The Basement Yard - #257 - Videos That Should've Never Existed

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Frank & Joe reminisce on all the old videos that were too fucked up to even finish watching. I'm talking Two Girls One Cup, Church of Fudge, Pain Olympics, & more. They also weigh in on Ben Shapiro an...d his hatred for "Wet Ass P-Word." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to the basement yard. What are you doing? What are you doing? Starting to get sexy. You're trying to do a sexy voice. Getting sexy. I hope this is over with now. It makes me want to rip my dick in half from the hole. Oh, kids in a sandbox. You remember that shit? I do. Kids in a sandbox. For anyone who doesn't know, that was a video that we saw when we were younger of a woman shoving a dildo. Yeah, it was like a vibrating dildo. I didn't know about the vibration. The sound was off. That's why. See, when I think dildo, I think of, you know, silicone that is molded to appear like a phallus. Yes. This was just like, it was like a bullet. It was just like a fucking 50 cal. Yeah, it was. And she was sharp. She was
Starting point is 00:00:51 putting it in his pee hole. Yeah, she was like, and not only was she putting it in, but she was screwing it in. Well, I think you would have to jam. You would. And he was like, I don't know if it was like enjoyment, but he was like, oh. I remember being like, is this good? I didn't know. Yeah, so like, I don't know if that video is still out there, but I feel like when we were like 14, they're like, all those videos coming out at the same time. Listen to me. It's definitely still out there. But yeah, there was like, obviously. Also, no sandbox. Yeah, that's what's the most fucked up. Yeah, it was just a man and a woman, and the woman was shoving a dildo in his man's penis. I was genuinely like, I wanted to see kids in a sandbox. You know, that sounds weird.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Yeah. Not at this time. This is not, there's an island that we just discovered where there's some stuff happening. Yeah. Bill Clinton was playing the saxophone for minors. Yeah, he was. He was ripping hard. He does play the sax, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You ever heard people? I think, like, I've seen jokes. Oh, we did talk about the saxophone. Yeah. I've seen jokes on Twitter that say like, Bill Clinton was the first black president or something like that. You ever heard? I think it's like Dave Chappelle. No, yeah, I've heard that. Because he was like on like Arsenio Hall, just like ripping the sax. But yeah, there's like kids in it, no sand, no box. Yeah. I mean, I guess there was a box. There was box. In the room. Yeah, the woman's box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which
Starting point is 00:02:12 she might have been wearing coverings. We need to, I can't pull it up. I'm not saying pull it up for this afterward. Let's put it on our to-do list. No, I don't want to watch a guy get his pee hold demolished. I guess I have to. Like it's science, you know what I mean? It's not science at all. There was kids in a sandbox. There was the infamous two girls, one cup, which I have a very strong stomach. One of the only things in my life that made me not able to watch. Yeah, because, I mean, when someone poops into a cup and like that's okay, pooping into a poop, pooping, poop, hello, poop, is that hot? Pooping into a cup is one thing. But then eating it. Why did you say it like fucking ET? I know, eating it and then throwing it up. I think and then eating it one more go.
Starting point is 00:03:04 This is the part that got me. Yeah, you know, you know what I'm talking about when it was a toy. Yeah, it looks like how fish eat. One thing I remember so clearly. You ever feed a fish? I'm sure in my life I have. But one thing I remember so clearly from that video that bothered me more, not more, but as much as everything else, was like the fucking velocity at which this fucking shit was coming out of this girl's heiny hole. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I remember she was holding either a cup or a cone, which I mean, if you're going to shit into something. Cone. Cone 100%. Sugar or waffle. Sugar. Yeah. And I remember like, as it would be out of a soft serve machine, it like moved the cone.
Starting point is 00:03:55 Yep. They were trying to make poop ice cream. Pipe's cream. Pipe's cream. And another strength of mine. I'm just like, I haven't talked about this video in so long. Dude, I remember. But and like, what else was there? There were other ones too, right? There was Church of Fudge that I had talked about. I don't remember that one. It was just like a priest shitting into a nun's mouth. Okay. I wish I was making that up, but it's a real thing. We saw that. I remember that one. Josh threw up. It was like a chain reaction of throw up.
Starting point is 00:04:31 Do you remember that? Who? Oh, yeah. We were at our friends and like Cameron. And it was like four. It was like throw up, throw up. And they like saw each other throw up. Throwing up onto each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As there's a video playing with shit. Yeah. Yeah. How I survived that. We'll never know. Yeah. There was also Pain Olympics, where guys were like chopping off their dick. Oh, yes. Yeah. You have to assume that guy meddled in the Olympics. What happened with that one? I don't know. I'm convinced it was dead people that were doing it to themselves. No, no, no. Like it was a dead body. What the fuck did, like what, what was wrong with the world? Do you remember Rotten?
Starting point is 00:05:08 Rotten.com. I was like all murder pictures. It was just like, oh, like fucking literally like murder porn. Yeah. But not porn. It was just murder pictures or like just death pictures. Like someone got hit by a train. I remember that one very specifically. And it's like, why did we? Yeah. We fucked up. We need to do research though. We have to. Who do you think can last longer without gagging and two girls one cup near you? Easily me. Why? Because I have never gagged at stuff like that ever. It's hard for me to look, but it won't make me gag. I don't know. Unless I get some smell. If you get some like pseudo poop smell. I'm gonna, so all right. So what we'll do is we'll have your dog just shit in the middle of your living room. You're leaving
Starting point is 00:05:49 here soon anyways. It doesn't matter. And then play it. Then we, you know, if we add some more elements and some more senses, then yeah, but I still think I win. I don't know. I have a very strong stomach, but I until someone shits into a sugar cone. Yeah. And then eats it and then throws it up. I need to know like the, what did they pay those with bingo? I was just gonna say, I need to know what those women got for it wasn't enough. And like even if they didn't get paid because of the shooting of the video with it going, we're all dead. Yeah. That sounds like war of the worlds with like the compensation as it went viral should have been adequate, right? Yeah. Cause everyone saw that fucking video. Everyone. I will say the soundtrack could have
Starting point is 00:06:35 used some work. I thought it was just like slow piano. If you ever scored that, no, I was like, I don't know if this is true or not. Cause it's, you know, this is a very long time ago, but I think I remember it being like, if you walk into a massage office, kind of like that massage office. I don't know. What parlor parlor still how fucking older you massage parlor. I mean, that doesn't make sense, but like still like how fucking older you, I don't know. I don't know why I said massage office. That's definitely wrong. But you know how like you walk in to get a massage and they have like music of it sounds like little Asian girls like yelling like into a valley. There's like some beautiful strings like a harp, not harp. I wish I got, what's the thing
Starting point is 00:07:21 that they, they play really fast. Like what is that a xylophone? No, it's not a xylophone. Oh, it's like strings. Yeah. It's like strings. Oh, is it like the one where it's like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, it's fucking, it's awesome. I don't know the name of it. And I'm pretty sure we just offended a whole race of people. Why? Because they're playing that thing with strings. I don't know what the fuck it's called. It's not a xylophone. Xylophones are metal. Bing, dang, boom. You're not talking about the bing, bang, bing. You're talking about the ding, ding, ding, ding. That's exactly it. That's it. You know, right after this is done, we're watching that damn video, right? Which one? There's a lot to go over.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Let's go through a couple. Okay. I watched that on my staircase as a kid with Lawrence Roman. Lawrence is back on the podcast here. Back. Wait, you watched which two girls? Yeah. I don't know where the first time I saw that. I remember being terrified that there was going to be a bunch of pop-ups and that I wasn't going to like be in the show. You remember back in the day when like, when you'd look at porn, you had to like sacrifice your computer, basically? Well, it was like playing Minesweeper. Basically, yeah. Click on something and you're like, huh, okay, it's safe. Click on another thing. And it wasn't even just that like things popped up. It's like they popped up where they knew the cursor would be.
Starting point is 00:08:32 So like you'd go to like X out the page and it'd be like, you won $4 million. Click here. And it's like, yeah, it's terrifying. It was a dangerous game. Did you ever get, did you ever, did you ever get pop-ups and your parents caught you? No, but I did. My brother once like called me and he was like, yo, don't freak out. I might have won a million dollars. And like, what? He's like, yo, don't like, don't tell anyone you need to come down to the computer room. And I was like, all right. So I went downstairs and he was like, just look. And I looked and it was like that fucking like multicolored pop-up. There was like, you're the four millionth viewer. You know? And I was like, Nick, you didn't. You didn't win a million dollars. Yes, I'm sorry. Can you imagine
Starting point is 00:09:19 though if that actually was real? That's how you give it away. That or like the random emails you get of like, I'm a Saudi prince. I never got those. Really? I got a ton of them. Like I could, I would have been running the world right now if I answered all those emails. Bless my grandmother's soul. She used to like those people that would call that'd be like, your social security number has been breached. You need to tell us it now. She would like talk to them. So we would consistently, I think we were the only household in America that had like, we were like friends with telemarketers basically because they would just call us and talk to us because my grandmother would talk to them. Gloria there. Yeah. They would be straight up. They'd
Starting point is 00:09:52 be like, Hey, them and the Jehovah's. The Jehovah's walked the town and they knew my grandmother by name. The hoves. The hoves were coming in droves. I've only seen, I've only seen like three hoves in my life. Oh, remember I dated one. Yeah, I dated it. She knocked on your door and you're like, Hey, what's up? You want to go to the park? No, but like I was dating her and then found out she was a part of the kingdom. And is that what they call it? I think it is. Like if you walk by the buildings, they're called like the kingdom hall of Jehovah or some shit. Any Jehovah's out there. Any hoves. Cut it out. Was she door to door? She used to go on as she would call them missions. Well, yeah, they're called missions. That's great. That sounds pretty cool. If I was a part of a church
Starting point is 00:10:37 and they said, we need you for a mission, I'm there. Right. You know, like missions are just a cool word. Yeah. Like if I went to church, I'd probably go to church more if they're like, we have a mission for you. Yeah. But also if it's like to go to Arizona and like preach the good word, I'd be like, nah, dude, like give me a gun. Do you know how much more in my life I would do if everything was classified as a mission? Yeah. Like if Becca was saying like, I need you to go on a mission and get groceries, I'm there. Yeah. I'm there a thousand percent. And no one's going to even know that I was in the fucking supermarket. I would be so good. I would be literally in my face. Dude, I often walk into rooms and be like,
Starting point is 00:11:10 I can disappear out of this room and no one would know I was here. I feel like I can do that at like stores and shit. I think about that stuff. You think about disappearing out of rooms. Yeah. Like if I were to pick up and leave this room right now, is there any trace of me left? I mean, yes, because I'm like, you know, talking like this. But what I'm saying is like, I think about it. You fantasize about being a spy. Doesn't everyone? Well, I did when I was a child. First of all, why don't you now? Because I'm an adult. And now I think about other things. You never know your second career after all of this.
Starting point is 00:11:53 It's not as going to be a spy. You might be a spy. I'm not going to be a spy. You might be, how great would it be? How many movies have we seen where they're like, take celebrity and they're like, they'll never believe you're a spy. That's you. What movie? That's going to be you. Tom Cruise? He's got to be one of them. You're going to be a spy. And I would support you. You could just be a Scientologist. No, don't do that. No, I'm not gonna. Okay, good. I'm afraid. Honestly, if I don't know what's going on in their church of stuff. Yeah, they're, they're out there, man. They're doing a lot. They're doing a lot of private
Starting point is 00:12:26 investigating. If you are getting shut down. Yeah, if you're not careful, we're getting our ass shut down. There's a, there's going to be a beam. There's someone with binoculars in a van right now on the outside listening to this. Well, maybe that's what that fucking monster of a vehicle was that was passing by. That sounded like a legit tank. It was, they're sending a fucking, a full on Panzerschreck to come and shoot at us. One more time with that. What was that? I think that's what the tanks were called in World War II. Panzerschreck? Panzer, I remember from Call of Duty, Panzer or something. Sounds more like a pokey. Might be. Pokemon. Gotta evade the German tanks apparently.
Starting point is 00:13:09 That would be, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's get to what we really need to talk to here. You know, really, what did I, I don't know what I just, well, it's playing too early. It's playing too early. But listen, I have this here. So as you all probably know, good old Ben Shapiro, you know, he, for whatever reason, I don't know why, but he reviewed the hot new charting single WAP, WAP, which doesn't stand for, it's not misspelled WASP. It is an acronym for wet ass pussy. Right? And didn't know this about Ben Shapiro, but guy's not comfortable saying pussy. Yeah, he's not comfortable saying the pussy word. Something tells me that a lot about what he did in that video made him very uncomfortable. Yeah. So in the video, if you guys, you know, don't know, it's Cardi B and
Starting point is 00:14:00 Megan Stallion. And they're both talking about Megan the Stallion Stallion because the Stallion was taken on Instagram. Was it? I don't know. Oh, I know when some of our friends, I guarantee it was. Right. And Cardi B and Megan, the Stallion, are just talking about how they have a wet ass pussy, you know, good on them. And yeah, good for them. And he just kind of reads these lyrics. Listen, whores in this house. There's some whores in this house. There's some whores in this house. Whores in this house. There's some whores in this house. There's some whores in this house. It sounds like he just broke into his kids room and his frantic and he's like, there's whores in the house. There's whores in the house. No, it sounds like he went back
Starting point is 00:14:47 to his wife after his wife catches him cheating, and he's like, it wasn't me, there's whores in this house. There's whores. There's whores. There's whores in this house as if they're ghosts. Horse. They have broken in, listen. Wet ass p-word. Make that pull out game weak. Yeah, you effin with some wet ass p-word. P-word is female genitalia Dude don't call it a female genitalia. Call it what it is a pussy a pussy Eda you can't call it a female genitalia unless you're wearing a lab coat Yeah, unless you're literally like you have like that the clamps. That's it. I was thinking of what these look like a car
Starting point is 00:15:36 Jack they put it in and then they crank it and it opens up. Do they? Yeah, dude. What? Yeah, they crank it. You become an OBGYN I don't know it just came out slow so slow very slow. Um, I just know that I just know that I've gained that now Do they like use like their foot to like crank it? No, no, no all jokes aside. I Wasn't joking. I'm serious. No, he doesn't use his foot, but there is like a turning mechanism So he like like a fucking old-school like guillotine prepper. Yes, ranking. Yes fucking thing to just Separate these women at the scene. So they have them like saddles like a horse, but Vertical right and they go up into these saddles and then they stick at where these on the wall No, no, no, no, no, they're in they're not suspended in midair, but what I'm saying that'd be kind of cool
Starting point is 00:16:28 There's a woman on the wall so to my knowledge to my knowledge, right? Probably watching this like this kids a fucking idiot definitely their feet are in stirrups. Okay, right? Yes Which is that the same as what cowboys wear? Those are spurs spurs, but sort of the metal is the same Yeah, so they have their feet in that and then this guy with a lab coat who says female genitalia He walks in and let me check out your wet-ass P word. Yeah, exactly And You know, I think there there has to be some sort of lubrication involved in this thing And then they stick this thing in the don't don't you dare do that?
Starting point is 00:17:06 You know what I was gonna do. I know you're about to spit on my floor I was so he they stick it in there and then he starts cranking and then it starts opening It's a reverse guillotine or a reverse vice grip. So it's basically Basically the vice grip but in reverse. It's okay. Okay gone continue No, I just opens up so you can get a good look at the you know, whatever's going on in there That is something that is something else Oh, the women need to go to women I feel you for having to go through that because that doesn't sound enjoy imagine that happen to our
Starting point is 00:17:35 But we just have old dudes who like cradle our balls. Yeah, I've never been like I've only been fingered by doctors You know what I mean like those fingers have been in my ballsack. I don't think I've ever been fingered by a doctor Yeah, they went right up with you know into my ballsack back to Benny ask you Oh, give me everything you got for this wet ass P word Beat it up and word catch a charge extra large and extra hard The part I'm thinking I'm like he was so nerve. He's so nervous reading this like He's reading this like an old-school like Like race track announcer. This is like and here he comes around and it's see this kid catch a charge
Starting point is 00:18:18 And around the bed is a wet ass P word and there are hordes in this house Where's in this house hold it in this house as a charge and word with your wet-ass P word Literally sounds like a horse race. Yeah, yeah, and it doesn't help that he has like a little bit words coming around the turn It doesn't help that he has a little bit of a lisp. So he's like what asked P word catch a charge catch a charge I Time out that's impressive doing a kegel while it's inside. I thought it was kegel Doesn't matter tomato potato. I also don't know what it is. It's like a it's I know what it does Like it's like a to strengthen the walls. You know who had a kegel
Starting point is 00:19:04 Pete is it a thing is it an object or is it an act? I think it is for my understanding Is it like yoga now? Listen, we know why you guys came here to listen to two men heterosexual men tell you about women stuff. Mm-hmm, and and definitively also this is all we're all correct This is all fact right pretty sure a kegel from my understanding. It looks like anal beats But they're like a in it like a Christmas tree like Diag like I don't I from Pete had one So Pete had a Christmas tree for vaginas. No, so keywords. So for Pete wet-ass keywords. Yeah I
Starting point is 00:19:42 Think they're meant to like strengthen. Yeah, like it's like yeah. Yeah. Yeah to me. Whoa No, I thought it was like a Workout like I think it is yoga. I think it's meant to like can we Google it? Yes kegel kegel But kegel exercises, but either way are you getting you got to get Like repetitive contractions of the pelvic muscles that control the flow like a crunch The it's a you know, it's a p-word exercise. It's a p-word exercise the same way you do keywordy word dick ups. Yeah It continues along these lines, and it gets significantly
Starting point is 00:20:26 It's significantly more. Yeah. Oh a lot more vulgar Talk your s-word bite your lip ask for a call while you ride that D word You really ain't never gonna fm for a thing. He already made his mind up before he came and now get your boots and your coat for this Wet-ass p-word. Mm-hmm Hey, my tuition just to kiss me on this wet ass. Right. So this is deep guys Guys, are you still there? I will not get a raincoat or rain boots for that wet-ass p-word dude First of all Pay my tuition to get a kiss of this wet-ass p-word. That's it is one expensive p-word. First of all, that is an incredible line
Starting point is 00:21:06 Do you know how expensive college is? Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah, that is it. That is pay my tuition That's a very Interesting way of saying like give me some money also good on them for wanting to go to college and educate themselves Bingo pay for my education. These are famous stars Yeah, they have all the money in the world, but they want to go back and get their college education But they don't want to pay for it with their money Listen, if I'm gonna give you this wet-ass p-word pay for my college tuition pay for my and I love that he's been he said ass He won't say this shit. He won't say shit dick. He's like D word S word
Starting point is 00:21:39 I'll tell you out of all the words. I'm surprised. He didn't say it was the n-word Okay, we're getting shut down This is what the feminist movement was all about It's not it's not really about, you know, women being treated as independent full Grounded human beings. It's about wet-ass p-word Dude, I hate this video so much I hate the sly like sarcasm like oh this this is what feminism was all about like Part of it. This guy literally sounds like a cartoon dude. He there is no way. He is not battery operated
Starting point is 00:22:24 Like he's plugged into something because he it's sounding like it bit ass p-word He sounds like like a you bought a toy and then you accidentally spilt water on it. Did you I don't know if you I don't know if you saw but apparently he like did like a follow-up tweet Saying like my wife is a doctor and she told me that Women that have wet ass p-words have some sort of a disease Stop it. I I need to pull it up now Because I saw that and I was like dude, you're just this hole that you're digging yourself It's crazy like how disconnected you have to be to not understand
Starting point is 00:23:05 What that means and like I think they have some sort of sexually transmitted a disease All right, hold on dude. This is one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my entire life Ben Shapiro's doctor wife Diagnoses women in Cardi B's WAP with bacterial vaginosis Dude, you could you imagine two big virgins? Dude, could you imagine what kind of sex? Being like oh That went yeah, that's not normal like that's they got they have an issue You know how awful he must be
Starting point is 00:23:40 In the sack in the sack. He is bad. He is bad He's got to be and now he has to stand. He's got to be what type of desert vagina Is he experiencing obviously none and his wife is like trying to know that's not That's not real that's not that's not healthy dude that is so and he's like so happy they really think That the lyrics are to be like literal like you need a rain boot and raincoat for this wet-ass p-word It's like well if you need a raincoat way too wet. Yeah, bro. Come on. It appears that if you are doing something that is going to Soak the entire area that is something you might need to get checked out by a physician some sort of medical protection also NWA
Starting point is 00:24:28 Fuck the police There's no consent. You can't just fuck police. Yeah Yeah, no, I absolutely agree with what I said Guys a psycho pretty good impression. I got there. Yeah, I mean, it's not hard Oh, you have to just try and sound like like the nerdy kid in like a hey Arnold episode or some shit Do you like do you single like for a single second? But like believe a single fucking thing he's saying because I need it I need to get this out now because I will kill you. What do you mean? I don't know. I had I started a
Starting point is 00:24:59 Believe me. Oh, believe them. What are you saying? I started a sentence and I didn't know where I was going. That's good That's a good thing. You may have bacterial vaginism. I think I have yeah, whatever bacterial vaginism is when your P word won't open. Is that what it is? Mm-hmm. It's a real thing Vaginism is it's when your your vagina won't like you can't have sex that was in that show sex education. Yes We also interviewed someone who had it on people's lives. That's sad. I can imagine that it has to like slowly You know with what does she have to use like drips of water to get it to go? What the fuck what I don't know. What are you gonna Chinese water tortured or your vagina?
Starting point is 00:25:39 Get some secrets out of it. Am I no you got to use these like these rock whatever they're called like basically like these dildos Okay, what they're called But they get like larger like the first one's like a pencil and the next one It's like, you know, so like before like any sort of sexual interaction Yeah, because you could try to have sex but your vagina would just be like do it chill We're not letting we're at capacity. Wow. Yeah, just like contracts. That's crazy. Yeah, that's I can imagine that sad vaginas are just I've said it before and I'll say it again Vaginas are like our ocean like we know like we yeah, we don't know enough about it
Starting point is 00:26:11 We haven't gone deep enough to know to understand like fully what's down there. They Like they got sometimes teeth sometimes. They want to shut just shut down sometimes. They just don't let it happen They shut the club down. They shut Seriously, they just shut the doors. No one else coming in. Yeah, and you add I do this like a fucking mummy But yeah, so there's you know, there's just it's very it's it's crazy I have the opposite of that with my asshole. It never closes like it's always Actively doing something, you know, you're at your assholes like a saloon door. It's yeah, the wind will just flap it open Yeah, doors both ways spraying. Nothing's going in or out. I mean, I guess there's stuff going. No, nothing's going in well
Starting point is 00:26:56 Oh What the fuck was that welcome to adulthood young? Oh, yeah, well, I don't know what I'm doing Yeah, that was it. That was a tough one. You you you're notorious for the voice crack boy the wish quake Yeah, I know I just you know, I got a wet-ass P word Alright, I'm right. I was thinking of something there, and I I don't know All right before we get to more wet-ass P words we have to get to the end. Oh friends of the show already How many minutes in are we we're almost half an hour in what yeah, we're having too much fun Isn't fun
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Starting point is 00:31:49 But that's all for Tada Okay, and speaking of dicks I I Wanted to talk about a country. Mm-hmm Canada. Why are you looking at me like that? Yes? I love you Enough so Canada go ahead Canada Canada has figured out how to Navigate the world navigate the COVID
Starting point is 00:32:21 Do you I don't know But then they figured out how to navigate navigate the COVID because you know people are gonna fuck right? We can't stop people can't do it like Jack rabbits. Yeah, except Ben Shapiro. Oh, yeah, not having a whole bunch of sex not a lot Not with any wet-ass pee words. I only like the dry pee word. Yeah, if you have a wet-ass pee word You you can get out. Yeah, and also, please don't sit on my couch with that wet-ass peeward because it's a brand new couch And it's gray and it will stain. Yeah, I have bought and purchased dill diapers through a wet-ass peeward Yeah, but anyway Canada came out with a study I think it was just like ways to go about having sags
Starting point is 00:33:05 Basically what they said is that everyone should start using glory holes dude. I love it. I love it so much I think you wouldn't use a glory hole. This is first of all. This is why I love this story so much It has nothing to do with how they're telling us to have sex. It's the fact that a country Identified a glory hole as a glory hole as a glory hole. Yeah, you know what I mean? And it's like it's so that's what a time to be alive and what a name too I mean, it's it's a hole and there's a bunch of glory. It can be glory It can be glorious also could be the opposite of glorious. Why would it be that what if you don't know that it's a glory hole Then all of a sudden you're getting fucking hitting the eye by Timmy in the next stall
Starting point is 00:33:52 Oh, I was thinking about if you're putting your stuff into the hole. It has to be cool I need to know are there have you ever spoken to someone that goes to like controlled like glory hole parties or something like that? I've never even seen one. I don't know anyone who's ever used one that you know of you've never seen one that you know of Anything can be in the no anything can be a glory every hole can't be glorious Frankie Yes, every hole definitely can be glorious. That's not true. Why not because I heard that there's glory holes in like gay bars But that may be just a myth. No, it would make sense if I date gay dudes Love fucking They love fucking
Starting point is 00:34:29 Dude, it's crazy. Have you ever been to a gay bar? No, I want to go. Oh, it's so well, we're gonna we're gonna Because our gay friend. Oh Getting married is getting married. Can't say his name. We're not gonna say his name. Yeah, but our gay friends getting married Oh, yeah, and it's gonna be a gay but he doesn't seem like he'd want to go to a gay bar He'd want to just go doesn't have a fucking choice. Oh, okay No, right? No, no, no, no. Yeah, he wouldn't but like it, you know, I want to do that. I I've been to a gay bar First of all in every sense of the word So gay. Yeah. Yeah, dude the gayest place. Yeah, and it's awesome, right?
Starting point is 00:35:05 I never in my whole life have felt so confident You know, I went and it was like people buying you drink. I want to see where I'd line up, dude You'd own the place in a half an hour. Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, I went and I you know, I I have actually been classified as an otter in the gay community. Yeah, well You think I would be uh, you're you're you're a twank. No, you're a twunk You're a twunk damn it or an otter otter and twunk are basically interchangeable So we're the same you and I are the same gay guys
Starting point is 00:35:42 Pretty cool. I'll take it. Yeah, but walk in first of all Party atmosphere top-notch. You walked into this gay bar. What was the first thing that happened? Looked over at the bar. Uh-huh. Uh Lot of I presume gay men on the bar dancing Uh-huh, and like people were like ordering drinks in between their legs like that sounds like a fun bar dude there were and like and I'm not saying like Just like dancing like dicks out. Well, you saw penises a whole lot of them Wow, and you don't get like this is why you're not even allowed probably not but like New Haven, Connecticut
Starting point is 00:36:23 They do whatever they want a gun wave in New Haven. Yeah, and not actual guns apparently apparently it dick wave in Dude, first of all big breeze under there, you know what? I mean I'm ordered out like can I get a beer and it's just fucking helicopter. You're underneath the helicopter It's like that fucking sawtrap. We're like the a pendulum of dick pendulum of dick. Yeah. Yeah, and You know just just at the time I remember, you know a lot of gay men asked me to dance. No, thank you They were very respectful. I was very respectful But it was so much fucking fun. Yeah, I just want to go and see like if I'm you know
Starting point is 00:37:00 Dude, you know how like fucking around you know, you would crush I but I you don't know that dude fuck you I feel like you have to like you are every gay man's drink. That's not true. Yes, it is I mean some guys I'll say that listen. I've gotten messages where I'm you know People are like I want you to sweat on me and shit dude. You're fucking hot and you know it dude If I was gay, you're my number one choice. Okay Stop saying that with the look in your eyes is evil. It's not loving. It's it's It's promising that's what I'm saying is this I'm gonna get a lot of questions like regardless Regardless of
Starting point is 00:37:41 You know, whatever mm-hmm You still don't know until you go fear, you know fair fair Let's just I mean it's the world we're living in we might never be able to go Yeah, I know but can't just swing a dick on a bar now It is a let's you put a mask one of the best like party going experience I've been to yeah, and I would highly recommend going but as we were saying like I might have seen a glory hold There you don't know it could be a regular hole. It could be a glory hole if there's a hole in the bathroom Either there's
Starting point is 00:38:17 Giant rats running a muck or someone's putting their dick through it, you know the difference I would assume is in the insulation You know because if I just drill a hole Through a fucking metal stall that's some jagged metal on the side there You know what I mean like we need it we need to properly insulate you gonna treat that you need to treat that Make sure you're not walking out there with your dick looking like it's just one you got cranked out by fucking Freddy Krueger You know what I mean? Mm-hmm So I think that's where you really tell a difference between a glory hole and the fact that Canada is like saying like listen
Starting point is 00:38:51 They're not wrong because when you think about it, there's a giant wall in between you and your partner and Just the good parts are showing I need to know who brings like a like a like an eight by eight piece of cardboard with them to a sexual encounter and just No, no, no lowers the partition. Well, that doesn't count It's only cuz it's only a glory hole if you can't see the other side, but they're not saying like don't see each other during sex I actually think Jewish people They have sex with like a sheet Like the very religious ones like the like okay, I don't know what I thought like the orthodox Jewish community
Starting point is 00:39:29 Yeah, because there was a lot who that went to Queens College And I know a lot of people went there. I think my sister went there, too And they were saying how like sometimes The I think it's the girls or the guys I can't remember like they can't look at I you know I heard I heard that the opposite sex. I heard that too. So they have like Things around their desks. I heard like like when you were taking a spelling test in like third grade You get the folders who you remember when you teach you what you would like you have to build a fort Oh, yeah, two folders. Oh, yeah, so stupid
Starting point is 00:39:59 cheated anyway, of course and I think I watched that show it was like a mini mini series on Netflix unorthodox Yes, and I think they mentioned that in there It's like it's basically like a privacy sheet and there's just a hole in it and the hole is for The platypus and the invader, you know what I mean? Like it's it's coming like that's all it is and like also they like can't like sleep in the same bed when the woman is menstruating and shit like that I don't know much about it and I doubt
Starting point is 00:40:30 Anyone in that community watches this No, they're not right. No, but I will say that like you know they Canada's got a point That's what I'm trying to say is that glory hole sex is probably safe I you know, but I also feel like it's dangerous. Also. Do you put your balls through a glory hole? Or do you just you know, I think it really depends on The size of the glory hole like if you can fit your if you can fit your balls in there go for it
Starting point is 00:40:57 I would say the most ergonomic way to use it is balls first Felacid penis in it and then let it and then let it you know kind of get started, you know You know fucking get it started and like let it just kind of enjoy itself in there Yeah, but what if you get stuck? Well, you just wait until you go flash it again. It might take some time That could take all time. I mean listen If you're using a glory hole, you're there you're you're committed. You know what I mean? Yeah, you might as well just go for also. I heard these to be glory holes in the back of like video stores like video stores used to have that like Porno section I remember we remember though. Yeah, I remember those there's one over here
Starting point is 00:41:35 Yeah, yeah, and they had like a there used to be rooms where it's like you can view what the fuck is that by the way What a room no no no these that like in the back of video stores There was like a porn section that was like blocked off or whatever and then there was like a room where you could like preview shit But really it was to like jerk. There's no difference between all porn. Let's be honest Like it's it's all this like you if you're going and buying like you know Yeah, backdoor whores and front yard bimbos like what's the difference? There's no difference. Yeah, you know what I mean? So if you need to preview your porn Hey, man
Starting point is 00:42:07 Maybe just lower your standards a little bit. Yeah, just enjoy it. Yeah, but like people like are you know Walking up and down these aisles like trying to find like the right bush like cash Just like casually walking through a porn aisle just like They're trucks Franky, so I mean there's cars around I didn't realize it's that loud goddamn. Where do you live? And next to a fucking dump So I'm fine. That's all I got. That's all I got But like if you're like browsing the porn section, you know what I mean like I remember like dude porn is porn
Starting point is 00:42:43 You know what I mean like just just throw whatever you got on Yes, and no, but I do think that you know walking up and down an aisle and just like picking them out as if they're Books mm-hmm, you know like books are very different, but with this one we know it ends With ejaculation. Yeah, we know the ending. Yeah, we know exactly, but they I guess it's the costumes and like the I guess I I'd never tell you the story when I stole a A porn magazine and it came with a DVD and I was I was do you steal it from I'd like a fucking bodega I was like 17 18 and I was dared. It was the night of the Floyd Mayweather. What was the one that we watched in peace Floyd Mayweather and who?
Starting point is 00:43:26 Sugar Shane sugar Shane Moseley, and I and I was drunk Dared and I went and stole it and I remember watching the video and being like she's sitting on a motorcycle Wait, she was sitting on a motorcycle. Yeah Vibrations were like getting there go. Oh, there was it was like a solo. Yeah It's like a biker poor do they like sanitize that shit cuz I can imagine that that's got to be disgusting I'm sure that there's some regulations You know what I mean like you can't just sit on a bike No, you can't do that. No, no, you know even now like I don't got a puss
Starting point is 00:43:58 But I'm afraid to sit on bikes because I know what they can come with gonorrhea You know and that apparently fucking wet af pee word Vaginosis. Yeah, that yeah, you know, it's all terrifying stuff I didn't know that that story by the way a lot of people said that you told me the story of Whatever fucking thing we were talking about oh where you like said that you came on your phone Oh, I probably did I tell a lot of stories people are like oh Joe's like faking it dude Why do I not remember this at all? They're like it's in whiskey talks which
Starting point is 00:44:32 normally Judging from the name of whiskey talks not gonna remember we get a pretty drunk doing those. Yeah, it's not apple juice Yeah, we're not sitting there just crushing snapples also full disclosure whenever we filmed any of those whiskey talks It's because we had a lot of whiskey and then we're like And then we think we're the funniest people in the world go put the camera I remember the first one we were just sitting there. I was in a very tight shirt and I don't know if you remember that and we were having whiskey and you were just like we were just bullshitting and you were like stop You went and got the camera and that's where that's where it came from
Starting point is 00:45:07 Yeah, you know, but if he told if I told you that during then Like come on remember use your brain. I honestly fully don't remember that at all Yeah, no, like it wasn't me faking it like I I tell stories like that's my that's my gig Yeah, that's my that's my spiel my spiel But this one where you're saying that you stole a I could maybe you you know, whatever I definitely didn't know that you had a motorcycle porn It was it came with a DVD in it and it was motorcycle porn. I remember watching it and being like That's not clean. Like that's not that's not sanitary. So even at a young age. I weren't worried about oh my god vagina
Starting point is 00:45:45 Yeah, I was more like she can get a yeah, like I was that's how I know. I'm a very compassionate person That's how you know that's how I know because I was watching this porno and instead of thinking about me I was making sure that this young woman Was being safe was being cleansed being clean on her P word on her wet ass P word nice Yeah, do you remember when cereal used to come with dope shit? Like you just reminded me because like how are we going from porn to this I'm gonna connect it real quick, but like you Because when you said that you stole a magazine it came with a DVD yep I I remember getting a cereal box that also came with a DVD. Okay, and there was two songs on it. Oh, the police
Starting point is 00:46:29 Message in a bottle. Okay. Was it a guitar hero like no, it was just a dude. This was like what fucking idiot I had kids want to listen to fucking message in a bottle dude listen, but I was like it was the dude It was the 90s. It wasn't like it wasn't even 2000. Yeah, I was well if you were eight it was 2000 But okay, I was young. I don't know But the police message in a bottle was in it and then the in the other track was Brian Adams Summer 69. Yes. Wait. Yes. Yes. Yes summer Did you go absolutely fucking insane as an eight-year-old that was honestly I'm not even joking I mean that was the first song that I've ever like
Starting point is 00:47:08 Remembered the lyrics to because of that really because it came in a fucking frosted flakes box was I swear to God When their right mind was like in a fucking frosted flakes box like kids are gonna love this here Brian Adams Yeah, I mean summer of 69 technically. I guess they were right. Yeah, you know I don't remember ever getting like cool stuff from like cereal boxes, you know these to have like legitimate Gifts, I I remember like they would have like toys sometimes But I don't remember like mad times really dude My mom has beat me so many times in my life throughout the box Just because as soon as I open up a cereal box
Starting point is 00:47:43 I stick my hand into the cereal to find the toy. I I once did that with a box lucky charms You know where this is going. Yeah, your mom every single marshmallow was in my mouth I've done that. Oh my mom was not happy. See my mom never beat me. Oh my mom hit the fuck out of dude My mom never beat me, but like her words beat me. You know what I mean? I Don't know what hurts worse getting hit or getting hit with words physical or mental warfare Yeah, one of them is a lot worse. Not that my mom was a tyrant now. She was no not a tyrant. She was not She's a very nice lady But she definitely my mom was a nice lady. She just packed a punch too. I think my mom was just like tired
Starting point is 00:48:23 Yeah, she was just like just shut the fuck up. She also had your brothers to deal with too. Yeah, yeah, or kids Absolutely, and then my dad was the complete opposite. He didn't give a fuck Yeah, your dad is like the most silent treatment like Psychological warfare kind I don't even know sometimes. I don't even know if he knows my name. Um Yeah, that's a good question. I often worry Same thing sometimes I see him and I'm like, hey, how's it going? He says hey, but he doesn't say my name and I'm like, I think he forgot my name I think my dad is just slowly getting old and he's just like forgetting about a whole lot
Starting point is 00:48:56 And he's going at the same speed we are so I don't know how slow he can go. Yeah, all right Maybe pretty rapidly. He's getting old, but like my dad is also the worst memory in the world. Yeah He'll just forget like you dude for some reason I remember Vividly the first time that I was allowed to go to get your summer house. Yep It was me you and your dad in his car. Mm-hmm. We got McDonald's awesome duh and Then it was right around the time that party like a rock star came out Fuck yeah, and you put on party like a rock star and it was on for maybe 28 seconds before your dad shut it off and fucking
Starting point is 00:49:35 Flamed you Oh fuck is this shit dude my dad used to have to put up with listening to some of the dumbest shit We use shake that Laffy taffy. Well the Laffy tap that Laffy taffy was shaken in my dad's car Oh, I mean, yeah, it was shaking all over the bar over but my dad had to like we also had Chocolate starfish and oh, well, uh, isn't that a lot of starfish and the hot dog flavored water. What the fuck is that? That's the Limpisket album that had Roland and my way, dude. I did not even dude We used to on the way to the way way dude on the way to the lake from here hour 20 hour and a half Yeah, we would just put those two songs on interchangeably Roland and my way the whole way and my dad would be like fuck you fuck
Starting point is 00:50:20 He stopped Like after a while you could only hear Limpisket say, you know, like You know, like did it all for the nookie what the nookie. Thank you. Yes But I remember my dad once your dad must have been so confused because you were like also into young jeezy And then Limpisket my dad was my dad was very confused about me as a teen. I was a confusing teen You know, but Yeah, he would like I remember once my dad screamed at me because you ever heard the idea that like if you put a song on too Loud and it just starts it can like blow out the speakers
Starting point is 00:51:02 No, but okay, my dad screamed at me because we had the WWF anthology series of fucking You remember those yeah, and one disc had the the Matt Hardy version one song on it where it starts with It was like I was like, oh, I love this song and I fucking Turn turned it up turned it all the way up and my dad's driving and it just in his fucking ear just scream Oh, yeah, my dad instantly turned it down. He's like, you'll break the fucking speakers And he was furious and then my dad would like to get back at my brothers and I to shut us up He would play like Spanish music
Starting point is 00:51:47 So we would be going from like fucking Rey Mysterio Six one nine like to like right after like coming And we'd be like does suck Does suck he don't even know they're saying he'd blast the gypsy kings and just shut us the fuck up How come you never like learned Spanish, I'm surprised he's fluent, right? Well, yeah, he was born there out of all my family I know it the best and like I can hold a basic conversation. I know but I can't like speak the shit out of it Yeah, you know what I mean like I I can you know, I can absolutely hold a basic conversation But like absolutely, but with certain like I can't I'm not like ordering food
Starting point is 00:52:30 You know what I mean like yeah, I remember I used to go and I'd be like, you know, I'd say like my order in Spanish I'd be like, you know And like they'd be like, okay, okay And I'd be like My dad and my dad would be like Yeah, and I would like try to play it off like as he said to me I understood it so he'd be like you ask me if you want, you know, and yes, I want onions like yeah, I got that We have
Starting point is 00:53:04 Legendary dads because your dad we can't talk enough about that man The guy's nuts every time he calls me he asked me if I'm still making money He thinks to be fair I asked you the same thing My dad still think he calls me and he'll say that's good. That's good. By the way, you're still making money, right? He thinks that I'm just doing this giving it up and just not making any money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I'm like, yeah, your dad was the most like I've heard people breathe But like your dad breathing is like another level of breath the guy used to be very tired as soon as he woke up I remember you're like a wake-up call in some people's houses would be like the TV on our kids running around the wake-up call
Starting point is 00:53:43 When I would sleep over your house, which was a lot was your dad basically Spitting out a world full of shit into the toilet. Yeah, my dad My dad literally used to do that every single morning Yeah, and this is and he used to wash his face Remember used to wash his face and everything was soaked Do you ever hear if anyone's watched Jurassic Park and you hear the Velociraptor is like making that like screech. That's what he sounds like when he washes his face Also his toothbrush if anyone has seen his toothbrush, which no one has
Starting point is 00:54:20 No, but his toothbrush used to look like how the bristles on a toothbrush look like regular whatever they were Separate it looked like Moses walked through this toothbrush Like the bristles would just be flying towards the outside and the middle would just be plastic Your dad would rush so hard. Your dad would like bite on it and just fucking Yeah, one time one time he woke up and a full tooth just came out of his mouth And it and I that was the first day that I figured out that teeth actually look like what they look like like on TV Oh with like the roots. Yeah, like the fucking it the whole tooth came out And I was like we just like you just fell out just fell out. It's kind of cool. No, why not?
Starting point is 00:55:04 I don't know what that means, but his whole fucking tooth came out. It was it was incredible. Yeah. Yeah, that I mean Hey, man, sometimes you lose a tooth when you wake up and one time I was going to the bathroom when I was younger I was like it was like in the morning. I'm like taking a shit. There's a knock at the door and You know, I just finished up And I was like gonna wash my hands before very quiet and serious, but first I opened the door and my dad's staying there like this Right and I'm like you good and he's going And I'm like you throw up and he goes He was standing
Starting point is 00:55:44 Bathroom door with his mouth open where he had thrown up in his mouth and has now made a throw-up bird bath With his mouth like this It was wholly it open and I was like Get ahead and he just like walked in and spit it out. It. This is the man that raised me. Oh My god, at least he didn't do what those fucking psychopaths do and swallow it Who does that people throw up in their mouth all the time like I Got it down. No, no, no, no I think like I've done the throw-up in your mouth thing, but I think it's like acid reflux
Starting point is 00:56:19 No, like people like flat out like throw up and like swallow it again That makes me want to vomit a friend of mine did that my sly Years ago threw up at his mouth and drank it drank it drunk Swallowed it. Yes. Swallowed it as you were saying. Yeah. Yeah, we were out and he you know had a couple too many You know those well liquor drinks will get you and I remember we were out and he was just like I'm good and I was like what was that and he was like I threw up and like where did it go? He goes back down and I was like what? What in your body like that doesn't even make sense by like
Starting point is 00:56:59 Wouldn't your body just go like no, no, no We know what we did. Yeah. No, no, no You can't sweep this under the rug take it out get it out of here. Yeah, absolutely The exact thing that we sent out you come back. Yeah, get the fuck out That's like food being sent back to the chef and they're just gonna be like give it back to you with like spitting more shit in it It's like, oh you want it back? Okay Or is like getting kicked out of a bar and then turning around being like how you doing? I want to come in They're like, yeah, I don't think I have I think yeah
Starting point is 00:57:29 Yes, but not just me like as a group as a group. Okay. I don't think I've been kicked out of a bar There have been times that should have there's been times that I've left the bar because I'm like we should probably leave this is bad Yeah Yeah, I I know there have been times where we should have been kicked out but like no Like no like actual like removal one of our friends not gonna say his name Uh, or her name. No, dude. Okay Got drunk and then jumped
Starting point is 00:57:57 Like a starfish onto a table full of dude very polite asian men. This is the best story Because I remember turning around and seeing airborne airborne full Like full belly flop and Normally when you see someone doing that jump they hit water and they're gone This person just hit a wooden table very and Stayed there. Yeah incredible. Absolutely incredible. Yeah, so you gotta yeah, you gotta have a little fun And then obviously a fight broke out that night. So we had to leave Did it? I don't remember that it was an argument the first separate thing. I remember that was the last time I've been to no
Starting point is 00:58:42 That's not true My maybe no, no, no that was the last time I went to a strip club We went to one of the last times you didn't go. No. Yeah, I mean a couple of my buddies went My buddies not yours the same people were with me And uh, I remember one of our friends that was the last time you were at no, no That's why I said because oh, yeah last time I was in strip club was in eva in vegas and like I think like 2016 or something But it was one of our buddies was paying
Starting point is 00:59:11 for a massage of some sort to put it like that And we had to go like it was like 4 a.m. We were all exhausted and we were like, yeah Like we need to get this kid out of here So we went in And like the bouncer was like you're not coming in like no fucking way So we were like, all right, you're like, what do we get to do? So we told the bouncer like, yo, our boy's in there One of our boys just got jumped and we need him And that worked and we went in and we saw our friend getting a massage and we're like, yo, so-and-so just got jumped
Starting point is 00:59:41 We need to go And they're like, whoa, okay, and they got up and we left and then they were like where I was like, uh, dude No one got jumped. I remember this story. That's a good plan. I mean it worked. It did work. I mean it got but you Take two it got you past the bouncer. Yeah bouncer very nice very nice man I remember he was quite large a lot larger than me. He's a bouncer. Yeah, he bounces. Yeah But why are they called bouncers? Because they did he bop when the song plays That's it, you know
Starting point is 01:00:14 That's the reason why a good old diddy bop. Who doesn't like to who doesn't like to diddy bop I almost just threw up. I think why I don't know the bopping maybe the popping or wasn't the diddy I started off the show dancing. I'm diddy bopping now. It could be a dangerous time You know what I mean? Yeah, gotta start an end with good, you know, well energy Well, I think before you start continuing that we should wrap up. Yeah, my uh, yeah Your posture is making me vomit right now Please stop. I mean the quicker you end this the quicker we get to watch two girls one cup. So oh, that's right I forget we have to do that. Yep
Starting point is 01:00:56 I love how you say we have to like it's like well, we have no choice. We have an obligation A journalistic obligation. It's been over a decade since I've seen it. Yes, man I can't any time I hear it's been I have to do that. Do you know that one time in high school? So that song the kid who sat in front of me My freshman year of like English class You had to go up in front of the class and like you have to write something about yourself and then recite it In front of the class and he wrote out the lyrics the lyrics of like I'm the kind of guy that laughs at a funeral Can't understand what I mean, but you soon will like he read the whole thing and I don't think anyone got it
Starting point is 01:01:33 That's incredible. Yeah, I don't think anyone got it except me And like it's like he was just up there and like trying not to laugh the whole time So no one understood what was going on. Damn and everyone's like this kid laughs at funerals at the fuck I'm the kind of guy that laughs at a funeral. That's a good one. That's good. Yeah, shout out Um, but anyway, yeah, what's his name ben? Hey, his name wasn't damn it. It was kevin. Um That name sucked. Was it kevin that piece of shit that she did that took my ex-girlfriend from me? No, that's another story for another time. What's uh What's uh, where can I find you bud?
Starting point is 01:02:06 Alvarez8085 on twitter and on twitch if you guys want to come hang out with me play some video games talk some shite uh, and uh the frank alvarez on instagram Uh, and then you know make sure you go to patreon.com slash the baseman yard Right, right patreon.com slash the baseman yard where you guys will get a extra episode of us every single week on fridays They come out. Um, so go check that out. We got some heat coming there. We got some heat coming that way Big bracket that we just did where we finally decided on the hottest animated woman of all time It was I will say violent very difficult. It was very difficult. There was a lot of difference of opinion Well, I mean naturally we're two adult males. You know two adult males with two, uh, raging animated
Starting point is 01:02:54 Bone stiffies. Yeah. Yeah, so that's why I got a little crazy. So you can go to patreon.com slash the baseman yard to see that Um, but yeah, and then also you can follow the show at the baseman yard on instagram Don't forget to subscribe to our clips channel, which is youtube.com slash the baseman yard clips and You can go check out my twitch channel twitch.tv slash joe sanagato I go live multiple times every single week and uh, yeah, that is all is it. We'll see you guys next time. Yeah

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