The Basement Yard - #298 - The Racist Prom Queen

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

Frank & Joe discuss the Ellie Kemper controversy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Chuck. Remember Chuck? Remember Chuck and Billy? Who's Chuck and Billy? The wrestlers? Oh, oh. Welcome back to the basement yard. I didn't know he, I thought you were talking about like our friends.
Starting point is 00:00:07 Chuck and Billy. No, Billy and Chuck, the wrestlers, and their whole thing was like, they're gay, but they're not gay. What? You don't remember that? No, who's that? Dude, fucking Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo. Oh.
Starting point is 00:00:18 Welcome back, that's not Patreon, basement yard. Billy, Billy Gunn was gay. Billy Gunn, no. He was the ass man. He was the ass man. We were. But men's asses? So he was in a tag team with?
Starting point is 00:00:31 Happy Pride Month. Yes, hell yeah. Men's asses? Men's asses. He was with, they put him with a manager, a guy by the name of Rico, and his gimmick was like, he was like this like hairdresser that like people were like, is he gay? And I think they even like on TV called him like a fag or something.
Starting point is 00:00:46 Whoa. They might have erased that from history. Vince McMahon, don't sue me please. Well, he's well documented like saying the n-word on TV. Yeah, if you don't know what that is, go look it up. Yeah. And they put him together and their thing was like they were just like homoerotic and like they were just like running on each other like, oh yeah, you look so.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Their song was, you look so good to me. And their thing was like they're going to marry each other on TV. Oh wow, this is kind of groundbreaking back then. Well, no, because they were just making fun of it though. They were like kind of being fucked up. Oh, why do we not remember them? You don't remember the shit at all? Dude, I remember Stone Cold Rock.
Starting point is 00:01:27 They did a wedding and Rico was like, all right, now kiss. And they were all like, what? We're not gay. Really? And then Eric Bischoff had them beat up. Dude, wrestling is insane. Fucking wild, dude. What year was this?
Starting point is 00:01:41 2004, 2003. My god. Wrestling in porn, you can say that most racist, ridiculous shit no one cares. Porn. Yeah. I porn like banned some guy who had like swastika tattoos. Yeah, I think they draw the line at the Nazis. But I remember watching a documentary.
Starting point is 00:01:57 We all draw the line at the Nazis. Yeah. I remember watching a documentary and they were like, porn is like the only place where you could be just like super stereotypical and no one fucking bats an eye. And Vine. Maybe. Maybe they are too.
Starting point is 00:02:14 But like in porn, it'll be like, white, white businessman millionaire grabs young black hoe and takes her for a gang bang. And it's like, that's kind of fucking take it easy to chill. Yeah. Like every every young black girl is like a round and brown princess or or hood brown and brown. Oh, my god. And then every young white girl is not young white girl, excuse me,
Starting point is 00:02:38 but everybody's like small. It's like petite teen. Yeah. You know, every white guy is like fucking muscular, hunk pizza delivery guy. And then every black guy is like gangbanger. Yeah, it's fucked up. I know. Do you do you know there's like a section of porn?
Starting point is 00:02:56 I love doing this because I know you don't watch porn. I need to like, you know, whatever. There's a there's a thing that people have where like women will answer the door like fully naked when they order pizza. And do what? Just like that's their shit. They'd like like like the guy's like, whoa, I mean. But like it looks real because they blur everyone's faces and like there's no sex.
Starting point is 00:03:19 It's just her being like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, you know, whatever. And the guy's like, no, it's cool. And he gives her like, you know, a pie. And that's it. That is a little weird. Why is that? What?
Starting point is 00:03:28 What are people watching to get off? Well, well, well, people enjoy doing that. But there also is people who like will jerk off in their cars and stuff. And then like people will pass by. You have big time crime. That's a big time crime. Big time crime. That's sex offender crime.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Have you have you ever like been that like they did in the show Sex Education where the kid was like, you know, I need to jerk off right now. Jerks off in a car, which is not true. Yeah. However, you've jerked off in a car. No, but there was one time I almost said, because I had such bad blue balls. I was driving home and I was like, oh, my God. My balls hurt.
Starting point is 00:04:00 My balls hurt so bad. I thought about it like while the car was going. Like I was going to stop. Were you driving? Yeah. What else would I have been doing? I don't know. Is it like what's is it?
Starting point is 00:04:10 Like, do you get like a? What kind of crime do you get like charged with? Is that like a Dewey or something? I think it's like driving while driving while horny driving. No, D.W.H. D.W.H. Driving while he wrecked. No, I think that you it's like indecent exposure.
Starting point is 00:04:27 And then I think you get like two. If you get two strikes or three strikes, then you're a sex offender. You're on that list, babe. So that's, you know, that's a that's a crazy one to be. Crazy. I've never felt like, yo, I need to do this right now. I'm on the road, but it doesn't matter. Yeah, no, me neither.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Or I need strangers to like watch me. I'm starting to go into supermarkets and like try and like film women's asses. That's fucking weird. There's very weird. There's a bunch of videos that I've seen on TikTok of like girls filming themselves at the gym doing some workout. And there's like a guy in the background with his phone like, what the fuck? What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:05:00 Why? So all all our phone technology is given creeps, the ability to be more creepy. Kind of all the time. Handheld just just like starting to be like before, like you have to like wind up your film in order to do that. You know what I mean? Like creeps used to have to like a camera back in the day. You would need a fucking like a shoulder mount for it.
Starting point is 00:05:23 It's actually creepier with those dudes because these to like climb, you know, fences, fences and like look into your room and shit. Like peeping toms. Yeah, like, I guess so. But like now like peeping toms can just like fucking put their phone in their chest pocket, their breast pocket. Why are people so weird with that? People are very weird.
Starting point is 00:05:42 And I get it, you know, if you want to watch that, you want to watch, you know, whatever, whatever, do it. But like, dude, you're going out there and you're like actually doing this to people. I don't know. I don't know. I'll never understand what makes it. I actually, I think I've realized now that I have just a different libido than most people because like I'm just cool with like my like just like life.
Starting point is 00:06:02 Like I don't need to sit there and like fucking like, oh, let me just fucking. Little hoe gets fucking cream pie. Like that it doesn't do it for me. And I guess it's just because like I'm I've never like I felt like an urge to be like, I need to come right now. You never wanted to like get blown on a train. I mean, I'm sure I have. I'm sure I have, but like I've never like.
Starting point is 00:06:27 I've never had the urge to go and do it. I've thought about the like the Europeans are always on trains. So that I get that's the only method of transportation over there because everything is so small. They do trains a lot. You know, it's kind of crazy. Also, people like having sex and like, oh, you're in the Mile High Club. I'd be like, dude, how does that even I could barely take a shit in an air?
Starting point is 00:06:45 Dude, I kid you not. I don't know if it's because I've gotten larger and stature. I can't turn without hitting my elbow. Yeah. So you want me and someone else to go in there and fucking have enough room to do anything. Literally, I wouldn't be able to wash my hands. You literally, you know what it is?
Starting point is 00:07:02 It's like people talk about like being a part of the Mile High Club. I can almost guarantee it is like outside of it being cool because you're there are people all around, whatever. It's like it's probably the worst sex people have had in their entire life. I don't want to be in there like at all. Like if I have to death, the only reason why I'm desperate. That's the only reason why I go into an airplane bathroom. I'm desperate.
Starting point is 00:07:24 That's the only reason to go in there and like lay down, take my pants. There's no laying. That's the thing is like it's all like you have to like fold your dick. Yeah, but I can't. I can't have to like hope it pops open in the person. I can't have sex like just we're both just standing up. Unless there's like I'm not that gift. There's a there's a contortionist involved.
Starting point is 00:07:44 Yeah, I'm not that gifted and like think of like the best experience you've ever had in your life. There's there's probably a lot of like rolling and moving and space and you don't have to just fucking be in this like tight quarter. Yeah, you know, like that doesn't seem like it would be fun whatsoever. Also, not for nothing. The airplane toilets, the flush scares me. Careful, it scares me.
Starting point is 00:08:07 The flush really scares me. You are literally seconds away from having your intestines sucked out of your ass. Dude, dude, you ever sit on like a toilet that has an automatic flusher and it goes off, it goes off when you're still sitting on it. Yeah, I get mad. I'm like, I suck my intestines out through my ass. Yo, there have been times where I've legitimately like it hurt
Starting point is 00:08:27 sitting on a toilet like that because like the suction. I remember I was at in high school. I was at a girl's house and she was Asian. I don't know if there's a correlation there. The toilet was so small and I was sitting on it and like it was like there was no space. You know, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know how the actual toilet, the bowl, the bowl itself was so small
Starting point is 00:08:48 that like me sitting on it basically sealed it. OK, so I remember flushing and it legitimately was like Niagara Falls. And I felt like wind. It was windy by my butt. You had a windy tush. It was a windy place. Damn, the windy shitty. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:09:10 That was a terrible joke. That was a thank you. My balls are fucking in Timbuktu right now. They're riding up. Jesus, I'm sorry about that. Wow. So that's a crazy thing. So you think there may have been some Asian correlation to that? I'm not going to confirm nor deny, but I'm sure they didn't put it in. If you were to say, name a country on this planet
Starting point is 00:09:28 that's the smallest toilets, it's got to be an Asian country because well, just like everything in Japan is like a little miniature. Right. I don't know. I don't know. I've been to Japan. Me neither. I'd love to go. I'd love to go to Japan, too. What? You're a water boy now? I can't do anything if you damn fucking the boy.
Starting point is 00:09:47 You're damn right. You're damn fucking right. What are what are Joe? Are you trying to do what I've been doing? Like drink a gallon of water a day? No, that's insane. Oh, no, it's not. You can do it. No, I could, but I don't. I just don't care that much. Where do you have to go?
Starting point is 00:09:59 Nowhere. Exactly. I have to be on the fucking road for work and life. And that's terrifying. I've peed in my car four times over the last week. I that's what I'm saying. I'd be fucking pissing on the road. I told my wife, like, don't... There's a bottle in there. Don't touch it.
Starting point is 00:10:14 Do not drink out of it. No, it's empty because I pour my piss everywhere. But just leave the bottle. I can't remember the last time I pissed on a bottle. I get, you know, is it a big bottle that you have or is it just like a regular snack? It's a bottle that is easy for me to pee in, you know? But I have to pinch off early because...
Starting point is 00:10:35 See, I need a bigger bottle. I can't have that kind of... No, no, no. It's the immediate... Just get a bottle, dude, like a big bottle. Like a Gatorade. No, no, no, like even bigger. No, because then you're going to hold more. This is nice because I pee in it. It gets close to the top.
Starting point is 00:10:48 I dump it on some random street corner, whatever. Is that a crime? I think it's just not cool. I think it's just not sick. I think that's what it is, just not sick. As long as I'm not breaking the law, I'm good. Well, so you're just dumping your piss everywhere. Every single place.
Starting point is 00:11:04 All over Jersey, all over New York. Maryland, Pennsylvania, Delaware. Everyone's getting that piss. My pee is worldwide, baby. Yeah, you're like a really successful dog. Very... There are dogs that wish they could be me right now because I'm just like, I'm doing the fucking...
Starting point is 00:11:21 He's covering states. I'm living the doggy dream, baby. Isn't that weird about dogs? Like my dog will sniff, piss, and shit, and then piss on it. What are they doing? Are they fighting? That is so fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:11:32 Are they? Or when I walk both dogs, like my mom's dog, he'll pee, try to come over and just piss right on his piss. And I'm like, dude, man, disrespectful. Dude, the satisfaction that they probably get from peeing on another dog's pee is something I hope one day I can get to.
Starting point is 00:11:49 What is that about? Is it like, fuck you? Or is it like a sharing thing? It's gotta be a fuck you thing. It's gotta be a fuck you thing. What else would it be? He's never like shit on shit, though. Like he just shits like randomly on like grass
Starting point is 00:12:06 and like whatever, but he'll piss on piss all the time. I would imagine. One time he pissed on shit, and I was like, dude, we need to get out of here. This is crazy. Yeah, I was like, bro, we need to get out here for someone to see us. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Because that's like, I assume, mad disrespect. That's an act of war. Yeah. Amongst dogs. That's OD. I can't. Can you imagine if the dog saw that? I'm not gonna be around for that for all.
Starting point is 00:12:24 Yeah, that would be big trouble. And he's not really like, you know, a fighter like that. He's a little bitch. Is he? Yeah. He's a big boy. He could take someone down. He's just, you know, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:12:36 I've seen him. He's very good in like times of panic. Like there's been like dog park fucking brawls that he like gets away from. And he like stands in front of me and makes sure no one's comes near me. He's, honestly, he could take me down. And I'm not like, I'm no slouch, you know?
Starting point is 00:12:54 Like I think I could put up a good fight against a dog. But like, I think if he really wanted to, he could take me out. You think you died by a pit bull? There's no dog on this planet that can kill me because I'm smarter than that. I'm pretty sure there is one. But yeah, like it's like fucking wolf.
Starting point is 00:13:09 Yeah, no, but it's like a big fucking, they like hunt bears or something like they're fucking. What? Yeah, yeah, some fucking like crazy dog. I don't know about that. It's like a Tiberian something. I don't know. It's got a name that sounds like
Starting point is 00:13:20 something you dig out of the earth. I don't think there's any. If it's a dog, I'm smarter than it. And I'm killing it. Dogs are pretty smart. I know they are, but like they're not smarter than me. And there's no, they're not stronger than me either. I could kill any dog on this planet.
Starting point is 00:13:33 I don't care. I don't have it in me to kill a dog. I could just feel like I would just let it gnaw on my arm. I would be very upset. I'm not saying I would be happy. I'd probably just go for the eye. Oh, I'm going straight for my legs. I'm crushing that thing.
Starting point is 00:13:46 I know you don't have a dog also, but if I am walking my dog and a dog attacks him, your dog better be built for these legs. Oh yeah. I'm going to send it across the street. Dude, Vinitari, send that thing right through the uprights. But a dog that's like dangerous, that like, yo, this could kill my dog.
Starting point is 00:14:05 I'm fucking beating the hell out of it. I remember I knew someone that like their dog was like attacked by another dog and they ran over it as hard as they could kick this dog in the stomach and it like, fuck that other dog up. And it became like a legal battle. I was like, well, what the fuck do you expect me to do? Yeah, I don't.
Starting point is 00:14:21 If the dogs handle it? No, this isn't like girl fights in middle school. I also expect that from other people. Charlie has never bitten anybody in his life or even like shown his teeth or anything like that. But if there's a tiny dog and he like goes after, he's like grabbed him by his neck and they're bleeding, like if their owner fucking does anything to Charlie,
Starting point is 00:14:44 like I have to be like, yeah, I mean, he's gonna fucking kill your dog. Yeah, well, I would, if it was my dog that was doing that, I would fucking try to get them off too. You know what I mean? I would assume that's proper etiquette. Like I'll hit my dog if it's trying to hurt your dog, but if your dog tried to hurt my dog first,
Starting point is 00:14:59 then you're getting the bite back. Throwing his hands at your dog. Don't almost pause, babe. Yeah, like something's happening to your dog. Do you remember girl fights in middle school? Yeah, terrifying. Oh my God. A girl wanted to fight me in like seventh grade.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Me too. I was so scared. I was very scared. I was way more scared of that than any other like person wanting to fight me in my life. I saw a girl fight and then I got threatened by a girl and I was like, I was ready to get beat up by like guys. Like, you know, like, be like,
Starting point is 00:15:24 oh, just call your boys to fight me. I would have been okay with that. Dude, vicious. Yeah. Vicious. Girls don't fucking, they don't play around. They don't, they like pull, they just, they only end up like naked and shit.
Starting point is 00:15:38 I've like, listen, guy fights can get bad, but like guy fights for the ones that I've seen at least, they're just like, they're two guys thinking they're trying to be boxers. Girls don't care how they look during a girl fight. They're there to fucking kill somebody. I'm gonna scratch her eye out like, bro, crazy shit, fucking take them by the hair
Starting point is 00:15:57 and toss them around like rag doll. I think I've told you this story before and I think I've said it on the podcast before, but I was like dating this girl in eighth grade and then we broke up. And then like two weeks later, she got jumped by some girl, like, no, she got jumped by like a couple of girls.
Starting point is 00:16:13 One of them was, I wanna, I don't know how tall she was, but I wanna say six foot tall. And I remember thinking like, thank God this happened after we broke up, because if she's getting her ass kicked by like three girls in front of the whole school, I have to like stick up for her
Starting point is 00:16:31 and I'm gonna get my shit rocked, especially in eighth grade, little Joey. Yeah, there was a girl, I think I've told this story too, but when I was in sixth grade, I had like probably like 20 girlfriends, which was like, I like you, you like me, you wanna be on board from girl from cool,
Starting point is 00:16:46 it lasts a week and a half and then you never spoke to the person ever again. But one of the girls, I think I said it on the show, a llama or a lamb or whatever her name is, and I watched her get the fucking breaks beaten off of her at the park by Vicky and Joanna. Two on one.
Starting point is 00:17:03 And I said, I walked the girl home because I felt bad, made sure she was okay, and then it was over. She broke up with you. No, you broke up with her. I had to, because she lost. I was trying to keep up and fucking, you know, I wasn't the toughest,
Starting point is 00:17:19 but I couldn't be seen with her after she just got the fucking, you know, the color beat out of her. What the fuck? That's a, that's a wild day for her. She, I mean, I didn't break up with her that day. It might have been a day or two later. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:17:32 But she's such a nice guy. Well, you know, I mean, what do you do at that point in time? You know, I mean, it's the right thing to do. I don't know. That's a, that's a, that's a toughie. How the fuck did we just navigate through all of that? What were we talking about?
Starting point is 00:17:43 All right. We started off with gay wrestlers. And then we went to, and then where'd we go from there? Let's try to, let's try to figure this out. Gay wrestlers, we went to porn. Porn, we went to like peeping toms, peeping toms, we went to like dogs, being creeps,
Starting point is 00:18:04 being creeps. Oh, like, and then the porn of like showing people butts in the suit. We got here because we were talking about water Joe. You're a water boy now. And then I was talking about peeing in the, in the, in the car and then the dogs peeing. And then I said, it's like a dog fight.
Starting point is 00:18:19 And then like a girl fight, and then here we are. And then girls fighting. Yes. Yeah. No, but there was this girl named Devin in middle school that I want, like I had heard that she wanted to fight me. And I was like, nah. I was like, I'm standing near a teacher the whole day.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Girls named Devin are either evil or white, which might go hand in hand sometimes. But like all the girls named Devin that I knew, one was just like this little white girl. Nah, she was a Spanish girl and she would have whipped my ass. Oh, was it with a Y? No, DZON. But she, she, she had fought multiple dudes before that too.
Starting point is 00:18:55 I am like, I know people that have also fought guys. And I'm like so proud of them, like women that have fought guys because it's like fucking good for you. Like just don't stand for that shit. I just feel like at a certain age, like now I'm like terrified to fight people. Like even like, if you're in a bar and like something, cause people are nuts, dude.
Starting point is 00:19:13 You never know when someone like that would stick. What was the last time you really almost got into a fight? Probably like six years ago, but it had nothing to do with me. What was it? It was like a thing happened with one of our friends and some other person. And like, there was like a shoving match
Starting point is 00:19:29 and I had to like be like, you know, trying to remember what that was. I would know, I assume, right? You weren't there, but I would know of it because you tell me everything. There was one person back then who was getting into fights all the time when you go out. So you can guess who it is.
Starting point is 00:19:42 But yeah. Okay. Gotcha. I hid that from you guys. Yeah. So we went out and like, I don't really know what happened, but I just see like commotion. I'm not a fighter.
Starting point is 00:19:56 I'm a lover. Me neither. I'm like, I want to get over there and be like, you know, cause I feel like I'm a good talker and I could like kind of defuse. Especially when you're drinking, you are a good talker. Yeah. So I've tried to like defuse the situation, but like, you know, in those kinds of situations,
Starting point is 00:20:09 like I hate being in that situation because I don't know if these dudes are like crazy. They want to like break a bottle and stab somebody. Like if we're just gonna get punched in the face, fine. But like, you never know. People are fucking nuts. There was a video that came out the other day that fucking psycho, he got cut off,
Starting point is 00:20:24 got out of his car and started shooting into the back seat of some car. What? Yeah. It's fucking crazy. And that's why my sister has crazy road rage. Like she'll fucking scream at people like when they're doing something wrong. And I'm like, Shane, like eventually some dude
Starting point is 00:20:38 is just gonna be like, he's gonna take a fucking nine iron. And he's gonna just fucking punch the window in and blast you in the face. Like just don't. I even, even not thinking that way. I don't have really bad road rage. Like I tend to just be like chill, you know?
Starting point is 00:20:51 Like that's, that's when people get up. I never get mad at people cutting me off or whatever. Like I get mad at people like driving recklessly and like trying to not involve me, but like if they're cutting me off slowly, fine. But if you're like, like swerving it, then I get mad. I'm like, yo, what the, like this guy is crazy. He's like, danger to everyone on the road.
Starting point is 00:21:13 But I never get mad like if someone cuts me off and we're like exiting or like, you know, I don't, I really don't care. The only thing that drives me crazy is just sitting in traffic. I can't. I don't mind traffic. I do it so often. I have no choice.
Starting point is 00:21:24 I like, it's, I'm hot and cold with it. Some days I'm like cool with it. Other days I'm like, I'm gonna lose my mind. I end up feeling bad because when I'm in traffic, I'm like, yo, someone better be dead. Like I hope everyone's okay, but for the amount of traffic we're sitting in, there needs to be catastrophic injuries.
Starting point is 00:21:40 It's kind of, it's kind of wild. And also like traffic makes no sense. You ever have that conversation? No, I used to think that way. Traffic does make sense. I get how it makes sense and like backs up, but it's like, how is it literally? It's not gradual.
Starting point is 00:21:55 You know what I'm saying? Like you're in fucking dead stop traffic. And then all of a sudden, there's no like lane closures or whatever. You're fucking flying. I'm like, how? It's rubber neckers, those sons of bitches. I get it.
Starting point is 00:22:08 And it's funny because the irony is like, I'm complaining about rubber neckers. And then when I get to the point that they are rubber necking at, which by the way, rubber necking is when you just like are being nosy and trying to see what's going on as you're passing it. I'm then being like, well, what the fuck
Starting point is 00:22:21 are these people rubber necking at? Well, what the hell were they looking at? What was it? And I become part of the problem. I feel like the highway should just be like a conveyor belt. You drive your car on, you sit on it and it goes one mile per hour and then you get off. But then what happens if that one belt breaks?
Starting point is 00:22:42 Then you're in fucking, do you ever see that picture? It went viral like years and years and years ago. It was like, there was a fucking such a bad traffic jam in China. It was like a 10 mile highway comes to like a fucking like three mile highway and it was like the traffic was so bad. People were in it for like three days or some shit.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Dude, you can have my car. Three days? Get the fuck out. I would just leave it there and be like, yo, whatever, tow it. Like, it's got nothing to do with me. I don't give a fuck. Blow it up.
Starting point is 00:23:10 I don't give a fuck. Three days? Three days. Blow it up. That's when you order food from where you are. Blow it up. I got insurance. Blow it up.
Starting point is 00:23:17 I don't care. Crush it. Get a crane, throw it. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Dude, three days. I wouldn't be able to do that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:24 I was like the worst. I feel like I've been in situations where there was either a car accident or the bridge or this and that. And I was just like, nope. Not doing this. Like, I literally, or like, coming home from a Giants game is like. Oh, I know.
Starting point is 00:23:43 Brutal. I know. I know. It's brutal. And multiple times, you're in the tunnel and I'm just like, if this doesn't start moving, if I have to sit here for a half an hour, that's like my. I would say an hour is my absolute limit of not
Starting point is 00:23:58 moving at all. After an hour, do you want this car? Do you want it? Take this car. Do something. Dude, I'm walking. It's so bad because we live in one of the epicenters of fucking traffic in the United States.
Starting point is 00:24:12 Because anywhere you want to go to, yo, I was talking about this the other day. Living in Jersey has its benefits. It really does because I can go 40 miles in 35 minutes. Do you know how long it will take you to go fucking 10 miles? Dude, an hour and a half. To get from here to the west side of Manhattan is maybe. Four miles?
Starting point is 00:24:35 Yeah, I was going to say five and a half miles. Yeah, it's from here to the west side of Manhattan. In a car, that will take you an hour. I'll tell you exactly how long it is. I'll tell you exactly right now how long it would be to take you to get to the Holland Tunnel. No, yes, the Holland Tunnel. It's six and a half miles, and it's right now going to take
Starting point is 00:24:58 you fucking 45 minutes. Six miles. Kill me right now. I'm ready to die. Yeah, it's insane. It's wild. It's like that kind of stuff just drives me insane. It's like, well, how much are you going to walk then?
Starting point is 00:25:14 I'm going to take my bike. There's nothing you could do. I think, well, no, you can probably walk like 18 minutes. No, wait, you might be able to walk that. No, no, no, no, no. You can walk a mile in like 18 minutes if you have like a decent pace. So you get like halfway there.
Starting point is 00:25:35 I think, yo, I think honestly, if you and I left here right now, I was, I was jogging and you were in your car. I think I could get to a point in Manhattan before you could. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. Yeah. The bridge is right there. I mean, you could go over the bridge.
Starting point is 00:25:53 The bridge is like a, like. Forget about the bridge. I'm just saying like in terms of like, you have to like go around like avenues only one way. None of it makes sense. It doesn't. It really, really doesn't. We live in a place that just is just bullshit.
Starting point is 00:26:05 I just, I cannot sing it, babe. Anyway, before we do that though. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. You go on there and you sign up. You can get every single weekly episode a week in advance. We actually approached and hit our mic, our marker of 8,500. So we're doing a Power Hour episode next week. And it's going to be tough.
Starting point is 00:26:29 You're sounding like a, like a cheetah. Like a predator. It's going to be tough. But so we hit that. We're trying to figure out what we're going to do for 9,000, but go check out the patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Not only do you get a week in advance,
Starting point is 00:26:41 you also get exclusive content every single Friday nobody else gets. Boom. Yeah. So next we have, next year we have, you know, we got some sponsors. We're only going to do two of them. We'll do two later. But we have stamps.com.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Stamps.com brings the services of the US Postal Service and UPS right to your computer. It's a must have for any business. All right. If you're doing a lot of shipping, you're doing this and that, or even if you're not doing, if you don't have a business,
Starting point is 00:27:04 you could still use it just for shipping whatever you want. It's very cost effective and it saves you a bunch of time because it is 24 seven. You can print any official US postage, any package, any class of mail. You know, once your mail is ready, you just schedule a pickup or drop off and it's, it's that simple.
Starting point is 00:27:21 You also get discounts up to 40% off post office rates and up to 66% off UPS shipping rates. All right. These are big discounts. So like I said, you're not only saving time, but you're also saving money. It's a no brainer and there's no risk
Starting point is 00:27:34 with the promo code basement on stamps.com. You get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts or anything like that. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in basement.
Starting point is 00:27:49 That's stamps.com and the promo code is basement and you'll get that four week trial. So definitely go check them out. And next year we have Honey. Honey is just essential if you're going to be doing any type of online shopping, which you will be doing,
Starting point is 00:28:02 but it's a free browser extension that basically scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best one to your cart so you could save the most money. So it supports over 30,000 online stores. They range from sites that have like tech and gaming products to popular fashion brands,
Starting point is 00:28:20 even food delivery. But it's pretty much like automatic. Like you're just shopping. I have it on my laptop. I have it on my computer. You just shop on any site and you'll see this dropdown menu that says like apply coupons
Starting point is 00:28:32 and if there's a coupon out there, then you save some money. They have 17 million members, over $2 billion in savings, which is wild, okay? So like I said, this is just happening without even realizing. It doesn't take a lot of time.
Starting point is 00:28:45 It doesn't take a lot of work. You're just saving money. Drop down menu, boom. So if you're shopping online, you're going to want to use this. It's literally free and it installs in a few seconds and you'll be doing yourself
Starting point is 00:28:57 a solid here by saving money. So to get Honey for free, go to joinhoney.com slash basement. That is joinhoney.com slash basement. So if you want to save some money, joinhoney.com
Starting point is 00:29:08 slash basement. It's so sweet. Yes. This next thing I wanted to talk about, I actually have pulled up here. Ellie Kemper. Ah, yes. So not to be confused with Ed Kemper.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Who's that? He's a serial killer. What? Yeah, yeah. Ooh, Ed Kemper. Ed Kemper. I'm pretty sure that was his name. Never heard of that guy.
Starting point is 00:29:30 Well, you didn't watch Mindhunter then. Yep. Ed Kemper. What did he kill? 10 people. Whoa. I think he cut heads off and stuff. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Yeah, he did some stuff. He's also, he's 6'9". Are they related? Well, that's... His IQ is 145. Yeah. That makes sense. I mean, if you're that tall, that's smart.
Starting point is 00:29:51 You can't fit in anything, so kill people. So not to be confused with Ed Kemper. We have Ellie Kemper. Oh, so they're not related? Not to my knowledge. Okay. Maybe. I'm like waiting for the bad news here.
Starting point is 00:30:05 No, no, no. So Ellie Kemper, obviously you know who she is. Yes. Office of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Right. The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Take your time. And the office she plays, what's her name?
Starting point is 00:30:19 Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. But yeah, apparently some news came out that in 1999 she was crowned the queen of a ball that is allegedly linked to white supremacy. I did hear about it. So... Back up real quick.
Starting point is 00:30:38 Yeah. What makes a party a ball and not just like a dance? Does there need to be a chandelier? I think, well, that's a great question. What is a ball? What is a ball? I feel like it's just like a white people's way of just naming something and making it sound more important.
Starting point is 00:30:57 You know what? Because like technically I guess we've gone to, we've gone to balls, right? I've never, no, I've never been to a ball. Would prom be a ball? I think it's like a prom. It's a dance. It's a school dance. What makes prom prom and not a ball?
Starting point is 00:31:09 I think a ball there's like adults involved. There were adults involved in my prom. Like they met gala. Like that's a ball, right? It's a gala. What's a gala? I thought a gala was like a, like an art thing. Maybe it's a gallery.
Starting point is 00:31:22 And they just like, they're cool. So they're like, cause it's the metropolitan gallery. So they're like met gala. It's the met gala ball. Okay. So it's just a dance. What makes a ball a ball? The dance.
Starting point is 00:31:38 No, it's just, we're talking about actual balls. Oh. It's like, well it's round and I'm like. Oh. That's how I'm talking about. It's Google balls. What is elasticity? Google, Google balls.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Okay. Famous balls. I don't think we're going to get what we're looking for here. I'll tell you what we got. Balls. Oh, like balls. Men's balls. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:32:05 Um, this is a picture of a golden retriever with four tennis balls in its mouth. It's pretty cool. So we got that as well. But anyway, I don't know what makes a ball. I think it's just like a Southern way of saying this is a dance and we're going to like have some conversations that probably we shouldn't be having in public. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:21 Um, and that's kind of what makes it a ball. So she's, uh, she's in the, she's a white supremacist. Princess. That would, she's like a white supremacist princess. That would hurt because I love her. I think she's great. I don't know. I mean, this was 1999.
Starting point is 00:32:32 How? Oh, long ago when it was cool to be a white supremacist. Right? Well, yeah. It was cool. Um, how old is she? She's got to be in her late thirties at the age of 37. Elliot Kemper.
Starting point is 00:32:46 She's 41. Okay. What would that make her in 1999? In 1999. Well, is she 41 turning 42 or 41? Oh, she was, she was 19. Okay. A lot different than what 19 year olds are doing nowadays.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Um, tick-tocking. Tick-tocking. Yeah. Well, you said that matter. I know. We just spoke about that on Patreon. Patreon.com. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:07 So she won this thing. Uh, it was in St. Louis. The veiled profit ball. Oh, that name is, that name is straight. That's creepy. Straight out of like a resident evil game. All right. So let me read this here.
Starting point is 00:33:21 The veiled veiled veiled. The veiled profit ball is a secret fair originally formed in 1878 by elites to. Okay. Hold on. Don't use the word elites. That bing bing bing bing bing. Yeah. That's the secret word.
Starting point is 00:33:36 My, uh, alarms going off. Yeah. Anything secret created in the US with the term elites? Racist. Yes. Um, the veiled profit ball is a secret fair originally formed in 1878 by elites to honor the ritual of Mardi Gras. What?
Starting point is 00:33:50 I don't even know what Mardi Gras is. I think it's just like big eating. It's boobies, isn't it? Big eating and boobs. Big, big eating? Yeah. Fat Tuesday or whatever they call it. Like, does that have something to do with, what does Mardi Gras mean?
Starting point is 00:34:02 Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday refers to events of the carnival celebration beginning on or after the Christian Feast of the Epiphany. Feast! Fat! It's fat. It's just like a, uh... Being like busty. That's why they love chits.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Is this a Christian holiday? Really? In fucking all places in New Orleans? Isn't that like Ghost Town, USA? Like voodoo and shit? Yeah! Yeah, I don't know. Weird.
Starting point is 00:34:28 Um, uh, so to honor the ritual of Mardi Gras and reportedly associated with white supremacy. Then, here's this, each year, a person is chosen by a secret board of local elites. White. Racist. Racist. Yes. Um, to anonymously, okay, what the, this is so weird. Each year, a person is chosen by a secret board of local elites to anonymously play the role
Starting point is 00:34:57 of the veiled prophet, who would then choose a queen of love and beauty to dance with and receive a gift, such as a tiara or pearls. What the fuck? This is, you know what? In 1999, cuz. This is some QAnon shit. They need to, I've never said this before, QAnon needs to get a hold of this story and tell me what sense it makes.
Starting point is 00:35:18 But think about it, okay, a person is chosen by a secret board of local elites. Okay, yes. We get that. Yep. They're anonymously gonna play the role of the veiled prophet, who then would choose a queen. So is she not the veiled prophet? There's a different veiled prophet?
Starting point is 00:35:32 I think that the prophet is secret, cuz they're veiled. That's what it means by veiled. Like, it's like, you don't know who it is, so she's just a meatbag representation of the prophet, of the veiled prophet. Meatbag? Yeah, that's all we are. Just meatbags. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:48 And she's then using her power as the queen of beauty and pageantry. Oh my god. Uh-oh. This next part, I literally, not change as anything, but the veiled prophet is said to be dressed with a white, clan style hood and robe while armed with a pistol and a rifle. They're getting sneaky, these racists. This isn't sneaky anymore. These clan members are getting awfully sneaky.
Starting point is 00:36:15 Listen, you're not in the clan. We're just gonna have a secret group of elites give you a gun. Two guns. A hood. And uh... We're gonna dance. We're gonna dance with you. We're just gonna hang out.
Starting point is 00:36:27 We're just gonna dance with you. That's all we wanna do. We wanna anonymously elect a 19-year-old white girl with guns. And by the way, we consider ourselves the elite. They're getting, you know what? They thought they were sneaky, but no, no, no. We saw you coming from a mile away, you sneaky racists. You ain't gonna get good ol' Frankie over here.
Starting point is 00:36:47 So there was a CNN commentator who goes by the name of Keith Boykin. I don't know how that is, but he said, uh, I don't know much about Ellie Kemper, but growing up in St. Louis in 1970s and 1980, I remember the veiled prophet fair very well. I was told it was only for white people. The racial segregation was so normalized that people were just expected to know their place. All right, now hold on. I might say something that might be a little controversial. I'm ahead.
Starting point is 00:37:14 I'm better looking than you. I'm gonna say something else a little controversial. Okay, cool. I, unless it comes out that she has like been secretly like part of this elitist group, I don't know if, if like people should, like, cause I can almost guarantee people are like, yo, cancel it, Ellie Kemper. Like we kind of need to know where she stands on this before we can like, first of all, I, I, the idea of cancel culture is a little, I'm not all on board with it just during that
Starting point is 00:37:43 idea out there. But like maybe we should get some more information before we try to ruin this woman's life. Yeah, I mean, just an idea. Well, I mean, it's not looking good. Let's say that it's not a good look to be involved in this, obviously, the deck is stacked against her right now. Yeah. So she needs to probably say something like, Hey man, I didn't even know what the fuck
Starting point is 00:38:04 was going on. I was 19 and they like, and that's fair. Yeah. I don't know. Joe. I mean, let's be honest. If, if some random blocked number called you and said Joey, we're the elites of a story. They want me to be a princess.
Starting point is 00:38:17 We want you to be Prince, um, Ali, fabulous, he, Ali, a boboa. Am I going to get a gun? You'll get two guns. Okay. And all you need to do is just dance with us in this white robe, 19 year old Joey. First question he's asking is open bar. Yeah. Also, also where does it wear the sluts where the sluts, where the sluts, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:45 I mean, I just, you know, I do, is she racist? Who the fuck knows? I don't know if she was over there with a hood on, like firing off rounds into the ceiling. I'm going to be like, listen, yeah, that then that might be a bad look if she has since like come out and said, like, yo, that is fucked up. I shouldn't have done that. I was 19. I was literally like brainwashing this society that marginalized people of color.
Starting point is 00:39:08 And I've learned why that was wrong and never something I spoke about because of that. And I didn't want to relive it different. But if she just comes out and she was like, that never happened. Yeah, I don't know. Fucking Ellie Kemper. Oh, like she like post like a TBT like, oh, that was sick. But a different journalist. What are they dancing to?
Starting point is 00:39:32 Beethoven, probably. I don't know. Okay. No Millie Vanilly was going on over there. Fuck no. Hell no. Okay. So another another person said, a lot of you all have never learned reading comprehension,
Starting point is 00:39:43 reading comprehension, and it shows I can't read veiled profit ball eventually diversified allowing African Americans to join in 1979, 20 years before Ellie Kemper was crowned. They also changed the name. So. Okay. But that doesn't mean that, you know, they still weren't like, this is why we're learning about this as it's happening. This is pretty much new.
Starting point is 00:40:05 Yeah. You think I know anything about a ball? No, we don't. We've never been to one as far as we know. Well, how do I secretly be a part of a ball? I mean, anything I guess could be a ball if it's just fancy enough. I've never seen guns and hoods. What if I called the wet my wedding that never happened twice?
Starting point is 00:40:22 Oh, my, my love ball. You want us to go to your to love your ball? Welcome. Welcome, everyone. You are cordially invited to your ball, the love ball joining of, you know, Frank and Becca. What makes a ball a ball? That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Starting point is 00:40:42 I don't know. Maybe racism. Yeah. That's like the in Borat, they had like the nothing really happens like good happens at balls. Like the debutant ball that they had in Borat, literally where they were just like, yo, like sell your daughter, dude, dude, it was so strange. These grown men are there.
Starting point is 00:40:58 They're dressed up. Their daughters are there. And like the daughters are like into it and like there's a dance. It's like, what the fuck are we doing? Like I get like tradition and this and that, but also like guys, just back up, look at this and go, yo, what the fuck are we doing? There's a difference between like, like tradition, like, oh my God, our tradition is that we eat dinner together.
Starting point is 00:41:16 And then tradition, like my fucking 60 year old father is going to auction me off to another man, another richest white man in the room. It's just, that's not tradition as much as it's fucking weird. Well, it is weird. It's weird. And also in that, in that fucking movie, the new Borat movie that came out, he asked some guy goes, how much do you think he can get for my daughter? And the guy's just like laughing or whatever and he's like $500.
Starting point is 00:41:42 I was like, what? You're answering? I don't know if that's insulting to his daughter or like, I mean, I don't know the market. That could be a very good markup. That might be. I'm definitely not touching that with a long, damn, do you think, imagine that imagine you have like, someone's like 25 blocks and you're like, all right, yo, legitimately. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:02 Okay. You, I'm at a ball. You're at a ball, you shave, you go get your weekly haircut, you get all dressed up in your talks, you look, you're to the nines, babe. You look great. Okay. What do you think realistically is the winning bid for an auction for a night with Joe San Angato?
Starting point is 00:42:22 No fans in there. Just people that see you for you. Is it like an old crowd? The crowd is a mixture of, it depends like what kind of crowd it is. Like I would say it's, it's predominantly like predominantly middle-aged men and women. Are they rich? With money. So you're tight.
Starting point is 00:42:44 And, and then there's, you know, there's like a smidge of like, you know, like 28 year old entrepreneurs. All right. I would say 10 grand. Do you think that's the winning bid for you? Cause I don't know the floor. I don't know what bidding was. What bid, what would bid start at?
Starting point is 00:43:00 Bids, bid start net $500. Bids start net $500. Bids start net $500. Bids start net $600. What do you think is the winning bid for Joe San Angato? This starts at eight, starts at $500. I'll probably, you'll probably get like $6,400 maybe. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:24 I think that's pretty realistic for you. Yeah. I think I'm capping $250. $250? Yeah. I don't think a lot of people are paying a lot for nights with me. Yeah. But if you get up there and you like pull your leg up, cause you're very flexible, maybe
Starting point is 00:43:36 you get a old woman to do like, maybe paying up for this guy. this guy if I do my best country music impression maybe yeah $240 oh fuck what the wrong way all right let me get to these the rest of these ads and then I have a question I want to post to you oh boy all right so next ad we have here is MVMT MVMT they make watches they make some jewelry they make blue blue light glasses it's great on the people price points their watches they have the quality of the $400 to $500 watch you know you're that usually you're paying that at the department store but they cost just a fraction of the price
Starting point is 00:44:10 because they were built online and own their own process from start to finish they're great I have a bunch of glasses from them I have a bunch of watches from MVMT they have great shit so definitely go check them out also their blue life they're blue light glasses I suggest them to anybody because they're super stylish the ones that they have and you know if you're looking at your phone or you're watching TV at night or you're in front of a screen all day it's probably better that you have blue light glasses so you could filter out some of the bad stuff for your eyes so they're less strained and whatnot so definitely go
Starting point is 00:44:38 check them out and if you want to elevate your look with style that doesn't break the bank then join the movement and get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to MVMT.com slash basement that is MVMT.com slash basement for 15% off with free shipping and free returns like I said they have a bunch of stuff definitely go check them out they have a lot of a lot of cool shit and lastly here we have pretty litter pretty litter is kitty litter reinvented unlike traditional litter pretty litter has super light crystals that trap odor and release moisture resulting in dry lote maintenance litter
Starting point is 00:45:12 that doesn't smell I gave a bag to my friend and med I also gave a bag to my neighbors because they have a cat I don't have a cat I'm allergic but pretty litter is made safe for your cat and also they rave about it they love it the best part about this kitty litter is not just the fact that it like traps the odor and does everything that it's supposed to do but also it's this world's smartest litter it's a health indicator so it monitors your cat's health by changing colors when it detects potential underlying issues you won't find that kind of innovation in conventional litter so it's great so
Starting point is 00:45:44 you know anything that's going to keep your cat healthy or you get to monitor it you know a little better is great so definitely go check out pretty litter it's made safe for your cat and you it's ultra absorbent minerals and it's virtually dust-free but yeah get the world's smartest litter without leaving home by visiting pretty litter comm and use the promo code basement for 20% off of your first order that is pretty litter comm promo code is basement for 20% off of your first order okay one more time pretty litter comm promo code basement there you go folks but yeah the question that I wanted to ask you about
Starting point is 00:46:19 this Ellie Kemper thing is is it better or worse that she won I think cuz like I need to know what the criteria is to win let me just do they ask you like alright so well what are fountains none you know like what is it like one of those where they're like what are your dreams for the world and they make them answer like what did she have to say to win you know but apparently it's these elitists racists lizard people yeah that pick who wins I'm just saying this Ellie Kemper she's getting that what fucking water bottle we're about pretentious prick 64 ounces um Ellie Kemper right yes sir I guess to rephrase my question another
Starting point is 00:47:12 way if she had lost early round two are we talking about this she got the crown I think I think well maybe they make her the best racist or does that make her this makes her racist let's talk let's say that real quick obviously before I know I know before everyone cuz you know people are on the fucking Twitter and they're like that's it she's a racist confirmed I don't know that she's racist I always saw she never liked Mindy Kaling yeah I like we don't know that she's racist I also don't know that she's not racist though I know that she probably got some uncles who believe some things that are probably
Starting point is 00:47:47 a little outdated don't we all yeah you know so you know there's some stuff there but is she racist I don't know I think that she was 19 and and won a thing and but it all depends society that probably fucking taught her that people that were different than her were evil and committed crimes because they were savages so but it also like it really depends on you know what so the criteria to win this is the thing it's I need to know what exactly I need to know what they had to go through to be selected so if they just had to be white that's one thing I mean you know you're that's you know white people carrying
Starting point is 00:48:25 up guilt okay no but I think you know if they like you said if they had to answer questions yeah so like yeah if they were like all right all right me's camper let me ask you here I should probably chill yeah yeah yeah but you were gonna probably yeah if they like they were like leading her on to say something if they were like all right like what's your idea of the perfect world and like if she like gave the best answer to these people yeah like then we have a problem right right right if it was just like you know what of all the people we find I like this one because she's the whitest yep that's different that's not her
Starting point is 00:49:01 fault because how many times you see videos of like the Miss America pageant and they're like oh like well how do you believe we end world hunger and like you know they they're up there and they give some answer that's either really eloquent or just the dumbest thing you've ever heard yeah no in between nope if she had to do something like that we got a problem yeah like it would be one thing if you were just chosen based off like just whatever being white but if you like earned it then that may be yes there's some there's you know so I said listen like from everything I've seen the belly Kemper I enjoy her work I think she's
Starting point is 00:49:39 talented from what I've seen let's pump the brakes before we're like making a definitive like she's a racist if she had to go out there and like sell them yeah you know because like I give it like racist answer wasn't like when we went to that game show where it was like tell us three facts about you and it's like oh well my name is Stephanie I am working on coffee shop yeah I love the camera you know like if she had to like fucking like hammered up and she was like oh well thank you for picking me yeah you know like if she wowed the judges we're gonna have some questions then we got the problem yeah then we're
Starting point is 00:50:13 gonna be like okay what did she say yeah what does she do absolutely yeah but if it's just like this veiled prop first of all change the name also change the costume yes just I hate to break it to you or name tag look at the name itself veiled profit it's supposed to be hidden when you're in a big white robe you ain't hiding from nobody also veiled profit just sounds like you know like a secret government missile mission I'm pretty sure the Zodiac called himself a veiled profit at a point in time did he maybe that was a good movie it was who's that Jillian Hall Jake Jillian Hall Downey Jr. Ruffalo wait what yeah Jake Jillian
Starting point is 00:50:52 Hall Robert Downey Jr. Mark Ruffalo directed by David Fincher David Fincher that's a good guy give me one other movie he directed didn't he do social network he did hey it's my boy what else give me one more I know you know one more yes you do because it's one of your favorite movies one of my favorite movies yep airbud no fight club yes all right so growing up here's the thing right growing up I was like dude fight club love that movie was so awesome and then I when I grow up and now you hear people say their favorite movies fight club you're like this guy's
Starting point is 00:51:34 a fucking asshole yeah you know but I still like the movie but I hate telling people like I know I know my favorite movie but it's definitely like one of my favorites it's like the people like growing up or like you know you you hear people talking like oh my god sopranos is such a good show and then you see people that have like the phone background is Tony soprano and it's like problem pump the brakes yeah buddy yeah let me let me find out you like Zeppely's yeah exactly how about goal it just because you like your fucking monocot doesn't mean that you're a hit man okay my go down like fucking chill
Starting point is 00:52:03 out yeah that's people's entire personality now you like sopranos yeah he's like a cop a cool yeah that's pretty good I'm pretty good with my Tony soprano impression close your eyes lacing up calm yes yes oh you wanted to grab the fuck I got a goal yeah there's better how did they get got a goal from that I don't know I don't know they do with they're just lazy with like the like the words and on foods cop a coal became Gabba ghoul my neck caught man a cotton became monoglott calamari got a ma got a ma da yeah golem ad mozzarella mozzarella much
Starting point is 00:52:45 much more so they'll move to much that l yeah that's what they do much that l yeah come on chill out everyone you're actually so a tech talk that like I was like this is I love this so much it was like a girl who like clearly was from New Jersey like the shore and was doing like here's how Jersey girl says it and here's how like other people say it and like they were doing like oh mozzarella and this guy's like mozzarella like whatever and then it was like then like an actual person from Italy yeah was like pronouncing the words and it was like mozzarella yes I know yeah that's how you fucking say it not much much
Starting point is 00:53:25 much else yeah shoo you tell oh that's the one that gets me every time I don't even know how to say it boy Adele yeah I don't that's not a word that I could spell say or it's here or I one time had to look it up and I just like in my phone when I was your boy Adele and I don't know I don't know what came up boys you tell I'm pretty sure we tell I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get fired for my job soon I accidentally don't ask me how this happened I accidentally searched the word hug hug hug hug hug what popped up a guy hugging a fucking fat penis no oddly enough high schools it was a little weird high schools yeah like the
Starting point is 00:54:10 name and like a hug hug high school I guess like the roaring hogs I don't know what it was but when I googled the word hug hug how did you do that by accident what the fuck are you looking at don't ask I I wasn't looking at anything my work phone was in my pocket and it must have been like one of those things were like it like accidentally like did like the voice command and maybe I was saying something wrong like you know like I gotta drive on down you know for the bug god you know something I would have said that sounded like hug hug what the fuck did you say I have to drive down for the bug god I don't know I just
Starting point is 00:54:43 that's what I'm saying I don't know what it what sounds like hug hug not bug the hug hug hug hug hug hug hug oh god oh god yeah you're probably like oh god yeah peeing in the car oh god I'm oddly very quiet when I'm doing that I'm well yeah I also basically stand up and drive at the same time very dangerous you're like in traffic you're like trying to hide your penis yeah I always like I like it's very dangerous don't do it you're like I've mastered driving and peeing good for you thanks man I'm not super great at a lot but that knock it out of the park you ever think about that what is there anything in
Starting point is 00:55:29 the world that you're the best at and I'm thinking right now I'm the best at driving and peeing at the exact same time that's definitely not true hi who's better I mean I don't have the statistics in front of me but I'm assuming there's someone out there who's like really nice at it I would think I'm in at least the top five what if you had a really poop I heard a story about Bobby Lee and he said that he was driving and had his shit so bad and didn't know what to do so he pulled over and just shit in his backseat could you fucking that's a nightmare dude that's wild that is an absolute dude pull over and like run into the woods or something like I mean depends on where you are he lives out in LA
Starting point is 00:56:15 where you gotta fucking run there you ever shit in the woods yes me too I remember when you did it well I've done it a couple times couple times really yeah are you just pinching off and walking away or are you wiping with a with a leaf sometimes you know sometimes sometimes I'm like if I'm close to home I'm like I'm not even gonna like I'm gonna get I just knew you get out of here wow yeah that's impressive you gotta be careful too because our friend one of our friends Dylan he just let everyone know he uh he told me a story about when he was little he had to shit so bad he was shitting outside he's like so I leaned up against a tree it pulled down my pants he's like can I shit and I shit right into my underwear oh that's amazing oh no I mean just
Starting point is 00:56:56 take the underwear off then yeah but also you shit your pants from a distance so that's like do you know my whole like week would be ruined if if I like a Bobby Lee like shitting in your back seat dude I would be fucking miserable for a long time I wouldn't be able to I'd have to get rid of the car bro driving with shit in your back seat I mean I assume he fucking scooped it out or something I mean eventually yeah but I mean not right away oh I don't know I don't know I don't remember I didn't like stay too long you should ask him I mean it's that was like good enough for me to know that that was an option oh my god the thought process of like not there I'm gonna go back there and do this yeah I mean I could I guess I could see it it's like I mean I hope you had
Starting point is 00:57:39 his windows tinted he had his windows down fucking trap that smell oh yeah and he's out in LA it's it's hot over there you know cook that poop but you know what at a certain point like you just like live in your own stink you should be all right live in your own stink yeah oh when you smell so bad that you don't smell bad anymore yeah like you just like you you're so used to your own smell it's like it doesn't even bother you you ever get farts like that I get just living like that like you just seeps out of you yeah and you're like this is a cloud of dust I have God bless Becca because she's either a great liar or she has the worst nose on the planet because I'll be like holy shit I smell so bad she's like I smell nothing like you like you don't
Starting point is 00:58:17 smell you have no b.o. so I think at this point she's just a liar yeah that's good nice good for her that's what I'm saying yeah um but sometimes you know you're like bro I'm like crust like I'm just disgusting oh my god there are sometimes but I really like my smell what I like my own stench like just a stinky fucking bitch like gross and you're like this is dope yeah so you cross a threshold where you're like oh ill ill all right now yeah and I'm honestly I'm starting to think that my stench like whatever juices make it in like my grendel area it's like it has like the properties of bleach and I'll tell you why I don't even know what you mean by that like you're cleaning your bathroom with it bro listen up there have been times where I've worn
Starting point is 00:58:59 boxer briefs and I've taken them off and the coloration by my gooch is then gone so I wonder if that like whatever the smell is that's making like the juices that are making that smell if they have the properties of bleach because and I don't bleach any of my clothes there's no bleach like in anything so could it just be that like our bodies naturally produce a form of bleach I think whatever's happening down there it could be radioactive it definitely is and it's and it's it's changing the color of your underwear yeah I'll show you a before and after a before and after like yo like no it's not you could probably make big money on the panty market listen if there's someone out there that wants to buy my fucking gross boxers
Starting point is 00:59:49 yeah there is holy shit dude for real but serious question go would you consider doing that if someone was like I'm gonna pay you $30 a boxer no way more but you could send them a package of like five boxers you just made cake no 75 at least whoa I listen if someone it likes my if someone likes my stink that much I know that it's good okay but because it's bad you know what I mean supply demand baby baby um so what if they told you this yeah they were like okay I'll do 75 but you really gotta like you know I'm saying like go for a long walk no problem what if they told you because I've talked to a woman on opl before who she does his panty stuff and a lot of people pay they pay top dollar for uh yeast infection panties so um also maybe if you
Starting point is 01:00:50 shit yourself that could help I don't care how much money is being offered I'm not shitting myself unless it's a lot of money yeah it would take a lot for me to shit my pants I would say at least like 20k to shit my pants what about to piss your pants how much worse than shitting your pants why because that you gotta you gotta wear with you you need new pants if I can shit if I if I shit myself in my boxes I just take the boxes off clean up put the pants back on go command over the rest of the day I don't know what kind of shits you're taking but it doesn't work out that way in theory you would like to think it goes that way I would hope so yeah but it's not either way like it would be more like the pee you wear with you and it stinks yeah the shit like
Starting point is 01:01:34 you stinks the shit stinks it can but not like pee like there's a pee I'd rather smell shit than piss no yeah no that's where you're wrong because shit I can be like oh my god what is that smell how much money to piss your pants are you like offering 9000 patrons you stand in the shower and you piss in your pants I need I need more money 9000 patrons I see that is more money I see half a percent oh don't even start with that no not 9000 I would say if we ever made 10 000 I'll pee on your foot then pee on my own pants what dude I'm I'm getting literally pissed on by another human so pissing your pants is a joke I don't know 92 92 11
Starting point is 01:02:32 92 11 oh 11,000 11,000 no 11,000 bro it can't be after you piss on me are you fucking crazy that's not happening it's a can no it ain't I'd rather pee on you than pee on myself yeah no fucking kidding but I have to take piss from another man would you rather pee on me or pee on yourself piss on myself 10 times what then piss on you yeah oh no if I'm you that's what I'm saying yeah like I don't make sense if I would rather not get pissed on then then like I'd rather piss myself if I could piss myself right you can right I'd rather do that than get pissed on yes but what I'm saying is would you rather pee on me or pee on yourself pee on you exactly so if you're asking me to piss myself it needs to be bigger than what it would take to pee on you of course of course
Starting point is 01:03:28 but I'm saying it's not fair because it doesn't matter if it's fair this is your empire this is an there's an exchange of piss so you just have to have it in your head of like okay if we're going by numbers here this one's worse clearly that's worse getting for one of us getting pissed on by someone else and getting pissed on by yourself getting pissed on by yourself you would take that 10 times out of 10 of course so it has to be before that but the question is not if you are going to piss yourself and then I'm going to piss on you it's I am going to piss on you or I'm going to piss myself so if I'm putting myself through the shame I want it to be higher at which the threshold is that I'm going to piss on you why don't we let them decide no because then they'll
Starting point is 01:04:11 be like no 91 yeah 9000 patrons is this something about pissing yourself that's so funny to me um yeah I I haven't done it in a very long time that's not true every time I pee myself every day a little bit but everyone does like gray sweatpants piss or like jeans piss no pissing a gene I'm gonna have to stay for a day well I'm gonna have to fucking wash and dry my pants I'm gonna how do you clean I guess you just saturate it and water and soap and then you then you throw them in the washer yeah yeah all right or just buy a brand new pair and pissing that's what you would do yeah for my old navy that but no like a $20 pair of jeans just slam them that's what you would do Joey would pee his pants and instead of just watching them he would get all new pants and then flooring
Starting point is 01:05:05 piss myself my living room and then move out that's what you would do I need I need a new place all right we'll figure out we're gonna get some piss flowing one of these days but we're gonna have to figure it out I mean Lord knows I've been drinking enough water it'll come easy I'll I'll say this I would rather me piss my pants at 10 000 then you have you piss on my foot okay but then you have to do 9 000 there has to be something nope why it why yeah well you're gonna get selected for the next veil profit I just got fucking slammed in the ass by the by the uh what's it called by the enema I got enema'd I enema'd myself I was like what are you telling me here live on fucking no I got I did the enema so now it's your turn and then I'll piss my pants
Starting point is 01:05:49 oh we'll see shit your pants definitely not yeah that's 20 000 that's that's 20 also shit shit my pants sitting down 25 000 yeah 25 k because of not only like just the what it's gonna do to me mentally I'm gonna need a lot more money that would be a terrible day I don't even know how to clean that I have that I wouldn't ask you if I could get new legs yo honestly you I would just be like yo put me in the bathroom and don't and like just got it and get a new bathroom yeah that's what I would help you I'd be like yo take take yeah all right we'll figure something out uh but yeah we're gonna find you Frank uh f alvars 8085 on twitter the frank alvars on instagram and on twitch and then I got my new schmo down match
Starting point is 01:06:32 it's right your boy over here competitor in the movie trivia schmo down for the usual sus effects June 23rd it's going down playing against Jess Schloth sounds like schlong she's careful just saying I don't know it does uh nice nice person but I'm gonna have to lay the hammer down yeah just destroy her so go check it out all right uh you can follow me at joseph and I gotta go follow the show at the baseman yard on tiktok and instagram and to our patrons like I said we've been talking about piss if you want one of us to piss ourselves join the patreon we're gonna figure it out uh right now we've been making fun of people that have like weird like things that they're into we're just giving people free jerk off material
Starting point is 01:07:10 yeah piss pee yeah I'm sure this people would jerk off to piss but whatever not me um but yeah patreon.com slash the baseman yard to join up you get uh every episode a week ahead and you also get a extra episode every single week and access to all the extra ones we've ever done uh so definitely check that out patreon.com slash the baseman yard and that is all see you guys next time bye

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.