The Basement Yard - #225 - Hot Astronaut Love

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

On this episode, we talk about making love in space, jaying in sensory deprivation tanks and more! Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I Welcome back to the basement yard Danny. How's it going, but what's up, man? You got a ring on and you got your watch on you got the San Carlos studios merch on and What is active bird community? Oh, it's a band from my hometown. Oh, I thought you were in this like bird. No, no, no fucking Group no, no, no, I've kind of left birds in 2019. Really? Yeah. Why you're not a bird guy Honestly, not a bird guy. I Went through a thing where I really like birds, but I but like I'm more I'm an elephant man So I need that not the elephant. You're the you're not the elephant man

That's a crazy thing to think about that the elephant man was a based on it was a base It's based on a real man Yeah, you know what's fucked up that we call him the elephant man. Yeah, it's fucked the guy had deformities Yeah, don't call him the elephant man. This isn't the circus and it's weird that it's called elephant Titus Yeah, that didn't help either. You know, it's like we just like you know why we're calling it that because he looks like an elephant He's all fucked up Just a freak. Yeah, then they made a movie about him I think he died because his head got too heavy in his sleep or something. Well, yeah

He was growing his face was growing and his like it, you know Eventually it becomes like one of those like what's that called like a guillotine and I just kind of smooshes his head Vice maybe a vice grip. I don't know what a terrible way to die. That's a what a way to go out Yeah, yeah crushed by your own face. Yeah, that's I don't like talking about the elephant man because I feel bad Yeah, fucked up that people called him that but it was a big movie. He was a huge movie It was did he get paid for it though? Did he get royalties? Probably not probably not He was he was long gone by then. How do you play somebody like that? She's like, yeah, what's up? I'm gonna be the elephant man. A lot of makeup

A lot of makeup imagine carrying around like a hundred and fifty pound head I can't man. I can't imagine that. I have a very small head. Do people still have elephantitis I think I've heard I've heard of like elephantitis balls I've seen that a guy who was sitting on his own balls. Yeah, those are elephantitis nuts Yeah, but I've never seen like elephantitis face people Like I would love to see somebody with elephantitis Honestly for my own amusement, but by amusement, I mean like I just want to see it. It's extremely rare Okay, that makes sense. It's a tropical Paris parasitic disease that affects the lymph nodes and lymph vessels

I thought you were gonna say it was a tropical paradise. It's a tropical paradise. No, it's extremely fewer than 1000 cases a year Dude think about how fucking unlucky you have to be to be one in that thousand. Yeah, that gets elephantitis I don't think anyone is as unlucky as the actual because people get it in like one leg and Like their leg will just be like kind of elephant elephant. Yeah, I'll be like swollen But the elephant man and the guy had it all over the elephant man was Nowhere near because listen the biggest thing on an elephant is its nose Like if they grew trunks, I'd be like that's elephantitis. This just looks like you just get disgusting shit

Yeah, this guy has some stuff God I don't mean to say it like that, but you know what I mean Jesus. How do you live like that? That's a second head Yeah, it looks like a second head a big forehead and then he has a big like a wrist and hand But he got one good hand. Let me see his head one more time. Ah, come on stop No, no, no, I'm not showing you again Not showing you again. Oh, he's got some stuff in the back. Yeah, so he had it all get stuff in the back I gotta see the back. I gotta see the back. I hate showing you

He's got some stuff. Oh yuck Fucked up fucking poor guy get some stuff on his on his his butt too. I want to see that I'm not gonna react to no, no, no It was the same picture I showed you but you know, I don't really know if there's a whole lot of room to poop there What is it though? Is it like tumors? No, it's a swelling of the lymph nodes. Oh, like it just kind of gets swollen You get what was that movie with that kid that had a fucked up face? Texas chainsaw mask no, no, no, there was this kid his name was like Rodney or something Rodney or Ronnie And it was like Ronnie. I don't know and he and he was a redheaded kid

But he had just like this deformed face and like He like wanted to date this girl, but he couldn't cuz he had a deformed face. Yeah, cuz he was just disgusting, you know You know, it's crazy about movies like that like usually those kids shoot for the stars And it's like all right, maybe don't go for like the captain of the cheerleading team They always do that they do they do and she's always a good girl and then the rest of the cheerleaders are bitches Yeah, she's like, oh, hey Ronnie. Yeah, I'm like, what are you doing talking to him? It's like you guys go. I'll catch up What is she doing? We don't sit with them. It's like after the big game She sits with him and they're like, maybe he's not so bad and then she invites him to like a party

Yeah, but then he realizes like dude, she's gonna date the captain of the football team. She's not gonna date your weird face Yeah You know, so it's like what is this movie redheaded red just type in redhead Weird face kid movie redhead weird face There's a lot oh This guy, let me see what was the name of the movie. I don't know. Oh mask mask That's what it was this guy had some face. Yes. This is a but this is a face Yeah, that's a face. That's a whole thing. That's a there's a lot of stuff here good flow on them though

Good hair lovely hair. Yeah, his hair looks great. I've never seen this movie. I Saw it once and I was like, oh share shares in this shares in it. I think shares his mom Wow, yeah, that's right off there, you know right off Shares your mom though, and then she's had this fucking gross kid It's all fun. It's all fun games. It's all for you know, it's it's a movie It's not a real wasn't a real guy. Alpha man was real guy. Alpha man was a real guy But he can't hear you but he was also made out to be like It is

Don't look at me. But was that an actor was it? He really felt like that of course you'd feel like that dude If you had a second head growing out of your face, no, I yeah, you would not feel great in the morning That's just it's so terrible. I feel so bad. Yeah, dude, and then everyone turns you into an Elephant and tell it tells you you're an elephant which by the way, that's not even a good like yeah grow a tusk But he doesn't look like an elephant to me. No, he just looks like a long thing I'd understand but just having these things that doesn't really he looks like a Hills have eyes person. He But yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't call him an elephant I'd call him, you know some something else Yeah, call him like like like bumpy dude. Yeah, you know, yeah lumpy man

He looks like a what you what happens after you know a volcano explodes You ever you ever see when dogs get like like weird lumps, but like they're not cancerous Yeah, my dog. My dog Chase has tons of lungs. He's just a lumpy dog. It's disgusting. What is that? You go to pet my dog now. It's like you could read it's like Braille. It's like insane. It's crazy. It's it's grow What do they say that is it's just like gross like you ever see like old people they have like skin tags And she's like dude you got like a bunch of stuff. Yeah, you know, yeah, it's like the bottom of the ocean floor on your shoulders That's what it does look like and it's just weird like what is that? I don't want to just pick them off pick them off Yeah, yeah, I've had a skin tag once and I clipped it with a fucking nail clipper and it bled for like my life my whole life

Yeah, I had one here Because like if you wear like a lot of jewelry you get skin tags you get skin because it comes from Frick's Yeah, so I had one and I just went blep and it bled forever forever for your whole life forever. Yeah, dude It does it's insane and it hurts bad. Yeah that part that skin I don't know what it's made out of but it's the most sensitive shit. Yeah of all time I was like get off of me and it was like at a price at a price. I'm gonna bleed For the next six to seven Don't I hate when you have small cuts that don't stop bleeding you ever get a cut on your head

Yeah, I feel like I'm gonna die. It's just bleeds and I like on your nose Like if you pop like something on your nose, it just constantly bleeds Oh, yeah, you constantly doing this because there's so many blood vessels here, and it's just like I'm just bleeding I'm just bleeding. I'm just bleeding. I hate it. Yeah, so that again, I'm just bleeding. Yeah, you are. Yeah, exactly But anyway, I kind of want to talk to you about something today I don't know if it's reliable or not. So I kind of wanted to run it by you and see if it's cool this morning for whatever reason When I woke up and went to go pee Many streams

It wasn't like one solid string Okay, it started off as like three and then morphed into two and then eventually went to one All right, I have a couple questions. Were you hard? I was not hard. Were you semi hard? No, I wasn't like fully torqued. No, no, no, but like did you have a chubbier dick than you? I mean, I think in the morning people are you know, there's usually some some blood pooling the penis How tight were your pants the night before Because they might have like finagled up your hole a little bit. Whoa, what like I got some some lint Yeah, you might have had some lint in there or something that got in the way of your of your piss stream

Okay, so that's probably maybe just shot out like yeah, it was all it was all messy It wasn't like, you know, you're regular like it's usually like an uncirc problem Why do you pee like crazy? If I don't like pull my skin back. Yeah, it just fucking flies. Oh, yeah It's a free for all It wasn't a free for all right. It was like those streams that like kind of come out looking like this Yeah, that's what it looked like right look like that. I get that sometimes. Yeah, that's fine. I'm not saying I'm not It was kind of weird because I was like I was like damn I almost pissed like right like one stream was going in the bowl and one like hit the wall

So I'm like, yeah, a little like a I didn't show over I'd be pissed on the ground Did you pee earlier like then before you went to bed? If not, if not, that's probably it why because I held it you held it for a while and like came out and was like Just like navigated its own like pee pee out of you. Yeah. Yeah, probably just had some obstacles Had some kinks. Yeah, some kinks to work out kinks in the in the in the hose. Yeah Okay, it was weird, but like did any get on the floor? Uh, it was dark Gotta stop peeing in the dark Turn a light on but it's the thing if it's in the morning, right? And I know I'm going back to sleep

I don't want to turn this light on because I'm like, ah You think you think if you turn a light on like you'll wake up immediately dude You ever turn but you ever turn the light on it's like Dracula step it on to the Sun like Yeah, that's why I have terrible. That's why I have my all my lights at the dimmers Yeah, I you know, I can't I can't control everything around me. I mean you could I'm gonna change the bulb so I could pee at 4 a.m. Twice in fucking a month. I think it's yeah, everyone should have their phones Hooked up to their lights. That's what you think. Yeah, why not? You're giving power to technology. No, you're giving power to yourself, dude

It's like you ever been sitting down and you have all these lights on you're like, you know, I don't want these lights on I could set this light to whatever percentage Fucking dim that I want then when the revolution happens the government has control over your lamps Enjoy the dark. Okay. By the way, my my like family friend, right? Yeah, I guess he had this conspiracy theory Okay, right. It was so funny cuz I was at my cousin's house for a wild car weekend And he starts going off about like he has like sonos and Alexa's and shit. What are you doing over there? Scratch my foot. Oh, I thought you were digging in that ass It looks like my ass in my front. Well, you I thought you were going through the front door. No, no, no, no, I'm a back

I'm a back. Oh, you're a back. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes people go through the back or the front I mean business if I got to get in there, I'll go all the way there. It's heaven that you foot Okay. Yeah, cuz you that was an angry itch. Yeah No, but he has like an Alexa and like all these sonos things hooked up, but he doesn't plug any of them in Until he wants to listen to music because he thinks that they're listening which they are like whatever But I'm like, what secrets do you have that like what is the government gonna do with your fucking conversations about paint and like You know what I'm saying? He's a painter So I'm like, what's what kind of painter like it like it like does like your house

Like No, he like paints your house and shit like shit like that every time I hear painter I think of like an artist. I know he's not that But I was like what the fuck are they are they whatever and then he goes into the Apple watches and like these Fitbits and like these Whatever he's like when you wear those watches and they tell you your heart rate and like this and that he's like they're sending that to the doctors Wait, hold on. What the fuck does this mean? I mean, that's fine But that's that he's like he's like I don't want them having that information like they're selling that information and they're You know, it's going to the doctors and then they know what to charge you for life insurance

And it's going up without you realizing and I was like fuck. I Mean listen a part of it kind of makes sense. I'm not gonna sell them. I know I'm not gonna sell them up the river But I'm not saying that it's not happening. I'm just saying like what negative effect does that like dude? If the president knows my heart rate Yeah, what is he doing with that? I always wonder if I've ever been investigated You don't think you've googled some weird stuff and people have been like we got to check this out I'm sure I have you ever googled like I don't make a bomb Yeah, why I'm just because I wanted to know

Just in case no because I remember when people who was that dude that had the pipe bomb Remember that dude in a Boston bomber not the Boston bomber It was the guy that tried to set that bomb off in the New York City subway and it didn't work Oh, yeah, dude. I was in Vegas and I was by myself And I had to fly back that night and right before my flight. There's bombs going off in New York City I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna be stuck here forever. So when I saw that I was like, you know what? It didn't work and then I was like why didn't it work and then I looked up how to make it So maybe they did like flag me then. Yeah, I mean, I think if you're googling how to make bombs people are gonna look at you

But then they're gonna see all the you know teacher porn after that and they're gonna let you go Yeah, they're gonna see some other stuff. They're gonna see a lot of stuff I think that I think that's I think my porn intake is probably what throws them off the trail Really? Yeah, they'll be like they'll be like bomb. All right sex. Yeah sex sex grandma stuff grandma stuff Be honest you ever watch grandma porn be honest. No, I've never met. I've never ejaculated to it But I'm not saying it but you you watch it. Yeah, no, I don't watch it But I've seen it to be like wow wait, let me see how old people have sex. No, no, no I'm talking about like an old grandma woman

Pleasure young a young cat. Yeah, of course, dude. I've seen it Who hasn't seen it? Have you gone out of your way? No, I've never gone out of my way But if it pops up on like the home page, I'm like, I'll watch this old lady suck a wiener who cares Yeah, because yeah, it's like come on. You don't get to normally see that. No, it's and honestly I grew up thinking like once you hit 55 you just never had sex ever again. I thought it was illegal Yeah, you couldn't I know but now people are like you ever think of like 80 year old couples and it's like, oh, they're so much You're like, alright, but dude, they fuck. Yeah, dude Like old people's homes. They all have like syphilis and shit. Yeah, they get down. They like, you know, these after bingo

They just like suck on fuck. You think Like I don't know man something about old people having sex is beautiful like the idea of it, but it's fucking gross It's also dangerous. Yeah, it's dangerous. We're talking about spiking heart rates. These old women could go down Yes, they can die and men and men also the owner at 80. That's gonna be insane It probably won't be the tightest boner, but it definitely will get the job done When do you think our bones will start being stupid? I don't want to think about my my a boner being like this is the best You got dude. This is trash. We got years before that happens, but I'm gonna start saying 60s Yeah, we start here in 60 like your dick say like, you know your iPhone battery just like isn't a hundred percent

Like it's like, you know, you're 100% is now 84 percent. Yeah, and you're still comfortable leaving the house with it You're like, I got enough juice for the night. Right. I don't need to replug it in right, but I Really wonder what's the actual age where you start having ed like like the normal age I would say maybe 45 You tell me I'm gonna have a not fierce bone at 45 yeah, and I'm closer to 45 than you so I'm a little more scared than you are Yeah, but you had more years of sexual intercourse. That's for sure

That is weird to think about yeah, man I'm gonna be 31 in no, I'm not talking about that part of the part of the Can can you look that up? Can you look up the average age of like when you get ed? I'm guessing 45 What was your guess 60 average age of but erectile dysfunction doesn't have an whatever. Yeah, it does for sure It's a medicated thing Common 41 to 60 see we were both very common is 60 years plus so maybe that's the right so you won I would say you won that one, but I would say 41 What I just went I typed in average age of erectile dysfunction and then the first thing you know

It says like people also ask and it's like yeah, whatever The question is what age does a man stop getting hard? And are we we're fertile forever right starting around age 50 it says all right, so yeah, so we got time I got 20 years as dick often earlier among smokers and or Diabetics your dick's going down Yeah, oh Yeah, you better start like you know eating salads or whatever the fuck damn dudes Can an 80 year old man be sexually active an increase in age led to a decrease in sexual activity 46% of

Whoa, okay 46% of 65 to 70 year olds reported being sexually active compared to 39% of 71 to 75 year olds and 25% of 76 to 80 year olds you know 76 to 80 year olds a fourth of them are fucking Sufa, that's crazy That's a lot suckin and fucking hard. I don't know if I'll have the strength at 80 to be like, okay Let's get this done. I couldn't let somebody suck my 80 year old penis. I'd feel terrible. Oh The pubes alone dude. My dick is 30 years old. I have a 30 year old dick Imagine having an 80 year old dick anything anything else you would never put anything 80 years old in your mouth ever

Hell no, not even like an 80 year old spoon. I wouldn't grandma like salvage from the war You wouldn't put that in your mouth an 80 year old wine Maybe yeah, we're talking about grapes. We're talking about a process of fermentation. Yeah, but like even that I'd be like this can't be good I'm sorry. Yeah, and like it probably makes it more expensive, but like okay You get one you get fucking wine, but not a pee pee Something that's been hidden in the dark and sweating nothing 80 nothing 80 In your mouth, which is crazy Men were more likely to be sexually active than women 51% versus 31% wait

Those numbers don't match up those don't match up Do you get gay when you get older gray and gay? Dude, that is basically that's 20% of gayness. I would do it If you get 80 and women are like, we're not doing this. You're like, well, so well, we gotta do something. Yeah. Oh another thing, too Yeah, wait, this is a fucking this is crazy Men were more likely to be sexually active than women. Oh wait. No Wait, yeah, no, that makes no sense. Yeah, because half a dudes and only 30% of women So what is that 20% do it? Maybe they're gay like 20% maybe before

Could came into the game gay dude Word yeah, you started off. Yeah started from the bottom over here. Hey dude get down. Yeah You know if you had a Siamese twin, right? You're asking me if I'd fuck him. I wouldn't know why not gonna fuck your Siamese connected brother Oh, okay, like but would you guys be like okay with being like y'all three thumbs all day not that too But like y'all I'm gonna jerk off tonight. Is that cool? No, I just want to tell him I just kind of like, you know, no, where are we where are we connected you at the head at the skull? Yeah, you're like I connected at the head. I

Can't even turn away from them. That's what I'm saying. It's like yo, dude. I'm really horny. I have to jerk off You guys should interview a Siamese twin. You want me to ask him if they jerk off? No, just on OPL. I think it'd be great Yeah, I mean I don't know how What are you doing? OPL yeah, shut up the fuck I That's an interesting question, but if I was connected at the head to my brother like a Siamese twin I Don't know if I could jerk off. I have a jerk off But I think that you probably could think you could pass thoughts to each other

obviously not to choke But I'm thinking about it Think about it, you know saying you're connected the only thing connected is not just it's not just skin I know part of your skull is yeah, which means that some brain can intersect You could hear each other's thoughts Siamese twins are one of the craziest things though. If you really think about it's like hey, what's up? You're gonna have two babies, but guess what they're gonna be stuck to each other package And it's dangerous to get that surge. Yeah, cuz like they die, but now

Would you rather? Do it when they're born or let them grow up and make the decision. I Think you do it when they're born, but I don't know you gotta get one, right? What you get? It's like you usually get one and like the other one dies. Isn't that it? No, I think you can do it like you can safely do it. I'm not killing a baby. I know that's why I don't think I could separate them Now they're gonna die, but you can let them grow up and then like we can try to separate them I would let them grow up all fucking Siamese. Yeah, just live a fucking Siamese life cheat on each other's homework Dude, there was you gotta do. Yeah, one of them smart one of them dumb or something

Yeah, I wonder I'm gonna kill baby. I'm not gonna make that decision People do it Yeah People do it they would and I think that was a movie Sophie's choice or some shit Where's no Meryl Streep has to pick like he's got to kill a kid or something She got a pick like what what kid she wants to live or some shit. Yeah, she kills one. Yeah still You got to pick a kid

Big which one let me see their dicks What does their dicks have to do with anything? Yeah, I gotta get the kid with the hammer to come home. Really? Yeah. Yeah, why? Carry on his dad's legacy Yeah, I live vicariously through his penis. That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no But I think two babies dicks are not I Has a baby ever been born like whoa, dude You're gonna I've seen people say that about all their every time you know my baby's dick is huge Yeah, they're dog. They're like, oh, this dog's got a fucking my dog's got it

I'm like, you're proud cuz your dogs got a bigger dick than you my dog's got the smallest dick His penis is so small The only he's really my son the only Is what it is the only dog dick that I've ever seen that I was like, yo, what the hell is Thomas's dog Thomas's dog. Thomas's dog has a legitimate like human Sized like above average Husky dog husky Wee-wee. Wow, it's unbelievable and I'm like

Dude That thing and it's when it's tucked in to its little sheath or whatever you want to call it I think that's the perfect word. What an ugly word sheath sheath Sheath I don't like that. No, I don't like sheath at all. I don't Disgusting yeah, but I would I don't know man. I'd let him grow up all weird for a little bit. You're sighing these children Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't kill a kid when it if it's born and I'm looking at it. Oh Kill it. I mean if they told me like oh, there's an 80% chance that you could save both kids then I'd probably do it

Dude 20% is a big percentage, bro. So is 80. I know but like Yo, if I said to you, you know, there's an 80% chance if you jump off of this you live But there's a 20% chance you die you jumping well, that's just live or die. That's different than like well Yeah, but I don't have to like you know you have to you have to do it Just in a scenario where you have to do it because like there's a then I have to do it What are you asking me? No if I have to jump I'm just saying play into the hypothetical here, right? But you just bad example. No, but if you think about it, it's like you're not gonna do that You're gonna think twice because of that 20%

Right All right, so maybe an investment Let's try that 80% 80% it's gonna be successful, but there's 20% that it won't be successful That's also a bad example. There's a hundred percent of the time. I'm taking I don't know. I don't know if I'm jumping fucking percent That's 80 dude 20% still big percentage So what is it like? Coin flips are 50 50 60 70 and you got a figure eight out of ten times this is coming out good

Yeah, but I don't want to be one of those 1,000 like the elephant Titus. I know but you know, I just know way less odds Yeah Yeah, 80 I could do Swayed me. I could do I could do 80 80 to give 70 30 I'm getting scared 60 40 am I called off? Yeah, I want to make this decision. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna sit on this one. Yeah. Yeah, for sure It's weird how doctors have percentages Huh, I'd be like, yeah, there's like a 50% chance you live Or like there's a 60% chance like it goes into remission. I'm like, how do you guys have this percentage? I

Think they just have that based off of like what they've seen before and the amount of people that have at this point Had remission or whatever. I just feel so I would feel so weird putting a percentage on someone's life But I like it'd be part of the job, but I would hate to go in there. Just be like alright crunch the numbers Got a 48% chance. It's kind of like buying a car. Yeah, it's like Jesus It's like this guy's in here doing math about my lifespan. I close and I could do 57 but I can't go higher All right, it's 56, but I'll round up to 60 it's like what if I want 63 Talk to my advisor. Yeah, you know what? Let me let me call my let me call my manager and we'll see what's up. Yeah That's a tough gig

being a car salesman Delivering horrible news as a doctor out of car salesman That should be a separate job on its own because a doctor already is in a high stress situation like dude I'm I'm doctoring. Yeah, I'm saying like I'm trying to save lives here I went to school for all these years to learn how to save lives like everything about the body and this and that and now I also have to be a grief counselor. Yeah, this guy that walks over and was like, hey, yeah, by the way Grandma kicked the bucket last what would your spiel be come out? No, absolutely not take the mask off. Oh I just did surgery that yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what would you what would your thing be?

I don't know. I just yeah, I think you'd like have to be definitive like you have to say like Whatever because you can't like leave hope in those situations. I know but I hate when they do like listen like we did all we could They did though. I know but he's that are married. Just be like, you know, tell me he's dead. Yeah, we're not gonna come out like I Dead, I know just be like listen. We we we we lost them Yeah Like I don't need to hear like a whole bunch of like medical like jargon. I just like you know, I don't think they do that I think that's a movie. I think they're trained to be like And then they just walk away

Yeah, because what are they gonna do there? Like if you have a question we have a question, but it's like what questions do you have like doctors can't console people? I don't think I Think they can but they can't just like, you know, they have to be very definitive with their shit Of course, they can't be like, all right. Well, you know what? We'll give them one more shot. Yeah Paddle them up. Yeah But I get worried not worried, but it's like I feel like a part of them they're putting themselves In like kind of a position to get hurt because you don't really know like who's gonna like fly off the handle either

Oh, I'm sure that's happened numerous like delivering horrible news. Yeah, they fought the doctor So you didn't do enough and it's like dude, you don't know what how to be a doctor. Yeah Yeah, I could get Sticky. Yeah, that's a tough. That's a tough fucking thing That's why I should be a separate job man for other people because I feel like those are completely different skills Like to be a doctor be able to study into that stuff is like one thing But then to just be able to deliver this news, but does the doctor deliver good news? So if you see him come out, you're like, oh

No, they know that if you see like a little woman come out with like a The fuck is that like a binder? They don't get a binder. It's like, yeah, this guy's dead They probably do have binders, I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of people die in hospitals every day Yeah, but why have a binder you can just walk out and be like guy died You gotta be professional what write it down on a piece of loose leaf No, there's probably a lot of paperwork that goes into a death certificate all that type of shit Yeah, that doesn't happen immediately after the surgery

Or whatever I think so if you die, right binder, they just walk out and they tell you They went and did fucking paperwork and then came back. Yeah, I think there's a binder There's no bind you have to call it dude. You ever hear him call it brother call what he's like We gotta call it 602. Yeah dead. Yeah, write it down, but then it goes in a binder probably. Yeah Yeah, but they don't just carry around Lucy Goosey's I know but they're not you got post-its No, but they don't they don't walk out to the people like here. Here's the no no. No, I'm just saying and they don't read Oh, 601. No, but I just think that she has a book that is standard for her to walk around for the day I'd have a death. Yeah, I think she does no death binder a death binder

It doesn't exist. I think death binders do exist no death binders I think so the people I know have died in hospitals. There was no binders. I've seen some people die You see a binder Yeah, you never seen a binder. No, but I did see a What is one of those things called? Not a pamphlet uh like a clipboard like a clipboard I saw I've seen clipboard clipboards are standard in the hospital I have to write down your name your your fucking insurance and you know fucking if you had apple juice today Or whatever the fuck. I don't know

Have you ever slept overnight in the hospital? No, one of the very late one of the most Terrifying things why dude a hospital at night. I was in the pregnancy ward. Yeah, that's different I was no, it's not dude. There's women Prick I know but it's like oh, it's like, you know like it's a little more like beautiful It's not there's women screaming in pain. Yeah, I know that but it's like something beautiful is gonna come out of this I don't see that where I was at I was in the cardiac unit and people were dying in there

Yeah, that's stiff and I was just like yo, I just that night just hearing people like oh and It's dark. Yeah, and it's scary. Yeah, you know what I mean But that's what I mean like cuz I was I was I was in the pregnancy ward Yeah, and like women are just getting rolled in and there was this one woman who's like hi And I'm like, oh my god get this woman a fucking epidural or something. I don't know I'm gonna. Yeah, you know duck taper something and the husband's walking around and like it's so funny to be like that Experience of being in like that. I'm calling it the ward, but I don't know the right fucking thing

I think it is but the pregnancy pregnancy unit. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm there and like the husband's it's so funny to watch how Absolutely fucking clueless these men are it's amazing because we're just walking around with our heads cut off like I just Have to stand here. Yeah, like I don't know what I'm doing and like some women are just sitting there And they're just like good and they're just like eventually like they have pain. They're just like Some of them are just like whatever but other ones are just like I can't and like freaking out There's this one woman that was rolling in she was screaming as if someone was actively Stabbing her pregnant stomach flipping out and her husband's like, you know sweating and like hey She's holding two jackets and he's got like a fucked up like button down

He's like I don't I don't know and then and then the women's like do you guys have insurance? She's like I don't know who my who I am and then they're in the room It was like a high stress situation my god damn get these people have a different floor. Yeah, get him out of here They're not they're not built for this wing not only that but they were wheeling this woman into different rooms Not this one not that one the fucking it was insane. I was like this woman out of here I'm sorry having anxiety. Okay, just pop your baby out in the fucking hallway my my roommate in the hospital Maybe was awake two hours He slept. Yeah, he's just out. He had fucking open-heart surgery

That'll put you down. Yeah, and he was just like hooked up to shit And I was like I would just like watch family feud on one of those weird-ass like windy bring-down TVs that they have in hospitals It's also like $95 to make a call to your house What like you have to pay to call out on the hospital phone. Yeah, and I was just like, oh, dude What is this? But I remember that I would just hear him like on a breathing machine and I that was for like three days Yeah, and I was like what's going on here, and then at night random people just walking around Zombie-ish

Scary. Yeah, I had it when my dad was in the hospital. I had to go visit him Well, I've always said it like that. Yeah, right. It was like a duty. I had to go No, but I went to go visit him and like he was in the Post-op like whatever the fuck so everyone there just had surgery and there's people walking It looks like the walking dead like yeah, that's exactly what they're laying in beds And there's like, you know fucking applesauce everywhere and random little There's people walking around with like bags hooked up to their wrists or whatever the fuck and it's like It's it's so wild and and to me. I'm just walking in there and

Observing but these doctors are walking around like cool as a cucumber like those are some of the most savage people in the world Like they're an absolute mayhem and like no, I'm good. What do you need? It's crazy That's a different kind of like you'll be in a nurse's heart, man Do anyone who works at a hospital is a savage like I could never sign up for that. I am so not built for like Anything going wrong dude and imagine your hours were like 9 p.m. To like 6 a.m. Yeah, that's your work. There's nurses sleeping in the hallway. Ah Can we get beds and then you're on call too. Yeah, just get them a fucking a dormitory in there. Yeah Let him sleep there

It's crazy. Would you ever go to a nap center? What the fuck is that like if it was like you're somewhere say like you go to Italy, right? You're walking around and this place is like, yeah, we got $20 nap pods Would you what would you take a nap? I Am a I am an adult you would never take a nap like in a nap pod or you're paying to take a nap Yeah, it's like an earth you can lay down. No, you can't lay down. Anywhere's New York City. They're gonna strip you dry You said I was in Italy. Yeah, that's true. Italy. They might strip you dry too because you're American scum Well, then I will hide my shit then I will lock it up in a zippered pocket nice

And I will fall asleep while a fucking guy in a gondola is singing As he passes by put me right to bed you would never entertain a nap center. No, that is so ridiculous I would entertain a nap center for sure. I know you would yeah, you know what? I'm taking a nap in this pot. Give me ten minutes You would do the relaxation pod and you probably fall asleep in there. That's kind of like a nap pod. Oh, I wouldn't there's water I'm not going to drown myself. No a sensory deprivation tank I'm pretty sure me and you would have a fucking anxiety attack in those things. No, I could float on my back dog No, it's it's so there's so much salt that everyone floats in the water. We're doing that. I'll be down to do it

I'm doing it because it's it's it those pods are crazy Is it one of those things though if they lock you in they can't let you out No, you can you can get yourself out immediately if you want. Oh, then that's fine. I'll do that shit. Yeah, so it's like there's water I wanted I want to do it. So I like all right No, no dad. I want to do it now The pod the water is like perfectly room temperature So you get in there and there's so much salt that you float in the water and then it closes So it's completely dark and there's you can't hear anything obviously and then when you're in this water that you're floating in

That's room temperature. It just feels like you're floating. It doesn't feel like you're in water So you have no That's why they call it a sensory deprivation tank So there's nothing to distract you and then you know people cry people like, you know They think about weird shit, or they just whatever like it would be wild That sounds honestly fantastic. I would come out of that pod Screaming probably my thoughts would eat me alive. I heard people jade in there You didn't hear that. Yes, you can't I've heard people J. No

No one jerks off in a tank. I've heard that people jerk in a tank. No, they don't they do man They jerk in those sleep dev tanks Where'd you hear this? I know you made it up. No, but I think you sure that's the first thing you thought of you like Oh, I'm alone. Yeah, exactly or I'm floating this kid would love to jerk off in space with no senses You don't want to jerk off with no senses. No, why not probably harder than you clear mine come Sick bastard, you know that clear your mind jerk off. It's already salty in there. Hey, I'm sorry Yeah Alright, you know what before we continue with the you think about it liar. I'm gonna do these sponsors

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Yeah, I don't know if you've ever been on a plane and seen those dudes out there with the earmuffs fucking Tossing a luggage around. Yeah, you know what I mean, so zero fucks. Absolutely not. So they're just tossing those things around but also Every suitcase comes with an interior organization system that includes a built-in compression pad to help you pack in more Things I love my c-pad. Yeah, and a hidden laundry bag that separates your dirty clothes, which What an invention what an idea to put this in there because usually I just take all the clothes I hadn't just stuff it into this thing. Yeah, you got to use your noodle. You got to use your nude use your new Use your needs to your vantage on an easy access front pocket fits of the essentials you need on hand

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I'm fucking using dude. Do you know how many people hit me up for the codes for the promo codes? I'm like dude the promo code is basement. What the fuck for everything dude everything is basement and This is how I knew some of my friends didn't listen to the show You bet. Yo, do you ever like any promo codes for like like Harry's? I was like Yes for sure we do yeah, we do and then they were like, oh, yeah, like what about like, you know Some like, you know like some like for me to use. So yeah, dude listen to show your asshole And then you'll figure out whatever what we have on here. Yeah

Getting out of here 2020. Oh, by the way, I wanted to tell you remember we mentioned that you don't you shouldn't hit your wife in front of a Parrot because it'll tell on you. Yeah, so something Something like that actually happened. I read a story earlier Of this parrot that screamed that was screaming. Let me out So the police were called Wow and came to the came to the house because the pair because of the parrot Yeah, which I don't know if it was like being held captive in a sex Judge, you know, you say parrot or parrot like parrot. I say parrot You say I'm here parrot. What'd you say? You say

What'd you say? I can't even say what you say. Parrot parrot parrot parrot. You say parrot. I say parrot But here it like a pay like a pair like like pairing something to my Bluetooth device like parrot parrot No parrot parrot. I say parent. Remember there are parents out here. There was parents There's a red parrot out here. Parrot parrot. There was a red parrot out here. There was no, there was two green ones They were in that tree. Yeah, and they were you know, they fly around this neighborhood sometimes. Are they still around? They gotta be dead What do parrots eat? I don't know, but I can't see a Parrot a parrot. Yeah surviving a parrot can survive. I don't know. They're they're they're self-sufficient animals Wow

That I literally don't know that disgusting tongues gross tongues Yeah fucking asshole birds also by the way, yeah, if you're like birds have like these weird dry black tongues Disgusting. Yeah, it looks like a burnt tongue just I Look at like tongues are pink tongues are supposed to be got a black tongue A cute pink tongue is like, oh, it's great. Yeah, like a little dog's tongue. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. You know humans We got pink tongues. Yeah, we got tongues. You see we got what a black tongue. You're like, dude

How many cigarettes have you had? The fuck is that in the last three hours? Yes, it's like Parrots parrots. Yeah parrots parrots Now getting close to pirate. Yeah pirates the pirates were in this neighborhood pirate Parrot, you know how badly I would want to be a pirate. I would be the worst pirate of all time I would be a great pirate. I love drinking ale. Yeah, I don't Well that too, okay, but out of like a big wooden cup and then I would love to rob people on the sea My head went to like a train

See no, I would love to rob people like at sea at sea not on the sea. Well technically we're on the sea We're on I agree with you. I agree when you're on a boat, you're on the sea I get that but it's rob people at sea I would like to rob people while I'm on a thing that's floating which doesn't make any sense to me still to this day But a boat doesn't make sense. Oh, yeah boy and see I get it This is a yacht with 7,000 people on it. We're just gonna float how's it float? Because I'm sinking and I don't weigh more than that fucking yacht. I'm not even close. How do I sink unbelievable? It's unbelievable fucking boats. I don't I don't get it. I don't understand it. You'd be an alright pirate

You'd be a good like great pie. Oh I would love a big hat. Yeah, you'd be a great captain. I definitely would be a pirate that had an animal They know if some people have monkeys or like, you know pirates Or just like, you know, I'm saying are they got like a what's wrong with parrot? It's just wrong. That's why you're making it sound like a ferret Disgusting animal. We've said that on the show before those shouldn't be a thing hottest girl in the world hottest girl in the world Who's the hottest girl to you Jennifer Lopez, right? Yeah, Jennifer Lopez has like 40 ferrets 40 where she put Oh, she's got a big house running around the house. You staying with her. Oh Are you living with that ferret?

We would hang out at my place more than we would hang out here. Yeah, but I'd put I put up with the ferrets For JLo. I hate like there's always like there. It's weird that I could look at somebody and Automatically judge and know that they own a ferret Yeah, there's always like a person right now that owns a ferret. He's wearing a gas mask. Yes to high school Yeah, and he's got chains and weird like those those bracelets that had like all those spikes spikes Yeah, and then like also like silvers like metal squares. Yeah, and he has like he has like pen marks all over his hands There's always a kid would pen all over. Yeah emo kids loved drawing on themselves Yeah, like they were like, oh, and they put like an upside-down cross on like this part of their thumbs

Yeah, what are you doing now? They all like sell insurance Yeah, that's whatever. Yeah, I used to where I liner was thing. Let me ask you a question. I've never worn eyeliner Oh Would you ever wear makeup? Like out For sport. Yeah, like say like you had like an ingrown hair on your cheek or something And it's like hey listen I could put a little something on this some some foundation foundation Found a concealer. Yeah, would you do it?

Or I don't think you just go straight out bumpy face, man. I Don't have anything. I don't have like a problem with people doing that I don't either, but I don't really feel the need to do it I would only do it if like I had a fucking like a cold sore or something like something like You know then I and I had to go on like a Fucking like Joe Rogan's podcast and like all right, let's put something on you You don't look like a hurt-ridden freak. Yeah, I don't want to get on there and people like this kid's been sucking fucking dirty penis Like you don't want that. Who'd that gay do with the herpes on Joe Rogan?

Gay guys on Joe Rogan with a fucking dick herpes face. This kid's really smart He's got herpes. I don't know how smart he is. I don't know man. He's an astrophysicist with herpes How does that add up that don't add up these guys are your sucking astronauts And the other thing you think astronauts fucking space 100% zero gravity fuck and how dope would that be? Imagine you hit it, but you're hitting it too. Yeah, they just drift away from you You get to grab them pull right back Yeah, but that'd be dangerous because you would have to hit the the giant in like the perfect way because if you catch the side Butt cheek that's gonna hurt your penis. Yeah, that's true. Do fucking in space is probably dangerous, but not seriously at the same time though

What's that like is it nice? Yeah, I'm sure it's fucking awesome. There's it's romantic There's stars around and planets. Yeah, and no one can hear you scream Okay That was no, it's hot. Oh screaming's hot. Oh, I didn't know if you were like that sounded really dangerous Not like call me a piece of shit in space In space. Yeah, you mean more to me if you were like you fucking piece of shit. Fuck me. Yeah space It's just us and the aliens You just see an asteroid pass by you're like, oh god fuck. Yeah

Yeah, they should be hot as shit. Yeah, I would fucking demean me in space. Oh, man. That's crazy. She couldn't even spit on you though I know it's like spit on my dick bit It's like wait, wait, wait, I'll get it I'll guide it down to my dick Go for it. It's like oh split. Oh, that's a double splitter. Yep. Oh, there you go, dude You know how gross the hole there must be a sex pod on space stations because you can't have you know sex Cleanly it's usually a dirty act. There's there's a there's a swapping if if you're having sex cleanly your sex life sucks It's got to be gross, you know. Yeah, so I'm saying all that all that stuff

If someone squirts in space We could have an issue here. There's a lot of electronics around we can't have floating might not make it home We can't have flirting squirt Might have a malfunction and now we're stuck I really feel like though like the percentage of like squirters is very low like I don't think for it to you for you to have a Female astronaut squirter. Yeah, it's like Astronomical you have a better chance again elephantitis. Yeah, like you know like that 80 20 thing we were talking about That's like insane. You know what I wonder how many women are how many women are squirters or astronauts

There's not I mean, there's way more squirters than astronauts How many women are squirters? percent still unclear how many are actually squirters modern modern studies estimate the phenomenon Phenomenon is Experienced in some form by anywhere from 10 to 54 percent of women Thanks for that Not that 10 to 54. That's quite a jump. I could have guessed that you did a study and got those numbers

If I brought that if I said that on the show Just been like yeah, it's probably anywhere between like 10 and 54 percent. You're like, dude. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, like thanks Danny. Yeah, that's great fucking idiot There's no way though that there's 54 percent of girls squirting out there No, the half of these warlocks. No, no way What would you what percent would you put on it? 30 20 whoa 30 seems high to me 20 20 maybe but it's P though But how many people have the control over it?

Is it something that they're like I can if I want to but I don't do it or some people are just like, yo It's just gonna happen. I feel like they run away from the dick when they're close to like squirting Run away. Yeah, like, you know the thing would they fidget away from you? Yeah, you know, yeah, this is relieving my back That's why I'm sitting like this. Yeah, I feel like you're gonna charge me. Yeah, I'm fired up there Sex got me look like a rhino about to put his foot in the dirt. He's like I'm not a guy space sex got me for sure, but yeah, dude having sex on like a space station There's nothing more romantic than that Imagine having sex and looking at the earth and then being in love in space you fucking kidding me

You're not gonna be in love. Yes, you are dude. You're falling in love You're just fucking rotating around the earth together. You're not in love. No, you're in love, dude I'm not in love if I was in love not in love with with my female astronaut friend You don't know that you don't know that I don't say that I can't yeah, you're right But it depends how long I've been up there. We might have some deep That's what I'm saying man. You guys are getting to know each other up there You guys are eating toothpaste together you guys eating weird food shit. Yeah, we gotta have that toothpaste That's like it looks like a packet. Yeah, it's like sweet potatoes, but it's toothpaste. Yeah, you know

You guys are sharing that and then one day, you know the fucking Milky Way is looking good You're rotating like you said around the earth the Milky Way is looking good. How far into space of these fucking people We're out there. What do we have two thousand years old then? Yeah a little bit take a while I mean, we have to leave our entire galaxy. Yeah by that point You know what I'm saying though. All right, you're looking at like Orion's belt Love that belt get a little get a little worked up. Just thinking about it big dipper big dipper And you guys see it up close and it's illuminating your spaceship, right? Oh lights are down. Oh, it's just you and like

Grace it's called grace. That's an astronaut's name. Yeah, that's a grace grace like Henderson great astronaut female Actually, they're gonna name a school after her. Yeah grace Henderson. Hi. Yeah. Yeah for sure and you guys football team Yeah, great football team to and then you know You're floating around and then just the big dipper light shines on grace just right Yeah, and you guys just had a whole bunch of fucking mashed potatoes out of a tube. Yeah And you guys are ready You're gonna make fucking love up there, dude. I'm not making love to her all that stuff. You just said I'm gonna Cause a black hole in this part of space

I would honestly try to like regulate that before I be like yo guys like what happens if I really get after it up there Yeah, I'm just I would like I wonder if they allow them to masturbate up there Coming in space What do you do? You probably have to come in like a ziploc way easier clean up Or harder you got it. I've never had to chase my come around the My room, you know, it might make it fun. The first time would be fun. The second time be like this is a grievance now The first time would not be fun. It would be like catching butterflies. You would have to have like a net I've never gone butterfly hunting. I haven't either because

I'm not four years old and rich in white When did this become a thing butterflies are beautiful though Yeah, but capturing them isn't really I feel like I feel like girls have a really weird Obsession with butterflies like they'll catch them and like put them in scrapbooks or some shit. Yeah, yeah, that's Disgust like you know, you got a dead bug in this book, right? Yeah, that's an insect. Yeah in your fucking journal there, Daria The fuck are you doing girls love putting butterflies in scrapbooks? Why don't girls put butterflies in scrapbooks? No, it's like on one page

It's like today Jeremy like looked at me and he said that he liked me But like liked me liked me and then the next page. It's a dead butterfly It's like I get it's beautiful, but bitch. You got a dead bug in your book. Yeah. Yeah, get a live Yeah, oh Fucking like laminated in there There's like movie tickets and then there's like, you know, like a fucking a lucky dollar And then there's a dead butterfly girls love saving movie pictures Yeah, like the movie pictures like the three or four pictures in a row, whatever they're called

Oh, like a photo booth photo booth. They love saving those they do love saving tickets Uh-huh, and they love saving butterflies and that's all it is an old roses Yeah, like a pedal from an old rose. It's my grandma gave me this rose. Yeah, put the rose down. Yeah, come on How's that? You don't give a shit. It's a plant. Yeah, that died and it's brown women love saving dead stuff They do you know dead roses? I'll save that dead Butterflies put it in my book, you know, that's what they like to do. It's crazy It's crazy life. We live it's crazy life and you remember in hey Arnold where She like cut a piece of Arnold's hair and put it in a book girls do that girls put hair of dudes. Yeah, they do that

Those women are fucking weird Big time weird Sorry, I have to chew that ice. It's all good. I haven't seen a butterfly in ages though Really honestly can't tell you last time I saw one obviously because it's winter I think I saw one last summer, but one. Yeah There's no butterflies around here. No, it's finally got the Sun out. I'm sorry I haven't seen the Sun in five days. Yeah, this is amazing. We're seeing the Sun. It's it's a cool thing It's been raining and I think it's snowed last night. Did it there's a whole bunch of like white shit on the cars

That's snow. Yeah But I didn't know if it was like frozen rain sometimes it gets sneaky, you know, they might not be a snow Froze ray. Yeah, Froze ray. Uh another question I had for you. Yeah, we're going to Miami soon swing away Go to Miami soon. I need to buy some Hawaiians. Yeah, I need I need swim trunks. Yeah Hawaiians I got one go shopping. Yeah for sure. We'll wear H&M is a great spot Because it depends how much you're trying to spend I'll spend whatever I don't come on daddy I want some like weird Hawaiians. Yeah

My friends are gonna see me put on and go like you're really gonna wear that like I want that reaction I'll wear a Hawaiian shirt out That's what I'm saying. Like I'll wear I'm 100% gonna wear a Hawaiian shirt out. Yeah Open gold chains so open white pants. You want to wear white pants? Well, you want to do a double white? Yo, let's do it. I don't have any white pants. I don't have any white pants We got to go buy you got to go buy a first white pants. And then we got to wear like uh, like driving like loafers You gotta uh, we got to wear loafers Do you think I'm going to Miami and and some and my ankles are going to be covered at all

Dude, I'm gonna tan these ankles. These ankles are going to be so so so everyone's gonna see these so shown My ankles are gonna be shown all over south beach. It's just gonna be insanely shown this winter I'm taking my ankles to south beach. Yeah, dude, and I'm popping them like I gotta like You know I'm saying like yeah, yeah, I want people to just be like oh keep going Now you now just imagine this you got a nice driving loafer on and no sock No, fucking sock and I got white pants on and a fucking wild Hawaiian I got sunglasses on People are gonna be looking at me like who the fuck's that guy?

You know and I'm gonna get like two or three pairs of white pants because I'm gonna wear white pants every night Whoa white pant night Better hope you don't get your period Definitely gonna happen But the question I wanted to ask are you gonna drink in Miami? Oh, yeah Big time It's a big return, baby. Yeah, there's three fives in one shell, you know what I'm saying white pants

Hawaiian shirt glasses You think the boy's not gonna have margaritas in come on now I'm gonna fuck that place up Yeah, because it is like, you know, I'll be like the only sober one there, which is fine But like I feel like you need one sober lone ranger. You need it To make sure everyone's make sure I need you to make sure I'm eating. Yeah. Yeah drunk Joe's not an eater. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah He just goes he just wanders that makes me happy though that you're gonna enjoy

Yeah, no, I'm yeah, I'm not gonna like, you know, whatever but like when I get back like I'm gonna I'm gonna not drink again But yeah, yeah, yeah, if I'm going I slated incidents An isolated incidents for four days in a row But you come back monday I come back Tuesday Yeah, because mine was cheap and I leave monday fucking earth like at seven a.m Dude all nighter. You gotta pull an all nighter. I'm going straight from there's no way you could sleep in wake You're gonna miss that flight

No, no, I'm not sleeping. That's what I'm saying. If you go straight to the airport if you go to sleep at all saturday No sunday There's no way you wake up on monday. No, there's not your toast. No, it's it's over. Yeah, but I'm just gonna stay up. Yeah, it's not gonna be hard either because what I could go to the airport at like 4 30 This is my first time in Miami You've never been to Miami. No, I do Oh my god, yeah, I'm gonna have a cigar in my hand the entire time 100%

I'm gonna get some more gold and I'm definitely gonna do a whole bunch of shit down there I want to get some gold too. Yeah, I'm gonna go as far as a sober person could go You know what I mean? Give me all of your mocktail. Give me all of your mocktail, sir I'll crush your mocktail down there. I'll crush your mocktail. I'll get my bs up to like 250 I don't care come back and we have to like take some days off at work. Yeah, it's like dude. I ate too much sugar down there I can't stand without my knees shaking because uh my blood sugar is fucking hot Yeah, it's like I can't feel what four of my toes. It's like I had a mojito with no alcohol. It was just fucking sugar in it Yeah, dude, it's gonna be dope. There's a Cuban spot down there. That's really good. What is it? We went last time

I forget the name of it to be honest, but I know exactly where it is, but it's like it's like right off of south beach um Actually, it's on south beach. Is it the place we're going? What is it like a place that we did we booked this place? No But it's just like a place that's like kind of near the beach It's like off the beaten path a little bit. Okay, but it's a Cuban spot and they make fucking Good mojitos and they put sugar canes in it. You just chill on it like a fucking panda I just want to see a whole bunch of Cuban people just being a Cuban. Oh like I want to play dominoes with a Cuban man

Okay, it's not like that. No, they definitely have it down there. Yeah, they do, but it's not old Havana on fucking ocean drive Which is little Havana. Where whatever I don't know. You know what number of time is this for you? To Miami? Yeah. Oh, I don't know a lot. Damn, dude. I've been there. I've been there. I went there like I think twice last year or two or three times And then I've been a couple times I'd go like every year I'd like to go more to be honest because it's just nice to be like

You know, oh, it's gonna be 28 degrees. Let's go. No, it won't it's gonna be 85 bitch. Yeah, exactly And it's a two hour flight. You're chilling or two and a half. Yeah That's what's up. Yeah, because I was wondering because it's getting close I was like, yeah, I wonder if Joe's gonna drink down there because I know you've been sober No, yeah, I've been telling everyone that I'm like, I'm not gonna not drink for You know our buddy's bachelor party No So can't do that. Can't do that. Can't do that. Yeah, I got you. Take care of you

No, I'll be all right. I've actually never had a problem in Miami ever as far as like that's not true Well, it was because it wasn't Never had a problem down there. I can't remember one whole weekend But it's fine. No, but vegas is like an actual issue for me Like and and and I know that sounds funny, but that's really not funny to me Like every time I go to vegas it is dangerous. Yeah, and I don't know why I don't know if it has any Thing to do with like it's like sensory overload. Well, vegas was like one of the spots we were gonna go, right? Yeah, I don't want to go there anymore. Every time someone mentions vegas. I'm like, I really don't want to go

Like we longer flight to well, not just that it's just that yo Every time I go there like I end up blacking out like bad And like it's because you could get lost Like the strip is huge and you go to like a pool party like Fucking two miles from your hotel And if I'm drunk and everyone else gets drunk and they like, you know, we're grown men We're not like, hey, everyone got their buddy. Yeah, so it's like you can't fucking left Motherfuckers disappear. Yeah, so I get really drunk and then I just like stop and I turn to one of my friends

Like, yo, you got to take him back to my room. I did that to a med I was like, yeah, you gotta take me back right now. That's smart though At least you knew and then he told me almost kind of to a fight with some dude Near the lockers because I thought he was trying to steal our stuff and he was just like a guy standing there And a med had to like be like, yo, he's drunk like leave him And I'm not that dude. So like are you like the flamingo or something? We were at uh, encore beach club encore beach club. That's my favorite pool party not wet republic My republic is like the biggest one. It's on saturday

But like I don't pool party is kind of dope though Kind of also gross because that pool water is piss water. Yeah. Yeah, you can't go under that water When we were in sweden, like it was we were in a couple and I was like, this is piss this piss This is pissing bad decisions. There was one time that uh We were at a pool party. We had just gotten there So we like got drinks and then we just like picked a spot in the pool and we just put our drinks next to us and then this kid Jumps into the pool. He had like cargo shorts on he does like a cargo shorts. Did I say that weird? No, I don't know. You know, he jumped into the pool. He did like a front flip

Lands in the pool next to us and he goes, oh shit I just had all the molly in my pocket. So now there's just molly in this pool Wow, so it was just around So we stayed I would absorb that shit too But it was I was like, oh my god And like god knows what else this fucking kid had on him and then he got kicked out immediately You did you you might like molly

I wouldn't awesome. I don't really like uh That that you feeling like extra like whatever, you know what I mean? Yeah, like I don't even like a lot of caffeine Well molly is like euphoric like cocaine is a little more like Yeah, but molly you could still be like, yeah, but it like puts holes in your brain. Yeah, it does. It does dumb as it is It does. I know. Yeah What what I need some white pants. I can't I can't do dude. We're going white pants. I'm nervous though. No, dude We're gonna be side piping hard. We're gonna be killing it down there, bro

Fucking ferragamo belts fucking crushing Where are we gonna wear that? Oh to fucking bro, dude. Yeah, I'm not gonna say the name of the restaurant But you know what I'm talking about. I'm gonna wear it there Yeah, I'm gonna look like I people are gonna come to me and try to buy cocaine and and McGregor fights that night We're going full dude. I might tuck this hawaiian in I'm 100 talking dude I'm tucking this shit out of this shirt Ferragamo popping also I just want everyone to know that I'm already 600 dollars in the hole just because of the flight because I waited too long to book it

I told you that was gonna happen. Yep. I knew that was gonna happen. Why'd you wait so long? I'm a stupid bitch I waited I didn't wait. So the last time I went to Miami. It was on a whim I woke up in the morning my friends were there and they were like, yo, it's mad fun And I was like, all right, I'm coming and I booked a flight and and got on a plane two hours later That flight was 500 dollars this flight that I booked. It's two weeks or whatever that we're going and it's It was 600 dollars 601 So it's gonna be a hell of a trip. Well, the other thing is too is you're flying back on a holiday and that always makes it more expensive Yeah

So a lot of people are probably going on vacation flying back that day. It sucks. Yeah, whatever, dude It's gonna be dope. It's gonna be cool. It's gonna be nice. I'm gonna bring my away luggage Oh, I'm bringing my away luggage as well And the other thing is the other thing though, I will say okay. We're gonna be a lot of dudes in a lot of rooms A lot of dudes A lot of dudes. How do you guys usually work out the bed situation? We just walk in and pick Oh, I gotta get there before everyone that Yeah

I got a good room last time the last time we went to for a bachelor party in miami I walked into a room. It only had one bed. Oh my god. I'll fucking suck someone's dick. I really would It only had one bed. I can't sleep in a room with four dudes Right. Yeah, no, so I I did it in Nashville. I just got my own room Yeah, me me and espo slept in that room. It's fine. It was one room and it had like a balcony I don't know how I got this room But I just walked to the back of the house And it had this one bedroom that had that and it was right next to a balcony

And I was I put my bag down. I was like boom here. I am fire but Yeah, dude, so we're gonna have to sprint to a room 100 I'll sleep with you. I'll cool with that. Can you you have to hold my spot though? 100 because because I Just make up some diabetic excuse or something and the thing is The thing is like, yo, I got diabetes. I need this. I'll just be like, yo guys Like, you know, like I have like this thing where I had to sleep by myself. Everyone will buy it. That's everyone's gonna buy it Like I'm just I'm just distanced enough from this group of friends that they will oblige me. Yeah. Yeah, you know

It's like, ah, he's kind of a guest. You're right. So they'll be like, you know, like he has some stuff So like they'll let me do it. So let's let this diabetic I'll 100 hold my spot because I get there Thursday I'm gonna be there and half an hour before anyone gets there before anyone gets there. Yeah, these guys I'm not getting there so much night. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not getting there so seven at night. I got you, bro I got you on my spot. I got you. I need to get ready to wear these white pants. That's what I'm saying We got to get dressed together and shit You gotta dress each other. You gotta dress each other. We gotta massage each other. Yeah, man before we go out

We're gonna kill it out there. We gotta stretch each other. Yes. I'm gonna need that for sure Yeah, I'm gonna need to stretch your hips. Yeah, so that you could Gyrate them. Yeah, and I'm gonna get a very Very Puerto Rican part in my hair. I think Yeah, I'm gonna be sexy down there. I'm gonna haircut this Are you gonna get a cut before you go? What's today's day? I'll probably get it a week out. So like I'll get a Thursday. Maybe I will. I don't know I might just get touched up

Just touched up But yeah, dude, I'll be there before we're fucking all those other fucking save me god because they're gonna go out Probably Thursday Yeah, and like I'm not but like Thursday the house isn't there. That's what I'm saying Friday is the house They're not gonna wake up as early as your boy. Ah, yeah So I'm gonna be there ready and waiting. Yeah, find the bedroom wheel and brother Really, really just fucking get in there and get her bed, dude. Yeah, I think there's two rooms with one bed Obviously Dom will probably get one bed because it's like it's his thing let him sleep

Yeah, and then it's like other ones yourself for grabs. No grabbing is yeah big time I got you, dude You should put you should do a preemptive diabetic excuse 100% I'll be like, yo guys like listen like I I have a lot of problems or like I snore Tell me you have night terrors. You scream. No, I'm just gonna be like, you know, like at night Like I have to I move around a lot because of my diabetes My friends are so dumb don't believe that. Oh 100% they're gonna buy. Yeah, I bet it diabetes and movement. Yeah, they go ahead Yeah

And it's like, you know I'm I'm gonna make this work. I'ma get there. Yeah. Yeah. Nice stupid idiots God I'm taking care of fools fools fools. Absolutely fools absolute idiots We got him Ladies and gentlemen You know what I was thinking about the other day that that that bill cosby thing that she goes Nick. Oh I forgot how funny that was You know these world war three things have been fucking hysterical

And I understand people are like, you know, like listen like people are gonna get deployed over there and like go die I understand that's fucking fucked up But twitter just has this way Of just making everything funny fucking hysterical. Yeah, it's kind of I was honestly shocked because I'm like, all right We just killed this guy and The whole country is like in an uproar and like there's we're gonna there's gonna be a war Not twitter, baby

And then twitter like and I'm like I'm seeing world war three trending. Yeah, and I'm expecting to see tweets from like politicians or like news outlets and stuff like this about world war three And it's literally just people with being like, uh, I have asthma It's like, yeah, like yeah, or people just being like no one absolutely no one and then it says like Uh, I ran and it's like a fucking SpongeBob meme. Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck is this? That's this is the world we live in dude Like before spreading news we'll meme it Yeah, the government. I mean the government the the internet does not give a fuck

I love that trump though. He did tweet out kills a dude goes to google images gets the flag tweets it out Just threw his set up hard son He's like america buck with me Bodies You never really think about it with like presidents or murderers I've I've thought about it. He's a murdering murderer Now he's a murderer. Yeah, and barack obama was a murdering murderer too and before that they're all murdering murderers Yeah

Kind of crazy to think about and rapers If you go back so if you go back for if you go back for no, yeah, there's probably one through 30 and enslaved probably got ugly Not really a good job. No No, no, no, no, no, you couldn't fucking pay me to be the president of the united states If it was 10 billion dollars a year, I'd be like you can have that. Yeah, suck me. Yeah Secretary of state, I'll do that It's not a bad gig Governor

Not a bad gig. I don't know anyone's responsibilities. So I don't really I'll be a mayor I just won't do any of that. I'll do this. I'll just talk shit Yeah, I think we figured it out. Yeah, we just wear white pants hawaiians expensive belts And that's it. I want to look like such a fucking asshole. I'm gonna look like such a dick Do you know me time? You know me like people are gonna hold this against me forever, dude Oh, no, dude, I'll be right there with you. I think that's another benefit too Because like they'll see me and they'll be like, oh, dandy's like always kind of dripped out So like Frankie's gonna flame me. Yeah, he's gonna kill you. Yeah

Because he's gonna be like, oh, joey bought the same thing as Little does he know this is a plan. This is a well executed. Yeah premeditated match. Yeah, dude white pants Let's get three pairs two pairs. I'm not getting three pairs of white pants. Yeah, but if you get one dirty You're gonna want to wear him another night out there All right, so we're gonna go white pants and then black pants white black black and white I can go black pant go white pant Fucking looks sexy too Turn it up Turn it up. I love that kid so much as soon as he steps off as soon as he steps off that curb

I could not stop watching that turn it up. Turn it up All right, cool. Um, let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, sure Danny, where can they find you, dude? Uh, Danny little priori on instagram and twitter Make sure to go check out the stank podcast. We meet my buddy Frankie Alvarez that's right at the stank podcast on instagram and youtube.com slash the stank podcast And also our patreon patreon.com slash stank podcast We just gave away a nintendo switch to one of our winners of one of our many raffles Uh, you guys give a follow show at base me yard on instagram

Also on our patreon, we have the morning meeting which is a daily show every single day of the week monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday on our patreon Go check it out. It's a 15 minute segment. We do every single morning. Uh, patreon.com slash the base me yard and yeah, that is all See you guys next time You