The Basement Yard - #218 - What's That Smell?

Episode Date: December 2, 2019

On this episode, Danny & Joe discuss their Top 5 favorite smells of all time, their dads falling down & more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard You're right, but yes, yeah, she's got a lot going on just Guys down at the station. I'll be right. Oh, okay. Yeah, you look a little stressed. Yeah, it's just case. I'm working on I Get just jeweled all over the like Jewelage. Yeah, you know I'm saying I'm gonna quit. I'm gonna quit the jewel. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's it's a bad habit It's killing people. It's killing. Yeah. Also. I found out today that the Lecroy is killing people

Yes, Lecroy will will murder you apparently Lecroy Which I thought was Lecrocs When I first read it because you know, I'm not I'm not French. Yeah, but you know, that's stupid Yeah, I mean for sure dumb But you know, I don't know how to pronounce like French names because it all just sounds like, you know Actually, I think it's Lecroy Yeah, I can't pronounce anything in that whole language You know, it sounds beautiful, but it also just sounds like mid cough all the time

Like I know that 14 I think is called is D's enough Stop it. Yeah, that's how you say 14 in French Yeah, yeah, I think it's D's enough. So I was like D's nuts Every time I had to say 14 in French. I think it is D's enough Okay, so I went to go type and I hit the other button and just started putting in fucking symbols. No, it's what are you talking about? No, no, all right do do seven seven what's seven in French, I think seven is D's enough No

11 is it a number? No, no, you're super wrong dude, I don't think what does D's enough mean in English What does D's enough mean in French I don't know. Yeah, you fucked all that. I know it's a number someone in the comments whose French will say it One of our Canadian or many Canadian fans. Yeah, but we found out Lecroy, which is like Qua bro, whatever the fuck it is. Okay, croissant. It's Lecroy brother. We found out that it's like Giving people aneurysms or something. What was it? Oh some woman filed a lawsuit that there's like pesticides in it They're yeah, yeah, there's like a something to kill cockroaches in there

You know all that, you know roundups gonna kill all of us. Yeah roundups roundup should get us. Yeah At some point, I think that there's like a podcast on my older brother listened to and they said that roundup is like It's in the earth's core and it's coming out through the trees and now we're breathing it in kind of shit like that The end is near people. I could understand that remember like on football fields, too They would always have those little metal signs. I hated those things You know like those little metal signs with flags on them. Oh like don't step. Yeah, don't step We're killing all the cockroaches. Yes, that stuff is probably what's gonna kill us too. Yeah, those pesticides We're going down. That's why I filled up my Yeti. Yeah shots of the

In a good spot Yeti shout out to the Yeti Yeti. Yeah, man. My voice pins crack I'm like, did they send you that yeti? No, I bought it. You bought it. Yeah. Yeah, come on. Yeah Yeti, come on. We'll bring Yeti on the show for sure. You're three or four hundred dollar fucking coolers Is that a beer mug on your hat? It's a bit. Yeah, that is so bro. Yeah, dude. It's cute though. It's cute because it's little I Have a cute hat. You have a cute hat. I don't want to be a part of this. No, you have a cute little hat Thank you. Yeah, like a boo from Aladdin. No, no, no, that's I mean, you can't touch that cuteness No, that's cute, but that's just like a cute little mug like you enjoy. That's like cartoon beer always looks so good Yeah, why does your hat say the biggest? What is this referring to? This is from a company that sent me some stuff and

I wore it But you don't know what it would mean. Well, it probably has to do with me being the biggest boss That you've seen thus far I'm the biggest boss that you've seen thus far. Yeah, it's a song. It's a great song. I mean, no, it's okay Anyway, so last night I was laying in bed and I was like, I Don't know how this popped into my head, but I want to Know your top five smells because I went through all of mine and I was like, alright I have like five cents. Okay that are

Like my favorite your top five. Yeah, exactly. So I Think people are gonna be shocked by like two of them. The rest of them I think you're gonna be you know, you're running the mill. Okay, but I also could be wrong there All right, do you want to go one for one or just rattle top fives? You know Okay, where you if it's not the same one Well, we'll just we'll talk about it. Do you want to go like the most common? So you want to go you want to go one to five or five to one? I'll go one the five. Okay, so one for me

I mean, actually, I don't know what one is. I Just have five. All right, no order. No, okay. Okay. So in my top five is gasoline Yes, mine too. I think a lot of people like the smell of gasoline which is dangerous because it's fun with wool Yeah, and you people actually huff gasoline. I saw a TLC like my strange addiction and they're great show by the way Yeah, and they would go get gasoline just open it and smell it all day Wouldn't that like kill you? Yeah, it can kill you. I'll kill you faster than Lecroy, but the little qualms I say the qualms. I don't know. That's coming up. That is a holiday. It is it is What do they do on qualms? I don't know a man a lot of red

Red black and yellow and green. Yeah, I don't know how people celebrate it. Yeah, I don't know But uh, yeah gasoline's up there as soon as you hop out of the gas station. You don't get it every time So you got to get lucky. Hopefully somebody spills from gay years Yeah, someone drives away with the thing still plugged into their car. Yeah Since fuck it snort that right up. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I love that I love that love the smell of gasoline love the smell of gasoline for sure I think the best thing about gasoline too is that it's There's nothing else in the world that smells like it

You can't compare it to anything else also gasoline from a gas station smells different than gasoline from your stove Because gasoline I'm not a fan of I'm like, yeah, and it also looks like remember how afraid you were to like light matches, too No, I used to love lighting matches. No, no, no, no, no, no, if there was a gas leak in the house Oh, yeah, my dad don't like a match. I'm like, yeah dad. All right. Don't smoke cigarettes like that. I'm eight Yeah, I don't smoke We'll take care of it. Don't worry about it. Yeah Do you remember lighter tricks? Like a zippo and you could like snap and light it, you know when people used to do that

You know the lighter tricks that I used to do it Were you like you put all the gas in your hand and then you light it and for a second. There's like a fireball. Oh, yeah I used to do that all the time. Just like yo tricks out And then light it once I get Whoa, yeah, dude science the magicians would be able to like do that and like hold out a quarter Yeah, those guys are cool, but I used to do the one where you would and then rub it off your pant leg and light a zippo lighter Yeah, I don't even know what that trick was I would you could break something off and make the flame like huge. Yeah, you could break the the I don't want to say the flint

But the gauge or whatever and you snap it off and then it would just be like a fucking flame this big Yeah, yeah, those were cool. You ever just fucking spike a lighter and let it blow it. Yeah, those are the best I love those But yeah, I do remember that Do you remember that? No, you don't remember the somebody's gonna remember you would snap your fingers and it would light your lighter And it was cool as shit And that does sound pretty cool. Yeah, dude. You never had a zippo. No, I used to you know Zippos were huge dude the coolest things though are those lighters where they have like a covering

So it's like you don't the flame is still on you're just like And then you just slap it. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, those are zippo lighters. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you would go like this open it snap your fingers on the on the Is that the flint? I don't know the roly on the roly wheel. Yeah, and it would start a fire dude Broly that's fire. Yeah, it is fire I mean it literally is fire fire was so cool when you were fire was so fire when you were younger I used to love fire. It was insanely fire. It's still kind of love fire

But it's not as fire now then like oh like in the 90s fire was fire Yeah, there's not many things more fire than that. Yeah fire was the most fire thing in the 90s Yeah, for sure. Yeah, you know fizzled out. I think we'll make a comeback in the 2020s. It'll get more fire Yeah, for sure for sure. It's making a comeback in California actually. Yeah, and I think in Australia too. There's some fire Yeah, yeah, that's see that those fires are not fire. They're not fire. No, no, no, that's not fire fire Those are not yeah, those aren't hot fire. That's trash fire trash fire. We're talking about good fire Yeah, like like cool in the backyard. Let's light all these matchbooks on fire at the same time Yeah, type fire. That's fire fires on I love that shit. Yeah, it was amazing

I love that fire am I another one of my favorite smells speaking of fire is fire places when you step outside of your house That's tight. You smell everyone's fireplace. Yeah, you're like all winters here. Yeah, it's the holidays You feel like you're in like a like a nativity set. Yeah I feel like Jesus is like majors around this the world is more magical when people have fire places I love the smell of fireplaces. It wasn't even on my list because I'm stupid It's a really good one you walk outside cuz you know, it's not a lot of fireplaces around here Yeah, but in my last apartment. I had a fireplace and just I would torch the place. Oh, yeah, you know I'm walking here. Yeah, I would walk into your apartment and there would just be smoke in the apartment

I'd be like Joe. What are we doing? Yeah, cuz then I wanted it to smell like Christmas morning Like yo is someone making a ham in here? You know what I mean? Like it's kind of smells like cooking. I love that shit Christmas ham is So good it's fire. It's so fucking good. Yeah It is crazy ham dude. My mom's got ham. Does she hit it with like the honey glaze a little bit Yeah, it's like mustard on it and like two pineapples that no one ever fucking eats It's like on it, too I'll eat the pineapple and she'll base that bitch for fucking ever and it's so fucking moist

And it's just wet and when you wet ham when you cut it, too, just Flops over right onto your plate. Yeah, and it's just so can what it's like cutting Dude, I suck the juice out of it. Oh, I'll suck a ham. Yeah Dude, my mom cuts this fucking ham and it just starts. It's like cutting a water balloon. It's like, oh, where's all this water coming from? Just splash. Yeah. Oh my god. Splish splash. I'm starving now. It's a bath in there, dude It's a ham bath in there, man I let every time I go anywhere for like Thanksgiving or almost at Halloween anytime I go somewhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas First thing I look for is the ham. I need it. I need it. Yeah

We do on Thanksgiving. We usually do a ham and turkey. Yeah, cuz turkey sucks. Turkey's a dry Makes me sleepy. Yeah, and I don't eat it and I don't like there's like Certain way to cut it. Yeah cut against the grain suck of my are cut with the grain I'm like, oh, where's this great? Who gives a shit about this how to cut the turkey. I just want to eat it Tastes like she give me the leg. I don't want any breast sucks That's the only time we're breast suck. Yeah. Yeah, those are all the time. I don't like breasts turkey titties are wack Yeah, turkeys have shit tits. Yeah The do bad you got shit tits

How good is how good is the skin of chicken skin of a turkey to skin because the skin of turkey is like Good. Yeah, cuz it's chicken. Yeah, and this will this will come out after Thanksgiving So people are just good. This is gonna be fresh in their mind fresh skin. Yeah When that shit starts crackling in your mouth a little bit. Oh Dude, I was saying this I had chicken so good not too long ago and I was like, yo, they should just sell skin Yeah, which is crazy because human skin is not that good. No, no, no, I've eaten it Yeah, you've like sucked at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, something and you're like, this is just whatever Nothing's like eating some chicken skin

You like crispy skin or you like like just like broiled skin, dude, I'll take all the skin Yeah, I'll rip the skin off and eat it as a separate meal. Say gee separate set by Ray separate Let me ask you a question. Ask me You ever ate a scab? Maybe I've eaten a scab you've eaten like your own scab. Yeah, I eat my own scab And it doesn't taste as good as chicken skin. Yeah, cuz it won't is blood It's dried. It's dried blood. Yeah, it's Quagulated yeah, it's quagulated. Is that what it is? Quagulated blood anything grosser than like quagulated fat

Quagulated sounds as gross as what we're talking about. Yeah. Yeah, is that's what is that what it's called? Coagulants coagulants and when it's all like the stuff that was liquid it just becomes fucking it's a there's a dam That's built in your skin. Yeah to prevent you from bleeding out. And then when you microwave it it melts Your scab no, no, no, no, I've never you talking about like this like the stuff that like the the sauce that comes off of a chicken like the fat. Oh And then becomes all white Yeah, or like yellow. Yeah, that's gross. They start to you know what it is It's like fucking the bottom of certain Jordans where it's like turns like yeah after after time You know what I mean? I just I can't wait till Thanksgiving. I know I need some skin

What do you guys usually eat ham turkey ham turkey? They're stuffing. They're stuffing fucking yams. Yeah Those cranberry slices garbage cranberry slices actually people will get this episode When it's Thanksgiving again, I don't fucking 28th 29th summer is it? It's the last Thursday, right? Yeah, but like the Thursdays like when it's Thanksgiving this year It's a 28th, so Yeah, I fucking hate her dude. I hate Siri so much. Yeah, she's a loudmouth bitch bitch fucking horror too. I heard with everyone I've heard that as well. Yeah, but people will get this if you want to hear this Thanksgiving spiel will be on patreon.com slash the basement yard Little cheap plug right there bang bang bang bang, but um, so you do all like the traditional stuff kind of yeah

We're just like we're just white people. Yeah, see we have some Spanish Oh, you throw some rice on my own. Oh rice and beans peniel people will know what that is. That's basic Platanos are in there. Yeah empanadas and but oh fuck. I'll be shit out of an empanada right now Yeah, yeah, yeah, we go hard go hard. What kind of empanadas? Yeah, usually be for chicken Yeah, be for chicken and some green hot sauce. Oh, yeah Yes smack that amp up. Yeah spit on it around better. You better look at me. Yeah Have you ever told someone to look at you during sex

No, I don't have I know I would say in the right circumstances I would we do agree that eye contact sex is kind of is very hot As long as you're blank because if we're not blank and I started to get scared Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would tell somebody to look at me during sex It sounds very like I'm a I'm interrogating someone. Yeah, don't look at him. Look at me No, I mean my dad used to say that He's like who the fuck did this and I look at Keithy, but don't look at him Look at me. So I feel like you know am I yelling at who cuts the turkey at your house my mom

Savage my mom can cook like fucking crazy That Irish bitch got something in blood, but she can cook the hell of a meal That Irish woman is great Shit we're buggy it's it's it's sorry. It's all buggy. It's yours. You're up with the smell though Send oh my okay. Um, I gotta get my list out. Oh, you made a list. Yeah, dude. I had a run down cuz it was late at night I didn't know if I was like dreaming. Yeah, you bees forgetting. Um I'm gonna save that one for last. Here's one sawdust Whoa what you don't like sawdust I like sawd I love sawdust. I'd like sawdust

I wouldn't put it in my top five. I love sawdust. It's wild and crazy dude. Oh, it's when I walk out of here If there's a construction site If I hear a mitre saw, I'm fucking running Really? I'm like, yeah, I need to smell this sawdust. You ever get that shit in your eyes? A lot. Yeah, that shit sucks That's not fun. You gotta wear goggles. Yeah, you know But if you go cuz like I don't know my dad used to had his own like construction company when I was younger And he was always cutting shit in the backyard He actually also threatened to cut my playstation in half and he said he actually said to me. He's like

He was yelling at me and Keith and he's like if you do that again, I will cut your playstation in half with my with my Mighty saw well, it was a table saw and you know, it shoots out all the shavings or whatever And he's like, I'll cut it. Oh, no, it was the mitre. So he's like, I'll cut it in half for tomorrow So and make you stand behind it so all the shavings fly all over you. That was my dad. So awesome parenting Yeah, yeah, and hey, guess what? We we paid attention. We fell in line. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my dad's destroyed my property I didn't want him to cut my playstation in half. That was all I had, you know, I'm saying siphon filter Yes, I found filter great game double disc fantastic fantastic I was tasering people and was holding them and tasing them until they turned on fire. Yeah, that was that video game

All right, so my other one Tennis balls Dude tennis balls were so awesome when you would pop that fucking airtight Fucking top and get that first hit of that fresh 10. Yeah, and it would just go and you're like I could smell these balls all day I could I could literally try to shove them in my nostrils Oh my god, you never get a tennis ball in your nostrils that on your list. It wasn't okay. So good We have an irresponsible list by me. You're doing very well. It's okay. I saw dust I get I just put it in my top five It's a very good. It's a very good smell and I also I also

Also, I also like the texture of it. I would put it together in little piles and play with it Throw it around. Yeah, just go. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like a little cat. Yeah, exactly little fat cat Yeah, little fat Spanish cat Spanish cat Stretch on it. Yeah, stare at you weirdly for three hours. Yeah. Yeah But yeah, man tennis balls I fresh out the fucking thing thing Stick ball and someone would always have to go buy tennis balls. Yeah, so I would love to go buy them Yeah, just so I can have a oddly strange couple minutes with them. Do you know? Do you know I would also argue that?

Peeling that thing back is such a good feeling. Yeah, cuz you're also, you know, you're just about to release that fucking aromas Yeah, but not only that but feels good. Yeah, I'm separating metal from each. Yeah, that's like sing and you like Peel that top back and it feels so good. I even like it with like I used to love doing it once like Spaghetti owes and shit and chip or D came out with that pop top the game was over. Yeah, cuz you're like I love just peeling metal. Yeah, dude peeling metals awesome tuna cans, too. I was like, yeah, I could peel this up That doesn't smell good. I just want to peel everything. Yeah, so you ever eat sardines sardines smell like Fucking low tides. Yeah. Yeah, I eat sardines from time to time Those are like my late night snacks now

Yeah, I can't have carbs really at night. What do you an alley cat? No sardines. I'm a diabetic cat. Yeah, you're like an alley cat Yeah, I can I can only have like a Certain amount of carbs a day and then we had a fucking juice earlier So I can't have carbs for like the next two days cuz he's fucking sardines as a midnight snack like a homeless cartoon character I wonder 250 Because of the sardine not just eating eating less carbs. Yeah. Yeah, I'm 249 I'm under 250 being honest You're still under kids still under. Yeah, still under after this probably be over. Yeah

Yeah, I get some water. No, wait, but yeah, I'm gonna have to get the sauna. We're gonna have to sauna for a little bit But yeah, man tennis ball smell. That was good new And it had that air release you Also, wait, hold on why are they like? Protected so much why to keep to keep them bouncy Because air fucks with yeah, of course. That's like if you leave a basketball outside That's just deflates because of the atmosphere Damn dude gravity strong. Yeah, grow gravity and weather

Weather is also strong weather is so strong But if it's in that thing already What's well how much protection do you need because they're air sealed? There's no air and I I Don't know to protect the buoyancy of the balls probably Damn boy, I'm just saying I'm smart sometimes I just felt my left eye twitch as soon as You ever have that twitchy eye you're like dude, it's over. I'm dying Yeah, and then one of your Greek friends go on

Yeah, when your eye twitches and one of your Greek friends is like oh man that someone's talking bad about you behind your back I'm like shut up. Yeah, a lot of Greek. What are you a witch? Yeah, Greek people are very witchy. Yeah, like dude enough no one's fucking Poking a voodoo doll in India this neighborhood full of witches full of witches a lot of great people here But they all have stuff like that. It's like all your ear hurts That means that you know some you're gonna find some money. I'm like or I have a fuck I've swimmers here Yeah, that's how that Jones Beach swimming in the fucking contaminated water. Do you go underwater at the beach? Not I don't go to the beach in New York Only Long Beach. Yeah Long Beach is great because you have to long beach is actually kind of ridiculous like I don't really like the beach

Because the beach fucking sucks. I don't really like the beach So I go maybe two or three times a year and the only reason why I went like a bunch of times like last Summer yeah, because my brother lived in Long Beach When you go like the boardwalks nice though, it's like a nice walk if you got a bike and like road on there Because it's like $12 to get on the beach. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like $12 to get on the beach I feel like a lot of people don't know about it, too Long Beach. Yeah, it's very like protected Yeah, and like Joe pay a toll even to get into Long Beach before you get to the beach So it's like a $15 day if you're going to the beach and Long Beach and Long Beach actually has one of those bridges

They're like actually goes up and down dude. I was stuck. Yeah, I was stuck. Yeah, I've been stuck on there I pulled up. I think it was this past summer. I pulled up and The bridge was up and there was mad traffic and the the There was a policeman damp dude. What was that? Your throat is yelling. Yeah, I'm sorry. A policeman was just like a split personality The policeman was like yeah, it's stuck We don't know when it's going down and I was like, I'm not staying here. No, turn around home. Yeah, fuck it Yeah, it was trash. Yeah, but Long Beach is a great beach. It's just it's not something where you know You're gonna get syphilis

Yeah, no, there's no diapers and water or some little like you know, Puerto Rican kid walking around trying to sell you fucking alcoholic nutcrackers Right, there's always kids it's like yo three dollars. I'm just like you're 15. Yeah, also give me two give me seven. Yeah Do you have green I love it It's like, you know, you have exchange like like you buy shit off them Yeah, man, but I listen stay out of trouble. All right, cuz like, you know, there's a legal what you're doing Give me four, but just you know, I'm saying like keep your head up. Stay out of trouble. You know what I mean Take this money you invest it. Yeah

More nutcracker. What was in a nutcracker? Just like vodka and like fucking juice I told you about our shady like how we used to drink back in the day, right? No, so You guys would make like a jungle juice. No, dude. This is even shadier. I can't you might know this as I'm starting but For people who don't know I may have said it on the shit on the show before but when we were like 1617 I don't know how one of our friends like found out about this But it was basically like just like a business card and it said sesame street or sesame drinks or something That was like a picture of Big Bird and like Elmo and like the Grouch

Yeah already gearing towards children. This is a racket a good marketing. Yeah, so the children so We get this card. Yeah, and just call this number, right? And be like, all right, man, let me get two big birds. Let me get a Oscar the Grouch Let me get three elbows and they were all color-based. Yeah, they're like red ones were Elmo. Yeah, like so on and so forth and So we would order them and tell them where we were at and then some just dude on a bike who was usually like You couldn't really see his face, right would show up and just hand over These fucking drinks that were in styrofoam cups and we would just take them and pay them and then go drink them

That's pretty fucking awesome. Dude. It was so hard for me Yeah, I know but it could be stuff in there, but I'm saying is you get one bad review though Sesame Street's closed down for good. Yeah, you know, it was so hard for us to get alcohol as kids Yeah, we we did that a couple times The thing about growing up in like a city or a borough there was shady shit Shady shit and there's always a way to get alcohol and or drugs like for us It's like you have to know somebody that knew somebody Yeah, who could drive and then like you need an ID that was like flawless and if that didn't work

You needed to ask somebody to buy you alcohol. It was a whole fucking mess. Yeah, and we have like deli's like every three inches here So yeah, you get use someone says no you try the next one. I had Jared's ID when I was like 16 I had Thomas's but he's eight years older than me dude Jared's eight years older than me. It worked. It's just because we're the same height and we were like the same kind of size back then I just no one would believe I'm like 28 or like I'm when I was 19 Did you have a beard at that point? No. Oh, that's why yeah, I had this when I was 19 So it was like so I just grew it out and just kept it out because I knew I'd be buying alcohol for a couple more years Yeah, well a couple of my friends are a little older. I also didn't start drinking until I was like 17 years old

Wait, what? Yeah Yeah, I didn't I never knew that I thought you've been like are in the game. No, no, no I didn't start drinking have like heavily but like Scattered throughout like when I was like 15 16 like maybe like Twice a year I'd have like a little but never was drunk And then like 17 was when I was like, okay Yeah, I mean that's the smart age to do it. I started drinking I was 13 I just wasn't interested in it like all I did was like play sports like all day and night

Like literally I would get home from school and go right to the park and wouldn't come home until 11 See because you guys had stuff to do though. It's like I grew up in a small town. We didn't have anything to do Yeah, so it was like yo like Let's just like not be sober. Yeah, and then like the seniors would buy like beer if they liked you Yeah, you know Like you would go to a keg and I was like do 14 13 14 years old getting fucking sloshed Yeah, see I see that would have happened like most kids From my high school were drinking freshman year, but I wasn't because I didn't really hang out with the kids from my high school

Yeah, like they would go in like the woods and there'd be a keg and it'd be like, all right Everyone's gonna do a keg stand. Have you ever done a keg stand? Yeah, they're awesome I used to get a keg every single year for the super bowl in my mom's backyard And it would be out in the freezing cold and just get absolutely wrecked. I'm gonna have kegs in my wedding Really? Yeah. Yeah, cuz like I Ideally ideally what I want to do with my wedding is obviously have an open bar first But then like an after party where there's just kegs An after party with kegs. Yeah, Jesus dude. Yeah

It's a lot of drunken. Yeah, man. I want people to have fun at my fucking wedding. Trust me. I'm gonna have fun at your wedding I'm gonna be a lot of bottles of champagne deep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so that's what's gonna happen. I just want I want to see cry Me cry. Yeah, I'm not one of those drunks. No, no, no, I think I get you to cry dude If I didn't cry in Nashville, I'm not crying at your wedding. Yeah, but Nashville There wasn't really anything like cryable there. So what am I gonna cry about it? Just because it's so beautiful, man You're gonna cry. Oh, yeah I'm crying big time big time crying. Yeah If you just like if you stare at me for more than eight seconds, I might cry if I didn't cry at my sister's wedding

I'm not gonna cry. You didn't cry your sister's wedding. No, did she? Yeah, a lot. Yeah, she cries for nothing. Yeah, I feel her on that. If I called her right now If I called Shannon right now and I'm like, hey, what's up? And she goes, what's up? And I'm like, are you crying? She'd be like, what? I don't think so. Okay. I'm now. Yeah, there's certain girls that you ask them like, are you okay? Are you crying? And it's like they're not even thinking about something sad and they're like, wait, why have you just started crying? Do you think you'll cry at Frankie's wedding? No

No And that has nothing to do with him or anyone. It's just like I'm not a I'm a big happy cry guy Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Nothing's ever been so beautiful that you cried Yeah, but I don't I don't name something to me right now and then we'll get back to the smells Okay, name something that you saw that was so beautiful that you cried See, uh, you don't cry when those soldiers come home and like see their kids Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's different because that's sad. No, it's beautiful because they're home now, right? But it's like there. Yeah, I know but it's

It's that's the suffering is over. Right. Right. It's something like that But but it's for me to just see something like really nice. It's not like I'm crying because I'm so happy Right, you know, yeah, I could get like emotional about stuff Like, um, have you ever cried at like Christmas because you were just like damn everybody? Oh, oh, yeah No, yeah, like a couple years ago. Yeah, see that's because it's beautiful stuff a couple years ago on Christmas I I went like I had a really good year and I made like a levels that most money I've made in a year at that time in my life and I was awesome flex, but okay Yeah, it was so fucking much money, dude. I hate when people say weird flex. I think all flexes are awesome

Well, it's like an internet thing weird flex. Okay. It's like, oh, dude Now you're just thrown into this category who everyone else talks like you. Yeah, congratulations You sound like the internet you fucking idiot. Yeah, it's called awesome flex. It's cool finish your awesome story Anyway, so I was so fucking rich So awesome Anyway, so after I made a billion dollars that year. No, so uh No, but I made a lot of money that year So I went crazy with the Christmas gifts and I bought everyone like a lot of shit and then um, the following year

No one knew I was gonna do that. So I just like went crazy and then the following Christmas uh During that year me and my family like went through some things and then Everything was like fine. It wasn't anything crazy, but then like on Christmas. Yeah, uh, I just like bought a bunch of stuff for everyone Uh, but I didn't go as crazy as I did the last time because at that point I was like, I don't know what the fuck to do now, uh, but but I bought everyone stuff and then We did a secret santa with my family, right because they were like we can't afford to buy everyone gifts

Like and they didn't want me to do that right because they didn't want to be like Yo, I don't want you to like feel like you have to get everyone stuff So we're gonna do then it becomes just uh of every year thing Yeah, and like no one was like dude because it's like oh, they're trying to have kids or they're getting married or trying to move out These are my things. So it's like I'm not gonna just buy Six gifts for everyone. You know what I mean? so It was a secret santa, but I told them I was like I'm buying everyone shit regardless like you guys don't have to do that

Like I'm gonna do it though. Yeah. Yeah So I did that and then I was waiting for the secret santa, but then everyone bought me something Which I wasn't expecting at all and they were all just very like meaningful gifts And I got really close, but like everyone cried except Keith Keith's a stone wall, baby. I'll tell you right now if anyone ever gets picked up by like Some terrorist organization Give him Keith. He won't crack at all. He'll be perfectly like that's great. Yeah, we're gonna cut your head off

That's good. You know, you know I had to happen sometimes. Sometimes it's gotta happen. There he goes Keith right there. That's my guy Fucking legend. He's a rock. Absolutely rock. Oh man. But yeah, everyone cried. So Shannon cried. Townsend's even crying Oh threw him under the bus. It was it was an emotional it was an emotional thing It was really it was really nice. I think I well was it well welled up. Yeah Yeah, so I like welled up and you get that like strain in your throat and I was like But it was it was it that was a really good got it got awk. That was one of the best days of my life That's beautiful man. I'm not even trying to be funny with that. No, no, no, it was you know, it's if you really think about it

There's not many days as you get older that you'll remember like that. Yeah, so that's one of them If you're lucky, you'll have like 10 of those Yeah, and they were so simple. There were such simple gifts You know, but it was like everyone gave me something and then they just had this like one liner that they gave it to me with And now and like those were just hitting dude and I was just like damn They came out you with bars. Oh hit me with super like who had this you don't have to say it because it's personal But who had the strongest bar? Shannon damn she had an all-encompassing bar. It wasn't like with her gift. She just said it like straight heat

Yeah, fucking spit fire at you. Yeah, she did damn good for her man Yeah, she hit me with one and that and that because like, you know Like you just you when you do like things in your life or you like try to do stuff for your family Like you don't really realize what you're doing No, and you know like you know that's stuck with them all year and they had little conversations probably behind your back But it's like you do stuff and you know, it's you're doing a nice thing But you don't know like the actual impact of those things until someone's like And they say yeah, what it means. Yeah, and then it's like the words are almost more important than the gift

Yeah She got me a um She got me a A zip up hoodie and socks. Was it the charlie hoodie? Yeah, yeah So it has charlie's face all over it and the socks had charlie's face on it And she like so it was like it wasn't the gift like the gift was cool Like I was like, oh my god, but it was just the line Yeah, and I was like because I was like, oh shit. You guys like got me stuff

Will you tell me what after the episode what she said? Yeah It's not anything crazy. Yeah, but it sounds cute. No, I love cute. Shit. Yeah I already may have said how cute your hat was because I was saying I Because I was like, oh shit like you guys are like whatever because I was like kind of I didn't realize Love me Really really love me. That's great. Yeah, no, but she said something like My parents forgot I was even at christmas last year She said something like

Like she said something like do you know how much you do for this family or something like that Damn dropped a heavy bar on you. Yeah, dude, and then you're like, I guess I do something Even right now it warms me. Have I ever seen you cry? I think so Have you yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen you cry once I see you cry once where I cry Yeah, you've definitely seen me cry at one time. So you cry once You see me cry I see this boy cry

Yo crying is fire, man. You said this before on a show. I'm sick. Yeah, but if we're it's crying is so awesome You dropped the idea on your foot. No, I just slammed my leg Damn to cry Damn that hurt. Yeah, but yo the other day actually I was feeling like I was just having like a bad day um and uh Which day was this? It was actually the beginning of this week. I believe the thing was monday

Oh, it was like we like what we like barely talked that day. Yeah, you were very weird Yeah, I was just not having a good day for some reason like it was it was very strange I'm gonna get into that though, but I'm gonna get to this I'm gonna get to the sponsors first. I noticed that too, but I didn't I didn't bring it up. Yeah, I know I'm a freak I'm a freak I'm a freak. I'm a mother. These aren't the lyrics Fuck your brother. Um, all right. Let's get to the sponsors for uh, this week. Uh, the first one we have is mvmt

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We need the poo honey h-o-n-e-y dot com slash Basement, okay, go check it out folks. You're saving money for the holidays. It makes me happy Blah blah blah use honey save money use honey save money bars And the bell rang What is that? It's time kids. It's we just got a letter We just got a letter. Josh. Can you answer the door? We just got a letter. We hope it's not from the landlord We hope we hope it's not from the government. Yeah, or the irs

I swear I pay my texas. I try my best sometimes. Yo, josh Josh Can you can you get the door? Unreal Who is it? I don't know. There's some guy out there in a red shirt. You didn't turn on your michael scott tv today That tv gets so much like now that we switched sides. Yeah I'm so happy. I'm not gonna have to read 400 michael scott plasma screen tv comments. Yeah Yeah, I know people think that's my tv. It's a security camera. It's a security camera

There's a guy down there in a red shirt. Be safe Yeah, oh god, maybe yeah, you could be It's kashi 69. What were we talking about before I did that? Uh, you were talking about something sad or cream cream ah You you were talking about how your sister Como say Almost made you cry. Yeah. Why are you doing this? Speaking my native tongue. Oh, okay. What broken English? I

No, but I was like, oh, I'm gonna get into this but I'm not gonna get because it's like a serious thing Um, it's what your you said what your sister said. Yeah, say what you need to say Nice, dude, um Fuck it's in the wind. It's in the wind now. Yeah. Well bacon You like bacon smell. Yeah, dude the smell of bacon. Oh, what is that? Is that a package? We just got a package. We just got a package. Listen to it first. Make sure it's not a bomb There we go, we got oh, oh, I know what this is. It's drake. No

It's tickets to the drake door secret Santa gift. Oh, you can't see you guys can't see It's a tablecloth Nothing crazy for you. Why are they knocking my door down for a fucking table? Let's just leave it out there. Just leave the tablecloth. You fuck. Let it rain on it. It's a tablecloth Why is my arm like this? I don't know. What are you? Is it broken? I don't know What are you doing? Do you do this on the couch? Head hands over your head. Yeah, like I'm like I'm carving a lecture on a beach. I do it all the time Oh, we were talking about why you were such a fucking

uh Like poop poopy pants on monday Oh We were together for maybe five hours Didn't talk. We didn't say one word to each other. We said some words, but we very little Very tiny minute I would say um, what was going on. Yeah, I was just in a bad mood, man What got you in a bad mood? I don't know

Honestly, I I don't know what kind of set it off, but once set it off. No, no, no, it was friday Why because yesterday was monday. Oh, yeah, it wasn't yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, so it was friday It was the day I was at therapy. Yes, it was it was the day you're at so you were probably upset that I got here a little bit later Very, you know, I wasn't very upset, but I was like there was nothing I could do about that No, and I wasn't even like mad about that It was just like for whatever reason I was just in a bad mood and that doesn't help and yeah, that didn't help and then uh I don't know. I like I get into these fucking modes where Like they're good and bad because like during the day they're bad, but then at night

I'm like, okay now I know what I have to do to pull myself out of this tomorrow Or like whatever so I get a little more Like but then you also send like like like i'm not mad anymore text But you but you don't say you're not you don't like Acknowledge that you were mad. I wasn't mad at you. I know you weren't mad at me. You were mad. You were mad at the world But you didn't but you didn't talk to me for five hours. Yeah, so you sent me a text of kind of like Not like yo man, sorry like I was in a funk today

It was kind of just like here's something really funny and we both laughed at it and we just continued our friendship Which I like it it cuts the awkwardness right out. You know, you're done I I because I didn't want you to think that I was like Furious if I knew you were mad at me. I would I would ask you. You know how I am I'm not just gonna be like oh sometimes you're like a cat No, because sometimes some people aren't ready to be spoken to so at the time it's ready to go Not just gonna come in hot. You're like, yo, what the fuck is good? Yeah, dude. Why are you so mad? Why are you mad right now? You know what I'm saying? Because then if you're mad about something else

I don't like put people in positions where god forbid they say something that they're gonna regret for the rest of their life Yeah, no, I think I just had like a little like not saying that would be you but I just know when people are upset That's when they tend to say things. I just had a little depressive day. That happens man Yeah, I mean I can you know what it's crazy because I see I consider myself a very like mentally strong persons But I can see how A day like that can just set someone down a bad path. Oh, yeah really felt that way Yeah, for sure where I was like like like I remember feeling during the day of of being like oh like you ever get those days You're like, I don't enjoy anything. Yes, you know and it's like such a ridiculous thought

But you have it in your head and you're like, you know, I just don't like anything Yeah, or anyone. Yeah, or like nothing's ever going to be fun. Yeah, like you just have these ridiculous thoughts And I was like I know exactly. Yeah, it's just like I'll never have fun again in my life Yeah, we were like oh going out is like whatever man Yeah, like what you know, you see just the bad side of everything It's like what I'm just gonna go out and like and drink and like hang out and just go home Yeah, like see my friends and then you start feeling guilty about everything like I I I know like I was like oh man like Uh, yeah, like you know like oh, what am I gonna do?

I'm gonna go to I'm gonna go out on Monday for Monday night football and like get drunk and come back and like Then do what feel like a fucking loser. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like dude Just go have like a good time of your friends. Yeah, and I don't know. I was just having like a weird day, but uh Like I said, I can I can see how You know A different person Can just like a day like that can kind of set them off because it really feels like I have to really go out of my way To just really reel it in. You know, it really sounds like you should probably go to therapy

I would love to I think I think that would really help you Yeah, I need I need to go to therapy because you think you internalize a lot of stuff I don't think I internalize a lot. I think that I'm very realistic with myself and I kind of know what's going on But do you vocalize them to anybody about yourself though really? Uh, no Not really so like if it comes up in conversation, um, I can you know, you're not gonna hold your tongue or anything Yeah, my my problem is like this happens from time to time is that I'll and I think I've talked about it on the show where We have had this conversation where

I feel like I'm not doing enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I because it's like you go on Like instagram and you see like people who are doing like cool Shit and they have this and they have that and you start comparing yourself and also like forget about that aspect of it I'm just a very like forward thinker. Mm-hmm And I like to envision a lot and I know what I want to do and what where I want to be and I On certain days if I feel like I haven't done enough right I just get so like mad at myself and be like dude

You wasted so much fucking time today and you could have been like whatever and how many of day How many times is this gonna happen and how many times are we gonna have this conversation me yelling at myself? Uh, how how how many times we're gonna have this conversation before we just fucking like start doing shit Right, you have all these ideas. You have all these like whatever like start putting that into motion for sure You know and it's like it's not like I'm not doing it. It's just you have a weird day Yeah, yeah, it's like piling all all this shit that isn't real start beating yourself up a little bit Yeah, which is what I did for a while and then at night. I was like I can't do this You know so tomorrow I have to

Just do like I know what I I know what I have to do and even like the next day Like when I'm doing the things that I set out to do like I'm not enjoying it And I don't want to do it, but I have to have you been in the gym No, see I think that's what helps. I really said that I think that's what helps you out too a lot Yeah, it does exercising is like a big thing, but I I haven't I haven't been there, but I have for you not for me I'm just telling you No, but yeah, that does that does uh that does help because it makes you feel accomplished like first thing in the morning And then that's the thing. Yeah, it's fucking go and also like, you know, it energizes you but um, yeah

Yeah, so I like I just had like a really bad day, but sometimes it's cool, man Sometimes you need those days, man. I think yeah, I mean it fucking shows at least you have some fucking emotions You need to have rain so you can appreciate the sunshine. Yeah, no, I think everybody or something. Yeah, I think that's what it is I don't know. Yeah, man. I've had many many many of many. Yes, you know, but you're you're doing you're doing good Yeah, I feel I feel fine today. We're doing stuff. Yeah, we're doing stuff and then also on that day Friday We actually were very productive. I think it's because we didn't talk Were we? Yeah, because I edit we caught up like from like vacations and like you missing flights Like we're all cut up caught up now. Yeah got me feeling it

Cut up got to be some here's some didn't got with me I'm so caught up. Can you feeling it caught up? I'm losing control. This girl's not a Yeah, man. Oh, sure, man. I knew you weren't mad at me. I knew you weren't mad at me, brother Back to the smell. But do you think yeah, we'll go back to the smell But do you think you'll you'll ever do therapy full time? Like what whole time? Yeah, like once or twice a month Yeah, I mean, I've been you know, I've been to therapy for what like A year like a year dude. If I do it it helps

I don't doubt it. I don't doubt it. Yeah, I think someone like you that's like an existential thinker and Is very deep rooted in their own mind and in their own thoughts I think having A professional that knows that knows about the human mind Yeah, really help you answer some questions Not only that but I also like fear for the day that I don't have a lot of shit going on because if I have time And I do this like I'll be fucking. I'll be a maniac and very fast. Yeah

Yeah, you know and I got a center you got a baseline yourself out dude If if you're a someone who's listening and you're like an over thinker and you know, you are like dude get busy Yeah, because that's the only thing that's gonna help like you can and obviously like talking to people Obviously, I recommend therapy to literally everyone even if you feel like I'm cool. Just go Um, and I'm you know, I'm not taking my own advice at the moment, but I would love to go Um, but I think I'm gonna do that I think I'm gonna because like my my the insurance that I have isn't like Oh, your your insurance is super dude and make sure that you redo it

Yeah, so my insurance isn't like cool So I can't there's not a whole lot of therapists that take my insurance. Yeah, I might change that in 2020, but uh I don't even mind it's like but it's like therapy is expensive like it could be like 300 dollars a session Yeah places if my insurance was that once a month. I'm cool. Do I pay a lot for my insurance? That's why my shit is cheap. Yeah, so it's like you also are Fucking making out like a bandit over there. Oh, yeah for sure guys in the urgent carry knows everyone like hey Lucy How's it going? Oh, they love me over there. Yeah, like I've been good. How's the divorce? They don't even like charge me sometimes anymore. She's like, I'll be back. I'll be back. Yeah, we'll get it

We'll see you in three months. Get your a1c levels. See how you're doing. Yeah. Yeah, man. My diabetes is almost gone That's cool, man. Yeah, it's been a lot of work, but you know You got any candy? But yeah, back to back to the smells. I really hope 2020 hope that's a new year's resolution for you at some point Therp therp therp get your therp on but bacon in the morning That's my number trace. Is that on your list? Um, yes, it's not No, yeah, no, it is it is it is it because it isn't isn't like one one of them was like my mom's cooking Because when I was living at home and I was at children. Yes

A child a children. Yes. I was in I was in like I'd be in bed on sunday morning And then I would just smell my mom cooking And I'd be like Like damn dude lizzes downstairs Fucking slang and eggs fucking getting it. Yeah, so I so I love that smell because it's like I know when I get down there There's gonna be a face. I used to love waking up to just hear Oh, yeah, I'm like, yeah Beat the fuck out of those eggs. My dad's just fucking throwing fucking bread in there eggs and shit

I'm like, that's french toast day in this bitch. Yeah Yeah My dad complained so much like about like Stuff and like cooking he's like a cook Loved it. He loved doing it cooking full of shit. He was just like, oh man, like I don't want to do this I gotta cook sitting there fucking singing Having a great fucking time love watching every it was good, right food was good I'm on you old man. I don't think my dad ever cooked in my life

My mom's Sorry My mom doesn't cook Sorry, my yeah, but like my dad Cooked every every meal I've ever had. Well, I also feel like when you're in a relationship like that like people have roles Yeah, and it's like, yo, I'll cook the shit But you're gonna clean the shit and that's just how it is at first and then it just it continues to be that if I cook food Also, I don't clean. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking kill you. Yeah, we never we so our thing was

Uh, so yeah, this is actually hilarious because I haven't like thought about this and so long But yeah, well, yeah, what was the rotation over there? Yeah, so at our house. We had six people right four kids and then the parents and my mom would Cook dinner. Mm-hmm no one would help her so she would cook on her own and Uh, my sister was supposed to set the table But that would happen maybe like 37 of the time that she'd actually fucking do that And then my mom would be yelling at her. Shall you never help me with the mate?

I said make the tape and there'd be that whole fight. Yeah, then we'd get to the table We'd have to we'd help set like get some like silverware and shit. Everyone sat in the same spot That's cool. Yeah, everyone always sat in the same spot. Did we worry how that happens? Yeah, but we all sat in the same spot I said next to my dad, which was a bad thing because he was in forked stabbing range Which he would do from time to time. I have holes in my forearm. Thank you dad. Um, and then when dinner was over My dad would have this repeating

Seizure of listen your mother's not doing a thing. Okay, you guys are gonna clean any do the digital a lot. Yeah, right? Uh, she did a thing. She would always do a thing So she would always like end up doing it because I'd have to go take a shit Yeah, and I would milk that so that by the time I got back, but here's the thing too, right? So there was also within doing the dishes with the children Sometimes seniority Thomas would just fucking walk away And we'd all be yelling at him or Shannon would do that or she's got to study for some fucking test She's been taking tests since fucking kindergarten hasn't stopped. She's third. She's got tests every day

so That would happen and then So it'd be me and Keith and then within me and Keith It would be like, okay. I'm gonna load the dishes And then you're gonna clean the big pots Right because I would So load that dishwasher. Oh, I wanted to load the dishwasher, but I also had to shit

Yeah, so I would go shit and then I come back hoping that it was done. Oh, yeah, but keith Never Ever would let that happen. No, he would just wait He would just he would hold a fork above the thing and be like, oh, no, I'm done Go ahead and enjoy the pots and he and then I had to do the pots So I was the pot guy pots are super trash. I hate them And then when the water gets too high and you're slurping around water And there's like chicken like skin. It's like wet and like and like and all that stuff gets in the drain

And it's like you got to scoop it out. It's like grab and throw up Yeah, that's what it's like. Yeah, and then you gotta you got to shake it into the and you got to bang it up against the wall To try to get it all in the garbage bag, but it won't all come out. Yes. I hate it Yes And then like, uh, also there was the whole like scrape your plate and then we're saving the foods We got we got the tupperware situation. My mom was usually on top of the tupperware Loved her tupperware gotta have some lefties crazy. I was bitch with a tupperware Uh, so we put all the food in there and she put it away and then we'd be doing the dishes and whatnot

And then she would complain because we probably wouldn't do a good job Uh, and then we had to I can't blame her. We had to wipe all the counters and the table There's like a whole fucking charade. Yeah, my dad is awful at washing dishes. It's literally this It's like dad, we're all gonna get sick. I'm like dad. This is dinner from three days ago Yeah, you know, I'll eat it. I'll still eat it, but I'm just letting you know I want to give it a little more elbow grease next time. Get some fucking brillo pads in there pops My dad is also ultra sensitive About his no just like like I know that comment if he hears it, he's gonna get mad at me

I was gonna be like, oh, you think I got fucking dirty dishes now people think I got dirty dishes Like my mom's gonna think it's hilarious. Yeah, and he's probably gonna get upset with me. I'll I'll get a tax It's fine. Oh, yeah, he's back. Listen. Yeah, you fucking idiot. Yeah, also my dad hates if you ever laugh at him Fire. Yeah, like if you laugh at my dad, you're gonna die Okay, like one time for instance like he was at a gas station, right? And he tripped and fell damn you laughed at him at a gas. No, I wasn't present Oh, okay, but I heard about it. This is how epic the story was. He just burned it to the ground And I think my brother jarred laughed at him and he fucking lost it

Yeah, you want to hear something funny about my dad falling down Dad's falling is funny. My mom. Oh, I have a great story about my mom too. Go with your dad and I'm gonna follow it up Cool. So my dad's falling many a time big old boy Right. Yeah, my dad, uh Big big trees fall hard a big tree fell fucking timber this day. Okay Right over here Jackson Hole. I wasn't there but my old he was with my oldest brother Thomas and they went to Jackson Hole and

And it's winter man. Yeah, okay. So, you know, there's snow Uh, there's icicles and there's the most dangerous of all black ice Yeah, now if you don't know black ice It is Invisible to the untrained eye. It is scary as shit. Yeah, because you hit that you hit the You know what I'm saying? You throw out your back. Yeah Oh, right. So they parked the car. They get out black ice just Yeah, so my dad

Uh, it doesn't take much for that man to fall down He hit the black ice and Thomas told me he hit it like a cartoon hits a banana Or like home alone his feet Were vertical. Oh my god His feet were kissing the clouds and he landed on his shoulder And his shoulder apparently like popped out or something. All right, so now They're in the parking lot of uh Jackson Hole and uh

Jackson Hole's a diner around here and uh, there's just people eating right there. You know what I'm saying? Like there's windows and my dad is screaming in pain Just on the floor just rolling around. Yeah, where's thomas right there So thomas is like, yo, you're right and my dad's just screaming. Yeah, and he's in the middle of a parking lot There's cars and shit So thomas is like dude, you got to get up and like we got to move my dad's like, I can't I can't My brother had to take his good arm and drag him

across the parking lot on black ice Well, he was just like And he had to Like drag him the safety like drag them to like some uh, it's fucking grass And it happened again. Actually, I don't want to cut off your mom's. No, no, no, it's fine There was another time he like because my dad he loves doing stuff for other people hated doing stuff for us So But he loved doing stuff for other people

So he we was at the house and he sees this woman across the street. It's like this little asian woman Okay, and she's completely snowed in and she's trying with like tiny shovel to like dig out her car So she was like I wasn't there again It was my oldest brother thomas and he's like grab a shovel. We're gonna help this fucking lady So they can have shovels. They go out there. They're like digging her shit out Which that sounds so weird saying that because that's like a sexual term. They're digging her out, right? Right there in the street. I was thinking it but I was like, I'm not gonna say that

Yeah, so they're they're helping dig her car out and uh, now it's come time to push the car Let's go both have sex with this lady. Let's go. Let's go have sex in the snow So now it comes time to push the car out of the spot. You know how you do that Yeah, now thomas at the time was training for the olympics And he had just won the net like he got gold for like a national push champion. So it's like strong as fuck Yeah, he's an ox at this point. My strongest shit like whatever So this dude's gonna push the fuck out of this car. So that's exactly what happened, right? So him and my dad get behind the car and they're like, are you ready?

Put it in neutral And they go to push it thomas fucking basically throws it in the street And my dad goes to push it and misses and just hits the ground on his shoulder back to scream and dragged across the street again That's awesome. Yeah, it was hysterical My brother's over there trying to put it back in place and he's screaming. It's great I love it, man. That's fucking great. I got stories of my dad falling. They're great stories. I wish my dad liked them another time My brother was his first year at college thomas is like a co-conspirator in all these I think he's fucking tripping. There's a common denominator here

This time my dad literally if I was in within arms lengthy would have fucking murdered me Because he tripped on a toy of mine. It was a rex from toy story of the fucking dinosaur It's a very trippable item. Yes. So I it was on the stairs And uh, he comes down the stairs and this is actually funny because after a while he was like funny, but Uh, to meet my brother had just come home from college. It was his roommate. We've never met him before This is his first time back. So my dad's coming down the stairs and he hits this fucking toy and he

Again big dude. Yeah This man and there's a landing. So my stairs in my house. I come down and there's a landing and then there's two steps to go into the living room He like swung around that landing and landed completely onto the ground I'm standing right there dude the fact That the whole foundation of the house didn't absolutely collapse is a goddamn miracle because it was like And he went and then my mom's like, oh my god, joe. Yeah, and then and then he's like Ah

And then she goes, oh my god, and she goes what hurts and he goes my pride That's great. That's good. See you got some timing over there. Yeah, he does. He's got some comedic timing Oh, he's got a ton of it. That's fucking great So what happened with your mom? She went down. Oh, yeah So my mom got out of the shower one time and uh, the phone was ringing jarred. Uh I have two stories about my mom one. Yeah, these are crazy stories All right. So so my mom was like jarred like

You know, uh Somebody's on the phone for you. Ah So we had like a basement door that was there and like my brother went in there And like I think he sassed her a little bit so like she went to chase him And she fell down the basement stairs in her towel and landed at the bottom of the stairs naked Oh Oh my god I think jarred like ran you watched your mom fall down the stairs. Yeah, what the fuck who my fucking

Magneto I'm just gonna catch her. I was just like, yo, dude. She went down the stairs I look from the top of the stairs and she just went you How many steps was it a bad fall? Yeah, it was a bad tumble. Yeah, she got hurt Yeah, it was a bad fall and just being naked on top of it too. I mean, yeah, it's just insult to injury. Yeah But uh, yeah, that was that was a bad one and yo and one time My mom and my brother were arguing my my brother jarred was just my brother jarred was an antagonist So like he was like fucking with my mom like they were arguing about something and he picked up Uh, she she they were arguing she picked up a fork and she threw it at him and it got stuck in his knee

Yeah That's awesome. The fork got stuck in his knee. Yeah, and I was like, yo, that's crazy. It's like damn. Yo, my mom's a ninja No, but immediately she was like, oh my god, what did I just do? I'm so sorry But she was like just throwing at him like shut the fuck up went right in his knee and stayed there I love that. Yeah, and then one time me and my brother we had dressers And we would do like, you know like Eddie Guerrero fucking flocks Frog splashes off of them and shit And my dad was like, yo if I come in here one more time and one of you is jumping

It's going to be a problem Right. Mm-hmm at this time my dog slept in the kitchen, right and he was like gated in there So me and Mike kept messing around and my dad took me and my brother made us sleep on the kitchen floor with the dog That's awesome. I love that one time my parents sent me to bed. You guys want to be like animals sleep with the animals Yeah And we slept on the floor and then my mom would like come in late night and she'd be like going your bed. It's all right Dad, he's so crazy. He's crazy, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know and I told you the story of my dad tried to kill me once Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you've told that on the podcast

Yeah, yeah, my dad tried to kill me with a car once because I was trying to run him over quote on quote laughing at him Never happened. That's just manifested psych psycho activity You want to hit Keith would laugh when you hit him Oh, yeah, I was like that too like you get hit and he'd be like stop. Yeah, imagine that Imagine that's what I'm saying if anyone needs to get tortured in this country. It's Keith He will not break pain makes him laugh like I just could see him getting waterboard and just like the pouring water on him I'm he's just like, okay It's like we want the secrets and he's just like

No, it's like no, I'm actually enjoying this actually Yo, we're going to pour more water. He's like, all right, cool You know what we should do for a video waterboard Chinese water torture. Yeah, I'll do it Do you know what that is? Yeah, of course where they just drop the drops. Yeah, doesn't that make your brain your head like soft or something? I don't know. We should do uh, we should look up to ramifications. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah We should see who could last the longest getting waterboarded I Think you can't breathe. Yeah, but some some people can last longer

I can't hold my breath. We figured that out You and julian held your breath way longer than I could hold my breath for a long time I have like basically like a smoker, but you never like you didn't swim a lot growing up. No. Yeah, that's why I just I was in the pool all the time so Grew up in a pool and grew up in the pool. I was born in a pool I'll die. I missed the olympics because you know, I had a ligament problem my foot. I got hurt in high school I was boy. I had all the d1 scouts. Yeah Now all looking at me all looking at me all saying you're the next Michael Phelps. I haven't uh, so my fourth smell

Might be a weird one. I have a I have a very weird one. Uh crayons I don't like them. I like the smell of crayons No, like not individual The whole when you would open up the box. I'd rather smell Play-Doh and just go Oh, just make sure clay. I clay or whatever it is. Whatever it is, but I would rather smell Play-Doh You ever pop open a Play-Doh. Yeah Play-Doh smells good Also, you know what I fuck with lemon Yeah

But lemons like I'm trying to stay away from like the lavenders and I love lavender All right, so let's go let's go off the beaten path here. Yeah your own really really bad farts Yeah, I'm into my farts. I I enjoy my farts. You're like, yo, that was so bad that like but I I'd like it. You ever fart And you're by yourself, but it makes you laugh so much Yeah, like you're just cracking up because the fart was just like yeah It's like Dan dude is my asshole a balloon Like you just like anytime you send me a voicemail like a voice message and I see just one spike. I know it's a fart

I know it's coming I just see flat line this and then flat I was like this kid just ripped ass Dude, yeah, man farts, uh really bad farts. I'm like what I love to smell my own fart You know when you fart and it's like oh dude that came out steam and hot. Yeah, so you know that stinks You know when I'm out in public and that happens. I'm like, I gotta get up and move The other day I was talking to Alana and you've been to my apartment So you see like you know the hell the air conditioner units in our bedroom

Yeah, so like I'm sitting there and like we have heat and I farted Into the heat. Yeah, but it was but it was silent and it cooked it Yo, when I say that this thing spread around the room like the fucking plague It smelled like a dead person shit his pants in there That's how fucking disgusting it was and then Alana's thing was like, oh, babe And I was just like, yeah, man. This one's bad. I can't hide it. I can't hide it We gotta open up the doors We gotta take the roof off two nights ago and fucking sleep it in the bed and Eli is next to me

And I'm laying down and his butt's like kind of near me and I'm watching something on my phone As soon as I turn my phone off. It's all quiet. All the lights are off. I'm in bed. All I hear is And I was just like that's enough. I was like wait for it. Yeah Jesus fucking christ. Yeah Dog farts are the worst dog farts smell like a dead dog Yes, a collection of dead dogs. I don't understand like Like eight dead dogs. It's just their farts sound like silenced weapons. Yeah Dude one time I slept Charlie rips ass too. Oh charlie farts like it's air. So it comes out. I was like Yeah, yeah, it's like

I was like Jesus like damn dude. You got air in there. Yeah farts just like his dad. Um, but he's took a stinky shit that I Yeah, it was steam is steaming a cold in New York. So there's some smoke coming off that I don't know why I found that so funny. It looked like a fucking dessert at the sugar factory It literally came out like ice cream and it was just steaming. I was like, that's a well Well-prepared plate. It's like if that was on a plate Some girl would be taking instagram pictures of it putting it on her story. Yes, you know, I mean a boomerang would be taken Um, but those dogs man. Love those guys. Wait, what the fuck was I just gonna say? Oh one time I was sleeping at my friend Dennis's house and he had these two big ass rottweilers

And they were like vicious and I was like scared of them but Uh, I'm sleeping the dogs come into the room and they like lay on me So now I can't get up even if I wanted to because they're gigantic And then you don't know one of them's gonna flip out if you move your leg exactly, right? So I'm laying there and it's like 3 a.m. and we're just like We had we're just like laying there like talking whatever and all of a sudden like it's quiet and we just hear And I was like what the fuck was that and then this wave

of shit missed Just waffs over me and now I'm just like in this bubble of anus smelling gas And I'm like whoa And I don't know if it came from one dog or if it was like a unison like they farted in unison

It's like yawning with dogs one of them does the other person. Yeah, the other one's like, okay. I got some oh, man Dude, I'm telling you it was just like Dude, it's insane So little air can make such a difference in a room. Dude. I just like Like when I fart there's like Yeah Dogs are just like it's because we have butt cheeks. Huh? It's because we have butt cheeks. Yeah. Yeah yours. Yeah. Yeah I want I want next time you fart and you have a big one

Film it on your iphone in slow motion and watch your fucking ass cheeks jiggle. I've done it You filmed your your raw ass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, I set it up like close enough to my naked. Yeah You naked farted into your phone. Yeah, so because I was like, yeah I wanted to see if my ass cheeks jiggled when I farted how big was this five It was that it can move those cheeks. It was big. It was big. It would have to be. Yeah. Yeah, but like you have to be on the Richter scale You actually get to see your butt cheeks. They literally go like No way. Yeah, they flap a little bit

It's it's it's it's it's I'm gonna shove a hose in my fucking Bike pump in my ass. I'm telling you if you have to fill up this colon and then blast it to hell I'm telling you if you have to fart And especially because if you stand up your butt cheeks naturally get closer together. Oh, yeah. Yeah So when you yeah when you do it in slow motion, you see your fucking I I encourage everyone listening to do this at least once Yeah, don't send it to anyone. No, don't send it to anyone but but my but me but But uh, if you fart in slow motion on your iPhone your butt cheeks will jiggle and then your fart just sounds like Like uh, what would keep would keep say like plugging a guitar into an amp

Keith Keith is a master at that. Yes There's one time me and our brother-in-law like we're just watching football and he like then farts and then Keith goes He goes it sounded like you whispered into a trumpet And we were fucking dying dude. It was so funny. He goes that sounds like yeah Or someone one time. He's like that sounds like you you know when you shuffle cards He's like that's what it sounded like and it sounds exactly like can you do that? Yeah, the bridge

Yeah, I can do that. How are you at uno? How is anyone I don't know Some people are good. How can you be good at a game where it's like kind of like no, you got to be nice with it Have you ever played phase uh phase 10? What's phase 10? Yeah, I'm gonna bring phase 10 here. We'll play that shit What is phase 10? It's an awesome card game. So it's like there's 10 phases. So like There'll be stuff like uh, two groups of two Okay, so you have to put down like two twos or two threes And then you have to add to your things to get them out of there

So then it'll be like give me a run of four like one two three four And three cards of the same color So like you have to go through all these phases and get to 10 and there's a point system. It's awesome. It's fun game Interesting. Yeah, I'll play you in it Fucking fuck you up I'm not better than you at any video games Besides mario party Yeah, fucking hate that game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just not even that. I'm not good at it. It's just for some reason

I'm just really good at it because like I win some of the mini games. Yeah, yeah But I can't there's that one game that I can't you're just incredible. I don't know how the vibration game Yeah, because it's like when you when you feel a vibration you have to press a button and his reaction time is fucking insane I just closed my eyes I close my eyes every time just like I've got us. Yeah, and I'm like, I think I did it in like like point It's useful. No, no, no, I knocked oh, it's not to say that was a rat. Yeah, that sounded like a frog. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

But uh, yeah, I'm amazing at that thing. No one's ever gonna beat that record on your mario party. Um, probably not I have my last smell And I have an honorable mention. Can I say my honorable mention first? Sure when you walk by a laundromat And you get that and you get that push like the outtake and it just smells like just clean laundry It just hits you right in the face And you're walking through it. What do you got? Oh, you got fresh linen

smell that That's it right there. Oh my god Dude, I literally will stand other fucking Gaseous fumes from a laundromat just to smell this I only light that candle when I when I clean my apartment because I feel like it's I want the air to smell clean as well You know what I mean? Yo, Yankee candle. Send me some candles. Yeah, dude Also, the other yo, this is amazing the other candle is closer to me. I think it's closer to me Yeah, so this one is my favorite one. Oh, this is awesome. This is my favorite candle. I love that one

All right, hold up. I gotta cleanse my palate I'm not even gonna guess Yeah, it's sweet coconut beach. It's my shit, dude Oh, anybody knows I love that coconut beach. It smells like a Dominican girl's car Oh man, I love that. Yo Latino people Always have air fresheners in their car big air freshener and they're always coconuts All of my Puerto Rican cousins and Dominican friends always had a coconut-esque Uh

And and then you know what another one they always use was black ice. Yeah, why is everyone of black ice? It's like, yeah, let me get that black ice tree. I'm like, what the fuck is black ice black ice Go smell black ice right now. It smells like the ground. It smells like water and dirt. Yeah, don't get it Yeah, don't do that. I don't think I'll ever be an incense person either I tried to be for a little bit and I was like, this is just stupid I think it looks cool to have just like burning sticks Yeah in your like apartment, but I don't really like the smell. I feel like I'm in church. Yeah, it's weird It's weird. It's gonna be blessing like a casket or something or you'll die

Dude one time my priest Not my priest, but You know, he's he's the priest over there go on but It was uh, I think it was like my my great aunt had died And they do the thing where they have the fucking the incense and they go around and they shake it around the casket I don't know what the fuck he's doing with that But he's shaking it around the casket He must have put way too much incense in that bitch because it was fucking

Smoky in there. Was it really? Yeah, all the old bitches were coughing. Shit. I was like, damn Someone else is gonna go down. We're gonna have to make room in that casket for fucking my other great aunt or whoever Toss her in there because she's about to die from all this incense. I couldn't even see it's like a smoke screen in there That's why I'm gonna take it easy father. That's why I'm gonna get cremated just because of stuff I don't want to put people through that got to come and get smoked out of my funeral Yeah, dude. We just trying to fumigate in there. All the flies died probably Yeah, that's what I'm saying put some fucking weed in there of anything Put some put a in there put some hell. Oh, yeah

But yeah, it was crazy, man It was smoky as as soon as he started doing it I was like damn dude smoke coming off that thing is crazy And then it was just filling the room and and sure not like I mean I was all right because I had young lungs at the time And what are those they're like the thing in in war where like the guy has the ball on a chain and Fucking like a bludgeon or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like It's yeah, I don't know what it is. It's a holy thing. I don't know Tabernacle or something What is it Tabernacle? I think it's where they keep the host

Did I ever tell you that one time in church Tabernacle? Tabernacle is a funny word T. A. B. E. R. Knackle Yeah, but is it knackle like what a weird K? I don't know. It could be a Q and is it and Tabernacle T. A. B. E. R N. A. C. K. L. E. language of origin Latin country of origin the Vatican Last person to say this word you sir, okay

Tabernacle, uh, no, but one time I walked into church and and as I was my mom like You know, thank god for the big guy because if he wasn't around my mom would beat the shit out of me and those pews Because me and Keith used to laugh all the time. Keith's the kind of kid eat to this day Do you just thank god for god for I thank god that he was there to protect me from my mother Oh, I think you said thank god for the big guy. No, no, no, so I said thank god. He was there. Yeah, for sure because Keith was the kid that like the priest would start talking and like there would be priests from like fucking Africa or they have like a weird accent missions and you're a kid that like you don't Know why people sound different. So again, my bread as in ceas does

And people and you're a kid you think it's the funniest thing in the world and Keith wouldn't laugh He would just look at you and just do this Like he would just a little fucking smirk and now I'm laughing because it's geek, you know, I mean, of course And my mom's like if you guys don't In the confession box and so Uh, there was one time though that I walked in And I saw the wine because the wine's at the beginning of the aisle Uh, when you walk in and I saw a fly in it

Yeah, so I when we got to our seats, I was like, huh There's a fly in the wine. Skip the wine. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, skip the blood But being you know the troublemaker that I was she just hit me would have shut the fuck up basically, you know She didn't curse curse in the lord's house, but she gave me a you know a very clean shut the fuck up kind of thing. Yeah, and uh Sure enough when they brought the host up Because you know, they picked two people in the crowd like hey

Who wants to do it bang bang you guys do it, right? So they picked two people they bring it up and then the priest goes to pour it in the holy cup He's got the grail transfer transfer it. You got the transfer going on Got the little white got a white cloth. He stops and he points and he goes And he gives it to one of the uh Little boy slaves in the white. Yes. Yes. Yes The altar boy slave boy. Yeah, and then I look at my mom I'm like you see and then the altar boy kind of came out pretty quick

So I don't know if you did like a swap or if you just went Probably one of those I skipped the wine that day. Yeah, that's a smart move. It was a smart move I've only had the wine at church in my communion and that was it I've never done it again I was like, you know what I'm gonna have this host and I'm gonna get some sip of wine right now That was the only time I've ever done that Now I'm trying to think nice to pass out wine all the time one time some old woman passed out like hard Like from the holy ghost and just like from being a hot old bitch from just being a fucking just a stuffy church and an old

B in there, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, so she so stuffy stuffy c with old b equals Fainting. Yeah, uh, so she passed out and the and I remember because they were sitting directly not immediately behind us But a couple rows behind us, but like immediately right there Like I could see her perfectly And the woman was just like this On some of the woman's shoulder like that and the woman freaked and she goes father Like smacking those woman's face and saying father father, right?

And uh, the ambulance had to come in all the shit. Wow. Yeah, it was crazy man some old bitches went down Damn, she's alive. She was cool. It was just hot shit in there, man. They had to get some acs This was back in the day. This is the 90s, man Fuck 90s, man. We had old people going down in church, man. You know, it's weird when people speak in tongues Tongues, yeah, you ever see people speaking tongues in church? That sounded like No, they speak in tongues, dude I know like all my, you know, like they talk in tongues and it's mad weird. They've been a

Shella la homa, la la la Yeah, and you're like, dude, is this like you what is that fucking uh, like slithering? Yeah, I was like, yo, you dropping a beat right now. Like am I supposed to spit? Also, like a tone song old people when they go to church. They start the our father. They just Oh, yeah, like no one holds hands anymore. They just It's just so weird hearing a bunch of people stand. That's one of my favorite sounds Everyone's standing up standing up at the same time or getting that meal too much up and down Too much up and down. I'm tired. Yeah, just sit. Yeah, it's bullshit. I'll give you one stand

Yeah, but that's it. I'm not going up and down. Then I gotta stand up and bow my head I gotta stand up look down sit down. I get pop up Peace be with you also with you. Oh, yeah, I gotta start handshaking everyone in here Peace with you also with you word of the lord. Thanks be to god You know what I'm saying fucking guy a good church fucking work out also church is changing the fucking the lyrics It's all these psalms every five days. Yeah, I went to church not too long ago And I'm like, what is this cadence on our father? When'd you go to church? I don't oh my like weddings. Oh

Like my brother got married and we did an our father and I was like, what is this cadence? Like this is some long island version because it was like our father who art In heaven hallowed be thy now. I was like, dude, this is not the song. Yeah, it's true right lyrics, but wrong cadence Yeah, sure. Let's just agree on a universal cadence. Don't fuck up a classic. It's a classic a banger too. It's an absolute banger It's a it is a banger. It's a banger. You know, it's a fire song from church. Um Damn, I'm gonna oh man. I'm forgetting it now I'll remember it because like the song that that came into my mind I was saying this to my sister the other day

I was like, damn, dude, that's that fucking song because when we go to church on like christmas because we're like those fake catholics now My god is an awesome god. No My god is an awesome god. He's an awesome god. He reigns. Yeah, that song is fire, son There's a song my god. I really want to call my sister and be like, yo, what's the what's the song that I love But is it like very like catholic? Yeah, it's like it's like very white. It's nothing like cool But I'm just like it's not like marvin sapper And I'm like in the pew like Go ahead with it

It's kind of fire, but I forget what it is But something about like it's not the wind beneath your wings, but it's something like that It's something like that. It's like you raise me up you raise me up so I can stand on mountains You raise me up Yeah, it's not that song. Oh, sorry, but it's something like that One time my friend killed a moth in church and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life Oh with books, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that story Dude and like

This kid Dylan it wasn't this deal and it was different Dylan and it was like me Keith and that kid Dylan And we were in the front row You know I'm saying we had front row seat to this church sesh And there was a moth on the altar and then he's like I feel like I should do something It wasn't in the middle of like the thing either like it was right before church started So he goes over with one of the books and just fucking slams it on this white moth And then he picks up the book and there's like white dust and then everyone claps. That's awesome I love that story murder in the church. It's like kill it. It's not like us

And moths gay kill it Sorry, it's like damn dude You ever see the south park episode when they like exposed the catholic church So like all they they all meet at the Vatican city And like they're like we have to do something about this. It's like these poor kids It's like, you know, it's like we have to we really have to do something about this Like we have to find find out a way to stop these kids from coming forward The guys like wait, I thought we were gonna stop molesting. I'm just like no no no no, we just need to be quiet

Yeah That's the craziest thing I don't like to talk like this crazy about that But like we talked about it on on another show history hyenas. Yeah guys, yo history hyena is very funny Yeah, yeah, christus sefermo and yana's pop is we just did their their podcast we did their podcast Hilarious and it's like if they I think if they let priests fuck I I think the numbers would go down a little bit I think so, you know, I think it's a bit late for that though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's certain ways

And obviously we're not saying like everyone in the catholic church is banging butts, but of course, but there is just a large amount It's weird. It's there is a common denominator I just said that word weird weird, but there's a common denominator here And you know the sad thing is the stereotypes are kind of true No, the the only problem with stereotypes is stereotype is just a bad rep Yeah, it's just a bad rep is what it is, but but it had to start somewhere That's the sad part, but the thing is like what stereotypes it's like The problem with them is that people generalize the entire group. Yes, that's where it becomes trouble

Yeah, you know what I mean where it's like all all white people can't dance But then you have like some white dude who's up there like behind jaylo like crushing it. Yeah, all right Casey fray could dance like it was white as snow. Yeah, it's true Or fry. I don't know how to say his name. It's uh, it's fraiche It's not that it's fraiche fraiche. Yeah, I spoke to him. There's no way it's fraiche. It's fry Okay Yeah Shout out Casey shout out nicoletti. That's my voice. Yeah, those dudes are fucking hilarious

It's fraiche. I spoke to him Damn dude, you almost if you would have stuck to it like two more times I'd have like fraiche I would have been on the fray. Oh, you were really like you were there. I mean you said you spoke to him I would I would have gave you two more. I would have been like, okay I was like, no, it's not anyone. No, I'm serious. And I was like, dude. No, it's not you like, dude I spoke to him. I'd be like, okay, that's right. You know what I hate when people do stuff. It's like They'll do something like that And then like it'll come up and it'd be like an embarrassing moment to be like, dude, I was kidding

Like, you know what I'm saying? No, like, um Oh, like if you say you pronounce someone's name wrong, right and then you'll be like, I was just joking though Yeah, no, you weren't you're stupid. You're just you're just you're a dumb. You're a dumb man. You're dumb. You're a dumb male Or when people like do practical jokes And they think like they're gonna be funny like when people smash people's faces in cakes It's not funny Dumb Don't do that. That's a weird fucking tradition like smell the cake

Yeah Smell it. Wait, what's wrong with the cake? Just smell it. I swear Okay, can it Yeah, and then you're an idiot and then like sometimes like I've ruined the cake now I saw the video where a girl bashed her face and like broker knows Yeah, and like passed out died in the cake Yeah, because you're a little cousin wanted to make a funny. Yeah, I'd be upset You better have a back up cake, bitch

Because I was looking forward to eating this fucking fun fatty moist vanilla Icing shit. I don't understand. So what ruins a fun fatty in front of me. We're squaring up. Oh, yeah big time I was gonna vote for that cake. I might even eat it. Anyway, you could put 10 faces in that cake I'm still eating scraps. Don't fuck up my fudge of the whale someone's gone somebody about to die Someone's going down for you know what I'm saying. I'm ready to throw bows Also, if you get an ice cream cake and try to shove someone's face in that we're talking concussions now We're talking about trips to the hospital. Oh, yeah, about bills. We're talking about you better have insurance Like if you mess with my food at all, you have to be my significant other because then you're gonna have to fucking

Fuck me dry To get to for me to get over what you just did to my and you know how long it takes to fuck someone dry A whole afternoon. Yeah, so clear your schedule if you're gonna fuck around. Yeah, because don't fuck with my food. Don't Don't fuck with my cake and I also hate people that don't share food In and shareable food. Yo, can I get a fry? No, why? They're separate. There's a house. You could share it. You could you could you could pass one you could pass one Also, don't ask me for shit. Yeah, that isn't shareable. Let me get a bite of your burger. What I don't even like bite of pizza I think that's fucking rude. I think that's rude. I would

No, especially the way you eat pizza. You kind of put your tongue on it But yeah, do I'm making sweet sensual love to the slice and you're gonna put your Fucking sweet sensual self on it. No, I don't like sharing drinks either Like when you're like 12, it's cool. But like our mouths has been all over the world At this point, I don't want your mouth on my mouth right now I'll share a drink with select peeps if I'm dying I'll be like, yo, can I can I get a sip of that? But like I have to be dying like I was I've been in jail for four days and all I've had was like

Four jolly ranchers and a fucking Pepsi to my name Like I have like no money on my books. No wonder this kid's got diabetes the fucking things you chose No, but I'm just saying jolly ranchers and a pepsi. That's all I'm saying and they gotta get through four days I might need some water from you. I mean, you're gonna need more than that. Yeah You're gonna need some insulin for sure Something to balance you out. I might just go to jail just to get cleaned up. Yeah, man You know what I mean? Probably not the best

Do you think the show would do better if I went to jail and came back like numbers wise? Dude, this isn't no. What are you talking about? I'm just like, do I need to build like street rap? It would be good content. It would be. Yeah, I beg all right It's first question. Yo, we're vlogging today going to see Danny in jail. It's gonna be lit It's gonna be sick. Uh, hit the fucking bell for notifications Don't forget to subscribe. Yeah, what's good, dude anybody's skirt anybody fucking your butt yet Down the glass dog dude your mom's crying out here. What an idiot. Yeah, dude Yeah, I'm gonna sneak you a nail file in this fucking cake. I'm just kidding. I'm not because I don't want to get in trouble

Like you you're an idiot. Yeah, man. All right. We got to go. Peace Anyway, so that was lit. Uh, don't forget to subscribe like Turn your notifications on so whenever I post you can get it You know, Danny looks to be in good spirits. He only cried four times. Yeah last time it was eight So he's he's in there. He had a bruise in his eye. So we're gonna get a good story out of him Yeah, for sure. When he comes home that content's gonna be sick fire You get on the podcast and you're just like, all right, dudes to tell us about your anus. It's like all like Stab somebody in the pocket. How's that? How's your buns? Were they like ravaged?

Nah, dude, like it wasn't even like that like first night. I was in there some dude like some dude did Want to do My my butt. Yeah, I was like, yo, dude Like like come on bro And then like after that he kind of realized where I was coming from and I was like step off, dude And then after that I talked I talked to him again And you know, we actually ended up being friends in there. It was kind of tight Do me a favor look really scared so I could put that as a thumbnail

We'll open your mouth All right, cool. We got it. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, just be like, yo Danny gets raped Danny went to jail gone raped. Yeah Clickbait gone sexual or gone wrong gone raped Danny gone sexual rape It's Danny like it's like Danny went to prison gone rape. Yeah, what's up, man? Yeah Vlogging your friend that's in jail would be so funny

Like just the content would be so From an outside perspective could be like they don't realize how stupid this is and he was just like in a really like high spirit It's like, yo, it's good, dude. Yeah, it's going on. Just chilling. What's up, man? Oh the phone. Yeah, hold on Yeah, yeah, what's good? The phone up to the fucking camera. Yeah, go Yeah, it's good, man Yeah, so like how do they treat you in there? You put money in my books. Nah

Oh, I mean, it's kind of cool. We get to use computer for an hour a I went outside I do my googles. I could do 40 push-ups in a minute now Damn, dude. Yeah, man Oh, yeah, so my fifth smell. Oh, yeah, you didn't get to that new shoe New shoe. I like new car. Yeah, but how many new cars are you in? That's what I'm saying. It's a rare smell Yeah, no, but new shoes when you What was that little hi, I kind of sneezed for a second, but it it broke off you went

Hi It's so weird how sneezes go away, too Yeah, your body's like Your body's like wait a minute. Wait a minute that happens with poops Sometimes you gotta poop really bad. Oh shit in that uber. Yeah People were asking like did he make it and I didn't tell them because I wanted them to just you know, feel dude I sat we went to b&h to pick up some stuff

I took a shit in there And It smelled right it's it's poop. It smells. I mean it's a poop the guy next to me took a shit That was so potently disgustingly gross that I didn't it wasn't shit This man smelled like he was eating garbage and in fucking high density metals Yeah, he was making like a potpourri of garbage and it was horrendous. Yeah Yeah, I was like dude whatever is wrong with you. I'm sorry. There's no way that's human shit. Yeah It's gross dude, and you just reminded me of when I went uh

To chicago. Mm and I had to shit bad And I was shitting in the in the in the airport And I'll and I'll be honest with you. I'm not this dude. I was trying so hard not to be but the boy was fart poop Yeah, like I was fart pooping. Okay. Was it the fart followed by poop or was it the poop following the fart? There was no organization There was in and out of air and Fucking feces. Was it dance or was it straight soup?

It was it was a stew It was a stew. Yeah stew. So it wasn't a soup, but it was a stew stew. Okay stewy duty. It wasn't completely liquid But it was stew. Um, but uh, this is so gross But uh, so anyway, I was fart poop and I was so embarrassed because I'm like, oh god Like I was fart and all his poop like it's just happening right now. You gotta gotta relieve the pressure though Yeah, I needed it so bad because I was about to get on a flight Once you get in the air and you get that kind of you get the the g-force on this stomach I was shitting my chair. Yeah, dude. I think I think if you fart at 30,000 feet like a part of your asshole comes out

That is actually I read that. Yeah um But so then I did that and then while I was in there A dude Comes in and gets in the stall next to me. All right The only thing that goes through my head is like, I hope my body's done fart pooping Yeah, yeah, yeah because like I really don't want to like embarrass myself like literally next to someone Like I know someone was like washing their hands and I'm over there just

Making a mockery of the situation and he's like he's probably so mad. Yeah, and like oh, it's too. It's fart pooping It's fucking disgusting, but this guy next to me, dude Just the most brave thing I have ever experienced in my life Just shook the fucking foundation Dude Just sunk your rabbit. Yeah, absolutely crushing at that point. I was like, oh, dude. This is basically a pee I'm gonna fart. I'm gonna fart all over the place. Yeah, dude. No at that point. I mean he gave me hope But he also

He did but like that guy was fart pooping dude with base It was a legitimate fart and a legitimate poop It was insane. It was like stone Like you know what I'm saying? Like it was vibrating around that bowl. It was Dude, I'm serious, dude. He sat down and it was pretty much immediate and this dude This dude had no choice man. He's he hit the bowl and it was like And then just fucking poop, dude It was nuts. Uh, man, you know what's fun too?

pee farts Pretty much every time. Yeah, when you're peeing you just go brah. I'm just like, yeah. Yeah Yeah, I did it on twitch that time. I didn't know my mic was on Yeah, Danny was peeing on twitch and then farted. Yeah, because I thought you know because a lot of streamers I think it was Mike's stream or Frankie's and uh, it might have been Keith's maybe somebody's But when you stream they usually hit a button that mutes The parties so in between games, I was like, you know, I have to piss first of all

It was the longest piss of all time. Yeah, that was a pregnant piss. And then at the end I just go I just go all right I didn't even know I came back and everyone was like, yo, did someone just fucking take a fucking piss, bro Yeah, sometimes you gotta release the brakes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know when trucks do that I've sat like I've been in stalls next to guys where where they've uh pee farted Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah a fart will never not be funny to me. I'm farting a fart Fuck you if you think farts aren't funny. It's unsubscribe. I wish please don't I wish that you were there to experience

The bravery of this man. I would have lost it. He had no shame and It just his seat had to have vibrated Like it was insane. It was so loud and I was like, dude, this dude just straight Fought like a man shit The fart though the fart. Yeah. Yeah. It was just stone And I was like, yo, that was a like a legitimate fart

Like it was a base here. Did it sound like a whale crying like It was like strong Dude, I don't even know I was like shooting a co2 gun into a fucking toilet. Yeah, I remember those insane It was wild, but it was a paintball guns. It's like, you know, I don't have any co2 in my tank. I gotta fill up Had the two triggers on it I never had one of those never had paintball gun. No, you should like Clat people from like the trees

Cool, man. Yeah Shoot cars with them I've went paintballing a couple times Keith lit me up one time in the back of my head when I was like out Because you know, you get hit and you're like, oh, I'm out So I'm like walking out and of course the only part of my fucking body that isn't covered is the back of my head Pink pink pink. I had two three. I had like Go trio on my head. I would have fucking flipped out. Yeah. I mean, it was kind of funny because I also shot him in the face And when he came out, he like lifted his mask and hit paint

We should go You want to go paintball? Yeah, man. That'd be awesome. Yeah, there's one in uh, Long Island city. We should go It's indoors. That's the place that I went. Oh, but it's not paint though It is paint or is it those rubberized balls? No, they have paint. Yeah No, because I worked at an indoor paintball facility and it was like, uh It wasn't paint. It was just rubber balls The fuck that you would have to walk around with a machine and pick up Oh, no, they have painted there. They have paint. Yeah, I want to get lit up

Yeah, dude, I'm wearing a fucking hoodie that day. Yeah, I'll let you shoot me in the back with nothing on Okay, josh, this is the creepiest thing I've ever seen Oh, yeah, you can do that, dude. You're creeping me. You're creeping trying not to creep the floors Um, it's kind of look like a cat Like a like a like an exotic cat You look like a picture in the dugout. Yeah. Yeah, for some reason. Yeah, exactly Um, I think you can wrap this up though. Yeah, for sure. Um, yeah, um Do you want me to say my stuff? Oh, dude, just say your things. Okay. All right, okay

This is gonna be hard, but Follow me on instagram, uh at daniela priority And twitter is the same thing. How am I doing? You're doing all well Okay, and then um make sure to go check out the stank podcast with me and mr. Frankie alvarez Mr. Mr. Frankie alvarez, uh, we drop new episodes every friday go to youtube.com Slash the stank for your favorite movie video games comic book Niche and uh, go check out our patreon patreon.com slash stank podcast

Uh, and you guys go check out, uh, the history hyena's podcast. We just did uh an episode of theirs. Um, oh my god Dude, you just clipped a fart you just clipped a poop in there. Yeah, there's a little bit you you clipped a poop. Yep You need to go wipe. Yeah, I'm gonna have to shit. You know, you're gonna have to wipe you wipe it down You're gonna finish this one up on your own I'm gonna finish it up on my own because you need to go fix whatever just happened just now. Yeah, I gotta go That was a disgusting wet noise. It sounded like someone threw a water balloon at your ass. Yeah Okay, anyway, so we were on history hyena's podcast. Look at this. What are you doing? It's too late you're in the camera

Get the fuck out Jesus We did the history hyena's podcast of the christa stefano and uh, yannis popis. It was fucking hilarious. Love those guys So go check that out. Um, you could follow them on instagram at history hyenas. Um, and Uh, go check out other people's lives and other podcasts on the san agar studio network with me and my buddy greg dieback We call anonymous people all the time We just talked to an ex gang member a 911 first responder I hope we have some very interesting episodes up there this season

But go check that out as well And our patreon for this show is patreon.com slash the basement yard You get every episode a week in advance And uh some extra content so go check that out and that is all See you guys next time. Let's get shit his pants