The Basement Yard - #275 - Let's Talk About Witchcraft

Episode Date: January 4, 2021

Frank & Joe reminisce on the times when girls in middle school used to study witchcraft. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How's it going, bud? Oh doing well, man. I haven't seen you in a year Since last year. I haven't seen you since last year hate fucking Pete even though it's still technically 20-20 an hour Yeah, but don't fucking don't show him how my sausage is knocking down is that what no Don't show my sauce. The sausage is made. Yeah, that's the that's you don't want to see how the sausage is made But I'll fucking throw that sausage back Okay but No, actually, I would like to see how sausage is made you ever see like shows where they teach you how to like make stuff

Dude, why haven't we talked about the casing of the sausage is just full on foreskin like it's like lamb and what is that? I think it's like lamb foreskin or like intestines or some shit. I thought it was just like plastic. No, what no It's like it's it's like an animal thing. It's just like there. I'm pretty sure Like a fetus sac Wow, I got dark a fetus sac a placenta. You mean isn't that what they live in? I don't know Oh, I'm dumb, but you don't even know listen. I'm not up there fucking Plus it's going through isn't placenta the blood. No, well, it's like, you know, it's funny We just talked about this a couple weeks ago. No the answer, right?

But it is no, but I think the placenta is different. Are you looking up the placenta? I'm not oh, okay What we just oh the sausage. It's like that's like So skin the sausage is is like gross is poison, right? Like it's like cigarettes I think you know everything they say everything is bad for you nowadays. No, but like sausage is fucked up No, it's just like ground up meat. Yeah, that's okay. Well, then what's the difference between eating it is a steak or eating it in a sausage? Well, the salt is it I think it's like, I don't know. I don't know My point is this that expression doesn't apply to me because I enjoy seeing how things are made

I really want to see sausage made. There was this there was a show. There's one show called unwrapped I don't know if it's still on TV, but it would show you how they made certain candies Mm-hmm. I can watch her. She kid Hershey kisses be made Machines that just go gunk and they make a thing. I love this just fucking yeah, cuz it looks like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory It's like a conveyor belt and it's just it's just so known and it's like a thousand I don't know, but it's like a thousand kisses and then there's one like little like Filipino guy that like He's like he's making dude. I don't know how they wrap them like that because like you unwrap a kiss There's no way to rewrap it at all. You know like this. No, it's gotta be it's gotta be the foil

But I'm like that with like there's in Times Square or right off Times Square They have the Krispy Kreme store and like they have a conveyor a conveyor belt of fucking doughnuts just going dude How they make them? Oh my god seeing the what they just it's deep fried bread, isn't it? It's yeah, it's fried bread But what like that that's not the part that I like the part that I like is the waterfall of come. Oh The coming yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's just like you know going over everything and it's just such an evenly put glaze And I like it yeah, dude So yeah, I'm with you there that hole like you don't want to see how the sausage is made I kind of do

I would love to see I kind of made except for like have you ever seen chicken tenders? I don't want to see I was gonna say chicken tenders and hot dogs. I think hot dogs are the thing that are bad I'll watch a hot dog. No, they like that's gross. No watching chicken tenders is watching, you know a murder. Oh Like I don't want to see it like off the line and fucking chopped I've seen I've seen videos of like they just they literally I mean go ahead They choked the chicken don't they know they don't choke the chicken, okay? But I did see a chicken get sacrificed and I say that because it was what fucking where are you on the dark web? Not killed not murdered this one was actualistic it was though because this was a man

Or woman it might I feel like it was like an old German woman. Yeah Bent and like bent she had long fingernails and the pans she made were like out made out of like rock Yeah, or something, you know, and I get I knew it tasted good. Yeah. Yeah, because this woman was disgusting Yeah, that's what does was let's put this out there. Oh the ugliest people make the best food and people who hang their pans Good food very good. Yeah, the pans like shoved into a thing suck. Yeah, if you have them hanging above your head Dangerously if they're out there for everyone to see it's like you got a confidence in you that not a lot of people have Yeah, and this bitch was like cooking in like a rolling. She looked like she lived in one of those houses that like Bilbo Baggins. Yeah. Yeah, she's straight out the shire and the fucking fire around her cauldron is just wild

Yeah, and it's like her door was just like a door in a hill like there's no like sides of our house You know what I mean? There's no sides of our house. Yeah, a hill and then a door and then you walk in you know This place is great. No window somehow there are windows. You just can't see from the outside, right? Yeah light gets in there We don't know how it's a magic trick No, but she um, so she like hung this She actually gave this speech that I was like damn that's like kind of beautiful about like you have to respect the chicken because You know it the circle of life and she like believes that when she dies She's put into the earth and her body is used as like fertilizer and then like

And we all have a life the chickens eat the you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So she hung the chicken upside down Outside literally right on her doorstep like right outside and then she cut the chickens neck open like You know extra cute extra cute you child different, but yes, I know what you mean It's not yeah, but then like cut it open and then like the chicken just bled out And then she was like saying something like low and she's like She was speaking in tongues

I don't know what she was doing I didn't know if she was putting a hex on the chicken or if she was like just blessing it How do you know she wasn't putting a hex on whoever was watching it? That's the thing that I was actually worried about I couldn't sleep that night cuz I was like I don't know if that was for me That was for you. Yeah, that might have been honestly hexes are scary because I heard they can be deflected and like if it bounces off of you When I wish I would if anything I wish that I did get hexed just so I can deflect it like some fucking mirror move shit You know, but you don't but it's it's really I think I think hexes travel through air. Oh, they're So like got you by the way hexes at you and it's windy

Yeah, it could get me and then now I'm hex so if I just put a hex out in the room Just like fuck this guy up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, is it gonna like just like gravitate toward the nearest host Well, you will you aim you aim I had so it's it's like you kind of shoot at the ship Like you shoot in the direction you aim I hex but you know y'all things happen along the way I do you think you've ever been hexed don't even want to think about I think I think I've been hexed when I was when We were in middle school. I knew enough girls that were you know writing poems really into witchcraft dude super into rich crap Yeah, let me tell you never sit there and they were fucking, you know dripping wax on themselves Yes, and shouting at the screaming like moon and shit like that like they definitely that one

I don't what are you talking about? It's like the howling moon or the screaming moon or some shit like that You knew girls in middle school that would scream at the moon I a hundred percent did and they wrote poems about the moon I don't know what it was about, but they would fucking scream at the moon. Yeah, like wolves I Swear, yeah during like what about during the day when you can see it. I I never Experienced all you never saw. I never saw the moon screaming. So this is hearsay

This I mean, you know you take it from the like if the person like that's not something to be proud of you know I mean if you're screaming at the moon, you're not gonna boast about it Mm-hmm, you know, but these people were screaming at the moon and then I probably got a hex or two put on me Yeah, I think that you would have been one to get a hex back in the day. Well, what does that mean? I don't know. You're just a very you were a hexable man. I was a hexing. I was a hexable boy. Yeah, but yeah, that is very scary I don't know. Honestly, I'll talk to the side There were people in like middle school that were like very Into like reading about like the Salem witch trial which cracked and I'm like, yo, they were just women dude

Like you're not a witch. You know what I mean? Like they were wrong about the witch stuff I I believe like they just knew how to read. Yo, I believe that it's called like they're called Wiccans I believe that's like and like if like not I would say fairly popular But like a relate like I practice full-on religion to be a witch to be a wicked dude when I was when I was in college I remember there was a girl you had to run in with a witch very nice girl But she full-on said like yo like I need to burn this age I need to boil this pot of fucking toes. You know what I mean frog at stuff I'm telling you and she it was like a big thing because remember I worked with the officer residential life

They like had to make special Because it's a religion. They had to make like special accommodations for a room. She was allowed to have candles She was allowed to like fucking do all this wild shit, dude. She allowed to sacrifice marsupials. I don't know I don't know about the marsupials. She definitely didn't treat birds. Well, I can tell you that I'm kidding. I don't know maybe maybe But like I feel like that's the one like if I'm gonna sacrifice any animal It's the it's the air rats. I feel like yo, honestly, man I really feel like frogs get the brunt end of this witch shit because I feel like every cauldron is like has a frog base

Yeah, who we're putting 14 frogs legs I feel like frogs legs are always sticking out of the side of the cauldron. You're like god damn man these frogs I mean they get they get it everywhere because I mean what was the like popular thing to do I never did it but like through like media in high school is dissect a frog Yeah, and they were just throwing them bitches in there. Did you ever do that? No, man. I went to a poor middle school. Oh I thought you were gonna say high school. No, no, no, that was a rich high. That was a rich high school Yeah, not a rich high school. I mean, yeah, the people there were people there were rich. You were just hanging out. I was just hanging out I was just happy to be there on dude for real though like my parents are still paying that off

I kind of want to I kind of want to go to yeah, I bet go to fucking up Shout out cheap plug other people's lives get a fucking witch dude. We have got a witch I think so yes, we have we have I just don't really remember because I think it was like a couple seasons like I don't believe in it But once they start saying they're gonna direct it toward me Well, I believe the thing is it's less about like You know her cast like holding a wand and like riding a broomstick than it is about like Energy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know that rocks No, I you know, it's really it

It's like yo like I can put this gemstone out in the middle of my chest and my aura will fucking make me pee or some shit Yeah, well, I think that one is it. Yeah, um, I really like and then I again We knew people in middle school that were like, you know fucking like loved poems and being goth Yeah, the goth thing was very big when I was younger like a lot of people were in mascara chains and like You know, I'm saying making random lists just like names on had the long-sleeve shirts with the hole cut out for their thumb Yeah, and the shirts the sleeves were checkered and there was also girls This is also a weird thing that they would wear rubber bands and like snap them against their wrists. Oh that I mean

That's like a sadist like you like pain right kind I think it was like gotta be yeah, that actually kind of like Maybe a little wee-wee tingle a little bit you liked that. No, but I think So you as a person did it, but you can't fight I can't you can't fight that penis I like for some reason when you were like they would just sit there and snap their thing And I was like that's kind of hot a little bit, but also like I'm not like I'm not like a pain into being into pain guy Like a masochist. Yeah, that's what it's called. Say this is like being evil, isn't it? I Remember that I wasn't into it. I would see girls doing that and I would be so those were the ones who's away messages

It would just be raw Yes, yeah with an X and cap XD. Yeah, RRXD. Uh-huh. Yeah, those girls are terrifying man I was very afraid of them. I feel like they were like conspiring conspiring against me for some reason even though I wasn't anyone to like You know, I mean I again we went to different middle schools and but I do I feel like your middle school was more like you know like Italio rica and princesses, you know and mine was more of like it was the gothic Jewish girls Like yeah, you know, I think you were hanging out with girls that would just fucking bare-knuckle brawl in the bathroom It's true and in mine they would write fucking secret love notes on the toilet paper to each other

That never happened. No, I never write your name in like a public bathroom stall Like I'm sure I have I can't remember. Yeah, I can't think of anything either I love like because I go on to construction sites for work My favorite is like the people that like write like full-on like Messages back and forth to each other. Mm-hmm Like I saw one today and it was like you like cock and someone else was like no, I don't they were like yes You do you like cock? I was like, okay. I like cock was like no you don't get out of here You cock lover and I was like this is this is the camaraderie that we need of emotions in that

It's just like the camaraderie we need in this world. I honestly want to know that is I'm sort of invested now I want to go back and see if anyone's you want to go I can bring you I remember where it was Well, yeah, have you ever ran into like a glory hole or anything like that glory hole glory hole glory hole? No, I don't think I have but I have ran into a lot of blood on it Yeah, what's unpacked this one thing at a time Yeah, first thing I was gonna say be careful when you say glory hole three times fast because then one appears We're gonna learn how glory hole isn't that like a thing relax. Isn't that like a thing? Oh, can you can you imagine a fucking hole just like?

The guy who just dick started falling out you ever see that like it was like I'm falling out. Yeah, you know You ever see that viral video years back I think it was from like a movie, but it was like hands started coming out of the wall It was like a horror movie that but if you say glory hole three times, it's just dicks Yeah, were you ever afraid of those things? Glory holes. No, I've never seen I mean Kind of a little bit. Yeah. Glory holes. By the way, COVID friendly not breathing on each other Yeah, suck in each other or so one's the one of us is getting sucked But I don't like we we've been a year into COVID now

Have we figured out if the blow jays make COVID transferable? Like what if I blow into the dick like it's a long fucking then the dick pops I think yeah, I don't think you can do that I'm sure someone's done that But I don't know what happens when that happens like I can't imagine getting air in your dick hole is like good for your like Penile tract. I mean why yeah, that's called why I mean it's like blowing air into a soda bottle Like it'll come back out, right? Well, if you put air in like a syringe and put it in your vein Good bed. You have a long nap. Is it? Yeah, you're dead. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah That's why they like, you know, they they and they I thought that's just I thought that was just like for fashion

No, there's a medical reason I would hope you can't have like bubbles That's why you can't just like slam your own syringe. You have to like let a professional I think there are other reasons why you can't slam your own syringe. Well, I mean, it's a delicate process No, but in regard to the COVID transmission, that's because like recently there have been a lot of NBA player I think it's like two or three at this point NBA players that have been like caught going to strip clubs and then They have to like they're in trouble because they need a quarantine And like I get that to an extent if you have your mask off and you're in but like, I mean if I'm in a strip club I'm not putting my mask on

Why not? Cuz I want to get hit with a boob. You could still get hit with a boob. What what you want? The mouth is the part that you yeah, put it on my lip by accident or something. That's not that can't be it But like can you if someone it just comes in here and slaps their boobs in our face, can that I That transmit COVID if someone's coughed on them a coughed on a boob. So are they there? So then they're a surface Yeah, well tits are surface, but they get I assume your skin is different like if I well, they have a lot of cocoa butter and like Stuff, I don't know if they're antibacterial creams

But what what if what if it's a nipple that's like it's like a recently pregnant nipple and it like opens like could that get a Transmission because it's in the bloodstream. I think that just affects the milk the milk would now be poisoned. So you got a pump and dump Right, not not finance. This is tit milk. We're tit milk pump and that's the thing that women might do So if someone's COVID goes up to a pregnant woman's nipple and just blows into it She's got a pump and she's got a pump and don't for two weeks. That makes sense. That baby's gonna die then No, you can get formula. What are you talking about? That's true. What do you mean? That's true? That's true. I know Maybe it is it separate milk. I Don't know but I'm gonna say yes. I think I think it's I think it might because I run out of boob here

We know I got mobile. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's like the backup tank the reserve tank You know so like baby over here like you can't like if you like squish it It's not gonna like switch. Yeah, it's not gonna to move them. There's not one tank It's yeah, it's not a tank that has a crevice. It's two tanks two tanks two tanks. Yeah, we know this This is fact. This is not I think no, I honestly think we're not wrong. Well, my sister's breastfeeding right now So I know that like she's been doing some switching She like she kind of like depends on like what you know, yeah, yeah So she kind of just throws dude. You ever thought about that like you fucking went to town on your mom's nipples

well Think about it. Well, I don't know about going to town No, baby's like fucking gnaw on nipples, dude. I know No, I'm serious. That's like a thing, dude. That's why I know guards That's one of the things that like in me and Becca when they come down one up They don't have teeth though. It doesn't matter. That'd be kind of dope. They don't they have gums For what you think it's like a massage No, dude babies

Becca like A lot of pregnant women that I've spoken to say like it hurts. They don't tell you this shit fucking Hurts I know like all jokes aside like it probably hurts a lot just because I fed My nephew one time. Mm-hmm, dude The the rate at this dude like the way this baby can suck is fucking impressive dude. Think about it like this out of a bottle He's like Like damn, dude. Think about it like this if I sucked Okay, don't point at me. You just pointed down

That was a little down point. It's just point literally. It's just like you If I sucked you on the same spot for fucking Seven times a day It would fucking hurt. Yeah, it probably bleed It would hurt that's what I'm saying and that's when it's not meant to happen Like if I'm fucking pulling if I'm pulling milk out of your nipples

You're gonna be hurt and you ever you ever had chaff nips Tell you remember how much that sucks. Oh, yeah, but it's like dude It's fucking like you need to like do like one of these it honestly feels like I got a piece of glass in it That's what I'm saying Now imagine you have chaff nipples and then this fucking baby is just like sucking the life out of you Yeah, no, I'm gonna have to give that that baby up Yeah To a formula not to like I was gonna say where are you?

That's the government. Where are you giving it or like a firehouse? Isn't that what people do? Yeah, they like drop they're like dalmatians They like drop them off there dalmatians and babies the two most things like dropped off it What happened to dogs in the firehouse? I haven't seen that. No, I think it's still a thing It's just not like no one gives a fuck anymore. I mean I I give a giant fuck. Do you do it? I haven't seen a you know, I would love to because like back in the day They would have dogs like dalmatians like on the back of the truck like helping them put out the fire Or like he's barking to like, you know move traffic. Your dad was fd. And why did they have a uh a firehouse dog?

Not that I know of Not that I can't remember. I mean I I was there when I was super when I was young We would go to the firehouse all the time and I've been in the truck before and shit Where was your dad's firehouse in brooklyn? Oh, okay. I didn't know that I thought I was Manhattan No, no using brooklyn, but I I remember but I don't remember a dog Yeah, I I know that there was like a like I remember reading Some point in time like there's there was a legit reason for firehouse dogs, but I I don't know I mean probably like I don't know maybe because like they big fans of hydrants

Yeah, and that's the other thing like dogs piss on everything. That's just hydrants When my dog pee's on a hydrant. I'm always like Basic bitch like everyone does this. Yeah piss on something cool. The other day. He pissed on someone's bike. I was hyped Really? Yeah, he pissed on a bike. He also pissed on your couch. Yeah, that was yeah. He got excited to see you Yeah, he hadn't seen me in a while and he peed on your couch. He did he slammed it I don't know why but I felt like I did something wrong there. I know you were apologizing to me I was I was like, you know my bad. I like I made your dog horny. I guess well, you know, you don't get horny and piss Do dogs come?

They have to What does it look like? jizz I don't know. It has to look like something like gum. I don't know. Well, I I don't know. Let me just say that I don't I don't really know. I feel like they have to Okay That's my scientific. I feel like they have to that's my scientific contribution. Um, I I uh By the way speaking of coming

Yeah, I Go on I so remember on the episode. I don't know when it was two episodes I don't remember because we record like patreon in between this but we talked about how like Oh, what's the weirdest thing that you've probably put up to up your like vaga? And and and what's the weirdest like lubrication you've used if you're a dude to jerk? Yeah, um, I got a bunch of responses I really I've pulled. I think like 10 or 11 of them. These are good though. Okay. Hit me with them Hit me with your best shot. I mean, obviously I'm not I'm gonna hide the the names of these people

But you know the first one says, uh Hairbrush handle very popular very popular. I feel like that's every girl's first experience Yeah, because you know, you're combing your hair and then you look at it and you're like, this is a this is it This is it. This is a dick. Yeah, not this bristle side, but the side that's in your hand Sometimes they have like cool handles that are like ribbed like well, I was going Why do you get excited for the ribbed Joe because like I was going the jelly like it's like oh, yeah jelly jelly jelly Well, yeah, yeah, then you could it could form to your that's what I'm saying No, I was gonna say ribbed because there I remember my mom had this one

Brush and I would just like go like this and like play with the ribs all the time. Gotcha That's kind of dope. I bet it was I didn't sit on it Uh, but hairbrush handle and industrial size sharpie industrial size. Those are big Dude, I don't even know what that is. I use them for work. They're like this fat. Damn. That's a fat. They're like a half Dollar dude, those are fat. What would you need that marker for? What are you marking tanks? This is clearly someone whose parent is a contractor of some sort and they had nothing else around except for a fucking surplus of Sharpies in just in case anyone was wondering this girl said industrial size sharpie But in a condom because I was afraid to I'd get ink in me very smart very smart very smart

You don't want to get any ink in you except an octopus's ink because it's natural Ah, that's gotta be wrong, right? That's gotta be wrong. I don't know. I just feel like It's organic. It has to be right Are we like cool with like there's like pasta that's made with squid ink is no one else talking about that? We're eating just animal cum Well Ink isn't come is it it's not tell me with tell me with your chest that it's not That's bullshit

Okay, next well, this is a long one just watch the most recent Patriot nope Nope, um, just watch the most. Oh, so maybe we said it on patreon. No, it was it was a weekly I remember okay. Just watch the most recent patreon release and got two things. I've fucked for you Yeah I'm glad they did it for us at least like you know that actually is kind of stuff I fucked for you Yeah, like that's kind of cool that they heard that and they were like motivated and they went home and were like let's Let's contribute. Well, I don't know if they went out of their way. They're like, no, I've done well if they say

I fucked for you. Yeah, I don't know if it was for me. It might have been for you No, no, no. All right. So ready one had a couch Had a couch when I was in middle school. That was downstairs. I don't why do I need to know where it is? Well, I guess you're sitting in the ambiance. You have to travel down some steps. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, uh, the couch was downstairs It was a cloth recliner not a couch A recliner and a couch are different. No, no, no, you could have couches that part of them reclined. That's true It was a it was a cloth reclo- recliner It was a cloth recliner and it had the perfect crease down the middle because the left and right reclined separately

Oh, I know exactly where this is going. This is like a sexual this. I know where this is going. He's really Oh, this guy? Dude. Dude. All right. So wait, I'm gonna spoil it. I'm gonna spoil it I don't know what it says, but I'm gonna assume that he put something in between the crease and just sat on it Um and had the perfect crease down the middle because the left and the right reclined separately and it wasn't just the once Let me tell you dated that puppy for a little bit Love this kid. He still hasn't told us what he's done I think he just slammed a crease in there like slammed. Oh, he fucked it. Yeah, he fucked a cow Oh, I thought he put something in between and sat on it. No, no, no. He was like, no, no

He's been increases of the couch. That's fucking genius. That's it. That's ingenuity right there. Maybe genius is Is a rough it's a rough push. I think it's pretty accurate. That's pretty smart. There's more Also been curious on if anyone else has ever done this. I'm gonna go out on the limb and say probably not Or if it was just me, but I was with the girl when I was 16 who wanted to titty fuck But didn't have titties so she laid down on her stomach and I did it to her ass cheeks Titty fucked her butt. Am I weird or is that fire? Well, listen, you can't call something titty If it's in the butt you you butt cheek your butt cheeked her. Yeah, you cheeked you cheek those cheeks

Cheeky fucked your cheeky. You're cheeky. You're cheeky. So cheeky. Fuck you like Cheeky fucking lad. I hate I hate that term. Cheeky caught What was that boys my dragon Jesus Christ Cheeky fucking caught splendid your cheeky wanker That's fucking that is I mean that's just just introducing the idea of butt stuff. That's not yeah You can't really I don't know if I'm the only one that's done this. Guess what probably every other fucking person has done that What like rubbed your It just in between. Yeah for fun, but not like a whole session of like, I mean, you know, maybe people get off on that

I'm gonna shut my door real quick because my my dryer is going hand. It's a fucking it is a monster out there Let me tell you but yeah, I The the couch though. That's genius. I would hate to see what happened when they threw that couch out They find like was he just fucking blowing loads into this couch I think the first few times you're like, I'm not gonna do that But then after you've been dating it for a while, it's like I can go and do you know what I would do To to like have like security footage of this guy just slamming his couch face down on a couch. Just fucking bank You know that would be awesome. Yeah, it would all right next

girl One time I used a vacuum on my puss and I sucked out an organ. Well, that's not true that no way Unless what fucking vacuum is this? It was just like a Military grade vacuum that had to have been a Dyson. Those are the ones that are sure that that old british guy. He's fucking Yeah, I have a Dyson. Do you oh man broke my fucking pockets sucks like a charm though broke your pa. Oh like expensive Yeah, it was like a couple hundred bucks dude We used to have people when I worked at target people would grab those and fucking Sprint out the door. Well the sprint home and suck their pus apparently that

That's like not no, you're not you're not you're not no way. I'm sorry I think that she used a vacuum, but I don't think she sucked out an organ I mean, maybe it was uncomfortable because she probably Got some you know some dusty. She got a dusty pee, you know a dusty vagina. Yeah, like I don't think but You're you're not pulling out any organs dude. I don't think so. Yeah Unless this is just like one of those big ass vacuums that uses on like construction sites that could hurt somebody Oh, like what vacuums are they using like the big fucking like yellow ones? Those aren't you know, those aren't Vacuums, right? They're like shoots that you throw stuff in they don't suck anything. That's not what i'm talking about

I'm talking about they're they like wheel around. Oh, you could like the wet vacs. Yes, you fucking idiot Now you know what wet vacs are you fucking geek? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah All right next The weird wait, hold on that like for a girl if you just do the top That might be smart Well, just like your pubes No, oh the top of the okay the the the clitoris. Yeah. Yeah, because like you're just like that's you're like wow Clitosaurus clitosaurus rex. Mm-hmm. I know where you're going. Keep going dinosaurs

next um Whoa the weirdest sort of lubrication Prompt the from the baseman yard week early episode from patreon Oh, that's why because the week early on patreon By the way, if you go to patreon you get every episode a week in advance And you also get an extra episode every single week And that's why these people were referencing the patreon because it comes out a week early And we're gonna be doing a hot sauce thing and joey's gonna get an enema and i'm gonna pee on his foot

Not on the same day. Yeah, different days one time. I was out of coconut oil I don't think i've ever had coconut oil in my life. Uh, I've had it It's like you can use it for everything for sexual though. You can use it for everything But have you sexualized? No, I've not sexualized it. Okay One time I was out of coconut oil and my spit wasn't thick enough to do anything from well Well, you need thick spit. Oh god that's fucking what like skittles Literally, yes. Oh my god. That's a great idea. Skittles. Skittles. We'll get that spit nice and thick Yeah, that will be that you might get stuck in there. It's a little sticky. Hell, yeah

One time I was out of coconut oil and my spit wasn't thick enough to do anything for me So I used butter it worked pretty well. Haven't done it since though So she made scrambled eggs down there with butter That's what happened. Oh, you got some butter and bang is in your mash Dude, no, that's crazy. What is your vagina smell like after it's been buttered butter? No, I mean there's there's a natural scent that comes out of a vagina and then you add butter to that So it smells like that plus fishy chips No, I but

I feel like butter is not cool when it's like room temperature No, that's the thing that I've I never did but like since dating Becca. She's like just leave the butter out What? Yeah, wait, you like butter's just out all the time 24 7 24 7 Doesn't it melt not like completely it gets very soft where you can spread it easy But like it doesn't melt. No What the fuck that's what I'm saying like this whole like butter butter is weird but it's cold, dude I've been used to cold butter, but like warm butter is a thing too frozen butter is a thing. Ew. Who's doing that? Wait, so she wants it nice and soft would also rock hot. Well, that's to store it

We'll go to Costco and we'll get like six pounds of butter fucking butter you guys Costco sells about like eight pounds of butter and block you have so much butter that you have to freeze it Yeah, good god, maybe come back in the butters psychos Damn that fucking hurt dude. I won't forget that keep going fat shaming pizza shit Okay This one starts off This one starts off you ask I'll deliver and then this emoji. Yeah My boyfriend and I have anal sex in the shower. Okay. It's a good place to start. Is this is this a boy?

No, um Woman, okay. It's a woman. Yes. Okay. Uh, you asked I'll deliver my boyfriend and I have anal sex in the shower And we use hair conditioner for a loop That's actually that probably smells awesome. Well, yeah, depending on I have some coconut shit in there I was gonna say you throw some tressame on that bitch. You're gonna be coming out looking and smelling great Yeah, yeah, it makes a very smooth asshole. That's what I'm saying like yo and also conditioner Looks exactly like um it just I feel like if it's going in your vagina, that's one thing your asshole is free free game

Like there's the grossest shit in the world isn't there to begin with like Like what can you put in there? That's worse than dump, you know Not much drugs You just take it right out Like what are you gonna do? What's the worst that happens if you put conditioner in your butthole? Um, you know no more split ends Wow comedy We've tried actual anal lube and to be honest it feels like the way cinnamon hearts taste

And it isn't nice. What the fuck does that mean cinnamon hearts? Is that like a sex thing? I thought that was like a video game That's kingdom hearts kingdom close enough. I mean, what is cinnamon heart? Is it just oh? Well, it's probably gonna be She's probably referencing how shitty hot tamales are Cinnamon hearts. Yeah, maybe it's like a hot like it's like a cinnamon candy It feels the way cinnamon hearts taste. Uh, she's probably from like fucking wales or something. Yeah Uh, I've never had any issues and we've been doing this for like five years All right. Oh slamming conditioner in there. Have you ever like have you ever used like actual sexual lubricant? They they have no that was my foot. Um, I think so

It's like it's very like it's fucking it's slick. It's slick. Like it's not very thick. It's just like yo Literally, I feel like if I put it on this table my hand could like move very you could you could start a fire Just by going like this with the amount of it's very slippery and it and it's also like uncomfortable because like There's never an appropriate amount to use. It's always too much because it's always too much Even like a little dab it just turns into like enough for the whole day And then like what do you do? Do you like put it like Do you put like a glob and then go through it like it's a tunnel or do you put it like do you like? You know prime the pipe

Am I making sense? I I don't know what he's talking about Like for instance, if I put a put if this is your asshole If this is your ass, I close that up That's not my asshole, you know close it up. Okay. Okay. Thank you. This is your butthole joey. Thank you This is your butthole right here. I'm gonna just drop a fucking quamp. Yeah, and then you got to rub it in now I I'm and then I go in no no no you have to like it's like a car wash like you go through and you come out the other side Well, I would

Spread the love spread it out. No, I wouldn't okay relax with opening I'm just saying like I would put it on and then just kind of Okay, and maybe a little okay Oh You're getting it primed. You're getting it. You want the pucker to open you up. Yeah. I mean you got to I mean We're just preparing for gotcha. So that's what you do. Okay Where were we? I don't know moving on This one's a little messed up. Uh-oh a girl. I went to high school

With had sex Why why are you saying that like that with the handle of a broom? Oh yikes. Oh, I think I've heard this go ahead Sometimes kids from other schools would chant broom at her volleyball games big yikes Big yikes tough experience big rip shout out to my friend ash Get go on your friend fucked a broom. No But like she says big rip and I just thought of it go go on. Oh All right

Uh, yeah, that might cause a big rip if you're not careful. Yeah, well, I'm saying like you ever It was a story years ago years and years We were in like, you know high school and it was like a girl was fucking a broom and her parents came home And she stood up and it killed her they're like and killed her and well, that's an urban legend I don't like like medusa and you know hercules Medusa hercules and the girl that killed herself fucking herself with a broom. Yeah. Yeah. Um And then hold on. This is hilarious. Don't worry. She went on to do great things. That's hilarious. That's She went on to like be like a ceo

Nope She she had sex with the guy's basketball coach who was married with four kids And now she was married to a man that looks exactly like her fraternal twin brother Yeah, by the way, if she's listening to this You left too many clues. She knows. Yeah, you know what I mean? You basically just gave everything but her name Here's her address. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She also oddly enough has blonde hair just like her fraternal twin brother steven You know and it's like uh-oh Yeah, and we've on dreary lane. Who lives there? No one. Uh gingerbread man. Mm-hmm. No

Do you know the muffin man? He lives on jim dreary lane. Yeah Okay Oh broom though. Is it like at least like an old wooden broom because if like brooms now have like plastic handles Yeah, no, I don't know Well, I mean, I don't know if I would want wood in there What I mean, it's not like you're not going to get a splint. Oh, can you imagine? That would be fucking awful. I've definitely used my sister. Whoa. Well, I've definitely used my sister's old electric toothbrush as a vibrator more than once

Okay Oh, that's it. That was the whole thing I feel like that's probably one of the more normal ones we've heard just a quick note That one came in at 9 12 a.m 9 12 in the morning. That's when I got that information. That's what a morning What a morning. Yeah, what is something to wake up to her sister's old electric toothbrush as a vibrator? Why wouldn't you just use your own toothbrush? Also, I hope it like I hope it was not being used the face like

I wouldn't even I'm not saying even just that I'm just saying like it's when she says her old like She didn't use it anymore. She got a new one. Oh, no, I think this is this is Dude, do you know what I would do if I found out someone was nailing my toothbrush, dude I would be so pissed off. Yeah, when someone moves my toothbrush. I get mad. Oh, yeah, you're like super defensive of your hate it I could imagine no, but like I feel like like the vibrating like like like toothbrushes vibe Vibrates uh razors and stuff. I feel like that stuff is relatively normal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, not this though I once used a roku remote. Yeah No, uh, that ain't normal

Depends what you're watching I can understand like watching a show and be like this is kind of fire The only thing you have near use is a little remote. You're like the good old fingers Just I mean, I feel like the remote would be but sometimes you need like an outside, uh, you know You don't want to get all dirty. Well, no, I'm not saying that I'm saying like You you can feel your own fingers. You don't want you want like an outside source. You know what I'm saying? No, no, I don't because you're still using your own force to fuck yourself Yeah, I know but you want to feel like a different like an outside dude. What like That's that's a weird one to me. Sometimes you got to hit that fucking

Uh, you know that volume button Yeah Just start going to town start changing channels. I mean, I will say it is phallic shapes like if you're gonna use a roku remote You know, it's not like a fucking. Yeah, you know, there's some edges on that fire stick. Yeah. Oh the fire stick Fire stick that would hurt. You could change a couple channels with that. Yep um Next This one's for you, buddy gel handle hairbrush

Whoa? Oh So that's started out gel handle hairbrush. So that's kind of awesome celebrate. Yeah, I can imagine that would be cool Yeah, those are fun to just hold any yeah, and then you let go and you see like where your finger indents were That's kind of fire. Why do you say that was for oh, oh, yeah, because you had mentioned it earlier Yeah, but the rest of this is very confusing Gel handle hairbrush in a cane field Only time I've ever seen my own come What is a cane like sugar cane? Where are you in nicaragua? What is this? Yeah, you know what?

Might be a nicaragua. Not that weird. That's a cane field cane field like sugar I would assume what else? What other fucking canes do you know of besides? The undertaker's brother. Yeah, that would be terrifying a field of him No, but in a cane field. What why and then wait the only time I've ever seen my own come What do you not normally? I mean, I don't know Is that like a thing for women that they don't ever see it because it's all like inside them, right? They come from like the heart When there could be it when they're having sex they their heart comes not there. Well, I think every yeah

Their heart cries and the angels sing um No, but in a cane field like I can't imagine like what is this forest gump? Yeah, why don't you just use the cane that would be that that would be smart You got some sweetness down there and organic Listen, fuck yourself with the earth. That's what we're trying to tell you here be safe but not only that but like Grabbing a hairbrush and then running out into the cane field

Yeah, or you were like, where were you that you were in the cane field with a hairbrush? Like what were you doing walking back from college? What is 1941? Yeah, what were you doing the fucking kansas? Like, you know, uh, what are the uncles and aunts from uh, wizard of oz. They're gonna be out there Auntie em and uncle henry. That's it. Is it uncle henry? Uncle henry. Yeah Auntie em I remember. Yeah, but yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, that was that was a weird one But congratulations. Only time you ever seen it. I'm glad you saw it, but you know Was it worth it? Because I'll tell you

Let me work it. Yeah For my fang down flip. No, no, no reverse it When I was beginning my journey into the land of masturbation Not how you should start. Yeah I used to that's the most fedora wearing way to say that when I was beginning my journey into the land of masturbation I'm a lady. I used I used to never touch my dick Whoa Okay, I used to uh, I would set the shower head on massage mode

Like the single hard stream and lean against the wall and just let it blast on me Awesome use of the word not nearly as satisfying or efficient as it used to be It was a 20 minute endeavor at endeavor at minimum and I had to use my imagination So they would just sit back And just be getting straight. That's not cool and just like What the arms to do the arm woman I don't know like I feel like the single stream of water that ain't gonna do it for me Because like what is that doing multiple streams? That's kind of hurt. That's like Chinese torture

That's how they tortured people. Well, no Chinese water torture is when they just drip a little bit on you Okay, what's the difference? It would be more torture if it was fucking a heavy stream I'm we're talking like hydrant levels of fucking pressure. Yeah, that's scary. That's tough I don't get this. Okay. So I didn't keister myself with anything weird keister. Is that it? I thought that was a butt. Yeah But when I was a preteen Oh, I don't know if I should read this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It is weird that a lot of these kids were like I was underage. So this is this is funny though I

Didn't have access to a vibrator. So I'd hold my phone to my penis fly trap That's what they said penis fly trap awesome word. I don't know if this is a guy or a girl now Um, but they would hold their phone to their penis fly trap and use my fourth generation ipod touch to call it So that is awesome. That is like a freaky thing. That is fucking honestly. That is some ingenuity that I probably could have contributed to Can you imagine being like Hello, hello, hello Calling that's fucking awesome. That's really smart Someone find your phone. It's like, yeah, you hit 300 miss calls. Yeah from yourself

The fucking phone bill is like, yeah, why do you call yourself 18 times in one night? Sprints like the fuck off this guy checking his eat and fucking boy is there a way to just leave like oh That's what you know what that is smart. You can make those custom vibration tones on iPhones up up That's what I'm saying You could make like just like just hold your finger down and just make it a long vibration Or it could be like wink wink wink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's really fucking smart. Yeah, good for that person Let's get to the ads do the ads Oh, you almost put your hat on fire by the way. Yeah, that's okay. We're okay

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Slash basement that is mvmt.com slash basement for 15 off today That's nice. I appreciate the friends of the show first friends of 2021 Speaking of joe, uh, it's 2020 and we have to do our obligatory talk about 2020 talk about the why why you making fun of me I don't know you're trying to degrade me. I get it. You want to start off the year degrading me So no one knows my value. I get it. I understand that's what I want We have to do our obligatory talk about like what we want to do for 2021. I don't even know you don't even know I don't know what what how else do you want to be you're hot? You're young You're young and hot

You know But like people like me like we we want to like look, you know, we'd be different look different No, I definitely I want to I want to lose a bunch of weight. Really? Yeah, not like a I mean A bunch but like what if you don't mind me asking I know never ask a woman how much they weigh how much do you weigh? Now right now, uh, I think I'm probably like 188 pounds dude I haven't been 188 pounds since I was fucking sick and on my deathbed. Well, you're also taller than me Yeah, by what like four or five inches That's tall. You wait. You think it's like dude. I weigh I think last time I weighed myself. I was 220

Okay, you think it's 10 pounds per inch Probably not. I'm also pretty yoked. Yeah, so I think that might be, you know, muscle weighs more than fat Well the aquaman thing, you know say it again Well, you're saying that you look like aquaman. Am I saying it or did you just confirm it? No, I did not I said a very open-ended thing. No, I don't think that's true. Yeah, but no, but I think for new years like I mean not because it's the new year But just because like I find it insanely hard to diet during this time of the year because it's like you have Thanksgiving Yeah, and then you have like friendsgiving and then you have Christmas secret santa

Fucking new years like there's just like so many things at the end of the year and it's like I just I do I see I do The first two times of the year that I do a diet and it's for health reasons as you know, I do it at the end of the summer Because summer you can't eat healthy. It's not fucking possible And at the literally new year's day like the day after because new year's day you're more likely than not fucking Way too still drunk. Yeah, and you just want to eat like shit for the last day and then you start the following day Yeah, okay. No. Yeah, I just almost kick something over. No, but I feel the same way. I'm just like, you know, I want to Get in the best shape of my life Like this and during the pandemic I ran a lot the most I've ever ran in my life

Probably so I like no I can run. Uh-oh was marathon Joe coming back. I would love that I don't know if I actually can like I try I I ran like a lot this this year um But I fucking The most I ran was eight miles. I could have ran more but I was following a program Um, but I was like, dude, I ran eight. I felt like good like I felt like after that I was like good like I wasn't even actually saw Lenny like right afterwards. She was at the park And she's like, oh, you're leaving already. I was like, yeah, I just ran eight miles

And she goes, you see you're not even like breathing hard. We're the fuck. Where do you run eight miles on the track? God damn. Yeah, everyone thinks I'm a psycho because I ran on a circle. Yeah, a lot of people can't do that myself included Like I can't run anywhere. Let's be honest. It's hard. But like Once you get into a rhythm like you're just in it, but like I So I ran that and I was like good, but dude Fucking 26 miles It's a lot man. It's insane 26.2. That's a lot of miles. It's like a long time. Yeah

I I hate all forms of cardio. I'll tell you the only time I've ever really been able to do cardio and not fucking be miserable Was like I would do like hit. I'd push the sled and I'd do the fucking battle ropes Yeah, that's the only time in my life because everything else I hate. I hate running I hate you'll never catch me on the elliptical because it's The elliptical like you put yourself in you're you're in a That's an old woman machine. That's an old woman machine. You know, you're putting yourself in in harm's way You know, you're getting on that thing. You're your asshole spreading and shit Like it takes one person to come behind you and you're done your asshole spreading it is

But I can't do any fucking forms of cardio, but I'm with you on that one. I want to lose some weight So joey, I actually have a I have some diet Options for you here also one thing if you want to lose weight, which this is another thing that I want to do in the New year is uh get back into boxing I That's a fun way to lose weight joey You're uh Like why I don't want to fight anybody. It's just like I just want to learn how to box

Why because it's fun. What are you gonna do with it except for fucking shadow box yourself in the mirror you fucking loser Just do that. Why I don't know. But if I learn if you're not I could fight you That's what I'm saying like you just be honest and say that you want to be able to fight people No, I don't I don't I don't I do it. I'm do it. Okay. If I told you yo, I want to learn how to race cars Race cars. Yeah, like NASCAR. Yeah Okay, what's gonna be your question? Where are you getting the race car? Well that out of those questions But like where do you race cars? Why the fuck do you want to race cars because you enjoy it? Oh, really? Yeah, but you don't race unless you do it with someone else boxing isn't cool

If you're just sitting there shadow boxing a string in your fucking doorway you weirdo But I like if you if you like you go and you learn like with a trainer and it's like it's a yo you sweat like immediately Cool awesome, but that's not why you want to do it. Yes, it is you want to be tough guy No, I don't you want to be big tough guy. I'm not big tough guy. Just so you know I'm little if it ever if it ever came down with little soft joe. I can fucking rip you to shreds I'm little soft joe. We've never fought Oh, we like not like seriously fought but like we've never gotten to like those like boy tussles where it's like And like just like a shove match. Yeah, and you roll around. Yeah, no, no, no, we've never done that

No, um, just roll around. That's funny. Yeah, but I do have some uh, diets from around the world That might help you lose some weight joey. Oh, cool. Um One diet that this is like a seamless transition by the way. It is very good. Yeah, this is really really good. You're welcome I have I have, um So the first one I have here is the fat black diet It's not racist yet

Um, silicone valley entrepreneur. Dave ass pray Listen, no, it's not it's don't you gotta change your name that ass is pray. I'm the predator ass pray You gotta you gotta change it. Yeah, change it up. Um A daily dose of bulletproof coffee a calorie rich cup of espresso blend it with butter and oil Uh, it boosts energy promotes brain power apparently Uh, can't he felt euphoric after a cup of yak butter tea during a trek in the Himalayas and uh, reportedly You could lose some weight doing this

If you're a big coffee guy your coffee joe your marathon joe your boxing joe be this be be big black joe This could work for you. No, I'll say this When there's a diet thing that suggests a new coffee immediately. I think diarrhea. Yeah Well, that's what it is. Is you gotta get rid of it. Well, yeah, I mean, but I'm not drinking diarrhea so I could pee at this budge Why not because I don't think that's like an efficient people people take like, you know Like fucking laxatives and stuff to help them lose weight. It's also probably very unhealthy 2021 not really the time to be walking around like I'm on the fat black diet. They'd be like, whoa, okay. Yeah Take it easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, it could be more racist

But like I mean you could definitely do it. Yeah fat black joe. That's a way to go, baby So you gotta give me a thumbs up or thumbs down. Will you do this one? No And then he's putting butter and oil in it. What kind of oil like fucking olive oil I have heard that people put like a naba butter in their fucking a knob. Yeah, that's a lot. No It's like a like a you know, little little guy a naba butter in their coffee and they love it Why it's butter. I don't know. It's sweet and it's fucking cream. I I drink coffee black black, right? Yeah, you're already on your way to be a big black joe Uh, you're stapling

Hmm like stapling your ear apparently this non diet diet involves your friendly, uh, Doctor placing a staple. Yes a staple inside your ear to target a pressure point which curbs your appetite Uh, there's no science to back this up. Uh, but hey Not surprised Like will you will you do that one at least staple my ears? Yeah people staple their stomach all the time. It's gotta be the same thing, right? I mean they staple like the fat. What do they do? They literally staple the stomach They like to make it smaller. They make it smaller So they eat less and like people like get all fucked up and they do that apparently they like lose hair and nutrients and shit like that

Well, yeah No, you're not doing that. You're not putting a staple in your ear. No, I have a I told you joey. I put the staple in your ear on this pressure point and like you won't want to eat ever But I want to eat But you won't But I want to but you that's what i'm saying is you won't though, right? But I don't even when i'm dieting I don't want to not eat I don't know but see this might be the thing that solves it

Like you could get like yeah your infection jaw infection or whatever But like this could be the the fucking this could be your savior right here. Who's who's staple? Can I bring my own? Yeah, you could get bring your own staple. Absolutely And it could be that outward staple. You know what I mean? No, I don't you know what I mean The one where you turn the staple thing and it doesn't staple inward it staples out What the fuck do you know what i'm talking about? Dude, you have a stapler in your hand Open the stapler The bottom part that you could push up and twist

You know what i'm talking about this fucking idiot. All right The air diet Basically it involves eating just that air So not eating Yeah, you literally you cook your food that you're going to eat and you put it to your mouth and you just And it apparently curves your appetite it makes your mind believe that you're eating that's that's smart That is the dumbest fucking thing i've ever heard in my life. No, I don't think so. No. Yeah. No, I think You because because because it's all it's mind over matter you can

But it's literally not it's no it's it's true like think about it like this Have you ever been hungry and you chew gum and then you're not hungry? No, yeah, you have Oh, I haven't yeah You know why because you don't eat it but if people do it, you know, maybe not you because you're white But like people have absolutely like they chew gum And like they're like, oh, i'm not hungry anymore because your brain thinks that you're eating So maybe if I was eating I was chewing that fucking gum from willy wonka. That's like eight meals or whatever that is fire

That was good. She's like, oh Pumpkin pie like yo, that'd be dope. Yeah, but no, I I I don't think that's a Do people do that apparently in france. By the way, if i'm going out of my way to cook a meal You yeah, i'm gonna eat that meal. I'm not gonna breathe it in and that's the roll it out Like I would see you doing that with like a fucking piece of bread You know just like a piece of bread in your face and you just And just breathe in a piece of bread. Yeah, why not so fucking stupid I think that one is actually like there's science behind that one. I think

because it's This up here. It's the brain. It's your mind over the matter. What happened to the stomach people are stapling that Well, I you know, that's that's science too Uh, okay the fork diet you can only eat things That you can eat with a fork This one. I don't know about what this one. I don't know about so not cereal Pizza I mean, I know you can eat pizza with a fork, but like not if you're a normal person. Yeah, no cereal

You know, I don't eat cereal really Like only things you can eat with a fork. That's actually not that bad because think about it I can eat ice cream cake with a fucking fork I think I have too. I always do Yeah, see that one's tough because like that was so stupid. That's a real thing. Yeah, it says the fork diet Do you know you could eat everything with a fork? Eat eaten and prepared with a fork So like prepared you can can you make ice cream cake with a fork?

I don't know. Oh, well, there you go. See then you can't have your ice cream cake. What can you make with a fork? Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Can you not use an oven? You can make it with an oven, but you have to you have a fork to put the stuff in the oven. This is so fucking dumb I think this one is not the worst No, because it's like, yo, I love king crab legs can't eat him with a fork though How am I gonna get him out and they're not really that good for you, you know, I love mozzarella sticks Definitely, yeah, that one that's a forkable one. Yeah, I don't know. I thought that one was good Definitely could make a mozzarella stick with a fork too. Yeah, that's probably easy the sandwich diet

Uh pretty self-explanatory you substitute one meal a day with a sandwich That is a meal What and you can only eat things that fit between two pieces of bread So Bye-bye ice cream cake Yeah, ice cream sandwich. I guess you're right. God damn it Between a piece of bread like all right. Do you know cold cuts are like poison? No, yeah, but you don't need to put cold cuts. I'm not saying what the sandwich needs to be

I'm just saying like that's all you can eat So like you can like fucking veggie lasagna put it in between bread and you're good Dude, this is so fucking bad. I don't think this is stupid. I think this is a good one too website is this um The website is sbs.com.au Is that Australia? I don't know I thought I thought those last two ones were pretty good. All right Fletcherism What the hell is this lots of dietitians advocated eating slowly to curb your appetite

So Horace Fletcher was onto something in the late 1800s when he promoted a diet that involved chewing each mouthful of food at least 32 times Once for each tooth before swallowing it That I've actually heard is true The intent is to liquidize it so that it would slip down the throat easily and would make you feel fuller faster If it didn't become liquid you had to spit it out into the bucket Okay, that last part's dumb, but I will say that I think eating slower You eat less because when you eat really fast your body doesn't know that you're eating yet. Like he's not catching up Well, it's a

That's what it is. Your voice is mad. Yeah, it's man. We're but I feel like if you eat really fast You're like, oh fuck like I'm now I'm like crazy full like I just put like a cannonball of shit in me But if you eat slow you kind of know where you're at and you know when you're you're like approaching that So you'd be like, all right. I'm done And you you don't eat 15 slices of pizza. Yeah, I gotta slow down on my eating because I eat very food I very fast eatal me too. You know when you're tunders when I'm tundered. Yeah I told Becca. I was like, yeah, we spoke about that. She's like, what did he say? I was like, he thought it was ridiculous

Like any other like any other person in the world, you know, but it's cute. It's our thing, you know And I remember where it came from one day. She was just like, oh man, I don't care. I think it was But this That would be fucking disgusting like chewing something enough until it liquidizes Yeah, not cool not cool And like these people that like put like food into shakes And then have to like eat it like oh like the people that have their jaws wired shut. I would I would die I saw an interview once with Zach Efron when he was bulking for the

What's the movie with the lifeguards? uh He's with the rock Baywatch Baywatch, uh So he had he had to bulk for that. So he was like liquefying chicken He's like I couldn't just like he's like eating was like harder than working out because it was constant He's like so I would just liquefy the chicken and drink it Yeah, that is disgusting that is fucking atrocious. Yeah, that is really bad really really really bad word association. Go porcupine fires

Why? I don't know. Okay porcupine fires. Yeah, that's kind of weird six Okay, all right. All right. So now it's trending there. You're getting better. You're getting better. Yeah portable condoms What I think I said covet but covet covet like you're in boston. You're on a roll today, joe Yeah, uh, all right the vision diet According to research the color blue is said to suppress the appetite. It's why most logos are in bright shades of red and yellow While some dietitians recommend eating off blue plates a japanese company took this one step further by

Creating diet sunglasses, which are blue tinted to make your food look unappealing I've actually heard this like jokes aside Why are you holding it? Yeah, it's a good one. I've heard this most restaurants are a lot of red and like very little blue Because red is like an it's like an energetic. Yeah inviting, you know I guess hunger inducing color coca-cola target Well, peps is mostly blue target. You don't go really for food a lot. No, I'm just saying like I'm saying these Companies they use red because that color incites a certain energy. Yeah coca-cola. Yeah. Yeah, but That kind of like that kind of checks out to me a little bit

I Guess I guess because I'll tell you this I could be very unabotized remember when Heinz made green ketchup. It was awesome wrong. No, right. I like I I Couldn't like I love cats. It was dill pickle ketchup. It was fucking great. No, no It was just regular ketchup. No, but they also made a green one the easy squirts I remember yeah, but like it was it was green, but it was regular I will say those easy squirts gave me the big time squirts Yeah, talk about easy squirting. Yeah

They were something in them. That wasn't right. Yeah, but when things aren't The color that you're used to it definitely fucks with you I don't know if sunglasses could get could do that But if someone hand me a plate of chicken that they just dyed blue I wouldn't be as like that would check out green eggs and ham. I've had that it was it's very good It's just I couldn't eat like like I love ketchup, but if you gave me a hot dog with green ketchup on it You like ketchup joey. You know why I know you like ketchup. Here we go because you dip pita bread

into ketchup Moving on Peacuts Obviously the classic one is tapeworms from from mexico. It says here would love a tapeworm. Would you not really? Yeah, that's kind of a little I'd love a tapeworm that We all know about And we're keeping an eye on but we're letting it run its course how bad can tapeworms be can you die from one?

Probably. Oh man. If you don't know. Oh man. If you don't know what's happening and like You know what I'm saying? Yeah, if you don't know what's going on I could I could see if it was like you're like the rest of your health was taken ahead But like if it's just like you can't like gain weight like okay. What's wrong with it? She's a worm. Well, no, I mean They're gross I guess so all right and last but certainly not least joey the manjuice diet Is that calm? This one is my favorite kim kelly a pornographic actress an escort from la created a high protein diet that she claims helped her lose

almost 10 kilograms it says here but Like 12 pounds, right? It was a diet she could do on the job so to speak Put simply involves swallowing semen and nothing but semen for 30 days Apparently she had some banana smoothies and a bit of broccoli too because you need to get your greens somehow Since she's probably the only person who's ever tried it. It's hard to verify how well this diet works, but to me it seems like it's Like that why not I mean, I'm not doing it mean either. I'm not doing it because I'm not like there's nothing appealing about semen. Let's be honest

Zero like even the name You know, it sounds like it's an evil, you know fucking like lair semen It does seem a bit evil but If could you live like get a doctor on here. Do we know any doctors that we can call right now? There's got to be one, you know a vet Yeah Do you want to call them and ask no, is there anyone that we know in the medical field that we can call and ask?

Yo, could you survive off semen? Because apparently apparently it's good for your sister's a dietitian. Yeah, but not asking. I'm not asking my sister that you know Like I why couldn't it if it's produced? Produced. Yeah, like well, there's like proteins and and if that's not enough calories She's also probably, you know, fucking eating well if she's a porn star, you know, well, that's a whole bunch of co That's a lot of that's a lot of calories. I think that we looked that up and like there's like 13 calories and like a Yeah, so like just get into the profession of gang bangs 13 calories in a single chuch You just get like in a gang bang with like six people. What's six times 13?

78 we're good to go Yeah, but I think it I think it can work dude. That's too much work But she's doing it for work She's getting paid. It's like these like we always say like oh if like if I was the rock, of course I'd be shredded, you know like look at him. He gets paid to look like that It's like well if you got paid to take loads to the eyes and face you wouldn't have to eat a fucking day in your life I

No, come on. I can't get on board with that one. I'm that one. I could see why you wouldn't want to do that one I understand a little bit But the other ones you've got to pick one. Which of those would you do to lose some weight? Uh, the one I think that makes the most sense is the blue one like the color thing Making things like a different color like they don't seem as appetizing. I get that The rest of them are dog shit. I'll say I don't I don't know some of them kind of hold up a little bit None of them hold up the air one. I think was actually like I would see that one working Yeah, that one's cool. It does. What would you do if you walked in here and I'm just breathing in a plate of quinoa?

first of all Let's be honest like not that you do this and but like Rich people do and not that you're rich, but like rich people do weird shit Like, you know what I mean? Like I if I walked in and saw you I was like, oh, he must have made a lot of more money this year I wouldn't be like fucking like astonished. Yeah, you know, there's a rumor going around that like peter teal and like Who's that? He's like an angel investor. He's okay. He was one of the first investors in facebook. He uh But apparently there's this thing that's like an anti-aging thing where they like inject themselves with the blood of like Children. Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of that. They like drink the blood of children and shit like that. It's like they like

I don't know the I mean if it works Like are we doing like bad stuff to kids to get their blood or are we strong a little blood? I think you know In the Jeffrey Epstein era, there's some stuff. Oh, yeah Jeffrey Epstein, you know, that's obviously wrong. I'm pretty almost sure That And this is sad, but out there there is some form of like Trafficking child slavery slash. Give me your blood Because I'm gonna give it to the rich Elite of the world. We're gonna get canceled for not knowing about the child blood trafficking ring in the fucking united states now

Sure that exists like because you know joey there can't be multiple bad things There needs to be one really bad thing and then everything else is irrelevant. That's true You know, I hate when people do that where it's like, dude The fucking rate at which people are going home. It's like, oh, yeah, well, what about the you know, violence against puppies It's like, yeah, they can both be wrong. We'll get there. We can get there You know, I remember um, I had someone I had known someone months ago that was saying like You know, oh, everyone's protesting, you know violence against black people, but what about You know violence against babies. It was like, yeah

That's bad, too. You're not gonna get me. I'm not gonna disagree. Yeah, what the fuck you're more than welcome to go and And you know fucking protest that as well. Yeah, you know People are Just annoying. You just want to be miserable. Fuck you. Who not you Oh, I was gonna say not fuck you fuck me. I do to you. No, not fuck you. Would you? Anyway, that's all for this week's episode of the baseman yard. Frankie, where can they find you? Well, apparently not in your pants Uh, because you won't fuck me joey

The frank alvarez on instagram f alvarez hr8 5 on twitter and on twitch if you want to come hang out with me and play video games Oh, by the way, I can announce this on here, but so I do subscriber only streams And uh on twitch for january our subscriber only stream We're going to be debuting keith 2 and keith 3 And we're going to do uh watch along with you and keith. Yes, it's going to be fucking insane We could talk about the process. Do you like how vividly do you remember the filming? One and as I watch it it's going to come back to me clear. Yeah, I can't wait for that You guys can follow the show at the baseman yard on instagram and go follow the patreon as well patreon.com slash the baseman yard

You get every episode a week early and you also get an extra episode every single week Also, go follow us on tiktok at the baseman yard as well. There's some clips posted there And uh, that is all see you guys next time That's it