very very dumb

Stop okay Oh So here's the thing right even if this is made up. Yeah, he he then admitted. I was like an idea for a sketch. Hey, man Not funny What sketch I've heard funny or I've heard of way funnier sketches than that In what context would it be cool for you to be like, yo, you don't be hilarious if you hump this cat and just come on it. Yeah That's hysterical We're all dying laughing. Yeah, and listen

Shane Dawson isn't an actor. He isn't he has he's not winning fucking academy awards. Whatever you heard the audio He could that was a real story. Yeah, he tried to save it by saying I was like 19 Yeah That's yeah, if I was a lawyer, which I very well could be a cat lawyer. Yes if I was a cat lawyer That that that right there is enough evidence to bury him Because just off his voice alone in the tonality of his voice. Yes, damn dude. I'm using good words today You're on what is going on? I don't know. I fell earlier I fell earlier

So, I don't know. Maybe somebody got knocked back into place, but the tonality of his voice is very convincing. Okay Here we go This is the other this is the other part of his rant My goal with the podcast and with videos years ago was to tell shocking stories that would make people laugh and scream Oh my god. No, you didn't Why did you why did you put that? I don't know. I don't know. I tried to sound like him Okay, I'm trying to not laugh. Okay And think I was so crazy

That's like seven O's Okay, fuck. So this dude thought it's embarrassing and I fucking hate myself for it If we're coming on a cat, I would hate myself too All right Why can't you just shit in the litter box? I got normal people. That's what I'm saying Jesus Christ Scoot across the floor. Come on man. Just own your shit. Yeah. Own your shit, bro. Own your cum. Own your cum, man It's your cum. It's your cum. Your cat

You're at fault here. You're at fault coming on cat. You're sketch. Everything's got your fingerprints. Yeah The stinks of cat cum and it's you. We know it's you. All right Now that I'm making stuff Now that I'm making stuff I love and I'm being myself It feels so much better and I finally feel like I'm putting stuff out into the world that means something like your cum I'm not saying I hate everything I've made over the years There's so many things that I'm proud of but all of my offensive jokes over the top stories And insensitive jokes are something that still haunt me

And something I have to be faced I have to be faced with every day. It's not So hold on hold on on the internet and it never gets easier. That's six of a couple more tweets It doesn't get easier. Dude. I have no problem Like I mean I do but like if you make it an insensitive joke and because like oh, I thought you were gonna say you have no problem Coming on a cat. I was gonna be like Joe. Oh a huge problem. Yeah. No, but Back in the day everyone has to understand that it was a different environment People were saying like like we talked about on a previous episode people in movies and stand-ups

It was like common that they would use the word faggot. Yes, you can't do that nowadays Dude, Eddie Murphy's like whole fucking thing is like faggots. That's all he says and it's like back in back in the day It was a different thing. So if you made an insensitive joke and you have to deal with the repercussions of that That's one thing. This isn't one of those things in every era In every single era of coming on your cat Not cool if you came on your cat in ancient Greece It was not cool See, I will give one argument ancient Greece. They might have been like gives you power or something. They were weird

I mean, they were weird. I was but I get I get I get Not ancient Rome though. Those guys were coming on everything. Who the romans Oh, yeah, Jesus christ. If you had a pulse they came on you. Yeah, but you know what I mean? No, I feel I agree with you 100% Was this it's this isn't this isn't and like an insensitive joke. No, it's a fucking weird thing And you want to know what it is? It's a true story. Yeah, that's why it's weird And you tried to save it but be like guys relax. It was 19 I love I love I love how people like do these things and go and die at tribes like

I have to I have to deal with this every day and I have to you don't under You said you were gonna come on a cat. Yeah, you gave it a cat. You don't think anyone's gonna be like, hey Let me talk to you for a second. Yeah, let's do this. Really calling that cat. Yeah, I'm gonna ask you that Well, I'll tell you what I'm not going over that house. Guess what? Here's the thing. I'm not babysitting that cat. No way. Get the cat out of here Get that come cat. Get the fuck out of here that come cat out of here, but If it's stand-up You obviously know they're lying, right?

Obviously for the most part and here's another thing on a podcast Here's another thing. It's a little bit different. You guys want to hear something else? Not a comedian Right You're not a comedian if a comedian went on a show and said they came on a cat. I'd be like, uh, They're kidding. But not only that but when a comedian tells a story, you could you know when it's fake. Yes Maybe like, yeah, like, uh, I was in some traffic coming here. Like, no, you weren't. Yeah You know, like, all right. I'm

I'm along for the ride today. I was at the store. No, you weren't. No, you're here. You're in the you were in a hotel room Like, you know what I mean? No, but like the the way that but the way that they tell the story It's an obvious joke with him Unless he's the greatest storyteller and actor of all time, right that just felt like a real thing And listen Am I saying we should go to Shane Dawson's house and kick down his door? No All I'm saying is uh, yes if we have Like if you keep a record of things that have happened. Yeah

Let's write down that this dude come on came on his cat. I just want people to remember he came on his cat I'm not saying anything should happen to him. I don't want him to lose sponsorships or hurt his business Or I don't think he's a bad dude. I think it's a weird dude who came on a cat though I do too. I'm gonna have to stay in that camp way later in life Like you didn't come on a cat at four. Yeah, you know what I mean? I fingered a triggered thing like a triggered stuff animal wasn't alive though It was a stuffed animal. Yeah, and I fingered that thing when I was like five Right, you know what I'm saying when you're still trying to figure out what stuff does. Yeah, this is 19

You know what cum is and you know you're gonna come on that cat and you know who your cat is Came on your cat. How do you clean that off your cat? I don't want to think about that That's definitely a bad situation though. Yeah. Yeah, that's a rough. That's a rough. It's a rough hairball for cheeto Dude, that's a weird like you think pita's gonna go after him probably All right, so I think this is the last tweet. He did I feel like without my past I wouldn't be who I am today. So without coming on a cat in your past You wouldn't be who you are today Right, let's let's let's say chalk it all his success up to coming on a cat

And I wouldn't be able to grow and spend my energy on things that actually mean something Probably meant something to that cat This has been the best two years of my life and it's because I've been able to drop the act and be myself And I'm sorry for not doing it sooner That's it. Okay And uh, I don't know how to feel about it, but guess what he came on that cat Without question. Yeah Well, and the other thing speaking of cats

um I've been watching be careful. No, I know I know All no cats were harmed in the making of this podcast. Thank god or just on um I Have been watching a lot of like Cat catfish episodes recently Like I have these 10 years too late, but okay. No, no, no, no, no, but like I watch like they have like uh like compilations on mtv Okay, like their youtube channel. So like I'll watch like biggest like surprise ones or like did you see the one where the guy was like

They make him do the girl voice. Yes I just don't understand like why you gotta Yo, and the guy was like, oh my god I'm talking to this dude and they had one Yeah, which was a compilation on people who thought they were actually dating celebrities One guy thought he was dating katie perry Don't feel bad for him. One guy thought one girl thought she was dating bow. Wow That's more realistic. That's more realistic. Sorry bow. Wow, but I think you you could be dated right now. Bowel is not watching

No, no, no One the first thing I would want to say two questions one Do you think it's cool for neve and max to kind of You know, like that's not true To entertain that because the person that you're going to be talking to is a crazy person Oh, do you think they should yeah, because like I have to go into that episode like They have to pretend like we're gonna do some research. Yeah research is literally us going to the other room going Dude, no, yeah

Be the shortest catfish episode of all time Literally just sitting them down. We did some research and uh For three seconds and we just gotta let you know, uh, you're not dating katie perry, bud. Yeah, and the thing is too. It's like Neve's famous Yeah, probably definitely knows what it knows katie perry Just get on the phone episodes You don't need much more, but I think it's more of like a uh

You want to see how crazy that person is no, I want to backtrack find out who fake katie perry is that too that too Yeah, but also the guy was in denial He was like no, it's the real katie perry and they're both like dude. No, it's not and he's like yeah, it is So they basically had to go out of their way To prove to this person that he wasn't dating kerry perry and wait till you see the guy I don't like to judge people on their looks not somebody katie perry would date. Okay in online It just doesn't work that way All right. Yes. So what I wanted to ask you one. Do you think that's

Them exploiting that Person for a little bit. I don't really think so, but I think it makes for good television Um, because like I think shows like teen mom Uh, my pregnant 16 year old fucking daughter or whatever that show is called. I don't think it's fucking is entitled, but Those are exploiting people Yeah, like honey boo boo that was exploiting like Look at this redneck family. Yeah, look at this bunch of idiots basically. Yeah, and like

This one enters beauty pageants and like eats like cheese You know like they like, you know, they portrayed her in a negative light or there's another that other show About gypsies. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What's that one? I don't know, but it's it's is Ridiculous. So do you think like MTV's exploiting? Of course they are like teen moms and 16 16 and pregnant. It's called. That's what it is. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. No, I Of course So that's fucked up Yes, it is there's not a whole lot of like

You know morals behind and also it's like those people like make money or whatever, but like The world is looking at you like you're a fucking idiot. That's the hardest part Yeah, because that's the reality of the situation like no one's watching that gypsy show and being like You know, I'm very invested in these people's lives and they're they're great. They're like, oh, look at these fucking assholes I know that's what it is. Yeah, it's the whole appeal of the show. Yeah, that's why they film it the way that they do That's why you hear stories all the time of people planting fights and like Reality tv shows and whatnot. We want to see the madness. We want to judge people and feel like ah, at least I'm not that guy That's why Jerry's Jerry springer. So fake. I know the whole show is bullshit always has been everyone's grandma's getting fucked

Or whatever the hell's going on and like who's you know having sex with a little person now and like It's all like scripted to look ridiculous. So we can go. Ah, look at these fucking douchebags. Yeah, it's all Exploring these people. Yeah, like I would walk I can't even really say this but oh no I went through a huge phase where I watched this one about all these little women It's like little little women miami. It's like, yeah, it's like uh the bad girls club Yeah, and like they like sit there and fight at dinners and stuff. Yeah, and I'm like, what the fuck am I watching dude?

But I can't turn it off and the entire appeal of that show. What is it because they're little they're little because they're little people Somebody came up with that idea Someone was like, yo, let's make this let's make uh Real housewives of fucking whatever city new jersey, but them all be little people put them all be little people Because it'll just add another factor to the whole thing and then it's like some of them date like regular height guys and then some of them date like fellow little people so it's like I can't turn it off

That's the yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's just I feel bad for watching it because like I could judge it But I'm watching it. You know what I mean? It makes me feel a little strange But I feel like catfish can do that sometimes with like people you know that probably like Well, here's a couple screws loose there. Here's the thing like that happened What you said where the guy was like convinced like that had happened to me before well, that was my second question I wanted to ask you have people have Portrayed you on the internet. Oh, yeah all the time and it happened to me recently

Which actually made me feel pretty famous Which is pretty cool. Um, but anyway enough about me. Yeah, um How does that make you feel to know that somebody did that? To you I don't really care If it has no effect on my life, I don't care But if it's once it starts to like actually affect my life, then I really care, but if someone's out like I feel like I'm out there enough that if you do like even the slightest bit of research, you'll know that I'm not Paul from fucking

Minnesota, right, you know, but you'd be surprised man. There's a lot of gullible people out there sure and like, you know, whatever I but I what am I gonna do about that? I don't fucking know who's signing up for tinder with my face Right, but if somebody comes to you and says hey, this is you Yeah, someone's using a picture of you if it was me I'd be like, yo, this is not me Yeah, I said that that's what I'm saying. Well, I use it when usually I get screenshots from people It's usually from dating apps and it's usually people who follow me of being like Look how oh, I didn't know you were greg from accounting in

You know, all calm city. Yeah, exactly. So it's like they know that it's not great, you know me, but I don't know but there was this one time this was back in like 2013 and I had a p.o. Box set up and I got a um, it was like this dish and it had a bunch of like cook like, um, it was like styrofoam with like, uh I don't even know like these Things in them like sticks like edible stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And then at the top there was like cookies and there were different like ball Like it was like a football a soccer thing and I was like, who the fuck is this from? I hope you feel that right in the garbage. Well, I know I would never eat anything

Yeah, but you know if my cousin sent me something in the mail, I'd be like what the why did you do this? I'm throwing it out Yeah, um, and there was a letter with it as well. So I'm reading the letter and it says, uh, hey, joe Uh, oh no, it said yeah, it said hey joe and then yo, it was Two two pages this way and on the back this way and on the back and I was reading it, right? Fucking right novels out here I would have I would have gave up half a half a paragraph into there Well, I was curious because in in like the I was curious who it was from because at that point I'm like, okay, whatever did have the arrow to say like turn over

No, I did you remember those though, right? Yeah, I did but uh, so I'm I'm reading it says dear joe and saying all stuff And then it said something like Um, you know, I know we haven't talked in a lot or something of I know we broke up. I know we stopped talking a while ago But I wanted to like, you know, get you something nice. Now. I'm thinking like this is like a girl that I knew like Oh, shit, like who's this now? I'm like really curious. So I'm like reading like through it, you know Because I'm like what girl would send me something to my like po box like they know where I live You know I'm saying you reach for the glasses on that one. You're just like, hold on. Let me see

Hold on. I like folded it like a white dude in a park with the newspaper like Yeah, one second. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm like, oh shit. All right. What's what is going on here? And um Then I start reading more and it says First I read the whole page and said that whole thing in the beginning Then I was just saying like a bunch of gibberish that I'm like I kept going like who is this right, you know I get to the second page And I read that whole thing that on the third page

I read something that said um You know at this point Uh, I'm hooking up with other guys And you're probably hooking up with other guys too and I was like What? She wrote guys. Yeah. So I was like, what what is going on? and then I started to realize that like

Someone's getting catfished By someone who's portraying me as a gay guy So it was and then I read to the bottom and it was from a dude And I was like, whoa, what is this? Yeah, right? So I'm not buying it and he left So it was from a dude and he and he left his information there for some reason I thought that was always strange. Please tell me you called this gay man I didn't call him. I I messaged him on facebook. Okay, keep going. Yeah As long as you make contact with this gay man that reached out to you. Oh, oh, yeah

I need to know about it. Yeah. Yeah. So I had reached out to the guy because I felt that he sent me this nice thing That I ended up throwing out immediately. Yes, and he wrote me this whole thing. That was nice So, you know, whatever. So I I messaged the guy I find his facebook and I messaged him and I said, hey, man I just want to let you know I received this thing in the mail. My name is, you know, joe sanagato and Apparently someone's using my pitch pictures to catfish you and I'm like, sorry to have to tell you this I was like, you know, I don't I don't know how this could happen Like if you want to give me the the link to their profile, gladly like report it and like whatever, but Right, trying to help them out. This is me and this is like look at like the videos I've made

Here's my instagram. Just like try and prove that it's actually me. Here's me with a woman. Yeah Yeah, I actually I mentioned I was like, I'm not gay like I'm straight and like whatever about a lot So I gave him most information and it was just like You don't have to lie. Oh my god. And I was like, dude, I'm I'm not lying to you Like I'm I'm trying to like help you out or whatever and he never like believes me and I went back and forth with him Like I sent maybe four messages and he sent me like like a like a bunch and then I stopped answering after all Because I'm like, I can't help this guy. God. This is like shutter island of gayness. I don't How many times you gotta try convince this guy that you're not gay

He he thought it was me and then why would I just suddenly be like, hey, man, that's not me It was I think it was a different last name too But the name was joe and it was my pictures, right? But I was like, yeah, man, it's not me and I was trying to explain and he was just like, nah, you're You're you're gay. Yeah I'm gonna walk around the block be like Do you know how much should I drink? Yeah Jesus christ

No, but yeah, it was like this whole thing and they had been talking for like months Yeah, and he thought it was me and then I found the facebook eventually and like they were tweeting some very graphic thing Making like facebook posts like very graphic Wow talking about like it's like monday morning talking about how they want to suck a dick or whatever Which I feel like if you want to suck a dick, it wouldn't even be on that day. It would be something It would be closer to the weekend. That's not even like gay. That's like slutty Yeah, it was definitely some slutty gayness. You know what i'm saying. It's like Well, I always talk about if I was gay, it'd probably be a huge slower anyway

So maybe that was kind of like a different dimension. It would be me Yeah, it could yeah, it could have been a different dimension. I like I like to think i'm a little classier than sucking penis on a monday morning though We all like to yeah, you know if it presents itself in the right way. You never know But yeah, I just I'm someone would either catfish someone with my face or I have a split personality. That's Super gay. It's like me myself and Irene. Yeah. Yeah Oh, man, I think It's crazy how

Easy it is to catch somebody like being fake on the internet But I feel like a lot of people just don't go out of their way to do it because like they're like They're longing for like companionship, you know I think it's just a lack of experience There's a lot of people who don't talk to a lot of people on the internet. So like they probably wouldn't be Exposed to a catfish or anything because I remember when I was young and on my space and there was like this this Grown up dude. I'm in like seventh grade and there's a grown ass woman with gigantic tits and her name's like tiffani diamond

And she's messaging me like what's up with that little cock? And i'm like What is good? Yeah, that's pretty dope actually. Yeah, and like it was probably a bald dude who like One of my cheeks. Yeah, the internet used to be way scarier Uh, let me ask you do you think the internet used to be more scarier or it's scarier now It was scarier back then because it was more unknown. I think it's more dangerous now How so? Because I think there's just more opportunity to Be a predator

Yeah, or like do weird shit like you could steal people's identity and you could also just be a weird fuck and like if you if like Because I know the internet and social media so well in theory I could be amazing at catfishing someone like I know all the steps to like Cover my ground like it would take so much effort, but I could do it Got your sociopath. I got that fucking ability, baby like I feel like Going out of your way to catfish somebody for so long

Like I love when they ask them on the show to be like so if you ever face time It's like no, it's like either like a bad connection Or like they ain't paid their phone bill. I'm like, how long you've been talking this person like seven years. I'm like, dude We're gonna have to move on here. Yeah at that point That's your fault. Yeah, like it's hard for me to feel bad for people on that show because one The people that they get on the show sometimes you're good-looking a lot of times do not great you know what I'm saying and The person that they're going after are these insanely

Gorgeous people. Yeah, and it's like You gotta you gotta you gotta look in the mirror sometimes. You gotta know where you stand. You gotta know where you stand All right, someone fucking catfished me and it was fucking J. Lo Someone that looks like that odds are this is a dude, you know what I'm saying You know or somebody that or dude, I've done that in the past before You know like someone has messaged me and like they're insanely hot and I'm like I'm not even gonna fucking Dignify this with an answer. Yeah, because there's no way. Yeah, like this is out of my tax bracket here. Okay. That's what I'm saying

It's like listen I know where I stay you're not dumpster diving on Thursday night. Yeah, I got somewhere to be that's what I'm saying You know, you're not coming around to me. Yeah, I get punching down sometimes, but no one's gonna punch Way down and hit me. Yeah at like 19 years old. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like it it's There's levels to this guys. Let's be real. Yeah, and it's hard for them to say it I feel like on the show to be like, hey man, listen Probably not gonna be fucking this girl

You know what I'm saying You know, yeah, and it's like Why set yourself up like that and that's why I feel like like it comes back to what you said that people lack communication skills And this is the only thing they've really ever had so they taken a run with it Well, I also think that it's possible to fall in love with the idea of somebody so maybe like At a certain point they could feel like that makes a lot of sense actually. Yeah, they could feel like um You know, this might not be The person i'm talking to but that is

Completely like overwhelmed by but I just love speaking to this person And like it gives me something to look forward to like I have a long day at work And I live in a small town and like no one here fucks with me But this person gives me attention right and Has a beautiful face to it even though I don't haven't seen their real face yet, right and they uh say nice things to me and they compliment me and like they Uh, probably fucking sexed with me. Yeah, and send me pictures of god knows who. Yeah, um So that I think they fall in love with that more than anything so they choose to forget about the

The red flags, right, you know, yeah, so they're just like i'm just in love with talking to this person. So in a way You know you are in love Uh, but the person just isn't personified As a they're not real body Yeah, I don't know now do you feel that it's possible to fall and love via text

Yes and no I think give me give me the yes first well the yes is like You know you could be talking to someone And just like I said like I was just saying like you could be talking to someone and they're embodiment like all that Are they they're quick they're they're witty and like they're fun to talk to it's like oh man Like and if you do that over the span of whatever and you guys have Talked about you know your feelings towards one another I can see that happening Okay, but I do think at least in my personal opinion to actually fall in love with someone

Yeah, like I need to meet you in person and like feel your energy and like if we still like get along then it's like Yeah, I gotta I gotta dap you up. Yeah, you know what I'm saying Bring it in for a hug. Yeah, we gotta have like Pound it But literally if you go a whole year Of talking to someone via text and you never like truly see them And then the first time you meet them they're real And like it's it's like you haven't skipped a beat. It's the same as it is on text message

It literally would only take that one day in my opinion for me to be like I fucking love this person Like it's a real it's a real person now and now it's just like uh, you know But see I also see like that's why like if you meet somebody on the internet It's kind of weird to be like like sexting them like right off the bat Because it sets up for a word weird word a weird first encounter for people. I feel like Because if it's so like sexually charged It's like do you go to dinner or you just fuck? You know what I mean, I mean it depends what you're trying to get out of it

If I'm talking to you for a year and I say I love you Yeah, but I don't know if that started as like Put your dick in my eye or whatever. Okay, so say you didn't it didn't start it started organically Yeah, whatever eventually you got to sexting and stuff like that. Yeah, but no, yeah, I don't see any problem with that Now do you expect sex on the first day? Now you meet them I don't it depends how the camera. Why are you asking me? I don't know

Do I don't know it's kind of weird. I think that switches case to case I think if you really like somebody you got to try and keep that stuff under wraps What? Like getting super dirty Gonna get dirty wanna get a little bit Roundy want to get dirty. I wish you had red It's my it's my shit. Yeah old Christina Talk about dirty talk about fucking genie in a bottle. Oh, man

I am beautiful. That's a great song actually Hey Words camp I got a little bit of a sore throat right now. It's all right. No, I feel I was gonna belt it up then it started to hurt Yeah, no, no, I feel that I feel it. Yeah, a sore throat for about a month. Yeah Yeah, I don't know you don't take like lozenges The fuck is that like halls like cough drop. It was like a german beer. Oh recolor some shit. No, I don't take that shit You should look into it if your throat's hurting. No, I usually just like drink a bunch of water

Okay This morning I woke up with a you know, I'm a big medicine man. No, I don't take any pills When I have a really bad headache, I won't take Tylenol. I'll just write it out. Why? I don't think it's good I'm one of those conspiracy theorists that believes that You know all these pills right Like they'll fix this thing but cause a different problem so you can get a pill for that and then that causes a different problem So that they make more money. How do you feel about prescription medication?

I'm okay with it. You think like it's like Big pharma like out here like trying to like do it or do you think it's actual Actually helping people I think it does help people But like I said, I do think that there are certain side effects and there are Yeah, little things that maybe Over time if you are taking the same medicine it could have I agree some sort of effect on you But I at the same time

Like I take when I need prescription drugs, I take them right, you know what I mean? Yeah, whatever but painkillers Or Tylenol or whatever. I don't I really rarely take it right really rarely Yeah, I can't tell you the last time I took an Advil or Tylenol. That's crazy. No, I like maybe two years ago That's wild. Yeah, that's wild and I tore my ACL As you know, I said numerous times, but I never took anything for that either That's wild that's wild to me. No because like it is though too like it's like you said it could Cure one thing but like cause another

Like I remember when they first like started like with my Lex pro They were like, all right, so like you're gonna start this and everything that sucks right now is gonna be like time to thousand so I was like Okay And uh, they were like, all right, so here's some things that you can have you're like this this this not bad not bad not bad Oh, uh suicidal thoughts this I'm like, well, can we go back like three to the one that fucking matters the most? Yeah, can we like talk about why is that gonna make me want to do that? They're like, it's not but it could So that's why I get people stances why they're afraid of prescription medicines. I'm not even like afraid of them

I just like I I feel like I don't I don't need to take this like I feel like it's like an easy way out Like if I have a headache, I'm just gonna pop a Tylenol. I just think that's a bad like habit to have So what if you're like If I'm in really bad pain like a toothache So funny you say that two takes I will 100 take it because those are unbearable Yeah, they are Or actually, you know what I do Instead of take Tylenol. This is what I did the last time I had a toothache because I had a root canal

Yeah, like last year and it hurt really bad to the point where I was on my way to the drug store I was on the way to like cds and I was like crying on the way there because I was in so much pain But I got or it is the worst I got or gel instead of Tylenol I'll just rub that on there. Yeah, because then it numbs everything So I'd rather have that then like take a Tylenol and like wait 30 minutes or whatever, but I'm not like I'm not against them I'm not like, you know, oh, you shouldn't like whatever It's maybe it's even a pride thing of being like I don't fucking need to take that right I just think that it's a bad habit of like whenever you get

A little bit of symptoms. You're like, I'll just take this pill and it'll go away. Right, you know, like I I don't No, it's it's definitely it's definitely something that's a valid point though Because like even like some medication that I'm on now like I'm weaning off and it's like The goal is to get off medication. Yeah, you know at some point So like I understand like like why some people like aren't even willing to like do it Yeah, at the end of the day, it's like a drug and maybe like someone who's listening is way more like um

Educated on the topic. I'm pretty fucking educated on it though No, I mean like like a pharmacist. Yeah, like someone who's like an actual doctor Yeah, and like they obviously would know more than me, but all I know is that this isn't Necessarily a natural thing. We had to go out of our way to make it. Right. It's manufacturers. So Yeah, I don't know I agree with your stance I don't think it it moves the needle either way Like I don't think if you take Tylenol when you have headaches like it's it's gonna kill you for sure

It's just like a thing that I do. Yeah, I don't know. I just don't take them. You're just a prideful man Yeah, you're a prideful man. I just have some I pop some emergencies Emergencies are great drink those you don't like the raspberry flavor or you do I mean I've Gotten used to it. Yeah, I don't like raspberry orange is good Hell yeah, dude. That's like the one orange flavor thing. I like you don't like orange flavor I saw your whole fucking skittles thing What how is red not your favorite skittle? Red's mad basic. Yo, but it's the best skittle bro. It's better than the yellow skittle. No, it's not

Would you have yellow red green orange yellow green yellow green red orange purple red was three? Yes, now you're truly bugging. No I think it's red yellow green orange Purple it's not that different from what I did, but it is because my one and two are different than your one and two I'm just saying you said green two I said green three Okay

All right, people were losing. Yo people who put purple first. I'm sorry What? Yeah, those people had a bad childhood. Yeah Someone fell off a table. Yeah, and their parents only had grape shit around. So that's why like By the way, grape stuff Doesn't taste like grapes never tasted like I'd rather it tastes like a grape. I love grapes. I love grapes green grapes You ever put grapes in the freezer? Yeah

Yo grapes are so good. Yeah, I can't have them though. Why because they're very high in sugar Oh, yeah, I know But I used to I could eat a whole bag of grapes In a day Yeah, it's a little extreme. I was just talking about you know, I like a A party where there's like cheese crackers and like I hear you. I hear rapid rapid fire. Are you ready? Oh, shit Couple questions. You ready go. How many slices of pizza could you eat in one sitting? I'm really going for it. Yes

Five. Okay. How many big macs could you eat in one sitting? Two. Okay. How many what do you usually get at Wendy's? How many frosties could you eat in one sitting? It would take me a while, but I could probably get three down. Yeah, they're small. Yeah, you could eat that. Okay, brain freeze Yes, all right How many medium mcdonalds fries could you eat in one sitting? A Lot a lot medium fry. Yeah a lot you think like how many sleeves let's call them sleeves Three four four five four five, right? So like I don't even know if someone could stop eating those

Yeah, like if there was just an abundance of them, I would pick at it all day because here here's what I'm getting at and die Yes, here's what I'm getting at. I feel like smaller foods like appetizers like I feel I could eat way more of them than I could eat like the actual like dishes Okay, like um Fry like I I could eat more fries than I could eat pieces of slices of pizza Yeah, of course But they're still like kind of like the same kind of if you pour down a whole sleeve of fries next to a slice of pizza

They'd be like the same size Yeah, but there's the cheese is more filling than fucking fries and they also have covered in salt and it's like spread Yeah Yo mcdonalds fries are absolutely poison. Yeah, they're yeah, they're like liquid You ever see them like put the salt on it the guy takes that thing. It's just like Yeah, you're like, whoa, it's the blizzard of salt. Take it easy, but also put a little more on there. Yeah. Yes Yo, hold on. Are you are you a crispy fry or a like a soft fry? Well, I'm a burger king guy, so I'm a I'm a crispy fry if you people like people that eat like

Potato wedges and they're all soggy. I'm like get that fucking thing out of here Soggy potato, you know when you get those potatoes like the hand cut fries they call them. They're mad thick Yeah, and they're like soggy though No I don't know they look like a diving board basically Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah You know what I'm saying that they're like a canoe. Yeah, they look like a canoe and it's like if those are soggy That's disgusting. Yeah, but I do I do like like flimsy mcdonalds fries

I do like those Yeah, because you can grab 400 of them at once and shove them in your mouth and my stupid fucking face Do you eat fries one by one or do you? Go for it uh See the the bit the tall ones. Yeah, that are like hard. I'll do one by one But the little ones I'll just like I'll like machine claw it. Yeah. All right. That makes sense

Yo, by the way, sweet and sour sauce trash. Why is that different in every fucking Place, I think it's terrible. No, I'm bar I'm barbecue all the way man. Well. Yeah, come on. Let's be fucking real here barbecue is superior, but The the sweet and sour sauce like you'll get it at mcdonalds like the green one. Yeah, and it'll taste a certain way I like it. I think it's good with nuggets uh But they like change it sometimes and it's like a completely taste different tasting thing It'll be more sweet than sour and sometimes more sour than sweet

They had it good when it was a green top back in the day. Yes. It was like Fucking six years ago. They had a great sweet and sour now. It's all this weird shit I don't know if they're they're cutting back on this sugar or if they're trying probably probably or some you ruined it Were you a I'm gonna take the piece the the top completely off or would you peel it back? I'm taking that top off taking it. I can't stand people that go there and they peel it just back enough So they could dip their fry in there and then and they could close it again. Yeah What the fuck were you saving this disgusting? It was a tupperware. You're gonna put your fridge It's gross take this fucking top off you dumb bitch. Yeah

Fucking idiot and also when that thing would like if I go to put my fry in this thing and this little top hits my hand Now I got sweet sour sauce with my fucking hand. I hate that. I hate getting condiments on me while I'm eating I hate it I said something. Thank thankfully that's a weird thing, but I said something weird. I did last week what What did I say? Yeah my butt Remember we talked about our butts and I wiped my butt Oh, yeah, yeah, didn't you you said you had something weird not a lot not as weird as that. Oh

Yeah, thank god. We didn't forget to say this because I wanted to say it on the show Um, but I just noticed this the other day because my sister actually texted me Yesterday, okay, and was like, do you do you also do this thing and I'm like, yes And like my sister does that you remember when I talked about the traffic light thing Where it's like when I when I pass through traffic lights I like when I'm driving towards a traffic light if it turns yellow Then I'm like, oh, I'm gonna have a bad day or if it turns red then I'm like, I'm fucked But if I get through and I don't remember that you don't remember me saying this. No

I'm pretty sure I just talked about this. I don't know. That's weird. No. Yeah, it's definitely out there You have like a mood ring that's ran by street lights. Yes That's so basically like if I'm driving towards a traffic light and it's green I'll be driving towards it with this thing in my head of being like if I see yellow Then it's gonna be a bad day. I don't actually like bring this into the rest of the day It's just like a little game sort of right. It's a mini it's a mini game in your life Yeah, it's not like it goes yellow and I'm just like, oh no like I I don't care like the next block But like it's just like a little game that I play

I'm like if it turns yellow then it's gonna be a bad day and even if I get through and it's green I'll look at my rear view mirror to see if it turned yellow Really? Yeah, it's a weird thing and my sister does it So I said this to my to my sister and she's like I do that too and I was like get the fuck out of you She does that I'm not buying it. So I was like I gotta ask I was blown away by that, right? So anyway, she texted me yesterday with this one and I was like, yo I'm just like blown away. So some weird sanagato family shit just me and Shannon apparently but So this is this is the thing

When I'm in my car And there's music playing I won't shut my car like if I parked I'm at my apartment now. Okay. I won't shut my car off until The song finishes its sense Then I'll shut the car up like I can't stop Wait, like the whole like the whole song's done. No, no, like just just that sentence the person is currently saying I will wait until that sentence is over and then shut the car So it's

All right, so it would be like like still going bad on you. Anyway, you could cut it then I'll shut it But if he was like still go I'm not gonna shut it right there. I can't I gotta wait. I gotta wait until he's done That's weird. Yeah, that's OCD ish. You want to hear something else? That's really bad I have actually Turned my car on again because I missed And heard the beginning really yeah, but I don't do that often and like I might not even ever do that again I might never do that again. I might not never do that again, but I I did it that is weird Yeah

And I it's not weird like I get it, but it's weird. It's one of those things though It's not that I do it's it's not OCD because I don't do it every single time Okay. All right. I thought you did it every single time because that would make it a little obsessive compulsive Yeah, it would but it's only when I become aware that I'm about to do this thing Like if I'm listening to a song and it's like I'm just aware now That like I'm about to do this then I then I do it if that makes any sense No, it does like but like all right. Let's uh, let's delve into this a little deeper. Um So like are you a person who's like?

Because this sounds like you have like uh Like spatial Things that you deal with so like what I mean by that is like If something in your apartment is like not in the right place Do you feel a strange way? Does that like knock your mood off? Yeah, but like is it something that like if you go to bed say like This table was left here like this and we didn't move it to where it's like actual place was I I could I could go to bed, but I would it would really bother me

I could go to bed though. You could go to bed, but it would really bother you Yeah, it would okay. It would really bother me now. Let me ask you that I wouldn't be able to like fully relax knowing that my table is in the middle of my living room. Yeah So you have like some optical like Like auditory type stuff What like you Auditories like this. Yeah, I know that so like you kind of need things to end And be taken care of before you need things to be completed before you go to sleep

Uh, you know, it's not even like that because I have you know what I've done Like so it's it's crazy to even say this right because like what I just said that because I feel like if this table was there Burn a hole in your heart see like it would it would but there's also times where um I'll do things like I'll eat like late sometimes because I'll forget to eat it'll be like nine o'clock So I'll get something I'll eat and I'll just leave it there And go to bed. Yeah, see I can't do that see but like I do that on purpose Okay, because it's like I feel like a maniac if I'm not with the food obviously

Are you supposed to clean up after yourself? Yeah, but it's it's like you learn that when you're five It's also another one of these things it's kind of like a test where I'm like I need to be able to like deal with shit like that because like this table being here is not like the biggest deal And my apartment's clean for the most part besides these bags I have to take out But it's clean right now. So I'm like at ease the way you're looking at me. You seem a little uneased I'm at ease but it being here would just Be like a little thing like especially if it's the only that's the thing right if my apartment because my apartment gets super Fucking messy sometime right and like I'm cool with that

I I doesn't like bother me because I'm like I know I just have to take care of this What does bother me a lot? Is it's my entire apartment is clean and one thing's out of place? Then I'm like a maniac. Okay, so that that I just figured it out what the difference is what I was trying to explain See we're we're peeling back uh slices of this onion here. Yeah, exactly layers to the sun So if the entire place is clean and then one thing is a little fucked up I'm like I need to do this But if the entire place is fucked up, and I'm like I just I can't handle it right now

Can you start cleaning and stop? No I can't either I once I'm in the fucking zone I can't even clean with someone else like growing up. I always shared a room with Keith. I'd be like go upstairs Yeah, I'm I'll clean the whole room. I'll clean your shit. I just can't I can't clean with someone else Does Keith have like these weird driving ticks Keith would live in a tree He does not have anything. He doesn't have anything. No

How does he he doesn't drive does he no does he have a license? No Really? It's not that uncommon to live in New York City. You said uncommon. I don't know why I said I said who's coming in who who who getting come on who's getting come on coming on cats coming on cats Um, it's not I guess it's not that uncommon But I feel like grown-ass adults that are like in their 40s that don't have no my sister doesn't have a driver's license She's fucking almost 30. Yeah But he he no we practice driving together. No way. Yeah, can you drive?

Well, like we were learning how about this You break your legs Could he get me there? Could he get you to the hospital? I don't know. Maybe with me like coaching him. Really? You don't think he could do it I also think I could I could drive myself with a broken leg a broken legs motherfucker. Oh both legs Yes, broken legs nothing a little tape can't fix I think you're in and out of consciousness from the pain He's got your you're in shock

Because I'm trying to prove you're wrong. Yeah, but I'm just saying realistically. It's gonna be tough to drive I mean you probably could but it'd be rough, but You need him to drive you could he get me there? Could he get you to the hospital? I don't I don't know wow When we were I have to ask him tonight. We were learning how to drive together. My dad would take us both Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was at the time. We were both like so fucking up everything Like we're in that portion of learning. Yes drive So it's not hitting the brake mad hard. Yeah, I was begging my dad to take me out like every single day I also went out of my way my fucking espo. He's younger than me

And he like taught me how to drive because when my dad couldn't I would always ask him And he'd take me out in his car. Espo's older than you. He's younger than me. I was about to say. Yeah No, but he had his license before me. Oh, why don't you get your license? I was I was 18. What the fuck? I never took driver's ed Yo people do weird shit out here, man. You guys don't drive I drove at 18 I was driving at 16. Yeah, that's when usually because you have to take driver's ed And then you do it you got would you also you you've lived in fucking westchester

Where you probably take your driving test in like a parking lot. No, I didn't I took it in fucking white planes Which is a tough place to do it. Oh, yeah, remember that there was like, oh, there's easy places to take your driver's test In new jersey, they have just cones set up and you're gonna just drive around in a fucking parking lot Oh, I drove on the actual street. Yeah, so did I But that's the thing you just said you drove in cones. No, no, I said people in new jersey do that. Oh, that's fucking weird Yeah, there's no cars around. It's like a parking lot and you have to not hit the cones How do you get your motorcycle license? I see them do it all the time

You have to just drive up and down the street and someone watches you and Maybe a few point turns the same deal. Oh, nobody like hops on the back with you. No, it's not like all right. Go All right, go slow down. I'm scared. Yeah. No, it's not like that. Wow. Keith can't drive Yeah, no, can't you know what we should do Wait, hold on. I don't think this is this weird too because like I never took driver's ed and then I just learned how to drive on my own. Yeah, and then just took the test and passed And I got like a perfect score. Do you think Keith would be willing to get his driver's license? No

Now it's like he's one of those people that would be so funny for him to get it for like if we taught him at a drive And then he we took him for his test it'd be awesome Yeah I'll talk to him. He's not gonna do it. He's never gonna do it. We try I think actually one time I'd be like, um, no for his birthday. My mom got him like A driving school coupon Like a gift card to a driving school Never did it. You want to know why because he's fucking smart because if you get a fucking driver's license

People make you do shit That is the worst excuse not to have a license. No, but it's true though because it's like, oh, hey Can you uh drive and pick up the dog somewhere or can you drive and uh, can you take this over to joey's and uh, Can you do this take this to shant? He's fucking smart. Now. I know why he doesn't do it Because it doesn't have to do shit. That is so dumb and it's probably true Oh my god, like what other reason is there not to get your license? Don't tell me that you don't need it I think you need it. I think you need it. I don't think you need it. I think it's you just said you think you need it I'm taking it. I'm retracting

I don't think you need it But I think that it's very good to have okay, and why is it good to have because In emergencies or you need to if you break your legs You need a ride if I break my legs and I'm in and out of consciousness. You can drive me to the hospital, right? wow I also feel like driving is like This is gonna sound weird, but cannot wait for this. No, no, no. It's like it's like a human right

You know what I'm saying though, no, it's you know, dude, we're so advanced that we could drive cars fucking do that shit Yeah, now I understand. You know what I'm saying. There's these fucking giraffes out here if I could drive in BMWs We make these beautiful things. Let's drive them man. That's fucking human innovation. Let's take part in that shit I'd rather ride a horse to be honest Yeah, you would rather ride a horse for about a week until your fucking ball sack was so purple and Fucked up from riding this goddamn horse. You'd be like get me my BMW immediately doesn't sound too bad because my asshole is already purple That's true You'd be like dude after riding a horse for a week, you'd be like this fucking socks

Yeah, my groin is screaming. Yeah, dude. You gotta be yelling yeah all the time Yeah, yeah Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, fucking give them sugar cubes Damn sugar cubes are good Yo, you know what tastes mad. Sorry. I'm this is a complete. That's fine. Look, um You know the letters that you put on birthday cakes. Yeah Oh Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait not with like the fun fatty type ones

It's like it's like sugary, but it's like a but it's like a there's like a texture to them. Yeah, I know I know what you're talking about. Those are good fun fatty. It's called. Why is it fun? Because it's like if you throw like confetti on a cake you ever get like confetti cake What's on it is called fun fatty. Okay. That's like what you're talking about. It's just letters Oh The little like discs. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's made out of that shit right like neckos. Yes. Remember neckos. Yes Dumb candy. Yeah. Also another dumb candy sweethearts Oh, I like sweethearts. I didn't like them

Warheads dumb candy, too Warheads were dumb, but they were very popular like 1998. I was crushing warheads. Airheads are fire, son I'll go get an airhead right now, dude Airheads are so good fucking different ways to eat them, too You can bite a piece chew it roll it up fucking throw that in there Hell yeah, just do this until it becomes like a little ball. You're like, look, it's like a little when we used to play baseball We used to put them in here because all the baseball players and then we'll be used to dip Yeah, we couldn't dip we were fucking 10 year old

So we would do that and put like airheads and bubblegum in there. It's awesome I would I would dip if they had an airhead dip. Fuck. Yeah, that'd be awesome I'm telling you this airheads one of the most underrated candies. They are of all time. They are and I'm trying to think blue is my favorite raspberry like the blue raspberry one. Those are good Now the watermelon ones are fire, too Damn, yo, I want to airhead so bad me too. I want to go clear out like, yo, how much for this fucking box I know

And they were like they were so that was a good thing too Because like they were candy, but they didn't feel like you were like eating gross candy Because they lasted a while and they were kind of thin They look like a tongue kind of right like a like a camel dog's dog dog's tongue Or like a camel's tongue or charlie's tongue Like charlie's tongue exactly what they look like your dog's got a crazy tongue. Yeah, it's man skinny man skinny. Um One more quick. How we doing over there an hour and 42 minutes. Really? Yeah, we've been here for a while Well, all right, so I got I got one last thing that I wanted to ask you though

And this is weird Do you think that it's bad for people to ride animals? Because you said about horses like I understand horses is transportation, right? Yeah, yeah But like you ever see those fucking new york city horses Oh, I hate that that's so fucked up and then like when people go on vacation and ride elephants and shit like Why are you riding an elephant? I want to ride an elephant. I do too, but like a part of me would be like

why though This elephant wasn't made to ride Georgia the jungle rode that bitch. Yeah, that was the make believe That's true Um, do you think it's fucked up to ride them? Yeah, but I'd do it once I would play my you know card real quick. I do too. Yeah Like I would be like I would ride like here's what I'd do. Okay. Yeah, this is fucked up But I did it in a perfect world

I would free like a thousand elephants from captivity And ride one of them out. Yeah of captivity. Yes, so that I'm doing a good thing But I'm also getting what I want here. Yeah, but I want to ride an elephant. But yeah, it's fucked up, man It is it is right. Yeah, because Those horses aren't you know meant to wear those fucking stupid hats and like, you know, I'm saying those big baskets Yeah, like I'm carrying seat baskets. I got these fucking Norwegians in the back over here Yeah, this guy with the weird suit on is like keeps making me go faster or slower on down park avenue I got a shit on the right like yeah, I don't want to do that

I gotta dodge taxis and shit. Yeah, it's gonna take you 45 minutes to get anywhere I just want to free these these let them run and it's expensive as fuck Yeah, put those fucking horses on a pasture or whatever the fuck a grassland or some shit So that is I don't even know a plateau. I'm just naming a bunch and that's like another thing too Like what the fuck are like horse cops Yeah, bro, who are you catching? Come on. Yo, yo, if I stole something and I got a horse cop is coming after me Yeah I'm safe

Literally I'm running this way and then when the horse starts running I just turn around and go the other way Yeah, dude, your job is like walk around and like take pictures Have you ever seen all they do? Have you ever seen a horse stop on a dime and change direction like fucking adrian peterson? No, no, no, I've not I could juke a horse like you would not believe like I have no idea why cops still are on horses If somebody could tell me those canadian cops guys First of all, you guys look like the leader of a marching band. Yes, and you're on horses We're all laughing at you get some cars get off the get off the horse getting a car

Like a normal person and and just you know make sure the law is going good or whatever. I agree I fucking agree. Yeah, man. You got some weird shit. Yeah, that was a whole fucking That was a whole lot of shit just now that episode is on spectrum of everything. Yeah, there was there was a lot covered That was a good episode though. I like I think we needed that Oh, yeah got some people I want to shout out our our uh Our patrons here. Fuck. Yeah, just wanted to shout you guys out because you know You guys are crushing it and and helping support the show So I want to give some shout outs at the end of every show that I remember to do it

Starting with these people right now Jesus Sarah Kadman, Ashley Marie That was two names not one name. I was not saying that was a long ass name. I god damn how many times you get married Sean Ford Zachary Horn fire. Uh, Justin Allen white guy Libby Nuss Rapper maybe Taylor Johnson very white. Yes, LaVinia Can't get a read on it. That's very exotic sage of the six paths Scared to make a joke. Uh, hailey silvernail

White picket fence. Yeah, uh nick jack stat Jacks jack stat. I don't know. I fucked that up probably Daniel Gerardo. Oh my god, uh, Jennifer brown teacher Nancy Martinez secretary Talia de post Probably got to be secretaries dog You can be teachers too. Who? Martinez I had in this Martinez going up so that just went straight there. Yeah, we could teach you Tori Ken

Canistaro Shannon wool whoa Joseph Austin Doyle three names very rich karina danis uh josh castle Nicholas gresh and Sandrine andre

Sandrine andre wow Fire thank you to all of our patrons. You guys are supporting the show. It is helping us like you would not believe So thank you. Uh, if you want to sign up to the patreon, there's some cool stuff that you get there It's patreon.com slash the base me yard when you appreciate it. Danny. Where can they find you at? Daniel a priori on twitter and instagram you guys can follow me on social media at josé negato Go follow the show on instagram at the base me yard We post a bunch of clips on there and you know other shit Sometimes we'll go live on it and whatnot to go follow at the basement yard and uh, yeah

To end the shows now I want to just leave you guys with like a one minute or two minute clip from another podcast that I do called other people's lives This week we talked to a woman whose husband Is straight they have kids together and he's like a bodybuilder, but on the side he does like Gay for pay stuff. Oh, that's gay like Like a get like gay escort Stuff it gets interesting, but I'm gonna leave you with a two minute clip and then if you guys want to check it out

You can head to uh It's it's wherever you get podcasts on spotify or soundcloud or whatever itunes It's uh called other people's lives. So check it out. What are some of the craziest or funniest or most memorable stories that Your husband has come home right He peed in some guy's mouth. Oh my god. Did you get paid extra for that? I knew you're gonna ask me that and I was like that's the one I mean, that's wow. I have actually heard from a gay friend of mine that someone pissed in his mouth and I was like, dude that's

Like on his knee Just like like you're peeing into a urinal Hmm. I don't even think that's a gay or straight thing like you're either into piss or you're not. Yeah piss is his own category Wow A lot of people will give him whips and like Be like the dominant or whatever. That's a big thing. He gets all the time Also, he's he's like a dominant person. He'll whip some of these guys

Yeah, but he also like if someone like wanted him to wear like a leather mask and lick their nipples for like Legitimately powers. I'm not exaggerating And that was so that he would be like a submissive in that And he and he would do stuff like that He did it. Yeah Wait, he let someone lick his nipples for hours. No, he looks someone's no he he likes. Oh, he's looking nipples Mm-hmm. Interesting. That's what I said heading. It's not just posing. It's just for the most part That's what he is. Yeah, and then people have their kind of

Obscure requests. I assume if you're paying Uh a guy to come and just kind of like You know Flags or do whatever you're going to be into some stuff. So I assume there's some stuff going down, you know There's stuff that goes down. Yeah, for sure. Um, this is blowing my mind I know it is blowing my mind like like this is one of those things that you hear about and you're like I had no like my brain would never even go to like create this idea. Yeah That's what I always say. I say I couldn't have made this up if I try