The Basement Yard - #188 - How Healthy Is Your Sperm?

Episode Date: May 6, 2019

On this episode, Danny & Joe talk about pearling, the new website, & try to figure out who has healthier sperm. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I just check your mic I don't know if the levels are good fuck shit fuck I don't give a shit all right relax sorry I think your mic sounds good though I was impersonating my dad on Christmas you ever get to an argument with your family like on a holiday isn't it weird oh it's amazing my sister we have thousands of pictures of my sister balling crying in all of our pictures I swear to God ask her because she didn't like taking pictures and my mom like just get the fuck on the stairs and then she'd be crying like this that's such a like you want to know what it is too like

I feel like when I was a kid I hated taking pictures I always had to make some stupid face my mom hates me to this day I was always like yeah yeah my mom was like why are you doing that I think it was cuz I was insecure of what damn we're getting deep already off the top I'm taking another drink yeah I just think that I was like insecure of like not my appearance but just like how I would appear in the picture so your appearance not my appearance but how I would appear to others yes yes all right cool I just didn't think that I would be conscious of that as a like a seven-year-old nine-year-old boy no I think

no I think I think you're thanks I don't know I think there's a lot of things that are telling about people like for instance I posted on my Instagram my iPhone layout so if you haven't seen my Instagram at Daniel over on Instagram two plugs today I posted a picture of my iPhone apps layout so I have all of my stuff in folders do you want me to list them off really quick can I see it yeah yeah look I mean I saw the picture so the picture yeah just a refresher yeah this is this is this is psychotic first of all you have a thousand apps I got a lot of gigs bro how many gigs 128 128 yeah man what are you filming movies on

this thing I never know I wish Jesus Christmas it'd be good movies not porn I'm talking like I would make good cinematic cinema why'd you wink then because people thought it was sexual you made it sexual I'm a sexual being what you want me to do but anyway here's the list so I have an entertainment one a shot entertainment yeah like I like to be entertained you don't use your phone for entertainment yeah all right so that one of my apps in it Netflix HBO go Hulu prime video why do you have this on your phone you're watching HBO go on the go for sometimes if like I'm on a train which I'm never on if I'm

in a uber you watch HBO yeah when you're in an uber sometimes it depends what I'm into Hulu I watch all time because it takes me about half an hour to get here I'll watch like an always sunny episode like on my way here okay all right so we have all on that wing unlimited data plan so like that's on there YouTube's in there my files is in there so that makes sense you want to be entertained yeah I want to be entertained shopping I have Nike sneakers eBay Louis Vuitton Gucci Groupon stock X Postmates you have Adidas you have Gucci and Louis Vuitton apps yeah just keep an eye on them just yeah move forward then banking I have

like my PayPal my Venmo my Chase my my okay my American Express I have one of those two I have I have a group where I have all the banking stuff you need all that in one place you know I don't I don't want to be looking around I got three credit cards I gotta worry about picture on comm slash basement yards yeah plug them all in a miscellaneous miscellaneous is a lot it's like Duolingo Wikipedia the fuck do you just say Duolingo isn't that the new girl one kiss is all it's Duolingo Duolingo is an app where you learn different language I swear to God I thought her name was Duolingo when you said it now that you

said her real name I'm like okay that's that's obviously her name yeah so what you learning new languages I tried to Apple yeah no you don't yes I do dude you have one of those apps it's like oh a new word of the day yes I do oh my god Danny I do I told I was gonna do that I want to learn new words God I didn't know it'd be such a malfeasance word of the day it was like two weeks ago probably yeah yeah yeah so I don't even know what you said you don't know malfeasance me hell no dude feasance the fuck is a feasant so miss I know pheasants pheasants are cool no

what is a pheasant basically I don't know is it a group of birds or one bird I think it's a bird it's a bird a pheasant pheasant it's not like a group of I for one I've never seen such pheasants I've never seen a pheasant I've never seen a pheasant I've seen a pigeon a seagull so pelican ones those are cool pelicans are cool they are cool we saw Oriole right outside the other day was that an Oriole yeah we're getting very birdie on this show you brought the birds in you let the fucking cage open now they're flying around the show I was this close to buying a fish and and giving it to you as a surprise but I knew

that you'd be very mad if I brought a fish here yeah because I don't want to take care of it yeah yeah yeah so I was gonna get died in two weeks I was in pet land yesterday for like 20 minutes maybe and I was just like oh should I buy this fish but I didn't buy the fish wait I hope you went to pet land for a different reason well yeah I want to go get Eli something then I was just like let me see like there are fishes up in here and then there were I was thinking maybe a turtle but are you insane yeah you wouldn't take care of a turtle no yeah so they live to like be a thousand years old yeah for sure hold on real

quick do you know this so all right we set up a website for the basement yard it's the basement yard calm and there's a button at the top of the page that says contact the show and I put it out there on my Instagram and a bunch of people sent in some stuff someone sent me this thing and I'm only bringing it up but there was other things but I wanted to talk about the specific one because it pertains to what I just said about the turtles okay did you know that lobsters like don't die of old age someone sent in an email that said yo lobsters don't die of old age and I was like what yeah I looked this shit up it's because they're

like urchins or something or a crescents do you have another guess uh lurchins crustaceans crustaceans what the fuck are they lobsters no but they're like a certain thing there are a certain type of creature who the fuck cares about that no but I think like it like if you're a lurchin or something well you don't have a fucking app for you for animal categories I'm sorry I'll get all that I'll get that one shit the animal kingdom lobsters are there's sea urchins yeah that's what I said he said lurchins I said urchin I think but then you switched to lurchin and then you said crustacean sea urchins what is crustacean

I just put a T at the end of urchin it's urchin urchin I said urchin like urchin yeah sea urchins that's why they don't die of old age I think they live like forever I don't know if that is the reason why this is the only animal that I know that doesn't die of old yeah I'm sure some other other sea urchins live for a long time long time bunch of other crustaceans other kind of other kind of lurchins all over there no but they don't die so I looked it up and I'm like and the only reason why they die is like they have to do this uh this now now I'm paraphrasing from what I've read you say paraphrasing yeah I said it very like almost power rangers yeah I'm paraphrasing this now so I I'm not really this is what I gathered this is like the idiot version yeah

lobsters don't die of old age because their DNA doesn't like cause their shit to like break down or whatever you know so they only die they can die from like disease and attack obviously whatever um but they they die because they have to do some sort of like skin ritual like some shedding thing yeah you know of like maybe the shell or whatever and eventually they just get lazy and don't do it and they die from like infection damn your lobsters be lazy so much so it's like someone's like yo you're gonna die if you don't do this like yeah I know but like I just don't want to yeah I'm chilling I've been a 110 you've never eaten a lobster have you no love lobster hate foods that you have to dip have this whole fucking intricate fucking way

to eat them just bring me a prepared just fucking pop it open for me yeah bring me that goddamn lobster open I don't want to do this shit it is very strange that you go to like a really nice restaurant you know it's like you pay top dollar for lobster and they're like oh here's all the fucking tools figure it out dude yeah and I'm like no you gotta stick that little ass fork it's like a little action figure fork I don't want to stick that fork in anything there's like a nutcracker yeah we eating fucking walnuts or lobster I cut my hand once yeah I went to this place called lobster yeah I went to this place called Jordan's lobster farm in Long Beach and I had to fucking eat a lobster obviously beautiful lobster it's fantastic but I cut my hand on the

fucking lobster trying to open it I was like this is fucking terrible yeah I was sick store I did fucks fuck sea lurchins fuck the crustaceans yeah yeah fuck the crustaceans crescent moons the crescent I forgot you said that yeah all right so what else you got over there a sports one okay I have one of those ESPN mba pga mm-hmm you know sports I like Yankees social Twitter Facebook social media Instagram wait I don't even use snap anymore do you yeah buffer what the fuck is buffer I don't know I just have it you don't know what it is it's like it's like it compiles like a Bruce buffer it compiles all your apps I think so does that fucking yeah so does that bucket you made what's your top four top for what apps like you don't

have like a bottom four like the starting four oh on the bottom yeah phone calls emails safari text messages oh what do you have you fucking bitch I don't know what are you a fucking businessman you work on wall street I'm trying to make me if people want to get in touch with me that's what I care about this is what I care about yeah that's that's a gross top four what's your top 40 slot oh my god I gotta get my phone go get it I don't know off top but I will say you could you could tell a lot about a person by their top four and you are disgusting no and I'll tell you why you are disgusting piece of shit I have a reason why they're all down there and when you get back I'll fucking tell you I'm right here all right so there's the top four reasons why I have small

girl hands so when I go I when people have their fucking I message all the way in the top left I can't reach it I can't reach all the way up there and then come back look at this I can't go all the way up there I gotta slide my whole phone down the whole thing well if you didn't have a pamphlet case still I have to do that to get to my text message I don't want to do that well what's your bottom four text messages okay that's where mine is okay text messages are big things and though that should be there and it's also if they're in there if they're over here in the top right you can't reach them that easy you want to do this to get to your messages no I'm

with you you asshole but I'm saying you call me a piece of shit because my thing is like this got a lot over there all right let's go Instagram spend a lot of time on Instagram yeah yeah yeah but I gotta be at top four I purposefully don't put it there because I try to spend a little less time on on Instagram you know my screen time is ridiculous what is it oh my god how do I find that I'm almost embarrassed to tell you my screen time I don't even know how to find I found it I found it how do you get there because I'll tell you mine uh just go to uh settings yeah and go to like where you could search and type in screen time okay dude listen to this breakdown oh no listen to this wait what's your total time eight hours and nineteen minutes that's literally double what mine is

mine is four hours but here's the thing though I fall asleep to like YouTube no excuse it again it's true though so if I'm sleeping that's why it gets boosted listen to this entertainment four hours and 56 minutes of entertainment social networking two hours and 36 minutes productivity 11 minutes yeah what's yours my my I only have three categories here so most of it is Instagram yeah uh it's Instagram wait so social networking is three hours of it it's only an hour is other shit all right so that's more than mine productivity though I'm under you 10 minutes but what is productivity I think it's because I use my app for like like steps and shit I guess yeah I guess I don't know uh no wait it tells me productivity hold up I have

Instagram two hour 16 minutes messages 39 minutes safari 22 minutes mail nine minutes shit like that yeah I have Yelp is it my top 10 what the fuck that's weird that's weird big restaurant guy Instagram I have one hour and eight minutes YouTube I have five hours that's because I fall asleep to it okay let me see yeah so anyway what were you talking about no what else was in your bottom four oh yeah Instagram Instagram I have Twitter there but it shouldn't be it's getting demoted because I don't really use it Twitter kind of sucks now yeah it's cool to like post gifts I should put like Uber there because I crush Uber yeah that's you know what that's that's smart and then I also have YouTube my YouTube app is there where's your email your email guy yeah

I mean my email is up there how do you get to that you have to turn it sideways and click it yeah but I don't I'm not checking my emails every five minutes so I only I check my emails like maybe three times a day yeah how many times you need to check your emails how many emails do you have right now I have none I hate to have notifications I can't have it I have 69 emails see the fucking wink just made side now you just you're licking your tongue like you didn't lick your tongue but you yeah sorry yeah I hate having I hate having notifications as well all right so let me get to other ones work I have a work one I would love to hear what the fuck's in this the basement yard gmail google drive wait you can have an app for a specific gmail yeah that is news to me well

it's just g it's just the gmail app but I use it specifically for basement yard that that email I guess I don't want it to be in my other emails right gets like blown up um uh docks sheets google chrome if I'm trying to like use stuff like that it's faster than safari okay important uh gift converter that's like if I want to gift the show right yeah drop box literally you have never done that I've only done it twice I've only done twice I've only done it twice patreon okay cameo yeah awesome calendar okay and why's your calendar and work and sound cloud no that's my awesome calendar right I know what awesome calendar is my regular calendar I only use awesome calendar for work stuff okay that's like my regular calendar is like for like life

shit life yeah yeah yeah do you have a life bucket I don't I don't have a life but a music and music and editing music and editing yeah that's one thing yeah i movie garage bands like my guitar tuners and stuff like that spotify whatever okay then food grub hub uber eats open table door dash yelp why do you have five apps that do the same thing well open table doesn't do the same thing well open tables great I have open table yeah and then health uh my fitness pal activity head space zock doc steps cardio this one's gonna be a long one my sober app and my uh New York sports club app books this is gonna be a short one audible next that's it uh and then my kindle and then overdrive so i can get books from the library okay and then news usa today new york times

w s j and tech crunch which i i read those almost daily i try and then i have a elie one which is his pet insurance and dog walkers and citizenship that's not that bad it's a lot of it's a lot of it's a lot of apps do you really think that you could tell about a person's personality would you look at this and say i'm organized or crazy i know you so this is just smoke like if i saw that on someone else's phone i thought you were just calling me a smoke i thought i was like damn that's fire no no no if i saw this i'd be like okay this person is like organized in like a neat freak and then i look at the background which is a Louis Vuitton patterned background and i go this guy's an asshole yeah but guess what because it matches my case

yeah doesn't really help kind of makes it worse um but do you think i'm an asshole yeah damn you think i'm an asshole yeah sometimes yeah so we're yeah i think we're two different kinds of assholes like i'm more of like a douche asshole okay but like i'm very nice you have to flip this on me a little bit not crazy not crazy because like okay i'm super nice yeah yeah you're like outgoing i love like you know yeah you're like a little more like i'm a big deal whoa no i'm not at all a little bit yo a little bit yo what i have our first fight yo you you are more like that than i am you think that i'm a big deal thank you no no but you are like that why do you think i come more so than me i don't think either of us are

come at me no i don't think if you evie evie it's great pokemon great pokemon shout out evie won many battles with evie many battles but uh fucking what was i just saying uh you you you i have net when do i do that no i embrace my douche because it's like no but you just said you're more of like i'm a big deal like i've never done that you're the one who walks around like no by big deal by big deal i mean you're like very quiet and like kind of like like mysterious like yeah like it's a big deal if you get to talk to me are you insane do you think i actually feel that way i don't know you think i'm mysterious and i think like yo it's a blessing to be in my presence no you just said that but in a way yes how does that make sense my presence is a present

because my ass yeah no i mean that's a great song yeah yeah but no i'm not like that yo you're the one who was like yo uh yo you're like i uh let me get the mlb pass i'll give you 10 minutes first one bow i'll like follow you i think that's smart i think that's smart to take advantage of people take advantage of people i'm not taking advantage of people people want to share with me you take advantage of me you use my hulu hey yeah we weren't going to talk oh yeah yeah yeah guys sharing apps guys use my hulu and you forgot to pay it one month and i couldn't even i didn't forget to pay it i lost my debit card and then switched it immediately i think of this shows you a big deal this shows you how you use a big deal how am i big big deal my hulu didn't

work god forbid i canceled my hulu this guy texted me and complains about it i mean come on the guy texted me complains about it goes look what i gotta deal with this free hulu the guy yelling at me over the fucking text i get that i know exactly the tone oh sorry you know why because that's you want to know how your big deal you want to know how your big deal i came in here first thing he goes he goes i have a call 230 first thing he said to me the why did i say it though first thing he said to that's not say hello to me didn't say how you're doing didn't say hey buddy what's going on we had a great dinner last night that was great we went and played catch i paid for the fucking dinner i paid for the one before well i pay more i yeah let me ask you that that is true but no

but the first thing there's things about joe that you guys don't see which are reasons which are reasons why i love him he gets in these zones where he's like like yesterday we had like one of the most fun unproductive days ever but it was productive for like a like a mental health day we went and had a catch we got a we got a sunburn that i was so afraid to show on the show that i wore long sleeves um we went to dinner we had a meeting it was great um and i was like oh this is great but i got here today not one smile from him that's not true you didn't smile at me once you didn't smile didn't make eye contact with me didn't even greet me he just dragged his laundry into his room and then goes i have a call 230

can you set this up that's what he said that's really not how it went you make it sound so much colder than it actually was i think i think you're you can be cold and i'm a very warm to the touch man prove it i'm claiming it's true but i'm just letting you know i think i think when you get in these pockets and then you and then listen didn't greet me at all okay next time you're walking through i'll fucking kiss you on the lips i'm not asking for a kiss a hello would be awesome you're offended i'm not i'm never offended you know you have to do more than that to me fuck you now i'm pissed no because joe gets i said joe get you get in these serious pockets defend yourself defend your honor defend my honor so here's the deal yesterday like i said

it was a beautiful day out i was like you know let's just like go ahead play catch like whatever blah blah blah and we had a good day whatever then today we got shit to do because we didn't do it yesterday i agree so you had to show up a little late for a good reason yes no problem there so when you walked in the 10 minutes when you walked in the door i was moving shit out of the way because this is where we record and there was shit here my laundry was here and that's why i was like yo i we i have a call at 2 30 meaning like we got to like do this before then yeah because i don't want to like wait around and then i feel you don't fire up the fortnight yet so that's why that's why i'm saying yeah i hear you so that's why i said it i didn't go yo set this and i didn't

say set this can you set this up until i started talking to you like yo i got some emails from people so we're gonna do that on the show and you know whatever and i was like i'm gonna go through them yeah and then you're like oh i'll write some down i was like no it's cool can you just set this up because i'll go through them that's a completely different thing than what you said no and then i was dumping footage and then you go yo so like how long is it gonna take i was like wow wow you were not like that and that's not how i said it in my head you are a lying piece of shit on this show i hate i hate i'm truthful you said that you hate the lying i think my dad had to come out in the instagram comments and confirmed that i was not i was not i was telling the truth

what was that about again the the horse in the fucking jamboree shooting a musket i thought i was lying i had my dad had to come to my defense i'm a 30 year old man yo when someone tells you i shot a musket at nine you gotta you gotta i need a second opinion i hear you i hear you you know what i mean no because listen listen if anyone should have an organized phone it'd be you because i think you're more of a psychopath when it comes to organization i would not say i'm a very organized person i will be the first to say that yeah you know i think that's your biggest problem with me is that you wish i was a little more organized yeah your name uh i wouldn't say organization is your problem well you would say uh urgency maybe

dude you're not you're not gonna hurt my feelings i'm not trying i'm trying to think of the good word because i was gonna go with work ethic but that's not the the right word right because when you start working you work and you do your thing but it's all about when you start yeah yeah yeah my scheduling if i was like yo uh you know in school and they're like yo this essay is doing two months then you would literally wait till five a.m the day before you do it and i would get done right about that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah or or or maybe even like a week later and like i write an amazing essay but yeah it's a week late you know what i'm saying like i'm immediately losing 20 points yeah you know what i mean but that i get i accept that see how accepting i am

i'm so accepting it's just like i i really swear like i don't like to throw this around because i know a lot of people deal with this on a serious level but this kid's got multiple personalities me yeah no i don't this could sometimes be like hey man let's just go sit in the sun and then some days he's like dude i have a call of 230 once you said that i was like oh my god this kid just something i did not sun you i felt sound why did you feel sun i was saying hello to charlie who's here on the on the floor right he's passed out he's passed out i haven't seen him in a while saying hello got jumped all over me i wasn't jumping all over you i just know how we are right and we are sometimes our bro shines through our our work i hear you it does i

feel that so that's why i had to be like yo i have a call to like i was getting it out there like immediately so that we know like yo beforehand like we just gotta get this shit done yeah and when i asked you in there i it was 1235 so i was like yo how long until you're done because i know you were dumping footage so i was like yo how long until you're done right dumping footage means clearing cards by the way and you're like uh you're like like 10 minutes wide you need more time i might know because you know we have to start soon if i'm gonna make right 30 all right you're organized which is why you should have something like this on your phone but what thousand apps all right i need a couple apps do you think that you could tell honestly about let me see your phone

on your passcode all right so you have like all right this is great stuff on the front i actually like your layout a lot but this is crazy what's crazy none of this now i feel judged none of this is none of this makes sense makes sense none of it makes sense it makes sense in my heart you know what i didn't take that into account it makes sense in my heart i didn't take that into account i think that it really doesn't make let's see i have none of it makes sense finance sports and random shit those are my three buckets yeah and then all of its random shit yeah but i will say all the important stuff is in the front yeah i hate when people are like 700 comments they all call me crazy if you see if you see Keith's phone you'll be like okay now we got we gotta have

we have a conversation with him yeah yeah first of all he has 14 pages yeah that's and like instagram which he uses is on like the sixth yeah so it's like dude just put it in the front yeah you know you got all these apps you're not using all of them and neither are you grub hub seamless drizzly fucking all this shit i can delete some apps you could delete some apps you could clear some out and i don't even like having two pages to be completely honest with you because i only have like uh eight apps on the second page and it killed me that i had to get another page gotta do it sometimes i only want one page i hear one page i hear you how did this turn into us attacking each other i don't know i don't know i'm not sure no anyway you want to

get to these sponsors before we get to these sponsors all right we're gonna get to the sponsors real quick let's get to let's get to some of that work ethic the hell's that mean you you were gonna say that about work ethic which i don't mcgrinder mcgrinder speaking of grinder let me ask you this real quick before we get the gay tinder before before we get into the app the gate wait i mean uh not until we get through we're not gonna get into the app before we get into the ads okay would you ever download grinder just to see like how the gay community fucks with that ass probably not i almost kind of want to do it you want to see if if you'd be uh yeah if i could reel in some gay some gay attention yeah but you want to bowl blue ball the whole app yeah that's

true i don't want to play with people's emotions but like a part of me just wants to be like how am i doing in the gay community because like in the straight community i know where i stand you know i'm saying yeah like i want to see like where these cheeks stand in like a different community you know what i'm saying you know what i mean i think you'd clean up i think i do all right i think you do pretty well too yeah i don't really know for sure i'm just you'd crush why i'm a little twink yeah yeah yeah they would love you on there yeah i get i get killed in there your inbox would be insane yeah i don't know there was this one time i was talking to this gay guy on on a set that i was on when i worked at an elite uh not a gay porn set but no we were i was

talking yeah that's right where my head went what a gay porn set no but i was talking to him and it was so funny because we were talking about grinder actually because he said that he was like on it or whatever and i was like i was looking at it and i was seeing how close it was to like tender or whatever yeah they do it by feet like a hundred feet away shut your fucking mouth i swear to god sometimes it's like that like when they're very close is it like more of like a dtf app oh yeah and that's the thing that i said and i'm obviously this guy doesn't speak for all gay people but he he said i remember what he said to me is like dude as a straight guy you think about sex all the time i was like yes and he's like all right and he pointed to this other kid he's like you're a straight guy you think

about sex all the time he's like yeah he's like now imagine you guys were gay you guys could fuck each other all the time because you both have like the same like so they they get out they get out basically he was telling me that this guy fucks never thought about it like that yeah he's probably had more sex with more women than i have do you think like they'll ever is there an app for straight people like that there's 900 they're bumble no no no that are like 900 feet away you could literally put on like your thing like i'm down the fuck i think these are like that anyway yeah like i think tinder's just like less than a mile away and then it's like you ever see dudes like i did i don't know i've been in a relationship so long i'm tender and shit but i'm saying like on tinder people would

like you ever see like screenshots of people talking on tinder yes they're great yo what's up and the girl's like hey and he's like uh what about that anus yeah youth is that on the table yeah it's like way too soon for an anus kind of kind of conversation you know what i mean i respect grinder more than why just cut through all that bullshit tape get straight to that fuck yeah i also into cut through all that tape i also talk to another guy on other people's lives the other podcast that i do and uh he was on grinder and this dude liked when guys would fart in his face or on his tongue yeah yeah yeah on his tongue yeah yeah yeah he actually yes and he actually told me do you think something weird has to happen to you to have like that kind of fetish or do you think

you've gone through so much sexual like exploration that the only thing that's gonna get you off of somebody farts on your tongue okay let me close this yeah yeah we're gonna bump the ads for a second here because this is this is the this is the the the mind state that i have sometimes think about the sexual conquest that you have to go on to get to where people fart on your tongue no i just think if you're super submissive then like farting on someone is disrespectful yeah farting inside of in la boca is even more disrespectful but you like it yeah i yeah i'm saying like i think most you know i'm not trying to blow a fart in anybody that's what i'm saying most normal sex lives start you find a partner you have sex and then you kind of figure each

other out along the way if they like butt stuff you say finger or figure figure figure finger though is a good start you start finger for sure but like you know you figure out where they want to go their sexual limits your sexual hell yeah do you just meet like a bunch of home runs where it's like no one's ever had a limit like you're like everyone you've met has been like down to like do what's in your face yeah and then at some point you're like yo i can't come without getting farted on i don't know if that's the case but i didn't say he comes from it i think he enjoys it to the point it's not like the reason why he comes right you know but it's definitely like a dope thing like and he actually even said he likes one like you know because the reason why

i brought up because we were talking about grinder and his profile yeah i love other people's lives you know that show is ridiculous i know it's it's crazy yo and this was like one of my favorite guests the guy was fucking and i'm not i'm not even trying to cheat plug that that show is just fantastic it makes me feel so much less weird i think it makes me open to like everything because i've heard it all now like after doing i think we're like four or five seasons in um but damn i got catching up to do he said that on his grinder profile it says fart on my and then he put the eyes emoji and the tongue emoji because he just like just let me have it and he also said that if a dude is at the gym he like prefers if like you know don't go home and shower like

come through yeah dude like you gotta get there somehow that's evolution that's sexual evolution bro yeah and i was like yo what about poop because i feel like farting is like a gateway to poop yeah but he wasn't he wasn't down with poop i don't think so to my knowledge it was a while ago i don't really remember let me ask you this no fart no poop for me no no no no no no no no no let's just say you're in a relationship right okay and this person comes to you one day like somebody who has like a fetish like that wants me to fart on them and this girl was like i want you to fart on my tongue would you do it probably not probably not uh i don't think i could do it i don't think i could muster up first of all i don't think i could muster up the fart on command

oh i can't fart on command no no no but i did like breathing exercises like you gotta be like downward dog and like an hour and like suck an air in there what about pee i'd piss on someone if they if they wanted it if they wanted it and you've been with this person for a while and they were like listen i want to try something new i want to go pee pee on me yeah gotta go pee pee on you i understand uh would you do it yeah i'd pee on them not not like like it'd have to be in the shower like i'm gonna try to make this i'd pee on them yeah i'd pee on them i would have to be in a place it'd be about making them happy yeah but but now are you but now are you into pee stuff that's the thing well i don't think i'm into pee stuff like i'll pee on you for you i don't know how that

would be for you i don't know how farting on your tongue would be for you i would sacrifice my urine for your i'd rather get peed on than farted on i think in my mouth no no immediately take that back you'd rather get a fart i'd rather get a fart yeah a pee is could be long people have drunk people have farted on me before yeah you know you ever farted on a friend oh i farted on numerous friends yeah that's how it works you get farted on sometimes i have older brothers they farted on me they farted on well your older brothers haven't farted on me no no no no no my older brothers have farted on me where's this going should we uh get to the uh let's get to the end all right uh it's actually kind of funny that this is the first ad we have uh quip

i'll let you do that so if you ever get farted on your mouth and you need to clean it uh after all the good stuff from it kind of dies down and you're like well i got to clean this now so i don't get an infection uh you can use quip electric toothbrush okay it's my toothbrush that i use i love the thing uh it has uh built-in two-minute timer which pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when to switch sides uh up up to 90% of us don't brush for full two minutes or don't clean evenly so that's why they have the pulses to let you know what's good and what's not good um and they have like a stand a little thing you could suction cup it to your mirror if you want to do it or whatever and the best part about it is they have a automatically delivered brush heads so it's

basically like getting new toothbrush on a dentist recommended schedule which is every three months for just five dollars okay so that's the best part about it is that you use a toothbrush i like it just because of the size and like the vibrations it's not too crazy worth like you just hold it in the air just spraying against the the mirror or whatever you know it's nice it's a great toothbrush and everyone who has bought one from our show has hit me up like yo you weren't getting like this this shit is fire like it is it's fire i i i just used our promo code to get mine did you yeah mine's gonna be coming in a couple days it's dope and so every three months you get basically you know when you get a new brush head for just five dollars so anyway uh it's also they're

backed by 25 000 dental professionals do 25 000 of the time that's mad denti professions yeah yeah um quip starts at just 25 dollars if you go to get quip.com slash basement right now you can get your first refill pack for free that is your first refill pack for free at g e t q u i p dot com slash basement okay c y uh over a million people are happy and have healthy mouths that's a lot of brushes it's a lot of brushes so check it out uh but quip yeah uh next we have mvmt mvmt watches okay these are stylus watches all right cheap compared to not cheap quality cheap price inexpensive that's what i should say you got an all black one back there i wanted to steal the i got the i got the black on black i also have a silver on blue like a dark blue oh yeah

it's like a sexy you just wore one too wedding i remember oh yeah um anyway uh movement watches they start at just 95 dollars mvmt by the way movement that's what that is uh they started just 95 dollars you're looking at like 400 for the same quality of stuff in like a traditional brand but 400 to 95 think about what you could get for 300 saving 300 i mean yeah we know what you would dana you get all kinds of just more apps probably i don't know what the hell's going on there but yeah if watches are great watches are a great gift for any occasion and you know they've sold over two million watches in over 160 countries tons of countries that's a lot of countries to be selling things it's more than i thought existed to be honest to be frank for sure um

but yeah get 15 off today with free shipping and free returns by going to mvmt.com slash basement they're launching new styles on their site all the time so you can check out the latest at mvmt.com slash basement join the movement 15 off people go check that out yes all right also before i put the laptop down uh so we got other emails again so the basement yard dot com there is a tab that says contact the show at the top click on it if you want to send us links to stuff or you want us to talk about a certain topic you can send us an email we're gonna get it we're gonna go through all of them we're gonna try to go through all the internet's a big place we can't get to all the videos it's true you know what i'm saying sometimes we can only bullshit for how long yeah

it's true well we could bullshit for a pretty long time yeah yeah um i fed his squirrel yesterday by the way yeah that happened that definitely happened um we'll get to that yeah but someone sent me an email and was like yo can you guys talk about purling do you know what that is is that like when you come on somebody like a pearl necklace no it's not purling is it like pearl is it anything sexual kind yes okay so it is penis related do you put pearls around your penis yeah but no no no not around not like wearing it like grandma's pearls on your dick no no no no so what'd you think i thought like you wrapped them around to add like like some some yeah ribs so basically that's what it is so purling i'm sick the fact that i just figured that out yeah i mean

is that when you're like coming so when you like wrap pearls around your dick and fuck someone yeah oh cool uh for anyone who hasn't yet come across this the stimulation technique purling is where small superficial incisions are made on the surface of the shaft of the penis where small beads or pearls are inserted under the skin of the penis oh shit it turns your dick into like a dildo into a pickle basically a pickle dick you probably have a gross dick dude uh yeah if you got a bunch of pearls in your dick it's not recommended because obviously it could cause like erectile dysfunction and infections and shit like dislodging pearls like find one pearl at like the bottom of the shaft you don't want that dude if you if i had pearls in my dick like

i'd be scared because like sometimes i lose a ball yeah you ever lose one of your nuts hello where'd my nut go absolutely it like sucks up into your body a little bit and you gotta like find it like massage it back into your sack that's it's terrifying it is dude dude and that's a thing like people think we're making that up to be funny no you could suck a ball right into your body and lose that shit you could suck your own nut yeah not with your mouth but with your like your internal vacuum yeah you can suck your nut like up into your shit well i don't understand why they wouldn't just make condoms with like pearls on them they do they have like ribbed condoms not i know that but like ones that have like like rings for in search like around around them don't they have

like vibrating fucking shit dude they have all kinds of fucking condoms now how much do you how do you feel about that do you think that that kind of stuff is cheating no but the thing that i do think is not cheating like cheating on your spouse i mean like cheating in the bedroom to get somebody off yeah i mean it is it's peds it's peds you know you're taking steroids sometimes i just want to get off you know i get it yo it was exciting to watch Sammy Soso mark McGuire hit those home runs but they cheated it wasn't natural yeah the only thing i'm afraid of is if you know you're going out of your way to get some beads you're cutting your dick up to put beads in your shit because you're like yo she's gonna love this shit right yeah but

if she gets so used to the beads yeah i know your your normal dick is garbage or if she looks at your dick and you try to surprise her and it's gross you're like the joker from fucking dark night yeah like what is that pickle cock yeah it's just nasty yeah dude i want to see your fucking lumped up cock i just want my regular smooth shaft yeah i think it's so like a little bit of little vein here and there how smooth would you say your shaft is it depends you ever sometimes you know sometimes you feel your dick and you're like whoa what is this yeah i'm like yeah my dick's been lifted she's like yo why is it so smooth yeah yeah but other days you're like okay this is this yeah like my dick like ups its cardio it's like way more vascular yeah some some days it's like

yeah some days it could run a marathon you're like oh my god the veins on this motherfucker yeah but other days it's like you've really been taking it easy are you are you proud of penis veins huh do you think like a like a penis should be veiny i should you ever watch porn all right here's another thing you when you watch when you watch porno right you ever see like you know like the tube that goes down the middle of your penis the tube like on the bottom the tube yeah yeah yeah no like underneath your penis touch your penis okay you know underneath where like the tube that carries out the the p in the c okay right you ever see guys in porno their thing looks like a goddamn you can land an

airplane on it it's like a strip yeah mine's this little fucking thing it's like a fucking stirring straw yeah yeah it's like this guy's his penis tube is bigger than my penis you're you're insecure about your penis tube never been insecure about it i'm just saying some people got bigger tubes yeah some people got big ass tubes would you ever get a vasectomy no i don't know i don't know i don't know i like you're asking me now i'm 27 no no all right so hypothetically so you know what's the fucking what's the what's the the insensitive how many kids do you want in your life like max four all right so if you get so if you get to three would you contemplate having a vasectomy

just because you don't want to have a fourth i don't know probably not what if i i feel like that's a big decision no but you still it is a big decision and it's also a small incision so it's like it's easy it's an easy done like snipsy snipsy snipsy snipsy snipsy no i because i'd be afraid that like one day like you know what i do want not okay you can get reversed so what's the it's just like in that time you would get one yeah i would why so you just bust your not everywhere yeah and you're not to worry about like having kids you could still be or else all over well you still can well the chances of you having a kid are significantly lower yeah but they're still a little chained so you could still

get it you can still do that sometimes i feel like i don't know if i've said this on the show before but like sometimes i think like i'm sterile for some reason i don't know why part of me for no reason you're thinking that yeah and a part of me wants to go see like like a part of me wants to go see like how good my cum's doing like like the cum facts yeah yeah i want to go get the cum facts on me can you do that yeah you can go get your semen tested and like they could see like how good your fucking jizz is who do you think's got better jizz mere you i would say you because you're younger and you probably have higher levels of testosterone like being honest you probably have more effective jizz fire yeah well now there's no competition i mean santa gata studios could be a

good video would see who's got better cum see who's got better what is it like the sperm count is like what yeah yeah yeah and they could tell like you know that could turn into a real sad video though yeah imagine we go there and like yo both your cum sucks yeah dude like i think like the percentage of being like a male being sterile is super low how can you wait how um can you like make your sperm better uh there are ways that you could do it uh but i think it's through like medication like natural like remedies and shit like uh like for example natural remedies no if like like a lot of reasons like there's people that smoke a lot of weed uh apparently there's uh something that coincides with it lowers your sperm count weed yeah okay uh i remember there was a

rumor about mountain dew remember mountain dew they used to say that yeah yeah and like uh blue gatorade yeah like blue four or whatever the fuck it was yeah something that would affect your sperm count but uh a lot of it i think is just from natural like diet and like stuff like that but then some people also i just have like hereditary shit i have no idea what the fuck i'm talking about yeah you really sound like you you've looked into the sperm stuff no but a part of me i'm a big cum guy yeah big cum guy because my thing is this it's like if i'm 30 and my cum doesn't work i would like to figure out a way to get that cum working you know i think it works yeah it works but it's kind of like kind of want to nod from the manager you know what i'm saying i got you you

know it's like the you know when the coach walks out there to check if you still got your stuff and he believes in you walks right back to the dugout that's all i want that's all i want i just want to nod on my cum how do we go about doing this uh we just call up like a a doctor and we could get our fucking gist tested come doctors yeah i'll get my gist tested if you're down to get your gist tested i'll get it tested why not do we gotta go jerk off in a hospital though yeah how do they let you wait they give you like videos and stuff to jerk off to yeah they have they give you materials is it like 70s like bush like i don't i don't know if you can like ask for like like specific genres she's like yeah you guys got like uh purling porn you guys got pearl porn

you know when the guy puts pearls in his d oh yeah yeah yeah that's room three yeah but no i'll go get it checked out it'd be funny if it was just like a very old hospital it's like we just have paintings that you have to stare at like fully dressed to like oil paintings they have like fucking descriptions like who painted it like what year was made there but like you know that's like something i worry about i don't worry about it but it's come be is whack yeah i just got whack gist you know i mean hey only one way to find out i know i'm gonna do it we could be surprised maybe your cum is just like phenomenal and mine's like that would be so dope if i had super gist yeah that'd be fire dude would that change like how you walk around oh my god yeah

you take my head's big now yeah you be walking around like i have more highlights some dudes like y'all fuck you up it's like my sperm count is 500 000 million dude dude my gist is we'll we'll kick your ass yeah on its own another thing too is like as i'm getting older too i'm realizing that i'm gonna have to get my b-hole check soon yeah i'm getting a little this a little that wait which finger are they going with i don't think they do a finger i think they stick something on your your asshole camera yeah i think they they definitely like film your colon jesus christ it's gonna be like jumanji three back there if they film that thing in my asshole dude imagine being that doctor they got dwayne the rock johnson and kevin hart

on set in my asshole right now probably yeah there's a stampede coming and we can hear it coming that's a video i'm not gonna want to see yeah no my assholes nickname is skull island imagine being like the asshole doctor i think about that constantly and you basically you're like a college for that you're a director also i mean you're shooting video all day yeah anus yeah you got to sift your way through directors cuts yeah bloopers imagine you went to school oh so many gross asses i know out there you know i know like i don't like mine but i but i also think like it's probably like on the better side of the spectrum you have age on your side yeah yeah but you know like like a old just like drunk man's a stuff just probably falling out of

that it's just crazy that there's people out there that are so educated that they could look at your asshole and be like yeah there's something wrong there yeah with a camera you know but i just think about the asses dude like old dudes asses must be like fishermen that's we're just like random shit just coming out like a boot and just like some what is that is that poop or like there's water like half of a license plate yeah you're like what what did you eat in the 70s sir you know let's cut this ass open some stuff we're missing that's what i think about with those doctors because they gotta see tons of asses i think about masseuses like that too you gotta rub some fucking like harry just like greek dude i know dude anytime i've ever gotten a massage

i've purposefully have manscaped you're what your body yeah your dip no like my chest and like like down to like yeah like to my pubrege your pubrege yeah because like i don't want this person to be rubbing me i think i'm disgusting you know what i mean yeah there's nothing grosser than like hair and lube like just dude i put aloe vera on my chest yesterday it felt like i was just walking through a wet marsh field because i was just rubbing it in because of the sunburn i was like this is i could put a mohawk in my chest yeah you know and they probably do that all the time and there's probably like old like dudes that are gross yeah can you jerk me off yeah yeah yeah and you gotta you gotta refuse yeah i do get manicures and pedicures now though

which are awesome i think you we should go and get one together i think you really like it i'm down i my only reason why i've never gotten one is because my feet are super so are mine dude but they're like they're wizards down there they know what they're doing listen even if you let out a little giggle or two it's fun it's playful you know yeah but i'm gonna kick a woman in the face by accident and it's not gonna get playful like i'm gonna make them sign a waiver like you know what's about to happen right i'm a drop kick that i could get kicked in the teeth yeah you know i just been like thinking like my hands and my toes have always been like you know i'm not taking care of i'm a boy you know what i mean like so like

i try to clip them i try to clean them but having them taken care of professionally is just fantastic yeah i think i would do so i would do it that'd be a nice sanagata studios videos well do you go to the places where you put your foot in those things like leeches are in it no not leeches but i go into the places where you put your feet in there and they throw like lavender oil in there love lavender yeah lavender is my shit love lavender like epsom salt love like lavender it's my it's one of my favorite scents apparently it helps you sleep yeah yeah no my mom used to have like a lavender humidifier i fucking love that thing lavender smells so good yeah it does i'm gonna name my daughter lavender don't do that that's a beautiful name it's a little it's a little porny

lavender yeah yeah there goes that whatever i'll do it what are you doing here what's your name lavender i have to paint the picture even more i mean why are porno interviews always like that why do they do interviews i don't just go grab sex like just fuck we're all here to see your file i don't care about our background yeah i don't care when the first time she had sex was i want to see it now yeah that's what i'm saying it's like why is so what are you here to do today dude i know she knows you know it was all premeditated we're part of this yes pull your tit out i also don't like when porno channels try to trick me like something's real this is fake yeah oh you're gonna blur the guy's face that makes it real dude this guy's been in every video this guy's got an 11 inch

penis you're gonna tell me you fucking luckily stumbled upon this python you don't stumble upon you don't stumble upon a hammer like that no you don't because guess what 99% of men's dicks don't look like that but you just drive around miami hey want to get in here right now and fuck this girl with huge boobs yeah and this guy's got a fucking rod on him get the fuck out of here oh i eat the jackpot every episode and he's hard already yeah okay okay great get the fuck out of here trying to trick me don't insult my intelligence all right i just wanted i just want to come dude i just pull it pull it yeah that's all i'm asking i just hate when like they ask them their names and it's not their names they'll be like oh what's your name be like filthy rain i'm like

it's like what are you a pokemon yeah it's like come on it's like what are you here to do you like i don't know you know what you're there to do yeah you're gonna you're gonna have sex on camera you're gonna have sex okay and then a dick just appears yeah just like you ready just like i think and then just a penis appears from the side from like yeah just walks into like an airplane i'm like look at this fucking thing yeah and like you know it's just like let's just get to it that's why i like porno's with stories you go watch you know wait stories yeah like uh like like little red riding hood no that's weird i don't she was a child i don't know what are you talking about i don't i was asking no like it's like there's like a like a plot point like you know

oh hey what's up me and my friend you know are coming over oh let's get into some swinger stuff and then they all have sex with each other right you know i'm saying european stuff yeah yeah something like that yeah the cast and couch stuff kind of scares me stuff like why because it's it's it's it the interview part is weird yeah and it's also it's the most fast forwarder thing of all time yeah that dude's like he's like trying to convince him like come on yeah he has a weird voice yeah he does come on grab my knee yeah i'm just like i'm like none of this i'm uncomfortable yeah you know it's not for me it's not for me poor girl but what happened to story lines you know it'd be great you know like porn parodies no i think they're but i think they're hilarious it's like the

adventures and it's like the hulk like banging somebody yeah and you're like i'm not this doesn't do it for me but it's funny yeah you know but you know what porn should do if they want to make it more believable tell me just have it not work out sometimes like they're like uh you know it's like casting couch and the guys like grab my knee and she's like dude no yeah i'm out like it's fucking weird like and they don't just throw me in an episode like that two two and a half minutes long don't be careful yeah it's like i'm gonna need you to take your shirt off she's like dude what the fuck i thought this was a job and if you fuck this it's beliefs i thought this was a Starbucks then i then i would that would be more inclined to believe because it always works out

i can't i can't yeah i can't i can't i can't support it no one has that kind of batting average no not even like Ken Griffey out a ride back in the day was raking was not batting like that no not at all not at all anyway that's all for this can i ask you a serious question without you getting upset do you think you'll ever be able to stop watching porn will i ever be able yeah like do you think you could like cut it out of your life i think i could i think i could i want to sorry i just had to send this real quick um i've thought i've done it yeah i have to i did like i like on a very old podcast episode me and a med yeah we were like

the no-fap thing was like 30 days could you do it no i can't you got us you got to beat that up yeah i just think i just think i'm a i'm a i don't know i'm a sexual person okay i like sex yeah i get that it's not about it's not about not being a sexual person it's just about having like self-discipline self-control i don't think it's about self-discipline self-control i think it's i think i think masturbation is healthy to be honest now excessive masturbation is not that's when it's like weird okay but if it's like if i haven't jaded in five days i don't want to you know fucking yank this noodle i'm gonna do it five days yank this noodle it's as normal as anything ever in the history of things that are normal

okay no i get you what i'm saying like you could do 30 you couldn't do 30 days if i wanted to i could right that's what i mean yeah if i wanted to i could but it'd be tough it'd be tough i'm not gonna lie of course it'd be tough i think it would be tough like i did it i did 30 days and it's hard uh every day yeah because some days you don't think about it because you're like i i'm just it's not it becomes not part of a routine yeah like if i'm busy i could i could put it on the back burner right but eventually it's gonna get me it uh it pops in there it'll creep up it'll creep up it'll creep up yeah so how it works all right so i've been i was saving this one for last because i don't know if you're like aware of this but since we were like talking about porn and shit um

oh laptop here i know i pick that up like i asked all everyone's gonna get mad at me fuck you um all right so someone else sent in an email to our website the basement yard dot com click that contact the show form shut up charlie um porn hub do you know what they did no they made b porn b's b having sex with each other no no no they like so they dubbed over it and they they called it b sexual and it's for b charities so i'm gonna show you one i'm gonna try and like because there's a lot going on as far as the side here you know you watch porn like the things are like it's like marge simpson like fucking they showed on the side i'm gonna come over here then no no i'm gonna turn it around i'm just gonna full screen so you can't see that stuff but i want you to hear

won't you hear this okay hold on one second dude i watched like eight seconds of this and i was like oh my god i cannot believe that porn hub did this but it's smart one view equals one donation by the way oh wow so i don't know if it's a dollar or if it's like eight cents but i fuck with the beats uh yeah i try i fuck with the bees i fuck with the bees all right here we go that's like a bella danger and shit yeah why not i feel bad for anyone who can't see this i know it's just bees and then it says without bees nature can't get it on so there's that there's b porn out there on uh porn hub you know what good for porn hub out here

change in the world because you at the end of the day if the bees die we die yeah you know they gotta pollinate that shit and then like if there's no pollination then there's no oxygen and then we can't breathe yeah i'm trying to die i think i'm trying to die in this bitch maybe i'm not trying to suffocate because of fucking bees bro we can't keep bees alive no that's easy that's a little scary who fucks would be who kills bees it sound like they're fucking elephants where we you know people kill them for shit i run from bees yeah i run from bees too you ever been stung by a bee fuck yeah this shit sucks i know and it was weird because when i got stung by a bee it was at the pool and they put an ice cube in a glove in a latex glove and gave it to me to put

it on there never forget it okay that's not gonna help yeah uh but also bees i believe i don't know if it's all bees but i know if bees like sting you they like kill themselves yeah because they detach from the stinger and then they like that's like losing a limb yeah and they i think hornets don't yo a wasp i'm good have you ever seen the the japanese green hornet no anything with the word japanese in the front of it as usually like uh the japanese green hornet yeah it's like it's it's like the biggest hornet in the world i don't like this you ever see a praying mantis fucking gross little fuckers with their teeth like pincers look at this hornet and it's the size that's in it's the man's hand yeah dude i think i'll fuck you up

yeah dude yeah oh i have a great bee story plus you charlie was like you okay sorry buddy i have a great bee story i have two great bee stories um so me have a great bee story yeah because me and my dad were cleaning in the background uh background backyard and uh we were moving some stuff around back there bee showed up they had some like these were hornets they had like a hive in a hole somewhere yeah they set up like irrigation systems yeah so my dad was like digging around digging around and all you heard was they were flying up to attack him here

yo hundreds of them come out no yeah and i ran towards the door and my dad was running towards the door i was like come on come on come on yo makes it last second like indiana jones it makes it into the fucking thing slides gets his hat fucking it was theatrical shit theatrical shit and you slam the door slam the door nobody got stung no hornets got in the house yeah it's fucking crazy hundreds hundreds hundreds hundreds hundreds and then he then after that he told me a story of his buddy who was roofing once and the same thing happened to him and he jumped off the roof into a pool yeah but they're fucking crazy they'll wait for you they'll kill you yeah so he was underwater like he said his buddy was like dodging them under water and shit crazy story

yo fucking bees are roofless yeah dude yo if there's a bunch of bees going out you got to jump off the roof and like you got to get out of there yeah bro what if there's no fucking pool yeah you'd be on the fucking lawn with broken legs crawling away that ever tells sort of here i would save my dad's life from bees no no no no from food what so me my dad or you hind like them saved his life damn yeah so me and my dad are chilling uh i'm in the kitchen i'm in the fridge and my dad comes like i was like yo this guy's either gonna fuck me up or like something's wrong yeah and my dad's had a history of heart disease they could say my dad's had a history of fucking me up no no no that too but like my dad's had a history of heart disease so i thought like maybe

he was feeling like that i was like oh god here we go but he's looking at me and he's just going so me i'm kind of looking at him i'm like for a quick second yeah and this i was a lifeguard at the time so like my cpr and like certifications at first date i was nice with it so like he's looking at me and he's just going and his face like starts turning blue fuck dude yeah and my dad's a big dude you met my dad yeah so i'm just fucking i turn him around i just i get right in this fucking solar plex here i put my fucking arm in there and i just start ranking on this dude just i'm like the eighth one the fucking shit comes out yeah i saved his fucking life did he throw up no he threw the food up he threw the food up

but yo the fucking sheer terror that was in this man's face i'll never forget it i'll never forget it what did he say afterwards oh he was like he like he like joked about it didn't say he loved me but it's cool but you know you know what should i call him no don't call him because i yo there's another story actually uh you know donnie i'll call him off the off the air you know donnie yeah so he he was in a pizza place and he was waiting for his pizza and a guy was with his like daughter and i guess like the cheese was like melting or whatever and the guy was eating a piece of pizza and the cheese like melted down his throat oh so he starts choking and he has like a kid so he can't like whatever so he's like pulling cheese out of his mouth like that and he's just

like panicking out because he can't breathe or whatever right so donnie gives him the heimlich and the dude like throws up all his shit and like whatever and like he's like whoa and just like sat down in the in the booth or whatever didn't say thank you wow what a piece of shit isn't that crazy the pizza place that gave donnie all his shit for free but the guy never said thank you what a dick isn't that insane i'm gonna let him die then no i wouldn't let him die but my thing is this in my head after that i've been like this guy's a fucking asshole yeah absolutely yeah you know say thank you yeah that's the first thing like y'all you saved my life imagine just being like all right back to pizza yeah that's i'd be afraid

of eating pizza for the rest of my life i know i know i wouldn't i don't know if i would pizza's great you think you could what i don't think i could ever give pizza up i could give sushi up i could give oh that's a lie i'm about to get sushi as soon as these cameras stop rolling yeah i want something to yeah you want to go out to eat no i got a dog oh you got the dog and you got a phone call he does what time is it i just said he does he does it's 202 okay um patreon shoutouts yeah let's get some patreon shoutouts where the fuck is my laptop again why do i keep putting it down have you have you ever saved somebody's life i don't think so i've done nothing good no that's not true i'm kidding uh i can't think oh wow i just got a bunch of porn right here okay great uh

delete delete delete delete enhance oh my god this one's gross this is a guy jerking off to like robots this this suggested are getting weirder and weirder yeah i think people just like not satisfied with humans anymore see that's the thing that i'm worried about back to our original conversation about porn is like if you get so accustomed to like crazy shit and you keep upping and keep up against like you're like getting farted in your mouth you've gotten so far away from just fucking a person that like nothing's gonna be good enough yeah i don't think that's why people fuck their cars and shit and i think that that's at a point where you you can't get off having sex with a vagina for sure or or whatever i would hate that yeah yeah yeah like just you can't let

it get to that yeah i would be too afraid that's why like i don't you know nothing will ever replace the real thing ever yeah i love vaginas um all right let's get to the shout out that's a great win in the show by the way love vaginas big vagina guy um danie sorrell great name great name guy played a lot of baseball uh brennan gersik gersik doctor dr gersik yeah wow i like that a lot dr gersik he's a pediatrician mackayla cooper um oh yeah someone who got murdered in a small town oh mackayla cooper yeah yeah yeah mysterious case of mackayla cooper yeah uh david scouskin scouse scousin i don't even want to go there scousin yeah sounds very german yes like um danie you were thinking not he weren't you know he was fucked up to davie we like you on

the show danie's an asshole sorry alexis waters come on pretty hot yeah and you're also doing born there yeah waters yeah please we all know what that water means shon k don't know who that is but i did know a kid named shon keller back in the day it's my boy so that's definitely not him but you know it could be shot to shon keller yeah also shon k thanks dude uh kody amarino oh that sounds like it gets you fucked up yeah sounds like you're like amaretto can i have a shot of amarino yeah exactly that's nice like it sounds almost sounds like dan marino and i fuck with dan marino i fuck with dan marino too he was a lefty and i'm a lefty so uh kyley smith that's a run-of-the-mill white person uh andrew mcgaw oh my god that guy plays mega guitar yeah mcgaw plays the guitar

yeah nicholas kish kish kish taylor kish isn't that guy kitch kitch that's his name yeah sorry i'm gonna say you're hot but no you're not zara abbas zara abbas somebody made a spelling error somewhere along the lines at ellis island at ellis island katelyn brooks um that just sounds like a teacher like a teacher like someone that works for kids but also sounds like a like a suit company like katelyn brooks suits or like shoes yeah well brooks brothers that's why yeah ashley laranova whoa that is an exotic fucking name passionate lover laranova yeah that's sexy uh nick foster not sexy yeah i just live on main street now i'm sorry dude but what are you gonna do we all can't have uh our names suck too joe dan awesome man that doesn't get lazier than that yeah joe just

name it joe i don't know yeah my our names are like the ones that if you're if you can't decide to like we'll just we'll pick one for you joe or dan uh leslie martin and we're both named after our dads yeah the laziness continues yeah uh zo zoila domingas zuela zuela zuela the domingo zola domingas untasio vintycea vanticia dauntisio relandes domingas that's not their name i try uh amanda pangman i remember pang pang pang that's an old school to hit pang pang you say pang that yo i watch that clip sometimes i go back and watch it on the channel i die i feels like it was 10 years ago i does feel so long ago uh all right we'll get two more sonia harris immortal combat character like sonia blade you know yeah uh and ian reap absolute creep really one

one letter away from being ian rape yeah because that's how it's spelled and i'm sure he's heard that many times in his life ian rape yeah i know it's okay all right we'll throw in one more uh bennie ross bennie ross good baker i really have nothing for bennie ross yeah sorry but thank you bennie um anyway that is all for this week's episode of the baseman yard thank you so much to our patrons yeah we covered a lot of stuff just remember that the bees die we die so go watch porn b porn yeah on porn yeah i'm born danie where can they find you at danie little priority on instagram and twitter sir uh you guys can follow me uh at joe singing out on all social media and also our website that is set up the baseman yard dot com there's a contact

the show button hit that button send us shit to talk about we'll go through it you know i'm saying talk about the stuff that you guys want to talk about sometime for show definitely go off on tangents yes you know what i mean we'll tell some stories about about things yeah we'll see how they relate to us yes exactly for sure uh also our patreon those were our patrons that we wanted to shout out thank you uh to all of them if you want to become a patron go to patreon.com slash the baseman yard you get every episode a week early you got some bonus content and depending on what tier you in you can get a personalized video shout out for me and danie we just sent out a bunch of them yes 80 of them i think yes uh last week so and people love them

you okay yeah i'm just passionate about what i do you're a passionate guy um anyway i have to eat danie definitely has to eat because you know diabetes diabetes is kicking in he'll be on the floor and i can't really pick him up see there he goes um anyway guys that is all we'll see you guys next time