The Basement Yard - #229 - 1-800-Hot-Dudes

Episode Date: February 17, 2020

On this episode, we visit one of our many favorite pastimes, phone sex hotlines. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys go check out our patreon where you can get our daily morning show and next week's episode today Welcome back to the basement yard Danny. How you doing? What up, dough Keith? How you doing back there? It's got that on looks like it like a private eye He does looks like inspector gadget private Keith. He's inspecting your children or something It's not a great picture not a great picture great pillow though lovely pillow sensational pillow choice my sister got it for me for She actually got me like 30 pillows, and they were all different pictures of key and different sizes, and it was a glorious morning So she wrapped each individual now. She's left them on the couch in the morning It would have been a lot. Oh, yeah, that's a ton. It would have been a lot. How you been? You been okay?

I've been good. Yeah, I'm good. It's nice, but you do good. Do it good. Why are we asking each other? I don't know see you every day. I don't know. I don't know Soup bowl didn't see you then did not seem we didn't watch it. We don't watch the soup bowl together No, I was in Florida Lovely game And I'm talking about the halftime show. Yeah, I'm not talking about the actual game. Yeah, it was okay. It was whatever Best halftime show in a long Z long Z time. Yeah, you're right, and it's not even because I was erect Yeah, because it was just a good show. Yeah, you know, it was just a good even though

I was a little bit tiny erect tiny boners Yeah, well that for you is you know, that's one of those things where I miss his gentle love Lopez Yeah, yeah, I was called Jennifer love Hewitt. The only problem I had With the Super Bowl is that we didn't get an appearance for mr. 305 He was on the pre-show. I know but you got to bring mr. 305 out at halftime He's mr. 305 is mr. 305 and they were in the 305. Why wasn't the mr. Of the land there? He's the mr. Of the 305s

Should have been there should have been black suit black leather gloves white suit white suit. Let's be a yeah Yeah, it's either all black or all white. Yeah black gloves sunglasses Fucking dolly in it up. Yeah, shiny bald noggin shiny bald noggin. Just just he my sister said she's like gets like a weird like like Weird vibe like a rapey vibe almost. Yeah, I could sit Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a nice guy. I'm sure he's a nice guy. He's a great dude makes nice music. Yeah, just looks like he might take advantage He's a sketchy looking guy He kind of looks like a shaved animal like like like some kind of animal that is shaved

Yeah, like a tall bird. Yeah, yeah, like a like a featherless bird Mmm. Yeah, you can't shave a bird. You have to pluck a bird. I Could shave a bird You think you could take a razor and shave a bird why I would use I would use a trimmer But I could shave that bird. Could you trim a bird? Pretty sure you could trim a bird. I also think that would be less like Painful because plucking sucks. Yeah. Yeah, you ever get plucked by a go like an Asian woman. Yeah, I've been plucked hurts Yeah, you ever been threaded now. I've never been threatening. I've been waxed though. So I've been I've been plucked I've been waxed

I haven't gotten at my like I did it as like a joy look at my sister like wax my arm or something Oh, no, yeah, I've done my whole back. I've done my puber each A puber each got my puber each wax. Yeah, I I've never been threaded but that looks like it hurts the most I just I also like it looks like Someone has a like they're like playing with a yo-yo. Yeah, and somehow like fixing your eyebrows That's like the craziest thing. That's like, you know how like stand-up comedians They do stand up and then like go into movies That's what like professional yo-yoers do they do yo-yoing for a while the threading on the threading eyebrows. That's just a fact

It's just no in fact. Yeah, exactly. It's just that's like a major setback in time It's like dude. We have like lasers and shit like why wouldn't you just get your eyebrows lasered? At that thread, you know, or you just want some little Asian woman in the mall or fucking rock your cradle. Yeah Walk to sleep your dog. Yeah, so I can sleep the dog on it. What's it called? Walk the dog. Damn sleep your dog Fucking scary. It was rock the cradle, which you would open the one and then she would go like that. Yeah Yeah, like a pendulum. Yeah, like a pendulum. Yeah, how do you spell pendulum? It's a pendulum. Yeah Yeah, I don't know how to spell that word and only reason I know the word pendulum is from a fucking Lincoln Park song when he's like with the pendulum swing

Watch the time go right out the window. That's the only reason I know the word pendulum Dude, Lincoln Park is such a weird band because I feel like people who even liked like hip-hop more like new like would be into Like that screamo just for that like hell. You know what I'm saying? Well, nah, we all fell apart I was like, yeah, I don't want to be with a virtual and you're like Yell at my mom. Yeah, and then like Jay-Z did shit with them. Yeah, which I kind of solidified it Yeah, they were then there were just you know, I was listening to nothing but hardcore hip-hop at that point But then like Lincoln Park. I was like, okay. She's like I'll listen to some screamo. Yeah, I'll scream Yeah, and you're like yo, I am about to break like you broke me already

Then I don't know but he goes off I Forgot about Yeah, bro hybrid theory. Oh Yeah, man, so I was an absolute knocker also like the the fucking front cut the cover of their albums all look like different metal gear solid game Yeah, and I was like, uh Do I put this in my CD player my PlayStation? I don't understand which one the fucking do here Look like it's made out of like the material that a gun's man

It looks like it's Teflon, you know album covers used to be so much cooler, man That's the only thing the digital era kind of killed was like the owning like the physical album cover Yeah, even like limp biscuits shitty one when it was just like all them like it's cartoons Or like the chocolate starfish and chocolate flavored dogfish water whatever the name of that fucking album I don't even know bro. I couldn't tell you it was a chocolate starfish and a hot dog flavored water was the name of an Alpum Wow, you're so edgy. Yeah, was that even me chocolate starfish is your asshole by the way? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah for sure. That's that I know yeah Or like who was uh Take off your pants and jacket. Oh

Simple plan might have been them or or that might have been blinker 92 I know they were they were they were enema of the state a lot of sexual Yeah, and then you and they were like punk rock bands. So it's like yo fuck the system Let's talk about like assholes, but not really yeah, let's do enema of the state get it like yeah It's like take off your pants and your jacket, but it's also take off your pants and jacket Fooled everyone. Yeah It's like whoa, dude, you're fucking awesome. You're also a grown man. So me and Frankie were talking on the stank cheap look We were talking about the hardest guitar hero songs to play

Cuz because Frankie's been posting all over the place that he's been playing guitar here And he played it on twitchy other night, and I was very upset that we weren't able to play it here that day Because when we were supposed to mm-hmm Fucking asshole. I said he had everything in his car doesn't have it Didn't have any of it. Oh my god. It's a liar. Yeah, but um, I would say That's psycho Billy freak out used to fuck my shit. Oh Yeah, this isn't a point this isn't a thing you ever smash a guitar. No Michael Michael three broke three of them really yeah Come on you like what I'm just like okay my dad used to like hate guitar hero cuz he's like

Why don't you instead of spending your time playing that fake guitar? Why don't you pick up a real guitar and play a real thing so funny cuz like on South Park That's like what Randy says to stand. Yeah, he's like you want to know how he's like how to play real guitar So they're playing like carry on word wait my son Carry on word way my son. I just said carry on word wait. Someone wave my son carry on word. Hey wait Wait my son carry on my wayward son. What does that mean? Wayward what's a way? Is a wayward like a ship?

Yeah, I don't know carry on my wayward son. Is that like carry on my legacy. What is a wayward? Yeah Yeah, you know what are these fucking classic rock cakes singing about I don't know What is a wayward? If you had to guess if you had to guess what a wayward is a wayward like upward non-word Difficult to control or predict because of unusual or perverse behavior. You know my son's a pervert I guess carry on my pervert ways What is this carry on my wayward son? Yeah, or carry on like go on with yourself you perverted son Dude

Great song mr. Marsh real guitars are gay Yeah, John the fisherman was hard I don't really remember a lot of songs. I remember used to play the killer song all the time when you You ever play a guitar hero, and then you're trying to like It won't go won't go to a superstar mode. What's it called? What's it called? I'm trying to flip this fucking guitar. It's like come on. I'm doing it It's the best bro. This really was the best. It's a good time Yeah, it was a great time, and then you go to you know, David Bussers as an Asian kid fucking shredding it You're like well, I saw well Shannon was nice

Apparently Shannon was filthy just an absolute filth monster with it. Yeah, she would come home And she would just be like you just stand there like this her face is like this Man, we're just fucking crushing. Yeah, she was nice. She was an expert like immediately expert level Yeah expert right now. No way. I could there's no way. I've done it I've done it like I used to play expert back in the day But yeah, I went to a Dave and Buster's like a year ago, and they had guitar hero, and I did sweet child of mine It wasn't great. It was like 82 percent. Okay, but I did it good for you Yeah, I don't think I could do expert my pink. He's not ready for that orange button

I hate when you have to go back and forth those things Yeah, we gotta get in that too My buddy used to do it like a sleet are like he would lay it on his lap Oh fuck your buddy and play the shit like this Oh, you're brother you're whoever that is. Yeah, I was like that's not the essence of the game Yes, it's you're not a superstar. Yeah, that's the thing to fight over the free birds. Although everybody would oh But when you start cheering your body I'm like, yeah, there's so you got it. Yeah. Yeah, I got this one

Fire dude, I would pick up a guitar and not even be playing still be like oh, yeah hell. Yeah It's so fucking cool But yeah, shout out to Shakira for the little you know the little bird catches some heat You a lot of people for what because apparently that's like a Lebanese like party sound don't know that No, that's a universal party sound. Yeah, also though. It's it's a universal turkey sound. Yeah, that's the voice of a turkey Yeah, and also if you want to if you want to get a little racist. It's also like an Indian sound This one Native American

Well, yeah, yeah, you know I said we were going racist for a second. I said it If we're gonna dip our toe in that pool, that's all I'm saying all the way for it But apparently it's like 11 Lebanese thing that like going like It was like party in Lebanese. It doesn't mean it's not funny That's what I why can't I listen man if someone acts like a turkey in front of 70 million people I want to see it Dude, she's in front of everyone. Yeah, can't just look and then we're just gonna be like, you know what that's a party The internet's gonna take that moment

Everybody went on the internet as soon as that father Came out everybody went on the internet that I did I posted immediately. I said I knew it this entire time I knew Shakira was a turkey I enjoy doing this It makes sense why they do it Next I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I'm gonna do it now. I'm just gonna do it. Yeah Yeah The entire world

When at some point after that So many people do the show was it was so funny because the show was just like everyone was just in awe And no one no one was really saying anything like at least where I was watching like no one was really saying anything They were just like it in awe of this show. It was like amazing and all of a sudden she just gets in the camera She's like oh, and then like it goes on to the stage starts dancing and then no one said a word as soon as it ended Someone's like, yeah, what was that thing I should cure it. What was she doing? What was that turkey sound? Why is she a turkey? I thought it was like something for her kids Maybe like her kid like loves like turkey sounds. I thought you just got caught up in the uh, you know, where's she from?

She's from uh, uh Oh fuck, I'm supposed to know this not Columbia Actually, she might be from Columbia Shakira Where are you from? Where are you from lady? I think she's from Columbia. By the way Shakira 42 Yeah, she's she's Columbia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So yeah, I think she just got caught up in you know in a good old-fashioned Colombian time and she's mad at the pk. Oh Yeah, yeah, I don't want you to soccer players. Yeah But yeah, I think she just had was having a good old Colombian time and then got caught up in the moment

It's just like I just need to like exert like a fucking Like just like yeah She was moving up there. Yeah, man, dude. They were a collective 92 years old up there damn dude shaking ass Yes, yo J Lo's fucking pussy power slide right into your TV right into your living room Yeah, that's right at me. I literally just went I Tried to catch her. Yeah, I'm trying to fucking Shakira that right. Yeah, dude. It was crazy It was crazy. I was I was watching J Lo and I'm just like I just can't so many people treating me like I wonder what Joe's doing right now

I was like, I'm not speaking right now. I knew the pussy power slide was gonna come at some no you did it because here's why But she had knee pads on no no no no no There was just too much separation in the front and I was like she's gonna have to come back at some point To slide this puss and I was like you didn't know she was gonna slide I wasn't 100% sure that she was gonna slide her puss But I knew that some kind of power slide was coming. I just didn't know it was gonna be a puss slide Yeah, there was actually a thing on my book of whether J Lo was gonna have book But cleavage or not. Yeah, so I was gonna bet it but then I did not betting it because I put in a bunch of other stuff

Uh, but when when it likes Shakira was like up first and then they showed J Lo She was wearing like a like a van Helsing jacket and I was like no. Yeah, I was like no no no Yeah, so she was wearing that jacket and I was just like I was like, yo, there's no way she and then she took it off. Yeah, and then I was like, why did we have the jacket? Yeah, you gotta start clothes So it works clothes There was a picture of J Lo and Shakira earlier in the week on instagram Shakira beautiful woman

Super but they took a picture next to each other. Yeah, and it wasn't even close bananas. Well, it's not close bananas You know and I was like, hold up. Wait a second. This is very nice J Lo took a picture with a fan and then I said, oh my god. It's Shakira. Yeah, and I was like, okay You know Shakira Dressed like a 12 year old and J Lo's dresses J Lo is Tits were popping all pushed up together doesn't have big tits, but she was popping them, you know So I was like, oh, this is nice. You take a picture with a kid and it's Shakira and child. You thought it was a child

I'll show you the picture. I'll show you the picture and you're gonna be like, okay. I get it I'm looking it up. You thought it was a children. I just thought it was like a fan down there that just like happened to be like Miami Some like Cuban refugee that was there to like take a picture. Oh my god But you know, I was just like here we go. What was she wearing? What was J Lo was wearing white and her tits were popping And it's like swipeable this one that doesn't look like Shakira Yeah, no, right. It just yeah, then there's one of them up close too where doesn't look Shakira looks like a fan. Well, yeah Shakira's got this like horrible horrible outfit. I think that's a guns and roses shirt Yeah, it's just a terrible outfit. She looks like it. She's dressed like a 13 year old like eighth grader

Here's my thing, right? So this is the picture of of uh of Shakira, right? Yeah This woman Is 42. Yeah, and she could Play this be 17. Yeah, she could play a 17 year old girl in a movie and I'd be now go to the other side What's the other side? Oh this side is yellow How you doing? Yeah, no Jennifer, you know what I'm talking about it. Oh my god. So that's tough. That's tough already But I really do think

that Shakira Kind of won the the dance exchange I think J. Lo was a little bit extra getting fucking flipped over and doing all these flips to doodles I don't mind it But what I'm saying it's like Shakira's like hey watch this And then J. Lo's got to like get all these little kids involved and I didn't know what that was that was her kid You don't know was her daughter and I was like, okay. What's going on? Why does your daughter get to perform at Super Bowl Shakira got kids too?

I don't know Shakira's kids were there But what I'm saying is this maybe they don't sing Shakira's hips didn't lie the entire time Of course, they didn't they don't lie. That's the whole point. But J. Lo's maybe have lied just a little bit From being a little bit too extra. They didn't lie at first of all J. Lo jenny from dub block Yeah, not dub block. We're talking about dub talk about jenny from dub block not wedding planner J. Lo No, she was up on that pole and she lowered herself using Her legs. Yeah, but I've seen that her ready

I saw it at movie hustlers So what it's just as impressive I just saw that entire movie with no dialogue They'll watch an old man watch it on the plane because I was afraid to watch it on the plane and get judged by my fellow flyers Yeah, I don't want to fucking look at titties while there's 78 people around me I told you one time I watched gong girl on a plane next to a seven-year-old Oh, nice You remember that movie? Yeah, it was gross. So anyone who's not familiar with the movie gong girl

I wasn't but I had heard that it won all these awards Yeah, it was up for a bunch of awards. It was so I was on a plane back from la and I was by myself and I was sitting next to seven-year-old and his huge mother Old fat thing. Yeah. Yeah, she was Good thing she was in the middle seat. Yeah, you know, I wish she was because of this and I Was watching gong girl had no idea what it was about and everything's fine

It's like a thriller whatever for the most part, but then there's a scene at the end Where there's a zeg scene zegsy. There's a zeg scene and during said zegs I look over and the kids glued To titties on my screen and I'm like damn. So I'm trying to lower the brightness on the TV. Yeah. Yeah, and then the kid And then in the movie The woman cuts open Someone's neck

And there's blood Pouring on to tits now. Yeah, and now this children This children is watching this children. Roger is watching blood pour on to tits probably for the first time Yeah, and I didn't look in that direction anymore because I was like You know, and then I skipped the head after that because I wasn't expecting this to happen. No, no, no, of course and uh I could feel the heat from his from his mother Just staring at me and I'm like trying to skip and get the hell out of it. But that's you know, yeah

Just I if you're gonna watch a movie on a plane Make sure it's either a cartoon or a movie you've seen before because don't try this because Could be a sex scene or whatever actually on the way back from on the way to miami A guy was watching hustlers right next to me. This indian man. Yeah, I watch the guy. Yeah And he turned to me and he just any and we made eye contact and we're both kind of like Yeah, I shared a thumbs up with my guy too. We we didn't actually thumbs up with our heads. We were like, yeah Fucking pussy sick. Yeah, like he looked around and like locked eyes with me Like you're gonna look around like is this okay type of thing. Yeah, then one person being like

Don't worry about it, man. I was like go for it. Do drop it. Oh, yeah Make a brightness up. Let's see that thing Then there was like the montage where she's teaching like the asian girl how to like dance and shit And I was just like, okay. All right. I'm into this montage. Well, I never I never saw the movie Oh, well, you should see it. Yeah, if you're a jailo fan, you should see it. Oh, I'm a jailo fan I think you see slight butthole just like Her whole like a part of her bottle comes out

There's like a scene like you know when those strippers do like that straight like They hold under their butt Like if they lay on their back and they hold their legs like this So like they're up like this and then they open their legs and then they open their legs like this like a like a Like a flower. Yeah, like a blooming. Yes. Yeah, like a orchid a blooming onion. Yeah It was like a blooming onion. I then I like a little bit of her bottle comes out you wait And I slowed it down No, you didn't yeah. Yeah, I got it home. I slowed it down and I broke it down frame by frame. See if there's there's

J-hole there's so there's j-hole. Yeah, I was looking for j-hole So wait was so there was I broke there was there was discoloration. I color corrected I color I listen I color corrected I enhanced the color. I brought the brightness And I broke this thing down frame by frame. You do see j-hole There's j-hole in hustlers. There's j-hole in hustlers I

Vail on the man And people believe in a Mandela effect. Come on. Yeah. No, this is real. This is real. I had to break. I had to break it down Frame by frame by frame. It was like the fucking JFK footage That's how much work I did a color corrected and slowed it down. Yeah, this pooter Siputer film or whatever it's called. Oh, who I think that's what it's called. Siputer. This is a pewter. I don't know I don't know where you're going. Yeah, I don't know but whatever whatever the I broke it down. I saw j-hole Yeah, good for her though. Damn. I haven't seen I haven't seen j-hole. Yeah

Cardi B's not bad in it either. I mean she's playing herself, but she's not bad in it Acting are you talking about like acting acting are the ways that she appears? I'm not the biggest Cardi B looks fan. Uh-huh. Um a whole bunch of people one time said I looked like Cardi B And it really bothered me You look like Cardi D. Shut up, bro. Damn. You're Cardi D. No, I'm not I'm gonna make merch with you as Cardi B with tits and long-ass fingernails and like braids and shit You think that's Cardi D. Do you think I look like Cardi B? No, no, you look like Cardi B. A whole bunch of people said I looked like Cardi B.

You're a large man Who's got the same skin tone maybe and you got a beard. You don't look like Cardi B. So many people said it I'm gonna show you the post and it bothered me for the whole day, but you are Cardi D though. Oh, come on Oh I thought come bound was a word it's not. Yeah. Yeah, it was I didn't feel good coming out. Yeah I farted on your floor earlier today You sat down on the ground. Yeah, I was stretching a little bit because my back's been a little bit tight And uh, you let one off. I let one off and I really got reminded why you don't fart on wooden floors anymore

It hurts it claps back at you. It felt like I sat in lava for a second Yeah, and blew me up when you fart on a what like if you're naked Oh my god, and you fart on a floor. It feels like you sat on a scorpion. Yeah It's like oh, you know those videos fucking baby get you it's those videos are like, uh When like in russia where like they make those people sit down an airbag goes off and shoots them 75 feet in the air Yeah, it's like a very small version of that. You're like, oh Definitely, I've sat on the ground and farted and I felt like my body went up like this much Yeah, your body definitely elevates a little bit and I don't know if that's just my cheeks trying to let the air just escape

Please get out Uh, but I get i'm lifted off of the ground I don't know what it is about farts and wood that they just don't work well together mix They don't mix they don't work well together. Yeah, I feel like I could fart on like uh, what are those like a glossy floors called Like marble Yeah, yeah, I never know it's like a tile for it. It's a tile. There we go. There we go. Oh you can fart on tile Nothing happens. I feel like the tile absorbs it spreads it throughout. Yeah, it takes it It's like a better conductor you fart on wood though. You're literally the air is just like yeah

Slaps the fucking wood and then also the wood slaps you it's a double slap It literally feels like the wall comes up and fucking Fucking swipes you're right in the ass. Yeah, dude like fucking like you get hit with a bolt of lightning on your cheek I forgot what farting on wood floors was like. Yeah, and it's tough too because you could feel it Moving through your cheek and it slides out of your ass to one side to one side You don't know if it's gonna get the left or the right cheek, but it comes up. It's like Yeah, it's like Dude that hurt

What am I doing? Someone's smacking me on the ass. Dude. I don't know why it's it's legitimately painful for a second It's like you got like cattle prodded. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it feels like. Don't hurt in cattle back there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah I Tell you this the other day I tell you this the other day I was taking a shit. Yeah, right? Uh-huh And it smelled So insanely bad

That it eventually started to smell good. Okay. This is impossible. All right. So I'm telling you it was weird Okay, tell me it was weird. Well, how did it start though? Like was it like a hard duke? Rotten egg garbage said it's like Burt recycling and a doctor's glove. That's what it smelled like. It was a ridiculous smell I was like, yo, first of all, it sounds like it. Yeah I was shitting and it smelled like I had been waiting in a waiting room for a half an hour past my appointment I'm like, yo, it's starting to smell like old people. Oh, what is this? It was insane I'm telling you That's what it smelled like and then

Oh, I had a certain point It's it's it's getting into my nose. It's getting into my nose and it's burning me You know, like you ever you ever smell like, uh, like ammonia and it like burns your nose for a second So it burnt me And then while it was burning me my brain decided let's just flip this into a good And then it started I started to be like, I don't really mind that it smells this bad Yeah And then you start it starts to become a context with you like how

you know This is bad, but like kind of like how bad it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah You like to be bad Well, I've had feelings like that when you're farting in your room and it gets so bad to the point where it's almost laughable And you're like, oh, what am I gonna do in here now? I gotta move out now. Yeah, but literally your room stinks for the whole day just from farting dude

I've I've literally I've done this recently where I've been out and been drinking beers You go home. You go to sleep. It's whatever and then when I leave my room I take a shower and when I walk back in that room First of all the oxygen Minimal it's gone. You can't breathe in there and it smells like a hamster's cage Okay It smells like there's lizards in here Okay

There's geckos There's a terrarium in there some shit. Yeah, it's a mini oasis for reptiles in there. It's a weird smell This is a point too. Were you fart so much that you laugh after every single fart and you're by yourself You don't even care dude the other Oh my god I hate to keep doing this, but this is a real story the other day I was just I was just a gassy man. Yeah

When I drink a lot of water it just like pushes all the air out of me and I start farting And the other day I was just like, you know what? I'm just gonna record all of these I deleted the ones that weren't good, but there was only one. I'll show you one if you want to hear it I think it's I think I still Yeah, I get I get many of these fights. You got mad serious, of course, of course There's one I have in here. You can you can hear it. Oh, these are wait Oh, this is it I

I love that it says very impressive before playing again I think a little fart wizard before that a very impressive I Sound like an old door hinge. Do you think girls send each other their farts? Nothing would be funnier if that were true. I think that would that would make girls so much cooler. Yeah, it's like, oh my god, Becky Hey guys, what's going on? Why do I feel like all girls farts sound like that they be like Fart uh

Hey Gina Oh my god, I'm so gassy fart Fight me. Oh my god. Oh, we're grown man. You know, it's weird when girls put uh at the end of everything too. Yeah. Oh my god You're so wrong. Uh, the word is wrong and the word is god You were like, I forgot. I forgot the word. I forgot it. Yeah. Oh, no, uh, yeah, but seriously, I was in there and I was just like It was just a weird It was a weird thing. You remember? So I said very impressive

What the fuck were you watching the curb? Oh, yeah, I think first curb was great Oh, not it was either curb or flea bag flea bag. Did you watch that? I've seen flea bag. Yeah I I only I watched the first episode. Do you like it? I thought it was like it's good. Interesting Yeah, I thought she talked to the camera way too much in the first episode, but No, yeah She's just the whole time the first episode of curb though was so overwhelming It was non-stop. It was hilarious. It was one of the best curb episodes in a long long time. Moka Joe Yeah, I love that shit. Oh with the make the the maga hat. Yeah. Oh god with the biker

You know, just be a little more careful next time. Yeah, that's a good show I want that car so bad that little bmw smart car that he has I wasn't even paying attention. Oh, it's so nice It's like a little small. It's a smart car. It's just bmw. You would drive a smart car. Yeah, for sure I would never drive a smart car Why not because if you bumped into a piece of paper you'd die They always say that but apparently they have like one of the best safety ratings But it's a tiny car. I just feel like you get hit by a truck. It's like

You're dead. Yeah, but also you hit by a truck in a different car. You're dead. Yeah. Yeah, so but You know, it's one of those things Just one of those things just one of those days frog We're gonna get to these sponsors sponsor the and then I promise we'll get right back into poop Yeah, we'll get right back into it. We've uh, we we've stepped away from uh, our car our core poop audience So we'll be back, you know what I mean, so funny. Okay Oh man, that is funny. All right, let's uh, let's start this off. We got a sponsor today. We have harry's harry's razors Okay, uh harry's wants to offer you

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Uh, go now and be sure to go to simply safe.com slash basement. Uh, so they know our show sent you Okay, simply safe.com slash basement. Yeah And that is all For that is all Um, what were we talking about farts? Yeah, but also I want to because Speaking of the bathroom. I just I was just in the bathroom and uh, I was scrolling on instagram And this girl posted this thing And this is what it said it said, uh

Spoiler alert we all die in the end I mean that's just that's just trying to be Why would you post that? Why would you say that? What is the what is the What's the end goal? I think I've had these struggles myself in terms of like, uh Like maybe I've talked about like death too much like in a joking matter But I just think it's an attempt to be funny But also it's just like there's no need. You know, it's just so random It just sparks a conversation that you don't really need to have

Like we all know we're gonna die like I don't really want to think about it though Well, no that I just like it's just add a place like I'm on instagram And it's like I'm clicking through stories and I see like your dog You're you're at work and then you your coffee and then we're all gonna die like what the fuck is that timeline What is that it only be worse if it was like a picture of her fat cheeks And it was like we're all gonna die. I was just like, okay, what does this have to do with your asshole? Oh, you know your j-hole. Yeah with your j-hole. I never understood when girls take pictures of their butts And like the caption is like

Something so relevant to your ass. Yeah, like can we just talk about what we're talking about? Just say your ass Just say here's the whole thing. Here's the double peach double cheeked up. Here we go. You know what I'm saying Let me this is what you want. I gave it to you. Yeah, don't give me this whole thing about take me back Take me back like take me back to the summer. Oh to the yeah, I'm like, it's your fucking ass Yeah, you live in los angeles. It's summer all the time. Yeah, just go to the beach 80 degrees take a walk It's 80 degrees on christmas day. Take me back. Take me back. Oh, I'm missing the summer You live in 80 degrees Look bad. I wouldn't even take like a look back at it the summer. I'm like, okay

We got it. We got a double on poncho now. We got yeah, because look bad. Okay. We talk about we talk about Yeah, we're talking about butt cheeks and then we're talking about other stuff But don't give me this whole thing just like great vacation with uh grandma. Yeah, or yeah And it's just like that's your ass dog. Yeah grandma got nothing to do with them cheeks. Yeah, well, maybe They're probably that's true. There's lineage. She probably passed on some booty meat. There's lineage. There's lineage to cheeks Who gives you your ass? Your dad's your your mother's dad No, that's what they say about your hair. I don't know. I don't know

Yeah, get get your ass from your mother's dad. Yeah, my god rest his soul big old button big old fat Fat thing God bless his soul on his stuff. I remember uh The first time you saw my ass. You said that's your ass What? Yeah Was I using my hands? No, I didn't have a I didn't have a towel in there and I came out naked You remember that before we went to see star wars. Oh, yeah And I was like, yo, I don't have a towel, bro

Like I need something here and I said that's your ass and you said that's your ass And I said, yeah, was I asking a question? No, I just think that you thought it was a little more like Defined and up than you thought it was gonna be That's that's kind of what you said That it was short. Yeah, I thought you thought like my ass was gonna be like a mess. It was gonna Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, so like when it came out, you were like, oh, okay. It's pretty neat. Yeah, you thought it was gonna be gross Which is fine. I mean, I would say to me it is it's a hairy man Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, not my favorite ass. Right, right, right. I'm not saying listen. I'm not america's ass

No, you're not america's ass. But but what I'm saying is I could be central america's ass Yeah, you could be like a chilean ass. Yeah, you know, I'm saying like if there was a beauty pageant I could make it through nationals. Maybe nationals is tough. I'd you be able to compete. I don't know about winners What about qualifiers? I could probably get the qualifiers. Oh, you could qualify. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but you know But they do all the fake stuff like they cap their teeth and stuff like I would cap my ass You know, okay. Well, you I would wax my ass. First of all, I would fully just get in there get everything out Yeah, yeah, you got that. Yeah, and that in itself is a month and a half kind of process there Oh, yeah, yeah, the healer logic manager in here the healing the healing process alone probably take two to three weeks

Yeah, that's gonna be a bloody ass. Yeah, it's gonna be a bloody, uh, bloody, uh, be a j-hole Yeah, you know, I think those are deep-rooted hairs. Yeah, they're deep-rooted. They're deep-rooted. They have that lineage lineage as well Yeah, those hairs have lineage. Um, but cut open your ass. It's like it's like when you cut open a tree You know, I count the rings see how old it is This guy's got an old ass count how long this tube is But I was just like, you know, that's that's my ass. Um I've seen your ass. Yeah It's kind of flat

I'm a white male. You kind of have a flat butt. I don't have a nice butt It's I wouldn't say that it is a nice. I'd okay I think you have a perfectly good ass for your body. Like you have a proportionate ass Okay, so that man violently proportionate ass Go ahead. You have a proportionate ass. Okay, but I think you could even have an even cooler better hotter Fucking stiffer ass, you know, you think I could have that. Yeah, I think if you squatted more Like your fucking ass could be popping out the fucking gym, dude So I should I should do that. Yeah, I should I because I think like your legs aren't necessarily small

No, my legs are huge. That's what I'm saying. So let's build that ass up Greg yesterday was taking pictures of my thighs. Yeah, I'm saying, you know, let's build that ass up and make everything fucking If you go if you just had a little fucking bubble butt, dude, you'd be fucking killing him, man What am I doing? That's what I'm saying. Just squat a little bit more to get some pistol squats out there It's like pistol squats. What am I a fucking? You can do you could do a pistol squat I could do a pistol squat right now One you can't do a pistol squat the legs straight out pistol squat. No way Danny, there's no way that you can do a pistol squat

What do I get if I do it? If you just could just ripped out everything Look at this. Look at this. I'll be honest with you. I hate these headphones. We're still recording though. Yeah, of course Of course, I hate this pistol squat right now. Okay. All right. Go ahead. We're gonna see Danny do a pistol squat That's not your strong leg Give me one second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he goes. He's down. Am I down low enough? No. Not even close, dude. Why not? Danny's yet. Okay, he's going down. I was deep enough. You gotta give me that. Danny, I'll give you a half credit for those. No, come on. No One more. I got one more. Get deep. How deep?

A full pistol squat. Yeah, but like ass to grass? Ass to grass. Oh, I gotta tell you a story speaking of ass to grass Is this deep enough? No, man. Is this deep enough? What do you want from me? That was deep enough. You have to be like parallel. That was close. I know you are close. That's why I'm saying half crutch I think it's I gotta be farther back in my heel I'll be where I can fucking come up. Come up. Come up. At the pistol squat. All right, kind of It's five degrees One day, four times. Yeah. Is that sponsors? No, we already did those. Now Danny's just gonna

I don't know what more you want from me Congratulations. You did have a pistol squat. The last one was good The last one was good. You hopped out of it though. Yeah, I did the Russian judge would have not been happy with that Um, when you said Breathe the man did like nine of them. Yeah Um, when you said ass to grass, I don't know if I told you this yet But do you remember like we wanted to talk about something like in church? Oh, we were talking about suck it. Oh, yeah Yeah, totally. Yeah when people were like telling people to suck it because of of dx back in the day great

I was in church Right And we walk in and there's a kid sitting two rows in front of us that has a shirt That says that just has a big x on the back. Okay, and that says your ass is grass and I'm gonna smoke it In church in the lords building Terrible parenting Not great parenting. Like why would you let your children do that? Your ass is grass. Yeah, and I'm going to smoke it. Yeah

In church. Yeah Lord hear our prayer You know what I'm saying? Like fucking Jesus Jesus see I'm never gonna be a parent that like is like a cool Parent like that. What do you mean like cool with your kid doing that? Just being like, yeah, I'm gonna let him express himself. I might do put a fucking polo on shut the fuck up for for an hour

Yeah, put on something that has no words on it. Just shut up Just shut your mouth. Just don't put your ass is grass and I'm gonna smoke it on your shirt Yeah, and think that it's okay to wear a church Just not that if my kid came down with that shirt on one I would take the shirt off and I would burn it in front of them. Yeah, just like listen. I don't mind the shirt But I do I'm on the shirt What are we doing here?

My my Keith also one time on picture day because my dad didn't know his picture day And he was in charge of dressing the kids that day, I guess Yeah, we hit we have pictures of Keith from like second grade. Yeah, ultimate warrior t-shirt See that's kind of cool, but it's funny. I know like it's everyone's like in a polo or whatever and then Keith's got What'd you have on warrior? I was he was in a different. Oh, yeah So it's like different days But it was just hilarious. My mom was pissed

Mom's got so mad No matter how good your picture was Yeah, my mother never ever once said to me. Hey great picture, Danny No, granted. They were all fucking terrible, but She made me feel so bad about my school pictures Every year You didn't look great. No, she was like, oh Show your teeth or oh the show your teeth. They shut the fuck up. Whoa, man. Leave me alone

All right bad enough. I got to be only one of the only kind of brown people in the school and I got to show my teeth You do got it. I got to show my teeth. Yeah Try walking these hallways trying to keep up with these rich Jewish kids and I'm a fucking middle class We got nothing to smile about I got nothing to smile about These kids all got the red zone. I gotta watch CBS I got a legal cable at home. These kids got dvd players I got a fucking cd player that said had g protection if I walk one step it would skip every two seconds What's g protection supposed to say that you could fall downstairs and your cd wouldn't skip my cd would skip all the time

We didn't have walk men. We had fucking jog men. They were fucking bootleg shit. Do you remember? MP3 players. Yeah, guess what couldn't have one. I don't know if I had one either No, because all my rich Jewish friends had them and I didn't Is this whole Is this Jewish tirade over no, it's not It's never gonna be Oh my god Yeah, but now my mom was always so mean about my photos

My photos my photos. I just tried to take a nice photo Yeah, I hated those. She tried to get me to retake a photo one time Oh my senior photos for high school. I just didn't go Like we had it At one time during the summer like before your senior year and I just didn't go Yeah, because I was like I don't really care about this I took mine and like I had like the right clothes for it and like the right haircut But I just looked like just such a fucking dick dude. You should see my senior picture from high school

I look like such an asshole. Oh, I'm the biggest cocksucker in the world Like if you see my picture, I just look like this kid is just a fucking piece of shit I just look like this kid. I had my face looked like a tear drop Like it was like my head was big and it came to a point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I was just and I literally did you You saw it. Yeah. Yeah, I gotta find it. Oh my god. Yeah, I was just smirking I'm not even smiling not showing teeth. So obviously my mom was mad and I literally look like this Yo, I don't know what like you said the fuck am I doing? I did that too. I showed teeth in my senior year because my mom reminded me

But I was like mom People smile how they smile. What the fuck is I why can't I show my what is it? What do you want from me? I don't like always showing teeth. No, that's too much. That's too much excitement Yeah, and it's also like a sign of being a pussy What? Nah, just just smiling in Smiling is great, but you don't this it's mad cute. You don't like to smile though. Me? Yeah I'm not a big smiley guy. You're like, uh, you do the Yugoslavian pose

Daniel just go like this I like the going out at M&M world Yeah, never go to M&M world. Daniel take a picture in front of the pink M&M's like Yeah, but you never know who's watching these streets. You should know that Why You never know who's watching though, you know what I'm saying M&M world. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, you ever go to lego land I've never been to either. Well, dude, you got to go to lego land. You like lego land more than M&M world

Wait, what's M? What's uh lego land? I don't know. You just get on a fucking lego train and go around this fucking store And then you get to build lego shit Yeah, where is this? Uh, the closest one I know is ridge hill in yawkers Yeah, is it like uh the place where you want to do the uh Yeah, the indoor skydive. Yeah. Yeah that thing the place where you want to do that Oh, it's around there same facility. Yeah And I get to ride a lego train. Yeah Yep

You know, I ate a lego once Excuse it was blue. Did you shit it out? I had to I don't remember them. Wow. I remember shitting out a leg. I would be on a hunt to look for this shit lego Shaggo shaggo. No, but I did. I remember I ate a blue lego I don't know why I remember crying because I was like, oh my god. What did I do? I thought it was a wrap I thought my ass was like, you know, gonna be just absolutely blown to bits Yeah, but yeah, and there was another time that I actually wrote on my eye with a marker by accident

And I had just like a purple dot on the white of my eye Oh, you drew in your actual eye my eye. Oh, no What'd you think I meant like on your eyelid? Oh, no on my fucking ball I drew like a purple thing on my ball. Did you tell your mom? Yeah, dude. I was crying hard Yeah, you probably shouldn't have done that. Yeah, probably shouldn't have and then I like I was in the bathroom I'm like, come on. Come on. I was trying to like rub it, but it was just on my eye Yeah, and eventually just disappeared I got like hot glue on my nose once from a glue gun

And it like ripped a piece of oh my god You know this one time I ate this fucking piece of really really hot pizza cheese Pizza cheese so I was maybe 10 years old No, like beard or any facial hair to protect me, right? So I bite this piping hot cheese off of this pizza, right? And it somehow magically wraps around and sits on my face right here burns My entire face

Right here I had a scab On my face the size of a fucking quarter for two months Constantly how old? Maybe 10 fifth grade fourth grade damn this whole thing was burnt From cheese it stuck to my it burned into my skin to the point where I was crying I had to go to the hospital and my mom had to take me and they had to fucking scrape this fucking burning cheese off of me My mom wanted to sue the pizza rip

But they couldn't because the box had hot pizza apparently Wow, yeah, it burned a fucking hole in my face right here That's crazy Yeah, and I had to I had to put this white ointment on it for two months And I just walked around just like a little come-face kid I was just gross disgusting and then I would obviously as a kid I would pick at it Stick my tongue in it the shit would crack open. It was fucking disgusting

Yeah, you freak. Yeah, I was disgusting freak for two months Basketball tournaments all fucking burnt face It's all fucked up burnt. Yeah, burn my face, so I really wish I was man, but my face I really wish I was making the story up. I really do. Oh another time too is uh So my mom We went on we used to live in New Jersey and then we went to on vacation, right? The only reason I'm remembering this because I ate at the same pizza place that night So I went and got pizza there. I remember that whole story

I was with a friend of mine Keith shout out Keith used to call him the commander. I don't know why but all right But so we're in uh in sea isle city in new york and uh, New Jersey And for some reason I get this bright idea to just call these sex hotlines Oh, I used to love doing that back in the day. Oh, I call I called the sex hotline I must have been on the phone for two hours Forgot that phone bills exist the person's house was my mother's close friend And they got a notice in the mail and they're fucking thing $175

Back in the day back in the day. I was on the phone with this woman for two hours Talking about sex not even jerking it just giggling and laughing wait So what was number it was like one eight hundred tit fucker It was whatever ones that would come up on tv like late night like hey boys. Yeah, what's going on like one nine hundred Fuck ass. Yeah, like some shit like that. So I was like, yo, Keith. Let's call these So we would call them and just fucking giggle and talk all night Like one of them was like, I remember I was talking to like some lady about like being like a golf caddy I was like, yeah, like you could be my golf caddy and like carry my bags for me

And then we get back to like clubhouse like what are you gonna do to me? Like we were just talking about stupid ass shit But $175 worth. This is the one we used to call Breached 800 fat girl We're just so easy to stick it in Your credit card that is oh, there will be plenty of our big and nasty girls to go all the way around So give it to me anytime you want That's right. Just enter your credit card number at any time during this message

This is called widow gill at $1.99 to $5.99 per minute Six dollars a minute. Yeah, dude. So that's probably what happened to me. I got $5.99 1-800 fat girl. Yeah 1-800 fat girl. I think one of what it was like like a 1-900 hot mess or some shit I don't know what I don't know what ours was 1-800 tit Fuck Welcome to 1-800 fucking tit fuck Be porn Yes

Thanks for calling 1-800 Well, you know what you've called I can't wait for you to bang my big tits around I love how she was like censored and then just went to my size smack my big tits around She couldn't say 1-800 tip up, but she was like just Kick them like balls, you know just fucking punt my pew tits Jesus christ lady Unbelievable line up and send them to the moon just slap the ever-loving milk out of these fat tits

Oh my god, that was crazy. Oh god, I missed those things man That was a real thing make one up right now and we'll see if it's a real one 1-800 hot tits Hot oh wait, no I spelled it wrong or hot puss one or the other 1-800 hot wait 1-800 hot tits or 1-800 hot puss 1-800 hot tits Welcome Hey, baby Party Better than I thought it was gonna do that one is great which one was that hot puss or hot tits hot tits Dude first of all said she might be young which is kind of scary. Yeah, that one

Let's hang up and then she was like best tits you ever put your mouth on and I'll fuck you hard No, she said I'll fuck you like a whore. Fuck me like a whore. Yeah call back 599 minutes not that bad now you guys take paper. Yeah, come on You guys take Venmo. Uh, oh my god, try 1-800 hot puss Okay, yeah, okay 1-800 hot puss This has to be something hot puss

Hi, baby looks like you caught me in the act of pleasing myself Oh, I just couldn't have that and you weren't here yet My finger is wet because it was deep within the silky folds of my hot pink box Hot pink box she said hot pink box She said it was silky. She said she had a silky hot pink box She could have been a seamstress she could have been a seamstress. Oh my god working on a nice dress in my silky hot pink box Oh my god

Uh, you know what let's switch it up 1-800 hot dick Let's go, let's go. Okay. Okay. Oh my god. I feel like I'm four years old. I know this is the most fun I've had in years hot What's up guys? What's up ladies? Hey guys, thanks for calling 1-800 hot dick place to find real action with real men to make it even better Is this gay? Hot dick sucks. Yeah hot dick was like it made me work a little bit hot dick is trash. There was no like imagination there Give us like some width. Yeah sultry sweet penis like give me something something like some verbs adjectives. Yeah, let me get a visual here

Yeah, I have one more 1-800 hot dudes hot dude hot dude. Yes hot dude 1-800 hot D U D E There I'm I'm literally convinced if that's hot anything four letter. It's coming up. Yeah Hello and come on in to where our guys are ready to bend any way to please you Enter your selection now. This is dan acroyd for the tankiest experience of your life You must be men enough to take it Oh

That was too real yo guys are not good at this Guys cannot talk sexy. Yeah 1-800 hot dick sucks hot dick sucks hot dude sucks hot cock Hot cock is still out there. Should we give him one try? Let's give hot cock. Okay. This is a little last one is hot cock This is the last one I'll do 1-800 hot cock nothing so far is beaten sultry sweet or whatever No, and what was that one? It was hot puss, right hot puss. Yeah, we might have to call that one. Yeah hot puss was great Okay, last one. This is hot cock Okay

No Discontinued discontinued. Yeah shut it down. The music was a good start Yeah, I thought we were gonna get a dude a high that last guy Hey, he sounded like he was selling like like health insurance. Hey, you guys want to come or what? Give us your credit card number or some shit You guys want to come or not hurry up you guys want to fuck a dude's ass. All right. Give us your credit card number to suck his fucking pussy Oh man, I feel like a child again

Honestly, I had way too much fun doing that. Yeah, that was insane 1-800 hot Hot, you know what it is. Haha, but just slap the ever-loving shit out of my tits Just kick my tits to the moon. Why don't you just smack my fucking tits? There was a payphone at the top of my block Back in the day and that's where we would make all those calls Oh, hey daddy Everyone's daddy. Yeah. Hey, hey daddy cito

Dude, what is it about that that is just I don't know not one part of me like Would ever want to call that and get off Yeah hot shit Call hot shit. Yeah We got the best things and do do daddy Hot hot hot singles ready to poop on you. There's not if this is a thing Hey, baby, I love to party And I have enough energy to keep you hot all night long

Yeah I may be young Yes So if you want a hot babe who knows how to please her man Oh, I'm welcome to paradise. I'm gonna make all your fantasies come true If you've used this service before and you're ready to explode me Explode with me. Yeah, that's a heavy. You know who said that a lot kim kardash in her sex tape and it really threw me off What you said exploding. Oh my god. I'm exploding. I kind of like that

I like explosions. Oh my god. Rajay. I'm exploding and I was like, okay Yeah, it's kind of a weird verb. Is there a tnt in here? Yeah. Oh, no, I kind of like explosion. Oh my god. I'm gonna explode I'm gonna fucking explode I just spit it everywhere. Yeah But that sucks. Yeah, that sucks. Hot posts and hot shit are the same. Yeah, they throw us for a loop there Hot feet Yeah, I'm trying to find weird ones hot feet. Look at my fucking goggles. It's a 1 800. All right. This is literally the last one. I'm so sorry everyone even though this is great

Hot feet hot feet best feet in the game daddy Hi, and thanks for calling the nation's number one talk line since 1995 If you're over 80 since 1995 Damn dude, dudes are gross Hot feet hot feet 1 800 Come come come face Gotta be something or come feet 1 800 come face is definitely something come face come face or come fast

Try thank you I don't know I'm completely thrown off now. Let me get I'm getting addicted here come book come book Yeah, maybe you can book a coming. Oh, I thought you meant like coming books. No, no, no Would you ever get a massage in your house like a masseuse come to your house? Yeah, hell. Yeah I think that's a cool fucking thing. I wouldn't get him to jerk me though Not in my house. Not in my house. I can't come in my house only I do that. Yeah, please be gone be gone. Get out of here Yeah sick bastard. I was thinking about doing that get him as soon as to come. Yeah They set you up. They bring their own like table and shit, right? Yeah dough stacks up

I mean, yeah Actually, I don't know I haven't gotten a massage in so long. Yeah, I really like them. I might go get one good for you Good feel good feel proud of you. I just like when like the way you feel afterwards. You feel like you're like glowing Last I had a bad experience getting a massage last time though I made like a video about it like I got the shit kicked out of me and I got burned Or they put one of those pebbles on you

Dude, they weren't pebbles. They were gigantic boulders that they just pulled out of a Volcano and put it on my back and I literally thought I had burns on my back Jesus like it was like hot as shit and the lady's like, is this good? I'm like, yeah Yeah, I don't know. I don't know why I'm just non confrontational. So if someone's like, is this good? I'm like, yeah, it's amazing And I was getting and she was whaling on my legs Punching my legs like I've gotten like massage, but like I haven't gotten like full body. Like every let's get in there Get gross You know what I'm saying? No, do you get naked when you get a massage? See, I never know

I would get naked. I'm trying to get my ass rubbed and shit like my like my hammies and all that shit There was I've gotten two massages in my life That weren't like athletic massages or some shit, right? I've gotten two massages in my life Both of them. I was like, you know, I'm just gonna wear my bridge because I don't know the rules here I don't want to be it would be a weird to be like dick out and they're like, oh no, we don't We don't dick out here So I always keep them on just in case and one of the times You know, they just stayed on the entire time and then the other time

They ended up coming off You got naked. Yeah, it was naked Yeah, I got my butt massaged. That's fire, dude But was it massaged at like your crack came open though, too? Like your butthole was released to the world No, I see I want that that kind of thing. Crack me open No, it's just kind of like a rub up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, your cheeks a little hot. It's hot. It's hot. Yeah For sure. But it was because she was she was like getting high on the thigh And then she was like, I'm gonna get like oil on your like underwear if you don't mind or whatever

She's like or like you could take them off. You've been cut before No, I got cupped and that shit is fire. It works. What is it supposed to do? It like breaks up like Probably like scar tissue and just like tight muscle fibers in your back and like pulls them up I just want those like dots all over me. Yeah. Yeah, I had them. I would look like a fucking stegosaurus I would love to just have dots all over me because I feel like people would think like this kid's an athlete Yeah, that's what I yeah, they were like this guy's training for the olympics. Yeah, this guy's a really good swimmer. Yeah. Yeah You know what I mean? Yeah, it does work though. I went to a uh What is his like, I guess he's like a physical therapist in a way

But he does these massages that are like, they're not fun And I went there and I had a messed up shoulder I like I dislocated my shoulder when I was younger and My body was just kind of like off centered a little bit. Yeah So when I if when I was lifting I would have pain in behind my shoulder blade on the right side Yeah, and it was because of the way that my shoulders were aligned. Damn. Do that move again. Damn fire, bro. Look how Michael Jackson God damn killing it. Oh So I went there and I had my arm up like this and like, you know, your lat comes out

Dude, he was literally grabbing my lat like an eagle like this and and like fucking it up I was like, I was literally crying I was like and I had my arm down and he's like, can you lift your arm one more time? I was like, yo, just don't please don't touch me again. I literally said it to him. I was like, you're not gonna do that You're hurting me. Yeah, I was like, you're not gonna do that again, right? And he's like, no, I'm done with that arm He's like, I gotta do this arm though. I was like, yeah, I started crying with this one too I I was it wasn't so much pain that I felt like I was gonna start bleeding from my nose. Yeah But I felt so good afterwards, but it's so

painful It's extremely painful and I was telling like dude, you have this office and it's like it's really nice There's like these little Buddhist things hanging around and like there's music playing It's like a peaceful place and then you rip my fucking arm off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like you tricked me. Yeah Because it's like in my back. I had like down the middle It was like two fucking flag poles in my back. Like it was mad stiff And then with the cupping and the rubbing that shit was just like released And like my back didn't feel like a piece of metal. Did you ever do acupuncture?

I have done acupuncture. Never done that. I did it for my lower back. It actually works But I don't know how much of this is a placebo Who cares if it works it works, right? I I'm a firm believer in that Yo, if it's a fucking placebo effect who gives a shit if it makes you feel better do that shit. Yeah, I don't give a fuck It just goes to show how much power you have with your mind that you can act put physical That's the thing you could you could actually make your body do stuff with your mind Yes, like if you think you have a broken arm like your arm's gonna hurt. Yeah, you know Oh, it's just like when it was like lice day

In in like elementary school and they were checking for lice like immediately your head starts to itch I can manifest myself to have a flu right now if I wanted to I could get a flu if I I get a flu in two hours. What do you need? I'll get congested. Yeah, I could do it. I could do it It's weird It's crazy like when I would stay home from school and like pretend to be sick I would get sick. I think just God just didn't like me at this point in my But like I would just be like, yeah, no, I'm sick and then I'm like, oh my god. I'm actually saying oh my god I'm starting to

Come under the weather. What does that mean? We're always under the weather weather's up there. Yeah The weather is under the weather guys from the heavens above We're always under the weather. Yes. Yeah, I don't want to meet the man who's on top of the weather No one's on top of the weather and another thing is why do the people call people yellow? What like boy, you're yellow yellow belly Like you're yellow like you're pussy. Is that what that means? Yeah, I don't know

I thought this was like a racist kind of term here. Maybe it was. I don't know. I was in the live in the 50s I I don't even I have never heard anyone call anyone yellow. Yeah, it was like it's like, uh, yeah, yellow Yeah, yellow belly bastard It's like Humphrey Bogart would say to people and shit a yellow belly. Yeah When he's the poo Would you say I said piglet. Oh, they said picnic. No I said piglet. I'm trying to go on a picnic. Yeah picnics are fire. Oh, just for like cheese crackers wine charcuterie board nice. Yeah Like jack cheese

I had a charcuterie this past weekend slut and it was so good It was like just fucking spicy cheese and I was like And I don't know what it was. I love a spicy cheese Big fan of a spicy cheese when a white cheese when a white cheese just has random Green and red stuff in it. And I'm like, oh, this looks like like a funfetti cheese. Have you ever had jalapeno jam? No Does it taste like jalapeno? Yeah, dude. And does it jam? Yeah Yeah, dude. I'm telling you you put that bitch on crackers. Oh, you put it on crackers guys. So good

so good No, I've never had that. You know what? I hate people that eat unsalted saltines. What the fuck are you doing? things of saltine Don't unsalt it Unsalted butter too disgusting You need salted butter you need it. I think I may Have you prefer? I'm not that I prefer but I definitely have it Okay

Unsalted butter unsalted butter ill country crock. Remember that that's not something What is that? Remember it was like that tub like you would always come in that gray That gray bucket that was huge. You look like a basketball hoop and you could take it off and your dad would just go Yeah, I'm like, okay. This is paint. Yeah, this is yeah. This is not anything This is grout like no matter how hard it would get you can literally put your hand in it and scoop out country crock And just plop it down and it was disgusting and what the fuck is margarine?

Is that not jam? I don't know what margarine is. I know what marmalade I don't know what marmalade is too. I think that's a jam But why is it not just jam and what's a jelly is a jelly a jam? These are all the same. I'm all jammed up marmalade jam jellies marmalade jam What was the other marmalade jelly jams and uh, this is another em Marzipan no marget mar margerin margerin Yeah, I feel like marzipan is the thing too Mraz in the pan. Yeah, yeah, like a drug. Yeah, it's probably like something like help you I think it's like an anxiety

Yeah, that's loraz. I know loraz loraz. I Lazer I Lazer Lorenzo pan yeah, Lorenzo pan. He's a nice italian asian man. Yeah. He's a great guy Lorenzo pan. Holds the funeral home good A great guy good though. Good parents. I've known his parents a long time long time long time the elementary score Yes, good guys. God rest his soul. They both died in a fiery crash On that note, I think we can end the show I In loving memory of Lorenzo Pan well actually Lorenzo's he's alive Lorenzo still alive his father Had a various father who you got versus soul

That's that's the price you pay for owning a freedom parlor has buried his own father. He had a dresser's own dad had dressed on dad It's unfortunate, but you know life goes on the world keeps spinning and the clock keeps ticking Lorenzo Pan Lorenzo Pan's No, he's alive. Oh, it's right Lorenzo Pan senior. Maybe You Find me at day love road on Instagram and Twitter make sure to go check out the stank At the stank podcast on Instagram and our patreon patreon.com slash the stank podcast We just gave away a hundred dollars in Amazon dough. So we give away them big boo-koo dollars up on there

So go check that out and How about your boy? Yes And you guys can go check me out at Joe Sanagato Go to follow the show on Instagram at the Basement Yard and go follow at Sanagato studios on YouTube We have videos coming out every single Wednesday So yeah, that is all I'll go check out other people's lives We are back in action right now the first episode we had a master slave relationship where the girl was walked around with someone's Come on her face. It's yeah, it's a real dope. It was crazy

But yeah, go check out the show other people's lives on YouTube go check it out and that is all See you guys next time