The Basement Yard - #261 - The Story Of How I Creamed Myself

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

I wish this title was clickbait but Frank actually creamed himself and we get to hear all about it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. How's everyone doing? Especially you Frankie. Please stop doing that with your shoulder I got fat titties in this shirt Holy shit. You got fat titties. Yeah in this shirt. It just looks like my tits are fatter. Look at this This one right here. I can see exactly where your nipple is I'm gonna I'm gonna loosen it up Cooler just do this the whole time just crab just crab sit on this crab sit. Yeah, it's not a thing That's not an expression up, but isn't this how? I'm out. Oh, I'm back. Oh, we're all fucked up. I think you're pulling this I think that was it

That was it. That was Frankie's fucking up guys. What do you want me to do? I'm trying to get fired I'm gonna collect that employment. I just want you to take it easy. Also. I gotta say your hair right now It's pretty nice. Not bad. There was a lot of comments about your hair Well in because this is our first weekly episode that they're seeing me with this hair That's a fact because the one that they didn't see was the page the patreon Dude, that was a fucking seamless transition to promote the patreon If you want an extra episode every single week that get a little fucking crazy a little raunchy We talked about you we did a fetish bracket

Yeah, we're talking about like peeing on people pooping on people pee pee poo poo Peeping on people pooping on people and like all types of stuff, you know pissing on people bleeding on people all kinds of things On patreon.com slash the basement yard. Have you have you like thought more about any of those since we last talked about them? What in what term I thought about the degrading one you want to do I might have to yeah You might have to do great. I might have to do great the great Yeah, I just might have to just like scream it back in her face, you know, just like you're fucking worthless Yeah, I don't think that's it. No, it's not actually that might be it it might work. I don't know No, it's not gonna work. It's not gonna work on her

No, but it's uh, it's it is a thing when people they want to feel like, you know, they uh, are worthless speaking of feeling worthless um Apparently obj likes to get poopy done. Oh, dude big poop guy dude. We forgot to talk about this We wanted to talk about it last week full transparency. This is what kind of brought on the fetish bracket Yeah, because we started talking about people people pooping on people and then and then it came up I don't know Is that gonna be just the episode people to poop into people on people if I'm being honest sometimes when I poop It does come out like that feels like sometimes, you know, and sometimes you poop and it's like

Rocks to you. I was gonna say do you still get the deer shits? Yeah. Oh, I haven't gotten those in a long time I I kind of like them. I wish I still had them my body Yeah, and it's like it's kind of dope It's kind of like that scene in tarzan where all the gorillas are playing with the fucking pans. Oh, and they make music Yeah, that's right. Yeah, bumma dum bing bong or whatever. What do they fucking make different sounds when they hit the water? So like Yes Different movie a little bit. Isn't that that's a little mermaid. Uh, but I get where you're going with that

But yeah, it's it reminds me of that, but I kind of like that Honestly, it gives you the same effect of like anal beads. So those are probably not terrible. Oh Oh, you know what? Maybe not what I'm saying But I feel like it's a different Maybe because I was going to say it's relief when you pull the beads I I go like this like you're starting to fucking want more because that's yeah, you definitely can't pull anal beads out like that Yes, you can no no no It's not recommended. It's not recommended, but tell me not to we see people using other people's sock puppets

It's all about it's all about the mentality, baby I know but if you know if I'm just saying if you're gonna experiment with the beads out there All my beads out all my beaters are my beaters out there very close to being offensive It's okay, I bring you to the water and I hope you just jump in you know It's okay. We got a resident Spanish person here just in case like that changes But yes, all the beaters out there bead bead Urse all the ones who beat Um, you want to take them out slow. I think it's you want to feel your butt talk

If and when I ever come across someone with beads, I'm letting you know right now I'm going full fucking aggravated dad on a lawn and I'm just fucking I'm yanking those sons of bitches like you're trying to snatch a chain. Absolutely. No, like I'm starting a fucking lawnmower I know, but you ever see someone get their chain snatched. I feel like that's what you would do No, no, no, no, no, no from their butt. I'm putting like my hand on the on the ash And I'm grabbing this thing because they have handles on them, right No, they're just beads. They're not there's no handle handle. There's gotta be a handle Like a handle

No, you pull it like I'm thinking of like a fucking Beyblade. I'm gonna let it rip on this shit You know what I mean? No, it's just it's just a string that has beads on it. Okay. See this is not very ergonomical We'll get some beads. We're gonna have to start our own fucking anal anal play line Yeah, and the first thing we're making is beads anal beads and we're putting For the people that do want to fucking rev it like an engine, you know what I mean? We just put nothing crazy like just like one of those that looks like you know, like it's like two finger loops So they can just Yeah, yeah, but that's not listen when you get anal beads, right?

Not that I know because I've actually never held any in my hand But I do have a little tripod that looks like I've used that as anal beads. I've not like I've not used it as anal beads, but like I have imagined that they're being used as anal beads by you Oh, yeah, it's all a metaphor. It's all never happened never happened. Okay. Um, no, but listen Yeah, it's just beads and you shove them all in you get them in there nice and packed and tight And then you take one bolt and you Put it out, right? It's just hanging. Oh, and then you pull it slowly and then you make the butt go like that And that's and that's the sensation that people like is that your butt's like, oh, so you like oh, oh

It's like fucking lord jabu jabu from zelda ocarina time. Hey man, I get that reference You should you should you played the game you idiot Only certain people out there get that reference and for you. I thank you. Did he did he have a He had like butthole doors and you would like go over to a butthole door and like it would open Wait, his ass. It wasn't his ass. It was in his body But his back. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, but um, so that's what they like. It's just like the It's the yeah, it's your it's your butt just kind of like working out. Oh, you know, it's just like Oh

Oh, it's like giving birth to a bead every time, you know, some people there's a thing called an uh I think then it's called a ovipositor But it's like instead of shoving it in your how you doing back door has gone chocolate town Yeah, it's called an ovipositor there of course and it's and it's like uh in the shape of an alien's cock or something, right? So now we don't know I was gonna say let's talk about that. No, it's like, you know Do you remember when we went to the museum of sex and they had the avatar dick? See, so it's basically just a big triangle a dip. Actually what you just said is what I'm talking about So like that thing, right? If it was just a big blue. It looked like a tree stump. Okay, like dick. Okay, right?

But then you put these like The things covered in like this gel Right, like this doesn't sound very appealing. No, it gets it. Wait for it. So you and then you jam them in this dick Oh, no. Yeah. So you jam it in mine. No, not your dick. Oh, okay. It's the same No, the fake dick. You're a woman Oh, you know, just okay. Follow me. Okay. All right. I didn't know I okay you take this egg covered in Fucking just whatever it is like gel You shove it in this blue dick, right?

And then you put the blue dick in your shit And then you squeeze from the top and you let it give you like you and then you put the eggs in your shit You understand and then women well the ones who are into this They like to have the or men joey or men, you know, you could backdoor it But you know you get the eggs in there and then you like kind of give birth To a fake alien and you like let go of eggs. So let's start from the beginning on that. Yeah. No Yeah, I'm not not no. No. No, no not my cup of tea not my cup of coffee not my glass of milk Yeah, let's make sure that we talk to people that do that and let them know that they can

Very cleanly go fuck themselves. I well, well, I think that's what they're doing They got us again the freaks, but I will say this If you find I I am interested in the psychology behind Having a insane amount of dildos to choose from and going I'd like the alien cock with the eggs I mean, listen as a as a heterosexual male that is not into pegging. I've never I've never played with a dildo. Well, forget about that. Actually, that's not true. I've played with a dildo Oh, we've all played but like not sexually, you know what I mean? You want to like throw it against walls

I made like fucking like trick shot compilations in college. Remember that? Yeah, I got Dylan our friend Dylan. I got him a dildo for uh Christmas one year. Yeah, I remember that too It was black it was I mean has to be you have to go uh, but I I think that I'm interested in like the psychology behind wanting there to be eggs in you that you give birth to eggs like a like a You know like a pterodactyl. I mean Becca says that shit all the time. She's like the fact that she wants eggs No, well, I'm saying like she's like the fact It's got to be like a mental thing that like women experience giving birth

And we don't and it's like they like don't care about the pain because it's like the reward And I was like, no, I'd care about no, I'd care about so much. I would so much care about that We were in the car and Miles was like baby, you know mama like are you gonna? Give birth to the baby and she's like, yeah What do you think and he goes and he goes oh and he goes And he goes oh, you're gonna she's gonna come out of your butt and Becca And and Becca not even skipping a beat goes no my pee pee and he goes Dude without

without without even skipping a beat he goes what? And it's like he just knew like Becca says all the time like oh the beauty Like you'll never be able to feel the beauty of the baby in you and it's like I'm so okay with that Like you love I love it when it's out Fucking stories hilarious. Yeah, we were in the car out of your butt. No my pee pee Yeah, what yeah, it's so funny because we try to speak to him and like teach him like adult topics But we need to use like little kid terms All right

So like there was one day where we were you know Becca was trying to tell him like listen like if anyone touches your like, you know Like if anyone touches you and appropriately say no and it's just funny because you're teaching them this like mature thing But in a very immature way So it's like if anyone puts their hands on your pee pee you tell them no Please get away from my pee pee and it's just it's such a You know what I mean like it's it's good that we're teach I like to imagine Like him having just like a five year old's voice and like oh, is it come out of your butt?

That's exactly and she goes no my pee pee and then he just completely changes the wait what? It just gets 38 year old man. He's just like what the fuck are you talking about mom? Dude, that's basically what it's that like we're in the car and I'm driving Wait, what did she say to that and and we I started dying laughing. I would have crashed it I started dying laughing. Yeah, because he didn't go this kid didn't miss a beat and she was uh He was like oh, so you're gonna give birth to the baby out of your butt. She goes no my pee pee. He goes what? That's like, yeah kid. Yeah. Oh Speaking of all that. Do you know that a man gave birth recently? No, it's not real. No

It can't be well. No, I think it is if it's a man. No, he took a uh Back to science, which is not a strong subject on this But I believe he took a uterus Why did you say it like that just a uterus And then he shoved it up his Ass ass And then he poked a baby. It was a gay couple a couple first of all. Sorry second of all Why I think they the this man just wanted to be a part like wanted to feel like he was

Giving birth. Well, technically he was giving birth to this Baby So no, he wasn't yeah, I don't I don't think so look to each their own You weren't giving birth you you shit out your child Like you then need to say that like once that baby gets old enough to realize That how babies are born. They're gonna be like wait a sec dad What do you mean? I came out of you? Where did I come from and they're gonna realize like yeah, I like you know how much of an insult it would be if I was a bully

Okay, I'm talking like great school bully. This is just So much ammo dude. I'm gonna be like dude your parents shit you out of their asshole You know what? I mean like that is just you're just asking for this kid to get beat with a lead pipe What are you doing? I'm trying to read up on it. I'll read up more What the hell was that? I was my throat. Um, I don't think this is the right story. Yeah, no, it's Like it was the baby also covered. Oh, they were in the uterus. Were they in the amniotic sack? I believe so dude And like your your butthole is not like

Meant to do that. Yeah, this is not the right one. This is just A transgender man giving birth. This is different. Do you ever hear about how um hyenas give birth? No hyenas give birth through basically a penis and they have to like get the baby out They have to like tear their penis apart Do they get it back? No, they sometimes die like frequently They give birth. It's like a long fleshy like canal. Look this shit up It's like a long fleshy canal in order to get the baby out. They have to literally like bite open their own fucking little pp Hyena, they have to bite their own damn. It's not a it's not the guy that's doing it

It's the woman but they're like the canal is look it looks more Like a pain inch. Oh my god. Yeah. No, this thing looks uh Very let me see what do you got there? I mean, it looks like a dog's penis. Let me see it Oh, red rocket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Dude, I don't like dogs penises. I mean who does not that I would but you know man gives birth, um anus Trying to find it. I mean, you gotta go. Oh, here we go. Man gives birth through the rectum

anal That's what it says Oh god, hold on I You typed it in wrong. I typed in man gives birth anus. But yeah keywords hitting the keyword, of course and um One of the first things in mbc is mbc news article and it says holy crap Chinese dude lived 55 years without an anus

Wow They're colossing me back. I guess that would make sense. How about mbc news? Holy crapping. Yeah mbc news, man They're they're down the drain. Chinese make china china anus a chinese man spent 55 years With the opening to his rectum in the wrong place. Where'd it go? That's it He had a he had a relatively common birth defect known as okay, and I'm gonna attempt to read that. No now you have to uh in Perforate anus Can't read that. Okay. I get I got scared a condition in which one out of every 5,000 infants is born with misplaced blocked or missing rectal opening

Where is it if it's not there? Like is it just rewired to come out of like your elbow or something? I don't know man I really don't know. Do you know how awesome it would be if I if you can just shit out of your elbow? Oh Yeah You know what I mean like not have to dip your elbows into toilets. What are you dipping your ass? Oh, I guess I you're like sitting on a toilet. No, I'm saying just like doing in the garbage Just fucking pinch one off. You can't you can't just shit in a garbage can. Why not? I mean because you ever have you ever hear you take the garbage out

Every time It's annoying. Why would you do a little plastic bag make little baggies for yourself or just poop out of your butt? No, it's so the this story actually might be fake because I can't find articles on it Oh, and this youtube video is called man gives birth through the rectum anal anal reaction anal reaction Yes, this is a reaction of an ass. Yeah, are they like ass going? Hey Just like puckering at the sight of it. Yeah. No, we're not gonna find it. It might be fake It's all right But either way we at least deduce that if someone does do it

So I got so scared because when I first typed that into a story about a transgender man giving Birth was the first thing that popped up and was like, oh, I fucked this story What what's that on your wrist? It's a hoop It's a hoop No, so it's called whoop. Okay. Why can you just do that? It's a it's a it's like a fitbit It's you wear it 24 7 and monitors your heart rate and it tells you like your recovery and Like whatever thomas like sold me on it. So I'm oh, so it's basically just a fitbit No, it's it's different in that it actually it's it's super interesting

Like it gives you like your respiration rate and wait are they a friend of the show? They're not I don't want to fucking talk about them good no one thing I One thing I wanted to say is that it was like it's it's super crazy because apparently they bought one for like every Yeah, I'm looking what the fuck are you looking at over there? I was so a reflection of something but they bought one for like every player in the nfl because apparently like they had this thing called respiration rate and I don't know if it was like if it's high or low

but One of them directly correlated to people who had covid so people who had no symptoms But their rate was like super low. It's like oh something's wrong and also like it gives you a score every day um Basically like let's call like an hrv your heart rate variability to basically say like how efficient your heart is that day or something So if you drink the night before you have a trash score like whatever But if you're like good, you're rested and like you exercise

But your hrv is like a shit score. You know like something's wrong like people have been like Got ahead of certain things because they might have to check it out. Yeah, it's pretty cool I mean, I it's you know, I barely notice it's there if you ever pay me a living wage Maybe I'll be able to buy one in three years wage, you know what I mean? Jesus christ Yeah, so anyway a guy pooped his baby. Oh, yeah, tire. Uh, I should say tyrant because I was thinking of you Uh obj getting pooped on uh big poop. Yeah, so why? So I don't know if it's true, but apparently the the woman You know who came out and said yeah, he flew me out. So it was a very interesting story. So

Apparently he flew her out but before bat Right back it up He texted her and was like listen I need some videos of you shit. Yeah, right? So she was like, you know, I was trying to be sexy with it So she was taking a shit and just like, you know, probably like rubbing a nipple or something like that while mid poop Dude, that is the least sexy part of every human's life. But also kudos To just do that

I mean, you know, if obj hit me up and asked me to you know, take a video of me rubbing my nipple and pooping too Like he's getting it. I'd be pretty confident that I could erase someone's fetish with the way that I've shit. Oh Listen to me. No, I but yeah, you know me and my body here taking a shit like a deer Yeah, you're like you're you're You can go out in the wild and you can see a bunch of your shit You know what I mean like mine should be in the Smithsonian. It's not it's not pretty. Yeah, no I feel like you should but it's all it's shit from like Your past life. Oh, I'm catching up. Yeah, it's exactly what it is

Like I I if if people are reincarnated like I've inherited my person had that asshole that was missing You know what I mean that 55 year old guy with no asshole. That was me in a past life Now you're paying the price now. I'm paying the price. Jesus Christ But no, dude, they're certain and we said this before there are certain fetishes like I can be like, all right I could see that Poopy is poopie's a lot dude. You know how like you need to avoid The elements like all of your senses need to be off in order to enjoy that. Yeah, poopie is so much Don't get me wrong

I've played with kinetic sand. You know what I mean? I played with Play-Doh touching stuff very nice I don't think that I would be able to only rely on my sense of you know My tactile sense. Well, it's not really like a, you know, I just want to play with it So what happens when it's on your chest? I think where does it go Joey? Oh everywhere. I think Well, no, this person's not spray shitting on you. Well, you never know. It depends. You know, I don't know I mean, you would hope so you would hope so. You know what I found out Do people who smoke cigarettes have worse dumps? They have to yeah, it comes out like steamy like more steamy than normal You know, I feel like it like smells like an old man. It's like an elementary school Halloween dance

It's just fog or like an abandoned house. You know, they have like that weird. Yeah, I found out recently that uh Men that enjoy pleasure of another man Gay dudes, maybe They could be bisexual or whatever. Oh my god But they have a pill that they take That literally is meant to like let them get fucked Loosen your yeah, no, not just loosens them But it like cleans you out and it's literally on the bottle. It says like for play

Oh, like it makes you like just fucking blast off It literally like just fucking like on the way down just like grabs the walls and just takes everything with it That's fire. Is it? Yeah No That's up. Dude. I mean if I was getting my bh Destroyed. Mm-hmm. This is an amazing invention. Yeah, I I don't I feel like I would I I hate the fact that I have to use the bathroom to begin with I don't want to make it like something that like happens. Dude, but think about this if you are a gay man

Who wants to get you're a bottom, right? Yeah You don't really have a choice here. You got to clean it up. Otherwise, we're gonna have a sitch I get that, you know, you know, you might push the magic button and then you know out pops the weasel, you know Red alert I Would like I just I would that's why I'd be a top, you know on top of Just the fact that I'm this good looking like I would not be a bottom because of that. There's some hot bottoms out there Are there? I don't really know. I'd like to meet when I I don't think I've met a hot bottom

You know, you only know ugly bottoms. I don't know any bottoms. I think everyone I know is a That's where you're wrong. I don't yeah, I guess I'm wrong. Are you a bottom? I don't even indulge in such things. Oh, what do you want to I've been told that I look like a switch, which is I've always wanted to be a switch hitter in baseball. You were you you always have it. Yeah, so I was like, this is awesome Would between me and you who's top whose bottom? I don't I don't know it depends you got to be the bottom Why do I have to be do you would trust my ass to not just fucking ruin your world? If if you are a gay man, you'd care more about your ass uh

You got me there. You did you did you got me there probably by like a bidet and like I've had a bidet And it's awesome. And the fact that you don't have one is astonishing. You should go out and use the hydrant then Oh, no, I need more than a bidet. Have you dude you can get a bidet like seat cover and put it on your toilet No, I don't and it's awesome I know a company that makes them but they're not you know on the show the fuck them But they do sponsor podcasts. So if you're out there and you're watching this shit, what's her name? How you doing? Don't tell us. I'm not saying it What can we do, um

Dude buy one. I love to slam a bidet. It's awesome After like six seconds those first because it because it hooks up to your water. It's gotta be cold. Very cold Dude my butt It's but no you're but it's like It's I don't know how to explain it, but like it hits your butt and it's like go Well, yeah, you're spraying my butt. No, but like not just spraying your butt like The hot water will be nice the cold water on your heiny hum It's gonna fuck you up. I know I feel like I'd be so like

Like after a while after a while you might just want to sit there and just leave it on Hell yeah, you know when I'm bored And it cleans you which is really nice that that is me for me the most important thing. Oh, of course because but what if it gets in? It's water it comes out Okay, you know, I don't I don't know about anything going. That's why yeah, that's how I know you've not done enough butt play I haven't either I'm yeah, I mean it's it's uh I had to do uh locked I had to do a cream

And a medicine in my heiny That's in in that's you have to go inside I never told you about this. No, you were creaming the inside of your ass I would say with you got cream. I got cream dude No, well like when I had all those when I had that bad infection The first doctor got a cream dumb bitch He said to me like oh it might be hemorrhoids and apparently there's hemorrhoid cream like preparation H. Yeah, you literally shove the tip in your ass and just squeeze it

Yes, be honest. Is that cool? No, damn. It's not But then I was on a medicine that was an enema Damn, did you were getting fucking blasted that year straight up fucking was that 2017 when I hell of a ride dude It was awful But I felt better So like it did the medicinal stuff, right? Did it ever get cool? No, no, it was the most embarrassing shit Why did you have to do it outside? No, but like it to to to know that every night You got to go to sleep and put medicine in your ash hug. Yeah, that's true

That's not fun. And the fact I'm talking about it Astonishing I got it started this and I can't fucking back up now All right, so tell us about more about it. Well, it's just like you got creamed I I had a cream myself, right? Did you did you have to So did you ever have to Raw

Finger no, no, no, so it's more it came it came in It came in a bottle that had it came in a bottle like this And it had a fucking long ass white tip like skinny white tip like Literally like I'm trying to think of what it would look like in here, but I don't even want to know Basically like you're pinky. Wow that long a little longer. Maybe Damn, why do they have to put it so deep because it was like it was like for like digestion On the other side

And I would have to sit there and like the things on like the directions in the box said like you need to lay a certain way Oh my god. So I would what way. What way do you lay? Did you did you lay face down a show fuck? Yeah, and then what you went through the legs I went around the back dog. Ah, yeah, and um I was like fucking like in my own pillow And like you do it that way or the other way, which is what I use most frequently legs up. No, what's like I'm just saying like sitting back. No, no, no, no, no, no, it was like it was all about like the way that like your insides like track So like the other way was like you would lay on your left side and you would like bring your left leg to like your your knee to your chest

Oh, that's a pretty good stretch. That's a good stretch. You know what I mean? And uh, it sucked bad Which one did you you did both though? I wouldn't I would mostly do the left side But I 100 percent of course I did the one on face down ass up Yeah, and it was and then the instruction said like you need to hold on to it for like 15 minutes Hold on to what the medicine so you would be faced and I sub for 15 minutes No, I didn't have to remain in that position. I'd have to just hold on to it You'd have to cleanse your blood for that long for 15 minutes. Dude, I can't I literally can't do that I'm letting you know it wasn't fun

That sounds exhausting. I I'll say this the medicine worked. I felt great. Oh, I hope so after the embarrassment Hold on answer me this. Uh-huh Did anyone ever have to help you? No, I would never I would listen to me right now I would have put a gun to my fucking temple before I ever let somebody Help me Dude, you're lucky that you have flexible shoulders and arms because if you couldn't get that arm back there Someone's gonna have to spray it. Yeah, I worried about that and someone else would have creamed you and like I had to Like there were times where I would have to like set down like towels and shit

It was an embarrassing, you know time. You know, I'm gonna title this episode Frankie creamed himself. That's okay That's all right. Is that good for youtube monetization? I don't know about the framed I mean, I think there's a lot of like probably like, you know kids cooking shows that I you know Cream, you know juicy quick juicy creams the play-doh or something, right? I don't know what you just said, you know, exactly what I said No, but I I've been watching a lot of kids youtube Miles loves that shit. Uh, you ever heard of these collins key kids Collins key. Yeah, they're two white guys that just love being white And love just wasting food

so so being white Uh-huh, and they're just like I don't I can't explain it like you need to watch it. They'll be like, all right. I'm gonna be over here I'm gonna put this, uh, you know fucking sauce on this. They don't curse. They don't curse I'm gonna put the sauce on this pizza three two, but Like and it's exhausting to watch they scream and they make pizza and they make a lot of money Well, yeah more than just kids youtube is oh, here we go I was gonna say if you're making 80 million this year, he'll be I think they're at like 70 or 80

got it got it I um, I feel like kids youtube like makes so much money. There's that one kid. He's like Fucking six and he makes millions of dollars. Ryan you like Ryan's toy stuff. Yeah, Miles loves to watch that First of all this kid never gonna grow up and be normal. Okay. Let's make that very clear. He's gonna grow up. Have a very weird complex Uh, second of all, he's got like his own line of toys and like target walmart crazy and they're like sold out Yeah, I don't doubt it. Dude fucking sick kids love this little idiot and I'm sitting there. It's like we could have done this Well, you did I guess you got that multi-million dollar I'm sorry billion. Excuse me

No joking billion, excuse me who? Can you imagine I had a billion dollars dude? They ever tell you I would do the dumbest. Okay You get a billion dollars right now. Yep very first thing you do I have no idea It's putting me on the spot. I said beg I was asked this question. Becca asked me and she and I think I know that your answer So she I said to her I was like, well, what would you do?

And she goes I'd pay off all my family's debts And I would like give them all like their dream home and stuff and I'm like, oh, she's like, what would you do? I was like I'm going to a bar Like I remember that you're like, I'm just gonna go to a bar. I wouldn't be able to comprehend that So I would get fucking annihilated. Yeah, and just deal with it and they just deal with it tomorrow Just buy everyone in there. Whatever they wanted dude everything And like that's on my bucket list to buy like the bar around to be that guy Oh next one's on me. Tommy. There was one night where we went out and you bought like three shots of louis the 13th

I wasn't there, but I heard about it. Oh, yeah. No, I bought one and it was three hundred and fifteen dollars. Wow. That's dumb Very dumb. So we actually got our money's worth because like we didn't We we were like bar hopping and then we went to this place and they had like shelves and then like as the shelves got higher They were more expensive. There was less balls on them, but like I don't know anything about liquor So I didn't know special joey. Come on. Why do you think they're called top shelf liquor? Yeah, but a lot of places don't like do that for the most part So like this one was like a legitimate like lounge whatever it sucked. I hated the place But anyway, so there was like I knew because I saw like mccallen 18 and I was like, okay

I know what that is and that's like high up and then there was one bottle by itself on the top And I was like, what is that? And then Pete was like, oh, that's louis the 13th. It's like super expensive It's like cognac. I think it is And I asked the guy I'm like, how much is that he's like if you want a one ounce pour It's seventy five dollars and a shot is three hundred dollars That doesn't make it any sense because a shot is 1.5 ounces Or whatever it was. I don't know what it was. Is it yeah a shot Well, they may have given you like a double or something. I don't know

It was like they were selling it might have given you like two fingers neat or something like that Yeah, I don't know but like they they poured a shot glass I was like, let me just get a shot of it and it was like 300 bucks and then they The guy actually hooked him up hooked us up because he's like no one ever fucking buys this shit So he gave us the shot and then he poured like three Not full shots, but like half shots of it. So we all like had it and by the way It was not worth it I feel like at that point you're paying I don't know what I'm drinking

It could have been Hennessy I don't know like I feel like at that point you're literally just paying to say that you got it I and that's exactly why I did that and that's like I'm never gonna do this again Yeah, see like all honesty I would much rather have like you have out there like a stock bar with like good bottles and stuff But yeah, all those people that you know buy like wild, you know fucking bottles and shit like that Never for me. I hate it. I always hate it the concept of going to a club and getting bottle service It is the stupidest. That's robbery. Yeah, that is the dumbest fucking shit because you'll go and they'll be like

All right, dude. What's up? Welcome. And first of all, it's some fucking You know absolute hardo who was giving out plastic cards 10 minutes ago at the door and he comes in He's like, what's going on man? My name is Steven. Uh, I just want to let you know bottle service girls cups Three chasers included for a bottle of smirnoff. It's $650 and it's like what the fuck. Yeah, it's robbery. What world Dude, I remember because my brother's birthday. My brother like loves tequila and when his birthday passed. Oh, no, it was when No, it was not Keith. No, Thomas. Okay, I was gonna say because Well, I don't think I've ever seen Keith drink tequila, but yeah, I don't think so but thomas likes tequila

So I for his birthday. I got him a bottle of 1942 which was like Don Julio 1940. It's a good bottle. It was like 200 bucks. Yeah, that's not bad so I I had sent it to his house and I was like, okay, whatever and then I remember when I was in Miami for a bachelor party I have the book and like I'm ordering drinks For everyone like we're ordering like bottles because someone was just like just order whatever Someone I think it was Dominic comes up to us and he goes get 1942 whatever it is I go to the page to 1942. It was

Two and a half grand and I was like, we're not getting that But never so can you imagine $200 like two or two and it's crazy because they probably get the bottles for like 20 bucks like whole like I don't want to say 20 bucks But like yeah, but like I could say like like this the the whiskey that I like The scotch that I like Loggable one 16 I that's drinking this basically drinking a cigarette fire. Yeah Um, I remember I went and like at a normal liquor store

I got it was like a hundred bucks Then I went to like a like a re like a wholesale like fucking Costco liquor store and it was like 65 bucks Holy shit, like they're still making so but like the people that go out and it's like, oh Fuck yeah, like dude our friends used to get I remember as clear as fucking day. There was one time we went out and we got bottle service And again, it was like $650 grand. We were 20 years old at the time 21 22 years old None of none of us had money to do that. You know what I mean? And it was literally Fucking like six people like not even like 13 14 grown ass men who some of them would

Also went invited like girls into like the area who were sharing one fucking bottle Yeah, and it was like everyone got like a half drink and it was like, oh fuck. That's why pre gaming around here gray goose Yeah, and that's why pre gaming around here was such a big deal because I during that whole clubbing phase when we were like 18 to 21 I did not buy one drink at a club I would basically be almost asleep before we left dude We would kind of they dragged me in the car and I'd be good for the night. We would get a throttle at home Oh, that's good. They were good times. I hated clubbing though, and I always will hate club. I'll never go back I'll go clubbing is fun when you can get like a section by your like with just your friends

And then just like have a good time but like being on like a dance floor and dealing with like Dude, like I'll do it one more time one more time. Oh, yeah You know I'm saying dude clubs are the fucking like literally they're like the zoo You know what I mean? Like you go to them and it's just like a bunch of straight men Just like vowing for like six women that are in the middle of the floor and there's like It's like which one of these women has a leopard print. I'm gonna fuck her. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna go in and I'm gonna ask her You know what? I'm not even gonna ask her to dance with me. I'm gonna just grind up on her You know what I mean? I hate it. I always hate it. I won't say who but a

An individual that we know Used to their move was to just go in a club to just grab girls by the hand and try to get them to dance Never saw it work once. I don't know who this is. You know exactly who it is I don't but I'm looking forward to hearing it. Oh, yeah, uh before we move on Like come on do the do the ants Do them. Let's do the ants I really need to wear a better fitting shirt next time just wear a man's ear What's that? That's from Seinfeld

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On us. Okay, so go to better help dot com slash yard 10% off your first month to get started with some counseling. All right And uh, that's all we have for today You know, I don't think enough people give you credit for that Uh-oh, bitch funny bonnet Phoebe it I just got boned. You got boned. You got creamed and I got boned. That's an episode That's not an episode unless one of us gets absolutely throttled. That's right. He got creamed. I'm still trying to get over that Oh, by the way, speaking of injuries and things like that

Um, dude that fucking oh, you're okay. Yeah, rub it. Nope Um, nope, you're good. I don't know why I went like this. Yeah, because you're thinking of the cream Got cream on my mind. No, so I she's um, I um I have my moments for the most part. I'm just like I just go through life I'm totally fine like whatever but sometimes I just get a little bit of a hypochondriac kind of thing about me and the other day I

Was like scratching my back and I felt like a raised mole And I just I mean, I don't know why like I was very tired that day for some reason like I had I I don't try to put your fucking exhaustion that blame here and continue. No, I don't I don't like I don't know why but I was just like What the fuck is that? So I go to a mirror and I look and it's like a mole like it's like, you know But it's not like a regular mole. Like, you know, they're like circular or whatever, but it's like a little weird So now I'm like, yo, what is this? And immediately I convinced myself that I have skin cancer melanoma

Right, which is immediately went there rare for someone my age. Like it's more common I mean you can get it but like it's more common for older people But I immediately I was like I have it. So I was My heart rate this thing monitors your heart rate for like 247. It was at a consistent like 83 For like two days. Yeah. Oh Well, for me it is uh, but I was like, holy shit. Like I was just kind of mad scared So I immediately go on fucking Zock doc and I book what it's like you basically you can

Match with a doctor in your area or something. I don't know Zock doc who the fuck named it? I don't know. A six-year-old? It sounds like a like a Go on you killed that. Yeah I literally I don't know what happened. My brain just gave up right there So I booked an appointment with uh, a doctor that was but it was like two days So during the two days, I'm just like sweating. I'm just like losing it and I'm like scared Um, because I'm freaking myself out

But then as the days go on like leading up to it I was like starting to like Be like, yeah, you're nuts like just chill and like I was also relieved that like I'm gonna go to the doc the dermatologist and I'll be fine so I went to the dermatologist and uh Leading up to that like Shannon was telling me she's like listen. She's like vins got a bunch of moles Some of them are raised some of them are and some of them are not like whatever

So that was making me feel better And then she's like just ask them to do a full body scan. They'll check everything, right? So now when I walk in to the dermatologist There's three girls at the reception thing right who worked there and You know, I'm just like saying like oh I have an appointment like this and that and then one of them knows who I am So now Someone who is like freaking out inside, right now. I'm like trying to

Be like cordial. I get it. You know what I'm saying? That's a little stressful. Absolutely So I'm like I'm like basically shaking and then you know, she she recognized me when so I'm just trying to be nice like whatever blah blah blah Then it hits me like bro If that doctor in there has to check my penis right now This girl's gonna know about my penis and not only that but I got

Fucking anxiety coursing through these fucking veins So I have an anxiety penis which if people don't know anxiety penis don't look good Anxiety penis don't even look like a penis. What does it look like? It looks just like This was the remains of a penis Gotcha, you know like a penis that was eaten by a bunch of hyenas and they just left the bones I got you like a six-year-old chewed up a date and then spit it out. That's literally it Right, so I'm worried that like if I have to go in there and this lady's got to check my weed edge Then this girl's gonna know about my penis. So that's that's tough. But so it gets even better, right? So this

So did you before you do that though? Did you get your pee she checked? No, no, no, okay? so I go in there And like it's just like an intimidating thing like you have to take off all your clothes and then put on this like apron or whatever So I'm like, oh my god. This is just I'm freaking out So she comes the the doctor comes in and she goes You know, what's up? I was like, yeah, I've never been to the dermatologist before you know, I have Freckles like my whole life. So just wanted to get him checked and like there's one that I'm like kind of worried about

She's like, all right, cool And she like is checking me they check between your toes like everything and then Did she check in like your in your crack? No, so I had my underwear on oh, so we never got to any of there Okay, uh She's spreading equaling off. She said she's checking in between your toes I mean if you're going to go in between the toes, you might as well go in between the hose. You know what I mean? Yeah I guess so but

so she's She's like checking my back She didn't even know which one I was upset about I was like, oh, it's this one I was like, it's like raised and she goes. Yeah, I don't know why anyone like made up that thing where it's like Oh, if it's raised and it's like alarming. She's like it moles her She's like, it looks fine to me like you're fine. You're don't worry about it like She's like, but if you want to come back in a year and So I'm like, oh, thank god, right? So I was like freaking out for no reason like obviously I'm a psycho

So I was like, all right, cool and then she goes but um You know, you do have a really bad dandruff So she wrote me a prescription for a dandruff shampoo I didn't never notice you've had bad dandruff apparently I I've never noticed that dude. I walked in there You worried about thought I had skin cancer. This one was like, no, you don't have skin cancer. Everything's fine

You're just a little bit of a psycho, but you're fucking head sauce And could take you and your anxiety penis to get the fuck out. Good that she was talking about the one on your shoulders, too Yeah, you almost at that point like that's almost like a little more embarrassed Like you kind of wish your dick was all fucked up at that point. You know what I mean? Yeah, because I then I was like I was like, I'm not I didn't say this to her but in my mind I was like, I'm not gonna fulfill this out of pride. I have too much pride to oh, yeah Of course you walk out of there. You throw that shit in the garbage Oh, I threw it in the garbage and then I I I went to the store and I bought just like this like organic coconut fucking

Bullshit that smells so good that I literally want to pour it into my mouth. You probably could it's so good I had someone give me a body scrub once and it was just sugar That's it Sugar it's like sugar peppermint and like fucking lavender oil and you can eat that shit Why not? Can you why not put in your coffee? Probably not but maybe But yeah, you were you you jumped there quick. I was on it. I was super on it. We see we're living we're living in a very A hypochondriental time

Don't know if that's the way it might not be anal hypochondriental. Yeah, that's what you had You know, so he was scared about it one of the one of the things I had let me tell you No, but I the reason why I brought up that I was like super tired is because I feel like I had known about that You know, like I feel like my mom has been like You should get that checked like years ago and I was like, okay. Yeah, whatever But for whatever reason when I touched it that day, I was just like what the and I didn't buy absolutely anything No, she was like, it's fine. I have I have a on my lower back. I had it since I was a kid

I got it tested a couple years ago at a dermatologist too And what they don't tell you is how fucking much it sucks because they're like, oh, we're just gonna biopsy this like oh, okay Cool, they like play it off. They had a car. They need a fucking Yeah, you know, but I did I ever tell you about the time I had a wart removed On your hand. Yeah, I remember seeing that. Yo, you had one of the most disgusting hands. I've ever seen during that time Okay, first of all, take it easy disgusting hands. Take it fucking you had a white just a gross So dude, it was right here. You're a picker and a biter and I think not a biter never bit it I picked a penis off of it. Let me tell you. Yeah, you did

We someone in the neighborhood, I won't say who I'm pretty sure he gave me a wart on my hand Because they say they're dish out I think it's like an infection Yeah, but I don't think he could give you one He had it on his hand and he would always come up to me and like try to like dab me. I'm like, yo, what's up? And I was never about it And I'm pretty sure that's where I got it from and I'm gonna stick with that story And dude, I tried it started off like a little bitch like a little bop bop bop

You know what I mean? Like it was nothing like a skin tag. You could see the scar from and it's still pretty big I remember it was disgusting. You're like, I had it froze freeze dude. So I did everything I bought the you know, I bought the fucking like the freeze, you know, I remember that I was like, this is You know, and I bought I bought like the the acid you paint on it and shit like that You burned your hand. I tried and and I I fucking also went the other route I fucking yanked this son of a bitch out But it's like a root. You don't get it from I mean, it's like a weed. You don't get it from the roots It'll come on back

So I went and they fucking like just like as cool as day they used like fucking like salami like They sliced that shit off and then they cauterized it with a fucking little zapper So it looked like it looked like a Dildo They hit you they zapped you with a dildo It looked like a dildo and this guy like pulls it out or it was a girl Pulls it out and is like, are you ready? And I'm like, I'm like, whoa I was in there with Espo's mom and I'm like, what is she gonna be?

What is she gonna be watching here? You know, fuck was Espo's mom with you? She was just a very nice person Where was your mom? I don't know But pulls out this dildo like are you ready and I'm like I Guess I didn't know, you know, I didn't know if that was for the emotional support Gotcha, you know, and then he just fucking like puts it to here and just And like literally like fried my finger and I had to wear a wrap around it for like four weeks Sucked

I remember when you you like came to my house and you're like, yo, I have this Thing and I was like, oh Because it was like white Well, so the reason that it would look white is because the acid that would go on it would like It would like have like white residue that was left behind But I was that dumb idiot where it's like, you know, oh like put like one You know swipe of the acid every, you know every eight hours or something like that. I was like, oh, okay You were painting that dude. This son of a bitch was like a Monet on my hand

Let me tell you I was fucking so it was burning the skin around my hand So it was like all dead skin. So I would like peel it Like like a fucking wonder ball, you know what I mean? Like I'd peel that shit off and my hand was like raw for like a month Was it your right hand? It was this hand right here. How'd you jerk off? I would this was prime j off age. So yeah, you had to I mean you probably were just not thumbing it I probably yeah, I probably like, you know, like fucking like I guess that's fine, right? Use the use the thumb is like a little pop top

Oh Stop yourself. Do you think people jerk off like this? We know at least one person that does You know what I mean, yeah, um, I think someone I know one time tell me that they jerk off like this Hold on who and why I don't want to say who you have because they're not because they're a they're a nice boy Can you give me can you give They're a nice boy. So it's a boy. We've narrowed it down to a boy. Well, they have a dick Well, they might be pulling something out of themselves. No, no, no, they're pulling their dicks

I figured that at this point. Yeah, can you give me a hint like an obscure hint? Um Come on I need to know who yanks their dick right that I need to know you can how do I give a hint here for you to figure it out Give me something that's so obscure That you and I would be the only ones to know about it until we tell a story about it and give it away in future episodes I'm about to give it away for some reason like Okay, if you don't then tell me after no, no, no, I want to tell you

I know I have an idea like who it is you would never expect I have an idea because this person Is just out there. No, is it is it the hat guy? The hat guy I don't know who that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no wait. I don't even know if we know who we're talking to the hat guy I'm a hat guy now Oh, no, is it I would expect him. No, no, no, no, no. It's a different person. I would have said that. Oh, you don't care Yeah, no, you talk about danny. No, he was a hat guy. He was like, oh No, my hat guy hat guy. Who's hat guy hat guy

Come on. I'll fucking tell me after this is awful tv for them. No, no, no I love that they're doing it like they're a fucking belayer. You know, I'll say this. They're they're a yankees fan Okay, that narrows it down to Every one of our friends. Oh, no, no, no, but he's like a real one. He's like a he's a But any and he's and he's quiet. Oh, I know Yes, exactly. I know really. Yeah. Good on you, baby I don't I don't like he might have said it like joking, but I do remember him like saying it one day and I was like, what the fuck That's kind of awesome. Like like putting rope down the side of a building. Yeah, that's exactly what they're doing

They're belaying a fucking climber But it sounds cool though. I I guess like You got to try it, right? Don't knock until you try it. Isn't that what they say? They do say that the children they say it. What's like the weirdest technique you've used? Shampoo I didn't ask for the lubrication. I asked for the technique. Well, I don't how many techniques can you possibly what happened to your dick After you rubbed it with shampoo God's fucking soapy. It was nice, right? I mean, yeah, it was fine. I mean, I'm sure it smelled fantastic

Was it clean? Had to have been when I was what you got to be careful because it in the hole Doesn't I mean I didn't but like I've never gotten I didn't even think about that because I was like mad young Like I'd be in the shower and be like, this is where I have to do it because I was sharing a fucking room You know, I got we got pets. We got lizards and shit. I got you. I can't really jerk around reptiles. I got you Yeah, you know, I hear what you're saying. We had birds too, bro Yeah, you had a lot of birds the birds would come out of nowhere

When back in the day, I'm talking like seventh eighth grade Frankie the move telling you right now This is gonna be good. LA looks Rank nine on the spikiness gel Wait, what do you wait? What are you saying? I would jerk off with hair gel when I was a kid What yeah, dude jerk off with hair gel. Yeah, what what brand LA looks I just said it. That's a high-end brand yellow or the blue I was oh, you were faithful to colors. I was well, of course. No, you got it. If you don't stick with the color What are you doing? So you were slamming it to uh slamming it to fucking z100 on the radio and just LA looks just cranking them out

That's now. That's the 90s right there. It was the 2000s. That's what I meant. Yeah. I mean, I'm telling you If we were eight I'll tell I can't tell you how many times I had that bottle LA looks right there And then the fucking huba sanks the reason came on and I was like It's not a spray, right? It's my time. No a spray. What kind of a psychopath you think I am a hair spray So I'm gonna show you a picture of this gel and you're gonna tell me this doesn't look appealing Well, I mean they all hair gel looks like, you know, you just want to like finger it You know what I'm saying? Like it's very fingerable

Any gel that has like bubbles in it. I'm like, I need to pop all these. Yeah, look at this. Look at this. Hold on Hold on Tell you tell me this doesn't bring you back. I'm trying to think of other stuff Tell me this doesn't bring you back Where is it? I don't like jerk. I don't like jerking off with conditioner though. It's a different kind of contact Kind of texture. Tell me that and bring you back Dude, right? Yo, you had so many of those. I did. I did. I had a lot You had a lot of that fucking hair gel because I had a lot of hair gel and no other thing about it

That was probably in that string back back as well. No, I don't think you carried that shit around You know what I might have but probably for your hair and not for like, you know for slamming it You never know in the middle of the park. You might need to fucking rope a dope. You gotta Rope a dope. No, but yeah, that's fucking hilarious. That is Dude, I can see that bottle dude. Who was thank the reason and fucking pieces of me by Ashley Simpson Dude, I can't I hear both of those songs and instantly get hard. Oh my god, you know what I mean? Evidence, dude I'm fading Wait, what song is that again pieces of me by Ashley Simpson. That's a good song. You know what I'm saying

Not a great nose. She fixed it. She did and also That whole fuck up on SNL. You remember that. Mm-hmm. Why do you say it like that? I don't know. Yeah, but um Damn, dude hair gel. You have any other like weird ones? I don't I'm pretty sure I've done like weird shit Oh, I talked about this before but I like fingered a ticker once like a ticker animal stuffed animal But like I didn't know what I was doing the one that used to keep in your room. Yeah. Oh, no slammed it Yeah, yeah slammed it just crushed it

Dude, like I had told the story before but like it like so it like ripped on the bottom Where up where a poof would be. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, right in that area You know where you don't place it bingo. Yep. So I took the stuffing and I was like, well, I'd love this ticker I need to put it back in where it's supposed to be. So I put it in and then I was like, this is kind of like kind of cool So I was just like Slamming it. Yeah slamming a tiger. I bet you were I was slamming it. He was a little he was a little innocent boy You know what I mean? He had to go back to the thousand acre woods or a hundred acre woods wherever the fuck he was going

Yeah, I think he liked it But I wasn't sure I didn't ask. Yeah, you We're getting the I always felt way more comfortable if it was piglet uh-oh Why I don't know It's pink Oh my god Oh god

Goodness gracious This show is really off to the races lately. Oh, yeah You're welcome. I don't know what to say Do you not like it? Do you want me to stop? Oh Did you oh, yo the way that the fucking light Fucking light hit your hair. I thought you had a highlight in it. Oh No I was about to say what year is it. Yeah, where's your puka necklace? Oh, I never had a puka necklace

Yeah, what would you do if for Christmas you got me puka necklace? No for Christmas I like give you a gift to whatever and I was like I got one more thing and you open it and it's that hair gel I'm jerking right in your bathroom And I'm fucking letting the world know Yeah, that might have to don't threaten me with a good time. Oh man, that sounds fucking hilarious Yeah, no, I you know, I was thinking today of like what I can get you for Christmas No, fucking clue. Absolutely. No clue because like Kaleel. No Kaleel. No Kaleel. Get me a fucking, uh, you know a ticker. Oh, well now it's too late

Yeah, you know, it's too late if I shove A pocket pussy in a ticker That's too real I found it I found it. There's a sex shop by me. I can go in. I can buy a ticker Dude, we should do that for patreon Just go to the sex shop buy a bunch of shit that we don't really know what it is and just give it to each other Or just figure it out. Just figure it out. What's going on? Just give this to each other

Let's buy one of the things that lays eggs in your stuff Oh, we okay. Is there like a good will for like sex toys though? Can we donate that after I feel like we'd be wasting money Oh Ew, who the fuck would go rent? I don't know. I'm just saying like thrift shop for I don't know But like I feel bad. I'm wasting, you know good silicone that someone else could be using, you know recyclable, isn't it? I could be used to make something else Well, they already made it. I guess you're right Do they like melt it down and recycle? Have you ever used a pocket thing? No

No, no, no. I'm not uh, you're afraid No, I'm afraid. What's in there? No, I'm afraid that it'd be so dope. Oh No, seriously, you'd never go back to the real thing. I mean you would but what if it's not as cool? Because you know, it's not like the real thing like they probably put like we have engineered Well, yeah, and it's also it's like a cold body Dude, I never understand that because like whenever they make shit like that and it's like we have scientifically engineered like Your bed, right? Temporopedic mattresses or some shit. They're like, oh a sci- NASA. It's like Scientists are doing all this schooling and then making beds

I was gonna say imagine being just going to school and getting like some sort of fucking like engineering degree And then going and just making a whole bunch of pocket pussies Yeah, or that, you know, so I'm afraid that they're gonna be like there's mad ridges in there. It's like, all right, um What did you get your degree in sir? vaginas Distraight vagina giants the perfect like I The only person that would be able to have that job is someone that just like in like a former ob gyn That's just like I got a lot to tell you guys

It's crazy how much stuff is in a sex shop like you could go in there and be like, yo They actually have this thing that exists like you can just get like a just a butt You can get a fucking silicone butt just a butt. You can just get a butt Where do you put a butt and then they have like Like fucking things you can hide weed in it's like they're very weird. Yeah, they're all over the place Take it out. We can get a grinder here and just a fucking ass That feels like a like a real ass

It's it's it looks like a real ass too. Yeah, and there's a bh and there's a v hole There's there is definitely both of those things, you know, and uh, and there's a cleaning Shit Dude, you know what? I'm calling it now. You're an entrepreneur. Who's putting a butt Just a gelatin someone's doing it. Don't even put on a table and then just Bang in their nightstand. Hold on one second. Got him guys. Would do it. Did you know I didn't did you know Because he's referring to a long time ago. Did you I didn't a long time ago I'll tell you I'll tell you the only reason why I didn't I'll tell you the only reason why I did it because I had nothing

I would do it Make no mistake. You put one in here That's not covered in fucking kimchi like that one was and I'm banging All right, and I'll let you know how it goes I'll just give you that in a bottle la looks and walk out of the room But a long time ago we were like I was doing the basement yard and like there was this company that Wanted to do like an extra segment after the fact And one of them was like put your hands in a box and like guess what this thing is and they went out and they bought a butt

With a bh and a v hole And they put it in a box and then they covered it in kimchi to like throw you off Have you ever eaten kimchi? It's yeah You know not an appealing thing to smell. No, it's not at all. It's not really that good to eat either It's like okay, but like you know not not the meal But you I put my hands in there. I was like what the fuck is this shit whatever so I had and then They leave right because the producers of the show they come over they set up and then they leave They don't take anything with them. They take their equipment, but now I have this kimchi covered butt

And I'm looking at it like I don't really have it in me to put this in my sink and clean it and then by shabang it So I just like I Rinsed it off. You should have taken a bath with it I rinsed it off and I covered it in paper towels and like put it on a top shelf like in the You put it in the closet like as it was I remember I went into that closet one day and there was just an asshole staring at me in the fucking case and I was like Yeah, what's going on?

But if there wasn't because the kimchi I mean once it gets mixed in with that gelatin, that's not getting out It's not gelatin. It's just not well whatever it's made out silicone. Whatever It didn't smell weird. It didn't smell weird. Oh, I did. I remember you showed it to me And I was like dude, what is this and you were like smell it and you basically put my nose in this fucking little Little pee hole. Yeah, it didn't smell I don't actually even remember that. I think you're trying to no no no you did I remember I I just couldn't I just like I was like I can't bang this thing right now I'm scared

So I didn't bang it but looking back probably maybe I should have banged it You probably should have now you're just going to live the rest of your life thinking like What if no because I'd go to the store right now and figure out what it is If I where's the near exact near sex shop around here, uh, I don't know that one. It was actually at the corner of my old apartment I remember the pink neon lights. I remember that Jackson Avenue. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. Let's go. Let's go grab some Let's go hang out with them. No, let's go do it. I'm just like put them on here We'll get the montage quick. Oh, that's that patreon all written all over it patreon.com size space me are all over it

No, we'll do that. Yeah, um, but we can wrap up here. I think I don't want to also wait before you leave. I just want to say like you did You used to live next to a not next to but like in the area of like a giant fucking Sex shop wasn't that place in Connecticut mad big? Oh, yeah, it was fuck. What was the name of it? It's probably like plugs No, it was it was on boston post road in orange. Um fuck I can't remember the name of it, but They go it was like a wonder a wunderbar like you walked in and it was fucking amazing It was like dude, dude

You walked in and first of all again very weird. They have like knives You know like those knives that are like fucking like purple and like orange and green and it's like a rainbow fucking metallic color No, yeah, they had those they had that next to like like fake coat cans You can hide your weed in next to like fucking bongs which are next to like brass knuckles places all over the place And then like you walk in and dude it was Awesome, you'll think you think of it. They had it. You think I can get you a wand dude. They can get you anything Jackrabbit dude, they had it all in there the wet wabbit like they had all of that shit wet wabbit Yeah, you know remember. Oh, yeah, I do me and danny emmaholtz

We watched a commercial at like 4 a.m. And it was for like this like Dude, it was for this thing. It was called the wet wabbit and it's like girls like oh my god I just like i'm not satisfied and it's like someone just like Just like puts this fucking like giant ass like wabbit, you know dr. Claw looking shit on the table I remember because We we were in connecticut and got drunk as we usually did In connecticut and we're sitting on the couch of our friend's Place his grandparents are sleeping in the room behind the tv

And then his parents are sleeping in the room behind that one and we have there's a whole channel That's just infomercials for sex toys and we sat there hammered Watching this. I mean why not if it's on tv, you know It's good stuff to watch. Yeah, I watched that daddy And I saw that it was like 3 a.m. And my mom was like in the kitchen and we were fucking crying laughing It's like the wet wabbit Yeah, we might have to take a trip to the strip Oh, it's probably that there too

Uh probably take a trip to the store and then do a patreon on that because youtube would Just gift each other just i'll use your card and then you use your card And we'll just gift each other some sex toys on on air. It sounds good. We won't tell well. I got it. Okay Well, you know, you know, I know what I'm gonna get you and I know what we're gonna do So we're gonna like open it. I'm gonna give me a blood Maybe I'll get you wait you have to open it outside I'm saying like we can open it take it out of the package and give it to each other And we you know figure out what we could use it for. Oh, yeah, hell. Yeah

All right. All right. We got the next episode figured out. Yeah All right guys, uh, yeah frank, where can they find you? Uh, oh no, you could find me, uh You F alvarez 8085 on twitter and on twitch the frank alvarez on instagram Coming out play video games with me on twitch. It's uh You guys can go follow the show at the baseman yard and don't forget to check out our patreon patreon.com Slash the baseman yard where you get an extra episode every single week of this show

And it's usually a little More fucked up on patreon. So if you are interested in that definitely head on over there Also, go check out other people's lives. We are Putting out some episodes right now. I think it's one of our strongest seasons You go to youtube.com slash other people's lives for that or anywhere that you listen to podcasts and that is all See you guys next time. Yeah during next time