The Basement Yard - #262 - The Wildest DM Of All Time

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

Joe & Frank discuss a WILD DM that Joe received not too long ago, old videos they used to make together, & more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Frank, how's it going? I just got a, like, something caught on my throat as you did. You can't be doing that. Sorry, in the times of Rona. I know, you know. I just wanted to quickly give a shout out to all of our patrons over at Patreon.com slash the Basement Yard. We had a goal to hit 3,000 fucking patrons by the end of September and Franky said I could pelt them with eggs and we have crushed it.

I think we're like at 3,500 right now. That was super premature. I fully didn't mean it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna pelt them today. So we're gonna, I'm gonna hit them with some eggs today. It'll probably be out by the time this fucking video comes out, but also I just wanted to say that we wanted to start giving back to our patrons who are supporting the show. So we have decided that now every single month one of you guys will win $1,000. I don't know how we're gonna choose who's gonna win $1,000, but we're gonna do it.

So every month one of our patrons is gonna get $1,000 cash. Don't even fucking tell the government you have it. I'm just gonna send it. Just lie to them. Just lie, hide it. You know what I'm saying? I'm not gonna send you cash until you get audited. Until I get audited, then I will 1099 you and y'all will fucking sue you into the ground. There you go. That's it.

Typical white man America, you know? No, but so that's what's going down. Our patrons, one of them won $1,000 every single month. And yeah, so we're just super excited about that. Also, a new addition to the show is that, I mean, eventually we're gonna put some shit around here. I'm actually doing that this week, so it'll look nicer than it is now. You just moved into this place. Beautiful place. Why are you talking like swallow?

Because I am. You have gel in your hair. That's why. I don't have any gel in my hair. This is all natural, baby. No, yes you do. You want to touch it? Why is it soaking wet? It's not soaking wet. It's shiny.

You dumb idiot. Because it's my natural oils in my hair. Your hair's that oily? I didn't wash it for like a week and a half. What the hell's wrong with you? You don't wash hair every day, Joey. You also don't not wash it for a week and a half. Yeah, you do. A lot of people do that.

Whoo! People that want their natural oils to look this good. Oh my god. Touch my hair. Touch it. Am I gonna... It's nice. It's fucking, it's rough. Really nice.

I feel like I just put my hand in the sand. You didn't. You put it in the fucking beautiful golden, they're not golden. Wait, so do you wear a shower cap? No, I wet my hair. But I don't wash it with shampoo. I only use shampoo like every other time. So then there you go. You're not washing your hair every day either.

For ten days? Yeah, it's been about ten days. That's a lot of days. It's not. Double digit days? Listen, if you want your hair to look this good, don't wash it all at once. I'm not saying it doesn't look good. It does. Don't even fuck around.

I think it looks good. Thank you so much. It looks good. And the fade stick with that. I don't know if I will. I actually had to... Is that an order? Yeah.

Tell me it's an order and I'll get fired if I don't. You're dead. Oh, I'm dead. That's it. You're not even firing. You're killing me. Yeah, I'm gonna hurt you. Okay.

All right. Well then, I had a dream last night that I went and got another fade and I walked out and I was like, I don't need this. That was your dream? It was part of it. Yeah. Your dreams suck. The other day I had a dream that I was with my, you know, with Becca's dad and I like beat

the shit out of some kid that wiped shit on me. True story. Like not true story because it's a dream. Wait, a child? No, so I was... Well, yeah. You beat up a child? I did.

Fire. Pretty bad. Wait, you hurt a kid? How old was he? I killed a kid. You killed a child in your dream? In my dream, I did. With your hands?

Yeah. So I'm in a... Listen, I'm in a bathroom. You would kill a kid in this situation. You killed a kid in a bathroom? Listen, there was always... Why are you in a bathroom with a kid? Can you let me finish?

I'm just asking her questions. There's a line of people waiting. There's a kid in the stall and he's taking his sweet ass time. And I finally knock on the stall. Of course. Hello, people waiting here. We need to use the bathroom. Some people don't have the luxury.

What happened? You all right? No, I was just taking to make sure we're good. Oh. Some people don't have the luxury of being able to hold their bowel movements for that long. Okay. So, this kid comes out and he has his shit wiped on like a cloth.

But it wasn't... It looked like strawberry jelly. Wait, he shit red? It looked like it. He's got some problems. I said to him like, yo, if you touch me with that, I'll fucking kill you. Wait, hold on. He had it on a piece of paper?

No, no, no. On like a piece of cloth. Like a towel. Like he had wiped it up or something. Oh, like a handkerchief. Yeah. And he touched me with it. So, I...

Wait, where'd he put it on you? On like my arm. So, I beat the living dog shit out of this kid. In a public bathroom. With other people watching. And they didn't do anything. No. Did they cheer you on?

I don't... That I don't remember. They might hit. I don't know why I said that. They may hit. But like I beat the shit out of this kid. That's dope. It's so dope.

Yeah. And then I walked out because it's my dream, remember, thinking I'm in so much trouble and my hands are on my back like, oh, I got arrested. And to Becca's dad, I went, Bob, it's a dream. Woke up. Fuck, dude. Dude, right? You won't...

You like... Damn. And like I killed the kid. Like I was ready to walk out. He's super dead. Like, could not be more dead. What did you do though? Like fists.

Hey, Oxana, you rocked this child. Banga, banga, bang. Right. Just fucking unloading. Hold on. Let me get a... How old was he? He was like 9 or 10.

Oh, dude, that's a small kid. Well, not small enough where they're defenseless. This kid could have fought back a little harder. But I remember... He could have, but he didn't. He didn't, exactly. My dream. You know, he fucked up.

Dude, he's got all kinds of anal problems. He's bleeding all over his shit. Probably. Probably. I walked out and like I was good to leave and the kid was still alive at this point. And he like said some smart shit. You went back? Yo.

Yo, that's so wrong of you. Yeah. You step on him? No, no, no, no. Just punched him. Yeah. So he was on the ground and you were beating his face in? Like bad.

Like real bad. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's scary. It's not a crime if it's in your dream, right? Frank's having a kid soon, by the way. Yeah. I am.

I'm very excited. I can't wait to tell him this. He'll fucking... Or her. I was gonna say, we know it's a girl already. I don't know why you're saying it. I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

I'm gonna let her know. Because he's killed a kid before. Yeah. I mean, I won't kill my own daughter. Well. That's getting dark, Joe. In your dreams? Anything?

In my dreams. I'm gonna control my dream. I'm not gonna be... Like I had control in that dream. Yeah, in that one. Yeah, in that one. That was a lucid dream. And you chose to...

So I had a dream and I... Danny's sister Christine, your brother-in-law, I was in a lucid dream where I knew I was dreaming and I was hitting her over the head with a chair. Yeah. You were going... You were stone cold in her. So I mean, I think I had said this in a video, but I didn't say it on the podcast, but I had a lucid dream and I was like, oh, shit, I'm dreaming.

Wait, what do you mean lucid? Lucid dreaming is like you become aware that you're dreaming, so it's like you are actually in control. Oh, that's what I did. It was pretty cool. I know. It's kind of weird that we both hit people with stuff. Yeah.

But I walked out. It was in my old apartment, so I walked out and I walked to the kitchen. I just see like a big ass spider on the wall, but I wasn't afraid of it because I was like, oh, okay, it's a dream. Dream or not dream? It was a dream. Oh. I hear a door close behind me and I turn around and it's Christine and she's just walking

towards me, not saying anything. So I'm like, I'm dreaming. So I turn towards the table and I pick up a chair and I just pulled it over my head and fucking slam it on her. Nice. Right? But it bounces off of her. Not for her.

Nice for her. Oh, very not nice for her. It's a good move. Oh, it was a great move. It was a great move. It was a great move. I would have... She would have been dead.

Dude, so dead. Like she was a piece of rubber and this was another piece of rubber. It's like, don't. Yeah. Right? So I just kept fucking slamming her with it. Were you there when I accidentally hit her with a with a Wiffleball bat? No, but that's a dope.

That wasn't a dream. That was unfortunately real. Yeah. That's sick. No, I felt so bad. I mean, it's a Wiffleball bat. She'll survive. She's tough.

Yeah. She's very tough and she was. She was like, I'm good. You know, like it hurt and it made her tear up a little bit because anyone get hit with anything that hard. Oh, just getting hit with a bat, but yeah. So this girl's taking a whole lot of abuse. Yeah.

We beat the shit out of her in our dreams in life. It's fine. But yeah, what I was getting at before is I wanted to add an element to the show where we can kind of like react to videos or pictures or anything. And I had put out a thing that got misconstrued a very like a while ago where I love this. I'm an idiot. So I put out this thing on Instagram and I was like, Hey, if you want to be a part of the show or be on the show, I said, then send us like a video with a question or whatever.

People took that as like, I'm going to send this resume and I'm going to be the third house. I saw you post this and I was like, Oh boy, I'm an idiot. This is not going to go over well. And I mean, I knew what you meant because you had spoken to me about it. But it was quite clear that no one else did because you were telling me you were getting people like, dude, I would be a great addition to the show. Yeah.

I was like, fuck. Yeah. But some people got it. But what I meant by that was like, if you have a, like if you want us to talk about a certain thing or you have a question that you wanted us to answer, uh, you know, send it, send us, send it to us via DM on Instagram at the basement yard, um, and keep it in the chat so we can like scream, record it and then put it in the actual show because I've created these templates now and you'll see in a minute because I got a DM that I want

to show you guys. Yeah. Um, it's like lurking in the background and I'm like, I don't know what to do here. So we'll get to that. So I'm just saying, like, if you want us to talk about stuff forever, hit up, hit, hit up the DMs for the, the basement yard and, uh, maybe we'll get on the show and, um, yeah, if you have like a video or something, like whatever, send us links, whatever you want. And it doesn't only just include just like weekly shows that might go on a Patreon as

well. So make sure you check that out. Yeah. Some of the more crazier shit we'll put on Patreon. Yeah. Patreon is like where we're getting a little X rated right now because, because especially on Patreon, like if the videos on YouTube are like unlisted, then they're not going to like check them for anything and they're not monetized either.

So we could put whatever we want with the exception of like, you know, someone getting fucking railed. Yeah. We're not going to put like any graphic. Yeah. Nothing crazy. Any graphic porn, but like the regular porn, regular, you might put some regular stuff on there.

The precursor. I remember when YouTube first came out like 2006, 2007, the first thing I looked for on it was porn. Porn. Very first. Yeah. And I used to look up cleavage videos all the time. Really?

That was, that was your thing? I knew that, that would be allowed. You know what I'm saying? When I was out there like, dude, I was looking at like just that line of space. Really? Is that like still like? No, no, no, no, it's not. But I mean, you're a kid, you know, like you can't, I know titties is not going to be

here. So next best thing is like a boom. That's some, that's some, that's some pretty good hindsight that you had there, man. It's deductive reasoning, you know? No nipple, then let's just push them together. You know, I got to say, I'm pretty impressed with your ability to understand because we were going to, like back in the day, you could find porn anywhere. We were going on like funny junk.com and it was just bam titties.

E bombs world. He's getting fucked here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's anywhere you go. And that was when porn was just like, it was like the Wild West of the internet. Oh my God. And dude, also like I go, you go to like candystand.com to play some like mini golf and all of a sudden you get a pop up with like fat tits.

Yeah. That's back in the day when you could actually say it was a pop up. You know what I mean? Like now that ain't going to fly with people. Oh, what's going on? I don't know what this is. Oh my God. This is a pop up.

Like what the fucking year is it? 2008? It's like, why is stepmom fucks young bull in your search bar? Good old days at the internet. But yeah. So I got this DM from someone and it was interesting, but we just don't have the capabilities to do what I wanted to do right now, but I got a DM and it says, can we talk about DL guys who want to be with my ass?

So now, so for people who don't know, is this this person? Yes, it is. So we'll get to the picture and we're going to show that in a second. So listen, he said he is a man and he said, can we talk about DL guys who want to be with my ass? Now, this is a man DL for those who don't know is down low, which means people who are outwardly straight. Oh, like still as they, as the terminology uses in the closet, right?

Gotcha. So dudes who are like, I'm straight, but then like want to fuck this guy, which is pretty common from doing other people's lives and, you know, so I hear apparently there's like some like pretty like high end, not high end, but like high profile political figures that are like this. Oh, yeah, they want to, yeah. They want to suck both. Just go for it, man.

Yeah. Do you think? Just go for it. So I went to his page and I saw this picture. I can't believe that. So this is the picture. I went, I took the liberty of blurring the tips of the dicks. Oh, at least, you know, you did that.

Yeah. And by the way, I got his consent to put this, you know, on the show. Yeah. I told him, I'm like, Hey, we got to talk about this. Okay. First question. How long did it take you to blur those tips? Not that long.

Really? There's a lot of tips there. There's tons of tips. There's tons of tips. There is, but you know, I, you know, I took, you know, I went out of my way, you know, I, and listen, I've examined that fucking body. Really? I haven't gotten the opportunity to examine it quite that much yet.

It looks good. So some of them are pretty good looking. I got to admit. Some of them have hair, some of them don't. I like the variety. I'm going to say that some of them are also coming and others aren't. So you know, there's a lot, there's also some veins in there. There's a lot of different ones.

I can't look away. Is that bad? No, I've been staring at it all morning to be honest with you. So we're, so like, I got this DM and I went to his page and I was like, Hey man, not, we're not going to talk about this on the podcast, but definitely want to show this picture and kind of talk about it because I'm like interested in what's going on here. Oh, and we haven't addressed the big elephant in the room. Tape over his eyes.

That says bitch boy. Oh yeah. Tape over his mouth. That says faggot. Right. So now I'm like, well, what's going on? Yeah, this is, there's a lot going on here. And I'm sure this is artsy.

Yeah. But I'm the type of person I don't necessarily like, you ever been on TikTok, which I don't have to, but I used to do this with Vine all the time. And I'd see Vines, you know, it was like the fucking like them dancing, like girls like dancing to like some stupid shit. Okay. My head immediately goes at this is so stupid, but someone prepared this and was like, I'm posting it because with this, this guy, right?

I mean, I didn't ask him this too because I like to assume and not know the facts. But there's no way you could do this by yourself without, unless you're the most talented man in the world. But he, you know, he got some help. I know he got some help. I mean, let's, let's start with a couple things first. The amount paint, bad paint, mad tape, a lot of tape. And it's not pictured here, but this picture was posted in the, in the middle of June.

Very hot. You're wearing a tape suit. Lot of sweat. Yeah. And if you're not careful, you go outside, that'll melt to your body. You're, you're wearing that forever. You're not, you're not, you're not going to be able to, that looks like Travis Barker's gay brother, Garth Barker, Garth, Garth Barker.

So he's, he sent me a video because like I was talking to him and I was just saying, like, look, like I want to show this picture on, on the show. And obviously it's a comedy show and like, you know, I'm, there's a message there and like, it's artsy. I get it. I, I know the message there, but I was like, we are going to say some things that are kind of funny because let's face it, you're wearing a duct tape suit covered. I hope he was like cool with it.

No, he was. He was, he was. Yeah. If he was like, no, I like, you know, I then, but he was like, he was really cool about it. But he sent me a message that I was like, I also need to read this on the show because it's crazy. Oh really? So, uh, you know what, let me just go to my DMs, uh, the basement yard DMs because

I don't want to mess up like, you want to get anything on the show at the basement yard on Instagram, DM, literally the most ridiculous shit you could think of. Right. So I, uh, you know, said to him, like I was writing out how like, if we're going to talk about it on the show, like we're going to make some jokes or whatever. We're not going to be mean obviously, like, you know, because there's funny, some of them are funny. Don't do this and expect everyone to be like, all right, I see the art.

No. And he said, listen, I'm one of, he's like, I'm the most self deprecating person. I really don't take stuff seriously. And then he's like, I had a friend draw a D's all over me in a bathroom stall. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't. Yeah. So they were in a bathroom stall.

I don't know if it was his bathroom store or a public rest. Well, who, who has a bathroom stall at their home? But maybe, maybe there's, you know, maybe this guy's loaded. No, no, no. If he is, I'll let him draw dicks on me, throw him on me while you're at it. No, nobody said, uh, I had a friend draw D's all over me in a bathroom stall because it might look degrading, but to me it's turning all of that into fuck you. I'm a faggot.

I love to get over it. So he's basically embracing the fact that like these are the things that people would say bad about him is like, they'll call him a faggot or like bitch boy. Hold on. Bitch boy is hilarious. I love bitch boy. Bitch boy is funny. Let's talk about it.

Bitch boy is great. I call my friends bitch boy sometimes. It's, it's, it's really good. I need to know what it means because like, it's just like a thing. I don't know. I think it's just people, but it's like, it's, it's cool what he's doing because he's like, I forgot who I sent this to. But I was like, yo, we're going to talk about this on the show.

And then someone's just like, how could you possibly hurt this guy's feelings? I'm like, you can't. You can't now. Yeah. I'm completely owning it. But here's the message that I really wanted to get to, right? After I had said like, I just want to make sure you're cool with it. I would never like say something and like, blah, blah, blah.

And he's like, this is what he wrote back, which I don't even know if he like really acknowledged what I just said. But he's like, when homophobes who are actually low key DL call me faggot, I love it. They just trying to turn me on. That's the, I haven't even got to the tip of the iceberg. I just wanted to stop there. Well, there's a lot of tips to get to the iceberg is probably one we should get to first. Blur it all.

That's the iceberg tip. So says that. And then he's like, um, call me, call me faggot on the street. I'll just start twerking. Oh, guys really into the degrading stuff. And we talked about this on Patreon. We had a fucking fetish bracket and degrading. It's in there.

It should have gone further. But also the fact that, you know, in marginalized communities and people that use their certain slurs or terminology that is used to degrade them, the antithesis of being able to degrade them is them taking that word and owning it themselves. So people in the gay community that can then sometimes a lot of other people don't like it, like, especially with like, you know, the N word, you know, they're like, well, if they say, why can't we say it? First of all, you're racist.

Shut the fuck up. Second of all, the fact that they're able to take ownership for that word and use it in a way that they can use as a sense of camaraderie is the antithesis of the word. Right. Frankie just really wanted to use the word and then it says, um, they really think they got me in a fetal position, sucking on my thumb. No, I won't be, but I could suck on an eggplant emoji. How about that?

Okay. Go on. Yep. Uh, but yeah, he said, thanks for seeing my Insta account and wanting to mention me on your podcast. Definitely repost you guys and also make sure you make it funny as fuck. So a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure now.

A lot of pressure now. I mean, that's, we need to, we needed, like you want to recreate this where I tape it onto you. No. Yes. Frank, I can't put that much tape on my body and I definitely can't put it on your because I know you've got a lot of hair and it's going to be painful taking it off. Waste up.

Not that hairy. Really? Yeah. Waste down. We have an issue. We got a problem. So what if you wore some tape pants? If you, all right, calling it now.

And what would, what would you write on it? All right. Go on. What do people call you? Fucking, uh, do you know? I would suck me God. He's like, I got so much. I got so much.

All right. Full, full transparency. I know we set a goal for 4000 patrons. Oh, oh God. If we get to 5000 patrons, I'll do an episode in a, in a tape, tape suit. Oh my God. I'll do it. It's so funny how the patron has just become this fucking.

It's level of how fucking tortured we could get. Dude, a tape suit would be impossible. Also, am I going to have to tape your stuff? I mean, I'll wear just like a really strong, really strong tape suit. I don't want like the tip of my cock up against fucking just raw tape. Yeah. That would be tough taking that off. Yeah.

Could you imagine? No, no, no. What if it like seals your pee-pee whole shut? And you can't pee. And you can't pee. If you got a piss with a, that's it. You know what? That's why you.

Also, is that tape? Or is that saran wrap? Either way, a lot of swag. It looks like that brown, like UPS tape, you know? What can brown do for you? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. What can brown do for you? Yeah. He taped up that package. Real tight. Yeah. 3M. This is, this should be like a fucking poster for 3M.

Also, all jokes aside. Yes. Like all jokes aside, whoever taped him up did an amazing job. There is not, there's not many folds. Like that's just that. Well, you know, he had to stay as fucking still as possible. I mean, where's he going? He's in a bathroom stall.

I'll be honest. The part of this that really makes me uncomfortable is like, you ever like put like something on your finger and it gets like all like fucking bloated? Yeah. This guy's, this guy's ready to pop. He's also, he's got it around his neck too. Can he breathe? First of all, he's clearly a fan of you with the haircut.

Second of all, this guy is probably so fucking hurt right now, dude. Oh man. Yeah. No, that's tough. That's a tough tape suit, man. It's big. It's big, big, tough tape. I gotta be honest.

If someone called me bitch boy, like, all right. Bitch boy is so funny, man. I don't see how that could be degrading in any way. I get like, you know, it's just so funny because of the levels here, you know, like for something that is like an artistic way of getting your message across here, I get faggot because people use that word. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

But I don't know if I'm just, you know, oblivious to this, but the word bitch boy, like, I don't want a hysterical. Like, I don't know. I don't know. That's just not one that I think of when people are like trying to make, like, gay people feel bad. Dude, I- Bitch boy.

Yeah. Like, it's just a funny combination of words. You could put the word boy after everything and it's hilarious. Yeah. You know, squirt boy. Drummer boy even is funny. Eagle boy. Like, it's all funny.

Eagle boy. What the fuck is that? You never know. But it could be- Eagle boy. Like, just the word boy just makes it all funnier. Yeah, it is. It is kind of funny.

So like, if someone called me bitch boy, it's kind of funny. You know what I mean? That's used all the time too. It is. It is. Fuck boy. You know, wet boy. Wet boy?

Yeah. You're a wet boy. That's not an expression. When I was a kid, I didn't know what this meant. You're a wet boy? No. I used to- I was a big rhymer when I was a kid. Loved rhymes.

Okay. I mean, I wish I had a seatbelt. We should get seatbelts for times like this. When I was a kid, I loved rhyming. I really did. And I had a lot of toys. So, I put signs on my front window and front door saying a boy toy lives here. I was like four.

You were four and you had a sign that said a boy toy lives here? I remember I stole like my grandmother's post-its and I would put loads of them on the front door and the window. He stole them. Post-its. You know, she used them. And I would put a boy toy lives here on all of them. So like-

I was a boy toy? I was the boy toy. But you're not a toy. But I was a boy that liked toys. So you were a boy toy? I was a boy toy. Now I know what that means. A boy toy.

Can you imagine if they had opened and it was like my dad and me like hanging out. Called child services right now. Dude, child services are almost called in my house. Fun fact. Wait, what? Yeah. Wait, from outside. So we used to have- remember computer rooms?

Yeah. Yeah. Remember fax machines when they were like in houses? Love it. You know? Loud things. In our computer room we had a fax machine that had a phone on it and I remember that I was not home when this happened.

I learned about it afterward but my brothers picked up the phone and somehow- they were like four or five. Somehow called 911. And the cops showed up to our house and my mom forgot that I was at our friend's house. So she was like, all right miss, how many kids are in the house? And she's like, oh there's four because it's myself, my two brothers and my sister. She forgot I was not there. So they're looking around and they're like-

For this missing child, number four is not here. Number four. Ma'am, where is the fourth child? And my mom was like, oh my god, oh wait, no he's not here. And like they almost called like DCS on my mom. That's fire dude. They thought she was hiding. Yeah.

Wouldn't you? Did they like rip your house to shreds? Like break down the walls? I think they didn't break down the walls. It could be like an Edgar Allen poll situation. Poll. Who's that? You know, he's a guy.

And what did they- Edgar Allen poll situation. Didn't he like have a person in a wall or something in one of those poems or some shit? Oh maybe, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not a big, you know, I'm not a fucking- Not a big poll guy. Not a big poll guy.

Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, this guy, I have a lot of- like I wish we could call him right now. Well, we could get him on the phone eventually if everyone wants to get him on the phone. Maybe we'll do it for a Patreon. We'll call him up. Just so I, if you guys want, like that's his Instagram is on there, obviously. First of all, his profile picture is bear back in it too, if you see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That, I think that's- Well bear back. I think that's a gay term. It is. I think that's a good gay term. No, no, I think it's just a porn term where it's just like no condoms. Just like bear back, bear cock. I think now you gotta Google it.

Yeah, no. Well, I'm not. I told you. I just like saying stuff. You're like a lot of people in the United States. I don't know if you know that. Oh, politics. No, but he saw another message I got from him.

I said, you're the man, I will read that last message on the show. How do you pronounce your name? This is what I got. My instant name is pronounced Erestes Eromenos, right? It's kinda hot. But it's like, obviously it's- Erestes Eromeno. Yeah.

And he's like, the next part of it was, and my stripper name is Elliot Miguel, but I'm not a stripper. Oh. I should be though. Yeah. Well, then why have the name? Elliot and Miguel. I've got a stripper name.

What's your stripper name? I haven't even given it any thought. You gotta give yourself one now. Jackson, fuck. I like that. I like that. Jackson with an X? Fucks.

With two Xs. Two Xs. Fucks. I like that. I'd be Hendricks Slote. Slote. What is Slote? I don't know.

That's the first two names I thought of. I was listening to Jimmy on the way. Damn, Hendricks Slote. Slote. Yeah, it kinda sounds gross. It's a little, like, you almost get- it's bubbly. You almost get, like, gaggy when you fucking say it. That's a good one, right?

It's pretty good. You know, it's not bad. It's pretty nice. I did pretty good. Yeah, yeah. What was yours again? Jackson, fucks. Yeah.

F-U-X-X? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. That's pretty good. Jackson, fucks. And who was it? Hendricks Slote. And Elliot Miguel.

And Elliot Miguel. I would be a good one. Elliot Miguel sounds like a journalist name now. Would you be a good stripper? Dude, no. Really? Not good. I fear that I would.

I don't think my butt's nice. Let's see. I'm not gonna fan out my butt right now. Please? No. It's not gay if I'm asking you to see your butt, right? I'm not worried about it being gay. I'm worried about my bare asshole being on this fucking show.

Oh, but you'll let me be in a tape suit? Yeah! And underpay me? Dude, we're gonna tape suit you. If we get to 5,000, why do you say it like that? I don't know. We're gonna tape suit you. Yeah, I mean, it was my Irish.

Yeah. If we get to 5,000. Okay. By the end of the year. Right, right, right. Dude, we just get to 5,000 immediately, please. I'm gonna tape Frankie up and I'll draw whatever I want on you. If I put a penis on you, I got a bullet tip.

How will I sit? You'll have to put space in between the tapes. You know what? I won't. I'll just do like from up. I don't think I'll be able to sit. I'm not fucking around. We won't tape your whole body.

I'll tape you from the waist up. Oh, okay. You're gonna need a lot of tape. I'm gonna need a scissor too to get you out. Oh, that's scary. Yeah, I have to tape you all over your neck. I might be able to, you know, I might be jacked enough where I can just fucking rip myself out of there. You're not, dude.

How much you want to bet? Now I'm gonna do push-ups. That'll do it. I'll just do push-ups. I was looking for a reason to get in shape. Yeah. Now I have one. Honey, I have to get in shape.

I'm getting a fucking tape-duck suit. It's so funny because after we record, I get home. Tape-duck suit, I just said. It's okay. After we get home, after I get home, Becca's like, oh, how'd the episode go? Like, what do you guys talk about? Where do I begin with this? Where do I go?

And it's only like, we're not even halfway through. Not even a quarter to way through. Also, now that I just looked on my arm, so I ordered this from a brand. I'm not gonna say their name because they're not friends of the show. We're capitalists and we're exactly... We're capitalists and we only do things for money and we sold our soul years ago. Of course. But no.

So it's like, I'm assuming like a stoner brand, right? So everything is kind of based around like... No, not like lighters and shit or like rolling papers. So it's like a little pocket here because when I ordered it, I ordered a shirt and then this. Which are these, they make nice shit. It looks really nice. No, so it's dope. But some of their stuff, you can tell it's like...

Stoner based. First, weed socks. Yeah, like shit like that. So when I ordered it, it came with three lighters. That's that high lighter, but high like... Oh, fuck. Yeah. And then a pack of rolling papers.

So I have those. Oh, I mean, just, I don't know what you use them for. Just roll the fuck up, something. Coffee beans. Just get fucking mad energy for the dog. Do it, dog. Yeah, smoke some coffee. What happened?

Do you remember when we gave our friend oregano in computer paper and told him it was weed? I know it all too well. Good times. Good times. It's just a good time. Very dangerous not to think about it. That's a sore throat waiting to happen. Is it? Dude, oregano will fucking burn you.

I think. No, that's probably just... Dude, oregano is kind of like, you know, if you get it like oregano caught in the back of your throat, you're like... Well, that's just because something's in the back of your throat. Well, no, I mean, it's got a little bit of like a little thing to it, you know? That's, you're white. It's not spicy, if that's what you're saying.

I'm not saying it's spicy. You don't do well with spicy food. No, no, on the way in, totally fine. Way out, we got a big issue. You got a big, you got a big... If I had chipotle mayo, which is like not spicy, it's like, you know, a nice little thing. Really? Man, do they turn up the heat in here.

Do they? You know what I mean? Really? Yeah, something goes in at 100 Scoville, comes out at 100 million Scoville. Oh. So it comes out way hotter than it goes in. So it's just your pain. Are you a bowl grabber?

Are you want to go? No, I don't grab the bowl. What the hell? There are people that have to grab the bowl. They grab the toilet? Where's it going? Have you ever like lost your breath? Shitting?

Yeah. Yeah. Really? Dude. Oh man, there was, it was years ago, years ago, years ago. There was something wrong with my stomach and I was like... No, I didn't like lose, I'm saying I lose my breath because I've been pushing for so long. It's like I'm giving birth.

Oh, you're going to give yourself some hemorrhoids, dude. Well, I'm not saying I'm pushing that hard. I'm just saying sometimes you like hold your breath and give it like a little push and then you don't realize you're not breathing and then you're like... Really? I'm going to take a... Oh, I'm saying like this, just passing whatever you're passing takes the breath out of you. No, no, no, no.

Well, sometimes when I had a fucking food poisoning, I thought I had like a bowel obstruction because I was like, I got a shit, but I can't. So I was, I was, that day was pretty bad. I could have, I could have hemorrhoided, but I didn't. Is that a verb? It's not. I mean, it could, whatever. Hemorrhoid?

I could have hemorrhoid myself. You could have hemorrhoid yourself? Yeah. You were watching like the fucking football? Yeah, yeah. And Miles Sanders fumbled and I was like, and I just go... It was just funny. I go, oh God, Miles Sanders just fumbled.

I was fucking dying, dude. You were hurting from the other night. Fumbled. That's what it was. Yeah. Yeah. I was fucked up the other night. Yeah, that's all right.

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I thought you were going to do some wrestling entrance shit. No. Man, I don't know. I thought you were going to do something cool. No, dude. You just didn't. You just don't do anything cool. No, no, no.

It's fine. It's cool. It's cool, dude. It's cool. You're just a cool kid, man. Yeah, just cool. Cool. You remember when that geek that I went to middle school with, he came up to us when

you picked me up from school one day in middle school, he was like, hey, man, I rearranged the letters in our school name, and it's the bar for cool cats. He came up to me and said this? He came up to us. I don't remember that. You don't remember that? I remember the bar for cool cats. Yeah, this fucking loser.

Also, a bar for cool cats doesn't sound all that great. No, it doesn't. I hate cats. Oh, I love cats. You love cats? I love cats, dude. More than dogs? No, I never said that.

Okay. Why does it have to be a competition? Because they are. No, they're not. They are in direct competition. You could love both things just as much. I love both things just as much. Ew!

Oh my God, it scared the fuck. Sorry. A nice cat, dude. It's so cute because it's just like, you know. Wow, dude, that was a really good impression of a cat. That was, right? Yeah, it was fucking sick. What the fuck is that?

That's not a thing. I was trying to do that. I think it is. You tried. I heard it in Tom and Jerry. Like the, remember the opening to Tom and Jerry? Dude, I don't know what you're doing. I used to love Tom and Jerry, but what a problematic show that is, huh?

Dude, Jerry, do you know what the original ending to that show was? No. So it like aired once and then they pulled it. It was like they commit suicide. Dude. Dude, this little mouse and this little fucking dude just killed themselves. How would that fix anything? I don't know.

But apparently it did. I'm shocked at fucking... Wait, how many episodes? The first episode they killed all the two characters? No, no, it was like the very end of the series. Like the original run, they just fucking popped themselves in the chin. With guns? They might have.

It might have been another way of killing themselves. I'll have to look it up, but I know they did. Like these, these cartoon, yo, these cartoon shows that we like as kids, they were a little fucked up. Yeah. I used to love Tom and Jerry. Me too. But you know what's crazy?

So like I feel like people have like worries about shit like that, that just like don't really register. You know what I'm saying? Cause like I feel like people have this worry that like if we put something out like that right now, then kids are going to assume that, you know, animals are violent and that, you know, they hate each other and like that's why we shouldn't have put stuff and it's like that. But no.

Like I don't believe that. Yeah. No. I was watching Tom and Jerry. This fucking cat, all it tried to do was kill this fucking mouse. And all this mouse did was fuck up this cat, light him on fire. Dude, this cat got the fucking piss beat out of it. Let me tell you.

Dude, hit it with a giant hammer. Frying pan. Fucking lit it on fire and shit. Yeah. No, I, well, there were other things like, is there a word that we're going to like try to like recreate it? And I'll be honest, some of the shit that Tom and Jerry did, I kind of want it to recreate. Look pretty cool.

No. The only thing ever I would agree that people when parents were like, this is too much would be jackass because everyone tried to recreate that. And we did. And we did. We did hard. We would just go out and throw each other off of shit. We used to go around our neighborhood and just if we found something we could throw

each other through, we would just take it. Yeah. We would just, yeah. And then do you remember when we did the thing with me crossing the street on crutches? Yeah. Oh my God. So we, I lived at an intersection. I lived at an intersection and pretty busy, busy intersection, right?

So we waited until it was a red light and a car just pulled up and then we had Frankie walk by on crutches like he was hurt. And then we had Keith run right by him and kick one of the crutches out. People don't know this about Keith. Psycho. Dude, this kid was a fucking lightning bolt. He was a daredevil. This kid was a psycho.

Like the reason he has such a short fuse now is because his brain is probably mushed from all the shit he used to do. Dude, he was just, and he was down for, we're like, yo, we should do this. And he'd be like, yep. And I was like, fuck no. Dude, you did. That's the thing. It was me and Keith that did this stuff.

You always videotape. Yeah. Look at how that worked. Look at how that worked. I'm still exploiting my friends. Yes. So, but like Keith literally would sprint, book it, and he'd be like, yo, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hit you.

And I'll be like, all right, yo, just hit me. This kid would hit you so fucking hard. I'll never forget. He took that crutch out from under me and beat the living shit out of me with it. Yeah. He like kicked that one out. Frankie went down and then he picked up a crutch and like hit him a few times and the people in cars are like honking like, what the fuck's going on?

There was like five cars backed up. Yeah. And then Keith just ran into the night. Yeah. Because that was down by like the, like it was like abandoned like warehouses and shit. Right. And Keith took off and let me tell you something right now. If you didn't have a car, you weren't catching Keith.

Can't catch Keith. You were not. Unless you were riding a cheetah, you're probably not gonna see him again. Literally. You know? There was no way this kid, and on top of just also being fast, very evasive. Yeah. Like he was fast and then boom, boom, boom, boom.

Yeah. He was like fucking backyard. Right. Before you can even think about it. It's like a squirrel. This kid was the squirreliest little bitch. He's a squirrely little bitch. And you'd never realize it.

Little bitch boy. Little bitch boy, Keith. Just a squirrely little bitch boy. And you look at him and he had those dark Ray Charles glasses and you wouldn't even fucking think about it. Right. Yeah. The ones that would like turn into sunglasses if the sun hit him, but his would be dark

at night and he'd be confused. Yeah. And then he broke his neck and it all went downhill from there. And then, you know, hey man, sometimes you break your neck, you take it easy. You know? The story of Icarus. You're the sun and you'll get burned. You get burned.

You burn your wings. You know what I mean? And that's what happened. But yeah. We definitely tried recreating Jackass. Yeah. And there was another time specifically where we're like, oh, this would be funny. And it was like the best video we've ever created probably still to this day.

Dropkick? Yeah. So Frankie, we took my mom's garbage can and we took the garbage out of it. And let me tell you, didn't clean it. Didn't clean it. I remember. I wasn't even a thought to clean it. There was day that inside there was like this white spongy shit.

Yeah. Yeah. And it was fucking gross. Yep. And it was like in my teeth basically. But it was less important than getting the shot. Oh yeah. Of course.

It's all about art. So Frankie puts it on his head and he, we even did like the Jackass intros, was like, you know, welcome back to whatever the fuck, the 40 history files, and this is the dropkick. And then you put it over your head and Keith ran from the other side of the yard and literally both legs in the air bang and kicked Frankie in the face basically through this garbage can. Dude, I'm flying. I was on another planet by the end of it.

I don't know how you ended up doing that. The most impressive part of it was how high Keith got up because I was, I was, this was like a post, this was like in the middle of my growth spurt. So I was taller than both of you guys at this point. And he kicked me so fucking hard. And like, I was expecting it like in like the chest because the garbage can came down to like here. And I remember I was expecting it here, but he kicked me literally like both his feet

fucking like made up perfect. It was perfect. Dude, I actually have the, I still have the camcorder. We need to, do you have the tapes? I have the tapes. We need to play it. I need to find it. Cause if I could put it in this episode, first of all, I haven't seen that video.

We haven't. Do you remember any of these? I'm terrified to see that. Holy shit. Terrified to see that. Cause we had that stuff, but we also had us wrestling for a fucking hour. So many wrestling matches. A lot of wrestling.

And so many like little skits. The first videos I ever made, I will say, I will say the best one that we ever did was lost to time and that was the hide and seek. Lost to all. Oh yeah. That was the best one. It was fucking hysterical. It was.

It was a very quick thing. It was still funny though, but I like, I'm afraid cause like you get like embarrassment. Like we would just sit there and sing bread and butter. Yeah. Do you remember that? I do. We bit like a spicy pepper. It was like a gardenia pepper.

Wasn't that even that spicy? Oh my God. Do you remember when, cause we would, we would make these videos and then our friends would come over and they'd be like, just seeing like a camcorder would make people be like, oh yeah, I'm down. Like this is cool. You know? I remember one of our friends, Danny, came over and I know exactly where this is going.

He just whipped him with a belt. We had that was the video. The video was, he was like, yo, I'm so fucking down. We went in the middle of the street down by like the abandoned buildings and I had my baseball belt cause it was when I was playing like fall ball and the tip of a base, the baseball belt is basically elastic and then the tip was cork. Yeah. Fucking hurt you.

It was shaped. It was phallic. It was like a pee pee. It was like Mr. Alastoromos or whatever his fucking elastic Romo and we whipped the fuck out of this kid. Yeah. He had like a big welt of like a dick shaped thing on it. And I remember because we would never curse in our videos because we would show our, we

would show your parents and in this one he was letting them fly. Dude. Oh my God. I forgot about that. Yeah. That we wouldn't curse in the videos because we showed, I would show my mom and I was so proud. Yeah.

Like what the fuck are you doing? We did some stupid shit. I would love to see him but I don't know if I can handle it. I definitely need to figure out how I can turn cassette tapes. There's a way. There's a hundred. No, there is a way. I know there's a way.

I just haven't like looked into it but now that I have the pressure of recording this like I have like a week I guess to extract that footage. Just, just be careful what you put out there. Yeah. Just be careful. Do you remember we did one? Where you guys held my legs open and someone keep drop kicked me in the dick. Yep.

That was in my mom's front yard. Nothing in this world. I am shocked that I'm having a child because nothing has taken more abuse than my balls and dick. Dude, we used to fucking like a beanbag like just fucking dick-a-dick-a-dick-a-dick-a-dick-a-dick-a-dick. Yeah. Used to beat up my dick and balls. Yeah.

You used to beat my dick so fucking hard back in the day. Go easy. Oh, it didn't really happen that often. Jesus Christ. You used to fucking beat my dick. You know what I'm talking about. No, I know. We, but there would be so, there would be stupid fucking videos we made.

I remember one time. We didn't even know we were going to get to here. Cause we, yeah we didn't. When I, before I hit puberty I was able to make this fucking screeching loud noise. And it was so loud. It was like a fucking eagle basically. And on top of that you were using your brother's beer bong. It was a beer bong and my brother had.

And I would scream into it. And then we decided like, yo, we're going to do a fucking- It was like a nature video. Like a discovery channel type of video where Frankie was going to put on an accent and be like, we got croaky. We got an animal. I forgot the name of it, but then he like found me and I was screaming at him dude. It was so fucking stupid.

Dude, but it's so fucking funny, but it's so dumb. God almighty. What a time in our lives that was. We did American Idol. We did. We held a picture. We drew the American Idol. Drew it.

It was bad. We drew the American Idol logo and just held it in front of a camera. And then Frankie's sick. I remember that. And I was Simon. I was Paula. And I was, I want to cut out the Randy impression probably. Why?

You put like dog. Yo dog. Listen, man. It wasn't for me. Yeah. Yeah. No, that shit was fucking funny, man. I remember we did, uh, we did, um, we did like a, we did a Wizard of Oz thing and then

at the end we did the like, it was like, coming soon, coming soon. And it was like the gay lion king. It was so fucking stupid. I remember that the gay lion king and you. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Simba Roy.

Oh yeah. That's basically what it was. Tone deaf. Let's be honest. Also with the Wizard of Oz video. So like you were able to get an eye movie. Uh, actually no, I couldn't use eye movie. It was just how we shot it.

Yeah. Was how it came out. Yeah. I'm, I'm bugging. No, but I meant like, so obviously in the Wizard of Oz, there was like a tornado that like shakes up the house or whatever. So to film that, I lived near a factory that had a smokestack. So I just zoomed in on it as far as I could and was shaking the camera.

I'm going. Like it was the fucking tornado and shaking the camera like, dude, we're fucking idiots. We were. Do you remember when you smacked me in the stomach with a fucking, with a, with a broom handle? Big time. Yeah. Dude, that left the, that's the, I think the wildest wealth I had ever gotten because

you unloaded on me. Was it me or I thought it was Keith. It might have been Keith. He was taking out some. Yeah. He was doing stuff. He might have. He might have.

I was making fun of his hair, his jacket. He might have fucking hit me real hard. Oh man. Keith used to have this fucking jacket when we were younger that literally wouldn't fit me if I was on Frankie's shoulder today. Dude, it was a big jacket. No, this thing, I kid you. I like it.

It's warm. Had 17 pockets and they were all hidden four feet deep and they were all like, it's like you had a pocket here and a pocket here and then pockets here and then you unvelcro and then two more fucking pockets under. Yeah. Literally that's the, the pocket like blueprint to this jacket. Yeah. And it literally went from his shoulders where a jacket starts to the floor.

His ankles. It was like a, it was like a trench coat, but it wasn't. It was, it was literally like how you said, like, like in movies, like a little rascal like they get on each other's shoulders and they're like walking like left and right. That's what he looked like. Exactly what he fucking looked like. And one of the pockets was filled to the absolute brim. So many mints with life saver, life saver mints.

The pepper. Winter green. The winter green. First of all, those things are crack. We know that. I can't have one. I need 100. You have to have a fucking fortnight's worth.

If you have one, you eat 100 and then you have diarrhea. Yeah. First, you know. You have diadoodles. You have the cha-cha-cha. You have cha-cha-cha. Yeah. This kid used to come out of the store because this, this is when he was working, I believe

at a liquor store. Yes. And he was one of the only one who had money. No one, no one had money. Right. I think I had a job for like four months, but it was for like from like August until October, which is not four months, but he like kept a job for a while. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He had money. He would go in and he would drop like $18 on candy and that's what I did in his jacket. That's when $18 worth of candy is a little ton of candy. Dude, this kid, I'm shocked he doesn't have diabetes. He's still like that to this day where it's like, you know, like if you're at my house on a Sunday and you're just like, oh man, I would love like a piece of like big red

gum right now. He would go to the store and come back with 40 packs of big red gum. There is no one. He's hopeless. No, he is. He would drive from that's the part that's fucking drive me over there. It's like, I literally don't want gum that bad, but he'll fucking, by the way, I had a piece of big red gum.

My God, that tasted like 2002. Does it? It does. It brings you back. I had a, where? I forgot. It's like a gum time machine. I think around like Easter, they still do bubble tape of juicy fruit.

And I was so ready to go back and just absolutely bump D4L in my car by myself while chewing it. It's a giant juicy fruit guy. That's a fat and gay joke. Fuck you. All right. We're talking about with, you know, El Rosa, El Rosimos, bitch boy over there. Yeah.

No. Yeah. So funny how that picture is put in the back. The whole time. I just haven't blown up on my inspiration when I'm getting upset. I look at it and I'm like, I can still do this. I can still do it. Life can get worse.

Before I was like, God, it's getting hot in here. I was like, it's probably way hotter in that tape suit though. 100%. And all the heat is coming from that because not only do you have that awesome picture up, but the sun is like beaming down on it right now. It's beautiful right now. It's nice. It's illuminated.

It's amazing. It's nice. But yeah, man, this, we lived some life back in the day. Damn. I do it all over again. Oh, 100%. Dude, if you could, if you can give up five years of your life to go and live one whole year of your life at any other age, would you do it?

Oh my God. That's a tough question. It depends how long I've lived. Five is a long time, two years. It depends how old I get could be. I'm saying you can be any age. No, I'm talking about when I die. Oh, I'm saying like just like right now, like you'll miss 29 and 30.

And you'll be, you know. No, no, no. If anything, I would give up like a fucking like if I, if I lived to like 88, I'd be like, all right, I'll give up 88. Yeah. 86, 88. Potato potato at that point. I'll give it past 80.

How's money? How you doing? You know what I'm saying? Like whatever. Like we're good. At that point, I'll be doing other people's favors. Yeah. Basically, it'll be a lot easier on everyone else.

But no, I wouldn't give up like an age now. Fuck no. Oh. Yeah. No, no, not with a family now. I can't, but like fucking like, yeah, you're saying like 86. Oh my God. Take it.

You can take it. Take a year anyways. I probably wouldn't even know you took it. Yeah. I feel like at that point, I'll be so senile, it'll just be like, you know, I can't wait to ham. I'm going to be so good at being old and angry. Like I'm going to be, I'm going to excel at that.

Well, you're Italian and Irish, so you're already doing a great job. I already, there's a, there's a, you're already angry as it is. That's what I'm saying. There's a lot of stuff in here that's coming out when you're old. Yeah. Back when I was younger. But see, see you're fucked because you've been hotter than me since fourth grade. Before that, I was a little, I was a little cuter than you.

Okay. I wasn't. What the fuck are you talking about? But like a Spanish man. Oh, an age way better. I'm going to be a fine wine by the time I'm 60. You know what you're going to look like? Like a potato that was like, you're going to look like such a piece of dumpster shit.

You know that you're going to look so bad. I'm going to be out there crushing salt and pepper here. Oh yeah. It was like a nice tango. And you're going to look like shit, dude. Yeah. Me. It's funny because the ugliest one of our friends, me and Marco are going to grow up

to be. They're going to grow up to be the best looking. Everyone says, why? Because you guys are Spanish. I agree. And Marco and I have spoken about this. We believe each other are the best looking of all of our friends. Right.

Because we're the most well rounded. You know, you, you're hot. That's it. I don't think I'm hot. I think I'm more like, dude, fuck you. You know you're hot. Am I hot or cute? You're hot.

Really? Yeah, you're hot. I don't know if I want that. I see. I'm more of the, you're more of the. No, you're an attractive guy. I never said I'm not attractive. Don't ever get me fucking confused.

I think you could be hot. I think you, I think we're to fade. Could be? I think you could be hot. Like a fade. I have a fade. Yeah. Well, it's fading.

My fate is fading. No, like the, when that day, remember I texted you, I was like, yo, it looks good. You did say that. Because it does. Thank you. You know, it does something. When you just like, because you don't care. I don't.

You let your facial hair just grow like you're like, oh dude, it looks like I've been doing research in a cave. Awesome. Yeah. Not good research. Bad research. Oh, like, I don't know what that means. Yeah.

Excuse me. And then your hair is just like ridiculous. I mean, I, I think that, you know, I'm in a, I'm in a very comfortable place. I have a, I have a partner. No one's family on the way. That doesn't mean you don't take care of the way you look. But like, I don't, I can't get better of a thing. You know?

I, what does it take? Two seconds to fucking get a fade? I'm not telling, it's not even about the fade. Put it like this. Do you want to know something 100% serious? Mm-hmm. Ten years, I have paid for a haircut four times. I will not fucking pay for haircuts.

I think it is so stupid. Did you pay for that fade? I did. Yeah, I did. It's nice. I paid off. I paid off. It came out nice.

It came out great. It came out good. It came out great. But like these people that get fades, like Joey. I don't get fades like crazy. Joey? You get a haircut every three weeks. Yeah.

Probably, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot. That's a lot. I have a short hairstyle. Yeah. If you don't mind me asking, how much is your haircut?

All in all. It's a pretty penny. $50? No. $60? Joey? An expensive haircut. Joey?

$70. No. I could be less. You don't know. Look me in the eyes and tell me it's less. I don't want to look at you. Why would I look at you? $70?

Are you crying? Did you just yawn? $70? No, it's like $80. I just got pumped because I paid off a credit card and saved myself $100 a month and you're just throwing away $200 basically for fucking haircuts? $200. Times two.

What is it? Where are you getting to? You said you get it every three weeks. There's four weeks in a month. So you get one on the first of the month, you get one at the end of the month. That's two in a month. Well, yeah. Every other month.

Okay. Dude, I can't fucking believe this. Why? It's very hot in here right now. I need water. It's not that fucking crazy. You know what else? Because here's the thing, right?

What? Because I didn't pay for a haircut for years because Thomas cut my hair for years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I saved all the money there. Also, not to mention. We get it. I don't... $60 million revenue last year.

I don't... I don't buy a lot of shit. What do I buy? That sweatshirt. I buy the sweatshirt. Yeah. I buy... That thing on your wrist.

I do. What about shoes? The things that I have I buy, Frank. Congratulations. What do you think? Do you think I made them? People are making their own shit? Yeah.

The things that I have. What about these lights? What do you care? Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. I don't really buy shit that often. I don't either. Yeah, but what I'm saying is, if you want to offset my haircut with your fucking Pokemon collection.

I have not enough Pokemon. That's what I'm saying. Okay, listen. Ebay's getting your money. My barber's getting mine. My Koi collection has made a bit of an uptick as a blade. Okay? It has.

But... Ebay, these kids over here watching 30 different things. It doesn't mean I'm buying them all. You're bidding. I lose on some. You're bidding. I lose on a lot. But you could be winning.

But I'm not. And actually, fuck, I... Fuck, I got some stuff in a cart right now that I need to buy. Listen. Frankie's gonna buy a house soon. But I'm making vass, man. Frankie's gonna buy a house soon. That has an extra bedroom to put his collection.

You know what's the most fucked up part of that sentence? A thousand percent sure. I... I... The words came out of my mouth last night. Rebecca, we really should get a four bedroom. Because... I need a playroom.

I need a toy room. Yeah, you could put like the streaming set up in there and then surround it. And then surround it by toys. Yeah. So I've never... But I've never bought this stuff for myself in my life. I make a $60 purchase and I'm thinking about it for weeks because I'm fucking pissed off. You know what I mean?

Let me live. I'm happy right now. I'm comfortable. Well, here's the thing. If we can get 5,000 patrons, you could buy way more toys. We get to see you in a duct tape suit. Dude, could you... So full transparency, Joe gives me 0.5 percent.

Half of 1 percent. Dude. Of the $500 billion I made last year. See, I'm smart. Okay? Mm-hmm. Wait, you mean 500 million last year? I said 500 billion.

Billion? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty impressive. So 0.5 of that, that's a lot of money. 0.05 of that is a lot of money. Point, yeah. I'll take 0.5 of that. Absolutely.

I'll tell you this. Mm-hmm. I just lost my chance. It's gone. It's gone. You earned 500 billion. He was like, wait, what's going on? Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I did, you know.

All of my purchases are investments. Because... You're never selling. If I ever sell them. Pretty penny. Yeah. You know? The same argument people make when they buy, like, watches.

Like, you buy a watch. No, no, no. That's stupid. That depreciates. No, they don't. Not all of them. They appreciate. What kind don't, Joey?

Rolexes. I'm not wearing it. No, I'm not. Okay, all right. I do have a Rolex. I bought that with the intention of like, I'm not going to justify it, but being like, hey, this appreciates. So if I need to sell it, I'll make money off of it.

All jokes aside. You're never going to sell that. All jokes aside, do your thing. You had a great year last year. You bought yourself four Rolexes. I am so proud of you. I have one. I'm so proud of you.

Four Rolexes? No, but like, that's the way that I do justify it in my head. That is the way I justify it in my head. What? I'll literally say like, all right, this fucking, you know, there's a lot of Power Rangers toys from 1994. If I'm spending hypothetically $267 and 30 cents on it, and think about where it's going to be in another 20 years.

You know what I mean? Yeah. In your fucking room. Yeah. But if I die and my family are ever pieces of shit and get rid of them, because let me make that very clear. Family, I know you're listening. Get rid of my shit.

I'll haunt you. Hard. Your daughter's going to be born in black. Oh, this stuff is gay. Dude. I'll be so mad. This is so funny. I will be so mad.

But what I'm saying is like, I've already seen some of the stuff that I've bought. Dude, two years ago, I bought a copy of Mario 64 in box pristine condition for $40. I don't know the market. It's at like 120 right now, Joey. Two years. You know what you could do if you sell that? Get a haircut. Why don't you pay me more, you son of a, you sick son of a bitch.

Only no 5%. Yeah, it was funny because when I sent my resume into Joey, he remembered my last name was Alvarez and he offered me less money. Wow. All right. This is getting too real. Yeah. Too real.

I'm sorry. Joke. I had to. I had to do that. Literally, you've been more than generous and kind in the way that you've helped me in my family. If I hired another white person, then people would be looking at me weird. Yeah.

Let's be honest. You need some diversity. You got me. You got that kid from fucking Chile or whatever he's from. Argentina. That one. I didn't even think about it. I forgot him.

You got me. And that's it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Josh? Josh is very white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wears white beaters as a shirt. He's white.

Let's be honest. Yeah, he loves camel hats. Oh, he does. Yeah. He does. And really likes Muay Thai. Yeah. You know what?

That actually might be the Spanish part of him because the Hispanics like to fight Frankie said that. This is capoeira right here. I can say it because I'm Colombian. Oh, yeah. I'm Colombian. Yeah. James?

James. Yeah. Oh. Yes. Yes. Oh fuck. Can you do an Irish accent? Hey man, I can't do any accents.

Any? No. If I give you one right now, you'll feel hard. Yep. Okay. Give me an Irish. Did you not just hear what I just said? Like you won't even try?

No. Australian. Even, I wish I could, but I can't. That'd be hard. That was Boston. What was that? That was Boston. That'd be hard.

Remember that video with that girl? Where they're like, it's like dude, you're making an accent? And she's just like, my leg, my leg, my... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do any whatsoever. No, man. Like not even try. I wish I could, man, because I watched, you know, it's a really good episode of comedians

and cars getting coffee. I watched Jamie Foxx's and he's doing accents the entire time. Really? He's crushing them. He's amazing. I love Jamie Foxx. I wish I could, like I can do like small little snippets, but like if you ask me to start talking like someone for a while, it'll like go all over the place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not very good. Anyway, that's all for this week's episode. We're gonna wrap this up, guys. Where are we? We're over an hour. I'm gonna get a big plant here.

Ooh. You want a plant? Fuck, I knew I forgot something. You brought me a plant? I got a plant for you. Is it big? No. But it will get...

Huge. Really? It's gonna get big. It's gonna be the biggest. It's gonna be like this big. It's gonna get bigger. And then if you keep it well, it'll become huge. See, the thing with plants is they start off small and then get big.

I love plants. I have plants. My daughter, she's a plant. She's a plant. Think about humans. I've seen him. Humans are like plants. I watered him.

I watered my wife. And now he's huge. My wife, I watered her. It's shiny. It gets sunlight. FAlvors8085 on Twitter and on Twitch. The Frank Alvors on Instagram. And then coming out with me, like I said, on Twitch.

Fun time. Fun times. Fun time. Speaking of which, I'm trying to play some games of videos today. Oh, I'll be on. I'm streaming tonight. I stream... For those of you guys that don't know, these come out on Mondays.

Monday nights, I stream normally. 8.45 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time. You say Eastern Daylight? I believe that's what it is now. Because I would say Eastern Savings, but I believe it's Eastern Daylight now. I don't know. I've been keeping up on the time zones names. Yeah.

I don't know. But anyway, yeah. Just want to give a quick shout out to our patients again. Patreon.com slash TheBaseMeYard to sign up. And you get an extra episode of TheBaseMeYard every single week. As well as promo codes for merchants, stuff like that. There's new merch coming. It actually might even be out by the time that this airs.

So check that out. TheSanagalaStore.com. And go follow us on Instagram at TheBaseMeYard. And that is all. See you guys next time.