The Basement Yard - #227 - Are We Going to Get Corona Virus?

Episode Date: February 3, 2020

On this episode, we discuss if it's finally time to be afraid Corona Virus. Danny seems to think so, Joe not so much. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It's Danny, and I'm joined by Joe. Why'd you sing it? And I'm joined by Joe. It was very 80s like hip-hop, but I got nervous and when I get nervous I have to sing things. Nice. Yeah, it sounded like you should have said that with like a bunch of windbreakers on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Windbreaker pants. Fuckin' doin' this shit. Yeah, it's like welcome back to the show now. Here's some Skechers. Here's some stuff. Yeah, they love giving shit out back in the day. Hell yeah, they're all over like old game shows and shit. I miss that free shit. I miss free shit. Wait, before we get into what I want to talk about, speaking of free shit, you ever go to like a supermarket

and then like they have like those things in the middle of the aisle that have like the coupons and you just keep pulling them for what? Rackin' them up. Rackin' them up. I used to love those. I thought I was stealing. Like I would be scared. I'd be like, it's like bitch, I'm getting like two cans of green beans or two dollars off. I'm not doing nothing. And the thing I love about supermarkets now is that you could scan items like in Target, right? If you go to Target, you could scan items, see how much it costs to immediately just be like, oh, no way. Oh yeah, they have those like scan. Oh, no thank you. Yeah, I'll scan weird shit. I'm like, I'm trying to scan like a pool noodle. Yeah, it's the winter.

I'm like, what am I doing? I don't know. I just get addicted to like, you know, whatever. I get so angry when like my shit won't swipe though, like up at the counter. Yeah. It's one of the most infuriating things. You're just over there like, like insane. And I never understood the codes like they have for like fruits and vegetables. Oh yeah, like fucking price tag on it. Why is this person have to go into this database of fruit and vegetables to be like one second because they can't put stickers on all your stuff. There already are there already are stickers all over. That's a fact vegetables and fruit. That's actually a fact. I hate if you're going to go sticker put a price sticker on it. If you're going

to go no sticker go no sticker. It's like they start beeping all your stuff and they get to bananas and they're like, got it. And I'm like, all that for $3. It's like, dude, there has to be a better way. Yeah, she was I'm over here trying to buy fruit. She's hacking the Pentagon. Yeah, to get me a price on them. It's fucking stenographer over here. She's got a fucking she's got a call over her superior to come over unlock the register so she could put in a code for a $1 and 69 batch of mangoes. Drives me insane. Drives me insane enough. You know what? We should just give out fruit at the supermarket. They should. They should fruit should be free. And then I hate that they have to go to this laminated piece of

paper with like highlighters all over it. Oh, and look and read a code for a banana. Why does a banana have a code? It's a banana. What are you an offensive coordinator? Just ring up these fucking bananas. Yeah, dude. What are we doing? How about 69 cents banana times three? That's all math you got to do. You don't have to do it. Just scan each individual banana. Yeah, also like scan the banana. Scan the banana. Just scan a banana. I'm pretty sure scan a banana is like a like a country. Scan a banana. Yeah, scan a banana. Scan a benavian. Yeah, it's it's over there. It's by like Sweden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like borders like Europe and Asia. Yeah, and it's like dark like six months out of the year.

And all of their viral videos are like super grainy and gray. Yeah, but they're like intense like people are fighting large animals over there. Yeah, and killing them like like really well successfully winning fights. Yeah, and screaming and triumph. Yes, and triumph. Have you ever screamed in triumph and victory? Oh, yeah. Isn't it the best scream ever? Yeah, but I've also like it was in triumph, but it shouldn't have been like I'll scream happy, like for stupid shit. Yeah, I'll do that from time to time. But I get hype. I also I'm not even gonna lie to you right now. I'm just a little nervous because when I did that whole typing thing, I went really crazy with that and flexed my neck and now the back of my head's killing me.

Yeah, and I'm I could be going down halfway into this episode. I'll be honest with you. I don't think you've recovered from Miami yet. No, it's probably that's probably what it is. It's it's it's after I'm not drinking enough water. Yeah, that's aftershock. Your brain is dehydrated. My brain's got no idea what's going on now. It's just it's crazy. So I you know, by the way, these hoodies are now available in the in the Alpine green. You can go to the sanagottestore.com and, you know, buy one of these right now. They're only going to be available for a limited time just like the other ones because a lot of people are like, yo, the baby blue, where can I get it? We're not making them no more. Maybe I'll make them again in like a year or some

shit. But these green ones go get them because they're only going to be up there for like maybe a week. But if they're still selling, then I'll extend it a couple days. But go cop go cop rock this green. This I like this better than the baby blue. And I loved the baby blue. The baby blue. I love the baby blue. I just think I also love the other sample that you pulled out. Oh, yeah, the dusty pink, the dusty pink. Is that up? Um, or are you going to hold off on dusty pink? I might hold off on dusty pants. See, I think it's nice if we have some exclusives. This office exclusive. Maybe I'll just make it available to just pay a tree out. 99% of the time, I don't know what's going on in my own brain. Let alone I have to come out here

and do a show. Try to guess what's in mine. First of all, that thing's Fort Knox. I don't even want to get in there. That brain is so weird. Yeah, I got a weird head. I got a weird head. It's just weird. Weird brain, dude. Every time I look at it, I'm like, it's just never stops. How do you sleep? I don't. This kid is just constantly like, oh, just never stops. Poor brain. I never really knew how like weird my some of my like beliefs and like whatever are until I talk to some people and like, you know, when you're like are explaining something and you think you're like making a really good point and you're changing someone's mindset, you know, and like you're whatever. A lot of people are like, hell, what are you? What? There's

nothing more frustrating than explaining something to somebody and they have zero fucking idea what you're talking. Yeah, that's like, dude, I got none of that. And I'm like, dude, if you only understood what I'm saying, yeah, this whole conversation would be different. And then I start to feel dumb. You know, I start to feel like maybe my vocabulary isn't that good because I'm not like verbalizing the way I'm thinking right now. No, I think you have a good way of speaking. I think your vocabulary is fine. It's just that it's got a weird brain. It just comes from at like left field. Yeah, we'll be sitting doing something completely different and then something will come up. And it's like, he's not going to let this go until we have a conversation about it. So I'm

going to try and understand it as much as possible. Yeah, that's why like, I'll always say like, yo, like elaborate. Yeah, because yeah, I'll make some claims. Yeah, I'm just like, oh, let's elaborate on this whole thing. Yeah, you know what it is before we collaborate when I get ooh, rhyming over there. It's gonna be hot. It's what I do. Did you listen to the song I sent you last night? I did. What did you think? I didn't send you anything back, but I did listen to it. I liked it. It was nice, right? Yeah, I thought it wasn't as good as some other stuff you've made. No, no, no, no, no, no. That other song you made in there that one time, I was like, yo, this is crazy. You just put that out as it's fire. I'm just going to drop that one.

Yeah. Also, a thing I wanted to talk about. So this morning, when we were doing the morning meeting, for those of you who don't know, by the way, we do a daily show every single morning on patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard. And, you know, we kind of go through all the content that comes out that week, we talk about, you know, whatever, it's the start of our day. So we get in here at 915, we record, and we do a daily show. Shoot the shot. And it's only available on patreon. So if you want to go check that out, you can. We actually just came out with mugs because we drank coffee on the show as well. Yes, we do. But on that show, the topic of like old games came up because I saw this like commercial for a toy not too long ago. And I was

like, yeah, you don't see commercials for toys anymore. And you used to see them all the time. That was 90% of advertising. Yeah. And maybe it was at the chat. I don't even think it was the channels we were watching because even you watch Jeopardy and then like a commercial would come on for like a toy pirate ship. And you're like, yo, this is fucking sick. Or like Polly Pocket. That bitch was everywhere. Dude, my parents must have thought at some point like might have a gay son because I fucked with Polly Pocket so hard. I would get a Polly Pocket right. And if someone brought a Polly Pocket in here, I would lose my fucking mind. We should get a fucking Polly Pocket popping in this bitch right now. I'm down. I'm down. Yo, Amazon got to have him. I'll get one here in

four hours. You know what I'm saying? I'll Polly Pocket. Also, that bitch was never in my pocket. That bitch was on the table in front of me. We're playing. Yeah. And can we get anything smaller than Polly Pocket pieces? They were insane. They were tiny. You know, I was like, I could swallow this. Like I remember being a child thinking like I should eat this. I think I have. Think about how dumb we are. I didn't eat it. Think about how dumb we are though. It's like, I'm going to eat this. You're like a dog. You ever show a dog like you could show a dog a grenade and they're going to sniff it and lick it. It's like, dude, this will kill you. Like don't sniff it. It was the same thing when you're a kid because like you get a little Polly Pocket piece and you're like, you know what?

I'm just going to put this in my mouth just to see what that does. Yeah. And you want to know what it is. It's weird to think about and I don't know. It's kind of dark, but whatever. People would be like, hey, this and this is a choking hazard. So when I see like, like, not like surgeon general warnings, but like warnings on things, I was like, somebody had to do this for this warning to be here and it's kind of creepy. Creepy. Because there was just like, at one point there were just toys, just choking kids to death somewhere. Yeah. And then they had to make a conscious decision like, you know what? Let's like, let's put something on the box. Yeah. So we don't get sued. Yeah. I think if there's probably like a regulation of like, if a piece is this small, then you have to put

choking hazard. Well, that's what happened at McDonald's. That was the whole thing. Yeah. That bitch poured hot coffee in her own lap. Yeah. And it didn't say hot coffee on the thing. So she sued them and won. Hey, bitch, it's coffee. Yeah. It's hot. Yeah. It wasn't an ice coffee. It's, you know, it was a hot coffee. Have you transitioned to a hot coffee, uh, iced coffee at all yet? No. You like iced coffee better? I don't mind it. Like a iced latte. Yo, an ice, I just fucking chai latte, dude. A chai? A fucking chai, bruh. Yeah, a chai is five. What is chai? It's like a tea. I thought it was like an Asian like meditation. Dude, if I give you iced chai latte, you're gonna lose your fucking mind. Yeah? Am I gonna be more balanced? Oh, you're thinking of Tai Chi? Yeah,

like a chai, like it's a combination of both words. So it's like a super chai chi. Chai chi. Chai. Yeah, exactly. I used to see an actual Asian man do Tai Chi every morning. And in the beginning I was like, this is very strange. This is funny. I'm gonna laugh at it. But as the days went on, I grew more and more jealous of this centered man. Dude, fucking, people who do Tai Chi are like in touch with like their inner energy and like can like be in two places at once. Yeah, I feel like there's like, there's like orbs inside of them that like can leave their body. Like they can go to work without going there. Yeah. And they don't have to like turn the lights on because they just like radiate light. Yeah. Like they're just bright people. Like they just have like

cool mantras and then they have these auras that come with them too. And it's just like, this guy? Yeah. Has life figured out. And I'm over here laughing at him because I'm an insecure little bitch. And I was just like, yo, this guy's funny. And then I realized this guy is so enlightened. Yeah. And they got cool sandals. Yeah, they do. For some reason. I know one person who does Tai Chi and he's got like cool shirts and it's just like, you know what I mean? Like Can Tai Chi drip? That's why it's crazy. Yeah. That's why I can't do Tai Chi because like I just don't have the sandals for that. I also do it in super self-conscious that somebody was watching me seriously do Tai Chi. Like I would do Tai Chi for fun to be like funny. But like if someone had

to see me in my front yard every day, fucking just people are going to think I'm a little strange. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they probably think you're like off the H. Yeah. You know what I mean? A little bit, but you take the good with the bad. There is something about watching because like, I mean, at least around here, it's mostly like Asian people that are doing these exercises in the park very early in the morning. In the football league, I used to play in on Sunday mornings, we would play at like 8am and they'd already be there. Like 20 women that are like older. And then there's one leader woman who's, you know, the Tai warrior. Yeah. She's the Chi, you know, master and she's leading and they're doing like, like they're marching in place.

And like, this is not a joke, by the way. I'm not even fucking like joking around. Like they'd be like marching in place and then they'd be doing these like stretches and then they'd be doing like these positions or whatever. And I'm like, these women must be just like, they probably can cartwheel, but they're like older. They're like 60. But I'm fully convinced if you're up at 8am doing some kind of like weird exercise that no one knows about, then you are like ready for war. Yeah, those people are ready to fucking kill somebody. They'll rip somebody's fucking throat out. Yes. Yes. A 60 year old woman rip your fucking throat out through your ass. They know stuff. I spent like Asian people, like they don't, they look the same to me,

like their entire lives. Not all of them, you idiot. I'm not saying that. I'm saying like, when they're born and they look a certain way, they don't age is what I should have said. That's better. All Asian people looking like this. Dude, all you guys look the same. That's not what I'm saying. No, what I'm saying is like they don't age at all. No, because they like and they have and sometimes they wear and they wear masks around here at least. And I'm like, these people just like no stuff and they eat raw foods. I think that's why too, because I was watching this documentary one time that like in Japan, they eat seafood that comes right from like right there. Yeah. So it's incredibly like fresh and healthy and processed food over there.

Yeah. And they're just, I mean, there's a lot of salt and like that's another thing. But like they, they all smoke cigarettes. They're all, but like they're all just, I don't know. I just feel like living in Japan and just eating like fresh seafood must be, you must be insane. I would love to go to Japan. China, not so much though. Japan just scares me because it's so far away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So far away. But I've heard great things about Japan. Yeah. I've had a couple of buddies that have gone to Japan. They said they should just live. I heard there's like bars that you can only fit like eight people in. Yeah. And like, but there's like a hundred on the block. So she comes on like conveyor belts. Yeah. See, you just pull them off. Like that's

so cool to me. I just wanted, that's so fat. I love that. Do you say that's so fat? Yeah. Not not pH, like fat, like just to be able to just be like, oh, I was like, dude, what is this fucking 1997? Yeah, yeah, that was fat. Dude, Lil Kim, she's fat. pH, AT. pH, AT. Lil Kim, she's fat. What's that from? Meet the parents? Meet the parents. Yeah, exactly. What's a Tuesday, poosley, poosley loot? Oh, that's right. You don't know shit about flowers. Love that movie. You know shit about flowers. Yeah. So what are you know, now I'm in trouble with the Asians apparently, because I just, you know, no, no, no, they're very forgiving people. I hope so. I mean, you've dishonored their, their, no, I didn't. I'm complimenting them. They don't age.

You ever see a white person, you get to their 30s, like how old are you? And they're like, I'm 30. Like you look 57. Who do you think ages faster, men or women? It depends. Yeah, it does. It also depends on race. I've seen some women be like, hey, what's up? I'm 25. And I'm like, you look 37 years old. I'll say, I'll say this. And then this is not me sucking up or being somewhat ever. I'll say that like, I've never in my life, in my personal experience met an Asian or black person and been like, how old are you? And then they tell me in age that I'm like, dude, I thought you were way older. Yeah. But I've always met white people that I'm like, hold you. And they're like, Oh, I'm 31. I'm like, excuse. Yeah. It's like, dude,

were you fucking smoking cigarettes since you were zero? I used to work out with this guy. And for some reason, this topic of age never came up. This dude was doing like, walk up fucking pull ups and shit, like human flags, absolutely shredded black guy. Absolutely shredded. Great dude, Chris. He was 90 years old, probably he was 52 years old. Yeah. And I thought that he was a fucking 35 year old man. Yeah, he was a savage. He would play basketball. Like, he was like, he was 20 running up and down the court. I mean, he sucked, but he was running up and down the court. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it wasn't like, Hey, I need to take a 52 year old break here. Yeah. But he was just like, he was running, doing the whole thing. And then one day I was like,

dude, like how old, no, what he said to me was he goes, yeah, I just like, I remember when your age, like, you know, I kind of started working out. I was like, well, how old are you? He's like, I'm 52. And he said it with a smile too. Yeah. Because he knows that I look great. Yeah. He was like 52, man. And I was like, no way. You got to show me your ID. And he was fucking 52 years old. And just to like, you know, get out of hot water with my fellow whites real quick. Obviously, there's exceptions and there's dudes who are white and like, they look mad young too. But for the, I'm just saying, I've met a lot of white dudes that are like in their 30s. And I'm like, I literally thought you have been divorced twice already. Right. Like, you don't look great.

But you're struggling. And maybe that's just because of their personal choices. But I'm just letting you know my personal information that I haven't downloaded. I agree. I agree. I agree with you. I agree with you. No one loves toys though. Asians. They love toys. Video games and all that shit. Yeah. I mean, Sony is an Asian. Yes. And so is Xboxes, Microsoft. Oh, wait, no, no, no. What's the one? Oh, Nintendo. I mean, Nintendo's magic. They invented video games. Yeah. I heard in Japan that they have a service where you can have a FaceTime date with a hot smoking woman. And like, she eats and you eat. Like, you guys share the same menu, whatever it is. But it's like a FaceTime screen and she eats, you know, from the menu, you guys order from the same menu

and then you eat what you eat and then like, but it's a FaceTime. Do you think that's the future of dating? Yeah. And like, listen, everyone says like, I'm super sexual on the show, but I don't care. That just sounds like a fucking blue balls situation for me. Can like the person like come out of the back like a game show and it's like, yo, it went well. Here I am in real life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. But if it's just like FaceTime and then I go home, it's like. Yeah. But I think it's because I do think that is something that's going to happen. Like, eventually just be like a thing like a service because I think people are getting more. I don't know. I don't want to get too like crazy off this fucking road here, but I do think that people

are getting more and more bad at actual communication in person. I would agree. So because it's just so much easier to send a text and not like deal with the actual emotion from talking to a person and like the communication skills I think are not get further. I mean, I could be wrong. I like to see people's faces. I do. I like to see your face and talk to and talk to a face. I like to talk to someone's face. Yeah. I like to talk to the face. Right. You know, and it's like, but I think the more and more that we get away from that, the more people need just like to be a little more comfortable to have that in person like conversation. Like with dating apps now, not saying like that's the reason why people have dating apps,

but it's much more easier to have those first conversations like through text to kind of sort of get to know somebody and then meet in person. So that's not like whatever. But I think eventually like, you know, it's also like the whole idea of a blind date is stupid. Yeah. I don't know how people do that. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. Is a blind date, what qualifies as a blind date? Like, do you have to? You have a friend. I have a friend. Right. We hooked them up together. We never show them a picture of each other. That's what I was going to ask. So you, you never see a picture of them? Who would agree to that? A lot of people. Why? I don't know. I don't know. I thought a blind date

is like you've never talked to them, but you've seen them. Yeah. How are you supposed to know where to sit in the restaurant? You just walk in and be like, I'm looking for Melissa. Well, like they'll be like, I have like a fucking beret on screen. So you got to go. And now, now you have to figure out. She's got a beret on. Was this a French woman? Yeah. You got to find the green beret. She was like, I was in the green beret, brother. I killed everybody, dude. Drop napalm on a bunch of people, dude. I was just like, uh, okay. But that's what it was like. It would just be like, I'll have a rose in my lapel. Find me. Now I gotta go search in lapels. I'll go search it. I'll go search it. She's wearing a suit jacket. She's wearing a blazer.

This is a business woman. She knows I go on blind dates. I think, or maybe she does because she works really hard. That's what I'm saying. And maybe she got coerced by her friend, by her friend, be like, come on, it'll be fun. Yeah. Her name is like Janice or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She works so hard, but she wears suit pants and suit jackets. And she's looking for fucking love. Yeah. And she's actually really good looking. Yeah. And she has like a short power haircut. And she's hot as shit. How do you feel about short hair? Some people can pull it off. I don't mind short hair. What about a buzz cut? See, and this is a thing. It gets me going sometimes. Sometimes. Like, not a lot of people

can pull it off with the people who do. You're like, oh, hey. Yeah. Like, okay. In a way, I'm like, why don't we just fucking shave it? Yeah. Get rid of it. Let's go crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Let me rub your actual scalp. Yeah. I want to see your fucking brain. It would be weird though to like go to rub like significant others head and there was just no hair there. No, I don't know. But like, I like a buzz cut because I know what it's like to have a buzz cut. Do you remember when you were a buzz cut as a kid? Just rubbing it. I still do that. Rub the back of my neck. Yeah. But girls used to love rubbing your head. Yeah. And it's like, oh man, like, oh, they're like, this part's like this way and then this texture's like this. Yeah.

And I was just like, yeah, this is like the cut I'm going to keep for a while because I was 15 and people were petting me as if I were a dog. So I was like, this is kind of hot. Getting pets fire. Oh, yeah. Love getting pet. Like your hair gameplay with is the best. Or like my head scratched or my back scratched. Yeah. I love scratching the head. The head is like a good thing to get under their hair and just kind of get you down. I go with the claw in there. You just do this. I just do this. I move it around. I do that too. But it's like you get in there and you kind of just fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat. No, I just kind of like, you know what I'm saying? I move my, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. Yeah.

You ever do the like the let it tickle a little bit and scratch it? I almost threw up. That's fine. It's not fine. It's not fine at all. I already threw up on my couch, the carpet, it would have been a whole thing. Would have been a great episode though. Yeah, it would have. Yeah. It's just like this a little bit and then it gets itchy and then you scratch it. No, get out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I let you in. I'll kick you out. That's how it works. Yeah. Sometimes I like getting my back scratched and then like you feel a thing run up your spine and you're like, oh, yeah. Hey, yo. Like you're sending some like nerve, like some stuff to my brain right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But oh, we completely forgot to talk about toys.

What did we start? We talked about like choking hazards and then we went all of a sudden went to Japan. We went all the way across the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you said something about Chinese. Yeah, I dishonored the yeah. Yeah, dishonored their country. Yeah, I did not. I love Japan. I love Japan. China too. Yeah, I like China. Yeah, but not. We owe them enough money. Yeah, we owe them how much? I don't know, like $17 trillion. I feel like we don't owe them trillions. That's not real. I feel like that was a trillion dollars, 17 trillion dollars for what? Also like, yeah, our government like is in trillions of dollars of debt, but they'll like get mad at us because we're in like like $4,000 of debt. How dare they judge us? How dare they

judge us? I want to just be like, yeah, I'm not paying taxes because guess what? You guys owe money too. Yeah, you guys pay off your debt. Then I'll pay you. Yeah. I'm helping you pay off your $17 trillion debt. Also, I'll suck my ass. I'll even go as far as say this. Chinese people definitely should not have to pay taxes because you're like, bro, you owe us. Yeah, you owe us the trillions. Yeah. Why am I paying you? You owe me and then I'll get you your money. How's that? Right, right. That's what should happen. Yeah, man. You think fucking sushi belts build themselves? Hell no. Come on, bro. Japan needs that shit too. We probably owe them money as well. Why is there also, now that you said that, why is there no,

like why isn't that a thing with like other foods? Like there was a conveyor belt restaurant around here. I'd be sitting in a chair and just shoveling shit. Yeah. When's the last time you went to... Farf. When's the last time you went to all you can eat buffet? Dude, years ago. We should go. Isn't that food gross? Yeah, but come on. If it's all you can eat, probably can't be there again. All you can eat sushi? Looks good. How much sushi can you possibly eat? Dude, I can eat a lot of sushi. How much? Last night I had four rolls sushi, but I only eat like one or two meals. Rolls? Rolls, yeah. So that's six, 12, 18, 24 pieces. But I only eat once or twice a day now.

Dude, 24 sushi. What kind of sushi? Spicy tuna and avocado. King crab and avocado. I'm a big king crab guy now. King crab is so good, dude. It is. Seafood towers? A little expensive. A little. Jesus. Seafood tower. Fuck in Christ. We got hammered by fucking seafood towers. We went to Miami and ordered a seafood tower. You would have thought we actually ordered a real tower that Rapunzel was fucking living in. Yeah, we basically ordered $400. Yeah, we basically had the entire fucking Atlantic ocean on our table. Yeah, dude. It was insane. It was insane. The little mermaid. So fucking good. Yeah, dude. It was, it was. I will say this. Insane. The crab, the oysters are really good too. And the horse brashes,

the horse rattles was bad good too. Yeah. There's no like, oh, actually there's a seafood place around here that I'm like. The crab legs. Crab legs were good. With that hollandaise, whatever, sauce, whatever it is. I don't even know. I was putting weird shit on it. I ate so much seafood down there. Cracked open that crab leg right in my fucking eye. Yeah, yeah. Bink. I was like, okay. Tough day to wear white pants too the night we went out. I actually didn't get them that dirty. I got them dirty on the way home from the airport. Yeah, the picture I saw, it looked like somebody ran you over in a bike. That's what it looked like. I, because I had to get, we squeezed into a fucking Frankie's sister's car. And I took my suitcase and

was just holding it because we were like, we weren't supposed to take that, but, but Danny was like, yo, you guys want to ride? Yeah. Yeah, I was a dead man at this point. So I just took my bag and I held it over me and like, I was, I had just wheeled this bag through the airport. So it was track marks all over my pants. It looked like someone ran me over, backed up and just kept running me over. Yeah, it's bad. But it was one of those situations where I knew the food was going to be really good. Here's my one thing about Miami. I'll say this. I'm not even like, I'm not even a huge seafood guy. I just started eating seafood like I eat, like a year ago maybe. Yeah. And that was the best part. Yeah. Like the rest of it was all right.

Yeah. Cause I was in that chicken was trash. The chicken skewers were so bad for the driest. I was like, get this shit out of here. Bring me another tower, you fucking bitch. I felt like I was eating old woman's hair. Yeah. I was like, don't eat those. The meatballs, pretty good. I didn't have, they were pretty good. And I'm, and I'm, I'm a fucking snob. Oh, you're, you're a meat snob. I'm a meat snob. You're a ball snob. I'm a ball snob for sure. Definitely a ball snob. And I was like, you know what, I could deal with these balls. We hadn't gone out to dinner in a while and I am starving. I know. I'm just thinking about this. It's Friday. And I just got paid. I didn't get paid. No one got paid. No one got paid this week.

I get paid once a month. Yeah. You'd have to pick up this check. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not after this. I mean, no, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do that. But when I got home from Miami, I actually had to call like all of my credit cards and bank and because they were all, I couldn't have spent money on my business account. I could because I didn't use that when I was down there. Yeah. But I don't know if that's true. Actually, I might have done that. But I had to, I had to call my banks and they were like, yeah, you got holds. Like you try, my car was declining and I was still trying to buy shit and people were like, no, I've done that so many times. Yeah, you have this decline,

this decline. I was like, yeah, she's like, this one's at 4am. I'm like, sounds about right. But we got no kid. I love that. I love that. It was nice. Yeah. So, but let's get paid, huh? Let's get paid. Let's get paid. All right. So let's get paid here today. All right. We got our lovely sponsors for this week. Starting with MVMT watches. Okay. Valentine's Day is right around the corner, peeps. Get your, get your players some watches. Yeah, for sale. Let that boy sign. I know I don't have an MVMT watch on at the moment, but I have numerous MVMT watches. And I'm telling you right now, they look amazing. Okay. And they're super affordable. They started just $95. It's a great gift for anybody. All right. There's birds interrupting the watches.

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and I'm not coming in. It's too close. It's too close to home. Yeah. But yeah, like apparently millions of people are in quarantine over this. Whoa, what? And the thing is, no, that's not true. Yes, it is millions. I sent you the thing. Look at your phony baloney phony baloney. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever have nicknames for your cell phone? I call mine cell Gibson. Hey man, be easy. Hey, doesn't that guy like hate Jews? Yeah, but I have many Jewish friends. I thought he was Jewish. Am I? I don't know. I don't know. He hates somebody. Not a nice guy. No, he doesn't like Jews. Um, Corona virus. I'm telling you. How many people were quarantined? Millions of Chinese people. It's a very Chinese episode. Yeah, it is.

Which is fine. Millions in quarantine. Yeah, dude. Corona virus outbreak video shows dead bodies in halls of China Hospital. Dude. We owe them trillions of dollars. Yeah, we do. These guys got a beer virus over there. Oh, there's, oh, shit. Second confirmed case in the United States. It's supposed to 32 minutes ago. Dude, I'm telling you, man, I'm getting the fuck out of here. A woman in Chicago. It's getting closer. It is. It's creepy. He was in Texas. And I think it was a girl or a guy that went back to Texas A&M. Texas A&M. Texas A&M and brought the, she came back from China and,

or he, and they brought that shit to a college campus, dude, where everyone sticks tongues in each other's shit. That's what's going to happen, man. That's just going to spread, bro. Yeah. I mean, if there's one place you want to bring it, it's Texas A&M because they get down over there. Yeah. All kinds of stuff. It's like pneumonia, right? It's killing people in hallways. Yeah, but people die from everything. I know, but like killing people in hallways, people don't die in hallways anymore. I don't think they're dying. That's very 1920s where you died in a hallway. They're not dying in hallways. They're just, they put the bodies in the hallway. That's what I'm saying. The dead man in the hallway,

dude. Yeah. That's scary to me. I mean, yeah. If you came to see me in a Chinese hospital and they were just dragging dead people into the hallway, you'd be like, hey, Danny, might have to skip this one. Yeah. I'm going to need some Purell. Yes. Because I'm heavy on the Purell when I'm in a hospital. My hands are constantly soaking wet in the hospital with Purell. Yeah. And I like Purell before I eat. I'm afraid, I also have this thing where I'm afraid to use too much Purell because I've heard that it kills all the natural bacterias on your hands, which I don't want to, what am I talking about? There's people that take bacteria every day we were talking about. Excuse? Take it? Yeah, like they'll take bacteria. What does that mean? Like you'll take a pill that's full

of bacteria for gut health or some shit. Yeah. That's not, we're not, yeah. It's technically bacterias. Right. But we're talking about a fucking virus. Yeah. This shit's killing people. When is a virus, like how do they react? An epidemic? Yeah. Has it been claimed that as such? And now this America is going to be like, do we have to be afraid now? I don't feel good right now. Okay, relax. Don't do it. If you give me coronavirus, you are so fired. Yeah, I know. And we are fighting to the death and I'm going to bring a weapon. I don't know why it's called coronavirus though. Why? It's probably some science behind that. But you know, I don't want to, I don't want to. I just feel like, you know, all the guys that hang out down in my deli are getting a little

worried right now. Dude, I don't drink the corona, man. They got a virus. Don't drink this corona, man. All right, it says, I wasn't even listening to you, but I heard you doing like a Mexican accident. Yeah. All the Mexican guys down around my area are the best. Yo, Danny, what's up, man? I'm like, you know, stay away from the coronas, God. Yo, the people, the Mexican people from around here, they're like phenomenal volleyball players. Like, I swear to God, no, like they'll, they'll literally, literally, I'm not even kidding. Come on, eh? It would be like 11 p.m. And they'll be at the park. They'll take over the whole handball court, not this park, the other one. And they'll set up like these lights so that they can see. And there's like 30 of them and they play

like legitimate, like a tournament. And they're nice. It's a Mexican tournament. Yeah, and they're good. And this is like on a random Tuesday. If you go there now, I bet you they're playing. I guarantee it. In the middle of the day, it's crazy. It's wild. In the middle of the coronavirus. In the middle of the coronavirus. Um, man, we ain't afraid of that shit, man. But the good thing is, the mysterious illness has been linked to a shady seafood market. Shady. We're talking over here. Seafood Towers. Who wrote this? Who wrote this article? This is a white girl from Brooklyn. Yeah, it's the post. Listen, it's a shady came from a shady fucking restaurant in Japan. It is a girl. I knew it. Yeah. But it's funny. Shady is a girl word. I say shady, though. No,

like why? Like shady. Oh, shady. I don't know. But she said, but it says that it was linked to a shady seafood market in Wuhan. But I knew a kid named Wu Han. Did you? Yeah, I did. That's a dope name. Yeah. We used to call him. Yeah. From the Buster Rhyme song. Yeah. Every time he used to pull up, he loved that shit. Shout out to Wu Han, bro. It says the virus has killed at least 26 people and infected more than 800 worldwide. Do you remember when people freaked out about Ebola too? Yeah. And that was one dude. Yeah, because they shut that bitch in a tent. Yeah. She was just like living in there all Ebola shit. Mm-hmm. They everyone survived, didn't they? I would never travel to a place where I need shots

to go there. If I need to have a physical checkup to go there, it better be months and months and months in advance or you're going to tell me like, yo, this is 100% and you're not going to get sick. I'm not going over there. I'm not doing it. I would. Like, I want to go to Egypt really bad. I do. No. I want to see the pyramids. It would be cool. And then you would get sick. Maybe. You take stuff. Like, uh, pre, uh, what's the word? Dude, I can't even go to Miami without getting a fucking head cold. I'm going to go to Egypt. I'm going to die, man. I'm going to go over there. They're going to fill me full of shit. I don't even know what it's going to do to my body. I'm going to walk around. The pyramids are going to be great. I'm going to come out here

and slowly dive through my anus. I don't want that. I think you're doing that already. No, dude. I'm in good health right now. All right. I'm in a good spot. My blood came back good. I'm almost diabetes free in this bitch. Let's go. So I'm killing it. But now I don't want to go over there and get something else. Yeah. I don't want to get bit by a mosquito. My head grows. Can't get, can't get much bigger than that. You think I have a big head? No, it's the same size head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I don't know. I think yours is just deeper than mine. What do you mean by deeper? Like your head goes back further. We have the same like we have the same like width this way. Yeah. Yeah. You have a deep head. Yeah. My head goes back.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Way back. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Back in the time. Way back back in time. But this thing about this coronavirus that scares me the most is that people are like, yo, you can't get it. Yeah, you can. People are like, yo, it's not that big of a deal. It's only 26 deaths. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. Let me tell you something. If it kills anybody, let's figure it out. Let's figure this out. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. Let's put it on a like a chalkboard and you know, go over some ideas. Even if you got some other stuff, you could circle back to it. That's fine. As long as you're circling back, people in America are getting it and I'm going to be selfish. Okay. Yeah. I don't want to see any Americans die

from a shady Japanese fish market. Okay. I believe it was China. Whatever. I'm not going to go out and say they all look the same like I didn't say that. What? You're throwing me under a bus that doesn't exist because I didn't say it. Sorry. I'm sorry. But I don't want to get, I don't want somebody to die from America because of China's shady fish rules. It's not the rules. It's just that there was a virus in the fish. You know what this all comes back to? Stop eating animals. And also, no, you know, but this comes back to, and I don't know if this is right, but I'm going to say it like it is anyway. Speak that truth. We're throwing stuff in the ocean. Okay. Yeah. And we're getting fish sick to the point now. I got to be afraid

of seafood towers. I love a seafood tower. I know. Now I got to be afraid of them. I love the shit out of them. Me too. And now we have to, we have to be afraid. Yeah. Landlord's down there and he's upset about the fish too. We got to stop dumping into the ocean. And the other thing also is we live by the Hudson River. There's people in there. Many, many people that are dead. And I ever... What? Yeah, dude. People throw bodies in the Hudson River all the time. Oh. People throw dead people in there. Now think about this. A decomposing dead man. We have probably eaten fish who have eaten a dead body. Circle of life. That was so weird. These girls were carnival. If someone could send you a piece

of human meat right now, would you eat this? Are you fucking insane? If it... No, no, no, no, no. If it was like a norm and it was like packaged the right way and it came fresh and it was like, you know, cook on two sides for like two minutes, would you try it? No. I would try it. You'd eat like thigh? Yeah. Just a little cube. Like imagine a cube that you give to a horse that they lick off you. You'd eat a human flesh cube. Yeah. This guy's a fucking kid. No, I'm not. You're disgusting. No, I'm not. Yes. No. You're like a Dracula cannibal fucking... Hannibal Lecter. No. Yes. Ew. You're fucking gross. Why would you eat humans? If I could do it, I would do it. First of all, you can. No, I'm not gonna do that. Is it illegal to eat people? Of course it is. No,

I mean, it can't kill them, but I'm like... If like my like dad got forbid passed away and I was like, you know what? He wanted me to eat him, so I'm gonna eat him. Not the whole thing. Just a little piece. If you take a chunk out of him, they go, what was this chunk? You're like, well, you know, I just ate him. Yeah. Do you go to jail? Yes. Why? Because it's like defacing a body, which is illegal. What if they're alive? Desecrating a body. What if they're alive? And he's like, yo, cut a piece of my skin off and eat it? Or do you like meat? You're right. Let's... Okay, here you are. You're at a crime scene, right? Mm-hmm. And a guy... Do I work? Do I work? No, no, no, no. You're a passerby. Okay. Homeless man. Got it. No, no, no. Oh, but I have a job. You

have a job? Okay. Yeah, you make decent money. Not gonna be great. You have a one-bedroom. You don't live in Manhattan, though. Right, right, right. Not a lot of amenities. Okay. I gotta get into character here. There's no doorman either. Oh, this guy's struggling. Yeah, I mean... I don't have doorman. All right, so... All right, I'm in character now. Yeah, so you're walking by a crime scene and like, there's this guy, he got a chunk taken out of his thigh. Okay. Right? And you're a guy. You like to, you know, push the boundaries as far as what you eat. You've had weird like Georgian food and like, you know... I've Anthony Bourdain some shit. Yeah, you've eaten like crickets and like Ukrainian dumplings or whatever, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rocky Mountain oysters.

Exactly. Fresh. So you walk over, right? And for whatever reason, I let you through because they're like, oh yeah, that's Timmy. He's a, you know, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's got good stuff. Yeah, I'm a good guy. So you walk over there and you're like, what do we got over here? And then they show you like, oh yeah, he's got this chunk taken out of his leg because this guy ran up and like cut him or whatever. And then you walk over to the piece of meat that's on the ground and you know, let's just say that this piece of meat isn't part of the crime scene anymore. They don't care about the meat. They care about, you know, the wound and the knife and where is the weapon kind of thing. You walk over, you pick up that piece of meat in front of everyone, you're

like, oh, look at it. And you pop it in your mouth like it's a goddamn piece of popcorn. Are they going to arrest you? Yes. 100%. One, I'm eating evidence. Yeah, but let's be under the assumption that it's not part of the evidence. It's just like a piece that got blown off to the side of the street. Yeah, no one sees it. And I have like, you know, like when you would find something and you would kick it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, I'm going to pick this up 10 feet down the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just slide this with my foot. I wouldn't do it because it's on the ground. If I had it, let's say it landed on a clean plate. Okay, okay. Can I take it home or I have to eat it right there? No, you just pop it in your mouth because you're like, well,

this is nice because people got to see you do it. That's the whole point. I would do it. Yeah, but would you get in trouble? Am I? Is it illegal to eat it? Yes, it's illegal to eat people. Why? It's illegal to eat dogs too. Yeah, because you kill them. No, I don't think like they're not like FDA approved here or something. Yeah, but is that kind of like eat at your own risk or is it illegal to eat things? It's illegal to eat them. I didn't know that. Yes. I thought it was just illegal to kill a person and eat them. Like obviously, that's, you're not supposed to kill and eat, but can you eat? Just eat. Can you tell me I can't eat a person in this land of the free? Yeah, nah, man. Told you. Not so free. Yeah, thanks, Obama. Can't even eat people anymore.

You're still president, right? Yeah. No, but I would, if I could get something, a little piece, I would try it. I would be so curious to see what human flesh would taste like in my mouth. You could. You could cut your arm. No, that hurts. Don't do that. You know, you could do, you could cut your weenus. Oh, I could cut my weenus needed. You don't feel that. I would fry my weenus. I need fried weenus. There's got to be at least one dude out there that's constantly cutting off his weenus. Somebody send me your weenus. No, no, no. Don't do that. What the fuck? What? Someone might do that. No, they wouldn't. There's at least one Dracula that watches this shit.

Yes, true. Don't do that. Don't do that. Also, there's real life. What about this? Can you drink blood? No, I would throw up. No, I'm not saying you. I'm saying like legally. Can I have some blood? Yeah, I can have blood, but I can't have the meat. Blood is way different than meat, dude. If I take a piece out of your leg, I can't do that. I can't. I don't think I can consciously be like, yo, I'm gonna cut out a piece of my leg and I'm gonna serve it to you like a goddamn filet mignon. But if I want to bleed in a little cup for you, I could do that. Yeah, one's easier to accomplish than the other, but one's legal and one's not legal. Yeah, I believe so. Why? They go hand in hand. No, blood and flesh do not go hands.

They're constantly touching. And is that true? Your blood is blue? Or is that bullshit? I think it's true because when it hits air, when it hits oxygenates. That's a word. That's a real word. Oxidize is I think is the word. Oxygenated blood is a real word. Listen, you've been in hospitals more than me. I don't know anything. Yeah, I know about it. Yeah, oxygenated blood. Oxygenated blood. But if you went to space, there's no oxygen. If you blew up, would it just all be blue? That's what I'm thinking. There is oxygen, though. There's no oxygen in space. How are they breathing up there in the ship? They got oxygen in the ship.

I'm talking about if you just kick fucking Charlie out of the goddamn ship. You can't blow up a human. Yes, see, they expand in space. That's how you die. No, you freeze. No, no, no, no, no, bitch. You do freeze. You freeze. You freeze. You freeze, you slut. It's cold. But then your body would blow up. No. Rip your body apart like a fucking balloon. No. Yes, you silly bitch. No, you'd have to fall into a dark hole and then it would stretch you. No, no, no, no. You'd be able to see like when you were four years old and then it ends with you being stretched and snapped. Yes, stretch and snap. But that's way down the road. But maybe your blood freezes. Right. But would it be blue if I cracked your frozen space leg in half? How would you do that?

I would find a way. So you're telling me that if someone was just thrown out of a ship, right, no suit, just flip-flops, shorts, and a graphic t-shirt that says affliction. Yeah, or I'm never growing up or whatever. He's out there. He's floating around in space. Born to run. Yeah, born to run. And he's a big Bruce guy. But so he's out there and he freezes. And then you go out in your suit. Obviously, you're attached to the ship so you don't go too far because then you're fucked. And you get to him and he's frozen and you just take him by the leg and you snap him at the knee. Yeah. And you think what? He'll bleed blue? Yeah. If blood is blue and there's no oxygen hitting it, I want to see it be blue. I think that's how it would work.

What's all this red in my hand, though? Oxygenated blood from your heart, dude. What? Your blood comes in to your heart. Yeah. It gets oxygenated. People are going to lose their minds with this shit. It comes out. That's why that stuff is red. So why is my veins weird blue-green? Because it's probably the color of your veins. Veins. Veins aren't clear. Silly goof. Hey, man. Sorry. I'm dumb. Is that too much? No, no, no. So wait, you're supporting the red theory, I think. No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying that your heart produces blue to red because once oxygen hits it, it changes them colors, dog. That's what it is. I wrote, is oxygen blue? I am an idiot. I feel like oxygen would be blue,

though. Why is the sky blue? Is that the reflection of the ocean? This is, wait. And is the ocean blue? Or is that like clear? It's clear, right? I don't know why that is. Why is it so hard? Someone told me that it's because, why can't we figure this out? Why does everyone have 15 fucking theories about the ocean? I think it's because, I heard, and I don't know if this is true. Science. This could be just one of them. Excuse me, people, it's the reflection of the sky. That's obviously not true. But someone said to me one time that blue is the only color that the sun doesn't extract. So if you ever lay down, when you're sun tanning and you have your eyes closed, but then you get up,

everything sort of has a blue look to it. Blueish hue. A blue tint. A blue tint. And they're like, that's why it's blue. But if, I mean, water's clear. Yeah. You know, it's like, if you put your hands in water, that even looks blue, it's clear. Even in a pool, like you look at the pool, it looks blue. But when you put it in your hands, it's clear. Well, that's usually the pool because the pool is painted blue underneath. That's why that was blue. I'm not doing the show anymore. That's it, man. We debunked that one. Didn't need to call fucking myth busters for this. Yo. Yeah. It's blue paint you're saying. I'll say this. That's blue paint. We will say this. I joke around a lot on this show, right? And I pretend to be dumb. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah.

That was a real thing I said. One of the dumber things I've ever heard you say. That was, no, that was the dumbest thing. The ocean I get, the blue pool, not gonna get it. That was really bad. Yeah, it wasn't great. Yikes. It wasn't great. I'm telling you right now, it wasn't great. Wait, wait, wait. No, hold on. Just to save me for a little bit. Just stay with me real quick. Yeah, I'm here. Not all pools are blue like that. There are public pools that have white bottoms, and those still look blue, right? Please. God. I'll give you. Because you've never seen a clear pool. Right? You've never seen a pool where it's like, oh, it's just clear water. It's just white. It's never happened. If the pool was black, you would not see blue. No. If the pool was gray,

you would not see blue. What if it's white? Maybe. Why is that? Tricky. I'm dumb. Don't get me wrong. I'm dumb. I'll wear the dunce hat. I'll go stand in the corner. Most pools are blue. Yeah, but there are white ones. Yeah. Like public pools, I think are white. God, I really am shocked. Yeah, that was that was a bad one, but it's all right. I've said some crazy God, that hurt me. No, don't let it hurt. It's so good. Don't let it hurt. Don't let it hurt. But yeah, I don't know. Wait, hold on. Let me google that. Speaking of space, I saw India is sending a robot up to space, and she's hot as fuck. Oh, you sent me that, and she's a smoker. She is hot robot. See, the Indian people are doing it right. They're like,

listen, not only are we going to send a robot up there, just in case it gets taken by aliens, she's going to be fucking hot. Send hot robots. It's a hot bot. It's a hot bot. It's a really hot bot. And she has it. You know what I found weird though? She has an Indian accent. Why? I don't know. I mean, they're staying true. Yeah, but like the Indian robot has like speaks English, but with an Indian accent. I found that to be a little weird. It's a little strange. It's a little strange. It's like either speak English or speak Indian, but you have a perfect opportunity to do that. But maybe they think India and space is, they speak English up there. I can guarantee you this. They're not sending that robot into space

to talk to aliens. And also aliens don't speak English. No. Or maybe they do. Maybe they know every language. You know what I'm saying? But I found that to be weird that like they have like an Indian accent speaking English. Smokey robot. A smoke. A smoke. A smoke bot. Yeah, smoke bot. Smokey robots can be cool. The ocean is blue because water absorbs colors in the red part of the light spectrum. Like a filter, this leaves behind colors in the blue part of the light spectrum for us to see the ocean may also take on green, red or other hues as light bounces off of floating off of floating sentiments and particles in the water. So I was right about that. Thank God. You're right. You're right. But a pool is a little different. No, the pool was

totally different. That was horrible. But yeah, it's because of that. I feel you. I agree. Water does look blue. Like I was on the beach of Fort Lauderdale and Lauderdale. I don't know how to say that shit. But the beach was, water was blue as fuck. Yeah. I like the beaches in Florida because like the water is also not absolutely freezing. Yeah, it looked cool. I didn't go in it, but I don't know. How much time are we at? I can't see an hour. I have to shit so bad. Let's see how far we can push this. Yo, I'm going to try my best to keep going. But when I'm telling you this right now, this is the most I've ever had to shit in the maybe the last calendar three years. So when did you have to shit? What minute? I would say around right after you did the ads.

It just hit you. It hit me like that coffee kicked in. Yeah, the coffee kicked in. You know that one that starts in your stomach? I hate that. It's like, shit. Yeah. And it like goes down to your lower intestine. And I was like, okay, the shit transfer happened. Yeah, yeah. The duty transfer. Well, that's the express lane because I usually feel like a shit starts here and you're like, Oh, God, this is going to be terrible. Yes. And then it like it eventually makes it way and you don't really feel most of that. But eventually like one time it's like right in one of your ribs. Yo, what's going on? And then your your large and small intestine form just a beeline like they just get straight and your shit just goes whoa, we're at the front

door and it starts knocking on your asshole lips. And the worst is when your stomach just always knocking always knocking as a fucking bounty hunter in my asshole right now. And also the only time that you get. Yeah, let me open the door. Don't let us use force. Yeah, it's kind of like a like the SWAT team breaking in. I have to I have to say they're knocking but they're going to get the battering ram. I have to say have you ever had that shit where your ass literally your butthole like hurts? It's in pain. It's like cramping. Yeah, yeah. What is that? It's it's a overworked sphincter. It's just like, ah, yeah, I can't hold it. Yeah. But then like it goes away. It's weird how your body's just like, we have to shit. But it's all

right. But it's okay for now. It's okay for now. It's kind of like a war. Because with war, you fight all day and you go, we're tired. And then you go back to your your bases. And you'll come back another time. What's the longest you could possibly go without going duty poody? Doody poody. In like, it might like going for a record. Yeah. So I like wouldn't eat or try not to eat. But I could probably get diarrhea. I could probably do a couple of days. I could probably go like four days. If I didn't eat, I went two days without pooping in my some people do that all the time though. Yeah, I don't really poop on vacation that much. No, even though I pooped a lot on my vacation. I don't like to shit on vacay. Oh my God. You got a poopy dude. Yeah.

Yeah. I can make it. I'm sweating. Yeah, I could see your forehead. Yeah, I'm sweating right now. Yeah. You want to know what it was? It was the coffee and then I had lunch right before this and my body was like, dude, we didn't duty yet today, buddy. Yeah. So like they're gonna force that they're gonna force that sandwich right out of you. Yeah. And I was saying the other I had Cuban coffee. Have you ever had Cuban coffee? Did you have Cuban coffee? No. When I tell you, my fucking piss smelled like absolute gasoline. Yeah. I was like, this is fucking scary. But was it a lot of caffeine? Yeah, they come in these little things, right? But it's like so you're gonna espresso, but it's like super condensed. Like like a first of all, the thing on

the machine said gasoline. Gasolina. Yeah. So I'm daddy on key by daddy junkie. And I was like, let me get it out the gasoline. So they got the gasoline and I drank it and I was like, yeah, that's cool. It's fine. No, it wasn't. I had to shit. So bad. Immediately as soon as that shit entered my bloodstream, it was like, you need the shit now. And now I'm anxious because my heart is going and my shit is going crazy. And I'm like, yo, all right, I have to run around. I had to go into a bathroom and take a dupe and it was a public dupe, a public dupe. I hate those. I know, I know. And then later in the night, I urinated and my peepee was so gasoline-y. Later in the night, I urinated. Yeah. And it was it was gross. Dude, coffee is weird

like that. I didn't know it was like that because I'm new to the coffee game. But I would be peeing. I'm like, smells like a medium roast. Nothing's worse than asparagus piss though. I don't like asparagus. So I don't really get that. Have you ever had asparagus piss? I have. It's disgusting. Yeah. It's not great. It's horrible. Yeah. Horrible. Why is it like that? I don't know. Are you reading a Torah over there? We hit all spectrums today of race and religion. Yeah. But no, I'm telling you this. I think as you get into more and more of coffee, you're going to have to start drinking more and more. So you're probably going to be going duty, duty more. No, I don't like, I haven't, I've never had two cups of coffee in one day yet.

Also, like, I don't know when you would drink an iced coffee. Like, it's not a morning thing. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Really? Yeah, man, when it's hot in the morning, dude, and you don't want to fucking, and you're on the move. Oh, when it's hot. When it's hot in the summertime, dude, iced coffee is fantastic. I don't know. Because I feel like in the morning, like there's something, the reason why I got attracted to coffee was because I feel like it's just warm and it just looks comfortable to have like a coffee and just like, ah, and warm your body in the morning when the sun's around. You know, the sun's, there's more than one. And like, birds are chirping and shit. How do you feel about places like in the summertime that like,

don't have air conditioning on in the place? Like, if you go to eat. Oh, dude, I'm a big time sweater. I hate when I go to eat. Yeah, I'll leave a place. I'm like, yo, if this place doesn't have air conditioning, I'm fucking leaving. Yeah, I'm going to start sweating. Or just have the, have one of those like, completely open front parts of the restaurant is just open. Yeah, let the wind hit us or something. Something, but put an industrial fan out there. I sweat, like I'm 500 pounds though. Like I really, like embarrassingly, I sweat a lot. Like, and I hate it because like, I'll be in a normal situation. No one else is sweating and I'm pouring sweat. I have to constantly be like, can't stand, hate it, can't stand it. And then eating for some

reason makes you sweat more because you're like, your body's getting hot. Yeah. And it's like, dude, like, I don't want to be sweating while eating this food. This is fucking gross. How am I sweating while eating food? I just don't like sweating. And just like, I look, everyone's like, dude, what do you run here? And I'm like, no, I don't know. Yeah, if you're not playing sports or having rigorous sex, sweating is gross. It's disgusting. Yeah. Sweating is gross. Yeah, it's gross. It's super gross. It's not good. It's not great. No, it's gross. It's a ghost. I think I said ghost. Sweating is a ghost. See, now my shit is subsided. It was like a tugboat. It just went off into the ocean. A tugboat. You ever see a tugboat and it's like, why can't this thing go a

little bit faster? Also, why don't we just put whatever engines in there in there? You know what I'm saying? Like a tugboat's like this big and it's pulling a fucking boat that's this big. It's like, yo, how about take this edge, put it in this edge. You don't have to have that tugboat. Yeah. Where are you going? I know you're going to like a landfill or some shit. No, that's not the engine. This engine is probably like no, no, this place is more this is more of a electric power. So we'll give you more. Yo, also, by the way, speaking of like garbage and like boats and shit, I saw a video of like, this is what we're doing to our whatever. This actually goes back to the fish thing.

This guy finds a dead fish, right? He pulls it out of the water, cuts it open, and then rips off its stomach. It was very, very, very, but like rips off its stomach and then opens its stomach and it's filled with like eggs. No, it's filled with like someone's car keys, like coupons and, you know, like not, I'm joking, but like it was like plastic. Yeah, it was like plastic and like it looked like a metro card and like it was like all this shit and it's like, you know, the fucking fish are eating this stuff and it's like crazy. God. Like imagine that. Dude, imagine how ill a bear has to be to just grab a fish out of the water. Yeah, you know how hard that is? They just go, and they're not fast animals. Like they're, they can run fast. They

run like 40 miles an hour, but they're not like quick moving animals. They got like stubby arms. Yeah, but like how does a bear just be like, like, like they don't have fast hands? No, do they? Maybe they do. Their hands are probably crazy big. Yeah, that's true. And they're still fresh. That's what I'm thinking about. Yo, can we talk about two things before I fucking shit all over myself? Yeah, this one's bad. Yeah, yeah. You posted a video on your Instagram of this trust fall demonstration. Yeah. Now, if you haven't seen this video, it's a video of a guy doing like a seminar about you got a mullet. He's got a mullet. So I don't trust anybody with hair longer than 12 inches. So already you're out. Yeah. So he has this woman standing on a ladder and he's like,

all right, you ready? Bethany, whatever the fuck her name is. And he's like, all right, you in on three, I want you to let go and fall. So he's acting like he's going to catch her. He goes one, two, three, go Bethany. And she releases and he just turns around and lets her fall. She hit the fucking ground. When I tell you this woman's head bounced off the floor like a over inflated basketball, it's an understatement. Yeah. And we're talking maybe brain bleeding. Dude, we're talking car accident level trauma here. Yeah. Of this head smashing against the floor. Her entire torso elevated off the ground here. I'll play so you could hear the please the bashing of the skull bounced. Here we go. When I say, let's do it. Okay, Laura, let's die.

All right, right there. I got your attention. You put the power of trust in yourself because you want to trust only you. And he goes, she's okay. She's okay. Dude, she's fucking dead. This woman is like having a hemorrhage behind him and he keeps going like she's okay. Also, what the fuck is this? If I saw a guy do that, I would beat the fucking shit out of that person. Yeah, I think what's wrong with you? Yeah, everyone, nobody said anything. I would have laughed immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have let it out. But once the laughter subsided and I was like, oh, that woman's hurt. Yeah, I would have chuckled. Because if someone falls off a ladder, that's hilarious. Yeah, falling is great. I love falling. But once I saw that she was seriously injured,

I'd be like, yo, come on, man. Yeah, fucking asshole. But like mistreat of women. But like, what is that? Was that like a like a one of those conferences where they like motivate you or whatever? That's what that was. And he's like, you want to trust only you. So falling off a ladder when someone says they're going to trust you. Really bad example. I would, if that was me and he let me fall off that ladder, whenever I came to, I would beat the fucking dog shit out of this dude and cut his hair and shove it up his asshole. Yeah, that's what I would do. Yeah. Imagine doing that to somebody. Disgusting. Disgusting. I don't know why people do the trust fall thing. Like, and that's a big thing. Why is that such a big thing? Yeah, we tried to do then in my high

school, I think they were going to make us do it on in like gym. And I was like, I'm not falling off this ladder. No, onto these fucking idiots. Yeah, these morons who could barely counter going to catch me would fucking Big Bertha, the goddamn fucking parachute. That was that was awesome, though. Big Bertha. What are you talking about? Remember, like, when you were a kid, you should be like, well, and then everybody goes to the fucking parachute. And then you get under there. And then you act like you got lost under there and just army crawl out of it. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what I would do that looks like kind of fun. It's like, you know, in Dumbo, when like the house goes on fire and you got to jump out the window and land on that thing. Yeah, that'd be dope. Yeah, I want to be

in such danger one time in my life that I could jump out a window. Yeah, and like land on like the big blob or something. Yeah, or someone saved me in a cherry picker. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, and you're like holding like a puppy. Like you save somebody got three kittens. Yeah, it's like, they're all mine. And like, there's like black smoke on my face. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? They immediately throw a blanket on you after you just got out of a burning hot building. Hey, man, dude, let's not get warm again. How about an ice pack? Something like that. Give me a glass of water. A fan would be nice. Yeah, don't put the blanket on me. I'm hot. I don't want a blanket. Yeah, I don't want it. Let's get something cool. Yeah. And the other thing, a glass of water. Yeah,

spray me in the face. Yeah, take that hose spray me with it. Yeah, throw me throw me across the street with that powerful hose. Yeah, yeah, blow me into the next of that shouldn't have said it like that. I'm not trying to disrespect the fire department now. I thought you were saying something sexual like blow me into the next millennium or something. I was gonna say blow me into the next like refrigerator but like that didn't make sense. I would have got it. I would have got it. I don't know. So the other thing too is you ranked your top five condiments. I'm moving around a lot because I'm maneuvering shit. Yeah, I did. So this was mine. Catch up was number one number uno. Wow, because it goes on most shit. I use it the most. Yeah, but the mayonnaise mayonnaise is two. Yeah,

it's two. I love fucking mayonnaise. Do I just love mayonnaise? It's not about how much it's about how much you like. Um, three, I put Schirach in that bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, big time Schirach guy for I put barbecue sauce. Okay, if you didn't say that, I was going to come across this table and push on your stomach. Yeah, please don't. There'd be barbecue sauce everywhere. Yeah. And then five, I put honey mustard. Okay, I respect that. I think it's a respectable five. What was your five again? Mine was barbecue sauce, ketchup, Chipotle mayo, Sriracha, and then I put salsa, which I googled and it is it is a thing. I was talking. Oh, I don't know how that is. Bang it. Yeah.

Salsa is salsa is a topping. They said it's a condiment is butter a condiment. No, no, right? I was talking to somebody and I was like, yo, they were like, is butter a condiment? I was like, fuck no, but then I wasn't sure. But if cheese is a condiment, just like, Oh, put cheese on it, then I would probably sneak in there. Cheese would be the number one condiment of all time. Cheese is fire. Yo, I could never go without cheese. Like people are like, yo, you should try and give up cheese. I'm like, yo, don't tell me what to do. I'm not I'm gonna live my life the way I want to live. Please leave me alone. All right. No carbs and cheese. Yeah, I could give up like

my eyesight before I can give up cheese. Yeah, dude. Cheese makes everything better. This is amazing. It's like you're gonna cry. Chipotle mayo though. That should have Chipotle mayo is crack, but it's anything that's like that's not accessible enough though. That's why I like it though. You know what I'm saying? Is it just me or did sweet and sour sauce and McDonald's get worse as you got older? Yo, it was so good back in the day. Amazing. What do they do to it? When it was like the green, I mean, it's so green, but like the old sweet and sour was so incredible. Did you peel it halfway back? You ripped that whole shit off. I rip it off. What am I doing? Close this. I hate when people would do that. Yeah, I gotta flip it back on me. No, I rip it off. I get all

over your knuckles. Yeah, I don't like that. It's not a good place to get sticky. But the old sweet and sour sauce McDonald's was so good. It was probably like it was probably like way more bad for you. But you know, like they make the one now because that one was like yellowish kind of see through. Now they make like a pink one. Yeah, it's like pink and purple kind of looking. I'm like, this is disgusting. Yeah, it's not sweet and or sour. It's shit. It's shit. Yeah, it's shit. It's not sweet sour. It's it's shit and shit. But McDonald's fries and barbecue sauce. Holy shit. Do you ever mix ketchup and barbecue sauce together? I don't. It's good. I mix ketchup and mayo. That's Big Mac sauce, baby. That's good. Hello. Hello. Ha ha. Big Mac sauce. Fantastic. Yeah.

But if I had to pick my favorite. Whenever someone on a menu, it says with our special sauce, I'm like, I'm getting that. Yeah, because it's Big Mac sauce. Yeah, it's good. That's all it is. It's all. I like a pink sauce. Yeah, if something about pink is inviting to my mouth hole. Yeah. Yeah. Vagina, dude. Yeah. That's number one. That's number one. And then number two is all these sauces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vagina then sauce. And then three is flamingos. Of course, for me. Of course. Yeah. Is an ostrich pink? No, what the fuck? They're black and white. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, like their neck. What color is their necks? They're white. No, I think they have their very necks. Oh, I thought they had skinless necks. Did I? I haven't looked at the anatomy of

an ostrich in a long time. I haven't seen a big bird in years. I would love to ride an ostrich, but I think I'm a little just too hefty. Yeah, I think that you're going to need the biggest, baddest ostrich in the land. Oh, they do have pink necks. Yeah. No, no, no. No, they have like gray necks. Is it like off light? It's like, it's like gray. What a weird bird. Yeah, weird bird. Look at this. Look at this piece of shit. Oh, what is this? What is that? What's the heaviest the ostrich can get? Okay, ostrich. Max weight. Max weight. And then also see what's the max weight they can hold. They can carry 150 pounds. Damn, I'm over the limit too.

I think like Keith can squeeze in there maybe. Has a bird ever killed a human? Is one of the questions? 100%. How tall is an ostrich? You know how tall a fucking ostrich is? 58. 58. An ostrich. Dude, these things are huge. How tall? Here's the range. Okay. Okay. 69 to 92. Yo, the nicks need to sign an ostrich. Get an ostrich in the paint, Jesus. It doesn't even, it just needs to stand there and let its neck be above the rim. No one's scoring. Just fly up in there and block it a little bit. Yeah. Can an ostrich fly? I don't know. We don't have to take flight. Just hover. Hover. Hover, dunk that shit. Yes. That's insane. An ostrich is 92.

Ostrich kicks can kill a human or potential predator like a lion. No, no way. No way. I'll fucking ostrich up. No, you won't. A nine-foot ostrich will put you in your place, you. What do you think my odds would be going up against an ostrich? Not great. Okay. Am I plus 500 or less? All this thing has to do is turn around and you take one step towards it. It's going to kick your fucking head off. How does it kick from an ostrich as strong as a lion's jaws? Each two-toed foot has a long, sharp claw. Oh, that's why I'll stab you. I didn't think about that. Put you down. I got to look at these claws now. Ostrich foot. Dude, these things have prehistoric feet. This is just can't be real. They have to be dinosaurs. Look at this thing. Oh, it looks like a weird dick.

Yeah, it does actually. Yeah, right? With like a weird sack. Oh my god. These things. Those look like camel feet. No, these look like a T-Rex's foot. These are disgusting. They have to be par dinosaur. Yeah. They say like alligators are dinosaurs kind of. Yeah, they're like prehistoric. They're Jurassic. Birds are prehistoric. Yeah. So that's probably a dinosaur, that fucking weird nine-foot-two gaggly fuck. It's crazy, man. Or like a kangaroo. Yeah. Kick your fucking head off. No, I'll fuck a kangaroo up. Yeah, you won't. Dude, I'll overhand write a kangaroo and knock that kangaroo's lights out. They could probably take a punch. Probably. Also, you know, there's tails of their spines. They sit on their tail. The way their tail is their spine. It's like part

of their spine. Oh, I was about to say they don't have a spine up here. Yeah, they do, but like they sit on their spine. It's like boom. Now that I really think about it, though, like most animals would fuck us up. Dude, I'll lose to like four birds. Yeah, like a raccoon. Give me a run for my money. Yeah, I'm not even confident against squirrels. No. I'll fuck up most fish, though. Yeah, I'll fucking rip a fish's fucking face. I'll say this, though. I'd have a panic attack and die in a school of fish because that's what way too much movement. Yeah, it's an icky gross and it would just freak me out. It's freaking me out right now. Oh my God. Imagine being in a pool before the fucking fish. Dude, oh my God. It's making me freak out right now. Oh my, you know, seriously, it is. It's making

me freak out. Imagine all of that movement. Oh my God. Ew. 100% fish are gross. Slimy, succulent. Yeah. Do you think we're like frog people? Like evolution, we just crawled out and just like grew into people. Like, do you think we started in water? I haven't thought that far back. Really? Like, I don't see where else on earth we would come from. We came from the water, like Godzilla? Yeah, like, yeah. I think we grew out of the water and then just waddled up on land and then like evolution took over and it was like, yo, we don't have gills anymore because we could breathe out here. Fuck this watershed. Now we got beards. Now we got beards. Because I don't, I just can't see as, where do we go out of the ground? Yeah, like a turnip? Yeah,

like that's not happening. Yeah, we had to come from the water. Had to come from the water. I think everything, water is the birthplace of all men and matter. Yeah. Yeah. What's the world? Like 90% ocean? Yeah. Came out that bitch. Take that, Father of Flanagan. Idiots. Who's Father of Flanagan? I don't know, probably some Catholic who doesn't believe in evolution. Do you believe in evolution? So you're not gonna like this, but I don't care. That's Joe. I don't care. Knowing won't even do anything for me. Do you think that kids should have to learn about evolution in school? But if they're like, yo, I don't want to learn it. I'll say 90% of school is stupid. Yeah. And it's useful. Useless knowledge. Useless. Yeah. Why?

Why are we teaching them that? Like, I don't need to know how a pundit square works. Yeah. I have brown hair. Odds are, my kid's gonna have brown hair. I just think that the curriculum needs to be completely changed because there's little things that are like useful that I didn't know. I didn't know how to read addresses around here until I worked at a pizzeria and needed to know how to read addresses. Yeah. You know, because there's a certain way to read them. And learn how to tell clocks. Yeah. Oh, that's fine. Learn how to tell clocks. How about get this kid in a fucking English class? All right. Maybe keep those. Hey, man, I try good. Yeah, exactly. Can't read good. Go learn a book. Whatever, man. Her feelings here. Yeah. My feelings not hurt mine. Yeah.

Well, realize, realize, realize. Yeah. All right. Her and her people hurt people. Okay. Secret secrets are no fun unless they're shared with a couple of nuns. I'm saying I made that Catholic. But yeah, I think, I think, you know, schools don't teach them anything. Yeah. They don't teach people like how to write checks. Well, it's not hard to write a check. Some people don't know how. Yeah. Or just like, you know, I don't know. If there's a business class and you're not teaching people how to like what how to do taxes and shit or like how to save money or save for retirement, it's like, dude, could have benefited from that class. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. It's true. I hope they do little things. I'd like, I don't know. I think there's

like little things that kids should learn. Like, I don't know. Social skills. I guess it makes sense because like when you're in fifth, when you're like in fifth grade, you have no idea what you're going to do for the rest of the life. But like most of these people are not going to use the Pythagorean theorem, but a small percentage of them will eventually. But I don't know. I just don't think like a 10th grader has to learn like how to take quadratic formulas and shit. Who gives a fuck? I think that you should like up until fifth grade, you should have like that very basic knowledge of like, all right, there are planets, there are stars and you learn that. But above that, like once you get into like seventh and eighth grade, let's get stupid now. Well, sixth,

seventh, eighth grade, it's like, I don't think they should be like have to take science classes. No, I'm never going to take a science class. Like, why do I need to know that? And like, I enjoy learning new things. And I like going out of my way to like learn and be able to like hold the conversation about a bunch of different shit. But that's because I've went out of my way to do that. And I like, I don't know anything about fucking rocks like earth science. Like, dude, I took that in sixth grade. And I got a 98. I don't even know what we're talking about. I don't know what a tectonic plate or igneous rock is. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck? I know that like plates shift and then, you know, earth quakes, home and careers, yo, teach me how

to fucking cook. So I could just fucking save money and not get grub hub and postmates all the time. None of my classes, none of my schools had that kind of class. You need it. There was no whole my class. You need it. We can fucking need it. Yeah, a lot of it's dumb, especially now, you know, Common Core. Yeah, Common Core curriculum. Yeah. So like the way that they teach kids, like multiplication is wildly insane to me. It's not just on the back of the notebook anymore. No, it's like, it like 12 times 13. It's like, okay, we'll do, there's 10 here and 10 here. And then you have 100. And then you take the remaining two times three. And then it's like, and then there's just like this whole fucking thing where it's like, just know it. See, I would

always stack them and do that. But I always had a problem that I knew was close enough to that problem. And I would just add to that. It was like, I know what 11 times 11 is. You know what I'm saying? Okay, so if plus another 11, I would just add on to that. Like I would never know that I was like, if this is this, let's add 22 to that. I'm really good. See, I never did anything that Keith is really good at that. So the Common Core thing, Keith can do in his head. And that's how he kind of like does addition and multiplication, like whatever he's like, you can ask him a question. Like, I mean, I'm incapable of doing that. Well, do you know, like, like how the second number is always, you know, how they flip flop?

So like, if you're doing multiplications by nine, right? So nine times one is obviously nine. Yeah, but that's just nine. No, but you could do with five, you could do with six, there's a bunch, because they're only going to be two numbers at the end. Well, you talk about like five times five, right? Right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm either going to end in a five or a zero. Well, and then you carry that over. There's little tricks. If you if you ask Keith, like, what's 32 times 13, like he'll be like, boom, and he'll get it. Like that kind of speed. Yeah, I would have to literally sit there and write out the whole thing. Like, I'll get you the right answer, but it's going to take me time. I can't do it in my head. I'm incapable. Even something as easy as

11 times 12, I would have to write down. Like, it would be hard for me to do it in my head. Stupid, stupid boy. Yeah. I mean, you're smart in other ways. You're just kind of dumb. Not that way. No, I can write. Yeah, you can write very well. You actually have good handwriting. All right, well, thank you. I'm going to call for a 1-800 number. Who knows? Maybe you got some sketchers. I wish. Did you order someone off QVC or what's going on? No, no, no, I didn't order shit. That's probably somebody just calling the harassment. Yeah, nice. Where can they find you? At Daniel La Prairie on Instagram and Twitter. Please go check out the Stank Podcast, youtube.com slash the Stank Podcast with me and my buddy Frank Alvarez. You guys know him. You

know him well. You can also check that out on Instagram at the Stank Podcast. And guess what? I have to poop. Yeah. Yeah, Joe. Yeah, go check out the morning meeting available on Patreon every single morning, Monday to Friday, patreon.com slash the basement yard. And you go follow the show at the basement yard on Instagram as well. And go check out other people's lives coming back. Well, it should be back by the time this comes out. Season eight. Oh, what days are coming out? January 30th. It's supposed to come out. Okay. It's also my birthday. It's fine. Yeah. So no one cares. Don't flex. You might poop out already. It was some barbecue sauce. But yeah, go check out other people's lives also. We're now available on youtube, youtube.com slash other people's

lives. So go check that out. And that is all. See you guys next time.