The Basement Yard - #191 - I Got My First Tattoo

Episode Date: May 27, 2019

It's official, Joe finally gets his first tattoo, Mr.Ratburn is gay and we talk about the true meaning of happiness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard I know I feel that we need to like introduce, you know ourselves No, I think people are used to you saying welcome back to the basement yard though cuz sometimes I'm gonna say it People get there was one episode where you didn't say it. What did I say like two like two episodes ago? What did I say nothing? We just we just checked. Yeah, we just checked. We just checked Mike And then we went right into it. Yeah, we checked beforehand now and then somebody was like Yeah, you remember when people flipped out cuz I sat over there cuz I had a herpes on my lip. Yeah, come on I don't let him live let my herpes get hidden. Yeah, fuck Jesus. Are those called herpes?

I mean, I think I actually cut my lip that time. It's technically herpes, but it's not like Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I mean, I feel like everyone has herpes. Yeah, the boy the boy has gotten a cold sore in his life Sorry, yeah, sue me. You know, what are you gonna do? Also, I just want to say that Danny showed up on time today actually at like a couple minutes early So yeah, because he showed up early Love dumb dumb dumb dumps. Okay third grade. We're back, right, you know what I'm saying, right? So are you calling me a dumb dumb in like a smart way? Yeah, I guess so I'm like an ironic trick of me. Yeah, this is here you go. You're a fucking idiot

What's in there? So yeah, you have you know what? No, no, I don't look There's just some time. I know I know but Pick whatever flavor you think I would be my favorite. Those are like the regular pops like you leave a doctor with, right? It depends by the way doctor pops or bank pops bank pops all the way Oh bank lollipops are fucking fire. Hell. Yeah. What are those made at? I don't know, but they're fantastic It's insane. It's like it's it's taste like tip butter. I don't want to I don't want to see the lollipop Before I eat it. You know that it's clear. Yeah, I don't like clear and it's just green. Yeah

This is frozen like juice. I don't want that. You say frozen juice. No frozen juice. Oh juice. I heard juice I don't know why but those lollipops are amazing where they're like white orange and green. I'm like Yeah, I'll fuck with that. Yeah, every time I go make a fucking deposit or withdrawal I'm just fucking I'm in there just snagging fucking pops snag one of those Irish pops hell Yeah, but I feel weird because I feel like I'm too old now to be snagging that many pops like I'll leave with three I don't give a fuck. Yeah, why not? You know I'm saying like while she's like looking down and Because I have to pay my rent and cash. So while she's like counting the money. I'm like just fucking I'm poppin You know pop in the pops in the pocket. Hey, you rent and cash. I pay my rent and cash

She's gonna leave that there. Just leave that there. Yeah Anyway, try to figure me out try to figure out What? I don't want to look don't look don't look there's a I gotta get my hand in here unless that's like a Pringle can should be this size That's makes sense. This makes sense. I'm surprised. There's not like a mega Pringles I feel is there small Pringles. Sorry good. There's small Pringles, right? They have like the little one those are good because you can get your just your fingers in there

But they never have you they don't have an extended like an extend like a giant one. Yeah, like birthdays. That'd be sick I mean, they're already kind of big. Yeah Pringles are a good size Whoever designed that chip to perfectly be placed on this Tongue and mouth genius. Yeah, and you can make a duck. Yeah, come on. You know me ducks I've made yeah many many of ducks many ducks So here's the thing this is like a the one I have in my hand here. Yeah, it's a very like Polarizing flavor, right of dumb dumb. Yeah, all right. I'm not a polarizing guy. No, but I'm saying like People are either gonna love us is the wrong one actually people people are either gonna love this flavor hate it

Right, and I I don't like it. All right, but this one's the best. I'm not gonna give you that one because I really want to get this, right? I But I'm gonna go with this Blue raspberry isn't it? No, it's not Cotton candy. I hate this shit stop. I hate that one. We cotton candy. I don't hate cotton candy Get out of here. Yeah, you can have this is the one I said. It's the best one. It's blue raspberry. Yeah, that's the one I want Yeah, that's why I popped hard for it. You don't you don't like cotton candy. It's not it's not better than blue raspberry, please

I'm not saying it is I'm saying cotton candy is good the one that I was talking about before it was root beer I hate it. You hate root beer. I hate so much. Why? Cuz it's gross. I don't like root beer to begin with What the fuck you should say You don't like root beer. I Don't like root beer to begin with I'm a cream soda guy. We've talked about this I know that but I like cream soda and root beer who the fuck doesn't like root beer It's one of the best sodas. Have you ever had root beer mixed with cream soda?

No, I never have either a chemist. I'm gonna mix those fucking things. These are fantastic. Yeah, of course. They are yeah Are these the ones that pop off and could cut your tongue a little bit? No, but they are dangerous because if you suck them a little too hard that whole ball might go right down your throat down Your windpipe and then I'm gonna have to fucking Heimlich you on the show Which would probably be like a lot of you so that would be good Suck that right down cuz you know you may or may not die. I don't know if I could like really do I don't know how to do it correctly really Heimlich. Yeah, have you ever learned CPR or anything like that? Absolutely not That would be funny learning CPR. Yeah, why?

Just fucking press and fucking blow on your mouth, you know, it's a little more to it But I get what you're saying. There's only a couple of things. Yeah, well, I'm gonna be on time more of these dum-dums around I've been on time the last couple times actually you tell what I've been on time the last couple of times. Oh You haven't yet to work. Yeah Got really sick last week though. Yeah, you had like a rhino flu a rhino It's like a really it's like a really bad version. It's upper respiratory infection basically Why they call it the rhino? Because right now. No, no, no rhino is Latin for nose. Oh, yeah, like rhino plastic. Yes, nice

So it's it's Latin for nose. So that's what it's called But when the doctor came to me, so first of all, this is what they did They took a swab that was kind of like this and shoved it all the way up my nose. Yeah One side and I was like, all right, that's cool. They're like, no, we got to do the other side. I was like fuck So this is literally the noise I made as they shoved it up my nose. I just went Oh It hurts I had dude in high school my high school was when so the swine flu outbreak started in my high school Like the kid the seniors left. Wait a second. You didn't know this swine flu started your school

Yeah, we started the swine flu bitch How? So these kids So I don't know the story but my story is that these seniors it was my junior year and the seniors went to Mexico and Fucked a pig. This is the part that I made up. They fucked a pig and then brought it back and Then swine flu. No, but they went to Mexico and I guess someone got it for I don't know how they ate like weird lettuce or something or fucked a pig and then came back and People were just getting the shit and then I remember one dude died from it. Wait in your school

No, no, no one one dude like just in life on earth Yeah, I think like in Brooklyn He like died from it So then it was on the front page of the post and it was like dude swine fools kill it bitches So then I was scared and everyone was in the nurse's office like the line was down the block I was like, dude, what the fuck is going on? They shut down my school and then I got like a little bit of a fever not too much of a thief But like enough to like be like you're fieved up my face is hot. Oh, no, you know, I'm mother must have flipped out

you know when you get a fever and you're you're like Your voice becomes hot Yeah, not like not like sexy, but like when you talk you're like, why is my voice just so hot? Yeah, your mouth tastes like shit. Yeah, it's like a weird feeling. So I was like fuck. So I took my temperature and I had like a 100.1 and I was like, all right I'm not like in the danger zone, but I should probably take a Tylenol or something Yeah, but then we went to the doctor because we were all like scared me and Keith had a fever So, you know, I must have spit flying swine through right into his throat or something. Yeah, you know

And we went and they swabbed us like that do when they put that thing in my nose It felt like it hit here. Yeah, and then my whole face Felt like it was lit on fire. Yep for a second. Yep, and I was just like, oh, I pulled her fucking hand God then they said open your mouth right after I was like, oh Like I got caught off guard. I was like you guys already like Fuck my face like what more do you want you want to fuck more my face? They wanted all three of your holes. Yeah, I'm like, god damn getting gangbanged here So they shoved this swab down my throat like to the back and they're like say ah, I'm like, uh, like no say ah like ah

So I'm like Because I went to an urgent care, thanks a lot never going to urgent care again They told me I had strep throat. So I'm like, all right. I got strep throat. Great. This is fucking awful They were like, but you're fine go home. You'll be okay. We'll give you some Some antibiotics So I was like, okay. All right antibiotics great. They're like, you won't get a fever. It'll be fine I went to bed that night. I woke up with 102 fever That's definitely a fever. Yeah, and then I texted you and I was like, yo, I had this 102 fever

What do you think I should do Joe just goes hospital I Didn't know what what I was having 102 is hot and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I was coughing up phlegm and shit You know sweating like a fucking grease pig nice. Oh, it was gross Sweet, you remember that episode always sunny when Frank comes out of the out of the couch That's what that's what yes, that's what it felt. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it felt like. Oh, man. So when I got there There was a huge line and I was like, I only know one way to get past this huge line And it is to say you're having chest pains

You faked chest pains. Well, I actually did have chest pain, but they was bronchial chest pain. It wasn't like Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, but it was like Like shit like that. Yeah Well, I still have leftover Fleming shit. I like still kind of sick that sounded like a 90 year old laughing Yeah, well, I'm still kind of sick, but You throw up on me You heard that you're coughing like a third grade sick kid. I'm sorry. I'm fine though. I'm on a mock to sell

I'm fine. Do you remember when third graders would get sick and yeah, they'd cough in your mouth Yeah, and then it would like boom from their chest. Oh And like yo, I just get sneezing like a seal And you're like, yo, go the fuck home Stuff on the dogs fucking Paul what the hell is that sound but not they saw I was like, yo like my chest and they were like All right, let's go. So they brought me in there I would love that they just like threw you on a stretcher cut open your shirt No, no, it's not cuz yeah, cuz when you say you have heart shit

You skip the line of like broken hands and like that type of shit damn son You don't give a fuck about broken hands. I don't give a shit about broken hair. I broke my hand before You know I'm saying it's not that bad I guess, you know, so I broke my hand one time and I listen. I know how to work the hospital system You know, I mean I've been there enough times say I would hope so by this point. Yeah Yes, I was like, oh, I like my chest and I'm like right here. So they bring me in there and They do the EKG on me. I know I'm gonna be fine But I was like, yo like I was a doctor earlier today and they said I had strep throat and I don't know what's going on like

And they were like, oh So they stuck me in like this triage room And they caught on to me and they were like, you know, this guy's like full of shit full of shit Kind of to like get past the line. I was there from nine o'clock till 2 a.m To find out that I basically just had a bad version of the common cold Yeah, what did you do I just sat there you can't leave until they discharge you so they took my blood Which I almost passed out they took my blood I almost passed out and I remember later talk

She's like, where are you from? I was like, oh shit. I'm about to pass out. So then I was like, yo I then I was really dehydrated because they couldn't pull any blood for me really. So then they had to put an IV in me Fire. Yeah, which is fire, which was cool. I felt like fucking Thanos after they did that. I was like, yeah I was like all the infinity stones. I could do whatever I wanted I can rule anything I haven't I don't remember the last time I got an IV. Yeah, I did it recently I went I had well that and yes, sir. I went to an IV bar Whoa, yeah, excuse me. Yeah, it's an IV bar. So it was this for like rich fucking hungover people base. Yes

It's exactly what it's for. What's it called? Because I actually did one one was called Revive okay, there was one when I was working at elite. I was gonna I was supposed to go and do Like a piece on them. They were called like the hangover club or something. Yeah, I know Yeah, that that one's still around but that yeah, but you pay you could pay like top Dodd and they show up to your crib Yeah, and would fucking IV you yeah, imagine being that much that rich You pay like six hundred dollars to not have a hangover. I know just drink a glass of water. Yeah, I know Fucking ass so it was weird when I went in there too because I

Went with a buddy and they were like, hey, what's up? What's going on guy? Like it was like a cool like inviting environment I was like you guys are gonna like put stuff in my body right now. Yeah, I was like so I was a little skeptical And they were like, yo, hey, so what's up? So like what are you dealing with man? Like what's going on? I was like, well, I'm getting over a cold. Oh, man. You want the mega boost then man So it was like basically like they had like a digital Fucking screen screen menu. So like there was like add-ons. I'm like, yeah, look, you know, like I'll get a vitamin E Subway you get booster shots and shit. Yeah, it was basically like that

You could like add on get more lettuce some banana peppers. I do you always get banana peppers? No peppers are gross. Hi, they're not gross. I think they're disgusting. Really? Yeah, I don't like I don't like their name I think those are two different things that shouldn't be the same thing. It doesn't taste anything like a banana either I know, but I'm just saying like peppers all peppers to me are just like a thing Yeah, they don't taste like anything in my opinion. I Don't think they add Like red peppers they just taste like they just have a texture Now they do they taste like something but it's very minimal when it's mixed into a whole this shit, right?

It's not a dominating taste. It's not a dominating taste. It's not a dominating taste Yeah, but after the IV that I had at the The revive place I felt like a brand new person. Yeah. Yeah, it was great I mean, I would do it again, but it's expensive. How much was it? It was like $300 Okay, no part of me wants to do this anymore You also haven't been to the doctor in 37 years, so yeah, yeah, why are you so free to go to the doctor? I'm not I just have nothing wrong with me. Yeah, but was last time you had a check Yeah, please

But once the last time you went and got like a checkup like hey doc. What's up? Check me out Well, I just got my blood taken So I mean like because I had some shit and we didn't know what was going on So I did like an STD test and like a blood test and like a P test and like that all was like cool Yeah So to me I'm hummed You know I go to the doctor to know if I have HIV or not And I just found out not so long ago that I don't have it. So I'm cool. Watch your soaps and your laundry detergent

What like a laundry detergent could like mess up your penis. I heard What do you mean like if you like say like a lot of people they get their laundry outsourced like you do yeah They you don't know what detergent they're using right so if you wear like a Certain underpants, you know Like you wear briefs right boxing briefs. Yeah, so they're tight to your dick for sure your head's right there You know I'm saying it's rubbing up against just mad fridge. You know I'm saying yeah Yeah, you know fucking high school dance. Yeah, you're packing that cock in there So like when you're packing that thing in there, it can you start that rub, you know what I'm saying

Oh, and if they use the wrong soap then I can get you could get little rashy bumpy bumps on your dick Yeah, that's happened to me. It's actually happened to me right now. You're bumped up. Mm-hmm. You got a bumpy peen It's not bumpy. It's just a rash from laundry detergent It is I wouldn't gotcha I'm gonna do So you're bumped up. I'm not bumped up. I'm rashed up which is bumped. No, it's not but nothing's raised It's just it's just red and like irritated. I Mean so you got a new tattoo. What's up with that?

I Good deflection. Yeah, I got a tattoo on my arm. Very cool. I was there It's a little it's a little slimy right now because I have some stuff on it. He cried. I did not cry at all Joe went into it like yeah, I'm gonna be really tough But there was a point where you were like all right, this really hurts No, yes, you said it to me go that one hurts this hurts Well, no, this is that and that's what I said I because when he first started I was looking at you and he started and I Literally was like I didn't think it was good. I thought it was gonna be worse than that

Right, right and then he just did it and then once he was done with it and he went over What was when he was like done like it looks like this But then he went over it to make it like darker I guess yeah, and like that felt like you were putting a mechanical pencil into a cut. Yeah I was like, okay that one. I was like now. This is hurting a little bit, right? Yeah. Yeah, but it's not it's not bad I felt like it was a consistent like for were you afraid at all? No, I was only I wasn't afraid of the process. I was afraid of like If this dude sneezed and like you know, I was afraid of that

Were you like more afraid of like how it would come out like I mean obviously yeah, but like the design too The dick up to like three in the morning like looking at pictures and shit No, so I've had this idea for a tattoo for like six months or six and seven months Do you want to explain what it means or no? Well, I mean, it's it's Roman numerals It just says it's 2004 which is meaningful to my family and you don't need to know why and then the eye is just TSKJ, which is Thomas Shannon Keith and Joey, which is me and my siblings there boom So that's what the tattoo is but the fonts for the little parts

I was like up thinking about which ones I wanted to get for those and I sent you like a thousand But I was I wasn't sold on it and I had just hit up the guy because my friend Tim has a tattoo That was like really intricate and like good and I was like where'd you get that so when he told me I was like, all right I'm gonna hit up this guy And I went to his Instagram and I saw someone just got Roman numerals and it was like super clean So it's like all right cool and I hit him up and I hit him up and I was like, hey man Like blah blah blah. I'm not sold on the font yet like because it didn't this wasn't even the fun at all None of these fonts that are here because there's three different ones

Were in the plans until like three on the night before one of mine made the cut by the way Yeah, one of them the J the J the J is your font Your J is me I'm your J you jade me. I jade you nice I love when I said I love when you sent me the font. Yo, Joe's the funniest text in the world cuz like He texts like how he actually talks So it's like I know exactly what I'm looking at like when he said it like when I sent him the text he just goes And I know exactly how he said it too, but I was like he doesn't hate it Yeah, but he's not so but he's not sold on right, you know mad usually means like I gotta take a couple ganders at it

I'll mess around with it. So I'm happy that that font actually made it. Yeah, I contributed a little bit So you did you did you did I like took that font and then I photoshopped it a little good I just like filled it in like, you know, whatever But yeah, so I but I had hit this guy up and I was like, hey, I'm thinking about this I'm not sold on the font yet and he was all right cool. I'll see you Tuesday at 2 p.m. We'll work on it and I was like, oh fuck and that was like three days later. That's good though He made it a reality. Yeah, he made it like alright. I'll see you there and I was like, oh my god This is happening. There's the more you think about it. You might have bitched out, right?

But I wasn't like prepared cuz I didn't know what I was gonna do so the night before I was laying in bed And I was about to fall asleep and I was like I can't sleep so I got up I was like, I'm just gonna finalize it so I could just go in there and like whatever so I did and I came I know I'm always up at like three o'clock in the morning, too. That's why so yeah So this is what I settled on and came out great. Yeah, I really like it Like any regrets not at all. Oh the only thing is The J dammit is right next to a freckle if you see that so it looks a little strange

I gotta move this out of the way, but like you see that Oh now I'm not gonna be able to unsee it right so I like obviously when you first get a tattoo you're looking at And I was just like, oh fuck. I wish he went over that but he wouldn't be able to I can't stop seeing it now Yeah, that's not that bad though. No, it's not the work is great No, yeah, it's perfect. I like it a lot. I think it came out like you know stay out of the sun Huh, stay out of the sun out here getting freckles and shit. Have you always had that freckle? Do you know I have freckles all over my body, dude. I'm a white man. Yeah, that's true. You know, I'm saying we're freckled You have any huge freckles. No, no, you're freckle on your nose. I have freckles on my face

Yeah, for sure. Fuck the cutest fuck bro. Thank you, dude. You got a cute ass freckly nose, dude Thanks, man. Yeah, you really do you really do my nose is cute. Yeah, really? Yeah, I think you have a really good nose, bro. I really don't like my nose. No, see I have a I think it look at this No, dude, you have like a symmetrical nose. I think that shit is a little it like it's not bad Like it doesn't hook like I've seen some mother you've never broke. You've never broken your nose, huh? No, thank God I broke my nose twice really if you look at my nose it goes to the left a little bit Yeah, it is a little fucked. It's shattered twice Jesus once I was playing capture the flag and you know how when you're playing captured flag people are running after you, right?

You've never played capture the flag and halo I've played it Wait a second. You never play capture the flag in gym What did you ever have games where you have to run to the other side take an item and bring it back to your side? Oh, yeah, that's a steal the bacon No steal the bacon is when you got to grab a basketball and score. We want it gone over this Joseph I know but like no, no, no, no, there's two teams, right? Okay, and there's three pins I know capture the flag. Okay. All right. It's all right. So we don't explain that But so I this is the first time I broke my nose. I was in third grade

Someone laid you the fuck out exactly. So I'm running with the flag I'm like, yes, but somebody who's chasing behind me So I'm just checking how close he is to me because all they had to do is touch me one hand and I gotta go to jail, right? so I'm turning around and the biggest fattest kid in our class is Just standing there and I ran full speed into him and I ran into his forehead. Oh Yeah And this thing just went bow so bad that remember the little Gatorade cups

Yes, the green ones. Yeah, that you would pull out in gym class. Yeah, yeah, that shit was filling that up With blood. Yeah, go like this all into the shit cup like two cups three cups full my blood coming out my nose Three cups. Yeah, but they're little cups. They're like this big three cups. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so my thing was I thought I knocked all my teeth out Cuz I can't feel this part of my face at this point. Yeah, so Fuck crying So now they get me back there So that was the first time I broke my nose and the second time I broke my nose I was playing catch in I want to say sixth grade baseball in the outfield and they were taking BP

Sometimes they would take BP and we would play catch in the outfield because it was huge. There was no fence Fuckin ball just gets rocketed at me. So I go to catch the ball I'm like, oh shit. Like I have to catch the ball now. It's coming at me The kid that I was playing catch with throws the ball and just hits me right in the face Yeah, and just blew my fucking nose up again. So that's why my shit is like curved to the like it is a little Yeah, yeah, it's curved to the left a little bit. Why do we start talking about noses? Oh, because I Freckly knows you're freckles on your penis No, no, I have a birthmark on my dick

What's the difference between a freckle and a birthmark? I think a birthmark size size freckles are like formed by the sun birthmarks You're born with them like a big fucking like like a spot like a dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, those always kind of creep me out Like what like what happened in the womb where it's like You're just gonna be doo-doo brown on this part of your arm. Yeah, you know your back your shoulder blade I'm gonna put a little piece of poop on it Just got just rubbed you with poop. Speaking of birthmarks. Yeah, did you ever see the video of Drew Brees? Drew Brees is a quarterback in the NFL

He was on Oprah love this video and he sat down when he first sat down on her couch Oprah looks at him and he has a birthmark on his face and she goes and Tries to wipe it off thought it was makeup Oh, bro, gotta do your research a little bit. Oh my god. The best thing with Oprah ever too is what I love that bitch I Love that bitch. She's great Remember when she had that guy for that book like a million little fibers or something

So this guy wrote a book, right? You know how Oprah used to have like book of the month like it's Oprah's book of the month People go crazy So like so they went and bought it and she would have the writers on to be like tell the story and this guy Like wrote this whole story about like You know this rising from the ashes type lifestyle, you know came threat from nothing turns out. He was a complete fraud So Oprah turned this guy's book into like a best-seller was like the best-selling book in the country and This guy turned out to be a fraud and then she had him back on the show So after after you after and just fucking ripped him a new asshole. Yeah

Wow, she's a gangster. Yeah, she's a gangster. Why does he do agree to go on cuz he's probably trying to save face? Obviously, but you know Oprah's got fucking shooters. Probably they're like, yo listen motherfucker. You're coming on this bitch show I'm gonna destroy you. All right. Yeah, you don't want to fuck with Oprah. You don't want to fuck with Oprah I'm afraid of Oprah a little bit Say like people like that like Oprah too powerful. Yeah, they're like cult leaders kind of yeah For lack of better word I'm not saying Oprah has a fucking cult Have you seen people live and die by everything she says well? Yeah, when she's given away like dude, she gives away a lot of shit obviously

Well, I don't think she even does that show anymore, right? No, she gave it up So on the Christmas episodes People would go fucking ape shit Like she'd be like today. We're gonna have And then she'd announce like something like a fucking car and everyone in the crowd like dude grown women I Saw only about like pots and pans and like a guy's like crying. Yeah, like people just Anything Oprah says in that voice the crowd loses their mind and we're slowly

We're gonna drop you on a vat of acid Oh They're crazy And under your chairs right now is a cookbook from Rachel See grown women lose their minds cry grab on to their friends and strangers and just lose it. I know I know crazy Like if those shows are Like her it's crazy how rich she is too. Oh, yeah, she's a billion boy a

Billion girl But I hear you it doesn't oh No, no, you're like billion like she a billion boy like I was no no no me No, I was saying billion boy like she's actually a boy. Yeah, no, she's not a boy, but it rhymed is billion boy got it got it Well Oprah, right? You thought your phone was ringing it is okay, that's fine Fixing post here's another thing about Oprah. Yeah, like super famous people. It's coming from a thick person himself Okay

If I was super duper rich Celebrity trainer, yeah And like a chef I Would definitely get a chef, right? That's what I would do. I was thinking about it the other day You were thinking about getting an actual chef. Yeah, but I'm not. Oh my god. That'd be so dope Yeah It would be fire because I'd be like, you know, don't cook anything. Did you look into the prices? No, I Don't know like nutritionist not do you know

Yeah, but I don't want to do anything. No, you don't do anything. They come and cook for you They come to your place nutritionist. You ever watch like those UFC fighters and shit. Yeah, they do like delivery services No, they have Nutritionists that come and cook for them, dude. You have more money than a lot of those guys Then you have C fighters. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they don't make a lot of money. No, you know what I'm saying So it's like, you know, unless you like top of the top you could you could afford nutritionist for sure Yeah, but I think it's just unnecessary like I should just do it. Yeah, but a lot of people would say that it's not What like if you could afford nutritionist, why not?

You know I had now. Oh perfect question Is it okay to use the word made For who like an actual made There's your answer. Well, I don't I don't use it. What do you say? Cleaning person cleaning lady See cleaning lady and mate like I think cleaning lady is almost more Dura auditory in a way. It feels demeaning. What about cleaning professional?

That just seems like overkill. All right, so where are we settling here? Are you a professional cleaner? Do you use made? I don't use made. I think maids a little fucked up. I do have a guy. He doesn't come here He's came here once but at my old apartment. He would come every two weeks. I just call him Jerome because that was his name Right, and I'd be like, oh Jerome's coming Cleans my apartment But I'm not I'm not over here being like yo maid Jerome's coming cleans my apartment. I think made is a derogatory. What is this where we are in society? I don't think maids derogatory

Maid maid services It's a maid. Yeah feel weird. Why I don't I just feel weird calling somebody a maid like you're my maid How about this do you feel weird when someone comes to clean your house? These are first world problems when somebody comes to clean your house like telling them what to do kind of I Don't have that problem But I remember I do remember the first times that Jerome came I would also be cleaning because I felt weird to be like me too. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna work and you're gonna clean around Me I'd be like I have so have to help. Yeah, that happened to me, too

I was like, oh like I'll turn the Roomba on and she was like what she's like. I am the Roomba Yeah, I'm here to clean your floors. Yeah, and I was like alright. Yeah, I played MLB the show while someone cleaned my house It was fire Yeah, I mean it's pretty dope. Yeah, you know what it is. I don't think maid is derogatory. I think I think um Why would that why would that be that is a legitimate like profession? Yeah It's a profession like who's who's the people that come and clean your hotel rooms. Those are maids They're maids housekeepers Housekeeping see a house. I see a hotel. Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you

You know what? I always thought sounds really derogatory, but it's not Jew It isn't isn't you know, I don't think it is I think it matters how you say no, but they say like hey, we're Jews Yeah, cuz they they aren't they're Jewish But if someone's like fucking Jew, then it's different You know I'm saying then it becomes derogatory exactly. That's what I'm saying It isn't isn't it's what is yeah, I guess I guess like if someone was like you fucking Italian you'd be like what? Yeah, I wouldn't take I wouldn't take it like

That's what I'm saying, but the but the Jew thing you think they would I don't think so What I I used to I don't say this is like this is a crazy statement, but I had never met a Jewish person I don't know how that's possible living in Queens, right? I'd never met a Jewish person until I worked at elite daily, which was when I was 21 Yeah, so I didn't meet a jerk. Ah, so I've met that's not a true. That's not true That's not true. You've dabbled with Jews before I have Dabbled with Jews before

Dancers with Jews the Josiah the God of story Yeah, I have dabbled with Jews, but I I um I wasn't like not Like a acidic juice you never had like an inner circle like one of your best friends that's a Jew No, I grew up with Jews. I didn't I this is so funny I Was surrounded by Jews going off. Yeah. Um, so No, I knew of people like Frankie went to a high school

where It was like I wouldn't say predominantly Jewish, but there was a lot of Jewish people in it So I knew that he knew Jewish people, but I didn't know any Yeah, you know personally like I wasn't friends with them. I didn't go to school With anyone who is Jewish. So I just you know You know, whatever, but I remember I asked my boss when I worked at elite because he was Jewish And I'm like is a Jew offensive

And then he gave the same answer I did which is where I got my answer because he was like it isn't if you're just saying like, you know Uh, whatever do I don't know right, but if you're like fuck it Drop that heart J on somebody you dropped a horror J. What me? Oh, I mean, I did it right right for dramatic effect Yeah, like that that is the difference. I just feel like, you know, like Like we talked about we've dabbled with it. Like you've dabbled with Jews That it is like overly sensitive like like with words nowadays and stuff

How do you feel about like Kid shows dabbling on like real life issues The fuck does that mean like like dora the explorer? Yeah. Well, you saw the arthur miss the rapper and it's gay And he's getting he got married on an episode to his partner arthur the art of art show. Yeah The that show's still on yeah 22 seasons. The show's been on dude. I mean, I wasn't a big arthur guy Really? Yeah, like I remember it You know what I'm saying like you might what was the double d? What was her name? DJ some it was an acronym his sister. Yeah

Something with a d. Oh, it's dw bro. D. W. D. W was a fucking bitch, dude. Yeah, she was the worst. Yeah hated that bitch Yeah, I didn't like her either. Um, but I do remember the show a little bit binky barns. The fuck is that? That was the bully I don't remember that. Yeah, I see. Do you remember mr. Rapper in though? Yeah, I'm very like I don't I wouldn't remember him like oh it makes sense. He's gay There's one thing that he was a little bit gay about and it was cake Gay for cake. Yeah, like he would come in to be like do I smell a cake? I'm like kind of like a

Flamboyant sort of way. Yeah, a little gay voice kind of See, I wouldn't even know I wouldn't even know Well Anyway, so he's gay now. He's gay now, right? So he's been gay the whole time. Well, yeah, but do you think? She should have gay people Like like have like yeah, I guess should have should there be gay openly gay characters on like cartoons Like should door the explorer like one day become a les

Or like you find a les like can you see the lesbian? That's right, she's right here. Yeah, I'm like blues clues. You gotta find out all the clues It's the Marilyn never fails and makes me wanna wear my tail He's the crush blues clues back in the day those shows are so weird where it's like do you see the dog? There's a dog right there, and I'm like, yeah, it's right fucking there get it. Yeah, there it is. I hate them Where's the clue? It's the oh, it's the blue paw On the fridge and then Dora sometimes like rattle off some like quick Spanish shit I'm like hold up. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We didn't learn that yet back it up Dora

Yeah, it's like bitch. I'm not on that page. Yeah, I'm not there yet. I'm I just started rosetta stone Yeah, I'm not there yet Dora slow down. You blow it bitch. Yeah Big blinker Look at Dora stares at you. It's crazy. I'm like Jesus Christ now. I'm afraid I can't look at anything else But her do you want to go to the jungle? No, just like I don't know not with you you fucking crazy old crazy little bitch Another thing I had about cartoons Is like wait, hold on. I was gonna say I think

The Marvel universe is coming out with like a a gay character or something So do you think it's a necessary for them to do that unnecessary necessary? Um personally I I don't really like care either way, right? Just kick ass. Yeah Yeah, like suck ass kick ass do whatever you want. Fuck ass. I don't care. I'm in so you're kicking ass As long as there's ass in the equation, you could suck fucking yeah, but it's gonna happen I don't need you to be like let's defeat Thanos though. Yeah, you don't have to be like

I'm so and so man. I'm also gay. Let's fight. Yeah, I know Just just be gay be gay dog. Um, you don't got gay superpowers I was gonna say I'm not on either side of it like When endgame came out No part of me was like, you know, there should have been a gay person in here, right and but and also When the news came out that like we're going to be putting a gay person and a gay superhero a part of this universe Like I didn't go like, all right, come on. They gotta be a part of everything But you know, there's like those people that are just like, oh my god, they won it all

It's like, dude, it's superheroes. We can grow up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like enough Yeah, like I hate when people have that reaction just don't name him gay man Yeah, that would be over. Let's not do that. Yeah um, we're like lesbo You know what I mean like that I'm not gay And just I have no superpowers that are gay Like do you have to have a gay superpower to be a gay superhero? No, that's what I'm saying. So like what are we doing here? Yeah

Just do it up. What were you gonna say about cartoons? Oh, do you think that? I hate when cartoons have Like animals in them And then there's other animals that are like Dumber than those animals Like an animal will have like a pet Oh Like goofy and mickey mouse

Were animals or animals, but they had Pluto Who couldn't talk why couldn't Pluto talk? Was he like stupid? Wait Goofy was a fucking idiot, dude. He's goofy. So I'm saying but he can still talk. I know why can't Pluto talk You ever thought about that we're gonna have to write a letter. Yeah, that's what I'm saying Yeah, well you got you you got chain him up. It's kind of weird. Yeah I don't like this. You know what I'm saying. Also. What the fuck were goofy in them?

Like are those like I heard that goofy is not a dog. Yeah, what is that thing? I don't know, but he's like a cow. I think he's a cow. I think goofy's a cow. It's a skinny ass cow Yeah, I think he might be a cow But like I think dogs outrank cows That's right. Yeah, like more people Like it should be dogs and a fucking cow like that that would make more sense to me Because they outrank them. Yeah, I'd be more down with a dog than a cow Like if dolphins talk and monkeys talking shows I get that those are smart ass animals, but you can't have a fucking

Seahorsen shit Owning dogs. Yeah, and the and they could talk but the fucking you know what I'm saying. Yeah Can't have that also I don't appreciate in finding Nemo the the fish are all good But that fucking turtle sounds like an like an idiot. Yeah, you know, I'm saying turtles can live to a thousand Those are wise creatures. That's well documented. I've watched mad discovery channel So why is this turtle gotta be the idiot if anything clown fish would be dumb you clown. Yeah Fuck that movie. Yeah. Yeah word. Fuck that movie also finding dory super trash

Whoa, really super trash. You ever see it? That's a thing haven't yeah finding Nemo Fire liked it loved it finding dory super trash. Yeah, thought it was garbage garbacho basura They probably paid ellen out the anus from oh, yeah, yeah, yeah big ellen guy Yeah, I like ellen too. I like ellen. I like ellen too Ellen crushed it her wife's like a smooth. Yeah She is and her show is like really good. She like helps out people and shit They kind of good. She's kind of like the modern day exhibit Like you remember an exhibit like we talked about fucking

Yeah, where it's like, uh, I don't know. I kind of like, um Trees and it's like dog. We put 10,000 trees in your car. Your car's made of tree And he would just go super over the top like I feel like she does that too with people who go viral Like it's like like the damn daniel kids with the vans. She's like, all right now you're getting like 10,000 pairs of vans for your life It's like, whoa We don't need that. We don't need 10,000 vans. No, no, no, no. Donate this Do you know what I'm saying? Do you think you would be a good talk show host? Absolutely not

Unless it was on like, I think I'm HBO. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, then I could do it. I don't think I could dial it back I have no idea. I have one speed. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like I can't and it includes fuck And it definitely includes fucking shit. Yeah. Yeah, you know, and I just screamed you before that definitely would take us off air Absolutely. Yeah, they run the business. Um It's funny because it's true, but um, um Yeah, so like mr. Rapper and getting married and being gay Like on a kid's show. I'm cool with that. I'm cool with it But it's like it it would be a weird show to not watch what your parents first

Um, I see here's the thing if I'm a five-year-old kid and I'm watching an episode. I'm like, damn. What the fuck was that? Then I look at my mom and dad. Well, you wouldn't even know you wouldn't even know it was weird No, because it's like how old are five because you gotta remember how people used to like 10 fifth grade Oh, I thought you said fifth grade I thought you said fifth grade. How old are five-year-olds to 10? I thought you said fifth grade No, but like you got to think about it. It's like, yo

Even the way like you talk about babies now has to change Because like because remember it's like, you know, like it's when like how are babies made? It was always like when a mommy and a daddy Like they they love each other then they like rub each other and like they take their clothes off and like they do this And like I'm like, all right, but like even that like kind of has to change now I don't think it's necessary. Yeah Why? Dude, it's a child. Yeah, but what if I'm gonna sit here and go through every fucking combination of how you can get it

What if you have a surrogate or what if you're a surrogate baby? That's what I'm saying I got to explain surrogates and my kid fucked that I learned about surrogates when I was like 24 How are babies, uh, you're learning school How are babies? I was like, all right, let me get my notebook because there's 5 000 different ways you get a baby It's like, well, you have to have good credit and uh, don't have rich. Yeah, don't have a felony Didn't want to have to go to the gym anymore. You don't if you don't have a felony you could just go pick one up Yeah On the house

Did we talk about on here if you adopted a kid would you tell them? Yeah, I'll tell I'll tell I'll tell them too. Uh, we gotta get to the sponsor. So I'm gonna get my laptop Danny entertain the masses Shut up tap dancing here. Sorry. Here we go. Hey, by the way just For no reason not a big tap guy Don't like tap. I don't look and then there's weird like versions of tap There's like tap and then there's like jazz tap. I was watching a dance show

Yeah, it was like the battle of dance one of those battle dance shows And these two girls came out and they did like hip-hop tap. I was like this could go Yeah, I can do without that. How do you feel about like white acoustic covers of rap songs? I can't Oh my god, when fucking white girls are sitting in their bedroom. They're like, I want to be a baller Shot caller. I'm like shut the fuck up. Fuck up some commas. Yeah, like get the fuck out the fuck Stop this. Bethany. Yeah, please take your ukulele and play some fucking Somewhere over the rainbow or something. I'm saying play somewhere over the rainbow or like get me away from here I'm dying. You know that song. Yes

That shit is fire ukuleles and like Mandolins are like only for lumineer songs. Yeah, stop making like hip-hop versions of them. Yeah, it's it's it's a rap You guys got everything. So let's let other people have some stuff, please Um, all right, let's get to the sponsors here The first one we have is harry's harry's razors The harry's founders were tired of paying up for razors that were overpriced and over designed You know what I'm saying? We're trying to simplify They've received over 20,000 five star reviews on trust pilot and google

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Okay, help in the masses is what we're doing. Help in the masses. You know what I'm saying? Hey, well, you know like you know, like you maybe you got a phone bill coming up I want you to try and say a sentence as quietly as possible. I want to see if I can get it You want me to whisper a sentence? Yeah, yeah, yeah into the microphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah I gotta close my eyes. Oh, no, I do the first one with open does okay. Hold on. No, I'll just cover my mouth Yeah, yeah, uh, hold on. I gotta think of a good sentence. Uh, here we go Okay Dude, I didn't hear any of that you got to do that again one more time. Okay, okay

Take some time in between where it's so people at home can try and do it too. Okay. Okay. Yeah I don't know why so hard to whisper okay, especially into the microphone Oh Okay, okay, okay Okay, sorry go go go. I'm laughing at how focused you are. I'm closing my eyes now. I'm like let's like focus. Okay My butthole needs cleaning very close. Damn. What'd you say? Oh my pussy is bleeding. Oh, all right It's pretty all right. You want to try it's kind of yeah, go ahead I'll save you for that one. Okay, so I should call that. It's another question. I want to ask you, but we'll do it again

All right, which one? Okay, hold I slept top bunk with monkeys Is there monkeys? Yeah, I said I play hopscotch with monkeys. Oh, I heard top bunk. That's pretty good though. I heard monkeys Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you got that. I never miss a monkey. Never. I always get I'm still sick. Sorry. Um, no, I was gonna ask you I just got over being sick do you I'm sorry

I just got over being sick. Do you think men or women are better at being sick? Probably women. I agree. I agree because they're they have more practice What? It's usually you saying what what? I'm usually confused. That was a rare what moment for me Um, yeah, no, I think they get more practice because I feel like, you know, they get their period. That's kind of like being sick I

Agree, you know, I'm saying like it's like I really hope that's not offensive. I don't think it is what I'm on their side The fuck is it offensive to yeah guys? Fuck you. I don't give a shit And I am a guy. I'm covered. I'm covered on all bases here. I think I think girls are better at being you know when I'm sick I'm a fucking baby. Uh, yeah me too because I really I rarely get like actually sick Yeah, so when I do I'm like this is the worst because I'm not used to being sick You know, like I'm not I usually am like pretty healthy for the most part Yeah, like I put a lot into work though. Like what I'm sick. I'm like, okay It's like right next to me. Yeah

I'm a huge me. I'm a terrible to be sick around I just think that that that women since they have to deal with like periods and whatnot they uh Are used to they have to go to work still and they still have to like, you know, I'm saying So it's like they're tough. It's like dealing with like, you know, my body hurts and like I'm sweating for no reason Yeah, and I got my fucking shit is leaking dog Yeah, but I still have to get these papers done when you have a period. Is it like so bad that it could like run down your leg

I mean if you just stand I don't know like how like heavy it comes out. You know what I mean I I mean, I'm being honest. I think a tampon or a pad would suffice They would but say you didn't have one. Oh, then I think you're Does it like there's blood it does go down your leg. There will be blood. There as Daniel Day Lewis once said There will be blood. I banded my child

I banded my boy boy Give me the blood lord. Give me the blood lord. Let me go home. Yes Yeah, I think uh, yeah, I think that I think that runs down your your legs I wonder what it would be like To like do you think there's gonna be a way One day where men can actually feel what it's like to have a period Feel a period. Yeah, like you should be able to take a pill and like feel what a period feels like Well, you could feel birth

There's that machine that does like muscle contractions for you. Really? You never knew this. No, there's a machine I saw like Uh, you know, maybe I did actually I think I think I've heard something. I think it was like buzzfeed or one of them they had like a bunch of like Quirky guys like oh today we're gonna find out what it's like to be a woman Yeah, and they like get strapped up and then they do like muscle contractions. Yep, which like i'm not doing that No, I don't want to do that. Dude. I was born a guy and I get the ultimate pass Like I don't have to experience birth. Why would I sign up for that? I feel like if I was a woman

I wouldn't want men to be able to experience birth Like I could be like that's our thing. No, it's like that's mine. You fucking yeah, like fuck you Why are you gonna have everything so you want to feel it and be like, oh, it's not that bad Yeah, what shit is yeah, fuck you Dude I don't care what machine you strapped yourself. That said it's not gonna feel like a gaping hole in your vege Yeah, because not only is it the contractions that hurt But the the fucking baby that slides out that rips your ass

Yeah, and you're in your Vaginas and you're pussy and you're urus and whatever word you want to use and hit the stitcher. It's all just Shredded wheat You're not the same for months And then your hormones are all fucked up. Some people get postpartum. It's all fucking crazy. I know Did you see the thing about there was a developer? It's this was another thing. I want to talk to you about okay As enthusiasts of video games you and I okay our whole lives you would say right sure Um a developer of the new Mortal Kombat game came forward and said that he had post-traumatic stress

Disorder he got he got sentenced sentenced He got diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder from working on the game Because they had to look at a lot of bloody images Like realistic like anatomy like if someone gets like shot in the head what it looks like. Whoa. Yeah, so he Got diagnosed with that. Do you think video games? can attribute to one a child's behavior and two To the point where it actually messes with like a child like a child's like brain chemistry

It's stuck on that one It's just the age age old question of Do violent video games make kids violent? Yeah, but but like Even older people because I feel like the video game industry is very it's it's geared towards an older audience now Do you think that it can affect older people to be violent as much as you could like people would say it's kids I

Love when I ask good questions. I really don't think so. Damn. I really don't It's a good question. Uh-oh. No, but I really don't I really don't think so only because in my experience and Everyone I know's experience It isn't that because I've been playing violent violent video games my whole life and now I know I'm not I'm just one person All right, and maybe I'm not the majority. I'm the minority in the situation. I don't know, but uh, I really don't think I really don't think so. I what I do I do think Playing a lot of video games does something to your behavior. I would think so, you know, maybe it makes you a recluse

Or it makes you just like a very Isolated person which that also I think is what a recluse is. Well, yeah, well, I'm saying it makes you an isn't a spider What's up, isn't there a spider called a recluse? Like a brown recluse You're on your own on that one. All right, keep going. I'm sorry. I'm not really. I'm a I'm a scatterbrained guy. I'm not an arachnid kind of Guy that's a good ass word dog. Fuck. Yeah, ain't spiders also are arachnids dog. Yeah, that ain't a spider dog Yeah, but I think that being like secluded and isolated Uh, that does something to your behavior also, especially if you're a kid

And like you're you're screaming at video games. Yeah, maybe that makes your your temper like worse Shit like that. Yeah, but I don't think it makes you like since you play Call of Duty You're going to shoot people now, right? You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't think those two coincides like that Yeah, I don't think I think people are like born more susceptible though to be like fucked up by like graphic images and shit Well, that's a that's different because I don't even like looking at shit like that Yeah, I remember do you remember I saw the video that guy fall off that crane. Did you see that? You don't even want to see it like a like a like a like a meth head like Climbed a crane and like fell to his death

Dude, he hit the ground so hard that all of his teeth flew out of his head You saw that. Yeah, it was on twitter You saw a man hit the floor. Yeah It's awful Yeah, see I don't want to see stuff like that. Yeah, it makes me shake like there was a video one time that I saw Uh, do you remember back in the day when all these things would come out? It was like two girls one cup was like the start of it. Is this the one with the guy with the jar up his asshole? So it's not uh

And it broke in his ass. Yeah, that one I find to be extremely like impressive actually Yeah, that that one actually fucked me up though for like a couple of days fucked your ass up Yeah, it did it kind of scared me. There was a video who don't know. I don't know what it's called It's something in a jar something like a guy in a jar or something like that and a guy, uh Sat on a mason jar and it broke once it submerged inside Oh, and he just picked out pieces of glass from his ass And he was bleeding but he never made a sound which I found to be impressive. Yeah, he didn't he didn't go Oh, no, or nothing. He was just like, okay. Now. I just fish these out

Yeah, and I saw that, uh, but do you remember the pain olympics? Yes, it was a video of a guy like chopping off his own dick. Yes the screwdriver The one when you put the screwdriver in it was doing it Yeah, I don't know how real those are. I don't know how real those are either Those could be just like dead bodies that they're doing that too But anyway, so it's like fucked up videos like that would leak when we were kids And there was another video that I remember it was something in a hammer And it was like in like the ukraine or Croatia or something always some crazy place and uh, the

There was like three kids who like Killed a homeless guy, but it was on video and they were like torturing him and That was the last thing I saw where I was like, I never want to see anything like this again Because it made me it physically made me shake like they were doing fucked up stuff to him Like they were like stabbing him with a with a screwdriver and like in his eye and shit Like it was and hitting him with a hammer in the head. Like it was it was really like it was awful It was fucked up. Yeah, the worst one because I got turned off to those videos as well I mean this one just happened to pop up on my fucking twitter feed the one with the guy falling, but

There was this guy in like Italy or something That like he brought home some guy and was like video he drugged him And was like videotaping himself he cut his head off and then like had sex with his head You saw this yeah, it was terrifying Yeah, I don't even know what to say Don't watch it that's the only thing it's like, yeah, that's why the episode started out funny. Yeah No, but it's like It's like I feel like people there's people out there that like watching that shit

I think people what is like, but that's what I'm saying. Does that coincide with like they're upbringing or are you born like that? Well, you went out of your way to watch it Yeah, so there's a curiosity like whenever someone dies It's like voyeurism kind of sort of but it's it's like whenever someone dies The first question I would ask is like how because you want to know how Yeah, yeah, of course. It's like they're dead. So it's like that's it But it's like okay how or like if someone's like, oh, they OD like which drug All right people want to know yeah or like they kill themselves how they do it like they just want to know

and it makes the scene that much like Like we don't enjoy I don't enjoy knowing why people know committed suicide or or like how they committed suicide But for some reason I want to know, you know, and I don't know what that is, but I really don't think it's like Demonic or anything like that like dude. I just watched the Ted Bundy thing with Zach Efron. Yeah, first of all Zach Efron kind of a good-looking guy like if you're gonna be a disgusting person Well, Ted Bundy is supposed to be like a good apparently was handsome. I don't I don't know It wasn't my type. I saw videos of I'm not you know, no, no, no, no, but uh In that yo that not in the one you'll see on Netflix

So the one you see on Netflix there was a lot of had backlash because it was just like they left so much shit out Like they didn't show him killing anybody. That's terrible. I don't want to watch it though. Yeah, um, but the Ted Bundy thing Uh That guy was fucking insane and I think this is just like a chemical imbalance in the you gotta you gotta be born that way, right? Uh, yeah, I think so and there's there signs when you're younger and a lot of them are abused too Like by their parents and like that fucks you up as a kid upbringing And then if your family's crazy odds are you're gonna be crazy, right? And there's like little signs that like if your kid plays with fire

He likes to burn shit or he kills animals and stuff. It's like Well, there's a good chance this guy's gonna cut someone's head off and fuck it You know, but like there is like a reason like listen when we were 12 we were playing GTA We weren't supposed to be playing it legally. I was banging virtual hookers in my car I know and spraying the sidewalk with a machine gun. Are you gonna let your kid do that? because we're gonna be the first arrow really that's like When gta 9 comes out and we got kids

We're gonna know what gta is Are you gonna let him play it? um Yeah, you'll let him play gta. It depends how old he is like I was pretty shelt not sheltered, but like you're sheltered though In a good way I was but I also was open to a lot of things like when I was in fourth grade My parents were like go wherever the hell you want. Just be back at 6 30, right? You know what I mean? So they they were but they were sheltering in other ways where

Dude, I didn't see Kate Winslet's tits until I was like 20 Because every time that scene would come up in in in titanic My dad would make me leave the room or turn around and face the wall turn around for 45 seconds. Yeah So I I wasn't I I never saw that that nude scene in titanic until I was like 20 and it was like on I was like Yo, I'm fucking waiting to see these fucking nipples. Fuck. Yeah nipples. And then we're worth it You want to see that steamy hand? Yeah, and they were worth it. Yeah, they were sharp. She's got some Pointy nips. Yeah, she got some sharp nips on her. Yeah, those things who cut diamonds She gets she gets banged and like every movie she's in I feel like she's got a very bangable

Yeah Appearance, I guess I guess I guess so but all right. So are you gonna let your kids watch like? Movies like that like you're not gonna let your kid be 13 watch like Pulp Fiction You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, you're third like you got to keep your kids away at a certain point. Yeah, but I don't know. There's a constant our parents didn't really know what Grand Theft Auto was though It was new so they didn't yeah, like we're gonna know My parents are cool with it. Like they let us get all the games. Well, you also don't kill people Well, yeah, I think it really has to do with

Parenting Yeah, like if my if my kids showing signs of like kind of being nuts Odds are probably not gonna let any video games in the house. Yeah, and also you probably should be a better parent. Yeah We're getting rid of the kids somehow. Yeah, she's got a new one We're getting rid of the kids somehow. Here's another question I had. I just watched the act on Hulu All right, so the act on Hulu is about A true story of munch houses. Yes

She killed her mom No spoilers. It's a true story. Fuck you So she she hired like her online boyfriend to kill the bomb And she was munch housings by proxy basically Should that girl go to jail? Yeah She got 10 years I agree. She should go to jail. She killed somebody but

Do you think 10 years is too much too little just right? What do you think? Because the guy that actually killed her got life Yeah, let me kill the person. Right. He was basically a hitman Right, but if you kill somebody on your couch right here God forbid and I'm here I can get life too Because I'm I'm here I'm I can get charged a first-degree murder or whatever too But do you think 10 years is a good amount of time for like her pain and suffering? Of what she went through

Um, that's where it gets weird. Well, here's the thing I don't know if it's the right amount of time. I don't know anything. I don't know. I don't know the law enough to know that What I do know is No matter what because I wouldn't Murder anybody right no matter what they did uh unless They killed someone that I know Then I'll go to jail like gladly. I will kill you. Yeah, uh, but If

Whatever someone calls you harm and like whatever your whole life and like, you know, I'm saying I will kill you People think I'm crazy when I say stuff like that. No, it's not I would kill somebody too So if someone if someone killed one of my family members like See, uh, I'm killing them like I'm going to jail like I'll be fine, but That guy's dying. Um, anyway uh so I think that

The whole idea is the rehabilitation thing with jail, which I think is kind of bullshit But anyway, I think that if a if a person has like the wherewithal to uh Come up with a plan like a premeditated murder, right, you know Like she didn't just like flip out because she was getting getting abused and stabbed her in the throat and killed her Right. She like it was a calculated thing. Yeah, she was like texting when you're here. She went and bought the knife You know, like she planted with this guy and like plans an escape and like so I think that kind of makes her like A little maniacal

In a way. Yeah. Yeah, is she justified in that some would say right because her mom did a horrible thing her entire life Yeah, um, by the way for those who don't know what much has nobody. Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say yeah It's basically she she told her daughter She had luke that she had leukemia that she was sick. She had all these things and cerebral palsy that she couldn't walk And she was in a wheelchair and then uh, I believe at some point she became aware Of what was going on and then her mom kept telling her like just keep going along with it because they were getting on tv They were getting donations. They were getting all this stuff. They were getting very popular So she was like continue to be sick like she would shave her head and like, you know, I'm saying make her look sick as shit

Yeah, like it was fucked up what she was doing to her. Um, and if you've seen it The first it not not the old one the one that just came out with like the kids and shit like finn wolfhardt or whatever There's a little case of that in the movie where he's given she keep the mom keeps giving that one kid like pills or whatever Yeah, he's like, I'm not sick. Fuck you. Yeah But it so that's what she was doing her whole life. So I mean, I like I said, I think that she should go to jail Absolutely, but not for life. Oh Yeah, maybe not for life, but right, I mean it's a touchy subject, but it's like, you know, like That mom abused the shit out of her for mad. Yeah, you know what I mean, it's fucked up. Yeah, it's fucked up

You see the it to trailer Dude, that movie's gonna be so scary. Fucked up. You see that fucking crazy Yo, so you know the movie the visit? Yes Fuck that movie. Yeah That movie I didn't think of the movie was that great It was good. It was good. But the reason why it was so fucking scary is because there's old women Running. Yeah, I don't like when old women run at speeds that are too fast for the elderly Okay, and in that it trailer

Bitches are moving like cockroaches and moving there. Uh, I don't like that shit. It scared me a lot Terrifying and it's also gonna be way worse than the first one because the first one was funny at times Yeah, it's so scary movie, but it was like funny at times. Like there was a lot of uh community relief or whatever They also left out the gang bang too. Yes, there's a there's supposed to be a gang bang at the end of it That's how they like Stephen King is a sick bastard. Yeah, he must have been just like doing tons of d rugs at the time Uh, but yeah in the books the kids all the all the all the redhead. Yeah to like save them To purify themselves or something. Yeah, which

Is not true Not gonna happen. Uh, but uh, yeah the second one I think because now it's adults I think they can get way more fucked up. Yeah, it's not gonna make like kids do crazy fucked up stuff But like this one's gonna be a fucking crazy man. Yeah, and scarves guard is fucking awesome at being it Oh, yeah, he's great. He's so good. You know, he's an alien Hey, what uh the clown. Oh, he's an alien. Yeah, and Stephen King's universe. He's an alien I thought he was just like a spirit. No, he's like a he's like an alien spider or some shit Oh, yeah

Look it up Confirmed. Look it up losers losers. No, but uh That's another thing too though. We go and see scary movies and we see people get killed. Like, why do we like watching that shit? I think people like just being scared because it gives you a adrenaline adrenaline rush. Yeah Makes you feel alive Without the actual fear of dying I guess Yeah, people are weird. Yeah, humans are strange

Like we like stuff like that. It's like, oh my god, then there was like the scene even game of thrones though It's like, you know, we want to watch so many people die. Yeah. Oh my god You know, that's so funny about game of thrones because everyone's complaining like oh my god The main characters are still here cut someone's fucking head off. Yeah, it's like you want to see a beheading Yeah, if I saw a beheading in person Wouldn't be the same person. I remember when all of those were leaking on the internet too. Those things were fucking terrifying Yeah I don't like that. I don't like that the internet. Yeah, like live leak scary place to be late night

Oh, yeah, I don't like that the scary place to be at night. Yeah. Yeah for sure And that's why youtube had that whole thing where they were like demonetizing everything. Yeah, yo I don't know if I ever explained it on a podcast, but like the money that I was making on youtube I was literally like I was I was So the money I was making on youtube 100% of the money I was making right that was cut by 60 percent Wow after youtube did that thing where they like Took away a bunch of ads or whatever. It was cut by 60 percent

It was insane and I was like, whoa, man, like this hit way harder than whatever Uh But it was because of shit like that where it'd be like a beheading video that gets uploaded from god knows where on youtube And all of a sudden fucking Buy dub so yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can't do that. It's like a fucking video of will ferro It was like I built my website using and he's like what the fuck but speaking of youtube Who would monetize that video by the way maniac who's like, yo, by the way, let's make some let's make like a quick 13 bucks off this yeah, yeah

Let's get some good cpms on this video. It'd be great. Yeah, but uh You recently did a mad lips. I did you recently did a mad lips Now When you do videos like that, is there a nostalgic feeling when you do them? No, you're just doing them fun, right? I will stay I will stay I will say that there was a little bit of uh I guess I guess you're right when you said that because it wasn't filming it though It's like when it goes out and then the reaction that people have Uh, it reminds you it reminded me of a

Time of like when I was doing right, you know So it was a little you know because I went back to the same routine of like, you know The video went out at nine and then I put it on facebook and the next day you direct up and it was funny Yeah, yeah, and it was enjoyable to watch. Yeah, it was it was it was like uh, so you're smiling right now thinking about it Yeah, because it made me smile No, but yeah, it was it was a little nostalgic to be like, you know Whatever even though it was only the bands back together the band is back, bitch Uh, but it was only one year. I think

Well, I did upload that one random video Yeah, about like the lady that hordes poop. That was like five months ago. I think yeah And then but before that it had been close to a year that I had uploaded like anything consistently or anything um Then that was the first one, but yeah, I just felt like doing it. I was just like I feel like it was just you know the right time The right time And you got Keith in here, which is Yeah, man, we had to do that video at 7 a.m. Before work. God really? Yeah

That dedication right there. Yeah, I just I don't know him. I honestly thought he wasn't gonna wake up But he did he did Good times great times. I have nothing else to say here the other do I Anyone just sit here for a silent two minutes Yo, can you do this? What's up? All right, get at me. So I saw this thing. Okay on the internet I don't know what I don't know who it was, but it was just stare into someone's eyes for a minute Yeah, you want to do it? Yeah, should I take my glasses off? Yes, because I could see a reflection

All right, go this hold on off. Oh, you're over here. Okay. All right. All right. You ready? Mm-hmm Tell me when to start. Okay I'm gonna look down and then we're gonna just gonna look up. Tell me what to say up up I Thought it was like a for some reason I was scared to blink for it first Apparently you can learn a lot about a person I was just about to say I feel like I'm learning about I'm like downloading data from you You got anything useful over there? Yeah

I got nothing That that tends to happen. It's not a lot going on back there and your tongue's blue. I can see it in my peripherals How you're looking right at me? What? Huh? I'm looking into your eye your right eye Yeah, open them up I have to check how much time is elapsed

I Could see like I could see your feelings What do you what do I feel like this like a little sad? I'm sad like a little bit Like I had to uncover a couple of layers, but there's some sadness in there. All right. I'll agree to that What else You don't want to let anybody down I'm sure I could see it I

Could see it. Yeah, you're worried about being a good caretaker Dude, I could see it. What are you talking about dude? I could see like I could see your emotions I'm not fucking kidding. You can see I'm like care. What's it? I'm I'm upset about being a caretaker No, no, no, you don't know you're you're not upset about it. You want to be the best caretaker you could be You want to make everybody happy? Okay, like it's like one of your biggest goals. I could see it. Well, also you've heard me say that Not really not not to that extent. I mean and I could see there's some sadness. There's some underlying sadness there There there is

You have a lot of unanswered questions about your life I'm fucking not lying man. I could I could see it. I have a bunch of unanswered questions about my life Yeah, though you want answered like what? That's that's you I can't dive that deep Okay Yeah, there is there's things you want to talk about there's things you want to get out there like on a professional level You're hiding stuff. What are you doing? Not bad stuff You're keeping it in Okay

This is all good stuff Danny I'm I'm telling you. Yeah, can you see who's calling me right now? Your dad. It's absolutely my dad. See I could see it I'm not fucking kidding. I'm sure you can see it You know, I cannot see a foot in front of me probably. Yeah, but I could see your eyes I have piercing eyes Yeah, do you think I have sex eyes?

You do have attractive eyes because you can't tell the color sex eyes Like you ever see a girl I'm like, oh my god, she has sex eyes. Yeah, they're kind of catty. They're catty Like I don't think I have sex eyes. You don't either you have warm eyes. You have so warm. Yeah, my eyes are really warm. Yeah But some people have sex eyes you're like, oh my god, I feel like she's like fucking me by Yeah, I feel like you kind of have like like bonisio del toro Sex eyes. Yeah, but also like kind of catty like like an old cat like a cat like an old cat Yeah, you have a very welcoming face Your face welcomes people

You know, I have a very welcoming body like I like people aren't afraid of me You know what I'm saying like people want to be around I feel like people want to be around me. Yeah, you know Dance around you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like bring me happiness But like, I don't know. I think that exercise was good. I learned I learned about you Oh, yeah, yeah, I think I did I really I really truly think I did Well, I you know house Was I accurate about anything?

You did agree that you said there's a little bit sadness in there. Yeah, I mean, I said that's gonna be funny I think everyone's a little bit sad though. Yeah, who's 100 happy fuck those people crazy people. Yeah, that's out of control Yeah, I'm just happy 24 seven get the fuck out What do you think is The key to happiness Is it health is it money Is it family Is it a mixture

The key to happiness I I find myself asking me that like, you know asking myself that question Is happy is true happy if it is is it even obtainable? I think it is I think it's very difficult and I think it's so here's here's my answer. I think it's just being grateful That's a good answer because if you're if you're grateful, then you're happy Yeah, if I'm okay with what I have so far, right and that doesn't mean that you're not striving for anything or striving for more It's just that you're grateful for what you have now, right?

You know, if you're not constantly comparing yourself to other people and constantly comparing your life to Someone else's and like, you know, whatever and you're always just chasing like you want to be better be better be better chasing chasing But never being grateful for what you have and not realizing what you have Then how can you be happy if you don't even realize? The things that you have damn dude. That was bars. I said things that you have a couple times, but no no, but no, but I think I think that's the right answer. You're right Holy shit. I stared into your eyes and got the I wanted to disagree with you so bad, but I could

Yeah, I really think that's what it is just being grateful for if you wake up and you're happy with where you are and you're like, you know What I'm and you think that you have full control over your Because that's how I feel sometimes. It's like you wake up and you feel like you have full control over your life It's like I'm gonna go get in shape. I'm gonna go work today. I'm gonna go do this and that like I'm gonna go do that Like no one's forcing me to go do that and you're just grateful for what you have your living space. My place is clean I'm healthy and this and that my family's great blah blah blah Just be grateful for that instead of being like, oh, you know, I wish I was ripped up or I wish I You know, whatever I wish the weather wasn't like this today like in finding wish. I didn't have diabetes wish

I didn't have type 2 diabetes. Yeah, and like rhino cough or whatever the fuck you had You know what I'm saying? I've yeah You're fucking boom. You just made me happy boom Look at that Gratefulness just being grateful You've been dropping some heat on these last few episodes. Have I yeah mad inspirational heat We start off like assholes. We end on heat. Yeah, because I think a lot of people listen

You're here for the ha ha's and who who who's in on and Oz. You know what I'm saying? You know But there's some structure here, you know, we got feelings too We got we got things going on. Oh man. We got things going on. We have feelings. I'll be honest. I got gems in me But it takes a little while to get them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think as people People's kind of cells. So I think Many people show short a little bit sometimes every once in a while we've got drop dimes on them Yeah, you know, like I don't know the difference between a vagina and a uterus, but I got some gems

I you knows how to pursue happiness motherfucker All right, and it is pursuing it's not just having it because I also you know, I'll say to him I think people confuse it with It I did not I did not expect this question to get this much. Yeah, I know traction But do you know what I think where people Throw themselves off track is they expect it. They expect happiness to be an everyday thing, which it isn't I think that no matter what it's not an everyday thing So I feel like if they could be happy one day and then they have a bad couple days

And then they're happy and then have like and then they just like Or maybe they have a really good period of time Yeah, and then they're not as happy as at another time It's like I wish I could just go back to that like that's when I was happy and that's when I was it's like dude the reason why you were like you Just felt fulfilled back then right like just be grateful. Well, I learned that in therapy too. It was like listen It's like you can't try to go back to the old you Right. It doesn't work like that. You're just you have to create a new version of yourself

And like you need bad days You need them Yeah, you know You can't you can't have every day be good. That's not life You know And then also if you're trying to make every day that good You're gonna come you're gonna come up short on most of those days. I feel like Yeah, and then you're gonna be sad because you didn't do that or didn't do this

Gotta be grateful. Yes. It's just like ours. I feel like you just gotta enjoy it, dude Like there's just so many like things that I think people worry about when I was younger I said this once and like I really think I've never heard anyone say it But I said something like life is easy, but people make it hard on themselves when I was like in eighth grade I said some shit like that because I feel like a lot of people just worry about things that They don't really care about You know because if you ask someone Like do you care how many likes your picture gets and they're like no, but at the same time subconsciously

You'll look at that number and be like, oh, that's not as high as the last picture. I posted or like once I post something I'm checking how it's doing. Yeah, so it's like I don't really like I could say I don't really care what anyone has to say about me, but at the same time I do Yeah, if that makes any sense, it just doesn't sway my mood You know like I care about it, but not enough to like change Yeah, who I am or to change like whatever, but it doesn't mean I don't I don't care about right, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but I feel like people They confuse those things because I think those are two separate things

I think you could like care about it and not care about it enough, but I think you know people just There's little things that they hold on to like on a day-to-day basis that like to like to try to ruin their day in a way Right. No, like oh man. I missed a boss in this and that. It's like dude. I think some people just like being miserable And and and it's thinking becomes a part. Yeah, it becomes a part. That's what I'm saying It becomes part of like they just accepted it. Yeah, I'm gonna be miserable. Yeah, like I'm gonna be miserable Like oh fuck my life. This is my life It's like it doesn't have to be like that though. Yeah, I think all the I struggled with that all the time I'd be like, yeah, like my life sucks. The self deprecating stuff

Is a joke until you say it enough that it Starts to become true. Oh, yeah, if you try to fit into that now exactly, you know, yeah, but I don't know. I'm just I'm not like I remember when I used to do a podcast out of this um Comedy fucking place and uh Comedy club. I don't know. I was gonna say comedy boy. I'm an idiot But anyway, I was it was out of this comedy uh club and I used to have a lot of comedians on the show

and I noticed that a lot of them had this like Idea that comedians have to be sad or they have to have like bad things happen to them or like They have to do this and have to do that and I was just like I'm just not that though Like I like and then if you're not you're not like a purist comedian, right exactly And I'm like I I've had shit happen to me in my life Like it's not like I've just skated through like with no adversity whatsoever Like there have been a lot of shit that has happened in my life But you wouldn't know it you wouldn't know it because like I don't I I don't

Find it to be like an excuse like it's not fuel for me Like when people talk about you know, use the bad things in your life as fuel for your fire Like I don't really do that. Like I just try to like I can just make a new fire Yeah, just try to fucking just do I just try to do my shit. I'm not like oh, I'm doing this out of spite because of my dad You know But it's just I don't know Shit like that

It's like when people like because then if if you start to adapt the idea that comedians have to be sad Then you're gonna go out of your way to be sad. Yeah, or to focus on sad shit Because like oh if I focus on this then it's gonna make me funnier. It's like that's not true though Yeah, no, it's not and like that's how it kind of was like with drinking for me though, too I was like, you know like I honestly thought I could never like be funny if like I didn't drink Yeah, you know and I was like no, this is like part of my routine and like this is part of me And like my life and then it's like oh, it's complete opposite Like you don't have to be sad to be like a fucking funny person. Yeah

I'm about to start crying Should we wrap it? Yeah, we should wrap it. All right. I like when we wrap it with gems a little bit Wrap wrap what a gem. Yeah wrap what a gem We're gonna find you you could find me at dandler puri on instagram and twitter I don't know why I have such a hard time with that sometimes I don't know You guys can follow me on instagram and twitter at joe sanagato and go follow the show at the baseman yard on instagram And also our patreon that is set up if you'd like to support the show you get every episode a week early

Uh, you get personalized video shout outs for me and danny at a certain tier You also get some extra content A segment that we do called what the fuck does patreon want where we answer your questions Those are usually like 20 something minutes long And you also get an exclusive Episode of the baseman yard that is only aired for our patrons. So go check that out patreon.com Slash the baseman yard patreon spelled pat reo n.com slash baseman yard and that is all also our website

By the way, if you want to write in and you want us to talk about some topics or whatever Go to the baseman yard.com and that is all that's finally all finally all we'll see you guys next time