The Basement Yard - #274 - It's Been A Hell Of A Year

Episode Date: December 28, 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to The Basement Yard. Frankie, stop! Stop chewing. Stop chewing like that in the microphone. You scared me. You scared me. Why? You don't like my chews? No. This is like rule one. Rule one. You're not supposed to eat- A podcast. A podcast. You're not supposed to eat on the fucking podcast.

What about this? This isn't an ASMR fucking- People would fucking go hard to that shit. You imagine how wet people would get if I was just like, you know, here's my beard. Some people would. I'm sharing too much, aren't I? That's enough.

This is our New Year's episode. It's our New Year's episode. What the- First of all, why did you come to our New Year's episode looking like you just are fresh out of Alcatraz? I looked like I was in short strength redemption. You definitely were. I was on that roof. You definitely were. And you also like,

you tie up your hands with fucking towels, like little like hand towels, and you're like, hey come on, let's do this. You've had better ones than that. Alrighty, I actually, for this episode, I got myself a little boy slave. A little hot boy slave. I figured we can use some, uh,

some champagne. Since it's the New Year's episode. The New Year's is coming. So I mean, it's the next time you guys see us, other than now, it will be 2020. 2021. How do you say that in Spanish? I...

Correct. 2021. Jayce! Everything called in Jayce. Oh wow, it's coming out. That's fucking hot, dude. I look hot. Alright, boy slave. Come on.

Come on, boy bitch. Something so sexy about calling grown men bitches. Shut the fuck up. Boy bitch. He's a sassy one. Okay, thank you. There he is. You pay me three percent, and I can finally hire myself a slave.

A boy slave. Oh, some champagne. Can you pop that open for us? Keith's here for the fucking New Year's Eve. That's right, baby. It's a party. It's party, party, party. That's filled with snow. A lot of snow.

Can we take that off? You're gonna eat that? Eat it. I'm not gonna eat it. Give me more. Money. Alright, so you already fucked up by taking all of it. Oh wow, okay, good.

That was good, that was good. You're supposed to not take it all off. Why can't I take it all off? There's like a line in there that you pull it. Why are you taking this off the table and putting it on? Well, because it can stay in there. It's a wire mesh. Oh boy, this is gonna be dangerous.

Have you ever opened champagne before? I was never the cool kid to spray people. Do you know what you're doing? Fuck. Do I take this off off? Well, that's up to you. You legitimately never opened anything with it. We're not gonna give you any direction. We just hope that it doesn't work out.

Just don't point it at any of us. I'm scared. I'll be honest, you probably should be at this point. Why are you shaking? Shut the fuck up, Frank. I thought you were like... We got the fuse. It's like the Hurlocker.

Save that for later. Yeah. Yeah, pop it. Are you just trying to look like a pirate? Yeah. I'm scared. Why did you scream? I screamed too.

I'm fucking scared. Oh, my contact. Where'd it go? Oh, shit. He just throws all the snow onto the ground near the electronics. It's not my house. I just spit everywhere.

Wait, I need the coast. This is a hot start. I don't know what you're doing. This is gonna be over. Look at you. Shut the fuck up. Stop. What a poor Keith.

You are the most shaky. What's wrong with you? Do you have fucking jaundice? Yeah, you look... I don't think those two things line up. Wait, there's not enough of jaundice. Yeah, I need some more in there. Dude, you are like... Your boy needs to drive home.

This is what I look like when I'm trying to pour during an earthquake and I'm having diabetic shock. Keith, have you drank water in the last four years? I was gonna have that. And now I can't because it touched your beard and I'm not really sure where that's been. Yeah, I mean, you might as well drink that because you know that we're not.

Yeah, can I have that? Hey, Joe, let's cheers like some... You don't have a drink though. No, I brought my own. He's got a bottle that he just fucking torched. That's true. He's got a nice beer boy. He's a beer boy.

He's my beer boy. He's a beer boy. He's my beer boy now. I don't know. The world is better because Keith is my... Look at you! You're fucking so over his head! Dude, that beer put it pussy on your sideburns. I want to hear the sound.

Oh wait, fuck, sorry, cheers. Clean up. Cheers, cheers, cheers. Keith, you have it. Okay, clean it like the body of Christ. Let me get in there. Let me clean that. Can you not rub my fucking junk? I got his junk.

You can say cock on the show. Cock, balls. Meat. What are we cheersing to? Are you going to cheers? 2021, 2021. New beginnings, old ends. Is that a... Burnt ends.

Burnt ends. Cheers. Are these real crystal, by the way, if I do this? Real crystal. Alright, cheers. That's crisp. That is... Are you...

You have the loudest throat I've ever heard in my life. First of all, why is your throat on fucking like the THX system? Why are you sipping, bitch? Full disclosure, it's 10.30 AM. For... You look like... You fucking pig.

Honestly, we're going to have to call the CDC. Call the CDC. What's the number for the CDC? 728. I missed. Got it. That looked like... That looked like that was so painful for you.

No, I was good. Your throat was screaming. I don't know if you heard that. Boom! If I was eating huge rocks, that's what it would sound like. You legitimately had a fucking party going on in your throat.

Throat party. That sounds like a fun, fun time. That's like a porn thing, probably. Throat party, Google it right now. I'll type it into porn hub. Just type it into regular hub. We're going to pub. I wouldn't mind if this kid has another beer.

What is this? LIC Beer Project. Send me free beer, please. They won't. The first thing that comes up is DJ Coolz let me clear my throat. That makes sense. That's the opposite of a throat party.

This is good. It's a little sweet. It's a little sweet for my liking. I like extra brute. What does that mean? Oh, you like dry? I like my... I like my drinks.

I like my women. Dry and they hate me. What the fuck? So how you been, Keith? Can we get a look at that shirt underneath your MySuit jacket? Yeah, why is that like 40 times too big? Self made lucky.

Do you want to explain what any of that means or no? It doesn't fit me, I can't even explain it. Did you buy that? I think mom did. Gotcha. She needed me to have a boost of confidence. Can you give your mom a call so I can ask her what the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on. We'll call her after this. Where have you been? Working. Honestly, I don't know if I'll be able to hang out at 4 a.m. because I have to work. I worked 10,000 hours last week. Yeah.

The most generous person on money I've ever met too. I don't care, you want it, take it. Something came out of your nose. It's called schnapp. What? That honestly, my heart stopped for a second, like I have palpitations.

Do you? That's something really you might want to get checked. I smell every fucking hop of that beer. It smells just like every hop. That does smell good. Can I smell it? Put my fucking nose to it. I won't like corona on it. No, I don't want it. I got to drive home later, dudes.

You'll be fine. I'll go get some orange juice. Do you have orange juice? Yeah, I do, actually. Why didn't we figure the mimosa? It's a mimosa time. You don't have a mimosa on New Year's? Unless it's a bottomless watch.

The morning after you mimosa? That's true. No, you don't. I don't know if I'll be doing it. I don't think I'm doing anything for New Year's this year. It's kind of wild, dude. This fucking year was like, everyone likes to hang out? Nope. I know what I'm going to do.

We're going to go to probably your house. Here. Wow. I need to record a drunk podcast. I haven't done one of those in a long time. We should do that for Patreon. We get Dirt Wolves in here. What about Mad Elves?

They're 12% beers. It'll be past Christmas. It's a return of the dirty bitches. Yeah, it was like Raging Bitch and Dirt Wolf. And Dirt Wolf mixed together. It's two beers that you're not supposed to mix together, but then you do. I'm pretty sure that's why they don't sponsor us.

Is it like a Dark Lager type shit? They're both heavy IPAs, I think. Whatever it is, it made us very drunk. Dark. Should we go back to Jamba Juice in Four Law Cows? Jamba Juice? You mean Jungle Juice? There we go. Just go back to Froyo

and we go to 16 Handles over here. Jamba Juice. The thing that was just juice, it was J-O-O-S-E. No, no, no. It's Jungle Juice. And Four Law Cows. I remember I had two Four Law Cows on a party bus once,

and I thought I was on Coke Gang. Dude. Do you remember when we had them in Connecticut? Yeah, I was scared. We almost started a forest fire. You almost started a forest fire. And I had to pee on it. Joey picked up a burning piece of wood

with his bare hands because he said he was a fireman. He said, relax, guys. I'm a fireman. Dude, I had... No one was relaxed and I'm not a fireman. And then he proceeded to piss on the fire. Well, I did my part. When I was in sophomore year,

it was right before Four Law Cows got recalled. And I had one. So my friend, Melissa, she was like, oh, go to my fridge. I have a bottle of Powerade in there. And I thought she meant like I could mix that as a mixer. Because I had a bottle of rum in my room. So I went and I got a fucking...

I got the bottle of Powerade and I mixed it with Bacardi. Bacardi like peach or some fucking stupid shit. And I was so fucking like... Like I wasn't drunk. I was on a different plane of existence. In your throat. In your throat.

I was like seeing shit. I fucking remember it as clear as day. Like when you're like looking... It is clear as day. You know when you look this way and you see there's like a little eye guy and then you look that way and he's like, I'm here too. I saw that but like a huge one. What the fuck just happened?

You know what I'm talking about. Look at the wall. Focus. Now look to the right. Yes. You see that little guy? There's a little high guy. I want to be very clear. No.

You're fucking up by calling it an eye guy. It's eye guy. It's like an eye guy. It's a dot? It was big eye guy. So when you get drunk you have a bigger eye guy? No. Only when I mixed forloka with Bacardi. It was fucked up.

Do you still have the original can? You had that for the longest time. Dude, that was like six years ago. First of all, longer than that. I already drank that. No, I remember right before they got recalled. I just went and bought like three. I was still living at home like sharing a room with Keith when we had that.

So I would have had to have bought it. How? That's even a real sentence. How was sharing a room with Joey? It was alright. For the most part. But then it was me, Joey and Thomas. That was when it was weird.

That was like when we were like fucking seven. Yeah, I was going to say that was way back. Can you move your mic so you talk into it and not to Frankie's face? Alright. But yeah, new years. New years, new times. Another year down, baby. I did come into this year saying that we would see a lot of things more clearly

because 2020 vision. You said that? I didn't say it out loud. But I said it to me, in my head. Don't tell people that. But now you did. Josh, have that out. This fucking champagne is busting right now.

Super bushing on a real one. No, sorry. Because this year sucked. It was already hitting. Really? I have a kid. Another one on the way. I don't fucking drink.

I don't drink like I used to. So now one little fucking glass of peep peep makes me feel a little loosey goose. I guarantee Frankie in five minutes is going to ask if I have cigars. Guaranteed. But anyway. Dude, I would... Smoking cigars in here would permanently damage the walls.

First of all, you would fucking violate the terms of your lease probably. Probably. I would crush a cigar in here right now. I should do like a recorded outside episode. Go ahead, tell me how stupid that was. That was so stupid dude. In the rain.

I put together a list of things that I think we should leave in 2020 because it's a terrible year. And there's a lot of things that happen. And I'm just like, we need to get rid of this stuff. The first thing. Pandemic related. People who know people in the CDC. No, you don't.

In the beginning of the fucking pandemic when everything was going on, I kept getting text messages from people like, yo, I have a cousin who knows someone in the CDC. And they said martial law is coming. And everyone's going to... No one's going to be able to be allowed to leave their bedrooms. Like they're going to be in your living room holding you

and you're like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, it was those group texts that would always come through. And it would be like, yo, I know someone who knows no date. Deparma depends. It's like, no, you fucking don't. And even if you do...

You know who made this fucking Brent over in his basement and he just sent it out to every idiot that he knew. What would even be the purpose of creating a fake message like that? Dude, to be so hilariously comedic. Dude, do you remember the fake messages where it's like, these are the things you can't go to and then you click on it

and it's just like a... That guy with the feck. He's dead. He is so dead, dude. Wow, probably got a bone or lost all the blood to his head. No, apparently... Oh, Joe Rogan was talking about it. Oh, like I super...

Well, you have to assume that he was like... No, because he... Someone being that viral and famous like all the time you would think that he would make an appearance somewhere. He died before he went viral. And apparently like his like fiance that was with him when he died said that like it was like upsetting to their family

because he was just being spread like wildfire. Damn. Dude, that's impressive. Not being dead. Being dead is not impressive. He also did probably a fair share of spreading while he was alive. Dude, that fucking dick.

Will spread you open and kill you. It was twice this mic in circumference. Everyone has to know what we're talking about too. How much of you looked at this dick? I've looked at it a lot. What I think of is Frankie Zybraz.

You nailed me. You fucking nailed me, Keith. But no, that guy... Pulled the dick up. I just got the dick the other day. I did, I forwarded to you. Because it was a text that someone sent me and it said

New York Post critical care nurse from New York City who received first COVID-19 vaccine in U.S. falls into coma. So, when you read that, super alarming. And then you click on the link and it's a picture of this guy and his fucking Aunt Eater cock.

That thing is wild. Would you hide drugs if you had foreskin? Would you hide things in your foreskin? Do you have foreskin? I've seen your dick, that's right. I don't think you did. What? Oh, you want to see this dick? I'm sorry.

You act like you've never seen it. I've seen it once and it was yesterday. Dude, so you have short-term memory. That's the first date? You don't remember shit from yesterday? Dude, it's crazy. Dude, that is fucked up. It's a thigh, that's a thigh.

That's not a real dick. That thing is barks. It's also not art. That's not safe to be with. I mean, how much bigger can it get? It looks like it's soft there. Keith, you're a master of looking at dicks. No, I'm not.

Got him. No, but yeah, so my first one on that list was people who know people in the CDC. Yeah, what the fuck? No, you don't. Stop lying. Also, if you know anyone in a government position or whatever, I don't care.

And why the fuck are they going to tell their name? Hey, by the way, you know me in the CDC? Get ready. And that's when people went out and bought every fucking box of Barilla Pasta. Barilla Pasta. It's like they went on Ancestry.com for CDC. What the hell does that even mean? I could trace their whole family tree

and find somebody. If you guys have a job that looks like 23 in me or whatever it is. 23 in me? You got to come in a vial and you send it to the government. They tell you if you got some African in you. Wait, that's a thing? Yeah, they're like, oh, guess what? You're a 182nd German.

Yeah, and it's like, oh, I'm actually 0.0% Slovakian. So you don't care? You're not really coming, Keith. You're spitting into it. Oh, it's saliva. Okay. So it's just saliva that you spit into this thing

and then you send it to a company and they tell you, like, you know, oh, man. Yeah, it turns out you're Scandinavian. Yeah, and it's like, I mean, you know what? Being Scandinavian, do you know anyone that's Scandinavian? I think we are a little Scandinavian. Well, that forehead is certainly Scandinavian. I don't get that.

I don't either. All right. We're just going to assume that Scandinavians have big foreheads. Giant-ass foreheads. And if you know the answer and you want to just... They got fucking driveways. Are you able to tell, like, who watches this

in different countries and stuff like that? Yeah. Are there any people in Scandinavia that watch? Why do you think I looked that up? You know, to be... To fucking relate to the Scandinavian. You just wake up one day and you don't know how many people from Scandinavia watch me. No, I have no clue.

I don't either. It's by Greenland. Definitely not. Iceland? Those are really far from each other. Are they? Let's look it up. I feel like they're right next to each other.

Let's look up Scandinavia. If I'm right, holy shit, you're both fucking idiots. I don't know. You're an idiot because you just guessed. Scandinavia, right next to Sweden. Right next to... It's the UK to Iceland. We're Scandinavia.

So it's close to Norway, dickhead. It's not a country, it's a place. It's like a grouping. I guess it is a country. It's like a city. I don't know what that is. It's very close to Norway. It's in Sweden. I feel like we should know this.

No, we shouldn't. I'll tell you one thing. Geography, not my thing. Oh, no. It's like across a body of water. There's Iceland. There's Iceland. Yeah, maybe... Give me that.

Give me that. Alright, I think I'm right. Alright, the next thing I have is... Toilet paper? You fold your nose every time you drink. Toilet paper. In 2020... For some reason, the importance of toilet paper

was just through the roof. Everyone was going crazy and I don't understand why. If you have running water, you don't need toilet paper. Do you have a bidet? No, I had one at my old house in Astoria. I've never used one. I feel like I don't want to do it though. Because you'll go gay.

Dude, it's a different... Listen, I'm not into ash play. Let me just say this. How often did you use this bidet? Every time I would use the bathroom. Okay. So for a full year... I had it for about...

I would say maybe 8 months before I moved out. So my only question when it comes to bidets is that... Sometimes when I poop, big poop, my butt kind of opens. And it's not really the same as it normally would be. Now, when you go to clean something like that

could it possibly be one of those carnival games where it's like a sprain and it's filling up your colon and then you've got to pee after it? Your colon's up there. So if it gets your way to your colon... You're impressive. It's all like the... Why are you fainting your asshole right now?

Because it's like right in there. Right in your ass. You touching your prostate now? Isn't a sphincter like the rim? The part that's all like... It's your scar. The angry part of your ass. Yeah.

No, but like... Has it ever gotten in? Of course it has. But then you've got to pee it out? So is it a soaking wet wipe? No, it's like... It depends on the way you want to go about it. What if I hit your ass?

Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, get everything you can and then just flush out the system a little bit. So then you spray after a wipe wipe? Yeah, you spray. So you're technically inadvertently giving yourself a little enema? Well, I fully get a myself enema. So I know what it feels like. Yeah, he's got an enema.

I've had an enema. It sucks. Dude, I'm the only one on the show that's never got an enema. Sit on that bottle right now. Yo, 10,000 Patrons, Joey has to do an enema. Yes! 10,000 Patrons? By the way, we hit Joey as a fucking enema. Great fucking segue. We hit 6,000 on Patreon.

Patreon, thank you guys so much. Patreon.com. Cheers to you, man. When you sign up for our Patreon, you get every episode a week in advance and you get an extra episode of the Basement Yard every single week, so we appreciate you guys. We just hit 6,000. We originally said that our goal was 5,000 by Christmas and we fucking killed that.

Killed it. Thank you so much. 3%? Fuck it. You're a lot more generous than someone... Shaba. That fucking champagne bus right now. But yeah, at 10,000, I'll give myself an enema.

But like, is there a safe one to do? Yeah, you can buy them from the store. They're just like saline. It's just meant to like clean your people. Yeah, am I gonna like shit like... Yeah. It'll clean you out. Like as soon as it comes. That's what saline is.

As soon as it comes in, it's flying out. You have to get it in there and you gotta hold it for like 15 minutes. I'm not doing this around you guys. Nor am I doing it on the show, obviously. Just film it. There's a fucking toilet right there. We're not filming the actual going in.

You guys aren't gonna watch me self-enema. You know how many people probably love that shit? First of all, you would make a lot of money if we did that, Joey. I would also... I would say this. I think an enema would be... Is enemas are dope?

No. It's cleansing. Mine weren't because they were medically fucking prescribed. Mine weren't. Mine was more... Mine was like white and milky, so it not only felt like I was getting fucking cream pied, but it also looked like it.

You had to enema white cream? It was like white medicine, yeah. Boston cream doughnut? No, it wasn't thick like that. It was literally like milk. They're ejecting a kilo of cocaine in his ass. It's because I'm Hispanic, right? Yeah, it is. It's exactly why.

You would make a good mule. He's got a good anal. You can just go buy an enema. People do them when they take drugs on fucking party weekends and shit like that. So their body is cleaned out. So wait, if I do an enema and I put some saline in my asshole,

I'm just gonna shit a lot? It's just gonna clean out. Let's not talk over each other constantly on the show. Let someone finish a thought though. Go ahead. In general, let someone finish a thought and then we speaks. He's getting angry.

He makes money doing podcasts. He's a shit. You hired him? You did. That's right, I hired him. What are you paying him? An enema juice. Enough to buy one enema per month.

But he's right. It basically just fucking cleans your system out and you can get you don't need like a special you can get an attachment for your toilet that's a bidet. No, I know. There's some companies that make them. So you don't even have to have it built into the toilet?

No, that's what we did. We bought the attachment and it just sits in between the seat and the actual bowl. How hard is the spray? It's pretty hard to spray, dude. Does it have like Is it like when I put my thumb on the hose?

It's pretty hard, dude. They spray that hard? They need pressure. They get that sticky shit off your cheeks. He's not wrong. What comes out of your butt? What the fuck? It's probably glue.

That sticky shit. And they have a different setting for if you're a woman and you're cleaning your pussy. Like a mist? Oh, yo, honestly what I was just about to say was so fucking stupid. Yo, oh my god.

Say it, say it. Because when you said that, right? I'm like, oh yeah, when you take a shit, you just like whatever. And they have a setting to clean their pussy. When you said that, I was just about to ask what, they sit reverse on the toilet? Like they sit on it

like this, this way, and just hit the button. You probably could. It's not a button. The one that I had was a dial and there was two dials. Crack it to 11. There was one that was temperature of the water and there was another.

Who wants cold water? No one. That's why you have a temperature gauge. The other one was to the right. It was for your... To the right it was your asshole and to the left it was a pussy. On the back of the toilet it was like a little

like, like bar that came down and it had two nozzles and one would spray like directly upward for your asshole and one would spray out a little bit. You know, like not as arched for the girls. But JJ. That's it.

I'm gonna get you one. Do you think girls need that though? Apparently, like they wipe when they pee. Why else would they fucking do it? I'm just saying like... Now it's like a... I actually... It's not a bad idea.

It's smart. Is that a wiping fucking paper in your pussy? Now it's just drying there. You know what I'm saying? Well... Again, welcome. Speaking of the mic, second of all... Nothing worse than a dry pissed vagina.

But seriously, like you can't just wipe it and I know you got 100% of it off. Now you're diluting everything. It's like a vacuum. You don't know if you spill water and pee on the floor. You won't know you got it all until you vacuum it all up. If you try to clean up liquid with a vacuum

you're an idiot. No, they have wet vacs. No, you can wet vac. Wet vac. Wait, hold on. You spill something. Honey, get the vacuum? No, like I've had like big old floods that like I've had a wet vac.

Big old... A wet vac. Yeah, use them for like a pool and shit. A wet vac. That's what they're called guys. Yeah, but you use them for like a pool and shit. You don't use them for... I spilled some wine. No, no, no, but I'm saying like if I had like a bucket of half water, half pee,

only way to know it's not pee is get it all, you know what I mean? So maybe they like really dry it in there. I guess. Alright, next things that we should leave in 2020. That was all about toilet paper by the way. Things we should leave in 2020. Over the top gender reveals.

Uh, yeah. Didn't they like start forest fires or something? Dude, so many. Wait, I don't even understand how that happens. It's like it explodes and like fucking like it'll be pink or blue. But one of them malfunctioned. I forgot which where it was.

I think it was Arizona or something like that. And it malfunctioned in like a forest like in like a dry area. Literally just it killed like 11 people. What? Keith, talking to the fucking microphone. Yeah, you're leaning back on purpose. Yeah, they...

No, he's right. I think it was California. I thought it was California like Arizona. But like they literally did it in an area where God forbid you drop a cigarette. Alright, the whole thing's fucking going up. I did see one where it was like balloons and the balloons like were in the air

and they hit like power lines and like shut down the block or something. But like this gender reveal that they had I forgot exactly what was going on with it but it malfunctioned and it just created a shit ton of sparks. Yeah. And literally just lit up everything.

I think everyone should do a gender reveal if they're going to do one like you did. Like the way we did. Get a balloon, pop it, fucking confetti. What is this like? Oh, I like to deadlift. So I'm going to deadlift and then they're going to explode and turn into... Get a cake or get a balloon.

They're going to reveal to panda, to fucking males. You know, the male genders veining sense of masculinity. Yeah. So now it's like, oh dude, throw me a baseball filled with blue powder and I'm going to fucking rock it dude. And it's like dude, just like find out.

I love the fails of that though. Oh, it's like swinging a miss and it just hits the ground and it's like oh baby. Dude, there was recently one where the guy like they gave him a ball, like a basketball to shoot in the hoop. He shot. He shot over the hoop. Like over the backboard.

Hit the floor and then explode. It was great. Yeah, that's what I would do. Dude, if you're not an athlete, what are you doing? Literally. Like why do we need to like make everything a party? I guess that's fucking capitalism for us, huh? Everything needs to be able to make money off of. Like you can't just find out what the fucking baby is

and you need to make it a whole big like gender reveal. I need views man. I need likes. I need all that shit. Another party. Like there's so many parties. It's like the baby shower and then like the wedding and then there's more showers for the shit. Yeah. And then it's like, well the gender reveal

snagging at the baby another gift and then it's all the baby's first birthday. And you know what dad's doing the malls all the whole time? He's drinking. Yeah. But like the whole time. That's just what I was doing I think. I'm with you on that one. We need to just like dial it back. Just be simple again.

Everyone's just trying to outdo the last gender reveal and it's like guys just chill the fuck out. Take it back to balloons and cakes. I do think that that's something that 2020 did teach us in particular is because like I think as I can't speak for the world but the United States and Frankie speak for the world it's all fucking pomp and circumstance dude.

It is all like everyone is super pumped like big parties big reveals. You know we have fucking millions of people in Times Square for Times Square for New Year's it's like now what the fuck was that? Let's just do like a promo right now.

Bring it back and remember like the small things or what counts. A small and intimate. No more ba-ba-ba. Times Square ba-ba-ba. But then you know like you got people out there that are like yo I wanna find out what my baby is let's fucking jump in a pool and fuck a leg with ba-ba-ba. And it's like running at like matters you know?

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah I understand. Alright next here we have, oh my god Joe he's gonna have the biggest gender reveal when he has a kid. No he hasn't. You know that right? Yeah. The fucking Yankee Stadium in the World Series. Yeah.

The president is throwing out the first pitch it's actually a gender reveal. I rented out the whole fucking George. It's like 50 cent when he threw the fucking ball. Okay next. Okay. In 2020 let's leave behind whatever Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are doing.

Yeah. Why are they always in the news? Where are they? Wait. What? You don't know who they are. No I do. Did they run away? Are you doing that? Yeah. I'm actually down. Oh shit I don't have a cuff.

Frankie's pouring a little bit of, nope he's pouring a lot of whiskey. I've never tried this. It's really good. Let me, oh fuck I can't do it. I have a bottle. Try to do it in this? I don't have a glass. Let me just call back on that and let her know I'm not going to be coming home. Honey I'm staying out.

Put it on speaker. Cheers. I've never tried Centauri whiskey. Yeah and then after you said I never tried it you pour that. Yeah that's a heavy try. It's not a try. No that's a full on sitting. Plus you mixed it with a little bit.

That was a healthy sip. It's good. He loves it. Oh my god it just starts gargling. I gotta go find my sleeping bag. Do you have a couch? You wouldn't even give me that. Frankie I'm sorry but we do not have a bidet for you. Fuck that.

I could go in there and spray you in the ass if you need me to though. Would you? As your friends? I think so. If you... Might be a little bit before I drive on my guys. Oof. Oof. Size? Max.

Yeah what are those two doing? They're just like pissed at the fucking queen? Well no. I don't think like the royal family they don't really you know like you know what I'm saying? Like we had talked about the queen before. I don't know if that was with you or with Danny. It was with Danny.

We talked about the royal family with on the basement yard and man did the UK come for us. Really? Yeah they're like hey bro don't talk about the queen and you're like oh I'm just joking. Dude they're like super pumped about the queen. All we said was that we didn't care about the royal wedding

and it's like why is there like national coverage? It was literally like there's an event like it's the Thanksgiving Day Parade and like Santa Claus is coming. Where are they now? Are they in like Canada? Yeah they like ran away. It was kind of like Jasmine and Aladdin being like I don't want to be royalty.

I don't want to be the Sultan. Why do you have a gun the whole fucking time? Who's the WikiLeaks guy? They're like hiding with him somewhere. What's his name again? Wait. Julian Assange? Yeah. They're just like hiding out just like fucking like everyone. When they actually found him

Holy fuck you look completely different. Oh I don't care. Yeah but I don't know man the royal family like whatever. They're not even royalty anymore. So it's like the queen? Oh I fine. You want to tell me what the queen's doing? And she's like 90 right now. You think the queen's ever killed someone?

You don't stay on top unless you fucking kill a couple people. But not like actually with her hands but she like orders them like Listen up to me. Listen up everybody. You're going to go out there. You're going to find him at the footy pub. And you're going to give him a wink. That's it. I'm sure that's how they talk.

That's how you talk. Knock him off. Oh that's what they say. Knock him off. You're going to be royalty. You're heinous. You know in like whatever accent you're doing when they say like I'm going to come over and sort you out.

Sort you out. I think it's butt shit. Oh. Again with a gun. I'm gunning today. I think it is like gay stuff. I'm going to come over and sort you out. I think it's like a sexual like

I get pictures of you saying that. Let's see. Tell me if this feels gay to you. Hi Keith. I'm going to come over. I'm going to sort you out. Click. Hang up.

I'm holding a gun. Click. Pow. I'm here telling you. I'm going to sort you out. You could say anything like that and it would be sexual. Yeah I guess so. I'm going to help you fuck yourself.

Why don't people say that? What did you just say? I'm going to help you fuck yourself. No one says that. Why are you giving me a Dutch rudder? What's a Dutch rudder? You hold your dick and I move your arm for you. And jerk you off with your hand.

Let's talk. It's a percentage of gay. How much? Not over 50. I'll give it a 45. I was going to say a 41. What's the level of percentage of gay that you don't want to engage in?

Passing in school is 65 so I guess anything below that. Fine. No wait public school is 55 though. Fucking idiots. You went there. I did. We all went there actually. I went there at a fifth.

Doesn't matter. You went to public school until fifth grade? We all went to PS2. I didn't know you went to PS2. I thought you went the whole time to St. Francis. I'm glad I went to PS2 instead of St. Francis. So what's the level at which is like too much gay?

Too much percentage of gay? I mean if you're staring down the barrel of a dick it's like really flirting with it. Why? Just because it's like... If someone walks in here with a dick and I stare at it. I'm saying you're going out of your way to be like yo I'm going to get close to this thing.

What's gay about that? What's with this British accent? I'm not saying that. The British are all gay. Jesus. Come at me. Cancel. No I think that like...

They're all hanging like banging and hanging. And you're like what is going on? I have to tell you the story about the guy in the gym who just surprised me. There was like a little wall that's like this high and I'm walking in the gym to go to the bathroom before I work out

and there was an old man with like a t-shirt on and I was just like because he had looked at me so I was just like hey how's it going? Then he stepped out from behind the wall and he had nothing on. Not even socks. This is a trick because you're hiding behind this wall

and it's like by the way penis. Where's Ashton? I'm getting pugged. It was just like I was just like this is not fair that you're doing that to me. It's kind of honestly though you have to admire his like gall. Yeah see like people like that awesome.

There was also a Colombian man I was in the sauna with Pete and someone else was in the sauna. And then this old man comes in and he's just naked.

He comes in with a towel on but he's standing and he has it like around his waist and he's just standing there. So he's like make room. And he puts the towel down and sits on the towel and then he looks at us immediately and he's just like

not apologized but he was explaining like oh you know where I'm from look out what it has. I've been in the sauna plenty of times never been naked in one. See but that sauna that you were in isn't it small? It's very small. It's smaller than like smaller.

Honestly the size of this table is like the bench. If this table was a square this was it. So you were staring standing down a barrel of a dick. Yeah I mean no I wasn't looking at it. I don't think you can probably nickname that dick a barrel. He was sitting on like

upper level and I'm sitting on the lower level and I was just... There's an upper level? Oh and that's where tottering shit. Yeah there's like two levels you can sit on. Yeah I wish someone referred to my dick as a barrel. What do they refer to it as? What? What do they refer?

Gumby. I'm never gonna unpack that. I was gonna go for straw or something smaller than a barrel. Jesus Keith. Alright next. You know you big dick people have way too much confidence to be knocked down a peg. Alright the next thing I have here

is fake zoom backgrounds. Oh the people that are hilarious. Oh my god dude enough. You're not in outer space. Alright you're not in the Bahamas. You're in your living room and it's fucking psychology class. The people that get...

I'm on the boat. It's like dude no you're fucking not. It's like I'm wearing a fisherman hat. Look it's choppy. Let's just get right to you know pull the root out. Any of these fucking like cool like dad jokes that people think are hilarious fuck you. What are you talking about?

Like these people that are like you know like oh like oh yeah a beautiful day out as it's raining. Dude go all the way into fucking yourself. I hate when people do that. Animal yourself. But speaking of animas let's get to these ads. They're animas?

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I was just gonna say did they put coca did they put that in your drink or I was thinking that this whiskey is slowing me down a bit yeah you had one sip and you haven't done it in like 15 minutes first of all I've had a lot of sips second of all

I'm at that point now we're drinking alcohol we're like the first I don't know how you guys are when you drink but like the first thing that comes into my mind is like alright junk food now yeah I need to go to Mike Steiner and I need to get mozzarella sticks see if when I get drunk I'm like I want disco fries today

yeah today what's your your your drunk food is disco fries mine for the most part it depends where I am because I've had disco fries where they use like American cheese and I'm like what the fuck is this but I mozzarella sticks is a good one

chicken tenders though chicken tenders and fries like ketchup ketchup is a case or barbeque wings no too dirty no fuck you drunk eating wings I'll be covered imagine me you're so hot wings mozzarella

sticks or a BLT nah see guys why do why do people like BLTs they're so fucking good a BLT a BLT is almost a sandwich it is a sandwich

no it's not how much bacon do you put on your BLT the more the merrier baby I understand but what do you do when you're making it by yourself homemade BLT first of all homemade BLTs you don't do because fuck you it's a stupid sandwich second of all just like at least

three strips whoa so much meat dude it's fucking delicious you need an actual meat you need a meat it's bacon it's pork I know what it is but it's not like a main meat it's a side meat

fuck you all I'm getting you know what I'm getting tonight a good ol' bolt no dude a BLT like you need like chicken in there no you don't or like a turkey no all these people like at like turkey clubs it's just a BLT with turkey fuck you because that's an actual sand dude fuck

turkey sandwiches are the most boring fucking limp dick they need blue chew a club a club turkey clubs need blue chew they don't fucking they're limp dick sandwiches what they're a club it's a club it's a club it's a fun isn't there cheese on turkey yeah yeah so there's no cheese on a

BLT there's no cheese on your shit though BLTC beat TLC you said beat TLC those are women you disgusting freak Frankie wants a beaky Joey I don't want to beat women ever again be careful I thought you were going to shatter that in your hand

have you ever once drank a beer that had glass in it plenty glasses plenty I actually have a list of things I'm going to leave in 2020 as well I know so I had them because

I had better ideas than you but the first one the first thing I want to leave in 2020 is week weekday day drinking does that make sense why weekday day drinking we're doing this right now

no no no no weekday day drinking Fridays don't count because Fridays are the weekend casual weekday day drinking is not fun fun like a day drinking on a Saturday cool nothing better nothing better we can agree on that right

I'll do it tomorrow some things are better no but like on a fucking like during quarantine everyone was just like yo it's Wednesday I'm going to fucking day drink maybe think about your life choices dude in the beginning of the pandemic

I had about like four bottles of wine in the first three weeks that was every week and maybe it's because I didn't drink during pandemic because I was alone and I felt really sad but stop but everyone like stop you know what I mean dude I drank a lot

I did I drank way too much because it was still hot outside it was hot out for most of it no I know but like I remember every time I would go to the I would go just me and get everything because my mom I didn't want my mom going

and I'd go and I'd make sure to get like literally a pack of white claws sorry a box of white claws and like like two or three things of like beer it was absurd I literally made a fucking tower in my house

I drank so much fucking red wine and then Holly would come over on the weekends and then we'd have beer pong playing with you know like maybe I'm just a little sour because I'm in Jersey and I wasn't able to do that like everyone was like having a fucking fun you guys were doing like zoom fucking like happy hours

and I was just sitting there just fucking listening to music I just didn't care about just being afraid of going outside and wiping down my boxes of macaroni do you remember that everyone was just like remember his hands in Texas yeah his hands were dry as fuck

oh yeah before we went to Texas everyone was like yo why are you fucking washing your hands and sanitizing so much I was like dude I'm terrified my hands were fucking crack you look like a reptile I brought some moisturizer and Frankie was just using it the entire trip

I was like his hands literally look like he was wearing white gloves dude they were rough they were really really rough and I remember on the trip back in the airport I was sitting next to you and Keith is we're both like I was trying to sleep and Keith goes boom and I'm like Keith not here

not now no no wasn't that I looked I looked over at you and I was like yo fill my head is my head hot yeah and like 10 minutes earlier or like around the same time he had sneezed and I was like Keith not here you're like Keith you understand you'll probably get arrested before you get off this plane

dude I remember that it was fucking oh and by the way you were in the on the way back you were in the airplane bathroom for like 45 to an hour yeah you know why because my body does this magic trick where it makes fucking sludge that's why Keith

does this magic trick where it makes fucking do you remember that we we stayed up into the I'm sorry my sternum was killing me because I kept leaning on like the stupid little fucking yeah he was like leaning on the tray and I was trying to sleep on it and then

I'd like constantly wake up y'all for at least a week I couldn't breathe like correctly yeah could have also been something else though I don't know no to covid oh that did that defeated look if I had covid everybody else had

covid on the trip none of us had covid none of us thank god it was just weird because we were in a packed fucking bar dude that weekend it was fucking wild it was hilarious what's on this list of yours and cold alright so so day weekday day drinking that's yes get rid of it you know

next things to leave in 2020 tiktok dances fuck all of these little fucking idiot kids that are just like yuck yuck yuck everyone yuck yuck yuck everyone fucking

stop dancing on tiktok isn't it weird how that's like the thing to do now like when you're a kid in high school like even as like a like a dude you're like yo go home and hit this choreograph dude is that the right term yeah I think it is like adults that do it okay like fine

but like these kids that are like yo in high school like yo at lunchtime meet me in mr smith's chemistry room and they're fucking whoa yeah and they're like you know like oh yeah have you ever seen like been out on the street and seen people dancing in public and you're like they're making tiktok dude

no you have no but like you go to like Brooklyn there's always a person taking a picture in front of like a mural oh whoa different that's cool who cares that's not even what we're talking about if they start fucking popping their pussy in front of the Mona Lisa

but not in Brooklyn I know that but uh I lost my thought you never had one to begin with no I'm just ready to leave tiktok dances I don't even have a tiktok so

me neither I don't have a tiktok plus I don't want to dance so it kind of works that could work for me we should make a tiktok account and just keep dancing you think you're gonna get me to dance within right amount of alcohol absolutely one hundo per silo joe

if I can't get you to do it I know someone else that can and guess what he's violating labor laws and he's sitting right there Joe Sanagato what is that he's violating labor laws but absolutely I think we can get you to dance not be at the tiktok thing

I just find it like mad strange that not that it's strange it's just very different than when we grew up because I can't imagine me being like yo you guys trying to hit this dance or whatever and like everything will just be cool I guess in a way it was kind of the same because

we were like we would tell people like yo come we're gonna make a video come hang with us and they were like and they were like no I was telling the story last night there was a two girls in middle school that went to school with me that liked us and we invited them over to make a video with them there

do you remember that yeah we invited two girls over did we do it and we made a video of you guys holding my legs open and Keith running and drop kicking me in the dick you remember that now no you don't remember that who was it you really want to drop the names

can you do nicknames no why not was it rhyme-less that'll really throw off the viewers were they our friends or just random there were two girls that I went to school with oh now I know it now give me the first initial

of both of them A yeah yeah yeah and we like we were like we were like you know just come and hang and we're gonna record a video it'll be cool and they came and that's

the video we recorded like so I guess in a way we did the same shit but like the kids that do it now are fucking losers wow that's a big thing you're saying I don't think they're fucking losers I just think that's different I just think that's a very different thing because we were like yo you know what's cool making jackass videos

like jumping off a shit which is arguably like also fucking stupid yes but it is subjectively objectively cooler than fucking wagging your pussy in front of a camera that's not and like the guys

that do it too the guys that are like but you're gonna do what people want for the view like like people want to see that I get that I'm just letting you know keep doing it I get that Keith but the people that like that stuff are also idiots I understand so now you're talking about like a real big percentage

of the pop yeah fuck them all wow let's just fucking kill him I'm kidding let's not kill them obviously I don't want to kill them yet that's he sips his a peeky stares into the sunset how much do I

have to Venmo you to just slam that right no no no you gotta fill it more yeah why'd you pyrovive me he just shut his one eye he was just like what were my eyes just went I don't know he's like I'll do it for free buddy nah I do have to head home after this that's okay I gotta

be safe at home dude okay she doesn't have a baby yet how do you know that's true we don't know she could be calling me right now saying on her way your phone's right there what else is on your list other things I want to leave in

2020 I also had the toilet paper thing because like fuck like wiping your ass is not going to ruin your day actually just have a real shitty diet and you barely shit anyway well or you shit a lot depending on how

your body reacts if you were to have McDonald's every day your body would be nuclear no I would be farting why do you say farting like that farting my farts whenever I have McDonald's it smells like I died

if I have anything that has dairy in it I shit I fart out of formaldehyde you probably are lactose sensitive oh sensitive your body's like dude please stop your body's lactose intolerant it's coming in it's going no I wouldn't even call it intolerant

I would just say lactose you're not allowed in I keep sneaking it in the back door but the bouncers keep turning it away I have also celebrities tackling social issues with videos oh my god guys why

are celebrities thinking that these are good ideas the most tone deaf thing of this year was Gal Gadot opening a video I think that's how you say it is it not Gal Gadot? I don't know opening a video going

imagine there's no heaven like everyone's fucking dying and she's telling us to imagine no heaven I get the concept of the song by John Lennon is supposed to be like you know like a beautiful like imagine like just like things are better but

I can open it when people are dying saying imagine there's no heaven from your like billion dollar living room what are we doing? hey guys it's me we're all in this together no we're not we're apps of fucking loot we're not

you're on 40 acres of land I'm sitting here in a two bedroom apartment and I have to wipe down whatever fucking groceries are available to me when you can call up craft themselves and they'll send you a lifetime supply and I have so much anxiety that I'm gonna need an enema to take a shit oh yeah

these people they're fucking taking half shits at each of their eight bathrooms these pieces of shit half shits and then not only that but the vote one where it's like yo we're celebrities and here's how we're gonna tell people to vote we're gonna be naked

who's idea spoiler alert everyone spoiler alert like David Spade yeah I don't you know what's gonna make me not want to do anything seeing Sarah Silverman's fucking bush sorry

not that I think it was no it was from the neck up but like nothing about seeing Chris Rock naked is gonna make me be fucking amped to go vote I think it was like for the shock value of being like we're naked and while we have your attention go vote but like was there anything else behind it

no it was like it was literally just it was like take the time out of this week to go vote sometimes didn't even acknowledge that they were naked which is like like who comes up with these fucking ideas and I guess the joke is on us because we're talking about it well that's why they do it it's like oh but like

yeah I guess it's like that factor of I heard like so-and-so is naked you have a voting I don't guess that's the reason I don't get the whole idea like to me those are just lazy ideas like when people like fake beefs are they fake relationships it's like well it's gonna get people to talk about

it so it's like a good idea because getting people to talk about it's like or you could just stay in this room and like come up with an idea and we'll get people to talk about it and it's a good idea yeah I'm not just like y'all take your tits out I think this year showed us what happens what happens when celebrities

don't have like the fucking ability to have other people making stuff for them you know what I mean like it was just them and a camera and they were like this let's make a video about singing imagine like like they're better ideas that was that that was Wonder Woman

that's a pretty good impression of her I don't really know what she sounds like she's very tall isn't she she was like a fucking like Israeli like special ops she will fuck us up yeah she reminds me of like was she yeah she was like the Israeli Marines or some shit

don't they force people to be in the Marines in Israel what they force people to be in the army maybe I don't know whatever was the Israel like the Israeli version of the Green Beretsa she was at the blue the blue Yarmulke's she was in Goddamn it I know not everyone that's Israeli

is Jewish but it's pretty funny I'll be honest with you I didn't I'm dead serious I'm dead serious I didn't know that that's alright it's okay I get it but like thinking about it now like putting a second in to think about it like that makes so much sense and I'm an idiot but I swear to God

I never even like thought that like I assumed everyone who was in Israel was Jewish or whatever Hebrew I'm sure like the percentage is overwhelming I mean yeah but like but that would be like not everyone that would be like be thinking that everyone in

actually the United States is like Catholic or something I mean I would say yeah or everyone in Canada is French that's not a religion well you know what I mean like just like because like you hear like oh yeah in Canada people that think that just because people speak Arabic they're they you know

devout their life to Islam like that's not necessarily the case either yeah but she was like she like all these celebrities that come out and they want to just be like they want to do good by trying to relate to us like like have a sense of self self-awareness what was the one with

Aaron Paul Aaron Carter Aaron Carter Aaron Paul that's his name right which well I know Aaron Paul he's an actor which one are you talking about well he made this video and he was just like very just oh my god we gotta think

it was about it was like about racial injustice but what did he say I don't remember the exact but it was like I am sick and tired it was like it's like that is so off-putting to me because like you're an actor and like I get the message behind it like yeah racial injustice

is like bad but like this is just so weird that like you're an actor and like you can clearly tell that you're acting like which is like off-putting there's a level of self-awareness that I think certain celebrities don't have like you don't need to be doing this in like a super dramatic way

like I don't know that just means it's so weird to me yeah it seems like they've it's not genuine is my point it's definitely not genuine I hear what you're saying it's like you can tell that like they're like do they feel comfortable like that like you know strongly about it more likely than not absolutely but the fact

that they're there and they're like alright man like this is gonna be a good video and action do a couple takes you know I'm sick you know I'm fed up and he's like we need to do something it's like you don't talk like this yeah

and you're not like it's just I don't know that whole culture behind like whatever I do agree with that celebrities probably it's the propaganda fella no you're just saying things I don't know what that was but you're just but like I get the idea behind

celebrities getting behind these like social issues because it forces people a certain way because people are influenced by celebrities by the same time like dude you're an actor and I can tell that you're acting so that comes off as not genuine so this is just stupid to me yeah no absolutely

I there's a certain level of like again self-awareness that you need to be able to have I think like because then the conversation after this I'll be like well if they're doing if they're trying to get involved and you don't think it's the right way to do it like it's kind of counterproductive and I get that to an extent but at the exact

same time like you need to understand like this these are the the the benefits of you being in your role there you go hello the benefits of you being in your role and there are better ways to use it than to sit there and and kind of appear as if you're making some fraudulent claim to be

the super woke individual you know what I mean and like the people like that's why that's one of the reasons why I hated so much the fucking ice bucket challenge because it was like no you're no no no like that's a different level that's no no no listen because a lot of what the ice bucket challenge

was was it was like alright I'm nominating so and so and so and so and so and if they don't do it they need to donate to charity so people were fucking just pouring ice water over themselves in order to not donate to charity but I'm not putting that on on the same level the only difference is because I'm not saying the

creation of the ice bucket challenge I'm saying that like the inability to do something with with a genuine approach to it which was bothered me about the whole point of it was to if you weren't going to do it donate to the charity so that they can actually get yeah or guess what just fucking

donate I understand but there's a lot of people that don't fucking care but not not no it's not that like like the people it raised like it raised a ton of money but it did and that guy recently died but it the

recently died the whole point of ice bucket challenge I think it's like I get the idea behind creating like a fad or a phase or like a whatever the hell you want to call it that was a good one behind it to like promote awareness for something because it did raise awareness for it like when you talk about the bucket challenge like yeah sure

there's people who are just like I'm just going to pour ice on my head not going to donate because this is like a popular thing to do for the individual it's bad because it's like I'm just doing this because it's popular and I'm not going to donate or actually make a change or try to like whatever so I'm just going to do this thing to hop on a trend so I look like everyone else

but they're at the end of the day like promoting awareness for ALS and they raised a ton of money off the backs of the bucket challenge and whereas they wouldn't have the inception of it is great

but my issue with it and which is the same issue I have but you have an individual issue with it but it's more of just like care about it, care about the views I'm saying let's leave behind celebrities doing it and that relates to them as individuals absolutely I'm relating

I did donated as well I'm sure they did it but my understanding of the situation is like it was like dude do it and you don't have to donate but again in regard to fucking societal issues that celebrities are like

trying to tackle in 2020 it's like they don't have an understanding and a wherewithal to understand that the way that they are using their platform is not it is not doing what the intent of what they're doing is you know what I mean the idea of like we don't need

more eyes on the idea of injustice and racial inequality and stuff like that like for the most part for the most part the people that understand it's an issue a celebrity sitting there and telling you enough is enough yeah we know that already we get that

you have more resources to do something but you know that there's people who are idiots and they watch Jimmy Fallon every single night and that's how they get their news literally there's people like that in the world and I would say the majority of people as a whole a lot of them are just not informed

and so when a celebrity says something that's when they get their news I'm a mega fan of fucking Gal Gadot if she's gonna say something then I'm gonna listen to her is that how you say her name? but it doesn't even matter we're always right on the show and that's what it is but

we don't have information which is fine because you don't need it when you have a podcast but uh yeah so I think that like when it comes to the ALS bucket ice bucket challenge like whatever like at the end of the day people who were filming when it was popular to be like we're going on the street we're gonna give almost people a hundred dollars like oh fuck these people

the whole general concept but the whole general concept of that is like in my eyes it does more good than bad for the individual like you're a shitty person yeah but you are doing a good thing because what you're doing is you're promoting like you're showing people who are your fans

who are like going to be like these they'll do whatever the fuck you say and you're showing them like oh donating to people is like a good thing so like you're putting that in their head so that's a good thing you're also actually donating to this guy but you're doing it for the wrong reason so the individual you can recognize is being like

this guy's doing a bad thing but what he's like his intention is bad but what he's actually doing is technically a good thing but I think the the larger umbrella of kind of the point that I'm making saying like leave this shit in 2020 is the concept that good deeds can only happen when they're done

in front of a fucking camera you know what I mean like and that's the part of those fucking videos that drives me nuts and it's like the people that like walk up to a homeless person and fucking have a phone out in front of them like oh look at this fucking homeless person here here's $500 like dude I understand why like

they might be promoting people to do something but in addition outside of promoting in my opinion and again I could be wrong but I'm not in my in addition to promoting people to do those good deeds they're promoting people to make it publicly known and like the people that are behind the scenes

that are not fucking doing that in my opinion are the people that are doing more good than bad where we're just we're fucking playing into this idea that like yo you're only doing good if people know you're doing good it's like fuck you if I want to

fucking do good I don't need to tell people about it let me sleep comfortably at night knowing that I agree to a certain extent I agree if they don't have a platform like I'm okay with people doing charitable things if they have a platform and posting about it because it just gets more awareness of like whatever it is

out there and maybe it influences a couple people which otherwise wouldn't have that but if you're a random person who doesn't have a following and you're doing that that to me but the whole thing is like the intention I also am a firm not a firm believer but I do believe that part of charitable work

charitable work is narcissistic because you do get something you get something from that like if you donate money to something and like it does a good deed for someone like you feel good about yourself when you feel like I like a superhero for a second and like that's fine like you don't have to pretend that doesn't exist like yeah it does exist

but you I feel like it's just very easy to tell people's intention of like is this person a good person or are they just jumping on a YouTube trend because and that's when it got bad because it was such a YouTube trench like these videos are working right now so for my career I should go

out of my way to do homeless shit because it's like popular that's when it gets a little bit like how genuine is this yeah no no I agree and that's why I'm saying it's like a double sword we were talking about the days and now we're here

let's get back to fucking something else shows your dick I thought it was I almost spit this back um um alright what I want to leave in 2020 and I have here and I quote fast food chains like working with people

like celebrities what like fucking like Travis Scott has like fucking burgers now and then like J Balvin has like a meal and like J Balvin he's some fucking Spanish guy and then like Tifu has a meal at fucking Wendy's does he? yeah guys

fucking cut it out let's go back to remembering fast food is the shit not good the is just shit but you know what's crazy about the Travis Scott thing like hypebeasts were like lining up like they were selling out of burgers like

yo it's a double cheeseburger with what was it it was barbecue sauce yeah it was like yo with barbecue sauce it's like bro it's a fucking like you can get that shit any day people were reselling them too dude the other day Becca I want to resell burger

Becca was like yo I need Wendy's and I'm like alright and we went and got Wendy and she looks it up and she's like who's Tifu and I'm like what? she goes who's Tifu who's you know who are these people and I'm like what? and it's fucking streamers

and like fast food companies now like I guarantee it's only a matter of time before fucking you know Taco Bell comes out with a John Cena rap you know what I mean I'm getting that I am definitely getting that the best collab ever was when Taco Bell was like we're gonna take

the best fucking Doritos and make it the shell I cannot get enough of that they got rid of it though I never had it the cool ranch Doritos dude I can't eat that unless I'm sitting on the toilet because fire I need a Joe Senegal beer that's all I gotta say

dude if you get your own brand of food or beer I'm gonna fucking lose my mind dude I need a brand of beer for me I do I would love to have it Senegal toasted malts I just fucking did it for you guys

toasted malt like a dark beer or toasted lager toasted Senegal toasted lager dude I will fucking Joe I will roll I will fucking roll I don't even if that's the whiskey

it's the whiskey guys it's the whiskey this is the biggest mess ever this is the new year that's how we're a mess of an episode ending a mess of a year this is how you end the fucking new year how much time we got left because I got more we're way

we're at like an hour and ten minutes we got more everyone making banana bread you all suck your banana bread is probably dry as a fucking Abu Dhabi desert that's not a desert is it I think so yeah it is

just go Sahara desert fuck your banana bread it's a famous desert I will say this there was that one point it was like two weeks in during the pandemic where like there was so much fucking banana bread content everyone was making like monkey pull apart

banana bread and it's like dude fuck you always monkey bread is good I've never had it dude mom made it but she made it into like this french oh your mom was a part of that shut up what a bitch Liz call her

call her name Liz your banana bread probably sucked yo but fuck what the hell get it off your fake plant Joe I don't want to ruin that you fucking chipskate give it a fake fig tree

this is expensive that's a fig tree yeah it looks like it yeah how much do you think this was honestly hornets sorry like 35 bucks oh it was more what for a fake plant this is like 230 bucks I'm joking mom dude

I'm joking I think it was like 50 bucks though don't do that it's got fake soil what is it by the way the irony that he spent that money on a fake tree and then it's sitting on a cardboard box because it needs to be raised I know

it needs to be but it shouldn't be you just got rid of the magic people don't know that oh yeah really sorry didn't mean to fucking spoil it didn't mean to spoil it for you guys yeah whiskey what were you doing dude if you shattered that glass in your mouth remember the guy that sat on a jar oh

can we leave that in 2020 even though it was like 2014 no I was going for that I love how he just went oh shit it broke dude this guy is pulling fucking shards of glass out of an asshole did we talk about that on the show we talked about one girl one cup no there was a video

that we saw two girls one cup yeah there was a video that we saw where a guy was sitting on like a full on mason jar like I don't know how his asshole is that I mean he prepped like a mother fucker for that and then I'm not gonna lie with you it was Keith you really need to stop saying that we're not worried about you lying to us

no no not that he's been saying the expression is I'm not gonna lie to you but he's saying I'm not gonna lie with you like I'm not lying with you at all you're the one who's lying I'm not fucking lying you always say that I'm not gonna lie to you

he also says yo I could care less yeah I know you're both idiots I know it's I couldn't care less correct it okay I'm not gonna lie with you I'm not gonna lie with you like suddenly I'm part of this I'm not gonna be a part of your life Joey his asshole was this big

no it had to have been it was this big he got a mason jar in his ass and as soon as it fully got submerged in his ass it shattered yeah and he was bleeding out of his ass and pulling shards of glass out of his ass I don't understand why you're trying to smuggle a glass jar my question is that's open without the lid

how do you heal internal ass cuts you probably have to get surgery yeah you might need to get it surgically get all the glass taken out of his fucking rectum and from there get

dissolvable stitches but when you shit because you have to shit I mean he would probably if he was a smart person temporarily the hospital right after that maybe temporarily they reroute it to like a colostomy bag yeah you might have to solve it as a whole yes

yeah he's got a shit bag damn dude I almost had to get one really Frankie like permanently yeah I almost had to get one even like for life yeah yeah yeah I wish you would have bling that out yo would you would have like bedazzled that shit no I would have been fucking

miserable I would have required that you have it on the table oh yeah so you could shit in your bag well clearly this goes to show you that Joey would have fucking profited off of my misery yeah but it's funny you ever see human centipede 3

he puts a gun in the guy's colostomy bag and fucking shoots wait wait wait wait one more time the guy human centipede 3 he puts a gun in the guy's where his colostomy bag opening is and fucking pops him pack pack he shoots the bag I'm pretty sure or he puts his finger in it and then

what he also jerks off a sandpaper yeah he jerks off a sandpaper in the second one third one the guy has a jar full of fried clits that he chews on I'm not kidding fried fried were they good

it was a joke but not written I'm kidding so he found it hey who's a nurse me oh okay their shoes those are common projects alright I got two more here that I think will be perfect to end on one I

wanted to leave this in 2020 not being able to talk to each other hey guys we all have different opinions let's remember that we can fucking talk to people and hold a conversation without killing each other unless it's Frankie no fuck you

I can fucking hold conversations great bitch that was perfect but like we know people that like if they have an opinion and it's like it's my opinion I'm sticking to it I don't need to talk about it it's like maybe fucking talk about it

a little bit yeah I like I mean I kind of like pride myself on doing that I feel like a lot of people during this time and on both sides and let's face it like most of this is fucking political anyway because it's the election year and that's what everyone was talking about when it comes to this thing and

there are people on both sides I don't really agree with like I don't like the like this idea that if you vote Republican you're a racist and like all this shit that is the dumbest thing ever and that if you vote Democrat crack

Democrat if you vote Democrat crack Hunter Biden crack it I think but if you vote if you vote Democrat oh you're like a socialist or you want communism or whatever the fuck like it's just like ridiculous I don't know it's just like annoying and I also just

I feel like I know so many people that are a lot of things are swayed over bullshit I feel like a lot of people are like I feel like I know a lot of people that are like dude you sell weed

and you're not like you dropped out of high school like and now all of a sudden you're like about your community like what the fuck like why am I to believe that now I think I think the issue is like on both sides of the political spectrum it's like people are so passionate

and they they like they watch John Oliver and they fucking they know Fox News is this and this this this so like they like just like they come ready to just spew facts and just regurgitate everything that they've heard yeah they don't have the opportunity to listen to somebody else

they don't even have their own opinion yeah I mean I do think there is some valid conversation in regard to like there needs to be a certain point where like you need to express what you value in terms of like what's important to you for instance like if you know someone I'm not saying who I'm just saying like if you know

someone is a racist but they put more money in your pocket just be upfront and say hey I value my money more than I do societal issues you know what I mean and racial injustice and stuff like that but it's like people will sit there and and and kind of hide behind

disability to you know just be like well it's just my opinion I don't need to talk about it I'm a lot of freedom of speech I'm a lot of my opinion like I want people to be able to speak about their fucking opinions again instead of sitting there and just like everyone everyone left right uptown being like

yo like you're wrong I'm right like or just fucking listen to each other yeah I'm cool with like disagreeing with people like there's people who I like can have conversations with and I'm like I just categorically like disagree with like your priorities or your view on that

but like I I just like people who are just like have an opinion like I also one of the things I do when it comes to political conversation it's like alright what are you like are you republican are you democrat are you like centrist or whatever the fuck you are and like which things

about whatever you identify as do not agree with because if you are on one side of the spectrum where it's like oh I'm a democrat and like anything conservative I don't agree with or if you're a conservative and you're like anything that isn't pro-conservative like I just don't believe it I was like you're just willing to

like live and die by a color like I can't have a conversation with you it's not being open minded like it's not gonna get you anywhere and all I will say is if you are one of these people that he's talking about and you didn't vote don't really fucking care what you have to say yeah I just like really don't

fucking care what you have to say at all because now it's like you're spewing this shit you weren't even part of the whole fucking process yeah I don't know I just feel like just have an open mind like just get an understanding of like whatever there was a time which was not too long ago

where who you voted for and like what you identify as is as far as like politics go was a very private thing and now I feel like people like need to know what it is and it's like I you know I don't think that should be the way that it happens I think it should

be a private thing it's like it's none of anyone's business but now I feel like on both sides people are like I need to know what you are so that I agree you stand I agree to a certain extent because yes I like I think that like you know you don't need to see someone and immediately know where they stand on the political spectrum not at the same time

like there are certain people in your life that like if you're close with like you can have those fucking conversations you know what I mean like I remember someone once was talking to me and they were like remember when you said that like political conversations were taboo and I was like yeah they were taboo if you were going to a party of people you didn't know

you know what I mean but if you've known someone their whole fucking life you should be able to hold a conversation with them because you know the person that they are you know and I just that's something I want to leave in 2020 just like people that can't fucking talk to each other and I got one more Joey I got one more to wrap it up alright

I want to leave in 2020 this idea that the new year is a fresh start it's not it's not it's literally the matter of seconds and like hey instead of being like I'm going to wait until 2021 to be a better person

just start whatever you want dude it's like Lent oh I'm going to give up bread for 40 days yeah shut the fuck up yeah who gives a fuck Jesus isn't happy that you don't fucking have gluten anymore he's still fucking he's upset because of the nails through his hand you know what I mean like he's just crying

is he not oh I'm blaspheming right now aren't I well yeah for sure sorry not that we've never done that but that was like I'm sorry I mean what he is upset that's not blaspheming if it's true he's upset about that I'm sure he was he's not upset

about that I'm sure he was a little bothered he was upset about that because he forgives he well he does but it takes him a sec to get there you know what I mean he's like alright you know like that imagine what he's saying in a room by himself yeah he's motherfucker we need to jump off this

jump off this now but I'm saying like people are sitting there and they're like oh 2021 is coming it's gonna be so much better than 2020 guess what COVID is still a thing you know what I find interesting that like New Year's different in different parts of the world like like Australia it's like 10 a.m. our time

but isn't that weird like isn't that strange that it's like oh no it's tomorrow over there like I can't even wrap my mind around that because you didn't attend science classes as a kid no I understand but I'm saying like but like why

because the world but like no it's because of this fake time thing that we created like time no time is different in other parts of the world it's not though it is it's not I guess what is Frankie it's not we're talking about the sun and the moon that's what we're talking about if we're basing time off that's what I'm saying

there should just be one universal time time is you know based off the mind calendar a day if like your whole life is based like like time wise is based off minds based off that Mayan was that that's Frankie the captain Frankie hook wow dude awesome comedy bit so glad I brought him on today

crushed it that was the one see you guys next time no but no but I'm saying like they're like I guess it's because 1 p.m. here it's like what was it 12 hour difference

in Australia some parts of the country so it's like 1 a.m. there like oh it can't be 1 p.m. here because like 1 p.m. is associated with like the afternoon and like it's the afternoon but there it's like in the middle of the night morning whatever the fuck you want to call it yeah I just don't get that though like

what would be the reason like it's okay if you have a different Joey you're asking questions I don't have the answer to this is like weird it's based off of how but why are we not all have the same days because it's based off of how the earth rotates and like all that shit Keith thank you I know

that I'm so that's what I'm saying we're not talking about time we're talking about the sun and the moon and like it's dark over there when it's light over here so like that's what we made two different times and time zones so that it when 1 p.m. it's just it's a light out what is well there's a lot of things that we're saying the time is like you're

saying is irrelevant it is we're just the champagne and the whiskey is busting right now what's happening but seriously I'm moving a little slower than I thought it would be okay we can just walk away from this I might have to sit down for a couple minutes we're gonna have to sit you down either way though I'm finishing it go ahead

that's whiskey just remember that yeah I understand you have anything either way another year down another year down listen for the for the old fans of the baseman we appreciate you guys it's been a weird year but thankfully you know that's a lot of whiskey that you just shot

ooh that's the most unattractive and also attractive thing I've ever seen okay great can I put my tongue in that can I say something yes it's been a weird year very thankful that you know we are in a privileged position to be unaffected

you know as far as like my job at least I can say this because this is like been my job full-time for some years now and like I was completely unaffected by the the pandemic and I know how you know people are affected by that and a lot of people still are watching all the

videos signing up for the patreon more than I thought would honestly like way more than I thought would so I appreciate all the support even though we're going through a time where you know people are you know going through a rough time so I appreciate everybody just wanted to say that you know I appreciate

all of your support and thank you guys so much and that's why like every December we try to do something charitable with the Patreon money to give back in some way and make sure that you guys know that your money is not just being hoarded by me but also being distributed to people who need it most

and yeah just wanted to say thank you to everyone it's been a crazy year there's been things you know happening like obviously like a couple months into this year the whole thing with Danny happened but he's doing well I just talked to him yesterday and I appreciate Frankie coming on and kind of

filling in as best as he can to kind of keep the show alive and you know everything Keith thank you for pouring the champagne it's been great yeah it wasn't a real big help but also want to point out 10,000 Patrons Joey has to do an enema yes

I want to just point that out again I'll do an enema for 10,000 Patrons that would be fucking awesome that would be dope but thank you everybody Frankie does the enema appreciate no he's not appreciate all of the patrons over at Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard if you guys sign up you get every episode a week ahead and you get an extra

episode every single week and you can go follow the show at The Basement Yard on Instagram have a happy new year if you celebrate if you Chinese New Year's different Jewish New Year's different Jewish New Year yeah

news to me Yam Kapoor or Rosh Hashanah one of those are the Jewish New Year well either way we love you guys so much it's been a weird year we just we're happy that we get the opportunity to spread love and make you guys laugh and smile so thank you for the opportunity Joey and Keith thank you for being here and making me look like less of an idiot

and if you did that I said the Jesus thing I'm in trouble with a lot of people it's also the UK thing yeah the UK they're gonna come for me yeah they're gonna come for me but you guys just continue to spread love I love you guys and I'm excited for more time 2021

is gonna be a good one what was that I honestly like most of my inhibitions are very low right now so what about Habibi we'll see you guys next time bye