The Basement Yard - #258 - The Japanese Are Trying To Scare The Virus Away

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

Frank & Joe discuss an interesting (and scary) way that the people of Japan are going about the virus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. I am joined today by my co-host George Lopez I was waiting for a sweet You know like a nice opening like my best friend the one person in the world that I can share anything with The only person that I have ever given steak in my company Those those would be really nice things. Oh, I thought I when you said that I thought you meant like a steak And I was like, I've made steak for other people. Have you? Yeah, never made me a steak. Yeah, I've never made you a steak Have you ever cooked for me? Answer no I've cooked for you

What rice? That didn't mean that came out racist But I didn't mean to the fuck did that come from because you make that fucking breakfast thing that has rice and like a pita bread or whatever What is that? When the fuck did I make that? I'm in Connecticut Oh, it was like rice and pita Arepas yeah, yeah, I'm right. There's rice in that right sometimes. Yeah Anyway, just want to get a quick shout out to all of our patrons at patreon.com slash the basement yard where you can get every episode Uh a week early

So the episode you're watching now the people on patreon saw it last week. All right So and is it also exclusive content on there that can't get anybody? Yeah Yeah, but there is an extra episode every single week on patreon as well full episode of the basement yard that only the patrons get So if you want to sign up go to patreon.com slash the basement yard for that content It's really good. It's good. We have a lot of fun. We do we try An appropriate amount to have fun. We don't try hard. Yeah You do apparently. Yeah apparently people don't like frankie. Yeah, it's okay. No people love you though I think you know

You know the the the the bad outweighs the good sometimes. Yeah I I love the people that are like trying to be dickheads that are like trying to be like rational dickheads like yo No disrespect frankie's a piece of shit. No disrespect. Here's some disrespect Anytime they they lead with that. There's always something to come like yo like you hear people all the time like i'm not racist But here comes something very racist, but dude. Yeah blacks. Yeah, like okay Chill dude like stop with that. They go after it. Yeah um But yeah, I just wanted to let everyone know like on our patreon this week. Um, I we couldn't actually record a

Extra episode this week when you're watching this there will be one But because I had like a covid scare like someone that I was with was with someone who tested positive So I was like, all right. I'm not gotta be careful. Yeah, so I didn't we didn't record anything but While I was in my quarantine by myself just kind of hanging and we couldn't record I saw this thing. Um in japan Where all the cool stuff happens, of course. Yeah, uh, they have a very weird way of dealing with the pandemic And I so I wrote it down

So I didn't forget one of those videos where like the girl like takes a bath and catch up or some shit. What? Never saw those like it's like this like weird. She might be japanese. She might be korean or or you know um And she like is like in a bathtub with like just ketchup ketchup And french fries and it's just pouring ketchup on herself. Is she eating it? I I think there are parts where it gets in her mouth But I think it's mostly just the fact that her body is submerged in ketchup That's an expensive video

Yeah, you know, I feel like not really I feel like ketchup anywhere else would be cheap You can go to casco get a couple of those fucking gallon tubs of caught of ketchup I don't know. I think you could I would never do that. I love ketchup I would never get into a bathtub to catch is there like a certain fluid or dip that you would want to swim in I don't think you can swim in any of them can't Is that like a thing remember in beer fest how he like drowns in beer? Would you not be able to swim in it because he said like the yeast holds him down or something? Is that true? I don't know. What's her name said a queen latifah? That's not queen latifah. I don't think it is. Who is that?

Fuck what's her name? It's not queen latifah. It's not is it? No, it's not monique. Yep. Fuck. Yeah Those old school stars. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but no, this is a so this is like the thing, right? I saw the headline Basically, there's a japanese horror show to take people uh people's minds off of covid Which I don't even know how those correlates like a horror show horror Hull Like scary horror. Oh, why didn't my brain not recognize what you were saying horror? Yeah I was like, what is that you try you thought I was trying to say like harder. I don't know

I I think I just like that In forgot the word in 50 years if I have dementia Started step one. Yeah, you guys are seeing it. My brain's deteriorating in front of your eyes So here's how the japanese are doing with the pandemic Uh, a japanese group is trying to take people's minds off covid 19 by putting them in coffins surrounded by chainsaw-wielding zombies Oh, okay Because that's how you do it. Yeah, what the fuck like Did that work? Did that fix anyone? Some people left reviews and said, you know, look what?

Like no, there were some reviews where people said hold on Customers this weekend can lie in a six and a half foot windowed coffin Listening to a horror story watching actors perform and getting poked with fake hands and squirted with water I love your squirt gun because that's a fast squirt So there was a yeah So there was a coffin with a big window on it and then people like crawl over it and they do like weird Japanese horror the fuck does that scare anyone when you know, it's not real You're laying in a coffin. I don't give a fuck what I'm laying in. What are you talking about?

Fuck that if I know it's not right if someone says like yo joey I'm gonna dress like a zombie and scare you. You're not gonna be fucking scared Have you never been to one of those houses where they jump out? Say that again. They jump out exactly. These people are just like casually like walking on there. No, no I'm sure there's a there's a scary, you know, like a grunge woman But like then they have chainsaws. What did the chainsaws do that doesn't scare you Dude, they got chainsaws. They chase kids and fucking six flags all the time dumb little cock sucking kids like they're not

They're not they don't know what the hell is going on. I know but it's scared Dude, so I'm pulls a fake chainsaw and I hear the motor's running at me. I'm running. I mean when I was young Yeah, but like right now if a man runs at me with a chainsaw right now right now today But I'm but if you knew that that man was a paid actor I'm at six flags. Of course. He is. Nah, fuck that. Yo, just let him run at you Oh, you're a party pooper. I'm not and you're full of shit. I'm not full of shit. Yes, you are. No, I'm not It's only seven dollars and 60 cents by the way, which is equivalent to 800 yen Why is it so high in yen? I don't know the yen's not great. I guess I guess not

I love when they're over there and they're like this like 40,000 yen and it's just nothing. Yeah, it's like, oh, it's 20 bucks Oh, okay All right. No problem. What is that that can't work? No one is like, oh, I feel better about the covid now I didn't write down the quote, but I did see that Some people were like, yeah, no, it works like it I totally not that they totally forgot about the pandemic was like it makes me feel better Nothing about zombies wielding chainsaws is gonna make me feel better. Yeah in what fucking world Like as all of all we know like we could be headed there like next week the way that this fucking shit is going this year

Getting a coffin. Yeah, and I'm not one of those people that's like that's not gonna freak me out It's like laying this coffin for eight hours. Okay. I'll fucking take a nappy nap. What a nappy poo No, I'm not the nap part. I'm at the part that you're okay with just sitting in a fucking coffin. Yeah. What's the point? It's just a small room with a bed because it's right here. Okay on your face if I knew there was no you're not claustropho I don't think I am. I mean there was like I've seen movies Where they where they get real tight in and I'm like that's uncomfortable because it's a small coffin because it's but not even a coffin Like there was uh, I don't that hurt It was like a movie where they were like trying to get through a little hole

And like they were real tight This sounds like a porn. It's not believe it or not. It's not a porno And it was like it was a horror movie. Yeah, um, but I don't like that that shit doesn't bother me like I understand why I can bother people but like if I know In my brain like I'm too fucking smart To know like all right These are actors. I'm paying to be here. I can get out whenever the fuck I want of course Like I'm not gonna be like that doesn't make it any less scary if it does dude if I'm in

Fuck you if I'm absolutely all the way. Fuck you if I'm in a coffin, right? And regardless of all those factors if a little giant Japanese girl Jumps on my coffin and just grunges her way over and grunges over With like, you know, they all have they're all double very joints a lot of joints anyone who works in a horror Horror house is like double joint and it can do that walk You know, so I feel like if anyone does that I'm scared. I don't I don't know about that If they're crawling at me, I am letting it fly baby. I'm putting my foot right in between their fucking eyes I don't like when people crawl dude. It really freaks me out

I think it was you that said that like you you're fine with like horror movies and like monsters and gore But you don't like kids dude little kids in scary situations Oh, don't put little kids around me because I want to beat the shit out of them all the time Except for my family. I'm more afraid Of children in scary situations than like adults like if I'm in like a scary I mean I'm talking about the shining now, but I'm in a scary hotel. I would rather Turn the corner and see a man with his head Sliced bleeding with a chainsaw running at me then seeing a little girl in a dress like on a tricycle like hey, I'd be like

I'd be way more scared But see you could beat the ever-living dog shit out of the little kid. It's a fake. That's how demons work They take the body of a small because they're a big demon because they're big demons. So then are the big Scary people just little demons. I think they're just regular I don't know about that. They might be no, dude It might be a little it's like hummers like you know, they say like guys with real smite small cops Yes, I almost had sminey smite sminey dicks. Sminey small and tiny dicks Yeah, just driving massive fucking hummers with like the tail back like the tail light that says like don't trade on me

Yeah, yeah, they got a flag. Yeah flying flags for is it like is that like what demons are where the demons will take big bodies? If they have really tiny demon weeners Dweeners obviously That's a good question. I don't know but I don't know it freaked me out But then it got me thinking about there's this other house And I don't know if you've ever heard about this But I feel like it it went viral like like I say a year ago or two years ago something like that. Okay, but it's called uh, the mckamey manor

Right Listen to this. Oh, this is a real place. This is a real place that you I don't think you have to pay But there is prize money to get through it. You get 20 000. Oh, I think I go ahead But just listen to the fucking description, right? Because I'm like who signs up to beat whatever Employees of mckamey manor may physically assault patrons fire. We're gonna stop there Super fire So you sign a waiver and you're like i'm gonna go through this scary thing

Take two feet into the thing and a guy with fake blood on his face rocks you in the face First of all, honestly, I'm all for it. Do you get physically assaulted? All fucking for it If i'm signing up, I want to I want to get the fucking Shit kicked out. Can you fight back? I would assume so. I mean, maybe not. It's a fair fight But I I would also assume that like the physical assault part of it is more like You know like grabbing your arms and like pulling you and yanking you into a room. They're not like fucking Beating your teeth down your throat

But an assault sounds like an assault. There is a spectrum of things Of course, but physically he has physically assaulted me. I'm not gonna say he grabbed my wrist I'm gonna say like yo, let's do hit me in the neck. Well, but Keep on going because so far you got me absolutely on board and I would be there In a heartbeat I'm gonna get you on board even more right now. This is a real quote Physically assault patrons hit them with vibrating toys. Gotta be dildos. There's no other vibrating toys There's no other vibrating toys. You know exactly just say dildo just say dildo just say dildo at that point

And honestly still on board. I am still on board dude. That brought you back that part. I'm back in you Pulled me back in pulled you right. I left. I turned right back around once I heard dildo You walked it. All right. They're gonna assault you. See you later Hit you with vibrating toys. Hey, what excuse me? Uh, I'll be right back. I gotta go. I gotta go. I'm gonna call some friends No, but they can hit you with vibrating toys I guess for comic relief like you get really scared someone punches you in the face And you're like, yo, what the fuck is this and someone throws a dildo at you and you're like, this is actually kind of fun That would be actually honestly

I I haven't heard something that would deter me yet Waterboard them That might be the tough one big tough one. That might be the tough one I don't literally how they torture terrorists at guantanamo bay You can do to people But you know, I feel like I'd be okay with that. I sometimes accidentally waterboard myself So like I would be all right. How do you do that? You know put a towel on your face in the shower and you just put your head back

And you don't really forget where you are. You know what I mean? That literally sounds like a purposeful act No, no, no, you know, you're in the shower. Why would you put a towel on your face wash your face? A washcloth Right, it's very nice. Put hot water on your face. It's very nice. I love having a hot towel on my face Oh, well, then there you go. Just add a couple driplets of water and you're you're waterboarding Yeah, so they can waterboard you They can force you to eat or drink unknown substances That that might be the part I got a question I'm on

That might do it for me after getting punched assaulted with a vibrator and waterboarded. You're like What are the ingredients? What is this vegan? Is it vegan? If they're just feeding me like mashed peas in like a thing of like olive oil, okay but If it's fuck, you know mashed peas and a thing of olive oil. Yeah, but if they're feeding me like horseshit We got to talk. Yeah, I think that's what it is though. I mean, they're gonna give you $20,000 if you get through it So it's probably listening to me right now. Is this place still around? Yeah, I'm signing the fuck up Tennessee Let's go. Let's go

So I I think they're probably making you eat like weird concoctions. It's like ketchup You know cum poop and then like uh, they're What's that and then like those Those markers that smell really good. Oh like the scented markers. Yeah They make you eat a marker. I'd be okay with that The cum part comes tough. That would be the that's an unknown substance. That would be Very difficult to to hold down, but then like fuck them. I'm also gonna fucking throw up on them if I have to I'm assuming they expect vomit. Yeah, they're definitely like eating like balls

How do you sound to be a worker in this because that's where I feel like I would shine You'd be good at assault. Yeah beat the shit out of people Imagine you got paid to waterboard fucking just absolutely waterboard someone like all right, people do people do people do that Oh man, my dream job is to waterboard people. No, but also Uh, you can also have them bound and gagged or engage in psychological torture Boy, what does that mean? I need to know what that means. That means that after getting punched dildoed Uh, you have to like fill out like a questionnaire

Oh, I think you have to fill out a bunch of like there's basically saying like what's like who who and your family Do you feel loves you the least and then they just fucking scream at you like your your dad told me He knows you're gonna quit just like you quit basketball. Just come just do it. Just go ahead and give up I don't know what it is that they probably just pull you into a room and then psychological torture That's got to be the most fun part. They probably just keep you awake. It's like a seven hour thing walk through Give me a wake for seven hours. That's not that's not big. No not keep you away I mean, I just you know, I made that up, but I'm saying you getting this whole thing is like seven hours Also, the last thing

At the end of the thing says participants can also be drugged Okay, hold on drug. Yeah, that is where that might be a little question Is this like just some ploy to just like Drug drug people This is where it is. This is some fucking unfriended two shit and you can you can have a safe word But there was a a woman who's like suing this manner Uh, because she said she was saying her safe word for minutes before they Stop her safe word was probably like i'm okay

Or it's like banana. Yeah, it's like bananas. They're just like your dad ate you Well, they can't say bananas when you're getting bananas shoved in your ass. I would assume vibrating bananas Yeah, see like where are they assaulting you like are they like are they assaulting your butthole? Wait, I gotta stop. I'm going too far. You're going straight to the the art word there. Yeah, that's tough Uh, the vibrating toys the mccainy mccainy mcmainy. Oh my mccainy Uh manner it has 1.9 stars on google. So not a really good reveal Oh, yeah, I can't imagine too many people have no and it has a wait list of like 24 000 people But they only take a certain amount of people uh every weekend

They need to like take like those that have like the emotional fortitude to get through it. It's a non-profit It's a non-profit. Well, no shit. I mean Where the fuck would they imagine they were like all proceeds go to One of the volunteer guides detailed that the 40 page waiver signed by participants lists all of the possible risks risks in dirt Including pulling out their own teeth Dude, what? A chance of getting a tattoo And getting fingernails pulled out

Okay, hold on. This is some no way. This is um, I'm on wikipedia. Can you please get one of these people on opl? To get oh, it's like yo you guys I need to know like exactly psychologically That's got to be my favorite part. That's got to be cool as shit Could you imagine if you got paid to just scream at people in the face? I don't scream at people in the face in their mouth like just open your mouth, and I'm just screaming at you with it You want to scream into my mouth? Yeah I mean we can't now because I call this is crazy pull out your own teeth like who the fuck would actually they don't pay For this sort of thing. It's like free to go and you get 20 no one's ever completed it

Mainly because they pull out your fucking teeth probably that would be kind of like, you know I want to do this so bad. Do you don't chances are it won't ever happen? Oh mckay me accepts payment only in dog food for his pet dogs Wait, hold on hold on. It's a guy. This was made by one guy. Apparently Mckay me. Yo, this guy, you know what he's doing, right? He's sitting behind that double-sided mirror and he is cranking the ever-living milk out of his penis This guy is crushing some jerk off seshes Probably dude despite the he used to not have safe words that used to not be a thing with this So what you just kill people? Uh, they're dead and just be cool. Has anyone died from this yet? I don't think so

I need to see like I you know I've always wanted to do like those crazy like halloween haunted houses where it's like blood manner where it's like You won't get to the third floor Like fuck. Yeah. Yeah, I can if someone's Gonna give me a tattoo in the middle of a nice stroll through a haunted house. That might be the tough I'm all set. Yeah, that might be the part where you know what I'm saying. Yep. Yeah, don't tattoo me I don't want to be I mean because then with that psychological Torture they could tattoo things that you didn't want on your heiny, you know like you can get like

You know daddy's little pussy fart on your ass or something like that. Is that what your dad used to call you? No My dad didn't call me. That's a joke Didn't take it. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Didn't take you to disney. Yeah, we're not ready to talk about that though I'm not ready to talk about that I don't really like understand the uh The appeal I haven't been to a haunted house in a very long time. They're fun I mean like I always like we used to go to one up in Connecticut that was just more like impressive

You know what I mean? Like it's impressive how they fucking like built these sets and shit like that I knew a kid that worked for one and he was a fucking freak Like you need to be yeah, I think he uh passes audition like this is the type of kid that like in like The middle of march had like a green mohawk like you don't need it now Yeah, you don't need it now. That's a that's a summer thing Yeah, and he would always like refer to it as uh like the tour And he'd be like oh, we're getting the tour. No like the haunted house I'm like we're getting the tour ready and it's like what what is wrong with you just like he's a traveling man

Yeah, like it's like it's like it's like second nature to him like he's kiss It's like I work putting the tour together basically. I always wondered like do they do like weird sex stuff behind the scenes? I assume you'd have to right? I feel like people that are really into horror Fuck hard. Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, dude speaking of um, I recently started rewatching true blood Right. Have you ever seen it? No not as good as I remember and it's basically just like it's vampires It's porn with vampires right like that's all it is like there's one guy who's literally in there just to go like Like that's it There's blood in blood in pussy. Literally. They're like pussy on that show

I don't remember. I I haven't seen pussy There's enough of everything else though pretty much. I mean boobies. There's a lot of boobies buddies But I was gonna say like there are buddies friends Oh the vampires friends with each other That's a collection of buddies. Yeah um, but like They're just like biting each other. Isn't there a gay vampire too? There's other They're all gay for each other at one point lesbians. They're all they do it all they don't give a fuck

There's a spectrum of sexuality. Yeah, they're just like they don't care They just want their blood and they'll suck it out of anything Well, yeah Do you think vampires are real? Nope, but there are people who do Drink blood because they are vampires and shit Wait, what not that they are but they like believe that they are And they like get their teeth filed and shit to have like like the shit or whatever and they drink blood Like vampires

No People because those aren't real. We've already established that let's establish something else white people Those are the those are the scariest duh duh, you know duh duh Uh, but they drink whose blood are they drinking? Uh, you know No, no, I don't it's why i'm asking. I mean, I don't really have that information. Have you ever drank blood? I've or have like lick. Yeah, like don't one of those. It's not good. It doesn't taste like it tastes like metal Yeah, it tastes like josec quervo without the the kick. No

I think josec quervo tastes like metal. I think josec quervo tastes like fucking piss Metal piss metal piss like a car pissed like yeah, you know, I cannot imagine there are few substances I can't put into my mouth because I would instantly gag. I would see blood It's being one of them like a spoonful of blood. Fuck yourself. Yeah all the way. Fuck yourself like I I'm not doing this I don't like blood like that like it doesn't make me pass out, but I just don't like it. It's not I'm not a fan Yeah, it's I don't need it. Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely don't need it But there are vampires out there. There's people who believe they're vampires and they uh, we need to stop that shit

We really need to chill out with the vampires, but I don't think the community is that big so we have nothing to worry about There's no rebellion taking place under the ground Uh, because that's where I assume they go as far as you know as far as I know But I I feel like I did talk to a vampire once Where I think it was for other people's lives. Really? This is where I'm getting this information. I'm pretty sure we talk to a vampire Um, but I'm not like positive, but I feel like I know I feel like I have do they like what do they only Well, they they have to only come out of that. That's the easiest part You don't see the sun, but like how do they work?

I I know, but I think they do they're cool with the sun Sort of they prefer not to have they sleep in coffins Uh, yeah standing up They have beds. How do you you can't you can't sleep standing up? So what are they just like lean? It's okay It's okay Yeah, I think they have a

I think they do lean. I think they lean. I gotta put it back there. You know that right at some point, but it's okay I hate this thing. I hate this thing always. That's fine I'll tell you what why don't you buy a fucking plant and you put it over there. I'll give you a plant Oh, thank you. I will the plant guy Takes one of no one Yeah, I'm sorry. Um, how much money to drink a Uh, shot of blood a shot. I'll throw that bitch back double shot Uh

Give me give me an easy 75 dollars. Ew. You're a freak Dude that's way less than I thought you'd say I 7500 is what I said. Oh, okay. Did you no, no Uh, but I I probably would never do it blood I'd have I'd take blood before I'd take would you rather drink a human's blood or animal blood Oh, give me animal bloods all the time. I'm fine with that. I really have way more diseases. Don't know if that's true Yeah, I don't think that's Definitely probably not but like pigeons

But fuck a pigeon always fuck them I hate I hate pigeons and the world will be better off without all those flying goddamn rats Do birds do anything? Dude, they're such little fucking assholes. Do they do anything? They do nothing but annoy the piss out of every single person Like I hate bees but bees do stuff bees are good bees do for the environment They do they pollinate and they make what have you ever heard of a bird being like a good contributor to society You're like, oh, no, the birds are going extinct. We're gonna suffer. No, probably not. We'll be fine. I like bird I like certain birds

There are some like parrots are cool Seagulls have big mouths fuck a phone. No way. That's not uh, not that what the fuck like the gulls a pelican pelican Yeah, yeah, I like the pelicans. They got the they got the seagulls are cool. They're white and like That's not why I meant like that's what makes them cool No, fuck seagulls dude seagulls are the dumbest animal on this goddamn planet You can just literally you could throw like a seashell and they think it's food and they just go swallow it and they're dead in seconds No, man. By the way, I haven't killed any seagull. Yeah, it sounds like yeah, uh, I wish I had killed more though It's okay. I you're a better position than me. I just said they were cool because they were white. Yeah, that's right

I mean, you know what I mean. They're pretty. No, they're not and they're annoying as shit. They're clean They're clean. They're clean like are they pigeons foot. Yeah. No, we've established that pigeons suck at least in new york city they're covered in like Piss people and other parts of the world like eat pigeon and I think of that concept and it's like you're literally inviting The world's craziest disease into your body I once saw under the train I saw a guy go up to a pile of pigeons and just scoop it up and bring it into a poultry shop No, you didn't I swear on my life. I did no you didn't I was in middle school

It was a poultry shop. Uh, you know right underneath the L on 36th avenue And he picked up a group of pigeons. He went I swear to god like fucking team rocket He approached team rocket. Yeah with the big net. Oh Don't don't don't He went up and he And just fucking threw him in how many? Yo, a good lot. I would say at least 20 20 dude, dude

So think about that next time you buy chicken. It might be pigeon You know, no, it's not. I know but Can you fucking imagine? This dude's catching pigeons outside of his store out and not like they were like underneath the train like eating their own Shit and like disgusting like particles. Yeah, you know, and then he just took them in and he just bought them up Just gave him away Yeah I'd try anything though. What about what about parrots? Those are cool parrots are cool

I like the ones at talk though the ones that eagles are fucking fire hawks Eagles are cool osprey. You've ever seen an osprey the fuck is that it's a it's a bird of prey Why are you saying that it's a bird? I just wanted to show that I know another bird osprey Osprey is that a pokemon or is an actual bird? It's an actual bird It's an osprey zaptos or Bruno. Yeah, those are cool. Yeah, uh, there's there's Most birds though I could do without like let them die in the street Becca once that's where they die. I know

Beko like I like once like spit a sunflower seed out and she's like babe I was like what and she's like don't do that. I'm like why she's like a bird will eat it and choke on it and die and I'm like awesome perfect Let him take it all Oh my god. All right, yo, I'm starting to sweat in here dog. It's a hot boy in here. It's a hot boy Let's get to these ads. All right. I bet you won't right after we talk about killing animals. Yeah We told peter gets a hold of this. Yeah, what's up guys?

Uh, we got quip back on the show. Okay, so quip is your your new electric toothbrush here I got a quip. Everyone knows that I have a quip. It's red I used to have a gold one, but I like the red one. So I switched up and got a new one And I paid for it. Don't think I did any of that free stuff. I didn't Okay, but quip basically it's an electric toothbrush that you can have and it Vibrates for two minutes and it pulses every 30 seconds to know when to switch sides It's great And the best part about it is that you can get free not free, but you get brush heads sent to you

On a dentist recommended schedule, which is a bit. I believe every three months So it's like having a new toothbrush every three months. It's amazing And right now you can get started with quip at get quip.com slash basement To get your first refill pack for free. That is at g e t q y p dot com slash basement To get it quips. They started just $25 and then you get the refill packs Guys, trust me. It is amazing Beyond the brush quip has everything you need to build to build a Complete routine mint or watermelon toothpaste with anti cavity ingredients for strong healthy teeth as well. Okay, so

Change the way you brush your teeth. All right, get the quip next up we have Hello fresh It offers convenient delivery right to your doorstep for easy home cooking with the family So the recipes you go on you get these recipes it comes to your door neatly packaged And refrigerated and it's all pre-portioned and it teaches you how to cook the stuff and you can keep the little things So you basically have this little cookbook that you got from hello fresh as well But it's great. It's high quality stuff

pre-portioned ingredients But yeah, over 90% of the ingredients are sourced directly from growers to ensure the freshest recipes are delivered to your door But it is amazing. Definitely go check it out. Uh, they have donated over 2.5 2.5 million meals to charity in 2019 And this year they're stepping up food donations to local communities because of the virus Um, but yeah, so go check out hello. Hello fresh. Uh, go to hello fresh dot com slash basement 80 and use the code basement 80 to get a total of $80 off of your first month Including free shipping on your first box Additional restrictions apply. Please visit hello fresh dot com for more details. Again, that is basement 80. Okay, so hello fresh dot com

Slash basement 80. Uh, if you wanted to get into cooking or you wanted some some nice meals, definitely check out hello fresh Um, they are big fans of the show Uh, next we have better help which is online counseling if you're looking for a therapist or someone to talk to Uh, it's it's nice to start with better help. Um, you can get talking to people and Under 48 hours a therapist. I should say licensed professionals. Um, who specialize in things like Uh, depression or anxiety or anything you really need Um, and it's very easy to switch counselors if you want to do that as well if you're not happy with the one they assigned you Um, but yeah, you know because of the coronavirus a lot of people spending a lot of times indoors

So sometimes that takes a toll on your mental health. So if this is something that you wanted to get into This is a way to do it. You can go to betterhelp.com slash a yard Um, and you will get 10 off of your first month Again, that is better help.com slash yard You can start talking to an online, uh, counselor in under 48 hours. Like I said, so give it a shot. Check it out Let us know what's going on And lastly here we have features Okay, each

Which is f e e t because they're socks, dude Um, and literally today I on my bike ride. I was wearing features and they're very comfortable. They have the anatomical design that comforts To the left and right shape of your feet They're marked l and r so that you get the right comfort in the right areas on your foot and it's amazing Okay, there's nothing better than a tight sock. That's sort of thick It's like having another shoe in there. So it's very nice Um, but runners worldwide have made features. Uh, their sock of choice

They have an elite golf sock that keeps your feet cool, dry, blister-free While providing a custom like fit that won't bunch or slip during your backswing That's another thing. They have this stuff on the back of your Um socks that like keeps it in place so it doesn't slide under your foot. Literally nothing worse than that Um, but yeah, so go to check go check out features Uh, you can get 10 dollars off of your first pair of features when you use the code basement at features.com Spelled f e e t u r e s dot com and the promo code is basement for 10 dollars off of your first pair Again f e e t u r e s dot com promo code basement for 10 dollars off of your first pair. Okay

Boom bang bomb. That was good. You're getting very good at that. You think after 270 episodes I'm dying. It's hot in here. Yeah, I'm gonna turn the heat off. You're really sweating the heat Oh, dude, I sweat way easier than anyone. I know you literally you're sweating frank It pours off of me. I sweat. I could literally just make myself sweat. See, I'm at a sweater You know, I no joke my sweatiest and consistently sweaty part of my body my my Your butthole my in right in there. That's nice though. Sometimes I don't mind when my butt gets really sweaty really It's because they just no because the cheeks. They just like slide. Do they? Yeah, it's awesome until you stand up And there's a fucking wet mark on your asshole. I don't have that mine gets very sweaty

Oh, so your cheeks get sometimes like and not just my cheeks But in between it's so hot that it's like a like it's like a Fucking oh wow, that's on quick. Yeah, it is like its own ecosystem in there You could you could fucking grill a burger in that shit. Really? Yeah And then I love the smell. Do you love your own stink? Of what of your own stink? No Well, I don't really stink. I don't wear deodorant No, but like your balls

I don't know what my balls stink. I'm not that flexible. I can't get down there. No Go go down with a finger or two. Oh, I finger myself. Go ahead and then do this. Yeah, okay See what it could see would have come up. See what you come up. You would say see what it tastes like. I was Okay, this is a this should be a That's not good I'm trying to think of what this no, but see this is the thing. You know, it's not good for other people But for yourself, you're like, I'm proud of this Let me get a different you

You know what this smells like what? Let me get let me see what I'm working with. Oh, I thought you were gonna see you were gonna come over here. No. Yeah, I know Mine smells like uh Like a modell's shoe section Like some shoe smell, but also a lot of barefoot smell. I get that Mine smells like A gym bathroom that's directly next to a pool

I know I know exactly what you mean by that smell. No, you sure but mine also I'm getting like a You know when you go to someone's summer house and there's people walking in and out of the living room with because they Just were in the pool. Yeah, like there's some wet. Yep, and it smells weird like a wet towel. Yeah That's my I got that. I got my dick and balls right now. I'm getting right now. I'm getting like You know, like your friend's dog that like it's it's it's all fucked up. It's old. This thing is all shitty You should put it down and Exactly, but they don't and they just let it like roll around on the couch

I smell like in between those couch cushions. Right, but I like it. Yeah, I'm proud of my own scent I don't really enjoy it. I would bottle it. I enjoy my farts more. Oh, no, I I No way. I'm not a big farter. Like I hate I'm a big farder. You're a big farder big farder Full transparency for everyone here. What before we record this kid is just sitting in the corner. He's like Like Yeah, I could I could set it up. I could set it off You you do you do you often do I've never been a big farder. I just think it's funny I I don't

You don't like farting. I don't I don't you don't like farting. I don't I've never liked farting I broke up with a girl because she farted. I remember that. Yeah, well, she didn't even fart in front of you She didn't I farted on the fault. I learned that she farted in front of me Right. I learned that not in front of me, but like In my aura, you know what I mean? Didn't she fart on the phone? Yeah. Yeah, and it was like a quick breakup It was nothing serious. Like it was like a day or two, but like we we rectified it rectum fight it rectum Defied everything

And we were okay But like I don't I don't need to hear you fart. Yeah, I don't want to I don't think you I don't think it's a matter of needing Your farts are impressive sometimes because it's like how like Your brother-in-law now that's a fart. That's a dude that kid that dude's got so much velocity I'm like, yo, dude, and it's like he can control the like the speed at which it comes out. So just imagine like You know what I mean like he just fucking goes off on him. It's crazy. Oh She got dizzy

Oh my god, if you would have passed out, I would have been the greatest thing ever. Have you ever passed out? Oh, yeah Yeah, dude. Yeah, hell yeah What was the last time you passed out? Um I think recently I didn't go down, but I was I definitely had to whoa like you know when you get like that Oh, no, but I'm saying like you were like fell down went down for the count. Uh I've only been to Philadelphia twice both times. I fainted the next morning. Yeah It's the water. Well, it might be just the alcohol in that place. Uh, yeah, it's not great It's pretty shitty city

I I woke up in the morning and I was like, hmm nice It was like totally fine And then I went to the bathroom and I'm peeing and it was as if I was peeing out all of the blood in my body Because as soon as I was done I saw myself in the mirror and I was like There I go and I grabbed the oh you got lucky I grabbed the sink, but then I swung into the the the vanity. I was just like bang. Oh that I hit the floor That doesn't sound good. No, dude. And then I climbed up the fucking drawers Where'd you go into the fucking sunken place? Jesus Christ. Well, my legs weren't working

Weren't working you passed out. You didn't lose you didn't become a paraplegic I know but I but I was like, you know, I was all fucked. I hadn't I was all you were coming back Yeah, I was like coming back. I'll give you a pass. I climbed up and I gave I gave I got a glass because there was a glass of water in there and I filled it up and I drank it and I felt a lot better Really? Yeah, yeah, uh the the last time I remember passing out It was like one of the like not graceful ones where I was like And I like came back I gave blood And I I didn't eat anything that morning. I know it sounds like it's from the office

It doesn't happen in the office. Yeah, but like people pass out all the time from the blood that fucking straw That thing is huge. Have you ever seen have you ever given blood? Uh, not in a while Dude, I remember the size it was basically like a straw and it was sucking the fucking life out of me Damn, and I remember the good one was like, all right, hold your arm up And I was like, all right, and I I felt the cold sensation Just traveled down my arm and it hit here and I just went bang and I was out But then I got to eat a lot of cookies Don't they gave you like apple juice? Oh, yes, they do that makes me shit like fucking really everything does everything

No, no apple juice is like known to be like it lacks it if I think I think I think yeah I think it's a direct but it tastes so good. I love apple juice. I'm an app I'm an aj over oj guy any day. Yeah. Yeah, yo the mott's they must be putting crack cocaine in there It's gotta be go guy. I mean at this point in time. They put dat in there. Oh, they put dat in dat. They did it Yeah, they did it. They did it. They put it In dat and it's it's so fucking good. It is really really good Boy, does it make me have you ever made apple juice back Pete? What just make apple juice Just put your apple in a freezer and then once it comes out let it thaw out then you can crush it

Into apple juice Thank me later Why does it need to be frozen because it like freezes the inside and makes it like mush basically Trust me. It's really good. I'm not going to do that. Why not because I could just buy apple With things that you can do in your life to make you a better person each and every day and you ridicule me for them I try to teach you how to make literally just set up not making apple Yeah, I was gonna say apple jacks, which is a great cereal if you can make those but you can't do it Do dat do dat if you got it

Apple, I haven't had an apple jackson. Fuck it. Do doesn't do dude. I bought some freddy freddy freddy prins juniors I'm gonna say freddy pebbles Fuck is that I bought some fruity pebbles the other day dude. I went to town on this box dude I could fuck a box of fruity pebbles to hell dude There was nothing this box of fruity pebbles could have done That would have saved it because couldn't stop me. It was fucked from jump street jump. Yeah the moment I saw it It was my little whore

You know what i'm talking about dude, I do you know exactly do you ever get sexual with your food? That's how I was with the fruity pebbles I literally one time got a fruity pebbles box Well, I went to my mom's and she because she always buys a bunch of bullshit and I went there and she had fruity pebbles I ripped the top of this box open like an asshole keep going because it couldn't have gotten open and I was like And I just fucking tore it off like I was collecting those box tops or whatever the fuck that shit was All right ripped it open Then the bag would you have to be gentle with because we're dealing with small pieces of cereal?

Yeah, those get all over the place. You're in big time trouble. I guess who wasn't gentle Me yeah, you gave that you gave that fruity pebbles exploded into the box You ripped it open and exploded everywhere And then I ate the whole box are you you obviously go cereal than milk on top, right? You don't go milk than cereal considering the fact that I am not a communist. Okay. I just want to make sure Yeah, but oh dude. I've been anyone who puts some milk Before cereal literally all the way fuck yourself stupid dumb bitch hole That's it. That's what I was literally

That's what I was looking for. Fuck yourself dude. No seriously. I I I It's so good. And then what did we get recently? Oh beck is like my favorite is uh Frosted me she goes these are the best frosted many weeks. Don't get me wrong. They're good Don't call him the best if she get out of my house if you're gonna call frosted many weeks if she was right here I would strike her. Let me see. I would strike her. How would you? I just hit my nail really hard. Yeah, we're bad. I if I did that I'm putting a hole in your desk Yeah, no, I do it. I'm not keeping these we're getting a new desk. Don't do it

It's scary But yeah, anyone who's from yo people I hate you can tell a lot about a person from their favorite cereal Oh, yeah, when people are like, I love life I do love life, but it's not my favorite. It can't be your favorite. It's not my life's good. Life's good Life's good, but it's not the best. It's got the little sugar inside. That's the trick though. That's what you don't realize that inside Also, someone one time said their favorite cereal was kicks Good cereal very very kicks is a very good cereal. Not very very regular kicks Who the fuck likes regular kicks some fucking piece of shit. That's like saying your favorite drink is water

Yeah Or are you like regular Cheerios dude? It tastes like the box. Yeah Like the people that get like honey. Listen, it's cereal. It's meant to be fruity as shit. Yeah Get it You know, I know one's trying to be healthy. No, don't be healthy with cereal. Cereal is the opposite You're washing it down with milk for all good sakes For all of the god's sakes for all god's sakes Dude cereal isn't breakfast. It's morning desserts

It's not breakfast. Why are we pretending? Stop And and I know honey nut Cheerios has a commercial that says it could help Your heart's health dude. Are you insane? If you are visiting the doctor in a bowl of cereal, you fucking kill yourself If you go to the doctor they go yo speed it up your your your cholesterol is pretty bad You go i'm just gonna switch to honey nut Cheerios. Maybe you should be dead If that's the answer to your fucking health problems doc, I don't know what's going on I'm eating nut Cheerios for breakfast lunch and dinner. Oh, what do you want me to do?

I'm having special k every other day. Jesus christ Speed it up. I'm eating lucky charms multigrain. Yeah, not just the one grain It's ridiculous. It's stupid. Just grab a box of fucking cookie crisp and let's ride this thing out Let it fucking rip You know what I'm saying? Whoever started to try to tell us that it was a balanced breakfast with cereal It is most obviously balanced on the side of just sugar and disgusting shit. Yeah, and it's awesome Let's just hook up an iv of those marshmallows of lucky charms Right into these veins. I

Would kill someone for those marshmallows because guess what I have killed someone. They're not marshmallows It's sugar dust formed into to look like a marshmallow. Basically There's nothing about it. That's marshy or mellowy. There's no marsh. It is all Sugar sugar. Have you ever finished a box of lucky charms and then you get to the bottom and you go What is this multicolor dust? It's the best News flash for anyone who's never bought marshmallows. There's no dust There's no dust in there It's not marshmallow

What is it? Cereal isn't even food. They basically it's fucking, you know, it's got to be heroin at this point It's just little fucking balls of heroin that they make to look like oh a clover leaf. Oh a rainbow. That's what it is It's drugs It's the the government is tracking us through the sugary cereals and it all comes from china The chinese have infiltrated they figured it out the cereal world And we're being tracked by tiktok and cereal And i'll and you know what go good trade off got them because if french toast crunch is getting me tracked

Track me down Because that's you follow me home and fucking blow my ass out. Let me tell you I'll fucking lose it all for a thing of uh, you know fruit loops monitor me for the cocoa pebble They had the audacity to put marshmallows and fruit loops. You remember this I do No Why would they do that it's already an orgasm in a box with a fucking cute little bird on it Don't give me more horniness. Yeah, you know, I'm gonna come in the aisle. Oh, yeah, I'm saying yeah It's fucking insane. That's why I know that tricks tricks are for not just for kids

They're for us. Yeah, it is a trick. The trick is not breakfast not a dessert That's the trick. It's morning dessert. You're a hundred percent. That's what it is Dude and dude tricks They were like we have shapes And they're like now we don't have shapes and it ruined the world And then they went back to shapes and and everything has been better since This year been a little rough But excluding 2020 everything's been better everything's better, you know economies up. I don't even know if that's true

It's gotta be because of the tricks people are buying more tricks. It's the thing If you want the economy to thrive Keep the shapes in the tricks. Do you know what I'm saying? It's a very simple platform to run on. It's easy Why are we how many presidents have lost the election by promising that? Zero zero the first one numbers don't lie people Exactly. This is this is 100 guarantee if the president whichever candidate comes out and says We're gonna keep these shapes in tricks

They got my vote. They got my vote. Oh, but if they like honey smacks Send them send them to guantanamo. I don't necessarily hate them What I don't necessarily hate honey dude. What is a honey smack? It's it's what a smack of honey No, it's just tell me you don't like corn pops Like corn pops are okay. Tell me you don't like honeycombs Honeycombs are great. Tell me you don't like rice crispies

That's a talkative cereal so noisy I love that video. That's literally what it yeah, please leave my life. That's what they Please leave my life. Yeah. No, dude Rice crispies are good. But okay. Those are those are a couple things. I needed to ask you Now honey smacks. I like honey smacks because they make my pee smell like breakfast Wait, that might be something else. Dude, you haven't had time. Dude, when you eat honey smacks, I'm not gonna have honey smacks Because first of all, fuck that frog second of all Hey, what is a honey smack? I don't know what it is. I know what a tricks is

If they all look they looks like a bunch of little baked potatoes I don't know. I don't want that. I mean, they're good Like covered in honey I don't know honey's tricking us all because honey's not the worst thing in the world for you And they're trying to trick us as being part of the sugary world and they're fucking not back off, honey Honey's sugary. No, yes, but it's like natural sugar. Like you can't like have too much honey, right? It's like made by the anything is made by the earth. You can have it like well, we need to put a big fat bitch And he's also dick out his whole career fucking cock is swinging in the wind

Dude, he's dick out of his whole career and he's just walking next to this little pig whose eye line is straight with his cock head Yeah, like Why is no one like why even put a shirt on him just take the shirt off He might as well He's walking around like jessica simpson and that one music video with just a t-shirt Dude, he walks around like most drunk people i've seen outside, you know like doing like philly yoga on the corner like just dick out Yeah, it's weird Back to honey smacks though. They're good because no listen when you piss

I need to ask you it's it makes this because it's good on the way in listen. You know me piss And you're like i'm back. I'm all about like Good smelling pee all about it I need to know though Where you lie with raisin bran Because this is I think the this is the litmus test for people. Okay, so raisin bran for me If I was 99 And all they had for me to eat

What not forget about 99? If the world had only raisin bran to offer, okay Throw dirt on me. Okay Because it sucks. I don't anything with bran in the name can fuck but I don't mind Dome fuck off and I'll tell you why honey bunches of a Honey bunches of oats in a bunch of fuck out of here. Yeah. Yeah How do you bunch of oats? raisin bran

The raisins are so covered in sugar raisins Suck. No, they don't dude raisins is something that people in black and white movies ate raisins. Don't suck We gotta establish that now. I'm not saying sit there and have a bowl of raisins. Just fucking lickety split I'm saying if they're in your cereal. They're a nice welcome surprise Nope No, come on. I don't like larry, but you know what it makes sense for someone coming here eating honey smacks I don't just eat honey. You do eat honey smack. I like honey smacks. But why?

What about a honey smack is even remotely edible? Honey the sugar It's disgusting Fuck you. Fuck honey smacks. Who makes them Kellogg's general mills. Let me ask you a question Go ahead. Cocoa puffs or cocoa pebbles. Neither. I don't like cocoa to cereal I don't like chocolate cereal. You don't like counter ocula. I don't like counter ocula. I'm a I'm a blueberry guy Boo berry. Boo berry is the shit Yeah dog shit

Boo berry and frankenberry are both amazing. I'm just like it's a too much a chocolate. You know what I mean? Like it's way too much for me It's just too much. I I shouldn't say all chocolatey cereal. I don't like that's not true. I do like chocolate uh Chocolate pebbles chocolatey pebbles chocolate cocoa pebbles. That's it I don't like the the balls the cocoa puffs right those that's too much But I do like having the ball here. Okay, I'm gonna have you put the balls in your mouth And then you suck them until they get flat. Oh That doesn't sound good. It's just a great. No, I don't think about that. Oh, it's nice. Where do you sit?

With peanut butter cereal I'll be honest with you. I didn't like them when I was a kid So I haven't had them in a while because I don't eat cereal anymore Because I don't I don't use I don't drink milk So what do you have cereal with? I don't have cereal. I haven't had cereal in years Besides the like one off like oh, I'm just gonna have a little bowl of fuckin bullshit So then what the fuck are you talking about? You've betrayed the cereal community. No, I have I'm talking about from this is years of experience Then you don't know where we currently sit though. That's true. You don't know

I know I've but you've given up for you. You've given. No, it's not No, it's not they change the recipe. No, see this is what I'm talking about. They change the recipe Listen, what I'm talking about right here is you don't know you can't appreciate fruit Size and fruit shaped tricks unless you had the shitty little balls I get the balls you can't bang with me Don't hang with me when I'm with fruity shaped tricks if you're not gonna hang with me when I'm at ball tricks I

I've been through the ringer with tricks. I had shape. That was my fair. I used to say go go back You go back. Okay, you go back in a time machine and you ask fucking eight year old me What the fuck's going on and I'm say listen, bitch That fucking trick shapes. That's my shit. Okay, and but then they switched the balls And I was sworn off because I was pissed at the company And you know when they switched the balls to when they got rid of their fucking yogurt bring back tricks yogurt bring back that yogurt What was wrong with you? It's also Not yogurt. Yeah, we know you think we didn't know that we know it's not yogurt

Do you think yogurt is cotton candy flavored? No, it's not. Do you think it's you know what it is sugar mud sugar? It is sugar mud We know that we want it though Go Gert you know i'm getting all hot We need to go to the fucking grocery store after this shit The yogurt industry should not be controlled by animals those stupid idiots get animals out of here I don't want their yogurt drinks those loose ass yogurt drink yogurt

Drinks that's not yogurt Where do what do animals have to do with this? What do they have to do with yogurt bring back tricks yogurt? This is a serious guys I didn't know they got rid of it. You're very you're more in tune with they got rid of it like 10 12 Maybe even longer. Oh, you might not even know you you had you had your shot You had your childhood fucking ripped from your from your cold hands It was and you didn't even realize and you ran away. That's why you betrayed us You know what it was the rest of the cereal community. I was gogurting you were gogurt

I was good. I was girding and let me guess you froze your gogurt. Yeah, what good very close people froze it That's the then it's not you people put it in Oh, then it's fro yo fuck you Yo Hit it piece of upper east side pieces of shit. That's where it came from. I I'm 90% sure I hate people who eat fro yo dude. Just call it ice cream. Don't don't don't tell me you want Ice cream and then give me fro yo don't do that. They're not the same. They're not also. You're not healthy, bitch It's fucking because then you go. Okay. What are you? Oh, yo, what do you cover it in fucking gummy bears? Yeah

Which aren't bears they're not gummy either sugar animals sugar sludge There's sugar sludge gelatin. It's just sludge That's all it is Stop Where did we get it? How did we get here? Where do we go from here? I'm feeling it Oh God, I hate fro yo people dude, dude, you want to get ice cream? Oh, I know. I'm gonna throw you play You know a good fro yo place. You know a good fro yo place. I do too. It's called fucking hell

Fucking fro yo and I get it. There are people if you eat fro yo Your parents paid for college. Yeah, let's be honest. Let's be honest. Let's just call it what it is If you go to the thing and you don't worry about the weight of your fro yo, and that's the other thing You go to an ice cream place. They'll scoop it up for you. Yeah fucking slams. They'll scoop that shit up Yeah, yeah, you go to a fro yo. Let me wait. Let me weigh it. Let me weigh it. What is this for a way Fro yo, what is this gasoline? It's a truck stop. Why are we doing this? Is this a bridge? Let me put my mango my frija

What was that? I was going to say something and I burned I was gonna say sprinkles. Okay. Let me put my mango my sprinkles my gummy bear and my caramel on this And let me live. Yeah, don't fucking weigh it. I know I get scared because you know why they do that Because they're telling you like oh, this is six pounds You get a six pound ice cream Well That's a big ass ice cream. Well, yeah, they're getting into a steel cup. I like It's in a lead bowl. I also don't like it's in one of those avocado balls

Made from volcanic rock. Listen the fucking I don't like how they put the the The number of the weight on the outside. I don't I know what it is. Keep it private. I know what it is I don't I know this is I know it's bad. I know this is bad. Just ring me up for 25 dollars You're looking at how much weight you're gaining Instantly double. Oh cute. I'll gain four and a half pounds. Awesome. Here's your five dollar bill you bitch Yeah, and then another thing ball's on you I can go I can go over to basky robbies and I could get a nice little cone ice cream And it's not gonna cost me an arm or leg you go to froyo like oh

Did you get the artisanal froyo with the organically grown bobas? Oh, that's 1822. Yeah, coffee flavored. Fuck you. Come on Put the coffee down. Yeah, it's a dessert. It's just coffee We don't need it in everything. Jesus I feel like I I'd like a coffee in the morning and then coffee and then I get a tiramisu at night What the fuck is this? Oh my god. God's name still has tiramisu except for like my dead grandma. Yeah, his dead ass grandma My grandma's so dead. She loved tiramisu. We would bring we bring it to her grave on our birthday. We just bury it We don't do that My grandma loved that tiramisu though. Did she it's an old school thing my grandmother

She loved anything really. Yeah. Yeah, she was eating it all she was she was eating it all she was she was I think we should get off this top. Yeah. Oh also big news get ahead You got big news. Oh having a little baby franky's having a baby a baby and Little baby girl. He's having a little baby girl My file risen father's soul. I should have made it's my little baby Huh, yo, you want to fuck with my little baby, you know, he's having a child Uh, and it's a girl crazy. We just found out over zoom. I had a lot of whiskey in me. Did you know?

Yes, you you were a lot. I don't know. I mean cup of glasses couple cup of glasses It had you found us. How am I? Yeah, I was excited. I was I was hot in the face It was a very hot in the face type it I almost passed out then. Yeah, because it's like You guys were all dressed up. I mean, you know, I wanted to be a little cute Yeah, I wanted to be a little cute and we got balloons if you watch that video back Miles can't pop his balloon. We got two only one baby, but we got two balloons right came with two big balloons He couldn't pop it. So when he did the force of the pop almost swept Becca at the feet Why it was big it was a big old pop big pop big pop

Well, I can do that on command pop That one hurt actually. Yeah, that sounded like it hurt. Um, but you're having a baby girl baby girl, which is great He just found us out a couple days ago. Yeah less than a week ago. So before we move forward. I have names Oh suggest she's oh for my daughter for your daughter for my daughter. You have names. Okay. Yeah But I know what you're thinking. Yes I did go through that existential crisis where I found out that a male that has been stupid and immature in his life growing up With women and things that he would say and do in order to get women to like him And now he needs to protect his girl from having people like that in her life and stuff like that

Yes, it is very difficult for me to have to uh comprehend that didn't even listen to any of that I know you normally don't okay, so I have some some names. Okay first one. Okay. How many do you have? Uh, not that it matters. Two three four five six names six names. And what do I do with these names? Just let me know if you like them on the chin. I mean you could no you could use these names If you want if I oh you're giving me permission to use these names Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna sue you for copyright if you decide I'm glad you actually specified that yes, I always fear First one Now let me just say it

Joe wait Right not just because of me But because when when when girls have dude names. It's kind of hot So like dylan No, these girls are dylan who in their right mind. I mean we have a friend named dylan who's a very he's girly very close to girl Because he's pretty he's very pretty That's how we talk

But yeah No way what about alex because we knew a girl alex dug girl girl We called her alex dug girl. We did a lot not the girl. No dug girl and by the way only alex that we hung out with Yeah, only one alex. Yeah, but one but she was alex dug girl Yeah, because when you're younger and you hear the name alex you go boy. You go. No alex dug girl dug girl. Yeah Uh, is that your other suggestion alex? No, no, no, no, these these i'm just saying I was so with her first name Be joe or like jocefina not just joe Just joe you could spell however you want though

It doesn't have to be joe. It could be Just joe joe or it could be like joe like q you know what i'm thinking about I know a couple joes of girls, you know friend of mine, you know You know a joe my friend page roe's wife is joe Is her name joe? I don't know if her real name is joe ann, but then I know joe ann I don't like joe. I don't either. Sorry joe though joe Oh, all right. We gotta wait. I might put an exclamation point on the end. No, no, no, I mean you could I just want to let you know are you allowed to do that. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Can you?

Oh, yeah, what's his name? Yeah, x i k e Yeah, fucking elon must named his kid like the pathagorean theorem. I'll start off by saying this awful choice Not a good name elon. Yeah bad name. Uh, I also meant joe also an awful choice um next one is freka Which is a combination of both your names frank and becca and it also kind of sounds like freckles and freckles are cute frekka are freckles cute. I would Yeah, freckles are cute. Absolutely not too many freckles

Yeah, not like you and the sun You're ugly when I was younger when I was younger. You know how you used to have a lot of freckles p Oh, p p. Absolutely. It looked like a butterfly migration on his face I miss ugly p ugly p was such a better time in this world hate hot p. He existed guys He existed frek. I like frek is not bad though frekka But like you got to also think of like how these kids are going to get nicknamed in school frek like frekka or ecca or fucka Like well, they could make a name out of anything they could but you got to be careful Fucka is probably the one fucka is tough. You know, like you need to protect your your unborn child from being

Pitchick, right? It's another burp. Yeah um, okay, so that's just that's number two. Okay another one I have is um This one is um bat mandolin because of your love of batman and uh, mandolins I love mandolins. Yeah, you're a big mandolin guy, aren't you when the fuck was I I thought you were gonna say like land of lakes I was gonna say when do I like butter? I mean, I know you like you like a mandolin, you know When the fuck did I say like mandolin? I don't know. You know what a mandolin is. Yeah, it's like a guitar

Isn't it? It's like a little one. Yeah. I was also thinking like the mandolin slicer Well, I was mostly the batman scares me. Well, the thing is you could call her mandy Or batman bat mandala bat mandolin So like after my two heroes nelson mandala and batman Yeah, if you want I could do that. So batman Imagine so mandy or batman. I would you know bat mandolin I I think like that bat mandolin should be a middle name

Because like you could oh wait Oh, man, you can't never mind. What I was gonna say me. You should you could name your kid storm That would be fucking dope But then also fucking what's your name? Uh, Kylie Jenner just also had stormy that kid. So I kind of ruined it right I mean, listen, my kid will be way better than stormy that already billionaire. Probably not a dumb little idiot Them not my kid. My kid's not an idiot yet. Not yet, but it will be got time got time to develop that. Um, next I like I'll say this so far bat mandolin bat mandolin is is is up there. It's got a jingle. That's got a nice little batman I got to sing the names in order to see if they work like freco. No

Yeah, for all wait a sec freco. I didn't know scott snap was singing my kid's name. Yeah, then it might work freco her Hey, can you take freco? Now we're getting somewhere. Um next I just have wendy Because I think that that's just a nice name. It's just a nice name. It's like a nice southern gal You know whole little boys love but she could handle her whiskey Oh, like a wendy, you know, so you're already predispositioning my kid to just be an alcoholic. Well, she's gonna dabble maybe she's my daughter Yeah, you dabble. So maybe I assume she'll dabble. Okay. That's fair. You know, I do love wendy's a nice name wendy Also wendy peppercorn from the sandlot. She was good

wendy peppercorn. Oh the the lifeguard who oh, yeah, great You want to name my kid after a hot lifeguard that this boy tongue down? You freak of nature. I'm not saying that I'm saying it's a nice name people have it wendy's is also a very nice restaurant chain Also wendy from the shine. I will say she got out. She got away from that guy I will say that the the night we found out she was a girl becca was craving wendy's How does wendy's do with the song test? And I said That's actually not bad. That's great. That's not bad

I'm surprised I came to my head just how that kind of fit you by the way You hit a fucking dude before we started recording dude. I hit a note. You hit a note. It was like Say I can't do it now. Yeah, I don't even know what I said. It was very good. It was good. Um, I have britney Which is just you know a nice name and scott's trunk value This also happens to be the name of a girl that you covered in like cheese at one time. You remember Didn't you cover a girl in cheese? I covered a girl in cheese Yeah, she had that like string that cheese that you like spray out of an aerosol can tread lightly

I don't know what you're talking about. You don't remember that I covered a girl in cheese cheese No Like in the street you did this what it was string cheese. What's that stuff called the squeeze squeeze cheese squeeze cheese Cheese whiz cheese whiz. That's it. You whizzed on her. No, that's bad. Don't say that. No, no, no You I mean you cheesed her Brittany, I don't remember that Brittany, I don't remember that you put cheese on her dude. Are we talking which which? We'll talk offline. I'm not naming my kid britney. Okay for this reason alone

You think I would be like, oh babe, Mike, you know what? I also had to realize my baby's gonna see all these one day Yeah, unless youtube just goes, you know, yeah But like she's gonna see them and then she's gonna hear that she's got named after a girl that I covered in cheese whiz Yeah, yeah Cheese whiz was good. Yeah, you went through a cheese whiz phase. I I would do it now if I could and I could isn't it weird how they were like, yo cheese is good We have cheese wheels. We have this and that in a can. Let's put it in a hairspray can yeah I used to crush cheese whiz. I know I loved it. I know and you and you you had it in your string backpack

Did I yes? Uh-oh, and then you Cheesed this girl. Oh, I don't and then you guys called each other cheats or something. I don't remember that dude I remember this clear as a cloudy day. Oh boy. I mean, I'm not saying it didn't happen. I'm just saying I don't remember it Okay, the last name I have here Prudence Let me tell you a story. It has a classiness to it I will I will admit you basically want me to name my daughter after a fucking doily like I'm not naming it prudence I don't know what that is. What'd you just say a doily? What's that? You know what a doily is

It's like those little paper mats that are in like lace patterns Come on. I don't know what that is. You know exactly what it is But you basically want my daughter to be born on the fucking prairie I I feel like I it does have it has an old Classiness to it But it does sound like if you ate it it'd be healthy like yeah, I'm saying like I got that if you ate a prudence It'd be like you have more energy But then one day some little dumb idiot boy is gonna run around and call her prude prudence

And I'll have to kill someone. Well, at least you'd be happy that she's right. You're right. I don't want my daughter just going around town So slanging that prune juice slanging that prudence around That's so gross We're speaking about my unborn daughter. We are your like niece really Yep, so I hope you feel you're gonna look her in the eyes and notice that you asked her to sling her prune juice around I'm also not because you're not gonna name it prudence. Yeah, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. I'm not we we're safe We have a name in mind

It's none of those Are you gonna say it not on here? Oh, I've told you I know is but are you like I'm not gonna say it yet But are you set imagine you're set We are like a 99 percent set that would be set Yeah, but there's like it's the middle name part that we're not sure about so, you know how I'll be like Or like Or like joseph patrick Like why you gotta say it like that

Joseph patrick. No, it's a fine trick. Yeah, uh do yours again What that's how you say it What is funny about that? francisco lewis francisco lewis That's how you say it. There's a beat in there in spanish. It's francisco lewis What's funny? Oh, you are in joseph patrick

Yeah, my name is not a good round round. There's no wider middle name. It's gotta be something so That's probably a rail No, I don't know joseph patrick is like the whitest. What's keats middle name michael? Oh, that's nice. I like michael michael's nice name Yeah, bega bega's a fan of like classic boy names not that we're not having a boy like john and mike. No, she like like charlie and um like There was another one like charles

George charlie and charles same name George yeah But like I was all about like I wanted like crazy names like one of our boy names Four I know I could say it now. One of the boy names that we were thinking about was loki Fucking fire. That'd be dope. How so dope. Would you spell it lki? How else would the fuck would you spell it? I don't know like low key. Nope But um It's not like a secret if we were to have a boy it would be francisco and then a middle name

So we were thinking like francisco low key. Why don't you do low key francisco? No, because I want the francisco on the front. That doesn't sound good. Yeah, it's got a flow too. There needs to be a flow to it You know like like that Mm-hmm cool, um That's good. Well, I those are good names. Those are suggestions. Those are good names. I promise you none of them will make it though Well bat mandolin That's the only one I can't promise. I know you know it. I know I know you felt something. I saw it

I can't I just need to figure out how to introduce that name to Tobeka. That's it because You know if I approach just get a batman doll and a mandolin and just Smash them into one and be like if I approach like if I pitter patter my way in in the morning And she's asleep and I say batman She'll wake up like I had a dream There's bat mandolin. I think we should name it and I know I've won so I think I need to get it while she's sleeping

You know what's interesting before You name your kid Yeah, yeah, refer to red is it. Yeah That's weird. Well, you know, well, there were unless you're Keith And there's a baby that's out and about and has a name and you still call it it You know, Keith is working through it. Shannon. I think you gotta change it. Yeah. Oh, is that what he said? Yep You know, there have been there were times before we knew the the gender the sex

uh, and We had to like there were times where I would refer to it as him or her and Becca would do the same And I would just do it nonchalantly. I'd be like, oh the baby's in there Like he's probably tired or something or like, oh the baby's like probably like she's probably super hungry And if Becca did it she would be like I just said him It's a boy. It's I think but It's a girl. It's a girl

I Get ready. I like this is the thing with me is for those of you guys that know me Which is none of you and Anyone that knows me. Yeah knows that like when I get into things I it's like a sprint Listen to this I get into collecting old toys. I need them now. I need it now Yeah, I get into video games, you know, like collecting video. I need it now. Yeah, it's your money. It's your money I need it now. Exactly. I'm getting into having a baby. I need this baby in my arms right now Right. I cannot fucking wait

You know, it's crazy in like 35 episodes. There will be a child 35 Yeah, how many weeks are you guys? I don't know. You're like like less. I was gonna say what the fuck like 28 Pregnancy is I think 40 weeks. It is. Yeah. I know you're not Jesus Christ. No, like 20 73 20 23. Oh you guys are way further than I thought yesterday was the beginning of the 17th week Oh, Jesus. He took forever to tell people not me. I knew I was on the inside school You're right. You had a good idea. I'll tell you exactly how big this baby is right now. You got that app I got that app. Hey, it's the size of like a your little bundle of joy has eyes a tricycle

Oh, it's big now. What is this a large onion? Dude, I could fucking toss your baby right now. Look at what that's what it looks like Damn, its head is huge. Yeah, I bet I hope it doesn't have that head Damn Baby's coming out Becca was like, um, are you gonna like taste My milk and I was like what? And she's like, are you gonna taste it? I'm like, I mean, I'm not gonna take a cup and throw it back

But like if a little gets on me, I won't be I'll be like whatever Why did she ask that? I don't know. She like she also like she wants you To drink the milk. I don't think she wants me to drink it. I do you do. I think she does I will bring some in. I don't want it. You she wants you to want it. I will bring some in And I will drink it on an episode. Okay You're gonna bring in some I'll bring in a little baby bit a baby milk. I'll take food out of my baby's mouth for entertainment I'll do it. All right, if you still want me on when that airs

What does that mean if you keep me around? That's true. I could get just fucking toss it in tomorrow. This could happen You know, dude, you're gonna have a baby, dude Oh You know, no I just I've also had to like sit there and like have like the conversations with myself like the realization of raising a woman in today's society Is a lot difficult and different than raising a man and on top of treating this child How to be a good person with the woman you need to also then teach them how to

Understand that there are pedophiles and fucking predators out there that are going to take advantage of them and they're not going to grow up In a society that views women is uh, uh equal It's top That was I I get it dude. I almost like That's the closest I've come to passing out in a while. I was on one breath. Yeah I get it though. You're right. It's gonna be interesting and you're you ain't going nowhere, bitch What does that mean? You ain't fucking going nowhere. Where am I going? You're gonna be right there, dude I'm gonna raise this bitch. Damn right

I'm fucking right you are Damn fucking right Christmas is gonna get packed in that house. I don't like it. I like it. This baby's gonna have quite the family This baby is gonna have a lot of toys. We have to we have to maybe do an episode with the baby here, right? Uh Yeah, not like a one-year-old Not less like a nine-month-old baby strap just like in strapped I'll strap

Michael or steal to me and then we'll do a baby and we'll just talk shit and we'll just let them poop If this baby shits on me like Baby's gonna shit on you. You know that I'm gonna do everything in my power to avoid it. The baby is going to piss in your mouth I'm not kidding. It's going to piss in your mouth. Listen to me accidentally. They have range what they're doing. Listen to me. It's a girl She's not gonna piss on you girls ain't gonna piss on me. She's just gonna fucking but she's gonna shit all over She's gonna sit in a puddle of her own filth. She's gonna shit on you and she don't she's not Yo, you're gonna be changing this baby. It's like king john oon. It is not gonna shit its whole life It's gonna it's gonna shit disgusting black gunk when it's first well that I know the black tar

yeah black tar heroine and You're gonna reach for something and get it on your elbow And you're gonna go oh, and then you're gonna get it on your wall and there's gonna be shit everywhere That's that's being apparent. Listen to me right now I'm gonna scream at my baby if I get shit on me. It's gonna shit on you No one ain't watch you'll see You'll see I can't wait until you're covered in fucking shit first time I get covered in shit I'm not I'm just coming straight here. I'm not gonna wash anything

Full circle and then they're gonna throw you and then they're just gonna throw up all over you Oh that I like that's whatever like till it gets in your mouth if the baby throws up in my mouth You have to go go to mommy Go to mommy go to mommy. I have to take a drive and I need a cigarette daddy needs his alone time Daddy needs a cigarette daddy needs his alone time right now. Yeah If this baby throws up in my mouth, we'll have like we'll have problems. Yeah, she's gonna be in time I will love this child unconditionally. I already do But if it throws up in my mouth, there will be conditions

You have to you have to then train her to be a UFC fighter so that you don't feel bad when the day you punch her in the face Yeah, we're doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know Oh, man I'm excited though. I'm very excited. I am like over the moon. Yeah, and the big and we always used to make jokes that Frankie was like a dad and now he's now. I'm a dad. Now. He's a dad. Now. I'm big time. Zaddy. He's zaddy I am zad. You're a fratty A frank daddy. We're making merch fratty

I wasn't good. I don't know what we're doing. I wasn't gonna go for it. No, I was gonna do it I was gonna give you I don't I wasn't gonna f r a d d y fratty fratty You're a fratty. Can we get it on a frocket? What's a frocket a front pocket? Oh, yeah. Yeah fuck Yes, or do you want it on just like a? fratty merch is coming fratty merch frat star frank That's an old frank. That's old frank. That's old frank. No, it's no longer. Old frank would never have a baby

Oh, old frank would have a baby say he doesn't know about no careful Careful. No old frank would be like, yeah, I'd love a baby after I fucking crush this Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean after I shot gonna be which I'll I will shotgun a beer with that It's honestly good that that uh frat frank didn't um Wasn't around during white claw that would have been an issue No I don't know there's been a liability. I don't know because even when there was like

Four locos. I wasn't a big on them. I had some and I got real disgusting on them. Yeah, we did some stuff but Like I don't know if I would ever have been on board with the white claw I don't know not a claw guy, but anyway, just wanted to you know, say, thank you. Congratulations. Thanks, uncle daddy dad You're a fratty and you're a gunkle. What's that? Gorgeous uncle It's true. Thank you so much. Um, but anyway, where can they find you frat? frat

F albers eight jerry five on twitter and on twitch if you want to come hang out with me play some video games Every monday when this airs i'm playing video games in the evening So come talk to me about it Can I always go tell people to go watch the episode because it's it's always good and then the freak albers on instagram Yeah Guys go follow the show at the baseman yard on instagram and don't forget to check out of our patreon patreon.com Slash the baseman yard where you get extra episodes every single week of the show And we're about to record an episode right now for the patreon

All right, so go check that out at patreon.com slash the baseman yard And that is all we will see you guys next time. Oh, yeah, we will yeah Yeah, yeah