The Basement Yard - #250 - Joe Kisses Danny

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

On this episode, we dive into Danny's dream where Joe kissed him at a party...we also dive into the dark underworld of the Karens. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys go check out our patreon where you can get our daily morning show and next week's episode today Welcome back to the basement yard. We got to masquerade snowflakes coming right at you What was that? What are you saying? Sorry, I can't talk with this thing on. It's very hard for me That was a horrible fucking joke, dude. My god. Well, you're fired. What do you mean? That was terrible. That's what all the Karens do What if they can't talk in it? Yeah, they're always just like I can't talk in this. I can't breathe in this

This isn't my constitutional rights to wear this mask on my face I'll be honest with you. The mask is a bit. It's a bit in the beginning of this episode But also at the same time all the fucking stuff that's been going on in these supermarkets just out of control That's what I'm saying and that's one of their main arguments is like I can't breathe in this Like, you know, it can hear me when I'm speaking If you can't breathe through a mask You might have emphysema. Yeah, cuz it's not that hard some's off unless you're sprinting. Yeah, some's off at your lung capacity Yeah, dude, like what the fuck is going on and it's also it's I really don't I mean I tweeted about this like people you they ask you

You know supermarkets are like, hey, can you please wear a mask because you know We're trying to stop the spread of a virus and we heard that like this could help and everyone's like my freedom Like they lose their minds. I didn't know I didn't know that that wearing a mask would challenge so many people's freedom Dude, I don't know what the fuck it is like and I tweeted I'm like wait until this woman finds out that you have to stop at red lights Yeah, like oh, I can't just drive I can't I gotta listen to the government to keep us safe from crashing into each other thing that scares me the most about them Is how childlike they get because there was a woman I think in Whole Foods

Who just started throwing everything out of her cart onto the floor? Like eggs and fuck it everything she's like fuck it take it. I don't care this shit take all this shit take all this Hey paprika, they're all just like I don't understand the correlation the correlation correlation coalition Correlation is correlation a word Correlation is for sure a word, but is it coalition or correlation? Isn't it coalition? Coalition or correlation correlation. What's coalition? Is that like a team? Yes

Yeah, it's got like a faction. It's like yeah, my my coalition But it you were the word you're looking for is correlation alright, so I was right the first time Yeah, I gotta go out a hole. I gotta stick with my gut sometimes. I gotta stick with my yeah, I got stick with my gut, but uh Yeah, this correlation of like the Constitution and having to wear a mask I'm sure the supermarket doesn't want to have to wear a mask all day either Yeah, but it's like dude if we could stop people from getting this so we could fucking go back outside That'd be awesome. Well, it's just shut up the fuck

Like why I like I don't understand it's like oh first, you know, I love it the people people go first It's masks they say in Nazi Germany used to make the the the Jewish people wear stars Oh, and I'm like it's a She's like there you know first of all that whole clip of people from Florida like at whatever this town hall meeting Telling people telling people why they should be like allowed to wear not allowed to wear mask It's uh, it's one of them. It's like all of you know like the secret society is gonna come and get you Like all of you are sick. You have sticky brains And one woman just like blame the devil. She was like you're covering your God-given mouth or

Like the words the Lord's math. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about imagine being woman stupid? Yeah, one of the and then one woman's like She ended her fucking speech because you know they all bring like little speeches that they wrote out how cute and then she And then she goes I Don't wear a mask for the same reason. I don't wear underwear Things gotta breathe and then she turned around and just walked out like she crushed it didn't didn't mind that one Because at least it was hilarious. Yeah, I didn't mind that one like a part like that would have got a small sarcastic like yeah Out of me like a five is in the courtroom. Yeah, I love how she's like this is what's happening. I'm not wearing a mask

Trump 2020 Yeah, and then Trump yesterday's like yeah, I'd wear a mask and like a large gathering No, it's just it's it's ridiculous and I like the politicians are hilarious too because they can't say to wear a mask because then The people that support them will be like what? Yeah, so they just say like you should just follow the rules Well, he lost my say it. He lost my vote with the mask You lost me there. You lost my with the mask brother Yeah, I just like it's insane and it's it's just crazy to see like I

Don't know what it is just when white people lose their minds. It's so funny to me Oh, yeah, like that like they've been oppressed for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years Well, I'm not even making it like a comparable thing to like black people or whatever I'm just saying it's just funny to see them like their mannerisms like you know, it's this is like This position is like when a white woman's match he goes. Oh The double hip locked in this woman's gonna argue for the next two out Oh, yeah, well the thing is they're willing to die in that Whole Foods. Oh my god and Whole Foods It's always one hand because the other hands like holding some like, you know, 1% milk and then she takes this one. She goes. Oh

Really? You're gonna tell me my constitutional rights don't matter We're in the Constitution doesn't say hey, what's up if there's a pandemic you don't have to wear a mask You know when do they start is that yeah And yeah, also like someone tweeted me and said like because I gave the I tweeted something about how Like I made the joke of like, you know, wait till this woman finds out we have to stop at red lights You know, she's gonna be like, oh my god our rights and then someone tweeted me and was like, yeah But driving is a luxury and just your own like your person and walking around

Is not and I was like you and he's and forcing people to wear something is Is not the same and I was like you have to wear clothes 100% it is a law Otherwise you go to jail. Yes for expose in the peace Like this guy not realize that like you have your rights. You can't just walk outside naked dude Can't do it. It's illegal. There's children around. I've learned that the hard way You've learned that the hard way. No, I'm about to say I love that all politicians wear their mask the wrong ways

The wrong way like yeah, like, you know, it's like make sure you wear your mask like the nose is there You see what was that video that guy trying to fucking put his mask on kept going this beginning of the pandemic It was funny when he was like trying it's like guy. It's very simple. He's like wear a mask outside All right, we're trying to get this thing It comes through your eyes Yeah, and you know, honestly one thing that's like kind of funny is like the birth of This Karen meme where everyone just like when some woman's losing her mind They just like call her Karen

But I feel like I feel like there should be like levels because there's certain kinds of Karen's And and like people losing their minds like you can't just be a Karen like Karen to me are just like Crazy fucking people like that, you know, these are the women that like lose their minds Everything's political and they want to drown their kids That's like Super Saiyan Super Saiyan Karen. Yeah, it's like the the the final evolved form. It's Charizard She's Charizard. Yeah, you know I'm saying and then you have I mean, I think it starts at like, you know, like a like a like a Linda a

Linda is a very, you know, white name of a woman that I just kind of picture You know snooping on their her neighbors or whatnot or someone speeds past their house They're like, well, I'm writing a letter to the mayor or some shit. Yeah, Linda Linda on the base level Can be very condescendingly Conti Right, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, so it's like I also like if you if you've ever written a letter to the mayor to put up more Stop signs or some shit like something with the traffic like a like a light like we need more lights because someone's sped past your house That's Linda right there. Yeah, or like if you're not she's not confrontational though. No, no, no, no, no She's very she does it from her house behind the blinds. Yeah

Like something somebody will say somebody will say something like offend her and she's like, oh Okay, but then when the doors are closed and when she's home, she's hot shit. Yeah She's sending emails She's got binoculars and she's spying on her Spanish neighbors like wondering like what they're doing over there, you know That's Linda and like donating to like anonymously to like go fund me's to like Figure out like how to get these masks off their face Yeah, yeah, I'm doing like that like she's not she's not gonna write Linda on her donation. It's gonna say anonymous

She's got she's got some she's got some people that are fringe, you know Democrats and her family says you just want to make people sad and upset That's that's the type of Linda condescendingly Conti Yeah, honest and yo fucking we'll get into that but and then I think the next one, you know the next kind of Evolved form. What's the Charmander right Charmander and it's Charme No, no, it's so it's Charmander Charmeleon Charizard. That's what I said. No, no, no, no, no You said Charmander and then you said Charmeleon Are we working away working our way up or down here? No, we're working up. We're working up. Okay. All right Karen Charizard Char Karen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she's a Charizard and then we have

We have a fucking Charmander. So Char Char linder Char linder and then I think in the middle we have a woman named like Beth You know a million Beth. Yes Beth million I picture to be like, you know a bigger woman and she's not afraid to throw down on Black Friday over the toaster up She's going to fight. She's willing to die on a target floor for her child's hot wheels Yeah, like she's she's dead. She's gonna get this sale. You know what I'm saying? She's not gonna be and she's the type of person that brings her kids with her on Black Friday Yes

Yes, and sends them out to do yeah, she's like you go get the TV you go get the paper towels paper towels I'm gonna go get the toys and she's got like sunglasses on the back of her head like Sunglasses, you know, I'm saying they're very good like a lanyard with a bunch of keys on and they're polarized Yeah. Oh, yeah, I mean I mean for protection and I don't want to go This far, but I'm going to she needs but does it need to ride one of those carts? Yeah, like a that's a Walmart kind of version of stuff Yeah, like she's like she needs the cart but her children are her little extension minions that go and grab her things

To put in the basket So Beth Milian could work. That's how Beth Milian functions at the at her fucking highest fucking uh, you know, yeah Beth's like they save their energy in in those little carts at Walmart not because she's like disabled but just because she's like lazy and she just kind of drives around And she saves her energy for a fight. That's what it is that cart beat the shit out of you, dude fucking beat your face the applesauce That's the type of person that you don't want to fuck with on black Friday is a fucking Beth Coming around the corner with two little dirty ass kids Yeah, like they got like the fucking Vita pups slushy lip and shit, you know

The daughter's just like her she tried to cut her own hair the night before so her shit And this the chair like the kids lips are so chat Oh, they're so you could light a match off this kid's fucking mouth These kids are these kids are fucking gross But they know where everything is because they're so used to shopping with their fucking disgusting mom so like They're a little like you want to know what it is. It's like They're like these little thieves like in the night that would happen during like a basically a post apocalyptic world These children would know how to function on their own and their mom would be like a boss

Right. Yeah, you know, they would go from camp to camp like rummaging through people's bags Yeah, and I think and then you I mean and then you get to Karen and Karen We know it's just you know, she's a psycho woman like she can't handle anything. Well Karen's They go there's all different shapes and sizes of Karen's Yeah, I mean mostly though you see a Karen out in traffic Like they get really upset when you like take their parking space or cut them off Oh, yeah out of their car in the middle of a freeway, but then there's like, you know, there's like a petrified a Petrified Karen which would take like seven or eight pokeballs to get because that bitch would be squirming out of that fucking thing

Yeah, you need a you'd need a couple master balls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah great ball at least. Oh Definitely gonna lose one or two master balls because these people do not want anything to do with anyone around We're gonna need a game shark in here. Oh, I need a cheat. We're gonna need to shit a game shark Awesome, yeah, dude, they were but uh, that's what it is. It's like there's petrified Karen, which is like don't oh my god Did I ever tell you the stories when I got on the sixth train? No, I don't know what I just said, but I remember I was on the sixth train one time And I was going to work and the sixth train is just packed like a Japanese train Like there's so many people in there. Yo, the Japanese trains are fucking insane by the way

I need to know how much you guys get paid pushing people. How do people not die on the train every day? If anyone ever tried to jam me into a train, I'm gonna beat the fucking shit out of you Yeah, I guess they're just used to it. They just like get shoved in that train. It's fucking wild. They had to work Um, I you know, I appreciate the dedication, but we were on the sixth train very packed train and This woman just started losing it like we're all touching each other You know what I'm saying like we're all crushed in like for two stops and this woman just started going I was like, oh here we go, bro I was so glad that she was like three people over for me. So I was like, I'm good

I'm not gonna, you know have to defend myself against this woman was probably gonna swing her bag of apples at me or something Was she like did she look like she was all there and she was just having a bad day Or was she like a little bit like, you know, New York City riding subway a little bit too long. I don't know, dude Just She could have just missed her cab or something. I don't like I Don't know. She looked fine. You remember that vine that was I was told by Apple care that I could come in and get the part I Don't know that's a carrot do that. I don't know why people do that man people who scream at

in stores They terrify me stores. I won't scream Phones I will But you're in the privacy of your own domain. Yeah, like I'm very good at like getting money back From like phone. Yeah, but you yell. Yeah, there's been times like I need to speak to somebody Really, yeah, like I like I go like full like your supervisor on the phone. I need to speak to somebody with a brain Yeah You just start going up the chain and you're like put on the CEO right now

Put the CEO sprint on the phone now. I Want to know why I mean, I'm not a yeller I don't really even know what could happen in a store that would really piss me off that much to be honest with you All right, say let me let me create a couple scenarios for you Okay, all right, you bought an actual store. Yeah, you bought a gift for your mom, right? It's a custom like jewelry piece that she's always wanted and you're like, I'm gonna get it and they said hey come in It's ready Mm-hmm. You go in

They sold it I mean, I would be pissed but I wouldn't like I'd be like why would you sell it? I just talked to you on the phone like the fuck is going on and then but I wouldn't be like no I want answers. Why did you sell it like I wouldn't lose it see it's hard for me to lose it too But I this is America. What are we doing? You know, I love when people get so mad that they refer back to the whole country. Yeah, this is the land of the free I don't think I've ever had a moment where I've had to revert back to my citizenship at all whatsoever. Oh or just like, you know

You go back to the Constitution and you're just like quoting. It's like article 114 No, like sir, you can't do that in here. It's like wait a second Did you know I was watching Eric Andre special by the way? Did you know that in the Constitution? It says that a soldier could Uh, it's like you have the right to deny a soldier from trying to live in your house What yeah, apparently it's like there was apparently so many soldiers had to live in people's homes at one point Yeah, that in the Constitution, they were like, yeah, no more of this like soldier sleep over shit I

Mean so we have a right so if any like Vietnam War vet ever comes just like hey man, let me in you could be like hey I know my rights guy Get out of here bum Get out of here your war fighting bum but like That's what I like. I mean Thing was written so long ago. That's why it's like listen like By wig-wearing men who had syphilis. Yeah, do we have to go into this again? Let's just let's just let's just you know like

The Constitution should be the Constitution, but like an iOS. You know I'm saying Yeah, like you should have bug fixes and improvements from time to time That's what I'm saying with the iPhone like it's a great piece of technology, but we need updates. Yeah You know I'm saying we change the outlook of it. Can we rewrite a version where it's easier to read and it's not in this old Shakespearean like tone like can we get like Throw some curse words in there or something and can we shrink down John Hancock's John Hancock just a little bit? how big of a fucking Little dick fuck you have to be to write your name that big on the Declaration of Independence

I don't know man, but It's crazy Did Nicholas Cage actually steal the Declaration of Independence in that movie? Yeah, he stole the yeah, he's if if I think they let him Get close to the real one, but then they gave him a stunt one because no one's just going to let you steal the Declaration of Independence Day Declaration of Independence Day Uh, yo, you know, it's crazy Um, you know how like I always refer back to this where whatever thought you have

Someone's had before right there are no original thoughts really So I I really thought about like in that movie with Nicholas Cage. He fucking uh Gets the Declaration of Independence and on the back of it There's like you hold a black light to it because someone wrote it and like lemon or some shit And he has a map there has to be people out there that believe that Hell yeah, dude, dude when like the Da Vinci code was out people fucking lost their shit I don't remember. I don't even remember that movie because I saw it when I was super young

I didn't understand what was going on everybody thinks that like Some dude 400 years ago knew to leave some secret message on a very important document And it's like guys Go outside with a mask Okay, find uh, you know some kind of other hobby because you have a better chance of finding fucking Of treasure on the beach than finding something from the Declaration of Independence that's written in piss Written in piss, uh, that's another thing that I think is so weird like at what age I just wonder if

Uh at a certain age I'm gonna just get old enough where I'm just gonna be one of those old dudes on the beach like Scanning for metal See listen, here's a at least like it's old people like at least they have a hobby and they're outside being active though I mean, I'm not shitting on them. I just think it's fucking hilarious but come on Realistically, what stories do you hear it's like

Old man out for walk finds 10 million dollars In the beach, I don't think they're looking for 10 million dollars, but they are looking for left behind like rings and like chains and Coins and maybe every so often they find like a pirate coin or something Does that exist it's gonna sound really dumb, but like Uh So, you know how like pirates of the Caribbean, right? Yeah Were there pirates like that?

Like ahoy matey. Yeah I mean, I yeah, I think so or are those made up No, I think pirates, you know, I mean, there still are pirates. They're a little more modern But you know, there used to be pirates back in the day that would like, you know I'm saying we're eyeliner and like shoot cannons at each other and shit. Is that true dirty? Yeah, they would die from like uti's probably though because like they don't shower They just gotta wait for it to rain. So I always wondered I'm like, how do they make all these boats with cannons on them back then? How are they like, how do they have the ingenuity?

I mean, I think it would take a while to build a boat and then you just kind of wheel the cannons on Problems off a whole lot of drinking of rum Oh my god, just drink rum probably a bunch of plundering and raping and you know all kinds of stuff You could not pay me to be a pirate Yeah, I don't think they did pay him to be honest with you I think they just kind of like, you know, they gave him like a shilling every so often to keep him on Yeah, if you're the captain of a pirate ship

How do you even get paid if you don't find treasure? You don't mean that you rob you rob You just got to rob people on the sea when you think about it. That's a pretty good place to be a criminal There's no one around I mean now we have you know, you got the coast guard down the name coast guard, but But they can't see the whole ocean. No ocean's big Ocean's huge Can you imagine a pirate ship that had like an EMP blast?

Where you could like blast a fucking ship and now they can't call anybody you can just rob the shit out of them Well, I feel like service is terrible out in the ocean like you need a radio a radio No, yeah, I mean dude, they got him. Was that movie about Omar? No, Omar uh, yeah, uh Cuba Gooding jr. Almost said Omar Gooding. Isn't that the guy that was on and baby boy and was on like That's what's Cuba Gooding's brother's name that was like on those like Nickelodeon shows I only know Cuba. I only know you know, you know Omar Gooding. He was on all that I think

Omar yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, then he was in baby boy with Tyrese Right, I never I've never seen that it's Cuba Gooding's brother, but uh Was that a true story and I've never seen the story that movie radio Oh, he was like a mentally challenged. I haven't seen it But he like builds radios and like you like something about football I don't know but I thought you were gonna talk about the other movie where he was like a diver with like Robert De Niro or some Shit, oh that movie. Yeah, and he's just like racist to him the whole time. Yeah Yeah, yeah, and they have like a like a like a drown off

Yeah, what the fuck is that? What a stupid thing. What a dumb ass fucking stupid bar to go to Yeah, yeah, oh I'm speaking of which it's gonna have a drown off tonight She's like i'm a better diver than you. No, you're not. Well, let's hold our breath underwater till one of us dies I love how at the end of that movie spoiler Like he cuba gooding jr. Gets injured and like he wants to rejoin the navy and ship But like his body can't hold up like the the weight of the suit So Robert De Niro comes into the courtroom And basically wills him to like be able to walk in the suit while calling him cookie

Which was a racial slur that he would use with him because he was like the first black guy in the like that was seal worthy So they're having this amazing moment And Robert De Niro was like walk to me cookie And i'm just like Is anybody else not seeing this? I mean, you know, that's just That's just guys, you know just guys being dudes guys being dudes I actually talked to someone recently

I was actually talking to someone recently who was in the merchant marine academy and they told me a whole bunch of gay stuff Oh, yeah, those guys suck the shit out of each other's cocks Well, no that that not that Todd, what are you basing that on? I feel like so many people are gay in the military and they still can't just be like openly gay like let them suck a fucking Uh, no, uh semen's cock No, what I meant was so like they told I I was you know fed this information that uh You know, you're on a ship with a bunch of dudes for however long gay

No So you're on a ship with a bunch of dudes. So like, you know Dudes they dudes jerk off Dudes dudes do that. Yeah, dude. Do not do that Dude, I would do that on a four hour whale tour What the fuck is a whale tour when you go out in the ocean look for whales You've jerked off on a whale tour. No, I'm saying I would like if it's not like I'm lost at sea writing handwritten letters to my fucking girlfriend Like I have to jerk off and like I have a lantern and shit like I would jerk off my dear Sheila. Yeah

I would jerk off on a regular boat who cares. No, yeah So they would they would jerk off and if you got caught jerking off people would get pissed at you So they'd make you play a game that they called mushy cookie where uh, you know a bunch of dudes would stand around a cookie And jerk off onto this cookie and the last one to jack Had to eat the cookie And I was like, hey man There's probably better ways to prevent people from jerking off on this. I really don't think the answer is

uh Come filled treats, uh But even though it's like if you get caught jerking off You're still not guaranteed that you have to eat this cookie. So you're telling me I could jerk off Come on a cookie and possibly you have to eat it Sign me up I'm not you know Sometimes it's you know, I I'm not confident

Unless you're confident in like how fast do you think you can you could jerk off like Start to finish like Literally don't don't even be funny. Like what is it? What is the amount of time? 48 seconds. Are you kidding me dude? I'd come fast, bro You could just pop off like jerking off to me. Is it like is it because you would just like go at a crazy speed? Or it's like a mental or is it like a muscle like that's what I'm saying. Will it out of you? Well, it's just like this is for like medicinal reasons. Like I'm not doing it because it's just like Yeah, like I just want to get in touch with my body. I'm like if I don't come right now. I'm gonna die

Right. Yeah, but I'm saying like how do you actually get it off at 48 seconds? Like I feel like there's got to be some other no No, it's like Like if you're watching porn or whatever whatever's getting you stimmed, uh, whatever's getting you stimmied You know, I try to get myself like horned up enough That like I'm already fully Oh, yeah, I'm not talking from the deflated balloon to fin. I'm talking about From just from pure hard penis

I would say hard penis to ending the the show. Oh Yeah, like 40 seconds I don't I'm not confident like I just think I think I think I think the like, uh I think it's the circle jerk is gayer than eating the cookie to be honest Uh Are me and you jerking off next to each other and like, yeah

Yeah Yes, I actually asked that. I'm like, is there, uh, you know a audience and there was Um, because you know other people had to referee Um And I actually thought it was counterproductive to be upset that people were jerking off on a ship And then be like we're now we're gonna make more people jerk off on a ship Like I'd be like, okay. I feel like we're not getting what we want done right now Well, nothing says, you know bonding like eating each other's cum. That's a great bonding experience

I also asked what kind of cookie it was chocolate chip. Those are good cookies. So, you know anything If you're gonna come on anything and eat it, that's pretty good Yeah, I don't mind that oatmeal raisin shit like come on Now where are they getting this cookie from and how big is this cookie? I mean, it's gotta be a regular, you know chips ahoy standard size. God that thing is painted then Yeah, yeah, I don't think like the chef's making specific You know, uh Target practice cookies in there, you know

I could be wrong though That can't be sanitary Uh, no, that's a surefire way to get some, you know siffy or some herpes. Yeah, you know ghani Something I don't know you could get something they call the clappy Clappy, I don't think you can catch a clap from your mouth Um, I think when there's that much of a mixture your body doesn't know what's going on I think it cancels everything cancels each other out No, I don't think that's how that work. I don't think it, you know, it's like that

I don't think it's like that. I think that it actually adds. I think there's a multiplication and not a canceling out I think if anything you can create a new strand of something there You could become pregnant That I don't know for sure, but I said it something very dumb I get it. I know where babies come from Go ahead. Please say what I want you to say But there was a point in my life Yeah, I was I was little

Yeah, like I was young And I thought that you got it from like Sucking a penis too Got what that you could get pregnant I'm sucking a penis and and like swallowing swallowing the the the baby the baby juice I that would be a horrible world to live in wouldn't it be a whole lot of pregnant bitches out there running around Oh And apparently sailors dude apparently merchant marine academy dudes dude every dude in the navy would be pregnant apparently they're playing mushy cookie

Yeah, also gay name. Wait, hold on. Oh never mind. That was a stupid question. Super question. That was bad No, no, you have to say it. I just said that I thought that you can get pregnant from blowjobs and I was like 12 Well, I was gonna say if there's two This is so stupid dude I was gonna say if there's two dudes, let's say hypothetically two dudes You know, there's an ejection From two dudes in one area hot hot. I'm trying to clean this up I thought that maybe there could be a possibility of like two different babies, but you know, that's true

Oh, no, only one sperm wins. No, no, no, no Yes, there is a scientific fact Look it up. You're already off to a hot start. Look it up That if two dudes Not in one lay at lat let uh madame There could be possible twins and one can belong to joe and one could belong to me Is that true, I believe that is true and I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it well

There goes that but isn't What is twins? What is twins? Is that is it one egg that kind of uh Separates or is it You know what I'm saying like sometimes you crack an egg and you're like, oh, shit. That was a double yoke likes it just like that because then that would mean that one sperm only wins also Uh No

DNA test. Yeah, it's not science.com. No, it's not inside edition Women Uh DNA test shows woman gave birth to twins who have two different has different fathers A set of twins in vietnam has been given the raredest Uh, the rare distinction of being bifraternal. That is they've got different dads Although the twins developed side by side in their mother's womb DNA DNA tests recently showed They came from two fertilized eggs by two different men. Your mom's all slut This is an extremely rare example

Just having a good time. Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. I believe in women's right to just throw that pussy around however they want Uh, this is an extremely rare example of when eggs are fertilized during separate acts of sexual intercourse Within the same ovulation period in recent years It has been reported at least twice in the us and the only reason that it's not reported Is because people don't want to get in trophies. So that's what you got to understand How an ovulation period is like how many days? No fucking clue and how do women figure out when they ovulate? What is that? Oh, it's science. It's like i'm ovulating. I'm like, how the fuck do you know that? Do you feel that? Yeah, man, is there stuff moving? Yeah, is your body just like ovulating?

You know, I can't even begin to understand women and how they just walk around the way that they do Like my sister's pregnant right now and like and does normal everyday shit perfectly fine And like I'm looking at her and I'm like, yo look I just keep saying how I'm like look at you What is happening fuck I'm like, how is your body? How's your skin able to do that? How old are you? Did you realize that uh, you when people get pregnant that like Well for some reason like I knew people fuck but then like the pregnant. It's like, uh, now it's guaranteed that you guys fuck I don't even know what you're asking me when I was like 14 or 15 and like people would get pregnant I'd be like damn you guys fucked each other. That's where my head would go

I don't even know man. I don't I don't know what age I kind of figured that out but I don't know It's just weird dude to see that and to see and shen's like oh, he's like over here right now He's putting a lot of pressure on my bladder and I'm like this thing's moving There's a baby in there And then they take pictures and it's like there's an actual baby with a face in there Oh, yeah, it's just covered up by just the amazing body I'm just like you know like that that can just stretch out and hold the baby in it

I'm just confused by the Mechanics and then It comes out of your vagina What a place to come out man Would you rather have a baby out of your vagina or out of your mouth? My mouth My vagina. I think my vagina too. Yeah, my vagina can withstand that my mouth can't I have a I have a very Awful mouth also too. It's like

Yeah, yeah, I don't want a baby to come through here Uh Wait where are your mouth? Yeah Yeah, no, that would be just a horrific scene. No, I don't want the baby to come in the way it came out Basically, that's the the cum goes in and baby comes out It's a vending machine. It's a vending machine. You're literally deposit. It's a deposit I think they call it a deposit at a sperm bank I mean, yeah, I mean you are depositing. So you literally

Take in this goo Come on clean this up This goo you got take the semen inside of you and it Yeah, you know sauce or something goo is just he just talked about jizzing on a cookie three seconds ago I tried to I had to say it but I had to I was saying it in a you know I'm just I'm speaking the truth there and then that goo turns into a fucking human being

I won't I will never understand that It's just gooey gop And then becomes a baby boo boo But Also like babies Right when they're born They can breathe and shit. You know what I'm saying? But when they're in here They're like in some sort of sack liquid a liquid sack and kind of swim it

And I know like their nose are plugged with you know, whatever the fuck but also like crazy Like in a way babies have this ability to like hold their breath forever Yeah, and it's like hey what's up once they're born that just disappears But yeah, like right we're like and we're like amphibious at one point in our lives Yeah, we're like little ducks not ducks ducks can't breathe under water I mean, I think they could hold their breath, but they don't you know, they can't Did you know that turtles? They can't breathe under water. I didn't know that

What about giant tortoises they like underwater for like 40 years or something they can hold their breath for mad long They can't breathe. Yeah, I don't believe that There's just be like a turtle can hold its breath for four hours. I'm like, no this thing can breathe a little bit down there I'm not buying it Gotta be a gill somewhere on that thing. Yeah, because it's sleeping and you tell me anything that's gonna sleep while holding its breath What kind of fucking crazy shit is that? Isn't that just dead? Yeah, isn't that dead when you're dead this thing dies four hours a day is what you're telling me

Underwater dead. All right, great You know like humans evolve, right? Why have we not evolved to be able to breathe underwater yet? I feel like we've been in the water enough I feel like I've been in the water enough You know, I feel like I've done enough water stuff that I should be able to breathe a little bit through my asshole what Because there are those times where I could suck farts into my butt. I can Yeah, but you can't

Can you get Do you feel like you could breathe during those times dude for some reason? Yes You feel like I feel like if I if I just tried to suck harder it can open something in my lungs I'm telling you. I feel like as if I could breathe through my anus My anus have you ever felt like you could breathe through your ears or like have you that you've taken a breath through your ears kind of What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know what it is. But like sinus wise your ears throat and mouth are all connected Okay, you know like with uh pipes and shit

There's times where you know like when you yawn Your ears pop they open up Yeah, it pushes air out Ow, I just did it. It kind of hurt You've never felt that you were breathing through your nose and some air was coming through your ear hole literally never Please somebody out there Fucking voucher me. I feel like a voucher. You know why because you can't breathe through your

I'm not saying you physically can and it physically goes in your lungs. What I'm saying is that it feels like it It's the sensation is what I'm talking about the sensation is what I'm talking about Do you know I I thought I could see molecules when I was younger. Yeah, see that's dumber than what I said That's not dumb because I still kind of feel that way But I you know I framed it that way because I'm an adult and I don't want people to laugh at me Last week you could see colors now you could see molecules. What else could you see as a kid? Everyone could see colors you idiot If I like press my eye right

Like this Oh, you get those gucci's No, no, no like if I press my eye For some reason I can see these little things That look like bacteria like under a like in a petri dish under a microscope. Oh, yeah And like they float around. Yeah, and then when you try to look at it escapes No, but I have to like really squint and they're really fucking small and I could see them I could watch them Yeah, I just did I just did it right now. I could see molecules. I'm great vision

They're like they're like little like black dots that like slide down. No like slide down a mirror They're not they're not black dots. It's like Literally when you look through a microscope What that looks like it's like they're like black outlined clear things I can't see them I know like it's a weird thing. I don't I it's probably common, but I just you know, I thought I had a superpower when I was younger I'm googling. Can you breathe? Can you breathe a little bit through your ears? Okay, you google that I'm gonna get to these ads so, uh, you know big daddy could get paid here

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You station tubes They allow for the equalization of pressure That's why yawning on a plane will help fix your ears if they pop yawning puts your jaw in such a position that it opens those tubes And thus equalizes the air pressure inside and outside of your ear providing relief from this comfort of popped ears Sometimes if you're sick with a head cold, you can actually feel where they are in your throat Near your tonsils on both sides with feelings of an opening can make it feel as if you are breathing through your ears That So what you just said was that your ears pop?

No, thanks. No, I'm talking about on that. That's on the out. I'm talking about on the in Whatever dude, you're not breathing. Whatever man. I'm breathing. I'm so breathing I'm so breathing. I'm so breathing. You don't even know it Um, all right, so I feel like you know, we need to address this me and danny have been avoiding this topic all week Because we wanted to save it for the show But danny texted me the other day And uh, it was very early in the morning

Uh, I would think it was around 5 30 a.m. Or something like that and he all he did was text He texted me and all it said was bro kissed you in my dream And then we didn't talk all day. Yeah So I haven't heard about the dream yet. I don't know what kind of kiss Whatever, no one's gonna believe it. I don't know if it was like a sexual kiss or like we were we were performing a dare. No dare It was it was it was more like listen. All right. Like we were at like a party or something We kissed at a party in front of peep No, it wasn't in front of people. Like can I tell a fucking story man? Get ahead. We were at a party

What kind of party was a house party or like a nice like it was a house party with wine. Is that your apartment now? It I had a house party at my apartment. Yeah, like a red solo cup party. Yeah, like but the only thing about That was your place was the living room. Everything else was had like downstairs and shit. Like it was weird Okay, but it was like your couch and like your windows and shit. Like I remember it So the reason I texted you at 5 30 in the morning is because you forget your dreams sometimes And I didn't want to forget this one All right to sound like you will who would want to I'm just gonna repress I'm just gonna repress it doesn't mean I'm gonna forget it

I don't know. So all right, so we're at this. We're at the party. Yeah, so we're at this party and we're hanging out All right, so we're at this party. We're hanging out And We get into this conversation why like, you know, yeah, like yo like like kissing like on the mouth like isn't like Whatever isn't isn't gay. I'm just gonna say what I said. We said in the dream We said kissing on the mouth isn't gay. Yeah, like we're having a conversation Throughout the like there's a group of people being like, yo, like, you know, if I kissed you like it wouldn't be gay I'm just kissing you on the mouth. So everyone just kind of feels this way

No, there were some people that were like, yo, it is some people that it's not So it was a polarizing subject. There were some haters. Yeah, there were some haters But like these were like our friends. I didn't recognize any of these people. There was no frankies No dom, no ralph, no pete. There was nobody there Okay, but apparently we've known these people our whole lives all made up people that I've walked by in the street and have joined My subconscious so like I have no idea who these people are And they were like and I'm like, why don't you like kiss joe? And we were who said that uh, I don't know fucking stand in friend number two

Oh, wow, they just yelled from the back like, yo kiss up. No because me and you agree that it wasn't gay Right, so we're just like dude, like if two guys kiss each other once not gay Like we're like we're like we're just like they're kissing each other. That's it so The situation dies down I don't even want to finish the Oh, I do

So the situation dies down people are like going home now Right and you and I are the last two people at your house. Oh my god And you come up to me and you whoa You come up to me. Yeah, see you can't you kissed me Whoa, I don't agree. You kissed me. I was there. I dreamed it. I lived it The reason I texted you 5 30 in the morning because I didn't want to forget certain things And I didn't want to forget the fact that you kissed me So you were just like, yo like just so you know

I really believe that I was like, no, I laid one on and then I was like, no, like I know you do And you were just like, oh like you were like, yo, I could kiss you right now and it wouldn't be gay And I was like, yeah, no, like I get it. Like yeah, like I totally feel you were like, you know, we should try it And I said So you didn't you didn't you didn't force yourself upon me You were like, you were like, yo, we should just try it and like prove that it's not gay to like kiss each other Dude, this was a classic

Like You're gay and you want to kiss me So bad so bad It's not right. Let's just prove it. Just do it Well, it was like anyway, how did I how do I uh convince you to let me lay one on you? No, you didn't really I was just like, yeah Like I'll do it Like I was down too. Like I wasn't like I had there was no fight in me. I didn't try to like push you off or anything Right, right, but uh, we we I need to just you gotta describe this smoke. So you like, uh

So you grab my like grab my face This is getting there. Yeah, and uh For some reason you took prominence where your lower lip had to be like in between mine and your top lip Was like on my mustache. Wow. I was almost kidding about the details, but now we know what's happening Yeah, so like you doubled up a little bit and I could have swore. I don't know So I had top position is what you're saying. Oh, yeah, you had top position. I pulled guard real fast Okay, and I was like Oh man

And then you like you kissed me and like pulled away from my face But like still holding onto my face you passionately fucking kissed me damn Fire. Yeah, but then when I left like I was like excited about it. What's going on here? We fell in love that night, so You know, you know me my brain is very active. So now I'm going now I'm up at 5 30 in the morning now now I'm googling shit You're googling this Yeah, I googled things

Okay, would you come up with what I saw was is that a kiss could actually just mean you have admiration for somebody Not gay But like you admire them as a person Okay, so my question was Why would you kiss me if you admired me? Wouldn't I kiss you if I admired you? Maybe you're subconsciously too shy to kiss me Okay, so you needed me to be you know that could be true

But the thing that I'm worried about is was that I didn't press the issue, but I didn't I didn't fight it either You wanted that smooch. Yeah, I wanted it But apparently I did too. Yeah, you really wanted it and I I mean I did a lot of convincing And I wanted it. Listen like the drinks were flowing like in my dreams. I still drink Nice. Yeah, so like my dream Danny's way cooler than actual Danny I almost would have preferred if we kissed in front of everyone No, the fact that we were alone. Was there a candle lit? That's what makes it that's what makes it gayer I think you want you wanted to do it like yeah, if we kiss in front of each other

It's like, well, yeah, but you're like no like we're gonna do this right right now Yeah, we're gonna find out what's good. Yeah So like you were just like you were into it at that point you wanted that real bad Like like you had to have me in that moment So which is perfectly fine and I let you have me But it was it was too us I Let you have me

But yes, it was just a certain feeling of uh, they say that it could be like you admire this person um It makes you feel like you know That it's not gay Right, but it's just prepared through there Man, I've never kissed a dude in my dreams though You've never kissed a dude. I've kissed dudes in my dreams We know that yeah

I'll say anything wrong with it Yo, that's fucking hilarious, but I'm a firm believer that in just yo dreams or dreams No, yeah, like I don't believe in like there's like an existential reason to why you have dreams Yeah, it sounds like was wait. There was a bird in your dream. That means you're trying to sort a new heights and you're like shut up But uh, but also you ask someone yo, I can't Someone's gonna debunk this dream in the comments and it's gonna be a wild ride. Yeah People there's reasons like you know reoccurring dreams like yo if your teeth are falling out you're dying or some shit I don't I don't believe that dreams have anything

to do with that Can I ask uh, was was this How long did this kiss last was it like a straight up like a no it wasn't a pack. It was passionate. It was passionate It was a real it was it was a real kiss like it wasn't just like Like a high school kiss like it was a it was it was a real kiss because each other It was a real kiss kiss was real Oh man, that is quite the dream. Yeah, I mean

Listen, I'm not gonna make it sound like it was like this crazy extravagant thing is it was a party We had an argument with some friends about like if it would make you a gay a gay man or not And we were like no, it's not and then like we just you know, we debunked history there If anything we we're progressive as shit in my dreams Yeah, we were uh, also, this is a black mirror episode Yeah, but those guys played basketball, uh, not basketball video games together Yeah, they played video games and then they fucked each other in the video game. Yeah Which I would I would I would 100 I would fuck you in a video game. It cares. I wouldn't be

Do I have to hear you or do because in the video games they sound like the characters Yeah, but I'll just know what's happening. I would get you off Strike striking vipies Yeah, it's like if for people who don't know the episode it's like A street fighter game, but it's like black mirrors like very futuristic So you put this piece on the side of your head and you become this character And one of the guys chooses this female character and then the other guy chooses a male character and they're like fighting or whatever, but then they like experiment with like sex

so the guy Who's the woman feels the sex and the guy who's the man feels the sex that they are having in this futuristic video game And uh, then it just becomes like, you know, it kind of spills over in a real life And they're like we're fucking in the game. Maybe we should just kiss and find out if we love each other Now then they meet up in the rain which is

Passionate, yeah Rain makes everything like 10 times more important Yeah, and they just like a fucking let's do it And then apparently they have like one day a year where they could fuck each other on the video game or some shit And their wives know and their wives know they're just gonna suck each other Well, they don't suck each other they don't suck each other But look one of them gets to feel one of them is like one of them gets to feel like They have a fucking vagina. So I'm like kind of envious of that too

I I cannot for the life of me wrap my mind around what it feels like to have a penis in your vagina and it feels good Yeah It's probably super dope because they have more nerve endings Is that true? Yeah, it is like way more Like i'm on the bottom of the totem pole, you know like you got more nerve endings because you got a hood And then uh, you know, they got they got vaginas. So they they got yeah

And then they got you know, vagina's got like a lot more nerve endings and like also like You know, you've seen guys in porn like have like an orgasm And sometimes it's like great and like whatever but when you see some of these women have orgasms. It's like And they like, you know, they're sweating their legs are you know over their head and they can't see And they start crying like that's a powerful thing happening there. Oh orgasms like that Yeah, well like women have ones where they go blind. I think don't they don't women go blind? Yes at times they do um I for one has have never made anyone go blind

No, I've never blinded anyone never in a situation not even outside of the sexual realm Yeah, see can an intense orgasm uh Cause you to go blind Uh, it's it's There's a chance at an orgasm that earth Shakingly powerful could actually cause the loss of your eyesight. It's extremely unlikely, but it's possible and it's because you have a uh

Blood vessels in your eyes and like when you orgasm it will pop them and then you go blind Like I've seen like, you know, I've seen like the undertaker You know what I mean? Like after he lands a tombstone like the eyes roll back in the back of the head and shit Oh, this actually happened to a dude It recently happened to a 29 year old man from Southampton who didn't notice that there was anything wrong until the morning after And then went to the doctor the next morning According to the son. He had an ex he had experienced a hemorrhage in his eye caused by a pressure buildup during sex Well, that sounds like this sounds like this guy was having a stroke though

It sounds like he was having the hell of a time A buildup during sex. He was like, oh, oh, and then he went blind See there that's that is where coming's not fun for me anymore I can't lose my eyes. No That I want to be good, but not that good But even like the feeling of like you're gonna like pass out for a second. I don't like that one either Oh Oh

Have you ever undertaken or you're like my my eyes. Yeah, I don't know I feel like girls undertake her more than guys Yeah, like girls girls will you know, they'll undertake They'll yeah, it's an undertaking. Yeah Yeah For sure That's all I got I'm leaving right there

Yeah, but yeah, I don't think I don't even I don't even Think that's a gay dream to be honest Kissing a man in your dream is good. No, I do. We're doing it to prove a point to each other. Yeah, we were striking vibes Yeah, we were striking vibes. It's just like we didn't have a sexual history of playing video games and sucking each other's cocks Yeah, I mean that was a little different. That was you know, it's that's our story on it's our love story on steroid Right. You never banged my game puss God, man Um, no, I have never done that, but you know, it's early, you know, you could be having a dream tonight that no one knows about

Would you tell me if I fucked you in a dream 100% I would think it was hilarious I don't look at I really don't look at dreams like that like like I don't have exciting dreams, man My dreams are so mundane. Yeah, but you don't you don't remember most of them You've definitely sucked a cock in your travels, dude or been sucked I really don't think so I Love how you're saying definitely Because I just feel like that's an action. That's a 100% normal thing to dream about

Like take take everything away of like the jokes and all that I think it's 100% normal for people to have homoerotic dreams Okay, does it make you gay? No, obviously not. What are you doing later? That's nothing you want to come over. It's not prove it No, what are you doing later? Yeah, no, I don't think it makes you gay. I just think that that's I mean that's a gay sitch I mean if you had to throw that dream into a category like if you had a folder of them You put it under the gate and there was a dream oscars. I'd be nominated for like best supporting gay actor

I mean, I well, yeah, I mean Best supporting actor in a gay film. Yeah, you directed it. It was you know, it could be picture of the year. Yeah Dude, if we if we did that for some reason and like Movie world we would be heroes What it's like when two straight dudes played two gay dudes No, I mean that's been done No, that's what I'm saying. They were like, oh man, like they really like they went for it now. Let me ask you this Yeah, remember when brian cranson played somebody in a wheelchair and they were upset that they didn't give it to a wheelchair person

Yeah In that movie with kevin heart or he's just like I don't remember but so there was like a backlash they were like they could have hired like somebody like a like a An actual disabled person a disabled actor right now if Two actors

Are straight but they portray being gay Should they you think they should cast gay actors? I think it would be in their best interest too because they'd probably do a better job But he's ledger and jay jello hall straight dudes got soups gay They're also a world-class actors. Yeah, that's what i'm saying That's what I think with brian cranson. I was like, hey listen if you can find somebody in a wheelchair That acts just as good as this dude We'll give him the job

Yeah, you know what i'm saying it's like I I actually haven't seen broke back mountain in length I have seen them passionately cowboy kiss Oh, dude, they can't they passionately cowboy fuck No, I know. I mean yo in that movie. There's just so much like denim rubbing against each other Oh, yeah, dude like those jackets like those heavy jack like those I don't even know what it is. It's like a very like a weird leather and then like cheap wool and shit Yeah, it's like, you know, there's a lot of friction with the clothing and a lot of man kissing. Yeah

um Yeah, I was looking dudes though. Good for them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, r.i.p. He's got like steve bushemi up there. That would be tough Yeah There's somebody out there in the world that thinks steve bushemi is like hot as shit Probably I mean, he's a really funny dude. He's a good actor. He's a cool guy. I guess yeah but you know weird eyes weird mouth

can't lose Clear hearts was it full full hearts clear skies was it clear eyes full hearts can't lose. That's it clear skies Pilots, what the fuck are we talking about? I don't even know what the fuck i'm saying Uh, yeah, I don't think i'm gay No, I don't think anyone thinks you're gay, but I do think they think you love me I mean, I do love you. It's just like Do you love me like you I mean you let me get up or lip

Yeah, which I never do I never I never let you get there I don't really Stack lips. I don't think you just go on top lip to lip. No, dude. You got to get Underneath that thing Bite that shit. I don't know. I don't really know You don't bite you don't bite lip No, I don't do that

I don't I just I just find it to be like cliche god you're it like bothers me. You know it's cliche I don't do that either you do that I do what You go We talked about kissing your wife on your fucking wedding day and you're like, oh you gotta go No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no wedding day is different Thank god I kissed you in this dream because you probably would have And I would have been like, yeah, I would have hated you

You don't even know how to kiss in dreams, bro. If I kissed you in real you can't even kiss if I kissed you in real life You wouldn't even be able to fucking control yourself I don't kiss like that. I didn't follow up kiss you. Did I no, but you fucking your eyes were closed and shit And I y'all that's Like pulled away and then that was it and then I went home. Did I slowly open them like I was like Yeah, like like you did something like you were like you wanted to do it So i'm gonna say you wanted it I blushed there you have it folks. That was it. You wanted it. I blushed

I'd fucking do it again too. Fuck proud of it Proud of every one of those units proud of every one of those units chocolate fucking daddy chocolate fucking daddy All right, I guess we could wrap this up because there's nowhere to go from kissing your friends. Nope Danny, where can I find you add Daniel a priority on instagram and twitter check out my only fans too. It's free Okay, posted some songs on there Doing some live stream q and a's with some peeps on there too It's only fans.com slash Daniel a priority and uh

Check out the stank podcast with me and mr. Frank alvarez youtube.com slash the stank podcast And check out our patreon patreon.com slash the stank podcast back to the leaderboard job Yeah, you guys can follow me on instagram at joe sanagato go follow the show at the base meyard And uh, go check out our patreon patreon.com slash the base meyard. You get every episode Um a week in advance and you also get the daily content of the morning meeting. Okay, so that is all We will see you guys next time

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