The Basement Yard - #239 - Emailing A Pornstar

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

On this episode, we discuss the return of a legendary pornstar, Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Danny or quarantine from another country Yes, I've moved to France no, yeah, I'm in Florida You're in Florida now, I'm in Florida now I Wanted you have the camera in a completely different spot than where I am so you're looking in two directions Oh, you know what now. I don't now. We're good now. We're good Yeah, I've been working more on just talking into the camera though because you know God is that a world map behind you? Yeah, it is

I'm sick. I'm smart now. No, it's not a world map. I think it's a Florida map They show you they show you all the places where they highlight all the places where people drink bath salts the most oh That's good. Yeah, by the way, you're in the in the most hated state in the country right now. I know I am I know I am Uh, no one fucks with Florida dude. No, they do not know they do not and then well you saw what happened with the Jacksonville beaches, right? Oh Yeah, they opened them and everyone's like oh and just went to the beach. Well, the guy Yeah, the governor or whoever was like, oh, you know, we'll reopen beaches gradually. We'll reopen Jacksonville In like 25 minutes later is filled with hundreds of people

And I think they're they're bringing it back now though like Slow down like like I think they're closing them again. I Don't like I maybe I'm just a puss a puss machine because not a puss machine I would say I'm just a big giant Physically a puss if you were a puss machine that would be pretty like that's pretty sick proclamation I'm just just cranking out puss. I'm a fucking puss. No, I'm not Yeah Yeah, there's a guy who I think lives on my block now

license plate says no it says I love bitches But bitches is spelled like BT CHS or something But it says I love bitches and I believe him dude. I think he likes I think he may like bitches He at least likes them, you know Cuz at least yeah death, I mean at least he's saying he yeah, I'm at least he's saying he loves them He probably treats them nice. He just calls them bitches. I Don't really know if those two thoughts kind of correlate there, but no you can love a bitch Like what does she really mean? Yeah?

Like what if it's if it said I love women? You'd think he was a nicer guy a Casanova, but I love bitches. He's a little rough around the edges He's a I don't mind in a man, and it's a big truck, too This sounds this all points to little dick syndrome But maybe as a man, maybe as a Maybe he has a big throbbing cock though. We don't know We don't know but what I do know is that he has a pickup truck at with a tarp That's always over it so he could be hiding the bitches that he loves there. Yeah, I got he drives an actual puss machine. I

Love exactly. What was I even talking about? Oh, we were talking about how Florida everyone hates Florida Yeah, I must just be a little bitch because if they opened everything right now, I'd still would probably Chill yeah, yeah, I wouldn't be like Ready to go out and start, you know rubbing my dick on stuff when they're yeah, no I would rub my dick on stuff, but I look at it like this people are saying Like, you know at some point we have to return to like normalcy, which is great But if they came out right now, and they were like, hey man, everything's good. You can go back out. I'm not going out for a month. I Would be very selective with what I would do with my life. I'm not going out

I could I'm good with not going to restaurants and indoor bars. I'll go to like a rooftop bar I think that's like my first, you know action It's like I'm gonna go to rooftop bar and just kind of you can distance yourself and be outside. Yeah Yeah, but the thing that scares me about rooftop bars is that the music so loud people have to scream when you scream you spit That's a good point when you scream you spit With it There's not a there's usually not music on rooftop bars. Yeah, there are like low. It's not like a it's always like It's like I'll have a fucking frozen margarita

It's like oh dude, I think I'm making a frozen margarita today because it's supposed to be hot frozen Margaritas are rooftop bar drink only I I Would fucking do it and my my brother's wedding apparently because I was my brother's wedding And I was like drinking beers and then a waitress came by with like a bunch of margaritas on her plate I was like, what is that? She was oh, these are margaritas. I had one and then drank 30. Yeah And somehow didn't get an ulcer a

Frozen Marg is so good. Froze is fantastic, too You love froze. Oh my god a froze a you love froze. Yeah, dude. I love froze I'm I'm I think like I'm 28 years old and I'm a white straight dude, but I think that in Right before I was born like my past life. I was like a middle-aged Single mother who just liked to relax. Yeah, because I love wine in the bath. I love a good froze Like I like reading in the morning like it's I just you know I don't my husband left me and he took the kid, but you're okay. We have some stuff going on. You have the dog Yeah, you know, I'm a

I'm a free spirit. I stopped shaving my vagina I'm just letting it kind of grow and it looks like coral when I'm in the bath and that's it And I just you know, I just I drink my wine I read my books and you know, and then I died in my tub. Yeah, you have a you have a pond now I'm born as this. Yeah. Yeah Yes, I have you have a pom-ski name a little dog gonna put my bag. Yes. Yeah But I had yelled it every time I go to the bank because they're like you can't bring that dog in here And I'm like, come on. It's you know, and you say it's your emotional support animal. You have like no paperwork for it

Yeah, yeah Yeah But that's what I've been lately. I think I've been close like in my head sometimes I'm like a I Was definitely like a gay man in my past life you wish you were yes She asked you were I was I was a gay man for sure You might be a gay man in your future life like in a couple years I mean, I think as I was born it was right at the buzzer

I Like someone was putting you together like gay or straight gay straight. I don't know. Just put them out Yeah, what do you want to do? I don't know just tap them and they just tap me and then I somehow turned out straight I don't know it's It was it was definitely right at the buzzer for sure So close to being gay God damn it So close man so close

I'm telling you I'm telling you People gave me a lot of shit for coming down here, which is cool. I get it People have DM me and they were like, yeah, I used to be like a huge fan and like this is just it and I'm like, okay But I went and got test what yeah people DM me for coming to Florida and they were like, I can't believe you do this. I Can't believe you've done this They're like, I can't believe that you would do this I was like, oh, so I left the epicenter of Corona Queens and

I wanted to come down here and stay in a beautiful hotel for a couple weeks and live my life And I got tested for Corona and I'm negative so Sorry Yeah, so listen what happens when you get on a plane though for those that are gonna travel So when you travel from New York to Florida, you have a mandatory 14-day lockdown, right? So I'm like, okay, that's cool I had some symptoms before so I was able to get a per a Script to go get it done

So When I went to get it done Let's start let's stay on the plane first So we're on the plane and a guy comes up to us in a mask and gloves and he's like, hey, you have to fill this out So now we have homework on the plane And I'm like, okay, that's fine. Nice. Yeah, so the hands us the papers He's like fill this out and when you get to the other side, which was kind of a weird thing to say When he's like when you get to the other side

Just drop this off. I'm like, all right. Where are the pens? He's like, oh, we don't have pens So now I'm angry. So now you have to fill it out in blood. Yeah, now I have to fill it out on my own urine But now I'm just like, okay, so what are we supposed to do is like when you get there? They'll be pens. I'm like, oh, okay. All right. This is cool. Did they got this figured out the National Guard is gonna be there We land I get off the plane and I shit you not It's a communal cardboard box of those midget pencils And

Everyone that was on the plane is just Rifling through this fucking box of fucking pencils. I pick up this pencil. I swear to God I fill this shit out so fast it chicken scratch, you know how bad my fucking handwriting is I fill it out. Oh, yeah, and guess what there wasn't a person receiving the the homework It was basically like a substitute teacher. We dropped it into another communal cardboard box That's what that was What was on it? It was like Do you have family here? Where are you going? Where are you staying? Because apparently they want this because it's 14 days

They want to send people to like find you And be like, hey, you're supposed to be here. I was gonna ask like how do they like Do them, how do they know that you're being locked down? I like do they check up on you? I guess I think the threat is how many people were on that flight? eight There's nobody on the flight. There's nobody on the flight. That's that's why when I got the tickets I was like, yeah, like I'm mad far from people and uh So a day after I landed I went and got uh the corona test done and

It fucking sucked They shoved that fucking q-tip up into your nose and into your brain dude this woman First of all came over to me dressed as robo cop just with like cheaper materials She was like skirt skirt skirt. I was like, oh my god. She was like Lower your window and I was like I lowered it And uh, she was like, what's your name? What's your birth date? And I told her she was like, all right and then she pulls out this fucking long ass fucking Q-tip and I'm like, okay. How far how much is this is gonna go inside me?

Which is a question all of it cuz which is a question. I've had asked myself many times Uh, so I was at four times Yeah, at least I think I'm on I think I'm on to my second hand with that now So I was like, hey, okay This is gonna take two seconds this woman shoves this thing so far in the back of my nose. It's in my throat And she's like relax. I'm like I can't talk I'm just like making weird gargling noises And I was just like

She was like relaxed. I was like that woman that woman that was stomping grapes and falls out of things So I was wine stomped lady And right in the back of my nose and then I was like, oh that was tough and I was I was driving off The three nurses that were like take doing the intake just started going like this Call me cry, baby Son to you. Yeah fucking a-hauls make fun of you. Yeah, man a little Puerto Rican woman First of all getting there. It was like getting into area 51 There was like a Haitian guard

And he was just like and the went the car that I was in the window It didn't work. So I opened the door to tell him that He was like stay in your car. I was like, oh my god Yeah, I was like, don't shoot don't shoot I was like, I'm just telling the window doesn't work. And then we had to like move around the whole fucking place But it was cool though. Like this it wasn't cool. It was basically like you were going to get McDonald's But they just fuck your nose instead of give you a big back They just fuck your nose. Yeah, they fucking that's fucking crazy. Oh, yeah, they fucking deep. I'm glad that you're

I'm glad that you're negative. Oh, by the way, uh, I need to tell you something I Need to tell you something. I knew it. This is the day No, no, no, this is this is important and it's like It's not it's not a joke I'm not joking. This is a real thing That is going to be happening in a few in a I don't know soon. It's gonna happen. Okay, so I received a

message today Of some news, right? And I just I want to be the one to share it with you. Okay. Um And I could sum it up in a few words So I'm just gonna say it And I want you to know I don't want you to ask me if it's real. I just want you to know it's real Heather I deep throat is coming back No fucking way Yeah

She's coming back She's coming back. She made an announcement God yes, so someone sent me the link. Okay Dude, first of all the video on porn hub is like It's exactly like the jordan documentary Oh my god, I'm telling you I'm going to I'm gonna go to the website right now And I'm just gonna play it for you and she makes a statement like she's a political figure which she is She's a she's a pillar in the community, but she's making a comeback after a

Long hiatus on my heart the woman's heart. My heart is going crazy Dude It's insane. Hold on Yeah, yeah, hold on. I gotta play the video for you. Oh my god I I didn't know this day was gonna come. I really didn't know the day was gonna come But it's here. It's it's real And you know, hold on. I got some of the like hold on. Hold on. I'm playing the video out loud. Okay Hold on ready. Yeah. Yeah, it's a it's an ad. It's an ad. That's fine. Oh my god. What the fuck

There was a naked girl doing like hand signals Okay On the screen it says the epic wife returns. Oh my god And then here she is Some of you might know me from my website idthroat.com. Yeah, we do. I have some information I would like to share with you about the site But first I'd like to take a minute to address what's going on in the world right now I would like to send love to everyone having a difficult time dealing with this pandemic

And know we are all in this together. So please take it very seriously Stay at home if you can use social distancing and wash your hands We have to work together in order to get things better. Yes Now I'd like to clear up a few rumors that I've read about First jim and I are still very much together. Thank god. And yes, we are reopening idthroat.com Let's go We've been thinking about it for a couple years and we think now more than ever people might need a little more joy in their lives Yeah, we go get it

We go get it We need his bag, bitch. Would you know about this? How does she look? She looks good. She looks good. Good for her. She looks good. Good for jim Here look look look I'll show you I'll show you. Let me see. See her? Yeah, she's ready to rock. She's ready to rock and roll Dude, she was built for this kind of comeback. Oh my god. This is rattle me down. Dude, I don't know what to say Rattle me down to the boats If I was I was being completely honest with you, right? Like

I I wish I was playing my reaction up, but I'm way too excited about this I'm I'm in shock. That's why Bro, I thought I was excited for the 10 part michael jordan documentary. Oh my god Now I'm just like throw the doc away. Fuck the bulls Gives a shit about the bulls Oh, you're competitive. You're competitive. That's great. You know who's not competitive because she's on a level of her own Heather again Yeah, this is like

There's no need to be competitive when you dominate the game for this long. This is like Uh God came back. This is like if like if tupac came out of hiding Yes, and came back. That's the only person you could compare it to People have to understand that this didn't happen I'm just glad this didn't happen on easter because then I'd be like she's jesus She's yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes, and I do like that. She's so she's socially conscious You know what I mean? She's out there. She she understands. She'll probably smd to like raise money

um But I'll tell you this Yeah, I don't pay for porno Gonna think about it And I thought about it And I'm gonna do it. Is there is there a pre-order? Is there is there something going on? Can we lock these down now? I'm gonna think about it and I thought about it You guys got to understand. All right. If you don't know who Heather I deep third is

Heather I deep throat has turned everyone from the age. I would guess 27 to 35 I'll give it a it turned us from boys to men This is like what the ideal blow job was to us when we were children um Yes, this woman helped shape my life Uh, I owe her that and I owe her enough my patronism and my patriotism uh to go in and uh

You know just check out and see how she her and jim's doing I hope jim still has that that tattoo around his belly button. You never know uh It's like a son or sister. There's so many things for me to figure out. You know what I mean? Is she gonna be? Yeah, is she gonna go blonde? Is there a child in the mix? Is there a child in the mix? Probably but that announcement Has honestly taken my breath away. I I couldn't believe it. That's the some of the best news I've ever got

Yeah, that's why I had to preface it with like this is real. Don't ask me It's just just take it for what it is. Just enjoy the moment It's like because my dad getting out of the hospital getting out of the hospital after his heart attack No one he was gonna survive Killing Osama bin Laden and then I'm gonna throw Heather right Heather right deep throat returned three That have caused that big miss celebration from me. Yeah, that's what that is crazy If I'm Michael Jordan right now, I'm pissed off. I'm just kind of like, you know, how did this? How did she over how'd you do this? How could how could she do this right before my doc?

This is um, this is unbelievable It's unprecedented excitement. Um, I'm at a level of excitement where it's almost I'm I'm almost speechless Do you know what's crazy, right? so Heather Fucking legend. It's just a legend and she uh, she's a She's a legend, but uh She She actually says she goes you might know me from my website. I deep throat dot com

Uh, lime wire or kaza Yes And I was like bitch. I know you from all those things. I know you from everything man. I saw that lower frost wire Oh my god Frost wire dude, and I found Heather Uh She means so much to me because I found her by accident. Me too. Everyone found Heather by accident. You think we were looking for you You think I was looking for you

Yeah, like I just I was looking for like a little wane song or something like the upgrade you freestyle Downloaded that shit on lime wire. I opened it and then it was her looking at me and those are the giant dick nexer And she's like she said something about Paris Hilton. That's how dated this is She goes Paris Hilton blah blah, but I bet she can't suck dick like this And then she just engulfed a penis and I was like I And then immediately like I shit peed and came and I bled out my nose and it was just crazy I remember I remember I first had the experience Uh, I was downloading something else

But I mean I was downloading porn, but it was like it wasn't like this person this person It was like, uh like woman comes in from the pool So I was like, all right cool. Yeah Pools are cool And then I was very young love pools. Yeah, love pools and then I'm like, okay All right, and then she's like, hey, just laying out by the pool, babe. She's like, yeah And then I was like, all right, that's a dick. Oh my god. It's gone I was like this whole penis is gone. Where is it?

Yeah, that guy's got enough dick for a three. Yeah, that guy's got a fucking hog on him Good for jim. Good for heather. Good for the world You just did a shot That guy's got a hog on him. That guy's got a fucking hog on him Yeah, honestly, honestly, honestly, and I don't you know, I just Like I said in a past life. I was a middle-aged woman who was single For some reason I also miss jim's dick. I just I just do bro. I miss jim. I've missed jim's dick for 13 years

I've been I've needed this dick I need this woman has been out of my life for 13 years and every once in a while I'll throw it back just to remember the good times we had Oh my god, of course I will Compilations out the ass Out the ass So many compilations so many copies Oh my god, what a pairing dude

Yeah, it's it's honestly, it's it's It's pippin and jordan. It's pippin and jordan. It's just a good pairing. Yeah It's you can't have one without the other and I'm so happy their marriage worked out Oh, yeah, how can it not? I mean the fame didn't go to their heads. The fame didn't go to their heads Mmm. That's the important thing. You know, that's how you you know, they stayed grounded. We can all learn something from heather and jim Uh-huh One of them just involves being able to make a a cock disappear, but like other stuff about relationships. Yeah. Yeah Yeah

And then it's like hey me and me and jim are still together. Yeah, dude. You make his fucking cock disappear. I wouldn't go anywhere either Yeah, at that point Where do you go? You can't you're at the top There's only one way to go and that's down and the good thing is is like, you know, my wife is a legend But for sucking me like not other dudes Yeah That's why it's a golden stitch. It's golden Golden

Does not sitch. Oh my god, such a golden sitch for him It's like, yeah, my wife is a legend for s and my d and now I get to come back and be a legend again Do you know it's gonna be so It's gonna be so like I I almost want to videotape myself Watching the first video she puts out because I don't know if I'm gonna be like horny or just like Excited, you know, I'm gonna cry I'm gonna get hype. I'm gonna get hype. You want to know who's like it's like, uh Like when he says avengers assemble

And everyone went crazy As soon as she as soon as her face enters the frame Millions of people around america and the world are going to lose their minds Oh My god, I'm gonna lose it. I hope she has merch deep throw forever Deep throw forever. Yeah, exactly dude avengers assemble Masturbators assemble Oh

It's gonna be crazy man, and I can't wait who's out there Anyone who's out there who doesn't know what heather is you you just go to porn hub or wherever It doesn't even matter where you go. You could type this into Like a fucking a charity website and she'll pop up everyone knows where you could find heather She's out there now. I know what her now. I know her name is heather harmon because everyone thought it was heather brook for a while Nobody really knew yeah Well, she has an alias and she's got you type the word heather into your school website You'll find her. Okay. It's she's there

So it just go look her up and see what she does And this is coming, you know in a day in a day like an age We're porn was so hard to come by and then there was these random Gems that were hidden in lime wire and it was just forget about it She's making her return. When did you find out this nose? This nose this news She could suck it down to the nose Uh a woman named holly

Uh Sent me a dm. This is literally at 8 11 a.m. This morning And it says just wanted to send positivity your way I really hope i'm the first one to tell you that heather from idthrow.com announced earlier this week that she's coming back this year And I felt that was good news. We all needed during these trying times. Stay well incredible And I just wrote back. What the fuck? See people know that we're enthusiast So that that's why

2000 I just wrote back. I'm thrilled dude. She's been Giving blow jobs in my life since the year 2000 I have 20 years with this woman She's part of part of my my uh, my family I just I just hope it's like not like, you know, like when jordan came back on the wizards Like yeah, like he still dropped 20 like it was cool. He had that moment in the all-star game He had a game winner, but you knew you you knew he was done, you know Um, yeah, I don't think it'll be like that. I'll I think it'll be like his first comeback

Come back who hit a three it's like a three Pete real fast like come on Then might disappear again, maybe and then come back in like 2040 just sucking geriatric penis Yeah, yeah, which I it's still it still would be good, man Like yesterday they had that global citizens thing and elton john was playing his piano and singing. I'm like this guy's still rocks Like she's still gonna rock. Yes. He's gonna rock. She's gonna rock Rock

Rock One two cocks You know, but she's probably gonna have to get nastier Realistically, it's nastier times a lot of stuff has happened like with the human body in 20 years Honestly, she can handle it If she looks up to the camera and makes some sort of reference to the quarantine I'm gonna have to go into hiding you're not gonna see me Dude, we have is gonna have to that's that's gonna set me off. When's the album dropping?

Just want just wondering we don't have a date. It just this is I'll I'll read this The sign says Mind you, this is the thing, right? It says I deep throat The legend continues and yes, it does It says hi. I'm heather. My husband jim and I are restarting our website very soon If you have any questions or comments email me at Heather I deep throat at I deep throat calm. I personally reply to every email. I'm sending her a fucking email I'm sending her an email right now. Wait. She replies to every email

That's what she said. She's gonna get an email from me right now get her on other people's lives Forget that she's getting on We're gonna have to do a patreon. Yeah She's getting on my credit card. What is it heather at I deep throat calm I'm sending her a message. What should we say dear heather hey have Hey heavy. Hey heavy, uh, joe and dany here. Uh, just let her know that she's brought us from boys to men Just letting you know that you have brought That you have helped shape

Our very our lives Yeah from such a young age from all right From the moment you walked in from the pool stop No, no From the moment you walked in from the pool and jim was on the computer And he asked you Are you laying out babe? I knew

My life was going to change forever Would never be the same I just wrote so the subject line is heather comma. I love you then I have dear heather joe and dany Just letting you know. Oh, oh, I didn't write here joe and dany here Just letting you know that you have helped me helped That you have helped shape our lives from such a young age From the moment you walked into the frame We knew our

our lives Would never be the same. Wow bars too and we wrapped We're writing a poem. We did We are never be the same Paul I'm gonna write joe and dany from the Basement yard podcast here. Yes, you know that you have helped shape our lives From the moment you walked into the frame. We knew our lives would never be the same You are the queen of it all come on the show

Stop Return Enhance enhance We love to have you on the show Whenever You're able Will work around your schedule. Yes. Yes Love alpha alpha

Love two young pervs Oh man God, uh, this is some of the best news I've ever gotten in my entire life I'm gonna go out there and say it again And people are gonna be like, oh my god, you guys are way too excited You guys don't know the nostalgia factor that's going on. I don't give a fuck. Yeah You you bitches had just the beaver posters when he looked like a mushroom in your bedrooms. Yeah, this is our time Yeah, this is our beaver

This is our beaver and you know the old all the old women that went to the fucking, uh, LFO concerts or whatever the new kids on the block shit. Yeah, this is our time. Yeah So don't judge us. Yeah, what all that shit God This one's rock-needed my core I I did a scent at home. I want to make sure that I get the email correct Oh my god, what's her what's her email address? Heather at ideepthroat.com very simple to the point. It just gets the job done

The message is sent if she answers me in the middle of this podcast. I'm turning the cameras off. Yeah 100% I would masturbate. I would print out that email and get it put on a t-shirt Or frame it in my and hang it up in my bedroom Hold on that is a great idea. Yeah, dude I'm gonna do that if she responds. She says she answers every minute if she answers this email It's going on a shirt. Yeah, and we're selling. Okay Yep, we're gonna merge it and we'll cut her in Yeah, we should just my mom's gonna be so confused

It's just gonna say the legend continues and then it's gonna have the email. Oh my god Oh God, let's get into the ads. Let's get into the ads here. Um No, we aren't gonna get into the ads. Um, all right. Here we go First up we have Stitchfix, okay, stitchfix is a personal styling company that brings you the world of fashion and style It's a completely different and fun way to find clothes that you will love. Uh, that's all about you every time Uh, basically you go on the site you fill out some

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Okay And there we go Ha ha um I skirt it off There's something that I've really come to realize and I think you've known this too I take very fast shits That was a poop. Yeah, dude. I went and took a shit I'm a quick I I take a quick shit. I'm all business in there. I want this shit out of my ass

And so I go there. I take I take this shit. I wipe my ass and I get the fuck out of there. What else am I supposed to do in there? I Some people just have a slower process some people just you know, they don't push they just let it fall out of them I let it build. I like to be built I like for it to be built too and he's like I like to for it to be knocking on You know the back door and just being like, hey, I'm coming out if you don't really hurry up here There's no better feeling than taking a shit and in you're like, all right, all the shit came out This is the best feeling in the world. Like I'm good. Yeah, like it's all gone

also like You know how good it feels to like have to shit so bad. You're like, I don't know if I'm gonna make it and then you make it and you're like Just flying above that toilet I've had I had just two amazing things happen back to back. I cannot believe she's back She's back, baby If there wasn't a quarantine, I hate to say this You know corona is very serious But I think a lot of we wouldn't get a lot of amazing things that are happening though

If this virus that were broke out, there is no way Heather brook comes out of retirement. Heather Harman. Excuse me comes out of retirement if this isn't happening Who knows man? Who knows? I mean she she played she said that you know, she uh She did it for the peeps because she knows people are struggling and they and they need to see some some heather Yeah, this quarantine is really getting to me. I really need someone to just make videos of them suck an amazing dick You know the funniest part about that is I like do you think she sat around with her husband like We should do this. We have to do our part. Yeah, man They're doing not donate not donate money or like, you know volunteer. It's like I gotta suck your dick

I need to suck your dick for the people and he's just like yeah. Yes. That was a real That was a real conversation that they had they're like people are really sad like I should just start sucking your dick on camera again Oh my god, honestly Never mind. I'm not even gonna say that and actually I'm gonna say it if I if at some point I You know, I mean, I'm too old for it now. I think but my make-a-wish would have been heather Oh my god, yes What a hundred percent to me. She sees this she just needs to show up with a balloon and I'd be thrilled

Yeah, just dress as a nurse which he's done before uh numerous times numerous times And uh and just and just put a show on for me and my friends. That's it. You don't have to touch any of us We don't want to get you in trouble But you know, you know Just show us what you would have done to us if we didn't Contract a terminal illness Yeah, I want to see what jim looks like too in the face. Yeah, I want to see jim's face I don't want to see it. I don't want to see a sound garden tattoo. I want to see his face

Sound garden tattoo. Oh my god, dude. What a day. What a day, dude. Nothing can ruin this day for me No, no, no, it's gonna be a good day and I get the bull's documentary tonight Two episodes Unun uncensored a lot of uncensored content coming our way But God this is awesome I can't help but think like I'm gonna watch that that documentary and be like This is cool and all

But if the video dropped during the documentary I'm pausing the documentary Yeah, yeah, dude, come on now. We're talking we're talking two goats here coming back Yeah, that's tough man staven and goliath there. Oh my gosh, what a day What a day also you I I wanted to tell you apparently like so I've been having a lot of weird dreams And if if you guys are uh on the patreon, you know this because I've been talking about my dreams Like every day and I've been having consistently weird dreams Um go to the patreon patreon.com slash the basement. Are we do a morning meeting every morning? Monday to friday and I've been having these weird dreams and apparently everyone's been having weird dreams because there's like articles about it

I've been have I've been having weird dreams I had a dream that I had a son right So it was just me and my sister my mom and my mom's house. Okay, and I was in the kitchen and then my sister comes storming in and she goes Where's your son? And I'm like he's outside with charlie. Relax my dog. I was like he's just outside with charlie So she goes no, he's not

So I go outside and I'm like, oh fuck my son's not out here So then I open the gate and look at the block and I see charlie and my son Okay, walking up the block and I go hey And they both turn around like oh shit. He caught us and I'm like get back here So they come back And charlie goes in the house and then I take my son And I close the gate and I and I I get down at his level and I'm like How old are you dude?

And he goes he goes like this. He goes I'm six months old Right, so he's six months old talking Perfect english walking like he's just like I'm six months old and I'm like exactly that's why you can't just leave With the dog. I don't care if you're with the dog. It doesn't matter. You can't leave the yard You're only six months old. You're not old enough to be walking around by yourself How many times do we have to talk about this? How many times are you gonna have this conversation? So he's like and then and then you know what he says he literally he goes I understand

Damn, dude. This kid's a savage. When do babies start walking? I think six months they could walk Not not like how this one was walking. He was fucking. He was strolling with a big ass dog There was no baby accent. He was like I'm six months old. I understand I get I'm six months old I'm sorry dad. He literally literally like that literally So then we get inside right and I put him inside whatever And then I and then I go up to my my sister and I go shan uh

What's my son's name? And she goes I don't know and I'm like I want to ask mom, but I'm afraid she'll get mad at me because I don't remember what his name is Yeah, and she's like I don't I don't know so then

I finally go to my mom and I'm like hey ma and she's like what I'm like. I don't get mad at me But what's my son's name? And she goes are you fucking kidding me? You don't know your own son's name You let him walk around like ba ba. I'm like I don't I forgot like what's what's his name and she goes. I don't know No one knew this fucking kid's name and then my sister comes out at nowhere And she goes why don't you just name him right now because he's only six months old. He probably won't remember So he's a dog now I don't know he's like an adopted dog

I had a son who is insanely intelligent speaking like a perfectly normal adult at six months And I had no idea what his fucking name was I Hell and there was no mother around. It was just me my sister my mom. Yeah, that's fine single father single dad single dad I held a baby last night for the first time in ages

And it always makes me think about Selfishly that I was a fucking baby once we were all babies Yeah, we were all babies and then we grew And now we're huge compared to what we were Yeah, and like you start growing facial hair and shit and and and yes your vision goes And you you have problems And you go to school But you were a baby once and you couldn't do anything on your own. There's a point where we couldn't do anything on our own

That's what's the wild thing about I just think about like newborns like when they're born. It's like This thing that's screaming Was just inside Yeah of a body Yes, it's like when you watch the animal planet and you see like Antelopes they give birth to these fully functional things that have hair and like hooves and god knows what And then immediately they gotta start running from a cheetah. Yeah, they come out like all like

It's like wiggly legs and then they could like walk perfectly for some reason Have you ever seen an animal give birth by the way? Yeah, you see humans give birth and it's like And they're just like and and a fucking cow is giving birth to a literally 200 pound fucking thing and it's just like It does like that weird like one eye wink thing to get like the flies off of its eyeball It's like Yeah, baby comes out just kind of shakes its it shakes its ears and then a 200 pound mass Falls out of its fucking back puss. Have you ever seen a giraffe and then that's it A giraffe gives birth and basically just lets their kid take a fucking header

Yeah, dude, they fall from the sky. They fall from the sky. You're literally born out of the sky. You have no idea Dude, it's insane and also I love what do they land on their fucking neck. Yeah And now it's a really big broken neck. How the fuck are giraffes real? Let's be honest They're just Too big too big too big. I would love way too big. I would love to ride a giraffe I would do anything to ride a giraffe I would pay an insane amount of money to be like, yeah, I'm a rider fucking giraffe today Or to hug a gorilla

Oh I wouldn't I wouldn't hug a gorilla. I'd be too afraid Well, I'm saying in the event that he'd be a nice gorilla Dude, or he would know that if you hug me too hard, you would just crush my ribs Joe a gorilla would could rip us in half like a phone book Yeah, I know well wait phone phone books or phone books are hard to rip in half like pay or loosely very hard God, I'm so dumb. You ever have days of realizations. You're just like I'm just so stupid. Did you just say a pair of loose leaf? I think I did

I'm fucking I'm rattled by all this heather brook fucking news Joe Joe a woman can tear you in half like a pair of loose leaf Joe a gorilla could rip you in half like a like a car What am I talking about this is nonsense Like Oh my god, that is funny Like a pair of loose leaf Oh fuck um

Yeah, no, I would love to hug a gorilla. I saw a thing the other day I forgot who it was, but they were like playing with gorillas to someone who's dead I think it might have been like, uh, robin williams or something Playing with a gorilla with cocoa the gorilla. Yeah, the co like he's like yeah, yeah be like cocoa says Yeah, yeah, and I'm like, yo this fucking gorilla is just like Awesome like wants to hug like yeah, get over here. Give me a fucking hug dude. Like, uh, do you want to hang with a gorilla? A gorilla would be awesome I would I would get like two gorillas

And like maybe put them in the same room and let them hang out first and then I would join later Wait, what like I would get two gorillas in one room, right? And see how the see how they felt each other out and then I would love to be like the third person like hey What's up guys like I'm just part of the family too And now I have two gorillas that are talking to me and honestly They're so enthralled by me that they kind of get jealous You know what I'm saying and they kind of fight for like my affection to my love, right? And I get to watch from like an elevated lifeguard seat and I get to watch them fight for my fight for my approval

Nobody dies or anything, but it's like they're fighting for me, you know Okay I'd rather just have a whole bunch of love Yeah, yeah, but but love I think you have to fight for love. I think people I think I think people misunderstand what love really is You know, you got to fight for love sometimes You know, whether it's gorillas, whether it's two humans Whether it's a giraffe dropping its own fucking baby on its fucking head. You have to fight for love Yeah, that's why you think heather and jim fought for love. Absolutely. Yes

Heather and jim have been fighting for love for two decades They've been making people come for 20 years That's a cool that's an amazing career. That's an amazing career and the files are there The hall of fame. There's people there's all right. So there's people that will will never die Okay I think I know but real realistically heather is one of them too, right? If I never made

Let me suck your titties I would die. I would when I died I'd be done Let me suck your titties is going to be around probably forever. At least while the internet's around people are sharing titties stuff That's that's a fact and you know, you have your youtube channels. You're never going to die No, I'm going. No, no, no people people are going to remember you for forever And That's kind of a crazy thing to think about I don't even believe what you're saying. No, I don't think we're heather. What day is it?

I don't even know what day it is It's sunday. It's what just came out of my mouth Yes, I pure nonsense I'm telling you i'm fucking rattled. You are so flustered by this news. It's insane That is he's so flustered. I just said i'm gonna live forever. This is what this woman has done to me Forever young for Ever

I'm definitely gonna watch i'm definitely gonna watch that first video get a denim jacket Rent an iraq and drive around to that song as soon as i'm done Yeah, I just put my fucking i'm never gonna die Crash two fucking two fucking blocks down. I cry I'm gonna live forever Oh my god, it's so funny because I actually believe it someone help them. Oh my god I cannot wait to watch that back it's gonna be great I

Just picture like your eyes just like trying to figure out the next word and just shit just falling out of your mouth And you're like, I don't know where i'm going, but there's so many times. I wish that didn't have a point Where you're just talking and you're you just hope that this makes sense at the end of it And you're like three fourths through and you're like, I really don't have much words left and I haven't made a point yet Please help me. I need to make six sentences out of four words. Let's try this Not great not great I do believe that though. Let me suck your titties. We'll live on forever. That's not going anywhere Yeah

Oh god Oh, how's the weather down there in florida? It's hot as shit, dude I walked in the hallway the other day my glasses fog up immediately Like there's no air. Yeah, there's no air conditioning on in this room right now because it's so loud the air conditioner It would ruin the episode So I have to turn it off, but I've just kept all the doors closed I make it 65 degrees in here at night Is that cold?

No, I would I would honestly sd for it to be 65 in new york. Yeah, man That's why you want to know what's weird is 65 is cold to me 65 is hot to you right now If it was 65 I would be outside tanning. Yeah, listen this psychopath joe um It was like, hey, man, we got to do this at 9 a.m. Because I want to go outside And like just be able to sit outside and it's going to be really nice So I'm like, all right, that's cool Um, what's the weather there?

Right now. Yeah Oh, it's a beautiful sunny day and right now it's 53 This guy wants to this is what this quarantine is doing to people. They want to sit outside in 53 degree weather And and act like they're on some fucking beach resort I need this shut up. Yeah. Yo, it's gonna warm up though. Yeah, it's gonna be 60 It's 89 degrees down here I take two fucking steps outside. I'm fucking passing out

dude from uh, the view from my uh, suite you could see a cruise ship Of people stuck because somebody popped for corona on there and they're just sitting in the water They can't move they can't be rescued. They have to wait out this corona on the whole fucking cruise ship So literally at night it looks like someone planted a huge fucking Christmas tree in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean But that's kind of yo, honestly, I don't know why people go on cruises

I'll never go on a cruise Just because what I'm looking at out there every night I'm not going to ever get on a cruise in my life. I don't give a fuck where it's going I wasn't interested in it before all this happened. Like I'm just like we're just confined There's nothing appealing about a cruise and nothing is appealing to me I feel like that's just like you're you're on a moving splish splash Yeah, and then I'm going to get sicky. No, I'm not on every day. You're at splish splash I don't want to get sicky nom-noms

And there's a there's a casino. I heard there's jails on cruise ships, but yeah, yeah the break they call it the break Make you walk the plank make you walk the plank If you were stuck on a ship Cuz the cuz the crony And it was two miles to the shore would you jump off and swim? One I think if you jumped off of a cruise ship, it's a wrap. No, no, like these things are high Yeah, you could jump off a cruise ship. I think and live Yeah, you probably could but look up how tall look up how tall a cruise ship is because I could be I could be wrong

That shit looks huge and I'm miles away. I couldn't imagine being up close and on that bitch Dude you fucking kidding me 236 feet. Yeah, I'm good that she's gonna you'll break your legs. Yeah You're so fucking dead. Yeah, that's right. I wouldn't be able to get out No, the the oh, uh, no, yeah. Yeah, that's right. But this one the tallest one is 238 238 that's high dude if it was if it was a hundred and and 38 that's still high That's like jumping off of the cliff diver And splish splash that's high

Yeah Yeah, oh you better. Oh, just just pencil you'll go right through the what fuck that And then after that I gotta swim two miles. Do you know how hard it is to swim two miles in the ocean too with a rip current You you die you die. I'm dead I'm so dead. I might not get there with a paddle boat Yeah, maybe not maybe not it's tough dude the ocean is unforgivable The ocean is It's unforgivable

Would you say it's unforgivable to forgive the ocean? Oh, it's unforgivable, but I meant to say it's unforgiving It's unforgivable what it's done to me. I can't what I can't believe it I get scared Of the ocean the ocean scares the shit out of me. We've talked about this at nauseam, but The ocean is one of those things where it's so mysterious that you never know What exactly is going on in there I know, but I want to see a whale so bad, dude. How have you how have you never seen a whale? I live in queens

Yeah, but I've seen whales if you go to Long Island, you'll see a whale. You're not that far from Long Island in whales Well, I just haven't seen it yet, but I want to see a fucking whale You would you would Lose your shit if you saw a whale. It's amazing It's amazing. I used to go well out of the water I used to go whale watching Cape Cod And every time I saw whiter than me. Yeah, yeah, it's as white as you can get uh, but I used to go whale watching Cape Cod

and Every time I saw a whale a part of me wanted to cry a little bit because they're so majestic Yeah, it's a majestic animal. You see its eye. Oh my god. It just goes fresh and I'm like, wow That's a whale. That thing's big. Hell, yeah I wonder if a whale kind of whale was it a blue whale Whoa, those are the biggest. Yeah, big bitch That's the biggest mammal on earth. Yeah, well, I saw one of the motherfuckers. They got blue whales out there. Yeah, I think so Get the fuck out of here

Blue whale watching New York. Yeah, no no no Cape Cod, bro Oh Cape Cod. They're they're Let me see If I saw a fucking blue whale my dick wouldn't yeah, but is this a blue whale though, I don't know if it's a blue whale Blue whales, I feel like they can't even get near this this shore. I feel like I feel like there's only like only so many of them I think there's mad blue whales. What the fuck's gonna fuck with the biggest mammal There could be fewer than 200 blue whales in the north Atlantic

Dude, they're 110 to 330,000 pounds Sounds like me after a fajita's night um Blue whale spotted off Provincetown. Have you ever been to Provincetown Cape Cod? No, I've never been to the Cape. Talk about gay. Provincetown is like the gayest town in the world And it's really gayer than Chelsea Bro Google Provincetown gay and get back to me Provincetown is awesome

Yo gay town gay. Yeah Gay Provincetown guide told you dude The lobster pot gay Bubble is by the bay, okay Purgatory A gay guys. Yes Damn, these dudes are fit dude. Hell. Yeah I'm gonna go gay. I think they're having it gay cities in america

All right, here's the dude. It's like yo, this is like this is like a legit. This looks sick bro. It's awesome like Like if you're a gay. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's awesomely like It's like a huge like a parade and like there's the the pride flags everywhere. This looks like it's Just a big old gay time. All right, so this is from world Population review.com. These are the 10 gayest cities in america. You ready? San Francisco number one of Very gay Santa Rosa

Gay never heard of it but sounds gay. California. Seattle, Washington gay Really guess what number four gay guess what number four is What a province town boston Boston's got a gay They got a gay crowd, huh? Yeah, we're gay pack the cat You suck your quark. I'll

I'll suck your quark right now right here in the car. Hey. Hey pocky Park your fucking car. Get out. I'll suck your quark. Pack your cow. I'll suck your quark Park your car. I'll suck your quark clean off. Go ahead and pack. I'll suck your quark Go ahead and park your car. You got a wicked quark. You got a wicked quark on you Okay Watch the socks suck your quark. What's the socks? Who wants to socks you pack your car and I'll suck your quark Come on. Get the dick out kid Oh, I love it. All right, what else we got on the list, uh, portland portland, origan

Okay, I heard portland's sick. Yeah, I would love to go to portland Uh, miami florida portland mayan. I don't know Miami florida. Miami's kind of gay. There's a six gay. I'm telling you Listen, I'll tell you this okay, and I'm only gonna say They the f word because this is what the shirt said, okay But it was like I went down there for my buddy's bachelor party And uh I was walking on the street and it was like gay week or something. They had like a huge

They had a stage they built this whole thing on the beach. It was huge And it was like all like a gay celebration or whatever right? Yes So there's a bunch of gay dudes walking around and just gay people in general And this dude walks by me with a phila shirt You know phila like f i l a yeah, but instead of phila it said f a g And I was like Damn that is gangster. I was in I was in central park once and this dude just had a shirt that said fags rule And I was like that shirt is awesome

Oh my god, I was like dude, I want this shirt so bad and he was just rocking that shit. I was like good for you, man uh the seventh gayest uh city in america albuquerque new mexico What the fuck I was just talking about the other day I forget new mexico's a thing I know I want to go to albuquerque really bad I heard it's beautiful. I'm good

Uh sandiego california's gay as hell It is mad gay man. It's like you got this Four of the top eight the northern gay southern gay middle gay. We got all kinds of gay good for them out there partying hard Number nine new york city. You knew we were gonna make it on there Of course, I I think me personally bump them back up into the top ten. I think I think that's what it is Me and barstool pat Um and ten is portland main. So there's two portlands portlands are gay

Yep I wonder what the gayest you're just going by the numbers There's got to be someone on the trailblazers. This is gay 100% gayest country in the world 2020 The gayest country in the world is sweden Really, I thought it would be like Russia or india they have like or china they have like the biggest populations No gayest country in the world. I'm guessing this is of openly gay people

Is sweden obviously sweet Why is that obvious? Because how would how would they know they were gay if nobody said they didn't say anything Oh, I thought you're saying sweden. Obviously. I was like no. Oh, no. No. No. No. Just that they're gay So they're the gayest um austria second gayest belgium third gayest

denmark fourth gayest And i'm trying to find out where america ranks in gayness um Where is it a lot a lot of so many places are tied for fourth. I don't know. I didn't know you could tie in gayness We're gonna have to make a move then dude america's not that gay We're 47th gayest country Really? Yeah, this is kind of strange

There's no way we're 47th. I told you this country is going to hell in a handbasket No, I think we're gay than that Gotta be gay As of 2020 germany has become the largest lgbt population Okay, wow Really did a 180 in that country Yeah This is we hate everyone as we're all gay now

It's cool. Fine. We accept it He doesn't represent us we're all gays now. Um, yeah, we're gayshizons Gayshizons a gayshizen you want to know what the second gayest state in america is texas Is the gayest state Behind california. I feel like they're New york's the third gayest state We're huge populations

Yeah, I think texas Is making a turn For the get for the gayest For the gay, yeah I don't know why Yeah, they're making a turn. I don't know why Oh, yeah, and also to the person that keeps trying to hack into the baseman yard instagram I'm gonna find you. I'm gonna fucking kill you

Stop doing that God pisses me off Every email somebody tried to get into the fucking baseman yard fucking instagram. What do you want to do in there? Yeah, I don't know what you're gonna do with that account What do you want? What do you see is what you get everything you see is what you get What you want to go into the dms and find those pictures of my dick that I sent to heather harman Just those don't exist. I didn't just do that when I was in the bathroom Does she have an instagram?

I don't know getting on it Hold on I doubt it heather Harman Heather brook Oh It's not real. Oh, this isn't her. Oh my god. Who is this?

The heather brook Bro, I thought it was her. I'm like, oh my god. Look at her family. This is just an old woman Who is an entertainment reporter for mbc la? Can't have them all can't win them all Can't win them all can't win them all What a day All right, I think we should wrap this up. Yeah for sure. It's been a pretty good episode here We have had quite quite a few breakthroughs. Fuck. Yeah. What an episode

Anyway, danny, where can they find you bud? You can find me at daniela purer on instagram and twitter and please make sure to go check out the stank podcast for me and mr Frank alvarez at the stank podcast on Instagram and youtube and check out our patreon patreon.com slash the stank podcast We're still giving gifts away during these wild Quarantine times. Okay. So, uh, you know, we give away video games. You give away amazon gift cards You give away a bunch of stuff. So come and check us out and uh, I love you all stay safe and peace Guys you can follow me at joe sanagato. Go follow the youtube channel youtube.com slash joe sanagato videos coming out every tuesday now

Um, also go follow the baseman yard uh on instagram at the baseman yard Stop trying to log into it. Um, and that is all I guess See you guys next time. All right. I miss you. I love you. I want you to hold me at night I want you. Yes besides me with oils. Yes