The Basement Yard - #203 - No Power In The Hamptons

Episode Date: August 19, 2019

Danny & Joe go to the Hamptons, Joe weighs himself & tells us why he hates kids on vacation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 check check check yeah yeah checking yeah yeah checking yeah okay okay okay okay people are at work so one's headphones just popped out by accident and someone got all that just now it's whatever yeah your maniac anyway Danny how you going how you going guys I'm going guys how you going guys welcome back to the basement yards Joe and Dan just doing the thing what rhymes with Joe and Dan that could be in and Joe and Dan and we're back and we're back man that's not great that's terrible came up with that probably should have came up with some other stuff too before we hit the record but yeah we had an idea we're
Starting point is 00:00:43 like all right yeah that's the idea and then we just forgot it we just really need to start writing things down yeah we should probably think about this a little bit every once in a while every once in a while you don't know something I haven't really recovered from the Hamptons to be honest what yeah you got a sweet little tan I'm bronze yeah you're a bronze goddess right now what is that what do you mean this yeah it's a fit bit yeah it's a fit bit you're counting steps now count now counting calories and I sent you my food that I ate yesterday gotta start dialing it back you start dialing it back yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:01:15 little bit yeah you got a whole lot going on I got the gold out today I feel like when you go gold thing gold it kind of looks like a it looks like a rocker band or something yeah yeah you know what I mean like you skateboard or something yeah I wish those guys make bank skateboarders yeah like pro skateboarders they fucking make bank dude yeah if you're like super up there yeah yeah yeah I mean not all I mean I don't think I'll be skating any oh I don't think you'll be I'm gonna say any shine tomb yeah yeah you're all bronzed up yeah Hamptons was nice Hamptons was fun we went to the Hamptons had a good time stayed at a
Starting point is 00:01:55 nice house swam in the pool swam in the infinity pool so a bunch of fucking rabbits a lot of rabbits we named him Freddie was the other one I don't know Freddie was the one I named yeah and you kept splashing with water yeah and he was just like cool because it was hot out I was like yo Freddie's fucking he's hot well he laid down I've never seen a rabbit lay down yeah this rabbit was laying down like Rose Dawson getting like drawn you know when she like lays on that couch it's kind of sexual for the rabbit it was super sexual and he didn't blink just stared at me and I was like dude yeah fucking rabbit better move ate a
Starting point is 00:02:28 lot of good food yeah it a little bit too much food ate a ton of food well you also ate a someone offered Danny a thousand dollars to eat chili powder or whatever a calaverian chili like dip dice stuff and like really hot shit it's really hot whatever it is it's a spicy like concoction that you put in like sauces or like whatever on on stuff and this kid got a big spoon was like y'all give you a thousand dollars if you eat this whole thing and let me tell you right now the jar wasn't that big it must have been a third of the jar more than that probably it was huge and Danny ate the whole thing and now he's paying
Starting point is 00:03:07 for it yeah he got paid but now he's paying for it physically yes I have gastritis I went to the doctor yesterday and showed him the video we have it on video but uh I have it you showed your doctor the video yeah I said this is what happened and he was like um you could have an ulcer fire not really it's terrible yeah you got an ulcer no no I don't know but the last three days what is an ulcer I don't even it's like a it's like a burn yeah it's like a hole in your intestinal tract oh sick yeah it's fantastic but um I've been chugging this malanta stuff mm-hmm it's like coat my stomach yeah it looks like fabric
Starting point is 00:03:45 softener yeah so like every day I've woken up I've been in pretty much a lot of pain but uh if the pain keeps going up until Saturday they got to stick a camera down my throat might have to miss an episode that's fire that's dope no it's not no it's not it's not talking about being afraid of fucking going under I'd have to go under yeah are you afraid of that yes I don't definitely really definitely why because I'm not definitely a friend if I really have one guy it doesn't get up no let me tell you something that guy was an idiot I would have did a lot more for a thousand bucks that fucking pepper I was shoved
Starting point is 00:04:34 that's what Danny said he had the spoon in his hand he goes I'm gonna eat this and I'm waiting for you to pay me but then I gotta tell you something so he eats it and he gets paid he goes I would have shoved this in my ass for a thousand dollars I ate it without hesitation yeah that was kind of it's kind of wild and and with relatively no problem yeah it was good it was the day later my stomach was on fire the problem occurred at 7 a.m. I also haven't had solid doo-doo poo poo since Sunday you haven't had any sort of like you know muddy mixture I mean it's been some it's it's more like Jurassic Park mud yeah
Starting point is 00:05:12 yeah it's more muddy now than it was before it was just straight Aguacito yeah yeah yeah but like you know in Jurassic Park when the dinosaurs steps in like the mud yeah it's like it's mostly water but yeah there's some yeah stuff in there also we ate corn and I was shitting corn for days yeah I didn't have that much corn so I don't know if my body like cloned whatever I ate because there was a lot more in my poop there was tons of old I felt like a rabbit after all that corn came out except for three days I said I ate one fucking thing of corn I've been shitting it out for three days that's what I'm
Starting point is 00:05:45 saying I'm really not trying to be disgusting I am when I took a shit it literally just looked like a dirty like corn on the cob there was a ton of corn just passes through your body yeah not really good for you guys shouldn't eat corn no I think you probably shouldn't can't even break it down at all at all it's not it's food not being broke down bad for you or is it like what healthy for you it's not good corn's not good corn's not good there's no nutritional value yeah it's just like sugar right no I don't know what I don't know what it is that's dude all I know is corn with some butter on it though it's tasty but I'll
Starting point is 00:06:23 tell you what it feels weird coming at you did you feel sick at all even that place oh at 4 a.m. I was rumbling that last day yeah I was like okay we ate that's right awful we ate two porterhouse steaks two porterhouse steaks ribs corn it's New York skirt states New York skirt steaks do we know wait no skirt skate I don't know we're skating skate skating skating lobsters tails strips New York strips not your skirt steaks strip steak lobster tails then we had shrimp and pasta then we had spicy rigatoni yeah this is in two days this is in two days we're disgusting yeah freaks and everything was covered in sea
Starting point is 00:07:07 salt yeah a lot of salt a little bit too much salt yeah we went to the farmers market to get a bunch of like fresh stuff and also a lot of bread by the way but the bread was who we yeah the guy at the farmers market was awesome he was wearing a shirt that said Harry's holla and it had a picture of like holla bread on it yeah I wanted it it was so it was fucking dope the only cooler shirt he could have if it was a cartoon picture of his face and I said holla back girl yeah spelled like you know what I'm saying but the one thing I noticed being out in the Hamptons is when like is there's a bunch of rich white people
Starting point is 00:07:39 that when you walk by their house you're like okay there's some human sacrifices going on in here like it's their houses are so big that you think that they hunt poor people for sport yeah in the hallway no doubt about it you know so I'm like alert you know because I want to know what's going on who's got what kind of money out here yeah and when we were at the farmers market which is just a shack with like a tarp roof yeah yeah and there's like flies everywhere yeah and there's just like fresh shit yeah right so it's really nice it's like nice food the guy bought like four peaches and paid with a black card and
Starting point is 00:08:17 the only reason why I knew it was a legit black card is because in size 72 font across the front of it it said black card yeah and it looked heavy as shit like if you throw it on the floor the whole shack would have fell down yeah like how big it was we would have imploded yeah all of the poor people but he would have been alright yeah probably a secret jetpack that's the thing that sucks about the Hamptons it's like you can't really floss there's no such super rich yeah you know like opening conversation lines here it's like hey what do you do yeah and I'm like dude really listen I'm not like working for Goldman Sachs right
Starting point is 00:08:53 but here though you could get away with it a little bit you know yeah I'm kind of a big cheese but out there it's like their opening line is like who is your dad or yeah yeah you know what I'm saying what is your dad do right what kind of equity do you how many how many houses do you have right when people start telling you stuff like oh yeah I'd like to keep a home in Denver you're like dude what like to keep a home I'd like to keep one fucking apartment yeah keep a house like a cat yeah I'd like to keep one there really because we'd all like to keep one you know it was kind of cool as we made a mess we didn't make a mess but
Starting point is 00:09:29 like we had a lot of garbage and the guys whose house it was it goes don't worry about it somebody will come and get it yeah I was like that's ball I was like whoa like John Wick he calls those guys that cleans up all the dead bodies yes and then we were staying next to a house that was fully made of glass oh my god that was an estate yeah this is insane house this place was I'm not kidding bigger than most schools it was the biggest place I've ever seen and it was all made of glass and it was all open there was not one shade no everything was if anyone was sleeping fucking shitting we saw everything and the thing that sucks is
Starting point is 00:10:06 that when we lost power they didn't right we lost power in a Hamptons yep no power in Hampton yeah we lost power for a little bit so we were like you know we had candles and shit and these people across the way are using thousands of wattage yeah on abundance of voltage and then there was like 50 people just on the like the top floor yeah dude it was insane how big that house was we thought it was an open house apparently they have parties like that every week yeah the guy that owned the house that we were staying in right exactly but and his house was nice yeah that's like their secondary house second I feel like it's like their fifth house yeah
Starting point is 00:10:44 they were just like yeah the kid who owned the house that we stayed at is yeah has a ton of chacha yeah okay and like this house you can tell he's like yeah I haven't been here in years but it's like super nice like me and Danny stayed in a pool house it had two rooms yeah two bedrooms amazing air conditioning and big ass bathrooms big ass owns we all had our own bathroom yeah dope yeah yeah and then there was an extra one and then there was an extra one yeah the kid probably hasn't been in that house in so long that when he came there he was like hey can I use your yeah I was like you haven't been here in a long time yeah it's like you mind if I was like everything is yours here I don't know why you're like oh yeah that's right that's right but that just
Starting point is 00:11:24 goes to show because we were in a nice house that just goes to show how big that fucking house was across the way oh yeah it was insane we got a little reckless with the jewels uh yeah and the claws yeah well you did the claws I was I was a julio iglesias yeah you were fucking julio julio jones I don't know why it is but I understand the craze behind the jewel I do it's an oral fixation it's an oral fixation but it also has something in there that could get you addicted but call it nicotine but yeah for some reason I couldn't put it down it's the nicotine I think or it's or it's the oral fixation I feel like everyone just enjoys being like yeah smoked like three cigars when I was out there I didn't have any cigars you should have fucked up why
Starting point is 00:12:11 that was on you though I was in the pool though no I'm not gonna smoke a cigar with soak in wet hands no like pruny fingy you had a couple days where you were like no I'm right because your belly didn't feel great oh well I had just eaten 10 pounds of meat so I wasn't like oh yeah I know but I thought these are gonna come up if I do this right now what was that I'm not 100 percent it doesn't look like it I'm not I'm not 100 percent but would you say with my haircut now in this tan yeah that I'm hot yeah thanks dude you're hot you're not an eight no no no I know you I know you said you're gonna be an eight one day I'm like chill I'm like a seven point four a seven four seven two seven two I'm very musically inclined it's true that's true
Starting point is 00:13:04 but we can't do stuff like that all right we're going straight off looks yeah all right yeah all right so if I lost like 35 pounds you can't give me hypothetical no this is what we got no but would you take me up to an eight would I take you up to an eight I don't know what you look like you could look weird maybe I don't like skinny Dan I like powerful Dan yeah that's true you know you could be skinny Danny lose some points like look at you yeah like an asshole if I just got like some abs got rid of like if you were a 20 I wouldn't even hang out with you dude that's true that's true I need a big bear around I hear you to counteract what I got going on over here I understand I understand look good by comparison I get it no I'm talking about you can't have two twinks running
Starting point is 00:13:40 around looking like the number 11 can't be both twinkie can we talk about how you wear size small pants I don't wear size small pants you wear size small pants if you go to my instagram add any little priority on instagram oh god uh I put on a pair of joes they're swim trunks swim trunks and I thought they were mine because we both had flamingo swing swim trunks this this weekend and I said there's no way how much do I weigh 180 pounds there's no way that 180 pound man which I doubt you're 180 what do you think I am I think you might be a little more but uh what I am not over 180 I think uh over listen I know what it's like you know what I mean I've been 205 for like 15 years don't worry about it dude I want it you want to go step on the scale go step on
Starting point is 00:14:29 the scale scale right now step on the scale step on the scale okay let's go you so first of all you saw me fit into those fucking swim trunks no I'm not saying you didn't fit that's my thing though is should a man should a man wear a size small wear a size small if it fits easily it was a big medium it was a big small but that's the thing so here's the real story behind this is I had to call fucking the jaws of life to get those things off my dick I'll tell you that those things stuck on there well yeah we have different body types I would say a little more of endomorph a little more of an endomorph uh that's really funny how could you be a grown man how can you call yourself a grown man and wear a size small pants I'll tell you this okay you're not saying they didn't
Starting point is 00:15:15 look good you gotta stop shaming because they're small men out there who wear small pants and they can't help it and I'll tell you why they got they got some loose smalls on those men yeah and those are the dudes with the dicks no you're right you're right you're right it's not it's not right it's fucked up no but I get what you're saying first of all I was joking stop apologizing no but you know I hear you there are some small guys out there some tiny men uh beat my ass here's the thing here's the thing I went to my not a fucking shot not a chance you're Nancy uh I went to Marshall's before I went to uh Florida for when we went to Miami for the bachelor party this this year and what were you weighing then I've been the same weight for like two years I don't
Starting point is 00:16:01 believe you okay uh me and Ralph because Ralph was gonna was gonna go so he's like I'm going to Marshall's like all right I'll come with you he's a small he's a yeah he's a small he's a small man so we went and I got like three bathing suits because they were like 10 bucks Marshall's steel by the way yeah Marshall's is I don't care how rich I ever get I'm just pulling up in Marshall's I liked the print yeah on honest I was like oh I was like maybe these are gonna be snug but I'm buying these yeah so I bought them and the rest of them that I bought that they were were mediums but that one they didn't have in a medium I was like I really like the useful man goes I hear you I go through the same thing with like two X and X
Starting point is 00:16:41 yeah like if I really like something I'll shove it into an X you know what I'm saying stuff that into an X I'll stuff it into an X yeah but I think you're over 180 why I would say you're like 183 oh okay yeah I'm not I might be 183 oh the plot thickens 185 I highly doubt I'm 185 honestly go get on there go get on there if you don't want to you don't have to you want me you honestly want me to go step on yeah I trust you you want me to come with you you want me to yeah come on get no we not get leave the two cameras all right go go all right fine I'm not gonna lie take a picture you're gonna lie all right everybody take a guess at home take a guess at home take a guess at
Starting point is 00:17:27 home I'm gonna say 184.3 full what were you here we go everyone take your guess take your guess now it's coming 184.6 wow told you 185 baby hey man boy eight though yeah you got clothes on too whatever oh my phone's in my pocket that too that too that too and wearing a hat I was 256 it's so funny when dudes step on a scale and they're like wait I gotta sit on I was 256 this morning 256 yeah I'm shocked damn I remember when you were like 220 yeah yeah well that's well when you're depressed and not eating yeah I also was not eating food right yeah you're eating grass yeah I was afraid of wind like there's a lot there's a lot going on there I'm afraid of wind but I did ask in my I did post a picture with your with your shorts on mm-hmm that's 25,000 likes thank you
Starting point is 00:18:24 nice um for me that's great yeah um and a professional athlete plays tight end for the New York Giants okay Scott Simonson shout out Scott good buddy of mine um I asked him I said yo I'm 59250 can I punch it in from the one really yeah what do you say and I'll tell you his response right now I just had it up I'll give you my response after you get his okay he's a professional athlete right yeah yeah so I'm going with him and let's see where is he all right I found it I found it I wrote to him I said Scott I'm 59250 plus can I punch it in from the one I was recruited to play D3 he says my guy you've got that natural leverage low man always wins and I bet you can get low as fuck I could punch it in from the one no yes unless a hole opens up where it's like oh everyone's
Starting point is 00:19:26 on the ground just got to stick it over if we go full back full back fake half back toss I could punch it definitely not a toss you're not getting there not a toss full back oh you're y'all oh you're the full I'm the full back I thought you're toss no no I'm playing full back yeah you're not getting into that pile on I'm telling you no you probably could I could punch it I think a lot of people could punch it in from the one with a certain no but I could take some I could I could get hit see that's where I think you're wrong it wouldn't be great it would not feel good it would you knew would you only have one shot I only have one shot to punch it I think I could do it I get severely hurt like card off the field probably yeah even if it went well yeah even if I touched no one
Starting point is 00:20:10 yeah and walked right into the end like when I stepped I pulled my yeah yeah be honest with me do you like my haircut now more than when I have long hair uh it looks the same to me kind of how was that because it's just the same haircut but it's shorter I like it looks you look cleaner but you're like fresh off a haircut so that's when you should look like right I think this hair with the mustache is a better look yeah I like it I hate that you fucking got rid of yours already I enjoyed it a lot you pulled it off I liked it too we looked like a really good like infield like I was a catcher in in like the 80s yeah yeah like I was a good catcher and you were like a really good like shortstop second baseman right yeah like we would talk to each other like with the
Starting point is 00:20:51 gloves with mound visits yeah yeah I know you're talking about you got hammered the first day yeah I had a whole bunch of claws yeah I got there and immediately drank three like hard fast can you tell me this phenomenon known as the white claw because I see the white claw everywhere is it a summer thing no it it's been around it's been around if you're if you're an og white claw in in the end then uh you know Indians I know I can't call them Indians they're not Indians right who like Native Americans there's your answer no no but they're like they go by Native American tribes sometimes they say they're Indian tribes yeah well people who like are idiots say that the people in India are Indians what about those people that say they're like four percent Cherokee yeah you're not do you think you
Starting point is 00:21:43 should be a certain percentage to say that you're Native American at least 25 right I feel like you should have to be at least 25 or something to say you are I hate when I ask people like yo what's your ethnicity and they just start rattling these things off well I'm four percent Portuguese I'm seven percent Iranian I'm ten percent Czechoslovakian I'm like just give me the big one yeah what's your last name yeah just give me one uh Dororantino you're Italian yeah shut up yeah I'm ten percent German this percent I'm like ten percent no yeah no you're not yeah how's that not gonna do it for me you are not no I'm going to declare that now do not give me over three ethnicities when I'm asking you that yeah and my thing is is like my dad's full Italian my mom's full Puerto Rican I'm sure
Starting point is 00:22:35 there's other stuff dabbled in there oh yeah but I'm not fucking smoosh yeah but I'm half and half I'm half and half me too you know Italian Irish bang there I am 5050 your mom's not Italian at all I don't know I don't even know I'm not anything I'm not anything little to no interest in like your family history all what am I gonna do with that but you like do you know how like your great grandparents got here I don't even know their names I don't know my great grandmother's name no idea I don't either oh okay but I'm just saying I know like how they got here though yeah boat Ellis Island that's how you want to know my mom's my dad's mom's maiden name was what Pootsie fairy no yeah Pootsie fairy yeah you were gonna be Danny Pootsie
Starting point is 00:23:31 fairy yeah I got Danny Pootsie fairy blood in me dude you're a Pootsie fairy yeah I got LaRusso and Pootsie fairy blood in me Pootsie fan it's like a Pokemon I know you find a wild Pootsie fairy dude a Pootsie fairy yeah hi what's your what's your mom's maiden name Lachlan Lachlan got she's Irish shit yeah fucking Irish balls and then what was her mom's maiden name do you know wait wait oh no I have no idea you don't no so my mom's my mom my grandma's maiden name was LaRusso but her her mom's last name was Pootsie fairy for my great grandma I can't I can't with this fucking shit obviously my grandpa's name was low priority honestly Pootsie fairy just sounds like something you name a stuffed animal when you're seven mr Pootsie fairy I wish I wish none of this
Starting point is 00:24:27 was true but it's true but my dad my mom's dad's name is Vasquez okay and my grandmother's maiden name is Cartagena damn it's fire it's crazy Don Cartagena you know what I'm saying yeah I mean you got Pootsie fairy so yeah yeah so I am a Vasquez Pootsie fairy Pootsie fairy Cartagena low Priori LaRusso whatever yeah I'm a Santa gato so like what was your dad's mom's maiden name no idea how do you not know these things I don't know you never asked no I was too young did you meet you met your dad's mom right or did you I never met my my mom's dad no he died before I was born your mom's dad died before you were born yeah you met your mom's mom yes and both of your dad's parents right okay got it yeah and they both passed away your mom's everybody did everybody did
Starting point is 00:25:23 okay yeah everybody did I was gonna say you could ask your dad like what his mom's maiden name was yeah he'd know but I don't know yeah I don't know he probably beat the shit out of me for even asking that no I don't think so no I think you don't know him I think you don't know the guy back to the white claws yeah but do they get you as drunk as beard us yeah white claws are not I feel like I'm doing a fucking ad read for them but like like last year I'm not making a lie because I know everyone's gonna see you spike Joe you drank did that come with a skirt this is white clothes come with a dildo dude that you can suck on they don't is it that pussy of a drink apparently to but like here's the thing I was I was like but like the pussy drink through that I was that guy
Starting point is 00:26:10 though you know so a year ago I was at a barbecue right and I had heard the name before but like you know only girls drink was like oh I don't want to I'm watching my figure and I was like okay you know but then this kid that I know who's like pretty he's a pretty he's a pretty boy okay right hot guy how does fuck over seven yeah I don't believe you gotta see it he's a hot guy I'm almost afraid to say his name because I don't want to like you know I'm saying yeah I like to keep my diamonds in the rough just for me you don't want to put him out there in the street yet yeah no I can't I can't I can't but he showed up and he had white claws and I was like oh dude you're drinking this like blah blah blah so I made a big deal about that but then I forgot when it changed for me
Starting point is 00:27:02 and I was just like yeah these are good yeah and then it was only recently where I decided like you know I'm just gonna drink white claws today and like see what happens and things happened yeah you were fucked yeah I mean that wasn't even bad I went to Josh's like birthday and we all drank like white claws and like play flip cup and shit yeah messy with white cloth yeah yeah which and they're higher in alcohol than beers we're like a drunk German shepherd you kept throwing them in the pool and diving for him you would do like some weird dance throw it and then just jump in there and go get it yeah you know why I started doing that because I was doing that when I was in Pennsylvania too I was you ever see iRobot at the end of the movie when the robot like throws that thing and
Starting point is 00:27:52 dives and like so fire so I just keep throwing and diving I think it was cool I thought it was cool I thought it was cool too I thought it was cool I was just happy that you came up every once in a while you're doing some dangerous diving you know wasn't that deep of a pool yeah I'm a dangerous diver I'm a mermaid down there but I did show Joe my floating skills yeah and your breaststroke and my breaststroke and my butterfly stroke yeah fuck yeah told you I could do it yeah thick boys can move I can't breaststroke or like any type of I could freestyle stroke you can't backstroke either I can't float you can't float I can't do shit in the water except free stay afloat swim and that's it and you can't hold your breath either oh yeah I can't hold my breath at all
Starting point is 00:28:35 and you can't tread water I could tread water not for long though I mean not forever you get sleepy tired I think everyone does yeah I'm not a professional polo player I could tread my ass off honestly if there was like a lot of pride on the line I'd die in that pool before I let you beat me a treading water hold my breath I would actually die because I can't hold my breath for more than like 35 seconds it's pathetic yeah how do you get better at that you practice it you just hold your breath I just like I'm awful why do I never hold my breath because you don't need to yeah but you don't need to no but I have to but for me because I have asthma I have to do breathing exercises oh so I constantly have to do stuff like that so that means that people with
Starting point is 00:29:27 asthma have better breath no it's just that I have to be able to have a higher lung functionality than like normal people because I don't have one so I have to be able to like hold my breath for a while what about Julian this kid was holding his breath for like a fucking minute and a half I could have beat him I could have beat him I mean I could have beat him too if I'd like passed out on the water and got a nosebleed or something yeah but he was holding his breath like a fucking bitch actually it was crazy he was he was I was down there and I'm like I'm doing a little better than I thought like I might have hit 40 seconds and then I came up and I thought I was gonna die and then you guys just kind of like stayed down there for double the time and I was like
Starting point is 00:30:01 that wasn't great well it looks like I was in a pool for a lot but you weren't really in pools that much that's good probably I mean I had a pool but it was like fucking tiny I wasn't over there like swimming laps like it wasn't on a team do you want to have a pool when you get older fuck yeah I don't understand why people don't have pools if you can have a pool you got a yard get a pool it bothers me do you see my mom I do not have a pool my mom's backyard is not big at all and we put a pool in that bitch it was it was 10 feet round yes you know small that is yeah it was tiny I remember seeing Keith jump into it yeah wait what Keith jumped into it off the uh banister you saw that you showed me a video oh I was like I wasn't there I was like no like 2005
Starting point is 00:30:47 what's up guys it was here one day yeah show me a video yeah so it's like if you have enough space for a back of a pool get a fucking pool yeah for god's sakes get a pool I know it's like dangerous for like children and like if you live in Florida there's like gators or whatever but get a pool get a couple white claws and get in there now you don't feel like a pussy drink in that white claw yeah I'm past the point of like caring pussy pussy drinks right yeah my oldest brother called me a pussy for it too why because we were out on Long Island um and we went to some thumbs yeah but he'll drink them like he was joking but like we we went out to a bar and they had them there and they just sold them in cans and I was like dude I see them fucking everywhere
Starting point is 00:31:30 that's the reason I brought it up because like they were in Dwayne Reed like out like in a like a display box the reason why I like them so much is because the next day you don't feel as fucked yeah because it is seltzer but what kind of alcohol is in I don't know I haven't read the can I don't know anything about it it could be Clorox yeah I don't know it could be I all I know is that it tastes good yeah and that'll get you fucked what would you eat for a thousand dollars that's pretty big like would you have ate that thing for a thousand bucks maybe I think you would have probably if it was presented to you that evening I think you would have did it yeah if yeah maybe all right let me ask you this would you eat one of those ghost
Starting point is 00:32:17 peppers for a thousand dollars no no I really don't do well with stuff like that like I can eat hot food and like whatever but overly hot that like for people who enjoy spicy foods that are like yo this is crazy I would probably die and my ass would be so red like how would you do on hot ones I think about that constantly like like wow how good you would do like if I was not first of all can you imagine me and you on hot ones if we went on hot ones who's calling me okay uh if we did hot ones what a pathetic showing it would be yeah I would I would try to troop oh I would troop as far as I could until I started crying it was like can we just just get can we edit this I think I could get margin and marginingly Jesus Christ margin marginally thank you marginally far
Starting point is 00:33:15 yeah I don't know about getting to that last one I'm just like chill dude let me ask you this when you eat wings do you ever pull the meat off the wing or you always put the wing in your mouth nah you get that wing in the mouth sometimes I take the meat off so I could dip it correctly no that's just against the rules of wing is it really yeah you're not supposed to take the meat off I don't think so I think you're supposed to just eat it off the bone I really want wings now yeah me too I want to eat them like a hyena I love yeah I feel like a lion when I eat them yeah I suck the fucking shit out of those things oh my god dude do you ever you like to stick my tongue in between the wing like this part yeah oh yeah fucking go down on those wings hard times
Starting point is 00:33:56 yeah man hard times I don't know why I meant to say hard body but I said hard time yeah okay you're going through some stuff yeah hard times man thinking about wings you know I'm saying stop telling to cut back on me it's uh some hard times yeah man speaking of hard times yeah um you showed me something about this feral hog person oh my god dude the feral hogs before we get into that though we have to get we have to get to the sponsor uh cliffhanger we have a whole bunch of sponsors but we're gonna get to some feral hogs and if you don't know what they are no one does I don't know don't feel bad do get in the sponsors scrumpety do ever do and we're bad and we're kind of back up it up it up scum but he bought scum but he bought
Starting point is 00:34:41 oh my god fuck my pussy what was that I don't know sponsors okay and they're all gonna pull after that show um guys we have four sponsors for today by the way I want to ask so let me know uh when we have four sponsors on the show would you guys rather than them all come in a bulk in the middle of the show or there be two separate ones where there's two here and two there let me know yeah I'm interested yeah because I don't know how to break it up yeah if you'd like me to break it up I'd break it up yeah shut the fuck up I so badly want to like seriously like shut the fuck up I could all right all right so this first sponsor we have is native okay take care of your body it's the only place you have to live all right native I have their deodorant dude their deodorant is
Starting point is 00:35:37 fa na ma no okay they got the the coconut vanilla that's what I'm wearing right now whatever the hell it is um but at native they create safe simple effective products that people use in the bathroom every single day okay we're talking about you know toothpaste talking about soaps love that that's another thing I got the soap I got the lavender soap which stinks in a good way yeah lavender that would help you sleep huh that would help you sleep and lavender helps with anxiety too doesn't yes oh wow crazy um but yeah uh native can handle your workout okay they can hang with it all right busy mom life or 16 hour day whatever you want you get it your sweaty mess doesn't matter bang native it stays on okay they have over 8,000 five star reviews um they're they
Starting point is 00:36:23 could check out check them out in the today show women's health good morning America you know stuff like that um and less is more with native they have fewer simpler ingredients you know everything that's in the deodorant there's no like you know dangerous uh minerals or anything like that uh but like some of them have like aluminum um in them or whatever which is linked to some serious health ramifications and although native is priced at a slight premium so it's a little more expensive than your average deodorant um they have safe and effective deodorant so you feel like I'm not hurting my body here with this stuff all right and uh they have like like I said I have the lavender soap and I have the vanilla and coconut uh deodorant that is amazing what is wrong with you
Starting point is 00:37:14 you're killing me that's what it's killing me um but right now you guys get 20% off your first purchase you visit nativedeodorant.com use the promo code basement that's 20% off your first purchase go to nativedeodorant.com use the promo code basement um but yeah go check it out because again if you if you're one of those people because a lot of people that I know uh they sometimes they buy shampoos or they buy you know whatever that they want to be safe um and and this is one of those companies so native uh they make great shit uh next we have MVMT uh watches the boys the boys MVMT movement watches uh you know they're all about making great watches that are still stylish and affordable so they're like they start at $95 whereas you know in other watch companies you're
Starting point is 00:38:00 looking at $400 for the same quality uh from traditional brand um I have a bunch of native MVMT watches um and they're fucking awesome I always get compliments on them my silver one with the blue face very nice I don't know the exact name of it but they're very nice people uh started by two college dropouts that's me it could have been us could have been us but it's not we're doing this almost two million watches sold in over 160 countries okay you can get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to MVMT.com slash basement that is MVMT.com slash basement go check out go check them out guys they sold almost two million watches worldwide okay so this is no mistake here you pouring water over there that's a lot of watches that's a ton of watches
Starting point is 00:38:47 buddy two million oh yeah man you know how many that is that's like two million exactly um next we have NUM and NUM is a habit changing solution that helps users learn to develop new relationship with food through personalized courses it's basically an app where it can help you like lose weight but also change your habits so there's not just the physical there's also the mental side dude you're always looking at me during these these you're sitting across from me damn it but getting in shape is not just about losing weight it's about learning healthier habits and feeling better about yourself okay all right I will you freak yeah uh no food is good bad or off limits NUM teaches moderation and can be used in conjunction
Starting point is 00:39:39 with many pre-existing popular diets if you want okay so it's not about just like you can't have this you can't have that it's about okay let's how do we figure out how to moderate my sugar intake I like that I like that a lot yeah so it's nice and it's like a little community um and you don't have to change it all one day small steps make big progress and you can sign up for your trial today at nume.com slash basement numes spelled N-O-O-M dot com slash basement what do you have to lose visit nume.com slash basement to start your trial today that is nume.com slash basement all right and today our last sponsor of the day is a new sponsor of the show um honey which this is amazing this this one's amazing um if you ever buy something online you ever buy some online you
Starting point is 00:40:28 figure out like okay had a coupon or you go to the store you buy something like had a coupon happens to me probably 90 percent of the time I feel like you like paying full price for stuff which is weird um but you don't have to overspend anymore honey is a free browser uh add-on that uh finds you the best deals online the app magically audio auto applies the best deal to your cart at checkout shut the front door that's what I'm saying like if you're on like Amazon or something uh what is this called honey it finds discounts and coupons across 37 000 sites which I didn't even know they were coupon sites so that's fact number one that I didn't know also 37 000 that's a ton but they find like Amazon Sephora Best Buy Nordstrom and more uh with honey you
Starting point is 00:41:13 don't worry about missing a deal okay they just apply it so you just save money and you don't even realize it's happening you just add it on to your browser that's dope that's fire doing it I wish this was my idea sometimes I read these and I'm like why didn't I do this um but yeah when I buy stuff from Amazon now and I got that you get the honey uh add-on you just save money you could save 10 to 15 bucks on an order that's you know you're trying to buy whatever that's how weird stuff on Amazon yeah like a baby you can't buy babies no maybe like a plastic baby yeah yeah that's what I meant but you'd save money on that yeah um honey has saved its 10 million members an average of 28 dollars and 61 cents dude that is not something to sneeze at as they would say it's 28 don't
Starting point is 00:41:57 worry about it doing that um has over 100 000 five store reviews on google chrome store that's oh that's a lot that's a lot that's a lot um but yeah there's no real reason not to use honey I mean it's saving you money so why not uh it's free to use and it's easy to install on your computer in just two clicks so shop with confidence get honey for free at joinhoney.com slash basement that is joinhoney.com slash basement honey spelled how you spell honey h-o-n-e-y okay that is joinhoney.com slash basement guys save some my nays all right anyway what are we talking about uh feral hogs oh my god the feral hogs hold on you want to know what's funny is when I read feral hogs I felt like they were like like pregnant like fertile hogs yeah that's what I thought feral meant
Starting point is 00:42:59 there's no helping you yeah there's no helping you you thought feral hogs were I just it took me a second if I'm being honest when I hear feral hogs I I don't know I know how I know what a hog is what's a feral cat I don't know what feral is yet I just know it's not fertile no it's not fertile it's not fertile you thought they were just a bunch of pregnant yeah I thought this guy had a bunch of pregnant pigs in his house that sounds like a problem yeah so with the like mass shootings that were happening in the US like there was two in a row in two days like last weekend uh and obviously our prayers and stuff go out to the victims of those two shootings yeah of course it's fucking terrible uh but obviously the the conversation about gun control comes up online
Starting point is 00:43:46 of course there's that whole thing and someone had tweeted uh if you're on here arguing the definition of assault weapon today you are part of the problem you know when assault weapon is and you know you don't need one and then sorry some guy uh tweeted uh replied to that his name is willy mcneb which yeah it is yeah and he goes legit question for for rural americans which already legit question for rural americans like a smart question never comes after you say legit question legit question because you know it's dumb and people are gonna be like all right dude get the fuck out of here with that question so you have to be like listen i'm serious i'm serious though but then he added for rural americans it was just now we're playing with fire
Starting point is 00:44:39 legit question for roll this is one of the worst words ever created in english americans america i feel like i'm drowning we're looking look look i just said look quit legit question for rural americans how do i kill the 30 to 50 feral hogs that run into my yard within three to five minutes while my small kids play now if you don't understand what i just read a man who is who wants to keep his guns uh wants to keep them because he's apparently fighting off 30 to 50 feral fucking hogs whatever those are because they're running into his yard within three to five minutes where his small kids play god damn hogs back again that is that is his like he replied to a
Starting point is 00:45:48 tweet which obviously that it's it's about kids essentially yeah kid safety and and no but but it's about you know the gun control thing was because these are fucking kids who are carrying out these mass murders right and it's like how do we get these guns off the street to save lives and he's like what about the hogs i think i figured out feral they live outside you looked it up no i didn't i bet you did no i did not feral why did you think it means that because feral cat because i remember when i was a kid i wanted to bring a cat inside and my dad said it was a feral cat but i thought it was a type of cat like a Burmese cat or a Siamese cat yeah or we don't need other cats yeah yeah it's in a wild state especially after uh escape from captivity so is this guy
Starting point is 00:46:45 saying that he's gonna open fire on the hogs while his children are also out there his concern is that when when 30 to 50 feral hogs storm the gates of his yard where his children play yeah he's gonna need to open fire on the 30 to 50 feral hogs i gotta i gots to get rid of these hogs i just want to go on record also if this guy had any gun mm-hmm you can't shoot 50 hogs one of your kids is getting stepped on yeah it's a lot of hogs hogs are big also how you're gonna be able to tell between your kids and the hogs i think they look different no way if there's 50 running by they're dashing like and they're going fast and there's a whole bunch of hogs and you're like yeah you're gonna tell me that you're gonna be able to fucking pick off these fucking hogs and
Starting point is 00:47:45 maybe not even hit your kid you could get a kid but that's that's the you know that's the risk he's willing to take you know what is this i don't know i that's what that's the gun he wants yeah nobody needs a gun that sounds like this what happened to pew pew this isn't star wars you can't just shoot lasers at all right so what is a safer gun sound like that that had a silencer that had a silencer it sounded like someone coughed and sneezed no but uh yeah that was that's ridiculous which is so it's just funny like in the wake of like horrible things like that's your actual legit question i honestly don't know how i feel about
Starting point is 00:48:43 the gun things i don't really know too much about this and that but i it's hard for me to think of a reason why someone needs like an ak-47 and in their crib but it's it's i think the main concern is that if we have no weapons then we're very susceptible to be controlled and we can't come together to overtake a government i don't think we could do that anyway though like i don't think if we had all the guns i don't know you think we could fuck up an army i think if all people banded together we figured out yeah but we won't no of course bro if everyone was like yo we're gonna go after the government i'd like let me know how it goes because i'm not it's like also when they have like government shutdowns like what happens like nothing changes i wouldn't even know
Starting point is 00:49:35 there's like less cooks at the white house i think that's deplorable it's deplorable no but i i think i think that's that's oh did you see the thing happen in time square too no yeah so like last night in time square there were motorcycles motorcycles yeah guys they got motorcycles so the motorcycles were backfiring like pop popping and people thought it was mass shooters and people just started stork like running everywhere in time square there's video of it dan that's terrifying yo it's terrifying that's the thing that's scary though like you guys must have felt like dicks i know but probably wasn't their fault but i think you you do that i mean i don't know who knows motorcyclists motorcyclists would know they would know that do you think you
Starting point is 00:50:25 would ever get a motorcycle fuck that i know four people have died on motorcycles young four four young under the age of 22 i would never i wouldn't even get on one i wouldn't either i wouldn't get on one if i was in like a fucking armored suit if you could learn to drive any ulterior vehicle than a car alternative vehicle okay uh ulterior that i think that makes sense i don't i don't know i don't know um what would you learn to if you could just immediately know it you didn't have to like go through training but you knew how to fly it or drive it what would you do i don't really know if what other stuff is there uh like airplanes helicopters yeah no marines come on dude use your fucking imagination okay all of those things fuck all of them you wouldn't want to
Starting point is 00:51:19 know how to fly a plane are you fucking crazy what if you're on a plane they're like oh my god captain jones is dead now you got a backup pilot yeah but then he's sick too and then he falls down and there and then they're like oh my god we need someone that could fly this plane and you're just like i fucking know what i'm pretty sure they have like a trainee too who would have a better idea of whatever and i'm also not like gonna fly planes in the event that i gotta land a 757 into newark airport the fuck if you knew how to do it you would do it i would do it yeah if you were a doctor on a plane and they were like oh my god we need a doctor would you stay quiet or would you do it obviously you gotta do it it's why you have to take an oath when you take that job i will save lives
Starting point is 00:52:05 do you have to take an oath i'm pretty sure no way i'm pretty sure my nose yo you would get intro i feel like you would get in a lot of trouble if that if you were a doctor and someone who's need and you just pretended you weren't i think you would get in trouble for that that sounds right i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure you have to take like an oath that sounds fucking right well it should be right if it's wrong i think what i said it should be right if it's wrong but you don't know what you got till it's gone oh but don't be shitting now and don't know what you got till it's gone zero that's put up a parking lot is that crowning code crowning counting codes counting cash i want to go see the counting cash i want to go see the counting cash um i wouldn't fly
Starting point is 00:52:52 planes fuck that all right so i think you know what i would do be able to drive like yachts those would be fresh it'd be a yacht master oh yeah maybe a boat yeah for sure because i would love a boat yeah i think that my life you're like sick at it too like you're amazing i can whip that bitch yeah you know in the matrix how you can just like download like skills yeah yeah that's what it would be like yeah i would drive a boat then hell yeah boats would be sick yeah but not amazing not like a speed boat though those are scary i'm not doing i was in sweden mika's boat it wasn't like super fast but it would hit bombs you'd be like yeah yeah i'm like nah yeah i'm good on all that no i just want to i just want to be able to do this and jump off of my shit yeah
Starting point is 00:53:39 that's my dream honestly is to have a boat would you ever go on a cruise fucking no why not because it's going to cruise i'm not going on a cruise like i'm fucking 60 come on let's go to a cruise around greece go to mika nose yeah but there's ways to do that that isn't a isn't a cruise yeah like a plane no i mean like yeah like i would rather just go to mika nose yeah then like get on a cruise there's other ways to get to mika no follow me follow me no but i think that uh a cruise there's like a thousand kids running around which on vacation i don't do well around children i feel like you don't do well around children at all if i'm trying to have fun as an adult that's what i'm saying i don't want there to be fucking you know 13 year old squirting
Starting point is 00:54:26 each other with fucking whatever playing soccer like you wouldn't say anything out loud but like say we went to the hamptons right yeah and there was like a pool and it was me you julian and like julian for some reason brought like his three nephews who were really young you'd be like why are these kids fucking here i would lose my mind yeah it would ruin my weekend i swear to god i would i'm like now we gotta now we gotta do this i feel the same way it's like i want to be a piece of shit in like curse yeah smoke cigars and like not worry if like this could drown it or not yeah i don't want to have to walk who didn't wipe yeah we're not gonna say it on here don't say it i know what you're gonna say you're not gonna say it it's gonna be easy to figure out this again this
Starting point is 00:55:15 shit again look at this caught it this time yeah yeah yeah no it's not that i don't that was hilarious though it was it was a conversation but uh wait are we talking about the same thing yes we are when we went out to eat wait you're not talking about in the hamptons no no no oh there was a there was a question we asked somebody yeah yeah okay good um we can't talk about it absolutely not no but it's not that i hate kids it's just that when i'm in party mode or vacation mode or i'm trying to have a good time i can't have a good time with a fucking nine-year-old there no no and then they ask you questions about like what you do i'm gonna shut up i hate when kids ask me shit yeah it's like why does this i'm like don't figure it out how do you know my uncle
Starting point is 00:56:01 julian i'm like shut up i don't fucking know him how's that i know but to have to explain things the kids i don't like them like the days built around them oh we can't oh uh he actually doesn't like tomato sauce that's great you could starve them yeah i'm not into that i'm not i'm not there when i become a dad fine my life is about my children yeah and i'll play this fucking game but now i'm not doing that no like that's why i don't want to go on a cruise because like you think about going to a cruise right okay maybe i'm thinking about it right now it sounds really nice okay imagine me and you go to a cruise together we're in like a pod but we get like a dope pod and it has like on upstairs and maybe like a little kitschy and maybe like a glass window
Starting point is 00:56:47 where we could see like city ocean yeah underwater and we see dolphins every so often yeah dolphins are coming out of the water right now imagine that do we have wi-fi we have tons of wi-fi all right okay so it sounds amazing tons of bandwidth so we go downstairs though we're like yo let's go to the pool catch some rays put some tan on these bodies we get down to the pool yeah next to us is old man river he's got a newspaper out his wife's next to him she's dead and then there's a two two two parents next to us and then 400 kids in the pool feeling it would piss yeah that's why i hate cruises and they got those stupid shoes on don't put shoes on your children in water unless you're walking in a river yeah that's it yeah in a regular pool get the shoes off it's disgusting no it's
Starting point is 00:57:36 weird about a pool about a cruise they have a jail in it that's fire yeah so like if you fucking act up on that cruise you go to cruise jail yeah you go to the the the brick or whatever it's called that's what's called it'll be dope it looks like a pirate ship like fucking imagine you walk the plank be condo how high are cruises man like 40 feet if you fall off of that you're dead no 40 feet you're good so you could jump off a cruise ship yeah you just gotta pencil it yeah if you fucking belly flop that shit you're gonna fuck you're gonna move some shit around yeah this is a wrap for your body you could pencil a really high amount like a really like a really high amount you
Starting point is 00:58:18 did really just depends on how you hit the water like even people that like they jump like this and put their arms out you could break your arms like that yeah oh my god my shoulders would just come out yeah yeah oh fuck that yeah i don't like jumping into water from crazy heights no because i don't trust myself in the air yeah but would you like i'd go to pencil and then i would just be leaning forward let me ask you that would you rather jump 60 feet into water or 10 feet out of window how high is 10 feet the basketball hoop oh i could do that all right 20 feet 20 feet out of a window on the ton to grass yeah or 60 feet into water 60 feet into water how high is 60 feet damn that's hot yeah it's really high dude how high is this building
Starting point is 00:59:04 probably around 60 feet no what is it yeah that's not that bad a little less actually less i could jump off this building it's six basketball hoops on top of each other that's fucking high that's high so you jump off of that into water that's like a legitimate greek cliff yeah 20 feet onto grass i'm taking the water i'm taking the water because 20 feet on the grass sounds like a knee thing yeah like that's one where you have to jump and know how to roll yeah i need a parkour this one yeah we're like baggy pants and have a gopro on a white ninja the fuck can't do that why people stop doing that too by the way stop jumping stop yeah don't parkour i don't i don't feel like it's very dangerous people are like hurting their knees there's no
Starting point is 00:59:50 money in it there's nothing in it yeah you know or maybe you could be a stunt man have you seen those professional tag games yes that shit is crazy that's the ultimate that's the parkour like professional league that's what it is yeah which i would suck ass i'm not good at tag i was good when i was younger because i was just faster than everyone but now i can't get away from what were your tag rules tag backs or no tag backs oh you can't tag me back but you have to give me some time you can't just like oh we can't just do that we used to play like quick tag you can't tag it and tag back you know it sucked freeze tag i like to freeze i didn't like it why because if you got stuck somewhere far there's no way you're getting unfrozen now someone come after you see i
Starting point is 01:00:37 like to be a hero in freeze tag because again i was fast so i wasn't really worried about getting tagged up yeah unless i was you know you catch me slipping i was you know doing something else what would you say were the top three gym games of all time kick balls one right easy easy number basketball too basketball but likes but like girls like didn't like it i feel like give a fuck i would send their shit off the backboard like fifth grade i was blocking bitches dude yeah yeah yeah like let me just try to get that shit out uh get that out of here presley yo did i tell you there's always a presley did i ever tell you this yeah her birthday was on 9 11 which was weird it was sad oh it was the only funny part because you were like she was crying
Starting point is 01:01:22 it was like my birthday is ruined yeah yeah she was crying so it was the only funny part of 9 11 but robin williams on 9 11 can we talk about how funny of a scene that is yeah it's genius like you just started watching family guy like now ish like no i mean i've seen episodes i'm watching it can like in right order right so like i've watched every episode south park and every episode of family guy yeah um set mcfarland for him like do you think that he goes too far with it no i don't think you can go too far i think if you said a president you you can't go too far i don't think you can go too far as far as comedy i think stuff is just funny man like i i get like i'm on the fence about like the whole pc thing when it comes to comedy because oh i'm totally against it for me see
Starting point is 01:02:11 what against the pc stuff yeah but here i think you're crippling people's creativity when you do that yeah of course because anything's funny yeah i would never be offended at someone making a joke about something that happened to me if it was funny right if it was just like not well thought out and just like mean that's one thing there's shock there's like shock value comedy that i don't like i hate that and then there's like so there's funny ways to put shit together to give you an example i think if it makes me laugh i'm cool with it yeah if it doesn't make me laugh and it just comes off like you just wanted to put this in there because you wanted to seem edgy to seem like a brave comedian yeah if that's the if that's the case then i'm like well fuck this guy like he's a loser
Starting point is 01:02:57 you know or whatever i also wouldn't mind though like if it was after show and someone that was offended came up to me and told me and they were like i don't really fuck with that yeah i would try to have a dialogue with them to be honest i'd be like all right so what bothered you about it see i like like i it's different if in the middle of your act like that's not funny now i'm gonna like eviscerate you eviscerate you know but like if you came up to me after show and you're like hey listen like i didn't like the gay material that you did you know or i didn't like i thought it was i didn't like uh you know i thought you were a little too like loose with like the language that you used i would have a conversation with that jesus mother Teresa see i probably would i'd be negative
Starting point is 01:03:35 about it would you be like get the fuck out of my face i wouldn't say get the fuck out of my face i would just be like listen they're they're jokes i'm not hurt no one's feelings and i'm not gonna apologize right i would never i wouldn't apologize but i would i would ask them what offended them i would want to know i would only ask to be polite but i wouldn't care right yeah i'm not saying it because i'm i don't i'm not supposed to care when i'm making a joke you know like i'm not offending you and it's and it sucks because if you go to a comedy show then clearly you're a fan a fan of comedy someone has made you laugh you like laughing you like jokes and comedians get up there all the time they make fun of like numerous different types of people and then the the one time
Starting point is 01:04:13 they'd say something that resonates with you when they've been saying things that resonate with tons of people now it resonates with you now you have a problem that you it's not fair yeah you can't exactly and that's why but like i said if if it makes me laugh then i think it's funny like i just can't help it i just you know like even if it's just whatever i don't know but but for instance i i saw i went to a show where it was like a charity show or whatever and it was it was a ton of comedians there and one of them was bob saggett he's ruthless and bob saggett i didn't like at all because i felt like he was purposely trying to be grotesque yeah yeah and i was like this is doesn't really even make sense as a joke and it doesn't really like
Starting point is 01:05:01 it's it just feels not well thought out so it doesn't feel like a joke to me it just feels like i just wanted to say this because i want to be a brave guy right or like a guy who doesn't give a fuck up here yeah you could you could structure it but you can do that in a form of a joke and it be funny yeah for sure you know absolutely and i i honestly like that more than regular comedy like when someone's able to take something that's so like touchy but make a really good joke about it that makes me laugh yeah i'm like damn dude like that guy's good like that's how i i like kind of gauge how good people are even like like we were talking about the monica lewinsky thing before we got in here yeah like that's funny like if you don't find that funny wait what are you
Starting point is 01:05:42 referring to her tweet oh yeah when uh yeah but it was her saying it like if it was someone else right it wouldn't be funny but that's funny yeah i also think it would be funny if if anyone else said it but it's good that she has like a sense of humor about it like for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about like someone had tweeted something like what's the worst uh advice you've ever been given on your career and monica lewinsky who famously sucked the dick of a man who ran the fucking country she took a cigar per snooter oh yeah that's right he put a cigar in there yeah let that thing puff it uh but yeah right i did i did not put a cigarette out i'll put a cigar per snake uh yeah but she tweeted working in the white house would be great on your resume
Starting point is 01:06:32 or something like that and it was like really funny because she's poking fun at herself or whatever and then uh the i think it was like the washington times recently tweeted something like mike penn mike penn said people need to get on their knees more and and get off the internet and he i'm assuming meant like praying or whatever but taking out of context we're talking about sucking the dick of a man yeah and uh damn right we are and someone tweeted like okay who's gonna tell him and then monica lewinsky replied to that and she's like definitely not me suck the dick of a man i'll tell you what though she was the most famous cocksucker in the world at one point well yeah just fire yeah dude it's kind of funny too i would love to meet her because it seems like she has a good attitude
Starting point is 01:07:20 about it i would love to talk to i would love to be like monica come on the show but here's the thing right so monica lewinsky and she had a just ain't dressed too well yeah just just flies popped on her yeah he's got a he's got some miles per hour he's not a dribbler the guy is shooting ropes oh yeah uh but imagine you're how old was she back then probably 1920 yeah like 19 years old dude and you suck the president i know you suck the president on an internship i know the most powerful man in the world dude you suck his penis that's insane that's crazy to think about that's so crazy think about the pressure you're on dude a lot of 19 year olds are hoping just to get paid from their internship yeah suck the president's penis i mean he's a weird guy i don't i mean don't
Starting point is 01:08:13 you know i'm just saying it's crazy i don't want to get murdered but i think there's a lot of weird clinton's shit that we don't know about oh yeah that guy's fucked weird stuff yeah yeah go get me monkeys i want to fuck a monkey i want to throw pencil i didn't want to jacks me out just go get two gorillas i want to watch them throw pencil i don't like david letter i'm starting to sound like maddy mcconnell no but they uh that's just crazy to think about like monica lawinsky i can't even like at 19 how do i how do you and that's why it's bad it's clearly like a you took advantage of your position and like it's not great if it wasn't for monica lawinsky i wouldn't have found out what a blowjob was really yeah i didn't even know about monica
Starting point is 01:09:00 lawinsky until i was like older and people were still making jokes and shit why wouldn't that happen in the i remember watching him say that and then i remember watching him leave office when did monica lawinsky suck that dick of a man i would say it was like 97 98 damn i typed it to google was it like a like a makeup porn no i said when did monica lawinsky and then one of the things is when did monica lawinsky's parents divorce god damn oh man that's funny though uh yeah when did this happen when did they have an affair 98 so yeah i was like damn i hit it on the head yeah i was six years old because i remember like i remember everything because of sports because the yankees won in 96 oh it broke in 98 yeah yeah on jan in january
Starting point is 01:09:54 yeah so the yankees won in 96 97 they didn't win it the marlins won and then they went on that that three p 98 99 2000 so it was i was watching i've burped my stomach's not feeling good yeah but i watched the yankees and bill clinton stuff nice so that's i learned about what a blowjob was when i was nine who explained it my dad and my mom as a team well because yeah because i was going to school and like coming back and being like the older kids in school are talking about someone getting their a blowjob a blowjob and i was saying blowjob on tv or they're saying oral sex oral sex over they're saying fallatio no they were saying did the uh he uh the president received oral oral sex right in the oval office when do you when are you supposed to say fallatio like
Starting point is 01:10:44 at the doctor yeah probably or like there's so many different yeah you say like blowjob with your friends like a lawyer statement maybe fallatio yeah fallatio is a legal term that is when he made he'd exhibit be fallatio perform fallatio upon him i was fallatio i was fallatio right but uh and then oral sex is like for yeah politicians yeah and then i remember my mom took kind of the reins and like told me what it was she's like here's what happened right do you remember what she said yeah she said like kissed kissed his peepee something along those lines how old were you dude it was like nine oh i was gonna say she's dropping peepee on you you must have been like small no i don't know but dude nine explains to your nine-year-old dude this is what we had to
Starting point is 01:11:34 watch on tv the fucking president's getting fucking blowjobs i mean the president's getting blowjobs yeah but not it's not a big thing now you got to get impeached for it it's crazy how did the word get out did she eventually was like i can't handle i think it was uh what was that big big lady big lady yeah ursula no no no no no genine not genine pyro but uh who how did she find out she recorded phone calls with monica lawinsky wait what uh oh and and monica confided in her right she was like yeah i've been sucking the prez because there was another girl um that linda trip was her name because i remember john goodman used to play her on fucking s and l and oh my yeah linda trip um linda trip would fucking record the conversations um so monica would
Starting point is 01:12:34 shoot but how did she how did this even start i mean i don't know why i'm asking you like you got well we're gonna find out because they're making remember how they did the oj show yeah uh american crime story the oj simpson trial they're doing it for monica lawinsky which is gonna be tight it's gonna be some blowjob not there bill's gonna be pissed yeah genine pyro is like a new york senator now i think or something that's i don't know why i said that genine pyro hasn't sucked any cock that i know damn that's weird yeah the linda trip you can listen to the tapes it's the linda trip monica lawinsky tapes and was linda trip but how did she have an inkling because she confided in her
Starting point is 01:13:16 oh she just told her one day yeah and then linda was calling on the phone like hey tell me about this yeah yeah yeah i'm like what did he make you do and like shit like that you got to listen to them they're pretty they're not like graphic but they're very informative do you uh do you remember anything from them um i remember that she confesses to like where they were with president and like what she did and like you know she should go like public and stuff like that because you gotta remember monica lawinsky wrote a book too and everyone like shit on her you're like how could you write a book about this but it's like bitch like this is what happened you know yeah yeah now we're making shows about it hiring actors it's just it's just crazy like she
Starting point is 01:13:56 was like oh like you're a home wrecker you know how could you do the you know like she she caught a lot of shit for sucking that dick it sucks you know like the president probably should i mean he got impeached but like you know he was able to go his merry way yeah and like people love bill Clinton now dude i can't believe you got sucked in the oval office how was no one knowing this they were though they were like they knew let the president get his stuff dude you're getting sucked in the oval office you don't think hillary knew he was getting sucked hillary and bill have not been together for probably that's what i'm saying i don't think that they like talk it's for show i think they talk i think it's for show but i like i feel like they're like they're doing the rich white parent thing where
Starting point is 01:14:51 they're like let's stay together for the kids but it's really for like their image i haven't even seen bill in so long he's like super thin now he's like a vegan i think idiot give up the pussy picked up a salad picked up a salad picked up the kale put down the 19-year-olds but uh that was yeah yeah i remember because i remember m&m rapping about it too that's crazy president's lovehead what jfk jfk blow it away jfk fucking getting blown by maryland Monroe she's saying happy birthday to him all drunk and shit wait what jfk got blown by maryland Monroe dude he was with her yeah i don't know
Starting point is 01:15:39 and she's saying fucking happy birthday mr president to him like a fucking drunk creep it's fire yeah he's a hot guy he's sitting with his wife he was a hot man yeah i get it yeah she fucked joe demaggio and him same time i think same time not like eiffel tower but like she was fucking them oh i thought that maryland roll was really getting there no jfk fucked mad bitches yeah he would have i would have gave it up to him if i was interning in that office yeah and he got shot suck my dick come in here and suck my penis oh boy yeah all right well i think we can wrap this up okay we went over all the
Starting point is 01:16:28 presidential sucking yeah so i think that's uh do you think they'll ever be a single president that's a good question or do you think they look at them to be like oh i want to see like if a president has like you know good family values like why if a guy's like really qualified or a woman's really qualified but they don't have a partner they can't be president dude this is amazing and you know what it'll happen after we get like a president of every ethnicity yeah and then like a gay president yeah and then a trans president yeah and then it'll trickle down to like well why do i gotta have a wife yeah and then and then but it's like who like what maybe somebody's a really great single mom or a single dad and they're very very qualified
Starting point is 01:17:14 so i'm saying who's who is the lady that's what i'm saying and if like you really can't run for president kind of because you don't have like a first lady or a first man i also it's kind of fucked up think about i also want it to be so that when a woman becomes president the husband is the first lady and i don't think we should change that no you should be called the lady for sure he is the lady dude looks like a lady but i think that's that's always something that was on my mind my stomach really hurts let's go let's get the fuck out of here but danny explodes at daniel prairie on instagram and twitter uh you guys can you guys can uh hit me up on instagram and twitter at jo san agato and go
Starting point is 01:17:59 follow the show at the baseman yard everyone go check out the merch also the san agato store and also at san agato studios we have a nice network of shows that you guys can go check out go check out the stank with dan and frank with dan and frank dan is on that show with frank uh they do like movie reviews and shit like that it's a great show i love the show thank you it's doing very well off the bat so we appreciate everyone who's going over there and watching yes we do you can check that out youtube.com slash the stank podcast and the patreon patreon.com slash baseman yard for those of you who would like to get an extra episode in every episode in advance that's where you go for that and that is all see you guys next time pace

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