The Basement Yard - #196 - Am I An Adult Yet?

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

On this episode, we discuss little kids cursing, the fashion show known as the "gym", being an adult and Danny throws up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? Hello. Hello. Check it. Hold on. You're loud as shithole. Hold on. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. What am I saying? Welcome back to the basement yard. How's everyone doing? As you can see, new merch. New merch. Okay. So that right there. Damn, you're popping those titties, dude. For anyone who's just listening and not watching, you're missing out, okay? First of all, these are fucking backwards. God damn it. Are mine backwards? I don't know. No, you're good. You're good. You're all set. He's popping that titt. But anyway, so as you know, me and Danny dropped out of college. Yeah. Didn't get the chance to be in a college and like, you know, represent anything. For sure.

So we decided that we're just going to make a bunch of college merch and make basement yard kind of like a college. And we talked all that shit about a sailing team. So we got basement yard sailing team shirts. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. And we even have a school crest. Frat. Frat as fuck. Yeah. It's a super frat. And one of them, there's like a microphone there and then a BY up there. And then it says Spermas per ubera, which if you translate that in Latin, it means in breasts we trust. You know, very on brand for Danny. Absolutely. I mean, for me too, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're up there in the tick game. Yeah. I think so. You enjoy a good tick. I think everyone would appreciate a boob. Hold on. I'm getting a text. Oh yeah. And there's

also, I forgot about this one. There's also phone cases now for any of the phones. Yeah. And it has the crest on it. Yeah. There's going to be more shirts like this coming on, not the same exact thing, but we're going to just do like mad random whatever, whatever. Yeah. You know, we come up with, you know, like, I don't even maybe we'll make some up. Quidditch team. Okay. You ruined it. Sorry. I don't know. I think people like that shit. Quidditch. Yeah. You know, people play that. Yeah. And it's dumb. It's a Harry Potter like game that they play. It's stupid of shit. You can't fly. And there's, there's actual people, white people, I think we can say. Yeah. I could assume that. Yes. Who put a broomstick between their legs and run around and play Quidditch,

which is a Harry Potter game. And they try to catch a snitch. And it's like a thing. None of that's cool. I'm not particularly a fan of it. Right. Love Harry Potter, man. Yeah. He's cool guy. He's an amazing guy. I was never a huge Harry Potter guy, but I was a big Harry Potter guy, but not big to the point where I'm going to put on a robe and get a fucking broomstick and start running around like I'm scoring points here. Come on now. I'm not a wizard and neither are you. Wait. And a person pretends to be the golden snitch, right? Wait, is that true? Yeah. And you got to chase that little shit around. That little shit? What do you mean? They have like a little person be the snitch? No, I mean, if you want to get as close as possible, you probably do that. But I think a person dresses

up as the golden snitch. It puts like gold wings on and runs around painted gold. Yeah. And you have to catch them. Yeah. How hard is it to catch a human being? I don't know. The actual golden snitch is hard to get in Harry Potter. It's a very tough thing to do. It's very fast. Yes, it is. But catching a man. I would never play this game. I would never play it. Now you introduce some fucking jetpacks. Now I'd be interested and quit it. Jetpacks are real. They are real. I saw a video on Instagram of a guy with a jetpack and I was like, yo, we're actually like making strides in this fucking. What's the one where you shoot up in the water? It's like a water cannon jetpack? That's a jetpack to me. Yeah. Anything on my bat that has like, if I get off the ground, shoot me into the

air as a jetpack. As a jetpack. Yeah. Which I probably would never get on to be honest with you. I would never get in the jetpack sort of deal. Yeah, probably not. Because I'm too afraid of going up and then tilting forward and then just fucking rocketing into a wall. Do you ever see those pictures of Chicago and it's like that glass floor? Yeah. Would you stand on that? Yeah. You wouldn't be afraid? I'd be afraid for a second. I'd be afraid for a second. I mean, for a good four seconds, I'd be like, okay, but then I'd just get out there. I'd get my picture and then I'd get the fuck out of there. Yeah. Is it humid in here? It's a little humid in here. It's a little humid. You're sweating. Did you go to the gym today? Why are you talking shit? I got out of the shower.

I sweat when I get out of the shower. I didn't see it. You sweat when you get out of the shower. I think it's just humid in New York, I think. I mean, it's very fucking humid. Yeah. But usually when I get out of the shower, I just sweat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's all that, it's all that hot water. For the rest of the day, I sweat. Do you think you sweat when you swim? No. Why not? Because you're underwater. That's cold, like cold. Nah, dude. It's colder than your body temperature. If you run outside, you sweat when it's cold out. Because it's hotter. No, wait. Well, you work, wait. Yeah, I think, I think you sweat when you swim, dude. Oh, yeah, you probably, probably, but you, you know, you can't sweat underwater. You have to be outside

of the water. No, I think you're sweating under the water. Like under your like swim cap? No, like your body, like your sweat glands are opening. Is that what happens? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's weird how dogs only sweat through their mouth. They do? Yeah, that's why when they're going, I thought they're just like breathing. No, they're sweating, dude. They're sweating through their mouth. They have no sweat glands. Wait, sweating through the mouth is absolutely disgusting. Yeah, that's what they're doing. I'm letting that fucking dog lick my arm and shit. Yeah, that dog is sweating. And my dog is sweating. And my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You kiss your dog in the mouth? Come on, man. You see me? I'm wide as shit. I'm fucking making

out with that dog. I kiss my dog in the mouth. Hell yeah, man. You know what Josh used to do? Grab his dog by the nose and blow air into his nose and it would make his cheeks go fully guilty of that. Really? Yeah, I've done it a bunch. I'm too afraid because Charlie doesn't really fuck with it and he gets mad at me. Also, he's got a huge face. Who? It'd be hard to get that snout in my mouth. Oh, Charlie? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I would have to like do some exercises before I could warm up to that thing. Yeah, he's gonna fuck you up. Hell yeah. No, but if you can get him, dude, it's fun. Yeah. It probably hurts him. I hope it doesn't hurt him. I don't know. If someone blew fucking air into my nose, I'd fuck them up. You ever bite his nose? No. Not hard. Like,

you nibble kiss his nose. Nibble kiss. Nibble kiss. What is a nibble kiss? It's like a lovey-buddy. I've never nibble kissed. I've never. I didn't even know it existed till right now to be honest with you, so you got to pardon me. It's fine. Like, the next time he's real close to you, just give him the own. I love it. I love it. I'll give him his first nibble kiss because I'm watching him next week. You are watching him because my brother's getting married. Joe's brother's getting married and I'm watching his dogs. He's staying at my mom's house. Yeah, so I'm gonna have a whole weekend alone there and I'm a little afraid of what? Because one, you have to give me a whole low down of like creepy noises that have been in your house. There's no creepy noises. I mean,

maybe in the basement. Oh, don't do that. I'm not going down there once. Well, that's fine. You don't have to. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have like an old doorknob on your basement door or is it a new door? The older the doorknob, the scarier the remnants down there. Why? Because if you open, it's like, am I walking into a fucking witch's den? And old doorknobs are always so loose. It's always like, when you try to touch them, something's down there. Yeah. Yeah. It's an old doorknob, isn't it? Uh, no. The door is like old, I guess. Like it's kind of off the hinge a little. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those. It's one of those doors you got to like lift to open. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise it'll drag on the floor. I'll be staying upstairs. I'll be staying upstairs.

Yeah. There's some stuff down there. No one's ever broken in though. Broken into my garage. Dude. What? I'm gonna be there by myself. So what? Let them take whatever they have. There's nothing in the garage that's even a value anymore. No, dude, you got to protect this house. They stole a ladder. Who steals a ladder? People who want to sell it for money. Jesus. Yeah. Sweet brother of God. Yeah. But nothing, nothing too crazy. Does God have a mom? Joe, where can they find you? That's all for this week's episode. I don't even know. I never understood that expression. Wait, what do you say? Oh, mother of God. Like, who's mother of God? Who is the mother of God? Never thought about it, did you? No. I know

the mother of Jesus. Yeah, that's Mary. Very good. One point, the Gryffindor. Bang. My CCD teacher would love that. Yes, absolutely. My CCD teacher fucking hated me, by the way. Is she hot? No, she was very old. Oh, just a brittle beast. Yeah, she was a big old beast. And she had a, and she, and she died her hair because I mean, you know, like old women have like hair, but their, but their roots are white as shit, but you could like see through it. Like it's basically just like a cloud of smoke. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? It's like soot following them around. Yeah, like old women, when their hair, when they get older, their hair just like you could see through it like smoke. But she would dye it like red. Yeah. What a color to pick. Yeah, she had like a red

ghost on her head. And she would always wear like red shirts and stuff. Like it was like orangey. I don't know. Hey, now that I look back on it, maybe the fucking Takashi 69's mom or something. Yeah, maybe. But it was weird. Yeah. No, she didn't like me because she lived downstairs from one of my friends at the time. Okay. This girl and we were all hanging out there. And I guess she heard me cursing. And then the next time I went to Sunday school, she like brought it up. But like passive aggressively, like only me and her knew what she was talking about. Oh, and she said something like, you know, weirdo. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think she just didn't like me, honestly. She said you were cursing. She didn't say that. She just said, oh, you know, some people

in this class have like a foul mouth. Like that's how she kind of said it. She didn't say that verbatim, but she said something along those lines. How many people were in your class? Oh, there was like 12. Oh, so yeah, she was definitely picking on you then. Oh, yeah. No, there was no one else who would like fit this description. It was this guy over here. And she was right though. I mean, she is. She was. Yeah. What age are you in Sunday school? Before eighth grade, you make your confirmation in eighth grade. So you're like 12. Yeah, around there. How long that shit is? How many years I was there? I don't know. But I know you were in prime cursing years because they were fucking new to you. You're like, no, but I wasn't even going crazy back then. You know,

I hit my prime like two years ago when I was really letting the internet have it and like fucking really driving those fucks. Fucking suck my fuck. Yeah, yeah, stuff like that. Yeah. You want to lick my fuck? Just saying weird stuff. You want to lick this shit ass fuck? I'll punch your fucking suck. I'll punch your suck in the ass. But yeah, you ever get so mad that you did you do that and you like fuck up a curse? Yeah, absolutely. I've told the story of Mad Times where someone told me fuck you once and I just went, no. It's still funny. But yeah, she didn't like me because of that. But I liked CCD, which is the Sunday school because sometimes we would go to church. Like my mom would make us go to church on Sundays until we made our confirmation. Okay. But sometimes at church,

you'd be like, we have all the children go into the basement and they'd make you go into the basement. Yeah. And then it was like a separate sort of performance from these holy people. Yeah. While the adults were upstairs confessing their sins or whatever the fuck, you know, did you ever get in trouble in Sunday school? Not that I remember, but I actually my mom found this like thing because her new thing is every time I go over there, she's like, you got to take this shit because there's, you know, some stuff there. And I found this big thing where she kept like all my old report cards and like all these like random things from high school, middle school. I mean, the ones in middle school are terrible. What was your lowest GPA do you remember?

We didn't really have GPAs back then. Like, I didn't pay attention to that. We just knew like what classes like DD, DD, DD, DDB. Yeah, no, I wasn't that like bad of a student, but there were certain classes where I would get like a fucking 50 or some shit, like reading. And I'd be like, why? What am I, I couldn't read. You know, you failed reading. Really? Really? Because I can, I can definitely read. So let me see that. I read the report card. So I could fucking read my fucking ass. Exactly. But I found CCD report cards. And like they, those are different. They don't give you like a number. It's just like passing, failing or excellent or something. And there was some heathen. Yeah. Great job. Angel to heathen. Angel, heathen, demon, Satan. Yeah.

Yeah. Apostle or demon. Son of the devil. No, but they, they, I remember I got like a bad grade for something and then she wrote that I missed like a bunch of classes or something or like, oh, it was like a partition of participation grade. Oh, I was about to say if you're missing class, might be mom's fault. Hey, no, definitely mom's fault. No kids just going to walk up in church and be like, see you guys. Just fucking your little kid with your little lunchbox and go to church. No kid ever does that. Yeah. I missed a whole lot of CCD, I guess. But I knew what was going on. You know, I know all about the, you know, the Apple and the Apple and the Adam and Eve. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? They told us all that stuff. Did Adam and Eve fuck? Hell yeah.

I think they fucked, right? But they never really said like they fucked. I think they did. Did they they just fucking tore into each other and ate an apple? Take it easy. What? I'm talking about Adam and Eve here. Yeah, it's all right. Or like there was something about a rib in there. I really lost all religious like learnings back then. Yeah, of course. I'm also one of those people that don't believe that that was like a literal thing. Maybe it's like a fucking metaphor. Yes, yes, yes. It wasn't a talking snake. Yeah. This isn't the jungle book for God's sakes. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think most things going to get hot in here. This is going to get very hot. I already know. No, no, no, no, no. I believe that most things in the Bible are like metaphorical metaphorical. Well, yeah,

that's how they told stories. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I feel like people back then like, you know, you know, like listen, so you know how I'm down with JC. I'm a big G. O. D. guy. But I'm a G. O. But I have my own relationship with God. Right, right, right. Like I don't partake in a lot of this because I do think religion starts a lot of problems in between, you know, in between religions. Yeah, yeah. That's why I don't like to talk about it that much. Just like me and JC have our own thing going on. Yeah, that's fine. You know what I was going to compare it because I'm like, you know nowadays when you think you have a cool story, so you start telling someone a story, and then when you're like 80% done with it, you're kind of like in your head, you're like, I thought they'd be like

enjoying this by now. So I kind of have to like exaggerate and like kind of flip this up and make it cool all the time. Exactly. So I feel like some of the stuff. But like not go too far out, not go too far out in that field. But like, you got to, you got to bring something up. Yeah, you got to be like, and the cops came in like, we got away though, you know, and people were like, Oh, okay. It was on the news. Yeah, something, right? I kind of feel like that's sort of what some of the stuff in the Bible was where it's kind of like, yeah, and then fucking there was a push on fire and it was God and we're like, Whoa, what the fuck? Bush fire. Keep going. Yeah. Yeah. And then it, and then it rained frogs.

What? Mad locusts. Yeah. Which you know, that's and then that's a real thing. Yeah. And it's terrifying. Wait, like Locust. Oh, like a fucking. Yeah. Dude, isn't cicadas like the ones that come out of the ground? Hey, man. And you always walk by and hear them in truth. Like, No, they go like, what are the ones that sound like, that was so good. That was good. Did you hear that kind of sound like a snake towards the end, but the middle is like, it's more of a Morocco. There you go. Am I a cicada? You're too low. So you're more dynamite. Yeah, I'm more cicada. Yeah. So listen, you're more dynamite. But what is that? What's the one? What's the electric boys that go? I don't know what the fuck you're doing. That sounds like a boat. No,

a tugboat. Whoever gets that reference, write it down right now. I love that. I'm sweating. I told you, dude. It's insane because when I go to the gym and I swat and I shower, my body temperature is hot for the rest of the day. I just sweat all day. It just becomes humid. It's humid. I'm a humid boy. That's the thing. Yeah. Finish your thing about the locus though. I want to hear that. No, I was just going to say, there's videos like on YouTube of like thousands and thousands of locus like invading. That's terrifying. Yeah. Like fields, like cornfields. It looks like rain coming at you. That's fucking scary. Yeah, I do. And I don't really know much about that fucking bug, but I imagine it could hurt me. I hate bugs. Not big bugs. Yeah. I hate

bugs. I hate bugs. And the other thing I was going to ask you about Sunday School, did you ever get in trouble there? Like you had to sit out? Yeah. Yeah. They put you in the hallway. That's what they did. Yeah. Yeah. What'd you say? No, I have no idea, but I don't know. I don't think... That little kid, because that little kid video is going around. What little kid video? The one where he's like in preschool. It's like a preschool graduation. Oh, you posted it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, uh... That was intense. Yeah, that was bad. And the lady's like, good morning. Good afternoon, parents. Good afternoon, boys and girls. And the little kid just goes, shut the fuck up. And everyone's like, whoa.

They're like, do you need to leave? And he just goes, no bitch. And then the dad pulls her out. Dude. And that kid was like five? Yeah. That kid had enough. That kid is seeing some stuff. Dude, if I did that, my dad would kill me. Yeah. I think he would actually... Like he'd throw me out is what I mean. Yeah. In the garbage. Not kick me out of my house. He'd throw me in a garbage can. Take you out in the trash. Yeah, exactly. You get that reference right? That down. Yeah. Yeah. But he would fuck me up, dude. Like that would not fly. But at the same time, if your child is like five years old and doing that, that's your fault. Yeah. Like this isn't just like a misbehaved child. Like you are just

clearly neglecting this fucking kid. Somebody saw this kid tell somebody to shut the fuck up. And then somebody saw this kid tell somebody... And then thought it was funny probably. Yeah. And then call them a bitch. Yeah. But that's wild. So... Violated it. Dude, I've been beat for less. Way less. Hell yeah. Like 1,000th percent of that. Now you think that they should give that kid a goal or counseling? Counseling. I think you give them a couple of pop pops and then let's go to the therapist. Oh man. Yeah. I mean, honestly, let's go to the therapist and then talk about this vicious circle here. No, but I'll be honest with you. If my kid that I believe I was raising correctly

did something like that, might have to get a little bit of a fucking... Yeah, right? Yeah. I'm gonna have to hit that kid. You know what I'm saying? Not like go crazy on it. Not take my day out. A couple shots to the ribs maybe. What? Jesus. Break a fucking rib. You know, just need a solar plex? Yeah. I'm not gonna like fucking break his arm or anything, but he definitely, you know, I mean, I want to say, I want to so badly say I'm gonna hit this kid. Right. But I don't know until I have a child. Yeah, that's the thing. You know what I'm saying? But if he goes, if he said, yo, honestly, if I'm sitting there and the kid goes, shut the fuck up like that, like now you're embarrassing me. You're ruining the entire room

here. Oh, yeah. Like I might have to get after you right in front of everyone. So I didn't know, I don't fuck around. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're gonna have to wrangle, wrangle that kid in a little bit. Wrangle him in. Yeah. The other thing too is when it comes to small children is that I feel that the only way that you can get in trouble more than that kid is if you gave me old in the in front of people. Yeah, you know, because I might have to, yeah, I might have to wait until we get home. Yeah, because then it's gonna be like, Oh, that's why I just let it brew on the way home. And she's like, Oh, my fucking God, when I get there, I'm gonna fuck this kid up. I'm gonna fucking beat this kid up.

Being kids is hysterical. What happened? I knocked my headphones. You're all sweaty, man. Am I? You are. You might need a dab. Not this dab, like a dab of a, I'm not that sweaty, dude. You're pretty moist in the face. Am I moist? What? Am I moist? Am I that moist? What'd you do in the gym today? I did chest. Ew. That's usually a Monday thing, right? Yeah, like if you're a fucking loser. Monday National Chest Day. That's why I don't do it. Because I can't do it. You're gonna look me in the eye and tell me you've never done anything loser-ish on the gym. Oh, dude, wait. Who are you talking to? Yeah. Have you ever taken a gym selfie? Let's take the gym loser task. You ready? Yeah, go ahead. Have you ever taken a selfie in

the gym? Yes, all the time. More than five? More than five. Have you taken more than five? 500? Yeah. How many gym selfies do you think you've taken this year calendar year? This calendar year? Yeah. Ballpark. 100? All right. The loser is tallying up. No, not 100. But how many days have there been? It's halfway to Christmas. So 365 days in a year. Oh, so like 100 and... No, so it's been like 100-something days, you know? Yeah, 120-something days. I'll say probably. If you're taking a selfie a day, are you taking a selfie every other day in the gym? You're a fucking loser, dude. Yeah, yeah, I am. All right, so you take selfies? Let me ask you this. Yeah. Ultimate loser test for a guy. Okay. You wear cut-off shirts in the gym? I don't,

but I have. That's how... When's the last time you wore a cut-off shirt in the gym? You know, I haven't done it in a while. Be honest. I swear to God. Really think about it. Maybe like last summer. That's way too late in the game for you. What do you mean? You can't be wearing the cut-off like that. Sometimes you gotta let the shoulders pop. I understand you let them pop, but you let them pop. Dude, look at this thing! You let them pop with a shirtless pick. You know what I'm saying? Like you take a picture on Instagram. You're popping. You know what I'm saying? You're hanging out with your buds. You guys are all just surrounded by happiness, and you're just popping. You're up there. Your vascularity is fucking

coursing through those veins. Then you take a nice picture like that. But if you're going to the gym and you have a fucking terry cloth on, did you wear one of those ones where you cut it from here all the way down to the actual bottom of your shirt? You did. I may have done that once or thrice. See? That's a fucking loser. That's a loser. Look, your nipples are out. Did you wear a wife-peeter underneath? No. See, that's even worse, dude. Why is that worse? You're kind of a tool, dawg. Like I wore a fucking D-Bass fucking cut, whatever it's called at one time in the gym. And what did you lift that day? I don't know. You lifted back, didn't you? Why would I lift back on that day? Because you want everyone to see them pop. My back pop? Yeah. My back pop.

Yeah, dude. Pulling rows, fucking getting those lats ready. I don't know. You could, I mean, the arms, the arms pop too. Those ones. Yeah, those fucking straight arms. Straight arm fucking pull back. Swimmers. I know about it. I don't look about it, but I knows about it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I haven't worn, like, whatever. Loserish clothes to the gym. What do you think is worse though? If you see a guy in a gym and he's wearing that, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? I mean, this guy's a dick. I mean, I really don't. There's other stuff that's worse. Oh my, what? What's worse? Like dudes who wear sweatpants and hoodies with the hood up and have a gallon of water. Yeah. That's terrible. Yeah, those guys are dicks. That's also Josh, but yeah. Yeah,

but he knows he's a dick. Yeah, he does. But also guys that wear headphones like this in the gym. Oh, like big ass beads. Big old headphones. Come on. Yeah, take it easy. What are you doing? We were at Silent Disco. Yeah. Lift. Yeah, just lift. All right. You don't need a fucking movie theater on your ears. Those are fucking bad. Yeah. But I'm telling you. I've seen dudes wear jeans in the gym and I'm like, dog, wrong place. Yeah. I've seen people lifting sandals. Sandals. Yeah. On their leg days, they lift in sandals. What the fuck is, where are they from? Jerusalem? I don't know. But I've seen guys do it. That's strange. I've seen guys do it. Where's some real shoes? Do you have flat shoes that you wear on fucking leg day?

Fucking. Twink. No, even. No, even. Do you just throw up? I'm so glad that those cameras caught that. Are you okay? Yeah. There's water everywhere. Are you okay? Yeah, I just came out of my nose. I'm fine. If you throw up on this table. I drowned a little bit. I'm leaving. I'm coming right now. I drowned a little bit. How much water did you drink? Because I saw so much. What is happening on this day? It's all right. Come on. Tell me more about how you're twink.

I don't even know. We're good. We're good. We'll fix it in post. I don't know if we could do that. I don't know if we have the correct manpower for that. Let me get something to clean that up. You know what? You know what? I'm going to take this time to do some sponsors. I'm going to take this time to do some sponsors while he cleans the floor that he just spit. I can't do this. Okay. All right. Let's get to these sponsors real quick. Stop coughing. Okay. First one we have here. We have a whole bunch of sponsors today. So thank you so much,

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N-O-B-U-L-L-P-R-O-J-E-C-T.com slash basement. Boom. All right, so go check out nobull and start training hard people, all right? Yeah. I'm back though, by the way. I'm not dead anymore. Yeah, that was the most wild thing I've ever seen in my life. You know when you drink water and you just suck it down the wrong hole? Yeah. And then it was coming out of my nose. It came out of your nose? Yeah, it was dripping. I'm sure it's on film. Oh, it is. I checked to make sure that it was like you were in frame. Yeah, I tried to get out of frame. Oh, I'm so glad you're in. But I was in there. What happened? I called you a twink and then we started laughing. I thought you threw up. Well, I kind of did, but it's not like throw up, throw up. It was just like the water that was going down

was like, no, no, no. And it was just like, I'm coming right back up, buddy. Yeah, that was the most wild shit I've done that before where you have to like just spit it out so you could breathe. I don't know why. Yeah, because I was just like, yeah, if I can't, if I don't get this out of my mouth, I'm not going to be able to breathe. Well, I've done that before where like I start coughing and choking, but then I keep the water in my mouth and try to maintain. The worst is when you have that moment where you think you're actually choking like you're going to die. Yeah, like it's over now. You do like that one and then you're like, oh, wait, I'm perfectly fine. When was the last time you choked like really fucking bad? Oh, I know. I remember it around last summer. I was having a

big ass glass of iced tea with some like, I love to put a bunch of ice in iced tea. Okay. Obviously. No, but like, it was like sweet iced tea. So I like to water it down. Sometimes that shit is way too sweet. I feel like my fucking teeth are going to fall out. So I did that and I had one of the ice cubes in my mouth. I like to have cubes in my mouth. I like it. I enjoy it. I enjoyed the sensation. Why are you justifying everything? I'm just telling you. I like the sensation. Yeah. I like ice cubes in my mouth. All right. I like chewing ice cubes. You don't like chewing ice? I mean, sure. Yeah. All right. So don't judge me, bro. Okay. What else happened? Oh, so then I swallowed an ice cube and one thing it got stuck in my throat

and I thought I was going to die. So I thought at this point, you know, and then a helicopter came not because we were talking about like, oh, and then I had my mom actually just made some coffee and then I sipped a little bit and actually warmed it up into like melted. You were not breathing that whole time. I was breathing. It was just stuck. It was just in there. Yeah. Oh, I'm talking about when it was when like, have you ever choked to the point where it's like, I can't get, I can't talk and no air is getting in. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. One time with a mozzarella stick that had to get pulled out of my mouth. Cheese will do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. Because I bit the mozzarella stick and the other half came off and then the rest of the cheese

went in my mouth. Yeah. It stayed in there. Yeah. I don't like that shit. Yeah. I don't like that either. But get back to you being a twink in the gym. I was going to say, oh, you know what I was going to ask you about the gym? Yeah. What do you personally feel is worse? Right? Okay. So we're talking about cutoffs here, right? Because if you're going to wear a cutoff, it's disgusting. It's unsanitary. Listen, unsanitary. Yeah, dude. What's unsanitary? Your bare naked skin is on the back. You get fucking staff infection like that. Um, my just my back? Yeah. Yes. Who's gotten staff infection on their spine? Dude, a lot of people have gotten staff infection on their back, dude. I'm 100%. Why? There's no open. That's not my like my nipples are open wounds and like,

you know, things are draining in. You can get it in other ways. I'm telling you, it's not sanitary to wear fucking no shirt. So you wear a fucking hazmat suit to a public gymnasium. No, I'm a big towel on the bench guy. I'm a big towel guy. It's like taking a shit in a public place. You're laying down towels everywhere and like, you don't put a towel down when you lift. Oh, I mean from my head because I'm a sweaty boy. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't like to sweat all over shit. I don't like that. And I'm a spray wipe down guy. Oh, I never do. You're not a spray. Well, unless I really fuck it up. Like you never do you wipe down the stairmaster after you're done? Fuck no. See that you leave that thing disgusting. Why I just I'm walking on it.

You're sweating your ass off on it. Yeah, but I'm not like sweating onto like the handles and all this shit. Where's your sweat go? Like on my body. You don't drip sweat. I mean barely. I mean, I mean, I've been known to drip but like on the stairs, who cares about the step where my clean each step. I got to turn it on and wipe each step as it comes by wipe those handies. But I'm not I don't grab the handles. That's cheating. Wait a second. You're going to tell me you don't use any handles on stairmaster. No, that's insane. I don't touch this. You ever go so far down on the stairmaster where you kind of almost fall off. Yeah. Not a fan. Yeah. That is that's the real cardio machine right there. Yeah. Stairmaster is fucking hard, dude. Harder than

the treadmill and it's obviously harder than the elliptical. But the stairmaster will like will turn men into boys. That's rough. Yeah, it's tough. I mean, I think but I just wear a t shirt and fucking like compression shorts and shorts. Yeah. But what I was going to ask you is what's worse, like one of those cutoffs that's like all the way down here. Okay. Or the ones that are all the way up here. All the way down. Really? I don't like the all the way up. All the way up is a terrible style look. The one that's all the way down is a better style look if you have the body to do it. You know what I'm saying? If you got if you're like ripped up. Yeah. And you got some lats popping like go for it. Like you're going for the cosmetic thing. But I'm just saying in terms of

like functionality. I don't see a difference. But you do look like a dweeb if you wear a cutoff shirt that's just like the sleeve is off. Yeah, I don't like that. No. You look like an old man trying to play like basketball. Like feel like old basketball men wear those. They do. Like a lot. They said a lot of backdoor screens. Yeah. Go around me. Shut the fuck up, grandpa. And it's never Nike or anything. It's like a K-Mart off. It's like a Kirkland. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. It's like a Trader Joe's like fucking underarm. It's like a Kirkland cutoff. I love how Kirkland just made everything. Yeah. Oh, you want power aids? Got those. You want a fucking fridge? Got that too. Oh, you want a child? Got a Kirkland. We got pens. If you guys want that as well. Yeah. Like what?

Why are you guys selling pens? They got to be billionaires, Kirkland, right? Well, yeah, dude. Killing it in like Costco. Yeah. Were you a Costco family? Yo, Costco's like a fucking club. You got to have like ID. Yeah. I never understood that. It's like, yo, you got your Costco ID? Is that what the fuck? Is this the Pentagon? Yeah. Like, I just don't understand why they're like, like, how do you sell anything to people? I mean, obviously, they do very well. They have multiple locations. So, you know, obviously, whatever. They have been around for like 50 years. Yeah. But like, I remember one time, I had to go get my contacts from Costco, and my mom was like, I was like, I'll just go to Mars. She's like, well, I got to come with you.

I'm like, why? She goes, because you got to, you know, I have my card that you got. I'm like, what the fuck is this? I'm going to give them money. They don't want it. Like scan your mom's retina as she walks in there. What is this fucking like? Studio 54 and shit? I'm telling you, I hate stores that are like that. It's like, yo, why are you making this so exclusive? Like, we're, we're buying pillows. Yeah, we're here to buy a pillow and possibly like some kind of lawn furniture we're never going to use. Yeah. That's all we want. I'm just trying to come here. So, I could buy the big box of cereal that's apple, jacks, corn, pops and fruit. For sure. Do you remember that? Yes, I do. The trifecta. I do. I think what about girls and hats at the gym?

It's pretty hot. I like girls and hats at the gym. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And they're usually wearing like that. Girls' gym outfits? They can get a little wild. Yeah. I think girls dress more wild than dudes at the gym. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, it's like they show more, you know what I'm saying? Well, everything's kind of tight. That's what I'm saying. Everything's super tight. Guys, we go super loose. I mean, I like to go tight sometimes. I wear like tight underwear. No, I mean, I like to. You don't wear like a compression shirt to the fucking gym. No, I don't. Some dudes do that. I hate that. If you're wearing like shirts that you would wear like under your fucking football pads to the gym, you're a fucking dork. I've seen tons of people

wear that. Yeah. I swear to God. If you're wearing one of those semi-turtle max and like the under armor logos right here, you are a loser. You're wearing like cold gear in there. Yeah. Fuck it. What the hell are you doing, bro? Dude, put a fucking t-shirt on. Yeah. Get in and get out. All right. I don't want to see it. You know what I'm thinking about like girls at the gym, right? First of all, for whatever reason, I don't know why, but when they wear hats, I mean, forward, obviously, but when they wear hats and the hair comes out a little in the part in the back. It's super sexy. It's very hot. It's very hot. Yeah. But there are times when obviously, hey, big fan of the leggings. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there are times where it's like,

I can't tell if you're wearing leggings or if someone painted you. Oh, yeah. Those super thin, like scary ones. Yeah. And I'm like, I could kind of see the folds of like your anus. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I could see that butthole. Yeah. And like, that's fine. Do your thing. But it's just like, and they're like, and they're highlighter yellow. The best thing about the gym is, is the initial scan. You scan the room when you go in the gym. You see what's going on. You're checking for pants. Nothing wrong about checking for pants. You know what I'm saying? You're checking for pants. You're checking for pants. It happens. But those pants, it's like,

I feel like scary. Yeah. Like I'm in trouble if I'm looking at those pants. Right. I feel like I'm not supposed to be looking at those pants. Yeah. Because sometimes they're so tight that it's like, yo, I could like these things are like getting inside now. Yeah. Like they're separating your butt cheeks. Yeah. It's getting strange. Like there's, there's separation. Yeah. There's a part. It's almost like I want to go out to them and be like, Hey, like your pants are like, like, you know, just so you know, they're separating your asshole. Yeah. Like I want you to just just making sure that you know, sweetie. Right. And I don't exactly. Like I'm not here trying to be like, Oh, yo, fucking, I should be wearing this. Do your thing. You feel comfortable in it. Wear it.

I'm just saying though, if your leggings are kind of spreading your ass, maybe size up. Yeah. Just go a size up. You can wear a regular leg. Is that just kind of like, because like, you know, they keep it all just kind of what's tight. Tighten it up. You know, just what's that? You want me to lose weight? No, I'm just saying just tight. Oh, that's a knockout. Just just tighten it up. Yeah. What about like, there was a girl one time that was in the gym and she was wearing a white pair of leggings that were like super tight. Why would you wear white leggings to the gym? That's an automatic L. Well, you know, yeah, when you're anything that's white and pants,

even jeans, like it's like, whoa, I don't even like wearing white shirts. I like wearing white shirts, but I always fuck them up. Yeah, that's why it's like, yeah, when you when you wear something white, it's going to get fucked up. I'm not going to splurge on a white shirt. Yeah, like, I would never buy white jeans just because I feel like I'm going to fuck these up. They were like supremely on sale somewhere. I would wear white jeans. Yeah, but I also feel like I look like John Travolta white jeans or something like I should be dancing. Yeah. And like a lit up floor or some shit. I don't know. I'm just some dumb. What about the leggings on girls? Do you like the three quarter leggings or down to the ankle leggings?

Well, I think three. Do you want to see some calf? I'll see some calf. You don't mind calf. But here's the thing. I don't really like to be to be very honest with you. Oh, yeah, of course. When I go into the gym, when I go into the gym, I don't really like you don't scan the room. Not really fucking lie detectives. No, I swear to God. Moria up here. No, I really don't go to the gym in nature to scan the arena. I understand that. I'm not saying that you're in there like, I'm not. Oh my God, I can't see that. I'm not doing that. But I'm also saying you're not in there like fucking terminator. It's like ash cheek, ash cheek. But no, I know that you're checking your surroundings. Well, I see that's the thing. I'm not. It's all right to scan. Listen, if they

walk into my line of vision, man, you could scan. That rhymed. Did it? Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. No, what I'm saying is like a lot of dudes go to the gym and they're just like, okay, but lift. Look at a fucking bazookas. Yeah, like those guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I like I go there. I don't talk to anyone. I lift. I go home. Right. But you're not walking in there like putting on until I collapse and like running and then just leaving. Kind of. Sometimes I do that. I'm not even kidding. I'm way too much funny. You said that song till I collapse. I'm pulling these wraps and you're like, oh, shit, I'm getting out of here, dog. I hate everything. Yeah. No, but like I'm saying,

I'm a people watcher, whether it's a male or a female. I don't. Yeah, but that's the thing. I'm going to look at what you're wearing in the gym, whether you got a penis or a vagina, and I'm going to judge it hard. Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm a dude that likes to judge. Yeah. I will say I'm not going to come out to you and be like, yo, shirts gay, bro, and just walk away. I'm not going to do that. Yeah. You know, I'm not one of those people. There's people that will like do that. Yeah. Or like, yo, you got a fat pussy. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not going to do that. But what I'm saying is some guys had some guys are that like they have no boundaries. Yeah. Like, don't say shit like that in the gym. Yikes, man. And it's like,

I just like to scan and just be like, what possessed this person to put that on today? Yeah. And then I feel like I could know all about you as a person from what you wear in the gym. That's just how I feel. I also I can know everything about you from your gym attire. I don't fucking believe. Yes. I mean, you could tell some things. Yes. But not, you know, if you see me in the gym with a sweatshirt, I'm trying to hide this belly. That's the first thing I think about. The first thing I think of is this dude just wants to sweat more to lose weight faster. See, I do that too. I do that too until I see his actual build. If he's a chunkier guy, I know the stroke. So I'm like, dude, you want to hide that belly feel a little more comfortable

or more cough on you and you want to sweat a little more to whatever. That's what I'm saying. But water weights, nothing. I mean, I mean, yeah, but you know what I'm saying? You want to feel comfortable in the gym. You're a thick boy, like big guy over here might want to hide the belly a little bit. Yes. So until it's coming out season. I'll tell you what I like. I'll tell you what I like. This is like, okay. So what I was going to say before is like, you know, obviously, listen, I'm not going to fucking read a comment of some being like girls can wear whatever they want. Yeah, they can wear whatever they want. I'm not fucking making rules for them over here. This isn't handmade. Listen to the show. I'm not going to take their bank account information

and start making them wear red and white hats or whatever the fuck. Yeah, we're pro game pro lady over here. Don't even come with that heat. But I'm saying sometimes pro game pro ladies. We're pro gay pro lady. You come with that heat and burn down. So I'm saying come on. Good luck. Go on that girl. Thank you. Um, but sometimes, uh, like on Instagram, you see like some of these outfits of these girls wear to the gym and I'm like, is that even gym attire? Are you going in a pool? Yeah, like it looks like a bathing suit. Yeah. Again, not really sanitary. I'm a sanitary guy. I just want to say I want cleanliness for all. Like girls who wear like a sports bra that's like teen. I don't like that. And then like the fucking short ass shorts. Yeah. And I'm like,

yo, these fucking old Greek guys are just like staring at you. And it makes me feel weird. Like I feel like I need to go over and play defense on her so that they can't see. Like it's just like a weird thing. Mika knows fucking staring at you. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? You got Stavros over here fucking googling at you. You know what I'm saying? That's my, that's my only thing. It's listen. If you got the body to do it, go for it. Go for it. I'm still going to make fun of you though. I'm not going to make fun of you. Definitely going to like text a group chat about it. Yeah. But you know, there's, I'm going to open, I'm going to open this up to a discussion. Some cheeks out in the gym. Yeah. Listen, there's some cheeks in the jungle. Yeah. You know,

in the iron jungle. Yeah. I hate that there's a self-proclaimed like king of the gym. Excuse me. There's like always a guy that the left. But like asking it in like a weird like dickheadish way. How many got left? Yeah. It's like, dude, I got here. Like I just got here. Yeah. Like seven. I was seven sets. I'll come get you. Fuck it. You know what I hate when people are using like, let's say a bench press in my gym, there's three flat, two incline and one decline. Right? If you're on one of the flat benches on like at a busy time, but you're not really lifting, you're like texting and sitting. Oh, I can't stand that. Like with me, if someone comes up to me and is like, yo, how many more you got left? If I have two, I'm like, yo, I got two and

I bang them out as fast as I can. Yeah. As fast as I like, whatever, I do like a minute and 30 in between sets or some shit. I'm not sitting there like. Yeah. What's up? Justin Jim. Yeah. And it's like, bro, like get the fuck. Yeah. There's nothing I want to get in and out of faster than a gym. Why'd you do that? Oh, no. I thought I saw somebody. I'm sorry. Okay. You scared me. No. But yeah, I hate fucking people like that. You know what I do love is when you're stripping weight and the guy who's waiting for you just says, leave it. Oh yeah. I love fucking love that. He's like, leave it on. I'm like, yeah, you're the fucking man. Do you strip down to the bone? Fuck no. I always leave 45s on that. Hell yeah. Leave 135 on that. Oh, that's it, man. Just fucking

if you can't do that, don't even come knocking. That's what I'm saying. Don't don't get on this fucking bench if you can't throw up the place. Oh, I said that a tweet yesterday that triggered a lot of skinny people. Really? Yeah. I was like, I said, oh, I know what you said because a lot of people are tagging me in that. It's like, is this a shot at Joe? Oh yeah. Cause I was like, yeah, if you lay less than 220 or even a real man, dude, my guy, that's literally what I said. Really? So obviously off the jump, you know it's a joke. Yeah. Yeah. And then people were like, yeah, like I'm 146, but I got the heart of a lion. I'm like, yo, dude, like that's dope. First of all, if you're 146, you don't. 146. That's all. I was, I couldn't, nothing I say on Twitter is real.

You know what I'm saying? Got the heart of a lion. Yeah. I'm 130. It's like, that's great. Yeah. And then I'm like, I'm saying, I was like, yeah, we'll see you at the combine. See how that goes. But like, you know, I'm just looking at it and like, I feel like it's such a weird balance between people that can get like, you could trigger anyone. Like, how the fuck can you trigger fit people? I don't know. How are fit people triggerable? I don't, I have no idea. Yeah, they can do. Look at me. I'm like, yo, dude, that's cool, man. I just made a joke. That was it. That was it. And I was like, yo, these people got insanely triggered by that. They can be in great shape. Yeah. And they still be like, what? No. Yeah,

dude, I'm like three times the man. I have like four kids. I'm like, cool, man. You know what it sounds like? Nothing's going to make you happy. You'll never be satisfied. You miserable bastard. I was like, Jesus. I was like, yeah. And I wrote, I was like, yo, skinny people are just unhappy as fuck. In a way, it's true. It's like, yo, it's like, people want to get recognized for what they do. That's the wrong, that's the one thing that's a little wrong with society today. I don't go on a little spiel here. Nice. Everybody wants a pat on the back for everything. Yeah. Everybody wants a pat on the back. Yeah. Validation. You know, listen, I get it. You need it sometimes. But listen, if you go to the gym five days a week, pat your own self on the back. You don't need it for

me. What do you go? It's not like that, but you're just fucking around. 100%. Yeah. Read the tweet. It says, man, dude, friend, my guy. What's wrong with people? I don't know, man. People get upset. Do you believe that? What we do live in, like, everyone needs validation society. Well, you know what it is, like, and I've had this problem before, too, because I can get away with saying a lot. Not that I get away with it. I just say whatever, and I don't really care too much. But we say whatever we want to say. Yeah. You know, for the most part, on this show. But there's certain things, like, for instance, I just made that joke of like, oh, if you're 130, get the fuck out of here, go play handball. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, but someone who's 130 pounds

would get mad at that, right? And be like, yo, that's fucked up that you would say that, and like, you know, blah, blah, blah, or maybe they throw in like, oh, I have like this disease, and I can't get, I'm like, I don't fucking know that. Yeah. And I'm not talking about you, you fucking idiot. Yeah, it's like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, what, what, like, when people start making those connections, I get so mad. It's like, oh, y'all, like, I don't even know. I've got, oh, when we talked about fucking the queen. Oh, my God. People were, people went insane when we talked about the queen of like, y'all, you know, stop disrespecting the queen. It's like, dude, we went off about fucking

priests, like, yeah, priests, like fucking Trump, like all these fucking people. And everyone's like, yeah, fuck those people. But as soon as you're like, not my queen. Yeah, not my queen, though, chill. I'm like, no, we're gonna get your queen. Not my queen. It's like, John Snow. Yeah, take it easy. Shut the fuck up. Jesus Christ. You want to know what it is? It's the actually people of America. I hate that. The actually people. You know what? I actually don't hate that as much as I hate the people who are like, like, if you listen to this show, you have to have a sense of humor and understand that we're fucking around and we're joking about shit. And when we talk about these, talk about certain things, like, we're not being offensive. We're just being funny about it.

And but as soon as you touch on a topic that someone resonates with now, it's like, oh, this is connected towards me. Like if I was like, oh, dude, comic books suck. And like, you have laughed at every episode of this show. And then as soon as I said the comic book thing, yeah, they don't suck. Yeah, they're great. But as soon as I said that, then you go into of like, now I'm offended. It's like, yo, you don't get to be offended by that because you laughed at all of this. Yeah, you can't pick and choose. That'd be like if you said we said everything we said today. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like I even said like you got I said you got a fat pussy and I said gay on today's show, right? I did say gay. You know what I'm saying? But like people

could be like, yo, like understand you were joking. I'm like, guys, yeah, I'm speaking in a character's voice. You guys cannot understand that. You know what I'm saying? I'm saying there's people out there like that. And the other thing too is be like, if you were to say, yo, video games suck. And then a guy's like, actually, it's a billion dollar industry. And like people do that. I'm like, yo, dude, shut the fuck off. Like, I know, dog, I'm fucking kidding. Yeah, man. Go drink your Mountain Dew. Yeah, Jesus. God damn it. God. Don't get triggered by a fat person on Twitter, guys. All right. That's all that's what we're trying to get back to. All right. Everyone's good. Everyone's great. And people have way too much time to worry about other people. You got a great

life. Yeah. Live it. Have fun. Have fun. I'm having a great time. Laugh at stuff. Yes. That's it. In summers here, I want everyone to just laugh at stuff. Laugh at stuff. This summer. This summer. Stummer. This summer. Fucking idiot. Actually, idiots were. Idiot comes from Blackmore. In eighth grade, I had an A in public speaking. It's just so hard. It's just so hard to like, and it usually doesn't weigh on me that much, but it's like, it's just annoying. It's just annoying to get hit with like stuff like that. And then thankfully, there are enough people like, or like, shut up. They're like, dude, you're in the wrong place. Yeah, exactly. And thank you, those people. But even the people that do have serious questions or whatever,

you're in the wrong place, guys. Sorry. Like, I remember when we talked about like childbirth or whatever, and like, we're just being funny about it. People were like, I feel like you guys should like, shouldn't talk about this unless you do your research. Hey, I have never done research for this, your search for this show ever. And I will never. Yeah. And then one time we were talking about periods, they were like, Oh, somebody should really teach them about it. It's not blood. It's uterine lining. I'm like, Yeah, Dick, guess what? I know that. But guess what's not funny. Uterine lining. Uterine linings aren't funny. Okay. It's not. Sorry. Period. That's funny. Dude, you crushed that. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. See, like, I think people look at us to be like,

all like adults, like kind of maybe they look up to. Maybe maybe those people are in the wrong place. Definitely the wrong place. But like, I was having this conversation with myself yesterday. Yeah, Danny talks to himself a whole bunch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's definitely this the other day he was here. There's some personality issues. Was this yesterday? Oh, it was yesterday. We were going out to dinner. So he showered. I keep looking into the camera, like this is the fucking office. But the other day he went to the shower and he had the door was closed and I was in my room or doing whatever, which they were towels in there. There were towels. And he just talked to himself the entire time. Oh, yeah. Didn't shut up. I'm like,

who is he talking to? Just having a convo, doc. Just having a convo. So what were you talking to yourself? I was talking to myself about it. It was actually a great conversation. I was talking about when do you think you actually become an adult? Is it age or do you actually think you have to like achieve something? I had my own theory. I had my own baseline theory that came out to when you have no financial and or food or structural connection to your parents anymore. That's when you're an adult. Yes. Because I feel like, you know, like if you've been kicked around and like you like we're 16 or 17 and you've lived that life like you were like you can be an adult. And I also know like 30 year

olds who are not adults. Thank you. Right there. You know what I'm saying? So like, you know what I mean? Yeah, there's there's ways to I don't think it should be. But that's the actual numeric age. No, I don't either. But I'm saying like you are separated from your parents. Yes. It's hard for me to be like this as an adult. Is it because of how I talk? Because I think we're just big children. Yeah, of course. I think I'm going to be a big, a big child for the rest of my life. I don't think I want to be an adult. No, because it's hard. And it's the weight. I think it's just boring to be an adult. People are like, Oh my God, that's so immature. I'm like, Ew. Yeah, like it's gonna be it's gonna be rough one day where like the biggest thing in our weekend is

like little Joe soccer game. Yeah. Like I love little Joe. I don't really want to be a soccer gamer unless we're making side bets on this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless you got some other friends there with their kids on the team. Yeah, no, it's a social event. There's hot moms. Yeah, soccer moms. No, we're talking talking vans. We're talking mini van carpools. We're talking hot stuff. We're talking taking half the defense back home. Yeah, you ready to go? Hell yeah. But yeah, I don't I don't I don't know. I don't know because I do know people who are like 40 years old and and they're like I'm like four or 40 40. I was like, Who the fuck do you know that's four years? Yeah, I don't really know any four years. I know some people that are four.

All right. I was like, Okay, keep going. This is weird. It's a little strange. Keep going. No, they're like 40 years old, but I would be like, Well, this guy has a very just like kiddish vibe. Yeah. And just strange. Yeah. But at the same time, it's like, I want to be both. So I think that you could be both. And I think it's like you could be an adult and like take care of your business and take care of yourself. Keep your your living space clean. Do this, do that. That sounds like a beautiful balance. Yeah. And then but also be able to make some dick fart pussy jokes. Yeah. Without someone going like, Oh, come on, dude. Stop the toilet humor. We're adults. Yeah, like suck my fucking purple ass. Yeah. Suck my fart ass. Suck your

fart. Suck my fart ass. Oh, I thought you were telling me I had something. No, I thought you were like suck my fart ass. You know, you got a little fart ass right here. You got a little fart ass over your face. But no, like it's like, what do you consider an adult? Because I'll tell you this. 18. I was not an adult. Is that the adult age or 20? Yeah. Yeah, dude. You're an adult. You can go to the fucking army. You could, you know, you're considered. I'll tell you what, you could be considered a non dependent 18 at 18. I'm not an adult at 18. No, I'm not an adult today. I would like, I'm not. No, I'll fully support that too. I don't think I'll be an adult until I have a child. I mean, even then I'm going to be like fart.

Well, yeah, you do that to make the kid laugh. But I also think that like, you know, but you know what? I think you become an adult when you start to suck. That's what I, you know, because adults suck. Yeah, there's awful. You know what I'm saying? Like we love them. Like my mom's an adult lover to death. She's a great woman, one of the nicest lady in the world. But I wouldn't be like, oh, dude, can't wait to hang out. My mom shoot the shit. You know, yeah, she's my mom. Yeah. She's an adult. Yeah. When you start to suck, that's when, and then you like start being like, man, I can't make it because you know, you know, I'm just doing Sudoku and you can't really, you know, I just would like to just smoke a cigar in the yard.

So when you think you're an adult, when you start turning off the social, the social energy. Yeah. You start to isolate and you're like a family man now. Right. And there's nothing necessarily wrong with that. There's nothing bad with being an adult, but I'm not going to look at you the same way. It's like, you were awesome. Yeah. But now you're this guy. Yeah. It's just how it is. It's just how the world turns you out. Once you start to suck, you become an adult. Because think about it. Like, I never want to suck unless I'm sucking the right one. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Titty, not penis. You're sick. Well, sorry, my mind went right to penis. It's fine. But no, I think that an adult, because you ever see an adult who's like in their 40s

or whatever and they're in good shape and like, they do their thing. They had their kids love them. They have a great family. Like salt and pepper hair going. Yeah. But they're like, into like hang gliding and fucking bike and they run the marathon and they do all these like cool shit or whatever. And it's like, Oh, he's like a big kid. You know, that's how people talk about staying young. Exactly. So they talk about like he's like a big kid or whatever. You know, like because he's just fun and he does activities and shit. Yeah. But once you start to just cut all that off, you start to suck and make no mistake. Everyone will suck. Yeah. At some point in your life, you're going to suck. Yeah. And that's when you become an adult. Yeah. When you start

breaking out the newspaper, full fold, and then someone asks you a question and you just take your fingers and like fold it down and just go, what did you say? That's when you know. That's when you know you suck. That's when you start to suck. Don't you? Also, it's like if you're, if you have no other friends. Yeah. Because it's like, you know, like, listen, me and Alana love each other. Yeah. She's like my best friend, you know, but I need some best friends. I need some friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? I got to bounce some stuff off of people. Yeah, you got to, you know, I feel like if it's just that, that's when you, that's when you're adulting hard. Yeah, I guess. You know, I can't wait until people get offended by this. It's fine. It's perfectly

fine. I really, yeah. I'm engaged. I'm halfway out the door. That's another way that you can figure out if you're an adult or not. If you're offended by us saying that when you suck, you become an adult or an adult. Yeah, you adulting fucking piece of shit. Trapped you, trapped you, bitch. So now anyone who's out there who's like getting ready to type like, oh, these motherfuckers like, I'm going to dope. But like, blah, blah, blah. If you're mad, dude, adult. Yeah. Sorry. If you're starting to hashtag and try and cancel grandpa fucking us for saying that adults suck. All right. Some guy today. I'm waiting for the day. There's a hashtag cancel the basement yard.

Oh, man, I will destroy that thread. No, no, but burner accounts. The only way that would happen is if like, I don't even know, race is shit. Yeah. Or if like, I like drop kicked a little person on here or something. You said races. I said drop kick. I think you were worse. I mean, I've, you know, you actually physically assaulting a man or a woman could be a woman too. Now we're canceling. That's why you ever think about like, when you're young, you remember being 15 and like thinking about your age now. It was almost unattainable. Yeah. Like being like, yeah, I'm going to be 30. Oh, man, no, I still got 15. I remember being 15 on my 15th birthday saying, dude,

it's going to be another 15 years before I'm 30. I don't got to worry about shit. And one day I woke up and I was like, holy fuck. So now it's like, when do I start thinking about like, yo, I got to do this adulting shit? Like, do I have to do it because I'm 30? Or can I just hold on for dear life? I don't know. I don't even know what adult fucking means. Now that we're talking about, I think you just have to listen. Who gives a shit? I think at the end of the day, as long as you're taking care of yourself, like we'll have fun. Yeah. All right, let me ask you a scenario then. All right, you're 45 years old. Okay. Yeah. You work, but it's like a little nine to five gig. Nothing crazy. Okay. Can I be an accountant? No, it's nothing like considered

that you went to school for. So you're a pizza delivery person. Okay. You know what I'm saying? You're making a living, you know? Sure. You're 45. You live with your mom, right? You're a really nice guy, but you're not doing much. Would you say that person's an adult? No. You wouldn't say so, right? Well, technically, like, I mean, if you're in your 40s, you're kind of your grandfathered into that. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that's why I wanted to say like 40. Like, yeah, I just think that like, like, is your mom your roommate now? Or do you live with your mom? That's the question. I don't know. That's tough, man. I mean, it depends. It depends. I live with my mom and everything's great. I'm just saying I deliver pizza. I make thousands of dollars. Yeah. Yeah.

No, but I think it depends. If you if you just like have no ambition, you don't take care of yourself and like, you know, blah, blah, blah, then because there was that remember that kid that was I don't think that has anything to do with being an adult or not. I think it just has to do with like, dude, do you want to fucking live a healthy lifestyle? Yeah, what do you want to do? I think I think I found I figured it out. Probably not. You're you're not an adult until everything that you own is under your name. That's adult shit. So then I'm definitely not a dope because a dope. Well, that you are. I'm a dope. You're a huge dope. No, but my mom had a co-sign on my car because my credit was not trash. It wasn't trash. I just didn't have it for long enough. So they were like,

chill because I didn't get a credit card until I was like 22. You didn't just show up with the bag like work that out. Definitely not do that. Yeah, down payment would have been crazy. Yeah, it's a lease. Yeah, that's thanks. No, but yeah, so I guess like financially and emotionally independent, you're an adult. Yeah, which I will never be. Yeah, which I am not. In a way, you're my dad. Me? Yeah, you financially supported me. You don't play away, you're my dad. Yeah, man. In a way. You know, found the stages past. I know. I know. Sorry to get you anything. Is it weird how Father's Day is they don't get anything really? I'm glad that's a thing because my dad always brought that up. It's just like, what about

me? Yeah, my dad brought that up because my dad was very like, I said, my dad, Father's Day stuff. My dad was always like very honest to get things from my mom on Mother's Day and very like, you better get her a card and like, you know, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And even though he doesn't like live here anymore, he's always like, are you guys going out to lunch or what are you doing? Yeah, he's making sure that we're like, you know, taking care of my mom on Mother's Day. But on Father's Day, like sometimes we get him a card or like a gift, but it was there was definitely years of us not getting anything. And it would just be like a happy Father's Day thing. So I never knew if that was just like a thing we that we did or if it was just like an actual. I think dads

don't I think dads enjoy their family. Like, they're okay just with that. Like, I don't think they're looking for like, Oh, man, I hope my kids get me a Rolex or Father's Day Rolex. No, you know what I mean? Like some like, like some like crazy fucking gift. A new drill bit. Yeah. So your birthdays for but like if your kids come around and it's like, Hey, man, all my kids are here. I love that. That's that's going to be good enough for me on a Father's Day. Yeah. And maybe like a new Xbox controller or something like candy or a little candy, like a little Christmas stocking. You know what needs to stop? And it solely needs to stop because it makes me cry too much. These people letting people adopt them videos. Guys, I don't have much. I don't have many

tears left to give. Yeah, don't do that. Come on. I don't want to see you in a Benny Hanna's giving him a gift in a big shoebox that you think that it's Aaron Jordan's guess what, it's adoption papers and the guy starts crying. I can't. So they're so good and so they're so good and so amazing that I feel like I could never give the gift like this of joy to someone ever in my life. Yeah, you think about crying right now? Yep. I'm telling you, you know, they're the most beautiful, most fucked up videos in the world. I can't even imagine like raising a kid. That's not your own. That's not your own stuff. So well to the point where they want to go out of their way and be like, I want you to be my dad. Damn, dude, I don't want to cry

right now. What would that feel? I mean, I would be I am such a pussy. Yeah, we're like a big ass bitch. Like if that ever happened to me, I would just like I would lose it like yo, like my sister in the next two years or whatever, she's gonna get pregnant and I'm gonna be an uncle. Right, right. When she tells me that, right, I'm gonna lose my mind. Yeah, I'm gonna cry so hard. I don't even know why. That wears off around like number four. What, like children? Yeah, once like I had like my fourth like nephew, I was like, all right, cool, he's cool. I'm just gonna I'm gonna lose it. No, you're gonna cry. No, like I cry so easily. I'm a very easy cryer. Yeah, like if you text me just like, Hey, man, you're doing a good job. Tears. I'll cry. Oh my god, my dad. Yeah, proud of me.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I cried everything. So somebody literally came up to me and was like, yo, I've you've done so much for me. Check this out. And it's like, Wow, you want me to be your dad? That's fire, son. That's crazy. No pun intended. It's fire, son. Yeah, that's kind of dope. Those things though, those and soldier videos. Come on guys. Those are Jerkers. Those are Jerkers for sure. Yeah. They jerk those tears. That and like people dancing with their fathers at weddings. That doesn't really do it for me. No, like when you see the father daughter wedding, a fucking dance or whatever the fuck father daughter wedding, Jesus, where are we? That would fuck with me. Yeah, that would definitely fuck with you know, a lot of

stuff. You get invited to that father daughter wedding. No, the father daughter dance, like I people cry at that all the time. I'm just like, he's good. Dude, when you get married and you dance with your mom, you're gonna be a crying little bitch. No, I won't. I don't see why. Why would I? Because your mom's gonna cry. And if you see your mom cry, you will cry. No, my mom cries for no reason. She's probably crying right now. Yeah, she's gonna cry when she hears this. Probably. Yeah. Anything. I forgot why. Oh, she's gonna be fucking full of tears in like four days. Yeah, yeah, my brother's wedding. She's gonna lose it. And I'm not gonna cry because she's crying and I'm not gonna cry when my fucking

brother dances with my mom. Shannon's gonna cry. Oh, Shannon will be crying the whole time. Keith's just gonna be like. Indeed. Keith will be over there like a SAT proctor. Just fucking. Exactly. All right, wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Move the song over. All right, play Flo Rida. All right, put on pit bull. I've had enough. I've had enough of this. I came to dance, dance, dance. No, I think, I think this weekend you'll probably get. If I'm drunk. No, that's what I'm saying. That's what I was that's where I was going. If you get drunk a little bit and you see your mom like crying, having a good time,

you'd be like, you're gonna have one of those slow motion moments where you see your whole family. Yeah, it's like super happy, you know, and you're just gonna be like, damn, my family's awesome. See, like I just won. But that's the thing, right? So now you're gonna go out of your way and not cry. My brother, no, I'm not. My brother getting married, obviously my whole family's gonna be there like blah, blah, blah. Like it's a very like great moment or whatever. And if I was drunk and was able to just like stop and stare at everything, I think it would make me very emotional. But I can't because I have to be up on that stage and like not fucking be a drunk asshole. Yeah. So whatever. And then all the speeches are like in the beginning of the reception.

But if those were like near the end, I'd probably be crying. But just because they're in the beginning, I'm still like sober. I'd be like, this is very nice, but I'm not gonna cry. You know what gets me is when people like voices will crackle during a speech. Oh, they're like, yeah, you know, it's just so nice to see you. Yeah. Once you hit that peak, everyone starts going, oh, yeah. Once it gets like up to my cheeks, I'm like, yeah, you feel your whole face gets hard kind of feel like your whole face tense. Yeah. Just like, I can't blink because otherwise the tear will roll. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. You might get a couple of those.

I know. Also, once I start dancing, I'm not even gonna lie. It's over. Yeah. I don't sit down. Yeah. Weddings. Yeah. You're a fun guy. Fun guy. Like you're a fun guy. Like fungus? No, no, no, no, no. You're not a mushroom. You're a fun guy. Like, you'll knock off the waterworks before anything. Yeah, I can't. I'm not gonna like, that's my point. I'm not gonna be able to like, stop in the middle of the dance floor and just look at my family having fun and be like, this is so good. I'll just be like, what's the next fucking song? Yeah. Give me the mic. I'm about to rap. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be fun though. It'll be a good wedding. Anyway,

I think we could wrap it up here. Yeah. We're gonna find you, Danny. You can find me at Danny Low Priority on Instagram and Twitter, my sir. You guys can follow me at Joe Sandagato. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard and our Patreon. If you want to support the show, head to patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. You get every episode a week early. You get some bonus content and depending on your tier, you get a personalized video from me and Danny. Also, the new merch, go check all of it out. Phone cases, new shirts, TheSandagatosStore.com and that is all. We'll see you guys next time. Bye.