The Basement Yard - #240 - Watching Women Sleep In A Hotel

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

On this episode, we discuss a crazy flight attendant story, Joe's public speaking and if Kim Jon Un is actually dead, enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys go check out our patreon where you can get our daily morning show and next week's episode today Welcome back to the basement yard. Danny has it going over there. So you got a big old cup of iced coffee Yeah, but it's like half hot and then it's like half not So I don't know what it is. It's just gonna become slosh I think that's the idea behind the coffee. No, I think that's the idea. What the fuck is a nitro brew? What the fuck is that? I don't I'm not familiar with the coffee world. So I don't I don't know. I don't know what a nitro brew is I don't know what a cold brew is. Isn't that just iced coffee. I

Think nitro brew is something dangerous that you make bombs out of. Oh You can either drink it or kill people with it. Exactly Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something Oh God, what I do. No, it's trending on Twitter like at the moment at the very did you just lick your cup? Yeah There was like a little there was like a little foam on there. Oh look yo by the way Amazon guy

delivering packages to my mom's house We have a glass door and then the regular door. He just opens the glass door and Sticks his body into my house and puts the packages down and we were like the fuck. We're like, what are you doing? Do you say that to him? Yeah, my sister went off. Oh I know shan dogs going hard. She's like, what the fuck are you doing? And the guys like there was no doorbell. She's like just leave it outside. It's a fucking pandemic like what are you doing packages? He's dude. He walked basically into my house and put the shit down and she was like, what are you doing?

Like what the hell's wrong with you? My dog? What the fuck is he doing though? With Amazon they have to like take pictures of the packages and like leave. I don't know whatever, but You're just allowed to break into people's houses now. Yeah, that yeah I mean that is it's not breaking and entering but you're certainly, you know entering also touching a million packages a day You fucking sick freaks stay outside you Amazon freak What I'm trying to say is this man entered us with no consent We didn't give him consent and he entered us and in a court of law

He raped our house. Yeah That's what he raped the shit out of your house Yeah, the Amazon guy raped our house just came in we didn't know he was there Surprised us and put the packages down. So sick freak. Yeah, so, you know, that was that on his badge number I don't think you have badges. No Amazon drivers have badges. No, I'll probably do it Amazon's like the fucking secret service by the way because literally On my way to this apartment. There's a there's an Amazon truck depot like down From where my mom lives apparently because today when I got here, I got to a red light a red light

We got to a stop sign and it was an Amazon truck and then there was 30 Amazon trucks So they send them all out at the same time And I'm starting to think there's a conspiracy here where they have stuff in those trucks and not just you know books and jigsaw puzzles They have toothpaste Right. No, I'm talking about government documents. I'm talking about the Declaration of Independence Oh, maybe dead fucking bodies, too, or that there's been a lot of that going on. You know, there's part There's in Manhattan. They have like freezer trucks where they're literally

Doing stuff like that. God. I'll tell you this I used to think I believed in conspiracy theories. This quarantine has made me so conspiracy That I have no idea Why are you conspiracy? Because I feel like everything is conspiracy now and then they got this whole fucking thing going on with Kim John-Oon Uh, yes, he had like brain surgery or something, right? He had surgery on his heart and like people we don't know if he's dead or not. It's 2020 How do you not know somebody's fucking dead?

Very easy to know that If a man is dead and he looks like a little round fat man with no No, take it easy take it easy. Okay. He killed his own brother. Yeah, I can hear myself in your headphones, by the way Can you I think you're blasting it Maybe maybe if I maybe if I turn it down Turn it down How about now? Can you hear myself now? No me, huh? No, I don't we're good. Um, you know, okay. I wouldn't I'm afraid to talk about you know the the

Kju because I never know if he's watching or not I know he killed his own brother. He had him poisoned like this is you know medieval times Yeah, what the fuck are we doing? We're poisoning people. I just Think he's been dead for a long time and it's like a weekend of Bernie's situation They just got him propped up in the office like sir, can we and he's like All right, I'll come back later Yeah, I think they got a weekend at Bernie's thing going on with that with him And I think they're looking for a body double is what I'm thinking

No, I think To do what you come very Conspirious well remember they had a body double of Melania Trump. Yeah, dude. I'm telling you They're looking for a body double for Kim Jong-un Can't do that what Kim Jong-un How do you say his name? Yeah, I mean, it's it's moon. We're we're American We don't know how to pronounce it and you know, I think it's Kim Jong-un And then I think his replacement would be Kim Yo-jong Kim Yo-ha

I'm just trying to be PC here. I don't think you're Going the other way, I think I think you're offended people here. I don't I mean, I'm sorry if I offended anybody with Kim Jong-un Yeah, I Don't know fucking say his name. No, I thought it was moon, but you know, I don't know I'm just Kim Jong-un. It's this hard Kim Jong-un. It's better Kim Jong-un Yeah, I think that's I think that's how they say it. I saw a tweet that said he's either brain dead or dead Oh, so now he's like a fucking like science like a Westworld person They're gonna Westworld Kim Jong-un

He's a fucking host bro, do you think they would clone him? Do you think that I think this is what they're trying to do Conspiracy you want to be conspirious you want to conspire you want to talk about some things that could possibly exist. Yeah Go global pandemic, right? We're wiping people out right now, right? People are dying left and right hundreds of thousands I don't even know if that's right, but I think a lot of people are going down thousands I think the elite are getting worried, you know, I'm saying I'm talking about the people who work at the Federal Reserve and like You know higher-ups Jeffrey Epstein type of people who you know an island. Yeah, there's it There's a there's an island where they do things that you know, we wouldn't want to hear about is what I'm trying to say

That was kind of people right? Yeah, do you think they're trying to develop a way to clone themselves? Yeah, so that They can In case they die they're back. What am I saying? I think All right, I'm very conspirious about about cloning too because the thing about cloning is Remember like when we were in like high school They like successfully Cloned like a goat or some shit a sheep a sheep and then we never heard anything about it

You're gonna tell me that in like since the fucking 12 years that we've been out of high school They haven't cloned anything else They've had to clone like at least like half of a person like maybe their fucking head or some shit So I'm thinking they're gonna do like a Futurama thing where they comb people's heads and they could put them on bodies like on their brains Would you her name was Dolly? She was a female domestic sheep And she was cloned this bitch looks like a sheep. Yeah, that bitch is full sheep There's no cloning that bitch. I bet she's full shape This bitch does look like she's 20 years old bit. What she's still alive that Coney bitch

Yeah, wow Dolly the sheep Dolly What a terrible name for the first clone ever you got to give that shit a number like CR 287 or some shit Like give it a cool ass name give her the name of a white housewife the fuck is the fuck here's Dolly When I hear Dolly, I just think of a woman that wears an apron like 14 hours out of the day Yeah, I know one Dolly and it's Dolly Parton huge tass fucking major Fucking the Zungers

Dude's got just you've got hammered dude. Yeah, that dude has big tits Those are some fat country tits, I'll tell you those are some big singing titties, dude Okay, some big yodeling hammers. She could sing her ass off to enter tits Oh, man, she can't she can't sing her tits off the tits aren't going anywhere to hell. No, though Clone those we're gonna clone anything Say what do some food society score one for the good guys. Let's get some more of those titties out in the world You know I'm saying also a sheep dog Like why are we cloning that like why don't we clone something else that's gonna like help people?

But what is this? Do we get more sweaters? Yeah, sure. What are we getting out of a sheep? Did you know is it inhumane to shave a sheep? Bro, it is right. I think I told you this story before but when I was in pre-k or Kindergarten or something like that. We had a trip Frankie was there We had a trip to the farm. They had a stage where they were just shearing a sheep and the sheep's gone And I remember being like yeah, they're shaving the shit For the longest time

This is how fucking stupid I am for the longest time. I thought like a sheep's wool was a part of like their skin Okay So when I when I would hear that they would shave sheep I'm like, oh, they're like ripping its skin off the poor thing Why are they doing that and then my dad had to explain to me how it would hair is on an animal So and then that's when your dad knew that he had a fucking idiot son. Yeah I wonder how many times my dad has looked at me and go God this kid's so fucking stupid I

Dude, I wonder You honestly are gonna have those like when we eventually have children There's gonna be days where you're like, oh man, I'm worried cuz Tommy's just a fucking idiot, dude I don't know what to do about it. That's and you want to know something You'll never be able to tell them that you thought that but you had a legitimate thought like listen My kids a fucking idiot I mean if I'm being completely honest, I've had my dad tell me that numerous

Your father hasn't called you an idiot. You're not doing anything. You gotta be called an idiot by your parents Yeah, 100 you know, it's a funny statement to say to somebody. What are you stupid? Because then I got to really think about if I'm stupid or not and fucking fuck me up. Also. What if I am? Yeah, what if I am stupid? I'm not gonna know the answer That's a good that's a good way of thinking about it. That's deep. That's philosophy. What are you stupid? I? Think that's a rhetorical question because I wouldn't yeah You can't there's no right answer to that question if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't be stupid So then are you stupid?

Oh Are we allowed to do that, I don't think I will say I will say it's fun. It looks cool But oh my shoulder That's kind of good. It's kind of dope. Yo, by the way speaking of PC, you know, Lando legs butter The one with the Indian with the fat titties again First of all those weren't her titties

But you would fold the box to make her knees because she was sitting on her knees You would fold the box to make her knees go up and it looked like her tits were out. That's what that's what it was That's what it was. Yeah, you know how horny that tits. Do you know how horny you have to be? To yeah, I do jerk off to a butter box. Oh, no, I never climbed to it, but I mean I didn't climb either but definitely There was some blood pumping it into the downstairs, you know There was like two things you could do back then it was like fold the dollar bill so that like the bushes looked like Something it was like that. It looked like the twin towers on fire, right? You could do that and then it was the land the lakes

Titt Indian Native American. Yeah The tit knee titties. Yeah, but they're taking they took her they took her off the box They took her off the box because they said it's you know because it's it was like an anniversary or something and they took it The the Native American woman off the box and they just have the land of lakes now to be like more PC and Needs it's back. It's part of growing up Honestly, the fact that there's no knee tits anymore is a little upsetting but dude people are losing any minds

About this over butter or older titties. There's no separate arguments here No, there no one's has mentioned the titties. I think that's just a thing that only we know but listen to this This is the widest. This is the widest Fucking tweet I have ever seen in my life. Okay Fucking oh My god, I just noticed this woman's that so it's a woman, right her name's Gracie That's all I know know where she's from her name on Twitter and not her handle Her name like you know how you have like a name and also your ad or whatever her name is is Gracie chief fun officer

I would like to drown that woman, okay See you see a phone fun. I'm a chief fun officer really white people. You know what that means Oh, not funny. That means adults don't want to hang out with you and you're good with children. That's it Time for soccer practice dude listen to this Landow lakes can kiss this butter buyers ass My family has been a Landow lakes family since I can remember no more I'm fine with the store brand from here on out your view your virtue signaling lost you some Your virtue signaling lost you some good customers who are always willing to buy your product hashtag buh-bye

She said buh-bye Not only did she hashtag buh-bye, but she claimed to be a land of lakes butter family Now I don't have a family of my own, but if at any point I Say that my family is a specific type of butter family gun me down I will gun me down do Zalanda Lakes house Yeah, dude. This is a Landow Lakes house. What are you doing bringing that fucking spread in here? Would you know is Olivia? What's it's Olivia bullshit? I can't believe it's not my oil butter shit

The fuck is this? Dude, we're a Landow Lake back though. I feel her though bring those tits back. I don't think she's doing it for the tits Hold on. I'm gonna Google that land. Oh like Landal Lake tits. Oh My god Dude, this is a Landow Lakes house. I Don't want to hear it again get the marker in out of here So hold on I'm gonna put it up to my screen so you can see so if you fold it That's what it looks like. I

Don't know if you could It's not gonna like oh there. It goes see those So if you fold it her knees look like tits and you know it got me through me and Danny through Many days many dark days in our lives. I've seen many Landow Lake knee tits. Oh, yeah, you know Yeah, making toast in the morning. That's the best fucking time to see a tit. Oh, yeah, dude Anybody everybody wants to see a titty in the morning seeing a titty in the morning is like Also, what's that song called it goes? It's like the morning song

By who by what? No, no, it's like in every oh, oh, oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, I know you're talking like that happened. It's like oh, this is gonna be the morning song and every cartoon or every movie ever Yeah, I Know how does it happen? I don't know. I mean, it's kind of I Don't know it's What's going on my brain? I don't know you just all you just thinking of weird shit. You're conspiring your conspiracies I'm a conspiracy. Yes. I'm conspiracy. Yes. I'm actually conspiracy of you What did I do? I'm actually Conspirious of you. Why?

I'm gonna come out and say it. Oh, okay. I'm gonna say it. I Don't care that you broke your elbow. I don't think you're finishing these books Okay Why not? Because you're reading too fast someone who's never read a book ever in their life in Their life Yeah, it has read five books in like a month. I haven't not buying it. I haven't finished five yet I'm I have

70 pages left in this other on this book. He knows how many pages he has left. I just read this morning. That's why I Conspirious of this. No, I think I'm finishing the books You know conspiracy is usually it bleeds in the jealousness at one point the jealous jealousness Jealousy you so you're just not gonna use any words. No, no, no, no, no, no It's time. It's time to segregate away from America now. We're gonna be our own nations at one point. That's true That's very true But I'm Conspirious of you. I want I might need a book report at the end of one of these I'll tell you what you pick one of these books

You look it up online and you pick a random excerpt out of the end or the middle or wherever you want And I'll tell you what it's about and I'll prove you wrong. All right. Okay. I want to say I want to make sure I want to make sure I want because the people out there We're getting this new idea of you. Now you got to be even smarter now Already driving nuts and then and then and then now it's like alright kids reading a book every day. I'm over here I'm not a coffee and watching 90-day fiance I'm not fucking doing anything the only book that I read fast was the one that I read before the one I'm currently reading because there was one day where there was nothing happening was like raining and I read like 120 pages in one shot

So I was like almost halfway done with the book already. How does this happen? What? how How how does this happen? I'm on you. I'm on you. I'm also jealous like this morning. I read I Usually read 50 pages. I try but this book's been taking me a while. I'll be honest with you. Okay. Not that it's not good It's just that it got slow and I started to get like disinterested and it was like, I'll call dogs off I'll call dogs off for now for now. I've been writing

I've been writing. Yeah, I've been journaling Like just about your day or about you like a fictitious sort of story. No, no Maybe I should write a fucking fiction book and then you should read it. Yes Yes And another thing you should do when you're done with this fifth book, let me pick your next book. I Actually just bought you're not gonna like this. I just bought nine books. Oh my gosh Yeah, this kid I'm not I don't know like how fast I'm one of them's like 120 pages. So that one when real life comes back

This isn't this isn't happening. Yeah, are these books gonna stay is what I want to know I think the world wants to know that I think so It's not because it doesn't take that long to read 50 pages like and I try to read 50 pages a day You smug fuck. It's true. It's hard for some people. How dare you? How dare you what to read a book 350 pages in one shot? Fucking shoot me. I Mean you all your dick right now. Huh? Are you holding your cock? Am I holding my cock? Oh, your hand was in your pocket. I literally thought you're about to give me a lecture on books while you're just holding your fucking rod

Keep talking about the pages Yeah, do you use a bookmark? Are you fucking folding the page? I have a like we just opened up a pack of cards. So I took one of the Joker cards, and I use that Everything has a meaning with you. There's no I I'm a Joker in life. So I use the Joker card Calculated person I've ever met. No because the first few books I was folding the pages. Would you agree though? Would you agree? No, I think you're one of the most calculated people on earth

No, I know what I think I had a revelation the other day This is you're definitely not gonna like and this I was I will say this There's an 80% chance that this doesn't even come close to happening But I think at some point a part of me wants to get a degree in psychology. I Think that's a great idea. I don't know if it'll happen like I think it's do it online at your leash Why is it for some reason when you get older? Just becomes easier to graduate from college because you care my friend said it's the other day that was kind of interesting He was like education is wasted on the youth and when you think about it like oh my god

This guy's hanging out with fucking senators now. What the hell is going on with you? No, we have a conversation about how like it's interesting how a lot of people have regrets when they're older like oh dude I wish I just like paid attention more in high school and then went to this school for whatever reason not because of like education Person it would be like do you see the I just try to say purposes and it came out weird But I was talking to my friend Abraham Lincoln yesterday, you know No They were like yo if I paid attention more in high school or I cared like I could have gone to Arizona State and then college we've been fucking sick like whatever and

It was just a conversation about I Honestly, don't remember what it was about but how People who are older sort of miss the idea of like learning because eventually you just work your job And then you never really learn anything true other than what's in your job field So you get curious and then you just feel like now if I went back to college like today as a 28 year old I would be it would be so much Easier for us to like figure it out because it's like this class is an hour long or it's 45 minutes long like it's fucking How hard is that it sounds so simple?

You know, but back then it's like you just trying to live your life There's every your priorities are just kind of like whatever but also there's that there's no pressure when you're 28 And you're kind of like established. There's no pressure to be like if I fail this. I am fucked or like I Think I've said this on the show when I was in college Yes, I went to college didn't graduate When I went to college summa cum laude summa cum laude

There was like a 58 year old man in my class who didn't like have to do the homework Or anything like he didn't care about the grade. He just wanted to learn Yeah, I wouldn't do that that is I was like, what the fuck are you doing here? You old fuck get out of here Taking up fucking roster spots and shit the only thing that sucks that like this is why it probably won't happen is because I Am just interested in psychology like I've always been interested in psychology And I would have to take all these other classes like a fucking math class that I like Don't give a shit about and I wouldn't have the patience for yeah, so I'd be like you have to do like prerequisites. I

Think so, I think you would have to you would have to take like math and shit Yeah, or like do like an elective like square dancing Yeah, no like I'm not gonna write a paper an English paper because I want to learn about psychology I'm just not why don't you want it? Why don't you play like the YouTube card and get like a like an honorary Diploma or some shit? Well like I'm fucking I'm giving you make those all the time they don't go they don't go to college And then you get to give a speech. I'm not a famous person you age it You gotta let that go dude. You're famous

I'm not commencement speech known. You know, I'm saying I think you're wrong I think I think you are commencement speech worthy. Are you insane? What I mean I was like, can you hear me? That's a yes. Yes, I am insane, but I think I would crush a commit word I think you are commencement worthy. I'd get a bigger fan of you than me. That's you gotta understand that You're you're famous Maybe your mom maybe right it's close. I think you're worthy enough to give a commencement speech

I think a college would benefit very much from hearing from you. I think that is a ridiculous statement Why tell me why you have to be fucking nerd would a doctor it to teach people how to make their way in the world No, that's what you have. That's what we need Huh, if I'm what you want Jim Carrey to come. Yes, he gave a great commencement speech I love that. Yeah, he did his already Denzel Washington. These guys never went to school Yo, whoever has acting school and then given the talk. Oh, actually Denzel watching what the college If if you haven't seen the Jim Carrey speech go watch it because it's a great speech and I quoted it on my Instagram live The other day, which is actually why yeah, which part?

When he was like my dad had um, oh, I know you're gonna say the job or whatever It's like you fail something you don't want to do then you should fail something you want to do Yeah, which is bars, which is bars bars bars bars bars bars bars bars No, but I think for some reason the fact that you don't think you're good enough to talk to a group of college kids And by a group I mean the entire class. I think you are No Yeah, and that's not that's not a humble thing It's just I me sitting in a crowd in college of being like who this 28 year old kid know about anything. I

Think you know a lot about a lot. I think you're selling yourself short I'm realistic Joe we gotta think big baby Maybe a high school But not a college the fact that your old high school hasn't asked you to come back and speak is outrageous I wouldn't go why not because I Just I wouldn't What yeah, I I don't know I just don't I don't feel I don't feel like that

Imagine they called you like hey Joe. We wanted you nah No Well, how's that ever speak to the youth? Yes In what setting do we get you to like do some public speaking can I'll set it up? Would you ever do a Ted talk a Ted talk. Yeah It would depend what they do Ted talks about everything pet grooming. They don't give a fuck. Yeah, I

Don't know. I mean, I don't really feel the need I Would I would I do think at some point down on yourself. What's wrong with you? That's the thing I'm not down on myself I'm very realistic with myself and I think that at a certain point I think I will be qualified to give speeches like that, but I'm not there brag love that flex on kid No, that's just me believing in myself that one day. I will be able to offer that information I don't think I'm there yet at all, but why can't but why can't you be inspired by a 28 year old? Why they had to be a 50 year old dork you can but

No, it's not about age. It's just that I haven't I Don't think that I'm at a position where I'm like, okay now I can offer, you know definitive advice to people I Would hate to be the person who gets up there and just says a bunch of vague shit But you give me definitive advice all the time On things that I know Yeah, right, okay But not on things like that are very general that would apply to an entire college class

You know also like I would also run into oncoming traffic full of bullets for you So there's that it's a little different traffic full of bullets. Yeah, I would I would You know I would too to run into traffic Joe or lightly jog lightly jog. Yeah, I don't know if I come on I don't want to pull a hammy before I die. I want to die with grace. I know I know I got you If you were gonna die, right? I Think we've asked this question, but I don't know if you've been watching Westworld or not

But no for the next five seconds. Do you watch Westworld? No, I watched season one and I fell off of it Okay, all right They they spoiler alert They do like this leak Where everyone finds out their fate Okay, and it gets like texted to your cell phone, right? Would you read the message or would you not read the message? No, you wouldn't read it. No, I'm reading that shit Or also it texts you about your kids and shit

What like how they die, yeah, yeah, I'm not reading any of that And it tells you like what happens to them like mentally or like physically Also, you have a therapist now, right? Yeah, is that public knowledge? Yep. All right. I don't want I don't want to do that Yeah, I do. Jack my whole swag, bro. I Told you this for mad long that I wanted to go. I've been telling you go to therapist for two years. Yeah How's that going though? It's good. I mean, I don't feel like I I'm not I'm not skeptical of therapy or anything like that I I honestly don't but I don't feel like it is a necessity in my life

But I do it because I think that it just keeps you here like balanced Okay, or whatever, you know what I mean? Like a lot of what I say to him. I've Already thought out very clearly and tried to work back of like the core reasons why I'm feeling or saying or acting a certain way So when I talk about it, I get through all of that and then Sometimes there's just not much for him to say But which is fine because a part of their job is just being able to be a person that you could say all that shit to But I mean there has been things that he's offered for sure that are Useful I guess any any breakthrough yet

Define a breakthrough. It's it's completely personal a breakthrough. No, I mean like what do you mean by that? Like where else I just just a door that needed opening in your brain that you never thought like oh, you know I never really thought about it like that Not really there has been a moment one moment of like I've never thought about it in that way, but it wasn't It didn't really move the needle as far as like the end Results as well. I was like that's an interesting way to look at it like basically like that. Okay, but it wasn't like Yeah, holy shit that plastic bag was my dad. Yeah, but the world is numbers. Yeah

The fourth dimension is time fuck The last question I'm gonna ask about that because I don't like to pry about people started Have I come up in it? No, no, yeah, fuck this. I don't Do I mean your name? I'm so insignificant in your life at this point that it's fucking me. It makes me sad. I Talked to my therapist about you all the time Me. Yeah bad things

No, sir, no, but I I'm sure your name has come up. It's never been like we're talking about Danny I fucking miss you, dude. Oh, man. Just hug me so hard, dude It hit me the other day. I was just I was Where was I? There's like a skydeck area here. Mm-hmm And I've never felt thought this ever in my life. I was looking at the I was looking at the ocean And you saw two dolphins fucking I was sitting looking at the ocean and my mind just goes really which Joe was here

I Love me, dude. That's gay You want to watch oceans with me, dude Yeah, and I and I obviously know that you're not here But there was some money that I saw that I and I got so excited Half of a second and thought it was could possibly be you And I was like, oh my god. Yeah, forget it. Don't worry about it. It's nothing Oh, it's weird. It's weird. It's weird. What I actually genuinely miss you

Hey, man, I miss you too. I mean we spend every day together basically I know I think that's what it is. It's just like You don't know what you got till you don't have it anymore. I think that's what it is, right? That's something like that. You know something like that. Yeah I missed the office Damn, I'm so glad that when you see an ocean Think of me. I can't believe I stared at the Atlantic Ocean with palm trees and sands

I love how you had the fact check that. I know I'll be awesome. I got nothing for you. So you could have said anything I was just like, oh man Really wish Joe was here A 31 year old man, that's so good You know, I'm really excited we got to sneak in that Austin trip beforehand because like that kind of keeps me sane That Austin trip feels like it was seven years ago. I know and it was so fun I feel like we've all grown up You know, I mean like grown up and like gone our separate ways and like had families

And now we can't see each other and now we can't see each other just because we're too busy Yeah, like you moved to Indiana The craziest thing about this whole thing is that I don't know when I'm ever gonna see you again Yeah, that's a real thing Like I don't know if I'm ever like even when I do see you if I like I don't know if I'm gonna be able to like touch you to fucking feel you Feel me? Yeah, like hug you and fucking just feel you feel your fucking body. Yeah, get my heat on you

Yeah, I just want to fucking feel you dude Out and I'm not even trying to be funny. I you know me. I love fucking touching people Yeah, Danny just touches folks I like I like to touch. I like to touch. Um stemmed at the touch But uh, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is I think it's love. I think it's love. I think it's love. I think it's love Do you think do you love me? I love you, Danny. No, no for real. I mean I'm being fucking

No, yeah, of course. All right, cool because I need that right now I need you to say it. I need words of affirmation. Yeah, because do you know your love language? Yes, what is it? I do I do. Um I'll get the list Mine is like words of affirmation or some shit Yeah, words of affirmation is the one where it's like you need to be told like yeah. Yeah, that's that's my love language I'm trying to find like the list of what are the oh the five different love languages Um words of affirmation acts of service receiving gifts quality time physical touch. Yeah, yeah

I'm physical touch and words of affirmation. I'm I'm a mixture of one and five. What do you think mine was? It's definitely not giving gifts and it's definitely not receiving gifts. Oh, no, no, it's not receiving gifts No You don't like getting gifts. You're No, I don't I don't not like getting gifts. I like getting gifts. You're so hard to get gifts for though, dude. It's like like I could like go to like Any store and buy you something and it's like it's not gonna hit the same but like if I got you like a shoelace

That Jerry Seinfeld war wants you like lose your mind No, see like this this thing that I have on my wall, right? For whatever reason it just like hit like like when people like you got to get gifts People think you got to spend a ton of money or like this and that like I'm more so Interested in the what comes along with this gift that there's some like sentimental value to it My mom bought me this thing which is so stupid. It's probably like, you know A basic white girl would love this thing and it's it says my star was born and it's february 25th

1992 which is my birthday and it was The earth and what the stars look like Whatever and I don't even care about the stars to be honest with you. I haven't even like Looked at it or everyone like here's the big dipper. It was right over fucking zimbabwe on that night like I don't even care. What I know is Rhodesia I Know african shit. I know african shit

um But it was just like the way that it was presented and I don't know Great gifts turn you into a cry baby cry baby jones. Oh, yeah, like dude It's either you get your gift and he doesn't give a shit about it Or you get joe a gift and he cries. There's no fucking middle ground with joe Yeah, that's kind of true. Not when it comes to gifts. It's either you make them cry

Or you are you fail miserably It's hard Yeah, yeah No, but there was one time where I could think about it right now and cry But cry right down there. So there was this thing back in the day Do you remember when I went? Do you remember when I oh shit, I gotta do the ads. We're fucking far into these episodes. Hold on

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Hey I have to fucking stretch like my hips Stretch those hips, uh I think I'm gonna Hip dysphagia. I'm like a fucking what we're just talking about. I was about to say something. I feel like um About gifts Yeah, something about gifts. Yeah. Oh, I have a great story though. So let's just I'm gonna hop right into the story. All right, just go okay

so, um Selena's sister Told me this story about her friend who's a flight attendant Okay Um So when flight attendants when they travel they all stay in the hotel together. They all stay in one hotel So they landed some city. I forgot what the city was and

You know, they're hanging out or whatever Uh, she goes home Well not home to her room like late at night Uh, she takes like all her clothes off gets in the shower puts them in one place, right? Puts and uh takes everything off obviously to get in the shower puts everything one place goes to bed Wakes up And she's putting her clothes on and she realizes that you can't find one shoe One shoe is missing

All right, and downstairs are all the other flight attendants and they all have to leave together So like they're texting her like hey, what's up? Like where are you and she's like, oh, this is embarrassing But I can't find my shoe for some reason. I can't find it um So the flight attendants come up and they're helping her find the shoe And they're looking they're looking She's looking all over the place can't find this shoe One of the flight attendants other flight attendants opens a drawer

And the shoe is in there Okay So the flight attendant whose shoe it is walks up to the shoe And there's a note inside And she pulls the note out And the note says it was a pleasure watching you sleep last night Shut the fuck up. Yes 100 true story

I would never fucking recover from that What the fuck yes Yes When I was told this story I was like I'm telling this on the show the Went to bed put all of her clothes in one place Only thing was moved around was her shoe And it was a note

It was a pleasure watching you sleep last night Yeah, I don't even know what to say How fucking crazy is that dude if I I would have I would have went downstairs and say yo get the fucking camera footage because we're gonna arrest this guy Yeah, see I have a conspiracy. I'm conspirious about this too I think it was one of the flight attendants Sips his coffee like he cracked the case wide open Who how else would they have access to the room? It's either somebody that work there

Somebody that work there. It could be someone who works there creepasaurus. That's more likely Or it was an it was a flight attendant. How would the flight attendant have a key? You know what it is when like somebody like Back in the day when like your friend would like steal something from you and like something like they would miraculously find it That's what I think it was like She'd be like, oh it was under this uh This table here. I don't know how I mean if it's in a drawer If it's in a drawer and a bunch of people are looking for one shoe like eventually i'm gonna check a drawer

Or maybe conspire you want to conspire Maybe it was the girl Because maybe she overslept or maybe she wanted to have a cool Story so she got everyone in the same room and then let someone else find it and be like there's a no And it's this big dramatic thing and maybe she did it Whoa inside job It's an inside job. How else are you gonna how else are you gonna get in those rooms? Yeah, you can't get in that room unless you have a key right which and another thing if this girl didn't go downstairs

Right and file a police report or all these things because that is completely dangerous Well, that I don't know. I'm sure maybe she did something of this. Well, that I don't I don't know I will say if she did it I think she is the culprit Yeah Because if she didn't she's like, no, I'll just forget about then I'd be like, yeah, what like why not like that's dangerous, bro Like I would never sleep in a hotel again. I would never be able to sleep at all again Yeah, that's freaking freaky, bro. Like if I woke up and there was a person just standing there watching me sleep

It's on Like you're dead Someone's gonna die. I'm killing with my hands. Yeah Killing someone with your hands so fire Yeah Wait, what? Why don't it would it would be so fire? It would be so fire. I've never killed anyone that I know of but

Like like choking someone to death that like you really want to kill is probably fire I have nothing to say No, like an intruder, right and you get them and you're fucking like jocelyn for positions like Are you guys are fighting you guys are falling over the coffee table and shit? And then like as he hits the ground you just grab this dude by his throat And he's fucking you're just choking the shit out of him, right? This guy's in your house He's trying to steal everything he's trying to kill you so you're killing him now and you get to watch this fucking Soul leave his body, right?

That's pretty fucking dope way to kill someone Okay, that's primal of shit. I mean it is I don't think I have it in me to Kill a man with my hands. Yeah, you do. I could stab a man who's intruding and trying to kill You could stab him Yeah Would you like Like after you stab them like tell them it's gonna be all right like lower them to the ground

Like a hug Shut up shut up shut up shut the fuck up. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's not okay. You're stabbing me. Yeah I love when I do that. It's okay. I'm sorry. I loved you Why would somebody yeah, how many people are gonna stab someone in movies and tell them that they love them? Yeah Why never happens in real life. Yeah Like in save and private ryan when the guy's like on top of him. He's like that was on yesterday He's like in shison. Huh? He's like

No, no, no, he's like There's a weird part in the beginning of that movie where it's like, I think it's like a priest But he's on top of someone and like in their face and like he's like looking and then he comes back and like talking into their mouths But I was like, what the fuck is that? It was mad weird That movie's fucking intense. Yeah, dude inside of the tent Inside Every time I see that movie though. I hate that the sniper gets blown up like that

Yeah, he's my dude lord. It's my shepherd It's like fraying and shit He's like, I walked through the valley and the shadow was Like shooting everybody else like this guy's the man he's got Also love the fact that like those guns in that movie when they're shooting it's like Sing and this thing just pops out It's the fucking walk man comes flying out of the fucking thing. Yeah, all right Also, I didn't I so that was on yesterday and I just

Reminded me that I had this thought. This is kind of stupid. Do you remember having telling you I've been watching a lot of animal shit Yes So this is what I thought about um Never once told me that No, no that I was watching like a bunch of like, you know Like planet earth and whatever like I crushed like our other 800 best friends Um

But um, oh Yeah, I'm giving you sassy neck. Nice That is so gay That you said that Giving me sassy neck. I am giving you sassy neck Ew Gay in it. Did you just bloge me? Event planning event plan

Gay in it So funny um sopranos quote Sopranos, um Damn, what was I talking about? Oh, oh, so I was watching like another thing and This is so fucking stupid, right? So I was watching the show about animals and then an animal just happened to be peeing All right, and in the shot and then I thought about how many animals there are in the world Okay, and I'm and then I and like birds like how many birds. Do you think there are in the world? How many birds do I think there are in the world there's probably five for every person so there's like

I don't know like a trillion about 10 years ago two scientists decided to estimate the total number of birds on the planet The number they came up with was 200 to 400 billion. Okay So we have mad animals mad people 300 billion birds the earth is covered in piss and shit Yeah Isn't that correct like I saw like a tiger peeing on that show and then I just went Yo, the whole earth is just covered in piss Like I've pissed outside. So I know that numerous people have pissed outside drunk pissed, which is like a 40 second piss

And then there's 300 billion birds in the world. They're just shit. They're fucking Covering entire continents with poop Yeah, this The earth is just covered in shit. It's just shit. It's a big toilet Have you ever had one of those peas where you have to you literally run out of breath and you have to take a deep breath Yeah Yeah, and then you have to go Dude, do you ever wake up in the morning?

Yeah, it's like some some some it's just it's so stupid No matter what you piss yourself like when you're like, okay, I'm done peeing and then dick goes wait Here's all this other pee in your pants now. My dad goes One time when I was like seven years old I was like, oh like like I got droplets of pee on my pants like I was like I shook it like I tried And my dad looks at me and he goes no matt and like literally got down on his knees Like give me this teaching moment and he goes no matter how much you shake and dance the last few drops end up in your pants Got up held my hand and we walked away

That was beautiful And I was like, okay, and it's never left me Yeah, it's so true though It's true. I've never danced I don't know I just just not our friends when it comes to that Like when girls pee when girls pee They what a what a messy pee that is by the way when girls pee it must just be like what is that? You know I'm saying it's like turning on two hoses and pointing them at each other and then it's like this is messy

See girl It's like when you put It's like when you put your finger over a hose like spray your friends with it Oh god, see girls pee and tinkle guys take pisses We take fat pisses girls just think they tinkle and pee Yeah, let me ask you a question You ever wake up in the morning and then you go to pee And your dick goes okay two streams one's going in the toilet the other's going right into the waste basket

Dude, I've had I've had triple headers and you're like, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to finger my dick hole to make sure that there's a one stream that you know? What am I supposed to do? It happened to me like I want to say within the last month that I literally went to piss and I had a triple header monster And I didn't know what to do and I just pissed everywhere I didn't I was like, yeah, I already know this is gonna be a major cleanup, but I'm just gonna piss everywhere I can't I can't do it. Yeah, sometimes it's I have to like get lower to the bowl

So I can like Not spray everywhere nothing's harder though than the double thumb press down erect penis piss It's so hard to do. It's so hard. I literally put both hands on the wall And I like point it down Oh, I've never tried that. Yeah, you make a right triangle with the wall Do you think there'll ever be a time where we don't get boners in the morning? I have some days I wake up, but I'm not boned Really?

You're boned every morning consistently every every day. I have a boner in the morning. I'm not every day like so So like you have a sleepover at your buddy. You guys are drunk You're hard in that bed. I'm waking up hard right next. I've woken up hard next to you What have you woken up next to me? Like on the couch or something or like, oh, yeah, I'm like vacation or something. Yeah, I mean Damn, you're boned every morning. Yeah, dude. I'm not I don't really maybe I am I don't know. I don't think so Dude that boner in the morning is outrageous. It's so hard. What is it's amazing, dude?

And then honestly, you've probably been hard for like five hours So you have like a mega dick like your dick's never that big It's the biggest in the morning. I think like it's so weird because When it's like REM cycle like if you watch someone sleep their eyes are just like moving like crazy Yeah, right. So, but what is your dick doing? Or like, what are you seeing? What are you seeing? What are you seeing with your eyes when you're sleeping? That's making your dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah Getting it's so hard. Imagine if your dick had a REM cycle and it would just like

just moving Like your pants it's like, yeah, it looks like there's a squirrel just loose. Oh my god Oh My god Yeah, do you think um When you sleep ever Like would you ever do a sleep study on yourself? I've been so fascinated with these Like how many times I wake up or whatever?

Yeah, yeah, like how many times you wake up or like if you talk like I want to film myself for an entire night sleeping And see what the fuck I do because I probably do weird shit I would do it to see I guess Like I don't think like those like like those electrodes to your head and shit Yeah Like I want to do that Like I want I want to be tested in a lab I mean you should don't you have like don't you snore?

Yeah, I've I've like mild sleep apnea So you should go anyway just to see you know, my dad my dad went because he has apnea. He sleeps with a mask and He went to get tested and the The doctors were like, I don't know how you're standing because Judging by the sleep you just had you got eight minutes of sleep See that's the thing like with me like I'll wake up and my chest will hurt

Like I thought losing weight was gonna help like with my apnea. I don't know. It's still the same I mean it definitely will help but but like there's nights where I wake up like I'll wake up in the middle of the night and be like What yeah like a night terror like I'll wake I'll wake myself up from snoring. Oh, what the fuck was that? Who's in here? I'm Serious you're gonna wake up with your shoe in a drawer. It was a pleasure listening to you sleep If you were say you found that but you found it by yourself The note we're talking about how quickly are you telling someone?

And are you checking your butthole? Yo, I would be if I was by myself in a hotel room and found that note I'd be so scared dude like I'd be so scared like I would think they're still there Like I would grab all my stuff and run out. Oh, yeah Like I I would be so I might even just leave all my shit Oh, you want to know there's something I wanted to revisit with you Do you remember when we did like the the questions and shit and I cried? Yes, we did the thing Where I was like if you could run out of your house and not take one thing with you and you said nothing

Yeah, is it still nothing? Well in in the For the sake of the question it was like just pick something So I said I would just take like if my phone counts. I'll take that right but like what about like now Not really no, I just don't I maybe that's right now I'm running in that fucking apartment getting that goddamn watch saying I never found it. Oh Oh, yeah Dude, I haven't even put on jeans like I forgot that I have that watch because I haven't even put on jeans

I forgot I forgot in two months too like I I don't know I don't remember anything that I have Because I wear sweatpants every day jeans are dude. Yeah, I haven't worn jeans in for eves I forgot what was great feeling one of my friends was like dude. I haven't put on hard pants in so long Hard pants hard pants is a great way to say jeans. Yeah, it's like jeans are like slacks or whatever So down here. I was like, yo, I'm not gonna get clothes. I'm not gonna bring clothes from where I live It doesn't make any sense in 90 degrees here every day. So I was like, I'm just gonna go to target I bought the entire store for 206 dollars. Yeah, I love that shit

Yeah, target's great. Yeah No plug though, they're they're not a sponsor sponsor the show though. Yeah, that'd be great. We'll get on a Sunday commercial or something Yeah, dude, I'm running into the house and taking that watch and being like do what I tried It's too hot No, yeah, I mean the I mean the box like my pants with the papers. I'm thinking of that question being like I'm thinking of that question As like is there anything that has crazy sentimental value to you that you would have to go on and get it And I just don't have that

It's wild Do you though like you're saying the watch because it's like worth money No, the watch is I've always wanted a Rolex my entire life So I was like it just means something to me Right, but is it worth your life? You know, yeah, fuck. Yeah I don't know That I I gotta get started. I'm rebuilding a house I don't know anything that I'm like

That I'm not willing to part ways with like to run into a fire and get like if some people are like All my grandpa passed and the only thing he gave me was this painting and I've kept it with me for 40 years So like I would want to take that like that I get I just don't have anything like that Like mine is just like material things that I'm like, yeah I mean you could get another one of those eventually or whatever the fuck, you know Jaw feel jammal's definitely feel Jaw feel For sure. Yeah, we blow each other or whatever

Yeah, we blow each other or whatever. I just looked over at my screen and just remembered I googled how many birds exist Oh man, I'm losing my fucking mind. Yeah, that we are Yeah, that we are I've had a couple of days where I'm just like this. Yeah, I'm not getting better I had I had some days where I was uh I was like I was like god damn it like I start to like I have a couple days where I'm Upset and I like start to lose it I'm like, uh, but I know that they come and go like for every bad day. I have like four good days

Not good days, but like days where I'm like everything's fine. Like I'm I'll be alright. I would say that I would say that and usually the bad days I have bad days for sure It's just like bad days where like I hate the feeling of that I could wake up and it's like I can't go somewhere that I could just want to freely go to See, that's the thing like I I feel like I'm adjusting to that like I feel like now I am but it was driving me bananas like and I always consider myself like an introvert But like not being able to do it has driven me fucking crazy

Yeah, I uh I I feel like I'm adjusting to that part, but it's just fucking You know what it is like you see the same exact people every single day Yeah And I'm just like oh my god and like these obviously these are the people that I love and care about but like At the same time like I need a fucking break here, which is nice for me to come back here and like just work or whatever because I don't have to constantly just

Not be alone, which would kind of drive me insane Yes, um being alone would drive me insane 100 percent But I think like I like I would hate to constantly be around people too. Like I well, I I enjoy having the contrast of like I can be alone. I can be with people, you know, whatever um But yeah for the most part I feel like I'm I'm adjusted But on the days where I just kind of sit around And just watch tv and I don't try to be productive

I don't like and that's what the only reason why the reading and running things started because it was like I just need to accomplish something like yeah me reading 50 pages is not a big deal to someone who reads books But to me I feel like I just conquered the fucking world by reading 50 pages in a day You know and like finishing a book. I'm like y'all. I'm the smartest man alive, you know and Just having that like I feel like it's important to have those things and also like running like oh, I ran 20 miles this week like I'm able to say that like that feels good like I accomplished something because of the other days that I'm not Accomplishing anything like we do the podcast and whatnot and like life goes on in that way

But my day-to-day I feel like I need to distract myself because if I can't just like go and hang out with my friends and just like kind of Escape through that and I'm gonna just sit with these thoughts forever. I'll go crazy for show Yeah for show For show 100% you know if I wasn't doing these podcasts. I don't know what the fuck I'd be doing I need to do something else. I'm gonna do push-ups today or something cry a little bit start talking Cry the other day fantastic. Did you fuck? Yeah? Love that shit Nice. It was like a happy cry

Why'd you cry? I don't know. I was thinking about like my family and stuff and then like I was thinking about like how uh I can't see them and uh, like we kind of had like a little family thing happen and then uh I don't know. I just kind of lost it. I went in the bathroom and cried through in the morning

I'm just fucking gay. Uh, anyway I Got me back. Yes got me back Oh man, um, I went in the bathroom and cried through in the morning. That's funny. Um But yeah, I think we can sort of wrap it up here. Yeah, um, it's wait one more Shit, last thing last thing last thing last thing last thing. Does Greg come into the office to do opl here? No I actually just bought I bought uh What another another zoom

bought What do I say? bought bought I said it like Yeah, I Say you bought it something. I bought something What yo you say bought I say bought

What what do you say? bought bought I don't know that The W is hard. It's a hard dub I bought bought How mad is it? How mad do you get that a w just doesn't look like this?

It's double it's two v's it's two u it's like w make it the u's make it the u Yeah, double v. It's you. Yeah um No, but I bought a new uh recording device So that he could and I'm giving him one of these mics so he could uh You know we can record that way. Yo, when do you think we'll ever be back in there? um, I would say uh

I think sooner than you I think you know, I don't think it's anything crazy I don't think that like life will be back to normal until next summer Right though Like I think they're already having discussions now it for New York City at least about not like reopening right now But starting the discussion of like how are we going to reopen? That's good. I think that sometime in July Things will start to open but bars and stuff won't right. Um, what about friends? When are friends gonna open?

I think well, that's the thing when testing is like because I think by that time testing is going to be easy Like everyone's going to be able to get a test and this everyone needs to get tested before they hang out with anybody Because if you're asymptomatic, you're gonna fuck people up Right, so once you get tested and if you've been quarantined then people are gonna feel better about you know, seeing each other and whatnot and also when you kind of done this thing where Everyone's been inside for so long

And then there's not a lot of cases coming in or there's no cases coming in at some point or whatever Then you kind of feel better about like, okay, there's no way that they would have it I have it and enough time has passed that Whatever surface it's on is probably dead now or whatever. You know, yep so I mean, I think it'll I think it'll eventually happen. I think in the summer you will be able to see each other and Whatever, but I don't think like bars

And concerts and all these things are going to be able to happen until there's a vaccine Yeah, you just be careful though because like your sister's pregnant and shit like I understand why you're mad cautious Yeah, I'm seeing my mom and shit. So yeah, yeah, yeah, but my my um You still want me in there? It's fine Yeah, that's a miss. That's a big thing. I think uh I forgot what I was gonna say. I don't know Yeah, I'm optimistic about being able to see everyone though I hope so. I miss everybody when you think about it like everything kind of went better than we had planned in a way

But also there's going there. They say it's a you know, it's a possibility that there's a second wave in in the winter Oh with the Spanish flu it was The second wave was the wave Fucked everyone I'm I'm worried. I'm worried about that though. I'm worried about the winter Yes I'm never gonna see you again

No one doesn't get a vaccine and everyone's not gonna give a fuck I hope so because I want them to shoot that shit directly into my fucking heart Yeah Like fucking umbertherm in pulp fiction just fucking jam that shit in my chest. Yeah, I'm afraid of that shit but uh Yeah, I think I yeah, I think we could wrap this up joe Yes, we can where can I find you? Um, you can find me at joe sanagato go follow the show at the baseman yard and our patrons patreon.com slash the baseman yard

Can I get on the fucking morning show? What the fuck is this? Yeah, dude, I didn't fucking call me Well, you gotta be like, you know, whatever I'll call you how about the when's the next one? Monday Tomorrow, I'll fucking call you tomorrow Okay, all right at daniel or purely on instagram and twitter make sure to go check out the stank podcast We just did a full office bracket on there, which is pretty fucking awesome

Uh stank podcast on instagram at the stank podcast. Sorry, uh youtube.com slash stank podcast me and mr. Frank alvarez movies tv Talking about everything. Um, also if you're not Uh, a patron of the baseman yard, you're not really our friend So I want you to go sign up for that and then you automatically get my friendship and uh other than that. I think we're good joe Sweet. All right. Well, that is all. We'll see you guys next time. Keep John in