The Basement Yard - #184 - The Friendship Test

Episode Date: April 8, 2019

On this episode, Joe takes a friendship test and we discuss rats. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing Danny? Doing great. Good. Awesome. All right fantastic What do you why do you have my laptop? Oh? Funny you ask so you know a lot of people ask us all the time You know how'd you guys meet? How'd you guys become friends or your best friends? Oh, a lot of things are about friends a lot of things are about friends. We gotta stop talking these voices. I know No, so um I decided today. We're gonna do a friend test Yeah, and just you know, just so everyone knows Danny told me about this earlier He's like, yo, we're gonna do a friendship test. Don't really know what's involved, but I know

That there's a friendship test about to happen here, right? So it's so the name of the test is what kind of friend or you okay? Okay, so it's gonna see what kind of friend you are so what kind but like what does that mean like I'm a best friend Or am I just kind of like a well, we're gonna be able to analyze the results see it Well here how it is tips for taking the test. This is for you. So listen, okay? I'm listening. I'm all ears when you take the test. You might be tempted to answer the questions the way you want to be perceived So you might be a fake friend, right? Oh, okay? So however, it's important that you answer each question truthfully. Okay truth. Yes out of your mouth. Yeah

You might not like the answer But the truth needs to prevail so you'll find out what type of friend you really are Take your time as you move through the questions. Oh, we will Give each question some thought. Don't just blurt it out unless you are so confident. Okay. Okay. I got this. All right Analyzing the results the results will tell you what type of friend you are and give you some tips So it's also gonna tell you what kind of friend you are and maybe help you become a better friend Okay, what if I don't want to be a better friend? Well, then that just says a lot about you Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, you might find out that you need to do some work on yourself

No, yeah To become a better friend if you do don't despair most people have some work to do I've never read this much directions in my life. I just helping you analyze the results God take the test and share the results so everyone knows what type of friend you are. All right real quick I just reminded me. I just want to tell a story real quick Did you ever read directions growing up with like tests? Absolutely not exactly, right? So in fifth grade at the school up the block over here my fifth grade teacher on the first day of school gave us all tests and

She's like here's a test and we're like, oh, no like with all these questions or whatever, right? She's like read the directions and then take tests like whatever in the directions It was like four sentences and the last sentence was Don't take the test just so that your desk can do nothing So I did that and everyone took the test and then I didn't I got a hundred Two things I haven't read since then two things good for you for reading. That's great. What a conniving bitch, right? What a conniving little fucking bitch. Yeah, she was a little mean

But you know she she did just you know the meanness kind of helped me in my life kind of a sick fuck Yeah, fifth grade kind of psychotic. She was also the sex ed teacher We took that in fifth grade that lasted about a week. I got kicked out of that class Because she said the penis was a miracle. I could not hold that together. Yeah. Yeah I got I took one look at Frankie's face and he was smirking. I was like, I gotta get out of here She's like get the fuck out But yeah That's isn't fifth grade a little young for sex ed. Yeah, nah

I was learning about dicks and vegets in in fifth grade. No, I think that's the right time. Really? Yeah I think like fifth sixth grade. I don't even know what my dick does in fifth grade Did you jerk off in fifth grade? Fuck yeah, dude. I was jacking this thing. I will do in fifth grade I wonder if I was beating it weird flex beat the devil out of it Just like Bob Ross just beat the devil out of it. How'd you get that smack sound? I can't get that I don't know, but it really hurt my finger. So I don't do it again. All right You ready to be the see what kind of friend you want to know shit. All right You just splurge on a sleek new Louis Vuitton clutch

And the color perfectly matches the dress your BFF plans to wear on Saturday night Did you click on the right test? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's there's male and female questions here. We're not we're not gonna okay We're just gonna see what kind of friend you I heard Louis Vuitton clutch. Yeah, that's fine I just didn't read the recipe. Can you start from the top, please? You just splurge on a sleek new Louis Vuitton clutch or bag whatever and the color perfectly matches the dress your BFF plans to wear On Saturday night for a hot date She asked to borrow the clutch You and here are the answers you have to choose one

Tell her oh, you don't really want to borrow this the color clashes with your your coloring and while I think well now While I think of it, you should toss that dress you plan on wearing to no good next one is That was a long answer Wonder if she lost her mind and say over my dead body like there's no way I'm letting you borrow this. Okay Hum and Ho for several minutes people humming. Oh, what does that mean? I don't know. What is like? Hummin ho that sounds like this like the fucking Yeah, the seventh war off the work we go. I hope I hope

So it says ho and hum for several minutes being like you already know you're gonna say no, but you're like Make it seem like you're considering right. Okay fake consider and then the other one is letter borrow it Let her borrow it ho hum be over my dead bods and then the other one is Find an excuse for her not to wear it All right, so I'm definitely not the first one. That's like, oh no, it doesn't work with your dress also throw it out You look like a fucking hooker. You're not gonna beat around the bush. I'm not gonna say that like that's kind of crazy Yeah, yeah, what was the second one over my dead body? Yeah, that's a little aggressive as well Probably wouldn't say that I think you're a ho hummer to be honest. Yeah, but I also would let someone borrow something

I guess So between ho hum and let borrow for the night. Which one do you honestly think you would do? I don't know. I'm trying to put myself in the in the body of a girl like they I think they you know They care about that clutch yourself in the body of a friend Okay Oh, I just that just made sense. Wow, I did the hum. Hmm. You hummed me. I actually am thinking you didn't hoe me Yeah, I did not hoe you I am humming I don't know I think

It would depend how much I like this clutch. Yeah, but it's you love it. It's a beautiful clutch splurged I love the clutch Do you let them borrow it or not How hot our date this is dude really hot. He's fine. He it could be the one God when you said that it kind of convinced me to let her borrow it. All right, but you were leaning more towards ho hum Yeah, but I'm not gonna get in the way of true love. All right, so I'm gonna select ho hum I just said all right. All right, let her borrow it for the night. She's extremely trustworthy and respectful of your belongings

Okay, okay. Yeah. All right. So that's it. Would you let me borrow one of your lv something? Of course. There you go. All right Next question. Okay, your friend calls you on the phone She's very excited because her husband just surprised her with a new bmw for their anniversary You tell them blank What is this for this is not for us. It's fine. It's fine. Okay. I like I kind of think what girl joey as a friend would be Would be the same as guy joey. Okay. All right. Yeah, go ahead. All right. So here are the answers

That's great. But are you sure he can afford it? Oh Where's mine like kind of a joke ha ha ha passive grass All right, that's fantastic You deserve it. Can you break these up because I think they're connected. Okay. So the first the first one is That's great. Give me a bc. Hey, that's great But are you sure he can afford it? b Pasaug, where's mine?

See that's fantastic you deserve it D Cool. Hey before I forget what time are we meeting for lunch tomorrow? That's you. Yeah. Yeah Fucking dick just like downplaying it like awesome. Oh, that's cool. What are we doing tomorrow? Yeah, that's you I All right I'm not a oh my god. That's fantastic. You deserve it. Okay. You know what I'm saying unless she did deserve it I don't know what she's done. I need some context. Did she just get out of nursing school? Did she just like save a

No, no, no, no, you know I'm saying it's just you being you Don't add all these extra things in there. Just be yourself But I'm trying to be myself But I would like if if you did something Extraordinary and then you know your your husband bought you a car I thought hey man, you deserve that car Yeah, but sometimes there's a plenty of times I buy like some some cool stuff and I'll send it to you And you'll be like cool. Hey, so 1130 tomorrow. Yeah, so that's more you that's more your speed

Okay, but don't protect yourself But how weird would be yourself how weird would it be if I've been like, oh dude, you just bought that chain You deserve it. That would be a little strange. That would be a little like who stole your phone. Yeah That'd be a little weird. All right, so mark me down for the kind of fucked up one. I did It's kind of fucked up. Not the first one was complete. I think you're poor. I was gonna get afforded I just don't think you think That way like oh, that's really cool If it's somebody else's

What? I don't think you think other people's things are cool Are you getting me? You want your own cool stuff? All right, you ready? Okay You and your girlfriend are dining with one of your best guy friends Okay, all right, so wait. Is this a lesbian relationship? No, no. No, no. There's guy and girl questions in here But like oh wait. Whoa. Whoa Wait, what's going on now? I'm a dude now You're you're just getting used to being a chick. All right

We'll keep it as a girl you and your boyfriend are dining with one of your best girlfriends You and your boyfriend are dining with one of your best girlfriends. Okay, okay? He mentions that he likes your friends a new haircut. No, you gotta read it regular because now you're fucking it up I think I'm not okay. No, okay. All right. Hold on start over. Sorry you and your boyfriend are dining with one of your best girlfriends Bro, he mentions he likes your friends new haircut My girlfriend's hair. Yes, your girlfriend my boyfriend's haircut. No, your boyfriend says that he likes your girlfriend's hair cut Okay. All right, Joe. Yes. Okay. Hey Say that your friend has the perfect face shape and there's never a hairstyle that doesn't look good on her

B Agree with him and mention the next time though. She didn't have so much length taken off. It's not a good look for her See Turn to him and say why don't you date her then since you like her hair so much and D Say nothing because you're busy wondering where your waitress is you ordered another Diet Coke like an hour ago See I would go the Diet Coke route, but I hate Diet Coke. Okay, don't drink soda if it was a beer I'd probably choose that one. Yeah

In all actuality, I Just wouldn't I wouldn't care. I think you would say that would you go out of their way to be like, oh, they look great Or would you go out of their way to not make them feel bad? That's B You would agree agree with him and then mention the next time though She shouldn't have taken so much hair off. No, cuz that's that's that's sort of passive-aggressive. All right So I think a I think you would say oh, yeah, she's got a great symmetry of the face Sure. Okay. Let's go with that. Yeah, because if yeah Yeah, I hear you if my boyfriend was like, hey Danny

You got a good face. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a good face. I wouldn't be like well fucking Yeah, I think it was between a or D between the the coke and the Had that been a beer. I would have sold me absolutely. All right It's a bitterly cold February night and your friend's heater went out She asked to stay with you for the night until she gets it repaired in the morning you this is the middle of the night 2 a.m. Well freezing and my girl hits me up my friend my girl. Yeah, my friend is a girl Yeah, you're bestie. Okay. All right. Hey, let her come over but warn her She needs to be out by 7 a.m. You have a lot to do in the morning and don't want to be bothered with company

That's a B without hesitation say of course See tell her you just don't have the room even though you have a spare bedroom D be grudgingly Agree she could stay with you, but wonder why she can't just pile on extra blankets and deal with it That's you. No, no, I am a you are begrudging grudginger. No, I'm not you so begrudging. I'm not you just fart. No Okay, I thought you farted got him. Um, no, I'm a I'm a hundred percent. You're a yeah, I've done that. No, you can come over, but you gotta get the fuck out Not not like that way. That's all that's what you're saying, but I yeah, essentially

I'm telling someone to get the fuck out of your house Kind of you're inviting them in only to kick them out. Yeah, you could come over I just have to be out because I'm gonna be out of the house I'd like whatever and it would be kind of weird if you just sat here. Okay, right so I fuck out of my house Basically, okay. All right, but we'll be like fine, but like you can't light a match. Yeah, and just yeah, yeah You know, I think a party would have been like yeah, just like put a blanket on it Like just cover up But all right, we went with a your best friend just won a thousand dollar scratch-off ticket

You say congrats. Don't spell it. Don't spend it all at once. That's a B. That's great. Now. You could buy me those Tom Ford shades. I've been lustering after See lucky you this kind of thing never happens to me self-loader Pasaug Now we can try that chic new Italian restaurant everyone keeps raving about So basically a is like that's awesome spend on yourself B is that's great. Now. You can get me something. Yeah, see is lucky you that thing never happens to me So I'd be like a little bitch about it and Then D is yay. Now we can go out and like do something together

Probably go see The self-love you self-love. Yeah, cuz I don't win shit. That's true. I think your life's okay though. No, yeah, it's I've never want to scratch off though. All right. Oh, yeah, of course No, you're being honest. I'm trying to be honest. I don't want to pick all the nice ones All right, a friend just broke up with her long-term boyfriend. Oh, yeah You've always found the guy to be attractive. Oh Boy, yeah, you tell your friend She's way too good for that loser and secretly ponder whether you should ask him out

Oh Like an eighth grade test Don't be don't give the guy a second thought you're not you're not one to ever go after a friend's ex C can't even remember his name John Jack D ask him out without telling your friend what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I'm gonna guess You're not that kind of guy. No, you're not gonna fuck one man. I'm not gonna fuck your man Don't worry about it. Thanks, bro. Your man is safe. Thanks. I will not fuck your man

Yeah, I'd be all right with it if you came to me and asked me to fuck my man though Like if you came to me like a man, I was like, yo, I'm gonna fuck your man No, I fuck my man. I wouldn't say I'm gonna fuck your man. I would just say yo, dude Is it cool if me and your man? Possibly like make some love. No, see I don't want to hear possibly. I want you to come be real with me I don't know if I'm gonna fuck your man. We haven't met yet. I haven't like gone out We got a dippertone of water to see if you like the temperature I hear you. I would let you do it if you if you really wanted to if it made you happy. I

Would let you do it. I'm sure if if you're if fucking your man for so long made you happy it would make me happy as well Yeah, fuck. Yeah Who's this man? I don't know. He sounds hot as shit. I'm so hot. Oh fuck this guy Why don't I let him go in the first place? Oh, no, fuck that. I don't know what's wrong with you. Probably cheated on me You and your best friend have plans to go out that night at the last minute a guy you have a crush on Asked you to go out with him Do you a keep your plans with her and ask the guy if you two can do something another night? Be cancel your plans with your friend and lie about why you can't make it

See tell her the truth and apologize. You're sorry, but you have to choose the hot guy I Know you have to choose the hot guy D pull a doubleheader have a quick bite with your friend and meet the guy afterwards for drinks What so I think Hmm, it honestly depends. No, it doesn't well wait a minute. I answer you ask I'm just saying it's cutting dry hot guy call says hey. I want some of that snow. Yeah, you're like hey I

Have plans with my friend or are you gonna be going like well? It depends what game I want to play that day well play a little like playing hard to get maybe I'm like Hey, man another time keep them on the hook. Maybe he's like fuck. I thought that was gonna work I'm trying to like no, but but duh, you know I'm saying or the other option. You're lying to yourself I'm not lying to myself, bro. Do you want this dick or not? All right, so how would you get this dick? This is what I'm trying to explain to you Okay, all right. Tell me how you get this day listen the dick's gonna be there for show You know I'm saying so what I'm saying is do we play hard to get to make the dick wanted even them much more?

Yeah, or do I just do the doubleheader? You just say tease that dick. Yeah tease that dick. Okay Not mine No, yeah Tease that are you teasing I don't know is what I'm trying to I'm trying to get at is is you either tease that penis Or you do the doubleheader where it's like best of both worlds. I can do both. So pooh pooh. All right pick one Three wait, hold on just give me the name of the guy give me the name of the guy Mauricio

Oh That dude can move he could dance hell fucking sweep you right off your feet I Would tell him that I Have plans that night, but let's meet up another time. All right. All right moving on. I respect your decision You're in a bind. All right You're a hundred dollars short this month and rent is due the next day Oh boy, you ask a friend if you could borrow a little cash and pay them back at the end of the week after you get your paycheck

They're also tied on funds and They say that they can't help you out You a sign wonder if she's telling the truth. Maybe she's just being stingy Be understand where she's coming from and decide to ask your parents See tell her remember that time when you asked to borrow money and I gave it to you I guess what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander That is one of the whitest expressions that I've never heard of yes D have a hissy and call her cheapskate

I would ask my parents for the money ask your parents for the money, okay? Yeah, if I ask someone for money and they told me they didn't have it. I'd be like Yeah, neither do I Guess we're both not going out all right a close friend is getting married And you were sure so sure that she they would she would choose you to be her maid of honor Okay, now this is getting serious. She chose someone else And made you a bridesmaid You thinking you're gonna be made of honor. Do you don't care one way or another weddings are kind of annoying anyway?

Be tell her if you can't be made of honor you refuse to be in her wedding at all See give her a guilt trip and tell her she doesn't value your friendship as much as you thought D You're a little surprised surprised. You're a little surprised and slightly disappointed But you keep your crap shut. Yeah, I'd keep my trap shut. It's not it's not it's not about me. Yeah, it's not my it's not my thing I'd be like all right fuck, but all right. You know who does that good friend Yeah, if you're not a good friend by the end of this, it's that's a bullshit. Yeah, all right You're at the Mac counter the what I may see. Oh

Oh, I thought like I was thinking Apple Macs. No, no, no, no, no, no, we're talking we're talking makeup Yes with a girlfriend and sampling lipstick She tries on a cherry red color that looks absolutely dynamite on her Sexy friend. Yeah, it's definitely her shade you say blank Hey, oh that is pretty, but it makes your teeth look more yellow than they already are So that's like being brutally honest though That's like no, no, if it's true. Maybe I'm being a salty slaw could be a salty slaw for sure Yeah, all right be worry she'll receive more attention than you and decide you can't chance it

You say only sluts wear red Yeah, wait, those are only my choices. I don't know you got more. Oh, okay See tell her the truth that she looks fabulous D. Don't say anything. It's just lipstick. Nothing more. Nothing less Why is this written by a bunch of like salty bitches? I don't know. It's a salty hotel test for show for show show No, I would tell you it's great. All right. It's actually fabulous for that song. Oh, well, yeah A friend asked you to babysit her daughter Oh

For a few hours on a Sunday You agree to watch your daughter. She's a cute little girl and you don't have any Sunday afternoon plans Roll your eyes and tell her only if it's for two hours max See tell her yes on account she throws you a few bucks or D Tell her to put down the crack pipe as if you would ever spend a portion of your weekend with a little rug rat I wish that wasn't the fucking answer Well, the real thing I would do is probably like lie and make up plans. Yeah, I don't want to watch your fucking kid. Yeah So you're I'm not gonna say a

Like I'm not gonna be all hunky-dory about it. No You're not gonna be like, yeah, I'll watch that fucking kid. Fuck your kids. I don't watch your kid No, roll your eyes and tell her it's only for two hours max So you have to decide between that or the or the crack pipe No, no, or they ask for money as for money, but you're not gonna want money. I know you yeah So I'll probably do the the be like yo two hours. I'll do it. Okay. All right. That's fine That's more realistic for me. I guess you and your friend are going to the movies You can't seem to agree on a title. First of all, who goes to the movie and just picks a movie

I know what I'm going to go see. Yeah, that's a very old-school thing Jesus. Let's go to the movies and see what's playing How about we have a plan before we get there? God damn it. All right. She's in the mood for a comedy, but you want a drama Yeah, I do love drama. Hell. Yeah drama. That's bitch. All right. Hey Tell her she has awful taste in films and she most definitely should let you choose the movie Yeah, there's people that are like that though There's why would you be friends with those people because they they there's a they have a way of like controlling you What they have a way of like controlling you like if you don't have a lot of friends and your only friend is like someone that's controlling an asshole Like you're gonna stick around. I don't have no friends. Oh, some people aren't as strong as you female Joe. All right, so be flip a coin

See demand to see a drama. No ifs answer buts. Otherwise, you won't go at all D I Was made to re-questions. Yeah, you were D decide it doesn't really matter what you watch because all the movies lately have been awful anyway Probably flip a coin. I think flip a coin is that if I was taking this test, I would say that Yeah, we'll flip a coin not gonna be like your taste in movies suck ass. Yeah. No, that's a horrible person All right a guy you've had your eye on for the past few weeks ask your girlfriend out on a date Oh my god that fucking asshole your best friend your best friend So they asked me out on a date

You're disappointed and can't believe he chose her over you you Tell her she's a piece of trash and refused to speak to her again Yo, the all the A answers coming so hot So tell her her she're glad her dad's dead. Yeah Tell her you rather fuck her dead uncle. You're gross. Jesus. Yeah, that's dark. All right B Tell her she respects you and cares about your friendship. She'll turn the guy down See, are you happy for her that someone so cute and cool is interested in her or D shrug and say whatever

I'm really I'm really B and D right now That's what I was guessing. Which one I think you're more of a B. I'd be like, yeah, I don't do that. Yeah Actually, no actually, no, you think I shrug you're shrug You want to know why cuz you're a little past you're a little posse ox sometimes am I yeah, like you won't cut somebody's throat out But you'll you'll let it you'll slowly let him bleed You know saying no, I don't know what you're saying like Here's the thing if I fuck some guy that you really into like you head over heels for this guy and I fucked him, right? I went on a date with you be tight and I don't think our friendship would be the same after

Yeah The dynamic would be old. Yeah, so would you shrug and say whatever or tell her if she respects you and the friendship? Turn him down. I Think I Want to say whatever but I know that if I say whatever I'm doing it. I'm sucking that dick Oh It's tough and he's fucking hot too, I know man, that's why I like him so much I Think I think I

Want to say whatever but I'm gonna say the other one. All right. I respect you for that Yeah, because I I like to think that here's the thing in real life. I would say whatever but If I really really really like this person, it would bother me, right upset Yeah, like your head over heels for this person like and they know that too like come on. Yeah, fuck you bitch Yeah, like chill man. Yeah, that's my fucking dream. Yes. That's my dream dick. Yeah My dream peen that's my dream peen. Yeah, man, that's fire like that shit hell yeah dream peen merch Oh

Yeah, but put them on the fucking USA dream team jerseys. Oh my god. Oh That'd be so tight Obviously just kind of kick at no big deal. You break me off a piece of it. Yeah Bring me up now you cat. I got you, bro. Bring me off a piece of that kick at that football cream. All right, uh Chrysler car Football cream. All right, so what do we got? All right when your besties name is mentioned The first thought that pops into your head is a my partner in crime A my partner in crime two peas in a pod B. I wish I were that pretty. Oh well

C such a sweet girl too bad her forehead is as big as the Grand Canyon I D that tramp owes me $20 Good one I'm a right. You're like, that's my guy. Why would I keep my best friend be someone I don't like? Yeah, it's my bitch All right, work has been driving nuts. Of course your boss has been breathing down your neck. It's very strange. That's saying I Those reports

Ask me from over there. I've been riding my ass. Hey, she can't just message me on slack Leave me alone has been breathing down your neck all week and no matter how hard you try you can't seem to get caught up on paperwork You call your best friend and ask her to meet you for happy hour She has prior obligations and can't make it you scream nice friend. You are thanks a lot and hang up the phone be Are disappointed, but what can you do about it really? She already has plans See tell her. Oh, I guess I'm just not that important enough. Whatever be that way or D no biggie, but next time you want to go out and I may not be able to make it either

What was C C was oh, I guess I'm just not important enough whatever be that way so These these plans that she had yeah, yeah, is it like Work obligations. It says obligations motherfucker. That's like that's different than plants Obligations are different than plants. So it's like I have work. Yeah, or something. Yeah, if you have work I don't care, but if you have plans or whatever. It's like, you know, can you just meet me for a drink real quick? I'm just asking right, but if she has obligations, I'm like, all right. It's whatever All right, so

All right, you're disappointed, but you could what can I do about it? She has obligations. Yeah All right You're at a swanky nightclub and spot your best friend's boyfriend He has his arms around a rando, which is the most definite Which is the most death Which is most definitely not your friend I Don't know why the word Randall swing me laugh so much you a text your friend stat. She has a right to know what's going on

B chuckle to yourself. You always knew he was a slime ball And sure enough you were right See March up to him and demand to know what on earth he thinks he's doing Giving that he's supposed to be in a monogamous monogamous relationship and all with your friend D ignore the situation if you want to cheat, that's his business not yours. I Think guy Joe would Love a girl Joe pick girl Joe would text her immediately. Yes. I think guy Joe would do that as well What if I saw?

Yeah, wait, what? Well, if I saw your girlfriend cheating on you. I would hope so. Yeah, fucking just let that happen I can't well. I don't know if I will I probably text and then walk Then go up and be like hey, I would I would approach like I would want them to know that they're caught so they can't be like yo That wasn't me That's why I would do the text and walk. Yeah, I would do the text and walk I'll be like, yeah, I'm just like, you know, I let so-and-so know that this is happening. I'm sorry Actually, that's not true. You wouldn't do it. I would text first Wait for a response because what if you're like, yeah, she's out with this

You know, I don't want to walk over there and be like, hey, what the hell's going on here? And it's like a long came Polly and the guys like dude. I'm gay. Yeah. Oh, all right. That's true. Yeah, you don't want to be that dude either Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right All right, so it's your birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you and a group of your friends are all getting together for girls night out You can't my birthday on your birthday No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, but they're they're all together for girls night out Not your birthday. It's your birthday, right? Yeah So a casually mentioned it's not a big that big of a deal if they want to cancel. It's fine

It's only your birthday after all not a national holiday Be demand everyone bring a present otherwise they shouldn't bother coming See hint it wouldn't hurt if they decided to chip in and buy you a little something nice from Mark Jacobs D have just one requirement that you all have a blast It's hard getting everyone together at once and you're really looking forward to seeing all the girls I Think you're deep. Yeah, I would say some shit like dude It's my birthday like you guys knew as my birthday may plans

Yeah, but I also would feel weird making them cancel because I've been on the other end of that What like come on get like like get out here Yeah, but even for other people's birthdays. Yeah Like I stopped working to come to the Davino's birthday because I know you wanted me to be there Yeah, so happy birthday to be know by the way Cute fucking bastard bastard. So you just have just one requirement that you'll have a blast Yeah, I'd be like everyone have fun though Before we move on how many more questions we have we have eight

More hey, man. You want you wanted to be a fucking judge a good friend by ten questions. This is a lot of questions It's all right. Let me get to the spot. Yeah, I'm gonna get some water too. All right, cool So let's get to the sponsors real quick before we move on with this test starting with One of my favorite sponsors we have quip quip electric toothbrushes is the best toothbrush on the market I got it. You see me in the morning. Sometimes my quip on my Instagram story Dancing and brushing my teeth love the quip. It has a built-in two-minute timer with pulses that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you to switch sides and The best part about it is that the brush heads are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule

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That would be but basically post mace is your personal food delivery grocery delivery or whatever the hell you could think of that's legal delivery Yes type of thing. Okay, I've used post mates in the past I remember there was one time we were on Xbox and my old apartment and I was like and it my headset broke and I was like I'm post mate saying post post mate post mating post mating post mating a post mating post mating a Headset an Xbox headset the guy drove to GameStop got the headset boom gave it to me But about boom pow. Yeah, I do remember one time, too We were going to a Yankee game to and you use post mates to get yourself a Yankee hat remember that That's right. Yes

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To start your free deliveries download the app right now and use the code basement. That's a basement for the code For $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the app. Okay, you have I'm gonna shave my face and like put dye my mustache. I'm becoming a new person setting up a new account Get anything you need any time you need it download post mates and save with the code basement. Okay, so there you go All right, Danny. Let's get back to this this God forsaken test here Postmates me a laptop. Yeah, here we go. All right What the hell you drink. Oh, that's a emergency. Yeah, because you've had been having this weird little throat thing and I don't want to catch it Yeah, don't don't get it. Yeah

Next one one of your best friends is in the dumps She can't believe she got passed over for a big promotion at work. You tell her a I'm sorry to hear that But that just means you weren't right for that particular position. I bet there's another job waiting for you though You'll be perfect for it. Mm-hmm be your boss is an idiot. Now. Let's go grab some ice cream No, you're dead See it could be worse you could have gotten fired D that's life the person who got the promotion is probably a lot better at her job Jesus

I'm all about that ice cream, baby. You're about that ice cream, right? Oh, yeah You're picking me up guy, but you're also a realistic guy, but I'm gonna go with the court the one that you said I am I think a while at ice cream I'd be like, oh dude, whatever blah blah blah, and then we'd go get some ice cream ice cream is co-word for beers And then during that conversation when we're trying to make sense of it. I'd probably just be like, hey man like It'll probably a combination of like all of them might be like This person's probably equally as good as their job. This should motivate you should motivate you to get like after it a little more Yeah, yeah, and that's the way the world is. Yeah, all right, and maybe it wasn't meant for you to get it now

Ah, you sound like a I'm saying that's why I sound like B DNA. All right, so do you want B or do you want a I want B? I want to go get some ice cream. Yeah. Oh, it's like the ice cream. Hell. Yeah That was one of the weirdest high fives ever Come on man before all friends here All right You're out shopping for clothes with a friend and stumble on a dress in a beautiful emerald shade you both look at You both look at the dress and realize that you're both the same size, but the only problem is there's only one

you a Tell her this would look much better on me. Don't you think and anyway green makes you look like you have jaundice. I Thought jaundice your skin turns like yellow. It's yellowing of the eyes. I think Be say I really don't care who gets it. It's just a dress See snatch up that dress and say I spotted her first mine mine mine D hand the dress to her and insist she tried it on it's got her name written all over it see You are a fucking snatcher, of course. It's like shotgun. You're like that in fortnight Me you're a snatcher. You're a snatcher. No, no, no

You're a thief fuck. I share though. You're a thief though every time I go get a goddamn treasure map I bring you shit back. Yeah, but you're I always give you golden How many times do I whisper to you even in the game to turn around I give you something nice twice more than once But there are times where I don't give Keith and you come flying out of nowhere I don't give a little rat thief. I don't give You're red. You're fucking red your father's a fucking red Just real quick for anyone who doesn't know have you ever watched mob wives and watch these women talk about there All they talk about is their fathers and rats and they all sound like they just got done smoking for the past like

Four months and like your fucking father's a fucking rat. You're a rat. You all die rats Your sister's grandmother's great uncle's dog. What was the rat? Yeah, you're a rapist. You got a cat. He's a rat You got a cat rat. All right And your whole fucking family's right my father if he was a right if he was alive He would contact your father and then all the fathers would have on fathers. They have a meeting and Then they kick out all the rats and you'd be one of them You'd be the first rat you'd be swimming you'd be rat snap trapped. You'd be trapped as a rat There's a rat

Don't you ever talk about my uncle? He's not a rat my uncle my uncle's father was not a rat That's what you're wrong red. I did like big and dressed in peace because she was always trying to calm it down She was the best. Yeah, she was the best Calm down you girls are like crazy. I love big and no one fucked her too because she'll beat the shit Big and was big and for a reason was big You know big and was like definitely the girl like dude would shoot someone pass her the gun Hell, yeah, and stash it. Yeah, I had to admit it. Turn me on I had to admit it turns me on

Again the way you hit her hit that dude with a gun No good most girls would have ran I had to admit it turns me on You catch the rat you've read everybody knows a rat Guys put down the Marlboro lights, please. All right. Oh And wait just back to fortnight. I Share with you a lot. I don't share a Keith because he yells at me all the time Oh He's yelling at Keith is a yellow. Yeah, he also you too. Oh, yeah, he does. Yeah, whatever. Why is he yelling at me?

I don't know. There's Keith has good qualities and bad qualities. That's one of the bad ones Yeah, but I don't think he knows he's yelling. He's just talks very loud. I think he just talks that way I think he just snaps. He doesn't realize it's like who'd be really mean He really made me sometimes and I'm like Keith. I'm trying my best man. I'm not that good of a game Yeah, you know, he'll be like you're back here Danny built man. Oh my god Yeah, like that like makes me feel so bad about myself. So fine. Don't engage. Yeah, at least he's not a fucking rat At least he's not a rat. He's not trapped like the rat He great-uncle's father's dogs. He's a little filthy grandfather's dirty filthy rat

filthy stinking dirty fucking gray rat fat rat You Great-uncle's dog walkers gardeners a fucking rat. He was spying on my grandfather's grave ratting Worldwide his own funeral the rat You're a stack of rats Family line them up stack of rats Burp back a rat was the rat

Burp back a rat burp back a rat was a rat Played this shit on a piano, but we use the rat would tell on everybody I got him. I got him My cheeks hurt It's the only thing that there's just That's great song You get a call in the middle of the night. It's one of your good friends. Yeah, and she's a rat All right, you're gonna come fuck man for back her ass so far

You got a call in the middle of the night. It's a good friend of yours and she's upset over her recent breakup She can't sleep and need someone to talk to you a Wouldn't bother picking up the phone. It's just way too late Listen to her for two minutes before dozing off See talk to her talk to her about her problems Talk to her about her problems for a half hour D say to her we've been over this so many times just take an ambient already That's Shannon

She'll be like dude, just take an ad not Take an ambient. Yeah, call me in the morning. I would probably I Probably talk to him. I talked to him if it's serious you talk if it's not you don't if I wake up You don't Probably talk him a little pep talk. Yeah, forget him. You don't need him. He's a fucking rat. He's a fucking rat He's a dirty thinking filthy fucking rad just like this is like burp back around Anytime we say That rhymes with rat now the whole time. I was I just wanted to say red so bad

All right, so you would listen to them talk to her about her problems for a half hour Sure. All right For questions let's do rat. Here we go. All right, your friend's baby shower is coming up and you're not looking forward to it You've never been a big fan of those silly little Frufru parties FROU Frufru I Don't know what the fuck that is Silly little Frufru parties

Is that like parties with like frozen yogurt? I have no idea a cancel on her without bother giving an explanation Be bite the bullet and go to the party You want to support your friend even if a baby shower is in your favorite thing in the world see? Lie and say you got called in the work last minute D. Show up an hour late and leave as soon as the open up those gifts Probably bite the bullet and go and hate it the whole time. Yeah, I Always feel bad not going the things. I think you're right about that. Yeah, I feel bad because it's one of those things that like Don't be a dick. You have to go. Yeah, but it's like, you know How much shit you do in your life? You don't want to do yeah, like every christening and baptism that I've gone to

I'm like, I don't want to see this fucking baby get drowned for a second. I gotta get dressed up to watch your baby Take a bath is gross fucking Splashing around the water like a rat Look at the way they're watching that red little rat, baby take a rat bath over there the fucking priest is a fucking rat Be careful with that priest. He's a fucking rat. You went away. You went a wire father. You're fucking red Oh man, I'm glad that we didn't do this at the beginning of the episode. Yeah Your definition of friendship can be summed up summed up like this sorry Hey, it's a bit of give-and-take, but I'm usually the one in the right

It's all about support love and trust see friendships Like other things in life don't usually last I feel D it's all about me and what I get out of it. Hey It's a bit of give-and-take, but I'm usually the one in the right. Yeah, I don't think you've ever been wrong All right, you're having friends over for a wine and cheese party, you know, he's cheese, right? You haven't cheese. Yeah, no kidding you fucking rats. Yeah, why don't you get some extra cheese on there? You're fucking red

I love how they're all rats. They're all ratting on each other on the show. I don't know It was that white background too. Oh my god I love I love when they have that they cut to them like a professional and they're all just like I was good Drita, I was gonna beat her ass always and I'm like yo first of all I'm Drita could fuck me up Yeah, I'm 100 can beat the shit, but it's just funny how like they're all just like you father's my father with my father was He would be fine. He would do something to your father your father and they cut back to her And she's always just her hands always in the air like this I fucking beat this shit out of her

Fight though like on the show like they would fight. Yeah, she was trains and shit. Oh my god. You saw that flying Look like a rat a pigeon is a flying rat. Yeah, it is You're having friends over for a wine and cheese party One of your friends brings a girl with her you've never seen before you and you weren't planning on having a new member in your group You a don't give a hoot who this girl is After all, she's not your friend Be figure the more the merrier welcome the new addition see pull your friend aside and say And D look the new girl up and down and

Wonder where on earth she purchased such hideous clothes. I would put my friend to the side. You would right? Yeah Like if I came here one day like it was for like work, and I just brought a dude like a friend of mine You'd be like what the fuck you doing? I think you would Yeah, I'd be like Danny. I don't know who this guy is, but he has to leave 10 minutes ago All right You're at a friend's house

And she shows you a pair of new Christian Louboutin's She asked you what do you think of her new heels, and you say are those suede be careful suede gets beat up really quickly Be your feet don't look nearly as big in those as they normally do See they'd be fabulous if they were on my feet and D. Are you kidding? They're gorgeous. I Think I'd go with Probably say they were gorgeous See, I think you're an a person like are those suede. Yeah, like I kind of feel like you'd be like But if someone's I don't see the like like you're very rarely like you know, those are like you'd be like

Yeah, but like those are gonna be like hard to keep clean Like when we talk about sneakers, yeah, you know, okay, I I What do you think? All right, so we'll put a then no, it's you. What do you want? Be true to yourself. What do you which one do you think you're more likely to say? Do I like them? The Christian Louboutin's but some of them could be ugly. Yeah, so if they're ugly if I really like them I'm gonna say that I like them. All right. Are you kidding? They're gorgeous. Yeah

Last question Here we go the big one one of your friends is crying because her boyfriend of two weeks broke up with her You a say that sucks, but it's not like it was a long-term relationship B Tell her get over it already. It was only two weeks See frown and say what a bastard What a rat what a rat men who needs him D hug her and tell her how sorry you are that she's upset

He is a rat. He is a rat It would probably be like It would probably be like a and then immediately be okay. That sucks and Then get over it. Yeah, which one which one of you that sucks, but I think you're a more than your B Well, I would eventually get to be After a while of them being like, yeah, but I'd like you just don't even fucking know this guy Yeah So which one are you a or B? I'd be a okay

Like it sucks, but at least it wasn't like a long thing right should be easy to get over and then if you continue to act Like, you know the world is ending. I'd like it the fuck. You don't fucking know also two weeks isn't boyfriend. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry You got you got port. Yeah. Yeah, this guy reeled you out. Yeah, like a rat Oh My god Joe's result as a friend is can I read it? Can I read it? Okay? I'm gonna do my my big reveal my result as a friend My result as a friend is a Debbie Downer Wow Hello Debbie Downer. Why so negative?

There's no need to rain on anyone's parade. It doesn't do you or them any good You're in difference towards your friends and their needs is very off-putting Step up to the plate and try being more caring You get what you give and as it stands now. You're not giving much. Wow Shit off my soul. I didn't think that was gonna be the answer at all. I'm a Debbie Downer I'm a Debbie Downer That's it. I'm a Debbie Downer. I don't agree. I don't agree. Oh No

You do good Do you believe any of that? That I'm a Debbie Downer. Are you insane? No, no, no, no any of that like Definition there of what a Debbie Downer is. Yeah, well, no their definition of like how you treat your friends Dude, it couldn't be any more The antithesis of a Debbie Downer and like someone who's not caring and this is girl Joe though. I agree with me I What are we talking about I'm afraid now

No, yeah, but how did I get Debbie Downer? What did I answer? I don't know But oh, maybe that last question really did it in yeah, could it could put you over the edge Yeah, I could have yeah, because that was kind of like down I would want a friend that's like oh after two weeks and I'm gonna sit there and sulk with you. Yeah You're not a big sulk her though. No, I hate that shit But you but if you're sulking you like to sulk I Yeah, but I'm a very short sulker

You are short I am a short sulker try to say that three times fast short sulk or so so so so short sulker You're trying up. What am I saying again short sulker short sulker You guys say it three times fast short sulk or short sulk I can't do it Short sulk or short sulk or a short sulker. Oh, I got that Canadian. I short sulker. I can't do it short sulk or so Short sulk or short sulk or short sulker You got to take a deep breath and close your eyes the only way short sulk or short sulkers It's funny because it's had an oddly sexual when I came out of your mouth the first time

Now that I can't say it three times fast Short sulker short sulkers short sulkers short sulkers It's a mess Scottish. Okay, ready Let's try. Yeah. Yeah Shit you read So you read you read and you fucking read Short sulk or short sulk or short It's impossible. Okay. Oh God Jesus

Man, yeah, but I would not say you're a Debbie Downer. No, I don't know not at all I don't think I'm a Debbie Downer. No, if anything, you're the life of the party. I would say Yeah, I like to be a life power Can't say anything now short sulk or short sulk or but I do sulk But not for a long time and I tell people that all the time But you don't like when other people sulk around you you can't stand it. No because yeah, I don't I don't like it Why is that you think? Because I don't like to do it and so it's like I went even when I'm doing it like I hate that I'm doing it so I don't

Like if I'm sulking about something right heaven recently We're like a whole day. I was just like not doing shit. Yeah, I was just like I was just all thrown off But when I have days like that I'm not like looking for Yo, come comfort me and like, you know, I know I know what I'm doing, you know, I'm like aware you like to be alone What when you sulk you like to be alone? Yeah, like the initial sulk Yeah, because I feel like no one can fix this like I'm gonna fix it like you telling me like hey man It's gonna be okay. Like that's does nothing for me like it's nice to hear but at the end of the day

That's not gonna get me any results, right? You're not gonna convince me that like here's what you gotta do man You gotta get back on the horse like I know what I gotta do, right, you know, but it is nice to hear And I'm not saying like I don't want to hear it, right But a lot of people kind of expect to hear it or they like need it and like I don't like that Okay, because I feel like I know what I have to do and like whatever and like you're also kind of a truth like I mean like like you'll be like Like you said you answer one of the questions like it would start with the ice cream and then like kind of end with you

Like kind of like speaking some truth. Oh Yeah, where I was just like, let's go. Let's go get yeah, cuz that's what I would do Like if you told me like, you know, I just got laid off at work. I Just got laid off at work like so can we go get a drink or something like well I'm like, yeah, cool. And then we get there and we talk about it But eventually we get to the point where it's like dude like right, you know And like I wouldn't but I wouldn't sit there and let you sulk and be like oh man the sucks Like I know man. It really does suck like, you know, but you know, you just gotta like, you know, what I'd have like

Yo, here's a plan of what we're gonna do. Well, how do you yeah? How do you usually get yourself out of places like that of what like? Like like you said you had a whole day where you kind of like salt kind of yeah I just how'd you get do you think you have to do that sometimes like are you are you in deep thought when you're sulking? Maybe subconsciously I am a little bit right. Yeah, kind of everything kind of goes still a little bit Yeah, I mean dude your mood and like I'm a big energy guy your energy when it's all thrown off. It's like I'm not even fun to be around if my energy is off and you could read me like a book. Yeah, so it's That's what it is and it's like I almost get it's it's motivating and it makes me angry a little bit at the same time

If I'm sulking and then like later on the day, I'll have to be like alright Here's what I'm gonna do tomorrow right and I'm gonna have to get this shit done And I have to get this shit done and this is what I want to do So I can't sit around and just sit and be this dude all day It kind of gives you an example of like what you could be Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's a good thing because it bothers me to watch people do it Why though, I don't know it just does I guess it's because I don't see you like you're like do you see do you see it as weakness? Yeah, you do right. Yeah, so you kind of just like stop being like weak

Not as harsh as you're saying right it's like you're showing weakness Now The way my head works is like yo like now that you're here now, you know like What you have to do in order to come out of This like state that you're in like yeah, you know But I feel like are you a person that like say like you feel like you know the answer But nobody would know the answer to help you No, it's I mean it has nothing to do with that

Okay, there's no like answers to when you're upset about something you're upset about something like you can't help that like if you're upset about something And I could not understand it, but why the fuck are you upset about that doesn't change the fact that you're upset, right? but I You don't want to hear about it No, I'm down to hear about it like I'm not like that like dude. Don't tell me your problems like you know That's your sick. Huh? Unless you're sick. I'm sick. No if you're sick. Don't tell me don't tell me. Oh, no If I ask you how you're feeling just tell me you're fine No, if it's the second time second time first time I ask you how you doing and you're like, oh, dude

I'm not really feeling well whatever and then like two days later. So you're like, you know, how you doing? Don't be like You know, it's just really like just like hey, you know, I'm all right It's good. I'm kind of a rhetorical, you know, no, but uh It has nothing to do with like the answers or anything. I just feel like when I'm upset about something I know what I got to do to make myself not upset and to pull myself out of like whatever and at the end of the day Everyone's gonna have to do that for themselves like you can get all the reassurance and all the you know, whatever from somebody else Of them being like, hey, man, you just got to keep your chin up

Like why do you want to hear that like you know all that you hear it on TV You hear like you give that a bullshit advice to other people like whenever they're sad So it's like why do you need to hear that it means nothing like at the end of the day You can give me all the reassurance and all the like pity in the world But if I don't choose to be like today I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna get some shit done and I'm gonna forget about this then that means nothing, right? You have to grow from the sulk session Of course. Yeah, right and like I don't get that though

Yeah, but that's that's why I like to be alone because I think it expedites that process like I don't really like to be You know, I'm someone who likes to be the center of attention, right, but I don't like to be the center of attention when something Sad is happening. Yeah, like if something bad happened like for instance I was out at a bar and I bet the Under in some game, okay, right to put a bunch of money on it and The last second there was a deep-ass three that put it over by half a point I remember the game so I was just like, oh my god And then everyone around me is like oh dude and like asking me questions or being like, oh, it's alright

Don't worry about it. Like I'm like, all right, right fucking relax. Yeah, you know, like it's not that big of a deal I'll chill, you know, like I don't like that sort of center of attention where it's like everyone knows something bad happened to you So they want to console you like I don't need you're like consoling Yeah, like so like support and Like whatever is different then my baby in somebody sort of you know what I'm saying It's gonna be okay. Like I don't need you to pat me on the back I just need you to be my boy and like whatever you know I'm saying keep it moving after that Yeah, that's it like I'll be alright that me up. It's all good, but I don't need you to be like fucking

You know make me feel like a child here. Yeah, you know, I could be belittling at the same time too a little bit Even if they don't mean it it's just like you're Yeah, that's probably something wrong with me in there. Yeah, that's like that. But yeah, I don't I don't like that Yeah, you're not a big fan of sadness No, I hate it. I don't know why anyone would would be a fan of sadness. Yeah No, I feel you on that. I do But yeah, I don't know whatever before we wrap up here Let's get to some

Patreon shoutouts our patreon by the way patreon.com slash the basement yard Every dollar helps support the show. We appreciate it. Hell. Yeah, and we love our patrons on the show So we want to shout them out on episodes that we remember to do it and we did this week So here we go Chris St. John Chris St. John. That's a saint. Good Catholic man. Good Catholic man Makes a lot of money Nedra McClain Undercovered agent definitely an agent Samantha Colburn Just a nice lady from up north. Yeah, I don't know I'm getting kind of like a mean principal vibe to be honest with you

Oh, Mrs. Colburn's here. Yeah, Alana Longo Just a wholesome Italian girl. Yeah, Max Nielsen. I feel like he invented something like invented the bike or something Yeah, I think so Rasmus Nielsen that dude fought in the Coliseum. Are they related? Who is it Nielsen and Nielsen? No I I don't know where it is now. Okay. It's all right. Melissa Tashara Good first baseman. Great first baseman. Thomas Gallin Hold a lot of water. Hold a lot Alex Peters

Two first names probably got a chiseled jaw. Yeah, probably a couple thousand followers on instagram. Yeah solid He's got a future ahead of him. Light eyes. Light eyes solid. Rachel Lutcher Nice girl next door. Yeah, Michael Colbert Or Colbert, maybe I don't know Grant Godfried Gilbert Godfried son. Yeah Uh, Samantha Dennis two first names and both sexes too Whoa covering a lot of ground Sam Dennis Sam Dennis

Let's switch that up. Yeah, I don't know Alec had Hageman Hageman Hageman, I think he plays defense in the NHL. Yeah, uh Brittany Middleton Popular in high school. Yeah, for sure. Um Alex Brath Not popular in high school. Not really but probably put it together in college and then lost it after indie guy. Yeah Megan Lux that's a porn star Barbara Kiss another porn star

Uh, Emily Malcomson That's a I think That's an english teacher. Yeah, this is malcomson. This is malcomson Brett Olson that guy put a lot of people in lockers back in the day. Oh, yeah Uh, Camilla potch Pillock Podge, podge, please. What was that? I don't know what that was. I don't know what that was Osterpedic

Potch or pedic. Yeah, she imagines. Oh, maybe Uh, Michelle Gordon Girl next door tries an fcb. Yeah Connor McGreevy. Oh good fighter. Good fighter. Also a good hockey player. Jackson Webb Good night. I just got terrified. All right. Last one we have here. Emily Fields Good baker and good country girl. Good country girl. Good country girl for sure. Um, so shout out to all our patrons Thank you so much for supporting the show. We appreciate it If you want to sign up for the patreon you can go to patreon.com slash the basemeyard

You get every episode a week early And you also get An extra episode that is not posted on youtube. It is only posted on the patreon that just went out On whatever the fuck. I don't know what date it was last week. Yeah, whatever the hell Um, but yeah, go check that out patreon.com slash the basemeyard danie where can they find you at danie Little Peoria on twitter and instagram and you guys can follow me on social media at joe sayagada Go follow the show also on instagram at the basemeyard and that is all see you guys next time. You read you fucking read