The Basement Yard - #269 - Farting On Birthday Cakes

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

Joe opens Frankie's eyes to the world of cake farting and it is... just glorious. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 welcome back to the basement yard okay listen up do you rob houses for pearl necklaces what because you look like you're basically Joe Pesci from halloween with this hat why the fuck would you wear that hat and not expect me to destroy you i wore it so that you would probably say i was i'm coming into my mustache this is what happens when you grow a mustache you just start dressing like you live in brooklyn a drink matcha tea i expect first of all great second of all i expect somebody else to be coming in your mustache not you yourself speaking of which someone's coming in your mustache apparently
Starting point is 00:00:34 dude oh my god i'm so i'm so glad you said that oh my god you're actually no glad not i'm no glad you know but a guy left a comment right uh and uh he said he's a gay man of course i'm assuming that very gay comment i assume well see that's that's a slippery slope because we say very gay things and neither of us have been proven to be gay yet this is next level gay really this is like super saying goku gay what's the gayest thing someone's ever said to you i'll forget to that one well this is just it just like like i don't mind people saying gay shit but this is so gay this is like i had someone once tell me they'd suck the
Starting point is 00:01:12 come out of my dick to my face a man a man damn that's that's that's next level you know what like you know like the force you would need to like extract it wait hold on that's not even that impressive where else is it gonna come out he's gonna if he sucks to come out of your ass no that i'm gonna be like oh damn like that's OD but what i'm saying is like there's a difference like you know what i mean like someone can like when someone like will go down you to bring you to ejaculate that's a different thing but when they say they're gonna suck like they're gonna pull it out it almost sounds like it's forceful talk about robbery that's what i'm saying they're gonna
Starting point is 00:01:49 burgle that dick of all that cum disgusting you look like that's exactly what you look like you don't look like a cat burglar you look like a scat burglar that's poop is scat poop yeah it is damn it you don't even know your stuff yeah i don't know the colloquial term kings um anyway so this guy he left me a message and it said mustaches are runways for gay men that's the first part of it i was gonna say that's not very gay no no no no now we're just we're talking about the runway i get it that's a pure that's that's an observation a fair one at that i'm gay confirmed all right i'm gay and ready to come in for a landing the runway yeah i hope the terminal is open so i can drop my kids off that's cum that is so much so much cum that but
Starting point is 00:02:37 isn't it so that's to me i just and i responded i said hey man you always started the hey man i noticed hey man don't say stuff like this to strangers because dude like i get like being like you're gonna get so many gay comments now guys i gotta go flood his shit with so many gay stuff i did i got like a whole a whole set do you you just get no see no one does that to me because you don't have a i'm not that good looking just a runway a runway stash just no but i i responded because he left me a long comment i think he deleted it actually damn don't out this guy i'm going out of him he just said yeah no but he he left me a comment and he was like oh it's okay for for women to do that but it's not from i was like dude what
Starting point is 00:03:24 dude one problem at a time i was like first of all one one of the least homophobic person in the world kissed me uh and two like it's one thing to be like dude you're really good looking and another being like i'm gonna come on your face that's what i said you know that's what i said when that when that when that unnamed person told me that they were gonna forcefully remove any ejaculate from my penis with fucking pure suction it's so heavy i was like hey man like you know and it was like in person there's a difference between keyboard warriors this person was like oh dude this close and they were like i'm letting you know what i would do to you and i'm like phew you know what i mean like damn and i get i get there's no like you had a choice i get there's
Starting point is 00:04:01 a double standard for years and years and years men have been able to say stuff like that to women i'm saying it's all wrong let's make that abundantly clear yeah heterosexual gay fucking everything just stop it just don't fucking tell people you're gonna just just suck the life out of them yeah dude to be fair if a woman commented on my picture i was like i'm gonna fucking squirt in your eyes i'd be like hey lady jesus what are you saying take it easy yeah i take it easy janice that is that is that would be very aggressive right i would definitely i hear what you're saying like i don't you know whatever you know there's gay dudes i have i'm all about i'm all about the you know the gay compliments because it makes me feel nice when i was in college i knew
Starting point is 00:04:42 someone uh it's just like 2012 2013 who the world was gonna end back then i remember that shit it was finishing up how can i forget i remember anytime i would like you would come up in conversation or you're like you'd post a picture or something she would she would text me saying just please offer to your friend that i'll sit on his face and i'm like you like listen why is she acting like that's a she's doing me a favor yeah like oh oh just let him know if he ever needs help he could i'll sit that's like her posting a picture i'm being like yo tell your friend if she ever wants to blow me yeah so stop tell her give me a ring i i knew that i knew that phone was coming in you know this is 230 dollars that phone was 230 dollars yeah i'm never gonna use it let me let you know
Starting point is 00:05:29 something very very very clearly that is the dumbest fucking purchase you've ever made first of all it's fully functional i can call 911 right now no you can't oh by the time you call 911 you would have been fucking 10 times dead 911 there's a gay man trying to come on me today weren't there i've been like have fun yeah but uh yeah like i remember that is clears day and i was just like listen i am very well aware that people are into certain things you know what i mean you want to pop a squad on someone's fucking face go for it awesome but like don't open with that you know what i mean like maybe like crawl into it a little bit you know how would you be regardless of the person if like they fucking came up to you and they were like i'm gonna sit on your face you'd be like
Starting point is 00:06:15 let me take a breath yeah also like let me tell that that's a very deadly way of having like you're probably times i mean it happens of course it happens you know during sex but like it's used so much and it's like i people really like the face sitting thing is a lot it's dangerous that's what i'm saying like people are like they're playing with fire listen you get the like a pretty excited woman on there you could die she's not coming off no uh if she's if she's got like her hands dug into the rug she's not going anywhere you know what i'm saying let me tell you man that's you're you're you're you're playing with fire someone had to have died that way there's definitely cases of people dying from getting their face sat on yeah i mean also do you
Starting point is 00:06:58 know it's a thing uh dudes yeah dudes like women who fart on birthday cakes please don't let's start that let's start right there you don't do that i'm gonna go to porno don't no there's cakes i don't want to see any farting on cakes yes you do i'm letting you know right now porno that will ruin my day frankie women are farting on cakes big big farts too so that's a collection of things that you know how they say like oh i can't get that is the worst sounding sentence i've ever heard my entire i love birthday cakes ice cream cake holy shit i love ice cream cakes but if it has spray fart on it send it back yo this woman is sitting on the shit of this cake whatever that means i don't know what no i so i i looked up uh farting on cakes it's a little woman honestly
Starting point is 00:07:49 but honestly she's she's what does little woman mean like a smaller woman like oh so not like a not like a little person do i'm talking in in porn terms it was a petite teen oh the fuck what do i mean to say she's a little i don't know if you mean like i'm saying she's not she's gonna have a thunderous fart no i'm saying like i thought you meant like little woman like it's you know like you know a little person i didn't know if you were like if they were holding them like a cannon no they were fucking cocking their butt and shooting farts out what i don't know i know this stuff works oh i'm letting you know all all jokes aside i don't want to hear this i don't want to see this well it's good frankly we have a job to do people we already talked about it too
Starting point is 00:08:31 much give me a pay raise and i'll watch it okay hold on a second we can't get it uh i'm gonna use that phone so much um but no i just wanted to know that i've seen a video like this before it's not this woman not this all honesty all honesty have you masturbated to a video no no of someone oh a farty video oh no no okay i would judge you a little bit we usually there's a judgment free zone right here but this is this is you know if you're farting on cakes out there and you're like you dude i love birthdays like how like yo you ruined my cake yeah i would be a little upset if someone farted on like like i i'm so in love with becca but if she ever said like hey i'm gonna fart on your cake good night yeah that's a surefire way to get divorced yeah i was saying in the first year
Starting point is 00:09:17 by the way i joke at her all the time this is a prop now you know what i mean yes it's binding love and all that but like a joke at her i'll be like see you i was gonna say harry potter fucking yeah you know whatever the fuck that movie is they're all doing magic um anyway lord of the rings um no so the first video i saw a woman farting on a cake uh she was letting out something like heavy hitters like she sounded like a like a southern barbecue eating beer drinking man like on a cake like bubbly uh well i mean you're she's battling the elements here oh my god i don't it's only five minutes i'm not listening oh she burped oh her name's kelsey that's a cute name gas as you already hear yo i'm letting you know this is gonna ruin my day
Starting point is 00:10:07 she's sitting on a cake it's a little cold she's sitting on the cake this is a pie also this is not a cake dude she just farted in the center of a pie i was i'm not jokes all right first of all oh my god jokes aside please turn and leave that the fuck off yeah no i'm done with that that is the most disturbing thing i am a new man because you know what sucks now my my whole pornhub algorithm is gonna be off there those cookies they're sending to your phone are gonna be all now i'm gonna sign on it's gonna be people farting on pairs and fruits the yo that's crazy man like listen i know that people are into whatever and i don't
Starting point is 00:11:08 judge like yo do your thing what how do you get fucking aroused from that well i just want to stop no stop yeah i don't know what like what boxes does that fucking check off i'll tell you how that happens no there's no there's no response frankie i'm telling i'm going to tell you the answer the answer is when you're like seven and you have an older brother that loves giving you like noogies and wedgies or whatever and he thinks it's funny to fart on your cake right and you have this traumatic experience being like oh my god my eighth birthday he farted on my cake but then that does something to you in here and then ten years later if me when you're experimenting with your high school sweetheart you're like hey lady to do on this and then you're
Starting point is 00:11:51 into it if i as a parent allow miles to fart on my unborn daughter's cake i deserve to get locked up well and and fucking kill me i think hang me in the square i think that uh you know it's it's a thing that it's a there's no like let's also stop and think about this that is so fucking unsanitary well that you're just just munching on poop well that's the reason why people like it because it's so demeaning and it's gross and it's like something about it's a raunchy what the fuck is wrong with you i want to preface this with that frankie i've always hated farts not a big poop fart guy i've always you know all my you know we have friends that are like oh dude you know it's fucking a nice shit dude josh used to send pictures of fucking huge shits he would take and
Starting point is 00:12:41 i would literally be like fucking stop yeah i've never i i think it's it's like there are certain parts of our body that we just don't need to explore we don't need to make fun of like just the we we all do it we get it but like it's not funny but your force are hilarious it is seldom that a well-placed fart makes me laugh it is wow quite rare what a disgusting life fucking fight me that's what i'm saying like i'm fine without it you don't think farts are funny it is it needs to be like the who you calling who you calling the comedy police security it is legitimately in my opinion the lowest brow and it is it needs to be no perfect a fart it needs to be perfect like i can tell you the last time i fart like laughed at a fart was fucking chappelle show
Starting point is 00:13:32 who farted on there like there's just like there was a fart dude what about like like you one time my grandma farted and dude i thought i was gonna die yo listen up i'll tell you right now my grandma farted and we fucking flamed her listen to me right now i one time dated a girl and her mom accidentally farted in my face what was she doing what were you what were you what were you accidentally farted in your face how'd she get in your face she was i was sitting down and she like bent over next to me to pick something up and farted in my face oh my god and i kid you not i was sprayed you very upset what did she say did you say she's like oh she like she was embarrassed obviously wait how big for fart reenacted just nothing crazy
Starting point is 00:14:19 do the fart nothing crazy with fart it was it what yeah it wasn't like a boom boom boom boom yeah that's not like you know spongebob walking yeah it was like it was something small like that it wasn't like a it was like a it was like a long it was like a dude that's great dude i let me tell you very upset you know me dude you know me i was very angry what did you say i she like she very clearly like apologized and it was like a topic of like humor and i was like it's fine don't worry about it i was like it's fine don't worry about it but like the person i was dating at the time knew i was like i was she was like are you mad and i was like a little bit did you go to the bathroom like wash your face like no no no no it was outside so the elements might have helped
Starting point is 00:15:10 oh they definitely helped yeah or they carried it right into your eyes right into my nose yeah and you can walk around with her shit didn't stink i could say that hot woman she's very good looking older woman that's a nice fart then bad ugly fart all farts all farts are bad let's make that very clear if she would have like thunder clapped her fucking tutor in my face i would have been very upset but it was it was pleasantly mild i should say it wasn't that fucking bad really mad i'm letting you know you know what it is thunder clapped her fucking tutor like one of those you know what i mean oh dude yeah because my dad's a bigger guy right looks like two guys mashed into one looks like a couple
Starting point is 00:16:02 yeah and uh when he farts i just feel bad for the fart dude because it sounds like it's going through such a struggle to get out your dad is a like an incredible producer of the most outlandish noises i've ever heard his farts his coughs his sneezes i remember as clear as day when i would sleep over your house you know like people wake up with like the birds are chirping or like mom is downstairs and you smell the bacon being cooked we would then wake up call at your house was yeah yeah he would he's he's uh you know he had a lot of mucus a lot of flim he was a flimmy boy he was a flimmy boy but yeah my dad my dad's farts would start and then it would take like a beat for it to like get out like you would hear like and then it would just come out like
Starting point is 00:16:49 and you'd be like the fuck was that it's like a fucking firework it's like dude speaking of ball rockets i know this is completely off of what we're talking about right now but there was this one time that me thomas and keith found like five bottle rockets right and we went into our own mailbox right you really showed your mom lit them and and one of them right we lit it and put in the mailbox and ran away and hid behind the bushes this is our own house and it went and the fucking mailbox like like exploded real quick dude my mom came outside and we were hiding so she didn't know who it was it was the funniest thing in the we did five times dude we were rolling on the ground why i don't know you just did it the looking back i
Starting point is 00:17:38 have no idea why we thought it was so funny but we could not stop laughing because we did the first time and she came out she's like she's scared you know like the fuck's going on we did five more times of that bitch you're fucking great yeah nothing i don't think i've vandalized houses as much as i have my own do you remember like when it would snow we'd say across the street from my house and pelt my window my own window with snowballs i feel like yeah fuck you and i did it and like 30 minutes later i'd have to go home into my own house and i just defaced defaced it's good times the only thing i never did in my own house was eggs eggs i did everyone else's house found her collapsed her fucking tutor yeah dude listen farts not really funny to me
Starting point is 00:18:21 maybe other people think they're the funniest thing in the world i think they're great especially when people fart by accident oh forget it listen i mean if it's accidental it happens you know what i mean like and i'm not the type of person that like you know say becker were to fart in front of me i wouldn't be like how how how dare you yeah i'd be like all right like it's fucking natural you know what i mean i know but then you'd go into the other room and scream into a pillow oh my gosh i was at my mom's house yesterday and she had been like they're married uh fucking vinn was like working out or whatever he was telling stories like i come inside and she goes hey you're gonna shower and he's like no not right now like i'm just gonna like i'm doing
Starting point is 00:19:08 something that i'm gonna shower and she goes all right how about you just like rinse with soap and he's like so shower what the fuck are you talking about dude becker lies to me all the time and listen she will watch this i know it's a lie she tells me she doesn't smell me i'll come home and my fucking grundle will be like the bayou and she will be like babe i'll i'll smell myself and be like holy shit i said she'd be like you'd smell your own grundle oh you could bend down and get down no i don't need to that's how that's how rough it could get yeah heat heat you know what i mean rises it's fucking bubble goop swamp down there sometimes oh my god these terms i'm killing it today bubble goop which is bubble goop swamp oh yeah of course bubble goop i think that's from
Starting point is 00:19:53 candyland joey remember played it of your wow i never played shoots and ladders either i have completely stupid uh but she'll be like you don't smell and i'll be like this is like you are a lying idiot and then like miles will come around the fucking the corner and he'll be like oh my god you need a shower and i'm like at least someone here is fucking honest with me she wants to make you feel good she does i appreciate that you're a disgusting smelly freak do you like your own stink no oh i i don't really use deodorant that much i'm not saying deodorant i'm saying like there's a difference between underarm stink because that's like a spice oh i can't i've never like you've my dick is just oh i've never felt like oh my god i have i have actively sometimes said like i'm
Starting point is 00:20:39 i'm a walking weapon jesus dude no i'll get a whiff of it if like you like play sports or something and then like you're like sitting on the toilet so your underwear is like right there yeah i'm like all right this is this is we need to call the police i am i am like a problem when i and i don't need to like do anything active like a day of work i'll come home i'm cooking let me tell you yeah it's bad what about if like you just like you sit around all day and like you do a lot of thinking so that kind of like wears you out mentally anything i do during the day makes me stink i just want to make that abundantly clear so you you always stink always stink right all right now i'm gonna give it i'm gonna give it to you too no i'm all right right now i'm pretty good
Starting point is 00:21:21 oh you went straight in yeah oh what am i what i go above the pants you smell above your pants yeah if it because if it leaks through the pants then you got then you know you got a problem jesus dude under the pants it could be you know the fucking fresh out the shower yeah smells like shit yeah like my dad my dad would take a shower in the bath to my back dude it smells like broccoli in here dude yeah absolutely yeah no i don't i don't really know what's going on with you that's not normal it's not it's not you just rub the top of your pants no i don't i don't just fucking go like that i go i go in i i you know i i explore the i go spelunking no and i'm okay right that's what i'm saying like if i do that if i spelunk and come out
Starting point is 00:22:05 and smell and it's not that bad what is this verb spelunking yeah like it's like cave exploring is that a for real thing yeah spelunking the fuck you have that mustache and you've never heard people say they go spelunking no dude i just wear suspenders and i work from home yeah you're a liar you absolutely are you only drink your coffee with the fucking breast milk from a cambodian immigrant you know there's like some uh power lifters that only drink breast milk someone recently said to me like you're gonna try your wife's breast milk right and i'm like yeah you've told me this like yeah and i'm like why like people like apparently it's the fucking the greatest stuff in the planet like it's like good for like skin i heard that breast milk is only it's like obviously there
Starting point is 00:22:55 are benefits to drinking it if just for you whatever blah blah blah but the breast milk is actually made cater to the baby yeah like if it's like the baby is a fever it'll like pump fucking ibuprofen yeah basically basically like the body knows dude you know what i thought about the other day babies don't drink water yeah for like the first like six months of their life it's just the titty it's just milk they need two things milk and no three things for the first six months of their life milk tits well that comes one in the other a place to sleep and fucking diapers that's it that's all they need that's all they and they don't even really need diapers you can just get a fucking log tablecloth you know what i mean like you could figure it out dude nuts it's just crazy
Starting point is 00:23:46 babies are weird and like apparently it's like it's like they need to eat so often because it's like it's in your mouth and out of your system in like 20 minutes dude i just thought about the other day because like i fed my nephew for the first time which by the way this dude suck in that milk dude babies are so fucking chill it'll be there dude isn't it wild to think that he's doing that to your fucking sister's nipple could have gone without that thanks a lot now think about this you were doing that to your mom's nipple were you breastfed yeah i think so for how long why would i know the answer to that people sometimes people ask i don't even know my blood type like i don't know any information i don't even know what color my eyes are i wrote green on my license but i
Starting point is 00:24:26 was a guess are they brown yo honestly they're like silver it's kind of crazy well i'll take it they're like silver hazel they're all over the place you love me if this is what it takes to make you realize it yeah uh but yeah you were probably munching on your mom's nipples yeah but no but that's why they use like nipple guards ladies have nipple guards and shit like that yeah dude those nipples they get uh they get fucked up what age do you think it's time to stop i mean what nipples cut them off stop the nipples uh like to stop breastfeeding oh dude i don't know i don't know the ages for anything like i don't know when babies just start talking or when they start walking or crawling walking is like a month
Starting point is 00:25:14 sorry a year jesus like imagine a month out there's fucking yeah like i'd say like a year to i'm like learning a lot because like i you got two nephews my nephew like all the time you got a niece on the way yeah so i i'm like learning all this shit but it's like i i never realized i don't know ages yeah yeah like i'm like yo should this kid be fucking talking or anything what's going on yeah is he dumb let's get dumb it's also tough because with miles like he is pretty he's like very smart in advance for his age so he was like forming full sentences at like 18 19 months like from what i would talk with him on the phone and like talk with becca and stuff like that so like i have a fear that my unborn daughter's gonna come out and she'll take like seven years to talk
Starting point is 00:25:56 that's too long that might be a little too long but like she'll take a little long it'll be like oh boy it's me it's my jeans i'm the idiot here yeah you know your milk can you imagine that would be dope no it would not be dope and maybe if it came from the nipple because you don't like nipples i forgot we talked about this yeah no one touched my nipples ever you don't like farts don't like your own nipples i i don't mind my nipples if i side of them i'll be like they're fine okay no no no not this i'm not talking about the site i don't want my nipples touched you don't like stimulus i don't me lie do you like your nipples being flicked and rubbed no no no i'm not saying i do but i haven't no i've never had them sucked on let's just get that out of the way no one's ever
Starting point is 00:26:33 sucked on my nipples either no i'm just that's what i'm saying like no one sucked on my nipples but all i'm saying is i don't know if that would be dope i think from growing up when we were kids like it was such a big thing to do like a purple nipple or a titty twister that it's like i i've been twisted out for my whole life you know what i mean like no more touching my nips i never got twisted too often to be honest with you do you want to speak of nipples keith that kid has unfucking breakable invincible nipples oh my god i forgot about keith's fucking dude keith's nip guys keith's nipples if you ever meet keith asa touches nipples he'll definitely let you do it he definitely won't but they yo you could pull him out with a fucking pair of pliers and twist
Starting point is 00:27:13 these things until oblivion and he'll be like yeah i forgot we used to do that back in the day because it was like a party trick basically yeah like yeah no it doesn't hurt and be like dude what do you remember my party trick was if i took a deep breath i can get kicked in the nuts and it wouldn't hurt you don't remember that i did whoa i forgot that was my party trick i had it on invincible nuts why did you say that because it's definitely it was like in no i was like there was a point in my life where like people could kick me in the nuts and i would just be like i'd able to suck it in i'd be like i swear to god like what a monk yeah it's all can you do it now pain is all i don't know and now no and now i'm not even gonna try hold your breath nope
Starting point is 00:27:53 because i want to have potentially more kids if we get five patrons because you had to just fucking eight thousand patrons you just fucking speaking of we forgot to mention it you can go to patreon.com slash the base of new york to become a patron today get exclusive content that nobody else gets the opportunity to see and you get every single weekly episode a week in advance it's really good we hit five thousand we did it we did that means we're doing the one chip challenge so this is so curtains being pulled back i came up with that and i knew as soon as we hit it i was like i said to beck i was like joey's not happy with me right now i because because this is the and this is the thing this is the different dynamic
Starting point is 00:28:39 is like in our relationship if there's ever been something that is going to cause bodily harm i'm the one doing it i'll do the frankie's like i'll do it yeah i'm like great you've never been the one to do it i'm really good at like watching you do that stuff you know like i'm really good at that part but i'm not good at doing it so the fact that you just volunteered me kind of i'm gonna pay for that well guess what you need to get rid of that much that soon and this will burn it right the fuck off it will if you want to check out i'm pretty sure the pocket chip challenge will be baseman yard patreon exclusive right yes it will so go to patreon.com slash the baseman yard and um you can also see the episode with the tape yeah so we still i'm healing months
Starting point is 00:29:19 ago i had said like if we get five thousand patrons like the goal was to get five thousand patrons by christmas and like we're not even at thanksgiving and we have crushed that um and usually every year in december you know i take the patreon check and we do something cool with it like last year we built we built a well in africa um in kenya specifically uh so this year like we've doubled and by the time it's christmas we'll be more than doubled what we were at last year when we did that's we're gonna be able to do something really cool so for anyone who joins the patreon just know that the month of december uh we're gonna be able to do some cool shit i haven't figured out what the fuck it is maybe we'll do like a well but we can do a well and then do a
Starting point is 00:30:02 bunch of other stuff too because it's like you can do two wells we can do two wells we can do fucking mad wells dude yeah we're fucking doing well drowning in water you know what i'm saying that's a little heavy yeah i'm gonna say that but definitely go check it out as i said before patreon.com slash the baseman yard joey let's see the friends of the show that yeah let's find out who the hell is uh paying the old lights the light bills uh let's get to mvmt here we got mvmt this holiday season uh that's a great gift you can get them uh get whoever i'll watch okay that's a unisex gift they also have blue light glasses and stuff like that uh blue light ever scroll filtering glasses okay they're a personal favorite of mine i wear them um when i'm working so that i
Starting point is 00:30:45 don't burn my eyes out because i wear contacts sometimes i forget to take them out so my eyes are super dry and then looking at a screen all the time you're gonna need some blue light glasses so you don't strain your eyes so they have great blue light uh glasses that are really stylish and they have great watches uh watches that feel like a 400 to 500 watch for a fraction of the price and they're durable they're really nice they have a bunch of different styles so definitely go check them out um they have a super sleek matte black packaging and you just add a bow and you're good to go great gift um again that uh well not again but for the first time are you guys hearing you get fast free shipping and free returns mvmt.com slash basement okay mvmt.com slash basement um
Starting point is 00:31:28 for all of these things all right so go check them out and uh go buy someone something nice speaking of buying things that are nice we have indochino here that makes custom suits okay you can get a suit at a fraction of the cost to have a custom fit if you go to any other store you're going to be buying a suit that's you know long or in certain places or it doesn't fit as well and you know it's a racket they want you to tailor it at the same store it's this whole thing but with indochino you get everything custom fit and you can customize the whole thing you can get it monogrammed you could do the like the lapel or the jacket the like blazer shirts coats whatever you want the pants like it's great um so go check them out um everything customized like you should
Starting point is 00:32:07 have a customized suit you know uh at least one and they have a black friday event right now um they have suits custom suits for just 289 dollars which is insane okay and with the promo code basement you'll save an extra 30 on any purchase of 399 dollars or more um that's indochino.com and the promo code is basement spelled i n d o c h i n o dot com the promo code is basement go get yourself a nice suit some a custom suit make it nice make it your own um so go check that out uh next year we have hello fresh uh hello fresh is the uh you know they have pre-measured ingredients pre-packaged and what's the word i'm looking for pre something i forget but hello fresh they offer convenient no contact delivery to your doorstep with easy cooking for the whole family
Starting point is 00:32:58 basically you order these meals online they give you the instructions on how to cook it the recipe and you know everything is like proportioned was the word i wanted um so nothing goes to waste and you can just make this meal and then save that card you can make it again sometime you know this is very like uh awesome for me because you know i just don't know what to cook like i'll just make chicken brown rice and broccoli or something or just pasta or whatever the hell you know so i don't know anything any cool recipes so this is good with that and they also have a bunch of different uh you know types of meals they have 20 minute meals low calorie vegetarian can't approve the recipes so you can just kind of categorize where you want to land if you want to
Starting point is 00:33:37 do strictly vegetarian they can you know hook you up with some good vegetarian food um and they're all high-grade you know food as well high-grade whatever the hell but anyway uh go to hello fresh dot com slash basement 90 and use the code of basement 90 to get 90 off including free shipping okay uh hello fresh dot com slash basement 90 and use the code basement 90 for 90 dollars off including free shipping all right so if you want to get into cooking or you want to get some new recipes or this and that definitely hit up hello fresh that would be the best for you um and lastly here heading on over to the downstairs the dick area we have blue shoe which brings the first chewable uh you know the same FDA approved active ingredients as viagra and sialis okay
Starting point is 00:34:26 and it's not just for anyone who's got a rectal dysfunction or anything if you got a dick it could always be better all right unless it's like fucking just a perfect just a always pumping full of blood but how many of those exist in the world maybe eight all right so if you're not one of those people uh definitely go check out blue chew uh if you want to take it to the next level you can take them anytime day or night even on a full stomach or whatever you know uh so go to bluetooth.com use the promo code basement to try it for free okay also bluetooth is prescribed online by licensed physicians so you don't have to go to the doctor's office or wait in line at the pharmacy all right it ships right to your door into discrete packaging so your
Starting point is 00:35:03 neighbors don't know i'm about to get that mega dick tonight you know what i'm saying so go to bluetooth.com spelled b l e b l u e chew dot com use the promo code basement to try it for free all right there you go that was good that's all we have for today so joey uh you know we got thanksgiving we got thanksgiving thanksgiving you know and uh i actually made a list of things that i'm grateful for well wait yeah thanksgiving is this well when this comes out it'll be that week it's that kind of week so people might be watching this around the table with their parents if someone were to put this episode on when they're like eating thanksgiving dinner god help you your family's gonna hate you also do you think people watch this show with their family
Starting point is 00:35:52 you know i don't know weird that would be we're talking about coming on faces yeah yeah you said your mom's over there laughing he goes ma yeah why is mom laughing at that yeah you know mom's like fucking reminiscing through the good old times if you're sitting there watching what your mom right now and she's laughing you know what that means mom mom caught a hook yeah so i made a list of things that i'm thankful for um in in general and specifically for this year and i wanted to go through them with you and see if you had anything that you wanted to add or if you concurred or if you're not thankful for them okay does that work all right i'll start off with some there's some good ones on here there's some serious one so i'll start off with an easy one you know
Starting point is 00:36:34 i'm thankful for ghost poops ghost poops yes that's the easy one you start with what is ghost poops you know like so you're sitting on the toilet sitting on toilet and you you finish and you go to white and it's like oh we're like there's no poop on the on the um and it's toilet paper it's pristine someone already took care of it for you yeah you know the the toilet fairies were in there and they scrubbed you real quick and then they let you get out of there yeah that's something to be grateful for what what what like attributes like is that like a good fiber everything is just working over time i don't know i don't know what it is sometimes i get that and i'm like are you ever get like the deer poops though yeah i know exactly what you're talking about yeah dude the
Starting point is 00:37:20 other day i haven't gotten those in years dude i had the deer poops the other day and it was fucking awesome really yeah dude it was like someone started to skip rocks out of my ass into the toilet it's like it's like you swallowed nerds just fucking no chewing and then you came out the other end yeah my butt became a like a a shotgun i was like spray a fucking poop particle it's fucking gumball machine in it in the toilet yeah dude also have you ever you haven't had your ass waxed right no why is that a crazy question have you no i haven't but i'm saying why you got scared i was i was getting i waxed my i'd feel weird do let it making someone do that six thousand patients no stop it no not in a pandemic i'm not gonna put my asshole in the wind i'll do it for a
Starting point is 00:38:03 stroke i'm not gonna let you wax my asshole why not because coward go on anyway that's a deep dark secret back there that's a chamber of secrets i've seen you but i have a i i i have pictures of your butt hole oh my butt yeah my butt hole but my help but the people how much worse can it get dude you don't like farts you're gonna be playing around with my butthole you don't think i'm gonna squeeze out of what do you think i'm gonna be doing summoning the fucking demon out of your ass no i'm not gonna be doing any of that i'm saying i could accidentally fart and then you're gonna look at me weird joey you fart all the time if i don't look at you weird yet yeah but you haven't seen my butthole do it do it i've never seen anyone's butthole fart so what does that look like
Starting point is 00:38:53 oh god you freak um no i'm asking that because like with the ghost poops right i'm just imagining someone who has a waxed asshole with a ghost poop a waxed hole it must just be like fucking like waxing a car like the headlight like like you like just mad smooth of what your asshole yeah because if you have no hair if you have no hair and there's no there's no you think you think it's just a fucking just just like this down there there's fucking ridges you take a close-up picture of an asshole i guarantee it's gonna look like the rocky mountains no i know that but i'm saying like you could just slide in and out of that thing you know what i'm saying maybe maybe maybe you want to do it that must be tough though because like if you sweat which i sweat so like you know when
Starting point is 00:39:39 like sweat goes down like into your butt yeah you know the hair kind of like stops it and it's tracks like yo chill you can't go that far well that's what hair is meant to do but if you don't have that hair it's gonna be that whoop it's gonna be fucking grand rapids down there absolutely have a little river of sweat in my fucking bonch that'd be gross that'd be gross all right so are you thankful for the the go-sip go-sip opies yeah yeah they're nice thank also thankful for drinking water after chewing on winter fresh gum and specifically the little cubes oh that's not winter fresh winter fresh is from the nineties winter green or whatever it's called oh yeah that's different yeah yeah do you like it when you drink the water when you know it makes my teeth go cold
Starting point is 00:40:19 what don't know what i do you don't like when you drink it and it just like travels down oh and you could feel it oh when i drink hot chocolate sometimes i could why do you look at me like i just had a drink fucking urine go on you drink hot chocolate and it's so hot that it's like oh my god i can feel all no i don't want that no i don't like it i don't like the hot ones no i mean i don't i don't like any of this honestly just give me like a regular temperature drink yeah i don't want to feel it extremely cold extremely hot i'm right in the middle you know i can't i like my tea lukewarm you know what i'm saying that's insane you don't like your well it's if it's too hot you you burn yourself well i mean right below that where it's like you know you can't like a good
Starting point is 00:41:02 coffee and tea temperature is right when you're like i could i'm gonna sip this but i can't drink it because it'll hurt me i'm all about drinking it you want to just drink it like it's a bottle of water yeah not like room temperature like hot still but like i guess i got a more you know a stronger esophagus than you do yeah i'm not yeah all right another thing i'm thankful for joey i am thankful for me shirtless yeah are you i don't know if you saw i got a rash from the tape suit where
Starting point is 00:41:44 oh now you're being all bashful you just had your shirt with the fucking over your head look at it yeah i mean the tape is probably not good it so it definitely tore some of my clogged pores and it fucked my pores up yeah that's good it um it was not good for my skin for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about like on our patreon since we hit 4 000 followers frankie's out of nowhere frankie's like i'll wear a tape suit what do you mean out of nowhere we're doing an episode on it no i'm saying like i know but you're like i'll do that so like came out of nowhere like no one asked you to do that listen i need to prove my worth around here okay and he just wore a tape suit so that's why it was on our patreon but anyway okay would you say me shirtless
Starting point is 00:42:21 i'm thankful for it oh yeah and also i love how you pulled up your shirt like a fucking five-year-old well how else am i gonna do it i don't know you just you could you could have not let it all do you pull up your shirt like hot like yo let me ask you a question let me ask you a question speaking of pulling off your shirt yeah how do you take off your shirt like what's your first move the neck it just mimic it real quick and then right oh yeah that's how i do it to the people that do this how how do they do that they're trying to be fucking sexy and they're failing do you know how hard this is do it i can't yeah my arms get i don't know how people i don't know how people don't like do it and they're like that's not real that's only in movies my hands get here
Starting point is 00:43:07 yeah and then they it's an op it's an optical illusion people don't fucking really do that dude i've seen people do it and i'm like this is so what is that just take your shirt off like this pull it off your head yeah there's nothing i do like i can't remove an article of clothing sexy yeah i go like this and then i go back and i pull it off my head yeah what is what is this yeah the fuck what are you a butterfly yeah the fuck out of here doesn't make sense fucking chill out ballerina um malina fuck off i'm also thankful joey for what did you say you're thankful for me shirtless of course um videos of kids sneezing i'm thankful for those i saw one recently and i realized like these are a part of society that doesn't get enough love is this like a porn thing
Starting point is 00:43:52 no joey it's kids what's wrong with you but like you ever see the videos of kids like on like a choir singing like no first no and they're just fucking the amount of spray i spit a couple times that came out of there you got you got plenty of sanitization stuff in here okay where in the you know you got spray okay this kid you know those people that's stocked up on fucking clorox wipes before the pandemic sitting next to one right here no i've actually had those since my old apartment those two yeah guess where the pandemic started in your old apartment that's a fact jack yeah no but i had them before that but anyway sure uh but like i love it because it reminds like you see the kid trying to be cute and then it reminds you instantly that they're just
Starting point is 00:44:40 dumb fucking little idiots stupid bitches i love being reminded how stupid kids are because it makes me feel so awesome like i don't get me wrong i love videos of kids like miles of soul time he like acts like by the way this is weirdly like specific of them it's okay it's okay like you know how like kids will be like adults like they'll talk like an adult that's also cute i just want to say this i hate that i love it when kids talk like if i see a kid you remember before i was saying like i don't really know what ages people are supposed to start doing stuff but when a kid i feel like looks super young but they talk like so eloquently eloquently and they can like have a conversation about like sports or whatever and you're just like hey like i just
Starting point is 00:45:21 want to point at it and be like no well that's why i like this because it brings them back down it humanizes them it's like oh my god this little kid is so smart and then they'll fucking do something stupid like that and you're like you're still a dumb little bitch you know what i mean that's why i like it i'm thinking before it doesn't sound like you are no i you know i i've been different about children sneezing uh next on my list uh my family my wife myles my more daughter my brothers my sisters my mom my dad makes your question yeah no i'm not gonna ask you a question i'm just gonna put something out there for you okay you have your family on this list of course after ghost poops well i the order it doesn't matter children sneezing the order doesn't matter it's not about order
Starting point is 00:46:07 yourself shirtless well then what was the other one back there that one might be uh dream water after the winter gum um that one the shirtless that might be order you know but the rest of the orders don't matter okay it doesn't matter it's just as the my thoughts were rolling in they were they were getting put on paper your thoughts were rolling in the first thing we're like dude when i take a poop and it doesn't have to be a wipe i i'm not saying i do that i'm i missed i missed the opportunity also let's get this out there how do you wipe forget about how you wipe gone i meant like what do you do with the paper i put it in the bowl hey man before that i'm saying like you grab it what do you do with the paper are you like folding it or are you just like you know
Starting point is 00:46:57 i'm saying i'm just fastball it's a fat yeah it's it's a spitball like at that point in time these people that sit there and fucking make doilies out of it like fuck you i know it's making origami or watch your ass with a swan yeah who gives a fuck dude pack it in there you know i'm saying it's in the glove throw a fucking curve yeah that's what i'm doing i'm rolling fingers in that bitch i'm just fucking yeah dude you ever see a pitcher get a brand new baseball and they grab and they start going like this yeah that's what i do with the paper and then i go back there and then you know it'll scrub oh you go play ball you go back and forth no no no i'm saying like you go like you're back there i was gonna say back and forth joey you're fucking back and forth
Starting point is 00:47:33 what do you mean oh no i'm not saying that's what you were doing i'm i'm i'm exaggerating do you go back to front or front of back no i go how you do you go under yeah i don't know all sides wow you like to get a different plans or attack over here i grabbed two like a front back you go and meet in the middle and just fucking exactly that would be good uh what were they saying yeah my family can you imagine going from the front just pushing it back it's like when people like kick fucking ice cubes under the fray they're just like just get back there uh but yeah i'm thankful for my family you're obviously thankful for my family how did we get here from your family i don't know uh all right joey i'm also
Starting point is 00:48:22 thankful for trees that have parts of them that look like vaginas oh dude pussy trees oh my god they're so dope fucking awesome dude i love when a tree has a pussy like you know what i'm saying like you know there's a tree i don't know where it is i don't remember oh it was by our school like our fifth grade school and i remember going over to it and just being like you were fucking rubbing up on trees i wasn't putting my stuff on it but i was like oh no it's on your block it's on your block you have a pussy tree on your block i did yeah when where dude right down the like like literally two houses over big big the big tree big tree big pussy big fat pussy we need to go visit fat pussy tree we need to visit that if you're not doing anything
Starting point is 00:49:14 after this we can go over there we can touch that tree and like not that it was doing anything for me sexually it was more to like be funny and like touch it but when were you doing that you know making jokes before you die it was a comedy act you're a fucking career comedian you know i'm saying a comedian you hear me josh i did that out oh Jesus christ but i am thankful for them because it like it's it's a pleasant surprise you know what i mean like nature's got a weird way of just vaginas yeah and also like some trees are just like but then there's also like peaches like you ever cut a peach open oh dude this thing yo do you just chill what are you trying to do to us yeah yeah so very i'm very thankful for that yeah also yo you know what's weird about like trees
Starting point is 00:50:04 you know speaking of me looking like a robber you remember when they had trees where they would have like a hole in it and they would be like hollow yeah and like owls will live in there and like an owl where the fuck did this happen the owl spoke english and was wise yeah what are we talking about this is real life that the fucking hundred acre woods that shit doesn't happen also like why did owls get the bid to be like the smart ones like that should have been turtles they live to be like 10 thousand years old that's why my high school mascot was the owl because there's a poem by William Cohen Bryant and he says some shit like we all wish we could be as wise as an owl or some shit why are owls smart yeah no one they're so tootsie pops and that's it they're stupid
Starting point is 00:50:43 they're scary that's why they only come out at night they're scary they're fucking stupid bitches they're scary they're like predators like well i know they're predators they're like scary motherfucker i've never i've never seen one in real life you spin their head around the fuck that thing can that well i know that they could do dude i would punch a fucking owl not i'd be a knock it's like i'd like to meet an owl that thing might fuck you up yeah it would that's what i'm saying like that's why it's a fair fight like i'm a hit owl i'll kill any animal you know like i won't like hit most birds that one could do some damage to me so i'm knock it's fucking if you're like owls don't have feathers they just have a coat like a jacket
Starting point is 00:51:16 like they're just under a hood yeah i don't know but also like like trees don't look like that like back in the day they'd be like oh yo we kidnapped your son here's a ransom note and also ransom notes dude how about just writing down like why you cutting everything out of like fucking newspapers or whatever like no one's got the technology back then to like read your fucking handwriting like you'll be all right write it lefty you're good the zodiac did that but then they would put the fucking money in like a tree trees don't work that way yeah unless you rigged it so like it did but it doesn't you can't hollow out a tree it fall down that's what i'm saying like if there's just fucking holes in trees these things are going to topple over you need one
Starting point is 00:51:53 fucking gust of wind to come and boom done you lose your house bang um all right joey i'm also thankful for tis the season christmas scented candles hell yeah oh not those fucking cookie ones fuck the cookie one the sugar sugar and spice whatever they call it vanilla cookie it smells like sugar cookie garbage yeah mistletoe lube me up throw me in the back of a pig pen and just watch me go to town on this fucking column clear my schedule i have to jerk off mistletoe whoa that was cool you heard that that's what it did that's why hanging up phones lost star listen to this try it again you put her to bed or i'm gonna put you on the street you had it if you you didn't damn it you do it again three josh cut this out no don't
Starting point is 00:52:49 it's a one-time thing let them see how fucking human he is so they know he's not perfect anymore christmas scented candles yeah get me going there's no season that has better scented candle mistletoe best one i have two of them in there just now i'm just bought from bed bath and baby i don't i'm gonna steal it and uh there's a there's another one called like magic like potion electric forest or some shit like some weird some wild shit yeah and it smells good i'm gonna steal well well don't i will i'll hit you just just doc me doc me a month of pay that'll cover the cost i'll doc you all right you know what docking is no that's when you put your dick in someone else's dick how do you do that sheer will determination okay so you're thankful for christmas and a
Starting point is 00:53:34 candle hell yeah joey i'm also thankful this year is almost over 2020 boy you're at the beginning of the year when people were like new year new decade my vision is going to be 2020 i'm gonna make it my bitch i'm gonna say something i didn't i i'm not one of those people is like yo it's a fresh start like for a year i'm a fresh start on every monday like i'm like this this week i'll be good being rich is a mindset if you get there you will do it go ahead joey never been that guy but uh no so like but i did have a thing of being like yo 2020 like i'm gonna see things clearer of course you were yeah and i don't you know we saw it just as covered in shit as they've always let me tell you uh another thing obviously
Starting point is 00:54:20 thankful for our patrons patreon.com slash the basement yard very thankful for the patrons cheap plug already went through that whole fucking thing she peeled before but keeping my head afloat let me tell you thank you thank god uh also obviously i'm thankful for you joseph patrick adolf sanagato very thankful for you i couldn't ask for couldn't ask for a better friend and a better opportunity oh man it's been some great months i'm glad i made it not glad that you threw eight off in my name well at least people know now your confirmation name no i what was my confirmation name michael i believe no nicolas michael's keith's middle name is it yeah kms kiss my shorts that's keith all right i don't know why i do that anytime someone says their
Starting point is 00:55:04 middle name i instantly go to like the initials i promise you this is a real thing that i'm about to say okay i've never once thought you were lying so my middle name is patrick yep right so it's joseph patrick sanagato jps when i was younger i thought that because my initials were jps that i was gonna open up the dopest postal service because it's it sounds like jps like joe postal service yeah and that was like my dream for like a certain amount of time i even made a logo it looked just like ups but it was jps boy you were an icon from the start that is one of the dumbest things i've ever fucking heard entrepreneur yeah right uh joey i'm also thankful for jorts now listen i have not caught on to wearing jorts i don't think i've ever seen you wear
Starting point is 00:56:06 jorts i haven't i'm not a big jorts wearer but it's it's coming now why because that's a statement you know what i mean you know how i am with my sense of fashion i've always gone a little against the grain and like i just feel like i'm ready for jorts now i'm gonna be a dad i'm a heavier those are khaki shorts kind of thing i'm heavier yeah that goes with jorts and i like short shorts yeah it's time for jorts it's time i know you have a pair of jean capris or whatever stupid shit you're wearing don't have capris yes you do i don't joey wears capris guys he doesn't and uh she's nothing blinded me for a second but i think i'm ready like i i think it's time for the jorts i don't know you don't think i could pull it off i
Starting point is 00:56:52 don't know i you probably could this doesn't help in deciding whether thunder is gonna help the thunder uh your thighs yeah you pack some those thighs into a pair of jorts thing of those thighs i have a pair of just fucking american made denim baby i have one pair of jorts i know you do they're like distressed too i know oh you love distressed clothing i don't yes you do in your fucking look at you of course you do tell me how much fucking gas mileage you've saved riding your bike to work every day fucking idiot city bike uh okay uh joey i am also i actually trim some of these down because some of these aren't as funny or good um i'm very thankful for being screamed at by keith sanagato oh it's a ride to passage it's a ride to passage you're you're a member
Starting point is 00:57:47 of the family when you get screamed at by him yeah keith's a maniac dude i love it he's just like unabashedly fucking nuts dude the other day the other day we were playing call of duty and he the best is that like for the most part keith knows what he's about to scream right because most time it's just fuck but uh there was this one time the other day where he screamed i think it was like yesterday he screamed but then fumbled on his words and then it just ended in a scream like he's like yeah dude i was dying i was dying i love that like there my favorite part about getting screamed at by keith is if you ever combat it like if he's like you're fucking sucking you and you like instantly go back like yo shut up there's that's there's those like minute of quiet and he comes
Starting point is 00:58:37 back to hey man that was a really good job you did there you know what i mean my mom actually yesterday was saying because i was at i was at uh my mom's house and she was like she's like it's so crazy that like keith screams like he's never been angrier in his life ever and then literally the next second he's laughing yeah it's like the fuck yeah like yo we were playing keith and i were playing call of duty and we were arguing about the game and he's like freaky this gang fucking sucks it's the worst and and i was like keith chill and he was like no don't fuck i was like don't i was like stop don't fucking scream at me and then it became like quiet and then like i gotta kill like a minute later he's like good kill frank you just spit all over me i hope you see that like it no
Starting point is 00:59:24 sorry uh but yeah it's right it passes i love getting screaming at bikey uh three things i got left here joey things i'm thankful for sweet uh being called a bitch by a gay man you ever been called bitch by a gay man not that i oh dude it makes you feel pretty good about yourself why call you a bitch any it's like it's like a good bitch or a bad bitch it could be both you could be a bad bitch no not like a like a bad i'm saying like you could be a bad bitch you could be a dirty bitch you could be a hot bitch yeah but like those are all good bitches but any bitch being called a by a gay man it's like it's like you're in the club now no no i'm yeah like if it's a good bitch but like bitch is not an offensive word anymore guys let's make that clear
Starting point is 01:00:03 you can't call someone like yo you're a fucking bitch i'd be like damn i can't take that serious why because it's also a term of endearment that's like if i it depends on the emphasis like yo you're a fucking bitch like damn you bitch like those are different no dude there's something about a gay man calling you a bitch that just is heartwarming like it makes you feel good inside like if i like when gay men call a bunch of straight men bitches where is that like happening a lot because like you know i feel like gay men i mean at least the gay man that i know they walk in room and they like that shit up and they're like dude bitches we know one gay man in particular like hey bitches and you're like sup like immediately i'm like yeah i'm one of them
Starting point is 01:00:44 i'm one of the bitches now what's up we know a gay man who like lets it rip on other gay men when they're like oh those fucking gay bitches oh yeah it's like they can say it because that's them you know what i mean like good for them good for you but yeah being called bitch by a gay man is like really endearing i like it a lot uh two words uh i'm really thankful for the people that think that the term caring is as bad as the n word because they're so stupid and it reminds me that not everyone is stupid can you imagine john malaney in the stand-up he said he's like you know how you know they're not as bad as each other because you say one word you don't say the you know can you imagine being like uh you know how hurtful it is to be called karen i haven't seen any videos
Starting point is 01:01:29 of that but i do love the videos of like white women freaking out at like supermarkets also like why is it always like a supermarket dude women because where do they go white women love super markets my mom loves supermarkets i mean i gotta admit why the shit i got i gotta admit i love supermarkets too i'm not a big supermarket but if you try to tell a white woman what to do in a supermarket you're you're trying to rewrite the you know that's what i think it is i think that's there like that's their haven basically because it's like yo i'm gearing up i got my coupons you know i'm saying my flats and i got shit to do you know i'm saying and like i know where the sales are and all this shit my mom knows where everything is like i don't even ask people in
Starting point is 01:02:14 the store i'll call my mom and be like yo where is what isles is in really she'll know your mom knows number numbers of aisles bro i'm fucking supermarkets that she's been to once like she just fucking knows that's pretty fire it's insane i don't do that so like i think that's her shit so if it went there and tried to disrespect her in her own house it's on dude the most time my mom almost broke my arm in a supermarket really by accident she like pulled you like come on so no that's probably sound like draco mouthful it's a come on butter so i was in the fucking uh the cart and she was pushing me in bj's and i had my arm out and uh my mom told me to shut up after this too i'll never forget that but i had my arm out and it's like one of those big pillars or
Starting point is 01:02:58 whatever and my arm got caught on it and then i just got stuck like this so i just went i screamed madly i was like and she was like oh my god are you okay like whatever but then everyone was looking at her like holding my arm and making sure that i was good and it looks like this bitch was putting me in like one of these you all right stop resisting yeah and i was like and i screamed and everyone was probably looking at her like yo this woman abuses her child that's crazy i was at um a while back uh becca and i brought miles to like a thing like a play date and there were other parents there and supermarket no no no just in general just in general and you know how like someone will be like oh i hit him with the go to sleep you know what i mean like and like when you
Starting point is 01:03:40 say to someone like but you use the term like i hit him with the yeah i was talking with these parents and we were talking about like you know how like we like discipline are you know fucking kids and shit like that and i went like oh fuck yeah hard so hard i hit him and then like one of the persons like like i realized like what i was saying they were like and i was like oh i hit him with the you're lying to me you know what i mean they're like oh okay so now all these parents think that i'm just home just fucking absolutely wailing on this kid is fucking sleep that isn't your kid well you know what i mean yeah but yeah yeah i don't i don't get why people judge parents so much in the fucking like if they knew how fucking hard it was oh dude you do not believe the drama
Starting point is 01:04:22 in the parent world dude i mean i'm seeing it like people back all the time women just comparing like oh my kid sleeps through the night mine doesn't do i see it i see it sometimes i see it sometimes raise your kid probably gonna suck anyway man they're all they all suck to an extent he's right he's right they all do joe i cannot wait until you have kids why because you are gonna fucking it is gonna open up a new level of comedy for the show oh god yeah honestly yeah i'm actually looking forward to you to your daughter shitting your mouth or something i'm i told Becca i was like i need you to realize like that's where i'm gonna talk shit about our daughter i'll be nice to her but this is like when i'm home i love her so much i'll die for her whatever but like i'm
Starting point is 01:05:03 gonna talk shit about her like a lot like this medium was not around when we were kids so we could only imagine like the amount of times our parents sip coffee at a fucking you know cafe and just just lit us up with insults dude i cannot wait for the day that you come in here like the week after your daughter's born and you're like dude it was the greatest day of my life and she is so beautiful but what a fucking does it shut up yeah we'll see we'll see how that all right i got one more thing that i'm thankful for okay and i i think you're thankful for this too is um small penises are cool now what like remember when we were kids all the fucking 13 year old run around like oh i got a big dick no you don't listen you're 13 i'm 13 year olds don't have big dicks trust me
Starting point is 01:06:05 well you know what i mean though like when we were 13 you know what i mean though you know what i'm saying like when we were kids it was all about like oh my big my big balls bop bop bop bop now people are like no man i got an average weiner like maybe on the smaller side people are like cool with it now yeah i mean honestly a little off topic but i remember specifically being in like fourth grade and your brothers were yelling at this kid alex that we know right and they said to him your brother chris said to him yeah well you got a big penis and alex went thank you nice awesome i don't remember this specifically they're so awesome so yeah well you got a big so awesome awesome dude told me the story that there was an asian kid who didn't really know a
Starting point is 01:07:08 lot of english and um he uh was talking to this girl and dylan was like having him up he was like oh yo you're gonna like you're gonna get it in like whatever like eighth grade or some shit because like yeah yeah so the next day season he goes yo how was that like whatever he goes very good she had big pussy so where's this guy from from fucking what india what accent was that very good i don't know bro fucking besides the point big he said she had a big pussy so interesting how men need to be bigger and women want to be smaller you know what i mean like men want to have big loot be all loose boy and women want to be small and tight that's true can we just all agree that it all of it's beautiful no matter the size girth stink
Starting point is 01:07:59 the size it's all stink it's all beautiful baby it is kind of funny though to be like you all need something massive like a little thing it's like first of all that wouldn't work out yeah any other you know thing yeah you know what i'm saying yeah but that's what i think 2020 that's what i'm thankful for this year joey so technically if you if you prefer a guy with a giant wean technically you're saying you got a big puss it's gotta fit and technically they're all big what they're i'm not gonna they're all big let's be honest yeah those things those things are fucking modern marvel maybe they don't maybe they don't start big but they get big they get there yeah they open up they if you you know so you can't be bragging about this you know make a couple
Starting point is 01:08:42 life choices and then it's all fun until it's the size of a pomelo forget i'm talking about those those things are big buddy you know what the fuck that is a giant ass fucking melon nice that's a big boy like a dragon fruit no those things are small dragon fruit dragon fruit like this big i thought those were like the big no you're talking jackfruit i don't even know what that is those are the ones that are like spiky on the outside yeah yeah jackfruit oh okay the fuck that's that by the way jackfruit this is good apparently people use it like vegans use it as like an alternative to meat like pulled pork and pulled chicken they use it ill they're fucking dumb we are like i'm glad we're at a point now where we can talk about vegans and how stupid they are fuck you all why
Starting point is 01:09:24 i don't greg's a big sorry greg no but yeah no greg isn't stupid and neither is eric or or Steph or or any of our yeah they're all being outside of our friends they're all stupid all the people that i don't know or ever have to face i'm talking about them yeah yeah yeah exactly um anyway it's been fun frank it has it always is yes uh we're adding to this that's not recording we're yes it is you fucking asshole because i'm just kidding uh Jesus relax joker you like that we're adding to the set here you know i'm saying i got the phone joey got a phone and i got a i got whiskey kind of not a bad trade off i wish i had some whiskey over here you i'm gonna keep adding to it you want it no i'm good right now uh but also we have more stuff coming we're adding to the set
Starting point is 01:10:11 it's gonna look real nice all right you know where to find me f albert is eight zero eight five on twitter and on twitch if you want to come play video games with me monday's and tuesday night's and then the frank albert's on instagram and cameo yep and you can find me at joe sanagato go follow the show on tiktok at the baseman yard and on uh instagram at the baseman yard uh and yes thank you to all of our patrons who are at five thousand right now trying to take it as high as we can you know i'm saying ten thousand or something all right so uh yeah that is all patreon.com slash the baseman yard to join the patreon you get every episode a week in advance and you also get uh an extra episode every single week all right and that is all see you guys next time

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.