The Basement Yard - #253 - Having Sex With Instruments

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Frank makes his co-host debut to discuss an old anti-weed ad that depicts a woman getting a tuba blown into her butt. Hot start.  Follow our Instagram: @TheBasementYard Support the show: Patreon.com/TheBasementYard Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, who are you? Okay, uh, welcome back to the basement yard. Um, everyone take a look at your, uh, your new co-host here, Mr. Enrique Glacius. Thank you. Gonna pretend that wasn't just because I'm Hispanic and because I am very good looking fully and a good Enrique good singer. Who's the ugly one who I always get them confused? Uh, Mark Anthony. Mm-hmm. He was married to JLo. I know he always looks tired. Why is it so exhausting? I'm pretty sure he looks like the skeleton from Coco. Did you ever watch Coco? No, but I heard good things. Very good. Made me cry. Really? I'll say it. All those like animated Pixar movies, they have like a tear jerking. Yeah. No, no, no, they definitely did, including it. Like, I don't want to get further

from the point that you are Mark Anthony. Oh, thanks. Oh, wait, you said Enrique Glacius. I got them mixed up. He's the ugly one. Yeah. Enrique is hot as shit, dude. Let's be honest. You're not Enrique. I can be your hero baby. Does Mark Anthony do music? He did. He did. What? Um, that one, you know, you know, which one? Where he's like, I don't that. Okay. It's on the tip of my tongue. I can't think of it right now. Can we Google a Mark Anthony? Google Mark Anthony songs. There's got to be one in there. Also, when I started typing Mark Anthony, a picture of a statue came up. So I don't know. Yeah, I feel like there's a very religious name. You sang to me. That's a good one. You sang to me more than that. No, that's a that's a song. But that's it that I know. No,

I mean, I know song Dmilo. Well, I'll be every Spanish singer has a song named you know, you sang to me. But that's all you know. He's got a great scarf on in his. We're gonna get we're gonna get dinged. Oh, we're gonna get dinged. Wow, you know it. I sang to me. I was right. Kinda. You were on the right page. I know I was right chapter. I don't know about the same page. Now we're doing book metaphor. Yeah, well, you gotta do it. I'm excited to be here. Hey, man. Don't start doing that. I'm excited to be here. Let me ask you a question. Please don't. No, I'm not gonna ask you a question. Actually, I just wanted to make a statement. That's what I wanted your birthday just passed. Yeah. Absolutely. Yesterday. Yesterday as they were recording, it was yesterday. Yeah. 2020. You know,

first of all, someone reached out to Becca. Alright, my sister posted a picture of fucking Darth Sidious, the emperor from Star Wars. Do it. And happy. I thought that was Padawan. What's his name? Palpatine Palpatine. Yeah, potato potato. Yeah. And it was a path. And she was like happy 40th. And someone reached out to Becca was like, I didn't know back. Frankie was 40. I thought he was in his mid 30s. And I mean, like, I guess like, like, thanks, but like, fuck you, you have a mature look. I've been told that I've been told that since I started wearing Argyle sweaters. You look like you used to be a starting pitcher, but now you're a closer. Yeah, I didn't make it all the way. I could go a solid four. Mm hmm. Tapped out. But that's it. Yeah.

But yeah, 2028, 28 years young. Yeah, your birthday party was like, that we I mean, I surprised you on your birthday. Very surprised. Hey, Dom Perringone. Dude, the Dom. That's good. Very good Dom. Very good Dom. Frankie was blasted on his birthday. That was a little drunk. It wasn't his birthday, though. It wasn't. It was days before six days. And it was like my third favorite birthday party of yours that I've ever been to. The first one, I think, wait, wait, wait, wait, my third this this was more sentimental. I haven't seen you since March. I know. And all I wanted was to see me was to see my friends and family for my birthday. That's all I wanted. Simple boy. Pretty simple boy. But go ahead. Why is this the third best? No, I mean, it was fun. I had a good

time. I'm just that we've been I mean, 28 birthdays. We have had a good time. You know what I'm saying? We have had pizza parties. We have loads of soda, a lot of soda. Do you remember when we used to pretend we were drunk on soda and we would have the the pretzel sticks and we pretend they were cigars? Nope. Yep. That sounds like something I do. We did second grade. I remember second grade. We were smoking fake cigarettes. Yeah. And no one was said, dude, who gave a fuck? At least there were there were there were gangs running around. Yeah, bad things happening. You know, freaking dicks and ye almost punched me in the teeth for a Pokemon. There were bigger issues. I just want everyone to know that is someone's name. That's not like a yeah, it's a real person. I didn't know

what you were. I said, you went dicks and I was like, chill, second grade. What are you talking about? Dude, we knew a lot about we knew a lot more about penises, dicks in second grade than we should have. I would say fourth grade. Now, second grade, we were we were we were crushing dick knowledge. What are you basing that off of? Well, like we knew our friend would run around with his dick out and we knew that was wrong. Well, we knew it was wrong and we didn't like know that we were forced to see it. Yeah. He moved, though. He's not here. Yeah, he moved out of state. He moved out of a lot of states. And his dad was a lefty. I don't know why I remember that. Um, guy was left handed, though. I remember we're not going to use their names. So we don't. I mean, you used

a full name already that we haven't seen maybe in 20 years. Spikiest hair I've ever seen in the planet. Very fast. Very fast. He was good athlete. He was a yeah, very good athlete. But I remember their house was always very like hippie. Yep. You know, and I feel like they smoked a ton of hashish. Oh, we were probably high as shit. Yeah. Second grade. Yeah. Oh, no, what? I we I barely went to that kid's house. Oh, I went a lot. Really? Yeah, enough to be high. Probably, I would say. No, dude, I, uh, no, I didn't really do that. But um, I remember you had a really good birthday. Did you cry one of your birthdays or did you cry at my birthday? I cried at your second grade birthday. We went to see my dog skip. Oh, then I cried too. Yeah. Well, no, I cried for different

reasons. Well, I cried because they hit the dog with a shovel. Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah, in the movie. Yo, I got scared. I thought there was a bee in here, but it was a reflection or something. Dude, they just beat the shit out of this dog with a shovel. My dog skip. Yeah. Frankie Munez. And then, uh, they hit a dog. Did he do the beating? No, no, no, he didn't beat a dog. It was his dog that got beat by brave diggers. There was dudes who were robbing graves. Grave robbers. Grave robbers. Well, I think they were also diggers. They dig, they dug, and then they would rob. This is fascinating. It was a perfect rat for them. Yeah. I mean, it made sense for them to be there. They had an opportunity and they seized it. They seized the

opportunity. Yeah. Carpe diem. Carpe. I'm not familiar with the yoga term. Yeah, I'm not gonna say yoga term. Yeah. I feel like people who do yoga like have like paintings of that. Oh, yeah. It's that and live, laugh, love right next to each other. Keep calm, drink, wine. Oh, fuck you. Of course. I know Glock is extra. Dude, awful. I know. So bad. I hate people who have shirts that say stuff. Yeah, I use I went through a big graphic teach like phase. Oh, yeah, I used to wear t shirts that had a cereal on it. Oh, I had those. I had a big honey smack shirt. My nickname with an ex girlfriend was Coco puffs. Do you remember that? Are we entering race territory? Or what do we know? I had a big shirt. I remember your Coco puff shirt.

How can I forget? How do you forget the iconic Coco puff shirt? And the first time I went to her house and met her little brother, I was wearing it and he called me Coco puffs forever. And that's it. That's what stuck. Coco puffs. Yeah. Well, Coco puffs, Coco puffs are good. Not a big fan of chocolatey cereal. I'll stand by. I'm a big, I'm bigger on like the fruity, the fruity, fruity pebbles, fruity pebbles, uh, fruit kicks, fruit, berry, berry kicks. Oh, yeah. Those are iconic. Iconics heavy. I don't think it's, I think it's appropriate. I think it's heavy. No, I, I stand by, I believe kicks are not iconic cereal. They are long, they are, they are long lasting. They're, they are long lasting, but they're not. I think they've graduated. It's not a frosted flake.

You know, I think that kicks is consistently the, you know, the number three kicks is the Derek Jeter of the cereal world. Consistently two or three never was that number one because you had the Miguel Tejadas out there and the Jose Ray I, you know, but kicks has been up there for a while. Wait, are you saying Jose Reyes is a better baseball player than Derek Jeter? No, but there were years where he was a better shortstop. Oh, okay. But back to why my birthday was the third favorite. Yeah, I just feel like I've had, it was fun. It was great, but I just feel like when you're younger, you're more susceptible to like funness. All right, so what are the rankings? I need to know. I don't really know. I just, I just didn't feel it in my heart to give it number one.

And I kept it on the podium because it was cool. But you found your heart to give it number three. I wanted it to be on the podium. I wanted you to get your, your flag raised. So what is number one? It's a great question. It's a great question. Yeah, but I just, it's a feeling in me that like, it, you know, I didn't go, this was, you know, that's very hurtful. No, I listen. You know what I'm saying? By the way, you don't do that. You don't listen. You need to listen to this. So a girl that we went to pre-K with, because we, me and Frankie, we go back, but this girl, I don't know what to do with my hands. If you've seen, I've been all over here. It's good to paint in the dirt. The dirt. What I just

did is paint in the dirt. Also like my legs are like underneath here, like folded like this. I'm sweating. It's all right. It's, it's, it's going to hide here. But this girl, Alexa, that we went to pre-K with, she sent me a bunch of pictures of us. Yes, you sent me one. And there was another one that I forgot about where we used to do pillow fights. Do you remember that? No. I mean, I don't really, I did only remember it because of that picture, but we used to do cool stuff in pre-K, man. No learning. Dude, why don't we still do pillow fights? Are pillow fights still going on? I feel like they might, they took away dodgeball. They got to take away. You know what? I know pillow fights are going on. I recently heard of someone

getting a concussion through a pillow fight. That's the type of pillow fight I want to be involved in. Who the fuck was swinging it? Fucking Barry Bonds apparently. Jesus. You know, one time I hit Keith with a pillow and his nose hit the edge of the radiator and he had a bump. And then we told my mom that we were playing hockey in the backyard and we didn't, we never played hockey. Dude, I've always wanted to be in one of those. I don't know why it was like movies and TV always made it look sexy to be in a pillow fight and there's like fucking feathers everywhere. Yeah. And girls in their underwear like never, first of all, never happened to me. Don't know about you. No, I've only had violent, sweaty pillow fights. Never cute.

All the pillow fights I've been in recently, which, what? How many have you, I haven't been in a pillow fight since 98. Got a little five year old guy at home. Oh, that's true. Do you just blast this kid? Yo, I destroy this kid. Yeah. And we got like, teaching them about life. We, you know what are really dangerous? The memory foam pillows. Because when you like put your, it's like, it's like the Oobleck stuff, like you put your hand on it slow, it sinks in. What was that? If you fucking smack it. What? Is that a Pokemon you just? Oobleck? Yeah. You don't know what Oobleck is? No. It's, it's like cornstarch and water. Oh, I remember when you brought this shit over and like, I was a scientist from an early age, let me tell you. I don't think people know what that is, but

let's go. Was it cornstarch and water? Just, that's it. And if you take that, right, and you like mix them and you roll it, it'll roll into a ball. But the second you stop, it'll turn back into a liquid. Yeah. It's like wild. It's like, yeah, it's alien. But it's like that, where like the memory foam, you swing it hard. That thing is basically like a steel chair coming at you. Yeah. I mean, it takes some time for your body to adjust to the foam. So if you're just swinging it at people. Dude, I, I, like in a fun way. Tattoo this kid. Dude, this kid gets torched. Let me tell you, we have some fun pillow fights, him and I, but I've never had a sexy pillow fight. No, but I don't think guys and girls have the sexy pillow fight. I think it's been portrayed

that like guys and guys and just girls and girls. No, the guys don't pillow fight. We've pillow, apparently we've pillow fought. I don't remember these pillow fought. We've have, but it's not like it wasn't like a staple. Like in movies, they always say like girls are like in their underwear like ha ha ha ha ha ha. And they have, you know, feathered pillows. Like, first of all, what is this? We live on the little house in the prairie like the fuck. These are real. And they're just holes in them. Fuckin' feathers lying everywhere. Nothing hotter than girls in underwear and feathers. What? Yeah, but like, why? No, I'm, that's a, that's, I'm not understanding. Criticizing it. I enjoy that. Yeah. That was a

trick. I tricked you with that. Um, but yeah, I just, you know, but there was other pictures. And you know, just seeing the people in the class, like I remember everyone's name, I feel like there was that girl. You remember she, she came in late to the class? There was a girl who was clearly Spanish, um, at an early age. You know what I mean? Oh, she was Spanish at an early age. Very clearly like, and, uh, she would throw up always. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know. Cause remember we had like during nap time, we had like the mats. Oh yeah, we had. Yeah. And always she would throw up on her mat. She was yakking on the mat. Always, always, always. Yakking on the mat. I do remember

that one girl, she like showed up late. Like she was, it's like a month after school started. You know, she was probably like on family vacation or something, doing something like rich. And then she came back and I remember on the first day, and I know you remember this, but she blew her nose and put that back in the box, put the tissue back in the box. Fucking terrorists. Before we even knew it. 25 years too early. Yeah. Psychopath. That's, you know, that doesn't fly in this Corona world. That girl's a freak. Dude, if someone did that now, I would go out of my way to beat the dog shit out of them. Not only that, but like it's unfortunate for her because now, like I was seeing these pictures,

I'm like, oh my God, this person, that person, like whatever. And then I saw her and I was like, this, she knows who she is. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, yeah, this snazzy fucking bitch that she, she's stuck it. She's someone's got a teacher about, you know, throw it out. Yeah. No. Yeah. Kids are, kids are such evil little cock suckers. You know what I mean? You are one of them. Another, hold on. This is what I wanted to tell you. Because I told Frank, I was like, yo, I have a story from pre-K that you don't probably remember. Okay. Let's hear this air out my dirty laundry. I don't know why I said laundry, but I'm ready for it. I'm going to throw up. But you know, Karina. Yes, of course. Yes. So there was a girl Karina in our class and me,

her, Frankie, and some other people who I don't remember were sitting at this table and it was coloring time. Always. Best time of the day. Yeah. We're going to, we're going to color. Yeah. And you know, I'm coloring, you know, and Karina also coloring. Not the best at it though. Listen, you know, it's not, it's not a talent everyone has. Joey was doing bubble letters at fucking 14. All right. Well, I'm saying like, you have been advanced. Like I was doing bubble letters at like 16. You know what I mean? Like you've always been a little ahead. I feel like you're, you're going way later. Like I remember you were doing bubble letters and got in trouble in second grade. This whole fucking podcast is about us being in second

grade by the way. Kind of cool. It was a year that stood out apparently. But no, so Karina was drawing and like, you know, when kids like they don't draw inside the lines and honestly, this bitch was just fucking all over the place. You know what I'm saying? It just looked like someone. Not too bright. We've come to learn that since it looked like someone threw up a Lunchables all over her shit. So she's drawing that and apparently you had said some shit to her when I say, you know, like, like that it sucked. Dude, call it how you see it. Don't fucking draw in front of me. When did we become such a sensitive fucking society but continue? Frankie probably said something to her like, Oh my God, that sucks. Right. And then she was like complaining or

something as children do. And I remember her turning to me and be like, Joey, is this bad? And then I look at it and man, it was right. But I had more of an emotional maturity to me. So I, you know, I glance over at you and you're looking at me like, stone face, like, tell the truth. You know, like, don't let her off. But I was like, you know, and I honestly think I gave a political answer of just being like, you know, people draw different things. How the tables have turned. Yeah. How the tables have turned. There was a point in our life where we did a complete fucking 180. You became a huge douche. And I, I kept parts of me that were douche like,

Joe, the bitch that Josh put up on Instagram. Oh, trendsetter dude. Frankie, this was, go ahead, because I'm ready. I got the ammo in the chamber. Oh, I don't look great either. I don't remember what you look like. Not good. Okay. But Frankie was wearing Frankie had a stiff comb over at one point. Shit was rock solid. It was on point. What are you going to do? But he also was wearing a checkered sweater vest. Argyle. First of all, I don't even know what that is. I thought that was the guy from Lord of the Rings with the sword. Close enough, basically. It was, I stand by, I believe that I am a trendsetter amongst our friends and I'll go even one further. A lot of the nation as a whole. Now listen, wait, you think you're setting trends for the

nation? I think that, listen, causation does not mean correlation. However, I believe and recall that shortly after that picture was taken, people started doing comb over haircuts. Oh, I'm more upset at the fucking checkered sweater. The Argyle sweater. I don't know if I, you look like a Scottish golfer. The fuck were you wearing? I think the, uh, I had a polo on underneath it and it was a Burberry polo. Don't ask me where I got Burberry from at the age of 19, but I had a $300 polo. Yeah. Um, but I, I noticed it with that because afterward people started wearing, uh, their hairs, you know, parted and then after that, oh, oh, what happened? Frankie starts wearing Hawaiian shirts. They pop up everywhere. People have been wearing Hawaiians,

not the cool people. Frankie, also when we go out and you wear Hawaiian shirts in bars, absolute, let's say at the same time, conversation starter. Okay. No, I was going to say you're the only one wearing them. You're making it seem like when you go out, people are just Hawaiianing. First of all, when we go out around Astoria where people are wearing fucking thrasher t-shirts, sure, maybe I'm the only person. What do you think? We live in an escape park? That's just not true. It's very true. People around here are wearing thrasher, thrasher, quick silver, quick silver. I don't even think they're a company anymore. They're probably making boards. They might. I say them by, uh, regarding Karina. Um, do you want to take the sound to apologize or no?

Sure. Why not? Yeah. I mean, if, if you're going to put me on the spot, do you think that she's listening? Definitely. Oh, I thought there was. No, it's definitely Karina. I am sorry. I'm looking at you now Karina. Uh, I apologize wholeheartedly, sincerely for the fact that you had no fucking clue. All right. I apologize that you couldn't just fucking figure out where the Crayola tip went and color in the lines. Yeah, that's a tough thing. But when you're young, dude, Joey was the type of kid. Oh, here we go. Dude, Joe is the type of kid that would outline the drawing in a marker and then fucking that nice light shade. Yeah, you love that shit. It was good. And it was like, unlike the most dumb shit, like a Christmas tree, like it didn't need it there. Well, I mean, it

looks everything. It accented nice. Oh, it was beautiful. It was a good accent, but it accented nice. It was, though. It was a nice thing. Yeah, I often think if we were too horny at our age, which age? Like young age. Pre-K? I didn't even know I had a penis. No, no, no, no, not Pre-K. Like we were a very horny group and now I wonder like if those kids are like horny still. I don't really agree. No, I do. I agree with myself, obviously. I think you have to. I think that's how that works. But I remember just being super, like I remember, you know, in fifth grade, we had sex education and I got kicked out because you left. Yeah, she said the penis was a miracle and I was like, oh my god, she said penis. Well, what do you expect? What an older woman says penis.

We had an old German teacher. Yeah, she was very rickety and this woman was built like the Nina the Pinta and the Santa Maria, I guess. Yeah, she looked like she was made of wood. She was just old. She did. She did look very frail. Oh, dude, she would have had, you know, the pipes on her. Let me tell you. Oh, she barked like a dog. She was barking. But as I was saying, wait, she was German. Oh, she was. Come on. Yeah, that last name. Let's not say because I'm afraid of her still. Yeah, she but I'll tell you this right now. She's still out there. She might haunt us if she's not. Hope she is. No, I think she's still she's still out there. She's still out, you

know, really? She's still rocking. Yeah, I think she's still keeping the kids in line. God. I've never been and listen, the woman was not abusive, but like she was so loud that it hurt so bad. Yeah, I almost would rather get smacked. She had a base to her. She you know what I mean? Like she her power came from her legs, you know, like you ever see like the fantastic fantastic for rise of the silver surfer where like the power comes from the board and like travels up and then just like out. That's where she came. Like that's where it came from with her. She added those fucking penny loafers she was wearing. She would scream at the top of her lung. Yeah, that's why I feel like that's why I said she looks like

what's Popeye's wife's name? Olive oil. She kind of looked like that, but she did way more aged and meaner. Yeah, way more like Germany. I know what you mean, but like you know how like like old German or they're like like if I were to draw them, it'd be a lot of angles, you know what I mean? Like rigid angles. Yeah, and they'd be standing next to like a house that's you know, I'd fell down. Yeah, and they're happy about it because it's probably not their house. Exactly. That's the key. House, but kind of backtracking a little bit. I do feel we were a very horny group and I wonder now like how horny we would be at that age. I think about how horny I would be as a fifth grader if I was a fifth grader. I don't think I would. I remember there was a kid

and he would talk about sex all the time. His name started with an S and ended in a tuberose. Okay. And he would. Okay, so who could this be? Yeah, he was a tuberose, but he would always talk about like sexual things and like I remember one time I like his birthday party or something like somebody was like humping a pillow and it was like a joke or something, but it was also like, you know, I feel like I shouldn't be here. See, I remember him differently. I don't remember him as horny as you do. I remember him more like just constantly salivating to the point where I needed to tell him wants to shut the fuck up salivating. Dude, you don't remember like during like Sims tests, he would be in class and be like, it's a sim test. You don't remember Sims test?

There was the math that we used to have Sims like in regions. It was like math. So just a test. Yeah, just say test. Okay. It was Sims test. I thought we were like on computers playing with the Sims. You know, I remember every computer test we had and you know exactly why. No, I don't. What the fuck was that? Our computer teacher was very hot when we were that age. It was. I haven't seen her in quite a while. Is she still got it? Rock it. Yeah. Yeah. Again, husband. Cool guy. This is why I think we were way hornier for our time because we knew that our two teachers in the school were fucking. You know what I mean? You know exactly what I mean. I know, but it's like it's but that's when you just start raging like your body like

it's like you're not raging. Dude, I was horny in 95. I'm telling you I was ready to go. I wasn't. First time I saw Casper. Not the character. The mood like the ghost. I do like the ghost. But what are you talking about? Christina Richie. I remember that was the first time I remember being horny. I don't remember. Really? Not at all? It's probably something weird like a magazine. Well, I don't do it. Yeah. Those exist. Magazines. Yeah. Like porn. Oh, yeah. Like, no, I wasn't talking about porn magazines. Oh, like regular like L.A. body wash in a fucking magazine. For sure. I one time went through my mom's magazines and cut out all shower pictures of girls. What? Yeah. Why? You yanked it. I fucking basically almost pulled my dick out of it from its from the

stem. Wait, okay. So let's say remove a root from the from the, you know, you gotta you gotta pull out the root from the root. Yeah, you can't just you gotta pull it from the base. I understand. Because if they were just in the shower, would you cut them out? Where'd you put them? Did you like glued them to your wall? No, I didn't. I don't think I glued them. But you just kept them like, you know, in a box? I don't I don't think they made it very long. Like they didn't last long. They were meant, you know, their disposable cameras, use them a couple times, throw them away. Why not just like, look at the page? Why'd you have to cut them out? What is their arts and crafts involved in your masturbation? Well, you know, creative kid. Sometimes it's about the process

of getting there that really gets you there. You gotta enjoy the journey. You gotta enjoy the journey. I understand. You know, that is hilarious, by the way. We were horny kids. Not that horny. I was in arts and crafting my way into this is the thing about you that I know. This is the thing about you that I noticed that I don't cut out pictures of women that you I don't do it now. You're making it seem like I'm doing it now. Like I'm fucking was last time you cut out a shower picture. Fucking 2004, probably. Dude, that's middle school. Yeah, so that's all for arts and crafts. Please do not shame the way I went about erecting. You're right. A giant. Yeah. Okay, I understand. All right, listen, I just learned that I felt like I knew everything

about you. But I feel like no, but see, this is the thing that you do. And this is the thing, if you guys don't know this about him, you can too. You don't tell as many stories. So you can sit there and be like, Whoa, that's crazy. You did some wild shit. I know you did. Don't even fucking lie to me. Do you want me to? Do you have an idea? I tell it all. I don't know which one you're you know what I'm talking about. I don't. You know exactly what I'm saying. No. Okay, never mind then. We'll get this out one day. Okay, I'm here for you know you have something specific in your mind. Do you have something specific in your mind? I did. It's gone. That's good. It's very gone. All right, you know what? Before we move forward, we do have to pay the bills here. You

have to get to the ads here. So let's do that. What? He's happy to be here. Joey doesn't do well with sentimental things. I'm happy. Look, I'm happy to be here with that. That's enough. Okay, okay. Starting with we have MVMT. Frankie, do you know what MVMT is? I absolutely do. They have a lot of great stuff, glasses, watches. They do. They have sunglasses, blue light glasses, which will save you from the computer screen. Can't get this close. I have them. I use them during my 24 hour stream. Incredible. Yes. Every single thing now is 20% off. That is 20% off. They're best selling watches, blue light glasses, sunglasses, and more. Quality modern watches for a fair price. It's going all out for their seventh birthday. They've never run a sale

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Yeah, liquidiv.com and then use the promo code basement 25% off people. Okay, very good. I love liquid IV. Yeah, I need to chug them chug them. I definitely, I definitely need to hydrate need to hydrate. Yeah, because my pee is all often brown, brown, dark. It's like golden. That's not good. Have you ever pissed brown? Yeah, you just got to drink water. You're fine. Yeah, but also not good. Also, I feel like it takes it doesn't it take like a whole day to hydrate you? I don't drink enough water and I drink a lot of tea, which I hear dehydrates you, right? You're gonna ask me about tea. I haven't had tea since like I, you know, I've had more fake tea than real tea. That's why when you say when you said the matcha before, I was like, hello. Yeah,

I have a whole bag of it if you want. Oh, yeah, I'll take it. Yeah. Yeah, I actually have two bags. Well, I get a package from liquid IV like every other week. Oh, wow. Well, you know, my address. No, that's great. Yeah, I think big big ups, big ups. Big ups. I haven't heard that in a while too. Yeah, I've been finding things I've saying just don't make sense often. Like we were outside before I told you it's like, what did I say? It's like eating a cake you didn't know you had. Yeah, and that didn't apply at all. That was horrible expression. Well, I think I was just trying to get across that like it was surprising. Like you didn't realize we were talking about, do you want it? I don't remember what it was if I'm talking about like,

like if you ever came without the like just like dry cum. Dry cummed? Like without like any like lubricant. Oh, I thought you meant the cum was dry. I'm like, oh, that would be. Yeah, I don't know. Like I think that was going to be like we need to stop this and grow the doctor because you're yeah, no, no, no, no, you're pushing out powder. No, no, no, I've never I've never I'm saying like, yeah, dry. You mean like, like yo, just take like a I think a lot of people dry jerk. Do they? Yeah. I would imagine I don't be terrifying. Well, no, I mean, also that sounds like a recipe for disaster because I feel like so much friction with you'll start a fire in your pants, depending on how fast you're going.

You got pubes, you got perfect kindling right there. I mean, you're a recipe for disaster. That gets dangerous. It does. It is perfect kindling. That's a good point. Hair is flammable. So oh, yeah. Oh, now I remember the conversation. Yeah, Frankie said, because like, you know, the wands. Okay, hold on. It's like a wand. It's a wand. I women use them to jerk off. No, so this thing in the 90s, I don't remember what who made it, but it was a back massager, but it looked like a fucking baseball bat. It was thing was like this and there was a giant ass like fucking oval like a donut on it. Yeah, it looked like you could take batting practice with it. And like, it had like grooves around it. And it would fucking vibrate hard. Yeah. So you

know when something vibrates so much that your hands get itchy? Yeah, it was like that. Yes. And that's what used to happen to my dick. Your dick would get itchy. So I would sit there as a young lad and just like just like hold it there. Mind you, this was not Frankie's. We were at our friend's house. I had also retrieved one on my own later in life. You bought it? I didn't found it. So you found an estranged wand. Go ahead. That's all I need. Yeah, that's it. Okay. Okay, so go back to we were at our friend's house and you have this wand just pressed up against the tip of your penis. Yeah, I mean, I didn't come at my friend's house. Oh, I thought. No, no, no, it wasn't until years later. Year later. Where were you? Home by yourself? Yes, with this one stranger. Why are you like

setting me up? Like, no, I'm just trying to paint the scene. Yeah, no, I would get home from school. I'd go. You found a dildo. I would go home from school. I'd go upstairs. I'd put on recess. Great show. Great show. Good show to crank it to. Really not though. Well, really not a good show to jerk off to. We're fine for me. Well, yeah, I can see that. And you're not vibrating right now. And I just put it there. And I would like, would you do anything? Would you like gyrate your hips? No, you wouldn't need to. I think did the work. So you just held it on there. Yeah. And then it would just. And then eventually you'd. Yeah. It would just do the job. Just go and like it did the whole thing. It was full service. How often? Not that often. It was it was like a special.

Every couple days. You know, every two to five. Yeah. Yeah, on average, I would say. But like I was saying, like, have you ever seen your dick like without like finish without it like turns into like a fucking Digimon. Like this thing like it's like it like fucking like convulses. What? You never seen it? See, what am I seeing? Give it a shot. What are we talking about? Your dick. Once you finish. Right. And there's no like jerking it. There's no wait. What are you talking about? I'm trying to understand. Okay. Let me explain. Break it down. Break it down. Have I seen my penis? Yes. No. Yes. But also wait. I'm saying you're completely dry. Like you're dry. Yeah. Yeah. You put this thing on it. And it does its it does its duty. You judge. Exactly. You eject. You judge.

Yeah. Okay. Have you ever seen what your dick looks like when that happens? Because you're dry? Yeah. No, it's very weird. Your it moves. It looks like I'm trying to explain like it looks like um like did you see you know that like liquid magnet? You know what I'm talking about? It's like a magnetic liquid that like you put like a magnet on top of it and it like bumps like goes like this. The fuck is that? You know what I'm talking about. I really wish I did. Well, it's it just looks weird. Just try just try doing it and tell me if it looks weird. I would need a wand. Oh, you could figure it out. I mean, you're the one who could you can track them down apparently. You could go find one for me. I'll go find it for you. Where did you

find this by the way? I don't really remember to be honest. Don't say the garbage. I'm not saying it was. Don't say it alleyway either or in any sort of grass or dirt or yard or just admit that you stuck it up. Joey was sticking out of ground. I can't confirm where I got it from. I don't remember. There are certain memories of mine that are lost like two sheets in the wind. Yeah, but this one seems to have stuck with you. Why stop judging me. I just need to know. Listen, you're talking to a guy who wiped his ass with an umbrella that he found. You were there dude. Dude under duress. You need it. You need to improvise a little bit. Yeah, we're kind of duress for you under. I had to poop bad and I had no choice. Dude, you know how I had to take a risk. You know

how dangerously horny you need to be to resort to the things that we resorted to probably like dangerously. It was fucking dangerous. Yeah, dude, downloading porn online wire. That was a tough one. Yeah, tough go on the family computer in the living room. Yep. Absolutely. I would set an alarm so I can go downstairs at like 2am sometime. Really? Yeah. All right, you were into it. I wasn't like into it. There was a lot of people in my house. I would rename the files. That's a good. That's a good. That's what I did. I had one that I downloaded on the family computer and it was renamed Barry Sanders ESPN classics and no one ever watched it obviously. Why not? I would love to see some Barry Sanders. Not my household. You're not really into sport.

Yeah, I mean not football. Right. You know, my sister didn't give a shit. If it said fucking Vince Carter. That's all I got. I don't know. She liked Vince Carter. My sister loved Vince Carter. I also loved Vince Carter. But that's what you had to do, man. Make folders, rename them. That's the only time we did it. They were on the desktop? In a desktop right there. Whoa, dude. Hiding in plain sight. You're a fucking like a madman. Telling you the way to get there sometimes is more arousing than anything else. Yeah, that's a lot of fucking risk. You're pitting, by the way. Am I? A little pitting. Yeah, you're not completely dry. I'm nervous. You're nervous? I am. I can't wait to not read the comments. Honestly, guys pitting. Yeah. I wanted to talk about this before, you know,

anything. Oh, before anything. Not before. I guess the wand, the wandmast master base was in part of that. No, but oh, wait, dude, I saw the funniest thing. Can we find that wand? Yeah, you can. Again. You can find it again. If you want. I think you're asking me if I'm capable of tracking one down. Yeah, I wouldn't know where to start, but I'm sure I could find something on Google. I guarantee I'll find it. Yes, I believe this up now. Listen, I believe you. But Mike posted this thing on his story, and I don't know if you've seen it, but it's an anti-weed ad. And it's just, listen, just look me in the eyes. I want you to really think about what I'm about to say to you. Okay. There's a picture of a woman. Mind you, this is an anti-weed ad. Anti-weed.

From back in the day. Weed. Weed, pot, taut. Marijuana. Marijuana cigarettes. Reefer. Dank nugs. Right. So it's a picture of a woman, and she's facedown anus up, right? She's facedown ass up, but looking back and kind of yelling like she's having a good time. Okay, so far. So far, cool. Not deterring anyone. No, if anything, this is driving me right in. Then there's a man who is above her, and he's facing the opposite way. So he's facing in the way that her ass is pointing, and he's playing a tuba. Wait, when he's facing, so draw me. So listen, here's her. If you're, if she's, yeah, she's her face, face down, ass up. Yep. Now he's straddled over her face in this way. Okay. So he's by the butt. Okay. Right, facing the butt.

And then he's danger zone there. Right, and he's in sort of like a catcher's position, but not like when he's like ready for a pitch. It's like, you know, he's about to throw to second. So he's kind of more up, right? Mm-hmm. And he is playing the shit out of a tuba into her ass. Let me see this now. Yeah. So, and I'm not lying. See, that's a man playing a tuba into an ass. Dude, nothing. Mm-hmm. You want to go ahead and the caption says, yeah, read it. This isn't normal, unless you're addicted to reefer cigarettes. Then it happens all the time. Um, sign me the fuck up. Where are these reefer cigarettes? Dude, I, I want to play an instrument into an ass. First of all, my guy is getting this girl off with like a fucking B flat at best. You know what I

mean? Yeah, he doesn't look like he really knows how to handle that tuba, but that's okay. At that is that a tuba? Or is it like an oboe? Maybe like a French horn or some shit? That's not there's a lot of instruments that I don't know what they look like. It's a very Christmas horn. Yeah, you would see that at Macy's. Yeah. Not the whole scene. I also think that women could actually show on that on the screen, but I don't the time. I think that women could actually get off this way because the vibration coming out of a tuba is enough and probably get you too, Mr. Vibration over there. Dude, have you ever seen those videos of girls that are in like fucking like wild, like souped up, like amped out cars that are just driving and they're like,

Oh! Oh! Have you ever seen those? No. They exist. So the bass gets them? The bass, because it's a very vibrati. You know what I mean? I don't really like bass. It hurts my chest. No, see, I like bass. It hurts me. Every now and then when I'm driving on the highway, I'll hit the sidewinder a little bit. So the little bass from this, you know, the sidewinder. I like that. I like that. It makes your balls like kind of be like, I'm here. Yeah. I actually, I've done it when like I've been like falling asleep driving. Not like falling asleep. By accident or on perp? On perp-y. Oh. I would drive to just swig myself up a little bit. Okay. You know. I like doing it because I just, you know, I like making sounds. I don't really know what that means.

I don't know why I said it. I feel bad. Yeah. That picture. I was, yo, honestly, blowing a horn into a woman's ass. That's a different kind of love. I kind of, especially if you're, if you're actually playing a song, that's, dude, if you're playing like that, like what's that song? It's like, or like, yo, you play Fly to the Bumblebee into an ass. Dude, it's a rap for her whole day. Dude, she's gonna have to take off from work. I'm telling you right now, I'm going, I'm buying a trumpet and I'm blowing that shit hard. And I'm talking like Flight of the Valkyries, like, I'm getting a trumpet. I don't know if a trumpet would work. Why not? Because then you'd also have to be in the same position as her mimicking it,

because trumpets are just, oh, the tuba goes down. Oh, so I'm going fish-hooking then. I'm getting a sax. Turn that sax backwards and you could hook it in. Wow, now we're talking. Now we're talking. This is some brass sax. This is nice, right? I mean, it's going to smell very metal, very metallicky, but like that mixed with, think about it being done to you, your, your, your balls and dick being packaged into a saxophone, into a saxophone, and then someone just fucking, I love a saxophone too. Dude, wouldn't that be great? I don't know if it would. I can almost guarantee that it would. I mean, yeah, there are people out there that are playing saxophones during sax, obviously that exists. If it doesn't, shame on us as a human race.

Do you say that? No, like, no thought is an original thought. So like, that has to be, like it has to have happened. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm, all I'm saying though, is think of the damage, like that, like a tuba you just put on something. Yeah, but it's a big hole. So it's kind of like, it's got like, oh, whoa, like you get vibrations. Yeah, I don't know. It's like screaming into a cave. I'm saying, turn the sax around, hook it in, hook it in, pull it up a little bit. What's that tongue of you doing? That's what I think, because there's a little read there, right? I've never played the saxophone. I think you can, don't you just blow into a sax? You're kind of like kissing it. I think, no, I think it's

like a mouthpiece like this. And it's like, no, I don't know. That's the way that birds eat. Is it? You ever get bit by a bird? Not? No, I don't think so. You've never had a bird? I was sitting outside yesterday having a cigar though and one flew right into the side of my house. I'm not talking about wild birds. You dumb idiots. Oh yeah, you guys have like six pet parakeets. You had two. They all died. I mean, what else is going to happen to them? That's a little piece of shit. You know, having a bird as a kid is like kind of traumatizing because like, you have a bird one day. You don't know if birds are sick. Did you get your funny bone? Not so funny, is it? No, but like a bird when you're a kid, like you have it and then you just

wake up one day and it's on the ground and it's fucking dead and you don't get any warning. You know, when like a dog gets old, it's like, you can see it's old. You can figure it out of birds, like one day it's like, yeah, it's like flying around the next day. It's like, I'm upside down. Dude, and birds are also like, there's all these things not to do with, like they say with dogs, like no avocado, no, what is it? No avocado, no grapes with birds. It's like, no, none of this seed, none of these berries, none of the soda. And it's like, God damn, these things are so fucking tiny. Soda. You never heard that? They say if you feed a bird soda, it'll like explode. No, I think that's a Alcatraz. Alcatraz to prison. Alcatraz. I mean, a bird probably

wouldn't survive in Alcatraz either. They're not going to make it. No, but yeah, it's Alcatraz. If you give a bird Alcatraz, because I feel like someone did that at the beach and a seagull exploded. I wasn't there. I was going to say, I mean, but it needs to be activated. It's not just regular. Well, I think if Alka Seltzer, if you- What happens if you just swallow a tab of Alka Seltzer? I think once it hits your stomach, it starts to buzz. Let's do it. No, I'll do it. I also think the idea of a fizzy drink like that's kind of gross. What? Like Seltzer? But it's not. This kid, you crush white claws all the time and you're sitting there saying that a fizzy drink is going to make you feel gross? No, I just mean like putting a pill

in it. It's like, you know, I had a pool growing up. So like, I would throw like a thing of chlorine in there. So I'm having flashbacks. I think I'm drinking chlorine. Which? I mean, it never hurt us, you know? Think about it like that. You spend a lot of time in your pool. Speaking of dildos, you remember that little like pool toy you had? That was a dildo. That was 100,000% a dildo. An aerodynamic one at that. I think that thing in the water, legit dangerous. Dude, there were times where we would rocket that thing underwater. It was at each other's cocks. We played that game. We did. And I thought you were going to leave me out to dry there. I was like, no, no, no, we played that game. I know we had to sit on the bottom of the pool and they would have this rocket ship,

which by the way, I'm not even kidding, not even trying to be funny here. If it did hit you in the balls, we'd have to go to the dock. We have to go to the hospital. Yeah, because I think it was it was heavy. Like, and it was dense. It was so dense. It was a rubber. Yeah, that's all it was. It was pure rubber. Yeah. And like, we would launch it at each other's dicks. Yeah, apparently it's a sport, not the dick launching part, but like the rocket underwater part. That's so stupid. Unless there's dicks involved, I don't want to play it. That's what I'm saying. You know, me and Keith used to do that. Did you ever play that game with us where we would pack a bunch of socks into each other and then into into each other? Yeah, like the socks. No, no, no,

we weren't packing into each other. And I like that. It wasn't packing socks. I was gonna say this. No, no, no. I meant pack the socks into each other. Okay. And just make one big mega sock. Okay. And then throw it across the room at each other's dicks. Nope. I mean, we did play that where one time a handball, you would just launch it across the room. Yeah. But we used to do it with socks. We would pack them in, and then we'd throw up mega sock. And one time, Keith was had his back against a dresser, and he went like this because it was about to hit his dick. So he flinched and he hit the dresser and then everything keep falling on top of him. Nice. My parents came up and good luck trying to explain what game you were playing and why the dresser fell. Oh, yeah.

We lied. We said Keith tried to climb it, which by the way, it's a dresser. He could literally just touch the top of it. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, it makes sense. Keith was a very climbing kid. He was a climbing child. He was a little crazy climbing, bush diving, you know, a whole, yeah, a whole lot. A whole bunch of bush. A lot of bush. We need to bring bush back. I don't know if we can do that. I mean, maybe you, you set trends for the whole nation and maybe you could. Listen, man, I'll fucking grow a bush just to bring it back. What qualifies as a bush? Circular? I would say to the like, it needs to protrude a little bit. You need to also use some like condition. I would say, yeah, just, you know, some shampoo or something, you know,

get like a three in one. It'll be nice and easy. Three. Yeah. Oh, like what's body wash, shampoo, conditioner. Oh, Jesus. Use three in one stuff. I don't use three ones anymore. Ever since I started taking care of my hair, it's been better. Okay. But I used to. You still love Axe. I used to, dude, I crush Axe body spray. Nothing smelled more like date rape than Axe body spray. Let me tell you. Dude, Frankie would, Frankie would have a string backpack on at all times and in it was a can of Axe spray. A? And like, yeah, like two and three. It was like three or four. Oh, kilo. And it could be particular. Sorry. Acent. Axe kilo. He would have a whole bunch of fucking Axe spray in his backpack and also like a Swiss Army knife or something. I had,

I remember I carried around a drawstring bag. It was a lot of Axe kilo, a lot, like an unhealthy amount. Like you would think I was a walking like bomb. Or you were about to like paint a mural. Notes that I would pass like girls. Like I would pre write them. No, I would keep them after they were. Oh, and you would keep them in your backpack. Yeah. Why? And at the time I was at the time very young and a girl that I had known gave me a garment to purse. You carried around in your backpack. Yeah. A bunch of Axe body spray. Yeah. Notes, a Swiss Army knife and underwear. Can you can you tell my dick is small? I don't even know what to say. Why didn't I even know you knew it? Did I? Yeah, you definitely did. I told everyone. I told everyone. It was like, you know, the cool thing to

do. Take my underwear. Did you get it from her house or did she give it to you on the street? She gave it to me in a note, like in a card. Oh, she nailed it to the note. She put it in the note and crumbled the paper around it. Listen, she didn't even fold it nicely. She crumbled it. So she gave you a ball. A ball with notes written inside? Notes. Like it was like letters and notes, like love letters and notes. Or one note. How many notes? Enough. Enough to get the point across. You know, I love you so much. You're so great. You're better than Joey in most ways until you turn 24. You know, when people write notes. You know what I mean, though? Yeah, you were a big note guy. I was. And I used to hide my names too. I was Chester in a lot of notes.

What was the point of the like the pseudonym or what is it called? Is that it pseudonym? Yeah. Yeah. What was the point? If the teacher found it? I guess. Yeah. I remember one time me, you and Chelsea got in trouble because we were passing notes and we were like just cursing each other out, but not like you'd be like, oh, you're a son of a ditch and like, buck off. And we would pass these notes back to each other and our teacher found it and was like, what the fuck is this? I will say that the only reason I started writing notes is I will tell you on God, on God. All right. This is going to be good. The first time I started writing notes, it was because you had gotten a note from a girl saying that they liked you. And I was like,

damn, I wish I got one of those. Really? It took years. Who was it? Who said who wrote my note? You want to know who wrote the note that they liked you? Yeah. Do I say their name? Does it matter? No, it was Jamie. Yes, of course it was. Nice. It was. I remember that. And it was when we were going to the Mount Carmel dance. Wow. Talk about grinding on ass. Dude, a lot of friction. Dude. Childhood is just all about friction. Mad friction. A lot. Whether you're jerking off or you're rubbing against an ass. Yeah. The idea behind those dances are so ridiculous because we were literally in fifth and sixth grade and people are just letting us go to this dance and just.

Yeah. Now with, you know, like all like the pedophiles out there, it ain't going to happen. And all the COVID. That too. I'm more afraid of pedophiles than COVID though. Yeah. I thought that's an easy one. Okay. I didn't know if that was rational. I didn't know what else you were going to say. I waited. I threw that out there and you dunked it. I appreciate it. No, yeah. I mean, but yeah, I started writing notes because you got them and I got jealous. Well, I, well, I, okay. That's nice. Yeah. I say all the time, like I got like notes from Jane, but she wrote them in script so I couldn't read them. Yeah. Yeah. She was a year ahead. And I remember I was always the middleman for the notes and I would always look at them

first and I would give them to you. Really? Yep. I got caught passing notes in fifth grade once and the teacher and I cried. It's hard. Did you? Yeah. And I was like, I was like, sorry, it was Miss Barbario. That, that was where the, that note came from. Miss Barbario's class. Really? Yeah. That was fifth grade though. Yeah. I, I was, I was late for the note game. I was passing, I was passing notes to Jamie. Yeah. And she found it and I was thinking, I was saying like, I like you and like whatever word of the fuck I was saying, probably wrote a poem or some shit. It was the ultimate one was I like you, yes or no circle. Yeah. And then they'd always circle or, and then you'd have to hit them. But that was basically,

for you, that was a yes. For me, it was not. Why are you making it seem like I didn't, you were a desirable young man. Not until, I'm telling you, I didn't like, there was no, I knew of one girl that liked me up until fifth grade. And then my first like, you know, I guess like girlfriend was the summer from fifth grade into sixth grade. I was late to the game. You were Mr. Student of the Month, three months of the year. What does that have to do with passing notes? Because I, I know how to do, times table. You were a desirable little white boy. And you used to crush like, you used to love like offspring and good Charlotte offspring. I loved good Charlotte.

That I will make sure. Don't, don't lie. I'll be honest. I've only owned like five CDs in my entire life. Two of them, one of them is good Charlotte and the other one was S club seven. Ooh, S club seven. I don't remember any S club. You're going to remember it. I do remember. Be witch. Be witch. Say you want, say you want, say you want, say you want, say you want, say you want me. That's a great song. It really is. They were like Irish. They were, yeah, they were, do you know how that song starts? She goes, something about you just attack me because I just remember this because like I

recently found that song like within a calendar year. Okay. And I was listening to it and I was like, damn, yo, this is a jam. But in the beginning of it, they're mad Irish. And then she says, someone like, someone looks like me bad or something like, she literally sounds like, you know, super Irish. Really? Good on him. Yeah. Not like Niall Horan. I'm talking about like, you know what I'm saying? Oh, that's the one direction. Oh, come on, bro. Yeah. Listen, I'll put it on the beginning and hopefully we don't get, we don't get shut down here. I mean, you shut us down. How do you spell sest lovey here? Sest, yeah. Some people say I look like me dad. Some people say I look like me dad.

Yeah. So right off the bat of that song, it's like, damn, that's fucked up. It must be an ugly woman. But then you look them up and they, she wasn't terrible. They're pretty gross. They were like redheads. They kind of reminded me of the redhead from Sex and the City. She was the worst one. Yeah, obviously. I mean, she got a whole bunch of dick in that show though. Yeah. And she ran and lost for governor last year. Really? What's her name? Cynthia Nixon. Nice. Believe. That's an office. That's a Congress kind of name. Very, very, very. I mean, she was pretty sure she's gay too. Is she? Yeah. Well, she got a whole lot of penis and sex in the city. Well, you know, you know what to sign up for, I guess, right? Sex and some city. Is it Sex and

the City or Sex and the City? Well, both apply. What is the name of the show? Sex and. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Not Sex and. Yeah. Well, that's a lot of people say Sex and the City. It's easier to say it that way. I hated Samantha, dude. I, oh my God. It's been three days since I've had a blow job. We're at brunch here. I couldn't have come up with an impression, so I'm impressed. Every episode. I know what she looks like, but like I've never watched an episode. Bro, Carrie Bradshaw is over there and she's talking about like, you know, some like deep love shit. I do remember. She's talking about typing like. She's like, yeah, I've been, you know, big. He's meh-meh-meh-meh-meh. And then all the Samantha would come out of nowhere like, I've been trying

anal. And you're like, dude, we're having pancakes. Like, chill. I never was like, Samantha, and she goes, what? No, it's great. You gotta douche your ass. And I'm like, which show, it shows on two different spectrums. I am terrified of anal because. For you? Yeah. Of you getting anal? Yeah. Because like, I know I control it, but like, imagine getting anal. But like, imagine like the fucking, like, nuclear winter that would come after. I don't think that I poop well enough that like, I'm not confident that stuff wouldn't come out. I can't control my body. It always feels like there's more poop. Yeah, you're never done. I don't ever feel, I'm never satisfied. Yeah. You know,

you would never be satisfied. I knew you were going to do that. And I was so mad. I said satisfied. No, yeah, I never feel like I'm completely out of poop. I feel like I always could get so much if you need some. I feel like you really, like every month you should take like a laxative just to, just to like. Fire it up. Let it go through. Like a juice cleanse. People do that, but like, don't juice cleanse. Aren't there some juice cleanses? I don't know why I'm looking to see if anyone else can help me here. Let's call the audience. Aren't there some juice cleanses that back you up? I think that would defeat the purpose. No, because juicing takes the fiber out of whatever you're having. So you don't like the fibers, what helps you,

what makes it flow through you. I don't know. I don't know either. If I get any more backed up, I'm going to start shitting out of my mouth. So I can't. Dude, I wish like I could not go to the bathroom as much as I do. When you take a full poop and your, and your body's like, dude, we are good. We're on E. There's nothing better. Yeah. No, my body is like, I've not had a fucking like satisfying like bowel movement in fucking like eight years. Every time I feel like I'm being like tortured for something. It's just information. Like, like there's nothing in, you know, you remember back in the day, you would get, you would sit down, it would come out your ass and you were good. You got up and you went out of there. It doesn't happen anymore.

All right. The game has changed. Yeah. Once you get older, your butt starts, you know, fighting back. Well, it's like a teenager. Bingo. Your butt becomes a teenager because when kids, they'll listen to you. Yeah. But when they get like a moody teenager, they just, you know, they start rebelling. Yeah. Anything that you give it, you know, it'll just not be happy about. You know what I mean? Right. You can, you can eat, you know, things that don't like with fiber, you can eat a mango and your ass will be like, I'm going to hold on to this until, until you're driving. And also you, you know, you know. Yeah, I do know. And weird things like a hot chocolate now is like basically a laxative. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

If I get a hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts, I better be sitting on the toilet. Yo, if I have a piece, I love watermelon. If I have a piece of watermelon, watermelon makes you shit. Dude, it's all fiber. Really? Dude, look at it. It's fiber and water. If there's anything, I can't see fiber. Yes, you can. I don't know what fiber is. It's like hairs. They're fibers. That's why they're called fiber. You're eating hairy watermelon. Dude, look at the watermelon. I've seen a watermelon. Look at a mango. Have you ever bitten into a mango? Yeah. You know how it looks like there's hair on the top? That's fiber. Hair is fiber. Dude, are you kidding me? I don't think you know what you're talking about. I know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think

watermelon makes people shit. Dude, watermelon is all fiber. I gotta look this up now. Because you're not certain? No, because I know, because I know that the only way that you'll admit that you're wrong is by me looking it up. By science. Hold on. Watch this. How much watermelon, no, how much fiber in watermelon? Look at that. One serving of watermelon is 1.1 grams of fiber. That's literally nothing. You made it up. You psycho. I'm not making it up, dude. I'm telling you. 1.1 grams. I could go find 1.1 grams of fiber in my couch. Well, yeah, because your couch has made a cloth. Hair. Frankie, hair isn't fiber. Watermelons. I'm going to type that in. High in fiber. I just typed in is watermelon hair. You got me all fucked up. Watermelon

is a poor source of fiber? What? So then my body just hates watermelon. But I know what I'm talking about with the hair thing. He said, look at the watermelon. You could see the fiber. You could do on the mango though. Mangoes. I hope that mangoes have literally zero fiber. No, it's literally mango dietary fiber. Why do we keep saying fiber? Isn't it fiber? Yeah, but like the more you say it, didn't it sound weird? Yeah, dude. A mango is five grams of fiber. Okay. I don't know what's a lot of fiber. I know that watermelon. I will tell you this. I will say this because I had dietary issues. I'm going to say this. Two grams, more than two grams of fiber was bad for me. So I would say in a day, in a meal. Okay. I would say more than like a mango being five grams on my goodness.

Yeah. You know, and if you bite into it and you pull it off, there's always stuff in your teeth, fiber. Okay. I just want to let you know that, you know, clearly if you're biting into a watermelon and there's a nuclear reaction to that in your body, it's the watermelon, not fiber. It's something going on. Dylan, you listen, man, my body doesn't do well with watermelon. Okay. Well, it doesn't. It's like put gob stoppers in your mouth and in a gallon of water and just spit it out at the exact same time. That's what my body does to it. Gob stoppers, garbage. No, garbage is good. Trash. No. The watermelon gob stoppers are incredible. We're not talking about your fucking candy, you know, your choices of candy because the kid that sits here and throws back Mike and Ike's like

they're the God's gift on this planet. Whoa, you just cracked that shit out of your neck. I do it frequently. You're not afraid of dying? No. I am, but no. Do you ever, you never get, I'm scared when people crack their neck. I don't think, I think I saw something. I'm going to just say I think because you said a lot of facts that aren't facts. No, the watermelon and the fiber, I still stand by. You're going to have to, you know, dive a little deeper into that research. I think I saw a thing that said that you don't have enough like the ability to make enough torque to kill yourself with your neck. It would need to be someone behind you. Gotcha. You know, all right. I'm excited to be here. Well, I think that about wraps it up for

today's episode of the debate. Yeah. A lot of fiber, a lot of brass. Yeah. A lot of stuff, you know. A lot of brass. I'm pretty excited to go try that saxophone thing. Oh, that's a good thing. Yeah. Sat ready, babe. I'm coming. Saxpons are kind of expensive though, but thank you for one. No, no, no. We got to go full brass. Okay. Thank you to our sponsors who are going to be able to provide saxophones. You know what? If MPMT started making saxophones, they'd be great ass. Great, great ass saxophones. Okay. I didn't, yeah, I didn't know what you were going to say, but okay. But yeah, that's that's all for this week's episode. Frankie, where can they find you, bud? You find me on Instagram at the Frank Alvarez. You can also find me on Twitter and Twitch.

If you want to come watch me play some video games, Joey plays with me every now and then. F Alvarez 8085. I got to change the name, but never know if someone took it just to be an asshole. And yeah, that's really it. All right. And you can find the show at the basement yard on Instagram. And thank you to all of our patrons at patreon.com slash the basement yard for supporting the show. We appreciate you and see you next time. Yeah.