The Basement Yard - #298 - The Racist Prom Queen
Episode Date: June 14, 2021Frank & Joe discuss the Ellie Kemper controversy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Chuck.
Remember Chuck?
Remember Chuck and Billy?
Who's Chuck and Billy?
The wrestlers?
Oh, oh.
Welcome back to the basement yard.
I didn't know he, I thought you were talking about like our friends.
Chuck and Billy.
No, Billy and Chuck, the wrestlers, and their whole thing was like,
they're gay, but they're not gay.
What?
You don't remember that?
No, who's that?
Dude, fucking Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo.
Oh.
Welcome back, that's not Patreon, basement yard.
Billy, Billy Gunn was gay.
Billy Gunn, no.
He was the ass man.
He was the ass man.
We were.
But men's asses?
So he was in a tag team with?
Happy Pride Month.
Yes, hell yeah.
Men's asses?
Men's asses.
He was with, they put him with a manager, a guy by the name of Rico,
and his gimmick was like, he was like this like hairdresser
that like people were like, is he gay?
And I think they even like on TV called him like a fag or something.
Whoa.
They might have erased that from history.
Vince McMahon, don't sue me please.
Well, he's well documented like saying the n-word on TV.
Yeah, if you don't know what that is, go look it up.
Yeah.
And they put him together and their thing was like they were just like homoerotic
and like they were just like running on each other like, oh yeah, you look so.
Their song was, you look so good to me.
And their thing was like they're going to marry each other on TV.
Oh wow, this is kind of groundbreaking back then.
Well, no, because they were just making fun of it though.
They were like kind of being fucked up.
Oh, why do we not remember them?
You don't remember the shit at all?
Dude, I remember Stone Cold Rock.
They did a wedding and Rico was like, all right, now kiss.
And they were all like, what?
We're not gay.
Really?
And then Eric Bischoff had them beat up.
Dude, wrestling is insane.
Fucking wild, dude.
What year was this?
2004, 2003.
My god.
Wrestling in porn, you can say that most racist, ridiculous shit no one cares.
Porn.
Yeah.
I porn like banned some guy who had like swastika tattoos.
Yeah, I think they draw the line at the Nazis.
But I remember watching a documentary.
We all draw the line at the Nazis.
Yeah.
I remember watching a documentary and they were like,
porn is like the only place where you could be just like super stereotypical
and no one fucking bats an eye.
And Vine.
Maybe.
Maybe they are too.
But like in porn, it'll be like, white, white businessman millionaire
grabs young black hoe and takes her for a gang bang.
And it's like, that's kind of fucking take it easy to chill.
Yeah.
Like every every young black girl is like a round and brown princess
or or hood brown and brown.
Oh, my god.
And then every young white girl is not young white girl, excuse me,
but everybody's like small.
It's like petite teen.
Yeah.
You know, every white guy is like fucking muscular, hunk pizza delivery guy.
And then every black guy is like gangbanger.
Yeah, it's fucked up.
I know.
Do you do you know there's like a section of porn?
I love doing this because I know you don't watch porn.
I need to like, you know, whatever.
There's a there's a thing that people have where like women will answer
the door like fully naked when they order pizza.
And do what?
Just like that's their shit.
They'd like like like the guy's like, whoa, I mean.
But like it looks real because they blur everyone's faces and like there's no sex.
It's just her being like, oh, I'm sorry.
Like, you know, whatever.
And the guy's like, no, it's cool.
And he gives her like, you know, a pie.
And that's it.
That is a little weird.
Why is that?
What?
What are people watching to get off?
Well, well, well, people enjoy doing that.
But there also is people who like will jerk off in their cars and stuff.
And then like people will pass by.
You have big time crime.
That's a big time crime.
Big time crime.
That's sex offender crime.
Have you have you ever like been that like they did in the show Sex Education
where the kid was like, you know, I need to jerk off right now.
Jerks off in a car, which is not true.
Yeah.
However, you've jerked off in a car.
No, but there was one time I almost said, because I had such bad blue balls.
I was driving home and I was like, oh, my God.
My balls hurt.
My balls hurt so bad.
I thought about it like while the car was going.
Like I was going to stop.
Were you driving?
Yeah.
What else would I have been doing?
I don't know.
Is it like what's is it?
Like, do you get like a?
What kind of crime do you get like charged with?
Is that like a Dewey or something?
I think it's like driving while driving while horny driving.
No, D.W.H.
D.W.H.
Driving while he wrecked.
No, I think that you it's like indecent exposure.
And then I think you get like two.
If you get two strikes or three strikes, then you're a sex offender.
You're on that list, babe.
So that's, you know, that's a that's a crazy one to be.
Crazy.
I've never felt like, yo, I need to do this right now.
I'm on the road, but it doesn't matter.
Yeah, no, me neither.
Or I need strangers to like watch me.
I'm starting to go into supermarkets and like try and like film women's asses.
That's fucking weird.
There's very weird.
There's a bunch of videos that I've seen on TikTok of like girls filming
themselves at the gym doing some workout.
And there's like a guy in the background with his phone like, what the fuck?
What are you doing?
Why?
So all all our phone technology is given creeps, the ability to be more creepy.
Kind of all the time.
Handheld just just like starting to be like before, like you have to like wind up
your film in order to do that.
You know what I mean?
Like creeps used to have to like a camera back in the day.
You would need a fucking like a shoulder mount for it.
It's actually creepier with those dudes because these to like climb, you know,
fences, fences and like look into your room and shit.
Like peeping toms.
Yeah, like, I guess so.
But like now like peeping toms can just like fucking put their phone
in their chest pocket, their breast pocket.
Why are people so weird with that?
People are very weird.
And I get it, you know, if you want to watch that, you want to watch, you know,
whatever, whatever, do it.
But like, dude, you're going out there and you're like actually doing this to people.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'll never understand what makes it.
I actually, I think I've realized now that I have just a different libido
than most people because like I'm just cool with like my like just like life.
Like I don't need to sit there and like fucking like, oh, let me just fucking.
Little hoe gets fucking cream pie.
Like that it doesn't do it for me.
And I guess it's just because like I'm I've never like I felt like an urge
to be like, I need to come right now.
You never wanted to like get blown on a train.
I mean, I'm sure I have.
I'm sure I have, but like I've never like.
I've never had the urge to go and do it.
I've thought about the like the Europeans are always on trains.
So that I get that's the only method of transportation over there
because everything is so small.
They do trains a lot.
You know, it's kind of crazy.
Also, people like having sex and like, oh, you're in the Mile High Club.
I'd be like, dude, how does that even I could barely take a shit in an air?
Dude, I kid you not.
I don't know if it's because I've gotten larger and stature.
I can't turn without hitting my elbow.
Yeah.
So you want me and someone else to go in there and fucking have enough room
to do anything.
Literally, I wouldn't be able to wash my hands.
You literally, you know what it is?
It's like people talk about like being a part of the Mile High Club.
I can almost guarantee it is like outside of it being cool
because you're there are people all around, whatever.
It's like it's probably the worst sex people have had in their entire life.
I don't want to be in there like at all.
Like if I have to death, the only reason why I'm desperate.
That's the only reason why I go into an airplane bathroom.
I'm desperate.
That's the only reason to go in there and like lay down, take my pants.
There's no laying.
That's the thing is like it's all like you have to like fold your dick.
Yeah, but I can't.
I can't have to like hope it pops open in the person.
I can't have sex like just we're both just standing up.
Unless there's like I'm not that gift.
There's a there's a contortionist involved.
Yeah, I'm not that gifted and like think of like the best experience
you've ever had in your life.
There's there's probably a lot of like rolling and moving and space
and you don't have to just fucking be in this like tight quarter.
Yeah, you know, like that doesn't seem like it would be fun whatsoever.
Also, not for nothing.
The airplane toilets, the flush scares me.
Careful, it scares me.
The flush really scares me.
You are literally seconds away from having your intestines
sucked out of your ass.
Dude, dude, you ever sit on like a toilet that has an automatic flusher
and it goes off, it goes off when you're still sitting on it.
Yeah, I get mad.
I'm like, I suck my intestines out through my ass.
Yo, there have been times where I've legitimately like it hurt
sitting on a toilet like that because like the suction.
I remember I was at in high school.
I was at a girl's house and she was Asian.
I don't know if there's a correlation there.
The toilet was so small and I was sitting on it
and like it was like there was no space.
You know, you know what I'm saying?
Like, you know how the actual toilet, the bowl, the bowl itself was so small
that like me sitting on it basically sealed it.
OK, so I remember flushing and it legitimately was like Niagara Falls.
And I felt like wind.
It was windy by my butt.
You had a windy tush.
It was a windy place.
Damn, the windy shitty.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
That was a terrible joke.
That was a thank you.
My balls are fucking in Timbuktu right now.
They're riding up. Jesus, I'm sorry about that.
Wow. So that's a crazy thing.
So you think there may have been some Asian correlation to that?
I'm not going to confirm nor deny, but I'm sure they didn't put it in.
If you were to say, name a country on this planet
that's the smallest toilets, it's got to be an Asian country because
well, just like everything in Japan is like a little miniature.
Right. I don't know.
I don't know. I've been to Japan.
Me neither. I'd love to go.
I'd love to go to Japan, too.
What? You're a water boy now?
I can't do anything if you damn fucking the boy.
You're damn right. You're damn fucking right.
What are what are Joe?
Are you trying to do what I've been doing?
Like drink a gallon of water a day?
No, that's insane. Oh, no, it's not.
You can do it. No, I could, but I don't.
I just don't care that much.
Where do you have to go?
Nowhere. Exactly.
I have to be on the fucking road for work and life.
And that's terrifying.
I've peed in my car four times over the last week.
I that's what I'm saying.
I'd be fucking pissing on the road.
I told my wife, like, don't...
There's a bottle in there. Don't touch it.
Do not drink out of it.
No, it's empty because I pour my piss everywhere.
But just leave the bottle.
I can't remember the last time I pissed on a bottle.
I get, you know, is it a big bottle that you have
or is it just like a regular snack?
It's a bottle that is easy for me to pee in, you know?
But I have to pinch off early because...
See, I need a bigger bottle. I can't have that kind of...
No, no, no. It's the immediate...
Just get a bottle, dude, like a big bottle.
Like a Gatorade.
No, no, no, like even bigger.
No, because then you're going to hold more.
This is nice because I pee in it.
It gets close to the top.
I dump it on some random street corner, whatever.
Is that a crime?
I think it's just not cool.
I think it's just not sick.
I think that's what it is, just not sick.
As long as I'm not breaking the law, I'm good.
Well, so you're just dumping your piss everywhere.
Every single place.
All over Jersey, all over New York.
Maryland, Pennsylvania, Delaware.
Everyone's getting that piss.
My pee is worldwide, baby.
Yeah, you're like a really successful dog.
Very...
There are dogs that wish they could be me right now
because I'm just like, I'm doing the fucking...
He's covering states.
I'm living the doggy dream, baby.
Isn't that weird about dogs?
Like my dog will sniff, piss, and shit,
and then piss on it.
What are they doing?
Are they fighting?
That is so fucking awesome.
Are they?
Or when I walk both dogs,
like my mom's dog, he'll pee,
try to come over and just piss right on his piss.
And I'm like, dude, man, disrespectful.
Dude, the satisfaction that they probably get
from peeing on another dog's pee
is something I hope one day I can get to.
What is that about?
Is it like, fuck you?
Or is it like a sharing thing?
It's gotta be a fuck you thing.
It's gotta be a fuck you thing.
What else would it be?
He's never like shit on shit, though.
Like he just shits like randomly on like grass
and like whatever, but he'll piss on piss all the time.
I would imagine.
One time he pissed on shit,
and I was like, dude, we need to get out of here.
This is crazy.
Yeah, I was like, bro,
we need to get out here for someone to see us.
Yeah.
Because that's like, I assume, mad disrespect.
That's an act of war.
Yeah.
Amongst dogs.
That's OD.
I can't.
Can you imagine if the dog saw that?
I'm not gonna be around for that for all.
Yeah, that would be big trouble.
And he's not really like, you know, a fighter like that.
He's a little bitch.
Is he?
Yeah.
He's a big boy.
He could take someone down.
He's just, you know, I don't know.
I've seen him.
He's very good in like times of panic.
Like there's been like dog park fucking brawls
that he like gets away from.
And he like stands in front of me
and makes sure no one's comes near me.
He's, honestly, he could take me down.
And I'm not like, I'm no slouch, you know?
Like I think I could put up a good fight against a dog.
But like, I think if he really wanted to,
he could take me out.
You think you died by a pit bull?
There's no dog on this planet that can kill me
because I'm smarter than that.
I'm pretty sure there is one.
But yeah, like it's like fucking wolf.
Yeah, no, but it's like a big fucking,
they like hunt bears or something like they're fucking.
What?
Yeah, yeah, some fucking like crazy dog.
I don't know about that.
It's like a Tiberian something.
I don't know.
It's got a name that sounds like
something you dig out of the earth.
I don't think there's any.
If it's a dog, I'm smarter than it.
And I'm killing it.
Dogs are pretty smart.
I know they are, but like they're not smarter than me.
And there's no, they're not stronger than me either.
I could kill any dog on this planet.
I don't care.
I don't have it in me to kill a dog.
I could just feel like I would just let it gnaw on my arm.
I would be very upset.
I'm not saying I would be happy.
I'd probably just go for the eye.
Oh, I'm going straight for my legs.
I'm crushing that thing.
I know you don't have a dog also,
but if I am walking my dog and a dog attacks him,
your dog better be built for these legs.
Oh yeah.
I'm going to send it across the street.
Dude, Vinitari, send that thing right through the uprights.
But a dog that's like dangerous,
that like, yo, this could kill my dog.
I'm fucking beating the hell out of it.
I remember I knew someone that like their dog
was like attacked by another dog and they ran over it
as hard as they could kick this dog in the stomach
and it like, fuck that other dog up.
And it became like a legal battle.
I was like, well, what the fuck do you expect me to do?
Yeah, I don't.
If the dogs handle it?
No, this isn't like girl fights in middle school.
I also expect that from other people.
Charlie has never bitten anybody in his life
or even like shown his teeth or anything like that.
But if there's a tiny dog and he like goes after,
he's like grabbed him by his neck and they're bleeding,
like if their owner fucking does anything to Charlie,
like I have to be like, yeah,
I mean, he's gonna fucking kill your dog.
Yeah, well, I would, if it was my dog that was doing that,
I would fucking try to get them off too.
You know what I mean?
I would assume that's proper etiquette.
Like I'll hit my dog if it's trying to hurt your dog,
but if your dog tried to hurt my dog first,
then you're getting the bite back.
Throwing his hands at your dog.
Don't almost pause, babe.
Yeah, like something's happening to your dog.
Do you remember girl fights in middle school?
Yeah, terrifying.
Oh my God.
A girl wanted to fight me in like seventh grade.
Me too.
I was so scared.
I was very scared.
I was way more scared of that
than any other like person wanting to fight me in my life.
I saw a girl fight and then I got threatened by a girl
and I was like, I was ready to get beat up by like guys.
Like, you know, like, be like,
oh, just call your boys to fight me.
I would have been okay with that.
Dude, vicious.
Yeah.
Vicious.
Girls don't fucking, they don't play around.
They don't, they like pull, they just,
they only end up like naked and shit.
I've like, listen, guy fights can get bad,
but like guy fights for the ones that I've seen at least,
they're just like, they're two guys thinking
they're trying to be boxers.
Girls don't care how they look during a girl fight.
They're there to fucking kill somebody.
I'm gonna scratch her eye out like, bro,
crazy shit, fucking take them by the hair
and toss them around like rag doll.
I think I've told you this story before
and I think I've said it on the podcast before,
but I was like dating this girl in eighth grade
and then we broke up.
And then like two weeks later,
she got jumped by some girl, like, no,
she got jumped by like a couple of girls.
One of them was, I wanna,
I don't know how tall she was,
but I wanna say six foot tall.
And I remember thinking like,
thank God this happened after we broke up,
because if she's getting her ass kicked
by like three girls in front of the whole school,
I have to like stick up for her
and I'm gonna get my shit rocked,
especially in eighth grade, little Joey.
Yeah, there was a girl,
I think I've told this story too,
but when I was in sixth grade,
I had like probably like 20 girlfriends,
which was like, I like you, you like me,
you wanna be on board from girl from cool,
it lasts a week and a half
and then you never spoke to the person ever again.
But one of the girls,
I think I said it on the show,
a llama or a lamb or whatever her name is,
and I watched her get the fucking breaks
beaten off of her at the park by Vicky and Joanna.
Two on one.
And I said, I walked the girl home
because I felt bad,
made sure she was okay, and then it was over.
She broke up with you.
No, you broke up with her.
I had to, because she lost.
I was trying to keep up and fucking,
you know, I wasn't the toughest,
but I couldn't be seen with her
after she just got the fucking,
you know, the color beat out of her.
What the fuck?
That's a, that's a wild day for her.
She, I mean, I didn't break up with her that day.
It might have been a day or two later.
Oh, okay.
But she's such a nice guy.
Well, you know, I mean,
what do you do at that point in time?
You know, I mean, it's the right thing to do.
I don't know.
That's a, that's a, that's a toughie.
How the fuck did we just navigate through all of that?
What were we talking about?
All right.
We started off with gay wrestlers.
And then we went to,
and then where'd we go from there?
Let's try to, let's try to figure this out.
Gay wrestlers, we went to porn.
Porn, we went to like peeping toms,
peeping toms, we went to like dogs, being creeps,
being creeps.
Oh, like, and then the porn of like showing people
butts in the suit.
We got here because we were talking about water Joe.
You're a water boy now.
And then I was talking about peeing in the, in the,
in the car and then the dogs peeing.
And then I said, it's like a dog fight.
And then like a girl fight, and then here we are.
And then girls fighting.
Yes.
Yeah.
No, but there was this girl named Devin in middle school
that I want, like I had heard that she wanted to fight me.
And I was like, nah.
I was like, I'm standing near a teacher the whole day.
Girls named Devin are either evil or white,
which might go hand in hand sometimes.
But like all the girls named Devin that I knew,
one was just like this little white girl.
Nah, she was a Spanish girl and she would have whipped my ass.
Oh, was it with a Y?
No, DZON.
But she, she, she had fought multiple dudes before that too.
I am like, I know people that have also fought guys.
And I'm like so proud of them, like women that have fought
guys because it's like fucking good for you.
Like just don't stand for that shit.
I just feel like at a certain age,
like now I'm like terrified to fight people.
Like even like, if you're in a bar and like something,
cause people are nuts, dude.
You never know when someone like that would stick.
What was the last time you really almost got into a fight?
Probably like six years ago,
but it had nothing to do with me.
What was it?
It was like a thing happened with one of our friends
and some other person.
And like, there was like a shoving match
and I had to like be like, you know,
trying to remember what that was.
I would know, I assume, right?
You weren't there, but I would know of it
because you tell me everything.
There was one person back then
who was getting into fights all the time when you go out.
So you can guess who it is.
But yeah.
Okay.
Gotcha.
I hid that from you guys.
Yeah. So we went out and like,
I don't really know what happened,
but I just see like commotion.
I'm not a fighter.
I'm a lover.
Me neither.
I'm like, I want to get over there and be like, you know,
cause I feel like I'm a good talker
and I could like kind of defuse.
Especially when you're drinking, you are a good talker.
Yeah. So I've tried to like defuse the situation,
but like, you know, in those kinds of situations,
like I hate being in that situation
because I don't know if these dudes are like crazy.
They want to like break a bottle and stab somebody.
Like if we're just gonna get punched in the face, fine.
But like, you never know.
People are fucking nuts.
There was a video that came out the other day
that fucking psycho, he got cut off,
got out of his car and started shooting
into the back seat of some car.
What? Yeah.
It's fucking crazy.
And that's why my sister has crazy road rage.
Like she'll fucking scream at people
like when they're doing something wrong.
And I'm like, Shane, like eventually some dude
is just gonna be like,
he's gonna take a fucking nine iron.
And he's gonna just fucking punch the window in
and blast you in the face.
Like just don't.
I even, even not thinking that way.
I don't have really bad road rage.
Like I tend to just be like chill, you know?
Like that's, that's when people get up.
I never get mad at people cutting me off or whatever.
Like I get mad at people like driving recklessly
and like trying to not involve me,
but like if they're cutting me off slowly, fine.
But if you're like, like swerving it, then I get mad.
I'm like, yo, what the, like this guy is crazy.
He's like, danger to everyone on the road.
But I never get mad like if someone cuts me off
and we're like exiting or like, you know, I don't,
I really don't care.
The only thing that drives me crazy
is just sitting in traffic.
I can't. I don't mind traffic.
I do it so often.
I have no choice.
I like, it's, I'm hot and cold with it.
Some days I'm like cool with it.
Other days I'm like, I'm gonna lose my mind.
I end up feeling bad because when I'm in traffic,
I'm like, yo, someone better be dead.
Like I hope everyone's okay,
but for the amount of traffic we're sitting in,
there needs to be catastrophic injuries.
It's kind of, it's kind of wild.
And also like traffic makes no sense.
You ever have that conversation?
No, I used to think that way.
Traffic does make sense.
I get how it makes sense and like backs up,
but it's like, how is it literally?
It's not gradual.
You know what I'm saying?
Like you're in fucking dead stop traffic.
And then all of a sudden,
there's no like lane closures or whatever.
You're fucking flying.
I'm like, how?
It's rubber neckers, those sons of bitches.
I get it.
And it's funny because the irony is like,
I'm complaining about rubber neckers.
And then when I get to the point
that they are rubber necking at,
which by the way, rubber necking is when you just like
are being nosy and trying to see what's going on
as you're passing it.
I'm then being like, well, what the fuck
are these people rubber necking at?
Well, what the hell were they looking at?
What was it?
And I become part of the problem.
I feel like the highway should just be like a conveyor belt.
You drive your car on, you sit on it
and it goes one mile per hour and then you get off.
But then what happens if that one belt breaks?
Then you're in fucking, do you ever see that picture?
It went viral like years and years and years ago.
It was like, there was a fucking such a bad traffic jam
in China.
It was like a 10 mile highway comes to like
a fucking like three mile highway
and it was like the traffic was so bad.
People were in it for like three days or some shit.
Dude, you can have my car.
Three days?
Get the fuck out.
I would just leave it there and be like, yo, whatever,
tow it.
Like, it's got nothing to do with me.
I don't give a fuck.
Blow it up.
I don't give a fuck.
Three days?
Three days.
Blow it up.
That's when you order food from where you are.
Blow it up.
I got insurance.
Blow it up.
I don't care.
Crush it.
Get a crane, throw it.
I don't care.
It doesn't matter.
Dude, three days.
I wouldn't be able to do that.
Yeah.
I was like the worst.
I feel like I've been in situations where there was either
a car accident or the bridge or this and that.
And I was just like, nope.
Not doing this.
Like, I literally, or like, coming home from a Giants game
is like.
Oh, I know.
Brutal.
I know.
I know.
It's brutal.
And multiple times, you're in the tunnel
and I'm just like, if this doesn't start moving,
if I have to sit here for a half an hour, that's like my.
I would say an hour is my absolute limit of not
moving at all.
After an hour, do you want this car?
Do you want it?
Take this car.
Do something.
Dude, I'm walking.
It's so bad because we live in one of the epicenters
of fucking traffic in the United States.
Because anywhere you want to go to,
yo, I was talking about this the other day.
Living in Jersey has its benefits.
It really does because I can go 40 miles in 35 minutes.
Do you know how long it will take you to go fucking 10 miles?
Dude, an hour and a half.
To get from here to the west side of Manhattan is maybe.
Four miles?
Yeah, I was going to say five and a half miles.
Yeah, it's from here to the west side of Manhattan.
In a car, that will take you an hour.
I'll tell you exactly how long it is.
I'll tell you exactly right now how long
it would be to take you to get to the Holland Tunnel.
No, yes, the Holland Tunnel.
It's six and a half miles, and it's right now going to take
you fucking 45 minutes.
Six miles.
Kill me right now.
I'm ready to die.
Yeah, it's insane.
It's wild.
It's like that kind of stuff just drives me insane.
It's like, well, how much are you going to walk then?
I'm going to take my bike.
There's nothing you could do.
I think, well, no, you can probably walk like 18 minutes.
No, wait, you might be able to walk that.
No, no, no, no, no.
You can walk a mile in like 18 minutes
if you have like a decent pace.
So you get like halfway there.
I think, yo, I think honestly, if you and I left here right now,
I was, I was jogging and you were in your car.
I think I could get to a point in Manhattan before you could.
Without a doubt.
Without a doubt.
Yeah.
The bridge is right there.
I mean, you could go over the bridge.
The bridge is like a, like.
Forget about the bridge.
I'm just saying like in terms of like, you have to like go around
like avenues only one way.
None of it makes sense.
It doesn't.
It really, really doesn't.
We live in a place that just is just bullshit.
I just, I cannot sing it, babe.
Anyway, before we do that though.
Patreon.com slash the basement yard.
You go on there and you sign up.
You can get every single weekly episode a week in advance.
We actually approached and hit our mic, our marker of 8,500.
So we're doing a Power Hour episode next week.
And it's going to be tough.
You're sounding like a, like a cheetah.
Like a predator.
It's going to be tough.
But so we hit that.
We're trying to figure out what we're going to do for 9,000,
but go check out the patreon.
Patreon.com slash the basement yard.
Not only do you get a week in advance,
you also get exclusive content every single Friday nobody else gets.
Boom.
Yeah.
So next we have, next year we have, you know,
we got some sponsors.
We're only going to do two of them.
We'll do two later.
But we have stamps.com.
Stamps.com brings the services of the US Postal Service
and UPS right to your computer.
It's a must have for any business.
All right.
If you're doing a lot of shipping,
you're doing this and that,
or even if you're not doing,
if you don't have a business,
you could still use it just for shipping whatever you want.
It's very cost effective and it saves you a bunch of time
because it is 24 seven.
You can print any official US postage,
any package, any class of mail.
You know, once your mail is ready,
you just schedule a pickup or drop off and it's,
it's that simple.
You also get discounts up to 40% off post office rates
and up to 66% off UPS shipping rates.
All right.
These are big discounts.
So like I said,
you're not only saving time,
but you're also saving money.
It's a no brainer and there's no risk
with the promo code basement on stamps.com.
You get a special offer that includes a four week trial
plus free postage and a digital scale.
No long-term commitments or contracts
or anything like that.
Just go to stamps.com,
click on the microphone at the top of the homepage
and type in basement.
That's stamps.com
and the promo code is basement
and you'll get that four week trial.
So definitely go check them out.
And next year we have Honey.
Honey is just essential
if you're going to be doing any type of online shopping,
which you will be doing,
but it's a free browser extension
that basically scours the internet for promo codes
and applies the best one to your cart
so you could save the most money.
So it supports over 30,000 online stores.
They range from sites that have like
tech and gaming products
to popular fashion brands,
even food delivery.
But it's pretty much like automatic.
Like you're just shopping.
I have it on my laptop.
I have it on my computer.
You just shop on any site
and you'll see this dropdown menu
that says like apply coupons
and if there's a coupon out there,
then you save some money.
They have 17 million members,
over $2 billion in savings,
which is wild, okay?
So like I said, this is just happening
without even realizing.
It doesn't take a lot of time.
It doesn't take a lot of work.
You're just saving money.
Drop down menu, boom.
So if you're shopping online,
you're going to want to use this.
It's literally free
and it installs in a few seconds
and you'll be doing yourself
a solid here by saving money.
So to get Honey for free,
go to joinhoney.com
slash basement.
That is joinhoney.com
slash basement.
So if you want to save some money,
joinhoney.com
slash basement.
It's so sweet.
Yes.
This next thing I wanted to talk about,
I actually have pulled up here.
Ellie Kemper.
Ah, yes.
So not to be confused with Ed Kemper.
Who's that?
He's a serial killer.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
Ooh, Ed Kemper.
Ed Kemper.
I'm pretty sure that was his name.
Never heard of that guy.
Well, you didn't watch Mindhunter then.
Yep.
Ed Kemper.
What did he kill?
10 people.
Whoa.
I think he cut heads off and stuff.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, he did some stuff.
He's also, he's 6'9".
Are they related?
Well, that's...
His IQ is 145.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
I mean, if you're that tall, that's smart.
You can't fit in anything, so kill people.
So not to be confused with Ed Kemper.
We have Ellie Kemper.
Oh, so they're not related?
Not to my knowledge.
Okay.
Maybe.
I'm like waiting for the bad news here.
No, no, no.
So Ellie Kemper, obviously you know who she is.
Yes.
Office of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Right.
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Take your time.
And the office she plays, what's her name?
Aaron.
Aaron.
Aaron.
But yeah, apparently some news came out that in 1999 she was crowned the queen of
a ball that is allegedly linked to white supremacy.
I did hear about it.
So...
Back up real quick.
Yeah.
What makes a party a ball and not just like a dance?
Does there need to be a chandelier?
I think, well, that's a great question.
What is a ball?
What is a ball?
I feel like it's just like a white people's way of just naming something and making it
sound more important.
You know what?
Because like technically I guess we've gone to, we've gone to balls, right?
I've never, no, I've never been to a ball.
Would prom be a ball?
I think it's like a prom.
It's a dance.
It's a school dance.
What makes prom prom and not a ball?
I think a ball there's like adults involved.
There were adults involved in my prom.
Like they met gala.
Like that's a ball, right?
It's a gala.
What's a gala?
I thought a gala was like a, like an art thing.
Maybe it's a gallery.
And they just like, they're cool.
So they're like, cause it's the metropolitan gallery.
So they're like met gala.
It's the met gala ball.
Okay.
So it's just a dance.
What makes a ball a ball?
The dance.
No, it's just, we're talking about actual balls.
Oh.
It's like, well it's round and I'm like.
Oh.
That's how I'm talking about.
It's Google balls.
What is elasticity?
Google, Google balls.
Okay.
Famous balls.
I don't think we're going to get what we're looking for here.
I'll tell you what we got.
Balls.
Oh, like balls.
Men's balls.
Gotcha.
Um, this is a picture of a golden retriever with four tennis balls in its mouth.
It's pretty cool.
So we got that as well.
But anyway, I don't know what makes a ball.
I think it's just like a Southern way of saying this is a dance and we're going to like have
some conversations that probably we shouldn't be having in public.
Yes.
Yes.
Um, and that's kind of what makes it a ball.
So she's, uh, she's in the, she's a white supremacist.
Princess.
That would, she's like a white supremacist princess.
That would hurt because I love her.
I think she's great.
I don't know.
I mean, this was 1999.
How?
Oh, long ago when it was cool to be a white supremacist.
Right?
Well, yeah.
It was cool.
Um, how old is she?
She's got to be in her late thirties at the age of 37.
Elliot Kemper.
She's 41.
Okay.
What would that make her in 1999?
In 1999.
Well, is she 41 turning 42 or 41?
Oh, she was, she was 19.
Okay.
A lot different than what 19 year olds are doing nowadays.
Um, tick-tocking.
Tick-tocking.
Yeah.
Well, you said that matter.
I know.
We just spoke about that on Patreon.
Patreon.com.
Yeah.
So she won this thing.
Uh, it was in St. Louis.
The veiled profit ball.
Oh, that name is, that name is straight.
That's creepy.
Straight out of like a resident evil game.
All right.
So let me read this here.
The veiled veiled veiled.
The veiled profit ball is a secret fair originally formed in 1878 by elites to.
Okay.
Hold on.
Don't use the word elites.
That bing bing bing bing bing.
Yeah.
That's the secret word.
My, uh, alarms going off.
Yeah.
Anything secret created in the US with the term elites?
Racist.
Yes.
Um, the veiled profit ball is a secret fair originally formed in 1878 by elites to honor
the ritual of Mardi Gras.
What?
I don't even know what Mardi Gras is.
I think it's just like big eating.
It's boobies, isn't it?
Big eating and boobs.
Big, big eating?
Yeah.
Fat Tuesday or whatever they call it.
Like, does that have something to do with, what does Mardi Gras mean?
Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday refers to events of the carnival celebration beginning on or
after the Christian Feast of the Epiphany.
Feast!
Fat!
It's fat.
It's just like a, uh...
Being like busty.
That's why they love chits.
Is this a Christian holiday?
Really?
In fucking all places in New Orleans?
Isn't that like Ghost Town, USA?
Like voodoo and shit?
Yeah!
Yeah, I don't know.
Weird.
Um, uh, so to honor the ritual of Mardi Gras and reportedly associated with white supremacy.
Then, here's this, each year, a person is chosen by a secret board of local elites.
White.
Racist.
Racist.
Yes.
Um, to anonymously, okay, what the, this is so weird.
Each year, a person is chosen by a secret board of local elites to anonymously play the role
of the veiled prophet, who would then choose a queen of love and beauty to dance with and
receive a gift, such as a tiara or pearls.
What the fuck?
This is, you know what?
In 1999, cuz.
This is some QAnon shit.
They need to, I've never said this before, QAnon needs to get a hold of this story and
tell me what sense it makes.
But think about it, okay, a person is chosen by a secret board of local elites.
Okay, yes.
We get that.
Yep.
They're anonymously gonna play the role of the veiled prophet, who then would choose
a queen.
So is she not the veiled prophet?
There's a different veiled prophet?
I think that the prophet is secret, cuz they're veiled.
That's what it means by veiled.
Like, it's like, you don't know who it is, so she's just a meatbag representation of
the prophet, of the veiled prophet.
Meatbag?
Yeah, that's all we are.
Just meatbags.
Okay.
And she's then using her power as the queen of beauty and pageantry.
Oh my god.
Uh-oh.
This next part, I literally, not change as anything, but the veiled prophet is said
to be dressed with a white, clan style hood and robe while armed with a pistol and a rifle.
They're getting sneaky, these racists.
This isn't sneaky anymore.
These clan members are getting awfully sneaky.
Listen, you're not in the clan.
We're just gonna have a secret group of elites give you a gun.
Two guns.
A hood.
And uh...
We're gonna dance.
We're gonna dance with you.
We're just gonna hang out.
We're just gonna dance with you.
That's all we wanna do.
We wanna anonymously elect a 19-year-old white girl with guns.
And by the way, we consider ourselves the elite.
They're getting, you know what?
They thought they were sneaky, but no, no, no.
We saw you coming from a mile away, you sneaky racists.
You ain't gonna get good ol' Frankie over here.
So there was a CNN commentator who goes by the name of Keith Boykin.
I don't know how that is, but he said, uh, I don't know much about Ellie Kemper, but
growing up in St. Louis in 1970s and 1980, I remember the veiled prophet fair very well.
I was told it was only for white people.
The racial segregation was so normalized that people were just expected to know their place.
All right, now hold on.
I might say something that might be a little controversial.
I'm ahead.
I'm better looking than you.
I'm gonna say something else a little controversial.
Okay, cool.
I, unless it comes out that she has like been secretly like part of this elitist group,
I don't know if, if like people should, like, cause I can almost guarantee people are like,
yo, cancel it, Ellie Kemper.
Like we kind of need to know where she stands on this before we can like, first of all,
I, I, the idea of cancel culture is a little, I'm not all on board with it just during that
idea out there.
But like maybe we should get some more information before we try to ruin this woman's life.
Yeah, I mean, just an idea.
Well, I mean, it's not looking good.
Let's say that it's not a good look to be involved in this, obviously, the deck is stacked against
her right now.
Yeah.
So she needs to probably say something like, Hey man, I didn't even know what the fuck
was going on.
I was 19 and they like, and that's fair.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Joe.
I mean, let's be honest.
If, if some random blocked number called you and said Joey, we're the elites of a story.
They want me to be a princess.
We want you to be Prince, um, Ali, fabulous, he, Ali, a boboa.
Am I going to get a gun?
You'll get two guns.
Okay.
And all you need to do is just dance with us in this white robe, 19 year old Joey.
First question he's asking is open bar.
Yeah.
Also, also where does it wear the sluts where the sluts, where the sluts, yeah.
I mean, I just, you know, I do, is she racist?
Who the fuck knows?
I don't know if she was over there with a hood on, like firing off rounds into the ceiling.
I'm going to be like, listen, yeah, that then that might be a bad look if she has since
like come out and said, like, yo, that is fucked up.
I shouldn't have done that.
I was 19.
I was literally like brainwashing this society that marginalized people of color.
And I've learned why that was wrong and never something I spoke about because of that.
And I didn't want to relive it different.
But if she just comes out and she was like, that never happened.
Yeah, I don't know.
Fucking Ellie Kemper.
Oh, like she like post like a TBT like, oh, that was sick.
But a different journalist.
What are they dancing to?
Beethoven, probably.
I don't know.
Okay.
No Millie Vanilly was going on over there.
Fuck no.
Hell no.
Okay.
So another another person said, a lot of you all have never learned reading comprehension,
reading comprehension, and it shows I can't read veiled profit ball eventually diversified
allowing African Americans to join in 1979, 20 years before Ellie Kemper was crowned.
They also changed the name.
So.
Okay.
But that doesn't mean that, you know, they still weren't like, this is why we're learning
about this as it's happening.
This is pretty much new.
Yeah.
You think I know anything about a ball?
No, we don't.
We've never been to one as far as we know.
Well, how do I secretly be a part of a ball?
I mean, anything I guess could be a ball if it's just fancy enough.
I've never seen guns and hoods.
What if I called the wet my wedding that never happened twice?
Oh, my, my love ball.
You want us to go to your to love your ball?
Welcome.
Welcome, everyone.
You are cordially invited to your ball, the love ball joining of, you know, Frank and
Becca.
What makes a ball a ball?
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
I don't know.
Maybe racism.
Yeah.
That's like the in Borat, they had like the nothing really happens like good happens
at balls.
Like the debutant ball that they had in Borat, literally where they were just like, yo, like
sell your daughter, dude, dude, it was so strange.
These grown men are there.
They're dressed up.
Their daughters are there.
And like the daughters are like into it and like there's a dance.
It's like, what the fuck are we doing?
Like I get like tradition and this and that, but also like guys, just back up, look at this
and go, yo, what the fuck are we doing?
There's a difference between like, like tradition, like, oh my God, our tradition is that we
eat dinner together.
And then tradition, like my fucking 60 year old father is going to auction me off to another
man, another richest white man in the room.
It's just, that's not tradition as much as it's fucking weird.
Well, it is weird.
It's weird.
And also in that, in that fucking movie, the new Borat movie that came out, he asked
some guy goes, how much do you think he can get for my daughter?
And the guy's just like laughing or whatever and he's like $500.
I was like, what?
You're answering?
I don't know if that's insulting to his daughter or like, I mean, I don't know the market.
That could be a very good markup.
That might be.
I'm definitely not touching that with a long, damn, do you think, imagine that imagine
you have like, someone's like 25 blocks and you're like, all right, yo, legitimately.
Yeah.
Okay.
You, I'm at a ball.
You're at a ball, you shave, you go get your weekly haircut, you get all dressed up in
your talks, you look, you're to the nines, babe.
You look great.
Okay.
What do you think realistically is the winning bid for an auction for a night with Joe San
Angato?
No fans in there.
Just people that see you for you.
Is it like an old crowd?
The crowd is a mixture of, it depends like what kind of crowd it is.
Like I would say it's, it's predominantly like predominantly middle-aged men and women.
Are they rich?
With money.
So you're tight.
And, and then there's, you know, there's like a smidge of like, you know, like 28 year
old entrepreneurs.
All right.
I would say 10 grand.
Do you think that's the winning bid for you?
Cause I don't know the floor.
I don't know what bidding was.
What bid, what would bid start at?
Bids, bid start net $500.
Bids start net $500.
Bids start net $500.
Bids start net $600.
What do you think is the winning bid for Joe San Angato?
This starts at eight, starts at $500.
I'll probably, you'll probably get like $6,400 maybe.
Okay.
I think that's pretty realistic for you.
Yeah.
I think I'm capping $250.
$250?
Yeah.
I don't think a lot of people are paying a lot for nights with me.
Yeah.
But if you get up there and you like pull your leg up, cause you're very flexible, maybe
you get a old woman to do like, maybe paying up for this guy.
this guy if I do my best country music impression maybe yeah $240 oh fuck what
the wrong way all right let me get to these the rest of these ads and then I
have a question I want to post to you oh boy all right so next ad we have here is
MVMT MVMT they make watches they make some jewelry they make blue blue light
glasses it's great on the people price points their watches they have the
quality of the $400 to $500 watch you know you're that usually you're paying
that at the department store but they cost just a fraction of the price
because they were built online and own their own process from start to finish
they're great I have a bunch of glasses from them I have a bunch of watches from
MVMT they have great shit so definitely go check them out also their blue life
they're blue light glasses I suggest them to anybody because they're super
stylish the ones that they have and you know if you're looking at your phone or
you're watching TV at night or you're in front of a screen all day it's probably
better that you have blue light glasses so you could filter out some of the bad
stuff for your eyes so they're less strained and whatnot so definitely go
check them out and if you want to elevate your look with style that doesn't
break the bank then join the movement and get 15% off today with free shipping
and free returns by going to MVMT.com slash basement that is MVMT.com slash
basement for 15% off with free shipping and free returns like I said they have a
bunch of stuff definitely go check them out they have a lot of a lot of cool
shit and lastly here we have pretty litter pretty litter is kitty litter
reinvented unlike traditional litter pretty litter has super light crystals
that trap odor and release moisture resulting in dry lote maintenance litter
that doesn't smell I gave a bag to my friend and med I also gave a bag to my
neighbors because they have a cat I don't have a cat I'm allergic but pretty
litter is made safe for your cat and also they rave about it they love it the
best part about this kitty litter is not just the fact that it like traps the
odor and does everything that it's supposed to do but also it's this
world's smartest litter it's a health indicator so it monitors your cat's
health by changing colors when it detects potential underlying issues you
won't find that kind of innovation in conventional litter so it's great so
you know anything that's going to keep your cat healthy or you get to monitor
it you know a little better is great so definitely go check out pretty litter
it's made safe for your cat and you it's ultra absorbent minerals and it's
virtually dust-free but yeah get the world's smartest litter without leaving
home by visiting pretty litter comm and use the promo code basement for 20% off
of your first order that is pretty litter comm promo code is basement for 20%
off of your first order okay one more time pretty litter comm promo code
basement there you go folks but yeah the question that I wanted to ask you about
this Ellie Kemper thing is is it better or worse that she won I think cuz like I
need to know what the criteria is to win let me just do they ask you like alright
so well what are fountains none you know like what is it like one of those
where they're like what are your dreams for the world and they make them answer
like what did she have to say to win you know but apparently it's these elitists
racists lizard people yeah that pick who wins I'm just saying this Ellie Kemper
she's getting that what fucking water bottle we're about pretentious prick
64 ounces um Ellie Kemper right yes sir I guess to rephrase my question another
way if she had lost early round two are we talking about this she got the
crown I think I think well maybe they make her the best racist or does that
make her this makes her racist let's talk let's say that real quick obviously
before I know I know before everyone cuz you know people are on the fucking
Twitter and they're like that's it she's a racist confirmed I don't know that
she's racist I always saw she never liked Mindy Kaling yeah I like we don't
know that she's racist I also don't know that she's not racist though I know
that she probably got some uncles who believe some things that are probably
a little outdated don't we all yeah you know so you know there's some stuff there
but is she racist I don't know I think that she was 19 and and won a thing and
but it all depends society that probably fucking taught her that people that were
different than her were evil and committed crimes because they were
savages so but it also like it really depends on you know what so the
criteria to win this is the thing it's I need to know what exactly I need to
know what they had to go through to be selected so if they just had to be white
that's one thing I mean you know you're that's you know white people carrying
up guilt okay no but I think you know if they like you said if they had to answer
questions yeah so like yeah if they were like all right all right me's camper
let me ask you here I should probably chill yeah yeah yeah but you were gonna
probably yeah if they like they were like leading her on to say something if
they were like all right like what's your idea of the perfect world and like if
she like gave the best answer to these people yeah like then we have a problem
right right right if it was just like you know what of all the people we find I
like this one because she's the whitest yep that's different that's not her
fault because how many times you see videos of like the Miss America pageant
and they're like oh like well how do you believe we end world hunger and like you
know they they're up there and they give some answer that's either really eloquent
or just the dumbest thing you've ever heard yeah no in between nope if she had
to do something like that we got a problem yeah like it would be one thing if
you were just chosen based off like just whatever being white but if you like
earned it then that may be yes there's some there's you know so I said listen
like from everything I've seen the belly Kemper I enjoy her work I think she's
talented from what I've seen let's pump the brakes before we're like making a
definitive like she's a racist if she had to go out there and like sell them
yeah you know because like I give it like racist answer wasn't like when we
went to that game show where it was like tell us three facts about you and it's
like oh well my name is Stephanie I am working on coffee shop yeah I love the
camera you know like if she had to like fucking like hammered up and she was
like oh well thank you for picking me yeah you know like if she wowed the
judges we're gonna have some questions then we got the problem yeah then we're
gonna be like okay what did she say yeah what does she do absolutely yeah but
if it's just like this veiled prop first of all change the name also change the
costume yes just I hate to break it to you or name tag look at the name itself
veiled profit it's supposed to be hidden when you're in a big white robe you ain't
hiding from nobody also veiled profit just sounds like you know like a secret
government missile mission I'm pretty sure the Zodiac called himself a veiled
profit at a point in time did he maybe that was a good movie it was who's that
Jillian Hall Jake Jillian Hall Downey Jr. Ruffalo wait what yeah Jake Jillian
Hall Robert Downey Jr. Mark Ruffalo directed by David Fincher David Fincher
that's a good guy give me one other movie he directed didn't he do social
network he did hey it's my boy what else give me one more I know you know one
more yes you do because it's one of your favorite movies one of my favorite
movies yep airbud no
fight club yes all right so growing up here's the thing right growing up I was
like dude fight club love that movie was so awesome and then I when I grow up and
now you hear people say their favorite movies fight club you're like this guy's
a fucking asshole yeah you know but I still like the movie but I hate telling
people like I know I know my favorite movie but it's definitely like one of my
favorites it's like the people like growing up or like you know you you hear
people talking like oh my god sopranos is such a good show and then you see
people that have like the phone background is Tony soprano and it's like
problem pump the brakes yeah buddy yeah let me let me find out you like
Zeppely's yeah exactly how about goal it just because you like your fucking
monocot doesn't mean that you're a hit man okay my go down like fucking chill
out yeah that's people's entire personality now you like sopranos yeah
he's like a cop a cool yeah that's pretty good I'm pretty good with my Tony
soprano impression close your eyes
lacing up calm yes yes oh you wanted to grab the fuck I got a goal yeah
there's better how did they get got a goal from that I don't know I don't know
they do with they're just lazy with like the like the words and on foods
cop a coal became Gabba ghoul my neck caught man a cotton became monoglott
calamari got a ma got a ma da yeah golem ad mozzarella mozzarella much
much more so they'll move to much that l yeah that's what they do much that l yeah
come on chill out everyone you're actually so a tech talk that like I was
like this is I love this so much it was like a girl who like clearly was from
New Jersey like the shore and was doing like here's how Jersey girl says it and
here's how like other people say it and like they were doing like oh mozzarella
and this guy's like mozzarella like whatever and then it was like then like
an actual person from Italy yeah was like pronouncing the words and it was
like mozzarella yes I know yeah that's how you fucking say it not much much
much else yeah shoo you tell oh that's the one that gets me every time I don't
even know how to say it boy Adele yeah I don't that's not a word that I could
spell say or it's here or I one time had to look it up and I just like in my
phone when I was your boy Adele and I don't know I don't know what came up
boys you tell I'm pretty sure we tell I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get fired for my
job soon I accidentally don't ask me how this happened I accidentally searched the
word hug hug hug hug hug what popped up a guy hugging a fucking fat penis no
oddly enough high schools it was a little weird high schools yeah like the
name and like a hug hug high school I guess like the roaring hogs I don't know
what it was but when I googled the word hug hug how did you do that by accident
what the fuck are you looking at don't ask I I wasn't looking at anything my
work phone was in my pocket and it must have been like one of those things were
like it like accidentally like did like the voice command and maybe I was
saying something wrong like you know like I gotta drive on down you know for
the bug god you know something I would have said that sounded like hug hug what
the fuck did you say I have to drive down for the bug god I don't know I just
that's what I'm saying I don't know what it what sounds like hug hug not bug
the hug hug hug hug hug hug hug oh god oh god yeah you're probably like oh god
yeah peeing in the car oh god I'm oddly very quiet when I'm doing that I'm well
yeah I also basically stand up and drive at the same time very dangerous you're
like in traffic you're like trying to hide your penis yeah I always like I like
it's very dangerous don't do it you're like
I've mastered driving and peeing good for you thanks man I'm not super great at a lot
but that knock it out of the park you ever think about that what is there anything in
the world that you're the best at and I'm thinking right now I'm the best at driving
and peeing at the exact same time that's definitely not true hi who's better I mean I
don't have the statistics in front of me but I'm assuming there's someone out there who's like
really nice at it I would think I'm in at least the top five what if you had a really poop
I heard a story about Bobby Lee and he said that he was driving and had his
shit so bad and didn't know what to do so he pulled over and just shit in his backseat
could you fucking that's a nightmare dude that's wild that is an absolute dude pull over
and like run into the woods or something like I mean depends on where you are he lives out in LA
where you gotta fucking run there you ever shit in the woods yes me too I remember when you did it
well I've done it a couple times couple times really yeah are you just pinching off and walking
away or are you wiping with a with a leaf sometimes you know sometimes sometimes I'm
like if I'm close to home I'm like I'm not even gonna like I'm gonna get I just knew you get out
of here wow yeah that's impressive you gotta be careful too because our friend one of our friends
Dylan he just let everyone know he uh he told me a story about when he was little he had to
shit so bad he was shitting outside he's like so I leaned up against a tree it pulled down my pants
he's like can I shit and I shit right into my underwear oh that's amazing oh no I mean just
take the underwear off then yeah but also you shit your pants from a distance so that's like
do you know my whole like week would be ruined if if I like a Bobby Lee like shitting in your
back seat dude I would be fucking miserable for a long time I wouldn't be able to I'd have to get
rid of the car bro driving with shit in your back seat I mean I assume he fucking scooped it out
or something I mean eventually yeah but I mean not right away oh I don't know I don't know I don't
remember I didn't like stay too long you should ask him I mean it's that was like good enough for me
to know that that was an option oh my god the thought process of like not there I'm gonna go back
there and do this yeah I mean I could I guess I could see it it's like I mean I hope you had
his windows tinted he had his windows down fucking trap that smell oh yeah and he's out in LA it's
it's hot over there you know cook that poop but you know what at a certain point like you just like
live in your own stink you should be all right live in your own stink yeah oh when you smell so
bad that you don't smell bad anymore yeah like you just like you you're so used to your own smell
it's like it doesn't even bother you you ever get farts like that I get just living like that
like you just seeps out of you yeah and you're like this is a cloud of dust I have
God bless Becca because she's either a great liar or she has the worst nose on the planet
because I'll be like holy shit I smell so bad she's like I smell nothing like you like you don't
smell you have no b.o. so I think at this point she's just a liar yeah that's good nice good for
her that's what I'm saying yeah um but sometimes you know you're like bro I'm like crust like I'm
just disgusting oh my god there are sometimes but I really like my smell
what I like my own stench like just a stinky fucking bitch like gross and you're like this is dope
yeah so you cross a threshold where you're like oh ill ill all right now yeah and I'm honestly
I'm starting to think that my stench like whatever juices make it in like my grendel area it's like
it has like the properties of bleach and I'll tell you why I don't even know what you mean by that
like you're cleaning your bathroom with it bro listen up there have been times where I've worn
boxer briefs and I've taken them off and the coloration by my gooch is then gone
so I wonder if that like whatever the smell is that's making like the juices that are making
that smell if they have the properties of bleach because and I don't bleach any of my clothes
there's no bleach like in anything so could it just be that like our bodies naturally produce a
form of bleach I think whatever's happening down there it could be radioactive it definitely is
and it's and it's it's changing the color of your underwear yeah I'll show you a before and after
a before and after like yo like no it's not you could probably make big money on the panty market
listen if there's someone out there that wants to buy my fucking gross boxers
yeah there is holy shit dude for real but serious question go would you consider doing that if
someone was like I'm gonna pay you $30 a boxer no way more but you could send them a package of
like five boxers you just made cake no 75 at least whoa I listen if someone it likes my if someone
likes my stink that much I know that it's good okay but because it's bad you know what I mean supply
demand baby baby um so what if they told you this yeah they were like okay I'll do 75 but
you really gotta like you know I'm saying like go for a long walk no problem
what if they told you because I've talked to a woman on opl before who she does his panty stuff
and a lot of people pay they pay top dollar for uh yeast infection panties so um also maybe if you
shit yourself that could help I don't care how much money is being offered I'm not shitting myself
unless it's a lot of money yeah it would take a lot for me to shit my pants I would say at least
like 20k to shit my pants what about to piss your pants how much worse than shitting your pants
why because that you gotta you gotta wear with you you need new pants if I can shit if I if I
shit myself in my boxes I just take the boxes off clean up put the pants back on go command over
the rest of the day I don't know what kind of shits you're taking but it doesn't work out that way
in theory you would like to think it goes that way I would hope so yeah but it's not
either way like it would be more like the pee you wear with you and it stinks yeah the shit like
you stinks the shit stinks it can but not like pee like there's a pee I'd rather smell shit than piss
no yeah no that's where you're wrong because shit I can be like oh my god what is that smell
how much money to piss your pants are you like offering
9000 patrons you stand in the shower and you piss in your pants I need I need more money
9000 patrons I see that is more money I see half a percent oh don't even start with that
no not 9000 I would say if we ever made 10 000 I'll pee on your foot then pee on my own pants
what dude I'm I'm getting literally pissed on by another human so pissing your pants is a joke
I don't know 92 92 11
92 11 oh 11,000 11,000 no 11,000 bro it can't be after you piss on me are you fucking crazy
that's not happening it's a can no it ain't I'd rather pee on you than pee on myself yeah no fucking
kidding but I have to take piss from another man would you rather pee on me or pee on yourself
piss on myself 10 times what then piss on you yeah oh no if I'm you that's what I'm saying yeah
like I don't make sense if I would rather not get pissed on then then like I'd rather piss myself
if I could piss myself right you can right I'd rather do that than get pissed on yes but what
I'm saying is would you rather pee on me or pee on yourself pee on you exactly so if you're asking
me to piss myself it needs to be bigger than what it would take to pee on you of course of course
but I'm saying it's not fair because it doesn't matter if it's fair this is your empire this is an
there's an exchange of piss so you just have to have it in your head of like okay if we're going
by numbers here this one's worse clearly that's worse getting for one of us getting pissed on
by someone else and getting pissed on by yourself getting pissed on by yourself you would take that
10 times out of 10 of course so it has to be before that but the question is not if you are
going to piss yourself and then I'm going to piss on you it's I am going to piss on you or I'm
going to piss myself so if I'm putting myself through the shame I want it to be higher at which
the threshold is that I'm going to piss on you why don't we let them decide no because then they'll
be like no 91 yeah 9000 patrons is this something about pissing yourself that's so funny to me
um yeah I I haven't done it in a very long time that's not true every time I pee myself every day
a little bit but everyone does like gray sweatpants piss or like jeans piss no pissing a gene I'm
gonna have to stay for a day well I'm gonna have to fucking wash and dry my pants I'm gonna how do
you clean I guess you just saturate it and water and soap and then you then you throw them in the
washer yeah yeah all right or just buy a brand new pair and pissing that's what you would do yeah
for my old navy that but no like a $20 pair of jeans just slam them that's what you would do Joey
would pee his pants and instead of just watching them he would get all new pants and then flooring
piss myself my living room and then move out that's what you would do I need I need a new place
all right we'll figure out we're gonna get some piss flowing one of these days but we're gonna have
to figure it out I mean Lord knows I've been drinking enough water it'll come easy I'll I'll
say this I would rather me piss my pants at 10 000 then you have you piss on my foot
okay but then you have to do 9 000 there has to be something nope why it why yeah well you're
gonna get selected for the next veil profit I just got fucking slammed in the ass by the by the uh
what's it called by the enema I got enema'd I enema'd myself I was like what are you telling me
here live on fucking no I got I did the enema so now it's your turn and then I'll piss my pants
oh we'll see shit your pants definitely not yeah that's 20 000 that's that's 20
also shit shit my pants sitting down 25 000 yeah 25 k because of not only like just the
what it's gonna do to me mentally I'm gonna need a lot more money that would be a terrible day
I don't even know how to clean that I have that I wouldn't ask you if I could get new legs
yo honestly you I would just be like yo put me in the bathroom and don't and like just
got it and get a new bathroom yeah that's what I would help you I'd be like yo take take yeah
all right we'll figure something out uh but yeah we're gonna find you Frank uh f alvars 8085 on
twitter the frank alvars on instagram and on twitch and then I got my new schmo down match
it's right your boy over here competitor in the movie trivia schmo down for the usual sus effects
June 23rd it's going down playing against Jess Schloth sounds like schlong she's careful
just saying I don't know it does uh nice nice person but I'm gonna have to lay the hammer
down yeah just destroy her so go check it out all right uh you can follow me at joseph and I
gotta go follow the show at the baseman yard on tiktok and instagram and to our patrons
like I said we've been talking about piss if you want one of us to piss ourselves
join the patreon we're gonna figure it out uh right now we've been making fun of people that
have like weird like things that they're into we're just giving people free jerk off material
yeah piss pee yeah I'm sure this people would jerk off to piss but whatever not me um but yeah
patreon.com slash the baseman yard to join up you get uh every episode a week ahead and you also
get a extra episode every single week and access to all the extra ones we've ever done uh so definitely
check that out patreon.com slash the baseman yard and that is all see you guys next time bye