The Basement Yard - #243 - Danny's Getting Circumcised

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

On this episode, we talk about Danny's possible future circumcision, TED talks, Joe's Dad not knowing how to social distance and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where do we go from here? To Lysenio! I'm feeling it! Smiling from ear to ear! I'm feeling it! Oh god, we started the show with Blake when I was two. Welcome back to the basement yard. Pop the zur. How you doing?

Which flavor are you drinking? I want one with polar today. It's raspberry lime. Raspberry lime slaps. Yeah, I'm drinking mandarin bro. So basically like Asian language. There's a flavor of polar. That's orange cream. This tastes a little creamy.

There's not cream in here. There's mandarin. It's basically like drinking a creamsicle. It's fire. This tastes like I'm drinking one of those sherbert cakes. My mom, we used to be poor. My mom would buy this

sherbert cake. And it was in the shape of a loaf of bread. And you would cut it like a loaf of bread. And it was not good. Did it ever satisfy you though? Yeah dude!

You'll eat shit that you know is bad. But it still satisfies you for some reason. If my mom said it's time for dessert and fed me you know a horse's cock I'd like it. You make it work.

You make it work. I mean just because it's dessert. And it was cake. And it was ice cream so two of the world's best things. My mom told me I used to make a deal with her at dinner. Like she'd be asking me to finish my vegetables or whatever.

And I'd be like I can't finish all these peas. And then I'd ask her to cut me a deal. Like I'd be like mom I need to make a deal. So she'd come over to my plate and she would be like alright if you eat just this amount of peas

this amount of broccoli then you can have dessert. I've been cutting deals since you were 5 years old. I've been stunting on my mom. Just stunting on your mom. But let's not forget she paid me back with that whole Alan Wang situation. And we don't have a great business relationship.

No the rapport is off. The rapport is off. We had a great business relationship. I was cutting deals about vegetables and then she went and she fucked me on the whole Alan Wang thing. Shout out Alan Wang wherever he is. He got off scot free that fucking bastard.

He probably invested that money. He's probably rich as shit now. Hell yeah. Imagine if it was Andrew Yang. And that was his pivotal business story. He's like does a Ted talk about it? Imagine

I'm running for president but I'm just letting you know the basis of my wealth is in fifth grade. I got a Charizard and a $50 dollar bill. You ever watch Ted Talks and you're like none of this

is inspiring me though. Ted Talks are so stupid. They have a million different things. Ted Talks Here's a Ted Talk Why daddy? Right daddy? Kill kill kill kill

Why daddy's that? I thought Ted Talks were strictly for like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, you know the 1% of the world and they're not. They're for like anyone now.

They have a Ted Talk about how to draw the perfect circle or something like dumb shit. Even Kid Cutty got a Ted Talk and I watched it dumb. Didn't say anything where I was like nice. He just told a story.

It's like people will always look at you. First thing they'll see how strong is your handshake. This is a story about being left handed in America. Like the fucking talking about.

Nobody wants to watch this shit. Growing up left handed. It's all a metaphor for racism. That's all it is. They say people who are left handed are also 94% more likely to be racist.

Another statistic that you should know is that Mexicans tend to be left handed. That's all I'm saying. Wait, I don't know if that was part of the little bit you were doing or if that's a true... No, no, no, no. That was a bit.

That was all a bit. All a bit. All a bit. All a bit. I'm just going to let everybody know I can't stop losing weight. Now I'm starting to get afraid. Wait, what? I'm like 220 pounds now. Little concerning just because

you've been telling many stories about running to 7-Eleven to get pop tarts, which don't really factor into weight loss too much. Well, that was the last of it. I said no more bums, no more pop tarts. I ruled them all out. I'm cold turkey, I'm bums.

I weeded everything out. I weeded everything out. But this place down here, public, shout out, publics, send me some stuff too, publics, what the fuck. Oh, I thought they sent you some stuff. I'm like, what? That's a major supermarket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I have like a public's

stuff, which is cool, but I want more stuff. Um, they have this thing where you buy supermarket merch. Yeah. You bought super, super super. Super. Super.

Super. Super. Damn, dude, you're moving today. I'm like a bird. Do you ever see videos of like parakeets doing this? And they're oddly on beat too. Parrots know what's going on.

Parrots always know what's going on. Did I ever tell you there's parrots loose in this neighborhood, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen one. It sounds like pterodactyls are flying around. Like, dude, I was walking, I was about to go on my run yesterday and I go to put my headphones in and right before they get in my ears, I just hear

and I was like, yo, I was like ducking. I was like, damn, they got dinosaurs out here, man. Can we talk about the picture you posted yesterday? Oh, yes, please. Now, I know Joe.

Yeah. I know that wasn't a real picture. What? Like, no, no, no, like, like, like, you didn't mean to post like you were like jokingly posting that picture, right? I didn't wait. What? The one where you're like,

Oh, I know the picture. Right. Were you joking? You were joke. That was a joke, right? Oh, no, no, no. That was serious. Oh, dude, as serious as cancer. All right. Josh, if you make this into a clip,

can you please throw this picture in there? This picture was so add a character for you. I loved it because I'm all about the flex train. I love flexing hard. Well, I wasn't really flexing. Oh, you were flexing. It was a power stance and said five miles. You were all fucking wearing the same clothes

and shit. What? I'll tell you this right now. You want to know how sick I am? You want to know how sick of an individual I am? That was a five mile run, right? To get to that point was 2.7 miles where I was.

I knew at like 1.2 miles where I was going and what was going to happen when I got there. Yeah, really? Premeditated pick. I do have to say Frankie has one of the best

comments I've ever seen. I love you, but this sucks. Dude, I love you, but this picture sucks so much. Oh, man. Listen, you're trying something different. Dude, first of all, let's not ignore the fact that although obviously it's a very douchey picture.

What a picture. What a picture. It's a very nice picture. It could be in a magazine. I'm not going to say that it can't be, but it's got douche written all over it. And I'm the king of posting douchey pics. Well, yeah.

Takes one and no one. Would you consider yourself a douche? Outwardly, yes, but inside of me, no. You know you're not a douche, but you have no problem being portrayed as a douche. I think that sometimes we all have times where we're like, you know what?

I think I'm just going to flex my arm in this for no reason. Let's get real personal on here. All right, let's go. All right, we're going to go basically. Have I ever posted a picture on Instagram where you're just like, what is he doing?

Most of your pictures. And I would say 87% of your Instagram stories as well. It's just like Danny buys a new pair of shoes and he's like, I'm just going to fill me stepping out of this Uber. Like what the fuck is going on?

Flexing so hard. No, because you want to know what it is. It's like I do this thing with Joe. I like to see which pictures of mine he likes. And I know he sees all my pictures. I know he does. I'm going to go through them right now.

And he doesn't like any pictures. So, all right. No, no, no, let me finish. Let me finish the question. A Joe like is equal to 10,000 likes. So, you know, if you really

get Joe's swoon enough to be like, oh, damn, that's a cool picture. You know what I'm saying? Like, I took a really cool picture in a Santa Gato Studios sweatshirt with blue lighting outside of the Cleveland Art on Ocean Drive. I said, this is getting a Joe. This is getting a Joe one.

For sure, fucking days. Days I waited for this like, it never fucking came. So, now I'm just under the impression that Joe's just never going to like my pictures again. I like Joe's pictures all the time. I thought, I thought. I haven't liked a picture of yours.

I come scroll back. Oh, here we go. April 25th. Hasn't liked one of my pictures since April 25th. It's almost fucking June. If it wasn't a picture, it was a video of this. This quarantine is making me so fucking horny. That's what I like. See, you know, it's a...

I'm not a big likeer. The things that I like are usually like sports clips and shit, but I just kind of just... I used to take it immensely personally. Yeah, well, what else? Yeah. If you guys don't know, I'm the most sensitive person

on the planet. Do you think I'm overly sensitive? I think I am. I think I am for sure. No, I don't think you're overly sensitive. How could you fucking say that? Because, yeah, well, never mind. I'll take it back. No, I... I think that you're dead for sure sensitive. I'm moody as shit.

Huh? I'm very moody. But here's the thing. I don't think you overanalyze things, which I find more annoying than anything. When people overanalyze situations that bothers me beyond belief. But, like, you don't do that.

But you're just... I guess you're just sensitive. But I don't really feel like... You're not that sensitive, because if you were, then I would feel like I can't say certain things to Danix because he has to react a certain way or this and that. I don't feel that way. But certain people, you're like, I can't even fucking bring this up

because they're gonna lose their minds. Oh, my brother Mike's like that. Is he? Yeah. Fucking... Fucking fireball cannon. Love Mike to death. Love him to death. Yo, Mike, what's up? Your shoes look a little dirty. Your fucking face is dirty.

I'm like, God damn, bro. Like, whoa, man. Your mother's dirty! Same mom, duck. Same mother. Yeah, let me ask you a question, by the way, I... So I went and saw my new nephew.

Obviously, I'm an uncle now. And thank you. Congrats on all the work. On all the work, yes. But... So we went and saw the kid and we were like, we stayed far away, like, whatever, blah, blah, blah.

I mean, they say it's a boy, I don't know, because I haven't seen his penis. And, you know, I don't... I'm not ready to say anyone's a boy until I see their penis. That's just how I do things, so I don't know. I need to see that cock. Right, but then I started like, think, and then while we were there,

my cousin texted a picture of his kid to my brother. Okay. And their baby was naked, right? And now, I just want to know, here's my question, how do you feel about naked babies?

Naked babies are fine. Listen, I grew up around a lot of babies, so I saw a lot of naked babies. And then I worked with children, and I saw a lot of naked children. Yeah. How old were these children that you were working with? You were teaching them how to swim.

You were also seeing their penises? Yeah, you ever see a kindergarten or a first grader try to put their fucking pants back on after swimming in a pool? No, I haven't, Danny. It's kind of hard. Naked kids all the time. I saw naked children all the time, so it doesn't really bother me.

So, did you check out your nephew's dick? No, that's what I'm saying. I haven't seen his penis. I don't know anything about him. You think he's got a rod on him? I don't know. He's got big feet, so I'm worried. Oh, he's probably got huge balls, too. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to know. Thank God, he was covered.

He was like a blanket. He was all wrapped up. I was like, I can't see a pair of fat balls right now. I just killed my confidence. Can I ask a personal question? Yeah. Is he circ? Yeah, he's circed. I thought we had another one.

No, no, no. Keep it in the family. Now I got another crazy question, though. Cue all the people in the comments now. You mutilated the stuff! Why'd you do that? It's not a tradition of mutilation! Listen, my nephew, my family's dick, we'll cut it if we want.

Yeah. My family? I'll cut the kid's head off if I want. But I go to jail for that. You would. Also, if you cut your nephew's penis, I'm sure you would go to jail, too. Not unless I had a certification. Because I don't know if you know this,

but they do make circumcision practice kits that you could buy online. They're $300 and you do circumcisions. We should get that and do a video. And do a Santa Clara Studios video. That'll be the first one back. Who's the best at circumcising? No, it's not going to be you.

No, I have no prior knowledge. I would wonder how painful it would be to get cirque now. Dude, someone's cutting yikak. Would you pay for my cirque? How much is it?

I don't know. It would probably be free with the insurance you got. My insurance would probably be $5 million. My insurance covers everything. Thank God. But think about it, it's not a lot of skin, so it can't cost that much. Hey man, what are you trying to say?

I'm saying no one's got a dick big enough that the skin is just going to be like it's a four hour surgery. I think you put someone under and you can snap with them. Not that black kid on your track team. He was on my track team. Yeah, there was a black kid on my football team in high school.

He got circumcised while we were in school. Yeah, because this fucking dick was stretching that hood to the max. I haven't seen his penis. I don't know if he's a boy. I really wonder how long the recovery is. It's like an outpatient procedure. Yeah, I don't know. I have no idea.

You ever take PPs and a little part of your tubey stings? I'm sorry, you want to say that so I understand what you're saying? Have you ever taken a pee and at the end of the pee your pee hole stings a little bit? My ureth?

I think this soap is getting into my hole and it's funneled down there so every time my pee pass it, it hurts. Wait, so you're just burning peeing right now? No, no, no, no, no. It's not burning peeing. It's the end of a pee.

The end of the pee just feels a little weird. Maybe I have a UTI or some shit. So the final drip hurts? Yeah, final drip H. The final boss. But it's not like, it's just like a little like, oh, okay.

Have you ever had a UTI? I have and it feels like that. Yeah, so I think I'm UTI. Maybe it's just irritated. I'm afraid to go to the doctor because I don't want them to be like oh, you have like a kidney stone in there. You wouldn't feel that at the tip of your penis.

You would feel that like in your body. No. It's a kidney stone. You wouldn't feel it in the tip of your penis because it would be out. No, it's not in the tip of my penis. It's more at the base of my schlong dong. Oh, it's like underneath.

Yeah, it's like right where the pee performs. Like about to come out of my hole. Like the drain. Wait, on your tip? No, not on my tip. Where is this pain? At the base of my cock.

We're talking against where your pubis is. Like where my balls meet my cock. Oh! Yeah. I'm afraid I have a kidney stone. I don't think you have a kidney stone.

A kidney stone would be way more painful. Yeah. Or maybe they're just small and they're just like and I could have sworn to God I peed the other day and something came out of my penis and went down the drain. I swear.

I thought this up. I don't know if I thought this up in my brain because I can manifest things. But I was like, ah, that was kind of strange. And then I felt something hit the water that wasn't water. It was an inanimate object. And I believe

that it came from my peen. So you're pissing seeds. I think I'm pissing seeds. Like I'm just shooting little fucking pomegranates out. Dude, did one of these homeless guys do like suck your dick or something? I think the spit traveled from my back down my crack through my gooch

into my pee hole. Yeah. Because that's what it sounds like. That's the only thing I could possibly think of right now that would be. And everyone's going to be like, oh, Danny has a sexually transmitted disease. No, I don't. I've been highly tested in many labs

by many, many, many dudes. Many men. You know how hard it is to get SCD in a quarantine? Dude. I would have to... It's easier to get Corona than an SCD right now. Probs. Yeah.

How's New York doing with Corona? I mean, I don't know. I'm not like checking the streets. No, they're not like, it's Cuomo coming on. I'm talking shit. I've distanced myself from the news because I don't want to... Whatever. I don't like thinking about it.

Not that I don't like thinking about it. It's the same thing every day. It's like, you know, the schools, the hospitals, and I'm like, I... Just tell me when I can go get drunk at a place. What was the question you wanted to ask me though? It was how you feel about about naked babies because...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For me, I'm like, look, my brother's baby, there's only one degree of separation there, right? So like, I don't mind that baby being naked. I'm like, if I go to my cousin's house

and their baby runs through the house and they're just you know, swinging their little bee-stained penis everywhere, I'm gonna feel a little weird. Why? I don't know, and not that I'm sexualizing it because I don't want, you know, I'm with these fucking people either

over here being like, well, you know, I'm not, you know, I'm not doing that. But I'm just saying for a second when I see someone who's naked, I go, uh, wait, what's going on? You know? Are you hacking the Pentagon? What are you doing over there? No, I'm actually, I'm bringing up, I'm trying to find how much it costs to get

circumcised. Price of adult CERC. You don't have to look it up because no one's getting it. Oh, listen, adult or cosmetic circumcision

is not covered by your health, so it's probably not. Adult circumcisions prices are from 1,500 to 3,000. Easy. I'll do it. You'll pay for me to get circumcised? 100%.

I'll do it. As soon as all this is over, I'll go get circumcised. Are you willing to part with your hood? Yeah, why not? Wait, so if I pay for your circumcision, you will get it. Yes, I will shake the block and I will get my circumcision done.

This is incredible. Let's do it. You're going to slice up that ham. Yeah, if you'll pay for me to get circumcised, I will go in there and get circumcised. You don't even know the recovery time or anything like that. Let's look it up. Wait, do you have any interest in being circumcised?

I don't want to mutilate you. I don't want to push you out of some mutilation. If there's no valid medical reason, it's $1,000. Easy. Yeah, dude, that's fucking... Patreon.com

It's getting to these ads. It's getting to these ads. Let's get this fucking dick. Oh, I got it. We'll do this. I'll get circumcised and then you get my hood put on your dick. Now we're talking.

The old switcheroo. No, right now, currently on Patreon, we have 2,474 patrons. Okay. Okay. If we get 4,000, right, if we get 4,000 patrons,

Danny's going to get circumcised. 100% down. I'm floored by this, honestly. I'd be terrified. If we get 4,000, I'll let them circumcise my cock. Guys, please,

go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and sign up. If I was you, I would sign up for the second tier. It's $10 and I do the morning meeting and Danny's going to be doing some content. I haven't told him yet.

He's going to be doing some content on there. But there's a lot of content on here. You get every episode a week early. Danny's going to get circumcised. So we're trying to hit 4,000 patrons. If that... 4,000 patrons,

I'll cut my weeder. I am so floored by this. I'm just saying, listen, I've never grown up ever being like, I'm uncircumcised, it's gross.

I rock with my shit. But for the love of the game, I'll get snipped. I'll get snipped. I'm just shocked. I think it's one of those things. When can you return? You should be able to return to work

or school shortly after the procedure since the discomfort is slight. It can be trolled by over-the-counter pain medications. Dude, I'm getting my fucking dick snipped, cus! Fuck it. What is this? Are you kidding me? Are you down? 100%.

I'm not doing anything. 4,000 patrons, I will get circumcised. Guys, please, for the love of God. 4,000 patrons. So like I said, we're at 2,474. 4,000 patrons, Danny.

A grown 30-year-old man. 31. 31-year-old man is going to get circumcised. Yep. And look, the anesthesia is... It won't affect my fertility. Will it affect my sexual pleasure?

No. What kind of anesthesia will be used if they have to put me under? I'm not doing it. The surgeon will either utilize local anesthesia to numb the area or general anesthesia. They're going to numb that pain? Yeah, just let them numb my cock.

As long as I don't want to go under. Cus I'm afraid I won't wake up. How to prepare for adult circumcision. Tell your medications you were taking and follow doctor's instructions or what to stop taking before the procedure. What to expect during and after adult circumcision. Circumcision is safe.

The procedure is minor. What tools are involved? Oh my God! You can't look at the tools? You're going to back out. I need my tools. Better shit. I'm sure it's like a saw, a scissor. A sharp tool is used to cut away the foreskin.

Searchers are used to close the edges. And various other tools are used to administer the chosen anesthesia. What medications are involved? Over the counter. They make it sound like a layup. Alright, now we're into the risk

and complications of adult circumcision. Here we go. As with any other surgical procedure, there are risk associated with circumcision. But complications are rare and risks are easily minimized. Some scarring is possible, but then I have a battle-hardened dig. However, scarring can be reduced

using common plastic surgery techniques. If I have to have any follow-up surgery, you have to cover it, dude. You have to cover it, brother. Cover it, dude. Alright. What are the potential rewards or benefits of adult circumcision? There are reported health benefits to circumcision,

including improved hygiene, decreased risk of urinary tract infections, which I might have one right now. I'm helping your dick health. Decreased risk of sexually transmitted diseases and decreased risk of penile cancer. Note, these are beneficial, but these benefits are controversial.

Your urologist can help you weigh in with benefits and risks. And also, if you think I'm just going to some fucking Chinatown urologist, you are sadly mistaken. I'm going to the Dr. James Andrews of dick cutting. Yeah, I mean, I would too. Yeah, man. I'm not kidding at all.

I will do this for us. I'm honestly... I don't want to be a part of this. Yeah, you do. I don't want to be held responsible for this. No, you wouldn't be held responsible. It's just fiscally you'd be responsible. I'll say this.

I was joking. And Danny's thinking it seriously. So I don't want to be held responsible for a joke I made. No, no, no. Yeah, of course. If you will pay for me to get circumcised, I'll be in and out, bang bang. It sounds like it's like getting a cavity filled.

That's... Honestly, I think probably getting a cavity filled is probably more painful. Maybe, man. Maybe. There's going to be like sutures? Is it sutures or sutures? I don't know, but yo, can you imagine that at some point

you're going to have a different dick than you've had for 31 years? Yo, that's the ultimate flex. I'm great at my shit. Yo, motherfuckers out here buying chains, buying whips, buying kicks. I bought a new dick, motherfucker.

And I bought it for... I bought my boy's new dick. I dropped the hood on my shit. I turned my dick into a convertible cut. Drop top dick, drop the top on him. You know what I'm saying? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to pull my skin back to pee.

I'm tired of having three streams. I go back. I'm tired, man. Quicker showers. I'm ready to rock. Dude, I... I cannot believe this. Dude.

Also, I make too much money now to be on circumcised, I think. Yeah, you've got to be closer to Jewish. Yeah, I've got to be closer to Jewish. I'm not going to convert. It takes too much. You've got to read. I'm shit. But I heard if you get circumcised,

your credit goes up 200 points. That's a fact. Yeah, so I'm ready for that. This is insane. I'm down, bro. 4,000 patrons. I'm with it. Guys, 4,000 patrons. So here's the thing.

If I'm going to be held responsible here, so are you guys. So we're all going to earn this. We're all getting something out of this. We're getting 4,000 patrons. Danny's getting a new sleek dick. Oh, my God. I'm going to fucking love my cock, bro.

I love my dick now. Like, I have a very pretty penis. Like, I've been told. It's very pretty. But, if it was just a little bit off the top sleeker, tightened it up a little bit, I think we could really shake the block.

Like, change the game. That's like, with me, I think that, taking my next step towards, you know, in hotness, when I started getting, like, fades. So, like, you're just getting your first fade. Yeah, I'm just getting a high top fade on my cock.

Yeah. This episode's fucking insane. The fuck is going on right now? What is happening? All right, so listen. Minigolf, you backed out. Didn't dye your hair. But I did something.

I didn't run the mile. Yeah. If this happens, we cannot back out. No, we can't, because now there's money involved. Yeah. And I'm willing to do it. I'm willing to do it.

And I will tell you, it's a win-win for everyone. I get cleaner dick. You lose a little money, but you save a friend's life. I gain? I gain so much from this. You have no idea.

The fact that I could say that I petitioned my way into getting my friend's dick circumcised is, I mean, and the Jewish community is just absolutely going to be, you know, I'm going to look like a hero.

They're going to be elated. We're going to be Jew heroes. Oh, my God. They're going to be so fucking happy. So we're 30 minutes in 20 minutes hammering out a deal

to get my penis circumcised. That's how you do business. Let's get down to business, all right? Let's figure this shit out. But you brought up your mom earlier, right? Hold on, I need to get to the edge. I'm going to go take one last

look at my penis. I got to see it. A part of my dick is going to be gone, dude. I think I'm going to keep it. I'm going to get it bronzed or dipped in gold and put it on a chain. Okay, I'll say this. Or make my foreskin into a pinky ring?

What? Okay, that is gross. But it'd be fire, though. That's an ultimate flex. You can keep foreskin, by the way. Yeah, I think. Please tell me your brother kept steels foreskin. No, no, no, no. But I think that you can keep it

because I feel like in a movie they had that. Was it you that read the thing that the rabbi sucks your dick after you get cut? Yeah, rabbi suck penis. I don't know if they still are sucking penis. If this rabbi tries to suck my cock, don't be tight. Well, rabbi's not going to cut your dick. A doctor's going to cut your dick.

I want the doctor to be Jewish, though. Because you're going to know. That I can't promise you won't try to suck your penis. If the doctor's Jewish, he's going to know how to cut that dick. I'm not going to some Puerto Rican doctor because all of us are walking around unsnipped. All right?

Okay, I could do it for you. I could do it. He said take a little bit. I could take a little bit. I could take a little bit off the top, but if you want the size to come in, I'm going to have to call someone else to do that for you, my friend. I think it'd be all right, though. But yeah, all I know is that rabbis used to suck those

penises back in the day as some ritual to suck the blood out of the baby and, you know... What gay rabbi wrote that in there? Yeah, man. They're like, all right, let's make this. It's like, all right, these are the rules. And then one rabbi is like,

we should have to suck the peckles. Just a little bit so they don't bleed all over the place. That's just my two-piece. That's my two-piece. For the Lord. Dr. Gabowitz wants to suck the baby's leaners.

How did that one get published in the Torah or wherever? Oh, my gosh. Get to the ads, and then I got to tell you about my mom. Yeah, yeah. But guys, all jokes aside, the Patreon, you get every episode a week early. You get,

you know, every morning or around every single morning. We have the morning meeting segment. It's like 15 to 20 minutes. You get content every day. You get more stuff to it. Which Joe won't let me on for some reason. No, that's not true.

I think he's very comfortable. I think he wants us to be his own thing. I don't. I literally, we're going to have a conversation. I forgot to have it with you beforehand, but we're going to have a conversation where there's going to be more content on the Patreon. I want to be there.

Not only will you guys get more content, but you're going to be a driving force for a man getting circumcised at 31. Okay. Or maybe honestly, he's going to be 32 in circumcised,

which makes it even funnier. Because it's going to have to wait. We're in a quarantine. We're going to have to wait. We're going to have to wait. I'm down. Can you imagine they're like, what made you decide to get this?

I don't know. I was told I had a pretty dick, but now I want like a hot dick. Now I want a gorgeous gorgeous penis. Oh my God. I wonder if I have to get hard. I don't think so.

Probably make it easier though. If you're ripping something, you tighten it. I think they could just pull the skin. I don't think they need you to yank your peep. You know. What are you doing? Are you trying right now? No, I'm thinking of if I'm going to feel anything.

I'm going to feel something. But I just want to maybe make a key chain out of it. Swing it around my finger. What you do with your now severed fucking four skins up to you, buddy. Yes. Yes!

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liquidiv.com use the promo code basement 25% off, okay? Boom. All right. All right, cool. So I had a dream last night. And it was like a regular normal dream at first, like nothing like, too,

like, oh, I have to remember this. But the one part of my dream I do remember is that I'm flipping through an old Playboy magazine, right? And I get to the center fold, and it's my mom. And I'm like, oh,

my god, what the fuck is happening? What is this? What's going on? So I see my mom's tits. So I see my mom's tits and I fucking flip out. I go, oh my god. This is fucking disgusting. It was like

from the 70s. Because my mom was a Playboy center fold model. And I'm calling everyone in my family in my dream. Even people that aren't in my family that I've never met for some reason, they're in my family. I'm like, Uncle Jerry, like there's no Uncle Jerry. I'm like, did you fucking know this about my mom?

And he was just like, yeah, like everybody knew like your mom did that. I was like, I didn't fucking know I did this. And then I went to my mom and I confronted her, right? And I'm arguing with my mom. And my dad's like, he's like, she was a woman let her do what she wants.

And I told my dad. My feminist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my feminist dad even made it into my dreams. And he was like it's your mother's business. What do you care? And all I remember is me looking at my dad and going, I saw my mom's tits. And then I woke up.

Damn, dude. Yeah. I saw my mom's tits in my dreams last night. I mean, at least it wasn't hustler. He would have saw like crazy stuff. Yeah, yeah. My dad would have been in it too if it was hustler. Yeah, there's some sex going on. So this is what

brings me up. Go, go, go. No, no, no, go ahead. What would you do if you found out your mom was like a porn star? I'm talking about like kids now, like if someone came to you, it's like, you know, like, you know, your mom's like, well, the thing is everyone's a porn star now. Basically, everyone's got a fucking only fans. There's like the kid with

the long neck, the skinny kid with the long neck on Instagram. It's kind of these. It's got the only thing as a count. I got to get on there. It's fucking people online. It's crazy. Once something becomes a fad, people are just like, I'll just I'll do it like whatever it is.

And like to the point where now it's like they're making amateur porn. There's only fans slap like that though. I'm not paying for fucking porn, dude. No, but like, but that's the thing like dude, there are girls who have large followings like millions

of followers on Instagram, right? And if you think about it, right, if you like some some women don't give a shit if people see their tits or see their like naked photos or anything like that. And at that point if you gain such a mass following on Instagram, like

I mean, dude, good for you. Like only fans like where people are like, I'll pay $15 a month to fucking tits to see your tits. And you're like, I don't really care. Like I'm comfortable in my body. I don't really care. And like I think I look great and whatever. And they make millions of dollars. Millions of dollars.

Could you date someone with an only fans? Yeah, I mean, I feel like if you if it's not secret and it's like whatever I mean, you're asking me right now. Like I don't really know anyone that who is really like that.

Really? I know one person who dates somebody with an only fans. Yeah, I don't I don't know. But I think that seems to do okay with it. I'm cool. I couldn't date someone who's like getting, you know, pounded on camera. Like if they're like a porn star

or something like that. But like if they just feel like, you know, I'm free with my body and whatever, like who am I to tell them what they are going to do with their body or who they should like, you know, whatever. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, post your pictures or whatever. I think I would have a problem with like, masturbation

videos. Like that's what I'm saying. Like just maybe like tip pics are cool. Like if it's like artistic shit, I guess. But like, you know there's a difference of like there's nothing wrong with the

female body. Like if you want to have your tits out, have your tits out, go crazy. Like there's nothing wrong with that. But sexualizing it where it's like masturbation videos is like heavy stuff. Yeah, it's heavy. So it's like that's that's a different thing than just being like comfortable with both your body. It's like, you know, what about

oily tip rubs? And then they do this one. They always do this one. Yeah, I mean like I said, I think I'm not one of those dudes who's very like no one can talk to our

you know, some people are very possessive. Like I'm not possessive. This isn't my property. It's like you live your life. Do what the hell you want to do. Um, but like I said, I think that once it becomes like sexual acts, like she's like, you know, sucking a dildo or something. I'm like, Jesus,

this is too much here. My mom's watching this. Yeah, like, Christ for $15 and all that is like, come on. Yeah, yeah, at least bump it up to 30 and suck that fake dick. Give me 10%. I'll promo it. You know, one time speaking of like

wait, in this dream, did you find the playboy? Yeah, I found it. So I found a playboy once in my dad's drawer. Nice. Yeah, and it was nice. And if you think I didn't go back to visit that a couple nights, I did. All right. So I don't know what I was

looking for. I think I was looking for a pair of socks. So I went in my dad's sock drawer and he's always a pair of tits. Yeah, and I found a puss. This is what happened. No, but I found a pair of tits. But I went into my dad's sock drawer and he always wore these big ass socks

and I was like, where I can't wear these. These will come up to my fucking thighs. So I was searching for smaller socks, you know. And then I get to the bottom and I see this green magazine. I'm like, what is this? So I pull it out and you just see Naomi Campbell's and her fucking hard nipples

laying on the cover. Hershey kiss nips. Oh, so dark and nice. Nice. Yeah. Oh, man. It's funny because it's true. Yeah, no. I've seen that. Yeah.

I think it's like a very famous edition of it or whatever. But yeah, it's a collector's item. My dad was a collector. But I remember I was just sifting through that thing and just, you know, just just pulling just pulling my penis sometimes.

Remember, you know, jerking off the magazines. I might go back to that. I haven't seen a magazine in so long, dude. I see them in like bodegas and they're so old. Or you see like the National Enquirer. It's like, oh, Tom Cruise fucked an alien and you're like, well, this isn't real.

I remember one time I was a kid and I was looking for like a game informer magazine. So I went with my mom and it's like a comic book shop at like Slash Bodega in our old town and it had a game informer. I was looking for

I would always get game informers to see what video games are coming out. This is before the Internet. Yeah. And I see a magazine that says Busty Babes Busty Beavers. Lovely. And I pull it out and there's this woman with these big fat tits.

Oh, yeah. Big fat tits. And the biggest fucking bush I have ever seen. Yeah, man. They used to love the bush of magazines. Oh, bush and hard. And I'm talking like, you know how like they'll clean it up like towards like the top

like this shit was square. Circular. Yeah. It's like a Minecraft character. Yeah, yeah. And I was just like, oh my God. I'm just seeing that and being like this is this is what I'm going to have to do. I'm going to have to get this magazine at some point. So I actually went back to attempt

to steal the magazine couldn't couldn't pull off the ocean 11. Remember when you would steal shed as a kid and everything was like an ocean 11 like type heist. Yeah. It's like Frankie, you would watch the door. It's like Keith, you fake by the distraction clerk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you do it and then you get outside like that scene in Fight Club after they like cut balls off or whatever. And they're like, yeah, nice. You go that way. Go that way. Split up the only successful oceans 11 porn magazine job we ever did. It was me, my brother, Mike and this kid, Joe Shuck

where we grew up and we stole the China Playboy when it came out. We were huge. Oh God, it's got to steal that. Yeah. So the collectors item. So we were just like, you know, we got to steal this China magazine

and we stole it. We pulled it off. Mike was watching the door. This kid, Joe distracted the clerk. I swiped it bounce. We went under the boardwalk and looked at it together. It was cool. And then we rotated days where people could have it and me and Mike had the same stash

spot for where it was. Like, you'll listen, it's right here under the third tile in the ceiling because we had we had like office tile in our basement. So we used to put it up there and like that's how I would know my brother was jerking off if I would go to get it and it wasn't there. Nice. And vice versa.

But yeah, we pulled that one off fucking proud of that heist. Yeah. Yeah. We used to have so there was a thing that we had, you know, speaking of jerking off the magazines, not well, hold on. There used to be a garage at the top of my block, right? We have the alleyway

that's like the back of everyone's houses. Yeah. And then you go up to the top and there was a garage there. Now, if you walk and it's it's just like made out of like stone. So in the back of it, though, it was like a like in the alleyway, there was a

parking space, right? And then the garage is in the front, like on the street. So if you go into the into the driveway to the left in between the next house and this garage was a small space, right? That was like maybe

this wide that you could fit through. So we would just fucking sideways get in there and there was a crack because of erosion, right? We're talking about the earth here and we stuffed the magazine in there. Oh, I thought you guys went there to jerk off.

Well, we went there and we put a Playboy magazine there. So sometimes you go back and you know, I don't know if anyone jerked off there. I know that I didn't jerk off because I was afraid. Yeah. What are you guys fucking jerking off in the Blair Witch House? That's literally it was yes. It was it would be like jerking off

in like under the deck of one of those old Georgian homes. It was like a crawl space. Would you have you ever jerked off in pub? No, like by myself? Yeah.

No. Nah, me neither. You've jerked off like in your car or something? In my car? Hell yeah. What? Yeah, dude, I've jerked off in my car. You've mobile

beat it? No, not while driving. I've pulled over and I've jacked off. Well, of course. That's like this thing. You did that? No, but I'm saying it's driving and jerking. You never jaded in your car? No, I

never jerked in my car. Dude, it's awesome. The rush? Yeah, it's the rush of getting caught. That's what the comment is. It's not sexual. Yeah, but it's the rush. Right, but like, where do I you know, there's a thing that happens at the end of jerking off?

Yeah, yeah. It's a situation. It's more about the chase. Yeah, but I'm not being, yeah, okay. Chased by the law? Yeah, you gotta live a little bit. Jerk off outside once. It's gonna change your fucking life. I don't know why I'd ever have to.

Have you ever jerked off on a beach? What? No. Dude. You jerked off on a beach? Yeah, dude, but I was like 12. When I was like 12 years old, I used to go to the beach where I used to live before I moved here in sixth grade. I remember going to the beach one night

and just jerking my thing. It actually sounds, it was that night? It was that night and it was peaceful as shit. You hear the waves crashing? Waves crashing. I'm coming. I'm just looking up. Stars. You ever see stars while you come, bro? That I have.

It's life changing. I've had sexual relations outside. I've seen stars. I've heard crickets. I've gotten the country nut off. You know what I mean? This is a big episode for me.

I think I might have a UTI. I think we talked about your dick most of this episode. I'm getting circumcised apparently. Well, definitely. And then, yeah, I jerked off on a beach when I was in sixth grade. Never forget it. I think I fucking cried after.

I mean, hey, that's a very, you know, that's a monumental moment. And you said you've never been caught jerking off, right? Not to my knowledge. I've been caught jerking off, but just no one brought it to my attention. So how'd you know you got caught? Because my mom walked in and stared at me

for like two seconds and then just shut the door. And it just happened that I don't remember, but I feel like I would. So that's why I say no. You suppressed it. Well, it's like, when you're a kid, you think you're full and you're parents, and they're like this fucking idiot, but I don't know if they knew.

I've said this before. Think about how rare it was for us to have the house to ourselves, how rare it was. Yeah, I would have to like fake sick. And that's when I would take advantage, and I would just be absolutely slamming this thing. Oh my God, full volume too? See, I would never do that because I started

to get worried about the neighbors hearing because the houses in New York are connected. If I had a single house where it was just just my house and then there was some yard in between houses, I would have been blasting porn on like a Bluetooth speaker or something like a Beat's Pill.

Just fucking Latin it reverberate. Have you ever planned to jerk off? How far in advance are we talking where it's like a plan? Like basically like you know you're leaving an establishment to go jerk off. Like this is the first thing

I'm going to do as soon as I get home is fucking jerk off. Like literally you're saying bye to people? Like you're dapping people up and you're like all I know is that first thing I'm doing when I'm going home is coming so hard. The last, this happens so much

because whenever I go on a vacation with all of my guy friends not jerking off in that house. So when we're at the airport I'm like yo guys, see you later. Don't text me for the next hour. I need time to get home put my things down

take a shower. You know what I'm saying? See I feel like guys masturbating is like gross to people and girls masturbating is like a beautiful thing it's like a magical moment. You know it's like

this magic moment. Yeah it's just like oh like they're exploring themselves like us we're just discussing just smacking our dicks around. Well they are exploring they have to excavate, they have to go inside and kind of figure out what's going on right? Well not always. Some of them stay on some of them stay on the surface

but some of them do enter the earth's crust Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But for us we're just pulling a you know a pulling a lever. They're over there, they gotta dig they gotta you know they gotta play around. There's a lot, there's a lot. It's a different thing. They're digging, we're pulling different category of masturbation

I think that's why guys get a bad rap. I think also we get a bad rap because like I think we think about gross or shit or like like I feel like women are like kind of like in their own head when they do it like obviously women watch porn

but like they're in like their own head about like maybe like more of this sensation I wonder if girls are thinking about getting like railed Of course I think so. I believe that Yeah, what else would you think about? Like I don't know people just like the sensation maybe like like smells

like oh my god fresh laundry smell even though I do like that smell Yeah, dude, I could jerk off the fresh laundry Oh, yeah, I could too just the feeling of like yo you ever had like did your mom ever do this where she does the laundry but she takes all of the laundry like

fresh out of the dryer and puts it in the living room and does it in the living room while watching like Oprah dude, I used to just take the laundry that was like super warm and just pour it on my body and just feel that warmth. I felt like I pissed my whole body it felt so good Something that's super warm and smells super good

it doesn't get any better than that food, clothes candles gasoline Well, I don't know if I could jerk off the gasoline Do you think gasoline is the best smell ever I know we did a thing about smells on this show

No, no, it's not it's a good smell but I think the reason why people like I love gasoline because gasoline is unusual it's not typically categorized as a nice smell but people enjoy it for some reason

so I think they just like play that up Do you think? I'm sorry I like coconut coconuts fire I like I have a coconut shampoo in there and it smells so fucking good Do you think or vanilla

Yeah vanilla, vanilla, yeah vanilla fucks, I love that shit I love that shit, love the fuck out of it the other thing I love the fuck out of too is every time I go it's like a bakery yeah, fresh pastries

and you smell fresh pastries fresh you smell fresh fresh pastries oh my god speaking of pastries say fresh pastries five times fast don't do this to me Joe

fresh pastries, fresh pastries, fresh pastries I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try, ready? fresh pastries, fresh pastries, fresh pastries, fresh pastries those four fresh pastries there you go fresh pastries, fresh pastries, fresh fresh pastries, fresh pastries, fresh pastries

for pastries for pastries for pastries what were you gonna say about pastries? oh by the way yeah I love pastries you know what I was watching the other day remember that old video that woman who was like

go to the judge and get some fudge you know what you never seen the video of that woman go to the judge and get some fudge she's like are you MD DM and that guy's like do you know about Twitter

she's like yep, you never seen that oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah she's like go to the judge and get some fudge did we ever find out what was wrong with that woman I don't know man she probably drank a lot of Mountain Dew MD and the guy goes my dick what were you gonna say about pastries

oh um I haven't been able to have any I had a crème brûlée though the other day I was slamming I love a crème brûlée she was fired too, she was all fired yo there's nothing better than a torch ah

when you're like burn it when did we start burning food love it if I have a raw piece of meat and someone comes over and just torches it I'm like yeah give it to her I love that, I fucking love that you ever have a day where you're just like

alright I'm gonna eat healthy today but on Saturday I'm gonna get fucking gross so tell me what your healthy day of eating is then tell me what your gross Saturday is ideal

alright I know it for sure cause I've been there many a time so my biggest problem with eating healthy is not my meals because I have healthy meals my snacks are horrendous

that's how I've been losing weight I don't snack anymore I think I ate an entire package of chips ahoy cookies in less than 24 hours and I did the math 2400 calories that's not bad 2400 calories all through a day

it's not terrible that's a ton on top of everything else that I ate I ran 5 miles yesterday it was like close to 900 calories so only like a third

I ran 5 miles and 2 thirds of a chips ahoy fucking thing is still in me so I'm a piece of shit caloric deficit kids low calorie foods but if I snack healthily with just like

celery and hummus or those chickpea puffs or whatever those are healthy days and then when I'm like yo I'm turning up it's like there's a couple of things

one is like just straight like Papa John's I know it's a racist pizza they have that garlic butter and it's so good garlic butter knows no skin tone yeah it doesn't yeah so I usually do that

I'll have maybe 5 slices and then just have like all those little fucking you know cheesy bread this and that bullshit I'll probably have ice cream that day well I'm having ice cream fucking on a bad day anyway or

a lot of vodka slices okay from the pizzeria over here and a thing of their jumbo wings oh so good when it comes to jumbo wings what's your go to mine hot teriyaki every time

if I'm getting wings they have just like this buffalo shit that's fire buffalo is fantastic don't get me wrong I love buffalo wings but hot teriyaki and butter tossed fucking fried wings get the fuck out of here and then you get one of those freedom fries or a waffle fry depending on what fucking

weird state you grew up in dip that in the buffalo teriyaki sauce and you fuck oh my god eat that tonight yeah I gotta yeah fuck if I'ma get gross if I'ma get gross it's Thursday fuck it dude yo I work out in the pool now

what are you doing synchronized swimming the Morris yo you know I'm a really good swimmer I know that so I swim I do my laughs and then I have kettlebells in there I do kettlebell workouts in the pool nice yeah nice

how's your theragun it's great did you get the actual theragun or did you get the pro that's like 600 bucks no the one I got I think was like like 270 or something so it's like a legit theragun but because they have like the theragun

like portal one that's like small yeah get it oh my god theragun your tits I'm gonna gun my neck right now to see where it does yeah gun your neck yeah we're about to have auto too I also did uh

I also bought this like sleeve that you put in the freezer because I haven't had really bad shin splints on my left leg and I'm just not stretching enough to be honest with you but and my ankle mobility is trash so eventually that fucks up everything so

so I bought that so I've been icing my leg and gunning my leg and it's helped like yesterday my leg was totally fine hold on can we hear it ah ah

ah oh my god sing a t-pain song uh what's the I'm gonna buy you a drink no what was the first one oh

ready I'm sprung out to get the yo I almost I feel like I'm gonna throw up for some reason but you ever like just gunning these legs

you know what this feels like when you make mashed potatoes ah yeah that thing's just going around whoppin what what did you say okay

dude my throat feels so weird right now I just oh okay uh anyway um that's really all I have to say to you I really have much more to fucking talk to you about

yeah I think this episode has gone off the rails long enough yeah and I think uh we crushed it the only other thing uh last thing I wanted to ask you is uh I'm creating more work for myself but I don't care uh I'm gonna say did you see the video of the goats running around yes would you be terrified or would you be like this is the coolest thing I've ever seen

oh I bring on the goats I would need to try and ride one of these goats you can kill a goat like that they can they can't support no there has to be a goat that can support 220 I mean I'm sure there's a massive goat a mega goat

not a goat like a big goat uh out there that could that could hold you up but I also think that like you know I'm not trying to hurt a goat if you no but if you see a whole bunch of goats right yeah and you just and then you just fucking see me all the way in the back

on this fucking mega goat you're like this is the ultimate flex fuck getting circumcised fuck off-white sneakers riding a goat into battle through the streets of San Jose California you're killing it yeah that is that is incredible stuff

and you have a staff and like a weird fucking like poncho on and like and like a hat that like a wizard would wear killing it I'd be like damn I don't even know who that is like this magical man what the fuck

yeah that'd be dope yeah I need to ride an animal it's been too long man I haven't been in an animal first thing I'm doing when quarantine is over is going to ride a jet ski and an animal same day I need to ride an animal so bad dude like camel or something

or like horse horses they hurt your groin I'll just put up with it I just want to go and a thing moves yeah yeah I want to go whoa I just want to go

no I'd be afraid being on a horse that's sprinting I'd be so fucking scared dude I don't know how a horse is real have you ever touched a horse's head it's huge and it's solid it's granite

yeah dude anything faster than a game of thrones trot would make me shit my pants if I was on a horse and it's like I'd be like I'd be loose you know I'd be fall off but like you have to like

yeah you have to you have to do the tone you have to accept the ride yeah yeah you can't be up there otherwise you're going to be a drunk girl in Nashville trying to ride a mechanical bull you get thrown off that shit

is it funny yes but you have to ride this horse as it rides you it's a mutual ride I should have just pound my sack remember when you thought I didn't ride a horse I had to call my dad to get it verified

it's like Danny you not ride a horse because you said you were mad young and I'm like why would anyone put a small boy on a giant horse you'd put that on a pony yeah I literally just thought I saw your dad walking around the streets

you have no idea how fucking hilarious and probably possible he's wearing a NYFD shirt he looks just like your fucking dad my dad the other day called and he goes Joe listen you know

when I go to the supermarket now they have these things that you gotta stay six feet away from people I said dad we're two months into a quarantine I know like the whole world he thought he discovered this fucking

oh my god the Walmart at my house has this amazing thing I'm like dad no one can go outside you gotta get him on a morning meeting oh god it'd be the longest morning meeting in history but you gotta try and get him on there

it would be a morning fucking morning and evening yeah shout out Papa Joe yeah well I think we could wrap it up here guys again I'm going to reiterate here okay

4000 patrons Danny slices that penis whoo cuts the skin rubs the lotion on the skin I'm with it you have to come with me though I would have missed it for the world

okay I'm going to start looking into New York doctors now 2021 appointment getting ready to get sniffed yeah dude dude I'm going to have a fire dick dude yeah

I'm going to have a fire dick hell yeah bro I'm losing weight I'm getting my dick sniffed I'm fucking glowing up bro Danny 2021 the glow up season is ready glow up season is ready

well where can they follow your progress here you can follow my progress at danielopriori on instagram and twitter please make sure to go check out the stank podcast we are uploading patreon episodes every week now so that's very fun new episodes every friday on youtube youtube.com

slash the stank also check out our patreon patreon.com slash the stank podcast and join our patreon and get me sniffed up pay for my dick pay for my dick so ridiculous yeah go check out

I've been dropping videos on my youtube channel youtube.com slash Joe Santagato we're recording other people's lives now so that will be coming out at the end of may which I think it will be out by the time it is out I don't know but make 28 or something I don't fucking know

in like two weeks but yeah anyway go follow us on instagram at the basement yard and our patreon again patreon.com slash the basement yard and that is all see you guys next time