The Basement Yard - #268 - Getting Invited To A Sex Party

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

Frank tells the story about how he was invited to a sex party at the age of 17. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Hey, yo, you're fucked snow. Have ever fucked snow? Yeah, I was just thinking about it, because I'm not moving if you can't tell. Why? Staying ice, icy. And I went from ice, not moving.

Staying still, icy to icicle. And I said fuck. And then I said the word icicle in the same sentence, and I thought of fucking snow. Have you ever put your dick in snow? I don't think so. Coward. You've put your dick in snow?

I have put my dick in snow. Can you move? It's freaking me out. OK, sorry. I just don't want to get the buzzies in here. Hi, welcome back, by the way. Yeah, so wait, hold on. You put your dick in your snow?

I did put my dick in snow. I was young. It was a long time ago. Wait, wait, wait. You actually put your dick in snow? Yeah. Why? You weren't not sexually.

No, I wasn't trying to hump snow. Or was I? I don't know. I don't know. No, I remember I was at a park. You put your dick in a public park snow when I was real young. That doesn't change public dick snow. Yeah, it does.

You put your dick in public snow. You can't get put. Like, if you're a kid with your dick out, it's not that bad. If you're an adult with your dick out, big problem. What's a kid? Exactly. Well, what is a kid? 14.

That's a kid. That's a big kid. That's a big kid. That's too big of a kid. Look at what you said. Big kid, still a kid, though. Yeah, but too big for a dick out. Still a kid.

No, isn't that wrong? You get it. I don't know. I don't know. But we're going to get to that. The cops would throw you in the slammer for that. No, first of all, no one calls it the slammer. It's 2020.

They do. Second of all, I'm going to let you guys know that you can go check out the Patreon, basementyard, patreon.com, slash the basement yard, where you can get every episode a week early. And they get exclusive content that they didn't otherwise get because they weren't about in a basement yard. They probably didn't get the rest of that.

But you guys get an extra episode of the basement yard every single week. If you join our Patreon, right now we're at 4,500 patrons. All right, so we're trying to get that up 5,000 by Christmas with a goal. Next week, I'm doing the Patreon episode in a tape suit. Yeah, we're going to tape Frankie up in a shirt made of tape.

Still haven't posted the video of me getting mulled with eggs. I know. And fucked up. Fucked up. Fucked up. I think that was a litmus test to see if I would actually do it. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.

And you were like, let's see if he's actually for the brand. And then you just fucking rocketed me with eggs. I did. I did do that. But can we go back to you breaking the law? Patreon.com, slash the basement yard. No, no, no, hold on. I didn't break the law.

There's no law if you're a kid. By the way, 14? High school, bud. Uh, or eighth grade. You're really splitting hairs here, Joe. I know. It's not about the age. You have a late birthday, though.

I do. So either you were going to high school or you were high schooling the whole, it could have been, you finished. You know what, it might have been, it might have, it might have been 13. It might have been 13. And keep walking it back. No, no, no.

I think that's the youngest I'll go. I think 13. I think 13. Because I remember I was with friends and they like dared me to like get naked and put my butt. You were fully naked? No, no, no, just pants at the base. You know?

And, but it's OK. Like I'm a kid. Wait, who are you with? I was with friends. Do I know them? I mean, you had to. You had met them. OK.

They were not, they were my middle school friends. Oh, those kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And a lot of Jewish kids. A lot of, so many Jewish kids. Apparently they like to dare people to do naked stuff. No one crushed barn bot mitzvahs like your boy right here. Let me tell you.

I remember that. But, yeah, no, it's not, I don't think it's illegal. You can check me here. But I don't think it's illegal if you're a kid and you have your dick out somewhere. I think it's OK. And what cop is going to arrest a 13-year-old who's dicking some snow?

This one. Oh, yeah? This cop. Yeah, Sheriff Joe with that fucking mustache. You're going in your fucking slapping the cuffs on a 13-year-old. BOOVER! Yeah. Throw you in the slammer.

Again, with the slammer. Slammer. I like slammer. Why do they, I think they call it slammer because they get fucking slammed in the ice. Some people get slammed in there. Some people get pretty slammed. But, yeah, you've never put your dick in snow.

No, I never put my dick in snow. You've never been naked in snow or done, like, boxers in a thing of snow? I think I, like, put my ass in snow once. Like satin it. Of all the things you put, you put your ass. Somehow that's more weird than putting your dick. Definitely not.

Definitely is. I bet way more people put their ass in snow than dick in snow. Let's start a poll. Start a poll. I mean, well, that's because more people have asses than they do have dicks. Well, you could put your vagina in snow. Can you?

What would happen? Would it just, like, just like a line of ice down the middle? Like, it would just, like, shiver up and just seal itself? Well, vaginas, they run really hot. So I imagine that you could melt a pretty good, decent pile of snow with that, yeah. Could you? I don't know, man, with this weather machine

that's making all the weather, you know, it's making this fake snow, it might not be able to. It's a simulation. It's a simulation. We're all here. It's not real. This guy is an LED screen. That's a good question.

What happens to a vagina when it's real cold? Is it like leather? Does it get, like, real tight? I think do vaginas get those, like, you know, when, like, like, goosebumps? Yeah, I don't know why you didn't know what it was. Yeah, I don't know what I was about to explain. Does your dick get goosebumps?

No. Yeah, mine neither. Not that I know of. My balls? For sure. Oh, my God, dude. They're so pimply, kind of. Not pimply, but you know what I mean.

Well, you've got something else there. No, no, no, it looks like a, it looks like a, like a comb. Like a comb? Yeah, like one of those combs. What, no, what are you talking about? It's hard to explain. No, mine gets, like, rock solid and it looks like baby balls when my balls are cold.

Yo, by the way, I only know this because, like, I don't know a lot of baby balls, but. I know, I know two sets of baby balls right now, very well. Oh, yeah, you. I have nephews. You've got two nephews, baby balls. And I'll say this, babies, tiny penises.

Huge balls. Fat nuts. Dude, fat old nuts. Why? They're, they're working overtime. They're trying to, you know, get ahead of, you know, get ahead of the curve. Dude, it's crazy how big babies' balls are.

Is this an illegal conversation? Are we going to get thrown in the slammer? If we're gonna have three times to the slammer count. Three slams. Uh, I don't know. If you remember, we knew a friend who, when we were younger, showed us a picture of them as a baby, and they had massive nuts.

Dude. That was like, that was, he was sick. He was? I don't know. He must have had like elephantitis of the nuts. Dude, he had, that was an infected pair of nuts. Dude, it might have been infected because they were a little discolored, but like.

Oh, that's another thing. Cause Vin was showing me a picture. Showing me a picture of your nephews balls. I got it. He was a baby when, when he was just born. And when I tell you that these balls were fire red. Really? Blood orange.

What are they doing in there? I guess they're covered in like that fucking jelly or whatever they come out in. We're not going to start guessing. Yeah. No, no, no. No, you actually, you can check out the Patreon if you want to see us do a little joey.

Did a quiz on women's anatomy. Oh my God. Boy. What a showing. Yeah. If you want to, if you want to just see how little we know. That's it. Go there.

That was a fun episode today. Yeah, that was. That was really good. I'm going to quiz Frankie on penises. Oh, I'll win. Yeah. I don't, penises are not as intricate as dicks. By the way, on Tik Tok, we have a Tik Tok account

at the base me yard on Tik Tok. I post clips there. I posted a clip of when Frankie said that, you know, a six foot one gay man sort of. It's all guy. You know, I don't want to put, you know, words on your lips or anything, but he's sort of forcibly kissed you.

Listen, if we're going to get into the legal definition of what happened, I, I did not, it was, it was, it wasn't a salt. It was just a little bit of a, a little, a little salt. A little salt. It was a tiny bit of salt. Not a big salt. Not a big salt.

It was a small salt. Yeah. But. By definition it was. A lot of people worried about you. Well, well, I want to, I want to make it clear. I'm okay. Okay.

He's good. I'm all right. It didn't like shatter my world. Yeah. I've always been very comfortable in my sexuality. And you weren't backed into a corner. I wasn't like one of those, like, I wasn't like one of those guys that gets kissed by men.

And they're like, ah, what's going on? What are you talking to? You know. One of those guys that gets kissed by men. Those guys get just slammed on by men. Slammed on? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not worried about my sexuality.

You could, like, if you came up to me and said, Hey man, I really want to give you just a little tap kiss. I'll probably say no, but I won't be like, am I, am I gay now? You know what I mean? Are you doing stone cold when you do that? Stone cold is maybe. He's pretty liberal actually.

Is he? Yeah. That's pretty nice. I'm glad to hear that. It's surprising, I think. Yeah. That's good. I mean, he was telling enough people to, you know, suck it in.

Oh no, that wasn't him. But he probably told a lot of people. Probably told a lot of people a second. Yeah. But I'm growing out the stash. I know. Yeah. You're talking about the slammer, Sergeant Joe.

Yeah. So I'm growing out the stash because it's, you know, no shave November. So every year I'm like, yo, I'm going to do it. And then I get like 10 days in. I'm like, I can't do this. Why not? I don't know.

I just, you know, I think in the past I was like very self-conscious because I had to be on camera all the time. But I can tell you now that this year, like, more than any other year, don't really care what's going on. Not even a single one. You know what I mean? And I almost feel like, you know, this will make me better looking for December deceivingly.

Because I'll be like, people are going to look at me like at the end of November be like, this kid really just fell off. Yeah. I'm sure people are going to think you're ugly, Joe. No, I'm not saying I'm ugly. I think you're hot. You cocky son of a bitch. I think I look like a fireman who retired a couple of years ago.

Well, you know, you're not all. See, you have something that I don't have. OK? Besides good looks is you have, there's a girthiness to your mustache. Well, there's a, there's a, there's a, you know what I mean? Like you got a, like mine is just like, like yours are like a, like a peof. And yours is, and what's yours like?

Mine's just like, it's shy. It's just shying, you know? Like mine gets like long and it's not as thick as yours. Yes. OK. I got a long skinny boy, which you are just crushing out. These, you know, these thick hogs on your upper lip. Nice.

You got thick hogs. Like a, like a, what's his name? Offermint? Yeah. You got, you got more of an offermint than I do. I got like a, I know, you know, you know, you know who I got. He's got like a thin mustache over there. Boy, like I got, I'm not like a job.

Gomez Adams. I'm not like a Gomez. That guy's got, he's got a pencil line on his lip. It does. But I would say I'm more like a, like it's like patchy and long. It's like, it's like, you know, what you would see, I don't know. It's just not as good as yours. And I, I appreciate that.

Yours looks really good. Well, I'm not, I'm only a couple of days, five days in, but that's pretty, that's five days of not shaving. And this was November. I like, that's five days of not shaving. I mean, I wasn't completely bare, obviously. And then this is five days. I like just buzzed the side down and left what was there.

You also have something that's nice is like my, I have a, I have a heavier looking face. So like it's all like fucked down here. You know what I mean? Like there's a lot more skin down here than you realize. Well, when you pull it down like that, but like, I don't need to go, you know, in order to make it apparent. Like I can just like, I'm either out here or I'm, you know, it's just fucked up, you know, I understand, but I'm trying to, you know, keep it, keep it nice.

So do you feel like a new like attitude coming along with your, no, I honestly forget that I have it because it's not long enough to where it's getting in my life. Cause like I used to just grow out my whole beard and I don't really like that cause it's just like whatever. But once it starts to get a little longer, like in a week, it'll probably start curling into my mouth. And that's something to be like, yeah, the curling into my mouth.

That's what bothers Becca. But do you remember I had the, the twirls at the end. You did, you did. I did. And like you owned an ice cream parlor. I, I definitely sang in a quartet. That's for damn sure. For sure.

But I can't grow a mustache like you. I just want to get a good one. Speaking of great mustaches, fucking what's his name? Sean Connery just died. Oh, damn. Yeah. Great actor. Sean Connery.

Great actor. A great accent. Big proponent of abusing women. Yeah, we got to, yeah, we need to talk about that. He like, dude, in an interview was like, you know, my wife, Barbara Walters, dude, sometimes I got a hitter. No, he basically was like, sometimes you got to go by a little smug dude. It's like, come on, dude.

I honestly want to play it because it's like people won't believe me. I, I think I don't listen. Sean, I feel bad because you just died. I mean, listen, like we also got to understand that, you know, there were a lot of people, this is what me and Danny used to say. It was the times. It was the time. And then we're not saying that now it doesn't hold up.

Obviously it's wrong and it was wrong back then. But honestly, this is rough. When you type in Sean Connery into YouTube, it finishes your sentence. Sean Connery slapping a woman. Oh, are there videos of him hitting a woman? No, no, no, no, it's just when he was discussing it. This is a just 57 seconds. This is an ad of fucking what's his name.

We don't know. Don't give him a free. Don't give him a free plug. It's painting, manning and fucking the guy with the cowboy hat. I forget which one. Yeah, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. All right, come on. Fuckin.

In which you said, you're not the worst thing to slap a woman now. And then as I remember, you said you don't do it with a clenched fist. It's better to do it with an open hand. Yeah, remember that? He just goes. Yo, I feel like she said it. Expecting him to like kind of carry away from it or kind of be like whatever. But he was just straight up when he went when there is a certain generation.

That's James Bond. Dude, there's a certain generation that just don't give a fuck. It's crazy. You know, and listen, in a way, you admire it because there's a there's a certain admiration that comes with just not caring. But like when it comes to stuff like that, it's insane in Saturday. He's like, I got to hit him. Yeah, I didn't love that.

I haven't changed my opinion. You haven't? No, not at all. You think it's good to slap a woman? No, I don't think it's good. I don't think it's bad. I don't think it's that bad. I think that it depends entirely on the circumstances.

And if it merits it, what would merit it? Well, if you have tried everything else and women are pretty good at this, if they can't leave it alone, they don't want to have the last word. And you give them the last word, but they're not happy with the last word. They want to say it again and and get into a really provocative situation. Then I think it's absolutely right. Wait, what? Did he slap her?

It wasn't edited. It wasn't edited. I was like, yo, did he beat the shit out of Barbara Walters on fucking air? It was an edit that I didn't know existed. I just clicked on it. Is it him hitting someone or is it just like? No, it's just like a fake random. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's like someone edited the video to make it look like he slapped her. Well, first of all, a million things you can do before and should do before hitting. And when you've tried everything else, what else? What else? You put her out like a dog and fucking rubbed her nose in a like shit like a cat. You've already tied her up. Yeah, the cage didn't work. So I fucking hit her.

Dude, and I got to be honest with you. I don't know how you feel. I'd rather be closed fist punched by someone than fucking open, forward or backhanded by somebody. Do you know the disrespect? Because when you punch someone, Dude, a punch hurts in a different way than a slap does. A slap stings. A punch?

Dude, a punch? There's like no like, you don't look cool after you throw a punch. You're like, yeah, you know, but a smack. You can look fucking awesome after a smack. You can fucking, you're worried about the other person looking cool. Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, if I'm getting hit, I don't want that person to look awesome doing it. I want them to look like shit.

I'm worried about the pain here. Like, you know, I also would rather get slapped and punched than someone spit in my face. That's like the worst thing I always think about. Like, that, it sounded insane. But you're thinking about like hitting a woman or like, what would drive you to hit a woman? You know what I mean? I mean, yes, I've never obviously never been anywhere close to ever and I could never conceivably hit a woman. But I'm always just like, what would actually even get that jogging through my mind?

And I think it would be spitting, which is crazy because that's the thing that I think is most likely. I don't, I don't know. I've never been in a situation where I've been like, like I've even thought about that. But I thought in my head, like people hit women. Like I would never know what like I couldn't conceivably hit a man. Like I'm a I'd hit a guy. No, me too. But like at this point in my life, like I'm too old to be hitting people.

I don't want to hit anyone. I will defend myself. I'll defend myself, which I would never need to defend myself against a woman conceived. Like I feel like that's sexist, right? I knew someone, I knew someone that said like he would never hit a woman, but he would shake the shit out of Chris Rock. Oh, is it? Oh, I knew someone in person that said no, because like, like women, for the most part,

I feel like I could subdue, like just hold, but like some dudes would like kill me. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, there are women that can kick the shit out of us. Oh, for sure. Let's be honest, but there, but I don't think it's the majority. Is my I would never like I this is such a funny conversation. Yeah, I just don't don't make it a wall. Yeah, I don't think I would ever even get remotely like no, I would.

I wouldn't. I actively in like, I can tell you like Beck and I get in a disagreement. Duh, but like we are, we try to remain the most like civil. Like we heard like Will Smith and Jada, they were like, what any argument we get into, no matter how bad it is, we never curse. And we were like, we like that. You know what I mean? Like so hard.

I try to keep it as civil as possible because when I argue and Becca knows this and you two and except, but you and I really have never or haven't argued in years. I am the worst person to fucking argue with on the planet. So I know that I can drive people to say and do some fucking not do but say some wild shit. You know what it is. And I think you have the same thing is that as people who like to be funny. When I'm arguing, I love coming up with like, I'm not funny funny things.

Oh, yeah. Like of like, oh, okay. And like that must be the most infuriating thing in the world. What happens if I get hit by a car? Well, what happens if my dick gets blown off? You know what I mean? I'm right with you. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I haven't argued with you in so long, but I could already tell you if you and I did argue, it would be like scorched earth. It would be a long day that day. It would be bad because you are never wrong. And I don't, I won't argue something unless I believe I'm right, which you believe. No, no, no. I don't believe the same thing.

I don't know. You think you're never wrong and I am never wrong. No, no, no, no, no. I didn't say that. You said I would never argue. No, I didn't say that. You're arguing now. I'm not arguing now because I'm right in what I'm trying to say.

So what I'm saying. I like in a conversation, I'll be like, all right, I really don't know. I have no dog in this fight, but your, your opinion, you will argue it to the day that it dies. You know what I mean? Like until you're blue in the face. We're like, I'll just be like, yo, like don't have enough to argue here where like you'll be like, I'm just going to fucking argue because I have

an opinion and I believe it. I'm just good at it. You're, I would see that you'd be good at it, but you'd also be a little piece of shit. You, yo, do you even know who you is? I know who I is. I don't think you know who you is. I'm very well aware that I would be an awful person to argue with because

I am like, I'm not a lawyer, but like, I'll fucking argue like one. You know what I mean? It'll be like, all right, so you use the word jealous. Let's argue. Let's look up what their term jealousy means. Bank bull. Dude, literally, I can tell you how many words have you looked up the definition of way too many way too many.

And be like, all right, well, let's go with the actual diff, you know, what like a connotative term and like, I break it down like that. I'm going to have a nosebleed if you're going to have a nosebleed. Yeah, but there's certain things like you. You'll be like, I'll be like, yo, it's nice weather outside. This weather fucking sucks. It's not true. And I'll be like, yo, the weather's not bad.

You'll be like, no, this fucking weather. It's a, if you like this weather, I'm not that reactive. When, no, you're not that reactive. But when you do get that reactive, it is an unstoppable. It's an unstoppable train. It's a show. I have seen you pace and like big pace guy. You're a big pacer.

Yeah. Big pace. You're a big pacer, but it's not often that you get to that level. It's good times. So I don't think I would ever get to a level where I hit a woman. Let me ask you, I forgot. That's what we were talking about. Honestly.

Can I ask you a question though, but like on like a, does it look good? Oh, the mustache. I thought you were saying the main hat because no, the mustache. Yeah, I think with you, you need to shave the rest. Oh, can't. You have to. But I can't. Yeah, you can.

That's too big of a commit. Why don't you just go do it right now? With baby face? Yeah. Baby face is nine. You can do it. Nine or, or baby face. Just a patch.

What am I in? Smash mouth. So you fucking. I'm not doing that. You can do it. My sugar Ray. You could do it. You would look awesome if you did that.

No, dude. Soul patch. Dude, soul patch. Biscuit. Dude, I'm not. I don't think it went. Frank, Fred Durst. I called him Frank for a second.

Frank Durst. Fred Durst. Did he have a soul patch? Yeah, for sure. Also, is there a grosser word than Durst? Yeah. The two Dursts that I know suck. You know, Fred and Rob Durst.

What about Robert Kirsten? Oh, that's Dunst. That's Dunst. Other awful name. That's a, that's a, a cousin of Durst. Anything DU, you're fucked. Or Durst and Durst. Durst.

You know what I'm saying? Dirk. That's an I, but it still sucks. Yeah, it does. You know. Um, but yeah, no, I'm trying to grow it. No, I think, I think you should do it. It's getting a little hot in here too.

So I'm feeling a little sweaty. Maybe take your sweater off. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. So then don't complain. No, I know. I'm starting to feel that in the, in the feel like the mustache, like the ends are starting to get a little wet. That's nice.

That's a little nice. Little wet ends. No. Do you get food in it yet? No, dude. Look at my face. It's not that long. What does that mean?

You don't eat like a fucking like, like slimer from Ghostbusters? You got it. Like, what do you mean look at your face? No, like it's not that long yet to the point where it would, you know, It doesn't matter if it's long. It's just, it's there. Dude, I can't wait until the end of the month. I'm going to look so awful.

You know what? I think I'm going to join you. I'm going to look off duty. I got, I think I'm going to join you and I'm going to shave everything but the mustache. I had therapy today. Oh, I might, I might get in trouble with the Mrs. because she hates the mustache.

Hates the mustache. Yeah. It's only one month. Yeah. I think she'll be all right. And we're only five days in, five days. We don't have any, and there's really not much that we have going on this month. Like we don't have like important pictures to take.

Yeah. Or like any holidays, major holidays. Well, we do. We got Thanksgiving. Well, I thought you were being sarcastic. Oh no. I don't care. I don't either.

Okay. Good. I'm stashing. Do you want me to stash it up with you? If you want. Yeah, sure. I'm going to do it. My sister told me that it just needs to be gone by, it's December 5th or something.

Why? Are they doing like christening or something? Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. She's like, you have to look nice. And she's like, and you have to dress nice. I was like, I'm going to wear a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops of the church.

Oh, well, Hawaiian shirt, you might, if it's a tasteful one. But yeah, you know what? I'm going to join you. There are certain celebrity mustaches. Mark Connery had one of them that you just look up to and you need to get. I think my like iconic mustache of all time is Freddie Mercury. Yeah. That's not what I'm doing.

That's a sex stash. You could do it too. I think you can. If you really let it go. No. What? No. Why not?

That's a thick. That looked like a dolphin fin on his face. Looking good. I can't. You could. I'm only doing until the end. You are. You don't realize when you take on the mustache, you're jumping into another realm of sexy.

Only certain people can pull off the mustache. You know what it is when I walk out in public now? I'm just like, I realized that I have this on my face. But you don't because you're wearing a mask. Well, when you're like sitting down at a place, you take it off and it's just like, there has to be some sort of confidence that exists for a person who has a stash. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's unfortunately.

He doesn't care. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people call it either the pedophile stash or porn stash. Also, like, not a pedophile thing. No. It's like the common, like, you know, thick horn rim glasses, mustache. Well, yeah. If I had to draw a pedophile, he'd have glasses on, but I wouldn't necessarily draw this mustache.

I would. I'd draw that stash instantly. I wouldn't. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but pedophiles, if you had, if you had to draw your perfect pedophile, what would he look like? Perfect pedophile. I'm looking at him right now.

My eyes close. He's got thin hair on the top. He combs it to the side to make it look like it's not that the left or right side. If I'm looking at him, it's to his left, to his right, excuse me. And then I would say then he's got, he's got a mustache, but not as thick like a John Waters mustache, like real thin, a Gomez Adams mustache. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Those are disgusting. And he's got horn rim glasses. Then they're thick. And he's got, they are thick. And he's white. Yeah. And he's from Connecticut.

Bingo. Right. And he's wearing a white button up. Uh, no. He's wearing a collared shirt with like a company logo on it, like crest work. He just got off work. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got a brown belt on and dark jeans. Brown belt, brown petty loafers. I was just going to say that. Penny loafers. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. And he's only there to talk.

That's my ideal pedophile. Not ideal, like, that's your, your average. That's what I would expect they look like, you know, how much does he weigh? How tall is he? Oh, you know, he's a modest 148. He's a small guy. Small, but because he's only like five, seven. Oh, I got you.

You know, that you could get into the taller guy. I was thinking of more of a little like, like heavier guy, like maybe he's like, he's like five, seven, five, eight. Oh, you're thinking. But he's like 180. Oh. Oh, you're thinking like. Not like bit, but like.

You're thinking like keyboard warrior boy, like a lot of Cheeto dust. No, no, no. Cheeto dust. I'm going, I'm going 240. He has a drink. He has a, he has a soda that he bought from the store. He has a big gulp that he's filled up with. Mountain Dew Code Red.

That he drank on the way over and now he's filled it up with Pepsi when he's at his desk. Ding. You're going to say dingo. Dingo. Yeah, dude. Those are, those are. That's a good looking pedophile. I honestly, that's a disgusting.

Oh, I mean, yeah. Disgusting because they're a pedophile. Well, no. Disgusting looking person. Oh, all right. Sorry. If we, if we described you, I apologize. Just don't be a pedophile and you're sexy.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't. Yeah. That's the worst part about that. Oh, the hands down. Yeah. And then the second.

So it's like the all the way up there out of camera pedophile. Second worst is right here. You know what I mean? And the second worst, let's say it on the count of three. Three. What are you saying? You know, three, two, one. One.

The hair. I didn't know which, I don't know where we were going. Yeah. You're really bad with these. Like I didn't know what you were even talking about. Yeah, I know what you mean. Word association. Go cookies.

To Boils. What? I don't even know what I said. You said Boils or balls. I think I said balls. Okay. Cookie balls sound great. Cookie balls do sound awesome.

Library. Tox. What? I tried to say books. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hurry up.

Hurry up. Eraser. I got to give you another one now. I got to give you another one now. Ready? Go. Wool. Rocket.

Is that what you call your dick? No. What's on your lip? A wool rocket. A wool rocket. Got it. Oh, that's nice. Look at this.

I feel like if I just like squeeze, it'll get longer. Do it. Like in the SpongeBob movie. You remember that? Oh, yeah. Like, want to see a mustache? Help. That'd be fucking awesome.

That's where I got that from, I think. Yeah. If I just squeeze. Who are your celebrity mustache-approved like sexiness? Connery. Connery. Connery. Oh, I thought you said Kanye.

I was going to say. Doesn't have a mustache. Doesn't have one. Connery. Cavill. Had a good one. Henry Cavill? He had a good one.

Had? Yeah. He had a good one. Had? Is he dead? He just doesn't have it. Oh, and Mission Impossible? Is that it?

Yeah, and the Mission Impossible, we had a good, healthy one. And a good healthy one. Offerman. Duh. And the Virgin Dad from Simpsons. Ned Flanders? Yeah. I did Leo.

Sounds good. That's the one. I don't watch. I literally only know that because of like social media. I don't watch the Simpsons. I feel like I want to watch that from like start to finish. Do you have 40 years? Jesus Christ.

There's like 38 seasons, Joe. They're like 10 minutes long, aren't they? 20 minutes? I mean, they're 30 minute, 20 minute long episodes or whatever, like 22. But that's still a lot. First of all, I would skip to season 20. All right. So then you don't want to watch from start to finish.

Well, I show that old. I don't want to watch like the first, like Family Guy. It's like you watch before they like pay it up for illustrators. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm not watching these. I've watched Family Guy from the beginning. Hands down. It's always this weird.

Word association. Photography. Bull. What? I can't do this. I'm going to do that at the most random times. All right. You won't know.

From now on, just do it. Yeah. Every episode. Every now and then I'll do it. You won't even know. I will say this before we get into the ads. The Friends of the Shows. There was this kid.

I remember Family Guy being in middle school and Family Guy first came out. I think. And I remember this kid. Family Guy came out in like 99, by the way. Did it? Yeah. The first time I had heard about it, there was a kid in my middle school who was talking about it.

And he was so weird. He had a giant backpack and he had the hairiest back of his neck I've ever seen. And like his, his palm, top of his palm, this kid was like a werewolf, dude. So this is just your hand. And he would just. Why would you say the top of your palm? You fucking idiot. What is that?

I don't know. I'm an idiot. But this kid had hairy fucking hands, dude. His knuckles. You know what I'm saying? Robin Williams type of shit. Damn. And he used to run with his head down.

And I'm like, yo, that's just dangerous. Dude, I can't believe that like Naruto running is a thing now because we knew so many people that ran like that. Yeah. And like not because, like I think it was because he was just trying to hold that backpack up. Well, dude, we knew some kids. What the fuck do you have in there?

Back in the day, it was the kids that had the big backpacks ran like that and they had the longest stride ever. And the longest socks. Dude. The longest socks, long stride, short ability to hold the conversation. Yeah. Very short. Very short.

And they would get low and they would fucking, yeah, I don't know what it is. Take off. Those kids would just, were so fast. But I forget that. Okay. But that was, that's how I remember family guy because we had a friend who I, I think I made fun of him once because I said, I believe it was David, aka stretch. I told him, I was like, yo, when you run, you legitimately can scratch your toes.

He like fucking, this kid had the longest arms. He has a wingspan. Yeah. And the sharpest body parts. Josh is going to die listening to that. Why? Yes. It's so fucking true.

This kid that we knew, his, yo, I kid you not, his hip bones were fucking sharp. His hip bones. It's just playing basketball with this kid. You basically got like Charlie Horst every time because his hip bones would hit you and you almost got punctured. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a dangerous game. It was a kid was fucking sharp. I grabbed a rebrand against good old stretch, good stretch guy would play the paint like a maniac. Oh yeah. All right. Let's get, he also always, I'm sorry, I know we're getting into a lot of David talk here, but he was one of those kids that like anytime, you know, when it was cold out and you always

had kids like, you know, and when playing sports, he was a big breather. He was a big breather and around his mouth got so red and under his nose. You know exactly what I'm talking about. See when I, when I think of that, when I think of that, I think of Ponos. Remember that kid? Ponos. Ponos. Ponos.

I mean, clearly he was a Greek boy. No shit. Yeah. Yeah. His name was Ponos. What was his last name? Sponokopitai? Probably.

Isn't that like Brad or something? It's Spinach Pie. Yeah. Yeah. Brad, what am I saying? No, but yeah, that kid had fucking chapped ass lips. Oh yeah. And Duncan.

Oh. He had stuff. He had a lot of stuff going on. Yeah. I don't know. Back in the day. Back in the day. Chapped up.

I switched. Back in the day, I'd get a lot of chapped lips, nothing chapped in the pants. Now, if I walk for more than a block and a half, my balls are fucking the Sahara. Let me tell you, those things hurt. Chapped nuts? Oh dude. Chapped your nuts. I'm getting chapped everything.

It's chapped. It's chapped city down there. You ever get? Nevermind. Nope. I was going to say your butt hole feels like, what's going on? I've gotten my butt, like in between my crack has gotten so chapped that I've taken a shower and I've like, keeled over in pain because, dude, I've like, fell to the ground because

the sting. Just so everyone knows, and maybe, I don't know if you do this, but I was just going to talk for the whole male race, isn't a race. Yeah. I was in the shower. When I take a shower and I have to clean my ass, turning around, bending over and spreading my ass like I'm ready to receive dinner. What you have, I'm telling you, when I went to Orlando for Disney World with my family,

it's very humid over there and the boy gets all chapped up and when I tell you that's the most painful shower, okay, I was afraid to let the water hit my ass. Listen, there have been times where I've gotten home and I've taken a shower and I spread it like the fucking Red Sea and it feels like I'm being stung by a million bees and I'm letting it's direct water onto my shawl. You know what I mean? That word gets shorter and shorter every time. You just like, and like, you violently open it too.

You're not like cutie, like, you know, two finger part it. You don't get cute with like two fingers and you fucking like, koof, koof, koof, bang. Yeah, yeah, I get, I get, I open it up. It's true. It's not cute. Like people always think like it's going to be cute, like, you know, like, you know exactly what I mean. Like no, no, no boys that are open in their holes during shower or any other time.

I don't open my hole. Let's be very clear. I spread the cheeks. I don't open my hole. I mean, if you, if you pull apart with enough rigor, you're going to, you're going to get a pucker. You know what I mean? You're going to get a.

Yeah. Whoa. You can accept some air. Exactly. Yeah. Like enough to just like get a little water in there to flush it out. Okay. You know what I'm talking about.

Thought I did. And then I got lost at the end of that. Get to the friends of the show. We get to the friends of the show here. We have a ritual. Ritual is, it's a multivitamin, okay? But it's not your typical multivitamin. All right.

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That is simply safe.com slash basement. All right. Save 30% off and the free security camera. Check that out. Keep your stuff safe. All right. Speaking of keeping things safe, Joey, I came across something that I wanted to talk to you about, uh, because it's such a, like, I think it's like a, like a fetish of people,

but I don't, I want to get your take on it, but you know what a key party is? Is that where you put like all your key, your bolt, your keys in a bowl, like for no one's driving or whatever? I think that would be part of it, but like it's meant. So like you put your keys in a bowl, you go with your partner. Okay. So let's say like me and Becca go, we go to a key party. You put our keys in a bowl.

There's this like cocaine. No, maybe. I'm sure there's a lot of it. I mean, it's a party. It's a party. There's cocaine. There's a cocaine somewhere. Uh, they got that.

They got that. They got that somewhere. A bowl of debt. Uh, but you take the key, like, you, everyone, say there's 30 people in here, we all put a key in and then like you take a key out and whatever key you take out, you fuck that person. Oh, it's about fucking? Well, not all the people.

So like all the men will put it in and then the women take the key and then fuck someone. In their car. No, like in the house. Oh, it's just the way to pick. It's just the way. It's like a tie. It's like names in a hat. Yeah.

Bingo. Exactly. But you don't know. Like you can't like peek. You know what I mean? Damn. I thought it was because like, I'm pretty sure they did. This is probably wrong, but I feel like in the Grinch, that guess that's exactly what

it is. They had a bunch of kids. It was a key party in the Grinch. They fucked. You assume. Oh my God. You assume that they're who's down in Whovillar. The who's are fucking blowing their tutus on each other's poo-poos.

You know what I mean? Who's your daddy? Oh. None of them are really that good looking. What? Martha May Who can catch this fucking soft penis. Really? Yeah.

Martha May Who. I'm trying to think which one is that. She's the hot one. Who got this? Oh, is that the one with the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She had hammers. She had some slamming hammers. Yeah. It's been a slimy day. It's been a slimy day.

Yeah. But yeah, it's like people just go to parties, put their key, and then they're just fucking each other. Dude, that's cool. Like a swinger thing. I mean, no. I mean, it's not my, you know. Not your cup of tea?

It's not my bowl of key. Oh, God. Dude, we're punning hard. But yeah, I, you know, whatever. But I think it's cool. Here's the thing, right? I feel like it's a fucked up system, though. You know what I'm saying?

I'm a girl, right? And I'm going to a key party. And I know I'm going to be fucking somebody's husband or some shit. You're like, you're going to collude to make it like work? No. But what I'm trying to say is like, it's a little more fucked up because you're purposefully not picking your keys. Well, I think, and not only that, but you could go in there with a strategy being like,

well, Jim's got the Porsche. I'm taking this fucking Porsche. Yeah. I get that. Slamming Jim. I get that. It's a expensive car key I can see here. Well, like, I don't know if it's like you're throwing in like a Lexus, a fucking 2001 Honda.

Well, you're throwing in like a house key? How the fuck? I wouldn't even, I can't recognize any, any key. Maybe just buy a, just buy a key and then just throw it in. And then I got to buy a key to go to this party. Hey, listen, if you're going to the party to fuck someone, buying a key is the least of your worries. Okay?

Yeah. If you and your partner are going to fucking just go to town on each other's knickknacks, you don't need to worry about buying a key. Okay. But like, I just, I don't know, this was such a crazy concept to me. Like people are just okay. People, dude, people fucking like mad groups. I knew someone who went to a sex party.

Do I know this person? You know that I know them, but you don't like know them. Fucking famous friend, I guess. No. No, but this person went to a sex party and like they were married at the time. And, uh, they just had sex on their own, but there was like mad people fucking there also. Wait, heads.

Oh, like the, the, the, like, let's say you and Becca went to a party. You guys had sex on a couch filled with a room of people who are also fucking. That's weird. That's a lot. That's a lot of, first of all, the stink in there. Stink. Dude, it is so disgusting. Dude.

Dude, coming the air is my least favorite smell. You know what I'm saying? It's bad. I don't like that like stale. And also just like a lot of like, like a lot of breath. You know what I mean? A lot of sweat. I guess the, the Swinger industry right now is in the key party industry right now.

It's hurting. It's plummeting. Is it? It's plummeting. Do you think, what's the, do you really, like, do you believe there are Swinger parties happening like down the block? Yeah. You think so?

There's a, there's a, there's a Swinger joint by, by my mom's. By your place. Where? What? The, it's like two blocks over right off of Steinwing on, you know, where I want to, I'm not going to say the avenue because then people know where, you know. Yeah. I'm going to just look up Craigslist.

Craigslist. Of course there's going to be Swinger parties on Craigslist. What do you write on there? I don't know. Search for, not for the Jersey Shore. Dude, people got to swing, baby. They got to swing. They got to get in there.

They got to get their wife passed around. They love it. It's crazy. It's like a whole thing. Swingers. And apparently the, Oh, I'm just going to type in key party. The women are the ones who go out and choose the suitor.

They go around and they're like, I like this guy. And then the husband's kind of just stuck with the wife. To my knowledge. No key party. No. Key party might be an old term. Okay. Just look up.

Fuckhouse. Fuckhouse. Okay. Fuckhouse. That might be it. Old heavy safe is what came up. For whatever. What?

Yeah. It's a safe. Someone's giving away a safe. For whatever. I'm going to use it for. Swinger. Or like for whatever amount of money. Swingers party.

I guess. Nothing by me. Swing. Someone's going to sell you a swing. Yeah. I got like a golf club. I would never be able to buy something off of Craigslist because I'm just assuming someone either died in it or someone came on it.

But both probably true. I almost got, I almost got scammed off of Craigslist when I was, when I was looking for my first apartments with Tim, my old roommate. We looked on, we found a listing on Craigslist and he was like, yo, you want to go look at it? I was like, yeah, of course. So we went and it was the apartment that we ended up living in with the spiral staircase. But it was shown by some random person and we went up there and there's significant other

I assume or, or, or brother or cousin or whatever, but a male companion was with them and was like trying to sell us on the place like, damn, you could have parties in here. Like this is awesome. Whoa. Oh, oh, you know, like trying to relate to like two guys in their twenties. Oh, you could, you know, bup, bup, bup. This place is going to be crawling with pussy. Yeah.

And I remember afterward when we ended up getting the place for real, the woman was like, who did you meet with? And we were like, oh, this, this person. They were like, oh, that was a scam. Yeah. How are they showing an apartment that they didn't have any ties to? I don't know. I don't know.

But like, I wonder key parties, Frankie, give it up in not going. I'm not, I'm not going. Key parties in Astoria. There's party venues in Astoria. All right. So I guess they don't exist anymore. I guess key parties in a search for two seconds. Listen, if I have my ear to the ground here, you want, you want to, you want to go to a

swing or party? You let me know. All right. I'll find you one. You, oh, you. First of all, I don't want to go. Second of all, I just, what are you doing? Just who cares?

I'm just, I'm curious. Put it down. Oh, it brought up a club. What's the name of it? I'm not going to tell you. So what's that? What's the first letter? I'm not going to tell you.

Just tell me the first letter. I'll tell you if it's the same one that I know. It's the one that you know. Okay. Oh my God. Yeah. It starts with N, doesn't it? Nope.

What? No. I guess there's two. There's two. Wait. Now, what is it? It's not the one I'm thinking of. What?

Say something. No. They have on, on, on, it already happened. Sexy hump night. No. Give me this. Dude. I can't.

It's like, you don't think things happen in your backyard. You know what I mean? Like people ask you, like, do you think there's cocaine in your neighborhood? Like, no, of course not. Do you think there are people fucking at a bar in your neighborhood? I guess so. Sinful Sunday social. What?

Dude, that sounds religious and like sexy, sexy hump night play party, dude. I got to click on this and just see what, wait, hold on, the next one. People who love men playground, well, isn't that just the world like regular? Why playground? I don't know. That just makes it scary. Where do they just like hang it on a jungle gym and fucking each other through the, through their holes?

2020 couples dance and play party. What? Yeah, dude. There's another sinful Sunday social. Nymphomania Fridays. Duh. I mean, that's what Friday. They probably do that once a month.

Only once a month. Yeah. But you know, dude, wow, this is like a legitimate not trying to hide it. We're going to have hump night, sexy hump night party. This is actually in our backyard. It is in our backyard. It is in a story. I wonder like if you have to pay to get in.

Yep. Couples are $45, $65 if after 10pm. Let's be honest. We're going after 10pm. Yeah. If you go before. Loser. You're getting the bottom of the barrel there.

Let me tell you. Dude. Wait, is that? Hold the fuck on. Hold on. Wait, no, no, no. This is, this is, this is what's weird. Frankie, wait.

Aren't you then paying for sex? And isn't that prostitution? No, no, no. This is a loophole. They don't pay. They don't pay. You pay admission to get into the club. Yeah.

But then like you're paying an in to get in to get sexed. Let me talk about that. Special admission, $45 before 10pm. Singles are welcome. What, what are you doing there? You're desperate. You're yanking that thing. Indoor smoking room.

Kind of, kind of one of the only places in New York that can go with it. Speaking of smoking porn, mad weird. I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah. There's a category of porn where like the women are smoking and then blowing dicks and like smoking in between dicks. That'd be weird. It's very strange.

Like I feel like cigarette smoke stains. Like my dicks are going to smell like a cigarette and you're ruining my penis. They have hookah. We know we can get someone there then. There's a, whoa. Ladies dress as sexy as you like. Gentlemen, casual but neat. Neat.

Women get to go wild. Be sexy, man. Be neat. Good. Let them. You know, they get the opportunity to dress how they like. They have an on premise six person shower. At a club?

Hold on. That's fucking awesome. Sick. That's awesome. Dude. That's a big shower. That's a big ass shower. They have a six person shower.

It's a sex club. That's sexy hump night. You could go on a sex. There'll be establishment. Oh. Wow. Wow. What does that mean?

Free sodas and mixers and then free light snacks. There's also security. Don't know if I would have a snack or two at this place. Dude, what? They probably have like a peanut bowl. The hookah is by Shoo Shoo Entertainment Joe. Duh. This is insane.

It's one of those things you don't. Wait, where is that? Do you have the address? Yes. Can I see it? Yes. Is it close? Yes.

It has to be. Dude. That is insane. There's a sex party happening. I didn't even know this was like legal. I thought it had to be underground. I thought, yeah. I didn't know that you can like.

What? Dude, it's close. I can walk to it right now. I can go baseball and hit this. We can walk to it right now. Wait. This has to be the place that I'm thinking of. Maybe.

I'm thinking of, I think I know. Was it the place that we used to destroy the wall? This is the place. Yes. Where we would punch the stucco? Yes. That's. You used to be called something with an N.

The note. Yes. Yes. Oops. I mean. I mean, that's what it is. So that is the place. Dude.

What? Dude, from here, I could literally spit and hit the front door. Dude, we can get someone to go. Yeah. I'm calling someone right now. We should. No, no, no, no. Hang up.

Please hang up. I'm not calling like the porn place. Just hang, just hang. I'm not calling. We're recording a podcast. No, no, no. Who are you going to call? Ahmed.

I know. They have hookah. If anyone, well, that's a little insensitive and xenophobic, but I, he's a single man, I believe. We can get him some. To go to a swingers club. Dude. He crushed a good looking dude.

And a swingers, that's a, that's a partner club. You can't go. You can't. No, you, they said you can. I know they said you can. We can fund it. That's like going to a club by yourself. What if we hold a singles meet party at a swingers club for Ahmed in the six person shower?

Oh, six people in at a time, five people at a time. Ahmed will be there greeting people, but naked. This would be awesome. This isn't going to happen. Well, with, if I ask him to do it, I'll say no. If you do, how about the fact that that place is BYOB? That's insane. That's, I mean, I guess it's smart.

What are the laws, by the way? There's can't serve, but anyone could bring? Yeah. So you need a, like you need to apply for a license to provide, to serve alcohol. Like what's the difference? It's not cheap to apply for those licenses. I know. But I'm saying, what is the difference of like someone's drinking in your establishment,

whether they brought it or you served it? Like I don't get it. I think it's because there's a level of like responsibility you don't need to take. Like you're, like you're not responsible. If you, so if you basically serve alcohol, you're responsible technically for what happens to that person that night. So like if I serve you a drink and you go out and you drink and drive, like technically there, you could argue in some situations that I was responsible because I served you

the drink. That's my understanding at least. Like I, I, I'm not like super, super well versed, but that's from what I understand. I'm sure you still need a permit for that unless they don't. And they're just like letting it ride, which would kind of line up with the rest of it. I think maybe, maybe they need to, I'm sure like with like a food, I don't know. I don't know. Why don't we talk about the liquor at the place where they're spitting in each other's

penis? Why is that the craziest part of this situation? I mean, they got a shower in there, dude. Have you ever been offered a multiplication sex? No, I haven't. I just made that up. I know you have. I just made that turn.

Oh, I've been offered. I remember that. Yeah. How old were they? Like 21? I was 17. What? I was 17 when that happened.

You were 17 and someone wanted to slam my dick. No, dude. We were definitely older than that. Listen to me right now. I was 17 years old. Why do you remember the age? Because it was when my sister was working as that karaoke, like doing that karaoke thing. And it was at a bar that we only went to before I went to college.

I was 17 years old. So the story to tell you guys, there was a, when we were younger, we were going in a bar as it's 17 and 18. I guess. I thought I didn't go into bars like that. I know I was. I know that Danny and Dom were. They were with me.

I know. I know I was going with you there too. And I remember at the time, my sister would introduce me as her twin brother. So and my sister was 20, whatever, 23 at the time, 22 at the time. So I was just getting free drinks because like her as the host, she was getting free drinks. So they were like, oh, this kid's with her. Like fucking, they poured me free drinks.

Yeah. Crushin' it. Yeah. No one would ID because it's like, oh, I work. I'm running the karaoke. Yeah. Well, that's another story, but like you go in and like you try to act like an adult, you know, you get drunk, you have a good time and then you leave.

But they had karaoke there. So I would also go and I would, I would sing. Yeah. I would crush it. Frankie lives for karaoke. I die for karaoke. I don't live for karaoke. I'll fucking die for it.

Lay on a sword for it. A hundred percent. Yeah. And I went in as clear as day to this bar in Astoria that's no longer there called Gleason's. And it was the shit. Not good. The awful. It was a nice place.

It was a nice. It was a new. No one was ever in there. No one. It was literally old Irishman. Yeah. And so I go in and I sing Hotel California, which for my karaoke people out there, awful song the same because there's that long guitar riff at the end.

Yeah. No, I wasn't thinking. I was already probably a little drunk, dude. This bald guy, I mean, Mr. Clean looking motherfucker, sitting at the bar, come here. After I'm done. Oh, I thought you meant on stage. No. After I'm done.

Come here. So I go over and the guy's like, hey, man, you did awesome. I'm like, thanks, man. I appreciate it. You did really, really good. Like super. You nailed it. Oh, thanks, man.

I appreciate it. So I go back to the table with Danny and Dom. You know, we're just talking with them. By the way, no better company to have than Danny and Dom in this situation. So I go up to them and the guy calls me back over and he goes, hey, man, I want to buy you a shot. That was really good. And I'm like, fucking like, you know, I'm 17 years old, broke his penis.

You know. Yeah. So I'm like, fuck yeah. Like gonna have that shot. So I'm like, what's going to get me quickest there? So I'm like, oh, he's like, what do you want to show him like, oh, tequila. And the guy goes, all right, two Patrons. So I'm like, all right, this guy's going to take a cheers on me.

So I pick it up and I go to cheers him and he doesn't have it in his hand. He goes, oh, no, they're both for you. So this guy, he's trying for it. First of all, and you are a minor. Yeah. He didn't know that though. He assumed I was 21. Of course.

He didn't ask if I was 18 or 17 or 21. And then, and then he's like straight up. He's like, take the other one. So I'm like, okay. He's like, you did really awesome, man. Really good. You slam both. Slam both of them.

Nice. He's like, you did really awesome. My girlfriend thought you did really awesome too. And I look over and it's pretty, I would say in her late thirties, good looking woman, you know, brown hair, you know, not, not, not like bombshell knockout, slammable, but good looking, you know. And the guy goes, yeah, yeah, do you want to fuck her? I love the story.

Just off the bat. And I was like, what? And he's like, oh, just think about it. Do you want to fuck my girlfriend? And I'm like, and he's like, think about it. Think about it. And I'm like, all right, I'll, I'll think about it. So I go back to the table and I go to Danny and Dom.

And I remember his clear as day that I had like, there were like beers at the table. So I went over and like swipe the beer and I was like, guys, follow me, follow me, follow. And I went into the basement and while there, I'm in the bathroom. That's where the base, the bathroom was in the basement and I'm peeing at the urinal and I'm telling them what's happening. Like, yo, this guy just asked me to fuck his girlfriend. Like, what the fuck? And you know, at the time, my friends are like, yeah, go ahead.

I'm pretty sure I was newly single at the time or on like a weird like thing with my relationship. They're like, go for it. And I'm like, dude, I don't know. I don't know. This is weird. As I'm telling this story, fucking bang, this guy kicks the door in and I'm pissing at the urinal.

Now listen up, you've seen my dick. Not that impressive. You know what I'm talking about? This guy comes up to me as I'm peeing at the urinal. He's like, hey man, and I'm like, and this guy's like, hey man, listen, you can do whatever the fuck you want to her, man. You can spit in her eyes. You can fuck her teeth.

You can fucking pee, pee, poo, poo. Like saying this in front of Danny Dom? In front of them. Like doesn't even care that they're there. And they're both like, in awe. And I'm like, all right, man, okay, like I'm like trying to like, you know, I'm not proud of my dick. So like I'm trying to like, okay, you know, like I don't want him to see it and be like,

second thought, maybe not. Oh my God. Then I go upstairs and I'm like, with Danny and Dom, I'm like, yo, what the fuck? And I started getting drunk, which was the worst thing I could have done. Right. Because remember, this guy just pumped me full of tequila, 17 year old little twink. You know, I was wearing like a reptar shirt. I was, I was prime picking.

Oh my God. And this guy calls me over again and he's like, dude, listen, come on, man, like just fuck my girlfriend. Do it, man. And I'm like, dude, listen, and, and, and we exchanged numbers. That's the part where I probably shouldn't have done it. Like I shouldn't have given him, given me, I never heard from him since, I assume. And he was like texting me.

He's like, dude, come on, like you can do. So I'm talking to Danny and Dom and I'm like getting drunk. And I'm like, yo, you know what, no, I'm going to do this dude. And I was like, and then I stopped and I asked and the guy was like, we live right around the block, which it popped into my head and dawned on my head. That is the prime distance for murder. Yeah. You know, like any time a murderer says like, come with me, I'm right around the block.

It's right around the block. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, okay. I tell them and they're like, yo, listen, you can't go. And I go, yo, I, you guys won't engage, but like, well, one of you guys come with me and Danny's like, no, I'm not coming with you and Dominic's like, yo, like, I don't know. It wasn't Dominic. It was somebody else.

I don't remember who it was. Dominic was there, but there was another friend. Yes. Another friend of ours showed up who will remain nameless. Another friend of ours showed up and they were like, yo, I will come with you, but I won't, like, I'll just be like, like the, like a bouncer, you know, like in Vegas, like they have the agent that comes with the girls. Right.

We've never, we've never gotten girls in Vegas. Let me say that very clear, but like the cards that they hand out, they say no agent on it and I inquired as to what that meant and that's what it meant. And I was like, all right. And he's like, I'll just like, just to make sure you don't get fucking like skinned and murdered. Yeah. You know, Dexter was pretty popular at this point in time, big time.

And I asked the guy, I was like, yo, is it all right? Like I would only feel comfortable if my buddy came and he was like, oh yeah, yeah, of course. You guys in a gay shit. I'm like, that's it. It's done. You know, like at the time I was like, no, you know, because what did you say? I said, like, I don't know. I'm not like, to be honest with you, I'm not sure if I responded.

I might have, and it might come to you. Oh, he texted you this. He texted me like you in the gay shit. And I remember our friend, I was like, no. And he was like, yeah, no. And then I was just like, no, because that meant that this guy wanted to fuck me. Yeah. He wanted to slam this guy was whole, whole heartedly ready to fuck me.

Good for him. He went for it, but he snuck in that last part at the end. He, I mean, listen, this guy was a businessman of sex. Clearly. He was a salesman. He knew what he was doing. He sold you. He knew what he was doing.

The tequila at the beginning, you know, the conversation, the lead off, following up all the time, lead off with the woman. You know what I mean? And then following up with him, like I'm going to slip in. It was a scary night. It was a scary night. But that's the only time of I've ever like, I think that's the first time I heard that story with all of its details.

I always knew what happened, but I never kept all the details. I'll never, ever be able to like lose that story from my memory because it is like, I couldn't believe it. Like that was my first brush with people being creeps. My first brush. This guy was ready to fuck me or he would have asked me to fucking just, just on him. You know what I mean? Oh my God.

This guy might have. Wow. It was a weird, scary time. And I learned a lot from that. Well, some people are just way more fluid with their sexuality, you know, and that's cool. They're into, you know, bang my girlfriend kind of stuff. Is that there's like a whole thing about watching your significant other getting banged. Big time.

Cuckolding. What? Why? That would ruin. There's people are into like humiliation, like they like being, you know, there's men who like to be like, do you realistically think you could ever be talked into group sex? Yeah.

Why do you say eat? I was gonna say, yeah, but like I could like if I was like single and there was like four people. So I'm cut. All right. I'm not like banging a dude. Hey man. What's up, dude?

Already know. Hot start. No, like, no, you're not going to. Sup, bro. Nope. All right. Frankie. I don't.

Why is everyone in a skate shop? I don't know. We're going to the zoomies in the mall and then we're going to the sex place. I'm in blockbuster. You have a skateboard. Yeah. Sup, bro. Yeah.

All right. Last try. Last try. No. I didn't even get into it. Do you need to be drunk? It could never be strangers. Oh, you do it with your friends?

Not my friends, but at least one person that I know. Like if it was like a girl I was hooking up with and it was like her roommate and her boyfriend or something. I don't know. Like some weird shit. I don't know. I don't really think that I could, but I think that. You got wishful thinking here, Jeff.

It's not wishful thinking. It's just that I think that I'm not completely closed off to it. It would never. Like, you know, like I am with gay sex. I mean, maybe one day you'll turn around for gex. I won't turn into anything for gex. I think you might. Not into that.

Listen, I'm with you on that one. I'm joking aside. I have no, I have no physical attraction to a man. And I don't think there's ever a reality of me being able to have that attraction. I feel like it could, I could have been convinced a while ago. When you were 18, when I was 20 years old, you could have done anything. Yeah. You could have been convinced anything.

Yeah. Except for heroin. Yeah. Maybe that. But no, but like I think 20 year old Frankie is somehow more stubborn. Somehow more stubborn than my current self. I feel like I was way more like this is going to be a funny story. I'll just do it.

Like I feel like I used to do a lot of things for that reason. Do it for the story. Yeah. That used to be a thing. That was a big thing. And I think that was the advice you had gotten that night. Like this will just be funny. Just do it.

Put your life on the line. And let's be honest about something. It would have been hilarious. The story already is good. Think about how fucking awesome. Damn it, man. Think about this. If he didn't say that and you went and then he said it there while he is wearing my leather

jacket. Just naked. And I'm stuck and probably close to death. Yeah. You know what? I should have just slobbed on it just for the story. Well. No, probably not.

Good call on my part. Where can they find you, Frank? Oh, we're done? Fuck! Where to go from there? Yeah. Word association. Playwright.

Right. What? I said rape. You said rape. Right. No, I heard rape. TIT. Not TIT.

Right. You said TIT. Right. What is playwright and rape? I think I used that word last time as well. Which one? I think I did. Playwright.

Oh. But yeah, you guys know where to find me, FAlvors8085 on Twitter and come hang out with me if you want to play video games Mondays and Tuesday nights, twitch.tv slash FAlvors8085 and then the Frank Alvors on Instagram. Some dick took my name on Twitter, so I can't change it. That's why it looks like that. All right. Well, you guys can follow me at Joe Sanagato.

Go follow the show at theBaseMeyard on Instagram and TikTok and fucking patreon.com slash the BaseMeyard for all extra content every single week. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye! Bye-bye!