The Basement Yard - #264 - A Presidential Case Of COVID

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

Trump has COVID. Will he live? What is going on? Why does Frankie hate Root Beer? No one knows the answer to any of these questions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. How's everyone doing? Frank? How are you going? What are you doing? Are you supposed to be like a spider or something? You know I was going for a spider. A Latino spider? I was going for a d-d-spider. Is there a difference between Latino and Hispanic? No, right? Ah, you're asking the wrong person?

I'm asking the right person. I don't know, I think Latin X is now a thing too. What's that? It's like you don't call someone- Whoa, is that something like magic? No, that sounds like it is though, right? Yeah, no, it's like now like people don't want to be Latinos or Latinas. They want to be Latinx.

Yeah, they want to be, you know, like a separate classification. Latinx? No, there's no A in there. Like in that show Dave, he calls it latinx. Oh, yeah. So it's just, I guess it's a gender-neutral way to refer to, you know, people in the Latin American, you know, heritage. I was just wondering if there was like a- Yeah, you were, you know, you were asking the right person.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, no, yeah, because his sp- wait, never mind, I don't know, this is gonna sound super dumb. It's, I'll be honest with you, it's even confusing for me because Spanish is from Spain, but- You wouldn't call like a Mexican person Spanish. But they speak Spanish. It's honestly, it's a difficult like classification for me. It's all mixed up. Like you can just call them like where they're from, you know what I mean? Or just, hey, person.

Yeah, yeah, name. You know, I'm not identified by my, my father's nationality because realistically, like, I was born in America. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So technically I'm American. You got nothing going on. Yeah, nothing. Me neither. Me neither.

I'm just a white piece of shit. Yes, you are. With no culture. I've said that for a while. I don't know. I don't have anything that like, people are like, oh, you're Italian? I'm like, yeah, but no. You don't, you are the most-

I got nothing. Americanized person. Like, you like really like eat anything. I literally have no tradition. You don't, yeah, you don't have tradition. I have nothing. You need to start making traditions, you know? I need to, I feel like I, I haven't even like, you know, flown a flag of mine or like, you know-

You don't have a flag. Like when the World Cup comes around, I root for the United States because- Yeah, yeah, nobody- Like if Italy's still in it, cause they're good. In 2006, you were on Italy's side. I mean, they were in the fucking finals. They won, didn't they? Oh, they won.

They did. Yeah, penalty kicks, come on now. Yeah. Gianna Vovog! Yeah. I remember that was when we made, remember we made a video on that and I kicked a ball and I yelled cannolis and you fucking pissed your pants. Yeah, man.

That was a good one. Subtle racism as like a 12 year old? See, this is the thing. You can't be racist to white people. I know, but- I just want to make sure everyone knows that. But it's funny to say. People call it like reverse racism.

Look up what- Yo, you're gonna get flamed by the way by some proud boy for saying that, you know? Uh-oh. Yeah, man. Well, they're standing by. They're coming, they're in the wings waiting. Fucking yee. And also ha.

Oh god, they're getting ready to yee all over our haas, all right? Let me tell ya. Honestly. Our haas are who haas. It's been a while since I yeehawed and I miss it. Yeah, I didn't see, I didn't realize it, I had to do my research after that proud boys is a white supremacist, they have ties to white supremacists and white nationalists. I don't, I literally don't know.

I just, I'm afraid of anyone who like, so this is gonna sound stupid. I'm ready. I'm afraid of anyone who like, really believes in something. Like, I just don't like them. Do you know what? I agree. Like, I hate people who believe in shit. Like, the people that like, believe in something to like, the degree that they're gonna fucking

do something about it. It's the same thing of like, I don't know if I actually do this or someone else. But I said like, yo, girl, you're dreams, right? You meet her, she's beautiful, you're on a date, she's funny as hell, whatever. And then you take her home, I mean, you go to her place and you open the door and the whole thing is like unicorn, like themed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ew.

Like, what is this? Like, this is the thing, I'm all supportive for people that have a belief and believe in something. It's admirable. But there's a certain level, a threshold that when it crosses, it's no longer like admirable and it's kind of fucking creepy. Yeah, it's like, dude, chill. Listen, yo, you could be all into like fucking, you know, like pegging, but like if I walk

in your room and you have just like dildo strapped to the wall, you have a chandelier made of strap ons. Then we're gonna, well, I have a couple of questions before I get to the ultimate one, which would be why so obsessed, you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. But that's the thing. So like anyone who like, you know, is in like a group and they don't want to like real and they like, they have flags and I'm not like, here's the thing, right?

So like, if you love something enough to fly a flag about it, chill. Yeah, what are we? Pirates with this flag stuff. Take it easy. Take it easy with the flag. Yeah, that was a little. And it's not that I like, listen, I love, I love America. I love the country.

I think the flag looks pretty cool too, but I will say this, anyone who like is going to the beach and packs a flagpole and a flag in there with all the children just to fly a flag at a beach, dude, it take it down a notch. You need it. You need to chill out. Like there's very few things in my life that I have liked enough to like, like show off that much. You know what I mean?

I'm like, sneakers. Yeah. Like, well, that's a very, I don't know, random, I feel like you were really into sneakers at one point. I was never really into sneakers. I got ridiculed for the fact that I wasn't into sneakers. A girl broke up with me because I quote unquote, I had no style. You're a dude.

Who was that? She got full. I got. Drop her name right now. I'm not going to drop. Drop her name right now. It's rain. Damn it.

She had fire kicks. She did. Dude. She played ball. She knew her shit. She balled up super hard. Damn. Because you didn't have any ducks.

I remember as clear as day, it was like really fucking heartbreaking to me. I was like really upset about it. That's fired. And I remember like a couple of years ago, we had like reconnected and like, you know, like chatted up a little bit and I reminded her and she felt so bad. She's like, I'm so sorry. I was like, look, it's fine. Like, it's not a big deal.

You broke my heart when I was an eighth grade or whatever. And then you sent her a picture of your new shoes and then see, no, but I remember that was around that time, maybe a year before or earlier, that I bought the only pair of Jordans I've ever had in my life. Which ones? The orange eights. Fire. You bought orange ones.

I did. I bought a pair of orange eights and they were, they were nice. They were heat. Yeah. They were, as the children would say. As the children would say, they were lit. They were lit. But yeah, so how did we get to this?

I have no idea. Me neither. I have no idea. What the fuck were we talking about? Yeah. That's dope. Rain, I hope you're doing well. Dude, what a fire name.

She could be a wrestler or some shit. It's a really cool name. I think it's a really, really cool name and it was spelled with a Y. Oh, even cool. That's kind of fucking cool. Yeah. I mean, at that point, that could be like the name of like, you know, I'm thinking of like wrestlers or it could be like a porn star's name, but also like a bird.

Like I feel like name it bird. Well, like we all know the coolest letters are the ones at the end of the alphabet, X, Y, Z. Yeah. Add them into anything to make it cool. X, Treme. Just an X. Boys.

Boys. And Zs. Yeah. Hardy boys. You know what I mean? Like that makes it even more cooling. Our diss sucks. Diss sucks.

D-I-S-Z. Sugs. Yeah. S-U-X-X. Diss sucks. Diss sucks. Yeah. Fucks.

F-U-X. Fucks was so cool, man. I used to drop mad. Fucks. Dude, a lot of fucks. Yeah. You dropped a lot of fucks. Dude, a lot of fucks.

Yeah, so. But what were we talking about? Be your heart out. I'm wearing sketch or boots now. Yeah, it didn't help. Really, we should broke his heart sooner. Maybe they would have done something. But we got to your shoes.

Why did you bring that up? Fuck, man. We got somewhere. I don't know. But something that we should probably bring up is the Patreon. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. You're definitely going to want to check it out. Get an episode every week early, and you get an additional episode that people don't

get access to. Every single week. Yeah. I've kind of dug myself a hole here, Joey, because in addition to them not only getting all these great things on the Patreon, they also get the opportunity to be entered into a giveaway of $1,000. Yes, we just gave our giveaway. We just announced the winner.

Courtney Commander is her name. What a name. What a fucking fire name. Yeah. Speaking of pegging. Yeah. I know. Courtney Commander.

I hope she's of age, and we're talking about it. Yeah, that would be. Yeah. But I've dug myself this hole. First, I got pegged. Dude, do you know how fucking much? Did you say you get pegged? By eggs.

Oh. I didn't hear you. Like, first I got pegged. I was like, what? Eggs. You remember? No, I remember. Do you know how fucking much pain I was in?

My forearms were killing me for like three days. I'll get to be honest. I thought the eggs would break. I did too, but I guess it motivated me to lose some weight. I had a little too much fluffiness on me, if you know what I mean. Okay. It's like a purple mattress or something. This is, I guess, a cheap plug.

You know those videos where they step on eggs on purple mattress and they don't break? That's like, oh. That's like my body right now. Yeah. But yeah. Make sure you go check it out. Patreon.com. I remember what we were talking about now.

Uh-oh. What? We were talking about people who believe in shit. Oh yeah. Yeah. I don't believe in... Yeah. So that's only my thing that I was going to make that correlation.

It's like, you know, I just, people who really believe in stuff, they scare me and like, I don't really... But it's all people too. Look, I'm a Yankee fan. People that have like rooms that are like pinstripes. Oh. Like, take it easy, dude. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? It's a little much. When I was a kid, I'm glad I got... You made your kid Derek Jeter, dude. Chill. Yeah. I'm glad I got talked out of this. When I was a kid, I wanted to paint my room with the three, like three of the walls of

my room were going to be painted with the flags of my three like parents. I'm glad I got talked out of it. A Greek flag? A Greek flag? A Colombian flag and the Egyptian flag. Yeah. I'm glad I got talked out of it. Who was going to paint them?

Well, that was the other question. It was probably going to be me. That wouldn't have came out great. A lot of people don't know this, but Frankie's very artistic. Slow the fuck down. All right? I can draw. You can paint a flag?

I mean, they're mostly just like the Greek and Colombian are pretty simple. It's just lines. All right. I mean, yeah. I don't know what the Egyptian flag looks like. The Egyptian one. I think there's some intricacies in there. Yeah.

I feel like there's something that would be... I would have to look it up off the top of my head. I can't recall it, but I think I would have been... God, that was a quick bug. What the fuck was that? But I think I would have been okay. Yeah. Anyway, I kind of wanted to talk about the big elephant in the hospital.

Wow. That was a really big... You know, you need to really think about your term. I didn't really want to say that. You did though. No, I didn't. Because listen, okay, so what I was going to get at, I was going to say the big elephant in the room, but then I was thinking he's in the hospital.

I honestly didn't even mean to make that joke. Well, I believe as the recording of this, he's out of the hospital. Yeah. No, he's still like in treatment, but D Trumps has the COVID. Yeah. Kind of wild that he has that. Dude, he's old, so it's fucking scary. I mean, it's scary when anyone gets it.

But he's 74. Even... Yeah, I know. And he's in that age bracket of the people that are at the most at risk. Absolutely it's scary. So it's like creepy. But like also, I thought it was weird because he, first of all, it's like just taking his mask off and he's got the shit just like kind of walking around.

His secret service has got to be like, dude, come on. Well, they were. I believe that. I believe some secret service officials were pretty upset. And just to clarify here, we're not going to get into the political anything here because we're not going to do that. Well, it has nothing to do with that. It's just the fact that like, the dude's got the vid.

And the reason why I even wanted to talk about this is because there was a vid that came out of him. Like I think it was like a photo op or something. He took his mask off and he's standing in front of the White House and it looks like he's sucking for air. So it didn't look too nice. Like I feel like it could have been because dude, I mean, I'm not sitting here like hoping something bad never had died or some shit.

There are a few people that I believe like deserve to be dead and he's honestly not one of them. Let's go through that list. I watched the documentary over the last week and well, I watched it on Saturday or Sunday. Have you seen it? It's new on Netflix. It's called like the murder at home or something like that. Did he kill a baby?

He killed his two daughters and his wife. Oh, cool. Yeah. Like I should go down. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I'm sorry if your family's listening. If you're listening, I have a lot of questions, but you deserve to be dead. Oh yeah, I die that guy.

Like die that guy. Die that guy. Make sure that guy gets died. Yeah. Someone go die him. And like it's sad, but like, wow, the cops are showing up. They're coming. I mentioned, I called Trump an elephant by accident and now they're coming for me.

Well, there you go. I mean, you're, you're part of, Antifa, Antifa, that was actually not bad. It's not bad. But yeah, also, yo, let me ask you a question, right? All this like breathing for Trump aside, have you ever seen the way that this guy stands? I think I know what you're referencing, but I'm going to bring up a picture on the screen here. So look, this is, this is not standing.

This picture freaked me out, right? How is he standing like this? I don't even know how that's possible. That's some fucking thriller shit. Like he's all the way forward. He's very Michael Jackson, like that looks like he's actually three foot tall because I think he's a big dude. I think he's like six something, right?

Really? I don't know. But he, but it looks like he's standing on someone's shoulders. Who's bent over? He looks. Yeah. He looks like those like in the movies where they like put them on the shoulders. Like the way I'm looking at this picture, he's shaped like a fucking Tetris like thing.

You know what I'm saying? Like a little block that's like, you know, one more time, yeah. He looks exactly like that. No, he's built in this. He looks like he has the skeleton of the worms from men in black. He's just like legs are up and he's just forward and bent. I don't know how he's, how he's like on his heels, but on his toes at the same fucking time.

The exact same time. If this, I mean, to be honest, that's kind of impressive. I mean, I mean, thoroughly impressed. And if this is how we're going to just judge him, this is pretty good. Yeah. This is pretty good. If standing like that is like a, this and I, I'm sorry. I'm not making fun of him here.

I'm very, very impressed. Yeah. I really don't know what's happening. I don't know if he's leaning forward. I don't know if he's on his heels. I don't know if he's on his toes. I hope that his fucking spine's okay. He's walking like every kid in a pool that got some shit on their back.

Oh, you know what I mean? Like fucking there's something on their back. Like get it off. What is it? I, oh, and then look at this one. He's talking to, I don't know. I think that's the, uh, what's his name? Justin, uh, Justin Trudeau over there over in Canada.

I, I don't know if that's him to be honest, but it kind of looks like him. He's getting very close there. Yeah, dude, it looks like he's trying to tell him a secret into his mouth. I don't know if he's saying something. I've told the person secrets in their mouth before. Me too. Wait, why'd you say it like that? Yeah.

So I don't know what he's doing here, but this is a lean, right? So I don't know what's going on, but the guy's leaning. He's very lean. He's really good at keeping. He's got to have like a really good, strong core balance. Like his hip hinge is probably, you know, he's built outward. You know what I mean? Like they go up and then it like goes out like a half a foot.

The guy's in the obtuse. He's in two obtuse angle. This guy. Honestly though. Or is that a cute? No, he's not a cute. He's obtuse. Obtuse is longer.

Yeah. It's open. It's opener. It's, he's, he's like, people are usually just, you know, the 180. Is that what it is? Yes. 180. But he's a little, you know, he's a little obtuse here.

I get you. He's working out like a 150. Yeah. He's working. Yeah. I would say 160 something. You think so? Yeah.

I would say if this is 180, I would say he's here. Yeah. And if this is, if this is 90 and this is 180. Yeah. Yeah. Keep going. So this is 135. This is math, baby.

Right? So I would say like a 150. I'm right. You're wrong. Got you again. I think we're both right. I do. He is at an angle though.

But I really hope that his spine is cool because like that doesn't look sick. But I, yo, I always forget how old he is because he is super old. Is he tall? Dude, I walked by the Trump building last week. Dude. Have you been by there? No. Dude, nuts.

Really? It is all like just like the block is shut down. There are barricades everywhere. You can't get within 50 feet of the building. Well, they're probably trying to like destroy it or something. No. I mean, it's, it's because it's, I mean, that's where the president and his family lives.

You know what I mean? Well, the president lives in the White House, but like his family probably still lives there. No. I think they do. No, they're White House. No, I don't think all of the, all of them live in the White House. Yes, they do. I don't think so.

By the way, his kid, talking about a tall child, man. Which one? Fucking Barron. Kids fucking could dunk a basketball probably. Can he? Yeah. How old is this kid? 16 or some shit.

Stop Barron. Making it up. I was gonna say. No, he's, he's definitely like a teenager, like a fully teen. Google it. He's a teen to age. You can Google it. He's telling you, man.

He could dunk a basketball. So if he's, all right. Let's check this right now. He's a big dude. I think he might be bigger than him. And Trump's a big dude. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Barron, Trump. Also, I just want to say this. I was watching the debate. Beach. I was watching the debate and just looking at Trump and Joe Biden. 14 years old.

Yeah. Dude, look how tall he is. For Barron, Trump. I guess the people looked this up because height was like the next one. I'm telling you. He's a tall fuck. Barron, Trump, height. He's taller than his dad.

Yeah, dude. Trump's a big guy. Just type in his height. I did. And it literally brought me to something else. Ah, fuck that. We're going to assume he's 6'10". I don't even care about that.

How tall? This is from refinery. For fuck refinery. I don't know who that is. I'm sorry. You know it's got to be real. Barron, Trump. It's not giving me...

All right. Whatever. Fuck it. I spent too much time on this, Frank. No one cares. I'm sorry. So stop looking at it. I have to now.

I need to look at... Shut the fuck up. No one cares now. Okay. How long are you going to spend on this? All right. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ.

I was watching the debate and Donald Trump and Joe Biden next to each other. It's something. Listen. Two of the oldest looking men I've ever seen in my entire life. Oh, yeah. Listen, listen, listen. A lot going on. Let me tell you.

Maybe one day our country should stop being run by fucking 70 plus year old white men. Yeah. Let's not. Let's be like, can we get a cap on age? Like if they have a low, you know, like I think it's what 35 you need to be to be president. Which why? I mean, I get it. That makes sense.

Well, is it? I don't think it's 35. I think it's 35. Is it? I believe it is. That's a good age then. It's a good age. But like, let's get like, it's got to be 35 to 60.

Like 65. Let's push it there. Like, Trump's 74, I believe, right? That's old, man. Dude, people could, like, if he wins, he'll be fucking 78, almost 80. It'll be almost 80. Why did that take me so long? It took you a while.

No, but dude, 78, that's like cutting it close. We don't want the guy to go down in the house. There might be a reality where the president of the United States, the sitting president of the United States needs to wear male diapers. Think about that. That's crazy. How could you be the strongest, you know, or the biggest, the most important leader in the world, so we say, and wear fucking male diapers.

And dip up. Listen, man, there's a weird way that world has a way of, you know, humbling all of us. Getting to be putting dipey-dipes, that'll do it. Yeah, man. It's just kind of wild to think about, like, because, what happened, talk to me. I don't know, man. I don't know. This whole political thing is just wild.

There's just a lot going on, and I'm watching the debate, and I'm like, I don't even know what is happening here. I will say this. It just looks like, you know, when you walk past a park, and there's old men playing, like, bocce, and they're yelling at each other over something, I feel like I was walking past a park, and these guys were yelling about pigeons or something. I'm like, what are they even saying? But see, that's political beliefs aside, like, that's why Trump is very good at what he

does, because he doesn't, like, he is just, like, he's a troll. Like, that's what he's doing. He's more clever. He's very clever, and he's very smart, and that as a businessman is probably what got him to where he was in his success. We can debate his success, whatever, but, like, the fact that he was able to just, like, you could imagine him in a boardroom meeting, and they're being like, Trump, and he'd be like, you're an idiot, shut up, and everyone else is like, date, they are an idiot, you

know what I mean? Like, that's fucking smart. I don't know, man. All I know is, all I know is that I don't know, that's it, that's all that I know. You're like a philosophizer over here. Yeah, that's what I am, philosophizer. Like, Show Crates. So Crates?

Show Crates. Okay. Yeah, you don't like that? I guarantee you, that's what my dad thinks Socrates is pronounced. So Crates. Probably. Maybe. Where's he?

How's he doing? I'm afraid. You're afraid to? I'm not going to call him just out of the blue, because he'll pick up and say something. The Spanish are back at it. Your dad's not racist. Let's make sure we say that. The Spanish are back at it.

When were they at it? You know exactly when they were at it. Spanish Revolutionary War. Yeah. Was that a real war? I made that up. I don't know. It might be.

I hope so. I know there's a French Revolution, and there's been industrial revolution. I think everyone revolted at one point. At a certain point in time. You got to revolt. You got to do it. At some point. When you're living under the iron fist of Zaddy, you need to just go, I'm going to revolt

on you. Dude, I can't wait for the day that me and Josh revolt. What are you guys going to do? Fuck you up. We're going to fucking kill you. Just beat on you. Just beat on your legs. Just beat on your legs.

Josh, dude, you know Josh's itching for a fight. He messages me at least once a week asking me to spar. Yeah, he does. He does. And I kind of want to do it because if Josh, this is the thing that you guys don't know about Josh, great worker, very horny, like very like remember like we would be in Miami and Josh would just come into the shower. Josh is a wild card.

He's a horny wild card. Okay. He's horny. I assume he's horny. You're following me here, right? You might spar with Josh and he might accidentally like fuck you. Fuck you. And he's editing this now so if there's like a giant, you guys are hearing it now, if there's

like a giant missing gap in this episode, it's because Josh edited this shit out. He might fuck you. He might. Speaking of that, you know, when was the last time you think Donald Trump and Melania Trump fucked? Ooh. I don't know. What phase moon are we in?

Half crescent. Okay. I know. We're a waning crescent. Is that what it is? Frankie, why do you think I know that? I don't know. Because you've gone through a lot of phases.

I wouldn't be surprised if Moon Joe is in there. There is no Moon Joe. I wouldn't know about that. I don't believe in that. I don't know, man. You think Melania and Trump, like, do you see her eyes? Her eyes. She's got pain in those eyes.

She might need a good, you know, sometimes she just looks like, how did I, how did this, I did not want all of this, you know what I'm saying? Do you ever see like Cardi B tweeted like you can find, you can do the same amount of work to find me naked on the internet that you can't find Melania? Melania is just naked on the internet. Is she? Apparently. Good for her.

That's what I'm saying, right? Take it back. She's a good looking woman. I think she's a good looking woman. Absolutely. But if she has actually had sex with her husband, I'm sure at one point they had to have had sex. That has got to be some of, but she's probably, you know, she's, she's got a streak of not.

I think. Well, Joey, let me tell you. When you haven't had sex, when you lean like that. Oh yeah. Impressive. You can probably have sex standing up. That's true. I was going to say, that's not impressive.

People do that all the time, Frankie. Fucking idiot. Not at that angle. I don't know, man. He's a, it's kind of an impressive looking guy. We're going to get to these ads and then we'll get back on track here because I need to know if this guy is fucking. Imagine you could look that up.

You got it now. You Google, and I'm not going to Google when's the last time they shh. Why not? Stuffed. Why not? I don't. I'll Google it as you read the ads. I don't know, man.

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Keep bragging about biking, Joey, we get it. No, I'm not bragging about biking. I had to, because I bought a new bike, I did, and then I bought bike shorts because when I rode it, my fucking ass or my goo, oh my goo. You feel like you get pounded out by a fucking eight inch big boy with balls? No. Whoa, no. Someone with really strong hands was punching my ass.

Like you're ass cheek or you're at the gooch? No, my gooch and my, what's like the, I don't even know, like where my gooch makes my inner thighs, very sensitive. Oh, I hear what you're saying, I hear what you're saying. Yeah, it's all mishmashed in there, but it was hurting so bad because the seat is new, I guess, or some shit, but I needed biking shorts. I mean, you can't break in a seat. A seat is a seat on a bike.

That's true, but I'm just not used to it. My butt's not used to it. Because I have that seat. So now you got two bikes. I got two bikes. Good for you, man. But like, I got that seat, that seat doesn't hurt my goo. Can you just switch the seat?

You ever try that? I know. Think about that. I don't think you can. Switch the seat, Joey. No, you have, no, you could. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you could.

There you go. Well, I bought shorts because it's got padding all over your shit. You got it, you got it. I bike every now and then. Not very frequent. No, no, no. My asshole literally comes out, like I got stung by 50 bees. It comes out.

Like, not like puckers or anything, but I'm saying in that area, it feels like I had just like sat on tax. It fucking, dude, it hurts. My shit gets chewed up and I have like a padded seat. It just didn't work. What the hell's going on? I just got a sensitive. I just got sensitive, stoopy.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess so. My asshole, my whole like lower body comes out looking like olive loaf. I feel like it's just disgusting. You know what olive loaf is. I like, I can, I like with context clues, I can assume that it's a piece. It's baloney with slices of olives in it. Not a big olive, girl.

Oh, I love olives. I fucking love them, dude. You put olives on pizza? No. I like olives. Black olives? I mean, I will put black olives on pizza. I'm like, I'll have it.

My ideal pizza is plain cheese or pepperoni. Ew, why'd you just call it plain or regular? That's what it's called. I hate when I go to other cities and I order pizza and I'm like, can I get a regular slice and they're like, cheese? I was like, who's coming in and you're saying can I get a cheese slice? People say that. Or even a plain slice, I'll accept.

People say that. In New York, it's a regular slice. Or a plain. I've never planed in my life, but it is regular. The only time I use plain is when I say plain cheese. You know what I mean? As opposed to what? You know, pepper jack cheese.

Sometimes people put wild cheeses. No, they don't. Sometimes. No, they don't. You never know. You mean that all the pizza places in the world, Joey, you know? Yes, I have. No, you haven't, you stupid bitch.

Imagine a whole slice, that's pepper jack cheese. That would be kind of good. That would be kind of good. I put that on my seat and sit on that. Dude, one of the best pieces of pizza I've ever had is something called a cold slice. You ever had it? Is it cold? No.

The pizza is regular. Oh, cold cheese. But they put the cold cheese on top? I don't like that. Woo! I had it in. Cold cheese is not better than melted cheese. It's with melted cheese as well.

It's a regular slice, and they sprinkle some cold cheese on top. There was one night I was fucking plastered in, where was I, in Long Island, Huntington, and at the end of the night we went there. Huntington, where were you? You were hanging out with fucking... I was hanging out with some friends I have. Me and Espo went and we hung out with some people. I was the whole...

Did you guys play ladder golf? Get the fuck out of here. Is there anything wider than ladder golf? No. No, no. Regular golf? Maybe? No.

No? Ladder golf is like... I'm in the parking lot, and we're going to see Bruce. No. And then, you know, the new drinking in that has taken over as the whitest game ever is beer die. Beer die is the whitest game ever. Beer die is fun.

It's so much fun. I've only played it one time. It's very, very white. Very, very white. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's just white people throwing dice at a table and drinking beer, or in your case, white claws. Dude, they're good.

I'm not ready to talk about how much I hate white claws. I mean, I haven't been drinking them that much anymore. I'm on a whiskey kick. Oh, good for you. I am off the sauce a little bit. Yeah, I remember you telling me that, but I'm just trying to conserve my body and calorie calories. So like drinking like a beer is like 250 calories.

I mean, I hate to tell you this, it's alcohol is all sugar, which gets converted into fat. It's the same shit. Well, I'm saying I'm drinking less if I'm drinking whiskey than I would be slamming beers. Fair. Yeah, we would throw them beers back. Oh, my God. Who do you think realistically, 24 case of beer?

Who do you think if we were to get, let's say we were to get, course like, case race, who would win? Me or you? You. I feel like if it's, but it, dude, when you get drunk, you're a disgusting freak. Hold on. No, I think that you could definitely, you know, I think that I could, you know, be fine and drink them.

I'm not ignoring what you just fucking said. Yeah. How am I a disgusting freak when I drink? It was a joke. Oh, but it was more, but you are, you sometimes you get drunk in your liability. I'm not, I never a liability. I'm not a liability. I'm a lot of fun.

I'm a liar. Fun to be. I am a lot of fun. You're a lie. You're a lie. This is dangerous. Be. No, I've never, it'll lie.

This is a danger. Be. Yeah. Never. Tell me one scenario. I'm not going to talk about it. Come on. Come on.

I mean, listen, I've done very dumb things. He sprayed a child. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Suntan lotion. A child. Okay. That was an accident. And it was also in Las Vegas. I'll give you some leeway there. Listen to me. Suntan lotion.

Listen to me. He was about... That was an accident. Ten. That was an accident. In front of... His portrait. It was an accident.

It was on purpose. It wasn't. Yes, it was. No, it was not. It was an on purpose spray. I am a lot of fun when I drink. Joey, you want to talk about when we get what we drink? Joey, you become beer mussels, Joe.

This is made up. You know you become beer mussels, Joe. No, I don't. I'm not saying you're incorrect in the moments you've had to become beer mussels, Joe. Then that would completely... But you're a beer mussel, Joe. You're like, yo. That's not true.

Yo, yeah, man. No, you want to... You so badly want me to just like be this... I'm not that guy. You... When have I caused a fight ever? I'm never saying you caused a fight. That would be beer mussels.

But no. No, not necessarily. That would be beer mussels. But that doesn't mean that anything outside of that is not beer mussels. Like you're like, you'll be hanging out and like you'll be like, yo, Joey, like I remember one day as clear as fucking day. I'll bring it up. Bingo.

I'm not going to like this. Bingo. Fucking, we were watching them. It was McGregor... I think it was McGregor Mayweather at your old place in Long Island City. And me, you, our buddy Eric and our buddy boss were on the roof drinking heavily and smoking a cigar. Oh, boy.

And you and Eric were going back and forth. Let me just say this. When I add a cigar to this body, it's a long fucking night, dude. One time I got so drunk and smoked a cigar and I don't know if this has an effect on like on anyone else, but when I'm drunk and smoke a cigar, my feet turn to cement and I literally couldn't move them. I couldn't move. I couldn't pick my feet up.

Dude, I couldn't. I had to slide my feet. Just cut it out. You might have smoked something else, Joey. I don't know what it was. Someone probably put something in there. We got laced. But dude, I was just, I couldn't move my feet.

I was like, what's going on? You also, you also, and I've caught you doing this. You smoke black and milds. Yeah, I have. It's fucking disgusting. Yeah, it's gross. If you're going to smoke a cigar, smoke a cigar. Yeah, yeah, I've slammed a black and mild.

You've slammed. You crushed a wood tip fucking red wine flavored black and mild. Red wine. You definitely have, Joey. No, they're only like the vanilla or whatever the fuck. Oh, disgusting. They, Joe, they smell so good, though. So good.

They smell like, like nest quick. My dad, one of the times I quit smoking. They smell like your dad. I guess I get connected to, oh, they smell like my dad. My dad, my dad once, one of the times he quit smoking. He quit smoking and then immediately at like chain smoking. He used to smoke cigarettes. I don't know if you remember my dad's smoking.

Oh yeah. My dad used to, my dad used to get free stuff from Marlboro. Yeah, he would, he would suck them down. And he quit smoking, but then started smoking black and milds. And then told, yeah. And then told us, oh, they suck guys. They suck bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, dad, you don't inhale a black and mild. The only people that do that are 14 year olds. By the way, for the people out there who don't know what a black and mild is, a black and mild is a cigarette that someone picked up off the floor and put it in a package and made you pay for it. And put a wood tip on the end. Exactly. And put a wood tip on the end.

Yeah, it is the grossest piece of shit in the fucking world. But yeah, so we were on the roof. Yeah. And you guys, we were all drinking very hard. And you were just talking about like you and Eric and boss are going back like, yo, honestly, I could fucking take you down and beat the shit out of you. And you were like, all three, I'm not saying just you in this situation, all three, you were going back doing that.

And I was sitting there like, you all suck. Yeah, but that's not typical. You have a very isolated thing. No, I'm not saying there was a UFC fight that day. And it was my fantasy draft. I was eluded. Yeah, you were very drunk. I was fucked.

You remember that, did it? I'm talking about it. No, I don't. Because you didn't do the fantasy draft that day, so you do. No, I know that. I know. I'm saying like, I don't really remember this. But what I'm saying, I'm not saying that you always become beer muscles,

but like Joey, it's Joey beer muscles. Like that's not like, people know it. No one knows that. People know it. You just want me to have a thing. You have many things. I have. I don't need to give you things.

You take them all yourself, you greedy fuck. I would say, I would say my thing is like, when I get really drunk, I get really scared very easily because I really do when I get really drunk. I like, I stop, there's a moment where the second it hits me, it's not like I sit there and I'm like, whoa, man, I'm drunk. When I get drunk and I'm like, I'm fucked up. I literally stop and I turn to someone like, I need to go home right now. Yeah.

You do. Another thing you do is the Irish goodbye when you're drunk. See ya. Yeah. Dude, I hate saying goodbye to people. You up and leave. I remember there was one time, Becca, me, you, Becca and Sammy. I'm a big wave guy.

No, you don't even wave sometimes. Oh, when I leave, no, when I leave, I'm out. When I say hi, I don't even like saying hi to people. You know what I'm saying? Like, hey, dude. When everyone can hear me. And then when I leave, see ya. There was a night where me, you, Becca and, like, we were walking down the block

and you just upped and out. Like, we turned around and we were like, gone. I don't know. I just, yo, I'm out, dude. Like, I'm leaving. Like, you were, you were gone. Yeah, I'm, I am out. Everyone's got a thing when they drink.

I, Irish exits, I'm all about it. You can ask Becca because she's seen me drunk a lot. She knows I'm just happy. I'm fun. You are. I like to dance and sing. Yeah, yeah. You know, huh.

Yeah. I'm not saying that you're a liability all the time. I just think that there's- There have been times where I've been a liability. I will say that. I will say this too. On your bachelor party, you were really ruining everyone's time. That's not true.

Yeah, you were. That's not true. Do you want to call Ryan Lynch? Forget about Ryan Lynch. We'll call the people who were at the bar that night. Okay. Okay. So this is where everyone knows what happened.

Okay, no, no, no, no. We were in Texas. Let me tell you. And I know what you're referencing. We were at a pizza place and I was throwing rocks at who? Keith? Okay. I wasn't talking about this.

Oh. You were throwing rocks at Keith. That's not what I was saying. Okay. The one that I remember- Throwing rocks at Keith. Is throwing rocks at Keith. But like now I'm like throwing-

Sorry, we didn't- No, no, no. No, no, no. Not like throwing rocks. It was like those like pebble, gravel. Yeah. And I was bent over picking it up and literally just tossing it at Keith's feet. He was sitting right next to me and there was a guy behind him, a table over.

He said, hey man, you're hitting me with some rocks. You mind stopping? All right. No problem. I stopped. Oh wait, I kind of remember this. I bet you did. And then I know what you're also going to reference is when there was the Hula Hoop contest.

The Hula Hoop contest was one of those. And me as a comedically hilarious individual. Oh, it doesn't care what anyone else is doing that night. I don't care what anyone thinks. At least give me that. That's not about that. Let me tell you from my point of view. It was a very funny night.

Frankie had a whole bunch of stuff in him. I had a lot of alcohol. Let's make sure we specify. Frankie had a horse tranquilizer. Nope. So we were at a bar and there's like an area and they had Hula Hoops. We're like, oh, this is cool. So people are just like hula hooping.

It's a bar in Austin, Texas. It has a slide. So yeah. And there was also a slide, which we'll get to that. You know what? We're just going to breeze over it. Frankie pushed people down the slide. Whatever.

He was standing in my way in front of the slide. Pushing people down the slide. So strangers. So then when we're, he's at the, this is all the same night. We're at the hula hoop thing and Frankie's hula hooping. And you know, Frankie can't hula hoop. All right. Hold on.

I would say you're a below par. Let's back up a little bit. First of all, one, I wasn't throwing people down a slide. I said pushing. I was, I was not pushing people down a slide. I was getting down and I was giving them a love like they had asked maybe to send them down. Push.

Nope. So push. And then the other one, the hula hoop. If you want to call that a liability. Yeah. Good on you. Frank. I first of all, first of all, fuck you.

I'm very good at hula hooping. Frank. No, you're not. That night I wasn't because I was on another, that's the only thing I had to go off of. No, you're hula hooping past. Dude, I was on another planet that night. It's true. But he went, so he goes there and every time someone tried to hula hoop, he would just

walk into them and pretend like he could, he, he didn't notice the every time. That's funny. So I was trying to hoop and they're doing mad good and everyone's like, whoa, whoa. And Frankie would just walk and ruin it like a piece of just, they set up a giant circle for like three people in the middle of the hula hoop and they're fucking going. And I just with my beer literally would put my head up and like be like, I just walk in the middle and people like had a good laugh. No one was like, this night is ruined because of Frankie.

No, but you, it was like, it was a funny joke to do it. But the 14th time was fucking annoying. Yeah. But see, this is what's unfair is that you're saying that I ruined people's nights. You think people's nights were dictated off of the fact that they were fucking hula hooping? Well, I don't know if the people at the bottom of that slide died or not. Let's just get the, I didn't, I don't, but I didn't see them alive after. So they could have died.

Fair enough. Technically, there's a chance. Hindsight, we were playing with the devil and going out to those bars. For sure. I mean, that was, that was the height of COVID. No, it was right before. Well, technically it was the height. No.

Cause the height came in like April. No. I mean, like it was, it was definitely it was coming, it was knocking on doors. It was Mormon style. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. It was getting ready to Jehovah. Guess who?

Yeah. It's COVID. Here we are. Do you mind if we could speak to you about our Lord and Savior COVID? Yeah. That was right then. Yeah. But don't say that's an unfair representation.

Look, there have been things I've done that have been very stupid, but Joey, I think you and I also understand I tend to be a little sometimes more motivated by the showmanship of doing stuff. Yeah. So like bear with me a little bit. No, no, no. And listen, I get that. And I'm not saying that this is 24 seven and I'm not, and listen, I would say 95% of

the time. No, that's 5% is way too big. I would say 99% of the time I am the most fun person to be around. No, I would say. And then that other 1% I'm even more fun. No. That's a little dangerous. I would say out of a hundred times, there's a handful.

No, that's way too much where it's like, come on, I'll give you three out of a hundred. Fine. Okay. And you know, you got a deal on that. Okay. It's just a fun time. I'm never, but let's be very clear. I never start fights.

No. I never like, I'm never like, but he, but he's right. But whenever someone, Frankie has these moods, I have to be like, I have to go up to him and be like, dude, chill, because the wrong person's going to be extremely bothered by this. And he just doesn't give a shit. He's like, cool. Don't care.

Like there's so many times where Frank, like someone, like if someone was like just wound up that night, put it like this, I look, I'm very well aware. I'm sure there have been points in my life where people should have beat the shit out of me, but it hasn't happened. And the reality is that with the way my life was progressing, it's not going to happen anytime soon. Yeah. I don't think so.

I have a fucking baby on the way. You know, it's not going to be anytime soon. Right. Yeah. But maybe at her soccer games. They were fun. Dude, I'm going to be so fucking violent at her games. You're going to say drunk.

That'd be so funny. Oh, well, dude, I'm going to be so hammered at those games. Dude, I will be so like, first of all, if they're like family, like not family, but like, if they're like parent outings and it's like, I'm not going to parent outing and if someone offers me a beer, you're introducing me to this. Hello. Gonna have 10 now. Like get ready.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Man. And you know, it's crazy. I think like we can put them back so like don't offer me a beer unless you have 40 ready to go. Yeah. Where's the cooler bingo?

You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't want the six pack bullshit. But you know, it's funny, like when you're young and you go to like these games or you go to like whoever and it's like, why is this like adult drinking? Like now it's like, I get it. Makes sense. You know what I mean?

Like anything. Like for me, I do. I'd pregame a christening. I don't even give a shit. I see. This is my issue. Joey. Also a christening baptism.

Weird tradition. Very weird. This is my thing. I will drink for any occasion as long as I'm not doing it alone. Literally. It's Tuesday. Frankie, you want a beer? We'll have some beers.

I'm in. There's nothing better. There really is. It sucks. Unless you're an alcoholic, then you probably shouldn't be doing that. But even then, I would say that they would agree that there's nothing better. Oh, God. You know what I mean?

But I'm just, there's nothing like. I wish I was really into smoking weed. Because then like. Is that what's coming next is weed Joe on his way? Weed Joe is on his way. No, but I feel like being, because like if you could just sit around and just like slam beers, like for our friends who smoke weed, right, they do it pretty often. And if I drank as much as they smoked weed, I'd be a disgusting mess.

See, this is the thing is, I know people out there are like, yo, being high is great. Being drunk is great. Being high and drunk at the same time, awesome. I don't know if I would want to be in that position. Yeah. I don't know if I could deal with both sides. Dude, because could you imagine, like think of like how fucked up you are when you're drunk.

And that's just from being drunk. Bring it to another degree and then you have fucking, you know, weed in your system. Forget it. And then there are other people that also like, you know, there are other people that also like, like will do like fucking coke. Like, could you fucking imagine you got three different drugs in you? That's insane. Yeah.

You're pulling your body in all different types of directions. Yeah. Yeah. I also wouldn't be able to sniff anything through my nose, even if I really, really wanted to. Really? When I was a kid. I remember when I was a kid, I would do the.

You sniffed coke. Coca-Cola. Oh, Joey, I was going to say be careful. No, Frankie, Frankie, I remember you slammed Coca-Cola through your nose. Yeah. Because it was a joke. Because someone was like, oh, I was like, oh, I love Coca-Cola. And I was like, oh, I'm going to do coke.

Yeah. And it hurt. And I think you bled. It was in Subway. It was. I didn't, I don't think I bled. Do you remember when we used to be friends with the guy at Subway? Dude, do you remember when we.

His name was Monsoon. Do you remember Spanish love from Subway? Hell yeah. Dude, this girl used to hook it up. Used to call her Spanish love. We all call her Spanish love. Yeah. This girl that worked at our local Subway, which by the way, as kids, hung out in all

the time. A lot of time at Subway. Too much time. A lot. And only got free cookies maybe twice. Yeah. I don't remember the free cookies a lot. I remember it one time.

One time I remember Monsoon. That was my boy. That was your boy. He let. That was your boy. He let me behind the counter and I was in the fucking fridge. Really? Let me tell you that's a dope fridge, man.

Dude, we got dope fridges. We had it in. Four times I used to go. My brothers and I used to go into Mr. Softy's truck and we used to ride Mr. Softy's truck. Yeah. One time my dad fucked me up because I asked the, I was at the park and I was like dying for ice cream because I'm a child and I go there and I'm like, Hey man, can I just like pay you back tomorrow?

Which I had full intention of paying him back, but I didn't have money. He's like, Yeah, sure. Just like whatever hit me tomorrow. So then I told my dad that I was like, Yeah, he's a really nice guy. You know, he let me and my dad lost it on me, dude. He was pissed off. So he was like, you never do that. Like this is not, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Like you think you're, I don't know. I think he thought that I wasn't going to pay him back and then I like, I got him. Yeah. So he was fucking mad. And then we heard the thing coming down the block and he made me go outside and he like held me by like my shirt and was like, you fucking, and he made me like apologize and I gave him like, you know, whatever. And we had the coolest Mr. Softy guy in the world.

Yeah. Yeah. Babalu. Babalu. That's his name. Babalu. We were just like, he was just giving, giving us ice cream. He's a Greek man who looked like Albert Einstein.

Wow. Yeah. That is an astute observation. He had those glasses that would turn to sunglasses in the light. Yeah. Yeah. Like Keith, Keith had them, didn't he? Yeah.

He did for a certain amount of time. Keith had them for a certain amount of time. Very Elton John-ish. Um, it was just like, it was very difficult with like Keith because Keith had very pale skin and then his glasses would just get dark. Yeah. Yeah. Real dark.

Yeah. Let me ask you a question. Mr. Softy, what's your fucking, your thing? What's your order? It depended. I went through a series of orders. Okay. Originally, I started with great white sharks.

Wow. Okay. Those are good. Those are like lemon flavors, right? Yeah. And then I graduated to either, uh, liquor colors or, oh my God, or two ball screwballs. Two ball screwballs I've done, but those, the gum at the bottom of a two ball screwball, it's just powder.

That's literally just concrete. It's, I don't know what it is, honestly. You'll break your teeth, bite into it, and then when you do, it's like dust. Dust. It's literally just dust. Disappears. Um, and then, uh, yeah, liquor color. Do you remember liquor colors?

I used to bite the, I used to bite them. I used to bite the layers around and all the way down. It was like four times the, or how many layers they had. I have a bunch. Do they still sell them? No. But do you remember those fucking ice pops where they would have the, the Nickelodeon slime in them?

Oh. Oh. Those are good. So good. Those are really good. Those suck the slime. God. God.

Slime is so good, man. Dude, I remember the, and do you remember they had like shots? You never got ice cream? What the fuck are you doing? I mean, I, I, now I get ice cream. Like, but like, I was, you only used a pop kid. I was a pop kid. I was the sugar over the cream.

Okay. You know what I mean? Okay. Uh, but I was, I was strictly cream. Really? Yeah. Cream. Now, if I get creamed, I'll go vanilla with rainbow sprinkles.

Classic. Classic. Classic. Classic. But like, they had all the shit back then. You remember they had like the holy shit banana splits? No. Who, no one ever ordered, dude, I have no, I'm gonna say, and I made this expensive back

then. It was like six bucks. I mean this. I have in my life seen an actual banana split in real life. Because why? Because why? Yeah. Ice cream and a banana.

Where's the split? It's not. It's because you split the banana in half long ways and then you put it on either side and you put ice cream in the middle. Dumb. That's a lot of work for ice cream. For the 1920s fucking dessert, Soty Pop Floats, egg, what is it, egg creams, get the fuck out of me.

My mom likes egg creams. She's a thousand. Fuck my, dude, disgusting palate. Dude, call your mom right now and let her know that you'll never get her an egg cream in her life. Hello. Dude, egg creams are disgusting. It's egg and cream, right?

No, there's no egg in it. I know. And that's a thing. It's like, why call it a fucking egg cream? You know I'm not gonna have it now. Get an egg in here. At least give me an egg. A hard boiled egg.

Also root beer floats. Fuck them. Hey man, two things you should never have, ice cream and soda. Becca almost got one the other day. We were out and she's like, oh, I'm really craving a root beer float. And I was like, I'll find you anything else. Yeah, literally anything. I will find $5,000 before I let you fucking do that.

And like root beer as it is, gross. Now we're gonna argue. I know you were a big root beer. I'm not a huge listen. You were a big, no, don't fuck around and say you're not. Back in the day you were a big Barks guy. Oh, love Barks. Barks, you would literally, I remember the joke with you and Keith is that you would

burp the word Barks and I would fucking hate every second of it. Listen. You go Barks. It's not better than cream, like cream soda. Disgusting as well. Root beer and cream soda are great. You're stupid. They are very gross.

They're, what's your favorite soda? Coca-Cola. Basic fucking whore. Yeah. I'm an American man, Joey. Disgusting. Because I have fucking ideals and traditions. Also, Pepsi's better than Coca-Cola.

First of all, you're the dumbest person I've ever set foot in this room with. Literally everyone's gonna agree with me. No one is gonna fucking agree with me. Give me more sodas you like, you idiot. I mean, that's really the only soda I really like. Orange soda. Orange soda is good. It's amazing.

Yeah. It's also, it's poison. It is. There's like 90 grams of sugar in it. It's all poison, Joe. I don't drink it. I'm just saying. I'll take Sprite over 7up.

Oh, by the way, if you're in your 20s and you're drinking diet soda, put dirt on your body and just go to bed forever. What are you doing? I love the people. Diet soda is for old men who think they're turning old for a new lease. Yes, yes, yes. I love the people that have it with like, they're like, I'm dieting, I'm having a diet coke.

It's called what it is. It's called also soda. Yeah. It's not diet. That's it? It's just also soda. Also soda. Yeah.

Okay. And then you remember they had like caffeine free coke? What was in that? Soda. Sugar free coke? What's going on? Hey, man. It's soda.

That's how they get you. It's all that high fructose corn syrup. I like the way you said that. Thank you. Have you ever had a Mexican Coca-Cola? What the fuck? Oh, is that tequila in it? No.

It's a racist fucking bitch. No, because I made a Mexican mule, you put tequila instead of vodka. Oh, okay. No, it's just, it comes in a taller glass bottle and it's made, instead of corn syrup, it's made with like cane sugar, like real sugar. Oh, is it gross? Oh. It's good?

So good. Oh, nice. So good. Yo, soda out of a glass bottle? Oh, yeah. Beat me up. Leave me, leave me to die. Beat me up.

You know what I mean? It's like water, glass, well, in this particular word, glass bottle, glass bottle can fountain. Cause fountain soda is not real soda. It's bubbly, it's bubbly water and syrup. Yeah. I don't like the way it looks when it comes out of a thing like that. Yeah. Also, those machines that are like, it's like a vending machine for like, oh, we have

any type of soda. It's like, bro, I'm trying to order a fucking, a powerade and there's some orange soda. You need to do some hacker shit. You need to be in there fucking. Yeah. Like, how's this? How's this? Yeah, you don't need it.

And no, who in the right mind gets fucking vanilla chocolate, you know, flavored sprite? Like no. Do you remember when vanilla coke first came out? I do. That shit was good though. I don't like vanilla coke. I don't really like it either, but it was good because it was in the new thing. Do you remember they had lemon coke?

Ew. They had orange coke. Oh my God. Lemon coke. I remember that. Oh my God. Yeah. Everyone died who had that.

Yeah. Dr. Pepper. I don't mind it. Dr. Pepper is good. I don't mind it, but like, if I'm getting a soda, it's a Coca-Cola. By the way, I'm pretty sure on the packaging of Dr. Pepper, it's advertised as a cinnamon soda. Cinnamon.

It might be. It's got a little spicy to it. I know. Cinnamon. It might be. It might be a little spicy. It's not cinnamon. It might be a little spicy.

It might got that little cinnamon. But then there's like. Do you like sprite or seven up? I just said before, sprite. Oh, I don't really think there's a difference. Or Sierra Miss, because it's the same shit. Do you drink Mountain Dew? I don't.

Okay, good. I've. You know. You know where I'm going with that. You've had sex before. Bingo. Um. No.

And then what was the other one? Remember Mellow Yellow? The fuck is that? You don't remember Mellow Yellow? No. Yeah. It's basically Mountain Dew, but the other version of it. Or the Blue Mountain Dew?

Oh my God, dude. That was like for kids. We were staying up till 4 a.m. playing video games and like. I remember when I worked at Target, they would set up end caps of like the new Call of Duty game and underneath it, like 12 packs of Mountain Dew and Doritos. It's like, we get it. Yeah. We know what we are.

It's like, oh, play this video game and then literally rot out your teeth and then kill yourself with these Doritos. How much, like, I had to stop having mixed drinks with soda in it because the syrup would fuck me up. Yeah. I would have four Jack and Cokes and be like, you drunk? I'm like, no. I have an ulcer.

Yeah. I wouldn't get drunk off a Jack and Coke now if I tried. My body would just fucking hate me. They're so good though. They aren't good. Oh my God, dude. Look at us. What was that?

You know, just me and friends. Also, I don't know why, but my mom has Yoohoo in her fridge. Oh, let's call it how it is. Not chocolate milk. It's just. Well, they can't. They had it as chocolate milk and they changed it. It's just sludge.

Oh my God. Do you remember Nesquik? Yeah, I remember Nesquik. Dude, that shit is dangerous. It's like TNT in a fucking can. You would put the Nesquik shit in your cup and then you'd mix it and then when you go to drink it, random pockets of fucking powder were just when you're drinking it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a bottle. What were those fucking shakes, those powdered shakes that Keith used to drink like every morning? Powdered shakes. You don't remember that? Like powder and he'd put them in with a cup of milk and he would stir them up.

They were like a breakfast shake. The fuck? Oh, you don't remember this shit? Like insure? No. I mean, it was like breakfast stuff. He would remember. I don't remember off the top of my head.

I don't remember. But like, yeah, it's the same shit. It would be like a clump and it would come to the top and it would pop and then you'd just get a fucking face full of powder. Yeah. It's like fucking me. Yeah. I do remember that.

Yeah. Yeah. Also, dude, fucking strawberry milk. I've never had strawberry milk. What the hell? Are you serious? Never in my life. You've never had strawberry milk?

Never in my life. Dude. It just sounds weird. Frankie, we know that, right? When I tell you, it's the best liquid that this world has to offer. Frankie, it's so bad for you. I literally don't drink it because I don't drink. What is strawberry milk, Joey?

It's not strawberry and it's definitely not milk. It's not. It's syrup that's colored like a strawberry. It's not. But that's it. But Frankie, I'm going to tell you this right now. There's nothing better than strawberry milk on this, on this planet. I can argue that.

No, you can't because you never had it. I'm telling you if you have, I'm afraid to have it because it's like heroin to me and if I have it, then I'm going to go down a long path. I'll be with, I'll be, you know, you know, I'll be in the fucking, I'll be in the supermarket at 3 a.m., just hoarding, gone. It's disgusting. I can't. Sometimes I would put it on vanilla ice cream and really fuck up my night.

Dude, you put, you put strawberry syrup on vanilla ice cream, say goodbye to your fucking hole. Really? Because that shit is turning inside out, but it tastes so good on the way down. I'm not a, I'm not a strawberry milk guy. Frankie, not, we're going to, I'm going to make you have some. No, please don't. Mm-hmm.

I'll ask you nicely. Frankie, I'm telling you right now, like all those, like, yeah, like I don't, I don't want that. This doesn't sound good. Dude. It's fucking amazing. I don't know. Yes.

I don't know about that. Strawberry milk. Not Nesquik. I don't know who makes it. Who makes it? Hershey's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Hershey's.

I was going to say jelly. It's the syrup and then you put it in a cup of milk. Boy, let me tell you the things I'd rather have. Dude, I would, you know, that shit is just like crack. My mom used to buy it. My mom used to buy mad weird shit. I'm a big caramel guy. I love caramel.

Dude, I'll fucking, I'll go, I'll whore myself out for some caramel. And it's caramel. For sure. Not caramel. Yeah, no, enough of that. Yeah. Quiet the whole thing down. But my mom used to buy us like two things always when we had dessert when we were younger.

One, she would buy this fucking giant tub of ice cream that was like Neapolitan. And no one would eat one side. The strawberry because strawberry ice cream is disgusting. We know this. We're not trying to have fruit. We know what we're doing. Yeah, we know that. So, uh, and they, I feel like they always put it in the middle.

So it was very hard to like, yeah, it was very hard to dig. But, uh, also if I'm buying ice cream, don't put, make it nine flavors. One flavor is fine. The people that just take from all three sides at the same time. I don't know anyone who does that, but if people do that, sign them up, sign them up for jail. Run. Yeah.

Die that person. Die them. Die them. Um, but then she also used to get this like loaf. It looked like a loaf of bread, but it was sherbert ice cream cake. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What an idiot, right? See, I have a love hate relationship with sherbert. I think it's disgusting. The only sherbert I've ever liked is rainbow sherbert from Baskin Robbins. If you go to the store and buy like orange sherbert, it's, it's gross. My mom used to do that. It's gross. Tell your mom she's gross.

Yeah. I'm going to tell her. It is the most disgusting. My ice cream. I'm a simple boy. Okay. Briar's natural vanilla with the little black dots in it. It's so good.

It is good. But do you, do you put anything on it? I mean, I could put some sprinkles or stuff. Wait, you don't put like caramel or like maybe chocolate syrup. I can have that on a cone. You see vanilla ice cream just raw. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Yeah. Dude, that's fucking us. But I would say I discovered the best ice cream in the whole world. And it is Ben and Jerry's salted caramel core. Have you ever had it? Tell me now if you've had it. I'm going to say this because you just jolted my penis. If you've never had it, I haven't had it, but Ben and Jerry's, I'll, I'll, I'll trust

them with my life. Dude, dude, it's vanilla ice cream in it. It's chunks of blondies, not brownies, blondies. What is that? It's white brownies. And then in the middle is a core of just gooey, oozy, buoy, dewy caramel. And holy fuck. It's like sea salt also you said?

No. Didn't you say? Oh yeah, salted caramel. I'm sure, I'm sure there's salt in there. Yeah, yeah. Dude, holy fuck. Let me say this, right? And I'm not trying to like, you know, this isn't because I'm trying to be healthy or

whatever. One of the best because have you ever had just caramel and vanilla ice cream? Yes. I love it. Yes. Halo top, right? Oh yeah. Oh, I'm going to say this.

I'm going to speak to say, if they give me a sponsorship, I will literally whoever is over there, if you guys want to, to kiss, we can kiss. We can make it work. But the halo top flavor of sea salt caramel, not the dairy free version, because come on, I'm still trying to like get diarrhea here. But the dairy version of halo top sea salt caramel is insane. Insane. It's, it's my Hamilton for the day.

Dude, it literally tastes like you took like caramel and vanilla ice cream and just mix it up and then they gave to you and it's only 330 calories, the whole pint. Yeah. I see there's a whole fucking empty pint on the floor right there. Bang bang. There's literally on the floor, there's an empty pint with, is that a cookie wrapper in there? It's a bag of howl's chips.

You're crushing it right now, man. Those are not on the same night. I'll just say that. Are you sure? No, I'm sure. Oh, so you just leave your garbage on the floor right there? Sometimes. Okay.

You know, as an adult, sometimes you want to. Sometimes you do it. I guess. Sometimes you just leave it around. I get it. It's fine. As you're eating that, I've been juicing. Steroids.

Different, no. Different ends of the spectrum. I will say though, the Ben and Jerry's is like, I'll kill, I will kill, I will kill fucking people for this ice cream. American Dream, Mad Good, Cinnamon Bun, fucking, I've never had Cinnamon Bun, fucking Ben and Jerry's. Whoa. Becca likes to feel better about her body when she has ice cream, so she gets the frozen

yogurt. She came home one day with cherry Garcia, and I had to make sure she knew that I was upset about it. We've talked about Froyo, and I'm not going to get into it. She knows what she did there. Also, if you're buying Ben and Jerry's, you're looking at 2,000 calories. So we're all clear. Yeah, I'm not upset about it.

If I'm buying Ben and Jerry's, I know exactly what the fuck I'm doing. Yeah, you're smoking two cigarettes. Bingo. I'm not worried about it. If you're going to dive in, you dive in. If you're going to Ben and Jerry, listen, it's going to be a long night. You're going to wake up at 3 AM with cramps, all right? I don't know if I've done that.

Oh, I've done it. Really? All the time. Your body's weird. Weird place. I got a fart so bad right now. What was that? Did you just drill a hole into your chair?

What the fuck? Disgusting pig. I literally said, born. You're even dope, man. I think I have to. You know what it is? I got to poke. Surprise, surprise.

Joey's bowels need to evacuate themselves. Once you let out some air, then the only thing left between you and the poop. It's a warning shot. That was a warning shot. Someone just shot a flare off like the British are coming. They didn't have flares back then. He rode into town or whatever he did. Your asshole's Paul Revere.

The fart is Paul Revere. My asshole is America. And the poop is the British. That's it. Just so we're all on the same page, and that is all for this week's episode. The Frank Alvars on Instagram. F Alvars on 8085. F Alvars 8085 on Twitter and on Twitch, if you want to come with me.

Hang out, play video games. It's a good time. And yeah, make sure you check out the basement. You're at patreon.patreon.com. I get an episode every week early and an exclusive episode of nobody else gets. And then you get entered into a monthly wrapper where you can win $1,000 and it's really fun. The way that you speak sometimes is just like insane. So you can follow me on Instagram at Frank Alvarez.

Like, why do you do that? You're so violent. I'd like to be unique. You want me to be like Joey? All right. You know where to find me. Okay. You guys can follow me at Joseph Cado.

Go follow the Instagram at the basement yard where you post some clips and shit. Also, like Franky said, the patreon.patreon.com slash the basement yard. If you sign up, you are eligible to win $1,000 every single month. Just gave away our first $1,000 and we're going to be doing that. Like I said, every single month. What was her name? The cameraman or something? Not the cameraman.

Courtney Commander. That's it. That's it. That's all for this week's episode. See you guys next time.