The Basement Yard - #314 - The Worst Thing I've Ever Said To A Teacher

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Frank & Joe talk about the good ole days when they were the worst students in the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement. How's everyone doing Frank? I'm fine, okay? I'm a violent prick yeah, okay, so the reason why we're all giddy and laughing our fucking asses off right now is because Well first of all we're laughing because of big water Joe Well big water Joe guys ladies and gentlemen. He's here big water Joe He didn't you recently make fun of me for having one of those? No, how much was that those things aren't cheap. They're like 30 bucks. This was like 15 bucks Ah, I need that literally like the first one. I saw on Amazon. Can I have it? I like it because it has a nipple what oh? You suck that bad boy down

Dude, I drink way more when I drink through a straw really you can't gulp Not really is it remember the thing that we were taught by the way welcome back. We should be by the way I'm at around 430 right now, and it's definitely not 430 120. Yeah my head of the game Well, you know there's a river of piss coming by the way. How like heavy is your pee feeling? Right now. I'm good because I haven't broken the seal this morning. I peed in the shower You're gonna pee by the end of this episode probes probes. Probably hard Bob's But like will you just move people the cameras are rolling what people like cameras rolling you got the bathroom right there No, I'm not gonna piss while the cameras are rolling. I love when people say like you'll drink like a gallon of water

And they'll be like oh your fucking Your bladder must be so small. It's like hey first of all fuck you don't talk about my bladder I'm talking about the size of my blood second of all you see how much liquid you're bringing in yeah It makes sense that you pee every ten minutes like yo if I drink that I pee swear to God Every every eight minutes. Well, what's gonna happen is I'm gonna break the seal and then it's gonna be every eight minutes I'm gonna be death and you got fat Dude when you got a pee. Oh my god the fattest wiener just a wet wiener Wet like it's so it's like a squeegee like it's just filled with water

Yeah, and you squeeze that bad boy. You're just gonna just leak you ever like if you have to pee real bad And then you got the bathroom. Yeah, and then but the pee comes out and it's kind of like hesitant at first I guess like sure. Yeah, like Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got a pee right now that happened to me this morning when I peed in the car I started a pee driving very bad big driving piss friend. Yeah, I hope Geico ain't listening Oh, I don't think that's on the insurance. Well, you know what? That's a good point Yeah, that's a good point, but I guess it would be considered distracted driving like flood insurance, maybe I Piss all over that I see what you're doing and I'm not being that much

But like it started it started and then it was like we got like the urgent pee out But like we can hang for a little bit. I don't know how you cut off a pee I got an empty the whole thing really see like my bag if I have to pee urgently It's like it'll open the door and like let the right amount of people in to like a club You know, you'd be like, alright, just go go go and then we'll shut the door again They'll be like, alright now you guys can wait if my bladder was throwing a house party The cops would be called in five minutes because the doors would open and everything would come out Everyone's invited your pee hole just looks like the elevator from the shining. Yes minus the blood

Yes, well, yes, why did I say why did you hesitate like that? Definitely not pissing blood Yeah, I hope not. I saw recently although this morning. I pissed and it was like gold Really? It's because I've been drunk like yesterday morning. I drank a lot of water So when you drink a lot of water and your body just starts pissing and pissing and pee pee So that's used to piss it needs more water. So I what I didn't give it. I know I Pissed like amber like I've pissed like whiskey amber this. Oh, that's orange. Yeah, I've never pissed like this I love I gotta be honest. I like when my peas that color Like a gold. I don't know if you guys can't probably see it. Maybe you like that

Yeah, like that's more appealing than a clear pee clear P is fucking boring boring a shit I want like a like a hearty gold. Yeah Can you turn your pee a different color if you drink enough like food dye or something? I remember years ago when you're gonna make fun of me for this. I was taking multivitamin from bodybuilding.com and my pee was lime green like Lime that's fucking dope green and I think it was because they there was some pill that I was taking that was like

just not Don't hey, don't take like these like bodybuilding multivitamins not that I was a bodybuilder Yeah, but like there was one that was like very clearly like turning my pee like and I mean like Green dude. It's kind of sick. Kind of great. I also remember there was a absence Yeah, like hypnotic. That would be really if not it was blue I know, but it was like one of those like like like the member the mixed drink the Incredible Hulk Hypnotic and Hennessy. Oh That sounds disgusting. Our New Yorkers know what's up with that

That was my I'm sure I'm sure what that was but And then I took one supplement that I would like my bowel movements would be blue You would shit blue Dude, I'm jealous. Mmm. It probably wasn't good if that's what it's doing to your body if it's that unnatural. Don't use it Yeah, I mean Sometimes if you have like foods or candy or whatever that's a different color It'll like kind of morph your your your butt in front. Did you see that there was someone that got hospitalized by shoving a? USB cable in their penis hole. I did actually roll they wanted to measure how big their dick was by going inside

Dude fucking genius. I mean the way they did it was stupid. Yeah. Yeah, you know also How are you measuring with a USB? How are you getting it in there? I think you need to start with you can not start with the USB slot No way headphone jack. Yeah, the headphone part that is made to go in a penis all that in there But dude, I can't even get the fucking the band like when when the like the tie band Yeah, and when it gets stuck in your waistband you have to funnel it out like dude imagine funneling in a Throw the pants out at that point I'm wondering because like you need to like if you push it'll just crumple up

So like you would have to like have like a stick on it You have to have something on the other side, you know like a skewer Yeah, right, you know so like tie kind of like a you know like a feed it in and feed it in that's the way to do it Right, but like this this person was playing they're living in the year 4,000 because it's like yeah, they could be like yo outside my dick is only like five inches But inside it went on forever. Yeah, you know and you can just say like yo I haven't been able to stop like I stopped counting measurements at seven inches Yeah, I mean he's probably gonna pay the price tech pay the price by the way is a card game

It's a card game that me and Greg made Because I wasn't included Pay the price game calm go get yourself a copy of pay the price you pieces of s and shit Yeah, also by the time this comes out because tonight. I'm doing a live Instagram game show game show people you're gonna win money. So really? Yeah, people Yeah, this guy's shove just kept going with this USB cord yeah in this PP well people are into what they're into You know, I mean, maybe he got some sort of satisfaction from that. I actually pulled up a nice tiktok that uh You know, there's someone who is that's him

He is into what he's into, you know, I mean some guys are into whatever and this is his Well, I'm just gonna play it before you play it though. Yeah, I mean, it's from that weirdo Mm-hmm, and he has quite are those real tattoos. I didn't ask him I'll text him. Do you have his number? I don't okay? Instantly just drawn a bunch of just red flags here. Yeah, so we'll see okay. Here we go folks I Girlfriend just inform me that she has another tasty fart Another what you're tasty for coming you see fart

Do you want to hear it again a girlfriend just inform me that she has another tasty fart tasty fart You're tasty for coming. Yeah, when? It's very impatient I Can't tell if she's into this or not. She's waiting for the fart the tasty fart the tasty fart So different than just far well, all right, so that was gonna be my first question. How would you categorize a fart as tasty? I I would think that if you're into eating farts the grosser the better Yeah, the tastier the more flavor like one of those things where you can smell it and like

Yeah, sometimes you fart. It's just like boom and in there smells like nothing, but other times It's like Tom and it's like yo wow we need to leave I needed so what's the one big fart doesn't smell is a Okay, big fart little wet not a big smell. Yeah, like a And then just a fucking gross-ass shit fart a Gross-ass shit for me. I know this guy. What would he classifies a tasty fart give me the mouth. Oh I think pooping this guy. Love that. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I have a feeling that's exactly what her

Farts kind of smell. Oh my god. That's disgusting. Yeah a tasty fart poor woman. She was trying to pass gas in peace Well, I don't think so. You know what? I don't know if this girl is in on it because she was like kind of shy She kind of was a little uncomfortable. He's like where's the tasty fart. She's like, yeah Yeah, it's coming. Yeah, it's like right and then he she's just like laying there like Like just trying to just fucking fart. Yeah, and got a lot of pressure to put on yourself Literally and figuratively. Yeah, I I don't know if I would ever be able to be with someone who like liked farts Who like wanted to fart in your mouth? Oh have you fart in their mouth?

I would never put anyone's I swear to God. Thank you. Hold on. How much money to fart in someone's mouth? Do I have to live with this person? No any person? Like off the street off the street. They're like fart in my mouth. Yeah, no videos No, nothing like so like they'll I'll fart in their mouth. They'll never I'll never see them again They'll never see me again unless you want unless you want to keep this money coming in, okay? So I'm saying and don't go high. All right, honestly, I'd say 2,500 a fart That's an expensive tush. You want my fucking dude to fart you're gonna fart anyway

Your body has to I don't care what it has to do 500 bucks. It 500 bucks. I'll slam one in you Well, that's like, you know, that's the common saying when people are like give a rich person $600 they turn it into more You already have it money's trivial to you because you're a fucking sewer rat that gave your soul to the devil I need all the help I could get dude Imagine you for all the help you can get you're stumbling upon a machine of fart money I but like will they be with me all like all day every day? So then that's the thing is like if I'm gonna like if it's gonna be appointment fartation

Yeah, I'm gonna have to see them and be like yo, I'm ready 2500 all right, I'll say this 1500 that's your that's her fart her fart. I'll do it or or 2000 a whole day How do you get that I Don't have to let them know when I'm farting Okay, they don't need to know Would you sell your fart if someone's like yeah, I'm gonna buy your fart

But I'm you got a fart into a jar close it real quick I saw someone did that and like they kept it for like a year and it like smelled like shit when they opened it Just fucking it's fucking idiot that person. That is really funny. It is but waste of time Well, no, you just kind of leave all right. So I asked me the question again How much money how much what is the minimum amount for to fart into someone's mouth? And let's just say it's a woman. She's like I'm gonna pay you, you know yo 1500 I'm sorry like I will they will never be able to come back from what they see by having my fucking hole Can I wear pants? Yeah, you can wear pants. Oh, so

600 700 800 that's it. That's where I'm drawing the line I'm going back to sick dude if you can wear like a pair of like mesh shorts, but you can't wear underwear I'm just like it. It's so disgusting. I'm saying like at least per fart. I'll say this per fart Let's just assume it's one thought Per fart 500 or you could pay me a full day for 2000. That's unlimited farts unlimited farts unlimited farts in your mouth Some could be tasty some others. I don't know right are they gonna be pumping me full of like a special diet in order to like just I mean, they'll probably just ask you like if you're lactose like for me

I'd be like, you know, you give me some ice cream in here. We'll be alright. Oh, yeah, but like you might you might squirt I Think that would be like what they're hoping for But you know, oh my god, I just gotta fuck it my spit just got thick Frank. You just got dick thick Joey I think you said your spit just got it. Oh, sorry. I just played a video, but I do Okay, I want to play this video because this is what was making me and Frankie laugh before before the show started We watched this video One of the funniest things we've ever seen in my entire life This guy went to the Museum of ice cream you said it's called. Yeah, that's what it looks like museum ice cream

You ever been? No, I haven't they got a stranger to the ice cream though. They have a slide that goes three floors It's pretty it's a big slide. It's a big old slide. Is it like chocolate slide? No, it's just a slide Oh, I think it was pink and Then this room is part of it is they have a swimming pool of Sprinkles, yeah, but they're not real sprinkles. They're they're like a little rubber like mini dildos and And it looks like it's just a pool of Sprinkles it is

Well, but it's like the thing like Scrooge McDuck diving into the thing of coins You ever see duck tails, of course, you know and he dives in the thing of coins and he goes in and like swims So wait, hold on. Let's just play that was just play it and I'm we'll talk about okay. Okay. Here we go Oh Play it again The sound Look at his arms. Look at his arms. Look at his arms when he hits the ground Oh

Don't laugh don't laugh Okay, don't laugh That is every bit of air leaving this guy's fucking body. Oh my god So hard that is so funny dude, could you just imagine first of all have you ever hit the ground like that look at this look at this It's Look at him look at the fucking oh my god, and yo, he balances dude Oh

My god, have you ever what was the last time you like hit something and did like a People hurt themselves is so good. It's so funny. Oh fuck that is funny. Oh But yeah, what was the last time you hit something and made a sound like that? Oh Not for a while man I think they're funny what happened? I think I mean after when I get my air Oh, when I get over it because like when you lose your air you're That's what makes me laugh I can't breathe and I'm like

And then I start laughing which requires more air more air and I don't have it I'm just fresh out of air bro. I remember when I was a kid I I fucking fell off of a hammock and I hit the ground and I was like Oh It's like that video that woman with the grapes the grape Yo, there was I don't know if I told this story on here But when I was a young young boy when I was like a young teenager at the lake house we would go tubing all the time and

Hey for anyone out there that like is interested in someone of the same or opposite sex or whatever Don't like put yourself in that situation with them because I remember I was on the tube and we hit waves And I remember at the time being like I was like into this girl like quite a bit and I remember hitting waves and she was just like This is over like this is over that's what did it for you that Couldn't see her the same after that. That's a very George Costanza reason for not It's like she makes weird sounds. I mean sounds is maybe but like when you're like I guess like when you're like you see people at their most like pure I guess when they're like getting some form of like pain, you know what I mean?

So like in that moment as she was skipping across the water. I just heard It's fucking hysterical. I honestly love it You know like really like you think it's that funny. Yeah, I think it is I I Think I said this on here before but Multiple times in my life. I've looked up compilations of people like fainting or like fading glass hitting a good. Yeah, I know but it's Like when they start going oh my god I think the fainting is scary because like have you ever been around someone that just fainted near you or had it like Yeah, I had someone have a seizure literally sitting right next to me. I've never seen a seizure. I've seen people faint. I fainted

You fainted. Yeah, you okay? Yeah, it was like 12 or something. I don't you never told me this just want to make sure you're all right. No people faint Yeah, but like you shouldn't right. I mean like dehydration or like listen. No, I got I understand why but you shouldn't no Yeah, of course shant you shant shant This piss is brewing inside. Yeah. How you peeing right now? Nothing, it's just if you take your pants off I swear to God the elastic that's kind of constricting your bladder. It'll it'll release a little bit

So you'll be okay. You'll feel better. I feel okay still just take your pants off No Can I ask something before we move on? Yeah, that I was thinking when we saw the guy with the juicy farts He had face tattoos Something happened with me recently where I met with someone for work and they had something about them and it made me think like Are you one of those people? It's like yo, I don't judge no judgements here You know, like when you like when you're talking with someone or when you see physically. Yeah I mean, you really would depend what it is. So like this person had missing teeth and like how many couple

The fronts couple were they like a hockey player or no This person was not a hockey player were the rest of them in bad shape They could have seen better days, you know, you could tell That it was just but Mike might the thing up is like I instantly and I'm not saying this was right But instantly I went to like this person This person's all fucked up He I mean, yes, I mean, yeah, listen teeth I think is the only thing that you could be like to what's going on. I feel bad because dental is expensive like it's not

It's not health insurance Dentals dental though, like you need a new tooth. You need a new tooth. Everyone loses it. Oh, yeah I'm saying dental insurance is like affordable actually really kind of yeah It's like not it's nowhere near fucking health insurance. Well, yeah, but like that's how I felt So like what do you do? Is there anything that like physically when you see someone like you instantly you go like a little a little judgy a little bit um Again, that's ain't it right, but right like I see no teeth or one or missing teeth like this person

You know puffs the magic dragon, right But yeah, I think teeth is probably the big one because it's kind of like What do you do like you know You got missing. Yeah stuff. Yeah, you know, are you ever meet like just Just actually happened to me recently. I met one of my friends Uh relatives and their teeth were just like black And there wasn't like wine black or coffee black. No like wine black and I was like

There is no wine afoot So what's happening here? Yeah, so yeah that it's kind of like, you know, it's is there was there a fire What was going on in there that this is happening? Cigarettes Yeah, probably a lifetime of that cigarettes come with like a look for your teeth and a sound Yeah, you know, you know like an older raspy like yeah, like a woman like you know like Yeah, I think missing teeth Is probably one or when a tooth kind of like jumps up Like over the top lip

Kind of like what the fuck who you hanging up on a bunch of llamas joey. What the fuck What the fuck if you saw that on a person, you know llamas don't have top teeth And you just like you should have bottom teeth. That's kind of wild. Yeah I fed one and it was like and it fucking sucked in your fingers. No, I mean I gave it an apple But I got a little got a little touch. Yeah, little nubs. Yeah, little nubs But then the guy was like, yeah, they got no top. They got no top teeth. Hmm. I was like, cool I was like, how do you know that buster? Yeah, how do you know that? So there's nothing that you could think of where you like get a little judgy

I mean I get I mean joey's trying to be nice here guys. No, I I'm being honest I mean, I think teeth is the big one because everything else. It's like how can you really like or if you have just like stupid tattoos Oh If you like and I'll take it a step further like that's a hard category a lot I know tattoos are tough because like body. I get it if you get like cliche tattoos. That's one thing Fucking roman numerals roman numerals on your forearm, right? I haven't and your other tattoos. You have none. That's it, right?

Um, so like the sailor. Yeah, who like the the sailor that gets the fucking the pinup girl Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, so dumb, but like there's certain tattoos that I'm just like, what are we? Like how can this even be slightly significant? You know what I mean? It's not that's the or like have any meaning. It's just like, I just like spongebob. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean listen, there are a lot of things I really like I don't know if I want to get them tattooed on me But even that like but like face tattoos I don't I'm not saying I'm judging the person in a bad way

But like I'm like this is this person just has like They don't give a fuck Yeah, but I don't I don't make a I mean it really depends what it is Like if I saw someone with like a Mike Tyson face tattoo, I'd be like, okay, this person's fucking insane Tribal tattoos on your face dude like Kind of wild bro the crazy absolutely So I'm like, you know, that's a little much but like I don't know There's face tattoos that some people have that I don't really think are crazy like when people get this tattooed or

I actually like this spot on the back of your ear. Like here we go Here we go, what do you get? I'll be in here next month. Yeah tattoos all over my shit Um, but yeah, are you fucking crying right now? I yawned Oh, I was a little tired daughter didn't sleep well last night and I didn't either She's teething which sucks. She's biting you. I mean, she's always bitey. She's a bitey. She's a bitey baby But her top two teeth are coming in so she is just fucking miserable. What do you call her again big lady big? I call her a bunch of stuff. So it's scoop scooby-doo Um, big you called her like big baby little little gaba one

Little what gaba one gaba gaba little gaba. She's a little gaba ghoul Oh, yeah, and then big time big time big timer big time girl big time girl. I've heard you say yeah She's my big timer. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like she's a big time. She's also sometimes a happy napper She's a big Yeah, she's a big timer like manny fresh big timer like manny fresh absolutely For it for it. It was it fresh you remember that golden age of fucking music we got boom boom clap That was that that was called and then clap and then what and then what young jeezy joey Come on. No, that was it. What was the big timer song? That was like really powerful real big

A real big everything real big rims real big what pockets real big? What then real big? Let me tell you how I live got that. Oh still fly How does that go? Um, this is definitely gonna play an advertisement of course, uh, still fly is um, I'm still fly You don't remember that no I mean, uh, uh, I'm getting confused with like there's an old Drake song off one of his like early mixtapes That's it. Oh, that was a long end. Oh, but here's remember fresh as our turn Oh We can't do this because we're gonna

The song is fire that song is fucking big titties. That's just Big timers big titties, you know what I'm saying house real big call real big Remember at the end of music videos when they'd play a teaser for the next music video I love that. Oh, this is just a straight up manny fresh song. Damn house real big Let me show you how I live got that honey for honey ladies gentlemen gangsters pimps Honey daddy's stunners shiners rich bitch. I'm a real big devil. Oh my god That's my that's my 2005 that's my daughter big timer big time girl. She's a big timer

She's a big timer had to play it how to get demonetized for the big time girl Hey, you don't care because you don't have to worry about payments and anything I I don't because I'm smart and I would take $500 for a mouth fart. Oh, well, that's right I would take 1500 because I know my value. That's how you I know I'm really gross So if someone wants me to far on them, they know it's gonna be really nice Well, we got a couple ads for today. So I'm gonna get to the first two right now Okay, all right. The first one being better help Better help you can start communicating just under 48 hours with one with a licensed therapist

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Uh paint paint whatever speaking of odor What are you doing over there working up some fucking? Stinky What i'm just wagging my ass. I don't know why I said that i'm not gonna like shit my pants or anything. Don't worry You can't have to be shit. You pissed your pants. That's the wall. I didn't pee my pants fringes goes I pissed my pants. I didn't piss my pants. I didn't piss my pants. I peed on my pants There's a difference There's a big difference. How's there a difference you there's piss do you want to finish the ads and then we'll get to this

No, we're doing too now. We're doing too late. Okay. I didn't pee my pants pissed I pissed on my pants peeing my pants means that everything's still inside and I can't get away You know get it open quick enough and I pee while fully enclosed I pissed on my pants as I was finished peeing I went to pull back in didn't wag long enough and pee got on my pants. So what did I do? I covered it in hand sanitizer I'm speaking of piss. You're gonna fucking pee your look at you You're at 5 p.m. You just drank an hour

I need to chill you do need to chill um because you know what's gonna happen Is you're gonna piss all that out and then for the rest of the day you're not gonna drink any water? Yeah Fucking big time Big big time piss problem rich bitch. You're a real big timer. It's starting to form. Yeah, yeah Um, but anyway, so you pissed yourself. I I didn't pee myself. I pissed on myself on the fdr There's whole well, we don't need to worry about well. Let's not get into the minutia where it happened On the fdr, which I'll say a lot of traffic a lot of traffic on the fdr

Someone has seen you piss in a jar. It's un week So I don't pee in a jar. Excuse you. It's un week. It is un week. I have a bottle that I didn't mean it's a whole week Yeah So all the princes all the fucking people from the united nations are here in new york They pick new york of all places. Yeah, like what's special about new york? It's like, hey, what city is super congested that we can make more congested. Oh my god And like what do they do at the united nations? What are they honestly? What do they do? They unite nations how

Chit chat, I think it's like I think it's I think the united nations are just kind of like therapy for countries Oh, so they're just like in there just like a mediation class with miss reese and fucking 11th grade Yeah, I think they come in there and they're just kind of like yo, um, like israel kind of like hurt my feelings And then and then they kind of like That's a very simplified way. I know I know but they got to keep the peace They got to be like, yo, like I want to meet you. I want to have a beer Talk about some they don't go out and have beers you think after where they're like, yo, I'll meet you at fucking mclunes or whatever No, I think that maybe they go back to their hotel and they have like a they have like buildings for the for the countries

Like I remember like there's like the math flags Bro a lot of flags those are like one building that's like the lithuanian embassy and it's like that's for them I've been to the canadian one. What? Yeah, when and why? I was interviewed by their fbi stop. I told you this I don't remember it. I've told the story in the podcast before but basically uh, give us an abridged Years ago. There was a girl. Oh, yeah, catfish catfishing using my pictures to extort other people That's cool and they just needed my statement But I was I was under the impression that I was going to be like fucking extradited. Yeah

No one did that with my picture. Yeah, no one has ever done that with my picture But it was kind of cool because when you get into the building, they're like, this is canadian ground And I was like, do I have to like wait? So a building in Manhattan is canadian grounds that like once you get to a certain point. So like if you walk through the lobby It's not like canada, but you I think This could be fucking wrong. This is how I remember it and it could be it could be files But I went there and then you I had to Put all my shit in like a basically like you're going to the airport

But there was like this door like there was these double doors That it looked like it was like airtight like I could have suffocated in there or something And then once I got on the other side, it's like technically we're in canada now so that they can like interview me So you just go in a room and I could be like, yo, this room is fucking Yeah, turkey and you're in turkey. Yeah, that's kind of cool. Yeah around laws. I was like, oh, I've been to canada Well, you have also been to canada, but um, yeah, I really I like I was on When I didn't piss on myself because I'm not over that Uh, well when I pissed on myself not peed myself. Yeah, I was in there and I was like, yo, what like what the fuck do these

Like people do and like who are the people? You know what I mean? And like why don't they like to have like the whole city shut down for them? I don't know because I don't get that either because like usually like all these diplomats They have to like have a police escort and it's like all the united nations in town So they're blocking off streets so these people could get to the meeting. It's like bro. We don't know you We don't know you. I don't know if I if you are like that dialed in that like, you know, like, oh my god that Oh my you see who that is. That's the fucking Ambassador from, you know, russia. Yeah, like you deserve guys. Take it easy. I get it

Like we got to be safe snipers and stuff, but yo one car I don't think there are snipers like that like readily available. Yeah, I don't either Which is also interesting because like you see all those movies where like, you know Political figures are getting like shot all the time or that ain't gonna happen. It's like bro Where are these random snipers like that are like shooting people from like a garage 10 blocks away like the fuck I mean, what was his name james world jones? No, that's the earth fader. Um, the guy, uh What's his name that killed kennedy Roy

Oswald Roy Oswald is it Roy? No, that's a That's a pitcher. That's a former pitcher. Lee Harvey Oswald. Lee Harvey Oswald. Roy Oswald. I looked at a very good pitcher by the way. I remember We very good with the astros quite quite the pitcher. I'm pretty sure it was Lee Harvey Oswald. There we go Yeah, that's the same. Yeah, and then you remember he got killed on tv by jack ruby There's a video of it. I I've seen it. Oh jack ruby. He's going like pop. Yeah, the fucking wild west 1963 man Let me tell you crazy. No rules They could do whatever they want pretty much

But so then I yeah, because I never knew what the the un like who they were what they did I've been to the un. Have did you come with me? I first of all, you don't invite me places with you second of all I definitely I was fucking super young and it was a fucking field trip. That's why I'm asking Still didn't get invited An invite would have been nice I can't invite you bro. Well, if you didn't get your permission subslined No, I haven't been to the un but I know people that have worked at it. I've been to the un

I don't know when I went maybe it was in sixth grade then because it was very like early on This is lamb's hot shot days. Yes, gotcha I'm gonna go over the lamb's hot shot. It's my old screen name. Um, but uh, yeah, so we went to the un and Uh, it's actually cool Because and this is probably not super cool because this technology has clearly been around for so long But it was like mind-blowing to me that they let us go into one of like the meeting halls or whatever the fuck They're really dark. Aren't they like really dimly lit in the back. They are yeah You don't talk about danger. That's where danger lurks in the shadows

And they have shadows in there. They have a lot of shadows right in the room the shadowy I I assume they're a shadowy organization Yeah, there's stuff going on in certain rooms in there that you don't really know what's going on But when you sit when people are talking You can put on this earpiece and change it to any language So that the russian people when people are speaking english, they're getting it in russian in their ear That's kind of cool. Why haven't we made that yet? It was made I was in like fifth grade

Okay, but like why can't I use it like if I'm walking on the street and I hear like two people Just like talking shit about me and well arabic. I can just be like Well, no, I don't like why do we have silent discos and we don't have that fucking technology yet Yeah, silent discos so fucking dumb. Um, no, I think it's uh Actually, it's pretty smart, but I think it's somewhat like an interpreter is like Oh, okay. So there's like I don't think it's like fuck. Don't don't I just called you dad Well, I'll be your daddy. I argue I argue with him a lot. So you Dad, I'm definitely your dad. No, but uh, yeah, so

It was it was fucking crazy that day, but I've been to united nations I didn't see anything but I I did think like yo, I'm gonna open up a door What I'm not supposed to and you look at fucking clapped. I had to we they were like really I think that was the first time in my life This is how young I was that I walked through a metal detector and that someone padded me down and gave me the wand Oh Yeah, so I was like damn this place is like fucking Well, what the fuck were you gonna do?

I don't know Crazy people they attach like bombs to children or something. I guess. Yeah, that's kind of fucked up Yeah, I don't I don't know bro. No. Yeah, I Up until literally today. I was like do they just go there and they're just like chilling How's napal good and cool next my enmar you guys good like and then is it like fucking like new business? They'll be like, all right. Like I vote to talk about new fucking business. Let's bring up like getting everyone They probably control the weather. They're probably like, yo more. Oh, that's exactly what it does They're like, yo more rain

In the northern hemisphere. I love how they used to be like, yo like it's gonna storm Only if you talk about what israel's they want to write it, you know what I mean like and it's like all right like Fucking chill out. Yeah Yeah, I don't know it would be interesting to kind of see I wonder if they like have like pizza parties You know because if they're here for the whole week, it's like, all right. We're here for the whole week Friday casual pizza party pizza never tastes it as good as when it was Like a party in like first grade and you had like a Dixie cup of coca-cola And a pretzel rod that you pretend to smoke like a cigar

And then you pretend to be drunk off soda Why and you get a quarter slice of a slice of pizza Yo low-key I think pizza tastes better when it's kind of to sixteenths Who the fuck are you you don't like that? No, I want a fat dude if I could I'd eat a whole pie right now I'm hungry I feel like there's a better chance of me eating a pie when it's cut into sixteenths Bro, do you know that when I was in college we would get pies that were cut into squares

That's the dumbest fucking thing I know but like there's like Sicilian pies But like yo it was like a pie that I swear to god was as big as this table And they would cut it it would made into a square or one square and they would fucking Like a fucking grid And then like someone would be stuck with like a middle piece with no crust on it I like a middle piece I do too, but you need a little crust I mean and like what it's like hot so like all the fucking shit just goes to the middle

So that middle piece is just like oil and just mush and mushy mash That is a disgusting sound really That sounds like my dog drinking water I can do that close your eyes Good boy Ew disgusting Um, yeah, no, I haven't been to a pizza party in years either. I'd love to I'd love to Dude, my memory is the kid used to always throw up at those things I only David bro. David was David fucking love to throw up. He loved to throw

I remember he burped threw up something in third grade on his desk. It was brown Dude, I was literally just gonna bring this up. I did first in third. Yeah, I've missed pogerman's class Yeah, he was sitting in the back kid threw up. It was brown. It literally looked like McDonald's barbecue sauce. Yep Bro, I was thinking more like a like a bifuroni type of thing. Dude disgusting. It was brown like solid brown I brought him to the nurse that day And the nurse was any I was like, yes, kid threw up like whatever. I used to fake that was kind of like, oh my god Like, you know, bro, I used to go to the nurse all the time. I said, yeah

I used to fucking love it. Dude, nothing better than when you're faking sick and your mom's like, okay I'm gonna come get you. Oh that never happened. I have done it. I never happened with me. What bro? My mom worked opposite if I was legitimately sick. I had to go to school Because she wouldn't believe me and when I would fake sick, she'd be like just fucking stay home Once I found out what a like a mental health day. What I didn't even know what that meant. What is that a mental health day Is that something you can take in my in my family? We would do that. What? Yeah, but like you would get like one a year, bro That's awesome. My mom would be yo, I went to school with a fucking science infection. My mom was like figure it out

Yeah Because she just didn't care Yeah, that's not sure she cared one time I had a fever But I didn't tell my mom because I was like, you know, I got gym first period Well, yeah after I just wanted to play after gym, you tell her. Yeah, that makes sense I there were days where I'd be like, you know, I know I have a lot of homework to it. I didn't do any of it I'm sick. Yeah. I'm just not fucking going. Yeah. I I yo, there's nothing better than pulling the wool over your mother You know what I mean? What the fuck is that pulling the wool over their eyes? Isn't that an expression? I've never heard it

Someone pulled the wool over your eyes What does that mean? Pull the wool over your eyes. There you go Yeah, it's like you you bamboozled someone deceived someone by telling them untruths. That's a weird way of saying Untruthed? Yeah, untruthed. Just say lie. You also said bamboozled. So we're not really doing well with the verbiage today. What apples? No, I Never had a mental health day

My mom was so and my mom was so dialed in with all the teachers that like She would know because the teachers would like fuck me like, oh, yeah, let's call your mom right now one time I didn't feel well And I was I had my head down on my desk. This is in sixth grade and my teacher Comes over to me and she's like you can't pray in class. It's a public school She was a uh, uh, Chinese Spanish teacher, by the way, I failed that duh Um, by the way, didn't really speak English at all. I'm I'm dead serious. She didn't speak English This is a sixth grade Spanish class. She spoke Chinese. She spoke Chinese and Spanish barely spoke English

So not it was very hard to pass fire But anyway, so I'm having my head down because I don't feel good and she comes over. She goes you can't pray in class It's a and I was like and I was like at that point I was so fed up and I also fucking hated her That I just lifted my head and I was like What the fuck are you talking about? You didn't say fuck. I 100% said fuck Really, I would give her the fuck all the time honestly crispy joe Not good. I was a bad person

In her class because I fucking hated her. Yeah, but I was just like what the fuck are you talking about and she's like you can't pray so my my friends come over to my desk And they join hands and start Like doing the owl father. Yeah in like a very culty like our father. Who art in heaven? How would be that name like doing this whole thing? Was this high school or middle school? This is middle school. It's sixth grade. Of course. Yeah, seventh grade seventh grade hot shot and then and then

I'm about to go home. So I call my mom. My mom's like, all right. I'll come get you when I can and then uh I was like, yeah, my mom's gonna pick me up So I just had my head down on the desk and then I'm about to leave and she hands me a bible Your mom. No, no, no The teacher your mom likes god. Her name was miss. She that sucks. Yeah ahead of the pronoun game she it was actually sh i h but she Oh, she

Yes, I had caller she caught she uh hands me a bible and I'm like what and she's like Because she couldn't she couldn't really like speak english well, so she didn't really know how to tell me what it also I opened the the the bible. It's all in spanish. Oh, well, did you throw it out? It was like two months into school I was like, I haven't learned anything yet What is am I gonna do with this? Yeah, I don't know what I did with that, but I was just kind of like I think I might have left it there. That's tough. But yeah, I I remember my dad told me like if you're ever sleeping in class Like and they wake you up just raise your head and go amen And I I never I never did that

Amen because that would be fucking genius my my uh freshman year of high school Our Italian teacher mr. Lakata He if you fell asleep in his class he always had like a stick in his hand Right Bro, what he would shove it up your ass. No So he always had he always had a stick in his hand to say what my teacher if you fall asleep in his class He would he would just be talking like he wouldn't go quiet Like he'd keep talking and then let everyone kind of know like i'm about to fuck with this guy

Yeah, and then walk over to your desk and then Slam it on the desk And just like yell And like everyone would yell that's fucking so people would be like that's awesome I knew a might or we had a teacher that would just like grab a textbook and just drop it next to you Yeah, did you ever do this for someone was like this asleep and you fucking move their hand? I've never done that. I've never done it either, but I want to do it's so bad I used to fall asleep in class all the time. There was one class dude in college

We had a professor. I fucking hate history I hate history so much and I had to take for like core curriculum. I had to take a fucking history class And he was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah Uh Frickin I think ben karp was his name awful name for a professor. You're gonna get bullied and Uh, he was like, yo, I don't care what you do in class You can show up and fall asleep. I do not care. Just show up So I was like, great. I remember that like I had like early classes that day

So I'd fucking literally I would go and I would fall asleep And he woke me up one day And I was like, why would you do that? And he was like, uh, and I was like, you're a clown And I got fucking barked at you called him a clown. I call the college professor a clown I remember either the you're a clown bk. He was like, hey, don't call me sunday Dude, if I'm ben karp, I'm slapping you slapping the shit out of me. I'll fuck my job I mean, don't fucking wake if you say I can come and sleep. Don't wake me up when I'm sleeping Why would you do that? And then wait, what'd you say? I was like, you're a clown bk

Yo, that is crazy. Hey, man, if you're allowing me to sleep, let me sleep And that's what you're gonna get if you know, that's worse than anything I was not the worst, but like the only thing I could compare to that I had a teacher my freshman year of high school Who did like half the year was bio half the year was camp failed all them Passed just by a little bit. He did me a favor by not sending me to summer school, honestly But he fucking hated me for whatever reason the next year my sophomore year I get him again for a class and I walk in I'm like, oh god

So like it's a week into school. What was the name? Put it out there. Mr. Hamilton. Fuck you. No, he's my guy now Oh, no, he's cool. Well, he's not really my guy. I'll fuck you again. But whatever he's I We became friends after that once I didn't have his class We were like, all right, dude, like I don't know why you hate me like whatever Like there was literally one time I had a project and there was a minus 10 on it And I was just like, yo, why did I get a minus 10 like on this and he was just like, I don't fuck you That's why basically that's kind of that's kind of frat. It was dope So good for him

But there was one time that we get into class and he has like a worksheet out It was like the first week of school. So I'm like, yo, I'm gonna start this off from the night nice foot here I don't want to fucking bring whatever last year into this year because he used to hate me last year So I was doing the worksheet and then all of a sudden he like asks a question to the class But I'm doing the worksheet that he gave us, right? So he does the classic like some kids not paying attention. So joey What why don't you tell us the answer and I go And I said, I'm sorry. I was I was doing the worksheet. I wasn't really paying attention And he's like get out of my class

And I was like hit you hard with it for real and he's like, yeah, get out of my class I was like I was Doing the worksheet. I wasn't like, you know, not doing something that got involved in the class Like I was doing the worksheet worksheet job and then he's like get out of my class and I was like Jesus so I was like, okay, so I grabbed my shit and I'm walking out and he fucking Slams the door bro hard

I wish and now so now I'm in the hallway and I was like what the fuck so then I opened the door and I was like Relax Told them to relax It's foul. It was a long year. That's though. That's though. No summer school. Good for you. Fuck you, Hamilton Uh, that's that's that's fucking we became we became cool because I remember my senior year I wanted him to sign my yearbook and I came to his class and then I was like I was like, yo, you gotta sign my yearbook, bro. And he's like, I'm in the middle of the class. I can't do it right now Okay, okay, okay

I was like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. He was a cool guy though. Yeah, that I mean it doesn't sound that cool It sounds fucking miserable. Yeah, I don't know. I think that he just kind of missed the days when teachers can just fucking Unload on yeah, like hate some people You know, like listen, I get it like there were fucking teachers like hit people the fucked up I get it. Yeah, like all my parents teachers hit them Yeah, mine too. My mom like came back and she was like, yeah, like the ruler was the thing, you know, that was that was the big thing but like Yo, you weren't humbled as a five-year-old unless your teacher just fucking let you have it, dude

Yeah, and I remember I had multiple teachers that would just fucking Scream at me. I would have a teacher sometimes teachers would just be like straight up to be like, are you fucking dumb? Yeah, I like fucking but they'd be like, are you dumb? Are you kidding me? Like are you fucking they're so dumb Founder that they're dealing with this dumb little bitch Yeah, that they have to like fucking like just give it to him straight pretty sure a teacher has called me an asshole before Oh, you know what? I you know what I did. You know, it's so crazy how different the world is, right? Teacher calls me an asshole in school and you're getting trouble I would to me. I'm like, this is a secret

I'm gonna bury because if I told my mom or dad that a teacher called me an asshole They would fucking kill me bro I Love the relationship that myles and becca have but every day because he started first grade he He started two weeks ago. I would say at least four times he's come from like we picked him up and he goes I got in trouble I'm sitting there hysterical because I would never let my family know I got don't tell them you got trouble I remember I got in trouble for starting a food fight in sixth grade or something along those lines that bro

I went home and I unplugged the house phones Dude, I would take the battery pack out of the house Because I knew that the deans were gonna call so guess what I got ahead of it Yeah, yo if I showed up smart if I show kids today all these kids that are watching and listening first of all tell your parents Not let you listen or watch Second of all, don't fucking tell them you got in trouble bro What's wrong with you? Yeah Like and like and it's also because like now they get in trouble for like, you know

Myles like got in trouble for drawing on the desk He probably was just like coloring on the desk if I was drawing on the desk Dicks Yeah balls. I'll probably get like it. Yeah You know Bitch like there was no like that's something to get in trouble for I'm gonna tell a good story right after these the last two ads here All right, can I can I try no? Okay? Yeah, go ahead. Okay. All right. Well, listen something that you will get in trouble for Is not being hydrated. Boom. All right, and you definitely want to be hydrated because

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We already finished the ads. They're actually good. They're great. Uh, so um, oh my god, like You gave me the keys to the kingdom and I didn't know what to do. You stole the keys. I know well I didn't steal them. All right, you gave them to me and you like here go fail so I can pick up the pieces Okay, that's why you're smart. Um, but yeah, the story I was gonna tell is that and I don't I may have told the story before I don't even know if you would remember the story, but I got in trouble from this guy I had a video class in Sixth an eighth grade in eighth grade. I had a video class that we had to make like videos or whatever and um It was like the first day of class

And this guy Which I won't say his name say it Hey worth, um, he Someone you shouldn't have said it. I think it sucks. Yeah So we're lined up to get into class somebody was not me No, for a fact. It was not me. I don't know who it was But someone like he was like saying like yeah, we're gonna line up them again to class We're gonna do a sign-seeding and someone called him gay worth

Classic children being kids classic children being kids Yeah, uh, so they call them mr. Gay worth and then he just like singled out like five of us in the back You know like all you guys Are not allowed in my class and then he was talking about like his last name and he was married to this woman or whatever Obviously, and he was just like you've You harassed me and my wife Like you've harassed my me you've harassed my wife. Yeah, and I and I didn't know what harass meant So I thought it was like sexual assault. So I got fucking pissed off because I was like

I don't even fucking know your wife. I literally said it's almost like I don't even fucking know your wife And I was like and fucking the first day of class So I'm like I was freaking out because I was so mad that he would make this game I was like, I didn't even do anything like I was like waiting to come in class like normally like I'm Looped in like with 10 people like we said it in unison. So I was freaking out and then uh my my other friend Sean he uh

I forgot what he oh we get into class We get into class and then he starts yelling at that kid too saying Sean you called me mr. Gay worth like something whatever Sean has a gay mom Right, so he's like I guess he has two Well, yeah Well, like his parents and then they split up and then gotcha. So he only cares about one of the moms. Okay So he

He's like he's like I would he's like I didn't fucking say anything about you being gay or gay worth whatever. He's like I didn't say that He's like, he's like, how do you know? I'm not gay. He's like, I mean, he's like I am gay Joey's my lover at this point. Like I'm out of it. You know like he ripped me back in fucking He's slurped you back in so then He's like, I'm gonna call your parents like whatever So he so they had we had this thing called a section sheet where if someone misbehaved Like the teacher would have to sign off every single class If your class was bad, they gave you this section sheet

So they would know at the end of the day who was misbehaving. So on the section sheet. This was the first period of the day Do you wrote this kid's name Sean whatever? And then my name and then in quotes wrote I'm gay. Joey's my lover So the rest of the day all these teachers are reading that like and I have no idea what they're fucking awesome Yeah, I was like, what the fuck is going on and then later he calls his house his mom's house and I called him And like three-wayed or whatever so we could listen to the message

And you can hear Sean in the background because he called him in the middle of class He's like your son was making gay remarks or saying whatever the fuck you hear Sean in the background like I'm not a little fucking kid Right. I was like, oh my god, bro. His parents thought it was like funny. That is funny But we were but I remember just being like dude. Why the fuck did you bring me into this? I wish like I Unfortunately, like if there were stupid things said in class, I never I've never called like a teacher gay or like that fucking aggressive Yeah, no, but like I if there was something being said in a class like that was like being like mean to the teacher Unfortunately, it probably was me that said it dude. I've seen a kid punch a teacher

I've never I've never done that this kid. It was actually I knew a kid that fucked a teacher That's cool. That's a fuck. They fuck in the like not in like when we were there Oh, like afterwards when he graduated. No, no when he was still a student. He had sex with his teacher That's fucking crazy. Which like I get it's bad, but like as a kid you're like Yeah, like you're fucking the man. Yeah, I asked my Italian teacher to prom in high school I uh, she said no. Yeah. Well, that makes sense. Yeah years later at your grandmother's wake Uh, I asked our second one of our second grade teachers to come and hang out Yes, you did. Yeah, you didn't want me to tell that story, did you? No, I didn't care. Okay

Oh, I said grandmother's awake and you got triggered. No She's dead. Joe. Let it go. Let it go No, but this kid george, um He was hiding in a Yo, I remember you telling stories about this kid george. Yo, he was crazy psychopath He he was hiding in the top shelf of this like thing cubby as well as uh, my friend chris He was in the bottom and like the teacher comes in and like He's a substitute teacher. This is why it was mayhem when there was a substance bro

If you were a substitute teacher, you were lower than dirt do especially in that school like it was no like Everyone just basically tell you to shut up. Yo, if you went into a like substitute teacher Means free period if you were a substitute teacher and you were like, yo, we're actually gonna learn like you might as well Yeah, dig for fucking black Gold which is oil Okay, that's where I was going. Um, but anyway, so they were in this thing and the guy comes to the back because everyone's like laughing or whatever he opens it up and he's like pissed off

and chris just gets out and then george's at the top And george is just kind of like the fuck. I don't care. So he's like i'm staying up here So the teacher grabs him And like pulls him out and he kind of like falls to the ground and just gets up and Socks the teacher dude. What and then runs out of the classroom. What and I was like What is happening bro? I would never it takes a lot. I've punched like Three people in the face in my whole life. I would never in a million years

And I don't know if I'd ever hit a fucking person of authority No, do you remember do you remember the the times I've punched people in the face? I remember one. Uh, yeah, well, there was franny Franny, I remember when you punched david too david got hit. That was the funniest one. Yeah, that was a good one david through a Uh, uh, bro a handball honestly back to david Was a good throw very good throw Get through a handball pretty decently far hit frankie right in the face Bro in the face in the eye hit frankie right in the eye a fucking like a blue handball

Directly in the eye and I was like yo this fucking hurts Yeah, so I was just like I have to like I can't be I have to do something I have to do something. Yeah, because he was hysterical He was like laughing and like scratching his ankles as he was standing up. He had long arms Yeah, he did have long arms and I I just had to hit him But I felt bad but I had to you know frankie like walked up to him And then you kind of that's it man. I'm fucking like jason vorhees. I'm an evil bitch This is like it like in in the park like in the basketball court

They kind of like walked up to each other and david's like Apologizing kind of and it's just kind of like yo my bad like whatever. I wasn't even like I didn't think I was gonna hit you And frankie's just like I could just see his eyes He's seeing red and he frankie like says something and then like doesn't do anything at first And then like punches david but he like kind of blocks it But he definitely hit david in like the head and then as he's walking away. He just goes Think about it And I'm sitting there on the side going

What is he talking about? Think about what? Yeah, he needed to think about what he did. He's like think about it think about it man And it was just like what if you're gonna walk away and you're gonna leave any you know like little tidbit of like knowledge Just like think about it. It's a pretty good one. Yeah, you know not a bad one to bestow upon them I remember david one time slapped a fuck out of somebody and then nothing happened Bro, I remember once another david story because we used to wrestle with david was like the king of wrestling Yeah, this kid had every toy every tape. Yeah, everything all the wrestle mania is like

Yo, you want it what you want to see a show michael's match bang like literally a tub of tapes. Yeah And We would go to his house and wrestle all the time and we would wrestle at the park Yeah, bro the park had a fucking Like rubber mats that were perfect for wrestling And I remember him and I wrestled and I went to kick him in the stomach to give him some move But he like moved too quick and I kicked him in the stomach and he went to the corner and started calling his mom And I just like took the phone and like hung it up and like put it down

I was like, you don't need to do that. You don't need to do it. Don't don't don't don't. Um, yeah, but you know what? Just good times. It's good times. Good times. How did we where did we go? I'm gonna say something right now Do it the pee is Gonna come out. Is it a fat like you have a fat wiener right now My wiener you have a sham. Wow. It might. Yeah, it's just it's just filled to the brim with piss right now I may have to sit down to pee right now. Like that's how crazy You know, be honest. I'd prefer to sit down to pee. Yeah, it's just fun I mean, it's not fun. I mean, whatever. I have to piss really bad. So frank, where can they find you? Oh, uh, well

You can comedy F alvarez 8085 on twitter the frank alvarez on twitch and instagram and then go check out the patreon patreon.com Slash the baseman yard sign up you get every weekly episode a week in advance sign up for that next tier You get exclusive episodes friday at 7 a.m. Start your week on monday's with an episode and your week on friday with an episode And they're a little spicy So check it out right now patreon.com slash the baseman yard and i'm a competitor in the movie trippy show down

Go go go check it out Uh, you guys can follow me at joce and I gotta go follow the show at the baseman yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all I almost fell. See you guys. Go pee go pee