The Basement Yard - #304 - The Most Ridiculous Purchases Of All Time

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

Joe buys a legit Iron Man mask and Frank is NOT happy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard How you doing folks? You would think this stuff brings me joy, what's up? I've finally found it. I've wait one second good Okay Gotcha, I finally found the thing that you could do that would make me not love you or happy for you and that's do this What's that? Would you say something about love? You can't wait can you? Okay, this is starting to get a little incessant When did you get I have a lot of questions that you still have yet to answer and then I have a lot of things to be upset about

Here's a question. Here's a observation Why are you talking like you're drunk? You're really trying to be Tony Stark. No, no, no my my jaw at this thing barely fits me. My jaw doesn't really move And getting this off my head is a lot of pain. It's oh well that I guess you know cuz I think it's made for children, but you know One second I Where like oh like where and how oh Oh my god, and I am getting this malfunctioning

There's a lot of joy coming from the fact that this is so painful for you So we're just gonna start I'm just gonna start it I'm not even gonna like welcome back to keeping it Frank. Fuck you what fuck you my ears good. Can I have that? What is it called a silver? Silver lining that it hurts you so much to put it on Welcome back keeping it Frank ladies and gentlemen one thing that people know about me is I'm a big Comic book fan superhero fan. You son of a bitch. Yeah, and you bought this How many days I I I my birthday's in two weeks. First of all, I bought that monks monks monks ago

Monks I put that months ago. I bought it in March. Oh Mm-hmm was I ever in the thought process of your purchase dude selfishness? Bro, my ears are on fire. They're good. Fuck you. So what the fuck you pay me like a fucking French prostitute Don't say first of all the French ones make tons of money, dude. Amsterdainie Amsterdamian They make money and sir Daniel there. They fucking they slam from Amsterdam called Amsterdam Dutch Ah, I think Hollis you you're from Holland. You're Hollis. You might be right. You know Indian No, that's Indian. What the fuck? No, like hey, I'm buying this. Do you want in on it? Hey?

I'm gonna get and your chewing gum you just a self-righteous piece of shit today. I guess everyone going boy. Oh boy I mean, what the fuck? What this is my that wasn't a lot of money like everyone at first of all I posted that video on Instagram and then everyone it was like oh Frank's probably freaking out right now. I was I woke up to that very upset people thought I paid thousands of dollars for it I was like dude. It was four people is first of all iron man. Joe you add it to the list Hello, second of all people have sent me listings like this motherfucker like and they were like listening for like eight eight thousand dollars $300 what is thirty hundred dollars do the math?

3000 there you go and I I just need to know I need to know I'm gonna just start throwing out numbers. Yeah, just just ballpark me. No, it was it was a thousand It was less than that dude. What? Yes. I mean less than that. Where'd you get this off? Wish comm Etsy, baby God will you get anything Etsy? What else they have on Etsy? Dude literally everything you could buy like fingernails if you want on there I mean, it's like you could buy like pottery and like rings and shit, but then you could also buy like anything animals You might be able to buy animals on there No, like whatever so like whatever like southern white women put in their kitchens

I was legitimately like this is how I become a supervillain. I've always said I was gonna be a villain I'm not a good guy. I'm a good guy, but like if we're playing and we're playing games. I'm a bad guy The fuck are you talking about flirting with me now? Maybe you're trying to have zags. Well, you know if you don't Fuck with that on who the fuck are you? Bro, if I had that I would be making kids out the fucking ass dude. It really hurts your chin in there I need to be able to need your chin. I need to talk. You need to talk during sex You don't need to I know Mother fucker, I'm not gonna talk to my teeth like I'm some fucking old-timey criminal. Yeah, give me the money

I'm gonna do that Absolutely, I like to have some jaw space can't go can't go down on women with that Oh, yeah, cuz I'm really sure you're after you Being a selfish prick and not fucking getting me. I'm sure that's exactly what your MO is just an unselfish lover Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I am an unselfish lover. Are you? Yeah, you're gonna tell me you can't figure out I was 19 though. No knock your teeth out. You can afford to pay for new ones Knock your teeth out have that on just slip your tongue out. I Don't know if I don't know if you can do that

First of all, you still I think malfunctioning at the end that got me really fucking worried I don't know if I'm gonna put that on her again Oh, yeah, you'll just have to buy another one give that to a child. No because I'm Crazy with kind of stuff like that like I don't like wearing rings because I'm afraid of them getting stuck if that thing gets stuck On my head. I'm going to slam my head against the wall until it explodes off my head. I would pay to see that. Yeah, but I actually Someone else gave me this idea since you're just frivolously throwing away money $480. Yeah, frivia for future dolly, bro $480 to the normal people like us

Is a lot of money. Okay. I'm sorry. We're not fucking big big business Joe. I'm not do big podcast over here Big internet you're on a podcast Asshole, I am a footnote you son of a bitch. That's not the right expression. I think it's not. It's yeah It's not we're not talking about essays not talking about homework No, but like footnote on my history is just like I'm a little part of it Like you have built this podcasting Internet Empire. Oh, here we go. You are known across the world There are people in Scandinavia that are like, oh my god herpta derp to Joe What I think they heard the herbity derpity like that's the that's the sweetest chef. I think that's

Sesame Street Swedish chef What are you saying? Swedish chef Swedish Swedish chef. Who's that from the Muppets? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know Yeah, well take it easy. That's what he does. That was almost offensive It almost was if you're fans of the Swedish chef. Okay, but You're just like just your big podcast and you just throwing away your money

Okay, so I have some other things that you could throw away your money on and I want to just get an ideas too If you think that you actually will throw your hat in this room. Perfect. I'm actually in a spending mood right now. Are you? Yeah, well good for you. I got exactly what you need my financial advisor came over yesterday And we like went over everything. I'm like, oh, did he tell you to invest in me? No, absolutely not in there didn't do it. It wasn't he didn't fit that in fossils Whoa, you could buy a fossil 480, but are you allowed to own a part of I thought so let's see if it's on Etsy I mean, I know you could buy like cool like like sharp no

No, no, they would have something at some like woman named Barbara would like fake make a fossil like I'm talking about I want a real dinosaur leg I'll tell you right now. Can I buy a dinosaur leg? I'll tell you right now or an egg. You I mean, I don't know about eggs You can buy a spinosaurus tooth Spinosaurus spinosaurus. Those are the big ones the one in Jurassic Park three that killed the t-rex These are actually affordable fifty nine dollars us for one to one tooth to two two three nine dollars Dinosaur fossil figurine. This isn't real a t-rex tooth sixty nine dollars 69

Hello Do you know what honestly? These are a lot cheaper than I thought there would wait. Can I see this this tooth? Oh, yeah Is it a cool tooth? It's like a shark tooth. It's a sharp looking tooth. It's a big guy Well, I mean if you if it's a spinosaurus The t-rex one was like a molar That's not as big as I thought it would I mean that'll definitely take your fucking arm I'm not gonna like 800 of those in that son of a bitch. I don't fuck you up

I want to see like the big expensive ones like big bye I want like I want like a t-rex is tibia or tip fibula. What's it called? Tibia tibia or fibia. They're both there. Yeah. Yeah. I want like a big fucking bone. Here we go 50 million year old Eocene era fossil fish Stone sculpture how much $4,000. I won't buy it. I I don't see it. Is it does it look cool? I mean, yeah, it's not bad looking you could definitely put it behind me or or here's the idea that money just give it to me Not bad just a couple fossilized fish

50 million year old fish This is the stuff you could buy when you have money by the way, I'll be honest with you I wouldn't like never buy this Honestly, I would buy it if I had like four thousand dollars to spare that would be a cool thing on a bookshelf Do you be like, yeah? Oh, what is that? You what are you into fish like no bitch? That's from 50 million years? Yeah, act like you know about I'm into history. Yeah, here's another 50 million year old This is a rabbit hole for me honestly because one's another one from Wyoming. I'll turn this into a fucking $15,000. There's more fish on there. Oh

We got about six fish on there, right? A couple more fish. I want to see like the big stuff. Wait, that's 60,000 15 I don't know why you said 60. I just came out over with that number Let's see. I mean, I don't see any like wait. What are you looking on Etsy? I'm looking on Google. Oh, okay. Cool. I was gonna say there's no way anyone Etsy has actual fossils I mean, maybe you never know. I mean, there's like little fossils like little boys that you could buy Oh shit, here we go little boys that you could buy I mean, maybe on Wayfair that might honestly might be on this west somewhere

I actually just ordered some some furniture from Wayfair. So maybe a child will show up. I'm sure you did They have like other ones in here like fucking like trilobites like those little like you think I know what that is Kabutops kabuto. I'm a knight. I'm a star. I think of those Pokemon a clam. Yeah, just like real Megalodon teeth Dad, I want to see wait. Those are huge. Then it's gonna be size of this table It's one is a six inch Megalodon tooth That's a pretty big fucking tooth. That's a big ass tooth. Oh, it looks like a heart It does kind of look like a heart, but I thought fossils could be in there

Yeah, or nay thumbs up thumbs down. Yeah, I think that's I think that's slippery slope for me because I'm gonna get like I'd probably start off with that rock with like a fish in it And I spent a couple thousand dollars on that thing Like I would honestly rather that than spend money on art. I Would say art over fossils to be honest I well, I would do art But I would be like if I'm spending four thousand dollars on a piece of art I would rather have a piece of like this is 50 million years old dude. Oh fucking crazy

Oh, here we go. Here we go 180 million year old Fossilized croc giant crocodile. That's probably like a billion dollars four hundred fifty thousand dollars. Can I see it? Yeah, it looks sick this this would be cool That's giant crocodile fossil that's fucking wild. That's awesome. I would do it. I wouldn't Oh a monosaurus jaw from Morocco Twenty six thousand dollars. It's just the jaw That's pretty cool, too. You gotta do that, but I don't know about thirty thousand dollars there, buddy

You wouldn't you wouldn't have this fossil right next one. I had people What people you could buy people. Oh, yeah, you can I What would it be dark dark web Joe finally starts, you know, what are we talking about? Are we talking about trafficking? I Mean was this your idea this was an idea that came into my head if I really wanted to ruin you Although these human traffickers. They don't get ruined. So like you would be a part of the elite I think they get ruined if they get caught. Yeah, you ever see like movies on this stuff You know, it's trafficking any humans. Oh, they are but not you right, okay?

I meant no one like no one on this side of the table. Well, no one in this room Let's start there. Well, yeah, no one here that we know of who's in this room. By the way Come up with a better name women human trafficking. I hear that and I just think of like Like a crowd driving him in handy like a crowded club like make it sound scarier like human traffics human Shipping human. Yeah, human packaging. Yes, human An island I'd buy an island you'd buy a little one though. You don't you don't have somewhere like Connecticut or something Well, Connecticut

Connecticut Connecticut Connecticut. Yeah, doesn't have islands. I think the closest islands are like Fire Island Well, you can't buy Fire Island. Why not because the gays would lose it or you can just preserve it for them It's like a gay sanctuary. Yeah, I would buy a house on Fire Island. Gangtuary by the way a gangtuary You'd buy a house on Fire Island. How much the house on Fire Island go for a lot. Yeah, how much I don't know You stop googling things. I'm just I'm curious have a conversation with me I am stop looking up fossils you fucking asshole. I gave up the fossils. Yeah, I'm sure a bit ago

Fucking what's that called? Archaeologists damn it. I was gonna say archipelago. That's a place. I'm pretty sure no That's like a group of islands or something archipelago. No, not a bee. It's archipelago. Yeah, archipelago archipelago No, oh, well actually, no, that's right. I know I am damn Oh animal skins or furs not into it or pelts as they call them I'm not really into the animal shit. You're not gonna have like, you know, like alligator skin fucking sheets Yeah, what people have that. I'm sure they do somewhere holding way too much heat It's like the top is the alligator skin underneath. It's like, you know, just like

20,000 thread count. I don't know. I like I go to people's houses and Sometimes they'll have like the the cow hide and I'm like, this isn't even comfortable like it'd be one thing you have like a fucking Like a polar bear on it like I wouldn't I wouldn't want that but I'm just saying careful But I'm just saying like if you have like a polar bear thing on the floor you lay on that you're like this is mad So select animals like you don't want like I don't want any animals. You don't want like sheep's wool I'm not into furs. I'm not into animal shit like that like nothing at all Gotcha, especially like when people have like the cow hide

Rugs like I was talking about they're not even yeah, it's just for it's just just to say yeah It's like aesthetic. All these people are like, oh my god snake skin bites. I'm like don't want those I mean actually I do hate snakes. So maybe the boots will be okay. Hmm How do you feel about snake skin stuff? Yeah Skin furs. I'm not into skin is probably a different Oh Okay I think I'm not gonna say that maybe like maybe I have one point in my life. I

Would own like an alligator boot, but I don't know I don't think so you don't think you'd go for the skin The alligator skin getting gotcha gotcha gotcha. Yeah, but like furs. No, no like mink. Yeah, like I'm never gonna like I can Have a mink coat fur. Yeah, you can't and I'm worried about some crazy person throwing red paint on me That's the other thing I don't even I don't think I've ever seen pita activists But they're like they're they're always with just red paint just like living the dream ready to go They're ready to fucking like ruin your day They I would say that they account for most of the red paint sales in the United States It's crazy with the pita thing and the paint thing like I kind of agree with both sides because it's kind of like

You know, I get it like you spend a lot of money on this jacket You're like, you know, whatever someone throws paint on and you're like, what the fuck dude, you know, whatever But then the person who's thrown the pain it's like dude, you killed like 30 fucking Whatever the fuck to make that thing kind of fucked up I don't know what you mean like in order to make one of those fur coats you have to kill like 30 fucking animals Yeah, yeah, it's a lot, but they breed them. They mass breed them like it's like oh like you have a mink farm It's like who's really getting hurt here. You're actually probably saving good thing of all the animals think well Yeah, well, they don't know they're they're dead so quick. Do you think animals know that they they're gonna die?

We're getting into but do you think animals know like about death? I think they know like something's not Right here something bad's about to happen. Yeah, because they have animal instincts like they know they run away from they run away You know, is that because animals that like like get rid of their tail because they're like, oh predator Yeah, Keith had a lizard who did that. I'm sure he did. Yeah. He had a what was it a bearded dragon? Yes I would think they don't have beards They don't well they kind of do that's why they're called bearded dragons. They have spikes Well But I would think that they kind of are like, oh, you know like something I'm something bad's about to happen

Their instincts kick in and then like by the time they real like they don't feel pain. They're just dead Do you know what's crazy? What and I feel like I've said this before You ever see a giraffe give birth I Think I missed that one Joey giraffes give birth mm-hmm to Giraffes yeah, like a giraffe will fall out of a giraffe. Yes, and it's already like a full giraffe Yeah, you understand what I'm saying Yeah, like not a bait not like anything that needs to grow it falls out. They do need to grow a little bit Yeah, but they fall out boom a giraffe also not only that they're falling 10 feet to the floor

Yeah, that's the problem baby brand new imagine giving birth on top of a small building like off the off your balcony And then your baby hits the concrete. That's what happens with giraffes. They're built for fucking height Yeah, they got stilts on but then as soon as they're born, right? They're fucking they're they hit the floor they get up and then they're running from fucking Jesus They're born giraffe. How do they know that out of the womb because in their mind They've been doing this for millions of years where they're like, but how does it know that it's been inside of a giraffe It's built into our DNA that it's like yo get up get get out get up go Yeah, but like when we're born, there's things like we can sneeze and shit and breathe or whatever the fuck

But everyone could do that. But if you but if I was born and then a fucking Something was chasing me Is the thing is the thing I actually read a book about this when I was in college It's called the gift of fear where it's like we're born with instincts millions of years of instincts And it's like maybe sometimes follows instinct those animals are born to be afraid of things and most of the time It helps them stay alive Except for when they're killed for their skin and or fur Then they're in big-time trouble. Yeah, you mean you got a big fat problem when you got fucking

I got a run away from cheetahs, but now I got this fucking Fat piece of shit who wants to kill me world time to go like time to run. It's fucking crazy Alright, the animal kingdom is so ruthless It's the kind of fucking they do and like what they I watch the show. I watch the show one time go ahead From an animal. It's in it was in Madagascar, right? Like the movie Madagascar. No, like the actual place. Okay Did you know it was an actual place? Yes, I did. Okay, cool So I was there and this thing will fucking a tree to fuck a guy. What kind of animals this a fossa of Fossa or fossa fossa, okay

And so it'll like find a mate and be like bet like let's go up to the upstairs and fuck so they're fucking Yes, then another one's like you I smell pussy right now. Oh, they could smell the fuck Yeah, dude, they smell everything those things fuck. So there's someone's fucking in the jungle. Everyone knows it's smelling it Right, they have that's why animals are very sensitive noses for fucking so they smell They he smelled he's like your pussy is around pussy is a foot Like animals know like pussy is a pussy pussy's a foot. So He'll go over to the tree and he'll look up be like damn someone's smashing

Just like us, right? So we'll look up and be like damn Britney's like getting slammed Britney and Steph. Yeah, so you're looking up. You're like fuck whatever So they're fucking like and they fuck all night and they like scream in the night. Oh, yeah, like crazy shit, right? No, no respect for their neighbors in the animal kingdom But what this dude will do the one who's on the ground like damn the fossa He'll go over to the tree and rub his dick on the tree Right, so leave his scent on the tree so it's now his dick tree No, so then he'll walk away and then when they're done inevitably they have to come down what goes up must come down

Obviously, this is gravity. This is Isaac Newton who died of virgin by the way by the way people think he was gay I just think he had a lot of studying to do So when this fossa hits the ground she's like she's saying bye to the one dude She's like are you'll take it easy then she goes, you know, this was like Smells like good dick so now it's like yeah, what the fuck so then that's like I mean we took those animal instincts into the real world think about it. You walking down New York City You're hungry bacon egg and cheese bang. Let's smell that you go right in same thing the fossa has helped us Figure out exactly what we want to eat the same thing mad smells mad

I mean dogs do that shit too dogs will be like yo fuck this fuck your house I'm pissing all over it. So girl dog walks out like oh, I smell another dick here This smells like a very like dominating piss. That's a good. Yeah, like in the animal kingdom It's all about the power of your stench. Yeah in that regard I would be the strongest animal because I think I smell like a fucking dumpster crap. Yeah Dumpster crap you do I and I'm gross. Yeah, so in the animal kingdom I would be high and mighty here in the human world You just smell like shit smell like dog. They actually like if you don't smell that weird

Very animal King going against our instincts. Yeah You know, it's crazy about the smells in the animal kingdom I feel like they like it's a it's like leaving a piece of your DNA And then they could smell it and like know everything about you like know if you're a bitch Well, like if you were if you were like bitten in the last few months like they know everything about you They smell you know like oh this guy's a fucking think about it I mean that it goes just like your boy Mufasa like you know when he's fucking rubbing his dick on that tree Just like this. Yeah, I don't know why I think he's holding like the base of the tree

You're just getting a good dick. Well, he was he was hugging. He was hugging the tree. Yeah That is a power play. That's a move. So when that girl Fossa comes down, she's like That's a strong dick. I smell like that dick. I just got Not bad, you know, maybe did it maybe did the job but now I'm in search of this dick scent right here and Big-time power. Yeah, gotta say. Yeah, can you imagine that like you'd like leaving your dick Scent all over like your your girlfriend's mailbox or something. Oh, I mean in ways we do that I don't know if like I rubbed my dick on her mailbox back in the day

But like, you know, I definitely like my clothes are you know, I leave behind, you know, like a pair of boxers You know, and it's like, you know, someone walks in and they know something smells wrong Horses You want in horses? Oh Would I own a horse? Yeah, you getting into the like I just pet I just pet some horses, dude Why don't you pet horses when I was in upstate? There was a stable when I was talking to this guy. He had a Handful but I'm not saying like yeah, no probably not I'm not saying like, you know, like the cute horses like you'll have like a little dude ranch

I'm saying like you're owning like the ones that you like Clydesdale. They fuck up kill them Well, that's all horses, but I'm saying like the ones that race, you know, like sea biscuit American Oh, I don't want to race a horse. I just want to like have it maybe ride it around my property Oh, you're gonna learn how to ride the horse learn I just just get on that bitch. Oh, no, you know, you hire a guy who like feeds him and he knows some stuff And he's like get on there I mean, you know, just get on a horse and they know how to go and stop and all that like you hire a guy Who's been around horses? You need to get spurs. You need to get rains. You need spurs. You need to hurt the thing

I mean, you know, they have thick thick hides. I think they'll be okay. Yeah, but you could just use your heel They got a lot of speaking of smells. They got a lot of smells a lot of flies hanging around them That's why they call them horse flies Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do that was another thing So I was in the way in the woods for this wedding Yeah, and I'm talking to the guy who owns the property and he's like, yeah I built this bar and whatever then he built like the stable that the horses are in and I'm talking to him And then this fucking fly brolic dude red eyes red like the fucking devil big fly lands on his arm and he goes look at that

What's that and I go he's looking at the time. So look at that. What's that? I'm like, it's a big fucking It's a those things hurt man. Yeah, and then he just goes What yeah, and I was he threw it over a shoulder like dude horse flies will fuck you up But also I was just shocked at this fly didn't fly away. Oh dude flies are stupid idiots I can't even tell you how many flies I've caught in my life where it's just like there's there and I just I literally have a picture I have a picture of me catching a fly. That's how fucking buy its wings. Oh look at this picture What are you Bruce Lee? Uh, I didn't use chopsticks, but I definitely caught a fly with my fingers. Whoa, dude super racially

Sensitive well, no, that's what he does in the movie doesn't he what movie with the key catches a fly with chopsticks He does I think so. I've only seen him play ping-pong with Nunchucks, whatever that is really cool. I don't think I could ever do that. I think that's real. Yeah, it might be look at that Caught a fly with my fingers. Yeah, dude First of all, it looks like a beetle. It's a fly and I caught it I got I oh I once ate a fly that I caught and I got a real bad science infection. I Paid Davino a hundred dollars wants to drink a beer that a fly landed in did he yeah, he did and So he's still him still he's still there. I guess still alive. So like all right

I have other things so you would own horses. Yeah, just to like chill with I would chill with a horse Yeah, you know horses can't see forward right because they're stupid. No, no because their eyes are on. Oh, well, that makes sense That's why they have blinders on Well, that's why they always look like this they like turn their head whenever they're looking at you. Yeah politicians Like like lobbying. Yeah, like would you be like one of those like Oliver Stone? That's not him That's the director of Roger Stone Oliver twist. I think you're thinking of no, I'm definitely not Roger stone

Oliver twist was a little British boy. I just is Oliver twist the one who wanted more super simple porridge Can I have some more? No, we'll fall and then there's like Miss Havasham is there or that might be different have a sham Yeah, that's from great expectations. You remember that book? No, get your book knowledge up Joe Joe book Joe doesn't remember great expectations No, because the guy fucking Phil Knight's on on the cover, right? What are you saying politician? Oh, yeah, no, probably not you wouldn't be like one of those guys like, you know, I really care about this Here's my money. No, I just I

No, I don't want to get mixed up in that weird world Okay, I feel like people get killed and like people at home and it's like there's like real weird people get killed people do I feel like there's a lot of blood transfusion with the There's like, you know, like blackmail and like being you know, like getting in trouble for that Yeah, and like if you ever manila envelopes But all all those blackmail people are the ones that buy all the manila envelopes Oh, yeah, follow the envelopes and you'll find it is the secrets. You ain't kidding. Yeah, so politicians No, no, no, and then the last one I have here knives and throwing stars and swords and shit. Oh

Yeah, you're gonna start buying them. Well, I would probably you know I'm not even writing that off like regularly like without any sort of crazy amount of money Getting some ninja stars. I've always been like very interested in being in the road them. Yeah, what am I gonna do? I don't know. I mean, I I don't know. That's why I'm asking. No, just fucking shooting I would like throw them. Can you imagine being really good at throwing ninja stars? You could scare all your dinner guests like you just like get really mad that would be cool Do those things do damage like I I've never heard of what it's a knife, bro I mean, it's not a knife. It's like a fucking like oh, it's like fidget spinner basically

It's with naïve corners With naïve. Yeah Like if I threw it at you would get stuck in your body. I don't think you could throw What bro if you have you seen any start? Yes, I've seen movies I've seen movies where it's made to make it look like it's worse if you and I were sitting this close and I threw a ninja star I you it's not gonna do your shirt Yeah, dude, no, no, not if you go like this, but if you threw it like so what about like throw I would do like throwing knives. Those are cool because you can like have it right here

You think and you could throw it like that. Yeah, of course that would be stars are knives. I don't know they are I mean, I know oh, he's got the Google out again. I What else you got yeah Google how much a ninja star is what else under oh you want we'll go more fossils Ninjas stars Ninjas stars for sale from Ninja shuriken at karate mark Karate mark. Oh, dude, you can get this shit for cheap man. Yeah a seven point ninja star Ten dollars. There you go But like I'm talking like you're gonna get like some like ancient like oh this was the sword of fucking Rama Rama Tut

Rama Tut, I've been you know Marvel. It's been in my head lately. Oh, yeah a form of Kang also King Tut King Tut was a real person. I believe mm-hmm But like I don't think he had heard Cleopatra. It was like Fucking mad hot. Yeah, also mad 12. What? Yeah, she was young man. I didn't know that. Yeah Hey, what wasn't she like a very powerful fellow. Yeah, but she was like young Like really young I think and like loved cats You know Josh take that out or something Fact check fact check it and you want me to fact check it right now

Isn't there a movie Cleopatra, but there's like an yeah with Liz Taylor. She was living the dream. All right. She was older Okay, that's my only like interpretation. Okay, fair enough. I think that interpretation. You're okay But like the real work like version. Yeah super like 13. It's okay We did a whole bracket of Disney princesses, and I'm pretty sure they were all like fucking nine and well Yeah, Ariel was like a child. Yeah, she's also a mermaid. So yeah, not real I don't know how like the age of consent underwater Um, I think with like humans the same right like submarine human a human the same But submarine. Yeah, like you're in a submarine human human

But like I mean, I don't think animals can give consent because they're animals like they can't communicate except for like birds But then even then they don't know what the fuck they're saying. You know what that's actually a great question Go ahead Because you're saying with animals like the age of consent or whatever Well, I actually know this is a stupid question. Go ahead. No, I'm just gonna say like You're gonna how do animals know? But it's like obviously they're like in heat and they could smell like we were going back before they could smell I was like ready. They were like smelling like they're like they're ready for the taking ready to go

Yo, you know dogs wear diapers What female dogs when they get their period they like legit like get their period and when they're in heat they wear diapers Yes, yeah, why does anyone have a girl dog? I mean, I have a girl dog, but I'm pretty sure she was neutered before we got her Okay, I remember my cat when she used to go into heat Brawl, how often is this I would say like once a month. Oh, so similar to similar to you know the menstrual cycle for human women Yes, bro when she would in heat She was the horniest animal on the fucking planet. She'd be slamming pillows and stuff, bro

I would go I would call her name and she would fucking throw her ass up and back and be like mystique Like she would she would fucking yes, my cat's name is mystique by the way Yeah, she was like super she was ready to get fucking just wiped clean That was an old cat too, right? She was I mean we had she only lives to be like 10. Oh damn Yeah, she was young don't cats supposed to be like 20 years on something like that. She had a mouth cancer Well, she's smoking cigarettes It is fucked up, but she's dead. All right, P sticky Lou stick what was what we would call it I love that that sounds like something my mom would call like that's a hundred. Yeah

What do you mean Joey Dota Duda donuts? No, it's Keithy Cuda, dude. Cuda Joey Lowy Lou Shanny Manny poopoo panty that that one's the worst and sunny bunny. Sunny bunny was Thomas. Yeah, I have nicknames for Rogue for you for my dog and also my daughter. I have she's not rogue. What do you call her? She's Ruby. So it's Ruby. Mm-hmm. Googly bear Ruby do Scooby-Doo. Uh-huh Zaba Zebes What was that last one last one is a little tough Zaba Zebes Zaba Zebes Literal Zebes Zaba Zebes, okay

It is There it is just blabber. There is nothing to it. There's no like what a Zaba is. I don't know Yeah, but in the moment. I just called her a Zaba Zebes. My sister calls her child Mukau Mukau. Yeah, that makes sense kids move Move. Yeah, they move You who does that kids? I don't know kids move. They do that like sometimes he's not like a dinosaur Jurassic Park That would be cool What if it like they would be dinosaur if Jurassic Park was real would you go one two three? Yes fucking absolutely not oh

Really? I'm gonna go hang out with dinosaurs. I mean like if it was real like contained Have you seen the movies well their movies get bad at a certain point Jurassic World? It was like that day it got bad But like before then they were they made the implication that people were going all the time and they were sick of it So they had to make a new dinosaur before then I'd go I'd go see fucking raptors and shit How much enjoyment do you get out of going to the zoo? I've been to the zoo like twice and I Was a child and I liked seeing the peacocks you went as an adult

We went together you had to do a school project on it. What you don't remember. No when you were 18 for high school You had to do a project me and you went to the book the Bronx. Oh Whoa, dude. Yeah, and I remember wait. How would you say I wasn't 18? You were like you were like 18. It was always definitely in middle school. No We you think we were taking a trip to the Bronx by ourself in middle school Do you think I was doing an animal book report in a senior in high school? What are you fucking crazy? Yeah, I vividly remember literally. I know for a factual thing Not when I was 18 17

nine 16 no you were in high school. That's all I remember because we were older Dude, I really think you're confusing. I think it was eighth grade. I can promise you. I'm not I Know no way. I was in high school. Oh, I'm telling you. Where was the report go? Tell me what a line is. Oh, no, but we went in the spring and it was before like all like a spring I went to the fucking I would do a Catholic high school. There's nothing holy at the zoo Don't say that What that's not true?

What's holy Jesus was a shepherd? What me yeah sheep. No, we know he wasn't I think he was we went over this I think he was a shepherd. No, his dad was a carpenter. His mom was a virgin Yes, and he was a shepherd. No, he wasn't a shepherd literally and figuratively. He was literally shepherd Shepherding Shepherding shepherding is the word I'm hurting boom Was hurting the sheep and then figuratively he was a shepherd of the people Go say it read it out loud you son of a bitch so I can be right

The good shepherd is an image used in the periscope of John 10 1 to 21 I don't know how to read those verses things In which Jesus Christ is depicted as the good shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep Thank you. It was a shepherd. Thank you. I Told you this guy had fucking hella sheep Well, hello sheep. I mean he had probably a few sheep couple sheep Yeah, I love how they called us the people sheep. It's a very conservative way of thinking of us. Hmm, you know, ah You like that. I actually do like that. Well, I don't think they're referring to it in a biblical way

I know they're definitely not I think it's just like your sheep just follow each other. They just follow aimless. Why do they do that? Uh, and how do dogs do that, bro? Oh dogs just like know how to just get them how to how to how to organize sheep Yeah, they just also how do dudes stand on top of all the abandoned movie theaters and know how to direct Pidge's How do they do that? Wait, what do people dude? You've never seen that? Have I ever seen a man on top of an old movie theater directing pigeons? Yes, I can tell you I have not I've seen it once Oh, and so that's like no, but people do it people people like they they like And the birds just start flying. I mean, I think if you make any noise near a bird, they're just gonna go No, bro. They train them. I don't think they train bro. I'm telling you Joey

Dude, I'm telling you training birds. It was also in an episode of hey Arnold once I remember that episode of hey Arnold, but he had fucking breadcrumbs. He was you know, just trying to train him somehow You gotta reward him you dumb asshole I don't think he was like able to say like fucking sit and the birds would sit and shit like that sit But it's definitely flying circles. It's definitely that oh you could tell a bird to fly. Yeah, wow You you what else can they do you into push-ups bench-press it? I don't know, but something if you're saying the word training I'm expecting that there's some other level of fucking skill to what they're doing. Think about this. Go ahead pigeon Bletter carriers. That's a real thing. How the fuck can you do that?

That is a mystery of history that has gone to a time. I will never understand that take this to the British How does he know where it's going? And it's like no and how do you know when you get it that like it's like oh this is from fucking I mean, I guess if you read it, but like if I'm like yo here owl take this to fucking Joe And the owls are psyched. Yeah. Okay, cool. How will they just go how will they know? That doesn't make sense. Well, I send a raven like bro. What I think those are windy dude I think those are what if it's the winter? No fucking. What do you get to send? What do you get to send they go south? They go all and what if you're north, you know, you're in big time trouble. You're got a big fat problem big fat problem on your hands

By the way that first by some way was keeping it Frank So, yeah Good outro All right, let's get to today's sponsors for today. We have some lovely sponsors the first one being fitbot. Okay fitbot I've been using fitbot for a while now fitbot very nice All right, it understands the path to achieving your best look which is different for everybody Which is true their workouts are balanced to avoid overworking muscles with varied exercises to keep you sharp Their algorithm uses data and analytics to help you build on your last workout to maximize your results

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And while we're on the topic make sure you go check out the patreon account patreon.com Slash the basement yard join today and you get every single episode weekly episode a week in advance You can get in on the jokes the conversation and everything that we talk about e one week before everybody else does and guess what every other Episode is on there as well easy to find there's both audio and video versions And then if you join that next little tier that you got your little beep beep bop bop you get Exclusive content nobody else gets the opportunity to see I'm talking power our episode. I'm talking our hot ones episode I'm talking episode where we talk about the hottest Disney characters of all time both men and women We did both yeah, so in any of any

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You see my face. I was like holy shit. No now my grandparents have been dead. Oh, they've been they've been gone. Yeah How long how long nine years nine years which one are we talking about the one I liked Which one did you dislike? I only like I only knew one that's the one. Oh, oh, she's nice She was great lady. We built a dresser for her. Do you remember that? Yes, and yes, I do So you guys know when you build like a little by the way grandma RIP. Yes. Yeah, we did this in your apartment once We did she had no idea no idea. She was just like cool hanging with Jesus Yeah, well, yeah, she was mad religious love God. Yeah, big God guy her and God boys Anyway

We were putting together a dresser in her apartment And you know how like you're making a drawer and the bottom of the drawer you kind of just slip in you slide it in You slide in this like backstop. Yeah, it's like a plywood type of thing Not plywood, but you know what I park or board. Yeah. Yeah, so Frankie was like, yo Okay, this is like a guillotine historical context This was when we started making videos and we were super no yes, and we were super into like the jackass We would be like yo like when we first started doing videos. It was all like jackass stuff

It was the drop kick. It was this. Yeah, you know, it was stupid shit whipping each other with a fucking a belt belt baseball belt So this was in our head Yeah, so Frankie decides yo, this is like a guillotine because if you drop it It's like and it comes down like that. So Frankie goes. I'm gonna put my balls in it I did I had my ball. You know what and then I filmed with your cell phone I did you did his balls and then Keith dropped this guillotine on Frankie's balls and I remember as clear as day both my balls were facing due north and What happened was when it fell it like hit the middle of them

And it shoved them and made them go to the side like that like a division sign exactly like a division sign damn it hurt Yeah, big-time hurt, but we showed everyone that we knew in a way super foreshadding of today's day and age because you feel like a lot of people are divided My balls were representative of the American people. Yeah, just gross fucking Harry Not really at the time. They were pretty I mean they were still gross not as hairy. Yeah, but um, yeah So do you think your grandma smelled like ball stench in there when we left? She was like no I smell a prepubescent boy. No, I don't think no, you didn't think I don't even think that she had that that sense Like I thought I think she's like oh, she was in her older age. She was just gonna smell

She I don't think she yeah, she never talked to me about smells ever Well, like never like oh that smells good like I've never heard my grandma say was your grandma It's like a big thing in a lot of cultures that like the grandma was the ultimate cook with your grandma Cuz your mom by the way is a fucking fantastic cook. Yeah, my mom's a good cook I've never seen my grandma make a thing really no just just Just she just kind of hang hang out and like pray smell the lot because she wore she would like cake on some fucking Perfume shit like those old like the old timey ones that had like the little like pillow like squeezy thing on the back Yeah, I had like the the pump. It's like, do you ever see a picture her when she was younger?

Um, probably but I can't really picture it now. I was gonna say could she could she have caught it? Uh, my grandma well not from you. I'm saying from well, she did catch it from someone she called it from my grandpa Yeah, um, but I don't think people were catching stuff back then It was like you kind of met someone and the first person you ever talked to for more than five minutes You got married like 10 minutes later. You got married 10 minutes had kids let them beat you your whole life Yeah, well what oh, yeah beating women was like the cool thing to do about oh, yeah that that that yes Yes, I always wonder if my grandfather's ever beat my grandmother's probably No, they did I you would think so right? I yeah, I'm certain

Oh, well, do you know something? I don't no, I just I just feel like it Yeah, my my dad talks about his dad enough like beating the shit out of him That like it was only a matter of time before like your dad ever hit you or no Uh once fire once and then he said that he saw the fear in my eyes that I had of him And he's like thank no kid to feed the fire I wish he would have had a conversation with my dad my dad Ran on that. Yeah, your dad ran train on you know, let's say America runs on Duncan My dad ran on the fear in my fucking eyes

I'm telling you right now America runs on Duncan. Joe runs on fucking the tear of children the tears of his young children Yeah, real you know and then my mom they would just give me a look and I knew like yo I got a I got a chill my mom was kind of wild too, man There were times where my parents my grandma hit me once too. I think try to I don't think my grandparents ever hit me I should have been hit a lot more my grandma like hit my arm and I was like get out of your bitch I know would never say y'all if I have y'all bro if your mom heard you say this right now Thank god you're not my mom. She knows I'm joking. She has a sense of humor, but my dude my grandma I'm actually

Like thinking about it because I've I've seen my grandma like mad before and I'm like, you know, it's just crazy but uh If I ever said something like that first of all like literally no lie I really do think that my parents would drive me out to the country and like it beat me where there's no like no cameras or anything Yeah, and then bring me like and just like drive me home It's like a two and a half hour drive and the whole time they're just telling me like if you tell on us Here's what and you'll be you'll just disappear. Like I feel like that manipulating you if I call my grandma a bitch or something

Oh my god, dude. I got slapped for saying suck in my house. Oh, I I got in trouble for saying scumbag in your house If you remember that, yeah, I do um no I yeah, I I Unfortunately, there was a point in my life where I was a really really really shitty person to my grandmother And I've talked about this openly. It's a big regret that I have in my life. You saw it was a phase It's called your teen years. Yes. You saw but you saw it was tough because in my house I mean you saw you saw what you like were allowed to see I guess which Was a lot but not like in the grand scheme like not all-encompassing, you know, like it was tough because my mom's mom In her older age, you know, basically after her 75th birthday

Was so senile and like suffered really bad from dementia And it was such a burden to us and as a kid. I just like was mean to her Yeah, and I was fuck. You know, I was mean. I remember when you I was really mean and it's something I have to like Yo jokes aside. I have to live with the fact that I was such a fucking bad person and I feel bad But looking back it's fucking Kind of funny. Well, I remember that there was one time that you called her From a This is really bad. This is real bad and and you pretended to be her friend from high school or something. Yeah. Yeah

But like you just made up a name, I think no, yeah So I called and pray I pray called my own grandmother her in his own house from 50 feet away And she had bad dementia at this point So I would I would say I was like fucking like Evelyn from high school with her And she'd be like no and my grandmother as a kid her nickname was gogo Go-go go-go. Yeah. Oh my god. And so I would say you're going to go go. I know it's a slut Whoa, it's not a slut. They just wear big boots. Oh, I thought it was just a whore. Oh I thought my grandmother was a whore

All this time you're on a theme party. I really did. Yeah, I mean she was a beauty queen She was gloria from Astoria. She won like Astoria's like hottest woman Google that why's that I'm telling you. I mean, I don't know if I buy that I believe it I'm just saying I want to I want to see this like old timey like smoke, but um What's her name like her real gloria. Yeah, yeah, I just said it. Yeah, I forgot. I'm sorry gloria from Astoria It's also a song Um, wait, do you think that your grandma's gonna pop up on fucking google right now? I was kidding. No, I don't know I'm kind of looking

Um, would you know a picture of your grandma if you saw like a old-ass one? Yes. Yes. There are none by the way I can't see. Yeah, frank. I fucking know I googled I googled gloria from Astoria and for some reason a biggie small song popped up And the n words bleed Don't ask me why But I I feel really bad like I at hindsight I remember one time in particular my My mom got us No, like it was like a nerf gun, but it was three nerf guns that went into one

Damn like an optimist prime gun kind of and one was like a handgun like a pistol like Nice, you'd cock it back and shoot the other one was like a machine gun and it all attached to a big rocket launcher Oh, no, and we Oh, by the way, I prank called my grandmother. She thought it was her friend from high school. It was really fucked up I'm going to hell Um, yeah, and we held her up like jokingly like put your hand and she was like no stop And I accidentally fired the rocket launcher and it hit her in the face You've rocket launcher your grandma

Bro, you're pretending to rob your grandma. I was jokingly trying to pretend to rob her And you know how they say like she was like playing along at this point No, she was like don't no, you know like don't like wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait Did she think you were a robber? No, she didn't think it was a robber. She was but like, you know like Parents from that generation They always say like yo never point something at someone because it'll shoot them and hit them in the eye No, my question was go. Did you convince her that you were robbing her? No, no, no We were she was like playing along that no, she wasn't playing along. She was saying like if that goes off

It's gonna hit me. Oh, okay. Okay, and it did And it hit her right in the side of the face and I remember just this like I vividly remember This sight of this giant fucking nerf rocket launcher just fucking striking this woman in the cheek So fucked and it's fucked up. I don't know if it makes you feel any better Uh One time my grandma sat down in a chair and she wasn't like a bigger woman or anything But this chair we had cheap shit. Hmm. She sat down in this chair and it fucking shattered, dude I

Almost passed out from really Yeah Because when i'm when you're that young you don't understand like yo, this is fucking dangerous when old people fall at this age Well, she wasn't like at that point. She wasn't that old I mean any you know falling after the age of 25 is scary Yeah, like well, she was like probably I don't know like 60 something maybe still too scary to fall Yeah, I mean, it's it's not old enough that's like when when an 80 something year old woman falls You're like, oh god

This is the beginning of the end here because like a surgery and then god knows what happens like after that Bro, and they have they get so many bruises. Yeah, they bruise like, you know, my dude my mom Do you know I got drunk? Maybe 60 years ago. Okay. I got drunk hugged my mom broke her rib Stop Fractured her rib. Yeah, are you kidding me? Swear to god and I was wearing and it was funny because I was drunk It was the super bowl

And we usually got a keg and I just like was hammered and I went upstairs and I'm a hug I love my mom Yeah, you love your mom and I was wearing a onesie and it was a superman onesie and I hugged her and she screamed Ah, and I was like, oh my god. Are you okay? And she goes. Oh my rip my rip and I mean she's like whatever and at the time I thought it was funny to be like I am super man. You are super man. You fucking shattered your mom's rib Yeah, so she was she was out of commission for like four weeks or something Bro old people just like get it the fuck together. Well, my mom also has crazy iris skin. I mean you flicker

Bro, your mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your mom bruises like a peach. Yeah, my grandma too, bro Forget about it. If it's windy that day, your grandmother and your mom are basically translucent Yeah, it's like, you know, no color to the skin Literally, they're like fucking bananas. So you open up a banana. You leave it on the it's the bruised in seconds brown and minutes It's like an apple Except your parent. I assume your mom does not do all in the sun Fuck no. Yeah, uh, but yeah, my uh, my I've always like I know I joke about like the stuff of my grandmother But I do really feel bad about it. I know you do. Uh, because like you can't go back like, hey

Sorry, I didn't understand like yeah, yeah, you get it though I I would hope that she like if there is an afterlife and I see her we're gonna have a long talk Yeah, she's gonna hit you she she might yeah, uh, but I don't think she was a very hitty like striking person Well, she's had some time to stew over it. So yeah, she'll definitely she'll give you she'll save you She's hearing this right now. She's like, oh, yeah, really? Yeah, um, one time my grandma farted, bro really That's fucking disgusting Your face just now. Oh my god. Oh really?

Gross like I just sent you shit in my face Well, basically because what I imagine of old people and I know I'm right here is like they can't do anything like regularly anymore So like a fart for them is just just just fucking the river runs red of shit, you know, like There's nothing they could do like they can't fart. They just basically just wet poop themselves all the time No, bro. No, this is straight air. I could tell What did it smell like just like a cobweb and a cave? I didn't smell it because as soon as I heard it, I just ran Yeah, I think I ran outside. I was laughing. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. I just let her have it though

But you know, she was crazy man Like she like fell one time hit her chin her chin really hard on the floor And she was bleeding like crazy and like the meat was hanging off of her chin A bus driver like pulled over the bus and like walked her up to my house I was like, oh your grandma just fell whatever like what the fuck and she was just like good. She was like, yeah, i'm chilling Bro, it was at least a weekly occurrence Maybe maybe not as frequent that in the middle of the night my grandmother would fall out of bed And we would have the fucking fire department would come and they would have to pick her up

And they would either bring her to the hospital or they would just put her back in bed And it was and why did you call the fire department? Well, you call 911 and that the fire and rescue they're the ones that come and they they pick her up And then like they'll like call an ambulance or they're just fucking be like, all right. She's good. She's in bed But it happened a lot. Do you know how many times I faked that my grandma fell out of bed? So I could leave work early. How many times? I think three. Oh, that's fucked up. Yeah I worked out at pizzeria when I was like, oh my grandma went down They didn't give a fuck about you when I would get remember

I don't know if they still do this with kids But like when you would get a bad grade on a test they would have your parents sign it And then you would have to bring it back the next day. I used to forge everything bro I used to give it to my grandmother And I would be like, oh because my grandmother by the way people that generation Their fucking handwriting was incredible. Yeah, what is that bro now mom's handwriting? Like It looks like a typewriter. My mom's isn't bad But my I remember vividly my grandmother's signature was fucking like it was a work of art. Yeah, it was amazing

And you could never replicate it. I was like, I would be like, oh, yeah, I need you to sign this this test and she's like, oh Fucking 25. I was like, oh, yeah, it's out of 25 And she's like, what's the slash 100 mean and I was like, oh, I got 100 bonus points too Like I would just fucking lie to her. She would sign it. I'd go in Uh, but I use my grandparents to get out. I used to use my grandparents like to get out of shit all the time Damn, that's actually really smart when I was in sixth grade. I think I've told this story here I told I didn't do a month's work of homework in one of my classes and they asked me why and I said it's because my grandfather died Yeah, and what did they say? She believed it and then uh, I I'm pretty sure you're fucking diabolical

and then like at like, uh Fucking parent teacher conference. The teacher was like, by the way, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss And my mom was like what and she's like, oh franky didn't do a month's work of homework because he said his grandfather died and my mom Was pissed with knowing your mom the teacher told me she was like you discussed me. She said that to me Your teacher said that to you. Yeah, wait, which teacher was this? It was in sixth grade I mean, I doubt anyone knows who this person is miss ronan um But you discussed me. Yeah, and then and my defense. I remember at the time my defense was like

He did die. It was just a long time. It was like six years ago So I remember trying to just like fucking back it up just being like well like it's just hitting me now I was a double down on it. I'm down. Dude. You do discuss me. I'm on her side You freak I was it was bad. It was fucked up. I hate it parent teacher, bro Oh my god, dude, my mom My your mom got involved in in school after we left your mom was the pta. My mom was everything Oh my president treasurer vice president Bro, she would like go out to like fucking party with the teachers. Yeah, and

Any time at any parent teacher conference my mom went I like there was actually no point for my mom to go because she knew everything already Like anything happened my mom would fucking bark at me and she was so cool with these people that like anything I did I was in fucking trouble for yeah My dad didn't give a fuck. Yeah, my dad never showed up to anything. My dad Well, that's she's I bet like any parent teacher conference or they was just like, you know, my my dad one time actually I think I've told you this also. I don't know. But like when I was going to Louis Armstrong He had a he had to have a

Meeting with the principal because I like gotten to a fight and then the assistant principal told me that they might send me to a Zone like kick me out of the school and send me to my zone school Which was actually be with school you which kind of would have been cool But I was like super upset and my dad Double parked gets inside the school. It's like, yeah, I'm here to see miss david and they're like, yeah 10 minutes He got in his car Meeting never happened and then like nothing no one ever said anything to me and I stayed I think I've told this story too. But when I was in middle school, um, I sat and we had like a

Class where we had to like comment on other people like we were like building a website And we had a comment on other people's like designs and shit like that And I was at a table with kids and we all had our own laptop And we would sign in and someone commented on one of the girls pages. Uh, you smell Not like anything more elaborate. Yeah, which I'll get back to in a second You smell and the whole I was out at the bathroom when this happened I signed out because remember when you would have to sign out to go to fucking use the bathroom and sign back in I had signed out and when I came back to grow right out crying and the principal was like, yo, I know you did this

Let's go and I was like, yo, I signed out for the bathroom I wasn't here and like the time stamp and everything was on it flawless defense But everyone from the fucking table was brought down to the principal because they were like, yo, like you're all good Someone's gonna get in trouble So they made my dad come For a meeting and I knew like, yo, if my mom came I knew I was not like I was in trouble Like yeah, yeah, my mom came she would be like, yo, not only did he do this. He also tried to kill someone. Yeah Like my mom would just throw in shit. My son needs to be put in prison. Yeah, basically my mom used to threaten me with putting me in greek school

Little did I know that my mom couldn't afford greek school. I will say you to it with his school at Dmitry Yeah, it was I yo if you fuck up again, I will put you in st. Demetrius. That's what it was That's fire And my dad they said like yo your dad needs to show up tomorrow morning 8 a.m For a suspension hearing with all the kids and their parents too and my dad was working nights at that time So I was like fuck so I called him my dad was like, I know pop. I'll beat it I'm like, okay Fucking eight eight oh five eight ten eight fifteen rolls around my dad's not there

So I'm like fuck like They're not gonna like either way I'm gonna get in trouble because everyone hated me at that school everyone And my dad shows up fucking Blasting columbian music at 8 40 in the morning Full puma track suit with a giant like you remember when duncan donuts and basque mamas would make like those coffee drinks But they'd put a scoop of ice cream on them No, yeah, my dad used to get them all the time like uh coolata or some shit

Hill bro, you showed up and he was like, all right, let's go in and we go in and my dad just sitting there like And these fucking parents like or like my son would not do there was one like middle European Woman who was like my son was bullied. How could you do this like this? He's so like you're like talking to me and I'm like oh fuck like I'm in trouble Dude probably unloaded on me at a point my dad just goes my dad stops the meeting and goes All right, let me let me ask something What happens because guess what? He's not gonna snitch on him. He's not gonna snitch on him. We ain't gonna find out who date is

So what happened and the principal was like, oh, you know like we're just gonna my dad goes. What is gonna happen? And they're like, uh, they won't be able to use the computers for a month. My dad goes. Oh He looks at me. He goes. Do you give a fuck about using the computers? Oh my god, and I go No, and he stands up All right, I'm done here. He looks at me. He goes pick your ice cream later Gives me a big hug and kiss and then just fucking walks out I'll pick you up from ice cream later. That sounds exactly like your dad my dad loves ice cream. Yeah, uh his arteries

Probably don't like don't like them. No But uh and then like that's one like at least your dad would just leave my dad would come in and just fuck with everyone And then leave. Yeah, my dad was My parents were were like your mom where it's kind of like if they have to come to the school I'm already getting in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the even if they came and like found out like I did nothing It'd be like, yeah, but I had to come here. So you're into their defense They were kind of honest something We were we were kind of pieces of shit

Not not in uh elementary school. We were good. You well Kind of I mean we didn't know how to be assholes yet. We were but we didn't know what we were doing Like when we were chanting Uh, no, no, no, no No, no, no, none of that that story is in the fault there That one stays in there Now This is this is the perfect example like this is this is the encapsulation of our friendship

Right there is I'm just like ready to tell it and you know what? Hold on It was 2001. It was a it was a rough time. It was it was or that might have been 2000. That might have been 1999, bro No, no, no, I I I believe yeah, you actually you know what you might think. No, no, it was 2001 2001 or 2002 2002 2002 No, it was yes. It was third grade. Yes. Yes. No a fourth grade. Yes 2001 2002 2002. I'm telling you 19 years ago. Yeah, that's uh big if we told that story Big whoops big big big whoops big whoops nothing too great. I mean let's not hype it up like yeah I mean we just we said things that were just not cool

Yeah, and they were fucked up and probably it wasn't like it wasn't like fucking racist shit or anything. Yeah, no Yeah, like I would chill out. I would like probably cause someone to drink Put it like that. Yeah, um good times, man. No What were those good times? I mean, yeah, I think the world was so carefree. I think yeah I don't even know what I'm saying any of your grandparents still alive. No, they're all they're all all them gone taking a dirt nap That's what they say. That's what they say. Is that what they say? They do. Oh I just had super deja vu. I think we've had that exact conversation before what like the dirt nap. Is that what they say? Oh, I don't know. Oh boy

I got that from a uh, what's angry or two angry old men. What's that movie? I don't know angry old men Something what I literally am having ultimate the ultimate version of deja vu right now elephants Is it gone? No, I mean Not really. Okay. Say another random word Gherch Why can't you do that? I don't know. I can't think of anything. Why can't you do that? You know when someone puts you on the spot and just like name a woman. I know name a woman Stephanie No, name any woman a woman everyone would know. Oh, Liz Taylor

Liz Taylor. I know you are like this like for instance word association chapel No No, give me one. All right Just off the top ready three two one word association eraser bow I said bow actually the honestly when you first said eraser. I thought of this classic book fair eraser. Okay. All right Those are cool. What was the thing we went to was like the star dome. Yeah the astrology lab Uh science lab star lab star lab star lab. I don't know. I don't know if that's what it was I don't know, but in school we would go down to the basement

Weird yeah, very kind of weird. We would go down to the basement and then we would crawl into this also weird Crawl into this big we don't get on our hands and knees Yeah, we'd crawl into this big dome and kind of crowd around and then there was like they would project all the stars Yeah, they would Those were good times. They were good times Word association go river run Okay, river run. That's not bad. Yeah go word association go plastic war The war on plastic dude, you know liquid death friend of the show free plug. There you go. There you go bang bang

Uh, all right two more two more. Uh word association Uh Fright have it Have I have it have you have fright. Yeah, stevens raunch Steven's raunch. No, no, no go. Um porcupine I Just said I'll do it ready one two three birds kite

Oh my god, I just farted as I laugh. Yeah. Yeah, that was all right ready. Yeah One two three white teens What my teens yo, give me some more go Ready one two three big green fire Big green fire Why is that where it went? I don't know burning plastic. That's bad. That makes green fire. Don't do it. What? Yeah, it does Okay, chemicals. Give me two more. Give me two more um

Three two bomb teen Out of your head All right, I'm sorry. Give me two more. Give me two more. I swear I gotta say teen again I'm not trying to Okay, three two one brick Fort Not bad a brick fort brick fort. That's pretty well built. Yeah, I think so three two one bush Fire again

You got like four words in your entire head. Okay, ready three two one stash penis Stash the penis Stash penis frank I don't know you got the itch. I don't I'm not good at it either. Are you saying words at least I'm just making noises. Yeah, you're going Three two one silver forks Okay, all right. Not bad. Not bad three two one pine bus Okay, all right pine bus pine bus. I guess three two one sister furred Ferd furred. What is that three two one stove for I know

I try to go too fast three two one wheel wall Wheel wall three two one beer Three two one bird bird I just copied it. All right. I'm sweating my arms are sweating. We're just too hot Oh, no last one last one last one three two one flim prim prim. That's not a word. No, I'm gonna go first Oh, okay. Yeah, ready three two one lettuce tomatoes Okay, that's good better. Yeah, not penis. Not teen or fire So I guess we're doing okay bomb teen

white teens Three two one innocent boy Innocent white teen boy All right, where can I find you? Oh, fuck Uh, f alvars 8085 on twitter. Uh, the frank alvars on instagram and on twitch And i'm a competitor in the movie trivia schmo down where I compete in uh movie trivia league Which is a little bit of wrestling

A little bit of professional wrestling a little bit of movie trip Well, a lot of bit of both actually so go check it out movie trivia Schmo down you can find it anywhere if you google it. You'll find it find my matches. I'm two and oh I'm fucking on fire dog Crushing it. Uh, you guys can follow me at joseph and I'll go follow the show at the baseman yard on tiktok and instagram And our patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard you get extra episodes exclusive on patreon every week on friday And you get every episode a week in advance and that is all see you guys next time