The Basement Yard - #251 - A Record Setting Ass

Episode Date: July 20, 2020

Danny sets a world record...with his ass, Joe saves a child from certain death & much, much, more! Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Guys, go check out our Patreon where you can get our daily morning show and next week's episode today. Good afternoon and welcome back to the basement yard, Danny, how's it going? Oh my God, we're back again. Brothers, sisters, everybody say ha.

Is it say or sing? I don't know what he says. Does he tell us to say it or just sing it? Everybody say ha, everybody say ha, or say ha. I don't know. They never talked right, those fucking kids. No, they never did. JT said meh.

What? It's gonna be meh. Oh yeah, it's gonna be meh. Come on, man, it's me. How did they let that one slide? Oh, no, it's me. It's me, it's very, it's me. How did the engineer not go, they do get back in there,

say meh. Oh my God, my head. Well, if you said my head and grabbed your nose. I did, I did. It honestly hit the visor. Yeah. Now honestly, it looks like it could be your real hair. Yeah, man, maybe I'll just go blonde.

I feel like a lot of people are dying their hair blonde these days for some reason. You all right, you got some in the mouth? I got, I got, there was, my hair was flying everywhere. I'm shedding like a fucking golden retriever with this thing. That shirt is popping though. Shirt is popping, I love the shirt. You know, it makes me feel like I'm on vacation.

And you know. Did we get that at Party City? Yep, we went to Party City and bought it. I think we got that at Party City. Yeah, we used to go to Party City a lot. We used to, we used to keep that place a business, dude. And that, I feel like every Party City never has shit. They never have anything,

but they did have stuff this day. Yeah, they did. We bought a whole bunch of Hawaii-wise. For no reason. And they were like five bucks, you remember that? Yeah, like if, listen, if I was big into Hawaiian shirts, which I am, I think I'm a Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, I would constantly and frequently go to Party City.

Yeah, dude. Because all the shirts are very cheap. And everything's like not expensive at all there. Not only that, but like this thing fucking like is silky. Like it feels good on my skin. And I got a little bit of a sunburn going because you know, I'm a whitey. Oh, because you went for a run with no shirt on today.

Do you want to talk about that or what? No, I mean, what are we going to talk about? I mean, it was hot out there, it was humid. The boy was sweating, the shirt was soaked. Yeah, but like how often do you go running with no shirt on? It depends how much I sweat. Sometimes I get through. If there's no one around, I'll pop my shirt off.

You know what I mean? But I get bare. You're in public though. My voice cracked. I get in bare. No, because you know, I feel weird taking my shirt off and just being like, I'm just going to run around now. People are like, oh, OK, take it easy, buddy.

Where do you put your shirt after that? Do you tuck it into your underwear? Well, this is going to, all right. I don't want to talk. I didn't want to have to say this. Do have a fanny pack. So you shove your wet one? No, no, no.

I just talk to you. I'm not glad. I just, you say fanny pack? I got, yeah, I got a fanny. But it's not even a fanny pack. There's no fanny. It's just like for running. It's like it's very tight to your body, and it's small,

so you could fit your phone and keys. All right. And also, fanny pack, you know people wear it in the front? I think you're supposed to wear it in the back to be on top of your fanny. I wear, yeah, I think it's supposed to go there. But I wear mine in the front because I did wear it in the back because I felt like it was cool.

But it bounces around back there. Like my ass is just bouncing when I run, dude. Like it's really just, you know, it's bouncing all over the street. So if I run it to the, if I get to the front, you know, it just kind of stays in place more. I see now I never really thought about that. Now I've never really thought about that. It has to be on your ass for it to be a fanny pack.

If not, it's just, it's a junk pack. Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a puss pack. How do you fit a shirt in there though? I don't, I like tuck it into like the, the fucking band that's going around me so that it just stays on there. Yeah, or I held it in my hand because sometimes literally, I'm not even kidding. Sometimes it's so wet that it's heavy and it like pulls the thing down.

So I have to hold it in my hand. Do you get recognized on your runs at all? Only once. Only once. Yeah. Well, you run around a story with no shirt on now. So if people listen to the show, they just got to wake up bright and early and just sit outside

and hopefully pass them by. I don't do it typically. It's just, it's been super humid. Like I didn't even, I was going for like a, not a playful run, but like a very easy run today. But it's so humid, I'm just soaking wet. I was trying to run five miles. I only made it three and a half.

I was dry heaving. I don't even think, oh my God. Remember that whole thing when I was like, I could run a mile in under 10 minutes. There's no physical possibility of this dance. There's no way. There's no way I could do it. I just know now, like listen, like.

Nah dude, you shed a bunch of weight. Yeah. But I don't know if I can run though. Yeah, but like you got to work up to running. You know what I'm saying? Like I can't even run that well either compared to like, you know, these like thin ass runners that are running around out here with all kinds of bands

and shit. Yo, people, white people that are mad skinny running with a headband on or like some sort of like bandana. Those people are fast. Dude. Those runners. When you weigh like 110 pounds and you're like the male sex and you're running, it's like, yo, what are you doing?

Like eat a sandwich. I feel so bad like seeing them like, and they always look like they're struggling. Like they're dying. Because they're on their 400th mile. You're just like, I don't just like guys, like just stop, just go home. Yeah, you ever see a grown person speed walking?

Oh yeah. And they just like shake their hips and they walk. And I'm like, dude, you look like a flamingo that has, that needs ACL surgery. Like just run, just jog. I think, I think, I think if, listen, speed walking to me is cooler than jogging. No.

Because you get to pimp that shit a little bit. Like you can't really pimp jogging. Like, yeah, you get to pimp it a little bit. What is cool about this? See, isn't cardio cumulative? Is that the right word? I don't know what you're trying to say. Like if you walk 10 miles,

is it the same as running three miles? I think it, as far as what, calories? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I don't know if that's the exact difference, but I mean, your heart rate, I believe is the reason why like you burn calories. I don't think if I walk 10 miles,

I would burn the same amount of calories as I did if I ran like four. Well, like how accurate are the things at the gym? Like every time it's like, oh, if you- That's bullshit. That stuff makes no sense to me. How is that machine gonna calculate that I'm running at seven?

I don't even know what it is, seven miles an hour? Is it a mile an hour? Well, they can calculate that because the speed of the belt is how fast you're running. Unless you fall off of it, then you're not running that fast. But they can calculate that. But it's different if what your weight

is different than my weight. So the way that I burn calories is different than yours. Oh yeah. You know what I'm saying? But see, that's the thing. I just like to walk. I don't like to run. It's not because of like my lungs

and like my heart are gonna explode. It's because like my knees and then my back hurt. I understand. But you know, you just need to get that heart rate up. That's it. Yeah, yeah. It's just like- You need to suffer.

That's where running is. You wanna know what it is? Running is suffering. You know what I gotta do is I gotta get my core. I gotta get down to my core. Your core. Down to my mantle and my crust and build it up. Yeah.

Start at the bottom. I'm very weak. My IT bands are very tight. Man, I don't even know what that is, but- That's it. You ever been on a foam roller, obviously you have. Yeah. Talk about torturing yourself.

Yeah. A foam roller is torturing yourself. So I don't know how you go on all these runs and like you have time to take your shirt off and sweat throughout Queens and do all these things. I couldn't even imagine running, especially in the summertime. Give me a nice winter run

and I'll put a bunch of stuff on and I'll pretend I'm a boxer. You ever pretend you're a boxer while you're running? Literally every time I go running. Cause my arms get tired. So I need to like, you know, get the lactic acid out of there. The galactic acid.

Yeah, I want to get the alien acid out of me. I want people to think that I know what I'm doing and they're being like, all right, this guy has a fight or something coming up. Like he's cool. When I wear a crew neck, I feel like a boxer. You know what I'm saying? There's something about a crew neck

that I feel like I just want people to think I know what I'm doing out here. You know, Mike Tyson used to go for runs with no music. Like 10 mile runs. I mean, I would just, I'd be a different person after that. If I could do anything, I don't think I could do anything without music at all.

I once went for a run and then like, when I got two blocks from my house, my headphones died and I only made it like just past a mile and was like, I can't do this. I turned around and went home. Now, can you do running inside at night? On a treadmill? Or like in a park?

Or do you like to see the scenery? Do you like to go for the little scooty runs? I'd rather be on a track. See, you always have to go back. That's what sucks. At least a track, you can call it quits and you're still in the same spot more or less. Well, for me, the track is like,

I can see where I need to go. Like it's four laps around the track is a mile. So I could see where I started and be like, I just got to get back there. And I could just like divide the miles into four. And like when you get halfway, you're like, I could really hit this mile. But look, this is all math.

This is all math. I can't do math. I got to run and do math. It's not math because there's eight lanes or nine lanes or some shit. And when I ran the eight miles at the track, I would start in the first thing and then every mile, like when I was on my second mile,

I would be in the second fucking thing. So I would know what mile I'm at. You also have a watch that you can just look at and just know how far you're going. Yeah, you said you tried out your running watch. My watch versus my phone. Cause the phone's fast. That's why.

Oh yeah. Dude, look at me. I look like I retired to Florida and I hate my wife. Hey, listen. That sounds great. I was just going to say that. It doesn't sound terrible. It sounds amazing.

It doesn't sound terrible. You know, we could use you down here. Dude, all I want to do is retire to Florida at some point and hate my wife, love my kids and play a whole bunch of fucking golf. You know what I'm saying? You are never going to retire. So I want to take that seriously,

but I know that if you ever try to stop doing anything, you'll die. You're like a shark. Dude, I just want to smoke cigars on like a hammock every morning. You know what I'm saying? But isn't that true if a shark stops swimming and dies? The fuck?

How do they sleep? They're moving when they sleep. You're telling me. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. A shark is moving and sleeping? Do sharks move when they sleep? I know whales sleep.

Whales sleep. They sleep vertically like bats. Some sharks, such as the nurse shark that have spiracles. I don't know what the fuck that is. That's alien shit. That force water across their gills allowing for stationary rest.

Sharks do not sleep like humans do, but instead have active and restful periods. So they don't sleep, bitch. I can't, I don't think. So what do they do? They don't rest? You gotta rest. You gotta rest.

Yeah, they have rest periods, but they don't sleep, motherfucker. I don't believe this. One to 10. 10 being absolutely no shot. Shark comes up to you at the beach. How much of a chance do you have? How does he come at me?

Does he come at me from a side or from the front? Shallow water. Yeah, so I got my legs. You got your legs, your arms are out of the water, your legs are in the water though, and he comes up behind you. How do I know he's there? I turn around and he's, whoa.

Not yet, like you feel him like touch you before he bites you. Like you have to turn around and react. Or do you want to face him head on? I think I have like a 40% chance because if I turn around, just sock this fucking shark in the eye, I could probably, you know, skedaddle out of there.

But if he grabs hold of my leg, he's dragging me into the deep parts of the Pacific. Being bit by a shark in living, like not losing an arm or like something crazy. He's getting like a cool scar. I think I would do it. I think I'd take one for the team, be like, oh yeah, it's a shark bite.

Shark just fucking just absolutely. It's an instant conversation starter. It's like the Harambe kid. That kid can go anywhere he wants now. You probably will have some nerve damage and maybe you're like, your pinky finger won't really work that much. But I mean, you have a cool thing.

You get reminded of the shark every time you try to like play sports. Yeah, like you used to play like the ukulele. That's out, can't play that anymore. Because of the shark bite, but like, you know, you get on like ABC and shit. Yeah. Do you remember those stories?

Like on ABC where they would have like stories about like people that were bit by sharks and they would be like surfers who would get their legs ripped off and then they would go back and start surfing again. Yeah. It's kind of not the like. If I got bit by a shark on my ass

and he took out the smallest minuscule piece of my cheek, I would never go in the fucking ocean again, let alone rip my whole fucking arm off. I may never take a shower again. I'd be terrified to have a hydrofo. I just think there's a difference between like, oh my God, this is like heroic and crazy in between just being like, you know what,

what are we doing here? A part of me though, like, dude, I don't want to get bit by a shark, but I definitely want to punch a shark. You know what I'm saying? Like I definitely want a shark to come up and be scaring everyone and roll, trying to get out of the water.

And then I just fucking sock this shark like a couple times like and just get the fuck out of there. That'd be awesome. I just want one run in with the shark. Yeah, I kind of want like, but not like a great white or something like that. Just something that I could fucking jab and just get out of there and be like,

yo, I, you know, fucking absolutely crush this shark. That'd be dope. I mean, there's hammerhead shark. I think they're mean. There's mad sharks. You just said nurse shark. I don't know what the fuck that is. Yeah, I think that like helps you

after the other sharks bite you. Yeah. Nurse shark, hammerhead shark, great white shark. Is there just like a mediocre white shark? Tiger sharks. Tiger shark, sand shark. I'll also say this, hammerhead sharks would never have sex with that shark ever.

Definitely not my type. No, but you could grab it and go for rides on it. Don't people do that? Don't they grab them and ride them? No one grabs sharks and rides them. I think they do. I think there's fucking weird ass people that do that shit. I mean, no, maybe like Johnny Tsunami

from the Disney channel or some shit. If a kid was being bit by a shark, how do you help it? Do you just run up and punch it in the head? You gotta sock them in the eye, dude. You gotta really gotta punch their eye. I think that's the only part of them that you can like hurt. Don't, isn't it like if you pet a shark against the grain, you could cut your hand?

I don't know, they probably have like barnacles and shit on them. Yeah, and yo, what's with those little fish that swim under sharks? Like sharks just let that go. They're like, yeah, this guy can stay. You know what I'm saying? They always got these little fish with them.

I was in the ocean over here and they have the little, they were just the little sharks that come and eat your dead skin. What? Yeah, these little, not sharks, I'm a fucking idiot. They're fish, they're called fish, but they come up and they swim up against you

in these big schools and they did, and they suck on your little feet. Oh, hell no, bro. If a school of fish ran up on me, I'm fucking kicking and screaming. Dude, I went fucking snorkeling, I saw a shark. I would love to do that. That's why I'm right underneath me.

I would love to do that. And a fucking barracuda. Yeah, dude. Which was gross. Ooh, barracuda. Barracuda. But somebody would have to save my life if I got attacked by a shark.

I wouldn't know what to do. I could barely punch a human accurately. How am I gonna punch a fucking shark accurately? Yeah, I'm not gonna, yeah. You know, I would just try to, I gouge it. You know, if it got hold of my leg, now you're like stuck in place right here. These two fingers are going right in your fucking eye socket.

Yeah. I'm ripping your eye out. Do sharks have a blowhole? Nah. Man, that was bad, I think. They got gills. No, well, Dolphin's got a blowhole. Yeah, that's how they breathe.

Do sharks have blowholes? Dude, you've never seen a shark come up for air and just, that's never happened. Sharks have two fins that break the surface, the dorsal and the caudal. Dolphins have just one. Sharks can tend to only stick a small tip of their docile fin out of the water, though,

which sometimes means the caudal remains under the surface. I don't know what any of this means. All I know is they don't have- They don't have a blowhole. Why do some have a blowhole and some don't? Some people gotta breathe. Dolphins are like sharks. Dolphins are against sharks.

They will fuck up a shark. Dolphins will save you from a shark. They like humans. I think dolphins can be gay. They rape. No, we've talked about that, but can they be gay? I think dolphins can be gay. This thing, Newsweek, more gay dolphins

observed off coast of Western Australia. Yeah, because dolphins are a very progressive animal. Yeah, dude, they're like- They can protect you. They can, like, no other animal protects humans like that. You know what I'm saying? Dogs, but also dogs could be gay. You know what I'm saying?

I've seen boy dogs hump my dog's face at the park. Yeah, that's hot though. It's like, you know, it's different when, like, you know, you're just humping because you're in heat or whatever the fuck it is. But humping a face is like, okay, there's some intent behind that. Like chill.

See, I always feel like cats, like cats could be gay. Oh yeah, they're all sassy and like judgmental. Like, oh, my food's not out yet. Like, all right, fine. I'll just go hide behind the fridge. Yeah, fuck this. Dude, I hate cats, dude. Get that ugly dog out of here.

Dude, how do you hide anything from a cat? You know what I'm saying? With a dog, you could just take, like, you know, your favorite cereal and just put it on top of the fridge, but somehow your cat ends up there. I love everything about dogs, but I do wish that they had a little bit

of the independence that a cat has. They just sleep, you know what I'm saying? But cats, like, they just lurk around. And I feel like they're always like, oh, this apartment's so dirty, like, ew. And you're like, ew, fuck you, man. Like, I don't need this. I don't need you.

And then, like, any time we touch a cat, it's like, well, why are you here? Yeah. So what are you doing here? So what are you doing here? Why are you here right now? Dude, I don't know how the cat spine works, but when you pet a cat, they elongate.

Like, their ass goes 10 feet in the air. They're like, ooh, like, it's so weird. Dude, have you ever seen a fucking cat's asshole? You can't miss a cat's asshole. Is there any uglier asshole on Earth than a cat? Baboons, baboons. Yeah, but a baboon's total package is gross. It's like, cats don't have ass cheeks.

They just have this disgusting thing that looks like a knee scab. Yeah. And I'm like, this asshole's disgusting. Yeah. But every time they shit, it's like, wow, wow. Wait, cats shit like that? Yeah, they don't take silent shits.

They take shits and like, they yell about it? Yeah, they're like constantly doing That's weird shit. Yeah, I couldn't do some cats take these take silent pisses And how is it? I don't understand how litter boxes work Nothing about that would be enticing to me as an animal that I'm gonna go in this Box full of shit and piss and then I'm gonna shit and piss in it and it's fake dirt. It's got crystals in it It's an amazing invention don't get me wrong But the fact that we've got cats so trick that it's like hey guys all cats are gonna shit in this scented dirt

And they love it. They love it. I mean for that. I think if you're gonna have a cat You get I mean I get it like you're gonna have Like cat litter. I just feel like You know and we actually have a sponsor on this show of cat litter which is hilarious and like that one makes sense to me Right. Yeah, we'll get into why but with the pretty litter It's like it helps out you figure out like if your cat pisses in this You'll know if it's got some like health problems, but just to have a box of dirt in your house for your cat to pee on is It's weird. Also cat piss is just like it's like a fucking like

It's almost to the point where you feel like you're gonna pass out It's like ammonia like mixed with Lysol like you tried to make it in your bathroom You're gonna fucking pass out. Yeah I used to have a couple of friends where I would go to their house and god Listen god bless them, but their house just smelled entirely like cat piss. Yeah cat pee and cigarette smoke You can't get that smell out and a lot of times they go hand in hand They go hand in hand. Okay, and now if you got a smoker who's got multiple cats that house is there's no help in that house You got a repaint. You know how there's like the stereotype of like the cat lady. It's weird because those are true

I've been watching a shitload of hoarders on Netflix Every they have cats they have so many cats that some of them just die and they don't know like they just find them while They're moving stuff out. They're like, oh like cuddles died. I can't find them He's trapped under like 8,000 news weeks from like 1987 I've seen that episode where they moved like a fucking Box of old pictures and there was a flattened cat Underneath this box that she was like, oh there she was and it's like dude Imagine having so much shit in your house that your cat could die in it

And you could never find and you wouldn't even know and you just let it go Your cat is missing and You don't find it You gotta get out there and you find that fucking dog One of the best lines ever. I think it's time to play dodgeball Who's ready for dodgeball Man, I want to get into this before I forget. Yeah, I'm now a world record holder Oh, yes, you are we talked about this very long ago that Danny was gonna do this which it's under

It's still being reviewed by the council council says it's under review But if you go to the basement yard, you know Instagram page, you can see me beat this record When I tell you that this was way harder than it looks To hold yours ass Stationary to the sky first of all I did this for the people like as much as I did it for me I did it for the people that believed in me. Yeah, a lot of people didn't think I could do this shattered the record In my mind a lot of people, you know came out and I could hear I could see like you know movies were like Yeah, the faders Rocky get Rocky

Knocked out and but it's like people's faces fading in and now it's like you can't do a rock your bum rock He's gonna marry you. He's gonna bury you. He wants to bury you. Yeah, so I was just like, you know like And I just stacked this shit on my ass and I was like, oh my god once I got to ten I was like, okay, let's do it right and then I got to eleven held it for five seconds and then twelve But then I got excited and I got her key jerky and all the cars fell off my ass When I tell you that I could not breathe the entire time My diaphragm was crushed. So for anyone who doesn't really understand what he's saying Danny is now the world record holder not officially that it's under review, but it'll clear

of the most hot wheels cars Stacked on your ass and to accomplish this he needed to throw his legs over his head Making his asshole, you know evident to this like, you know show it off to the Sun and Stack cars on it and he beat the record, which was 10. I believe you got 13 12 12 he got 12 Hold on. I Totally forgot To bring this up to you because this just reminded me when I said your asshole is facing the sky

Apparently there is a thing happening right now And I have to look up the actual name People are tanning their assholes Right sick and they're calling it something. Oh Perineum Sunning, right? Perineum pernini Perineum

Uh Perineum Sunning right and what you do is you go outside, Nate uh-huh, you know and You throw your legs over your head and you spread your stuff so that your asshole can get all of the Sun And the guy who started this was like on Instagram. He said that, you know 30 seconds of Sun Will give your body more energy like through your asshole then Walking around all day with your clothes on This guy has to listen to the show

I don't know but this is this is something that we would come up with and I feel like it's my you know Civic duty or moral duty or whatever to tell you guys that doctors are not on his side Of course not you're gonna get fucking Sun You're gonna get sunburned on us and that's gonna hurt you Dude, that would hurt so much. Oh my god wiping a sunburned asshole good luck Shifting through all the sunburn asshole. That's about you. It's gotta open. I thought that we were Looking to make our buttholes lighter this day and age people like to bleach their assholes I think it's just about energy, you know cuz him and his boys did it

It was him and his boys It was a group of boys When you say energy like what is like a power-up like like like a like a superhero I don't know man. Just like drink some tea or something. I'm sure there's an easier way than to you know, tan your aim Don't people drink tea through their ass. I think people put teabags in their ass I feel like people are just experimenting with their butt in quarantine because they don't know what to really do I mean, that's fine But it's just like don't tell me to go out there and whip these legs around my head and spread these cheeks and tan this fucking

Already brown asshole. Yeah, yours yours is like, you know, and mine's like purple Some I looked at it. I looked at it again the other day And I feel like some sun has sneaked in through my trunks because my butthole is darker than you Yeah, that might just be like you're you were cold. Maybe you just got out of the water. Maybe Yeah, yeah, I did have kind of a I had a pucker day I feel like your butt is this is made it like your rim is made of the same skin as Like your lips and nipples, you know, that's exactly what it is They like turn different colors in different kind of heats. It's like a mood ring. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, you can tell how someone's mood is by looking at their asshole. What color it is Yes, and I've been I've been known to have a pretty good relationship with my asshole. Yeah, but like I Feel like after I waxed it the hair grew back really really slowly But I'm gonna have to wax it again because I'm getting a colonic done. Oh Yeah, you're spraying the inside of that butt Yeah a part of me Well, I looked it up. I watched one on YouTube You have to make an immediate dash for the bathroom and shit your brains out. That's gonna be dope

That's gonna be real cool Yeah, but I feel like I'm gonna be like a human snow globe with like little shit particles like dude Shooking around on my stomach poop is going to slide out of you It's just gonna be incredible They're 100% gonna find like some kind of foreign object in there like a fire extinguisher like a half-eaten License plate. Yeah, I think I think so too. Just like a full cigarette is gonna be in there But poop is just gonna fly out of you like an egg covered in soap I think you get to watch it too. They have like little windows. You get to watch yourself get sprayed

You get to see like the cycle of the water and the shit I don't know if I it's like a asshole car wash with the fuck. Yeah, and it's a hundred dollars Which I thought getting your whole asshole cleaned would cost more so now I'm starting to question it like should I go to like doctor like the dr. James Andrews of like But whole cleaning. Yeah. Yeah, I mean Yeah, the hundred dollars kind of send you for a loop there. You got to figure like Cullen's pretty big Also, you're working with a monster down there too. Yeah, like I don't want anything entering my asshole that like could be purchased on Groupon You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, you don't want a group discounts

I don't I don't want a group on my asshole. No, that would be irresponsible No, I want my butthole to be taken care of by like somebody who's like worked on like Hulk Hogan or like, you know Like a celebrities, you know what I mean? I want the same asshole guy that Hulk Hogan You want to walk in into his office and see him, you know shaking hands with like Presidents and you know, right? It's like when you Like you walk into like a jeweler's place and they got pictures with like random celebrities I want to walk in and be like, oh, all right Sylvester Stallone's daughter's got their ass pumped here. So like I could do that. Yeah, exactly

That's what I want. I want to go where famous ass has been pumped So I could join the wall of ass pump and be a pumped asshole in the ass pump hall of fame That was really hard to follow but I do understand what you're saying. Yeah, the kids at home We'll get it. Yeah, the kids will home speaking of kids. I saved a kid's life the other day Yesterday I saved I saved a life like I don't I mean I might be playing it up, but I think I saved a life You know, just like that's what I do now. Let me just practice. I run And I saved lives You saved a person's life while on a run. Yeah, dude

All right I'm basically fucking Batman in this neighbor from the top from the top from the top I'll be the judge. I'll be the judge if this is a saving or not. Oh, it was a safe. I have legitimate life saves I've said I saved it. So here's the thing. I was on a run and I'll paint the picture I want the weather. I want it. Oh, okay. Look, I woke up in the morning and I was like I'll be honest with you. My eyes were kind of hurting because I slept in my contacts and I was like fuck So I was kind of pissed off because the shits are all foggy, right? So you got to get in bed. You really got a like, you know, I'm saying like a cartoon wake up really rub them, right?

When I got my site, I Decided like today we're gonna test the watch versus the phone thing. You know what I'm saying? and so I did that and my first mile I ran and I used my watch, you know, okay, and then it was fine and then on the way back. I was using my phone now I got like half a mile into my run home and I'm coming down this block and The block is like a bunch of and it's hot man. The boys sweating shirts on though

Yeah, you know, I wasn't as human as it is today, but it was very humid and I was working have to pop the top Didn't have to pop if you save the kid with no shirt on then, you know, we gotta we got to think about it We got it, you know, exactly. There's gonna be other people involved here. That turns it to an abduction. That's her. Yeah I could yes. Yes, and also I'm very slippery He could have slipped out of my grasps and who knows what would have happened at that point. Oh But I was wearing a shirt, you know, it was a dry fit shirt So it was sucking up a lot of the the sweat. It was good. It was it was perfect scenario there as far as Huh sleeves. Yes sleeves short sleeves good. Good. Actually, I was wearing long sleeves. Oh nice

Good for you trying to get that extra sweat. Yeah, I don't know why So anyway The block has it's just like a bunch of apartment buildings and in the in between the apartment buildings are like openings And they just have like basement apartments there, right? Okay, and there's like a little bit of like a front yard or whatever but anyway I'm running and I'm on one side of the street and I see This kid who's maybe one or two years old and he's making a break for the street You know and then behind him is a kid

Who I assumed was his brother who was a little older than him, but still very young maybe Three or four and he's kind of like smiling. So I don't think he realizes That his brother's about to get a smoked by a van, right? Because there was a car He's like, oh, we're playing a game. This could have been a double, you know a double bang bang of two children I don't know. So I'm running. I'm running and I see this kid and I see his brother Chasing him and then his mom Notices and goes on foot. I'd starts running so I've run across the street because there's a car coming and

I get to where he is And I just go whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa like this right with my hands out I go whoa, whoa, whoa like that and the kid just gets like both of them kind of get scared and they stopped and Like I just kind of had my hand on this kid's shoulder while the car passed because I didn't want to let you know Book it out of there. So there was a parent present. Yeah, but she what she like was like she wasn't that fast, dude She wouldn't make it typical. Did you do the stereotypical like oh my god, my baby No, she was just like, you know, I think honestly it would have been fine

He didn't step out into the street like he didn't make it there Was it like an Austin Powers thing where like he's about to get run over by that slow-ass car No, I wasn't like that like the car was moving but like I don't know if the car saw him and I didn't really pay attention to the car Is it like or whatever? I didn't even try to motion to the car, which I should have done but I just ran up and I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and Because at that point he like made it to the sidewalk It's like a it's not a driveway, but it's like a little whatever so he made it pretty far and his mom was like running and

I stopped him and then she go and she was just like, oh my god. Thank you so much And then I was just like Trump 2020 and then I ran away No, no tip. Well, you should pay me. Here's four bucks Hey, somebody saves my baby for getting hit at least I can do is give him five bucks. No, no, no She she said like thank you so much I was like don't worry about and like we kind of just like sit there and like talk for a second But I because I was explaining I was like, I was running down the block. I saw him and you know, whatever

There's nothing there's nothing better than explaining what you just did after you did something great Yeah, I had to like it was like I was coming in house You know I was run luckily I didn't mention you can imagine I was like I was testing my watch I didn't just see everything that happened. It was like, yeah, I was just running something told me to come over here Just like whoa, whoa, whoa, I love that you refuse to touch the kid. It was just smart I didn't refuse to touch the kid It was just the kid was like I was still like far away from him But he saw me so I that's when I went like this and he like got scared. You know, it'd be cool like

If you somehow like when you say save a kid to me, it's like You grab him and like he's staring at the car. Just like Yeah, he's gonna die last second you grab him and you guys do like this amazing like Sonic the hedgehog roll and like you perfectly like cradle his head and you're holding him and he's just like Then he starts crying. It's like it's alright. It's alright. That's what I thought was gonna happen. He's like, thank you, sir Yeah, he's like, oh, thank you. Yeah, you know, it'd be cool though being able to like That's the only situation where you could be able to like drop kick a kid and it's like perfectly fine It's like, you know, you'd rather be dead or like take this fucking drop cake from your boy

Oh, man, if that was like acceptable, I would have sent this kid into the stratosphere They would have to hook him off the roof out of sentiment Put him in the chest on a two-year-old. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wow Man say man saves two-year-old also kills two-year-old. Yeah, also. Yeah saves you Saves him from car dies from Bruce chest Saves boy from car kills him with foot and before anyone says anything. I was obviously joking I didn't say this this girl's fucking child and go. Hey, Trump 2020 and run out of there like

Relax also, you know, you know, you should have Here's why you should have Because then we would have saw if it would have changed her mind if she was not a Trump supporter and Imagine she was like, oh my god. Thank you for saving my kid. Oh my god. Thank you so much my baby No, and then you were like all right, and then you were like Trump 2020. She was just like, oh, fuck you piece of fucking shit Yeah, not Trump 2020. I'll just say that but also Dude this weekend. I went out to Long Island. I Think it's so weird that people have gigantic flags in front of their house with it like a Trump flag not and like I mean

I'm not a Trump guy, but even if Let's just say you are Having a gigantic flag. It's just weird Yeah, you're just asking for it at that point to me. That's like antagonizing in a way I mean like I get like supporting like dude, whatever I'm not one of these people that thinks that every Republican in the world is like a racist, you know, whatever blah, blah, blah But also, it's just very weird that you're like, yo

You know blah blah blah. It's like I got whatever Whatever happened to like you didn't tell people who you voted for that's out Remember the good old days where you just went you voted and no and you didn't have to tell anybody you just voted Yeah, you just now you can't do that anymore now You got it, you know, you got to you got to get a flag a tattoo all kinds of merch and shit You know what I hate when people have bumper stickers still in their car from like seven elections. Oh my god, dude What are you doing with an Al Gore sticker? Yeah, it's like vote Gw. Yeah, I'm like, dude

It's like a 1999 Honda Accord. I'm like, let's switch the bumper out or get rid of the car Andrew Jackson Vote for him if you have if you have bumper stickers from three administrations ago, you shouldn't be able to drive that car Yeah, dude, maybe get a new car like you shouldn't be able to be a shouldn't be able to pass inspection Also chill with bumper stickers like let's just know just drive your car, dude What like why do you want your car to be a mobile opinion stator? You know what I hate when people have those stickers on their back window That's like here's a mom and a dad and a girl and two boys It's like I don't give a fuck about your family tree dog. I'm trying to drive. Yeah

Yeah, and then yeah, now I got now. I know how many people are in your family God forbid one of your kids gets run over by a car. What are you gonna do? You're gonna go over there with a little razor blade and X out one of the kids Scrape the kid off cuz he almost got hit by a fucking car. Luckily. I saved his life. Oh We lost one. Yeah, and then you got you haven't you have one for the dog. Oh You know, it's weird too when people have baby on board died like they're trans like they're true Yeah, but like they're transporting some precious cargo like I get it But it's like all right, you know, like I'm not an asshole. I don't drive like an asshole

If a guy is an asshole driver, he's not gonna see a baby and be like, oh, you know what I should slow down. I Get the baby on board, but it's also like it's funny To think that like even if it does work It's like people would otherwise just drive right into the back of your car But it's like let me chill because there's a baby on that board. I just had a baby on that board There's a baby on and you also as you said you slept in contacts in your contacts. Was that right? What'd you just say? You were like I slept in my contacts. Yeah, is that is that the right phrasing? I slept in them

Like I wore them. I thought I thought like you slept with them in. Yeah. Oh You think I like had sex with my contacts. Yeah slept with my contacts. That's what I thought Yeah, I didn't fuck my thought I thought I thought you had coitus with your Contact coitus unless they did in my eyes I don't know anyway, we got some sponsors today, so let's get to those Trump 2020 here's your baby. Here's your baby Or what if I refused to give her baby back? I was like who you go for? Who you vote for goddamn it?

Before we get to the fucking ads, let me just say this there is yeah There's a tick-tock account of this guy who's super conservative and he wears a MAGA hat and all this You know the whole thing and he makes these sketch videos of him and he portrays the liberals as First of all a person who's always wearing a blue shirt, right and they talk like this and they know I hate Oh my god, I'm afraid of everything and I'm like this is a grown man doing this The only thing that's worse than him is his audience. Oh my god. His audience is probably like yeah Snowflake. Oh my god. So true. I love when people call me a snowflake. It's fucking hilarious one woman So I literally was calling me a snowflake and a liberal and all this stuff and it's like all right

Yeah, I am pretty liberal so like but when they call me a snowflake Oh, yeah, all you liberals are like you crying about everything blah blah blah this woman in her Instagram bio had I'm not Republican. I'm independent. So before you trash me in my opinions like just know that and it's like You're gonna call me a snowflake and you have that in your fucking profile like no I would stop. I'm not Shut up. Yeah, anyway, don't worry Kanye West is gonna save the world anyway, so we're gonna that's a whole other fucking piece of shit thing to do You know, honestly, and I love Kanye, but that is so stupid, dude Did you read?

Sorry, I had to get water cuz I'm choking. Did you get a did you read his Forbes article yet? About him being a billionaire No, about the one that he just did about him running for president. No It is fucking ridiculous. I really just like can't I just Because what what happens is is like that takes away some votes like some people are gonna vote for him because they're gonna think It's funny like ten thousand people I think voted for a Rambe that one year and it's like dude, especially in this political like In this political climate, dude, there is you cannot waste a vote

Like it's just not funny and it's not like he's not gonna be president, dude No, he'll get talked out of it. He won't he's not gonna run because it's not it's it's it you're just wasting votes You know what I'm saying like I don't know Kim was not gonna let him run for president Dude, I don't think him can stop him I Will not be voting for I'll say that that is an easy one

That might be the last person on earth that I would vote for besides somebody else Yeah, and it's like I'm not even gonna whatever. Okay. Let's get to these ads Yo used to love your show, but now you guys talk about politics Stick to a dick jokes. Yo stick the farting out of your pussy or in shit Oh Man, okay Okay, you shut up I got you bud. I am shut up. All right

But you know it drives me crazy, you know, it really grinds my aim Um, all right, there's a snow place Again, I won I promise Our first ad for today is mm-hmm, honey Honey is a free browser extension that finds promo codes for you and automatically applies them to your cart Basically when you do an online shopping when you have this extension in it will find coupons for you while you're still shopping And things that you're just like that are in your cart And all you have to do is like this thing drops down you hit apply coupons and you save money and it does

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Yeah, so next time you next time you save a little kid Tell them whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and then slap them on the head with a liquid IV too as you run if I have one on me I would have blew the dust in his face Then you would have really been saving that kids life It's got five essential vitamins more vitamin C than an orange and as much potassium as banana. Okay Liquid IV is also donating 2.3 million servings in response to COVID-19 products are being donated to hospitals first responders food banks veterans and active military But yeah, it's great We'd love liquid IV liquid IV comm and use the code basement at checkout

You get 25% off anything you order when you use the promo code basement that is liquid IV comm The promo code is basement for 25% off anything you order on the site. So go check out liquid IV Next here we have better help better help is online counseling Okay, they are committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches. So they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed You know, you could start communicating in under 48 hours You know, I know that the quarantine has weighed on a lot of people mentally and if they want to start experimenting with therapy I know me and Danny are both in therapy You know, you can start with you know better help and check it out. So go to better help comm slash yard

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Does a lot for you. Okay, so if you've got a cat and you're not using pretty litter What are you doing clearly? You don't care about your cat's life? Okay? Go to pretty litter comm use the promo code basement for 20% off your first order. That is pretty litter comm The promo code is basement 20% off. Okay pretty litter comm And the promo code is basement get that 20% off people save your cat's life All right, and it's pretty and it's pretty exactly But yeah, anyway, I can't take this fucking hair seriously

I'm sorry. I keep seeing it like I see you like getting ready to go into like a topic and you're like, yeah, so here we go This is the hair of a man who's saved a life. Oh Yeah, and like Move somewhere like a beach like you move to the Florida keys and like started your own on the beach bar business And everybody knows you as this guy that like saved the kid from getting Skipped by a car and eaten by a shark at the same time I do look like something like a bartender at a beach bar Yeah, and they call you like Steve or

Steve or Yeah, like you have a regular name, but they just like put her at the end of it jimmer Something like that. Yeah But anyway me me and Danny were kind of talking the other day and we wanted to try to play this game because One one time we did an episode of the basement art if you remember if you're an avid listener It was like the most googled sex questions

So We kind of looked up and we decided to do this game where we pick a random year like in the last 20 years or something and You read off the top five Google searches from that year and then you have to guess what year that is All right You want me to go first? Oh I thought you were explaining to them. I was like, oh, you're also explained the rules to me

I say no, no, no, I'm I already have mine pulled up so I could ask you one first if you'd like A little rando here I have a odds right yes Okay, good. Good. Good. The odd numbered years swine flu inauguration Rush Limbaugh Henry Lewis Gates and let me also state. I don't know who the fuck that is That guy invented Gates

Henry Lewis Gates Don't know who the fuck that is Swine flu I know it. I know it for sure. I know it and it's because of swine flu Let's go 2009 Yes Got it, you know, I know I was a junior in high school and my high school is the epicenter for swine flu

Yeah, like on that one episode where we talked about how swine flu is gonna be worse than coronavirus Did we say that? Yeah, I think you said that Hey, man I I'm gonna tell you right now. I have no sense of time. I'm terrible if I don't know an album that came out that year I do not know. Okay. If I don't know Okay Sarah Palin

American Idol McCain Olympics Hurricane Ike Okay, Sarah Palin, man, and I think Sarah Palin was she did like she did she do porn? No, no, no Lisa and did a bunch of porn's as Sarah. That's what it was. But didn't her daughter do porn? Somewhere daughter her daughter had a kid like really early and like they hit it from the media or some shit. Yeah Little different than porn. All right. So yeah, I would say so so 2020 2016

2012 2008 2004 so I'm gonna go with 2008 Wow, that's right Yeah, how did you know that? I just went by the election years Fuck cuz Palin is running and Palin was running with what's his face? I have no idea John John Kerry Wow forgot about no, he was a Democrat. What am I talking about?

Uh You missed me man. I became an adult whatever whatever months ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot. I don't I don't know So far we're good. I don't even know hurricane Ike don't remember that I Don't remember storms really well like I don't know not at all There were yeah, a lot of things too is going through these I didn't realize how many fucking hurricanes there mad Keynes Mad Keynes Keynes all over the place Keynes over there Keynes over here different named Keynes I want to be on the hurricane naming committee. That's right. That's where my job would I would flourish How do they name a hurricane?

Who the fuck picks Ike Yeah, that's that's phoning it in that had to be a typo. They must have meant to send something else But they missed a key Yeah, and a guy named Mike, they wouldn't let him get Mike, but they let him get Ike Yeah, I mean, I just don't understand hurricanes need cooler names Okay, Janet Jackson Hurricane Katrina Tsunami

Gets better Xbox 360 Yeah, Brad Pitt I feel like I should know when Hurricane Katrina was See I'm trying to think when Like try it like when the Saints won the Super Bowl. I know it's so hard though to think about that was so long ago, bro What was it it was what was the top oh it was Janet Jackson so clearly the tit was popping that year because why else Yo side note Janet Jackson getting her like thing ripped off some and her tit pops Johnna Jackson

Johnna Jackson. No, but Janet Jackson when he got when she got her tit like exposed She was wearing like a ninja star on it. What the fuck was that? Yeah, it was like all over the flow Bam Have you naked by the end of this song and it was like a ninja star on my tit like is she a ninja? The fact that they that was like, hey, you know would be a great thing if I just ripped your fucking titty out I still think that didn't he didn't whip it out. He ripped it off He ripped that fucking titty. I love how they called it a war wardrobe malfunction ain't nothing malfunctioning This was a fucking ambush on the tit

She didn't free the nipple. She covered up with a ninja star as my co-host said, okay? This was a premeditated ass Tit whip. Yeah, also, you know strong your fucking nipple has to be to hold up a ninja star Oh my gosh, that's a strong nip and then the way that he looks at her grabs the tear away piece Rips her tit out and continues to look at her tit and she acts like oh my god my tit came out. Yeah Biggest probably one of the most successful marketing things I've ever seen it was incredible. Also, I will say this That was a dope tit Yeah, Janet Jackson's got some nice tits. I mean, there's a lot of work going on there

There's definitely artificial titties, but like, you know good for her. Good doc. No, I think that I Does she have fake fake knocks? She's in the Jackson family. Yeah, but I don't I mean, you know those people speaking of ninja stars They go as people get diced up more than fucking ginsu's I'm just being honest. I mean, obviously, you know, she's got some stuff going on her face But I think that her tit to me it looked real Do you know how many Dads went right to Google like I gotta see this fucking boat. I

Remember more people were talking about that tit the day after than they were the game. Oh forget I don't even remember the second half Imagine You play football. It's the biggest game in America and You whip your fucking titty out in front of What 30 million people he needed that though probably more city needed that the city needed that titty. Yeah The city the every city needs tits. That's all I'm gonna say

When it push comes to shove a titty can go a long way in saving people's first of all titties boost morale way up Titties make sure that people understand how beautiful women are Okay three titties Can save a child's life just as much as you say the life because they provide food and milk So titties is nothing wrong about a titty now. I will say The way that it was aggressively ripped out was like, oh my god, show me this fucking tit. Yeah

So like that was like sexual there were some sexual assault gone. That's a salt brother Also, you got to figure that if I mean if you're trying to make a statement I mean you got to think that's a great opportunity to you know, maybe that's some some Sponsored space there, you know had she had she you know He ripped that off when there wasn't a ninja star and she just had like a thing that said go daddy calm She could have made millions off of that. Oh, yeah See that's the thing and also it's like if you're gonna go all the way take the ninja star aisle and whip the fucking nip Yeah, let's just yeah fat tip for everyone

Imagine working in the fucking like in the fucking truck. She's being like you guys got that. She's like, yes, you I don't know Oh my gosh, cut out. We cut out like some Things that calls down what happens. She's whipped her kid out, sir There was a star on it. Don't worry Maybe she did that because then she's able to say like it wasn't like Indecent exposure or some shit because it was yeah, you probably get yeah She could probably get like suit or not like Instagram if you're like naked they like take your thing down But if you wear a G string, which is also naked you're good

Yeah This I'm so happy you brought this like if you show your ass We're gonna take this down But if you put a q-tip between your ass cheeks that we can't see because it's swallowed up by ass You're good Yeah, G strings are not close. That's your asshole Like I could see it looks like your ass holes just getting split in half like how people use like those those wires to cut clay That's what it looks like

Looks like it looks like somebody's cutting a donut in half. That's what it looks like All right, I'm gonna guess and I'm gonna say 2000 Five yeah, let's go Impressive I'm crushing this right now Okay, now I'm getting competitive. I'm throwing a ball around in here. I'm fucking competitive. I'm like, all right. Here we go Have you naked by the end of this fucking song fucking tear down right now bring your fucking titties out right now All right, here we go. Oh

my space Paris Hilton 2004 no Fuck all right keep going my space Paris Hilton Orlando bloom podcasting and bankruptcy

When did n-ron happen Why is Orlando Blume a top search? I think I was a junior in high school when her sex tape came out it's 2006 Holy shit, you're right Yeah, dude, don't don't cross me when it comes to jerk in my penis. Yeah Paris Hilton Yep 2006 I remember I was a junior in high school in that dropped because we all went to my friend's house after school to watch You guys watched a porno together?

Yeah, did anyone You know, they're definitely some people tucking their boners, but that sex tape was Horrendous. Yeah, it wasn't great Wasn't great wasn't great wasn't the bludge scene isn't terrible No, it's it's okay, but it's not, you know, it's all in night vision It's like am I watching the Blair Witch project or are we trying to see some porn here? Yeah, yeah, like, you know, I don't want to see a green Paris Hilton Yeah, like why do people why do celebrities do these these like sex tapes at night with like night vision goggles?

Like are you guys? Yeah, what are you doing? Call it duty? Splinter cell turn a lamp. Yeah, what are you fucking Tom Clancy, bro? What is this? What the fuck it's on Tom Clancy rainbow tits Tom Clancy rainbow sex. Oh my god, I am Damn it. You'd be I am making that fucking Photoshop 100% rainbow sex Tom Clancy rainbow sex. It's just gonna be a great wearing fucking night vision goggles That would have been a great pride month post right there

Rainbow sex Killing it. All right, you're like, oh, it's my turn the last one last one and then I get you your last one And the last one that I'm gonna give you is hard Okay Here we go iPhone Webkins webkins don't know what the fuck that is TMZ

TMZ Transformers YouTube pick this one especially for you Webzing what was it? Webkins remember wingdings webdings. No, what was the font wingdings webdings? I think Was like I think it was wing. I thought it was wing. Does anyone use that fucking font Anyone that could read wingdings, please tell me why am I saying it like that? I don't know wing wingdings I can't say that without being emphatic

Wingdings It's like oh spell your name and it's like it's a crab a building a bush and a hockey stick and it's like what the fuck Yeah What's how do you spell your name sir a water bottle a fridge? basket monkey laughing and Devil horns. Thank you. This just looks like a road. I don't know what this is I

iPhone Webkins 2003 TMZ Fuck no, which one? Yeah, give it another guess dude you did YouTube 2000 When did you get big on YouTube? I? Don't know it wasn't this 2011

No, what is it? It rhymes though What? 2007 Joe God. Oh, oh shit. I Was I was thinking like I was trying to go like older But I was think I was like it's not gonna be 2001 because that would have been like terrorism and like 9-11 and shit Never forget. Yeah, never forget but

Yeah, I don't I don't know all right. Here's yours. You want to know it's crazy that Google went all the way back to No, I didn't know what Google was until like four years ago That's a lie Well, I'm six. I didn't know what Google was until like 2008 Google wasn't said as my home screen until like three years ago. That's that's a fact. What was your home screen? yahoo You're so poor

You know, I know it's funny. I feel like poor people do use yahoo Yo, the other there's nothing wrong with that because I was very poor and I was very yahoo you were yahooing. Oh Great great jingle, but also that's Jeeves the other Jeeves used to ask that fucking guy everything That's if you were homeless. Yeah, it was I used to do that But dude the other day I was like searching something up and I was like, what am I what browser is it like what am I on right now? I was somehow made my way into using Bing. Oh Bing had a run dude Bing

Who's using that a Lot of people were using Bing. I remember I'm sure people are using it in like, you know other parts of the world But like yeah, they were like, you know, they're like being it. Yeah, I was like, what the fuck is I was I was actually pissed You got Safari you got chrome and you got Firefox anything else you're losing it dude Safari fucking actually, it's not even those are different things. I think I'm talking about what'd you say? It's gold Safari. What Safari Mozilla and Chrome right What are you thinking about?

Firefox is Mozilla. No, I know but I was saying like why are all these iOS names after dumb ass shit There'll be like iOS lion fire. I'm like, what the fuck is this? It's like can I download this fucking song faster? Yeah, it was like, it's like what was that? It was like Maco Mac. Yeah, it was like Mac OS Catalina wine mixer El Capitan. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. They did call it that. Yeah, who's naming those? nerds Yo, I cannot stand

Fucking Apple like What have they called? The Apple release events that they have They are the fucking worst why it is so annoying to be like Hi, I'm Tim Cook and This year with Apple We wanted to show you people what it's like to build something that's gonna cost you

$1,400 on launch day that you're not even gonna be able to get the size and color that you want But guess what? It has a brand new camera and I'm like, all right Yeah, and they go nuts and they go nuts and it's just like and it's gonna be starting at $1,400 and 99 cents and they go nuts For this fucking same thing and it's the most pretentious fucking shit They're like look at this picture look at this picture that we haven't doctored at all And this is exactly what it's gonna look like on your iPhone as soon as it comes out Look at this now. We have night mode. You could take pictures at night and it's like, okay

That's cool. And then they're like guess what now you can have really big widgets I'm like, okay, cool. And they're like, yeah Android's done all this like five years ago. Yeah, I think that's the phone way like people are like, oh like people who have Androids are so insecure. They're like, yeah, well, it's the latest technology. It's like I don't really care about that Like I just wanted to be clean Apple's very Android if you text me and your shit comes up green. I automatically lose respect for you I don't know what I literally don't keep in contact with anyone who does that No, if you text me and it's green you need to be lost at sea or kidnapped

That's the only way I'm gonna respond to that green ass text That's the only way I'm gonna do it. My brother-in-law has an android and I just refuse to text him I'll just text my sister and be like tell then I said this because I can't Like I'm not gonna I can't I hate all of those things though It should be like we're gonna welcome the head of our photo company Mersproth drama dove and it's always like oh that is like thanks tim this year We really wanted to do it. So we have four camera lenses now and people are like There's a camera on every square inch of this new phone

It's like all right. It's got 7000 megapixels filming at 1080z. Now you could use it in 7k Upload right to your computer. It's 200 000 dollars though Apple is just way too overpriced bro that fucking thing that I bought this laptop. It's like four thousand dollars Yeah chill for what? And I had to buy it because I had to add to the show But I just want to have one time where I can go to one of those things Nobody ever says anything in the crowd just like and it's gonna be 12 thousand dollars. Oh, this sucks Make it cheaper

How do I hide porn How do I hide porn How do I hide porn on it? I hate you know what I hate? I hate that like these phone companies can't just make a waterproof phone Or like a shatterproof phone. It's like we know what you're doing. It's like it's shatter resistant It's water resistant and that just means if I accidentally spill a few drops on it or I sweat on it It's not gonna break, but if I drop it in the toilet It's a wrap I took a picture underwater with my phone. You just put your whole phone underwater

Yeah, yeah, yeah your whole phone Yeah, it's on my instagram I thought you had some sort of casing You just dunked your phone in the water I dunked my phone in the water and I had to download an app that plays high frequencies to blow the water out of the holes But it was fine other than that it worked floored You know what tim

good phone Good phone tim. I'm tim cook. Yeah, how do I hide this fucking picture of my dick for my wife? I mean they would be so much cooler than they answered like regular black questions to the apple event He's like we have a 25 megabit processor in this new phone. It's like, yeah, that's great. You're gay It comes in four new colors space gray green asphalt black gun metal space gray And rose gold Does that one come in a dress tim? Where's the red one for aids? I want the aids one

paint for boobs breasts cancels Ah, I like what this guy's talking about. That's what I'm saying Where's the one where? Where's the one that bono sells for the aids? Oh, how the fuck do I get this youtube album off my phone? Do you remember that? Apple just put a youtube album on your youtube they put a youtube album on your phone. Why the fuck did they do that?

So angry I was like do get this fucking piece of shit album off my phone album wasn't even good Like bono hung up his glasses after that one. Yeah, he was like, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That was a great song. Hello. Hello They'll please go He's just screaming shit in the background. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That is hilarious How do I get this youtube album off my phone? Uh, so confusing. Um, yeah

Anyway, how long have you been recording this? Like an hour and 20 minutes. Good jesus. Good jesus Good guy. That's the jesus you want. That's the you want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who is bad jesus? Well, bad jesus is the one that gets mad and flips over the table walks in the fucking the temple and was like It turns wine into water. No one's having fun I Would just love to see jeep like you see if I was jesus I would have made a lot of bets on myself I'd be like I bet you I could turn this the water in the wine. Yeah, like a little party would have been a

I would have been a rich jesus A rich jesus. Yeah, jesus was broke and then they killed him Whole whole thing. It's a whole thing. You can look it up. I read a book on it. Yeah. Yeah, a couple people a couple people Uh, danny, where can they find you bud? At danielopriori on instagram twitter onlyfans.com Backs is a regular slash regular slash danielopriori. I don't know Also, the stank podcast with me and mr. frank alvarez youtube.com slash the stank podcast and patreon.com slash the stank podcast back to the lead boy You can follow the show at the baseman yard and uh, go follow me at joe sanagato on all platforms and uh, you know

The twitch is uh twitch.tv slash joe sanagato Go check that out and uh, that is all all actually our patrons patreon.com slash the baseman yard You get every episode a week ahead and you get daily content from me and danny. Okay, and that is all that's right See you guys next time