The Basement Yard - #271 - DMing A Famous Celebrity

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

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Welcome back to the basement yard, Frankie. What's good? I got something on my eye. I just got something in my eye. Is it pee-pee? No. Well, that fucking is awesome. Thank you for saying that word. Because- Wait, pee-pee? Yep. Starting off with pee-pee.

Okay. Let me fucking peel back the fourth wall for you guys a little bit. Isn't it the third wall? Fourth, fifth. Right before we started recording, Joey fucking peed. Door open, by the way. It's my house! Well, I'm here.

What does that mean? I gotta barricade myself in there? Have some fucking respect. I don't want to hear your piss. I'm taking a whiz. What year is it? Taking a whiz. Taking a whiz. My mom once fucking smacked me in the teeth for saying that.

For taking a whiz? No, not for peeing. But like- You said I gotta whiz. I was like, I gotta go to the- I gotta go whiz. And she's like fucking like- She's like, what?

Dope. Nah. But your pee is all fucked up. That wasn't a good pee. That- Okay. No shit, it wasn't a good pee. No, it wasn't a shit either. I said no shit, it wasn't a good pee. Gotcha.

That was an awful pee. But I just- You know what, that wasn't like a full force pee. It's like a pee that like my body was like, there's someone here. Yeah, it's like- It's just like a faucet just like poured out of your dick. It was just like- There was no like-

What do you mean? What do I mean? There was no like- You know, like there was no power behind your stream. It was just like- It was just coming out. It was just going in and it was gonna be a pee-pee-pee-pee. Nah, it was.

It was a pee-pee-pee-pee. It just fucking fell out of your dick. Nah, it's because I drank a lot of water this morning. And you just decided that you wanted to pee? No, and like I've been drinking a lot of water today, so I've been pissing like fucking crazy. But when you are peeing that much, then your body just kind of like,

just gets in this rhythm of peeing. So I felt like I had to pee, but there's not a lot of pee in there. So it doesn't come out with a force. It just fucking like dribbles out. Yeah, it's just kind of like, I'm fine, we'll get it out. It's like clearing out a bar at 4 a.m. Everyone's like, oh, they know they need to leave. Yeah.

But they're not like in a hurry. Yeah, they're like, all right, you got me. You know, it's kind of, jiggas up. That's kind of how the piss was. Yeah. No, that was, that was, do when do you- Oh, by the way! Oh, I don't get how you go, you scared the shit.

Oh my God. You go, and then I'll go. I was going to say, when did you real, like when do you realize you have to pee? Like when it's too late and you're like, if I don't pee right now, I'm going to pee my pants? No, I get it. I get a good heads up.

Not like shitting. Shitting, you know, it's more of a quick response. It's fucking instantaneous. You like the fuse and then you're ready to blow. No, it's like TNT. I know, I know, you got a life alert working over there. Dude, you hit that button and the authority show up. I feel, dude, I'm letting you know,

I feel a slight like twinge in my stomach. And it's like, it's either bathroom right now or I'm making a mess everywhere. Like there's no in between. That's so dope. What were you going to say? I was going to say that I had a dream that I got my ass eaten. By who?

By, it wasn't a person. I mean, no, it was a person. It wasn't like an entity. It was a spirit in my ass. What were you going to say? Like a gorilla. I, no, I don't know. I don't really remember anything.

Like I don't remember, you know, what this person looked like or whatever the fuck was going on. He's lying. No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. No, I swear to God. But I do remember it feeling like, oh God. Give me your arm. So basically, like.

I'm closing my eyes to picture this. It just felt like if I run my knuckle like that, there's like a tongue on it. That's disgusting. No, it was cool. That's not cool at all. No, it wasn't disgusting. I mean, no.

That doesn't sound cool. It wasn't. That doesn't, like that didn't feel even remotely cool. I mean, I'm knuckling you. We're talking about a soft tongue. I mean, my tongue is not that soft. Give me your fingertip. What, what are you, like a tiger?

Oh, damn, you got a rough tongue. What the fuck are we doing, dude? I don't know. But you know what you guys can do while we break real quick? You can go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. Enjoying the patreon. Why do you speak like that?

I don't know. Danny always used to make fun of me about that on the stage. He used to be like, who? He used to be like, all right, well, Danny. And I would always like transition like that. But go check it out. patreon.com slash the basement yard. Get every single weekly episode, a week in advance,

and you get exclusive content that nobody else has access to. Yes. I know, an extra episode every single week. Yeah. And they're going to get the one of us eating the one chip. The one chip challenge, the packing chip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You thought I was going to say eating your butt?

No, I didn't know what was going on. That's not happening. Sign me ever again. No, but it was a crazy dream. And I honestly forgot it was one of those dreams that you have. And then when you wake up, you forget. So you don't really, it had a delayed trigger,

is what I'm trying to say. Like, it was like 4 PM. And I was like, damn, bro, someone ate my ass last night. Of all of our friends, whose ass would you eat? Who do you think has the cleanest, nicest presented ass? I'll remove myself from contention. I know I'm not on that list. No, you are not.

I am not up there. I am not up there. Does Steve count? One duo? Yeah. Yeah, he's got a, he bleaches his asshole. For sure. I think it's confirmed.

I think he bleaches it, waxes it, and he like shines it. He's got like, you know, like when like there are people that you know bleach their assholes when their belly button is really clean looking? Yeah, what is that? And it's like, if your belly button is that clean, you know you, the back button is the one that you clean up nicely.

That button is shining. And it's pretty soft too. Yeah. I don't think I've touched it recently. Wait, what are you talking about? The belly button. Steve's belly button. Oh, you've touched Steve's belly button?

I don't think I've ever touched it. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't even say this. I thought you were talking about you were touching his ass. No, I'm not touching his ass. I would, I mean. Have you touched it? When was the last time you touched your butthole?

What time is it? I don't know. I mean. Yeah, hours? Call him. No, but you, who did, uh, jeez. Get my fucking brain. Yeah.

No, but I was going to say. I touched my asshole daily. Not like to play with it, but like when I'm like, when I'm wiping, I have to like, I have to get in there. Yeah. I feel like, I feel like Espo has like, because Espo probably. He's thinking he has a dope butt.

He probably has a pretty nice butthole, dude. Why? He permanently smells like baby wipes. And it's like, he like cleans the inside with baby wipes. Why are you saying that? You know it. Tell me, I don't. Why would I don't?

He's like, it's not a bad smell, but like, I've been like in an area where I was supposed to be like, yeah, I farted. And like, it smells like inside of a butthole rimmed with baby wipes. So you know, he probably takes really good care of it. Dude, what? I'm right.

I, I mean, I can't even refute. So I don't know. I guarantee I'm right. I'd probably go Steve yet because he's just like, you know, a very pretty guy, you know. He's really pretty. I feel like he would put hair gel on his ass. I mean, he probably does.

You know, he slicks it back. He would, he's the type that goes to the salon and asks for the extra special. Yeah. He's got to go in the back room. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Massage his feet, massage his hands.

They unchain a woman in the basement and she comes up and she does everything. She does the butthole rub. Yeah. Can you imagine? Getting your butthole rubbed? Yeah. By a, by a.

Anything. By like anything, like sexual. Do you think you can like, have you ever engaged in sexual play with your butthole? Let's get this out here right now. With your butthole. Let's get this out here right now. Go.

It's probably dope. I, maybe. I hear it. It's great. No, but I'm saying biologically. Dude, gay guys love buttholes. But not only that, dude, not only that, but like there's a button in there that is for us.

So I hear. Our clip is in our ass. So I hear. So it has to be sick. I mean, I guess. It's just like, I, there's nothing I can physically do to make that part of my body sexy. No, there is.

There is. No. No, you could shine it. You could fucking spit shine it. It's one of those things where it's like the stain is in the carpet and it ain't coming out ever. I bet if you had it spit shine that you wouldn't mind that. I would.

I don't know. Like I, I, I touch my butthole enough for like bathroom reasons that I just don't see it being ever cool. That's never like, you know, you got to touch it when it's like, you know, you got, you got a candle on or something. Like you got to get yourself in the mood for a butt touch. I don't know, man. I don't know.

That doesn't like, I just, have you, have you like engaged in booty play? But, okay. First of all, we're not going to call it that. And no, I've never been like. It's either booty play or butt stuff. I've never been like fingered. Yeah, me neither.

You know what I mean? You said that weird. I've never, I promise. I don't know. I got to call the judges on that one to see what's going on. But yeah. No, no, I've never been like, you know, fisted or any of that. I was going to say, why do you go

from fingering to fist? I mean, I assume if you didn't have a finger and they didn't have a fist. Well, I mean, fingering is a gateway drug to fisting. Is it? I mean, I assume. I think that's true. I think that if you got fingered and it was awesome that it would be like heroin and you'd be like trying to chase that feeling again, but you'd never get it again.

And then eventually someone's going to put their whole hand in you. See, I'm, I'm almost afraid like it's, it's like, I'm afraid that if it were to happen, I would be like so into it and then it would become a weird thing. You know what I mean? That's why I don't fuck flesh lights. Oh, that's why. Yeah. Because I'm afraid of them.

They're probably so dope. That's why you're afraid of doesn't like NASA engineers design those things. Like, you know, they know about space and like we can get to space. You can we can land on the moon. I'm pretty sure you can make a pocket vagina. Yeah, that's like sick. Maybe, maybe. I don't know.

I've never, I don't think I've ever seen one in. Oh, no, I have seen one in real life. Yeah, got one for another friend in, uh, yeah, on a secret channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, that's why I'm afraid of them. You know, they're scary things. America, where people can go and make fucking things that land on the moon and also things that, you know, fake old poons.

You know, but, you know, you know what I never understood? Like when they say things are like, uh, scientists engineered, like even when they're talking about mattresses, it's like, yo, which scientists are doing mattresses? Yeah, if I went to school for so many years and then they were like for science, you're going for science and guess what you're going to do? You're going to make a pillow. You're going to make a Tempur-pedic. Dude, that sucks.

That would be so sucky. Yeah, I'd be like, nah, dude, let me like, uh, cure or something or like study. Imagine being hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for going to science school. And then you come out, you come out and you're just making fucking like, you know, plungers, a scientifically created plunger. Yeah, dude, it's rubber, a stick, that's it. Or like a vacuum. It's like, dude, just suck.

Dude, that Dyson guy is the dumbest bitch ever. Well, time out. I have a Dyson and that should suck. I'm telling you, it sucks in a good way. It's cool, but like imagine being like, I know what I'm going to do with my time. Because I'm pretty sure he's British, right? I got Australian at that point. Whatever.

I know. When he comes out, he's like, he's like, all right, I graduated from the university of science and I'm gonna make me the best vacuum I can think of. Good on you. Good on you. Hi. Good eye. You're making a vacuum.

Like, you know how stupid I knew what I'm going to do with my time. No, I know, I know what you mean. But, you know, thank God, because, you know, that thing cleans the shit out of my rug. I almost sucked up the fucking the whole rug. Really? Yeah, man. Yeah. You ever like, didn't people used to fuck vacuums?

That was the flashlight before the flashlight. I've done that. No, I didn't bang it. I like, I've been like, I've put it on my dick, like sucked my own dick. I didn't listen. That's taken out of context. No, it's not. It's in context now.

I've never sucked my own dick, but I've used a vacuum to it to suck my dick. First of all, not in a sexual way. That doesn't sound fun. No, no, no, it's not cool. It's definitely not dope. Like, I feel like it would be like, like all the blood vessels would be coming out of the tip of your penis. It wasn't like a raw dick. Like, I didn't like, you know, I wore a condom.

No, I'm joking. No, no, no, no. You got me by saying the condom part. You really fucked a vacuum. Oh, no, no, I didn't bang a vacuum. So here's what happened. You fucked a vacuum. You know how vacuums, they have like the stick, you know?

And then you, you, the hose. Yeah, you blast the fucking vacuum to super suck. Wait, suck or blow? No, suck, suck. You suck it. You were sucking. Okay. You go in.

You guys got to make it. They got to, we got to figure it out as a, as a gender. We got to figure it out, dude. Is it sucking or blowing? Yeah, those, because those are, those rockers. That doesn't sound good. They're antonyms. Who sucking and blowing antonyms antonyms.

It's not, I don't know. Antonyms, like synonyms, antonyms. Yeah. Oh, I'll just defer to you on this one. Oh, okay. I got really scared when you said that. Like, I thought I was just wrong. He's antonin.

Antoinette? Okay. No, but uh, yeah. So I just like, I took the, the wand thing. Yeah. And then I, you know, I, I blew this thing to 11. And then I just put it on my pants and it was like sucking. And it didn't like it.

Oh, on top of your pants. Yeah, dude. You think I actually put my penis in my mom's vacuum? What is wrong with you? First, first of all, yes, I did. Yeah. Yes, I did think that. Second of all, um,

you ever fuck a stuffed animal? Be honest. No, no, no, I haven't. You pumped one. I've wiped my butt with one. What? When I was a kid, I remember as clear as day, I was in the bathroom and there was no toilet paper.

So I ran into my room and wiped my ass with a stuffed bear. And it was a white stuffed bear. Yeah. It was ruined. It was, it was ruined. So. What'd you do? You threw it out?

You didn't, Frankie, you didn't throw it out? No. Would you put it back in your closet? You, are you left it on your bed? You, how old were you? I was like four or five. Teen. No.

No, I was real young. I remember it as clear as day. It was a white, it was a big ass white bear. And it was like the one that had like the short hair on it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And I wiped my ass with it. And like, it wasn't like, it was just like

caked up poop on my butt. But like, it wasn't, it was, it was. It wasn't nothing. It was damaged goods after that. Wait, that's too young to be wiping your own ass. Am I bugging? No, no, Miles is five and he wipes his own butt. Yeah, but if he was wiping fucking his ass on a, on a, like a Batman.

We would talk. Yeah, that's a conversation. We would talk. We would talk. But yeah. Did you get, you know, did someone find out? Maybe. I don't know.

I feel like that would be a conversation that your mom would have with you. Maybe. I mean, this is the good thing about having siblings that were kind of relatively close in age. Oh. Is that any of us were to blame. To be fair.

If one of us did it, all of us did it. Your brothers were probably shitting all over that place too. Dude. My, I mean, I don't know if they were big poopers, but they were big sweaters to the point where people thought they peed the bed. My brothers would go to sleep so fucking amped up that they would sweat.

And it would like literally people thought my dad thought they would pee the bed, but they was just sweat. Like you smell it and it smells like sweat, not pee. Damn. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. They were big sweaters.

They were big, big sweaters. Yeah. God damn. Big, big, big. How did we get here? I don't know. I don't even know where we're going, to be honest with you. I know that it's fucking, it's Thanksgiving in two days.

Damn. Yeah. Since we're recording. Recording, it's Thanksgiving in two days. Thanksgiving in two days. This comes out after. And then the motherfucking Christmas season is here, bitch. Well, fuck you, first of all.

Don't fucking do that. Say then the Christmas season is here. No, it's been. Your tree's been up for a minute. Dude, as soon as it was November 1, I was like, Nah, fuck that. Nah, yeah. Fuck that.

It's disrespectful. To what? To fucking the pilgrims. Fuck them. I don't know any pilgrims. Careful. There are a lot of people in here that will be very upset by this. Who is, who's sticking up for the pilgrims?

Dude, everyone sticks up for the pilgrims. Not one. Who sticks up for the pilgrims? The people. People do it. No one knows any pilgrims. Do they still exist? Nina the Pinta the Santa.

Are we talking, is that it? That's the Nina the Pinta, the Santa Maria. I, I, oh wait. No, that was, that was Chris Columbus. Yo, listen. I don't, I get those mixed up all the time and it's embarrassing. Yeah. I think that was Chris Columbus.

Because when the, when weren't the pilgrims like the Mayflower? That's it. Bingo. Plymouth Rock. Yeah. That's, that's my least favorite part of history. I, yo, you have no idea how much I mix those up. It's, it's pathetic.

Yeah. The Nina the Pinta, the Santa Maria are the Chris Columbus one. Yeah. Why are you saying Chris? Like he's your boy. Chrissy. Chrissy C. My boy.

Chris. Colombo. Yeah. But the pilgrims were the ones that were like, let's, let's just, thanks. Thanks for this. And then they like break bread with Native Americans. Yeah.

And then raped. Killed them. Yeah. Yeah. All of them. They were like, oh, have some food. Also have some guns. Not guns.

Stabs. I think. No, I think they had guns. I don't think the pilgrims had guns. I think they had those guns that you like, you have to like load. A musket. I think that was years later, Joey. Dude, I don't know.

I think they had like, oh, take this, take this awesome blanket that I made you. There's smallpox on it. Well, there was a lot of that going around. Can you imagine being the person whose job it was to cough on blankets? Like someone knits this wonderful blanket and they put- Wait, was that like an actual strategy? Maybe. I don't know how they would transfer smallpox.

Oh, you really said that confidently. I assume smallpox was transferred via cough. I honestly forget how like what the show is and how we don't look anything up. We don't know, but that's the beauty of it. Yeah, but we don't like to know. Nothing is funny about actually knowing things. It's funny about talking about it like we do. And then afterward being like, wow, we were wrong.

You know, apparently at Thanksgiving, they ate a lot of fish. There was no turkey. That makes sense. And a lot of corn, I think, and some other shit. Corn makes sense. Corn is like the ultimate, like corn is everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but yeah, I don't know about fish.

Fish on Thanksgiving, not for me. Nah, just gross. Isn't that like an Italian thing on Christmas where they want to have like every fish in the sea? Yeah, like six different fish. Dude, they have fucking like the whole like under the sea like band in a matter of an hour. Yeah, I just I'm good. I don't get that. The only thing I want to eat on Christmas is like candy canes and shit.

No, a big Christmas din din is nice, man. Not like a ham. I'll slam a ham. Just slam a ham. Yeah, slam my ham up there. But back to fucking you. Fuck you because Christmas is supposed to start after Thanksgiving. Yeah, it needs to be.

If we just make Christmas like it gets pushed up a year. I love that. I mean a week, like every single year. If people started putting up their trees in August, I'd be like, yeah, fuck yeah, let's do it. Let's go crazy. That's so stupid. It's not stupid. It's like it's the fucking season of giving.

People are happy. Not right now. People are fucking going crazy. People are technically are actually the most sad part of the year is the Christmas season. Because it's it's it's cold and it's dark. And it's it's called sad seasonal effective disorder, dog. What you know about that? Oh, wow.

But not during Christmas time. Yeah, no, that's like when like suicide rates are at the highest or something like that. Welcome back to the basement. No, but like don't fucking say like Christmas season is starting. I hate people like you that are like, oh, let's just fucking put my tree up on October 31st. Now I'm not taking my tree down until until well after my birthday. Don't blame that on this. You wouldn't do that just because you're lazy.

So am I lazy though? Yes, I actually have something. I have a like a quiz for you. I don't know if you want to take it. It's like a how much do you love Christmas quiz? And I'm going to ask you questions and then it's going to tell me how much you love Christmas. Okay. And it's also going to be me judging you.

What kind of okay. All right. So for instance, for instance, it's simple one. When do you begin your Christmas shopping? Begin is the keyword. I think about the process doesn't include the thought. Okay. It includes the physical buy.

Uh, probably Black Friday ish. Really? Yeah. Oh, you're better than I like before last year. It was like December 12th. Oh, well, yeah, for the for 95% of my life, it's been like, oh, shit. Yeah, I don't. I'm not like one of those people like the people that are in like October

and they're like, oh, perfect. I can start my Christmas shopping. Yeah. No, dude, all the way. Fuck you. Yeah. Freaks because that's stupid. I know someone who has a notes like their notes app and they write down like Christmas

gifts that they hear like throughout the year. They're like, oh, that would be stupid. It's not Christmas unless you freak at the last minute and don't know what to get something and then just make an impulse buy. Yeah. And then like fight a, you know, overweight woman in the aisle for it. Gotcha. That makes sense.

On Black Friday. Yeah. I mean, if you're going to fight any, if you're going to fight a white woman, an overweight white woman, it's Black Friday. Yeah. It's, I mean, that's what they're there for. So you said November. November is technically.

Okay. All right, Joey, me and you in the nice park, walking around, holding hands. It's snowing. There are a lot of trees around us. Yeah. What do you do? Are you going to like take a selfie of us? Wait, is this a multiple choice?

Are you going to take a selfie? Are you going to go buy some Christmas lights and like decorate the park? What are you going to? That's one of the choices. There's who the fuck walks around like that's a nice tree. I'm going to go set it up. I don't know. The fuck?

I know. That's a pretty walk home and order a pizza. It's likely. That's a good one. Or enjoy the view and then think about that nice mug of hot chocolate that you're going to have when you get home. Ooh, can I get a combination of C and D? Even though the combination of hot chocolate and pizza is just fucking gross.

Yeah, we can establish that. What's your like, like, all right, close your eyes. Oh, my, oh, my, my Christmas. My, what's your hot chocolate order? Hot chocolate, medium hot chocolate. What the fuck? What are you talking about? You're not doing like it's hot chocolate.

Marshmallows, a candy cane in it. One of those like candy cane in one of those chocolate wafer straws. Dude, what am I like? I'm at an influencer restaurant. What are we talking about? Yeah, Joey. I go to Dunkin' Donuts. Do you know who the fuck you are?

Don't sit here and I got him, guys. Don't you dare sit here and pretend like you're not sitting here and fucking being cute with your cute hot cocoa and God Almighty, if you're going to try to tell me and convince me that you're not going to take a fucking picture of a hot chocolate smoking like this in front of your face with a fucking candy cane out of it. And it's going to say tiz. I'm going to fucking scream if you're going to tell me that you're not doing that. Tiz?

Oh, tiz the season. Bingo. But it is, tiz is the season. I know it is. Don't sit here and pretend like you're not going to celebrate it like the most basic bitch you are. First of all, fucking bitch. I wouldn't, I wouldn't even want a candy cane in my hot chocolate.

Didn't know that was a thing. I walk over to Dunkin' Donuts. I step over the homeless man outside and I go give me a medium hot chocolate. And then I just drink that. That's it. Let me ask. When you step over him, does your wad of 20s fall out of your pocket and laugh at him? Yeah.

Then I pick it back up and throw it in his face. And he opens it to find it's just paper wrapped in one single 20. And they all say ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Just kidding. Tiz, tiz. So you're going to enjoy the hot chocolate. Okay.

How are you, how long does it take you to wrap Christmas presents? Oh, dude. How, like one? Like, do you, are you a good rapper? Fuck no. Really? I, I can, yo. Dude, I've seen your bubble letters enough to know that you're a good rapper.

What? Dude, I can wrap really well, like, but one side of it is going to be fucked. And that side, I just put face down. Like the rest of them, like if you look at it, it's like, wow, that looks cool. And then you pick it up. And the other side is like, the fuck is this? You know, because I just, I'm very inconsistent. So I'm not good.

I would say I'm probably like a five out of 10. Are you one of those people that like abnormally shaped items? You don't even wrap them. You just put them in a bag with fucking tissue paper on top. Dude, I wrap them and just like make them like a grenade. Or like how you would, how you would. That's a grenade. Like a thermite.

No, literally. Like, do you remember how a fucking kids would run away back in the day? Like they would put all their stuff in like a blanket and tie it on a stick. Yeah, who, who, who the fuck ran away with a fucking blanket? It was not even a blanket. It was like a bandana. Yeah, it was, it's just the birds in Dumbo. And that's it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I, that's, so that's how I would look. Like that's how I would, I would wrap it in like hockey stick. I would just wrap like the part that you hit the puck with. And that's it. Do you remember the year that we did Secret Santa the first year we did it? And I got Dylan the, the, the dildo. Yeah.

And I wrapped it and it was just a wrapped dick. The thing had balls on it. That thing had a set of balls on it. Yeah. Let me tell you, I wish we saw the videos of us doing the trick shots. So hold on. I just want to tell you, Frankie, our friend Dylan is a big Rangers fan.

Big time. So Frankie got him a dildo that had, and then he glued a piece of Velcro on it and then printed out pictures of everyone on the team and they'll put a Velcro on them. And then he's like, so you can put a, the face of like Lunkwist underneath the balls and then fuck, I was like, you can either jerk it off or you can, you can let it fuck you. It's like whenever the Rangers score, it's like, yes, just fucking. And the best is that had the suction cup on the end. Oh yeah.

So I said, I was like, you can either like stick it to you, like your arm rest or you could put it on the wall. So like Lunkwist does well, fucking throw the picture on there and jerk it off. That's a good job, bud. Yeah. That was a genius, genius. And then I also got him like a nice plaque. Yeah.

I fucking, you crush that. I'm a good gift giver, I think. I've never gotten you and I really pray and hope that I never do because buying gifts for you would be so difficult. Why? I feel like you're one of those people that like you want something, you just get it for yourself. I am.

I am. But it's because I really want stuff. So when I really, when I do, I'm like, I'm getting that and I just get it. Because you're a millionaire. Because you're a millionaire. Dude, by the way, I posted on Tik Tok. Don't follow basement or Tik Tok, by the way. That too.

I posted something on Tik Tok of like my apartment and then someone left a comment that got mad likes. So clearly people are listening to the show and listening to you and they're like, so this is what $60 million in a month gets you. Right, I've been getting, by the way, since last episode or the episode that had previously aired before we recorded this, I've been getting so many game messages on fucking Instagram. About?

Like people wanted to suck my asshole. Oh, because you said that? Yeah, you remember? I was like, no one put out like an ad. No, I didn't, I didn't fucking advertise it. But like someone was like, I had said, like, I don't get a lot. I don't get enough gay shit is what I should say. Oh, so they were like, oh, I'm hopping all over this.

Yeah. So like someone like fucking like people have been sending me like, yo, by the way, I would fucking suck the life out of you. Oh, well, you by the way, you open the door. This one says, just heard the latest podcast. Given the opportunity, I too would suck the come out of your dick. And for the record, I do think you look better than Joe parentheses. Joe is hot.

I'd suck him too, but I find you more attractive. And then goes right into it. Gay men aren't bitches, though. I know you didn't mean it that way, but don't ever say something like that again. Damn, dude. Dude, this guy would fuck me and then beat the shit out of me. For saying bitches is referring to gay men.

That's the Liam Neeson of gayness. Yeah. He's going to fuck you up. He's got a set of scoops. I've got a set of scoops. It's a different guy. It's very different. It's not like, I don't know where you are,

but I'll suck the come out your dick and then beat you over the head with it. And then I'll spit venom in your eyes. Jesus. Yeah, that's basically. Damn, dude. But yeah, people are like super about me, like just like sending me gay stuff, which. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the club, man.

Cool. But all right. So all right, what's your idea of a perfect Christmas meal? Loads of mince pies. I don't know what that is. What is that? Fucking German or something? I think it is.

Anything but sprouts with an exclamation point. Anything but sprouts? Yeah, I kind of, I'm a big, I'm a big sprout boy. I love Brussels. Really? You don't like them? I had them in kindergarten once. That's it?

Yeah. Mr. Steve gave me one. A traditional Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and cake. Who calls their food trimmings, by the way? Whites. Gotcha. Pizza, crisps and chocolate for dessert. This is clearly from Britain.

Pizza for dessert? No, and chocolate for dessert. What was pizza? The meal? That's the first part of it. You had pizza for Christmas? I didn't. No, I'm saying some people might.

Pizza for Christmas? Maybe. Oh, don't, uh, Jewish people do that shit, don't they? Oh no, that's Chinese food. What? Do they? Yeah, they order Chinese food and they watch movies. Oh, I didn't know that.

That's like the Jewish stereotype. They like boycott, like boycott Christmas? Basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, ha, ha, fuck you. All the Jewish people I've ever known, they say that, like on Christmas they watch, you know. I didn't know that.

They watch movies and order Chinese food. I think that's like the thing. I didn't know that. There's a big time rivalry between Christmas and, and Hanukkah. Oh yeah, I mean, come on. Big time rivalry. But what are you going to say, the traditional Christmas dinner? Yeah, yeah, give me the trimmings.

All right, Christmas morning, what time are you waking up? Fucking, I don't, ASAP. Yeah, you're ASAP. When I was a kid, I would do that. I would wake up, bro, at like 6.30 and I'd be jumping on my dad's fast stomach. Dude, and your dad was pissed. Yeah, dude, he hit me a lot. My parents though, oh dude, this is so white and great.

We might, we would wake everyone up and then we would all, because like, when I was super young, we were all, me and Keith slept in a bunk bed. Yeah, I remember. And then Thomas was also in that room. Well, I have one point in our lives. Well, four of you guys were in the same room. We were all in the same room. Yeah, so we, we would have to line up at the top of the stairs in size order.

Dude, we were like real life hoos. It's fucking nuts. Did you come down singing? A good morning, good morning. We would go down and then it would just be Mayhem. I honestly think that at one point we would do like, okay, now you open one. And now you open one. Like, and that like, as we got older, we're like, mom, shut the fuck up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that we did because, and I'll tell you when we had to start doing that was when my parents got us the Game Boy Colors and my brothers both opened theirs and I fucking threw with it. Oh, because you were like, I didn't get one. I didn't get a Game Boy Color. So I ran upstairs, obviously locked myself in the room and screamed for like 40 minutes. And they were like, bro, we have one right here for you. They were like, come fucking down, you idiot.

Like, come open your gifts. I was like, oh, wow, like it instantly went from like, that's amazing. You know what I mean? That happened to me. I thought I was going to get a cell phone. This is when I was like older and I heard a cell phone ringing and I was like, what the fuck? So I looked and it was like in the hall closet.

Like at the top, there was two phones, like the old Nokia bricks. I remember those bitches. And I was like, oh, fuck, I'm getting a phone bitch. And I was hype. Yeah, I bet. And then Christmas morning came, that shit was for Keith and Shannon. Damn. So I was like, yo, first of all, fuck this.

All right, we're gonna, we'll have another podcast, another podcast. Well, another episode where we go over like firsts because I want to ask you about your first phone. I want to know if you remember. I remember everything. Okay. What was your ringtone? In my first phone?

Yeah. I mean, they were like, oh, like the first one that I could download. No, no, no. The first ringtone that you ever used. Like that came with the phone. Yeah. Oh, I don't know, bro. Bitch, mine was espionage.

Wow. Dude, I crushed that shit. Yeah, dude. But we'll do that another day. All right, you get a pair of socks for Christmas. How do you react? Smile and write a thank you card. I love my socks there.

My favorite. Thanks. Or put them on a pile of other socks I got this year. Put them on another pile of socks I got this year. Fuck you. I like socks, but usually I get stupid socks from like my old aunt. Really? Yeah.

I'm all about socks. Because like my extended family, which we're not doing it this year because of COVID, but like we always go to my uncle's house and then we do a secret stand-up with everyone in the family. And then I usually get one of my aunts, you know what I'm saying? That like, you know, she doesn't know who I am or what I'm about. Yeah, she doesn't know about that 80 mil. And she'll get me like a...

She'll get me like a, like a pair of old fuzzy socks that I'm like, what is this? Dude, I love that. That's honestly awesome. Every year whoever... No, but they're not even comfortable. Nah, every year whoever gets Keith for our secret stand-up gets him socks. Or like Espo's got him twice and every year he's got it. Do you remember that first year he got him like six pairs of socks?

I do. You remember that shit? I do remember that, yeah. Espo, you fucking, you suck. You got a good butt though apparently. Great butt hole probably. Advent calendars, one a day or just go for it. Just throw them out.

I'm done. You don't care. Advent calendars? Yeah. I don't want to add responsibility to my life. I really can't, I can't handle this. Wow, wow. Or eat a piece of chocolate.

It's December 3rd. Let's just, let's just, let's just move on. What we did last year was pretty cool is we got one that every day was a different pair of socks. And they were like Nickelodeon socks. So like one day it was Tommy Pickle socks, the next it was SpongeBob. Day after that, Catdog. Wait, wait, so you would open this thing and there would be a pair of socks in it? Yeah.

It's kind of cool. Kind of dope, right? That sounds like an expensive Advent calendar. It was probably like 20 bucks. Damn dude. Yeah, but it's 20 bucks for like fucking 12 pairs of socks. It's crazy. It's no brainer.

The money changed you. All right. Favorite Christmas song, Rude Off the Red Nose Reindeer. It's not going to be on there, but yeah. I wish it could be Christmas every day. That song sucks. Never heard of it. I haven't either.

Let it snow or Silent Night. Silent Night? Let's talk real quick. Real quick. Real quick. Yo, Silent Night reminds me of like kids dying. Yeah. Isn't it about kids dying?

Might be. Silent Night, kids dead. Holy night. All is bright for all is bright. Round your dirt. Dirty, dirty. Dirty. No, it's virgin.

Virgin brothers and smiles. Yeah. That's what it is. It is, right? I honestly don't know the lyrics to that song. Let's start really quick. Just want to make sure I put this out there. Very, very lightly.

Religious Christmas songs always suck. And they're scary. Yeah. By the way, Little Drummer Boy? Very weird. Weird. A Desté Fidelis? Fuck you.

That's a banger though. No, it's not. Joyful and triumphant? No. You talking about the Spanish version? No, I'm talking to, you're talking to, Oh come, oh ye faithful. Hey, joyful and triumphant, oh come,

Dover do Bethlehem to see Jesus. That's a good song. That one kind of slaps a little. All right. So I'll tell you about some Christmas bang bangs. Okay. So none of yours are on this list. Fuck that list.

Okay. In sync. Oh. Merry Christmas. Happy holiday. Merry Christmas. Come on now. Merry Christmas.

Come on now, hit it. Is Michael Jackson on the list? Yeah. And then Scott Stapp apparently. Come on now. What man? Please miss. No, that's a banger.

Yo, the Kelly Clarkson song? Not from nothing. I know we hype it on Kelly Clarkson. We got to talk more about Kelly. That bitch got a banger on her hands. She's got a fucking pair. Actually, she's got organs in those throats. Dude, if you go to her Spotify, which I am going to,

it's the top song on her shit. This song, ready? Okay, demonetize. Okay, well fuck those. Kelly bitch. I do. See, that shit is crazy. Joey doesn't care about getting demonetized, but I do.

No, that shit is crazy. No, dude. It's really crazy. Guys, guys, please can we meet Kelly Clarkson? Oh, guys, we need to get Kelly. It's all mighty. Just get, I want a picture of Kelly Clarkson signed and home of right fucking here.

Right next to the phone, because that's who we'll be calling. Yeah. We have all these fucking Kelly. Someone get Kelly on the line. Dude, everyone, I will say this. I'm going to go on record. And if this gets me into legal trouble, so be it, harass this woman and tell her that we need this picture.

Hold on. I did not say that. He's joking. Please, dude. Can you imagine a signed picture of Kelly Clarkson right here? I'm letting you know right now. Awesome. On an episode, I would pee my pants.

I would sit right here and piss my pants. It's in the world's hands now. I mean, if- Don't harass Kelly Clarkson. Don't. Please, please, just show her love and support. But just like, kind of, hit her up a lot.

Flood all of her socials. Tell her that Joe and Frank need a signed photo in a frame. She shipped. We need to get her to make the new intro for the base spin yard. I don't know if that's a lot. That's asking a lot. She's got to get in the studio for that? I mean, she's paying for studio.

She can just go- I mean, she can afford it. What are these? Oh, I see. No, no, no. She doesn't have to give us a drop. She can just get us a picture signed, and it says, to Joe and Frank,

love the queen of- If at all. Fuckin' every- Kelly. Put it right here. Love the queen of life. Yeah, it's just everything. It's Kay Clarkson.

And I don't want to- I want like- I'm talking like a picture of her mid-belt, you know? Yeah, mid-belt. Because anything less is a disservice to the queen of war. Or season one of American Idol, Kelly. Nope, nope. If she's-

If Justin Guarini's anywhere near that queen, I will fucking burn it. He can't, he can't, he can't. But humble beginnings. That's all I'm gonna say. Very humble. Since you've been gone. There's a banger.

Also, if you want to send us the platinum plaque for that, we'll take that too. Yeah, we will. Or replica. If you- Yo. Now I'm being- Okay, back to being very serious now.

If it doesn't cost too much of your time and money, if you can make a replica of the platinum plaque of small- Dude, I don't- It could be like, honestly? Not real big. You want big boy? I want to have to anchor it into my wall. Okay.

I want my landlord to come here and be like, you're gonna take that down. But we need that. I need a replica. That would be really good. That'd be awesome. That'd be super fire. But back to Christmas music.

Wait, hold on. Uh-oh. You gotta get to the end. Before we just talk about it. We'll get back to this. Okay, guys. We haven't talked about the Friends of the Show. None bigger than our true friend, Kelly Clarkson,

of the show. I am going to speak as soon as it exists and you have no idea. I'm gonna- I'm gonna- I'm gonna hit her up. I'm getting this motherfucking picture. I'm gonna hit her up right now. Yeah, hit her up.

It's exquisite. Yeah, FaceTimer. Let her know. Kelly, we love you. Okay. Anyway, by the way, if you don't know what the fuck we're talking about, you guys aren't patrons, all right?

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Those are good friends. Great friends of the show. Great friends, great friends. Um, huge friends. I just, I just followed Kelly on- Huge friends. Huge, the best. I just followed Kelly on Instagram,

so we're that much closer. Yeah. How many followers does she have? Five million. That's a, oh god damn it. We're gonna have to- That's a lot, but it's not outrageous. But, but, but-

I'm gonna DM her right now. If please. Does it like special DM, like if you get- No, but I'm verified, so she has to see like the button. The blue check. What should I write? I should be like, Kelly, I need to speak with you.

Kelly, Kelly. Serious. All right, write this. Kelly, serious inquiry here. Only serious inquiries coming this way. Already no. Just follow me. Too many inquiries.

Tell, Mrs- No, Miss, Miss Clarkson, not Mrs- Miss Clarkson. Is she not married? I don't know. Miss Clarkson. Here's the thing, home. It was the last time she posted a picture.

20 hours ago, she's active, baby. Miss, Miss Clarkson. Miss Clarkson. Good day. Good day. She's not British or Australian. I mean, it doesn't matter. I think just start with-

That's from like Ohio. Is she? I don't know, dude. Where is she from? Let's start with like, what's like a greeting like where she's from? Kelly Clarkson, we gotta look this shit up. I got you, I got you.

She's uh, she's from uh- Kelly Clarkson. Where the fuck is she from? Fort Worth, Texas. Oh. What's in there? Howdy. How did people in Texas say hi to each other?

Howdy. Howdy. I think those are just cowboys. I think, I mean- She's 38. Good for her. That's not that old. She's an icon.

Dude, we could be boys with her. Dude, she, she's, yeah. Yeah, we can. Kelly, I just want you to know that we're- She's- We're in trouble. That I- She's married to someone whose last name is Blackstock.

That's a, that's a strong last name, Joey. That guy sounds like a dangerous pirate. Yeah. She's from Burleson, Texas. Captain Blackstock. Holy shit. She's from Burleson, Texas. So start off with something-

She's associated with Reba and Trisha Yearwood. So say- Where the fuck is Trisha Yearwood? I don't know, but say like, Howdy. I'm a big Reba fan. A good associate of yours. No, because you're all in Wikipedia, dude.

She's hanging, she's hanging with Reba. Reba's a thousand, dude. How old's Reba? She used to watch her show when I got back from school back in the day. I'm Reba. I don't know. Reba's, I think she was born like the 50s. So she's old and racist, probably.

I wrote Kelly. I just want you to know that I'm a huge fan. My podcast, no. Okay, we did a- We did a show. We did a show. Can you- On, we did an episode

of our hit- Can't say hit. We did an episode of our podcast, and I'm going to at the Basement Yard, 151,000 followers on the Basement Yard Instagram page, which is pretty legit. Get that up to 5 million by the time she sees this. She's going to see it and go,

Okay, this is not a slap dick podcast. This isn't an old dick podcast. Yeah, this is- Let's hope she doesn't see us talking about like, you know, winners and stuff. I hope she doesn't click on the video. I hope she just takes my word for it and doesn't click on it. I know, I know, I know.

Josh, take everything off the channel. Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean it up.

Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean up on Isle. Instagram. Instagram. All right. We did an episode of our podcast, the Basement Yard.

Where? Where? We aptly- aptly. Let's take it easy. Where we appropriately- You have to stop with the adjectives. Where we-

We finally named Since You've Been On is the greatest karaoke song ever. Where we just- Yeah, decided that since you've been gone- Is the greatest karaoke song of all time. Song of all time. It invigorated- And empowered-

I'm going to let you know that I didn't spell that right on the first try. It invigorated our fandom. No, it's bad. No, no, no. Our community. Our- No. Yes.

She's all about- No, but like I'm saying it invigorated our like- Our love for you. It- Yes. Yes. It invigorated our love for you. We would be-

We would flourish. No. Flourish. What are we- I know how to write, Joey. We're not an Italian city. We're not going to flourish. You know what I'm saying?

When people talk about Venice, you still flourish. It's like, bro, what are you talking about? We would- We would be enthralled if we just- You sound like you're trying to pass an exam. We just want to let you know. Don't even say we want you to talk about it. No, I would say we would love it if we could have an autographed-

Something. Photo. Something. Anything. Literally- Something that we could put in our sets. Sign a bag of shit. I don't care.

Dude. It invigorated our love for you. We would be honoured. We would be- Would we be honoured? We would be so humbled and honoured. And honoured. If-

We would- What is- No, no. It's not honoured with a U, so she thinks that we're British. We would be- Honoured. Honoured. Yeah, yeah.

We would be so humbled and honoured. Yeah, of the color. Because you are fable, you right? Yeah. Um, no, so we would love it if we were able to get an autographed- Something. And anything autographed by you to put on our set, right next to the please don't do cocaine at our back.

Yeah. Candle. Like this is obviously spiral data control. But it's- Now we can't turn back. Because it's- Because it's funny. But also-

Dude, don't be psyched if you get this. Dude, like this is not like ironic. Like it's ironic now because we're like getting a little crazy. Oh, ha, ha, too. I get it. Too, you know, fucking middle-aged. But all jokes aside, since you've been gone is ridiculous. There's no-

If you guys don't know what we're referencing, go to Patreon, watch, become a patron, watch the most recent Patreon episode. Or excuse me, it's not the most recent by the time this comes out. The one entitled the greatest karaoke song of all time. And you will feel things. So I ended this with this. So this is the overall message.

Yes. Kelly. Oh, oh. I'm gonna write to Kelly. Like I'm her friend. No. Kelly. Big mistake.

Comma, comma. Huge, huge mistake. I just want you stupid. I just want you to know that I'm a huge fan. We did an episode of our podcast, The Bass Me Mind, where we decided the greatest karaoke song of all time. Oh, we- Where we decided that since you've been gone

was the greatest karaoke song of all time. It invigorated our love for you. We would love it if we were able to get an autograph photo to put on our set. Then I wrote, this is a reach, but hey. Send. I'm letting God, God. I'm letting you guys know if she's,

if you see it right now, we call her. She sees us right now. Call her. I'll say we're recording right now. Please call us. I will piss in my pants right now if she sees this. I'm going to check before we, before we end. But could you imagine?

I don't even remember what we were talking about. Who fucking cares? Oh, the Christmas songs. Kelly Clarkson. Is there anything you have on there, by the way? For Kelly Clarkson? No, isn't there more like questions or something? I think that was the last one.

Oh, okay, cool. By the way, I wanted to talk to you. Did you see that? This is completely off topic. But did you see those two dudes fighting? I wanted to fit this in at the end of the episode. How much time do we have? We're good.

Where are we at? 52. We got lost in the Kelly sauce. Well, never, no such thing. No such thing. But fucking, did you see the fight that happened in like a gas station or whatever? Two dudes and one of them was like half naked by accident? Yes.

It was in a Wawa. I don't even know what that is. Wawa. What is that? It's like a, it's like a New Jersey, Pennsylvania staple. Oh, it's like a, yeah. It's like a convenience store. It's like a sheets.

Wasn't there like a sheet or a snappies? Yes, sheets. Yes, sheets. It was a Z. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sheets. I remember I drove by that. It was like classic comedy.

I was like, you need gas? Sheets. Where can they find you? See myself out. No, but. No, but yeah, yeah. It's like. There was a fight that happened.

So basically, if you guys didn't see it, I forgot where I saw it, but like it was on Twitter or whatever. And these two guys got into an argument and they started fighting. I don't know about what, but there was one guy at one point during this fight. These are two older men, both fat. Big boys. And one of them, his pants fell to his fucking knees. And the man wasn't wearing an ounce of underwear.

He was wearing, he was basically wearing boy leggings. He was wearing negative underwear. You know, you know those like the boy sweatpants that are just the hard white elastic at the top and then it's the thinnest cloth and then the elastic around the, like the ankles. Okay. But this guy, no, I would say the opposite. No, it was thin. This guy was wearing like a, like a rodeo clown's pants because they were way too big

and they were like on his knees and he's naked trying to fight this man. And his whole asshole is out. Well, if his asshole's out, that means that. His dick's out. Away from camera. AFC is his, his whole bonchy bonch. Yeah. So he was fighting a man with his dick out.

And at no point did he even attempt to pull his pants up. Well, he was in, he was intertwined with this man. Like if one person and this guy was unloading on his jump, he was in him. I've missed that. He was punching his penis. There was points where he was punching his penis. Have you ever punched a penis or balls bare knuckle? No.

Like penis on knuckle? No. Dude, it's sad. You punched a dick? Yeah, I've punched a dick. You punched a naked dick. I punched a naked dick. Who's, I was young.

Who's naked penis? I was young and it was one of my brothers. You punched your brother's naked penis? Yeah. It was the saddest thing. Wait, how? Because it just- What kind of naked fight were you guys-

It just like squishes back against like the fucking, like the, you know what I'm talking about? It was like, we were kids in wrestling. I mean, he got into a fight and like somehow I guess like someone's dick came out. And I fucking- There's a whole lot of information missing at that point. It was, I mean, everyone take it easy. It was my brother.

Yeah. Okay. And I remember clear as day- Wait, like your frat brother? No, no, no, like my biological brother. Gotcha. We were young and I remember punching his penis. Like I punched his penis.

And it was- What happened to it? He instantly cried. Like a big cry. Wait, did you hit his body or did you like- It like pushed the penis in. It was like a- Oh, you hit it already in the button.

I, I'm telling you, man, it was like, you know, fucking the eject button. You know what I mean? Damn, you fucking, like a, like a, like a car lighter cigarette thing. Yes, exactly. I fucking, I was in his body for a split sec. You pushed his dick in there? I felt bad. I punched it.

Like a car lighter. Yeah. We got into a fight and I did. Did it come back out or it stayed in? No, no, no, it came back out. Eventually or immediately? Like it, like it points. Oh, like a, like an accordion.

Yeah, like it came right back out. Thing is spring loaded. Oh yeah. I mean, okay. And it was, it's just like a weird feeling. Wait, why did you punch him in the dick? We got into a fight, right? Right, right, right.

But like you could punch other things. I mean, there's a dick there. No, man. If there's a dick in sight. You were trying to hurt his penis. I was trying to hurt him at the time. I'm not happy about it. I'm sorry, Nick.

Oh, I probably shouldn't say. Oops. Well, you only have two. So yeah, I mean, they would have figured it out eventually, but sorry. I mean, he knows I'm sorry at this point in my life. But back then I was, I was not sorry. You were happy.

I was probably. I mean, I remember as clear as day feeling very bad afterward because it was like instant. It was punch. And then it wasn't like, oh, oh, like it wasn't like that. Do you know what I mean? I know. I know how it worked.

Like it wasn't like, oh, it was like an instant cry. Jesus. Yeah. I mean, you punch the man on his penis right on the button. It's a genius move from that guy at the Wawa though. Yeah, but it's not a genius. Like I know there's there's like a saying that's saying like, yo, if you're getting to a fight, like just get naked.

No one's going to fight you when you're naked. That dude, like I get that. But like that guy was not purposefully naked. He was just not dressed for the occasion. And that guy didn't back off. He might have been like, that guy fought a naked man. That guy, he might have. Yeah.

Who is more like intense in that situation? The naked man fighting or the person that knows this man is naked and just not backing down? That's a great question. Because you need, you need a set of balls. Dude, if I'm fighting and I'm super naked, I'm going to like keep my hand on you and like try to pull my pants up at least. You think so?

Yeah. What are you going to just fight? I don't know, man. It's kind of genius. First of all, if I remember the video like said they were at like 2am and there was commentary. But did you hear the commentary by like the guy filming it? Yeah.

He's like, damn man, cut it out. Just cut it out. Wrap it up. It's over. You know, but like that's a genius move. You can't lose. If you're naked, if you become naked in a fight, you aren't the loser no matter if how much you get beat up.

Oh, that's not true. It is. No, because sometimes people get stripped. Have you ever seen someone get stripped in a fight? Hell yeah. Really? Yeah, especially like girls. They're nuts.

Well, girls, I've seen hair clumps being taken out. Well, not just that. Like I've seen girls just like throw a girl on the ground like by her shirt basically and then like rip the shirt or like their asses out and like, you know what I'm saying? Like it's just like a bit or like tits are just bouncing off the street. I mean, for a myriad of reasons, it's got to be tough to be a girl. Dude, but like fighting.

Having your tit on asphalt, you lost. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, I do. But like imagine getting punched in the vagina. It's probably not that bad to get punched in the vagina. I don't know, man. It's like getting punched in your thigh.

Like really? Yeah, because the vagina is like it's like part of it. It's like a bone there. It's like a bone. Yeah, yeah. You get hit of a vagina. There's like a dam. That thing is like, yeah, it's like, you know,

it's got some structured infrastructure. Okay. I would I would imagine it would hurt. I mean, you punch a fucking boob. You know, you're gonna hurt somebody there. Our boobs really sensitive. Yeah, dude. There's some like, what's it called?

Titties. Yeah, yeah. But like there's whatever like this is bad. A Buds. I know the picture you're referencing. There's like picture. There's like bulbs in it. Not not.

But like you ever feel a bulb and then like there's like stuff in it. And you're like, what is this? It's like a stuff in there. Then that person might need to get checked out. No, no, no. I mean, you know what I mean? Like some, you know, no, I don't like a boob on a period is a little cystic. It's a little sometimes is some some stuff.

Really? Yeah. I guess I'm not playing with a lot of period boobs. Well, you need to, you know, pregnant wife. She cut that part of her life out for a couple of sure, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You forget all about it.

Yeah. We share it's funny. We share we sometimes share a duffel bag. And I remember like a duffel bag, whatever's in the side pockets, you put it in there. It stays there forever. Oh yeah. I got fucking all kinds.

And I was like cleaning it out last weekend when we were using it. And there were like old pads in there. And I actively took them out. I was like, she doesn't fucking need these. I threw them out. Yeah. But what are we? I don't know.

Oh, the fighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. I think it was G. You ever get negative during a fight? I've only been in one fight. Like one fight.

The fifth grade or sixth grade. I've only been in one serious fist fight. And I was fully clothed. Yeah, you were. I was there. But I don't, yeah. I would, I don't know. I wouldn't wear clothes that would be that easily torn off.

Well, I mean, sometimes it just gets hot and heavy. And you know, you get str- You get accidentally like- Have you ever gotten into a fight where like you like lost the particle of clothing? Um, no. Like I've, my shirt's been like ripped. Really?

So my nipple was out. What were you fighting? I feel like, oh. Joey, Joey fought when none of our friends were around. That's when Joey got into all those fist fights in middle school, when no one was around. Right. Every day I'd get into a fight.

You know, like I was bad. He went to school by himself. No one went with him. All right. He's gonna off-camera. He's gonna feed piss to me. No, I'm not. No.

But uh, yeah, no. My, like my shirt's been ripped, but I've never been like, my dick's out. Yeah. I, I mean, I could only imagine. Like there's gotta be- Remember when panting was a thing? Dude.

And you remember how much we would sack tap each other? Yeah, dude. I probably lost some sperm because of that. I once got my ball sack bruised. Because I got hit in the balls so hard. Your balls bruised? I swear to God. I swear to God-

Like your sack? My ball sack was bruised. It was purple and yellow. Yeah. From someone hitting it? Yeah. Dude, someone like full on, like fucking bang. I was in seventh grade.

I remember it's clear as day, and I remember the person that did it. I won't say her name. Oh, it was a woman. Yeah, I got sacked half by a woman. Oh, God, say her name. And I'm not gonna say Serena's name. Oh, okay.

Cool. Nice. And I remember it's clear as day. Damn, dude. Yeah, dude. It was fucking what? I mean, I'm sure I deserved it. That was a little douchebag.

She's in the wind anyway. Yeah, Lord knows. Who knows where she goes? Fucking- If you're watching this, reach out. I guess. Get her on the horn. Josh, go look for Serena.

But like, I remember it's clear as day. I was fucking bruised bad, dude. Like, bad. That's so weird. I didn't know balls could bruise. I thought it was just, like, indestructible skin. I guess. But like, the nuts weren't bruised.

I mean, I don't know. Maybe they were. They're inside. You didn't go to the dock? No, I was fine. I was fucking, well, how old were we? 12, 13 years old, seventh grade? I got nuts of steel.

I don't know about that. Yeah. But, yeah. The sack tapping, pantsing was big. Thank God that's over with. One time, we were at the park and, uh, dude, this is the greatest pantsing I've ever done in my entire life. So I didn't realize how good this was going to be,

but it just ended up being the greatest pantsing of all time. Pantsing, for anyone who doesn't know. You pull down someone's pants, right? Don't do it. Don't do it anymore. You pull them down with the, you know, the assumption that dudes wear an underwear. And you also, also, you need to grab it from like the knee area.

If you grab it from the waist, you can accidentally pull down everything. Oh, we're going to get to that. So anyway, oh God, I got a new DM and it wasn't Kelly Clarkson. But anyway, uh, so, one of our friends, his name is Ralph. Okay, thank you. Uh, was, no, was standing and we were at the park.

Okay. And I went to go pantsing and as I went to go pantsing, Dylan was like tying his shoe. So he was like, here. And I, he must have been wearing like baggy loose boxers because I grabbed both. Oh boy. And I, and long story short, I got a face full of asshole.

And Dylan got some fucking cock in his face. Yeah. He got an accountants full of cashew. And it was magical. That's good. That's really good. It was great. Yeah.

I don't, I, I feel like there's a double whammy. Don't that stuff died. By the way, in a public park, when we were kids, we would do that shit to each other all the time. Never did it to like girls, but like, you can't pants a girl that weren't tight jeans. Sometimes, sometimes they wear like baggy pants or like pajama pants.

Dude, any girl that was wearing baggy sweat pants back in the day, I wouldn't dream of doing that too cause she could probably beat the shit out of me. Yeah. We knew, we knew a couple of girls like that that would fuck us up. Yeah. And also I was a very small. Yeah.

You were a little, Lily, Lily white bitch. Yeah. You were, oh yeah. You were a milky boy. You were a milky boy. No, the, the, the pantsing, the pantsing we did bad. Do you remember the fucking like, we used to do like the tabletop.

Like you remember that, the tabletop. Oh yeah. You could concuss someone like that. Dude, we would fucking unload on people. We would, we would hit each other. You hit girls like that too. Dude, we, yeah, the girls that. They caught some, they caught some bad ones.

They caught some bad ones. I'm not even gonna lie. Someone goes down behind them and the other one comes and just pushes them over. And like not even a hard push, but some of them, some of them got hit with them. Some got big hits. Dude, big time.

Truck sticks. I have smashed my head off of the ground mad times because of that. Do you, we would also 3D our friends in the middle. Those of you guys that don't know or didn't watch wrestling circa 2002 to 2000. The Dudley boys. Dude, the Dudley death drop

was when one person picks someone up by like their legs and like with them facing so they like pick them up. And the other person just runs in and fucking like stunners on. Yeah. And we would do this to everyone on concrete. Concrete.

Oh, another funny thing actually. So Josh, who edits this show, he's gonna be watching this. But when he was younger and he first started hanging out with us, we're like, oh, we're gonna initiate you to the crew. Yeah, we beat the dog shit out of this kid. Yeah.

So, but what we did was we 3D'd him through this bush that we didn't know at the time had a gate in the middle of it. And he just hit the gate. Yeah, it was like a cross shoot from PS2. Oh no. Yeah, we did that. And we did it to one other kid who didn't take it as fun as Josh.

It was another kid named Josh. Hawaiian Josh. Do you remember Hawaiian Josh? No one called him that. Big Josh, whatever the fuck they called him. But we like, we were like, first of all, this kid had the worst voice ever. He was like, yo, what's up?

You guys, Josh, you remember that shit? And we were like, yo, like, it's cool. You can chill with us, but we're gonna fuck you up to like hang out with us. And he was not about it. He was like, yo, I'm gonna fuck you up, too. And like try to fist fight us multiple times. I don't even remember that.

You don't remember that? I do know that I used to be mad pictures of you. Like we 3D you through a box in my mom's front yard. Yeah. I remember that. We used to go around when we made the 483 files. We used to go around and any time we saw like a box, like a like a refrigerator box,

we would take it and that would be hours of content. Yeah, I would. Do you remember when we high low tackled someone in it? I think it was Dunbar. We high low tackled him in a fucking box. It was. Oh yeah, yeah. Wow, dude.

We were so, so stupid. One time I tried to jump on a medicine ball on my front yard and it just snapped my whole body backwards and I smacked my head against the ground. Do you remember how mad your mom would get? Yeah. Your mom would buy like six medicine balls to work out and we would go in the front and pop all of them.

We would go, yo, Keith. Oh my God. I remember this is clear as day next to Joey's yard. There was like a ledge. That was like kind of like set up like steps. Yeah. It was the brick. Yeah.

I remember Keith on top of one and jumping up like a fucking frog, dude. And then we just rocketed this ball at him and he fucking went straight down to the ground. Yeah. Damn. We need it. Can you, next time I come here, can you get those and can we try to convert them?

I have them. Oh, I definitely, I really like think we should do that. Do you know? I need to buy a court. I'm going to do it literally after we stop recording, which is very soon. But I'm going to go get it because it's dead. I need to like charge it or whatever.

And I need to have like just whatever. But I still have all the tapes and the same camera that we used. Okay. Holy shit. Yeah, I do. We need to talk after this. Oh, and by the way, I got it. Yes.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. That would be fucking. First of all, a lot of it we probably wouldn't be able to put out there. Well, it's just embarrassing. I'm not embarrassed as much as I'm like, really? Yeah. Really?

Dude, it's cringe. Some of it is because we didn't, do you remember what we said? I would only watch it with you first because I'd be like, this is. Can we? Yeah. Like there's a lot of it is just stupid us wrestling. And also us singing bread and butter. Do you remember that?

Yeah. Very dumb. So stupid. But there are some goodies on there. I wish the original, do you have the original drop kick? I believe so. I have mad tapes. Damn.

Damn. Yeah. All right. We need to talk. We need to wrap this the fuck up. We need to wrap this the fuck up. F. Alvarez8085 on Twitter and on Twitch. If you want to come hang out with me and play video games

Monday and Tuesday night at 8.45 p.m. Easter standard time. Joey plays with me every now and then. And then you can find me on Instagram at the Frank Alvarez. Well, guys, go follow the show at The Basement Yard and go check out our Patreon. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard where you get every episode a week ahead and an extra episode every single week. All right.

We have a lot of fun there. We are. Do you make weird faces when you stretch? Like you were like that. You were in the bathroom before and I realized that I stretch like this. I was like, no. Oh, okay. But yeah, that is all.

See you guys next time. Bye.