The Basement Yard - #276 - I'm Joining The Space Force

Episode Date: January 11, 2021

Frank decides that he's gonna join the Space Force solely because they're labeled "guardians." I know.. stupid. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, Franky. Dude, awesome fucking hat with a single beer mug on it, you fucking geek. That's from Brooklyn, isn't it? That shirt too is definitely from Brooklyn. Tell me. From Brooklyn? Yeah.

What does that mean? That's a very Brooklyn thing of you to wear. What's wrong with this shirt? Oh, so fucking cool, a single beer on your hat. Or like a hat that says hat, you fucking geek. That's so sad. Fucking meta piece of shit. That's not what meta means.

It is meta, like it's a comment on itself. No, you're dumb. No, I'm not dumb. That's not what meta means. Dude, you're going to call me a lot of things. Dumb ain't one of them. What can I call you? Fucking idiot, fat.

I thought that was going to be something else coming out of your mouth. Fat bitch? No, I thought there was going to be a G at the end of that. And I was like, whoa. Oh, no. I would never do that. Fat guy?

Oh, I got. I was like, what's a fat guy? Fat guy? And then I see what you're saying. Yeah, I thought you were a guy. No, you wouldn't use that. I was like, whoa, hard as. You wouldn't do that.

No, well, I don't know. I would not do that. You almost did. I know I didn't. Well, I thought you almost did. So that's what you think of me then? No, but you were doing it. No, I wasn't.

I wasn't doing it. I had no part of me was going to do it. But you believed that I'd do it, that I was going to do it. So that speaks to what you believe of me as an individual. I think that you're capable of anything. Well, actually, that's kind of nice of you. Well. But saying bad words like that is not one of the things

that I'm capable of. Hey, man. I'm just a girl with a dream in the world. What song is that? I don't think it is. I'm just girl. I hate that song. I really, really.

Those are the latest. That is a fucking, by the way, no doubt had bangers, but also had a guy that looked straight up like a monster. You know what I'm talking about. I don't really know anyone except Gwen Stefano. He was like the Indian looking guy that had white hair. He just looked like a monster. I don't know what about.

His eyes were monstrous. Yeah, they were scary. Anyway. You can't. What was that? Speaking of scary men. Where's that going? Well, actually, not scary men.

Just men. Well, men are scary because of the especially white men. Straight white men. I was waiting for that. Straight white men are the scariest men out there, maybe. Straight white men wearing blue shirts and navy hats. Straight white male. Oh, yeah.

You're terrifying right now. Actually, no, because you're kind of hip right now with your shirt that I don't know if it says noon or noon. This looks a little inclusive, like gay. Noo-hoo. This looks gay. It says Noah. Yeah, yeah.

Like his arc. Is it a religious shirt? No, it's not a religious shirt about animals, Frankie. Or a boat. I don't know. I don't know about this stuff. It's just a brand name. Oh, that's cool.

Anyway, do you remember Brian Silva? Brian Silva, Brian. Oh, is that the rotata? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rottata. That guy was awesome. Yeah, that guy, you know. And then did you ever hear about a rumor about this guy?

That he was into like gay porn. Yeah, so it was a rumor that very much was ended up being stone cold facts. Oh, really? He was like slamming dick? Yeah, I don't know if he was slamming dick or getting slammed by dick. I mean, I guess if you're doing gay porn,

you're doing a little bit of both. Oh, yeah, I mean, at that point. Isn't the rumor, like I remember when we were kids, it was like, yo, what do I want to be? A fucking porn star. And it was like, yeah, I want to be a porn star. Yes, you did. No, but one of our friends had a shirt that

said porn star in training. Who? I can't remember. But I do remember one of, I know one of our friends, like legitimately, I remember now, wanted to try to be a porn star. That was very recent, actually. That was very real, like within two years.

No, within like, it was like four years ago, which is too close. Too close. An adult man, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's anything wrong with sex work, my god, to all the. I mean, there's only fanners that are watching. But I remember.

Oh, yeah. But I remember. Big only fans guy. Have never subscribed to anyone's account. I don't think I've ever even seen the website. I've just heard about it. I've seen some profile pictures. A joke now.

Everyone just talks about only fans. Like, it's all sex work. But like, Danny had one. He was singing on it, right? I don't know. I mean, yeah, they're trying to like branch out and be like, just basically, Patreon, where they have like a subscription service for people's like,

extra content or whatever. But at the end of the day, it's for big, fat, all juicy knocks. Is it real? Yeah, dude, it's for boobs. If you got booby boobs, you could make some money on it. I remember a couple of weeks ago, it was a thing that like, I think it was the New York Post sent out a story.

And it was like, this ER nurse goes to only fans in order to pay her bills. And they were like trying to shame her. And it's like, or how about it's kind of fucked up that a nurse needs to sell her body in order to make ends meet? I mean, I think that like, yo, if she's bad, let her get a pain. Like the fuck?

I don't get it. Even if you make like a billion dollars a year, bro. If you got juicy stuff, whatever. It's such a double-edged sword. I was having this conversation with Becca not long ago. And it's like, inherently, like I've been to a strip club in my life. I know you've been to a strip club in your life as well.

That's for sure. But like, it's like, it's fucked up that a strip club exists. But at the same time, if the women that work there or men are choosing that they want to make their money like that, like, who are we to tell them what to do with their bodies? I'm definitely, I'm all on board for the sex work. Oh, you think like, like let it go. You don't think it's a victimless crime?

No, I think that it's a legitimate category of like, labor. Is that, am I, I'm trying to sound smart. You're not. What am I doing? You're definitely not. No, but like, I think that it's like a legitimate job, like, to do that.

I think it has, it's necessary in the world. Maybe not like, necessary for survival, but definitely like, it's a, sex is a giant part of life. Everything in life is about sex, except for one thing, Joey. What is it? To fucking, you know. I've said it before, sex, sex is about power. Go on.

I hate you. You've never heard that quote? I've said it on the show before. Sex, wait. Everything in life is about sex, except for one thing, and that's sex, because sex is about power. It's true, baby. Damn.

Probably, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, taking power. It is, it's like a power. But I'm kind of with you on that. Like, I think like, if we move to a point where like, sex work is considered voluntary and not like, fucking human trafficking.

No, dude, human trafficking and sex work are completely different things. Like, it's all voluntary. I mean, there are, there are- Human trafficking is not voluntary. No, bro. I'm talking about, I'm saying human trafficking is completely separate than sex work.

No, but, but in a way, although it might be voluntary that the person is opting to do it, it is technically not. If you're looking like a trickle down theory, like it's technically not because they feel like that is a necessity. Yes, they are choosing to go into that line of work. It's a necessity in order to get by. Right, if they feel like, you know,

this is the only way that I can feed my child is doing this. And I don't really want to do it, but it's like, you know, I can do it. Then yeah, but I don't really consider that as being voluntary. I consider that being like sort of backed into a corner and not, you know, having a choice. But you still even at that moment have a choice to either not do it or, you know, do whatever.

But I honestly think that if anyone's out there and you're like, yo, I'm cool with my body and like showing people and I got these big old things and like they're dope. And like, you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to make it good. Be honest, if you had just like an obnoxiously big flaccid wiener, would you show people voluntarily?

I don't think, dicks don't work that way. Like, I- I don't know, dude. I don't- You could be fucking hideous with a massive wang. If I had like two dicks, cause then that's like, you're cornering a market. Like people don't-

You're cornering a market for big old things too. No, people got, people got dicks. People got fat dicks. That's what I'm saying. Like the dicks, the dicks give them the advantage. Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, but I don't think anyone's like, like people see penises and it's like, yeah, cool.

But like the female body is like, wait, cooler. Like, and that's- We know that. But that's not because I'm saying I'm straight. I'm, I think that even women can be like, damn, like that looks nice. But like even, but like a penis is kind of like, cool. But like, yeah, like-

It's not, yeah. I get what you're saying. Not as cool. I get what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's less going on. But so this guy, Brian Silva, you just slamming dicks? Oh, I forgot, that's where we were.

But no, so Brian Silva, like there was like, you know, he was like, I'm gonna fuck your whole type of shit. You know what I'm saying? And so that was like his thing on Vine is being like, I'm gonna fuck your bitch. Or like, I could fuck your bitch. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Like given the opportunity, if your bitch was in my vicinity, consider her taken. You know what I'm saying? Liam Neeson style. I was gonna say, dude, you just vicinity, Neeson, like you just wrapped something there. Yeah, I sound like Lin-Manuel Miranda. Oh, yeah.

That's how we wrapped. We were taking the vicinity, yeah. Yeah, that's right. I was taking the number second, the baby in my hand. Like that's absolutely Lin-Manuel Miranda. We were baking in it. Yeah, no. So that was his thing.

But then there was like the rumor like, yo, this dude, I've seen him sucking balls or something. And then, you know, he kind of disappeared for a little bit. But now he's back and he's on TikTok. And his new thing is he has like a tagline that he says in every video. And I went through his videos. I had to hear some of these.

No, it's just one. What's the videos? It's like him just sitting in his car and like someone's filming him while he's driving. And he's like, you know what it is? You know what it is? It's a beautiful day to fuck a dude. That's the tagline.

What? Yeah, he like. That's awesome. Fully leaned into this penis. That's full cool. Yeah, he fully leaned into this penis stuff. And now he's like his tagline is about fucking dudes. Dude, first of all, always a beautiful day to fuck a dude.

I was going to ask, is there any sort of weather where it's not cool to fuck a dude? So are you asking like what's the, like if you're a man, what's the gayest weather? No, I'm trying. It's snow. No, no, I'm saying, I'm saying is like, cause like, you know,

at first when I heard that, I'm like, damn, you know, like if I was into dudes, like it'd be like. That'd be an awesome line. For the most part, it's a beautiful day to fuck a dude. Like I don't know if you're every day, but I also think that like, you know, when it's overcast, I probably, it probably not cool.

No, some people want to turn their day around with fucking dudes. Yeah, but like, I just need sunlight. I get that. You're a sunny guy. I like sunlight. So I feel like those are beautiful days to fuck dudes. But what about moonlight?

Some people really like moonlight. Dude, I love that. Moonlight, moonlight. Oh, that was a movie too about gay guys. Was it? Moonlight, I'm pretty sure. Barry Jenkins, am I wrong there? I'm pretty sure I'm right.

It's the wrong show. Yeah. We canceled that one. No, but I, yeah. It's a beautiful day to fuck a dude. Every single time. I'm going to try and find a video. Please, please, not of him fucking a dude.

No, no, no, I've already seen that video. Oh, you have? Yeah, I saw it way back in the day. Fine, I had to, I had to. You had to look? Yeah, I had to. That was like when Stormy Daniels first came out. Like, everyone needed to look at what she's got.

Oh, I've watched a Stormy, uh-oh. Why is your face like that? What have you seen? Oh, damn, what have you seen? No, these are, these are like the old videos of him like with his guns. Like, I want the new fuck a dude guy. Also, let's be honest, he's ugly as fuck.

There's some stuff that he needs to work on. He needs those fucking teeth. Looks like he swallowed a grenade. Okay, this is it. This is it, I think. Guess where I'm going. Come on, just guess it. Just do me the biggest favor and guess where I'm going.

Why don't we tell you anyway, I want my way to fuck a dude. And I'm gonna fuck a dude. Dude? Yeah, dude. Dude, that's awesome. Yeah. I wish I had days where I would be like,

yo, it's a beautiful day to fuck a dude. I want to know who's filming. Who's going with him to fuck a dude? This is a three-way dude fuck. This is a three-way dude fuck. Damn, dude. A throod fuck. Yeah.

That's kind of awesome. A throod fuck. Three dudes is too much testosterone for a sex party. No way. Definitely, definitely requires cleanup. You know, that's actually a fun fact. Not very fun actually. Fucking gender roles in men specifically

in gay relationships is actually a big issue. Because like... Who's the wife? Well... That was a bad way of putting it. Yeah. You know what I mean. No, but it's true.

It's like, I know that abuse in particular in gay relationships is a big fucking issue because gender roles are different in gay relationships. Yeah, I mean, I haven't even... Definitely not a fun fact. I definitely, yeah. But a fact. What a fact.

I mean, you could probably dispute it because anything is disputed nowadays. Because it's like, well, listen. I read The Daily Beast and guess what I found. The Daily Beast. It's a website I know of. Cool. But...

The Daily Beast must be a lot of targeted ads of like Mountain Dew for you. Yeah, and it's written by Mr. Beast. I'm telling you right now. You put your hand on this car and you'll find out that the Clintons are all racist. So that's Kermit the Frog. And Mr. Beast.

He sounds like that, doesn't he? I don't really, really know what he sounds like, but he gives away a lot of money. You know, Myles, have you ever seen Colin's Key? I've met that man. Oh, have you? Yeah, I have. Oh, that's kind of cool.

Was he cool? Yeah, he was a nice guy. Myles watches so much of his shit. He was like a magician back then. He started off as a magician, you know, like what's behind your ear. What were you doing? Well, you're making an orb.

You went like this. Well, you remember those magicians that had just like the invisible balls and it was just a metal ball in another clear ball? I don't really know about that, but that was very Goku. It was, right? Kamehaha maha ha. That's not it either.

I think it is. That's a curse in Hawaiian. Is it? I don't know. Oh, it sounded like it. I think Hawaiian is the language. I think it's like Maori or something like that. I don't like to be corrected.

We are never wrong here. But what was I saying? See, now I forgot you saying this. No, Colin's key. Oh yeah. Myles watches a bunch of his shit and I was watching, thinking like, yo, they waste a lot of money on like food.

Like these fucking YouTubers. What did he do? He just like, he'll be like, oh, I'm going to make the biggest pizza ever out of fucking hot dogs. And it's like, what are you doing? And he wastes like pounds of food. And I'm just like sitting there

and I'm like, God damn, that's kind of sad. Maybe he give, maybe he eats it. Well, he killed, maybe he did. Listen to me right now. The way that he makes this shit, it's inedible. Really? Oh yeah. It's fucking disgusting.

Why? Cause it's just gross. Like he puts like gelatin in like a hot dog and it's like a hot dog jelly. Yeah. Oh, I just got my spit there. That was one of the grossest things I've ever heard, honestly.

I've heard things. What else have you heard? I've heard people pooping in airports and stuff. Have you? One time I was at the airport and a guy like full on like, doors out of shit. Dumped?

Yeah. Like, you know when you're public and you're like, trying to ever soul slightly, just let this poop guide its way into the silent toilet bowl. You should work for our friends over at Headspace. Yeah. Yeah.

Silent poop into the toilet bowl. And nobody hears a thing. They just think you're peeing. But really you're taking a fat shit. So I'm over there trying to be polite with the silent poop. And the guy in the stall next to me, and this is a true story,

not fabricated at all. Oh, all right, comedian. Like. Go ahead. True story. Yeah. No, but I was on my way to Utah. Dude, when I tell you,

I was honestly like jealous of the confidence of being like, I'm just gonna fucking shit. You know? Cause I can't. I have too much like fries. Mormons are different. They're built different. Well, I wasn't, I was in New York.

Oh. Yeah, I wasn't in Utah yet. This guy, dude, it sounded like this. I was like, yo, he's spitting, he's spitting wind out of his butt. It was a turbine in there. The guy, it sounds like it. It was like, it was disgusting.

Oh my God. And like, there was no trying to mess the sound. It was like one of those where like, he was pooping and air was coming out at the same time. So it was like. Click one of those. Literally it was like that. I can't begin to express how much I hate

the fact that all of our bodies poop. It fucking pisses me off. You just want to meet one person who doesn't. I just want to just know and poop anymore. Just like, let's figure out another way for a body to get rid of it. You don't like pooping though? No, it's not an enjoyable experience

and it shouldn't be talked about. What relief, dude? It's not fucking, I mean, maybe it's relief for certain people, but like, it's fucking gross. I'll be honest with you. Yo, have you seen the shit that your body makes? Yeah, it's not sick. That's very humbling.

That's why fucking Kim Jong-un convinced a country of North Koreans that he doesn't poop. Did he do that? Yeah. Oh, that's on them then. That's a bad, that's a bad belief. Figure it out, you know? Guy's shits.

I mean, we all do. What a weird thing to convince people of. Like, I am the second coming, I don't poop. Why is that where you believe people are going to view your impurities? Yeah, like, tell me you fly. Then I'll be like, cool. No, people need to see that.

No one's going to ask to watch them poop. Oh, oh, yes they will. Hey, have you? Oh, I want to see this. All right, OK, hold on. Important question here. I need to redo my hair for this. How many pooping ponds have you watched?

Honestly, be full honest, full and honest. Pooping porn? I assume that's a thing. I, well, no, I haven't. I've only seen two girls one cup. It's not very popular. I've seen some other stuff, though. Like what?

I've seen, like, aridactyl porn. That's a Pokemon. Wait, and not pterodactyl, I have to say. OK. Pterodactyls, a fossilized dinosaur. It's a Pokemon. It is a Pokemon. No, yeah, no, like pterodactyls.

But it was also, it was like men. Pterodactyls are ancient, you know that, right? Yeah, yeah, they're an ancient bird. OK, OK. Slash dinosaur hybrid, if we're getting technical. But there was people dressed up as pterodactyls. They weren't actual pterodactyls. But they were, like, and they were fucking this woman.

OK. I've seen, you know, actually in other people's lives, we talked to a girl who was, like, a porn star in, like, training. Like, she had just broken into the scene or whatever. Oh, she was just, like, going through the training center? She had, yeah, she had just was making videos at home with her boyfriend or her husband or whatever.

Amateur, very amateur. Very amateur. But, like, she was verified on Pornhub. But she had a video where she was dressed as Princess Jasmine. And then her husband or whoever was dressed as the genie. And he was having sex with her, obviously. But also at a certain point, he put the fucking lamp in her.

So we need to stop. He put the lamp in her shit. So, like, that is dangerous. Because if you watch the movie, the genie comes out of the lamp. Clearly there's, and he goes back in the lamp, clearly there's some suction kind of thing. Yeah, that's a vacuum there. You could get caught with that.

This is weird. This is very weird. Yeah, I've seen a lot of weird things with sex. See, it's like, all of that stuff is so- Not because I'm, like, around. You're weird, though. You could say it. Well, I'm curious.

You're curious. There it is. I'm curious. You're bi-curious. I get it. I'm not bi-curious. Oh, I almost got him. I almost got him to admit he's bi-curious on here, guys.

Yeah, no, I'm curious to see what's going on in people's houses. Have you ever been one of those people that, like, you watch porn with a significant other and then re-create it? Never. Yeah, that's a weird thing. That sounds so weird. That's a very weird thing to do. Or, like, sometimes I'll see a porn video.

And then in that video, like, it's like an amateur video. And then, like, in the background on their TV, they also have porn on. So it's like- Pornception. This is a lot of- It's a lot of porn. It's a wind tunnel of sex, you know, of what I want.

And guess what it probably was? Great day to fucking do. It was a great day to fucking do. It was a great day. Yo, good for that guy, though. He really leaned into it. And, like, it was very interesting. But I just discovered it the other day.

And I was like, damn, this guy- That's some confidence that I- Like, that's- Like, there's nothing that I do on this planet that I'm not, like, confident about. You know what I mean? Like, oh, it's a great day to go to work. Never.

Yeah. Could be fired. Could be. And never have I had the confidence like that. Be like, great day to fucking do. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Good for him.

Joey, so for the new year, I did a juice cleanse. I'm stuck. You already did it? I'm stuck. Well, I'm doing it- By the time this comes out, I've already done it. Oh, how many days? There's just three days.

You better be careful with that juice cleanse. Just three- Well, yeah, because fucking Twitter, all the fat fucks on Twitter are gonna get mad at me. Too much? No, but no, Lizzo. Josh, a call. Josh, we're going to have to edit that one out, Josh.

No, so on Twitter, though, Lizzo did like a juice cleanse or some shit on our Instagram story. And people went, or I rate. Why? Because like certain people, I'm like, Frankie was being funny. Obviously, I'm being funny. It was like overweight people who were getting very upset

with Lizzo because they were like, oh, you're, it's the same thing with Adele, dude. Like once Adele was like, oh, I'm gonna lose a bunch of weight. People were like, oh my God, she fell to societal norms and she's conforming and she's trying to play. It's like, bro, people just want to be fucking healthy, dog. The issue, listen, and that's the thing is like, yes, is there a societal standard that a smaller, thinner person

to an unhealthy degree is viewed as beautiful? Absolutely. But just because like you're like, what society views as beautiful are people that are significantly much smaller. I don't necessarily agree, though. No, it definitely is. I feel like that's why things like, that's why things like, you know, like photo editing and stuff is like pretty,

like it's a fucked up industry. I think though the days of being like super models are these like tall, thin, whatever is like out the window. Like I don't think that like, no one even like looks like that. And like, no one ever looked like that, except he's like small, selectful. They were in very unhealthy situations. But that's like out of style, like now like a thicker,

like more voluptuous, tit-body kind of girl is what, you know, the Kardashians are a good example of like, they got surgeries and shit. I have a very like. Her butt's a little, her butt's weak. I'm going, I go back and forth with the Kardashians. I really have to admit because they're all hot. I don't personally, like I think they're pretty,

like they're pretty, they're good-looking people. Yeah. I think that they are such a confusing, like, and not necessarily, and I was having this conversation the other day too, it's like not necessarily by their own design, but they are such a confusing family because it's like, you don't know if they're good

for society or bad for society. Because listen, Kim is studying, she's trying to become a lawyer, you know, like she is really trying to get after that. I'm a big Kim. And good for, honestly, good for her. I think that's great to use her fucking platform to do that. But at the same time,

unfortunately they have succumbed to standards of beauty that are in some ways unhealthy. And for a younger generation of people, and I'm not saying that them as individuals need to be held responsible, I understand that it's above them and it's a fucking, you know, it's a world that we live in, that values some way that people look over other people,

but at the same time, like, if you're going to sit there and you're able to make a change in one way, there are other ways you need to be able to also address that change. You know, like it's, in my opinion, in my humble opinion, because I'm very humble, look how humble I am,

if you have a platform like that and you do succumb to those standards, whether it came first or second, like you have a sense of responsibility to make for contributing to it. I don't necessarily agree, because I think that like, as a person, like I think it all falls back on like the parents.

Like if your kid sucks or if your kid, like whatever, it's your fault. Like I honestly believe that. And also because like there's a lot of things that you could curb, like certain people that they're hanging out with or whatever, like, you have control over that to a certain point. And then your kid takes over their own life

and then they can do whatever the fuck they want. But if this is children that we're talking about, then it's the parent's fault. Like don't let them do whatever. But you can't blame Kim Kardashian because at the end of the day, if Kim Kardashian feels like, yo, I want a big fat ass that looks ridiculous.

And she goes out and gets it. That's her problem. That's her up, absolutely, absolutely. And it's not her like fault or her like responsibility to be like, no, what you're doing is you're destroying like little girl's views of like what's pretty. It's like, dude, that's not my fault.

But that's why I say it's a bit of a double standard because although like the big thing that it comes back to with that family is the amount of plastic surgery they've done. People, it's a very easy joke for people. Yeah, but I don't think it's fair to tell to say that plastic surgery is wrong. I'm not saying the plastic surgery is wrong,

but at the same time, it is a bit of a double standard because although I do fully believe that women should have the autonomy and the ability to make the decisions that they want with their own body and no one else should tell them, at the same time, if we as a society, and this is why I said it's not necessarily

their fault as individuals, it's a larger issue. But if they are the ones that are being considered the elite and they look a certain way and they've gotten plastic surgery done, like it's, can it be considered unhealthy? Now, again, I don't think them as individuals, as a family, need to be held entirely responsible for that. No, I'm saying they're not responsible at all.

But the argument could be made that they do have to take some semblance of responsibility. I just agree. Okay, I mean, that's why you're a fucking white bitch. Yeah. And you don't agree with that. But like, why do you think they have, like, why should they live their life

according to how, like, everyone views, like, I don't understand that. Ask that again. Like, compared to something like different, like, if they want to look like that, they want to look a certain way because they have insecurities or, and like, yo, it's a vicious circle

because they're in the spotlight like that. Like, yeah. Obviously, especially fucking Chloe and Kylie have gotten crazy amounts of plastic surgery on their faces and shit. You could argue that the reason why they have that is not because they're trying to destroy the idea of beauty or this and that,

but it's because they've been berated constantly by society. That's why I said it's a double. Like, yo, you guys are fucking hideous. That's why I'm saying it's a double-edged sword. Like, it's, it's like doomed if they do, doomed if they don't. You know what I mean?

And that's why it's a bigger issue above them. No, I don't think they are at fault for that at all. Like, I don't think they should do whatever the fuck they want to do. And it's on TV shows, like, whatever the fuck, but it's like, bro, we are, like, if you guys want to create a standard of what people should look like, that's on you, bro.

That's not on whoever is looking at the way. But then we look back, then we look back in 50 years when there's a new standard and we say all the people that conform to what that standard were were part of the problem. That's the, that's the issue that I'm saying. I don't agree. And I'm saying, I don't agree.

I don't agree. I think that it is ever changing. And that's why when we go back to the Lizzo thing, it also ties in is because, just because this person wants to do something to their body and try to live a different lifestyle, doesn't mean that they need to conform to what every, doesn't mean that they're conforming

to what everything else is. Like, individuality and being able to make those decisions for yourself is kind of where we would want to be. Also, like, everyone conforms. Like, everybody. And it's not that they're like, oh, like their entire person is conforming.

It's just like certain things you just conform to. That's what fashion is. You're conforming to what trends are. Fads are like, what's in style, what looks good, like whatever. Everything that I have ever said or done or things that I wear has been influenced in some way. Someone else has worn their shirt a certain way.

Someone else has worn this piece of clothing. I saw this or I think this brand is cool. I was introduced it in this way or, like, whatever. It's been influenced. So you conform all the time. And, like, conforming to living a healthier life or, like, doing a quick juice cleanse, which, by the way, she did a juice cleanse

just because she was fucking, she ended up saying, like, she had to fucking explain herself because these people were like, oh, this is ridiculous. She's, she's, juice cleansing is actually very dangerous for your body because then these fucking 11-year-olds suddenly become dietitians. And they're like, actually, it's not really good because I Googled it.

All of these people on Twitter can just sit on a finger. It's insane. So, like, she, like, she's just doing a fucking juice cleanse, dude. Like, at the end of the day, it's like, she can do whatever the fuck she wants. If she wants to lose weight, she's gonna lose weight. Like, just because she's doing that

doesn't mean she's conforming to society or whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, yo, maybe some people, like, just wanna do shit that you don't agree with. Dude, and that's why I also have a love-hate relationship with Twitter because half of Twitter is fucking hysterical. The other half is, like, fucking any idiot in the world now can express their stupid fucking opinion.

I forgot who was talking about this. It might have been, uh, Krista Stefano. But I'm not a friend of the show. Friend of mine, really good friend of mine, yeah. No, but I think- Krista's hanging out. I think Krista said this where he was like, Twitter is just, is just crazy, right?

So, like, the cancel culture and, like, all that shit, it's not really real. Like, it only lives on the internet. Like, you don't really see this happening in real life, like, you read about it and you see it on Twitter, but in real life, you don't really see this. And especially with the younger kids,

who are usually the ones that are, like, full-blown attacking and canceling people, you only really read about them. And then when you see children, like, 12-year-olds, in real life, they're not like that. You know, they're just, they're quiet and they're, like, you know, wherever they are, for the most part. So it's very, it's like, at a certain point,

you just have to be like, this is just bullshit. Like, this is just fake. Yeah, it's fucking, it's fraudulent. Yeah, it's like, it's a game. It's just not, yeah, it's just not real. You know, like, your life, your real life, like, in person, is like, what matters? You know what I mean?

But I will also say that now more than ever, it's like, this fake life is catching up. Because when we first started, when I first started out, like, 2011 or 2010, whatever the fuck it was, the internet was still not a place where it was like, yo, I'm gonna spend all my time doing this and be fully connected to people.

Like, I didn't have Twitter or Instagram when I first started making videos even. I just had Facebook and, you know, then, like, whatever. And even like texting, wasn't like, group chats weren't a thing and you could only talk to people one-on-one. So you didn't really text like that, you just still saw your friends.

And then slowly, you're like, you can have friends who you never see. Like, I go months without seeing most of my friends, but I don't really feel that way because I talk to them constantly. You're talking to them every day. Yeah, so it's just different. Like, this digital world that is like, insanely, like,

it's infectious and it's like, addicting and it's just not real. And people like, have this different way that they handle themselves. Like, they're much more like, braver with what they'll say. And if you ever notice the people, the people that are the loudest, like, when those things come up,

for instance, like, Lizzo and stuff like that, you only see them in there and then they're gone. Like, they don't have any opinions about anything else. You know what I mean? Like, you'll never hear, like, no one, and they'll never be like, yeah, I fucking, I fucking said that, you know what I mean? Like, they live in that moment, in that situation,

very passionately. And we have learned in some ways on like Twitter to fucking listen to the loud minority and believe that it is the representation of the entire fucking world. Like, dude, leave fucking Lizzo alone. If she wants to fucking put her body through drinking only beet juice for fucking three days.

Oh, dude, let her do it, man. Because guess what? Have you done this before, by the way? Not a full-on juice cleanse, no. Like, so I try to have like juices, like, basically like for the month of November and December. Like, my breakfasts were just juice. What is poop when you juice?

It's not. It's not. It's like, not. That's, you're missing something? No, but like, your body just takes in nutrients and like, just like works on like, burning off fat. So you don't poop? I don't know.

I guess we'll find out. Yeah. I guess we'll find out. I know like the first day it like cleans your body out because it's all like, again, juicing takes the fiber out of stuff. It's like anti-inflammatory. It's like, it just fucking like lets your body just like,

just get rid of it, everything. And especially because like, I'll be drinking a lot, New Year's Eve by myself. And eating like shit by myself. And my body's gonna rid itself. Nice, you're gonna need that. Lord knows. And last thing I wanna say about this whole situation

is not the situation, or like just this idea in general, right? Cause like, some of the stuff that we say on this show, a lot of people would be like offended by or pick apart and eventually try to work its way into being, whatever the fuck, I don't even care. But I'm seeing like a crazy amount, especially on TikTok of people just like wanting it.

To me, it just looks like a desperate want to make an impact. Like people just want to say something and be the catalyst and either like a cancel or like a fucking pitchfork march against somebody. You know what I mean? Like I feel like they just wanna be like, I'm bringing up this point of view of like, oh, actually this is offensive because of this reason.

And look how educated I sound because I'm giving you the history behind it. And it's like someone was making like a harmless joke or they said something that you're like taking out of context. And then like you're framing it with this like one bit of like historical knowledge you have. And then wanting, like for what?

Like you just want to be the catalyst and like bringing someone down or like whatever. It doesn't make sense. It's just not like even if people make an insensitive joke, it's like you have to think about the intent with a joke. Like it's like you're joking. But that's why it's easy and from like lack of better terms, it's easier for people like us who have a platform

where it's like, yo, one of the reasons that people, and I see it all the time when people talk about this is like one of the reasons that they like the basement yard and other shit is it's because they feel like they're part of the conversation they're in here. We're not trying to be like, yo, like super fucking woke. Like, yo, listen, I'm not trying to be like fucking

John Oliver here and preach to people or Seth Meyers. You know what I mean? Like I enjoy them both as comedians. I think they're funny, but they can be a little snobby and preachy. But what I'm saying is like part of the conversation and it's easier for us is because people know that we're not gonna,

we're not fucking like Jew-hating whiteies out here. You know what I mean? Like they know that we're fucking progressive people. So when someone every now and then makes a joke that like could be considered offensive, it's like, oh, well, I know that that person's not gonna. Right. You know?

And it's like, well, take that into the real world. And that honestly is a perfect example of like what I mean. It's like, you know, if you know of a person, right? Like you know, you know, whatever. That's a perfect example. Like people know us or like they know kind of like our beliefs or whatever. And it's like, you hear us say something

that could maybe be insensitive or whatever. You said fat fucks before. I did say fat fucks. You know? So a lot of people can be like, dude, that's fucked up. Well, guess what? Skinny fucks, Spanish fucks, white fucks. Ripped fucks.

Ripped fucks. You're all fucks. Big dick fucks. Spat. Like, oh, I can use that for anything. Yeah. You know? It's just a matter of who I use it for.

Right. No, but like some people could be like really upset by that and write this long thing. And it's like, why are we doing it? Like, what is the point of this? Like, why can't you just understand like intent and like joke and like just have a good time? Like this, and because of this fake world,

like you just want to make an impact. And that's because in your real life, you can't make an impact as easy as you can online. I think to an extent, like there are certain things that it's like, yo, like it was used for legitimate harm. You know what I mean? Like. That's totally different.

That's totally different. I'm sitting here and I'm saying fat fucks. Like that's not offensive because guess what? They're fat fucks, you know? No, I'm kidding, but like in that way, like people know that like the compassion that we have as individuals. So like if you're like watching someone

and they're sitting there and they're like, yeah, like let's fucking burn all the homeless people at the stake and stuff like, yeah, we got a bigger problem on it. That's an issue. You know? But for the most part, we're very compassionate young boys.

Yeah. You know? And we just love to like just like touch people's hearts. We're just young boys trying to touch other boys. Oh, no, that's not what we are. Write to the phone. Write to the phone. Obviously take that out.

Maybe you just take this whole thing out. Whole episode. The whole thing out. This was the whole episode. Does he take one of those fat fucks out? Maybe he just replaced me. He's gone already. Yeah, he's off the phone.

All right. Are we got friends in the show? I'm sure they're gonna love this episode. Oh man. Oh Kelly, don't look at me. Will they get upset at us for this episode? Who? The friends?

Oh, I don't know. Never talked to them. Never touched the stuff. Moving on. We got two friends. First one is ExpressVPN. ExpressVPN lets you control where you want sites to think you are, okay?

So this is basically like a teleportation device for streaming services, right? You could use it for Netflix, for Disney Plus, Hulu, BBC iPlayer, whatever the fuck that is by the way. You name it. You can use it for anything. But it opens up your world basically. So if you're a friend of anime,

you can use ExpressVPN to make yourself look like you're in Japan. And then you will have all these anime selections that aren't available in the United States, or Canada, or wherever. And you can watch Japanese Netflix, all right? So I know a lot of people are super into anime. I've actually myself have thought anime

has such a crazy cult following that it might be sick and I should check it out, but I haven't done that yet, mainly because I'm 28. But anyway, ExpressVPN also allows you to watch movies and shows. It's also ridiculously fast. It's the one to use because nothing buffers. It's an HD.

It works with all your devices, phones, tablets, media consoles, smart TVs, you know, whatever. You're everything that works. And if you visit our special link, expressvpn.com slash yard, you get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. But yeah, support the show, watch what you want and get your holiday fix at expressvpn.com slash yard.

And again, that gets you an extra three months free of ExpressVPN. All right, so go check it out. You can watch anything in the world. Go watch some Australian stuff or maybe some British stuff, Frank. I love it, British. And our next friend here is Quip.

You know what I'm saying? If you watched my Instagram story this morning, you already know I had the Quip in my mouth when I was talking because I Quip it up every day. Quip me, baby. Quip it one more time. I'm gonna go, just, I'll call him afterwards. But anyway, so Quip, it's an electric toothbrush.

It's amazing. I love it. It doesn't make your gums bleed or anything like that. It's got a vibrating thing on it that has a pulse timer every 30 seconds that lets you know when to switch sides. Do you have a Quip? You don't. No, I don't.

I gotta get you one. Please. Please. Also, Quip has been adding some stuff to their arsenal. Okay, I think they have floss. They have gum. It can help prevent cavities and fresh and breath when chewed for 20 minutes after eating.

It's sugar-free. It has tooth-friendly xylitol with zero calories. Don't know if that's right. And to satisfy your taste buds, Quip also added a long-lasting mint flavor. Okay, so they're making gum that's like good for you, which is sick. So you can go check out everything that they have.

You can, oh, the Slim Travel Ready Dispenser, available in five colors, metal or plastic, packs, pack, and, oh my God. Protects up to 10 pieces of gum at a time. Protect your gum. Add a gum refill plan for a gift that keeps on giving all year round. Quip's customizable subscription lets you chew

and share your own pace. So yeah, go check out Quip. They got a lot of stuff. They got a lot of stuff to keep your mouth clean, all right? In there. It's not a substitute for brushing or flossing, but it's still great. But yeah, go get Quip.

Getquip.com slash basement. Right now you get a free plastic dispenser with any refill plan. That is Getquip, G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com slash basement. Go check them out and go get some stuff. I want some gum. I love gum. I haven't really chewed gum this year.

I gotta chew gum. I always have gum in my car, so I always, I'm always a chewy boy. You're always chewing on them. Chooing. You're chewing always? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's cool.

I kind of hate what you're- I just put my phone to the fuck a dude guy. Gotcha. I hate so much of what you're doing with your shirt right now. That's one of my biggest pay-paves. Pay-paves. When you roll up long sleeves and you ruin the sleeve.

Yeah, but now look at them. Yeah, I hate, but like, it's not the sleeve that you ruin, but like it's this part that you ruin now. It's all stretched out. Look at that. Look at that sleeve of, you know, the hang's like vagina of wizard, you know? Sleeve of wizard.

It's not vagina. I know what I'm talking about. The wizards don't have vaginas. What's a female wizard? A witch. Good answer. I think so. Remember how cool the name for a male witch was?

Warlock. Warlock. Yeah, you never heard that? Warlock. I've only heard warlocks in terms of like talking about big tits. In like super bags, like I gotta get a glimpse of those warlocks.

Did you see that? Yeah. Anytime I watch that movie, I find something new to laugh at every single time. To me, the funniest scene is when it's like, you look like whoever's brother. You look like someone's brother. And then he like leans back on his heels

and comes forward. That is just genius. It's just genius to me. That movie is one of the few movies that I consider perfect. I love that whole group. Like the Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, like. Fuck me, right?

Dude. Is honestly, it's one of the most quotable movies of all time. It is. It's up there with Anchorman. Anchorman's a big quotable movie. Yeah. You know?

But like, I remember the first time. I'm also a big wedding crashers girl. Wedding crashers are good too. All comedies, you know? What happened to them? I think they're making a sequel to Wedding Crashers. I love Vince Vaughn. You have no idea.

I watched, did you watch Freaky? Where he plays him? It's like Freaky Friday, but with a serial killer? No. Yeah. I don't know if you know Catherine Newton, but she's an actress. And her and Vince Vaughn swap bodies.

And like Vince Vaughn's character is the serial killer. So like his, like it's the young girl's body in Vince Vaughn. It's fucking hysterical. He does a great job. He does a really good job doing it. And it brings up another question I have, Joey, because all right, in this movie, spoiler, whatever, he, it's a grown man's body, but it's the soul

or like the mind or whatever of like a 16 year old girl. Hold on. Good. And he makes out with a boy that she's into. So he's like a 17 year old boy. Is that, so like if we, if you Freaky Friday with Becca and I made out with you, but it's really my wife, thanks for hanging up.

I appreciate that. Is that gay? For who? Me. You're kissing a boy? But it's the soul of my wife. No. This goes back to like striking vice out of Black Mirror.

No, I think that, I think that gayness is souls. It's souls, right? It's not, but it's physicality. It's also penises. It's penis. It's also penises. Penises is a big part of it. But it's also souls.

But like, so it like, but that's what I'm saying. Like if you, if you kiss, if you found out that me and J.Lo switched bodies and it was, I was J.Lo. No, I definitely would be, I'd just text you. It'd be like, yo, you're J.Lo. Sorry, but we got to, we got to find out. Yeah, we got to go on. I just want to see your butt.

Would you be like in every of these movies, every single one of them, the first thing they do was they instantly touch their boobs and their butt. Would that be the first thing you would do if you became J.Lo? What else am I gonna do? Go be rich. Go to the gym.

Go be rich. Go be rich. And do what? Send yourself money. Send my, from what? Just send money from J.Lo's account. Oh, to the real thing. To the real Joe.

Oh. That's what I'm saying. That's a good idea. That's other things you could do. Wow, yeah. No, I would just probably program my phone, my number into her phone. If, like.

So weird. You got to do what you got to do. But like you strike me as one of the, like the first things you would do is masturbate. I'm more interested in getting brailed. Really? I think that would be cooler. I don't know how to masturbate as a girl.

I would probably do a terrible job. It would take me years. Or you learn. That's the thing. I don't think like it would take you years. Yeah, dude. This is a fucking degree. Yeah, dude.

I mean, I mean, penises are a little easier to kind of handle. It's like one thing that you do. You do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But even still, there was like, there was like a little bit of a learning curve when you first started doing that.

You know, at first you were using like one finger and everyone was like, what are you doing? And then you saw pictures of people using their whole hand. You're like, this is cool. And then you're like, oh, I could add some like something slick to this. Some like, you know, some like oil. Some moisture.

Some moisture. And then you like learn along the way. You get good at it. I guess. But we're talking about vaginas here. We're talking about the human Rubik's cube. Yeah, I was going to say it's a Rubik's cube. The endless chamber of secrets.

Yeah, that thing is amazing. I'm not figuring that thing out. The first try. There's no way. Yeah. What was that picture that people said was like wrong, the MC Escher picture? And it's like, that's not like the stairs are upside down.

Like, where are we in here? Yeah, like it's like an optical illusion. You're like, I don't even know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you'd figure it out. You just find the beep, the beep bop that does the best thing for you.

I know. But then again, it's also different because if you take your mind and put it into her body, is it what you find sexy? So if you find pineapple sexy and she finds, you know, cucumbers, you know. Yeah. Well, then you just still find pineapple sexy

and just go to town on yourself with a pineapple. Probably wouldn't do that. I don't know if that's safe. Have you ever, dude, I remember. Yeah, also pineapples, when I was growing up, I was like led to believe that they were spiky, not spiky. Well, they're not soft. Dude, the day before I graduated from college,

I was drunk and bit through a pineapple. I couldn't, I kid you not, I've never felt pain like that in my entire life. It was so acidic that my mouth was like raw. It was like raw skin. It was acidic. Yeah, it's a tropical fruit. It's an acidic fruit, like an orange or a grapefruit.

But not that acidic. It was very, dude, I bit through it and my mouth was raw. What was in the middle of this thing, batteries? Just basically, it's like I was sucking on batteries for fucking just sucking on Ds for like a whole hour. That means something different. Or double A's. Is that a bra size?

I should have went with that. There's a bra size. A, double A's, B's, double B's. Double D's are real, right? Well, double D's. Double D's are big old titties. Yeah, double D's are like fucking, you know, big old fat pouches of rice.

Oh man. Oh, fat pouches of rice. What do you think the, I forget it. I am. What do you think the average bra size is in the country? I would say it. And do you think it's going up? I don't even know that.

By natural, like maybe by like unnatural forces it's going up, but I would say. Unnatural? Unnatural. So like paranormal. No, like. Ghosts. No, but like doing like plastic surgeries

and stuff like that. Oh, oh. To just get fucking full on cannons. Ew. What? Dude, I just typed in the average bra size and the fucking ghoul things are like for a 13 year old for a 14 year old for a 12 year old.

Ew. What the fuck? I don't want to know that. It's disgusting. In the world, you disgusting Google. That means people are looking. I would say. What?

I would say it's a B. They're huge. Tents are huge apparently. Average boy. You probably got some outliers in this equation. No, average breast size by country 2020. All right. Biggest, biggest, biggest things

has got to be Dominican Republic. No. Where is the Dominican Republic? Let me find it. DR, DR, DR. DR, it might just be classified in like all the other like. No, it's a B.

And DR? Yeah, I mean. Okay. What about US? Yo, the United States is at the top, tied at the top with Norway, Finland, Sweden. Sweden's got cannon. These white people got big old things.

And Russian. Russia's. Russia. What the hell? I guess the Russians just got fucking. Yo, the average cup size is double D. That's crazy. Everyone's got fat knocks.

That's wild. Those are natty. I will say like that has something to do with like women, like when, dude, when women get pregnant, their fucking balloons just go through the roof. Oh yeah. It's like, you know, just bags. Dude, through the roof.

There's an inflating button on those sons of bitches. Hell yeah. Because they're just getting ready for the milk. For the milk. For the milk and everything. They suck on them. Oh my god. It is.

Lichtenstein. Lichtenstein. Lichtenstein. Why did you say it like that? Lichtenstein. OK. Is a D also. There's a lot of D. It cuts off at C at Montenegro.

OK. How do we know like a couple of Montenegro girls? Oh, we've got big boobs though. Do they? I'm trying to think. I don't know. Who's got small boobs? Who's down here with small boobs?

The smallest boobs in the world has got to be China. It is. Really? China's a bobo. Small as dicks and small as boobs. Indonesia's down there too. And that's because Cambodia was the smallest. Where's Cambodia?

Where's Cambodia? Is Cambodia going to get a B? Cambodia? Because Cambodia had the smallest penises when we did that episode. I think on Patreon we did that. Yeah. We are in B territory and I haven't seen them yet.

So maybe they're even at C. Where is Cambodia? Unless they're not on this list, that would be the ultimate sign of disrespect. Yeah, I don't see them. Luckily for you, Columbia, you guys are on D. Good job. Good job. I don't know how that has to do with me at all.

You're a Colombian. Oh. Maybe that's why I've gotten such fat tits over the last year. Since quarantine started. Oh, man, that is funny. No, I don't see them on here. Sorry. Yeah, they're not on here.

All right, whatever. That's big, dude. The average bra size, that's huge. Yeah, double D in the United States. That's a little out of control, isn't it? I feel like that's got to be like, you have people with like, it's normally like Bs. And then you have people that are like Qs.

And then they're like, all right, let's just move it up to a D. Yeah, like, you got double Js. You got a, that's a problem. Yeah, do you remember? Oh my god, I just remember this. When we were in high school. Oh boy. When we were in high school, there was a girl that we knew.

But she had gone to elementary school with us. And we hadn't spoken to her or seen her. And then we had connected. Yeah, there he goes. Well, this has nothing to do with me. Yeah. So don't use names. I'm not, I'm not going to use names.

OK, cool. But there was a girl that we had not like seen in years. And then we found her in high school. And we found out that she had a, she had. She had an average bra size. No, she had a larger than average bra size, apparently. I mean, I remember she had F 32s. Wait, now I don't know what we're talking about.

Yes, you do. And I remember we joked. Wait, elementary school? Yes. Well, no, when we were in elementary school, she didn't have F 32s. No, yeah, idiots. I'm saying we went to elementary school.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then when we, when we like refound her on like MySpace or Facebook in high school, she had F 32s. And I remember the joke was, you were like, yo, hit her up when you turn 32 and say thank you. What the fuck does that mean? I remember it as clear as day. I remember this shit.

Hit her up when you turn 32. And just say thank you, yeah. That is not a thing. What does that mean? That's what you said. I remember it. I swear to God. Did I, did I say that, did I think that was sick?

I guess. I guess it was like a rock on moment for you. Hit her up when you're 32 and say thank you. That doesn't even decide what I thought. That's what you did. Go ahead. What, what's, I thought you were talking about something else. Which we'll get into after the show.

Yeah, cause like, I think you know what I'm talking about. I believe we do, it's just you're forgetting the embarrassing part of it and I remembered it. You don't remember that part of it, do you? Which part? The part where the F-32s. Oh no, that's not what I'm talking about this for at all. They sound like fighter jets.

F-32s. That all was great until the F-32s came through my village. They said. That's got to be uncomfortable, dude. Can you imagine? What does an F-32 even look like? No, they came through my village. I was talking about a different girl

that we were actually younger than that. And then we found and like whatever. But that's a different story that we'll tell offline. Maybe, maybe the year at which I remember this is different, but I remember specifically she, she had shared. I wonder, what was the, what's the first letter of her name? Do you follow her on social media? I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know where she is.

Okay, so what's the first letter of her first name? E. What the fuck is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. If someone's going to go through all of our, all of the people that we follow and look at every E that we know. Well, like, I definitely don't follow this person.

I definitely don't either, unless by, you know, they, you know, turned their account into like something about like fucking poodles or some shit, you know. You follow a lot of poodle accounts. No, but like, there was someone recently, like I was on Instagram and it was like, they changed her name to like the poodle at dawn. And I was like, who the fuck is this?

And I clicked and I had to like scroll like eight fucking times and I saw like someone that I knew in like college and I was like, oh, I'm unfollowing this person now because it's just like, it was a stupid fucking account. Poodle at dawn. Yeah, it was very dumb. Yeah. Very, very dumb.

Great story. Great boobs. Great boobs. I guess, that's kind of soft though, dude. What, Fs? Like the back pain? Yeah, I don't know. It's crazy because like you have,

you see some girls that have like double D's and like, I'm getting a reduction. But then you see some people that have like H. Yeah. And it's like, it's like, all right, if the double D person is getting like a reduction, then how is the H like even surviving? I guess like some people just built different.

You know, like some people are built. Have strong backs. I guess, man. Like an ox. Yeah, they're like, they fucking supported it with like popsicle sticks, you know, taped around their body and shit like that. Like just put your body in a splint.

It's a splint, yeah. Yeah, that's kind of wild. That's gotta be insane. Like what's like the biggest balls ever recorded and like that guy was like in very, like a lot of discomfort. Oh, I've seen that. No, yeah, he could sit on them.

It was like a beanbag chair. Oh my God. That's fucking awful. Can you imagine? Well, he couldn't even like shower because he had to carry around these fat nuts. It's true. Dude, his loads were probably like fucking buckets.

Oh. Because that's where it's made, right? In the balls? It's made in the balls. Yeah. It's gotta be made in the balls. Well, it can't be made anywhere else. Where else should it be made?

Not the butt. There's like a pathway, right? There's like a, like a speedway, like a cum speedway in your dick. I'm sure there's, you know, there's like a sperm vein. A spain. Right.

I just probably said a very inappropriate word in some other country. Spain? You ever worry that you're gonna say something that's like super, like do you remember like it was like in China, the middle finger is the pinky? And it was like that.

Yeah, but I don't think that's real. I don't think so either. We were just in third grade and idiots. Yeah. Where did, I heard that the middle finger came from like Native Americans that like they were so good, like such good archers and shit like that

that they would use their middle finger. So when they would like antagonize the pilgrims, they would show their middle fingers. That's fire. And be like, you didn't get these and I'm gonna shoot an arrow at you and then you'll send me a smallpox blanket. Yeah.

Cause that's what they did. They did do those. Those bastards. Yeah. Hi. Who's the ancestors for those? Yeah. It's kind of wild.

Also, I know that before we were talking, like before we started this podcast that you suddenly want to become like an astronaut or something. No, but yes. But like, did you see, so like they made this thing the space force, which we can agree unequivocally.

Wait, is that the Steve Carell thing? Oh, no, but it's real. Oh, I thought you were talking about the TV show. No, no, no. The real space force. Yes. You know that it's real, right? I know that there's like NASA.

No, no. What is that? Donald Trump made a branch of the military called the space force in real old life. So, so this is Star Wars. So he like, this isn't like a joke. There is now a branch of the military named the space force. Cool.

Okay. And I never like, you know, I was, I've never considered, you ever considered joining like a branch of the military, you know, whether it be the army, the Navy, the Marines. Oh, no. Me neither. But now I might. Cause you want to be a space force?

Yes, because you hear what they're called. Space force. They're called guardians. Oh, they're not astronauts? They're called guardians. What are they guarding? Exactly. It doesn't, it just, it's awesome.

Like Marines are cool. Cause you know, they're like, you know, I guess like dolphins or whatever. Or is that the Navy? Navy seals, they're seals. But like, dude, the space force, the guardians. Oh, I'm just a space force guardian.

How fucking awesome is that? Yeah, but then you have to guard. I mean, listen, let's be honest. If there's anything out there, which there might be, they'll fuck us up easily. You're not guarding anything. You're not guarding anything. You're just a line of defense that will be,

you're, you're, you're, you're. You're there to get run over. You're a house of straw. Yeah. You know? Huff and pluff and blow your fucking house. Blow your back out. Yeah.

And there's no way that I won't join the space force now because I'd be a guardian of the galaxy. Question. No. So Elon Musk shot a rocket, like kind of into space. And like, did you see that whole thing? It was on TV. I watched it.

I watched it. So if that, that I'm assuming at some point in our lives, I don't know if it's going to be our lifetime. Maybe when we're like old, like 65 or something, there will be some form of travel that's like quicker than airplanes that is something like that. It could be rockets that they set. Like you could get to Australia in like two hours.

That'd be awesome. Would you do that? I have a fear of space. So I have a fear of space and getting in a rocket. That would be fucking terrifying, but it would also be so fucking expensive at that point. Well, yeah, but also I think that like, technically planes are like rockets.

I guess they are with rockets with wings. I like wings on my rocket. I think the thing that is probably more realistic is like this like underground tunnel, like train tunnel to like everywhere in the world. That'd be cool. Like you can get to like LA in like an hour and a half. Do this like light speed tunnel.

That'd be great. I mean, light speed is nothing, but you know, I think that's what they're calling it. Like the light speed tunnel or train. If I could safely get to LA in an hour and a half. That'd be awesome. That'd be amazing. Dude, that'd be great.

They better fix cars then because it shouldn't take me an hour and a half to drive here. Oh, I would just throw my car out. Ha, I would, I would. I don't know if they can, they can go that quick though. Like if you can tell me like I can get across the planet in like three hours, all for it. Yeah, I'd probably have to roll the dice at least once.

You got to go underground. I have a big camel toe right now. You wouldn't believe it. Can I see it? Dude, my God, your nuts look fat and shit. Thank you. I need to readjust. God damn, dude.

All right, you got, those are, those are good looking. Those are full balls. They're looking nuts. That's crazy, man. They're looking nuts. That's, it's always been my selling point. The winner, not so impressive. The nuts.

Clear eyes, full hearts, full balls. Full butts, butts. Full butts? I mean, you could fill a butt. You could fill a butt with what? Sailing. Oh, that's right. You got to do an enema if we get to a certain amount

of patrons, which is. I think it was 8,000. Which is a perfect segue, guys. Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. Every single episode that we do, weekly episode, you get a week in advance and you get an exclusive episode that nobody else sees except for other patrons every single Friday.

It's a fun time. And we're at over, as of recording today, we're at over 6,300. I think we said 7,000. Joe's doing an enema. Eight. We still got to do. Or maybe not.

I think it was seven or eight. I don't know. We still got to do the, the pocket chip challenge. Joey's mad at me because I bought the pocket chips without him knowing. So there's a good chance that by the time this episode comes out, the pocket chip challenge is out. So you're definitely going to want to check it out.

A lot of fun. Those episodes tend to get a little fucking wild. Yeah. We also got to do a, we're going to do a return to dirt wolves on there too. Oh wow. That's a good call. Yeah. We got to do that.

So we need to find dirt wolves. Yeah. Which you should be able to. I'll just go back to that. You should be able to find them. They're pretty easy. Ask Pete. This guy's got everything.

Big dick, a lot of beer. You got it all. What else can you ask for? So go ahead and check it out at patreon.com slash the basement yard as well. Also, if we get to 10,000, Joey said I could pee on his foot. That's true.

If that's something you guys want to watch. They do. Which people are real into foot stuff. People are real into Pee Pee stuff. So that's like a meeting. Clash of the tide. That's a clash of the tide, dude. 10,000 patrons, Frankie's going to piss on my foot.

Yeah. Well, you know, in the dark, do you want to see my wiener? In the dark. Yeah. What do you have glow in the dark piss? The way my body works? I might. Radioactive piss.

I really, really might. Yeah, no, I mean, I assumed. What else did we have on the docket for today? There was something else that we had that I wanted to talk about. No, we were talking about on the docket. The docket. The docket.

Like, it's like you never heard, like you never been to court. Obviously you haven't because you've never been arrested because you were not fucking. Oh, let me guess. You've been arrested? No. No, I haven't, but I have been to court.

Why? I was... Traffic ticket. No, no, no, no, no, no. You want to talk about parking tickets? I forgot to pay one that was in August. Drop this credit score, 80 points. 80 points.

Dude, 80 points. I don't actually know if that was the ticket. No, that's definitely that. That's definitely that. I hope. I just paid it. That's definitely that. Because I just got a ticket and I was like,

oh, because I go through the app and I pay like all my tickets. Dude. I don't really get tickets to be honest with you, but I ran a light because it was a camera and they got me. So I went to go pay it through the app and it'll tell you if you have any outstanding tickets,

you can just pay them on one shot. And I saw this ticket that was from fucking August. And like I paid my tickets. Like I'm on top of that shit. So August? That's wild. Missed it a bit. That's crazy.

And I just paid this like two weeks ago. Yeah, my credit score was fucked up because like two years ago, I wasn't able to make payments on... I consider myself quite lucky because I have student loans, but they're pennies compared to other people. It's just take, you know,

it puts you on a plan for like 10 years to pay them off or whatever. And the thing with student loans is one payment gets distributed to like eight loans. Sorry, I'm very passionate about this. It gets distributed to like eight loans. And I missed, I think like two months of payments. So it's like you missed like fucking 24 or whatever it is.

So my fucking credit went down. But also like fuck credit karma dog because my credit score went super up. And it was like reporting at one thing. And then it came in through like an official report at something else. I was pissed off, man. Beck and I were trying to buy a house and like fuck.

Credit's very stupid. Well, I agree. I didn't say that. I agree with myself. You agree with yourself. I agree with myself. I'm glad you do, because that's kind of how that works.

Yeah, but no, I went to court when I worked for Target. They needed me to go to court as a representative. So I just sat there. I just sat at the table in the courtroom and like didn't, you know, I didn't say a word. I just fucking sat there and watched this lawyer, this corporate lawyer chew this fucking guy's ass out. What did he do?

It was a, it was like a slip and fall case where the guy tried to argue that Target, it was like some fucking massive conspiracy that like Target was hiding this shit. And like the corporate lawyer just destroyed him, dude. I mean, destroyed him. I remember he was sitting in the, it was like the kid was like fresh out of law school

and he was sitting there and he was like, I'm telling you, Your Honor, I believe Target is hiding things. And the attorney was like, the judge was like, all right, this is shut down, case dismissed. This is nothing, gone. And this guy just got fucking gang banged by Target's corporate lawyers.

Sounds about right. I might get fired. I'm not a, I'm not a work for them. Get outta here, man. Fire me again. Sew him. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Take all he's got. But yeah, I've never been arrested. What's the closest you've been to being arrested? Probably like Halloween. You wanna hear a crazy story? Yes, sir. One Halloween. I don't know if you were there, but so our neighborhood

growing up, like we didn't live in like a bad neighborhood. If it was before 2010, I was there. No, but like this specific like moment in time. Okay, okay, okay. So like our neighborhood growing up, wasn't like a bad neighborhood, but it wasn't like perfectly safe or anything like that either.

And had it's thugs. Yeah. It's thugs. It's thugs, right? Spruff. But especially on Halloween, it was like, you know, there was a lot of fuckery going on. And this one Halloween, there was people like driving by

and either like, I think shooting out the windows or like just breaking windows of cars. And there was this guy who was an off duty police officer who was carrying his gun. And he saw a bunch of kids. Like I had gone home for dinner. And then when I came back to meet up with my friends, I walk up this certain block and I see all of my friends,

like on their knees, like execution style and this guy with a gun on his hip. I wasn't me. Yeah. And I was like, what the, and I literally saw that. And instead, and I little, this is my reaction, went right the opposite way. I was like, not going to help them.

You're dead. So I can't help you. But it ended up being that he thought that they were the ones breaking the fucking windows. So he like stopped them and like chased them with like a gun. And they got super scared. That wasn't me. I think that the time where we got chased the most was,

if you remember my cousin, Louie was like, hang on this on one Halloween. Did you remember, did J.G. Jeremo? Yeah. Dude, I love that guy, but he recorded a song for a girl and it was a fucking dog shit. Well, all right. And we were like going around, you know, normal kids stuff,

eggs, shaving cream. And instead of like, when he ran out of shaving cream, he like, instead of throwing an egg, he threw the can of shaving cream. And he hit a fucking passing car that was like driving through and like egging people. And it was like, we had a scatter. It was like, we had a run.

And I remember in particular, we were around like St. Francis. And it was like, the car was fucking like stopped and like everyone got out the car in the middle of an intersection and started chasing us and shit like that. I don't remember that, but it sounds about right. It was probably wild, dude.

Yeah, fucking, you better have your running shoes on on Halloween. Especially, and like, yo, they don't do that shit no more. Thank God though. They, I mean, to an extent, but like, fucking egging was fun back in the day. Yeah, but dangerous. But also like, we know it was a lot of fun too

when we would have snow storms. Those don't happen no more. When we would just, no, but like bad, like you'd go out and it was like fetus snow. Do you remember when we would go down to the dumps? It's not like you said fetus snow. Fetus snow. A foot of snow.

Fetus snow. Like multiple feet. Oh, well you're saying fetus. Fetus snow. That's disgusting. So fetus snow. When they would put all the snow down by the dumps and it was just like a fucking like 12 foot tall,

just like, just agro-crag of snow. Yeah, whoa, good reference, right? Yeah. We need to get on a show and we can show the world our physical ability. Yeah, cause we have a ton. Ish. We have so much.

We're getting old. Getting old. We are getting old. Get that show out now before I turn 30. Dude, I'm telling you, Floor is lava. That's the show for us though. Why do you keep pushing this? Because we would win.

And we would win like $10,000 that you'll give to me. Can you imagine, just imagine this for a second. And this is gonna be a dream of mine. I'm gonna put it out there, let's manifest. If me and you were like competing as a team on any show, how much of a fucking disaster that would be? We would not be fun. Yeah, it's like, oh, it's okay.

We'd be like, yo, you're a fucking idiot. Dude, I'd say this all the time when people that go on like Family Feud where they're like, oh, good answer, good answer. I'd be like, yo, you fucking stupid bitch. There's nothing about that that was good. Dude, you know what? I remember as a kid.

Just throw my hands up. Oh my God. Yeah, I remember as a kid watching Legends of the Hidden Temple and the kids would be like in the thing at the end where they had to go through and get the pieces of the Oracle or whatever it's called. And they'd be like, come on, you got it. Oh, he got caught.

I would, like you'd bleep that show out if I was on that son of a bitch. They would have to take me off. I would not be happy. I'd be escorted out. I would be fucking pissed. Yeah. You know, same thing with like Double Dare.

Yeah, Double Dare all fuck some stuff up. That's what I'm saying. That'd be fun. That's what I'm saying. Anyway, I think that's all for this week's episode. Damn it. God, to fucking dare. Every single week, I have so much fun with you

and then you just want to cut it short to see me fail. That's not what it is. My failure is your failure at this point. Well, I wouldn't say that. Anyway, Frank, where are you now? FAlvore is 8085 on Twitter and on Twitch and then the Frank Alvore's on Instagram and something that was announced that I really

want to make sure I get out there and let the people know is that your boy right here is joining the movie Trivia Shmo Down, baby. Yes. All that useless movie knowledge that everyone said that I had, guess what? I'm going to use it to start fucking whooping ass. Yeah.

All right, if you guys don't know what it is, it's like Movie Trivia and WWE meshed into one. It's fucking awesome. Queen's native, Christian Harloff, him and his buddies made it out there in LA and it's fucking great. Go check it out. I'm super, super pumped to be a part of it.

You can go check it out at YouTube, Movie Trivia, Shmo Down or their website. I'm telling you now. I'm going to start whooping ass. I hope I don't suck. But also I'm going to start whooping ass and then I'm going to pay for us to go out to a nice restaurant.

Yeah. That's it. All I could afford. No after party. It's fucking awesome. It's a lot of fun. I've wasted, it's not a waste I guess since I'm going to be competing now

but I've watched hours and hundreds of hours of content so go check it out. Yes, that is awesome. I can't wait to watch you come bait. No, but Frankie seriously, like I feel like he knows everything about this shit. So I told him, I'm like, you're born for this. Oh yeah.

This is what you're going to do. I'm going to fucking scream. Yeah. I can't curse on there though. Oh, bro. Might be hard, bro. It's going to be hard. You know what?

Maybe my character, I'll be a tough guy. You can follow the show at the Basement Yard on Instagram and TikTok. Go check out our TikTok, blowing up as usual on there. Kids love TikTok and the kids love Basement Yard. Oh yeah. Kind of.

I've always been a fan of kids. Almost got out of here without that. Josh, just give me a favor. But yeah, you can go follow the show at the Basement Yard on everything and go fucking follow me at Joe Sanagato and our Patreon, patreon.com slash the Basement Yard. Thank you for all the support

and we appreciate you guys. Yeah. See you next time. Bye.