The Basement Yard - #283 - Becoming A Sugar Baby

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

Joe explains how he ended up accidentally being a "sugar baby" to this foot loving man. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stop Welcome back to the paper and a fuck Welcome back to the basement yard I just want to remind everyone pay the price is up on Kickstarter right now We are close to a hundred thousand dollars today by the time this comes out We may have hit a hundred thousand dollars and raise we appreciate all of you can go to Kickstarter dot pay the price game Dot com to pre-order yours or just go search it on Kickstarter Thank you to everyone who has supported it so far, but yeah, definitely go check out

You can also go to I'm a fucking lumberjack fuck me twice dot com to see pictures of him naked What the fuck are you wearing? What is a nice jacket that is I had a photo it's fur lined. It's fur lined. Yeah Joey you're not helping your cause here Your cause I well I didn't change my shirt. Yeah You look like you've retired and you were a cop who hated minorities first of all You can't I I live in Hawaiian shirts, baby Second of all to Yankee Hawaiian shirt super fire

Third of all, yeah, don't don't wear that you know not to wear that I had a photo shoot and that's what you wore Yeah, why well because there was what was the photo shoot for a fucking Got him bang bang boom. What was it? It was it was for a seltzer No way. No, I was no listen because I posted on my story about how sell sir. I'm not getting there fucking great I'm not getting paid. Yeah, they're the best but how's makes a seltzer. They're a New York based seltzer brand and They they're doing this like Thing they have called like New York made or something. It's about people who are from New York doing something I don't know but so they wanted to shoot me with a seltzer

So I was doing it and they were like, oh, where can we meet you and I was like, oh, there's like a park over here Yeah, a big park to we go there just to meet up and like whatever you guys want to do so ended up being these two dudes and and while I was waiting I Was just standing in the park and a guy walks into the park and just walks over to a tree and takes a fat Hot piss New York City, baby. New York City takes a fat hot piss and I miss this place I can hear the piss hitting their leaves and I can also hear the snow melting. Let's be honest P looks more like enjoyable when you see the steam coming from it

You don't realize that's some hot stuff. It is hot piss. My one of my favorite things to do is pee in the winter outside What like it in the woods You just like peeing in the woods peeing in the woods in the winter when you just see the steam coming up It's like that's a good old. That's a good old wet warm stream, baby You said that's one of your favorite things. It's a fun. It's a fun thing to do What else is on this list hang with my daughter and wife and family right up there with hot piss There's a list of things that are you know on there hang hang with my daughter hang with my wife go piss in the woods You know not a 1a 1b, but I do live in the woods area now. No, no, I don't see would you piss in your backyard? Oh, yeah

I would I need a new fence I'm not gonna just like if I piss in my backyard now people will see I need a fence gotcha You know once I got a fence. I'll be fucking letting it rip back there. Oh dog when you come over and we're drinking on the deck We're going in that backyard and we're pissing everywhere I'm letting you know real quick wrong with you. What it's good fertilizer, isn't it? I think that's poop, and I'm not shitting on your fat on your foot. Well, I'm not gonna show on your fence either But I should say where would you shit in your toilet? Yeah, that makes that makes sense. How many bathrooms you got three? Oh, man, I'm gonna fucking set it all three full ones. Whoa. Yeah, baby

You sleeping over that cop pension is really yeah I Boy yeah boy beating beating them up Look at you these good old these nice shirts Jesus But anyway, I missed you. Okay, you never say it back. Do you ever you guys by the way? I saw you By the way, this is not a character Joey is very bad with like emotions So I can be like yo every time I see him. I'm like, yo, I love you at the end. He's like Alright, bye. Well, I don't hesitate. I just they see it. Yeah, and then like I'd be like, yo, I miss you

You'd be like cool. Yeah, that's like that's what you would do. You'll never be like, yo, I fucking miss you, too I didn't though I can that hurts more. How does that hurt because like miss me? I but I just saw you it doesn't matter when you saw me. It's not that I'm not with you all the time I So the second you leave I should miss you already. Yes. What the hell? Yeah, yeah, you should you son of a bitch second I leave my wife and family and I tell you like yo I fucking miss you. You've never done that, but That's not true. No, I've definitely told you that no, no

I just have one of you. What have you done that when you were away at college? You were in Connecticut doing God knows what you live next to a dildo shop. I did live close to a dildo shop Yeah, yeah, but they haven't seen a long time. Hey, man. I miss you. Yeah, all right All my time in college five and a half years in college Joey came to see me twice Mmm true. Yeah, and when was the first year? What was last year? Well, you got it, you know the book ends Oh three times actually It was a good time. They were fun times good times But you know we had a good time

But yeah, you never like the second I leave Becca and my and Miles and Ruby. I miss them I miss them. I can't wait to see him again. Your wife and your newborn baby. Yeah But us I consider you part of the family. That's not the point the point Absolutely is the point let me get to it My life would be better if we were together all the time. Oh God, so that sounds like a nightmare. No, what? Why is it a nightmare together together all the time? Together together morning to noon and then the rest

to The rest of the day also morning to noon just the whole day 24-7 all the time sleeping your bed, please I got a king. That's true. I could fit and they wouldn't even know yeah I'll sleep at your feet. Oh Come on. Why are you just making noises? I don't know. You're scaring me. I'm a little nervous I don't know if you're gonna say that you missed me. This is gonna be hard for me if you don't Mom's the last time I saw you six days ago. Uh, Yeah, yeah

Do you think it's alarming if I don't miss you in that amount of time seven days But our entire lives we've been conditioned to go long periods of time without each other That's fair We didn't go to school together since fifth grade right, but we did see each other like and I wouldn't see you every single summer too Summers I was gone, but like from fucking like September until June We saw each other. I would say of the seven days of the week. I would say at least four and a half Yeah, at least and we would if we weren't seeing each other we were playing video games together So we we were in each other's lives. Mm-hmm. You know, yeah, so miss me

I miss you All right, where do we go from here? We just end it. I mean we could kiss I don't think a cop buddy's like that. Why am I a cop? I don't know. I'm just running with it now I'd be cool with a kiss I know Just like a little tap like nothing crazy. I'm not they would be cool. I I'm not gonna kiss you 30,000 patrons Way before that. Okay, I'd slam you 85 shut up. No, no, but too early

Too early Selling this smooth short. All right. All right. All right. All right 13,000 patrons shut up 13,000 fine 13,000 patrons. What a weird thing. We'll kiss each other and then have a whole episode reviewing our kisses Kisses multiple kiss We can spend the afternoon Just kissing the fuck is happening right now. This is a weekly, right? Yep. Becca's gonna watch this. I have a lot of questions You really want to kiss it? Okay. When we when her I first started dating she was like She said to me she was like you enjoy it really close. I'm like, yeah, she's like

Yeah, really close. I'm like, yeah, she's like, do you think people ever wonder if you're gay? And I was like, maybe What like us as a thing? Yeah. Oh, I'm not your type Where does my dad? Uh, not me. You'd be more into I would say like a Pete like a really pretty my cousin. Yeah, you'd be into your cousin I know. Well with a shirt like that You're absolutely fucking your cousin I was waiting for that. Uh, yeah, no, uh, no, I don't know. He's pretty Hey, I'm what? Pete's pretty. He's not pretty. He's pretty. He's not pretty. He he does his eyes

No, he doesn't he does like a smoky eye every now and then. Oh, he squints his eyes. No, but like he doesn't do his eyebrows I think he does. No, like Dylan's pretty. Yeah, he's very pretty. Yeah, and he's not my type. He's Ode to Ellen Yeah, yeah, I think you yeah Dylan would be more your type. I would say I don't know. I haven't I haven't really thought about my my my ideal man in a long time. All right, so close your eyes I'm just gonna say why'd you open up? I don't know. Go ahead. All right, so let's go from the top down Let's talk hair. Mm-hmm hair. Do you want something shaved? You want tapered? Do you want to fade? I like I'd like a man that has like a good head of hair But but like randomly he'll shave it bald and still look good. Oh like me

Um, so like let's move down like what are we talking like eyebrows facial hair and nose You want a powerful nose? You want a skinny nose? You want to I don't know Well, we're trying to figure it out. I know. I just I don't know. I don't know. You're putting me on a spot I am putting you on the spot. I don't want to create my dream man right now We'll do that another time another time. I'll be exclusively on the patreon Which you can check out at patreon.com slash the basement yard where we are approaching 8 000 patrons And guess what we might have hit it by the time we get here and at 8 000 joey's doing an enema You get every single weekly episode a week in advance

You see before everybody else does so when you go on youtube and you say hey comment from six days ago Where did that come from that's where it came from? Also, you get exclusive content that nobody else gets to see except for our lovely lovely lovely lovely patrons So make sure you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard sign up today if you can gift to someone It's a great gift and yeah, you should do radio. I fucking should yeah, you crush that. Can you fucking get me an agent? Can you pull that thing down? Can I get you an agent? Yeah, you're gonna have to take that off frank. Yep But no, I can't get you an agent. I'm sorry about that. I have one because I haven't talked to my own agent in months

Why I don't know. I just okay too much too much too much. You're good. I haven't talked to him in months I don't know why but you know You could be getting like gigs out the age. Oh, I don't really want gigs. Why not? I think I'm you know having fun doing what I'm doing and you'll never stop it, right? Yeah ever ever Also, you know, I have it's because like I'm comfortable doing what I'm doing now But also I have a supplemental income now. I'm a sugar baby You're a sugar baby. Yeah, there's a guy who is just sending me money on venmo Because he I'm his foot master. Oh

Yeah, are you playing into this? Um, I am an ammant at the same time. Not that's not it I know I am but I'm not because I I I you know, I know what's happening here. Yeah. Yeah, he's into a fin dumb, which is which is financial domination Uh, he he likes it when someone takes his money and just like, you know, and I he wants me Wait, wait, wait, wait, he would prefer it if I thought of him as perfect All right, I'm gonna start throwing out numbers. Just give me ups or downs and tell me how much money you've gotten so far Oh, it's okay. It's not like insane 30. Oh, yeah. Hi. Yeah 40. Yeah, hire 100 well, I think it's around that so far. So he sent me like $500 you didn't have before

I I know now you're a million and a hundred air, but I'm I'm uh, I I'm a foot. I'm a master. He says he says he calls me your highness But what do you give him? I don't really talk to him. Well, I mean you're giving him this He's gonna fucking crank it to this right now. He's not he's gonna know that I know and he knows I don't know No, but he sent me a message. Yeah, I'm just gonna pull up like that do it do it do it Um, you know, that's weird because I've been getting friend requests on my venmo Ever since this happened to you

Yeah, which why out of all the places the friend requests me. I don't know but I had gotten a um A message and I made like a little video about this on on instagram, but I go into detail now Uh, he's it was from foot. Oh, he changed his name to foot sniffer. Ah, because it was foot f word Foot fucker. No with that f a g word. Oh, that's not nice. Yeah, but I mean, he's a he's a gay man Oh, so I guess hey good for you taking that name back, you know reclaiming it Well, no, I think that he enjoys like the demeaning He wants to be called pathetic and like to each their own. That's what I'm saying. Don't call other people that name That's right. Um, so he sent 20 dollars and he wrote is this the joe sanagato and I was like

I can't say yes because then I'm playing into this But I did like it So you confirmed it, right? This guy knows now and then he wrote And then he said can I send you more money, please and I didn't respond And then he sent 10 dollars again. He said I sent you a dm on instagram under the name. I'm not gonna say just to I don't know what he you know, if you whatever and he's like, I would just like to know Uh, this is who I hope it is before sending large amounts of money on a regular basis knows it now Yeah, this is a good way to fucking confirm it

Well, I I'm gonna donate the money if it comes in and then he sent me a random one because I didn't respond to him at all Donate the money to me Put it in my daughter's fucking college Okay Okay, and then he sent a random one and it just had tribute and it was 50 bucks So This guy. Oh my god. He sent another one. What? I didn't see this one. Uh-oh

He sent another one and it was 30 dollars and he said you got some nice big nice perfect big manly sweaty smelly cheesy looking feet Your highness Oh cheesy. He knows. Yeah, you got cheesy looking feet. It's true. Yeah, dude. He is Good for him. I mean, this is a man that knows what he wants is getting after that's what we call a go-getter baby I have gotten you know comments and messages from him to on uh, instagram And he like is interested in being called pathetic and stuff. I can't I can't I can't I mean, yeah, you can't yet I'm not in the nono. If it gets there. We got bigger problem. I'll tell you what if he was bill gates I'm leaning fully into it. You're jumping in baby head feet first. You want to start sending me 30 thousand dollars

I'll fucking I'll send you a bottle of spit dude there was a um Uh, I was just talking with Becca about this there bell defend or something like that bell delphin She um dolphin Look her up, but apparently she made a million dollars selling her bath water her used bath water On fucking some website. So like dude, there's money to be made out there Oh, dude, I've seen videos of guys buying underwear off the internet of like. Oh, this is like from a 19 year old

I this is a real thing. You're getting close. No, I know you're getting real close It's a real video and I actually saw it because it was on times to girls podcast. Pull it up. I'm gonna you know what? I got it. I got it Give me the thing This is you're not gonna believe this. I I hope I do. No, you're not gonna believe it. Okay because so The guy actually I don't even know how I'm gonna find it Careful what you're gonna google in order to find it. I'll say this I got a cameo

at cameo.com slash d frank albert. I got a cameo and it was Someone was like, hey man. Haha. Let's see your feet. So I like jokingly. It was like play that let it play No, no, no, let it play Frankie stop Frankie was googling ASMR of like guys jizzing or something. Yep I was like Jokingly I was drunk on like a Christmas night or like a couple nights before Christmas and I was like fuck it Let's do it I like jokingly was like here my feet here my feet and like it was like that was it And it was like, all right, you know, I joked around I played with it

I got another one like two weeks later like all right now I need to see one whole minute of just your souls and I was like, okay, this is getting too much Wait, what? Oh, oh, I was saying inner soul. Oh, well that I could show in a minute But like your soul of your feet. Yeah, and that's when I like I started to feel bad Like I I feel bad like I wouldn't want to take money from someone like yo look like I don't have nice feet. You know what I mean? It's like I appreciate you That's very kind of you to want my feet, but I'm not gonna do that. I also feel weird like I don't want to feel like I'm like I I don't mean to come off as being derogatory

I know there are people that you know are in sex work or or modeling that it requires Or that they choose to fucking be new to something like that but like At the same time, I don't know if I'm there yet. I don't know if I'm comfortable with myself to be there yet, you know I actually just realized that I can't pull it up because I won't have the audio Because I didn't hook it up to my So that should be that should be through the HDMI. It won't it won't are you sure record on this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's fine, but just take my word for it the guy

Can you just look up the bell defend thing I was telling you about or you don't care? No, I don't care I'll just take your word for it. I believe you that it happened. Um, but the uh The guy uh said that the girl had a His words dark pussy And that he made he paid four dollars extra for her to like work out in these underwears And then like smell them and he was like really into shit Hey, man I go for it. I guess. Yeah, it was a thing and I just wasn't you know, and I get it like I get like I get

You know people being into that stuff. I just can't lean into it. I feel like I'm taking advantage of people I I agree. I'm with you there like that's the point. They want to find people who are like willing to take advantage of them Yeah, and I look I I feel bad taking like like I feel bad when like you buy me lunch You know what I mean? I'm not gonna have someone fucking send me money to be like you're a fucking little worthless pig piece of shit Good god, I would be good at that. I would be very very good at that. Yeah, I guess so wait So are you gonna we're good? So now this guy knows that he knows that you know that he knows that you know It's a vicious cycle and now that the cat's out of the bag. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I will say this I

Eventually if he was like really getting that like getting after it was like, you know, I'm gonna keep saying I'd be like dude stop Please donate the money, please or yeah, just like no. Yeah, like yo you like let st. Jude's take advantage of you There's that's dirty money there. You're giving dirty money to kids with cancer. That's fucked up It's not dirty money. This guy's sending you fucking it's not blood money. It's foot money. It's not blood money You are you are correct. It's like foot money foot money is a weird word Foot money. Can you grab things with your feet? Hell yeah, like like the other day I swung a t-shirt with my foot in the air and caught it. I do that all the time. I do that all the time Can you write your name with your foot?

What do you think I'm an elephant? No, because they can't do that either. Well, they do it with their trunk. Yeah So why would that be the same? It was the first animal that came to mind and it was wrong. It was try it right now There's the whiteboard underneath you in the marker See if you can do it No, that's too big. I need a pencil. You could put that in between your toes I'm not very my toes aren't very flexible Frank. Let me see your toes. I'm trying to trying to get you some money on this Maybe you're the guy trying to

Trust me when I say I have better things to spend money on Okay, for instance a couple of megazords that I found What is a megazord? It is a collection of zords that come together to form a megazord It's one zord. Do you fight them against each other? No, they're just there to look cool So you just do you don't ever like play? No One day I'll let Miles play with him and maybe my daughter Ruby But like right now he's in the phase of playing with things where it's like And then like throw it. Yeah, you know like one day he'll get to the place where it's like use the arms

You know and then I'll let him play with it before right now. He ain't touching them Question go ahead Your favorite collectible item that you have right now um I would say it's the uh mighty morpher power ranger megazord What would you do? If your daughter Four or five years old. Yeah grabs this thing and absolutely spikes it into the ground multiple times and and just crushes it

well Someone's getting punished. She's getting punished and then mommy's getting me a brand fucking new I Was thinking about this the other day because um You know like we have like nieces and nephews that come over and stuff like that and in the basement I have all my collectibles and I was thinking in my head like I should put these away for when the kids come because they're Going to see it. They're going to rip like want to play with it. Understandable. These are fucking cool looking things You know, right? I got a whole

Walker and at at nice from fucking 1990 or whatever and like how big is it? That's fucking huge. It's huge It's huge and like the kids are going to want to play with it And I was thinking like what if like a niece or nephew come over and like ruin it like break it or something I would be the one to be like, you know, like parents would be like, I'll get you a new one. I'm so sorry. I'd be like, okay Buy me the new one How much is it? I feel bad. Oh that walker. I think the walker. I was like 229 230 There's one dollar difference

But like there there's some collectibles out there, joe that you wouldn't even fucking believe dude. Oh, I believe you wouldn't believe There's fucking Pokemon cards going for a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah, that's a little insane. I hate I've officially stepped into hating the pokemon community now. Why because they fucking ruined it People like normal like fucking people like me can't get pokemon cards now because they're so expensive I would dude. I remember two years ago two years ago I went to a store and they had a first generation fucking mutu Uh blastoise and venusaur in holographic and the guy was like, I was like, what do you want for all three? He goes, oh three 25

I was like, all right. I'll save the money. This is before someone decided that they wanted to pay me And I'll go back Guess what they were fucking worth at least like triple that each And it's like god fucking damn it Like why did like logan paul jake paul whichever one was the one that started opening these cards logan paul god man Ruined it for all of us. Yeah, I guess really upsetting really frustrating but Doesn't like I think he's opening up like a million dollar box of pokemon cards or something dude

I keep telling you And by keep telling you this is the very first time I've told you right by the gen dude You can get the gen one booster box for like 40 grand Listen, I know. I know. I know. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. You have a bmw. You don't need that Buy this card box And you'll fucking thank me later You'll thank me later. You're gonna make your money back $40,000

and what's in it Pokemon cards, right? But like what's in it? It could be anything you don't know Is there at least like is there like a couple holographics? Think about it like you're almost guaranteed to get your money back You're almost guaranteed to get a holographic charizard, which alone is worth like a hundred thousand dollars No, that's not true. It's worth like 20,000. How much month if you had 320 out 20 320 thousand dollars in the bank you would spend 40 of that on the Yes, yes, I would yeah I'll tell you exactly what it is right now

If you ever get, you know, my birthday's coming up, you know, oh, yeah, I'll talk. Yeah, I'm gonna get this kid a fucking If you ever feel it fucking super generous or if anyone out there is ever feeling like they want to like put like together a kickstarter for me Or or if like, you know If your feet really, you know, take off in the industry and you're making 40 grand a month from that Oh, man, that would be great First edition pokemon cards All right, baby. This is insane to me, but it's kind of like I guess it's like art It's like it's worth what people are willing to pay for it

Yeah, we've we've talked about this we've talked about this before a booster box right now Right now just two just two packs with eight cards in them right now are going for 600 dollars What were two cards in them? They have like I think they have eight cards in them What the fuck fossil first edition booster box 20 000 dollars If you're ever I have a dream of there being a time Where like on christmas I can like give out to like my closest friends

like, uh Rolexes or something I'll tell you I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you right now. I already know don't do the Rolex for me Okay, I know I know that you just want like a holographic. Don't listen. That would be awesome. Fuck a venus or okay Now this one is tough sealed 1999 first edition box sells for 198 000 Okay, that's a little bit a lot. It's a little more you just get a Ferrari No, I don't need a Ferrari. You need this would be guarded by fucking armed guards Like people would I would kill someone over this

Dude, that's that's crazy. Yeah, it's nuts, right? First edition box sells for 408 000 dollars See like fuck these rich people that have this shit. I want it I'm not going to sell it because there are people out there that are getting them and then selling them back to make money I'm not going to do that. Listen pokemon community Anyone out there if you have cards and you want and you don't care about selling them You want to give them to someone that will keep them forever? So wait, if I bought you a 40 000 dollar box of pokemon cards, you would never sell them ever Listen to me

But what's the point of the value then forget the value because they go I mean because it's just you have a piece of history in your hands You have something that everyone else wants Is this like your ultimate dream? I would say so You want a first edition first? I would say but I would like I'd get it and then I'd be a nervous wreck I'd like I'd have to like a safe fucking safe. I'd have to buy a whole new house Spare house To just fucking put more shit in there, but yeah, I would never like that's the thing. It's legitimately. I would never sell it ever all the collectibles I currently have

My kids are gonna have to start making space because they're fucking taking them. Yeah, and then their kids are taking them I will like haunt kids If they fucking sold my shit I just blacked out and woke up. Yeah, I don't know what we're talking about. Yeah, we're talking about pokemon apparently Yeah also yugioh Those are not as expensive yet, but like the the the starter packs from when we were kids That was my sheet pegasus joey kaiba pegasus. You remember pegasus the tune deck. No, oh, yeah

Those are only going for like 500 a piece. That's still a lot I mean, it's a it's a market. I actually was talking to someone the other day about um There's this like app or something and it's about like sports They make like trading cards basically but they're digital and they're like moments So you can buy like a card that they make And let's say they make like 14,000 of them and there's like a serial number So the closer you get to one the more valuable it is and people like trade these cards, but it's all like It's all like not real. Yeah, it's not like an actual it's like bitcoin

Uh, it's not physical bitcoin. It's not physical. Yeah, but it's not like that. It's more so just like it's like art in a way of like This Thing is worth whatever people are willing to pay for it It doesn't necessarily have value because of like the things that it's made out of It's what people are willing to pay for it. Yeah, like this is Cheap plastic and like whatever but it's an old vintage whatever So it has some sort of value people will pay more for it because of that Like it's sort of the same deal, but it's it's just weird like it could be anything to me

Then it does like the item doesn't matter in my eyes. It's like if you're willing to pay for this thing Because you think that it'll have more value like it's just like hard to explain But I just don't I get it. I get it and again, it's how do you dictate that? It there there really is no no way of dictating that I think it's again. It's just it's like the herd Fucking like the herd will pay for it. So it's like it's gonna go up in price You know what I mean? You think a fucking Vincent van Gogh was really like great Well, yeah, yeah I feel like that's what I'm saying like it's just like through time people were just like it's better

And then it's better and then it's better and then it's better better better better better until it reached to where it is now Like think about like dude. I see this now with some of this stuff. I'm looking at now I'm like, yo, it's only like 25 30 years old imagine where it's going to be in another 25 or 30 years Yeah, like it's not getting more expensive. I mean it's not getting cheaper and I don't plan like I know like the people out there that will Eventually sell it Maybe one day in fucking 40 years my life is completely turned upside down and I have to sell this shit You know what I mean? It's like it's literally anything that you can think of right now For the most part

Like collectible wise is just getting more expensive because they don't make them anymore small soldiers Dude, that was a good movie a great movie first movie to make me cry kirsten dunce. Yeah, why'd you cry? Oh, yeah, well never mind come on spoiler. Yeah, uh, they all go down. Well, they don't die well They go back to uh Galgamesh nope Argon no, that's a Color, isn't it? That's not a color. That's a gas gorgon gorgon. That's where it is. Gorgonites. Yeah, the gorgonites from gorgon

Uh, like they they made them and then they didn't So they're worth a lot. Exactly You know, I saw like a box like a complete set of like all the boxes for like $7,500 or some shit like that Maybe I'm going a little overboard But like they don't make this stuff anymore. You're gonna run out of room. I'm gonna run out of money first I'm gonna run out of money first. I'm gonna run out of money first. Yeah. Yeah. I mean with that being said Let's make some money. Let's make some of it. Let's make some money Let's do these ads real quick make some money that I'll never see the friends of the show the friends of the show

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Fucking go check them out. Show them love. All right, the ad reads are only getting better guys if you're watching. I swear Yeah, and it was fucking it was it was it's nice to drink water out of a can you don't often do that I've never done that. Yeah, I don't think I have either first time for everything, baby you know one time uh in my middle school they had these cans that you could buy from the um Defending machines and they made like apple juice or grape juice or whatever And one time I drank the the apple juice out of it and then I filled it with chocolate milk And then I pretended to open it and I was like, uh, you know what? I don't really want this

Do you want it to someone? And he took a sip expecting apple juice and he got chocolate milk yikes Bomb it is really yeah at lunch dude I I you were expecting something else and you get chocolate milk in college. I put uh laxatives in my buddy's milk And I was told like the cops were like involved they were like this could be a cry I was gonna say it sounds legal. It's it apparently tampering with food is like fucking illegal Yeah, you can't piss in well. I'm not this clam chowder. I'm not pissing in New England clam chowder I'm just dropping a little fucking laxative in it. Did he poop his brains? Oh, he was in there and we put a lot of laxative in there

Let me tell you like liquid laxative. You know, it was like it was a white pill It was so we like crushed it up like cocaine. No and we put that into milk And he went he went on big time poopies. Did you did you ever take a laxative? Uh, I I've gotten two colonoscopies. So yeah, I had two. Oh, yeah, that's a good time. No, are you awake during a colonoscopy? No, they put you to sleep. All right, they put you to sleep I've never been put under Anesthesia ever no, it's fucking crazy. It's a cool. It's crazy. I mean I define cool It's you wake up it from a colonoscopy like oh man. I'm sore

No, you wake up like you like there's like a wind tunnel in your asshole They tell you like you fart hard dude hard It's not like you know how you joke around and go You fart like all of the air on the planet is coming from you that is so I I honestly want to get one now Oh, well, yeah, you should it's good for your health. I'm I I'm gonna start getting them like when I'm 30 Well, please let me drive you because you need someone to drive you to and from because you why do you want to drive me? So I could set it off so I can see how you are because you wake up groggy you wake up like And they have to pump air in your asshole in order to get a better look inside

So you're just filled with air Do you wake up like with that pain like a gas pan? Not a pain But it's like you wake up with like rumbly tumbleys, you know, like yeah I gotta be honest. I love that. Do you I do I hate it I love it like when I know like when my stomach's like when I'm bloated. I'm like filled with air. I'm like I'm gonna fucking set it off dude like Going under is

Weird you've never experienced it. So you won't know but they're like 10 9 and then you're out, right? I mean, yeah, some places do that other places to be like, yo, you're gonna start feeling tired like don't fight it You know and then you're out and then you it's like you're you close your eyes and you wake back up again And it could be fucking hours later That's kind of cool. It's kind of fucking weird, dude. It's weird because like You're just waking up, you know what I mean? It feels like you're gone for a second It's also weird knowing that they're just kind of digging around in your back purse. They're They're going they're fucking they're they're they're sanshruing their way through your asshole. Yeah, they're digging they're digging in there

I saw pictures and I was like they have to fill your butt up with like a balloon like air They pump like two things in your butthole. So like make your butthole right now Good smart. I thought you were gonna go bigger. No, I wasn't give me your hand. Give me your hand Give me your butthole hand. So they go two in they go one's a camera. The other's air. I think they do the air first So they just like You're asleep for this. Yeah, you're asleep for the whole thing. I mean there are people that do it when they're awake, but Saviors, yeah And then the other one they like put a camera in there and they're like fucking like walley in there

Like they're like looking around like oh, what's this? Is this a polyp? Let me cut it and take it Oh, so they'll take the polyps out. Oh, yeah, if they need to nice test them like I had a polyp tested everything's good Nice, but we need to get your butthole checked. Yeah, you should yeah, you should Boy seeing you under anesthesia would be weird I would just be out. No, but then you wake up and you're a little like fucking like Like oh, I'm having I can see like Han Solo when he's like, uh, no gets out of the carbonite. You can see um Definitely, but are you like like those people that are like it's like you were waking up and like you're just like

Like hung over like you're still half asleep. No, I'm not hung over. I don't know over any something different Well, I'm just looking forward to this big monstrous fart dude. It's it's kind of crazy like it's just like No, it's like No It's not fun like It's like it's wild You won't like you wouldn't realize it. I've seen videos of people being like oh, they said I can't leave unless I fart And then they fart and I'm like this is like eight seconds dude. It's my dream post my dream to fart

I'm gonna look it up post colonoscopy fart. Oh my god Can we get you go put on the computer on the tv on the p on the tv Give me the good no, no, no, no. I'm gonna I'm gonna do it here post colonoscopy fart Yes, it's a popular thing This one's called The simple things farting after a colonoscopy. Okay This was posted seven years ago. Here we go. Okay

Oh Come on, where's the fart? I fast forwarded a little bit Oh my goodness He's not having fun Dude, he rolls over like this Like he thought he didn't know it was coming Good

I'm waiting Oh He was not kidding. We had to fart. Holy shit. All right. No more farts. Holy shit Dude, that's a long fart. Did you fart that long or were yours just powerful? I don't remember I don't remember one more one more fart one more fart Oh It's bad No, yeah, that was yeah, so I mean I'm looking forward to that. I would love to get it's not

It seems a lot more fun than it actually is. No, I don't think it's fun I also I also know the day before like prepping is like hell miserable Absolutely miserable. Yo, you will never experience liquid leaving your body quite like Having a fucking like medical grade laxative I remember yo, I remember the first time I took it I was like They were like, all right, yo like be close to the bathroom and I was like, all right, like I'll I'll be close I was living in this like a small apartment at the time

and I did it and I felt like just like like after like the first like two hours I was like, all right, like nothing crazy going on here. It's a little rumbly tumbleys and it's like Go go go go now And it's just like you're fucking spit like yo, you're like spitting out of your butt like Like Everything at once is coming out at the exact same time. It was fucking insane That's awesome. No, no, it's not cool. I don't enjoy that. That was not fun the farts though, dude

You'd be pumped with those farts so fucking pumped. I told you when I get diarrhea. I'm kind of like my farts are gonna be tough later Really? Yeah Sometimes I'll fart But it feels like I'm farting inside myself Yeah The fuck was that like one of those farts like no, but like, you know like a fart it happens like at the at the at the exit At the at the hold the where the hole is. Yeah, sometimes I'll fart but the sound sounds like it's coming from within Really? Yeah, like it's like a little a little couple in there

I don't think you have gone to the doctor enough to realize you have a lot of bowel issues I don't have a lot of bowel issues. I used to when I was younger But that was probably because I'm lactose intolerant and I was crushing milk. Yeah, dude I used to get home from the park and just chug milk out of the gallon. What's wrong with you? I'm an idiot You sick fuck. Yeah, you could say that again. That was your whole family that would drink out of that Also ice cream used to crush that. Yeah ice cream And ice cream ice cream is great ice cream milk like grilled cheese

Just fucking setting grilled cheese fire in my ass tomato bacon and hot sauce Okay Putting tomatoes on a grilled cheese is just how is it stupid? It's another fucking layer of taste joey Tomatoes aren't like very flavorful. Yes, they are Fucking a sweet jersey roma tomato. You stupid idiot Jersey, you know that's good It's apparently a sweet tomato a sweet tomato joey. You mean grapes. No, they're sweet This kid has no fucking sense. Have you ever made a pot of sauce?

Have I ever made a pot? Have you ever made a pot of sauce? Like no, I'm not fucking, you know, 60 and Italian. Neither am I. I know But I made sauce. I know you made a roux once too, and I haven't heard the end of that I've made a roux a bunch of times you son of a bitch. You're right. Exactly. Don't you ever disrespect my roux? Frankie learned the the the term roux and he was like I can make a roux and he just wanted people to go What's that? He's like, oh my god That's what you want to do. You know, God fucking forbid I'm fucking

Fuck you. I try to fucking cook for you and be a good friend When? The time that I fucking you know, I just wanted to fucking show off to my friend Son of a bitch Here's a roux. Yeah You've never made a roux in your whole life. Have you you sick fuck? I don't even know what a roux is exactly. So what is a roux? Well, what no, not what's in it. What is it a sauce? It's just like a way of thickening up stuff like thickening up like you start sauces or or fucking

You know soups with roux Why do they call them kangaroos? It's a french word That wasn't a spit that was not That was a spit. I just spit everywhere It's because I slant all that water. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, I got pp already A bp on a bp gotta go big pps. Yeah speaking of yeah, I don't know why this is reminding me of it Did you watch the britney spears documentary?

How are you making a connection of britney spears and piss Oh, well, she was pretty pissed at what the media was doing to her. That's a good. That's good. Damn, right? Yeah, no the britney spears documentary was a little crazy It was And I I'll I'll be the first to apologize. I was also on that train. I don't even know if I was I think that when I saw Like britney losing your mind. Well, I think that you're not supposed to say that But like I think when like she was like shaving her head and shit I was I kind of just saw that and I was just kind of like

You definitely didn't do that joey 2007 joey was not like sometimes you're gonna shave your head. You were probably like Look at this crazy fucking woman Don't sit there and try to portray yourself as fucking wise beyond your years. You were an idiot. No, I was It was not saying like I'm saying in the sense of like, yeah, okay, whatever Like I I didn't really care about celebrity culture Yeah, that's true. Like I I wasn't like, oh god. We got to learn about britney Like I I was just like, yeah, she shaved her head. Like and no, I I was I wasn't like that seems like a reasonable thing I was like, yeah, she's lost it. But a lot of people lose it. I was full on like

Being like, wow, she's gone fucking crazy. I I stand by like the way that the media I was definitely a victim quote unquote of like all the fucking ways that like women were treated bad Like Anna Nicole Smith Paris Hilton dude through the extent the kardashians. How about did you see the fucking david letterman interview where he's Lindsay Lohan? I was blown away by that. Yeah in like like because I get not that I get it but like Growing up in like the early 2000s in like late 90s, whatever when we're like functional Insanely misogynistic world that we lived in guess what been like that for a very long time still is a lot of ways It's definitely not even close to being the same not close

It's it's it's showing its face. It shows its faces more Dude, no today. It is not listen what i'm saying is that it's no longer as as Over overtly overtly fucking misogynistic in your face where now it takes it takes the form of other monsters Of course, but i'm saying like it was just like Women it was like they come on the show and he's like ha ha shut up It's like what like dude they had Lindsay Lohan had been in Rehab for like drug addiction or like drinking or whatever the fuck it was and she's on david letterman and david letterman's like Aren't you supposed to be at rehab?

Dude, you're on tv In front of a live audience like what are you doing? And he's like, oh, she's supposed to be it's like oh if you've gone back so many times Like how do you know this time is gonna you know you're going back again soon, right? How you know this time? It's gonna work What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, yeah Like that's just wild to me like that doesn't that doesn't strike me as like I guess it is misogynistic to to ask that to It's also just being a fucking dick Like that's what I mean like that transcends misogyny. It's more just like what kind of fucking asshole

Are you to be asking that question to someone who's like going through addiction? You know like that doesn't that doesn't like to me the misogynistic shit is like um I I feel like this is gonna sound bad. I'll give you a prime example. I'll give you a prime example Prime example of how it fucking what it what the what it is Britney Spears goes through what she goes through as a result of the media fucking destroying her and look at how she got destroyed Then look at fucking tom brady two weeks ago getting plastered carried through a fucking parade

Tossing the lombardi trophy and and no one everyone's talking about him like ha ha tom was fucking drunk awesome The man if a woman did that they would have been fucking torched. Yeah, I think you're right I I I can confidently believe that I am correct. You know, I never really thought of that about that because it's interesting like It's interesting that you say that because it's true. I I can't remember the last time that At least off the top of my head that a woman was like that outwardly Intoxicated in like whatever and people were just like she's just she deserves it. She's having a good time It's like I don't really think that happened dude never it doesn't because we fucking

For some reason the standard for men and women Fucking women are held at much higher standard this bite the fact that historically they have Not had to fucking be as evil as men have I don't think it's like Hot I mean you could say higher but like I think it comes down to like Classy and like ladylike and it's like don't get sloppy drunk if you're a woman because it like looks bad But if you're a guy it happens That's how I think that's how it's like treated. Yeah, but it's interesting because like the tom brady thing I saw and I thought it was fucking hilarious. I'm like this guy's fucking hammered and like he's tom brady

He's like such a buttoned up dude, but I'm trying to think of the woman equivalent Well, fucking remember lindsey lohan lindsey lohan would go out fucking get but she legitimately like had an addiction She had an addiction sure, but what I'm saying is like serena williams the goat The goat if she was spotted like just like she fucking won the wimbledon and she fucking like was like I'm just like was slamming beers and shit people would be like, oh You know They would be like, oh, you're you're a fucking role model act that way

Yeah, tom brady's out there chugging butt chugging avocado tequila and people are like good old tom He deserves he's one enough. Yeah. Yeah, you know Yeah, no, it's it's fucking why I'm with the brittany thing like I was watching it I feel like I have some of that though to be honest. I do I think what do you mean? Like I feel like I am conditioned in a way that if I did see a like a woman doing that a part Not that I would be outwardly like whatever, but I think a part of me would have a reaction at first like jesus Well, that's it's unfortunately as a result of like the brainwashing of like the fucking media I know and and like that's not portrayed is like when a woman does it it's portrayed as you said is being like

Unclassy gross fucking sloppy when a guy does it they're being one of the boys, you know Yeah, and like there's I I full on but like stand by like I was all on the fucking making funny brittany train and like I know that the documentary is not made to like make us be like Feel fucking bad for all the shit that you used to say and do but like I did and then you see like people like pares hilton Like fucking like just like those like those like dirt sheets, you know Like celebrity like dirt mags and stuff like that whatever they're called the fuck are you talking about like the you know Perez Hilton is right. Yeah. Yeah, like those those fucking like TMZ and like tabloids Yeah, like making money off of people's fucking disdain and shit like that. It's like it's insane

Yeah, also I from that documentary. I'm just like, you know paparazzi just needs to be like illegal I mean to an extent the one guy who like where she like hit him with the fucking the umbrella I just don't think like that's fair like I just don't Like you're ruining someone's quality of life because of that and like everything else that ruins qualities of life like becomes illegal I don't get how they can like block people getting out of a fucking parking spot and like it's cool Yeah, like and then you fucking hit them and then you're the bad guy Yeah, like I'm trying to drive and you're standing in front of my car

Yo, if you're flashing cameras at me while I'm driving like that's mad dangerous Dude, if if I'm in my car trying to drive away and you get in front of my car I'm hitting you and I'm fine with it. Yeah, sue me. Sue me. Don't do that But like it's but like that that's why I'm like, yo, this is just so this is so wild like I feel like there needs to be laws against How close they can get And when they can photograph you like I don't think they should be able to photograph you if you're in your car I feel like you're and you're moving I honestly like I it should be like a fucking like 9 a.m. To 5 p.m

In like your time zone is when you can do it because like any before or after that it's fucking invasion of privacy I just don't think like there's a point for it anymore because I get back in the day where it's like There wasn't social media. There wasn't the internet So you need these paparazzi photos so they could be in magazines because people wanted to know what was going on with celebrities Like we know everything about these people already. We don't with celebrity photos. Like we don't care Like I don't care about these but like I actually care even more about what they're posting on their own on their instagram And or what you know what video they're putting out or whatever the fuck and I can learn that from My you know my experience like I don't need to read people magazines

Do you think I care what fucking drew Barrymore orders for lunch? I don't give a fuck Or like drew Barrymore spotted eating a salad at this place with john ham. Could she be fat? It was like fuck what just just let this woman eat a fucking salad in peace But also like why are we taking pictures of people just eating lunch like who who's actually giving a fuck Well, and it's and it's a weird vicious cycle because as much as we can get mad at the fucking paparazzi and paparazzo Or whatever the title is Like we also then need to get we need to go to the top We need to be like, all right

Well, like these are the people that put them in and we need to have some sort of fucking Introspective level of responsibility that we're taking as well because as much as those people we despise them Like they have a job because what they do is popular I because people consume that shit. Maybe not as much as they did a couple of fucking years ago I just think that it's fucking I just think that it's not it's dangerous Like these people are chasing people in their car like you're following people you're stalking them Like in any other situation this would be stalking like you're waiting for them outside of a club Yeah, or you're you're you're and there's 30 of you and as soon as they come out you're flashing cameras

I can't really see where i'm going like Why like why is this like? What the fuck is the purpose dude? I can't I legitimately cannot wait For the movie about Britney Spears's life because when they when they were going in that documentary, dude We it's hard for us to really remember because we weren't the demographic for her fucking music But 1999 2000 2001 she was the biggest fucking star in the world. Yeah, dude Huge you couldn't do anything without being reminded of Britney Spears in some light

Yeah, you know what I mean and like her immediate and she was fucking young too, dude. Yeah, she was 20 20 I think she was like 17 18 She fucking went to the top and then when she gets there she gets fucking pummeled pummeled and and like it Legitimately in a way I like Beck and I were like talking about it and it's like it is half the american dream half the american nightmare Or possibly it's the american dream because that's what fucking happens to at least women Is they have this meteoric rise to fame and then they are put under this spotlight that just fucking tears them apart

It's insane, dude. I would never want to be that Known ever. Yeah, I don't think I could I like I I think now it's easier because there's a More of an understanding of people's privacy oddly enough with fucking twitter and stuff And like instagram, but at the same time It would be it would be exhausting I just think that there's already enough of a connection between You know I get the need for people to want to be in touch with celebrities and see them and know what's going on in their lives

But you have talk shows you have their personal twitter accounts. You have their instagram accounts like They'll keep you up to date on what's going on The fact like there shouldn't be a thing where these everywhere you go People are asking you these very personal and invasive questions that no one ever answers by yeah Yeah, yeah, like you're you over there like this woman's going through a divorce and you're like, oh, yeah How's your divorce going like you would never ask a person that did you did you see the um when they were doing a press junket for The avengers I think it was scarlett joe hanson and jeremy renner We're getting interviewed and for jeremy renner

They were like did you do your own stunts like how was it was it hard? Did you work out did you train and they instantly go to her and they're like Did you wear underwear under that and she's like what the fuck are you asking me? Like we have this weird obsession with fucking it makes no dude How about in the britney spears documentary that fucking in the beginning of it? Some talk show host is talking to a 10 year old britney spears and was like do you have a boyfriend? Yeah, she goes no and he's like why not? Hey, man, you're talking to a 10 year old old people that age. They're starting to die off

Fun of us maybe if you're like come on man, like the fuck are you doing like yeah? Yeah, it's just weird It's just weird fucking it's just weird dude legitimately I And here comes the fucking like you know like super fucking liberal and progressive in me Being like being with a woman and spending my life with a woman like you don't fucking realize The shit that is just overtly Working against them in our entire world Dude like you don't and like

And i'm sure there are other people out there that will see that but like small fucking minuscule things like fucking You know condoms aren't there are bowls of condoms in every fucking bar you go to But you can't A lot of them they have like free condom things. You know what I mean like Tell me one place you've ever been where you've ever seen any form of fucking female contraception or was I dental dams sure or fucking uh, you know like uh Personal hygienic equipment. I don't know why I said equipment like it's a fucking like

What do you know what I mean like pads and tampons and shit like that like that should If that was fucking men if men got their periods it'd be free if men got fucking Pregnant childbirth would be I don't even like care to make those assumptions like because it's like that's just like one part of the argument that like I don't ever bring that up because people would be like. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is you about I mean all you really need is like what is the reality the reality of this situation is like You know women are not as Respected as men are and yeah the tides are changing and like just because you know a successful woman or because there's Successful women like that doesn't really, you know, whatever and I'm not talking about like the pay gap or the wage

I'm not talking about any of that. I'm just talking about a very general feeling and a gut feeling of like People either having faith in women in certain positions or just like not respecting them as much just because they're women I do think the tides are changing for the better as time goes on. Yeah, but Also living through that period of the early 2000s. It's like dude. That wasn't even that long ago Like it was in my lifetime. Like I'm not like old and decrepit like I'm fucking you know what I mean? And like during that time, you know, it was like I've seen some weird fucking shit and you know what fucking is weird too

What in 20 years are we gonna look back on and be like fuck that was fucked up this whole show? You think so? Yeah. Yeah, we're done. I think it was gonna be like, oh, we were really pressing We were really pushing it and then now we're it's it's over. It's over. Yeah God almighty, you know, it's fine. I won't be able to to live it myself if this doesn't continue. Okay relax What do you mean? Relax invest in bitcoin. You'll be fine You gotta need buy the dip. You got any? I do. Do you? I don't have a coin because it's $50,000. It was at one point. Just like 10 Yeah, it was also like eight cents at one point too. But you know, dude, could you I often think of that?

Like if when bitcoin was a penny if I were like, yeah, give me like 40 bucks worth You'd have like 900 million dollars Let's do the fucking mega zords you have fuck I'd own a fucking real life sized one Let's see if it was a penny I would buy about a penny put like nine cents. Well, no, that's harder Let's say 10 cents. Okay, if I got 10 cents, that's 10 in a dollar 10 times 40 It's 400 times 50,000 I'd have 20 million dollars right now. Yeah penis. That's what I would have

Holy shit 100 in a dollar that times 40 That's 49 No, it's 200 million. Oh 200. Oh, I'm I'm an idiot. Yes, you're right. Can you imagine? Yeah, it'd be nice. It'd be cool having 200 million dollars. It's probably really cool If I had 200 if I had 200 million dollars, I'm easily giving you at least a million For just being your friend. Yeah, cool. I lord knows I probably owe you a lot of money Realistically you have 500 million dollars. I'm not saying you'd give it to me all in one shot But like if you were to give me money, how much would you give me?

A lot I think I you know what it was. I I wouldn't really I would probably do the same things that I do now just on a much larger scale. Oh, that'd be nice It's like what how big like I wouldn't just come out and be like, oh frank. Here's fucking You know $10,000. Here you go. Yeah, I wouldn't just give you money. Yeah, I'd be like I'd be like work for it, bitch No, I would make you do like, you know, I'd be like, yo, uh Kiss Ahmed. I'll give you 50 grand stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. I drive to his house right now. No, no No, but I think that you know like Christmas gifts or like, you know, you're your your daughter, for instance

Like I'd be like, oh, well, you know, here's college tuition. That'd be fire. You know what I mean? Like that kind of shit. It wouldn't just be like, hey, Frank, here's a million dollars. We can we can we can dream, baby We can dream. Yeah, we'll never know If we get to 500 million dollars, Joey, I will fucking if I get 500 million dollars on this I will start an only fan should just suck your cock Where can they find you, Frank? Well, I was right after that on the unemployment line. There you go Josh edit that out, please

Uh, you you know what to find me f alvers 8085 on twitter and on twitch If you want to come play video games with me, uh, monday tuesday nights, uh, it's a good time It's fun time the frank alvers on instagram and then what days is coming out? This is coming out. Is it coming out before or after march 11th? before Either way march 11th, baby. It's going down I finally have my first match in the schmo down the movie trivia schmo down if you don't know what it is It's wwe mixed with movie trivia. It's competitive movie trivia league. It's fucking awesome

You can go check out all of this stuff. They have hundreds of hours of content Your boy is a usual suspect and I got a match against brother lumis and guess what you're not gonna want to miss it Will I win? I hope so if I don't fucking win, joey. I'm gonna be very pissed. Yeah, I know. I don't want to deal with that Yeah, don't bitch, uh, but uh, go check it out. Uh, movie trivia schmo down if you just google it You'll see all their stuff. It's incredible. Yep, and you guys can follow me at joe sanagato and go check out the show on Instagram and tiktok at the baseman yard and uh special shot to our patrons patreon.com slash the baseman yard Where you get every episode a week in advance and you get an extra episode every single friday That no one else gets except our patrons. All right, uh, we appreciate all of you and thank you so much

We'll see you guys next week. What the fuck was that my hands are ashy, so I lick them to make them non-ashy. We'll see you next time. Bye