The Basement Yard - #223 - Animal Tested, Not Approved

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

On this episode, we talk about Joe becoming a coffee addict, people testing products on animals and of course...poop. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I Welcome back to the basement yard in 2020. Oh shit. Yeah, I ain't no same vision mad clear No, Sam is vision mad clear That was racist. No, it wasn't yes It was never done that with your eyes if you go like this Yeah messes with the cones in your eyes that were set white and it makes you see clear do it right now Swear to God, it's true. We didn't cancel first episode You've never done this

What am I doing? No, I don't want to be a part of this. You're not doing anything wrong I am you could see better when you do that when I when I used to forget my glasses. Oh I know what you mean when I squinting. Yeah, obviously. I used to do that so I could read the chalkboard Yeah, that's racist. Hey, I don't make the rules. I'm just saying I'm here fix in post Yeah, we're gonna take that out. Oh my yeah, my back is so bad, dude. Mm-hmm. My back is horrendous. I'm a coffee Joe Yeah, I like I like that. You're in the coffee now coffee Joe. No, I'm not into coffee This is my first coffee. It's your first my first coffee Joe's first cup of Joe. Yeah I could pop my cherry today. You know I'm saying absolutely thrashed it today. You look excited. It could be the caffeine

It's course through these veins. I could feel my fingers. I'm just like I'm just like aware that I have fingers right now You know what I'm saying? You're in like disassociated disorder from this thing. Yeah, I don't know what it is I just feel my extremities right now. Yeah, like I could I'm very jealous of you because you have like your caffeine version So like you don't have a tolerance. Mm-hmm. You're gonna be fucking bouncing off the walls. I can't wait to poop, too Oh, yeah, you're gonna take great shit. I heard yeah I heard that like, you know once because there's those those mugs that say like once I finish this I'm gonna have to poop or something like that. I don't know never seen a mug of such You never seen a poop mugs? No, I've never seen a poop mug. Yeah

And the reason why I got into coffee though is because Christmas just passed obviously also happy new years And I got a bunch of mugs. I think it's just like an easy gift to give people one of them was Prince That's kind of cool It was Prince and then it had it was purple on the inside and then it had purple like drops all over it purple rain Yeah, dude. It was fire and I was like well, I got started drinking coffee. I'm gonna use this thing Why'd you get so many mugs? I didn't get so many I got like two mugs, but like mugs you just get Easy gifts. Yeah, so that's why I started doing so. That's why I'm just having my little coffee You know, I'm little French vanilla coffee. Oh sip it. Yeah, it's not hot anymore. You know what I'm saying

Look at that. Look at that. What'd you get that from Nick's gourmet deli? Nick's gourmet deli free spot free spot for Nick free spot for the boys free subs free spot for six free spots free spots What's going on? No, you are gonna take better duties though for sure better dudes Yeah, also wait before we talk about like dudes cuz I know you're probably barking down that path of poop Which we usually we frequently do that frequent poop. Yeah, we talk about the back door quite often on this show, but Wanted to make announcements. So it's a new year So we have new stuff that we're kind of rolling out here Yeah, and I wanted to just fill everyone in on what's going on with the basement yard

You know what I'm saying your head Danny's excited big guy He's in pain don't let him fool you he's got pain behind those eyes. Yeah, he's putting on a face for you Okay, tough it out for the crews tough it out. You don't have to cruise Lou bro. The crew is Lou Crews Lou bro the crew is Lou if they only knew how much pain I'm in right now They would be like this guy is like a Performance athlete. Yeah, Danny's got sciatica. Yeah I'm saying it hurts a lot My left foot is not a thing, but let's go with the announcement and we'll touch on that in a bit

We'll get to that in a bit. You can sit there and stretch if you like. Thank you So in 2020 we wanted to take the show to the next level. How do we do that? How do we give the people what they want with this shit? So what we're doing is We're going to two episodes a week Okay, big announcement Two of them dose Apple episode or yes, sorry. How do you say it? Episodores episode us. That's wrong, but we're doing two episodes a week

So Monday and Thursday are gonna be the days that these episodes are gonna be coming out on Monday It'll just be me and Danny and on Thursday. We're gonna do me Danny and a guest Okay, we've already filmed a bunch of episodes with some guests some people you know Some people you've been familiar with who has who have been in the show in the past by the people who have it Okay, so people you might be fans of are gonna be on this show So we wanted to do that. We just thought it'd be cool to kind of like throw in an extra episode a week But also kind of see me and Danny in a different sort of realm, right, right? But you got to go to patreon.com starts to base me hard to see that right wrong

Whoa, it's for frizzle. Wow That's crazy. Yeah No, but yeah, there's gonna be two episodes a week coming out on like, you know all the audio all the video all that shit The patreon is also getting a little bit of a revamp. Yes So we're getting rid of we're gonna make it just simple. Okay, and we've done things in the past but right now There's a $5 tier $10 tier 25 and 50. We're just do a $5 tier which is going to be you get every episode a week ahead So

Like full video so it's like on Monday Like right now when you're watching this next week's episode is available on the patreon So if you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard, you can go on there You can listen to next week's episode or you could watch it on YouTube We'll we leave it on listed until like Sunday night and then we upload it So there's that and then there's gonna be a $10 tier where we do extra content And we're just gonna have those two tiers. Yeah, you know or nice and simpy Yeah, of which, you know, maybe we'll hold another tier a higher one just for the fuck of it

I don't know but and I don't know what's gonna be in there to be honest with you We'll crush we'll cross that bridge when we get this week. We're gonna cross that bridge when we get there I gotta enjoy my coffee when I get to the end of it. Maybe I'll have a different answer Yeah, but that's crazy though Mondays and Thursdays new episodes of the basement yard episodes of the basement yard We have a lot more content Yeah, it's gonna be fun. Also with Santa gato studios if you guys don't know you can follow that on Instagram we have been treating the story as if it's like a daily vlog So whenever we come in here, you know me him and Josh or whoever's coming into the office that day

You know, we're constantly filming and posting and doing live streams like in the middle of the workday or whatever So you guys can follow that page and keep up to date with that and the YouTube channel YouTube comm slash Santa gato studios We have a video for every single week in January already done and uploaded ready to be thrown out there Scott's got those are gonna come out on Wednesday So look forward to that And I'm really excited about that because we're using utilizing the green screen trying stuff outside like blah blah blah So we have videos that are coming on that channel as well. So it's gonna be a lot of shit in January You know I'm saying you try big guy

Yeah, that's sciatic nerve, baby keep going don't worry about me He's a hero man. He's a warrior But yeah, so January we got Monday basement yard with Joe and D. Whoo, you know I'm saying Wednesday We got Santa gato studios videos. Whoa rolling out on the YouTube channel Then we have Thursday back to basement yard. We have me D and a guest Wow coming out And that's not to for the other stuff. We got a stank with Dan and Frank come on We got other people's lives coming out on Thursdays as well stank on Fridays. You know, we're rolling it out We're rolling it out. Okay. All right. I might even make a comeback on YouTube

I don't know that Tuesday's open that Tuesday's open. You know, I'm saving my kid every day in the motherfucking week Might have to do it. Yeah DMX got the best of me there the ghost of DMX love X Shout out X come on the show. Yeah, we got a lot of shit coming out. So yeah, get ready for that stuff You know, some people told me that we shouldn't go two episodes a week because it hasn't worked out for other people I was like, I don't give a fuck, dude. We're different. We're different. We're different. We don't give a fuck. I'm so different beat All right

Is Travis Scott It's lit If he was a goat, that's what I sounded Travis goat. That's what I sounded like before puberty I just said a very strange What would your rapper add Libby That's that's though mine's be uh Yeah, yeah

A fun. Yeah like a fun fun guy Just like scientific terms Man, fuck my pussy. Oh other things Another thing too is I had to make it known. I did beat the six second blank game on Instagram And I had to do it with a sexual noise to help me time it I saw that yeah, because if I didn't do it I Couldn't focus on the clock. Mm-hmm. So I just had to make sexual noises to the point where I would blink in six seconds And it worked. I saw that you were just like fuck

And you got it and I got it. How excited are you when you hit that? I lost my mind. Yeah, I mean too I haven't been that happy in ages. Yeah There was one time I didn't even like post it But I was just I just opened up my phone and I just tried it in the first try I got it and I literally walked around this apartment for like 15 minutes. You know, it's like I would hate when you like That's one of those things Thankfully for Instagram, but like remember when you were a kid you would do like miraculous things and no one would be around

And you knew no one would believe you. Yeah, that's a miraculous feat. That's that's stuff that Frankie used to do Yeah, when no one was around he was like, yo Was Frankie a Fibber He wasn't a Fibber as much as he was an exaggerator. Okay. All right I mean, I've been known to be guilty of that when I was Keith's Keith's a Fibber though Keith's a Fibber there was one weekend, right? Cuz me and Keith hung out every single day of our lives Yeah, and there was one weekend where he went to my cousin's house for like a New Year's party and

He they were like God drunk or like whatever the fuck and this is when we were young We were like about like he Keith was maybe 17 years old or 18 years old Yeah, and he went to this party and like whatever and any time you bring up something like crazy He's like, yeah, you know, I did that to a Michael Allison Peters house Like the one weekend that I can't be like dude, there's no way that happened like I'm always hanging out with you It's like it always happened then so now whenever he says anything. I was like, oh, where'd you learn that at Michael? That kid's name is just a great house for things to happen at though. What would you say Michael? What what it's three people? Oh Oh, I thought it was his Michael Allison Peter. Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was his name

Having a Michael Allison Peters. No Pete sexy Pete smoking Pete Him his brother and his sister like at their house Now did Pete ever like confirm any of these feats? I don't think I've ever asked him I think you should cross the reference. You know what I think we should do I think we should do a video for Santa Carlos Studios where we get a guy to come in here with a polygraph And we just kind of I would love to take a polygraph. Oh, it'd be amazing. Yeah, I'd be down. Oh, I'd be dope Maybe we'll do that. Yeah, they dip into that budget. Yeah, you know, I'm saying can't be that expensive It can't probably like seven or eight hundred dollars tops

Well, we got a new fucking we got two shows a week and we got fucking Santa Carlos Studios every single week every Wednesday now So that's true money's coming up. By the way, that starts this week. Oh, yeah On Wednesday, there's a video on Santa Carlos Studios YouTube channel and on Thursday is the first video I'm not gonna tell you who it is. What if you follow the base me right now? No, yeah, if you follow the basement yard on Instagram on Wednesday, there'll be a graphic to let you know who's gonna be on the episode I like these announces. They're very exciting. Announcing bouncy Coffee coffee sip it taste it

Yeah, you know what this started off bad really good coffee. It's that I Watch me do this commercial watch watch me do this commercial coffee ready ready go That's really good coffee I'm gonna go now, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love curb so much. Are you doing? Yeah That's really good coffee Oh My god commercials when people just nod their head at the thing that they're doing

Like it's like they're drinking a coffee and they look at and they're like good job Basically like good job coffee also to like all those 80s movies like a guy that like didn't understand like Why like black kids were allowed to like play basketball with his son and then like at the end He just somehow gets it and they go like they cut to him in the stands and he just goes Just nods his head. She's like, I'm not racist anymore. Yeah, like dude. You know you are though My kids won the big game I get it I see it now I'm like nah it took a fucking an eighth grade basketball game to change your whole life of racism to fuck it

You know I'm saying because the kid actually hit the three-pointer. Yeah, he's like these guys aren't too bad And a white epiphany up there. Yeah a white epiphany, you know what just because you hit that free throw I don't think I'm gonna try and I'm not gonna march through the streets with a pitchfork anymore. These kids are all right These kids are all right Yeah, the saddest thing ever is when Bert here's car gets fucking T-Poned Remember the Titans. No one talks about this, right? So remember the Titans the linebacker spoiler alert gets absolutely crushed by a car I guess gets a good old T-Bone, right? He gets the T-Bone

And he ends up being like paralyzed or something. He's a tough guy though. You can figure it out Bert is mama Bertil mama Gary Bertia But no one talks about the fact that like kind of Gary's fault man. Yeah, man. Not a good driver Yeah, it's not you know I'm saying he was too cocky. He someone called his name like Gary Yeah, and he's the best linebacker we got and then he fucking hits the gas and points out like yeah And then drives into traffic and gets crushed like Gary and the saddest part about that too is They tell you how he dies in real life in the movie, which is a drunk driving accident Yeah, we could have left that out. Yeah, wait, I'm not trying to be fucked up. I'm not trying to be fucked

He wasn't driving. Oh, okay But I also can paralyze people to drive. Yeah, dude, they have fucking like specialty like hand things Oh, okay, I don't I genuinely didn't know hand buttons wait So his friend was drunk his friend was drunk driving and they got into an accident died Jesus it's fucked up dude. How bad do you want to fuck Hayden Panetti area when you were a kid? She was like we both we were too. Oh, I she's our age issue. Yeah, she's my age older than you. Okay. Yeah, then sure I don't watch the movie now be like damn dude. This is going white girl so hot No, I didn't find her attractive in that movie dude. I want to smash her as a kid

No, there was some other show that she's got bigger and bigger. She's got a big dome big old dome on a bitch pretty girl though Yeah, she's gorgeous, but big head big head big head big head girls. It's fine. You could you know, it's great Yeah, she can't wear hats. No, but maybe she go our beanies. She can wear beanies, but they're gonna be very Scratched they're gonna be stretchy. Yeah, which is fine because the material that they have nowadays in 2020 You didn't have any movie crushes like yeah. Yeah, she was mine for sure. Hey, D Hey, didn't pen pen. Yeah. How do you say her last name Hayden? Paneteer pen it panitary. Yeah, I don't know panateer. I think ponnets ponnets. Yeah, ponnets your I'm trying to be French I don't know. I can't remember any from my I used to love Mariah Carey

Back in the day. Yeah, but there was never like a like a like a teeny bopper Britney Spears and no, I was never into Britney Spears. Oh my god, dude her first video was like I hated her voice Let's get this Who heard Britney Spears almost like that's it, you know, cuz I don't think it was here. I think it was okay That's it. Yeah. Yeah, let's put you in a skirt at 16 and do a cartwheel in this hallway Go put on a leather bikini. Yeah Do that now dance with a snake It's kind of hot though. Yeah, imagine someone's like I'm a slave for you. You're like damn, dude

Yeah, I don't think you get away with that song now It's not very PC. It's not PC But I think the toxic video remember the toxic video that's the one on a plane. Yeah, yeah, that was that was She kissed Madonna. I don't know. Yeah, would you make out Madonna? Nah, I would do it. Nah, she sucked mad dicks What does that mean? I'm just saying it's like Matt. I would only not save in the flavor Yeah, yeah, but I would only do it because like she's Madonna to be Eskimo brothers though with mad famous dick I'm not saying you're fucking banging her. No, but like if I kiss the same chick is like mad other dudes It's kind of cool because I think she used to like have sex with Tupac and like make out with Tupac

We made out exactly Madonna come on the show come on the show Like we're fake British accent. Yeah, and your cone tits. Yeah Like a virgin touch for the very first time Was that song me I don't really understand I think that she means that when she's touched The first time by a new man It's a virgin experience and she likes it. Oh, which that's not how virginity works I don't know if anyone kind of corrected her

But I think you just you know you get banged once. Yeah, and then the word virginity is just lost Yeah, and that's just how that is. Yeah, then you just turn to the dark side Yeah, and then you start making out with people at award shows Yeah, but I think I thought about it because I saw this video the other day she was like flirting with Justin Bieber apparently like on Ellen and Then Bieber was on the show after that and Madonna and Ellen was like well Madonna was kind of flirting with you Like did you guys end up hanging out weird question by the way? Yeah Ellen asked a lot of weird questions

I like it. That's a ballsy question It's it's like I don't like the line of questioning, but I want to hear the question I don't know the answer. Yeah, but he kind of said like oh, no, she's a little older like I would have been like yo Madonna sup Yeah, I mean just because it's a legendary Puss well, I wasn't gonna go I wasn't gonna say all that it is weird though people have legendary pusses I mean, yeah, that's a that's a chamber of secrets for sure J.Lo legendary puss

She's 50. Yeah, that's a legendary puss Yeah, yeah, I think once you have 50 becomes legendary puss like the legend of birds. Halle Berry legendary puss Yeah, well, I mean that's Maltras Zepdos and Articuno right there. Yeah, you know, and then you got Salma Hayek legendary tits and puss Just saying think I wanted to see grown-ups too See her running around in there. I'm good with it. It's fantastic one of the hottest women of all time. Yeah, they're attractive women I'm starting to feel like I'm starting to feel poopy. Yeah, that coffee is gonna make you go duty-scooty Yes, I could feel like a just a boulder for me That's a small coffee wait till you start moving up to large coffees and then ice coffees and then all kinds of coffees

Yeah, no, I had that one coffee. I had that had like a bunch of shit in it Which people probably drink and you know die from yeah, cuz they're just over there just squirting sugar into it and then milk And then more sugar. It's like that's not coffee now. That's just that's candy. That's candy. Yeah, exactly Um, it's candy milk. Yeah, that stuff will make you poopy. Yeah, but this is starting if it's starting to you know A storm is definitely brewing. I think like the second we hit Hello The second we hit like stop I'm gonna have to run in there and you know set it off Are you gonna weigh yourself for your shit? I loved weighing myself before I shit

You know what? I actually thought I was the only one who weighed myself before big dumps But I'm glad that someone else does cuz I'm just curious, you know what I mean? Like sometimes you could feel it in your stomach and you're like this is like it feels like I'm wearing an extra belt Oh, yeah, you know like even sometimes two belts or like another backpack. Yes, and it's in the front But it's in the front. Yeah, it feels like a baby a strap to my stomach Yeah, like a little papoose baby sometimes I got a shit so bad that it feels like I'm pregnant So I have to step on the scale so I can see how much I weigh Yeah, and then take the poop and then weigh myself after I'm black. Damn. That was a 3.2 pound poop

Yeah, I love the like you said like they're legendary like they become fish stories Yeah, people don't believe you don't believe you how big a poop is you know, yeah And then you're like I Photoshopped a scale. Yeah, or like took a picture closer to it to make it look bigger Yeah, that perception, but it's really just a big poop that you got three pounds off people do it And you know what? I don't think anyone who's watching this doesn't do it I'll weigh myself before piss up. I'll take a pee way too. Yeah, I'll weigh my piss. Yeah, I Like weighing my piss because that's it That's I do that constantly because you know when you have to pee really bad

Yeah, and it's like it just fills you up and you're like, oh my god My whole body is warm like you start to think that you have like internal bleeding or something Yeah, you just full of pay. Yeah, you're just full of paper and I go in there and I weigh myself And I'm like, okay, and then I just just pee for what seems like ever Yeah, you know, which seems like a millennium in there and then you walk over and you weigh yourself and you go Oh my god, I just pissed out two pounds It's the best feeling in the world. You feel like you exercised and went to the gym. Yeah, you're like well I can eat now. Yeah, I lost three and a half pounds

Just just pee-peed. Yeah, you know, if you if you if you don't pre-weigh your pee and your poop You're so full of shit. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, which yeah Intended. Yeah, you're full of shit. So go weigh yourself. Yeah, and poop and then weigh yourself again Yeah, because it's a fun game. I I'll weigh myself every morning to see like how my day is gonna go though Okay, because it's like Today I was 238. Yeah, and that was post pee and poop So, yeah, you're probably talking 255 then. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm probably back up to 261 right now Yeah, but took a 40 pound day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a battle in there

I couldn't get off the toilet today because my back So you roll off now. I just sat there for a little while Like Clash Royale, yeah, just sat there Telling you man, my back is fucked up. It's fucked Yeah, fuck you ever pee and just completely miss a toilet and just lands on the floor. So here's the thing with one of my You ever just pee but don't touch your dick at all Yeah, I love doing that. I hate it cuz it's like it feels like it almost feels like if you know You just we're trying to water the garden and you weren't touching the hose and then just starts

Yeah, I had Piss it's just going it doesn't really happen like that and the dick moves a little it doesn't move around like that But it does move but for some reason the last thing in your head is to do like to do is like grab your penis Like you're just like and then you just you just angle it. You're like, well, I already committed to not touching it So I can't like yeah doing this. I do it a full four plus I have a pair of pajamas that don't have like a hole in it so But you know like how pajamas usually have like a pee hole, okay, like you can't just pull your pants down

No, I pissed through your hole. Yeah pissed in my pants pissed through your pant hole. Yeah, dude Well, it's pajamas, bro. What do you like a 1980s porn if you fuck through your jeans, too Dude, what the hell you pissed through your pants take your pants off undo that button. Let it breathe What are you thinking? Let's get sciatica's acting up because his body knows that that's weird you're pissing through your pant hole This kid's disgusting. Yeah, it's not that bad You feel like the teeth of your G above your zipper like no Pajama pants man. I know but I'm just saying in general you're pissing through P

Why do you think the hole is there? Why do you think they put a hole there? It's for your pee No, yes, it's not it's it is for your penis. It's it's for my penis, but it's not to pee through the hole This is not a carnival game. Yes, it is dude. It's not yes, it is brother. No, dude The reason pajama pants have a button hole is so you could take your penis out at night And piss through the hole. I am We need to ask this isn't an astronomically crazy thing that I'm doing here I'm not gonna come I have to Google because but here's the thing. Isn't it easier just to go. No, it's not Your hands with a button. No, no because if I if I go through the button

My penis is out and I can control it with my hand because it's out if I just pull my pants down I'm gonna be a 30-year-old man with his pants down peeing into my toilet. I'm not saying pull them to your ankles You're psycho. I'm just saying you don't even have to put you don't have to your ass doesn't have to even hit the air It just you take the front and you just go like that and then you pulled your dick you go thumb in the waistband Hi, yeah, I do. I know I know I've been paying longer than you you have I'm shocked by this by your by your system. You never pulled your dick through your pee hole I've done it, but I hated it

You know what it is the pee hole it it like my one say this is my dick. It's definitely not but let's just say it Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean good for you So when I pull it you just had this one I'd still be proud of you. I mean, yeah, this one hurts somebody I don't like quite girth. That's girthy Earthy yeah, but like when you pull it out, right? And then there's there's pant that goes like this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah So if you can see There's some constricting going on of my penis

You know, so I feel like the pee is not free flowing. How tight are your pants? It's not that about being tight It's just about that like the tightness of the hole. I don't want to undo the I see and also I'm not good with buttons You always wear. Yeah, you're not a big button guy, but do you wear boxers to bed every night? No, no, no, no, so you'll wear you'll free dick in a pair of pajamas, right? Well, I just wear like loose basketball shorts I don't know why I said it like that basketball shorts Basketball shorts. I said that's so check Republic in my slumber I wear basketball. I wear basketball shorts. I do though to sleep you heathen I'm gonna tell you a story though that happened to me recently, right?

so Obviously, I have a bathroom here. That's like in the hallway for everyone. There's a bathroom though in my bedroom, right? And that toilet seat It it like comes down all the time like your falls. Yeah, okay So you have to like hold it up in order to pee But sometimes if you just like hold it up there a certain amount of time It'll just stay there, right?

And I'm lazy in the middle of the night when I'm peeing so I don't want to like hold it every time So I just like lifted it up and I'm peeing in the dark, right? I just assume, you know, I'm hitting the water because it's not a big bathroom It's like the toilet is like, you know, 20% of the air in there Yeah, tell them what's going on in the sink in there, too. A lot of hair. What is that about? Finish your story then I need to talk to you about that. Yeah, so anyway, there was one night I was peeing into the toilet and I'm here in water So I'm like, you know slam dunking it and I'm going off and then the seat was just creeping

But I had my contacts out. It's dark. I'm blind. Yeah as a bat So then the toilet seat came down and now it's it, you know intercepted my stream So now there was pee flying. There's change in the sound too. You could hear it It wasn't the same changing the sound that I'm starting to get wet, you know, I mean, you know There was a there was a light shower is what was happening So it hit the seat and then pee went everywhere, right? There was a piss explosion. Yeah, and I felt it on me So I kind of freaked now now I'm pissing on the wall because I moved really because I was confused

I was like, I'm just being what is this water? You're sleepy, too. You're in a weird state I don't like I'm starting to think there's an animal in here like spraying on me or something So I got scared and I like moved and I pissed a little bit on the wall and then and then I looked down I turned the light on and I'm like all the seat fell and I pissed on it So I had to clean that up at like 4 a.m It wasn't it wasn't cool. Do you wipe every time you pee on your seat? Yes, if I know that I pissed on my but I don't Times I've wiped pee-pee off that seat. I never

Down I never pissed with the seat down I don't know if it's you or if it's Josh, but I've cleaned up pee-pee in there before I have never also See that I have another thing. Yeah, so one time I was in there And I noticed this line of water That was running down from the toilet almost to the door. I know you're talking about yeah Yeah, I because I that happened to me and I was like what the fuck is this that's it was fucking piss It wasn't piss. Yes, it was no I cleaned it up and it was yellow. There's no possible way Yes, there is and I'm gonna hole in my toilet. No, this is what I'm gonna tell you

Somebody took a shit in there and probably you pee every time you shit Yeah, it probably yeah, I think this is my theory it could have been dirty water, but I'm thinking it was piss I'm gonna tell you why it could have been dirty water Uh-huh, but I thought it was pissed because it had a tint to it right so I could be wrong Okay, but I'm just saying that's why I don't want to I don't want to throw anybody down down down a well here But what do you think happened? Okay, so I think what happened is someone sits on the seat, right? Yeah, there's that little gap between the toilet seat You think they pissed out of the gap that I think they unknowingly

Whoever the party was I always tuck my penis between my legs when I take a shit to avoid a sad dog like a sad dog Because I the only reason I know this is because it's from experience. I've peed through seats I've peed through that hole too when I was younger. Yeah, so I know as I got older I was like let me talk with this dick down there and just take a nice pee pee and not have to worry about yeah I think you or Josh maybe took a little accidental pee pee and It sprayed through the the the gap and it ran down the toilet and then down the edge and then right up to the door No, I think no, that's that's very impossible, but I'll tell you why you're wrong

Okay, because there was a time that I went into the bathroom and there was no one here And I saw like mad water like pooling goes pee and it's from the shower there like there's a there's like a where the shower Glass meets the wall. Yeah, I like poured water there and a little bit can get out So if I took like a long shower or something it like builds up like builds up and then it like runs So I was like what the fuck is this and also there's just weird thing that Remember when I would take really hot showers Well, sometimes what I do is like I'll take clothes that are like a little wrinkly and I'll put them on a hanger And then just run the hot water and let it get steamy in there. It's normal. So but the steam when it comes off of the walls

There was like those like brown streaks. Yeah, it looks like coffee somebody through coffee Yeah, so I think that's why it had a tent because just saying it's it's there's like Invisible dirt in the bed like it's coated in an invisible dirt Well, I know you're not in there pooping on the wall or something Well, I'm not saying I'm saying because you found the water on the floor and you think it's pee Yeah, it had a little discoloration. That's all I'm saying because there's a It's it's it's to the naked eye. It's invisible right the dirt right but the water absorbed it possibly because the walls don't look dirty But then when there's condensation

There's some discoloration. Yeah, they go hand-in-hand in that bathroom exactly never really know what's going on in the bathroom Anyway, that's all I'm trying to say so I don't that's why don't they say when you flush a toilet like all your poo particles Just fly into the air. I saw a video on YouTube once yeah The reason why you're supposed to keep and this is why I keep my toothbrush in a cabinet because when you flush like they had a What's that called like a heat sensor? Oh, like a like a black light type thing something like that infrared infrared That's the one right. Yeah, like you're looking through a sniper. Yeah, so uh, I don't know if that's even true I don't know anything. Yeah, it makes sense call duty was but they flushed this toilet and it was just fucking an explosion of like shit

Dust of poo poo particles and just flying everywhere and it gets all over your toothbrush and now you're you're brushing your teeth, but shit Yeah, so You know now basically What it puts a whole new meaning to like your breath smells like shit. It's probably actual shit It's probably actual duty. Do you keep your toothbrush out and about well? I have a quit now, so I don't keep it out and about I put it actually in my I put it in the thing inside of my Mirror that opens. I don't know what that's called medicine cabinet. Yes That's what it's called medicine cabinet. It's got 15 fucking prescriptions. You don't know medicine cabinet

I know I know but uh, yeah, I don't really keep mine out because of that tall tail, but it doesn't seem like it's a tall tail Oh, no, this is a very short tail. This is a true thing. Maybe that's why they have a top to the toilet seat Yeah, but even then there's holes, so if you shut it and flush it probably just fucking Yeah, yeah, but maybe you are supposed to flush with the top down Chrome spinning Yeah, yeah, why would there even be a top to a toilet anyway? That's what I'm really trying to wrap my head around right now because if you go to like wait, there's no reason for a top If it's not to protect from doo-doo dust, I don't know what what what else do you need it for to be honest

There's none in public restrooms No My pain for an extra piece of equipment that I don't need I think it's a vanity thing I really do think it's like has to do just pulling your bathroom together. It just looks cute. Yeah Yeah, I Don't know. Did you guys have a like a? Toilet seat or did you have a hard one? What you know like they have like the like the foam toilet seats kind of why'd you say it's because when you sit on an air comes out of

Oh, yeah, no like my cousin had one of those Michael Allison Peter had one of those Michael Allison Peter had one Yeah, they did they actually did because I can confirm that one But I've sat on their toilet before and like I don't know who that's for for like I think yeah You can only poop for like three minutes because then you're just you're sinking it. Yeah. Yeah pooping on a floor basically Yeah The fucking squishy toilet seats. I think it's someone over there must have chronic hemorrhoids or something They need something over there because I've actually fell in the toilet as a man Yeah, like I've sat on the

Thinking the seat was down, but it was up and I've sat into the toilet and I got and dip my BH. Yeah, pH Damn, yeah, that's a serious shower then. Yeah for sure, dude. That water's not clean, right? They say you could drink it. I've never done it not this guy. Yeah, I'm not gonna I know wait no cuz I'm blast and poops into this thing like the water I get the water maybe coming in is clean. How often do you brush? I brush when it starts to I brush like I try to brush it like every like three days Why cuz I just want I don't like to look at like old poops of past No, no, I don't like to look at that. So I just get in there

No, that kid that was like whisking that is like my potatoes are ready. Yeah, I'm like chopped. Yeah Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'm doing that Into my toilet bowl like trying to get that shit super clean That's what I mean though. Like if I go into my if I have like company over I'll I'll brush it Yeah, I'll brush its teeth. Yeah, you got a brush of the toilets teeth Yeah, but usually like the poops are like cool. So like I don't really have any residue But if I have some like obvious res Of obvious, yeah, then I will brush its teeth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think I think it's cuz it's your own like you're not really

You don't really see the obvious because you're like, oh, this is my toilet But then like as soon as somebody might come over then you realize that's obvious Yeah, I mean, no, if it's obvious it's obvious like I could see this Yeah, it looks like someone was finger-painting in there but You know just regular regular schmagular fucking, you know res. I'll be like, all right I can let you hang out for a bit. Yeah regress can't sleep over but you can hang out for a bit regress is fine Regress is fine. Yeah, but I also think about it like this though

That probably makes everything stink though like that that if it's above ground if it's above water Yeah, you can't have above water residue. No, it's gotta know how it gets up there You know what I'm really confused about sometimes I'll lift that toilet seat, right? Yeah, and underneath like in the back like the back of the rim Yeah, like you know the ball just always bounces out basketball like in the back of the rim There's a there's there's there's res There's dried pee or like or like Residue poop and they're like and they're like circular and who can shit

like Define this is the toilet. This is my aim Poops going here. Yeah How I don't know is someone's asshole in this office is defying gravity. They just have a really high up anus Yeah, or they're just angling like No, I actually give myself some breathing room for that reason when I sit on a toilet You don't lean back you know I lean forward and my hands are usually like on my knees and I'm on my phone Not my hands my forearms. I'm not like this. Oh

No, I thought you were like bent over like you're like going down a skid's lift No, no, no, no, I'm bent over like I just got out of playing in the game and like I'm on the bench now Towel over my head and I'm just kind of thinking about the last couple plays, right? That's like I bit my tongue Last play if no, but that's like, you know, there's like an earthquake or something They teach the kids in school like grab your knees and go under the desk. Yeah, that's kind of my poop reg Nice. Yeah, so you poop like that. I just poop. Yeah, but I never put my butt on the back of the toilet seat I'd be I've seen people get poop on there and I don't like it. I Just don't know how it's possible unless I guess I guess you're shitting too far back or like an explosion. I guess I can I

Don't know how pee gets under the toilet seat. That always boggles Confusion I actually know I can I can see that. Yeah, because if you're just peeing and like, you know every so often it's gonna Yeah, so especially those last couple ones when you Yeah Yeah By the way, I love that whole thing with pain with like, oh, you gotta shake it twice Dude, who's shaking twice? I'm shaking 20 30 times Yeah, I'm turning my dick into a tambourine when I'm in there dude seriously

I'm just fucking batting it like Bob Ross's paintbrush and the thing is people don't understand to women Uh We constantly just get pissed on our pants Yeah, there's no way you're fully dropping in there as soon as your penis reaps because there's there's like pee level and then there's like Actual back of my pants level. Yeah, which is very down. Yes, and those drops are coming out. Yeah, Isaac Newton gravity It's coming out. Yeah, it's not gonna drip if I'm in pee position, but if I'm in rest position, yeah, it's coming out Yeah, yeah, that's a real thing hence why I don't wear white underwear anymore piss on myself all the time Yeah, just constant pee the worst though is when you like you pee

Mm-hmm, and you're like whatever and you're really trying to get it out like an old, you know tube of toothpaste You're like fucking give me something squirting it out like trying to get like the last bit of it and You're like wearing no underwear and sweat pants And then you put that pee back in your pants and then all of a sudden you're like, why is my leg wet? You got a couple drip drops, you know what I'll do purposefully if they do that I'll wash my hands and wipe them on my pants Like per like on purpose so it just looks like it's just residue water because you could see my hand prints I'm not gonna pee on my hands and rub it in myself. You know what I'm saying

That's a good strategy. Yeah, that's what you do So you try your best to just look like you're wet on purpose Yeah, because if there's a couple, you know drops down your pants It's not gonna look good for you on the exit, right? Yeah, you know, yeah gray sweat pants is a real tough thing Yeah, yeah, and jeans is fine Yeah, I'll piss my jeans. I'll piss my jeans. Yeah, I don't I don't mind We're not pissing our pants, but we're definitely you know dribbling. Yeah, you know one that like actually makes it pretty far down You're like, yeah, I'm like damn my knee got wet on that one. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I peed on my knee

peed my knee Not every day you pee on your knee, but definitely at least three times a year. Yeah. Yeah, at least thrice What's that saying? It's like no matter how much you jump and dance the last few drops end up down your pants or something Is that a real thing because yeah, I feel better knowing that it is because that's a real thing for sure I'm just smelling this now smells nice. Yeah coffee smells nice. It does. I have a little French vanilla though So it's not just like me French. I always smells good. Yeah, that's why I got it This is gonna taste like I don't know how healthy those little squirts are for you, but I like the coffee mate Oh, I'm pretty sure that's poison. It has to be poison. That shit is liquid poison. Yeah, like what are the ingredients French vanilla

Clorox Drano, what kind of what the French vanilla look? Why is there vanilla different than ours? Yeah, wait American vanilla is really good. I like vanilla regular vanilla, but his regular vanilla actually French vanilla Like French fries fries actually French fries are actually from Belgium So the French are getting all the credit for the Belgian fries sons of bitches Goddamn French. Yeah, what do they call French frogs? I've never heard frogs like you French frog or something. I've heard you you you French French frogs, isn't it do they call them frogs? Is that the diss? Frenchman, I

Think they are just Frenchmen. Yeah, we're trying so hard to offend the French. I know, but I can't do I can't Frenchy I don't know. I don't know. I heard the food in Paris sucks. So wow So fuck y'all. I know they call Germans krauts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's like a World War two thing Is it I mean that's an inglorious bastards thing the krauts We're killing Nazis in crowds kill nets is blotch him a black blotch That haircut the Brad Pitt's haircut and the glorious bastards is cool haircut Yeah, I hope I can pull that off in like my 50s. Yeah, what a mustache. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah a power stash and like a Young haircut. Yeah, he's 50 plus. Yeah, he's a good looking dude. Yeah, he's doing fine for himself

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He didn't like free the slaves or anything. No, it wasn't him. It wasn't him. It was Benjamin Franklin Everything Benjamin Franklin Benjamin Franklin also a president. Yes. Yes people a great one You know people people think that Benjamin Franklin was a president. I think it's just because he's on money I think it's just because he's an old guy Yeah, anyone who war if you show me a picture of anyone that were one of those white wigs. I'm like, oh, that's Hoover, you know, yeah, Hoover is usually on my guess when I don't know old-looking people Hoover's a very early 1900s name and Or is 1800s as well Herbert Herbert Hoover I can't imagine looking at a baby and being like let's name him Herbert

No, it's Hubert Herbert Awful names for someone. Yeah Yeah, what about Albert I hate when people are called Albert. I don't see like I just call yourself Albie Yeah, or Al. There's certain names that I'm like people are only named this because it's being passed along Like in generations. So hey, what's up? This is my boyfriend Hubert Hugh Yeah, get that Bert out of there or Bert Yeah, you know what is my boyfriend Bert because your name is Danny. Yeah, it's Danny. It's just Danny

It's not Daniel. Mm-hmm. So I think that's kind of cool because No one's ever gonna call you Daniel Even if your name was Daniel though, right Some people do from time to time and fucking bothers, but they don't know they assume Yeah, my point is like shout out to my cousin Daniel He's a good guy. You're one of my point is like your parents were like, let's just name him Danny Because we're gonna call him Danny and everyone's gonna call him Danny. Yeah, and maybe like, you know when people are ironically saying your full name They'll say Daniel if your name is Daniel, you know, it's only in ironic cases that it will come up

Yes, right. So just name the fucking kid Danny and let's go. Why do we feel the need to? Do the full version and it's not conform another thing too is like Jonathan, but they'll call him Jack Also, where did dick come from with Richard? No, yeah, it doesn't make any sense That makes no sense. The D is at the end of the name. Yeah, Richard is dick. How did the first Richard let that slide could you? Could you marry someone if their name was trash, but like they were awesome all the way around what's trash like Gretchen? Yeah, I think I could I think I could there's something about like a hot woman with an ugly name It's not like gets you going or you don't like it. No, I like it But it's not about it's not that the name is ugly. It's just that I associate the name with an old decrepit woman

Yeah, and I feel like if like I'm looking into the future like it like if you were like like Esther Yeah, like if you were fucking somebody named Esther and then you pop the question you're like, you know me and Esther got engaged I'm gonna be like this girl's hideous Yeah, if you didn't know what she looks like. Yeah, yeah, probably smoky hot But this is the thing right so that I think there's something to be said for that because it's like a surprise You know Because you know what I also like I like when girls have dudes names Like a girl will just be named Joey

Yeah, I like that I could never do that because you know, that's my name, but I can't but I like that or like Charlie somebody named Josephine I Could but you wouldn't do it right like a part of it would turn you off It wouldn't turn me off. It would be like okay. Here comes the jokes the rest of my own Joe Joe. It's a perfect man Shut up. Yeah, you know like I I could have married someone named Danielle No, no, it's Danny and Danny. I don't want that Yeah, you know cuz then I've already dealt with that my whole life of my dad I never knew which Danny was being called now. I got to bring another Danny into the mix. Yeah, and they're gonna have sex with one of them

Not my dad. Oh, Danny. You said one of them like you weren't sure what no no no no no you knew it I didn't I was I was I did and then I didn't hey What's that? I don't know it's trying to get out of that one. I fonds it. I fonds it I don't know it's trying to get out of that one. It fonds it up But yeah, I could have named I could have married somebody named Danielle and the worst thing about it is It's so weird to say that because she could probably be super duper awesome and hot. Yeah, yeah But I just don't want us to have the same name is weird Right, and I don't like it. I

I Yeah, I get that but I what I'm trying to say before is like a name that is like You think of an old like Big nose with boils like woman cooking with two hands an old cauldron hovering bitch and her name's Olga Or it's Gretchen or it's like something that's like yeah, you know and but then you see them and they're just smokes And you're like I like that. Yeah, that you're surprised. Yeah, you know, yeah I mean if they're really hot, it's like wow like way to break, you know way to fight the system

You know, it's like way to break down barriers, right? But for me in the back of my mind just being like it's my wife Gretchen Yeah Well, sorry to all the Gretchen's out here, but let me tell you something about this. Okay. I didn't make there's names that are ugly I'm sorry. Yeah, all right words that you don't the people don't like. Yeah, you know and I actually don't have a Big problem with Gretchen and also the Esther though. I don't know any esters. That's what I'm saying But odds are I'm just saying odds are they're not great I used to have a problem with Olga up until I met an Olga who's hot

Yeah, Olga with sounds hot though because they're probably not from here and have a large probably a large chance of being Hot with that name that Olga's a hot name. No, I don't I think it's like not I think if you've lined up 10 miscellaneous Olga's I guarantee you 70% of it would be hot Seven out of ten Olga's. Yeah, I I know multiple Olga that are good-looking. See thank you So it broke the stereotype for me. This is what I'm trying to say though Like you have your predetermined like oh, yeah, I'm sure like my name you hear like Joe and it's like that's just this fucking Whatever, it's a very run-of-the-mill Guy, you know, I mean, it's not it's not a special guy. Yeah, but it's also not you don't associate it with being gross

But you don't associate it with being special. It's just like yeah, well your average Joe Exactly, yeah, you know, and it's just like a very like just a basic, you know Yeah, another whatever like we need another one of these, you know, it's kind of like yeah an overpopulated Name our names will be extinct now because people are naming their kids fucking pilot and tower and weird names See, I don't I don't mind that completely I don't I don't mind that you know, but you know like if you meet someone named and their name was like Cheyenne You're like, oh, okay, like this is like who the fuck am I meeting? Yeah, because that name comes off sexy They're sexy names. I don't find it sexy

I just find it like rare and I feel like I can't make a read on a Cheyenne because I don't know a Cheyenne But wouldn't you be in yeah, but you're more enticed if I can you know my friend listen I got a girl for your for you who my Tyler Perry. I don't know. I got a girl for you And I'm like, yo, what's up, man? I'm coming through with so-and-so and Gretchen At first you can be like, all right, let me see a picture of this Gretchen, right? You know what I mean, but if I'm like, yo, I'm coming over with me and Cheyenne. You're gonna be like, okay I'd be like, okay. Yeah, or like a name like Harper. You like Harper. I like the name Harper for a girl What about the last name of porn stars?

What I thought you were referring to a porn star. Who's that Dillion Harper? Oh, I don't know what that is to be honest I thought that's like why where you got that name. No, I just see I just picture a Harper being like a southern bell Harper You know yeah, but but these could go either way, but I just like not knowing you never really know now Obviously don't I'm gonna prejudge. Yeah, but like if someone was like, oh, I'm bringing my friend Joe You're like, all right, that's fine. But then but then if you're like, yo, I'm bringing like what's like a sexy dude fucking Sergio

Yeah, I kind of yeah, like if a guy named Sergio's coming over I don't know if he's exotic Yeah, he's you know a tanned man is walking through. Yeah, you know, it's really up in the air What kind of haircut and like, you know, you know probably thin probably has great jeans Yeah, you're gonna think a little bit different. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's just the truth and what's like a dude name That's like just let's stop this Look an old man's name Hubert. Yeah, if you're like, yo, I'm coming through me You're like, yo me Tommy Joey and Hubert Hubert. Oh, but yeah, who's uncles coming through like the fuck who the fuck is Hubert?

Yeah, this guy sounds like he's been divorced. Yeah, that's why you got to go buy Burt or Hugh can't go Hubert You can go Hugh don't go buy Burt cuz that's like, you know, you're your your fat dad's name. Yeah Yeah, that is a fat dad named Burt But Burt's like kind of cute you call him birdie Birdie birdie, you know Hubert Hubert though. Yeah, that's an old name. That's a milkman's name Yeah, that's a guy you hand a tip like on Christmas. You're like, thanks Hubert Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone knows him. You know, he works behind the register at the convenience store Where's a bow tie all the time all the time looks like Brooks from Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, honestly, I swear to God. I was picturing that

Bruxy, you know ended up hanging himself guy rest his soul. He was here. He couldn't adapt to the outside life Yeah, you know, but Jack never came to see him in the Never the guy just wanted to be a librarian in prison. Yeah, and hang out with his fucking bird Hang out with his bird and what do we do? We reformed them and sent them back out into the public How dare you disgusting make him a cashier at a busy supermarket. It's a high-stress situation It's not for everybody. You know, it's weird how like in movies I don't know if people do this like if this was a thing of the past but people would always get dressed up to kill themselves. I Think that is a thing. Is it really I I have

I'm going out naked You're going naked. Yeah, I'm going naked. I don't know why but I did I do remember reading about how We should get off this fucking top. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we like people like clean their room Yeah, I've heard about like they'll pack a bag or some weird shit I think it has something to do with they don't want to be a like a burden. Yeah, okay, but I don't know Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, let's talk about like ugly names again I'm trying to think of an old fucking Bruxy brought it out of me

I'm trying to think of an old man name though. Like you see a guy Clarence That's a old fucking name. Yeah, that's like a yeah Clarence is an old man's name Yeah, grandpa Clarence. Oh, uncle Clarence. That's a that's a guy like when I hear the name Clarence I Thought I was getting a phone call when I hear the name Clarence. I just think of Like that guy must be just black and white. Yeah, he doesn't have any color. Yeah, you know like an old TV Yeah, he's just not a lot going on. What about Gary? Gary's here not a good driver. Yeah

Gary Gary's just like I'll just a white dude. I like Larry better than Gary Larry, but Larry's pretty bad, too Is Larry a short for something Lawrence? I Believe I could be wrong. I could be wrong Gary is not. Yeah, Gary's Gary's Gary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I Don't know. Oh, man. Oh, you know, it's ugly ass name Gertrude. Yeah Gertrude sounds like a spice you put into like a soup. Yeah, if you were in a princess named Gertrude you odds are you're probably gross Yeah, you're not in line for the for the yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm just saying now

I'm not saying I believe that what I'm saying is oh, no, I believe you're set up for failure I believe to yeah, but you're set up for failure with a name like Gertrude like you better be really smart because odds are you're not gonna be hot Well, I think not hot people pick ugly names Not hot people pick ugly names. Yeah, I That's what I'm saying. I think it's just like a lineage of gross. No, but that's the thing I don't mind it because it's like if everyone had hot names, then there's no hot names Yeah, so it's gotta be some ugly names to balance out hot names Everything needs balance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but what I'm trying to say is like with a name like Gertrude, right?

If I meet a girl and she and I'm like she's hot as shit, right? And then you're like, oh hi, I'm Joe and she goes on Gertrude in my mind I'm fucking blown away now. Yeah, because she's breaking down barriers Yeah, something sexy about breaking down social norms. Yeah, dude. There's destruction of that wall 100% which I'm all for and I'm all for it, but I'm just saying from the jump I'm gonna prejudge you. I'm gonna assume you got a hunchback at a boil. Yeah, all right Or like you got a 4.7 GPA and a lot of social issues Yeah, we're just gonna leave it there. Yeah, or like one legs a little shorter than the other so you walk kind of side to side

You kind of bop your way into the club, but you could be hot. Yeah, I'm not saying you got an ugly name I'm saying your name is attached to a stereotype. That is an ugly person, which I'm I'm on your side I want you to break it. I want you to break it. Yeah, I Would love for you to break it break it open. Yeah, but you kick the door down to wire at it I almost would rather have an ugly name so that I could shock people. No, you wouldn't. No, I would do you said you might almost No, I do I you would hate your life if your name was Hubert. Don't give me that shit. I'll go by H Yeah, people would come probably call me Bert, but

Or Hugh or whatever, you know, it's a bad name and I and I hate this because I like him a lot the name Ralph Ralph Ralph's a bad name. That's just a dad. Ralph's a dad. You're born a dad Ralph. That's like Barbara. That's a that's a mom You're yeah, you're that's a mom who's who's dying her hair. Yeah, or like row Like like Rosalie or Rose. I mean, that's a very Italian. Yeah, but if your name is row your automatic You automatically are born with three kids. That's just how it works And you automatically know how to make an eggplant parmesan. Yeah, you were you're born in like I know about this Rollatini. Yeah, you come out with like Calamari like stuff Calamari. Yeah. Yeah

I feel but I feel like the name Barbara is like a high-waisted pant name like a beehive hairdo Yes, and you could kind of see through it beehive barb also Barbara like looking at a baby and going Barbara Like immediately you got to put one of those things on your stairs that like has the seat that makes them come down the stick Barbara's old. Yeah, this baby is like it's probably as the whole bunch of fucking fucked up shit with it I'd never wish anything bad upon a baby But no Barbara that baby's kind of fucked from the jump. Yeah, that's all this shit That baby's had a couple marriages not not turn out so great

Yeah, that baby comes out of the fucking womb like three times divorced. Yeah, but you see but even that so you meeting a Barbara and you're like us is an old person's name or this is like an outdated name whatever and then they're super hot You're like damn dude Barb is now Barb is like kind of hot now Like you can always flip it and but with a name like Joe and a name like Danny Yeah, that's never gonna happen. No, so you could be hot as a Joe and everyone's just like okay And you could be ugly as Joe. I just it's just like whatever there. It just there's no reaction Which which is terrible I would rather have a name or someone has like a pre like whatever about it and then I could just be like

This is what you're getting now. I get what you're saying. I want to get on board with you I really do I just want to be there's there's some disgusting names out there that I'd rather just have my name I'm not saying we got to go straight to the like, you know the depths of hell of names. Would you rather be named Joe or Ralph? I Don't find Ralph to be that like alright, so would you rather be named Joe or Ralph? No, I'd rather have a shockingly ugly name Would you rather be named Joe or Ralph? I'd rather be named Joe because I know because I don't think it moves the needle Ralph is Not a no like a like a very popular name. I think I know a bunch of Ralph's or Raphael's I know I Mean, I know I know a couple of Raphael's as well. Yeah, and like they're not one of them's in the turtle

Yeah, that's the one I know When did I why why were all the The Ninja Turtles Italian it they were named after painters. I know that but they were all Italian painters Yeah, what is it? What is it? I don't know. What was the correlation now? Never once were the Ninja Turtles like oh But the yeah, they started to type their shit out of them. Yeah, they did yeah That pizza looked so good in that show hell yeah when they would eat it off the Trident And it was just soaked it was like it was dripping with cheese

You know usually when cheese drips like that. It's really hot. So I was concerned about them burning their mouth Yeah, cartoon food looks always looks great Whoever draws a crabby patty. I would fuck that up God the crabby patty looks so good hell. Yeah 100% You know what I heard that pearl was not mr. Krabs real daughter, but like he was like Here her sugar daddy

Okay, and that's why Pearl would always call him daddy Wow, yeah Would you do that? Be a sugar daddy. No, no, no, would you like if you were a sugar baby? Mm-hmm Would you be a sugar baby is my question as a dude as a as a female as a woman Would I be a oh would I have a sugar daddy? Yeah, hell yeah I mean you say that now. I would fuck. Yeah, would you fuck the daddy? Yeah, you'd fuck daddy Cuz yeah, I'd fuck daddy for sure because here's why because you fuck old

Yeah, let me tell you something all right girls fuck dudes for free out here Yeah, but not old daddy, but if it's old daddy old daddy's got a bank account I'm living a different lifestyle and I could fuck whoever I want and all I gotta do is blow this old dude every once in a While dude, you can't just write that off as like it's an easy task like we're talking about blowing old men It's it's not I imagine It's not great and it's not easy. Yeah, but if you're securing the bag I think it's easier if there's a bag there. It's fine. Yeah, there's a reason why people do this I don't know man. It's a very well-known thing. It's it's be girls do it. Yeah, I do it too. I mean

Yeah, yeah, you wouldn't have sex with an old woman to secure the bag What kind of bag a Fucking good one. You drive whatever you want. Oh like they're gonna give me a car. Yeah, dude They're your sugar mama. How often do I gotta like? Twice a month and you gotta eat her out once Separate separate separate separate separate not same night so three times one oral night and one vaginal night One oral night and one vaginal night you pick you pick which which one you want to be some correspondence on a day to day I assume right there's tax, you know, she's got a job. She's busy. Yeah, and you get to go out and live your life

You can she gonna get jealous? Yeah from time to time but that you but you'll be like you can be out somewhere and if it's one of those two nights She's like yo come here like sugar mama time. What if what if I was like I can't right now I'm at a I'm at my my friends assembly cut off. What I don't even know what I said She cuts me off if I can't get to her. Yeah, dude. She'll find somebody else. They fucking satisfy those needs She's got money, but she but she likes me Not to the point where she can't replace you That kind of makes me feel bad. Yeah, that's how they keep you around they make you feel a little bit bad about yourself

What if I promised her I could meet up with her later or like tomorrow or like a better day for me She's old man. She's gonna go to sleep Yeah, but I could come tomorrow Listen, you guys don't have to work that out between you two. I'm just saying as a liaison here I don't think you know a consigliary to this old bitch I think that she would want to see you at a drop of a hat if she's letting you drive around in Tesla's and go to Rodale Drive all the time. You better suck that old clip It's the oldest you would have sex with right now be fucking honest dude

What's the oldest yeah? Non, you can pick a celebrity I guess cuz that's well JLo's 50, but no one looks like that. Yeah, I would skip her Yeah, like would you bang someone as old as Meryl Streep? Are they Meryl Streep? That's an old bitch. She is. Is she Meryl Streep? She looks like Meryl Streep, but she's not she's not a Meryl Streep. Yeah, she's not probably not you wouldn't know no I'll tell you what you look up how old Meryl Streep is I feel I don't want to I don't want to write her off No, she has to be in her 70s. She's a she's an old woman It says she's

Old as shit She's 70 she's 70 years old. You're not gonna have sex with any 70 year old woman dude. She's not terrible I'll tell you who I do like though bet middler No, Ray of Pearlman. Oh my god. The woman that I like is older than Meryl Streep Who is it? Diane Keaton You like Diane Keaton? Something about her. You bust her open. I don't know 72 years old 73. No, you know you wouldn't she's 70 She's 73 you might let her suck you

Might yeah, see you let what about Michelle 5? Would you let Michelle 5 suck you? How old is Michelle 5 probably close to 60 Michelle Pfeiffer Yeah, how old is she? 61 I would get down with five. I'm good 61 is my top. I would bang Michelle Pfeiffer Yeah, but like not celebrity though. What age would you be like? Okay? You know what 40? What about like a nice 46? Cuz people could still look great in their 40. Yeah, but like I want kids though

Like oh, I'm not saying you gotta marry him. Oh, it's just about sexy. I'll fuck them It's but what age? 50 let me let me ask you another question. I'm 30 dude. Let me ask you a question brother. Yeah, I Mean that's a great question. I thought it. Yeah, um, no, but you said 60 I said if it's a one-night thing. Yeah, and like it's a story to tell I will have sex with a 60 year old woman But I don't know about that. But like like an attractive 60 year old woman. I'm not trying to just go to like the road house I'll go 40s But but J Lo's 50

Yeah, I would do 40s for sure Yeah, I would let a 40-year-old rock my fucking sock So here's the thing right because 40 year olds you could be actually attracted to I think once you start getting a little older Then it just becomes this novelty thing and like that's not fair to her No, it's not but I'm sure she'd be okay with it because she probably hasn't got pipes in a long time Yeah, and she wants the young bull. Yeah But yeah, so I would try to not make it like a whole thing No, but I'm saying for the novelty of it

I like to say you had sex with someone that was 60 years old to be like a ha ha But I don't even know that it would if they were hot How many hot 60 year olds are there? That are real that are not celebrities. Yeah, it's I mean it's tough I mean, I'm not very you know a well-versed in the 60 year old market Yeah, and the 60-year-old community, but I'll set up a geo targeted ad and see what happens Yeah, I'll swipe to Tinder a few times and maybe check that out We should do that we should go on Tinder just try to find and just try to find like a 60 year olds

Like no, we won't go like talk to them, but just be like this one's a while. This one's hot This one's a hot 60 year old. We're doing that Yeah Also people just lie about their ages on there. Yeah, but if you were not gonna lie about 60 if you're 60 or 60 Yeah, you're 60. Yeah, they also have to swipe on you though Yeah, I knew a dude who used to say he was younger than he was on Tinder Yeah, that makes sense people that he was 29. He said he was 25 That's a weird thing to lie about right. I thought like in the 40s, and then you say you're 35

No, he was 29 and would lie and say he was 25 Why was he trying to fuck strictly 19 year olds? I guess I don't know I never really like dive too deep into it All I know is that he would lie about his age on Tinder That's a weird thing to make himself 25 and I was like dude. It's alright like if you're 30 like it's cool You know, but he was just like now like I feel like it's less intimidating to them If I'm younger This guy's a psycho. Yeah, the fuck. Yeah, if you're in your 20s, you're in your 20s. Yeah, even early 30s. Yeah

Yeah, it's like cares I'd also listen if I was a woman I would have minded an older man because I feel like he's gonna know what to do with me Woulda me woulda me. Yeah. Yeah, he's gonna be able to knock my fucking socks off I may have you a little bit. Yeah, maybe fix your car that too. You know what I'm saying? He's got a garage full of shit cosign on a loan for me help me rent a car Yeah, he knows about the stock market. Yeah, of course. He reads tech crunch. Yes, you know instead of barstool sports Yes, you know now now you're talking my language. That's what I'm saying He's got some grays, but they're nice, right and they like they accentuate like every other feature in his face

He makes a mean coffee. Yeah, and he wears glasses, but only to read. Yes And he reads the newspaper in one hand. He doesn't do the whole two-hand thing No, no, no, he reads it one hand like this coffee in the other and he'll audibly make like Hmm like he was interested by something that he just read and he'll put out his outfit for the next day the night before Yes, he's a prepared man. He's organized 100% showers every day. Maybe even exercises early. He moisturizes. Yeah He does facial masks, but he doesn't tell anyone. No because it's his business who what happens in his house is his house It's nobody's business. No, I Like this guy, I love this guy and now if he was named Hubert, I'd still like him though

Yeah, I mean to come full circle. I'd be like Hubert's a pretty pretty guy. I'll put together. Yeah He's a pretty man. That's honestly all I want in life is to be well put together I don't know if I want to be like, you know, this glorious whatever. I just want to be put together I agree. I think being put together is as good as as as good as it can get You know right now. I'm just a man puzzle Yeah, I like I feel like there's just I feel like I get new pieces every day Yeah, I'm a man puzzle or I feel like I finished the puzzle and there's still one piece And I can't find it because it's stuck under the carpet

But like then I go to sleep and I wake up the next day like let me step away from this from this puzzle You know, and I'm like, maybe I'll find it tomorrow and it turns out it wasn't under the carpet I should have just checked last night now. I'm still looking for this piece and guess what it winds up It's not even the right piece. Yeah My life's a puzzle dude. I just feel like if it is if I'm a puzzle I like last year I had the instruction manual out and it said, you know

20 pieces or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, and I put it together and I was like, oh cool I'm done and then I picked up the instructional manual and then there was a fold in the paper and then I opened it And it said 250 pieces. Oh no, so I thought I was done, but I'm not even close. Yeah So now I have to work on putting myself together with that puzzle. Yeah, and I'm like also like an Ikea desk Where I put the a screws in the b holes. Yeah Oh, wait, what wait? Are you talking about a different thing now? No, I'm talking about when you put the wrong size screws in the in the wrong letter letter holes This is starting to get it. It's getting sexual, isn't it?

You just said you put your screw in a b hole. I said my a screws in a b hole Oh Letters last letter a okay. Yeah, Ikea. Come on. Okay. I thought you were never mind. Um dirty dirty brain dirty, bitch You dirty brain. You got a dirty dirty rat brain. Would you Shout out drita her drita got arrested. Yeah, someone fucking red fucking red someone ready to fucking me You fucking ready to fucking dream? It was you and your fucking father You don't know who's the fucking red is your uncle's cousin's father. You fucking red your whole fucking step family rats

They don't know the code you come to my house for Christmas. You fucking rat You come to my house. You don't even bring regard fucking rats Get the fuck out of it. Don't even come to fucking visit me red. You fucking red. I know you you read That's all I got. That's all I got. Okay and seen and seen. Yeah By the way, before we go, I wanted to talk about this turtle Oh, yeah Because dany told me about this turtle, but I need to know more information. All right. So there was this 45 year old turtle in united kingdom, right that uh Basically burnt his family's house down because he knocked over a heat lamp. Yeah, and he just wasn't having it

Yeah, and apparently when they went to save the turtle He seemed very angry that he was getting saved. So he was trying to go down with the ship. Yeah He was a 45 year old turtle that just decided. Hey, what's up? I'm gonna knock over this lamp We're all just it's over for everyone. Merry Christmas. The treat is the gift is down. We're all bad. Yeah and for him I think it was an actual attempt. I think the turtle actually did attempt to kill all these people I think turtles have that They're they have the aptitude to kill. They're they're wise animals think about a 45 year old

Animal like dude this animal has been alive longer than me like it knows stuff Yeah, and it's notice things and it's seen stuff It's seen a lot of stuff think about the things animals have seen because they can't talk and think about the conversations People are willing to have in front of a turtle. Yeah Like you'll put the kids to bed before you beat your wife, but you'll beat your wife in front of the turtle I'll beat the shit out of my wife in front of a turtle. I would also hit my wife in front of the turtle Yeah, what's the who's the turtle gonna tell? Yeah, please But not a parrot though not a parrot because they repeat and that gets you in trouble

Also, you're gonna need to unplug that Alexa because they will tell on you if you beat your wife in front of it as well Yeah, that's yes So if you're gonna beat your wife unplug the Alexa put the kids to bed get the turtle out here and hit that wife Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean put her down put the turtle to bed and then knock her lights out too. Yeah No, but Yeah, so We're trying so hard to go off the road. Um, no, but seriously, uh, but I really do think that turtles are smart Especially like literally it'll just like logically 45 years like this turtle has picked up on shit. So I I think that it knows

this is a hot lamp I don't know if they know what they're actually doing, but they know like I want destruction Yeah, you know like they want to destroy a turtle doesn't accidentally knock over something they do it on purpose Yeah, like a dog is dumb they live to be 11 and then they die and it's like an 11 year old is dumb Like a human 11 year old that has like, you know, they can learn like 15 languages at at three But they're still dumb at 11. Yeah, and a dog will like eat its own shit Yeah, like a dog you expect a dog to almost accidentally burn your house down, right? You're like, oh, that's just you know That's fido. He does that. Yeah, but a 45 year old

I don't know about that a fucking turtle too. Yeah, it was probably just had enough everyone's shit Probably didn't get anything for Christmas. Nothing. I was like, listen, you fucking assholes No one comes in here and leave me in here with this lamp. You know what watch what me and this lamp can do I'm gonna burn this place to the fucking ground. Yeah, that's a crazy thing also I think it should be Like noted that this is a british turt. Yeah So or like an english turt. Blah blah blah. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Yeah You bloke

Blah blah blah. I'm gonna knock everything down and I'm burning the house down on Christmas Burning a flat down you fucking dosa. What is that? It's like a dosa means like a homeless person Oh, shit. Well, yeah, now they are homeless now. Wait, did the house burn completely down? No, no No, it didn't burn completely down There was a lot of smoke and smoke alarms went off and I just think the funniest part was is that when they saved the turtle He seemed visibly upset, but like how does the turtle seem visibly upset was it was just like frowning like I know he was going away from them like trying to walk into the flame the fuck apparently he was not happy Probably just another lonely Christmas for the turtle and just had enough

You got to put that turtle in the wild and let it like be back with the turds Oh, yeah, clearly, you know the home life in in the uk is not for him. Yeah. Yeah, I once put a turtle in the ocean In your own no, no, no, so what happened was I was a small child and I was riding my bike This is when I used to live in South Jersey So we had ocean drive and dune drive dune drive was a bay and ocean Drive was the ocean. Yeah, so I sat with this turtle that I found in the street It was like a turtle crossing and like I was I didn't want him to die

So I was like, all right. Do I put him in the bay or in the ocean? I put him in the ocean. He probably died. Wait, you're not supposed to put him in the ocean I think it was a bay turtle. Does it matter? Yeah Because like they're like swampy turtles like they can't deal with waves and shit Why not because they're just they're they're not like saltwater animals Some of them like there's different types of turds. So you murdered a turt Yeah by accident though turt murder turt murder. You're a turt murderer. I'm a turt murder Wow. Yeah, apparently I told my dad and he was like, oh, I need to lost it. Yeah, I was like that

I was like, I thought I saved it Yeah, I mean he was like, what color was it? I was like, I don't know green He's like, oh, this is supposed to go in the bay. Does it? Was it big? No, it's small babies. No, I don't know. It's like this big. Oh, that's a legitimate. It's a legitimate turtle Like I could hold him up with two hands and he'd be go Oh Did he did he snap at you? No, no, no, no, no. Was he a happy? I did touch his nose and he went And he went inside

He got all uncircled size Yeah, I've never like Picked up a turtle. I was like, no, remember we watched that video that thing eating that turtle Yeah, the croc Snapped a turtle the turtle was like hiding in a shell and it's like he'll never get me in here And then the croc just snapped it in there. I was just like Yeah, which how does that not hurt your teeth croc? I don't know if I bite into a crouton too fast. It sure hurts my teeth. This is my fucking

Turtle shells in half. Dude. I can't even look a popsicle without having a fucking hemorrhage. Yeah This doesn't make sense. No, my brain freeze my teeth hurt. Oh, yeah Remember the video of the turtles banging? Yeah, they're like That's fire. Yeah, hell, yeah Animals fucking is cool Because it's from afar from afar like I wouldn't want to watch two turtles. Fuck. Actually, that's not true I would watch two turtles. I would super up close because there's turtles I wouldn't watch two dogs have sex because like they're domesticated animals and they look kind of humane

Yeah, and their dicks are weird. Yeah, you know, I don't really want to see it Put some more skin on dog dicks. Yeah, that's 2020. Yeah, let's make a petition because skin those dicks Yeah, let's put some let's let's put some stuff on it because They once they come out of their little like sheath. They're very wet sheath. They look like there's no skin Like you ever get like a deep cut and it's like, oh, you could just see the meat hasn't started bleeding yet That's what a dog's weiner looks like. Yeah, it looks like a fucking. Yeah. Um, what's that called? An abrasion or something? I don't know I don't know but the dog dicks are weird. Let's put some skin laceration. I don't know

but uh Another thing about though putting on animal we touched about it on it with the native had Are they really out here putting makeup on dogs? Yeah, apparently they just say they test everything they put like lipstick on them and shit They dress them out like put blush on a dog like what are we doing here? Wait, who like one would be like makeup companies like it's not animal tested. Oh, yeah Are we like trying to make the we're putting eyeshadow on monkeys? Like what are we doing? Are we dolling them up? Yeah, we putting yeah, what the fuck I never really thought about it till now

Hell I never really thought about it. It's like, hey man. Is there a monkey somewhere that just looks great Yeah, like why put it on a monkey? Why not just put it on a person? Yeah, why don't you get tested on a purse? And just be like, hey, what's up? My lip hurts. Okay. Here's a mox sill and take this for two weeks Or take this benadryl and you're fine. Why do we have to go up to a monkey and go? Hey, let's try this eyeliner bubbles Yeah, and then like if it looks good on the monkey that doesn't really mean anything Monkeys don't look like people. Yeah You know what if we can make this monkey

Look relatively attractive. Imagine what it's going to do for the human canvas. I guess but I don't understand how you Get a monkey in a room and you put makeup on it and make large business decisions Based off that based on this monkey model Yeah, that makes no fucking sense. Are we done with the animal testing? I would hope so There's fucking cows out there with mascara on Like what are we doing? It's silliness. Yeah, I

Yeah, that's dumb dude. Yeah Like what are we doing our makeup actually not I'm gonna look that up makeup gets tested on on animals I'm gonna type in things tested on animals that are tested On animals definitely medicine Windex They test It's tested on animals to make sure it's safe for human use so they just get an animal and spray it Yeah, so fuck so yeah, we'd like to clean our windows with this Monkey this thing could clean dirt off of a disgusting window to your eyes monkey

Trojans They're putting condoms on monkeys. Actually, that's not the worst thing in the world I wonder if they're making them wear condoms and fuck other monkeys or just jack it because monkeys jack They do band-aids That's not a terrible one Kleenex Vaseline Vaseline's the weird um what they have a fucking box in in there Post-it notes Are we worried about post-it notes? It's good. You just go you just go up to a monkey and you're just like

Put a post-it notes on it said sticks sticks works um Yeah, I I don't know scary dude. This one's pet food. Okay, that makes sense. They're they're animals. Yeah, I mean someone's gotta do it Here's a question Uh, why do companies continue to test products on animals companies test on animals to provide data They can use to defend themselves when they are sued by injured consumers So it's like oh The makeup burns your eyes didn't burn the monkeys eyes bubbles coming here for all the case

Yeah Case dismissed. Uh, I want to present exhibit a Bubbles the monkey watch what happens when I spray it with this windex Look, he's fine. All right Who are the people who do this? This one has eyeliner on that's what i'm saying at our eye shadow. She's fucking killing it though. Yeah, she looked beautiful That's it. That's good with her skin tone. Yeah, it really it brings out her eyes It does

I'm telling you dude. That shit is mad weird imagine your job was to put makeup on monkeys Yeah, what the contact lenses your pop of nose and animals eyes diapers I mean monkeys were diapers now like domesticated ones cold cold gate toothpaste Furniture polish they're animals not furniture. It's not a couch polish this monkey It's shining. It's good. Let's do it Splenda

That's weird artificial sugars Green cleanup brands. I don't know what that is me neither, but I thought green meant like no animal tied You're telling me you're taking a koala and throwing it in a washer and you know washing it with tide Another thing that's weird too. You ever see those dawn soap commercials and they're always like dirty ducks Yeah, why are we washing dirty ducks with dish soap? But like the oil from the Oil spills right, but it's like I would never be like this is a dirty duck. Let's get some dish soap. I would get duck soap Or some kind of animals not tear a tear free soap So they don't cry so they don't cry

I almost see a duck cry a baby dawn Well, we know that from the commercial. I mean they're putting it on ducks. Yeah, at least they're out front about it It's like we'll wash your ducks with our dish washing detergent if there's an oil spill We will clean those ducks. Yes lice all that's fucked up. Yeah However at the same time it is responsible for the killing of other animals that are being employed in experiments employed Are you paying these enslaved? It's more than right to work. This is pro bono. Okay, you know what's getting paid here, dude

There's not a monkey clocking out with a cigarette in his mouth. Yeah Long day at the office. I got sprayed with lice all today. See you tomorrow Hubert Oh my god, all-purpose cleaners like what the fuck those are dangerous. Yeah I don't even like touching that shit my own hands Yeah Ajax my god I'm telling you man. This shit is fucked Chlorox disinfecting wipes is number one. I love those things though. I do but even I feel weird about if I touched them too much

Everything your mom always said like hey, don't like get this on your skin or like in your eyes or anything like that That all came from them throwing it into a monkey's face So the company uses consist of trickling the completed products and ingredients onto the animals Plus ingredients and finished products are fed to the animals. Are you kidding me? This is not say anything about the loss of sight and severe skin can They are spraying them in the face That happened to lead to the many deaths of defenseless animals These animals are kept in are are kept not in cages

But in tight overcrowded plastic containers and then they are cast off when they Turn out to be too ill or no longer wanted Yo, what the fuck? Yeah, dude Told you I thought they're just getting monkeys out of boxes and spraying them in the face What the fuck is going on and listen I I understand that this looks stupid And I agree that it is that I didn't know this was going on But I didn't know to this degree Not not this not this much. I I didn't know

that I like I I knew that, you know, like You know, we we fuck up animals like I know that yeah, we're pieces of shit. We were aware of that Yeah, I know that we keep a thousand chickens in a in a box this big and then we like slaughter them I know that with like one saw that comes all the way across and it's terrible right and I still try one day Hopefully we'll be vegan and I'll do my part. I can't right now. I got stuff going on. It's tough and I love meat But I didn't I didn't know

That there was a whole other industry and this is I'm dead serious now. Now. I'm not joking. No, I know you're I had no idea that for windex They're they have boxes of monkeys Or cats and they're just It's fucked up and they throw it out. What are we doing? What are what are we doing?

I don't know. Listen. You want to make a product? You want to make the new windex? Spray it in your own eyes. Yeah, okay. How's that? Don't spray it in this fucking monkeys eyes We need the monkeys. Yeah, and they're cool. They're cool. Yeah I love monkeys. Don't spray them with windex. No spray yourself Okay, you're worried about this all-purpose cleaner Put it in a sandwich and let's find out if you're survived the night

Okay But don't Make the monkey drink it. No, because that's not fair. No, they don't know what's happening And if you're gonna do it, you have to do let the monkey do it back to you Also, how is this straight up not murder? Because if I walk down the street and I find a monkey and I feed it Drano and it dies I'm going I'm getting locked away for a while. Yeah, dude. You can't touch monkeys like that But if I go, yo, no, I invented Drano

I was trying to see if it's safe for all the people's clinical trials Then what I get a free I get immunity Seems like it What is going on in this country? This ends Today 2020 we're gonna stop all this throwing out the Clorox wipes. Yeah, you know now I'm going back to sponge and soap But now I can't even go to the dawn because dawn's on that thing, but they're cleaning the ducks

So now I don't know what to believe Do do any of us really I Don't know where to go go home, man When are the animals safe never food yep fucking Windex. Yeah They better like have free health insurance or something at least nah, they pay for that. They just throw them out in a box That's fucked That's crazy

I knew that you know what I you know Whatever I knew that animals get shit tested on them or whatever and we like send them into space to see if they'll explode or whatever Uh But I honestly didn't know that it was like this Like you're you're literally pouring all-purpose cleaner Onto a wallaby. Yeah What are you doing just to see if it like doesn't cry Or it burns them. It's fucked. It's really fucked. It's it's it's a sad sad sad reality of life

I hope I mean listen if you want to do it do it, but you definitely should go to jail Yeah, should be a fine or if you let the monkey spray you back Yeah, now we're talking you want to spray a monkey with Windex monkey gets to spray you back. Yeah Eye for an eye. Yeah spray for a spray spray for spray. Let that monkey spray you right in the face Yeah I say you guys go spray for spray first one of die loses Yeah, and then then whoever wins gets to eat the other one Yeah, and they also have the right to the the patent of the product the patent of the product and and equity

Because they're employed yeah That was a bullshit sentence by the way, of course it was the animals that are employed there there is no employment No, there is no exchange of goods. No I use spray me with Windex and then I just be a monkey. Yeah, you got these monkeys for like eight barrels of sugar cane Yeah spices From some foreign country. Yeah, what is it and they shipped them there and you opened up a box And you started dumping juice on them. You're sick bastards sick bitch. Yeah, no, we should test our monkeys

Delicious ice cream flavors. Yeah, let's pour delicious ice cream on a monkey's head Or let them have a couple bites that too. I say we should test more yummy delicious treats on animals Yeah, let them have some treats and if it makes them more excited Then you know you got a good treat. Yeah Let them get happy test happy stuff. Don't spray him in the eyes Spray him with love spray him with love. Yeah How the fuck did we get here? I don't know what an episode. Yeah, this was a good one. It's been a ride Yeah, my back's killing me dude. Yeah, so if we could like wrap this up. Yeah, I would love to wrap it

Yeah, I don't mean to be that this guy like I could sit here and talk to you all day Yeah, but my back is it's basically no I'm at this point. That's good. Yeah, my left foot. I can't feel it And I'm doing this all for you people by the way. I'm gonna be doing it twice a week now So just just love me the way you've always loved me please because I'm fucking hurt. Yeah, the guy's big guys hurt Yeah, um, but yeah, so before we wrap up here Just wanted to reiterate Basemeyar is going to two episodes a week Monday is gonna be You know the regular stuff me and Danny and then Thursday

We're gonna do an episode with a guest. Um, if you want you guys can hit us up on instagram Uh, you know, let us know who you want us to reach out to to be on the show. Mm-hmm. They have to be in new york Um So it could be anybody while they're in new york It seems to be one of those cities that people pop into Periodically, um, let us know in the comments or whatever and we'll reach out to them. Did you just fart? Did you really that was a fart? Yeah, dude, my whole body shook just now Dude that traveled through your chair

Through the floor and up my chair. Hey man, big dogs big dogs gotta eat dude. That was a fucking massive one Shake the block you did shake the foundation of this building will never be the same after that And now you get double the farts a week double the farts. I also farted earlier in this episode Um, but yeah, so we have two episodes coming a week the patreon go go check out the patreon We're gonna have cool stuff on there five dollars here a ten dollar tier um but Yeah, and then where can they uh at daniel priori on instagram and twitter and somewhere freeing some animals tonight

So if you guys want to meet me at the bronx zoo, we're gonna climb the wall and open some cages Yeah, but I mean, I know the zoo's bad, but at least they're not spraying them with a windex I don't know where these fucking buildings are, but we'll have to burn them down We'll bring that fucking turtle with us. We'll start setting some buildings on oh, yeah We'll put a bandana on them ride them right in there. Oh my god. That's such a good idea. Um So yeah, that's it Uh, go follow the baseman yard on instagram at the baseman yard To go check out other people's lives in the stank which are two other podcasts on the san agar studios network

And that is all we'll see you guys on thursday slut Oh