The Basement Yard - #287 - Frank Is A Gatekeeper

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

Frank is back with a "Keeping It Frank" where he decides to gatekeep kiwis like a pretentious bastard. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to The Basement Yard! Frank, how's it going, buddy? Yup, yup. What was that? I don't know. I'm here, I'm excited. Yup, yup. I'm here, baby. I love that shirt.

Thanks, man. It's a great shirt. Thank you, it's a... If you can name half the people in here, I'd be shocked. In the green, that just looks like a man dressed up as Velma. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Right there. Who's that? That's not Velma from Scooby-Doo?

That's Dr. Octopus. It says D.O., like it's the periodic table of elements. Yeah, yeah. So it says D.O. for Dr. Octopus. You know who that is, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's... You don't know that. Dr. Puss. That's a vision.

That's the Beijing. The Beijing, yeah. Have you seen Black Twitter turning him into Vishon? You haven't seen it? I have, I have, I have. From fucking WandaVision, he has the sweater, he has a fucking do-rag and a chain. It's like the last scene, yeah. I remember because I saw a TikTok of him walking out in that last scene or whatever.

It's almost like, you know, damn, Vision is fine. Yeah, it's like, you know, Vishon is crushing it. Yeah. Oh man, but... What did you say right before we started, by the way? Oh, about the Vatican? Yeah, yeah. Apparently, I was saying, like apparently again, like God hates the gays again for some reason.

So I didn't read into that. Yeah. I like so... So we know. Neither did I. I saw the headline. That's all I went. Right. That's as far as I went.

There's no real information on the show ever. Ever. And if you come here for it, you probably won't. Yeah. No, but I read that they don't acknowledge same sex. But they're a country. The Vatican's a country. The Vatican is the world's smallest country, that is correct.

Yeah, it's... And... Does anyone live in the Vatican besides like holy gentlemen? There's like Cardinals and Blue Jays and stuff. No, I know that. All of the religious people are named after birds. Bishops, Cardinals, Hawks. What's the Rooks?

Rooks, Pawns. Horses. Yes. The Horses and the Knights, yeah. We're playing chess. Basically, yeah. All of religion is based off of chess and vice versa. That vice versa.

Vice versa. Oh, oh, yeah. You know. But yeah, apparently they're like not cool. Do you know anyone? Because I know someone that says vice versa. And I'm like, stop. That might be it.

Vice versa? It might be. No. It's vice versa. I mean, I am right. You're also the one that was down on all floors. That's true. That was very true.

I was down on all floors. Yeah. And what did I say last time that you were making fun of me? You made up an expression that doesn't exist. I don't even know what it is. I did a cameo, which helped me, where I said I was like, damn, you hit the nail right out of the park. And that was clearly wrong.

Yeah, that's bad. But yeah, the Vatican went back. After Pope Frankie, the last couple of years, was like, yo, gays are cool. Everything's all right with them now. And then he just did a complete 180 where now he's like, actually. Or it wasn't him.

We don't know. We're speculating on something that has been spoken about. Yeah, I don't really even that's whatever. Your country, do whatever you want. But I don't even think people live there. I don't really think citizens are like, there's a coffee shop in the Vatican that you go to, and you get a Hail Mary and an espresso.

Yeah. Give me a one Hail Mary, hold the cream. Yeah, I don't think that exists. Yeah, I don't need that. The Vatican is a weird place. I don't think I would ever go. When you have to announce things with smoke. If you had to have an actor play the Pope in a movie,

who would it be? One, two, three, Dumbledore. Gerald. Who's Gerald? Gerard Butler. I was going to go with it. Gerard Butler. That'd be a dope Pope.

Way too hot to be a Pope. He'd be coming out. He'd be like, I'm Sculptish. Yeah, he would. Yeah, he would. Can't have a Pope that hot. Yeah, you can. Pope Frankie is not the ugliest.

He's better than the last, the German one that we had. He was rumpfucking. I know I'm speaking of the dead, but. No, I don't know. I mean, they're old men. I mean, they're old. Yeah, they're old men. Old men aren't particularly hot, except for,

three, two, one, Ian McKellen. I was going to say Scott Cooley. Who is that? I don't know, that's not a person. I don't even know what I'm saying. Who'd you say? Ian McKellen, Gandolf. I mean, he's, oh.

Gandolf is a hot guy. Also. I love when he has the staff. And he's like, blah, blah, blah, whatever you say. Oh, you shall not pass. Well, no, you shall not pass. You just said Jews shall not pass. I did not say that.

You did not say that. I did not say that. No, I didn't. No, I did. I was trying to do his accent. No. No, no, no, they can pass. But full circle, Ian McKellen, the most gay.

Yeah, he is. He is very gay, but he's also a pretty hot old guy. But did you see Dumbledore? Dumbledore. When was the last time you've watched, like, through the Harry Potter movie? Literally, this past Halloween. Really?

I can follow all of them, yeah. Did you see, like, the guy in the first two movies? Who's just here? The guy was holding on by a thread. A thread? Yeah. And then the whole time, we just, they weakened and burnies him for the movie.

He literally, it's so crazy that, like, when franchises do that, especially, like, very popular ones, they just, like, change the actor. And, like, that one was, like, I guess it was, like, pretty close because they're two old-looking men. But one of them just had an abundance

of more energy than the other one. He was jumping, he was fighting. You saw him in those last couple movies? He's like, ahhh! Yeah, he's Dumbledore-ing. Well, he's fighting. I'm an idiot. You got it.

The original Dumbledore, he was barely able, like, he was a frail old man. He was giving, he was having a hard time giving 50 points to fucking Hufflepuff. He was picking up, that sleeve of his was weighing his arm down. He was shaking as he was pointing. He was like, 50 points.

I don't know, like, I don't know. Like, students? Yeah. What happened? I remember he goes like this and then like a feast shows up. Yeah, that's kind of sick. That was prime, our lives, like, growing up.

Like, that was our childhood, 2001, baby. I remember seeing that. Well, the beginning of it was cool. Up until a certain point. The summer is where I cut it off. Yeah. The rest of the year was bad. Yes.

Those movies were, well, the movie came out I think in November, so. It was a bright spot in a dark time. Yes, it was. But seeing like, that first Dumbledore, he wouldn't have made it through all those movies. There's no, he's fighting. Spoiler, he didn't.

Like, the human and... Yeah, character. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. That's a big spoiler. I mean, it's like, it's a fucking 10-year-old movie at this point. Well, technically, you never know.

You know what I mean? No, I know. Yeah, we know. It's 10 years old. Did you ever see the guy? I got upset, dude. When that movie franchise ended, I was like, damn, the magic is over.

We're not going back to school. Yo, you know, if you have those original books, they're worth quite a bit of money? Like, the original hardcover? I have, oh, I don't have the hardcover. I have, like, a softcover. The original, like, socialist... Yeah, I have, like, a...

So I had them all, and then they disappeared. My brothers probably sold them for beer money when they were in college. Sold books? Who the fuck is trading beer for books? Like, I have a little beer. People that need books. Books and beer money.

So weird. What a weird exchange. People did that. People probably did that. Speaking of exchanges. Yeah. Are you familiar with, like, all this NFT shit? No, I don't know what NFT is.

You didn't see, like, in the news of this guy, like... National Foundation of Titties? That was a guess. For a comedy show. Right. Frankie's 30 as a kid. So he made that joke. Two kids, two kids.

But, no, they're non-fungible tokens. What is that? That I don't know. But I could explain what happened. What's a fungible? I don't know, but it sounds delicious. It does. It does, it kind of does.

But non-fungible, or I see fungus. Like, non-fungible is like, it won't cause fungus. When I hear fungible, I think of fudge, which obviously brings me to the Grinch, where he's getting all that fudge stuff in his mouth. I also think of fun. Yeah. Then I think of guns, and I don't like those.

Oh, no. They're scary. They're kind of, they're a little scary. A lot of people are going to be upset that we said that, though. What did they, we don't like that. Oh, you don't like guns. I don't know why they're English. The picky blinders didn't stop us.

Yeah, with their fucking six shooters. Oh, you don't like guns. Their black powder pistol coming in fucking threatening us. Let me reload this for a minute. But what's a fungible? I don't know. But they're like basically digital pieces of whatever, right? But they're like one-of-a-kind, basically.

So above my bed, I have that painting, right? It's a Jackson Pollock painting, but obviously it's a print. It was like fucking... Yeah, because you're not there yet. A Jackson, that painting, I think is worth like $8 million, or probably way more. Not the one in my bedroom.

Oh, I'm just gonna say Joey, don't tell me I'll rob you. No, no, that one's just a print. Like it's just a copy of it, whatever. But these NFTs are like the original copy. So like a fucking... Like an original van Gogh. Like the original Starry Night or some shit. Yes, but if it was digital,

so someone could create something digitally online. Should I take a picture of it? Oh, like so like an artist creates a digital thing online and then you can, and then like you attach it to some sort of blockchain cryptocurrency words. Made up soft, yes, we know that. Yes, and then you have like the original, basically. I cannot wait until someone fucking shits

all over my explanation. Yeah, that was bad, but I think I'm kind of picking up what you're putting down. But it's like the original, right? But it's a digital thing. So it's not like you can like physically hold it and be like, this is the declaration of independence. Like crypto.

Right. So... Like cryptocurrency. But it was this guy, I think it was in like 2007 he started doing it. He was creating a picture every single day for, told recently. And did like all these pictures

and then made it into this one thing, sold it for like $69 million. What? Yeah. What? This guy was fucking playing on KidPix and now he's a millionaire? Well, they're like legitimate pieces of work

that are not like, it's not like freehand drawing. It's like there's some sort of like animation involved to it. That's actually interesting because I always wondered like, if you think about it, artists don't exist anymore. Like back in the day, be like, yo Picasso down the street,

like guys crushing out another fucking, you know, gem. Now, like name a current artist besides like Banksy. Well, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm sure there are. I know there are, but like... There's none like that are like, like you said, Banksy gets like mainstream acknowledgement. But also like back in the day,

like there were like mainstream artists. And I feel like that is gone now. Until, and Fungies, like Fungie Bungies. His name, his name is Beeple. Stop. Well, that's not his real name. It's like his name. Oh, like Banksy's not his real name.

Right. His real name is Joe Sanagata. Imagine, dude. Yo, if you were Banksy and you didn't give me money, do you remember when Banksy sold that one painting? And then shredded it? Oh, that was so good, dude. This guy.

Just shitting on the world. This guy sold the painting. How about that asshole who, well not asshole, like I feel bad, paid all that money. And then it's like, I'm just gonna shred it. That's kind of fucking dope. That's super dope. Every single person I knew in college

had that Banksy sticker on the back of their laptop. With the girl with the heart? No, the one with the guy throwing the Molotov cocktail, but it's flowers. It's like, fuck you. I wonder how many people got that tattooed. So why, so wait, so someone just drew stuff. And like I'm downplaying it obviously.

I'm sure Beeple. They're like legitimately like good. I'm sure Beepboop is good. Like I'm not saying he's not. Beepbop is, he's a man. Okay. I'm sure he's good at what he does, but like I struggle with the concept

of like something intangible being worth that much. Well, this is the thing, like moving forward. So I just saw this the other day. Well, actually I saw it because Jake Paul posted it actually. Okay. Vroom vroom vroom. Please don't punch my head off.

It was, there's a site making like you as an avatar basically and you can buy these like NFTs. So like a pair of boots, but they're one of a kind. I'm assuming they're like one of a kind or something. And then eventually like I feel like this is where the world's going to be. It's going to be like online only. Ready player one.

I didn't see it. Or read the book. Shock because you're a big book reader now. Well, no, I didn't read it. But it's basically like you have an avatar and then the things that you buy or put on your avatar are like worth shit. And I think that eventually there are going to be things

like I was just talking to some people about the other day where like I think, like you know what people buy plants. They put plants in their house, whatever. I think that you're going to be able to buy like digital plants. Basically Tamagotchi's, but they're going to be worth so much money

where it's like you plant a digital bonsai tree. But like I'm talking about like money. Oh, I'm sure. I mean, you can, you can buy a star in the sky that you can never physically fucking touch. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's not like worth like an insane amount. I don't think.

I mean, I think eventually when the market becomes that this stuff is available, like of course there will be outliers that are worth a lot, a lot of money in order to draw fucking interest. Isn't it fucking crazy though that like instead of getting a bonsai tree, you're like, I just want to get a fake one online.

Listen, if you have to water it, like. If they bring back Tamagotchi's, all I'm saying is don't give me one, be dead in a week. Dude, I fucked up my Tamagotchi in record time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I. Overfeeding it. The thing was shitting. I was like, let it shit.

But like for like kids, like before our generation, it was like carry a bag of flower, flower around and like, like it'll be a kid. Oh, in high school. Yeah, for us, it was Tamagotchi's. I killed this thing in record time. I might have honestly tried to murder it.

Yeah, well, I didn't do that. Well, you might have. My thing took a while to hatch and I was like, okay, I need to make up ground because I needed to be big and I would feed it a lot. And then it would shit a ton. I did have, they had a Digimon version of one and it was the DigiVice.

Do you remember that? If I show you. I wouldn't need to Digimon. Literally, I couldn't name a Digimon. Yeah, you can. Nope. Just say a word and put Mon at the end of it. Bird.

Birdmon? Yep. Stop. Yeah. Manmon. That one might not be real. But Birdmon was a fucking Digimon. Yeah.

China Mon. That might be slightly the racist. How? And. China. Yeah. Saint China is the racist. China.

Saint China is the racist. I know, fucking relax. But I had the, that was the only one I cared about. But even then, I let this thing die. Easy. You know, like you wake it up and it's like, it's crying and shit. That's nothing.

They cried. They cried. Do you remember they had all those, those bait, well, this is, this is insanity to me. Baby alive? Are you talking about the babies that would be like, baby alive? They pee in poop.

Yes. Fucking weird. It would be a baby, like a legit, well, I'm sure they still have it, but they would give it to like a fucking four year old. Yeah. And a four year old's like, oh, I'm gonna be a mommy. And like the baby cries and then the baby needs to eat.

You need to like feed it, puts shit in its mouth. And then it like shits in a diaper and then you gotta change the diaper. Wow. What's four year olds like? What's the sign up for that? Wow. Look at that.

The toy industry marketing a baby toy to teach little girls how to be mothers and only mothers while the fucking toy industry is giving kids toy guns, toy boys, toy guns. Toy guns. Oh, these fucking dolls are weird, man. I remember like as a kid seeing these fucking commercial and it was like, fill the baby up with water

and it actually pees in poops. Or like, I don't know if it was poop, but it definitely peed. Definitely peed. I know that. It definitely peed. A lot of people's weird fetishes started because like they're like older brother

has like the fucking doll and they're like, hello. Ew. Hello, how are you? Fucking baby, you know, cabbage, whatever they call the dolls. Oh, the cabbage pad. My brother had those. I used to slam them against the wall.

Okay. I don't know why. You needed to, I'm glad you went against the wall. Dude, kids, when you're a kid, you just like to destroy. Yes. Like I had, dude, one time I got really upset. Well, that's because, and honestly, like you would appreciate joking aside, I will,

but like everything is marketed toward boys as to fight, break, destroy, fix. Pirate. And girls, it's like, literally. And girls, it's like nurture and cook and fucking feed, but that's another story. Go ahead. No, but I had this action figure.

Yeah, it looks like- Yeah, you were fucking milking a cow. Yeah, I don't know. Josh, flip that. Yeah, no, but I had these action figures, like wrestling action figures, I used to go hard for these. Oh yeah?

I know that. Yeah? Like how hard? Like, dude, like, mm. But like, I needed more context. Like what were you going hard for? Well, I would like have a bunch of them and I would like- What toys were they?

I had like Jeff Hardy, I had Matt Hardy. Oh, so just say, don't say like wrestling action figures. They were wrestling figures. Yeah. Okay, just say that. But I also had like tables, ladders, chairs. Oh, we had those too. You remember how many fucking David Cleveland had?

Oh my God, the kid had buckets of fucking action figures too. Name the weapon. This kid had it. Yeah. From garbage cans to the belts, trash cans. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I remember he had the original elimination chamber. Yeah. And he was like, yo, throw him through the plexiglass. Yeah. This kid had it all. But I remember I had just gotten, like the Rock and Stone Cold, like these brand new ones.

And my neighbor, I was on the stoop playing with him and I was like wrestling. Oh, oh, oh. And then my wrestler, my neighbor came over and he took the rock and he turned him upside down. And like, cause he like gave him a stunner and then he took the rock and was like, oh. And went like that to his head.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, right? And then he scratched some of the hair on the rock's head. It's ruined, yeah. I was, I cried severely. Do you remember that they had like the metal on the bottom of the boot and you can like put them on the tron and it would like play a small snippet of their sound?

Wow. You remember that shit? You bring it back memes. You remember that, right? Well, I recently, because I'm an adult, bought some wrestling figures from back then. And it's like, I need to get that tron because you like rub the bottom

and it'll be like, the rock says. And that's it. You just did Stone Cold's voice with the rock. No, the rock says. Maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe a little bit. Give me your rock impression. I know you always do it and you just go, oh. I can't do the rock when he was wrestling.

Why not? Cause I don't. Give me a wrestling rock. Give me a wrestling rock. I can't, I'm not gonna do it. Three, two, one. That doesn't work on people. Welcome back to this week's edition.

We haven't been here for a while of keeping it frank, ladies and gentlemen, keeping it frank where we discuss things that we're being very honest and upfront about. Don't fucking interrupt my segment, bitch. People ask for this shit. And as we have top, we've tackled some of the hard hitting topics

of episodes past. We're back with another one. I know it's been a little bit, but I only promise to bring you quality entertainment over quantity. And this week, ladies and gentlemen, we're talking about the man right over here, Joseph Adolf Sanagato.

Joey, how are you doing today, my friend? I was doing good. You were actually doing well. Superman does good. You do well. What a fucking line. I think I got that from the office, but I got that from somewhere.

But, so Joey, you recently, you came to my house, my new house. You met my newborn daughter. I did. We had a good time, right? We farted at the table twice hard. Yeah.

And they were like clap farts, like against like hardwood, like... No, no, no. Like we were at the table and we were having crab legs. Crab legs. And then all of a sudden you hear... I was like, yo, is there a cat

in that fucking diaper, dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she, she's cat fart. She's a big farter. She's a big farter, but honestly, I'm happy she farts because she gets it out. You know, better out than in. That's what I always say.

Yeah, I think everyone says that. Never said it myself, personally. You just did. Right now. Now you can say it. But so when you were there, you know, we had an abundance of like, you know, like we got you crab legs.

Like I told you, when you come to visit me, I'll get crab legs ever, ever since you messaged me about them. Yeah. And it was a good time. You know, good time. We did have something that I was shocked to hear that you are not a fan of, Kiwis.

Yeah, I don't really like Kiwis. Why? I just, the texture is very like, it's like a, like a loose, not a loose, like a, like a really wet, soggy soap. Bar of soap. It's so good though. Like the bottom of the soap,

I think it's all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one like that you just like mish in your hands and it comes out through your fingers. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually like doing that a lot. I do too.

But I don't like eating that. Not the soap. I'm talking about like that texture. Oh, first of all, you ever eat soap? Of course I have. I've eaten mad soap. Your parents make you eat soap?

Oh, I got it. I got it once. Yeah, I got it. I got it once. The soap in the mouth once. Yeah. Not the bar of soap, the liquid soap in the mouth. What?

I think that, isn't that not good? Oh, yeah, it's poison. Yeah. Your parents are poison, dude. Well, don't curse in front of my parents at the age of six. Dude, one time, do you remember? So the same kid. By the way, we're going to come back to keeping it frank.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not escaping this. Real, real quick. I just want to say that like, we have told the story on this podcast before about there was a kid in like first grade that used to go over his house and he was a weird kid. And then in the alleyway,

one time he chased us by taking his pants out and pissing. And peeing at us. He was pissing and running towards us and we were running away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This same kid cursed in my house. Yeah. And his parents lost it.

His dad was a lefty. Just, I remember that. His dad was a lefty. I just remember that. Brought him upstairs with his left hand and then made him eat soap in my mom's bathroom. Really? Yeah.

In my house. Hey man. Dude, how about reprimanding your kid left handed in my mom's house? First of all, the left handed part, it seems to be the part you're hung up on here. For whatever reason, I just remember because I was the first left handed person

and I saw, I was like, damn, this dude could play baseball with his other hand. Yeah, he was a bigger guy too. He was also like, it was kind of funny. There was this weird juxtaposition where he was also like a super hippie. Yeah. And then he just beat the dog shit out of his kid.

Yeah, it was cool. Which, I mean, hey. Well, he wasn't beating them, but he was definitely beating some soap down his throat. From what we saw, he was drinking that dove. That's for sure. Yeah, he was hitting it. But going back to keeping it in frame.

So it was a nice time, right? So something, you know, in my household, we love fresh fruit. We have a lot of fresh fruit. Yeah, you guys have a ton of fresh fruit. You can attest to that. A lot of fresh fruit. One of the fruits that we get are dates.

Okay, do you know where this is going? No. Oh. Fresh medjool dates, they're fucking delicious. Go to Costco, they have them pitted and they're fucking a marron. And I said, Joey, do you want a date? No.

I don't remember saying that. You said, no. What? Now I know where this is going. Yeah. What? But a chopper? This is an exaggeration.

But a chopper? I did not say but a chopper. But a chop, but a chop chop. No, I didn't. Yeah, what a date. No, what is it? I was like, oh, it's basically like a giant region. Not there.

I know. I don't even do that. No, absolutely not. Joey walked away scoffing, ladies and gentlemen, scoffing at the fact that- No, I didn't. Yes, you did. And I can tell you that I can call my fucking wife

and she'll attest to it. Oh, so you're both alive? We're both, no, we're traitors. We're traitors. We're traitors. So you guys got married so that you could tell lies as a unit? We're fucking truthers.

And you, you son of a bitch, you walked away scoffing at us for dates. I don't know. Correct? No, I'm not. Yes. So then- I'm gonna tell you what the actual story is.

Three days ago, or three days later, I should say, Joey's on his, you know, reading Joe's back. You know, reading books about Phil Knight and fucking Twitter. Wow, crazy, Twitter. Then Joey reads a book and I come here. I come here and I see a fucking thing of dates on the, on the, on the counter.

I'm like, oh, you like dates now. Oh yeah, man. This guy in this book. Oh my God. This guy in this book, he makes, he makes these fucking shakes and he puts dates in it. And like, I'm like, oh, fucking cool. Is it good?

Delicious. First of all. Oh, oh, so I'm not good enough for you to have my dates, but fucking Mr, you know, I mean, he was a Marine. That's pretty cool. No, no, no. You're getting all this mixed up. No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. I don't think I am. I'm keeping it Frank. Never do that again. I'm sure. That was the most theater thing you've ever done. Keeping it Frank. And I'm keeping it Frank.

Good, I say. Oh, no. So what happened was- It's hard hitting journalism here, ladies and gentlemen. It's got your journalism. I will have cleaned it up. You're not completely off.

I'm very on. Here's what actually happened. I went to his house. He asked me if I liked dates and I don't even know if I- Scoffed. I did not scoff. I did not do that.

Yeah, okay. I just said no. Do you want me to call back in now and prove that I'm fucking right? That depends on if you want me to blow up your house. Because if I get two people lying in front of the world, listen, listen, listen, listen. You and I, we do this for comedy, for jokes, for laughs.

My wife is not in a laughing game. Boom. What are you talking about? She's in this for the truth. She's, she, and I guarantee if I call her- Did you just say she's not in the laughing game? She's not in the game of laughs. Okay, you know what?

I'll just, to make it easy, scoffed. We're gonna move forward, okay? And then I didn't read a book. Yeah, you did. Okay. I have read a book in that time, but I- Oh, oh, oh, I didn't read a book then, but I've read other books because I love reading.

Fucking geek, move on. So, but I, it was the guy who I read a book about on his Instagram. He had posted- Whoa, fucking fascinating. Yeah, he posted like a shake that he makes in the morning. So I was like, you know what? That sounds good, I'm gonna try it.

I still don't really, I don't know what a date tastes like because it goes into a shake with peanut butter and bananas. So that's mostly what you taste. So I don't know what they taste like. I can't tell you that I love dates because I don't know. So I haven't said that to you. Yes, you did. I said the shake is amazing.

You said the shake, you were like, oh, a shake, but now you're just fucking crushing dates out here. No, I'm not crushing dates. How you're taking them in somehow, you son of a bitch. I am, but I'm not over here like, oh, I have Mr. Date. Well, apparently you are Mr. Date because you take the dates out of, you could have made that exact same shake

without the dates and it still would have been just as good, but then you did the dates and you're all about it. Tell me, look at me in the eyes, tell me right now. What is the point of this? Gotcha journalism, Frank, gotcha. Tell me right now, tell me right now that you will have that shake without those dates. No, exactly.

It's part of it. And they're healthy. Oh yeah, they are healthy. You know what else is a healthy way of taking them? Just pop them in your mouth. But they have a lot of sugar. Oh yeah, putting them in with fucking peanut butter and bananas, really getting rid of that sugar.

No, I'm saying just to pop them all the time. I mean, I'm not popping fucking 30 a day. First of all, it's natural sugars, which are good for you. Yeah, but I, you know, it's not sugar. You know, it's not fucking, you know, you're not out there crushing, you know, like 13 sour straws, which I would love to do. Man, those blue raspberry ones, I see.

Daddy. But you son of a bitch. But you son of a bitch, you won't, like you were not about dates and then you read a book about a guy on Instagram with dates and now you're fucking. You're gate keeping dates. I'm not gate keeping anything, but just don't come here.

And it's not, this is the point of the gotcha. I didn't even bring up dates. You know why I brought it up? Because me, as the good fucking friend, offer you something and what do you do? The gatekeeper of dates. You're scoff at it. I'm not gate keeping.

You can have all the dates you want. But don't even sit there and tell me that you're my friend. If I'm gonna offer you dates and you're not gonna have dates, and then you read a book about a guy who jerks off to his Instagram and now you're fucking eating dates. Oh, so our whole friendship is predicated on the dates. I need this fruit that I found that existed two weeks ago.

You need to understand something. You read books and talk about them more than you. Talk about me, all right? We talk about each other every week. You don't talk about me. What was the last time you talked about me? All the time. I go, I know this guy, Frank, you gate keeps dates.

Don't do that. That's what I'm gonna tell people. Don't do that. Because that's what you do. Don't eat fruit that Frank is eating before. Don't do that. Don't do that. Because then he's gonna be upset.

I'm gonna give you all the fruit all the time. And ladies and gentlemen. God forbid I eat a fucking kiwi in the next year. I'm gonna have to hear that shit. Holy shit. My wife put out kiwi. I'm letting you know. I'm letting you know.

I'm letting you know. We literally, we had like those, we have like different swaddles for Ruby, for the baby. And one of them is kiwis. And she actively said to me, send a picture to Joey and tell him to fuck himself. Wow. I said to fuck himself part.

She said, just send the picture. But I'm letting you know. Letting you know next time you try to not have fruit because of me and you have it because you read a book, I'm gonna keep it Frank. I'm glad that's over with. We're gonna get to these ads real quick. But before we get to the ads,

make sure you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard in order to join our Patreon account. If we get to 8,000, Joey's gonna get creamed in his butt. Don't say anything, Joey. It's gonna happen. And you get every single weekly episode, a week in advance, which is really cool because you get to be in on the conversation

before other people are. And then every Friday we got exclusive episodes that, I think the one that came out, the one that we recorded of this week, but came out I think two weeks ago is the best, one of the best Patreon episodes we've ever done. The funniest. It was a lot of fun.

I laughed. Shut up. Shut up. I know, I know. But I actually forgot about that part. Yeah, make sure you guys go check it out, patreon.com slash the basement yard. Joey, let's see who we got on our friends at the show.

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Prettylitter.com, promo code basement for 20% off of your first order. Boom. Joey, you said something the other day on the Patreon episode that we recorded that, like I said, you can go check out at patreon.com slash basement yard. That actually brought up something

that I want to talk about. So apparently you said that you saw something that's like to get rid of hiccups. It's like play with your butthole or something. Marco. Okay, I knew that's where this was starting. Well, he told me. Yo, you're ass.

Yeah. He wrote in the chat and he's like, yo, did you know that like the medical way to get rid of hiccups is anal massage? And I, yo, not for nothing. I get bad hiccups, like for like 40 minutes sometimes. Yeah, I do too. So all I need now is to take my knuckle

and just fucking kind of, you know what I'm saying? Carousel that asshole. Will you do that? One hundo. Have you done it? Oh, I haven't had hiccups. Oh, well. Next time I get hiccups though,

I'm digging right into the back door. I actually, so I actually looked up, apparently there's some health benefits to asshole play. And I don't think that's a medical term for it. Asshole play? I'm going to go out. It's not. All right.

I don't know for sure, but I can just, I bet the house on it. I think, I think it's not the medical term for it. It's probably like anal, like. Anal massage or prostate. Prostates, it's indoors. It's a push. Prostate push.

Prostate push. Don't you come if you push on a prostate? Apparently it's like, apparently, I remember because I have a cousin that's a massage therapist and apparently there are parts of your body that if you massage, like, wild shit will happen. Like there's a part where like on your foot that you can massage

and like you'll instantly like piss and shit yourselves. I need that. Do you? Not that I need it. I just want to, I want that to happen. Do you really? You don't want that to happen? No.

Why not? Why in fucking God's name would I want that to happen? Hilarious. Oh, to like other people? No, no, no, like. Like yo, like yo, give me your foot. Let me fucking bing. Oh my God.

Imagine having that like knowledge and then Becca's like, can you give me a foot rub and you're like, yeah, I can. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You think me of all people would, not only like make it happen, but like enjoy pranking my wife by having her shit her pants, you fucking freak.

That'd be so funny. No, it would not. Maybe for fucking. I would do that to Annie. I would do it to my, if my mom needed a foot rub, I'd be like, get ready to poop. Get ready to poop. Yo, could you imagine how sad

that would be though if your mom like pooped her pants? Dude, I know it would, but when I tell you that it would be the funniest day of my life. Really? Even just hearing my mom fart would, that would make me satisfied for at least a year and a half.

Really? 18 months. 18 months? 18 months of satisfaction, just hearing like a. Oh, you want to hear it? Like. No, I don't want to hear poop. A poop would be, you know, that would just be like a,

you know. Just hearing your mom fart? Oh, that would be, that would be. You'd never heard your mom fart? I don't think so. Oh, well, I remember when I was a kid, I heard my mom rip ass once and I was very upset. She set it off.

I heard her and then that, fun fact that day, I got in trouble in kindergarten because for show and tell I brought in a nail clipper. You, on the same day that you heard your mom rip ass. Rip it. You went to school for show and tell and you brought in a nail clipper?

Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble. What did they say? I got like, they called my mom. Why they were like, this is a weapon. Oh, I thought they were like, this sucks. No. I thought you got in trouble

because it was like a nail clipper. Try harder, you idiot. No, I remember it had an American flag thing on it. Like a, yeah. I got in trouble. You had a patriotic nail clipper for show and tell. Damn right, damn right, I did. What did everyone else have?

Oh, like cool stuff. And I had a nail clipper, but I remember that was the day. I think, I'm not saying those things are related, but ma, don't fart in front of your kid. Otherwise he's going to, unless I bring a weapon, a weapon, well, hold on. Yeah.

Yeah. But I remember, back, back, back, back, back. But I know that you're not, you're not a big fan. You're going to destroy that phone. You're not a big fan of asshole play. So I actually, I'm going to read to you some of the health benefits and you let me know if it's going to change your mind.

Okay. Okay. All right. It may help treat erectile dysfunction. Now, I know this is something you've suffered from like a couple of times. Uh, what? Yeah, you have ED.

No, I don't know what the fuck. Yeah. No, you've got to take that back. He told me incompetence. He told me incompetence. And I said, is this about the dates? This is about the dates you put in. This is about the dates.

You fucking take the dates from me. I take your hard dick from you. Okay. But apparently. No, no, no, people are going to think you're serious. Okay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Yeah.

But I'm talking. Listen, it's a very normal thing, I understand. But I, my dick works. Yeah. There was a time. I read a dick book. I read a dick book. No.

Yo, I can't wait. Yo, honestly, this book was like really insightful. No, one time? Because like it's like your power is over your dick. Let me tell you something. I did have a run in though with my penis one time. Like a big old problem? Well, not a big problem.

It was. Just the lights were on, no one was home. I was. God. So I was, I think I was like 22. Okay. And I was in the middle of a sexual situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then I had to shit bad. Oh no. Well, that'll do it. So like, I was like, oh my God, I got to shit. So like, I, but I can't go, hold on, I have to shit. Yeah. So I said that I had a headache. Oh, why don't you just say I have to go to the bathroom?

Because I felt like it would be obvious because I had to get the fuck out of there. Why? Oh, you were gone for a while. Yeah. Well. Okay. Go ahead.

I was like, oh, I got a headache. I was just got to step out. I'm just going to go, like, you know, whatever. I just got to like, you know, I need my space. And I went to the bathroom, blasted. Yeah. Set it off. I don't know what happened.

Was it your bathroom or the individual? No, it was their bathroom. Oh no. So I fucking set it off. Like Swiss beats. Exactly like Swiss beats. So I set it off and then it came back and I tried to continue where I was,

but my dick was like not having it. Cause like that was, that's a high anxiety situation where it's like, I have to shit. I feel like the way that your body works, there's probably a lot, it's probably a lot more frequent that you're horny when you have to poop. Literally the opposite.

You always have to poop. No, I don't. This is, you're basing this off of another time in my life. Don't fuck with me in dates. Yeah. So I tried to go back to where I was doing and I couldn't. And I was like, damn, why can't I not? That makes sense.

It's a very unsexy situation. If you're in your head, like you can't get boned. So apparently playing with your asshole, we'll fix that. But the reason why I'm saying this is because that happened and I was like, I don't know what happened. Like I think it's my headache, whatever. So I just, whatever. And then the next time it happened again,

cause now I'm like thinking about it. Muscle memory. Dude, I tell you the second time when that happened, cause I was still working, not muscle memory. I was just like thinking about it so much. I'm like, oh my God. So I was like working myself on getting anxious. And my dick's just like, no, no, no.

So then I'm like, I'm 22 years old. My dick is completely broken. I went home. Dude, when I tell you, I jerked off a million times that week to make sure my thing was good. And then I was fine after. Oh, okay. Then you were good.

Well, the theory behind it is that the potential benefit involves an improvement in blood flow resulting from vigorous milking or massaging of the prostate. Hold on. Vigorous. That's the part that you take from it. Milking?

Milk. Can you, that's not, milking a prostate is like a thing. I've heard that term. I'm not shocked by it. When I think of milking, I'm like, like, you know, like I'm thinking like, you're trying to get something out of it. What's coming out of a prostate?

Is that where guys come? Well, I think that like when you milk a prostate, you jizz. I think that's what it's called. That's what it is. Is this serious? Is that coming out of the prostate? Well, then why call it milking then? Why not call it massaging?

Because both white? I don't know. But this was, so would this, will this change your mind? Like if you ever do suffer, for any people that do possibly suffer from erectile dysfunction, we're not judging you. No, no, no.

But like, will you play with your asshole? If I'm saying, if I feel like I'm getting bad circulation. If in the future you suffered from erectile dysfunction, eventually. Will you dare? Will you play with your butthole? I'm gonna try everything in the book.

You're gonna try everything in the book. I'm gonna pop some pills. I'm gonna rub my butt on stuff. One more time. What was that? Just me rubbing my butt on like my chair. What is that doing? Well, you're right.

I would have to get to my asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But okay, so it will help, it will, okay. Apparently it can help improve urine flow, which I don't have that problem. I think it's a prostate issue though. Oh, that is, that is. If your prostate's too big?

Swollen prostate. If it's too big. If a man has a swollen prostate or an inflammation, the prostate can irritate the bladder, causing the urine flow from the bladder through the urethra to be slow or even cut off. That's an older man's issue. Oof, oof.

That's an older man's issue, yeah. Listen, I'm not about playing with butts because personally, like I just, I don't want anything near my butt, but if I was old, that's just dusty. Dude, once I get past 50, I don't care what anyone does to me. Really?

Yeah. Oh, you heard that internet. Well, people that I allow, like doctors. Yeah, obviously. But like, you know, the improvement scene in urine flow from prostate massage can be the result of decreasing inflammation in the prostate, which can be contributing to a man's urinary problem.

My brother used to work at a bank in the city. And like an office building, like there was like investment bankers or whatever, and he used to go to the bathroom and he's like, dude, sometimes you just hear people like, oh, come on. No. Yeah, they're like mad.

Really? Yeah, it's unfortunate stuff. I feel like, I tell this function is a product of like investment bankers. Like that's, it's like- High stress. High stress, lot of coke. Lot of hours.

Lot of debt. Lot of debt. Debt plus dis equals no dick, you know? No pee-pee. Yeah. But like, I can only imagine. I think I had a UTI like once when I was in middle school. Yeah, I did too.

And high school. I remember being like, yo, I have to pee, but can't pee ever. So I could imagine if like, if I needed to pee, because that pee feeling is bad. It's like a, it's like a, you know what I'm talking about? Well, I wouldn't describe it as that. Yes, you would.

Yes, you would. No, I mean, it just feels like a Bernie kind of thing. I imagine, this is like the same as like, they say like to like open you up, like your sinuses eat a pepper. Like in this, like open your pee-pee, eat a, put it in your poop pool.

That's probably the doctor term. The medical term for it. I said doctor term. What the fuck? Yeah, so is this changing? Like if you like really had a pee and you couldn't, well, you just like, yeah, dude, yeah, yeah. I don't know where prostates are.

You'll find it. Well, yeah. If you wiggle around and there's only so much, like the body's a finite area. Yeah. Especially your asshole. Listen, I don't know where my prostate is, but as they say, if you dig around the attic long enough,

you're going to find a ghost. Oh my God. What the fuck? That just came to me. You are a comedian. Let me tell you, sir. That was incredible. You're a poet.

All right, apparently it can alleviate painful ejaculation. Painful ejaculation. I've never heard of this. I've never came and been like, oh, what the hell? I've never, why did you just give me the middle finger? Shit. I did.

This is fun. Oh, what the hell? I did? Yeah. I remember that. Hey, play it back. Play it tape back. Yeah, run it back.

Oh man. Listen, apparently it's rare, but it happens. It comes from infection or inflammation and like epidedimimimus. That's what, epidedimus, epidedimus, epidedimus, a tube near the testicles of stores and transport sperm. Damn, that sucks. Like that does sound like it sucks,

but it also, the irony, like it sounds hilarious at like insects at the end of it. You're just like, ah! You're just like, ouch. Yeah. Ouch. Ouch. But this has got to be bad.

I mean, the prostate seems like it's solving a lot of problems. The next one here is it helps to treat prostate tightest and then it can alleviate symptoms of an enlarged prostate. So if you just got to rub it, maybe it'll like chill out. Apparently. Like this thing is like, you know how people say

like your health is controlled in your gut? It might be the prostate. It might be your butthole. Yeah, most good things come from the butthole and bad stuff too. Well, there is, you know, they'll go with the bed. They're going to go with the yin and yang, baby. The yin and yang, you know what I'm saying?

You know, you can't have it both ways. But if, I can imagine that if you had painful e-jacks, you're going to want to help that. And then the last but not least. Of course. And I quote, it feels really freaking good. What website is this? Mental.

Gotcha. Yeah. The MLG spot is packed with thousands of nerve endings, which means that when you stimulate it, it feels really, really good. In fact, some men report being able to reach orgasm from prostate simulation alone. Yo, I've heard of this.

Like just, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that. I had a friend who's gay and... Why'd you say that? Well, cause I just, I had a friend who's gay and... A bottom. He's, he can, he might be a flip-flopper, whatever they call him. Like what's it like?

A versatile, a switch? A switch? No, that's baseball. Yeah, a switch hitter? It's a, fuck. A top and bottom. God damn it. Like it's like one of those like toys, like...

I don't know what the fuck we're doing. You know exactly what that is. What does that call? When they're both, they're, they're versatile. Yeah, what is that? They're... A switch, not a switch, a flip. It's a video game character.

That's a video game console, not a character. But he said, he was like, yo, like, I have come just from getting like, like someone like getting banged in the butt. Yeah. That was blown away. Imagine coming and not even touching your wiener. Yo, your dick doesn't like,

it gets hard by itself and it's done by itself. That must've, that sounds awesome. Really? It does. That kind of doesn't, though. Think about how good that would have to, okay, this is good. Go ahead.

But just think about this logically, right? Yo, when you said anyone could do anything to you, consensually, you're 50. I'm not letting him in. Are you gonna get pegged? No, no, no. Okay. I'll let someone fool around in there, maybe.

Yeah, maybe. I know someone that we know that does that. Gets. Yeah, quite a bit. Well, not quite a bit. I shouldn't say that, but like, I know like it's a thing. Like this person is engaged in quite a bit. It would have to be something

that I would bring up minimum 10 years into a marriage. Really? Like after the 10 year mark, it's like, we're not going anywhere. You need kids first. You need to see how bad it can get. Right. Like you need it like, yeah, I know what you mean.

You need to hit like rock bottom. And then when you get back, it's like, now it's time for butt play. Back on the horse. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I hear you, I hear you, man. Yeah, so, I don't even know what we're talking about.

Oh, it's just butt play. Oh, I'm just saying, it must be really cool. I mean, it has to. I mean, it's the G-spot, right? So the G-spot. Apparently, the G-spot we know is dope. But like everyone, like, I feel like the G-spot is like cryptocurrency.

It doesn't exist. It's just people talk about it and it's highly sought after. Oh no, it exists. I mean, not that I would know. But like everyone is always talking about like the male G-spot and it's like, I feel like with that stuff, with like sexual experiences,

it's so subjective that it's like everyone's G-spot is different. And what does G stand for? Good? Great. Great. Just a good old time. Great spot.

It's a good spot. It's a good spot. You know what I'm saying? You know? Garage, maybe? Since it's in the back. I mean, it could be, but women have G-spots and it's underneath.

Well, it's more in the attic. I guess you do have underground garages. They have, they're like an A-spot. They've got an A-B-C-D-E-F spots before they hit the G one. They have, it's up. It's up. Or isn't it up?

I mean, it's in, but it's under. It's curled. Yeah. It's curled behind a ledge. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a video game Easter egg. You really need to like dig around in there

in order to find it. So I've been told. Yo, I did this thing, by the way, where I asked. Perfect time for my mom to call. Oh my God. Tell her that you brought a nail clipper and she farted. Do you want me to answer? No, no, no.

Okay, I'm not gonna do it. You never know, my mom's a wild card. She can answer, what the fuck? Yeah. I actually did this thing a while ago and I forgot about it, but I asked fans of the show to send in their graduation pictures

and we were gonna guess like their names. Okay. What do you think this girl's name is? What? What is this? It's Frankie. It's a picture of Frankie. I'm gonna have Josh put this in the video.

Oh, the thumbnail should be pictures of us as women. There was a girl, I don't want to get her name wrong because she de-end me the photo that I posted on Instagram. Yo, I saw that and I was like, this something's wrong here. Yeah. Her name is...

I'm fucking ugly. Catherine Cruz, but she sent me a picture and I was like, oh my gosh. She's like, yeah, I'm gonna do Frankie instead of dude. Yo, let me see that. Holy shit. That's you, dude. I could see the eyes.

Oh, if this is what my daughter grows up to be, I am sorry. That kind of looks like Jessica though. It does, it does look like my sister a little bit, but like it's more round in the face. I only assume I know where this picture is from and I can imagine it's when I was a little chubbier. Yeah.

So I think it was like my composite photo for college where I'm wearing like a purple and gray and gold one. I don't know. That's fucking weird, dude. Yeah. That's weird. Isn't that great? Damn.

I thought, I'm so... Your face was perfect, right? You're like, wait a minute, that was amazing. Oh God. Cause she do like other friends of ours and we guess who they are. I mean, some of them will be easy. I, I, yeah.

You did them? First of all, I did like... Let me see some. Let me see some. The only one that's like not obvious. Don't tell me, let me just see it. Some of them are, one of them is very, very bad. Let me see.

Is it like, am I going to say that out loud? I'm not putting this in the video. Don't put the... Whoa. Yo, he would make a fucking terrible. I gotta be careful. Let me see who else. That's fucking hysterical.

This is actually crazy. That's Pete. Wow. Doesn't that look exactly like his sister? Like his sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I was like, dude, you look... Wait, let me see that one more time.

That looks like, you know, Pete. Well, it's cause Pete looks like a woman with short hair. Probably. You know? This just looks like Gio. Yeah, that's just Gabe. That's just Gabe. There's nothing about him that looks different.

You're pretending to call him Gabe. Yeah, I'll always call him Gabe. Yeah, but that's fucking crazy. That's fucking sick. You were hot. I saw yours. You were pretty hot. Dude, I looked like something.

You were a banger. Yeah, but... No, man. I posted that on Instagram. I was like, what kind of girl do you think I am? Or whatever I said. Some of the comments are just... Oh, just outrageous?

Yeah, they're just like... Just outrageous, huh? Yeah. I actually, I don't know, how much time do we have left? You got like 10 minutes. Oh, let's save that for the next episode. Something happened that I don't know. Something happened at a rest stop

that I want to talk to you about. You're going to rest stops? Well, like I have to stop to get gas and like use a bathroom and stuff like that. Nothing happened to me. I'm okay at the rest stop. I know like... Something happened to someone else.

Well, to their, yeah, to their body. I should... Hold on. It has to do with the bathroom. Everything's fine. My understanding of this person is they are okay. Yeah. Maybe like no one...

There was no external force that provided them with discomfort, but there was something brewing inside. Oh, someone took a big fat boop. We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it. I'm going to say big fat boop. Boop.

Yeah. You went with boop. All right, we'll get to it. We'll get to it. We're going to get to it. I will say, when I was in... When I went to Utah, we had to drive four hours through the night

and we stopped at a rest stop. Through the night? Yeah. Why didn't you just say four hours? Because it was in the middle of the night. What time? Like 3 a.m. That's not the middle of the night.

That's the morning. What's the middle of the night? One. Fuck you. But we stopped at a rest stop over there and they had showers. Like they gave out like shower tokens and like... Yeah, because they're...

Really good bathrooms too. There's like a whole world that I don't know anything about. But I know like the truck drivers, like cross country truck drivers, those trucks have like beds and like houses in them. Not houses, but like... Beds, yeah.

Quarters, you know? And... They pull over and they let the truck run. Well, because they need fucking like heat and stuff like that. Yeah. But like some of these, like they have like truck stops,

like for those truck drivers in particular that are like, you can go and like live in there if you really wanted to. That's wild. Would you ever be able to do that, John? Fuck no, dude. I honestly, I get this, I get in my head when I drive long distances sometimes.

How so? Like one time I was driving to Connecticut and it was at night. Well, it's not a long distance. It's an hour and a half. Well, if that... I'm saying, I don't get it if I'm going like to the store or so there, whatever.

But when I'm driving on the highway for at least an hour or something, sometimes, not all the time, I'll like get in my head and sort of psych myself out that I'm like either one, I thought I was falling asleep when I was on the way to Connecticut. So I like freaked out and I pulled over.

Really? But I don't know why because I wasn't falling asleep. But I just had this weird thing. And sometimes I get hypnotized by the things on the road and I just have to hone in and pay attention. I get this weird... Ever since then, I get this weird anxiety

and I have to really focus and pay attention. I get that. I do, I get that. When there's not a lot of cars. When there's a lot of cars, I would get it off. I drive a lot. I drive a lot. Not only to come here, but for work,

I have to drive quite a bit. And there was a point in time where Becca and I first started dating. Remember, she lived in South Jersey. I lived in fucking Connecticut. So she was coming to me. I was going to her, but the drives to her would sometimes take like...

There were times I did it at like 2 a.m., 3 a.m. And you get in this trance where it's like fucking tunnel vision and then you need to snap at it because you're like, yo, I actively sometimes think like, how did I just drive? And not fucking crash

because I have no recollection of that drive. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's terrifying. It freaks me out too. I'm like weird with like transportation. It's like, I have to accept that I'm going to die. Like whenever I get on a plane,

I'm like, all right, like this is my, like I chose to be here. So if I die, I can't be mad. Okay. Same thing with a car. Like in a car, I'm like, yo, like on a highway. I'm like, yo, like I'm, I could die. Like whatever.

I mean, no, I'll be upset. Jesus Christ. I'll be upset, but like I have to like mentally prepare myself. Really? I don't get that in a car because I'm in control. But you're not though.

I mean, you're not, but like I can at least do something. I almost got into a bad accident on the way to Pennsylvania that one time we went there and Oh, to like Tommy's? Yeah. But we were driving and like these cars just like slammed on their brakes.

And I slammed on my break and jerked the wheel to like the shoulder to the shoulder. And like, thank God there was enough space because then I would just hit like a, if there was a guardrail, like I was getting flattened because when I slammed on my brakes

and I pulled it over to the side and the front of my car was pretty much lined up with the car in front of me. So I would have blasted this car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, I'm, you know, that's why I need to be in control. Like when I'm driving,

I always like to suggest. That's the one thing about like, that's a fallacy. Like you are not like, you have like such a small amount of control in a car, especially like, yo, you drive a sports car, like you drive a little fucking car. The reality is like,

yo, that thing, if you get into a bad accident, you're, I'm getting a different car soon. Okay, good. I'm getting a Hummer. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Did they make those?

They've been discontinued since like, oh wait. They still have them. They get like one mile to the gallon, I think. Yeah, they're very bad cars. Yeah. You could literally get hit by an asteroid and you'd be fine. I think you could, yeah.

Is that how you pronounce that? Asteroid. It's spelled like that. Asteroid. Asteroid. Asteroid. Asteroid. Asteroid.

It's like potato, potato, potato. You know, like nuclear versus nuclear. Nuclear is like, definitely wrong. Wrong, very wrong. But no one says that. Just George. No, some people say like, yo, nuclear. Yeah, George W. Bush, that's it.

I, like in the car thing, getting back to that, you're in a little car, you know what I mean? Like, yo, I only have control over my car and then that's if like, there's only so much control you have. Cause like, yo, down that fucking parkway, yo, Garden State Parkway, people are hitting like 90, 95. Was I telling you this or I was telling someone,

it might have been Pete or Espo, but I was like, the drive isn't bad, but being on that road, I just don't feel safe because it's so big and there's like cars like driving fast as shit. And like, I'm going fast too. Like, because you have- See, I feel the opposite.

I feel like because of how much room you have, it's more safe. I don't know. I just felt like there was, like, I just felt like there's, on a regular highway, there's cars that go like 50 miles an hour and like 60 miles an hour. Everyone over there is going 80.

So it's like, if you get into a car accident, even a small one- I mean, the parkway like up north is not as bad because it's more congested, but like down by us, you know, people fly down that. And like there have been times, like I'm a pretty tame driver, but like there have been times I'm like driving,

driving, driving, then I see, I'm like, yo, I'm going 90 miles per hour. What the fuck am I doing? That happened to me. When I was driving to your house, I was like, I'm going nine. And like no one is like, I'm not flying past anybody. I'm like, I'm going 90 miles an hour. And yo, I know I'm going to jinx it

and now I'm going to get fucking pulled over, but like there are people that like fly by me as I'm doing like 80. And the fucking troopers are on the side of the road and they don't fucking stop anybody. Really? Dude, Dave, cause if you, I noticed it a bunch because I drive that much,

you know, that road almost like two, three times a week. But like they just pull either into the center lane or not the center lane, but like the center like between both like the North and South and like in like blind spots that you wouldn't see. And they just, I've never seen them pull someone over, ever, ever.

And of course now, you know, knock on wood, I'm going to get fucking pulled over. But like, yo, people are, and like, that's the other thing. It's like, yo, you're like, if all it takes is your car to just be like, I'm done and you're, you're gone. Yeah, that's terrifying. I think, as I'm about to fucking drive to Vermont after this.

Safe travel, safe travel. But I think as a cop, I don't think you're allowed to pursue anybody who's going over a certain mile per hour because then it becomes dangerous for you to chase them. But there's a difference between pursuit and there's a difference between pulling someone over. Like I think the, like, I know at least in New York,

the NYPD basically came out and said like, yo, we're not going to do like chases because that's, like that's way more dangerous than just fucking trying to get this person again. Now there's two cars swerving in and out. Yeah, you know, but like, there's a difference between throwing your lights on and like trying to pull someone over

and like having to speed up to them. Yeah, yeah. You know, like now if this person says like, no, fuck you, I'm going a hundred down the parkway. I mean, then they're in trouble. Big trouble. Big old trouble. Big trouble, little China.

What? It's a movie, you never seen it? Big trouble, little China. Big trouble, little China, you never saw it? What is that? It's a movie. About? That's a, honestly, great question.

I know Kurt Russell, Kim Cattrell. Kurt Russell? Yeah. He married, what's her name? From overboard. Blondie, Goldie Hawn. Yes, Goldie Hawn. You've never heard of Big Trouble in Little China?

No, Big Trouble in Little China. China's enormous. Let me see. That is Kurt Russell. That is. Is that Johnny Depp? I don't think so. It doesn't look like him now.

Pretty sure Kim Cattrell's in it too. The, the, the, the. Who's Kim Cattrell? The whore from Sex and the City. Samantha? Yeah. Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

we're on a medical prostate today. Yeah. Um, after I have this fucking martini I'm gonna get, you know, come in my eye. Beyonce- Yeah, you don't whore. I'm sorry, I know everyone's gonna be pissed at me, but. Can I get a metropolitan?

No, a cosmopolitan, a metropolitan. Can I ask you something? Yeah. Which fucking person did you think was Johnny Depp? The green, big, green face. What? It looks like Johnny Depp in like, makeup. No.

Kind of. kind of. No. Johnny Depp is, you know. Directed by John Carpenter. I still don't really know what's going on with Johnny Depp. New Jersey's own John Carpenter, or technically he's from New York or whatever. How are you technically from New York or from New Jersey? You're born somewhere but then you move somewhere and you grow up there. Roger that. Alright, anyway, I think we can wrap this up Frank. God damn it. Hate to see you, hate, hate to see you go. My little watch you leave. That noise that your lip just made makes me want to shit. Yeah. Well, you always want to shit. Let's be honest. Your body's always ready to go.

You, you confuse me with another purse. No, I confuse your purse with your purse. Let me tell you. No. You are always like, yo, I have to shit. This is urban legend at this point. It's not an urban legend. It's an urban truth. Okay. The Frank Alvarez on Instagram, fAlvarez, hr85 on Twitter and on Twitch. If you want to come hang out, play video games with me and then go check out my debut match. Came out on March 11th again, brother, brother, brother. That's my favorite song. Yeah. Brother Lo Miss, movie trivia, shmo down. It's a competitive movie trivia with a flare and storylines at WWE and stuff like that. I fucking, I'm not going to say what happened in the match. Go fucking watch it.

Anyone that knows me. It was pretty exciting. It's fucking wild. Make sure you go check it out. YouTube.com slash the shmo down movie trivia, shmo down. It's great. Yeah. You guys can follow me at Joe Sanagato and all social media and go follow the show at the Basement Yard on Tiktok and Instagram. And once again, our patrons, we appreciate you guys. You get a new episode. It's for them. You get a extra episode only exclusive on Patreon every Friday and you get every episode a week ahead. Patreon.com slash the Basement Yard and that is all. See you guys next time. Bow.