The Basement Yard - #305 - This Is A Children's Show?!

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Frank & Joe discover a new children's show from another country that features a man with a massive dong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard We're back. Oh the basement boys are back first. You got to put your thighs into it Don't start that. I was gonna keep going that my neck my back my pussy my crack you damn it is I don't think that's the whole no the title of the song is my back my neck my back my pussy my crack That my pussy my crack thing is out of the title. It's just mine. Oh, yeah It is my neck my back when parentheses. Maybe pussy and crack maybe I mean you put the pussy in the parentheses That's the way it goes. Yeah, what are also not really sexy to call it your crack Yeah, if if I was gonna send my ass if Becca was like, you know, like, you know, like I don't even know

There's no sexy way to ask so many booty eat. Well, did you say booty, but Your yes, yes, the accepted it don't says booty anymore. I don't know fucking 98. Yeah, I don't know if well, that is a good booty Yeah, anyone that says that now quit But imagine a woman just being like, I bet you want to lick my crack. I'd be like, what are you a plumber? Your crack when you say crack it it sounds inherently sweaty and gross. Yeah, like a crack Yeah, like an old hairy ass exactly like what do you think of a crack? It's not a pleasant thing. Oh, like a crack in the sidewalk something's broken your mother's back. Maybe oh, yeah Well, yeah stuff on the crack you break your mother's back and I don't want to do that

But your tongue in the crack you fucking break your mother's heart. Yeah, what happens to your mom's back then nothing But she's upset. I would assume But yeah, like if there's no sexy way to say like what are you gonna see like I guess you just gotta lean in dirty Like I'm gonna fucking munch on your asshole It's the only way to go about it a munch say munch, why can't you say munch because that in that's Involving teeth. I think a munch is like a Yeah, that's but that's not necessarily teeth. No, I'm not saying like I'm gonna carve my fucking name in your ass No, but that's no, but if you see if you're like y'all I'm munching on this fucking burger right now

Yeah, that sounds it's more of like a cozy feeling like when you're munching on some goodies Oh, no, I feel munches like way more. No, no, I would say I'm gonna munch on your dick I'd be like dude, what the fuck well, that's different because a dick is like a straw I would say that what a dick is like it's like a straw like you know when you like bite on straws You mean you munch on them. What no you bite on them You bite munches like a cozy way of saying things like ooh I want I want a munchies munch munch, you know and like someone said like yo munch on my butthole That's I guess like you need to lean into it

But like if someone were like yo lick my crack I'd be like first of all fucking hold on I would I mean I'd rather to get rid of munch and crack Munch my crack that is just insane to me. Would you like to munch my crack? I'd like to go home. Yeah Yeah, I'd like you to call me an uber. I would not I would not be going there. I would not be doing cracks Also lick my neck. What? Look at next look at next you like breathe on next and you like you know you've maybe a little bit of biting on Yo, I recently like thought of like a breathing on the neck thing You'd like the nape of a neck because like it's so like it's kind of funny and even kissing on next is kind of stupid

I could ticklish. I don't like my neck being touched like it doesn't bother me like my nippies But like my neck I just don't like it's just more weird than it is uncomfortable, you know It's like I like a good breath in my neck like a Really, I could feel like the heat. Oh, I don't like what just an exhale on a neck Yeah, like it's like you know get put something like a sexy ex a sex hail dude I like the fucking carbon dioxide right here cuz really yeah, like Yeah, it's getting you move don't do that get you moving. Yeah horny in an fd my chat. Hello. Yeah Bring the alarm. Yeah speaking of horny

I Have you seen Have you seen this fucking lamp? I posted it. I showed it to you. Did you yeah, I sent it to you. Oh, that's right Oh, here we go real quick. My bro keeping it Frank. I sent you six texts yesterday You didn't respond to a single one keep it a Frank done. Okay. Oh If we were gonna talk about you answering texts, let's not make it started. Um, anyway, I'm gonna come to you I know my life's on the line, so I answer them an hour later But yeah at the lamp that Frank is referring to it just looks like

It looks like a dick. Well, yeah, it's say it. It's cocky. It's cocky It's cocky. It's cocky. It looks like a cock. This lamp I haven't seen it. It looks like literally looks like looks like a We're the shaft of a cock meets a body Yeah, and no balls that we've seen no balls the balls of the batteries I assume well, yeah or the plug and It is shaped like a dick and it has a book sock on a book sock on it and to turn it on you Literally jerk it off you jerk it down

You jerk it off to turn it on literally to turn it on you have to go You fucking pulled it the literally the fucking foreskin the foreskin of this lamp you pull the foreskin back Yeah, who I Babe big lamp. I see what you're doing. Yeah, I'm trying to make circum uncircumcised dicks cool again You're sexualizing the lamps big lamp is making a move big light. Well, you they've been I mean you don't have one here But our boy Danny Lopiori ceiling titties. Yeah, they're a thing. Oh, yeah, very sexual Why are lamps so sexualized that lamp right there looks like a big great anus if You're far away from it enough it could have the squinchy part

You know the you know what's look like this Not that that's open Yeah, they're not closed. Yeah, but you got to scrunch it more like I Can only scrunch so much babe. I think you you just call me babe It's the best I could do I think like why are we sexualizing lamps now? Why can't we just go back to when we would just fucking you know, can we just turn on a switch? I don't want to have to jerk this thing on or off for honestly If they're gonna go with like the whole jerking thing like make it a better looking lamp or put one on the wall

Where you gotta like go like yeah You know saying like an easy if we're gonna sexualize lamps teach men how to find the clitoris with this thing Yeah, okay big feminist over here big fam big fam big fam works well big fam big lamp I'm just saying like if you're gonna like make it so like the men need to like work to turn this light on like they have to Like go behind like a fucking like a little flap and put their hand in and like go like this Turn the lamp It only fits two fingers in there I don't know our G-spot it is the the fucking on button for the lamp is in a hole

Do you when you broke your let your phone already? I don't know what's going on It's in a hole and like curved and you need to hit the button like that in order to turn it on wait are you talking? Oh, yeah, because I didn't know if you were talking about the actual G-spot or like this hypothetical I'm just saying and then you make like the man lamps is like an asshole in a wall And you have to like put your fingers in it to reach the on lamp You're really running away with this thing if they're gonna lean into it go all in Don't make a lamp. That's the least awesome part of a dick Like you just like won't stop it's like or you can put a thing it like it'll come all over you

Or like if we're just leaning into just like sexualizing like normal things in your like place Make like turning on a shower like nipples. I would love that So dope just like just like a little hot a little cold, you know, it's crazy Yeah, I heard during the whole Jeffery. I'm sure you're trying But during that they like raided his house and he had a bunch of weird shit obviously One thing he did have though that I was like I was like this is appalling but under my breath I was like that's kind of cool. It was by his bath There was just two like rubber tits like next to his back. So this dude probably be in the bath. Just like

Washing his body with a bar so touching fake tits and just fucking being a bagel and I was like Jesus, dude That's like that's crazy. That's money if you can just like yeah, if you don't care That's up to it. If you just put tits in your house I remember one year one year for Christmas someone get up like a deer head Yeah, one year for Christmas someone got me like from like Spencer's gift It was like a squishy ball and it was a tit one undit one tit nice a single Tit I was gonna say tight, but no that might be like a slur somewhere. I'm sure tight It's a that's an aggressive sounding word. Well, it's an actual word tight. Well. Yes, but I would spelling it with Tite

Oh, but Man, I'm just saying if you want to sexualize like sexualize the cool parts of human sexuality not fucking foreskin Yeah, we're who is like. Oh, yes. He has foreskin. I think some people Europeans What don't Europeans like why so you'd like a little so it's like bubblegum when you're sucking a cock What is going on man, what's going on welcome back a base from your welcome. I made me I never yeah, like I saw that lamp and I was like, you know, they're really leaning into this Yeah, I know I just you know or here we go. I got a lot of ideas On these lamps make it so like it's like the other way big lamp a lot of ideas

Make it so it's the other way teach people how to put on condoms So like to turn on the lamp you have to roll it down like a condom They're not teaching you don't roll down condoms with two hands, right? You can if you're fucking working with a p.m. What's that Pete Molino? Oh Bro, I grew a cucumber in my garden. Let me tell you Big big very Pete like stop very big. I saw a picture of that cucumber Posted yesterday. Yeah, the real cucumber not Pete's. Oh, no, no cucumber. No that cucumbers staying in the garden

But yeah, I just didn't understand why there was this jerk off lamp. Yeah, no, it's a little fucking crazy Would you get one a jerk off lamp? Yeah, I don't really have the aesthetic for that You have enough lamps in here, I think you can afford it. I mean these are work lamps I'm sure if you put it right there and you want me to just what jerk it off and just just like turn it on It might just be like a like a fidget spinner like you know, you're not gonna buy it for you What country do you think made that? Oh? the Dutch Where's the Dutch the Danish from no, isn't Dutch in Daneland?

Dateland Daneland Dan where the Danish from Denmark ah Daneland that's one of the Dutch is the Netherlands. Yes, but it's an answer down Yeah, that's in there. Yeah, there's many names very yeah, there's like Dutch Netherlands fucking Belgium check Have one name for all the countries Wales. That's an animal dude. Yeah I Turkey come on go on. That's also an animal figure it out. Yeah But Kuwait also reminds me of a Pokemon. Oh, that would be a cool Pokemon

What's what's there's a Pokemon that's close to that Kuwait? There's Kabuto Kabuto Kuwait and Kabuto Not so close Kabuto Kamato, I mean Not how it works. Oh, no, holy shit. What did you see speaking of the Danish? Which we never do on here. No one's speaking of the Danish. We were we said the Danes. Oh, yeah, the Danes the Great Danes That's a dog too. Yeah, did you see the show that they have? Oh? The Danish

You think I know about Danish television in a show. No, okay There is a Danish Wait real quick. Why do you know this? Because I am educated There is guys. Here's Frank Alvarez. He's well educated in Danish Children's cinema. Oh Danish children's show. Yes. Oh, this is something that Miles was watching. No And you'll find out why in a second. Okay, it's a Danish kids show It's claymation. You know how they like, you know, like make clay and it's like You know, and they take pictures. Oh clay animation claymation got it. It's called John Dillermond

Okay, you heard about this. No, you're about that It's about it's a Danish kids show about a guy who has a magical cock When you say wait, hold on go ahead ask all I know like get him out. Is it? Advertised as a cock or is it like you're saying it's a cock I'm glad you asked. I did the research and by did the research mean I watched a YouTube video That's research research Its name is John Dillermond because in the Danish language, which I don't know what they speak Danny Danny

Diller means fucking cock dick penis. So it's John cock man cock man penis man Is it like a superhero? He basically he's a superhero that has a giant dick That like you see this dick. Yes, not like fleshy dick It's like in his shorts, which are like red and white stripes. He says like a big bulge. Just no it is a fucking It's like a rope yes What yes You got to look this up John Diller he's got a he's got a he's got no joke. I don't think there's any limit to the amount that this dick can do

What does it do? It'll show about it's about him like just like living with a huge cock But it's like he uses it to like save kids walk dogs He walks dogs with his he uses his dick as a leash and like then has extra dick to hold a snossage in front of them What snossage is that a sausage for dogs? You don't know what snossages are no you have a dog John Diller DIL LER M&D This guy's walking on a tightrope dick his dick is a tight rope which he then uses to also balance himself wait This guy's dick is wait big big ol hammerhead. This is big This is big because

First of all, he's wearing like just a white he looks like a candy cane and his dick looks like a candy can Yeah, but it's like a long snaky thing. Yeah his dick in this photo It's literally if you type in John Diller M&D It is the first image that pops up and he's standing in his backyard. Yep He's standing in his backyard like this And his dick is snaked out now, and then it's it's up in the air holding on to a gas can that's starting a Fire a fire on a grill. Actually. He's pouring gas on like meat. That's cooking not how you got a good idea Yeah, he's probably poisoning somebody. Well, I mean with that dick. He's probably done a way more harm

This is the picture of him walking dogs with his dick big big dog dick Walker, dude. What the hell bro? He's playing tennis with himself. He's holding one and his dick is all holding other this thing is sentient Who's that where you just sentient? Oh, okay. It's a real word. Don't try to come for me. I'm educated Danish cinema and words that's what you got was fucking like crazy like I couldn't believe it Did you watch it? I watched like clips and he's like yo like happy with the dick And then they asked like there was like some interview with the people that made it because it's like a kid's show And they were like yo like what is up like why does this guy and they were like? Oh, it's not a penis And they're like definitely a penis. It's a pee pee. Oh, so it's not advertised as a penis. Well, it's in the name

Yeah, and the guy's name is John Dick man, and they say no, it's not a penis What do they say it is then they're like all right they back up like it is a penis, but it's not sexualized Hey, you made a whole TV show about a penis. Guess what? Penis in is its nature is literally used for two things evacuation and procreation So inherently it is sexual masturbation sure more more but in nature in nature It's used for those two things right naturally like you can go your whole life without jerking off

You'd be a fucking murderer. Yeah, I'd be a little crazy, but I Couldn't believe this and it's like it's very and they're like oh we do this so kids don't have to be You know like What's the word that I'm embarrassed and self-conscious? Kids have 20 foot dicks Because this this thing says Be embarrassed about what having a big ol flabby dick John Oliver Applaud's charming Children's show about man with 20 foot penis. There's nothing charming about a dick that long. I just saw a video of him

Using that this is real. I saw a very real everyone. I just saw a video of John Dillermond and his dick was in the air spinning like a helicopter. Yes, and he was able to fly and save drowning kids with a flying Dick, I'll say this If I had a big dick You'd fly with a bigger one If I didn't have a tiny fucking

Yeah And I had the ability to like use it to like help people How would you like fucking kids drowning you'd walk a dog with your shit throw it, you know How does this dude ever even have sex? He's got apparently he can like make it's like mr. Fantastic's arms. Oh, he can like make it a normal dick. So I guess he could be like yo Like I'm only giving you like an inch and a quarter tonight an inch and a quarter What I clicked on this article and it says can a Danish TV show about a giant penis really be sexless

And then I click on it and literally at the top. There's a quote and it says to me This penis is out of control That's all it says to me this penis is out of control. That's the Atlantic I I don't think there's a way that you can have a show about a penis. That's not like No, and I go like candy cane looking dick and I get like the idea of like having shows where you teach kids about like Their body and stuff like that dude. What benefit is this show having on anybody? If anything I'd be as a kid and being like damn y'all my favorite, you know what's gonna happen You're gonna have kids like trying to stretch their fucking peepees out or trying to save

People with their penises or trying to walk the dog with their tics that that's the most dangerous one I think yeah, cuz the dog is my if my dogs are if my dog was attached to my penis and he saw a squirrel Goodbye penis. I think if your dog saw your dick you try to eat it My dog's definitely seen my penis really? Yeah, what do you think I like hide from him? I don't know I assume that you wouldn't show your dog your fucking balls. I don't like show him like oh Like I'm not like a fucking like a peeping dumb. Yeah, no, that's not it. Yeah You're not like a flashing him You're not flashing I just like take a shower and then like you know what I get dressed in front of your kibbles and bits

Just right in his face. Yeah, or sometimes like I'll sleep naked and then in the morning I'll just like go get a glass of water or something what you sleep naked not all the time as an adult Yeah, you're legit the last I don't think I've slept naked in like on purpose in years How'd you do it by accident? It's like been drunk and a little like how you doing? Oh, you had a little how's your how's your yeah, you know as you're going you're straggling your wish yet Yeah, nice, but like not like being like yo, you know what I'm gonna do tonight sleep naked Well, sometimes it's like trust my body that much

I need to be like very comfortable like I when I wear like shorts or something to sleep if they're too tight Like the elastic is too tight. I just fuck. I'm like I'm not well. I'll do you one better get new shorts Yeah, I could no because there. No, I'll do you one better You probably should if you're uncomfortable in them. No, they're not they're uncomfortable for sleep They're not uncomfortable for just wearing. What about just boxers? I Don't know I don't like it being so tight on my stuff. You're sleeping though. You don't feel it I definitely I have to fall asleep. I need to be comfortable. You can't fall asleep if you're fucking Boxers are too tight. I just like I don't know you rich people man

Yeah, you fucking piss me off. That's what it is. Yeah, I'm wearing tighties right now. You're not I am You're wearing tidy white ease not white ease tidy great ease, but they're tight ease. Yeah So they're like I'll show you after we do the show. So wait. Hold on like full on like the V Yep, like an old man. Yep. Why? It's first one I grabbed this morning. You you wear them all the time. I only have Three pairs and it's what I grabbed this morning three too many you could argue I'm not gonna argue. I mean you're gonna say that. Oh, you're just gonna make the yeah So you just say that so you just wear them. Is it not uncomfortable? Honestly, you know, it's actually kind of freeing on my thighs

Are you wearing jeans They're like But that's a rough pant. No, it's not I need to see these whites Those are nice actually But but you would you would you tidy white tidy gray in it? Oh my god, they're fruit of the loom Those things will be fucking

Wow they come up high They're good for you. They're pretty comfortable. I Can't but then I just like a ball. There are some days where I have thongs on well Yeah, that's what I was my next question. Yeah, my uh, but honestly The the part of the thong that is uncomfortable I would assume for me would be the front part. Oh The back part like if it's just as a woman as a man if I was living in there Whatever, but like when it all gets bunched up in there if it's like a piece of string like a shot

No, if I was wearing a thong, of course as a man your balls are the only thing that hurts Yes, because like penises don't hurt unless they're a little bit hard or very are all very hard penis is not fun Yeah, it's not cool, but like a soft penis so you could literally Punch it nothing happens literally you can do anything you want to flick my balls even that would send me to the hospital I remember reading something and it was like why did men for years call like people it that were like not strong or not? Tough like pussies and it's like pussies are durable balls suck balls aren't yeah balls do suck I have big balls to do that. It's like I really don't I I'm okay with the balls Like they don't like big balls would be more of a nuisance

Also, didn't they like castrate like a lot of people and like the Spartan army or some shit? Yeah, I think I had no balls, but they had balls they like it was weird It was like yo if you want to be a Spartan you need like to fuck these boys and then like go go buy to your balls So like you know you don't want to fuck anyone else any ever again. Yeah, it's like you're only a soldier Here's a spear and they're your balls Yeah, yeah, that's what it was I mean it worked out for them not a bad strategy if you like really think about it I know nothing about history, so you couldn't tell me the Spartans did everything and I would believe you yeah, we have also

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So something happened this weekend that I wanted to talk to you about because I I think you would be very proud of it Uncle Joey would be really proud. Okay, I I I'm pretty sure Miles has his first crush and Jennifer Lopez The dog's tail Charlie come in fucking get out of here Chewbacca Here goes this idiot. You're fine. Okay. I'm pretty sure he has his first crush Jennifer Lopez. No, it's not a real person

Come on. You could get this not a real person a real person Is it a spirit? No Like I don't what is he like the fucking ghost of like Susan B. Anthony. No, I don't know. I mean pretty cool ghost maybe but Come on. Um a Fake person fake person like a mannequin at a store. No, no, no Oh, like an actor or an act or no, those are real people. I'm not like Character that's playing yes. Yes. Yes Mila Kunis in 51st not is not a real person. Oh

So an animated character. Yes. Oh, okay Kim possible. No, what not a bad one though. What but no, I don't think he's discovered Kim possible yet That's for another day. What at a time Jasmine? No Bell no snow white. No good. I'm not I think she's overrated like snow white. Do you like doilies here snow white? What doilies? Yeah, what is that like those like paper like fucking fancy things? I don't know. Yeah Where can you give me a hint? Give me One it I know for a fact. It was one of your crushes

Roxanne, no, but that's a good one too. He's watched goofy movie. I'm shocked. He hasn't picked up on Roxanne yet crazy Lola bunny. Yes Miles got his first crush. That's a good one. That's a real I'm so like proud hot place to start back and I were talking Smokey bunny. That's a that's a hot bunny. Yeah, and and is it a bunny or rabbit or is it bunny rabbit? She's Lola bunny. I think a bunny is like all bunnies or rabbits, but not all rabbits or bunnies, you know Like you're gonna. What's a hair? That's like a cool rabbit. I Thought it was like one of them's a male. I think it's yeah, it's like a hair and Like a torsion of hair. I

Honestly, don't know. I'm gonna pretend. I saw one get killed the other day. Oh, well, that's what now I was watching that show alone See, oh, yeah, they like they like is that the one where she like went like this with the guts and like took all the shit out Of it and then ate it well that happens pretty much every episode does but there's this one woman like set up a snare and Like got this fucking bunny. Yep, and then she had to break his fucking neck. Yeah. Oh, I watched you cried Yeah, yeah, I saw that I was like god damn if you are like into like watching bunnies die watch that show alone Happens quite early or squirrels squirrels and bunnies I feel nothing when the squirrels die so all of the squirrels can die right now literally whatever

But I was so like so he watched Because the new space GM just came out. Yeah, and then to get him like ready for it We had him watch the original from the 90s nice Again bad movie, but hold a special place in my heart Michael Jordan can't act well I'd never watched that movie from a I know I know but like it's like if you watch it. It's really really fresh it's really funnily bad and At the end of it. He was like Mama can I watch more with Lola bunny and we were like

Should I call a dude, okay So he was watching a bunch with Lola bunny and then you watch the new space Jam Wait, what else is it Lola bunny in she's like the newer like shows and stuff like that. Okay, and We watched the new space Jam, which you haven't seen yet, which I'm not gonna spoil for everyone But like there's like a like a like a plot thread where it's like oh if the tunes don't win the game with LeBron James They get deleted like they're dead Okay, so Miles is watching and he's like I Want Bugs Bunny to get deleted?

Yeah, that's gangster dude Miles like yo Shorty bad he's fucking all about it kill his ass. That's mad fun and Becca was telling me She's like I feel like happy that this is his first cuz she's he we asked him a couple days later Cuz he said like you know like he denied it. We weren't like asking like do you ever crush on Lola bunny? We were just like why do you like Lola bunny and he just kept like avoiding it and then finally he said that he's like No, you know what guys like I really do like Lola bunny like I have a crush on it Oh, it was so fucking cute and we were like all right. Why he goes cuz she's just like good at basketball

And Becca's heart like exploded damn he would love like Candice Parker, then yeah, 100% Cheeky ball, you know, I don't know what many I can't even make a Reference to a W at Lisa Leslie. He'd be all about Lisa. Oh my god. Lisa wouldn't stand a chance. Not a single one LA sparks here. She comes And there goes my contact. Oh, we're good. Did it like move? Yeah, I flipped it But like I was so and then and then he's like we're sitting at the pool on Saturday at my mom's place And he's like I want to meet the real bugs in Lola bunny and we're like miles

Wow, I Forget how old he is a six so he thinks they're real he thought and then we're like miles like You dropped a bomb on him at the pool We didn't drop a bomb, but we were like we can like maybe we can go to Six Flags and like see them there And he goes no those are just actors in suits And we were like this is devastating He go bro, you would not believe what happens next bro doesn't miles know that if Lola bunny was real I'd date her Well, we know you would I mean he would have been at your house

That's what I'm saying and he's like no those are just actors and suits and then we're like well miles like How do you explain that? Well, so here's how we explained it we explained that They are real, but they live in a cartoon universe that we don't know how to get to yet When I say that this kid bawled his eyes out. No, bro It hurt me so bad so bad. We weren't like he's not they're not real. We were just like He was able to piece in his head that they weren't real he I'm in the pool and I get out I go over there. I'm like, what's wrong? He goes my dreams are ruined This kid he's like my dreams are ruined

Cuz I'll never be able to meet the real bugs and Lola bunny Crazy I've had that feeling about like actual people but like good on him for a first crush Yeah, that's a tough one man. That's a tough one. He to come to grips with that He also the first time we showed him Dude, he was for real. Yo, you know, what's the funniest part about this? He thought they were real and he still was like whole Bugs Bunny dies You know fucking awesome that is he's just like yeah, let him go It make an opportunity for me. Literally. He's like I feel nothing

He was full sociopath at that point in time. He was super ready Oh But it also like back and it reminded me we showed him who framed Roger Rabbit a couple months ago that's a sexual character there and He was playing I was going through like old stuff I had from years and years and years ago and he was playing with a selfie stick And he was taking pictures and he took pictures of Jessica Rabbit Yeah, when was this like a year ago maybe

It makes I mean I get it She's a very booby, but like I think like I'm more proud of the Lola Bunny because she's like sporty and chill And she's like, you know, like don't call me Don't yeah, she's she's she's like damn like this girl's a big fan big fan big time fan Yeah, and I just I had to share that with you because this kid bro. It broke my heart because he was crying So here's how we fixed it. I've cried mad times. Yo one time. Oh my god. I gotta tell you this story Hold on. Let me just tell you how we fix it. We told him It was all coming out at once

We were like yo miles like they live in a cartoon world. You can meet them Maybe you'll become a scientist so you can make the technology to go meet them You guys tried to bribe him into being a scientist. That's so smart, dude It was fucking genius. He's like gonna be a scientist and he goes I'll never be a scientist. I could only make stuff with cardboard Bro, it was so heartbreaking I'll never be in that moment I wanted to go get Bugs Bunny and Lola Bunny. It's be like be fucking real. Yeah for two minutes

Yeah, it was so sad. Damn. It was so so sad all because of space jam Good job. Yeah, that was so funny, dude. Yeah, but what were you gonna say you cried before? Oh, dude, I remember um I Had a crush on Joanna. Oh, yes a big fat crush. You had a you crushed on her like a crap. Yeah So I had a big crush on her and I don't really remember why but I was bawling crying in my room and my mom like Literally almost beat the shit out of me for this, but I was crying in my room and she heard me I must have like told her I liked her and she was just like, oh, no, I kind of like, you know, whatever and Very much friend zone back in the day. Yeah, I remember her

I remember Joanna once said that she'd be my girlfriend the top of a block time. We got to the bottom broke up with me Same girl right say same girl that Frankie dated for 57 steps literally. Yes So whatever happened I was in my room crying whatever my mom comes in she goes, what's going on? I was like nothing nothing like it's fine. I'm like whatever trying to like hide. I'm sitting at the edge of my bed She comes in next to me puts her arm over me. She's like, what's wrong because I'm like crying and she's like, what's wrong? I was like stop like whatever. She's like, tell me what's wrong. What's going on? And then I and then this is what I said. I was like mom relax

It's not like someone touched me or anything. That's what I said And then she literally like turned me around and goes what the fuck was that? She was like, what did you say? Holy shit. You you brought it. Yeah, I'm here. Yeah to that side I was and I was super young like I like I didn't realize what I was like My mom was like Tied like no, you're just like fucking tell me. Yeah, basically, right? She's like turn me like grab my shoulder. She's like what the fuck did you say? Holy shit? And then I was like no, it's about Joanna. She doesn't like me and the mom's like, all right

Like she must have left that room and been like fucking idiot bro. Do you like from someone that has kids? Do you know like the anxiety that would go through my head if something like like if they said something like that I would I would physically kill people I'd be like yo, you need to but like retrace your stuff Yeah, I I once remember you probably don't remember this and you I Remember I'm gonna hate this and I mean maybe We were in like seventh grade. I remember exactly when it was and I'll tell you why I remember because I cried for two reasons that night Okay, one was my favorite teacher from seventh grade left the school, so he wouldn't be back and

Two I just cried. I don't know what to say to I called you up crying Because of Chris Farley 2005 at this point I called you up and I was like yo He's really gone Likes by the way mind you Chris Farley seven years dead dead at that book super dead I I remember that so well and you were like what and then I was like yo like Chris Farley Man, it was so and then you like started and you're like yo Don't do this to me right now and you got you didn't like full-on cry like me, but you started you like yo

I gotta go Yep, we have a little crisis. We have a little crisis. How do you remember that? I have Impeccable memory. I don't do this to me right. Yeah, I have really really good memory. That's amazing Damn, just a couple cries at a bus a couple cries sad boy. I'm trying to think of other times. I've cried Well, yeah, I've cried mad times for all the movie click Bald like a bitch dude. I cried super hard at airbud and my sister made fun of me that fucking bitch dude Fuck your sister. Yeah, I got made fun of for crying for small soldiers What why they have like a happy ending did it Alan Abernathy got rid of his toys and sent them away

You're right pretty sad. Well, they kind of they had a mission. They didn't Mission they wanted to get home. Yeah, what was it called like? Zaza Zaza racked Zaza was it good I I don't I know for a fact. It's not Zaza rec. Oh, yeah, I don't know what it is It's like Gork Gorgon Gorgon Gorgon Gorgon Well, I thought he was Gorgon. He was no his he was Archer emissary of the Gorgonites bang Told you I cried hard for that and Jack Frost yo Jack Frost son Motherfucking what's his name? Michael Keaton Michael Keaton. I kind of like Michael Keaton. I love Michael Keaton

I got a little Keaton crush Keaton Beetlejuice Birdman Batman he was good in a movie where he was a movie where he works in Bed Bath and Beyond he was good in that click That was click. Oh, no, sorry. That was Christopher Walken The other guys yes, yes, yes, that was a good move. Yeah, it's a good movie Yeah, I like Keaton, but yo Jack Frost sent me into space put me put me in dead Oh, you remember when we went to my dog skip for my third birthday and I cried Yes, and do you remember why I cried that day?

Because of Bridget I did I called a girl that I liked gay Is that what happened? Yes, and I felt bad for it And I cried I know where we were Exactly where we were I remember I was really like I remember I Didn't I instantly felt bad and I cried in the bathroom and you just had to be 1999 oh, yeah, you Keith and Richie came into the bathroom. You're like, yo, it's okay. Like it's alright Yeah, I was like I felt bad. Yeah, cuz I called her gay. Yeah, I feel bad calling anyone that yeah

But like especially in 1999 especially the 999 especially a girl that I liked yeah That's amazing. Yeah, I remember such a little tidbits. We watch my dog skip by the way movie sucks Doesn't I maybe the dog just sucks freaky mutas Looks weird now. I mean he's still like 13 looking it was like oh take this 13 year old and put a goatee on him I was like, I don't know if that's how you age. Yeah, I don't know if he knows how to age Do you remember that movie big fat liar? Yeah, well something like was him Amanda Bynes Made of binds got some stuff going on. She's she's she's suffering. I used to have a big fat crush. Oh, oh, yeah

Oh, yeah, I was a big binds guy. Yeah, a hundred percent bend it like Beckham. Is that her? No, it was a wait. No, that was Kate Bosworth. No wait fuck. What's the movie with her playing soccer? Yeah, and she like pretends to be a dude or something. Well, that's she's the man. That's the one Oh, she isn't there another one where she's not pretending to be a boy. No, bend it like Beckham is like is like a different I know it's it's like I don't know what To refer to this person as in terms of nationality, but I think they were Indian possibly and then She's the one keys. She's the one. No, no, no, I'm saying she was the one. I think she's in a movie She's the one. No, she's the one who bends it like Beckham. I think I think you're not wrong

Yeah, I think she does do the bending you think David Beckham got paid for that. I would hope so he's like a man. I started the bend Amanda Bynes Was in what a girl wants? She's the man. She's the man is yeah, that's the one I'm talking about What other ones she's been in a lot of shit Not that's no All that big fat liar She hasn't really been in that many movies. Yeah, she hasn't specifically as of late because apparently she suffers from pretty bad

I think schizophrenia Have you seen her recently? No, she looks completely different. You would not recognize her Well, I've seen her when like the whole thing started getting like she like posted like last year a picture of her like a pregnancy announcement And you would not be able to tell it was her. I couldn't believe it Well, I saw I saw when she started like When the spiral of originally started, I just want to make something very clear I meant to type in Amanda Bynes and I typed in pregnancy announcement And just like a bunch of pregnancy stuff came up

Bro, you would not recognize her Let me see I Couldn't believe that was her This looks like this girl Katrina that I used to know I Forget her last name the hurricane No, no, no, no Oh Are you doing what the girl went to high school? Yes. No, not her. It was a different. I think it was middle school

But yeah, yeah, it's like that. She has a heart tattoo on her face. Yeah Bro, you think like what like but Frank Immunes is still rich Like he likes openly tells people that he's still rich, which I guess it may not be true He says that like I think someone recently said like fucking Frank Immunes retire and go away loser He's like, yeah with my 40 million dollars. Damn. Yeah, some shit or like maybe it's like 20 still a lot That's more than enough not enough to be Joe Sanagato, but still a good amount But like you often think of people like that like just like often dipping and then they're still millionaires Yeah, well also like the TV show. I think you get some like sort of syndication if it's in syndication

Yeah, like fucking Michael Richards. What else has he been in besides Seinfeld? Hot water You are so right That's what you come here for Oh Shit, oh my god, it's hot. I wonder if some people don't get that joke He used a racial slur. He used the racial slur. Yeah, and not only just used it He doubled tripled and quadrupled and whatever comes after that because I don't know when doubled

Yeah, he it was a he went he went in for and then do you remember the The Apology he gave on like Leno It was like Leno or Letterman and he's trying to give an apology and and Seinfeld is there And it's like on like a video screen and the audience thinks he's like making a joke So they start laughing and Seinfeld's like serious It's fucked it is fucking awful. Yeah, that was good That was good Joey. No, yeah, all them are like super fuck

That's what I'm saying and like the show hasn't been on since 98. No, it's I'm saying like oh, yeah Yeah, yes something like that, but or 97 I think but they run that show fucking all the time Yeah, they also took it off of Hulu and it's gonna be on Netflix. So they probably resold it again Yeah, for like half a billion dollars. That's like what the office was the office made half a billion dollars What why can't we do stuff like that? Let's write a show for Netflix. Don't take anything nowadays Literally, no, they won't bro. You've seen the show with the people that are dating and they're dressed up like beavers and shit What what you didn't see this dressed up like beavers Bro, let me let me we're gonna get to the sponsors real quick before we go to pulling that fucking shit up

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How have we not talked about this? Excuse me. It's a dating show on Netflix Where people get dressed up in full animal makeup and go on dates Why and like they're supposed to pick each other based off their personality and not how they look here you go So it's like the mass singer, but Okay, okay First of all, that's that's a literal mouse woman You could have picked any other animal. Oh, they got other ones in there What the fuck swipe through some of those pictures these are alien heads

Yes, the dolphin Yes Look at that fucking pussy on their forehead Dude, what is going on I couldn't believe that you've not seen this and if I couldn't I mean a few seconds ago Yeah, wait, so this is it's a Netflix show It's coming to Netflix. This is actually really funny. We need we need to do a watch along I want one of these masks bad how bad bad how bad So bad. Well, I mean you bought that goddamn Iron Man mask. You might as well buy that one, too

Yeah, I'll be masked up bro. Could you imagine would you this would you ever do that? Like if you were single, would you like going like a show? No, I'd be so embarrassed. What animal is this? That looks like one of those aliens from Mars attacks Remember that movie great movie. I watched it not too long ago. Really? It's all right. Yeah, what a pull though great pull Yeah, right, bro the brains. Yeah That's what the animal the aliens sound like you remember that I do I do um I know it all too well I would never I would never go on one of those shows. It's kind of kind of because guess what? Oh, what if what if the bat fake what if the bat the bachelor would you be interested in that fake?

Well, yeah, it's fake, but like I See this it's fake to an extent. This is the thing. It's tough. They're like, oh, yeah They'll tell you like oh this girl is like her personality. It's not really good. You gotta get rid of her You know and this girl's a psycho keep her Exactly needs like the real people that like you would actually love like that's why and Caesar flavor love season one It came down to hoops and New York. No one would realistically pick New York She's a cycle path in the show. Maybe not in real life and hoops, but hoops hoops hoops I would jump through hoops pretty sure what is now married to Shaq

Good for Shaq dude. Have you seen the picture of them together? Yeah, she's 411 He's not he's not 411. He's 611. He's 11 for yes big boy little girl How do they do it? I was like, where'd you go now? Yeah, definitely no standing stuff. No standing stuff. What? You just scared me. What the fuck is that on your fucking little shelf What the fucking box? That's a tesseract I

Wait, wait, wait like from the Marvel Universe. Yeah, can I know because if you touch it I Go I get to different time. Yeah So let me make something very clear. Well first. Where did you get that Etsy? Where anything you can get anything how much was that I somewhere between 9 and 14? Dollars okay that makes sense What the fuck is that is hideous it looks better from far away how no it doesn't if you get further away Does it I think so I can almost guarantee that that looks shittier in every distance. I Thought it was cool

Well, I mean it does look a little different than I thought it would look but I will say that but okay I'm gonna look up tesseract right now Please tell me one of these were the ones that you got I don't know Bro, what do you have there is disgusting? Well if it was darker then it would have a better effect I don't like to be judged. You sound really judgy right now. I oh, I have to be honest with you There's a tinge of judge coming from my lips. I'm getting a more than a tinge I'm getting a whole bucket. Would you go on one of those dating shows?

Like the one I was asked to be on the real world once what yeah, was that Years ago, what's the I honestly I've never seen an episode of real world or the challenge I think well the challenge is actually the only show that I can like stomach to watch because it's like or big brother I've never watched big brother. I never watch big brother either. It's the big big brother is the Truman show It's it's psychotic that people are doing this but The challenge is cool because it's like athletic feats and then I can't the fucking in the house There's drama who hates who that all bullshit. I hate but like, you know, whatever

It's like survivor like survivors a good show because they had those challenges Yeah, but they have to like live with like scorpions and like horse penis and they just eat rice. Yeah Oh, I like rice. I like rice a lot. Yeah, but not after fucking a month straight. You're right. You ain't kidding Yeah, I would I would never like cuz all of those. Hey, guess what old dating shows bachelor bachelorette Love is blind Too hot to handle too hot to handle especially that one They're all they are every single part of them are fake Oh 90-day fiance I

Want to kill myself when Becca watches that show that show to me is like definitely fake It's I think that like a lot of these shows are just structured like they'll go in and be like hey like with the Jersey Shore Maybe not in the beginning, but like definitely now because I see some my sister watches sometimes They're definitely like hey, you got to like stir something up like dude You're fucking 35 40 years old these people like 35. It's like 48. There was one. How can you argue like this, bro? There was one. I remember Becca was watching it. There was he was like Easily in his late 50s and he's like I've been talking to this girl from Russia for 10 years We are in love. We are going to get married. I've never met her. I've never Face-timed her

I've never seen her in person. I've come to Russia three times now to meet her and each time she's not answered But I love her and it's like you are so sad. I need to help you. Yeah, I'll have sex with you Yeah, yeah, like at that point I'll do it. Just go just fuck a fucking ass love for it Like pay for my ticket I'll go to Russia after I fuck you because I'm gonna need to a break from you know You need her to vacation from the vacation. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah But like I would never do any of those shows unless they were like legit like yo Just go on and we'll keep you the whole time. Just be a fucking drunk mess the batch

The bachelor would sounds like my nightmare, honestly, like I would feel so awkward in that Because it's like it's all first of all all all these women like Lined up. It's like hi. I like I like hot dogs. Watch what I would do and stomach your wiener I don't really what it's I don't really watch the bachelor like that but I Imagine like any time These women get kicked off. It's always like they're a little bitter or like sad or legitimately sad or whatever Like the girls who are like, oh, you know, I love with him and it's like probably a met on TV

I fucking seven days ago where they're like yo like We have a really good connection The other no you don't yeah, no, no you do not yo the worst fucking penis wants to connect with her or his Penis penis. It's all penises down there But I saw this one thing and I was like, this is how you know the show is just like insane it was a bachelor or bachelor or whatever the fuck it was and It was like down to the final two and The guy was sitting in a room with his own family like his mom his dad

Sister brother and talking and they're like, you know, we really like what I'm like in what land Would this actually happen where I'm gonna sit in a fucking Circle with my mom sister and brother and being like which woman should I do I pick? I'd like shut the fuck up mom anything. That's a bigger red flag than anything else. I was like And they always have these families first of all they always have these families that are rich Because they're not gonna put like a real family in there because if you would put like my fucking family in there I'd be like mom. Who do you like? Okay, my mom would get angry at me for something and my dad was

What were you gonna do you know bitties? That's what my dad used to call titties bitties. Yeah But like it's just like that's the most unrealistic not just unrealistic But like that would be the biggest red flag. Hey, hey if the person trying to pick you needs to consult with their mommy and daddy Don't be with them. Yeah, that's a little fucking weird. I don't like that at all All those shows kind of freak me out. They're stupid. I I just hard stupid. I It's like hard for me to like understand why you would like Want to do that unless you're like from the beginning, you know, like this is straight up for exposure

I respect that then but to go like if you're going on there like actually being like yo I might like this guy like do they even know the guy when they sign up for the show That's why the one that where it's um Like do you just like do you just sign up for the show without knowing who it is temptation island? Yeah, that's the one of the worst ones That's the one where it's like if you think those people are going there to like be like, you know what? This might be a good way to work on our relationship That is you have bought it. You've drank the Kool-Aid at that point. It's horseshit. It's horse cock

It's horse come. It's all horse stuff. It's just not true It's not true It's so fucking stupid Who's gonna work on their relationship by watching the other person on a camera get fucking tongue down by some frat star from fucking Arizona? But oh, this this is good for us It's horse All of it. Oh my god, all of it's stupid. Yeah, the world doesn't matter. We're all dead politicians hate you no matter what Bugs Bonnie's going down

I Dude, I'm so wish that I'm so happy. That's his first crush and you know what he said Becca Tex we're texting about earlier. She said that if he met Lola bunny He would want to hold her hand go for a walk and ask her questions That's fucking cute. Yeah, that's mad cute. That's so cute. What would you ask her? You know, I was like it not at that age, but like I'd be like 21 questions What's your favorite color? What are I like? What's the latest you've stayed up what's the farthest you gone with a guy right now?

Have you done blowjob? Have you ever had a blowjob? Yeah? I've done that so many times You know the amount of times every time when you're a virgin you ask someone like how far have you gone? Yeah, like oh god, I hate it when you need to categorize it in terms of distance. I hate you shouldn't be talking about it You know how far how far how far have you taken me this and feet? I need it in your art or when they would do the bases like what's the what's your what base base? It's like I've hit a triple Yeah, it's like well. I'm caught in a rundown sometimes between second and third

No one ever makes it out of no one ever gets that a second and third Yeah, and you remember it was like home run was like sex and they were like yo grand slam is for some No one at 13 was doing a four-some dude It's Was doing a four-some at 13 Yeah, this that and I was just like what's your bra size also like I never asked bra size I definitely have asked people their bra size before when I was younger and what were they gonna say in sixth grade fucking like for a For a like the size of it like a Barbie. Okay, but I remember asking that but now looking back

It's like when I get that information. What am I doing with it? What are you putting into some like dossier? Just to be like oh shit nose Russian Yeah, do I have as a fucking 28d and like am I do I work at Victoria's Secret? Am I gonna help this woman? You're not gonna do anything with that information nothing I was just kind of like yeah, like there's no and that's why I like that fucking like standards for beauty for women are all Over the place because it's like boys from an early age or like let me know your booby size and it's like fucking what's wrong with you Yeah, it was a good time what even if I had met someone that was like yo, I've gotten massive knockers You can do what you want with them. I would be like a kidney candy shop. I wouldn't know what to do

I'd be like Just give me give me the sugar babies That's I wouldn't know what to do. I haven't had sugar babies in a very long time me neither I would crush them right now. Yeah, I had milk tubs the other day. Oh I just got a cramp. Um, all right, cool. I think we can wrap it up here. All right. Where can they find you Frank? F alvars 8085 on Twitter the Frank Alvarez on Twitch and on Instagram also check me out I'm a competitor in the movie trivia Shmo down your boy is the animal the animal Frank Alvarez. I'm two and oh I'm a fucking if I'll get another competitor. I'm on do it

But then yeah, and then make sure you check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard in order to get exclusive episodes and Episodes for the weekly shows, you know those ones that you're watching right now. Are we gonna advance go check it out patreon.com slash Pay me now. Yep, and you can go follow me at Joe Senagato and Go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and Instagram and that is all we'll see you guys next time. See ya