The Basement Yard - #307 - The Wildest Fetish Of All Time

Episode Date: August 16, 2021

Joe receives a crazy DM about a wild fetish and naturally... we need to hear Frank's thoughts on it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the Basement Yard, Franks. How's it going? I don't even know what I just said, but what are you doing? I honestly, as soon as- Are you just pop-walking and dropping? I was just poppin' it. You were poppin' it? I was poppin' it. I didn't stop to lock it and don't even get me ready to drop it.

Yeah. You'll just rip those pants. Are you wearing jeans? I am not wearing jeans. These pants are a little stretchy, so- What are those? Slacks? They're like, they're like, um, uh- What is a slack?

I think it is just like a jizz-ish, you know? Just like a pant that's just- No, I don't know what that means. Yeah, you know what it is. Like, it's just like, you know, what is it? But like, what are khakis? Khakis are slacks. Khakis are colored.

I think like, there's a- Whoa, we stopped using that term a long time ago, buddy. I think khaki just refers to the color, but like, people now just refer it like- Because there was only khaki colored slacks. So instead of saying slacks, they're saying like, they're just khakis. What is slacks? It was just pants!

I think like, if they're like, slackers were wearing them, like, they didn't want to get full undressed up, so they're like, oh, slacker pants, so they just changed them to slacks. Is that a guess or you're saying that? That is a full-on guess. Okay, cool. Yeah, no, I don't think that's true at all.

Might be right. I mean, they could be, but I'm gonna go with no, it's not. Why not? I don't know, I just don't believe anything you say ever. You don't trust me ever. That's very true. And you best believe I'm looking up where the term slack came from.

Oh, happy birthday, by the way. Frankie's birthday was last week. Yeah, it was. And you didn't even mention it on either of the episodes that we recorded that came out. What did my birthday came out? What did my birthday came out? Yeah, histories of the Hagger Company assert

that in the 1940s were, while working, came up with the term slack, so-called, because they were to be worn during leisurely slack time. Oh, okay, so... You're not too far off. I guess not. I've never heard anyone refer to slack time, though. Yeah, well, that's a 1940s like saying, like,

ah, like, what are you doing? Get home and just enjoy my slack time. I just had some slack time, to me. But it sounds sexual, in a way. It kind of does. Slack. Yeah, it does. Sounds like slippery.

It was my birthday. Thank you for noticing. For your birthday, I noticed, and I fucking screamed it. I came to your... I drove to your house. I said that you did. You are correct. You surprised me again.

That is... Becca pointed out, you've surprised me for my birthday thrice now. Really? Yeah. I remember the one time I just showed up at your house. That was last year. Yeah.

And then for my 25th birthday, when I lived in Connecticut, remember you... Oh yeah, me, Pete, and Espo just showed up to my apartment. Yeah. And that was a fun weekend. That was. That was a good time. Yeah.

That was a very good time. But like, supply... That's cute. Thank you for coming. It was a last-minute thing. It was a last-minute thing. And I showed up, and then I got pretty drunk, honestly. Very quickly.

I only had three hours that I could stay. Joey literally showed up, and we told everyone else to be there at three, except everyone else decided to show up when they wanted. Yep. And Joey showed up at... 12? 13?

No, no. I left here at 11, so I probably got... No, I got there at 1.30. 1.30? Yeah. And you turned on the Jets. Turned on the Jets. I didn't have a lot of time.

You were not waiting for anyone. You said, I only have a couple hours. I need a drink. Yeah. And you... And drink, we did. You were... You were...

You were heading for the stable. You know what I mean? Like, you didn't wait. And yes, we did. We did drink. And I felt like, you know... And we won that game against your brothers. Listen, all I'm saying is,

if you guys have ever played beer ball, Joey and I don't lose. Except for the one time we did, but we made it a best two out of three, and then we won. We also won game one, so it's fair. Game one, game two, we lost. And then we had the rubber match.

Boom. That's how you win a series, folks. Rubber match was a big, fat problem. It was, it was, it was. We smoked that rubber match. Yeah, it wasn't fair. I actually compared it to 2004 ALCS game seven. Yankees Red Sox.

Got it. It was a blowout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how did you feel the next day? Can you kept drinking that night? Yeah, I was fine. I don't really get hung over these days, which has kind of been alarming.

Yeah, it is probably alarming. I don't drink a lot. So I don't get traditionally hung over. Like I don't get a headache. I don't feel nauseous. But my body feels like I can't do anything. Like your butt? Like, well, maybe my butt.

Well, no. My arms and legs feel like I got hit by a bat. And I can't explain why. You said that? I was picturing a bat. And I was like, what does that mean? Just like a fucking, only full. Bro, you know I saw a bat once when we were growing up.

Oh, I mean, I see bats all the time now. Oh, you're in Jersey, bro. I saw a bat in fucking Astoria. Where was there a bat in Astoria? Yeah, I was in my mom's front yard. Okay. When I was like a young lad. Chap.

Yep. And my mom's like, come inside, come inside. I go inside and then we're looking out the window. And like on the fence that separates my neighbor and ours, our yard, there was a bat. And it was kind of flexing its wings. Like to be like, yo, I'm batting. How big was this thing?

It wasn't like a, like. Bats on this? Oh, yo, it's a hawk. You scared the shit out of me. My bad. No, it wasn't like a gigantic bat. But I was like, yo, bats. Because they could bite you.

They can fuck you up. Yeah. They can give you like disease. Well, any animal can give you disease if they bite you. Yeah, but that one. That one is. It could also turn you into a vampire. Hopefully.

I mean, that would be kind of cool. Would you go vampire route? Would you? Hell no, bro. Drink blood. I hate blood. Blitz trash. I mean, if you needed it to sustain your life.

Well, yeah. Obviously then you got to do what you got to do. But also like sleeping during the day. I like the sun. Really? You know, I like nighttime. I'm a big nighttime boy. You think you would thrive as a bat?

Not a bat. I'm not saying I would thrive, but I definitely wouldn't suck. You know what I mean? As a vampire? Yeah. You know, there's people out there that are like legitimate vampires, right? No, because they're not real. Yeah.

No, I mean, they force. They get their teeth shaven. That I've seen. Like a vampire. Yeah. They also like wear shit. Well, that's, hey man, anyone could wear. But they also drink blood.

No. Yeah. They drink blood. How, why, and how? They get it. They just get it. Who's blood? People.

No. I swear to God. No fucking way. Pull this shit up. I don't fucking believe a goddamn thing. Forget about pulling it up. We talked to a vampire on other people's lives like a year, like a while ago. Cheap plug.

Serious. We talked to a vampire and they sleep in coffins. I can see the sleeping in coffins. I cannot see that. I like, I grew up with like, I don't know. This is like a weird thing about me. With coffins? Do you grow up with coffins?

No, no. Listen, listen, listen. Vampire. Listen, listen, listen. I, listen. I sleep with taking up a little amount of space. Like I can take up like the width of my body and that's it. And I like, if I wanted to, I feel like I can sleep in a coffin.

Well, yeah. I mean, so could I, but I don't prefer that. I like to spread out like, like a starfish. Do you? Yeah. I kind of sleep tight. Like a tight boy. I like to sleep tight when I'm cold.

I sleep a tight boy. Sometimes I sleep so like, like a little baby. I pull, like it kind of drives back a nuts because I put a pillow on my head. Pillow and I hold tight. I have pillow. You hold the pillow like that. I hold it so tight. Why do you say it like that?

First of all, hold on. You ever get into bed and it's like so comfortable that you start kicking your feet and going like Bro, I do actually do that so much. I love that. Are you kidding me? And then when I get in the bed and it's like the bed is cold and I just like see. Yeah. And you're like, oh, and then I'm like, no, why would so excited.

I'm amped right now thinking about that. I know. Listen to me. Wait, if you do it, I can't wait to go home. If you do it, then that means like other people do that. Dude, all the people out there are doing this. Do you think it's just me? Wait, do you guys get into bed all of a sudden?

You're like, oh, you're so randomly that happened. Bro, listen to me. I squeal like a fucking piggy in bed. All right. Why do I do that? I don't know. And I like when I'm laying there, I'll be awake and I'll just rub my feet together. Yeah.

Yo, Josh is a bit, he could start a fire with those feet. Really? Yeah. Josh doesn't stop moving his feet. Why are you laying a lot of beds with Josh? I've shared a bed with Josh. I've shared a shower with Josh, actually. So I guess the bed is not the weirdest part.

Yeah. No, no, but this kid's always just like doing this with his feet. I do that. I do the feet thing. I hold on. I guess so tight. Yeah. I like that.

And I just love it. One time I do. I fucking love it. Oh God, you're going to be so hyped right now. I can't wait. Cannot wait to get home. Oh my God. I sometimes, you know, it's so dumb, but I get into bed and I'll just kick the blanket.

Oh, I fucking. I'm trying to kick it against the ceiling. Well, bro, listen, I throw that blanket everywhere with my feet. Are you kidding me? I don't give a fart. Oh my God. That's so fucking funny, dude. Oh my God.

What idiots? The fucking idiots. Oh man. What were you just talking about? I don't know, a bed. Oh yeah. I take up a little bit of space when I sleep. Oh, a coffin, yeah.

So like, I could sleep in a coffin. All right. Anyway, I'm just going to just hop off this top because I'm getting too psyched. But I did get a DM, so I wanted to talk about it. Okay. And this is, no one sends me cool DMs, by the way. This isn't a cool DM. I get DMs that are like, yo, my dad died.

We loved your show. And I'm like, that's awesome. Send me a funny one too. Oh my God. It was so heartfelt and it really, really fucking like hit me. Like I was like, holy shit, this is beautiful. But then also like you get like, yo, someone like DMed me that they fucking like sent me a fart in a jar.

Oh God, this is close. But so anyway, here's the DM. Two DMs. One, so I watched the Reading Your Wild DMs video you posted over a year ago about people's exes and their interesting sex experiences. Okay. I just like to add a story. All right.

Here we go. I like a good story. This person's referencing a video I put out a year ago, where I like, it started because this girl I know, I forgot what I posted on my story, but then she told me a story about some guy like ate spaghetti and meatballs off of her naked body. And I was like, what the fuck? Like that's such not a sexy food.

That's not a sexy thing, but sounds delicious. I mean, I'll take any spaghetti and meatballs right now. Off a tit? Yeah. Like that's fucking fire. But anyway. Okay. Also weird.

So this was, okay. So this was back when I was about 15 and the, oh, I'm in love phase, parentheses, and 100% regret dating this guy and parentheses. Listen, we were all, got the backstory. I used to tell every girl that I dated for the two days that I dated them that I loved them. From the ages of zero to 15, I loved everything. Everything. And I remember once defending myself.

Like no forever, dude. No, like I remember someone was like, someone made fun of me. I think you made fun of me. You're like, let me guess you love them. And I remember saying like, yo, like when I was a kid, I loved Power Rangers. You wouldn't question that. So don't question my love for fucking this person. That's how you try to justify it.

What's up? I would have been like, hey, that doesn't make sense, man. Might have been. But anyway, and was dating this one guy for about a month or two. And he got turned on about me taking a shit. Now, no, did she write shit or did she use two emojis? She used the two emojis to shit emoji. So let me be very clear as, as the resident person that thinks that that is not even fucking funny.

Yeah. That is not even fucking remotely attractive. Yeah. Bro, do you understand picturing someone shitting is fucking disgusting? They're gonna big boop. So and you got turned on about me taking a shit and always wanted me to take a recording of me actually shitting or to let him know when I'm going so he could call me and listen. Bro, what are you taking a poopy call me right now?

Only if you said poopy would I be okay with it. Wait, are you taking a big fat duty? Oh, hold on. Is that poopy? Is that poopy out here in the background? Or are you in a bathroom? Is it like that like poopy where it's just like, is it the one where you just like, it drops, then you just hear like.

You have shits that sound like cats? No, listen, not me. I'm saying like, I know, like I've seen movies and stuff. Oh yeah. No, I don't listen. But anyway, so yeah, she would take recordings of her. Bro, listen, I would break up with my wife. Yeah.

I would leave her if I fucking like. She was like, yo. Like you want to listen and I would be like, yo, pack your bag. What would you do if you were taking a shit and she just like opened the door and she was just like. I want to hear. Do it. I would, I would honestly, I would say. I'm disgusted.

A week of clothing, take it and go. Because you're not coming back. A week of clothing and some non perishables. But that's it. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Oh man, and it gets worse. Okay, so I'm just going to read it right here.

He got turned on about me taking a shit and always wanted me to take a recording of me actually shitting or to let him know when I'm going so he could call me and listen. This is the part where as if the car isn't going off of road already. This is when the car flips over into a ravine. Okay. And it got to the point. I'm preparing myself. You don't even guess.

Guess what I'm going to say. She would videotape her like the shit leaving her ass. Well, I think that's what the recording part was. So there's nowhere to go. You feel like you've conquered all of the. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Like she like poops in a bag and brings it to him. No, that's not what it is, but that's fucking hilarious.

Although I'm sure that's not that crazy. And it got to the point where he was pulling it while I went and was able to finish based off that alone. And now when I read that, I was like, is there a language barrier? Am I not understanding? Is this pulling it? What was just like a fucking rope in a magician's sleeve? To my knowledge of what I just read, she would be booping and he would be pulling it out.

First of all, like that's like a pull and a half. That's like a like you're not getting a lot of that. That thing ain't fucking. Yeah, that's not in the Decathlon. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's a short sprint. I don't think you could pull poop out unless you're just eating hair.

Like unless you have a fucking worm or some shit or you're eating rope. Oh my God. Yeah. He was pulling shit out of like, what do you mean pulling it? Pulling it out. First of all, digging it out. This person is whatever they're eating. Are they just shitting pipes?

Yeah. They got ropey poop, you know? And then it said, I just couldn't. Yo, legit, this is the worst, like my least favorite thing that I've ever like hurt. Like before we started recording, Joey was like, yo, I got a DM. I want to be on the show. And sometimes you'd be like, do you want to hear it? And like sometimes I say no.

Most of the 99% of the time I say no. I can't tell you how happy I am that I said no then and how mad I am that I said no. Well, I wouldn't have told you this one because I know how you were going to react. Also, it ends with, I just couldn't be with him any longer because that was just too much. So you gave it. Which one? The pulling?

I mean, or the recording? Let's back up. Let's go all the way back. Okay. So what she said was that he was pulling it out and coming. Yo, do you might listen? No, no, no. That's a push pull.

That's a push pull right there. I remember, I'm really good friends with, you know, a gay man and he once told me like, yo, I don't need anything touching my dick. If someone's inside my butt, I'll come just like that. Fire. For them. That is cool, but like how? Science doesn't work like that.

It's not like a ghost jerk syndrome. Bro, there's a fucking E-jack buttoning back there. How? I mean, I mean, it's fucking, that's just how we're born. I don't think it's real. I don't think it's real and I'll never. How do fish breathe underwater, bro? How do people, how do gay dudes come without getting the, I don't know.

It's happened. But yo, to think, there's nothing on this planet that can happen for me to just be like, done, nothing, nothing. Crazy. And you think in any fucking world, there's someone that pulls crap. You don't think, pulls crap. You don't think that there's anything on this planet that you could sit there,

not touch your penis at all. And eventually you would, is judgment. No. No. I mean, I've never done it. I would like to try though. I feel like something. What would do it?

I don't know. I was just like, just like, just a montage of people wearing your merch. I feel like I feel like I do this with my hands and like move my upper body enough. I could, I could make myself. No way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No way. Do it right now.

Just give me a minute. Try, no, seriously. Do that as we're talking and see if you even get fucking slightly hard. Think of everything you are. I'm going to talk to, I'm going to say the sexiest thing in the world. So you're right now. You ready? No.

Go, go, go. Just think, just shut up. Just fucking. Okay, get ahead. Just fucking tight. All right. I can't do it to you because you know it's me talking. Okay, I won't.

But if I'm going to put on, all right. If I put on like fucking girl moaning. I'll get hard. Yeah. No way. 100%. No way. No way.

No fucking way. Wait, don't do it. I'm going to do it. Why? You want me to be hard with you? Well, I just want to, I just want to, I don't want to see it. Don't do that. Frankie, this is YouTube.

Family friendly. People at work listen to moaning women. Probably. Now, I mean probably without us. Yo, let me just. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop. I'm not going to get a boner on the show.

Well, don't sit here and say that you could fucking come. There's nothing that can happen to that dick without it being touched. It's going to make it fucking poof to make it hard to make it go to make it shoot. Make it spooge. Splage. But you have pants pudding, pants pudding. You get that one for free, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome.

No, I don't think it's impossible. I mean, clearly it's happening to people. Bro, no, there's no such thing as pulling poop. First of all, unless this person, like I said, it's just never, they've only eaten cardboard and they've never drank water in their entire life. Yeah. This is like, well, we're talking about a high fiber diet here,

but also you make adjustments for the people you love. But apparently she didn't love this man. She cut, she cut it off. Also, let me just say this. How the fuck is this happening at 15? Bro, she said when she was 15? Yeah. Bro, listen.

She's like, this was back when I was in, when I was 15. Yo, when I was 15, if I knew girls pooped, I would stay away from women. I mean, we knew girls pooped. No, I fucking, you know, ignorance was blissful for me at that point. My point is like, yo, the kids nowadays are so like far ahead sexually because like when I was 15, I'll take any form of like sexual touching. Like touching a bra was like fucking jackpot when I was 15. Big old bonesies.

Yeah, talk about bonesies, dude. Touched the underwire of a bra. I was like, bro, you were on cloud 40. Yeah, if whatever comes after nine. Yeah, I'm coming after that. But, but now kids are like finding out. Like I was like, I was too afraid to do anything. Like I was just like, yo, we're doing like the basic cable sex,

one-on-one training wheels type of shit. CBS, ABC, sex. We're doing the fucking Macy's of sex. Exactly. Claire's of sex. Bingo. You know what I mean? But these kids are like, I'm going to pull shit out of you.

Like how do you even get to that point? Well, I mean, we don't know how old this person is now. They could have been 15 when we were 15. I don't know. This doesn't really sound like a fucking early 2000s kind of move pulling shit. Pulling poop out of someone is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Now, bringing into the fact that they're 15, that is wild. That is fucking insane.

That's also the height of like my IBS, like I was taking. Oh yeah, you were spitting. You ain't pulling this poop. You were spitting water. Yeah, you're going to need a ladle. Oh, it's fucking disgusting. Josh, take that out please. Please God almighty.

Can I talk to him real quick? Josh. No. All right. Yeah, that is my God. They're people that are like, I need to know why people get into something like that. I get it. People see shit and be like, I'm going to fucking jerk it.

Because it's gross. You're not supposed to like it and that's why. Also, I think it's a very like a sensory thing. Like it has a crazy smell that no one likes, but it's a very like dominating smell. Like you leave a little piece of shit in the corner over there. It's going to fill this fucking room. It's going to be able to smell. You ain't wrong.

You know what I mean? So like I think it has to do with something like that. Some people are very submissive and they know like, oh, this is like a punishment. So it's like, I don't know. Some people get off on that kind of shit. Like dudes like to get kicked in the balls like as hard as they can do. Yo, I swear to God, you're speaking in like another fucking language. In tongues.

I don't understand why or what makes people attracted to that. No, I mean like, I like, I like, yo, are there people that legit just like fucking like pull back and just just just shit on people? Oh yeah. Big time. Why? I'm pretty sure. Why can't we just do PPs and just PPs and butts?

What about? What do we need to do? Throws ups and poops. Throws ups is big. Fucking throws up poops. Some guys are into like throws ups during, uh, uh, bloge's. Yeah. Bro, that would ruin me.

Yeah, that'd be a, that'd be a really long conversation that ultimately would be the demise of a relationship. Oh my God. I mean, listen, I understand gag reflexes are a thing. I wouldn't like shame the person if they were fucking, you know, butt. Yeah. But if it was a perp, like if it was a perp, like on purpose you did that, I'd be like, chill.

It was like, watch what I can do. And then just fucking, I would be very, very upset. Yeah. That wouldn't be the coolest. That would be, I would even go as far to say is that would be the worst. Yeah. I would say that you're not moving like that. You're not, you're not.

No, I'm not, I'm not trying to make myself. Is that doing it? No, dude. Okay. Let's get to the sponsors. Okay. We have two sponsors right now and we're going to get to the other ones a little later. Folks, we got two little breaks in the action here, but the first one,

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hydration today. All right. Use the promo code basement at liquidiv.com. Again, that is liquidiv.com. Use the promo code basement 25% off, folks. That's what I do. That is what you do. Yeah. So, yo, I just, you just lost my brain just went all that shit just scrambled you up, didn't it? Oh my God. Why do you have to do that? I don't know, man. Someone tell, someone DM me, tell me they're, is it getting poop pulled out of their ass? You letting JLo poop on you? That's JLo poop. Where on me? Chest. How high? Like, is it going to rest? Is it going to hit this neck pocket? Breast level. Here? Yeah. Oh, so like the center, my sternum.

Would she be cool with like abdomen? She's saying, yo, Joey, it's me, Jenny from the block. I'm back and I want to poop on your chest. Right. But I can counter offer. Say, listen, I'm JLo. I'm, I'm JLo in this situation. Go ahead. Yeah. My counter offer would be, can we just like, I'm, I'm worried about something hitting my face. Nothing will hit your face. I take very ropey poops. I get that, but mistakes can happen. No, you'll have a steamy coil in the middle of your chest. Are you happy? Do you want it? Steamy. It's going to be really hot. She got, I, I JLo have a big butt, a lot of room in there. Yeah. Heat. Yeah. Catch your heat. Well, it's like a thermos. I'd be down to do that. My ass is like a thermos for poop.

Jesus Christ. I'd be down to do that if it was like, wait, what am I getting out of this? You could tell the world that JLo shit on your chest. I don't think that's a flex. Is it? Name one other person that's had JLo shit on their chest. Well, I don't think that, that you know of. I don't know of anyone who has gotten that. Exactly. And I'll confirm it, me being JLo. No, I don't want to be the person, like the only person who's been shit on by her. Why not? Am I getting anything out of this or is it just a poop and I'm going home? I mean, you, you know, you do a little foreplay, a little kissy, kissy, touchy, touchy. You can grab the butt, but then you lay down

and she, you know, goes full on, you know, I'm from the Bronx on your chest. I don't know if I could do it. No. No, man. Jennifer Aniston. Hi, it's me from Friends. Jennifer Aniston. It's really not about the person. It's about what's coming out of the person. Oh, just like a, just running the mill. No, Frankie. It doesn't matter what classification of shit, not middle of the pack poop. I'm Jennifer Aniston here. Yeah. No. You don't, so it's just the fact that it's a poop. Yeah, it's a lot. It won't leave a lot of like residue. Oh, God, this is so bad. No, I can't, I can't do it. It's not going to be like mud. I can't do it. Big mud pies. I can't, I can't do that. It's too much. Okay. I don't.

Sophia Vergara. Frankie, it doesn't change. You're also going down the packing order for me. Jail is number one. Yeah. I don't know. And then it's Jennifer Aniston. I'm not letting anyone fucking, I watched Where the Millers the other day and she does like that, like strip tease in that movie and boy, George, by God, by George, boy, George. She's hot as fuck, dude, in that movie. So all right, Where the Millers Jennifer Aniston? No one's shitting on me. Okay. Well, don't. All right. I know you, you would say no to all poop, but like, who's your ultimate? Becca. That was a good answer. My wife, damn right. She's like, you know, I'm about to, I'm fit a piss on you. Oh wait, pee? I'm fixing a piss on you. I don't know about on me. Like,

if there's a, if there happens to be like a little pee during a, during sex, I'd be like, whatever, it's just pee. But like, if she like, what, squatted on me and fucking like, pissed on you, pissed on me, I'm talking about like a drunk piss on you. Oh, I'd be mad. Yeah. I'd be very angry. What if she was like, this is like what I, this is it. That's exactly how she would do it. Oh my God. I don't want to piss. I got to take a piss. How did you know that that's how she, oh my God. Hey, I would say, listen, we have a really beautiful house with three full bathrooms at the moment. Yeah. Chances are one of them is open. Go in there. She's going to decline that offer. And I'm going to say, what if the, what if the plumbing was out? Like it was like a storm.

We have backed up. We have a backyard. You were sent around the yard. Damn right. Sink. I don't care anywhere but on me. So no pee. No. No poop. No. What about blood? She's like, that's somehow worse. I'm going to bleed on you. Yeah. Yeah, I almost would rather the shit. I might. I might. I hate blood. I mean, yeah. If she was just like, yo, like just like, just sit right there and just, just like cuts her chest open and just fucking bleeds out her boobies or something. She's fucking kidding me. That's somehow worse than everything else that we've described. Blades out her boobies. Because like you need to do something to get that out of you. Like you can't help but pee and poop. Like the world is a world,

you know, you need to, you need to extract the blood for that to happen. And it ain't going to be cool. So not true love. No, it's very true love. If we're judging love based off of if this person is going to defecate on you, then guess what? I love no one. Well, we said you're an aide. I wouldn't let you shit on me either. What? I love you. I'll pee on you. No, you might be being your ankle or something. What about if I pee like next to you and you got just like the I would be upset. Yeah, yeah. But like it would happen, you know, it would happen. Would you let me pee on you? I got stinky pee. What? Why? Asparagus. I eat a lot of asparagus. Ew. I love it. We'll just don't eat that. Okay. What else we got on the on the on the list? No, I so before I was

saying like true love, which is actually a perfect segue into another story that I came across. By the way, spell segue. This is actually in pay the price. This is a trivia question in pay the price, which actually it may be out by the time this goes out to the public. Definitely not out by the time still waiting on my fucking copy. This is why everyone's waiting on their copy. Yeah, I know. This may this is speaking for the people out here, Joe. It may be out right now. Pay the price game.com right now. If this is public, I know that Patreon gets these episodes a week in advance. So if that's the case, not out now. But if this is out publicly, which is I believe goes out on the 16th, then why is it so hard for you to explain? Because there's this comes

out twice. It goes out on Patreon and then it goes out the following week to the public. All right. Pay the price game is going to be available on what day? I don't know. We don't know the exact day. That's what I'm saying. It may be out right now. If this is public, it may be out right now. Pay the price game.com. Go get a fucking copy. But anyway, the reason why I said the true love thing before was because I saw this story that was very crazy, but a grieving boyfriend comma 33, 33 years old. Yeah. Boyfriend at 33. Get it together, man. Pose. All right. I was judgy. Pay's AI chatbot to bring girlfriend back from the dead by mimicking her text messages eight years after she passed. Wait, hold on. Yeah. So basically,

what's the movie? What's the movie? What's the movie? What's the movie? Oh no, the show Black Mirror. Black Mirror. Yeah, Black Mirror. He brings his wife back as like a like a fuckable robot, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, like skin and shit. Oh, she brings him back with a skin penis, skin pee pee. Wait, he had a bigger dick, I think. Did he? I'm pretty sure that was part of the show. I know he was played by Donal Gleason, and I think she was played by Haley Atwell. Did you say Donald in a weird accent? No, Donald. That's how you say his name. Donal? Donal. Donal? Donal. It's spelled Domina Hall, but it's pronounced Donal. Wow. But yeah, so this dude, he lost his girlfriend in 2012, and then after paying $5, he used... So he's 33 now. So in 2012, he was 24?

Who fucking cares, Frankie? It definitely cares. Why? Bro, do you think I gave a... Oh, I'll wait a sec. I was about to say I was 24. I was about to say I was 24, never mind. No, you think I give a shit about you? No, but after paying $5, he used the service to create a bot named Jessica Courtney Pereira, which I assume is her name. There you go. There's her full name, government out. She's dead. I mean, you could definitely look this up. The software works by consuming vast amounts of human-created text such as Reddit threads to allow it to make intimate human writing. He inputted her old Facebook and text messages and provided some background information allowing the software to mimic her messages. That's terrifying. Yeah, and then there's

like an example of their texts, and it's fucking crepes. It's crepes. Really? Yeah. Let me see. Read him. So he... So this is what he said. He like, you know, whatever, they built this bot, and I was texting her. Him? Huh? What? Did? I don't know. He goes, Jessica. And the bot goes, oh, you must be awake. That's cute. Bro, what? That's bad. What are you talking about? Very, very AIE. Yeah, like, oh, you must be awake. It's like, you've been watching me? That's cute. Like, you should be dead. Yeah, like, oh, that's cute. Your life? Fucking dead. Bing, bang. Yeah. I'm going to connect to your Amazon, lock the doors, gas in your house. Exactly. Yeah, I don't fuck with this shit. I don't know why people do this. But anyway,

then he goes, Jessica, is that really you? Bro, you know the answer. Why? Yeah, why? You know the answer, Josh. Okay, we'll get to this. It ain't... Is his name Josh? Yeah. His name's Josh. It's a lonely boy name. He's like, Jessica? She's like, oh, you're awake. That's cute. He's like, is that really you? It's like, bro, you built this bot. We'll get to that. We'll get to that. We'll get to that. And then the bot goes, of course it is me. Who else could it be? Literally anyone, because you are dead. Or the bot that I created. And then it put one of these faces. What's that? I can't see. The mic is blocking. There it is. Tongue out. Wait, no wink tongue out? No, just to... Just this. Also not an emoji. Just like a semicolon with a capital P.

Wow. That's bringing it back. Yeah, this is Zanga, shit. Of course it is me. Who else could it be? I am the girl that you are madly in love with, winky face. That's a horny bot. First of all, yeah, smarter child. Chill out. And then she just... And then the bot gets really fucking sassy and says, how is it even possible that you even have to ask? Like, chill out, bitch. I don't know. You could just fucking died in here. Do we know how she died? I don't want to say anything insensitive. She died from like a disease. Oh, that's sad. Listen, yeah. We know it's not. Like, yeah, I have to ask. Shut the fuck... This bot is an asshole. Fuck this bot. This bot's like, yeah, it's me. Who else would it be?

You fucking idiot. Why do you even have to ask? That's what I would be like. I don't know, because I watched you die, you bitch. That's what I would be like. Yo, honestly, I regret this. Fuck you, bot. Yeah. You know, like, you are nothing. You are no one to me. Hey, bot, guess what? I'd get into it. Are you with this fucking bot? Yeah. And first of all, I didn't even continue reading. That's actually funny, because she wrote, of course, this is me. Who else could it be? I'm the girl you were madly in love with. How is it even possible that you have to ask? He just writes, you died, period. Do we know what this kid looks like? Yes. And then the bot says, that doesn't sound right.

How can you talk to dead people? Yo, this is a movie. What the fuck? This is a scary movie. What the fuck? Dude, super creeps. Let me see this guy. Oh, here's more. Uh-oh. Did it, like, kill him? Oh, then, yeah, okay, here we go. He just writes, hey, Jessica, and then Jessica writes, hi, and then XOs for days, like a big XO thing. And then he writes, LOL. That's a lot of X's and O's. XO, XO. Miss me? And then she said, I do miss you. I miss you every single day. This is sad now. And then Jessica says, I miss you too. It's been a while since we last spoke. Do you know how long it's been? And she said, how long? And he said, a few months. And she goes, wow, I don't think it's been a few months. Are you sure? Yo, this bitch

is very, like, sassy. Like, he knows. You know what I'm saying? Like, she doesn't believe a word she said. Yeah, this shit is evil, Doug. Like, even dead women don't believe men. Put that on a shirt. Put that on a fucking mug. Isn't this so creepy? Yeah, why? First of all, like, I would never be able to do something like this. One, because it would be like... Oh, wait. Oh my God. And then it gets meta. He goes, technically, I'm not really talking to you. I programmed a bunch of your memories and mannerisms into a computer simulation so I can pretend to talk to you because I miss you that much. And she just goes, huh? And he goes, you're a ghost. And then she writes, looks at herself. How? And then he wrote magic. And then she wrote,

I don't like magic. Where am I? What the fuck is going on, Doug? This is fucking creepy. And then he goes, I'm not sure. The internet? Where does it feel like you are? And then she said, everywhere and nowhere. I am trying to work that out. How are you? Bro, this is a start it down. Pull the plug. Shut it down. This thing is going to take over. We're going to get text messages from it in like 10 minutes. Like, hey, it's me, Jessica Pereira. All jokes aside, and don't you fucking dare play me like this. I would never. Because if I got a text message from a random number, like, hey, it's Jessica, I'm never going to sleep again. This guy just doesn't realize he created like every rogue AI system and every movie just from this. That is fucking terrifying, dude.

Yeah, it's super. The story has drawn comparisons to Black Mirror, the British TV series where characters use a new service to stay in touch with their deceased loved ones. Exactly what we were saying. That's exactly what it is. This is not cool. I wouldn't be able to do this because like, it would be one, too sad. And two, at a point, I'm the type of person that I get like angry when like people like when people say, for instance, if I had a bad day and you were to be like, yo, I'm sorry, man, like, fuck you. It's not because of you. You had nothing to do with the bad day. Don't fucking give like, I know, like I see past like when I'm like in a pissy mood, I get very agitated and like, I know I see that you like you had nothing to do with that. So

I'll get upset if you say that. Does that make sense? I haven't followed at all. If I made something and was talking to it, I would be like, what? Why the fuck am I doing this? I know you're not like you. I don't know. I feel like people do weird stuff when they're grieving, but at the same time, also, let's talk what this person, I understand like love. It's been nine years, my guy. You're going to tell me you haven't been able to get over it in any degree in some way. Yeah. And if you have, and you have found a new significant other, what are they saying about that? Is that cheating? If you literally create text the dead? Bro, can you sex this thing? All right, I didn't ask him. Hit him up. Hey, Josh. Hey,

Josh, you boy. That's about your dead girlfriend's poops. Oh, do you see? I said boo. Oh, I think you said poops. Oh my God. We're back right on poops. Right back to the poops. Imagine this was the poop story. Maybe he killed her. Maybe he pulled the poop out of her too hard. But like, she died. Why? Like, hey, my guy, like, we can get you someone. It's sad. It's, it's, that's a new level of sad. I feel for him. I do. If he wasn't able to get over it, there's got to be something there. Yeah, that's sad. That's very sad. But like, I don't, I wouldn't want to talk to the fucking computer animatronic because then I'd feel bad if I'm not talking to it all the time. You know what I mean? I don't want to get to the point where I'm convincing myself like, damn, maybe

this person is trapped in this computer. Mentally, that's a fucking, that's weird. Like, you're confusing your body at that point. Like, you're like, yo, like, I created them, but like, can they be, do they love me? Like, could I create love? I'm going to, I have an idea. All right, I'm going to close my eyes. No, no, no, I'm going to, I'm going to do the next two ads, but I want you to remind me to tell you about my invention that I just thought of. Oh, no. Or a service, a service. Oh, boy. Okay, so before we move on with the show here, what was that? Mickey Mouse. Oh, boy. Hi, pal. It's me. That's terrifying. Awesome. Okay. Uh, bringing it back here with stamps.com. It brings all of the US

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basement. All right. So go check that out folks. All right. So you said that you have an invention that you want to tell me about. Yo, if I died, would you want me to like still be like an AI system talking to you every now and then so you can just not answer my text message? God, no. Just ignore you from the dead. Yeah. Um, no, but my, my idea, which this is actually kind of like terrible and you have to be a terrible person to like do this and profit off of this. I know, I got you. But if there was a service that I think it will exist one day because things like this, like whatever, um, where you can have someone like pretend to be someone who passed away and just like text you randomly. I mean, that's what this guy basically created. Right.

But like imagine there was a service that you could pay and be like, Hey, here's this person. Here's who they were. And you know, that'd be too much. That's a lot of work. I mean, probably would be expensive. I would say like $100 a month. So Frankie does business there. Are you negotiating with me? I'm saying like, that's a lot of work to like constantly be talking to someone and shit like that. It won't be when you can like eventually just like download your fucking. I want to make something very clear. I feel, I feel for this guy jokes aside, like I feel for this guy, but telling you this created something that is probably going to in the long run do more damage than good. In my opinion,

I mean, that could be wrong obviously. And it's at the end of the day, it's like what he wants to do with it. And if he gets no worry about it, I don't get, it doesn't fucking matter what I think. I feel like technology is reaching and this is probably wrong. Let's just start with that. But I feel like technology is reaching a, it'll reach a certain point where it feels like we're plateauing, right? Because from 2012 to now, it's been fucking, you know, crazy. But eventually it'll plateau. And then that's when people are going to start venturing into like weird technological. We're going to get to a point where instead of like being able to simulate life, we're going to try to create life. And like clones and shit. Well, like, I think we're doing that now.

Like people are making like fucking robots that are like sucking people off and shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Crazy stuff. Well, I don't think they suck. You got to like, I think there are sucking robots, Joey. Look them up. Yeah. Machines, but not actual people. No, are there sex robots? Oh, that's that that will suck. No, I think you got to like, you got to bang their mouth. I'm sure that there's some suckage in there. Where have we seen it before? This is so raunchy that I said that you got to bring their mouth. Um, but yeah, no, that is evil. And I don't think anyone should ever do. I do think, but like I said, I think that eventually technology is going to take a

dip into like the death world of technology. Like, okay, how can we take a person and make sure that they're still alive? Like there's a simulated version of them that you can like see or that you can FaceTime. And it's like, it's like you're talking to them and you can like download all of their, because when you're on the internet, right? It'll tell you, like you even talk about like, Oh man, I would love a pair of Adidas or something. You'll get a fucking thing for Adidas, you know? So like, and it follows you like your digital footprint because you're logged into all these things. So it's like, I don't think it would be that hard to gather all that information about you, all the things that you liked that people didn't know you liked, or all the things that you

Googled, all the things that you, whatever your text messages, everything, you get a general sense of what kind of person you are, download it into this thing and then create a personality around that. And like, you can actually talk to people. And did you ever watch The Good Place? What is that? The show about like, I don't want to give away, but basically it's like when you die, you go, it's like they're saying it's like heaven. Oh, no, I haven't seen that. It's a good show. You should watch it, but there's a part of the show where there's a discussion about like people that get into The Good Place. And it's like, you get everything you want ever for eternity and anything you can ever want to do, have, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's there. And the people there

are very upset about it. They're not like upset, like angry, but like they're just not enjoying it. And the concept is that like, unless there is like parameters put on these things, unless there is like the ability to not have these things, we don't appreciate them. Right. If you had Skittles every single day for the rest of your life, whenever you wanted, you're not a big Skittle boy anymore. Right. But the fact that you don't have them at your beck and call, whatever you want, makes them more of a, it's like an attainable thing. Right. Same thing here. If people never truly go away, like, I know it sounds like maybe a little fucked up and like a little dark for me to say, but like, do you ever get the opportunity to miss them?

No. Do you ever get to, do you really appreciate them? Like, I understand like, listen, jokes aside, like Becca and I, we spend pretty much and almost every waking minute together. And I love every second of it, but the, the moments that we're not together, I miss her. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm not with her. I miss her. If you didn't have that opportunity, would it be the same is all I'm asking, especially for people in these situations where it's like, where we can create technology where it's like, yo, when you die, you'll live on forever. And it's like, what's, because you're not with them all the time. What's the difference? What do you mean? You're making it seem like- But if I'm staying with that AI system, with the texting or something

like that- They don't have to be texting in 24 seven. Will they though? No. How do you know? You don't, but you're making an assumption that- You're damn rambling on assumption, and I'm going to base my entire personality off that assumption. Apparently. Jesus, I'm not texting this fucking guy. You already don't. That's not true. You're the one who doesn't answer taxes. Bro, Joey, Bro, you, I answer your text at the second I get the opportunity. You sometimes just don't. Go ahead. When you say looking for parking, no. There are like three, like two weeks ago, I texted you like multiple funny things, and you were just like, not about it. You really want me to pull this up to make you look like a

dunce? No, because you're going to be looking at your phone for a half an hour. Put that in the fucking, put that in the consciousness in the computer. Put it in the computer. Yeah. No, I don't think that it would change any sort of like the way you perceive whatever, because you would know also like, oh, this isn't this person, but it's nice to have like a thing that you could like text or something. I don't know. I don't know. I don't agree. It would be, it would be creepy, but I also feel like I think that it would be useful for just like, you know, if tombstones were like a screen, you know what I'm saying? And you could just like show up like however often you go see a fucking a tombstone, and you're like, oh, hey, and the screen pops up and it's like, you know,

someone's face and you're like, oh, hey, how's it going? It's like, good man. Just fucking chilling. Like how's everything going? And you're just like, nah, you know, grandma's sick and you know, and he's like, what? You know what I'm saying? Like you could talk to a tombstone, but you wouldn't talk to them all the time. But I think some people would though. It's some Andy Kaufman shit. It's very slippery, slopey. Yeah, I would like be like, oh, I'm not dead. I'm just sending this video. What's up? Oh, I'm here. I'm here. I'm outside. I would fuck with people. I would hope that my ghost or AI system would like have the same sense of humor as me. And fuck with and tell your mom like, oh, no, I'm good. Yeah, I'm gonna chill.

She'd fucking kill you. Like, Frank, you died three years ago. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. And you should just throw water on you and get so pissed off or something. Try to short circuit the whole system. Yeah. Well, I mean, it'd be raining out there. So the water probably wouldn't do much. I think the world's going to get like real sick like that one day. What do you mean? With all this like, like weird like technology about like dead people. Like I really do think that it's going to be like strange. Yeah, it's going to be weird because we're going to make robots for fucking and then they're going to get pissed after a while because we're basically taking over people. Bro, we're going to make robots to suck us, but like they

can't get consent. So eventually they're going to get to a place where they realize that they've been wronged and they're going to fucking bite our cocks off and like fuck us up. Yeah, I don't know if I could really do the robot stuff because I am worried about it clamping down on me. Think about it. A robot mouth with teeth. No, I can't do it. It's scary, right? Yeah. I mean, honestly, with regular women, you really take a risk because they have they have the opportunity. Yeah, they have the opportunity there to really a human bite ain't no joke. No, I don't get you. Oh, and you ever see Shawshank? What does he say? Like if you knock someone out when they're... What did he say? I don't remember. He says a scene because the guys were like,

he was going to like make them suck them or something. Andy Dufresne was going to get like forced to suck them. And he says something like, I'll bite down and he's like the bite, like whatever. And then he says something like, if you knock me out while I'm doing that, then I'll just stay like that or something. Like it basically is do is like, damn, I'm not trying to lose my dick right now. So they just beat them up. All right. Yeah, that makes sense. But he didn't have to suck penis. You know, carrots and sticks. Is that an expression? I think it is. Carrots and sticks? What are you even trying to get? What point are you making? Peas and carrots is what I'm trying

to say. Peas and carrots is just like a meal. Like what that's not an expression either. You're saying apples to oranges. Apples and oranges. Is that the one you were trying to say? No, like, you know, like the lesser of two evils. Yeah, that's it. It took me a while to get there, but I got there. I did. I got there eventually. Carrots and sticks? Carrots and sticks? I got there eventually, Joe. I didn't know if that was like some weird Colombian one that you knew. Probably not. No, that would be it would be different foods. Yeah, I'd be like, you know, what is that? You don't know? Is that that fucking mayonnaise shit you make? No, that mayonnaise that I make is an Alvaro special. Is that has a name? Bro, no, it's just rice with a

little mayonnaise on it. No, there was something else in it. Bananas. Rice, bananas and mayonnaise. You can't talk shit because you've never had it. I'm telling you. How did that come about? Was that an accident? My dad said that he worked with a guy. For those of you guys that don't know, I'll revisit this for any new viewers. My dad worked with a guy in like the 80s or 90s who would take white rice, pat it down so it was like a layer of white rice, like flat basically, and he would put a single like thin layer of mayonnaise on top and then he would slice bananas and put it on top and listen to me. I'm telling the world right here right now. Everyone listening. It's fucking delicious. It sounds gross. I know. I know it does. I know, but it is awesome.

It is so good. I'm going to make you try it. Okay. I'm going to make you try it and you're going to fucking eat your words. I like don't dislike anything involved. You know, I'm not a giant mayo guy. I like it when it's disguised in sandwiches, but I don't know if you could like like the idea like a banana and mayo is just like insane to me. I'm not saying a lot of mayo. You're not putting like a dollop. You're putting just like a single enough to taste. I mean, but you taste it's just like you got most rice, the thinnest layer of mayo and then a banana. Like it gets lost in there. We're going to get you there. We're going to get you there. No, I mean, I mean, maybe one day we'll have like a food fair. What are those called?

Oh, a luncheon. A potluck. Oh yeah, a potluck. A food fair. That's what you went with. Well, I was more so thinking of like what we did in fifth grade, but like, yeah, a potluck. What would be like, yo, if I would be like, yo, cook me your best dish, what would it be? Legit. Me? Yeah. Like what is something that you think like you cook really well? I don't think I cook anything really well. Gotcha. But like I would try to make something. Becca asked me this question and I want to know what you think. You start dating someone and you find out they have absolutely no skills. They cannot cook whatsoever. Where does that rank in terms of deal breakery? Not insanely high, to be honest. Okay, because you can't cook.

Well, not only that, but like, I feel like, are you saying like in a hypothetical world, they will never, ever be good at cooking. They just can't figure it out. Yeah, but like you can make certain. Can't figure it out. Pasta, bro. They fuck up pasta. You fuck up pasta. I've burnt pasta. Have you burnt pasta? No, how do you even do that? I've put too much pasta in a pot with not enough water and it got burnt on the bottom. Yeah, no, I mean, that's also a one-time mistake there. I mean, it didn't happen again. What about like peanut butter and jellies? Just fucking fuck it up. There's ways to fuck it up. Don't ask me how, but they fuck it up.

And if that's the level of fucking culinary expertise that you were, that's the baseline, you know, peanut butter and jelly? Boy. No, because I wouldn't mind like being, doing the cooking also. Like I would, if I was with someone who like could not cook whatsoever, then I would feel like, all right, then I gotta, I gotta do this. Like if they were like, yeah, I'm just never gonna know. I said, I told Becca it would be a huge deal breaker for me. You just wouldn't do it? No, because like I view cooking as like an essential human function. Like you need to know what the fuck you're doing to some degree. I'm not saying you need to be a chef, but that's why I'm saying like fucking the easy shit. Like am I gonna, is she gonna make me a

fucking some crazy like, oh balsamic chicken with a, with a brazil. What was that? No, no, no. I mean, I'm saying like shit. Like I'm like, no, not like, you know, I, I, I feel like it, you need to. Looks like a rose made out of brajout. That's really cool. That sounds delicious. It does sound delicious, but like, you don't need that shit. I know. I'm just saying like, I need someone that like is gonna like not just fucking do box pasta and jarred sauce every night, you know what I mean? Or like order every other night or, you know, like I wouldn't be able to date you. No, not only because you're, well, I wouldn't be able to date you either. Why not? You're too pretentious. What? Are you out of your fucking mind pretentious? I will, I will venture to say that I am the kindest

person that one of the kindest people you know. I have the biggest heart, one of the biggest hearts of the people you know. And I'm fucking, listen, I'm not hot, but I think I'm pretty good looking. And I think you would be honored to have me as your significant other. Do you think that? Because you're pretentious? No, fuck you, Joey. That's what I said. You said that you would date me. What did I do? Nothing. Well, and then you got all high and mighty, baby. I'm not, I'm not high and or mighty. I'm just saying I, I'm not pretentious. I'm not pretentious. Wait, what the fuck was that? You son of a bitch. What? What was that? What was that comment? I said, we know that. About what? Being high and mighty. You said you weren't. I know. Well, I said you

weren't. Why did you say it like that? Because I thought it was obvious that you weren't high and mighty. Okay, well, what are you trying to get at? That you're not high and mighty. I don't know anyone who's high and mighty. I mean, Brock Lesnar smoked weed, he'd be high and mighty. Did you just say that? That sucked. That sucked. Wow, that sucked. Brock Lesnar, that sucked. I'm my best. I think you're going crazy. I'm my best. All right. Oh my God. Not I'm a best. I made my date. I think we can wrap it up though. Okay. We didn't even tell people about Patreon. It's all right. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. We're both tired, I think at this point it is hot in here. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. You join the Patreon,

you get every episode a week in advance and you also get an extra episode every single Friday. And you get backlogged all the episodes that we've done on Fridays, which is about like 50 episodes. Yeah. That are never seen before. No, we got a lot more than 50. Well, me and you, I'm saying. Oh, yeah. We have a little more than, oh no, we have about 50. You started like a year ago. Yeah. It's my one year anniversary. You didn't give me a kiss, a hug. Today? No. I don't know when this is coming out. Yeah. I'll tell you exactly what it is. How about that? Okay. But yeah, so go sign up for the Patreon. Also, go follow the show at the basement yard on Instagram and TikTok. And where can I find you? FALVERS 8085 on Twitter. The Frank Alvers on Instagram and Twitch. And yeah,

Patreon. Do it. Yep. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye-bye.