The Basement Yard - #319 - Taking Photos At The Funeral

Episode Date: November 8, 2021

Frank & Joe discuss the viral photos of an Instagram model who posted some photos looking cute next to her dead dad's casket. Is this too much? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. How's everyone doing? Frank's over there looking like a old 90s movie bully 90s movie bully. Yeah, you look like a like a get out of my way Listen to me. You better have your fucking lunch money geek Yeah, and I just turned you upside down and just buy a car a single carton of milk. I never got the lunch money thing Yeah, we didn't was that like a big thing. I you know, that's a that's a pretty hefty crime to be stealing money Literally robbing full-on theft full-on robbing and like it was a joke people were going to school and they were just burgling them Yeah, they were getting burgled 100% getting burgled. Is that the right and like they were like they weren't eating and shit like that They had public lunch. We had like well, you know, I had school lunch throughout my entire

I had school lunch. All right. Yeah, I didn't know that I had I had regular lunch like When I was in like first grade my mom was like fuck that it was like Fucking the time of my life when I would get lunch from home because it was like my mom was just like just Lunchables. Yeah, my mom. Fuck. Yeah, dude. My mom would pack a lot. Yo, this kid would eat lunchables with his fingers It was disgusting. What's up dog big-time finger boy. This kid would be fingering his sauce. You just finger the whole thing What's that big finger guy? You're welcome. Yeah Then it wasn't it wasn't sauce and then you got to to uh high school And then it was but I was gonna say Jewish women. Oh, hold on. What?

Take it easy. What can't fucking Some secrets in there Joey. Oh, Jewish women, you know, I'm not talking all about the fucking The fish, you know, I'm saying there was Jewish women who were possibly, you know touched Consensual yes, please. Thank you. Yeah Fucking make me sell like a monster. No, I'm just saying when you were in high school, you fingered someone First of all fingered relax. All right. Everyone gets fingered in high school. You got fingered in high school I mean, I didn't get fingered in high school, but I have fingered in high school. You ever get a finger though

Me get fingered. Yeah. No, I'm like non medically. I've gotten a medical finger. I know you got fucking I've got slammed by a doctor dude. This doctor fucked me dude. What kind what race was he? She no, oh, no, what were they I I believe uh, he was White black indian packy, you know general region. Oh The first one I ever tell you they all are aren't they every time They're telling me the first time I got a finger in the butt for like a check It was uh, it was a doctor here and uh right next to the mall queen center mall That's where you don't want to go to the doctor. No. Yeah, and I was upset I went

Did you get the doctor smelling anti-anis? He had yeah, well, I wish yeah And he had such you know, like bedside like such poor bedside manner And he was like he didn't even live with his thumb. He looked he he didn't go thumb thumb Sexual he went he went middle and And not like wait. He went two fingers. No not at the same time like he went one and he was like waves And then he went back yo time out Wait, you went to the doctor you got fingered by an indian man Yeah, and he he did one of his fingers and he was like like read jobs

And he's like no no no and then he did a different finger. Yeah, which finger was the first one Uh, I think the pointer Okay, I wasn't back there looking and then what he he middle fingered you yeah in the ass Yeah, he fucked it. Yo middle finger right up the butt. That's your dad. No, it's not. You know it has to be He owns you he owns me now he middle fingered you put you on a spike and I remember I remember afterward He had such bad table-side manner because my sister like works in health care. Oh my god. I thought you were gonna say she was there No, no, no, no, no. Oh my god. My sister works in health care

And I remember telling her about it and she was like livid because she was like this fucking doctor There's a piece of shit. He like did it and afterward. He was like, uh, not good No, he did yeah, what like the smell I don't know what he was referencing probably the whole thing I was like, what do you mean? And he's like and then he came he like left and came back He was like so like ba ba ba And I was having stomach issues no butt problems at the time He probably did he go deep enough to touch your stomach? No, he didn't go deep

How far did he go of me when he middle fingered? I mean he could only realistically go to you know, like, bro, that seems like my butthole doesn't have that much give I I I realized that but I'm saying like, you know a whole middle finger. I'd be tight I'd be like listen doc. I was and then he put the middle finger in and I no longer was tight Yeah, yeah, you're open for business whole. Yeah, uh, but uh, I yeah, I remember wait, so he said not good It was just like And what did you say at this point you're picking up your pants you had your holes open

I mean, I was so like there was so much that happened It was a whirlwind of emotions and because I didn't go there with the intent to get in a finger in my butt Yeah, you know, oh, you didn't know you were getting fingered. I didn't think I was gonna get fingered Whoa, you didn't even have time to prep your butt But he was I because I and I had never gotten that done before So when he was like, all right drop your pants and lay to your left I thought he was just gonna like just like look at my asshole. I don't know for medical Did he ask you to oh like spread? No, he did it all himself, bro. You you were laying on your side. He still got in there

Yeah, man. He was fucking it's not his first rodeo Or that was like his 15th asshole of the day and he was like just fucking laid out Just just fucking laid out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did he go in forceful? I mean, I wasn't like inviting him But I I would have it was a medical thing I didn't know his but at the same time like he was just like I'm just gonna check this out and I was like You know like Did you does your butt naturally like kind of close? Yeah, it's like it's like

That's what it did. No air came out, but like I remember Just like you your body's instantly just like Wow, yeah, I'll be honest with you if I put my fingers in your mouth right now. You want them out, right? Yeah, I get them out of there get same thing with your butt. Wow. Yeah, probably worse. I would feel I feel like back there It's like a like a venous flytrap like it's like closing if you get close Yeah, and it's so dangerous back there because it's like, you know, it's like the wrong street in the Bronx You make one left turn. You're in a you know, new nicer area Wrong right turn. Yeah, you might fucking shit your pants. I honestly am worried about just like farting all over this guy

Don't I mean, I bled all over a doctor on his face and like It was not that big of a deal. Wait, wait, uh, okay I think I heard that you definitely did and you've heard the story before you bled on a doctor's face Accidentally, it's Frankie. I've never heard this. Yeah. Yeah. I have a I don't have a picture of his face But I ruined his tie Frankie What what are you talking about? So remember when I had to get the the the tube in me? Yeah So I went to the doctor to have him remove it And it was like it looked like a fucking mace like it was like a tube with like a fucking diamond on the end

Okay, and he was like, all right, like I'm just gonna it's a very sensitive area. So like it's talking about Near my butthole Like next to it. It was like the fucking, you know, the neighbor of the beast asshole adjacent. Yes, and uh He was like, all right, I'm just gonna check it out and then like I'm gonna like remove it I was like, how are you gonna remove it? Are you gonna numb the area? He's like, there's really no way you can numb the area because it's inside you So I'm I'm just gonna take it out. Put an ice cube on it doc. That's what I'm saying But he's like, yo, you're not gonna feel a thing and I was like, oh perfect

And he grabbed it and I freaked out so I pulled And it fucking pulled the whole thing out And there was blood that got all over him and his like tie and I just died laughing You laughed at this bloody man. Of course I fucking did. Yeah, you just fucking Pulled a trap door, you know, a fucking treasure chest out of my, you know, so this guy adjacent. He pulled a mini Like it was like a major step. It was a drain. Yeah Out of your ass. Yeah, and blood sprayed on it in my ass. It was like, you know next door, but you sprayed blood on it

What the fuck is going on Why do you act like I know that story? I've told you that story. Really? Yeah, because they took a picture of me with it That I remember you showing me the thing. Yes. Yes, but you left out the part about bleeding on a doctor's Yeah, I bled on him. I felt bad. I mean, we both had a nice laugh about it because like Frankie he laughed If I was the doctor, I yeah, I know I would have lost my license It's fine. I would have been like, did you just yeah, bleed on my face? Yeah, and it would have been a problem I assume you probably had to go do the whole AIDS thing Oh, he probably knows at that point. I would assume that he had my record

And he knew that I didn't have a did not contract HIV or AIDS. Yeah, or anything really there's stuff in blood there I mean, I wouldn't be happy just because it's blood Yeah, no, uh, but I almost would rather dig into your fucking little burlap sack back there Then you're then a bloody whole ill. Yeah, it wasn't fun. I assume for him. Definitely not for me Damn, dude, but he might have gotten off on it. But yeah, I've had Me and doctors and butts is like a fucking tail is all this time. Yeah, it's a means of love triangle, you know That is beautiful. I mean not beautiful. But like that is I can't wait till you have to get your first colonoscopy Yeah, I probably will just do it next year to be safe. Just do it this year. It'll be a trip. I'll drive you

A year's already over. Can I be fair? Dude, I'm gonna fucking Change. Yeah, you're gonna pee. Yeah, you're gonna pee at your butt. Well, this is and makes you like farty too, right? Not really It's just you're afraid of what it's making you because you don't know if it's kind of just like after it'll feel regular Like it'll be like, yeah, this just feels regular and then yo, I swear to god Like you'll you'll sit on the toilet and you'll be astonished at the fucking force that is leaving your body It's fucking tight like wild too. That's dope like You so you're afraid. You don't know what your body's gonna do afraid. Yeah, you don't know if it's gonna be schist

Farts, yeah, or whatever's in between, you know a little bit of a a little bit of column b. Yeah so Dude, I give you blood out of doctor. Oh, yeah, fucking big old blood out of the doctor I've never done anything like that. Really? I've never had any weird like interact. I did have a doctor who he was also Indian um, and that dude like man Cold hands and he was always touching on my dick and not always Well, hold on a sec on the days that he had to not like just like chilling just like hanging out touching your dick

Yeah, no, no, just no like funny like uh going for physical stories Not really man. Like just go he was all business. He was like a very short man and like, you know, he just said god god But uh, yeah, he was just like, you know, you say the fondling for the priests Why you're gonna make people think that I was fondled by a priest, which I wasn't You know, I'll say that just fucking put it out there. Maybe the world, which maybe you know, maybe I don't like you know If that guy at our at our uh, what's that called parish? I don't know what that is It makes me think of the secret garden. Yeah, I do remember that movie

I was so weird and that woman professor McGonagall. She reminds me of my grandma You you're two for two right there. Yeah um, but Yeah, if that guy was like touching children never touched me though. It's like, yeah, I was Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like I'm pretty touchable Was was was when you were a little boy. Yeah. Yeah, you were a cute kid We're flying too close to the sun Story of Icarus, baby

Uh When I went to uh burning the wings. Yeah, really quick before we get into our what we have this week I went into a physical when I was in high school a senior in high school I needed it before college and I had shaved uh mohawk into my pubes Really? I thought it was gonna be way worse like a dollar sign or something. No, I I I did an f once but it it came out Really bad, but the time when I went to the doctor it was a it was a landing strip like all the way from my belly button down And uh, did you do it to be funny or you thought it was sick? No, I thought it was a fucking

Gangster as shit It's fucking baller and uh, I remember the doctor like he was like He looked up at me because he was checking on my balls. He was like like and we laughed about it It's like, yeah, it's a landing strip. It's like, I I know what it is. He knew exactly what it was He'd seen one or two before imagine being that doctor like a primary care physician that you got to like You know, you've seen balls Bro becker was recently telling me she knew someone that was like a super religious person and like Was like the fault like the son of a son of like the pastor or preacher or whatever and now he's a gynecologist

I was like big big time change. Yeah, like you go from like none to all of it. You know what I'm saying? You go to from no post to like all of the post he got married and then he went to the gynecology school That's when he was like now I can just he's in love with it, you know Yeah, but you know gynecologists must you it must desensitize you a bit It has to absolutely because you're not because usually like for people like us that aren't gynecologists, right? Even though we are well-versed very um We our interactions with the vagina is like straight sexual. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like we're not like no medical experience on my end. Yeah, we're not like going to the movies and hanging out and stuff It's just like, you know when I see you it's on kind of thing, you know, but with them they have this like weird, uh You know interaction with the vaginas because like half of the time it's like, yo, it's dope like sub Let's have sex with it. And then the other half you're like, I'm gonna put this crank in it And I'm gonna crank it open. You know what I'm saying? Like OBGYN They put you in like a thing and then they like they put you up in like a spaceship seat Yeah, right. They like jack you up to like eight feet in the air Yeah, and then they put they go to the the mechanic and they they drive when they flip the cars with this and they put a

Jack in there and they open it up and then they kind of just look around They see see some stuff. They bring their work home with them. It's probably a little tough If they you know, if they're you know, heterosexual whether whatever male or female, but They probably like, you know, they need to learn how to like, you know, you don't shit where you eat You know what I'm saying, right? So like maybe like as they're getting ready for fucking good old coitus They're like, oh man. I'm about to fucking lick your labia majora Yeah, like they're using the scientific terms. Yeah, and they're like it takes you out of it a little bit Yeah, those guys probably don't use the word pussy at all. No, those should be like, oh man, you're fucking vagina

Labia majora, that's cool. Maybe that sounds like a like a constellation Well, I know labia is a part majora is a mask in legion iselda, but outside of that I thought that just meant like like a latin way of saying like major Probably like there's like one labia. That's like a big different a little different You know what I'm saying? Is there is there a mind a little labia minor? Yeah, there's gotta be Majora menorah Oh menorah. Oh, no, that's the jewish candles candles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that one candle or many candles? It's a collection of candles a collection of candles because they light one

I mean, I guess it could be one candle. Yeah, but they light one for the eight days of halloween The majority the majority I'm sorry The eight days of halloween That's fucking fire, too To me, how much I'm in trouble boy. I'm just

I'm getting it. You'll never be on tv The eight days of halloween recording a couple days before halloween This is oh fuck god almighty Oh shit Bro you said it so fucking serious to me. I waited I was trying to see it in your eyes if it was a bit or not But you're so serious and it just ruined me. Oh shit I didn't realize it until your reaction

The eight days of halloween got almighty. That's gonna be a good clip man. Oh the clicks the clicks Ha Fuck sorry, I meant Hanukkah. Yeah, you know Hanukkah halloween. No big difference. Yeah Oh man, where were we? Fuck if I hell if I know Jesus Mary and the star of David Oh god

This got me so bad dude. I'm telling you I was like looking in your eyes To know that if you were being serious or not or you were telling a joke because then I was gonna piggyback Biggy back. You're gonna piggyback. I was gonna piggyback off it, but you're like Fucked up. It was a mistake honest mistake. I corrected myself. Whoo, man Bring it back down bring it back Bring it back to the bottom of the map. Yeah um Okay, um anyway today we're gonna be talking about

This fucking kid is wearing an Orlando sweatshirt. He just went to Orlando guys if you didn't know he was like Oh, it's just a casual weekend. Gotta fly out Fucking loser Anyway, she I told you you were a bully. I guess I am Hey, where's your fucking where are your friends now loser? That's right. You don't have any and your mom's dead Jesus Christ Your mom's alive. Yeah your grandmother Cut put

As they would say finished. Yeah, she walked the plank as the pirates would say mine are too. So what a weird Punishment for pirates by the way, I mean they they knew what they were doing apparently people couldn't swim back then Dude, how dramatic That's kind of dope. Just throw them over the edge. You gotta make them walk out I gotta tell you there are some people in my life I've been mad at that I'd love to see them like I would watch them and get so much satisfaction I'd have watched them walk that fucking plank like go I

Guess that's worse like just like throwing someone overboard because like they have to walk and like they turn back and that's when you're there with this The sort of go. Yeah, and you poke them or like, you know that that gun that fires once per eight hours Mad smoke comes out of it. Cut push. Yeah That's exactly how the gun says um the pirate gun that looks like the the trombone, you know It's a good gun. I would make pirate. I'd make you walk the plank Hell no, bro Why not? I don't know I'm saying I would make you walk the plank. Why would you make me?

You know, you've probably done some things. No, I did. I could if you were the captain I would Organize a mutiny. Oh against me. Yeah, we're not Come on. You can't organize against that It's a good hat. That's a great hat, but Wait, it's way too flashy. I could convince the pirates. I like, yo, this guy's hoarding way more money I will say I will say that picture makes me look too nice if a pirate. I need to like I need the one this Yeah, meaner pirate mean to look in pirate some dirt on your face. I could definitely make that work I don't know if that's a pirate more than it is like a Spanish like

Sexy, I would say like a horse riding something like a like a Spanish playwright, you know No, no, no, that's a that's this guy. You know, he's doing battle Not with that hair. Yeah No with that hair. He ain't yeah, no You imagine having to get dressed up like that every day you'd be like, I'm the fiercest pirate and then you fucking throw on that Yeah, that was probably a funny conversation because you think of like back in the day Like all these guys that were like super like tough guys and they were like sword fighting this and that But there was like mad rules and also like crazy outfits

So it's like every day you wake up in the morning. You have to make sure your hair is nice and put on your look good Your petticoat or whatever the fuck that shit is they have mad layers, bro A lot of layers and a lot of rules with all sun their pirates Don't fucking just be a pirate. Yeah, don't listen to it. Like, uh, you we need to walk You know, those were cowboys, but like we need to walk 10 steps then turn around and shoot and it's like dude Just shoot him. I'm fucking blowing your brains out. Yeah, you know, you get a first step bang. Yeah There you go. It's because a lot of people were cheating. That's probably why now we just shoot people They were also so fucking honest back then too. Yeah, too. I would be like, oh, you're the one that robbed that bank down there

And uh, you know, and he's like, yeah, you're damn right, Andy Yes, I bro just say no, no, and they wouldn't know. Yeah, how would they tell you killed everyone there? Yeah Word travels. Yeah, you know, look at us We just fixed it. We the wild west. We need an honest wild west movie that would solve the whole problem Where it's like, that's the outlaw. That's the outlaw joe. Hey, you the outlaw joe. Nope. No credits. Yeah, that's it Hide and play in sight You figure it all out. Yeah, you guys are better at cheating at card games

Yeah, and then when they get caught cheating, they're like, yeah, you got me They're just Triple down if you're already that piece of that much of a piece of shit triple down double down I will say I think it's really cool how they used to fight back in the day where it's like You're at a bar and all of a sudden like people just start flipping tables and like They loved cards. I love to get into like an old-timey western bar fight Like there's just like glasses shattering against the wall. Glass shattering Chairs breaking so women screaming with big boobs

I feel like they all had big tits They had well, they had those things that like basically put them in their own fucking mouths. They couldn't breathe Yeah, well like the corsets. Yeah, but also it would make them like they would like hold them like this You ever like hold a boob like that like just like No and just make it like a like just a boob like a sack like a sack of uh dough just like a bulbous boob Yeah, yeah, you just kind of like hold it. I don't think that takes the appeal out of it No, but I'm saying like that's what I mean. I don't do that. I've done it. I don't like do it I've done it

How frequent and recent What I was saying was okay the things that they wear Are like loose on the top, but they're very strong in the middle bro those fucking those that's where the bullet proof is Where the vital organs are they're smart. Yeah, you know Yeah, um, anyway, so today we're gonna be talking about fathers Um, I'm one. Yeah, you're a dog dad. Are you one of those losers? That's like, I know what it's like to have a kid I have a puppy Having a dog is way harder than having an actual child. Get the fuck out of here

Okay, um But yeah, I wanted to talk about this girl who's like going viral on the internet because she took a picture next to her Fathers like casket the the internet is up in arms. Uh, they're like, you know Shocker so so many people were like This is like why society is like this and that and basically so like this girl's dad. I believe was her dad Um passed away. I think he was a veteran if I'm not mistaken. Yes a veteran um Yes veteran died. Um, and then she was like in front of the casket like

Taking pictures Like modeling like and there was like, you know a scrollable one. There was about five pictures a lot of pictures a couple pictures She posted them too. Yes, okay Posted them on instagram people freaked. They were like, yo, what the fuck? How do you feel about that? Why why are you freaking like let this girl wants to take pictures with her dead dad do it Pose awesome. I don't think that it's it's the problem of like taking a picture where you're dead dad Because take pictures of your dead dad do it. It's your dad. It's your he's your dad and it's your dead dad You know what I mean? Yeah, anyone can take pictures of him. It's you

But she was like posing and like trying to be cute which is like I guess, you know, I could see why that is an issue with that individual But like don't make this whole fucking societal like we as a society have lost our values and morals like chill the fuck out I don't see it. I don't see the problem with this. I y'all if you were dead right now I'm snapping a flick with you at the fucking way. Yeah, but how funny would that be? Yeah, but Yeah, but if you're not doing it for the sake of comedy and you're actually doing it because you're and but you're like you'll hold on to another one of That happens that happens a lot and it has happened and will happen a lot

I can almost guarantee that Bro, I hope my I want my fucking wake in my funeral to be a party So if my kids want to come and look cute and take pictures in front of my casket awesome Do you want them to take this picture because you took a picture like this that one might be a little problematic Because she's like trying to talk to me in that picture That's what these are. What's that the prayers? Wait, what the fuck are your hands you talk to like, you know your relatives and you know god You talk to god like this. I don't

But I know people that do you know like They're there was that They're from the bayou. It's me, you know, like that's how they talk right, you know But like you don't like just be like, oh god, I gotta talk to you like you need to like this is like the calling signal Okay, that's the that's the holy phone. This is the antenna. That's the holy phone exactly the holy phone I'm getting in touch with god or your dead relatives like You know grandma, I need to talk to you. Let me ask you a question. Go ahead. You think the church will ever Like lean into technology and make it so like okay because the idea less and less people are religious now

Like as the years go on less and less people become religious. Yeah, and I think also less and less people are showing up to church Uh, do you think they ever lean technology having they go? All right, you don't have to come to church But we have a text line Oh a thousand percent you could text the priest and be like, yo, I just fucking Have to be confession through fucking zoom. Yeah, or is that not happened yet? Probably probably the confession through zoom, but I'm talking about like texting like sms Texting your local priest and being like just got gb'd Tell god my bad and then he's like, yo say a hail mary. You'll be good gb gang banged. Oh

Yeah, I think that's a sin. I would almost guarantee I mean post marital. Maybe not pre marital definitely a sin but uh Yeah, I mean I I assume you know, I mean listen the church is always trying to figure out ways to get into people's homes You know, whether it be through their kids Or just you know hanging like knocking on doors. Can we come in? Yo, can we sit down have a have a piece of coffee want a piece of coffee? You know a slice of water and they just like figure it out They get their way in there and they plant their roots right, you know plant their seeds

Yeah, I would say that if this hasn't happened yet, I'd be shocked I'm serious like if there isn't like a priest where it's like, yo, you can hit me up and I'll fucking I'll throw you out a couple, you know, just like our fathers. Yeah active contritions or whatever. What is that? Uh, it was like the hardest prayer. I remember when I was making my confirmation I was like mad nervous because yo and I've said this on the show before but I always thought it was funny that you like Have you ever done confession? No, so it's great. I would imagine I've only done it. I think twice and it was when I was like making my confirmation. You have to do it

What did you say? What did you confess? I don't know, but I remember like trying to like Make it fucking worse. So I would sound cool Like I was trying to like be cool to this priest I wouldn't be like, damn, this kid's fucking hard. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So I'd be like, yo, I like beat up a kid Which I didn't uh, but I don't remember exactly what I said But I probably said stuff like, oh, you know, I was like not doing my school work and I uh, It was cursing You know, and was the priest like say three hill marys and two our fathers. Yes kiss me twice. Yeah

Show me your balls. No, I he but that's the thing. So when you go to confession I at least I mean, I'm not at the game to be honest with you the holy game Um, and when I went I said whatever I had to say and then he Gives you like a prescription like a holy prescription and he tells you like bro Three hill marys two our fathers and an active contrition Can you just do it there before you leave or does it need to be like you're supposed to like walk out of the thing and you know And like do like the sign of the cross and then go back to your seat and like, you know Get on your knees and then do the prayer and like the pew

And I hate that word That's stupid. I mean, whoa Frankie I thought it was just interesting that it was funny like to me. It was funny That you go to confession. You say whatever you and he's like, all right, two hell marys three our fathers and it's like Why do I have to say two hell marys? Yeah, like in your head. What is it like count? Like he's like, all right. He Kissed a boy and uh, well, he didn't touch his penis. So, uh, only two hell marys You know, they have like criteria for like when they dish out that third. It's like homosexuality. It's like, all right Yeah, 40 hell marys. I want you to not stop saying hail mary until you're 10, you know

Basically, uh, really? Yeah, but what's like the worst like fucking prescription they can get? I mean, I would say two active contritions. I don't remember an active contra it's a it's a prayer. It's a prayer Uh, that I don't Remember, but I'm gonna look it up But I remember because I know like the hail mary the alpha that these are like the classics You know, these ones these are easy But the active contrition was one that like we learned in ccd and I was like, fuck. I don't fucking know this one So if I get that I'm gonna get in there and it's like

Is it like oh my god? I am heartily sorry for having offended the And I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven And the pains of hell But most of all because they offend thee my god who art all good and deserving of all my love I firmly resolve with the help of thy grace to confess my sins to do penance And to amend my life. Amen. That's the active contrition That's pretty fucking intense. That's pretty deep like yo like I was like fucking eighth grade talking about like yo Imagine being like yo like I don't care about heaven or hell like I offended you god like I'm so sorry

Yeah, that's that's a bit heavy. That's a bit much. I I Why is that an active contrition? Like I would assume like they'd be like, all right I go out there like help an old lady across the street or something. Right, right, right, you know Have you ever done that you ever helped an old woman? I have I have uh I like the first time I was like roped into it. She just like grabbed me. She was like, all right, just go Oh, she just forced you in. She forced me into it and I was like, whatever. Okay You know, but then like every now and then like I'll see like someone like at a grocery store like struggling It takes them out of the cart and I'll give them a hand. Yeah, you know, just be a nice boy

Yeah, I helped a woman um Get her briefcase out of the overhead on the plane. So well, yeah, so I'm going ahead. You're definitely on your way Yeah, I gotta say though. I want to say something also about that trip. Go ahead. What were you gonna say? I was gonna ask about this woman this girl that took a picture with her dead dad. Yeah Can I can I ask a serious question? Yeah, she was hot. Yeah, not what I was gonna ask. Oh, okay You say she latina Or latinx. Yes. She's uh, jane revera. Okay. This is the thing that in our Society in our culture death is viewed as like a fucking super somber occasion

Well, in other but in other cultures they viewed as a celebration of life, right? So like maybe in her culture it was not viewed as like disrespect It was more like, yo, like this was my fucking guy right here my guy. Yeah, you know, and like, yo, I'm gonna take a Quick flick, you know madflicks madflicks edit them Yeah, and then post it like that's what it is. I remember bro. I remember when my uncle died It was like a big thing Everyone was so sad because it was kind of unexpected and it was fucking tragic But we had family members that were just like celebrating like

One of them came with like a bottle of like fucking whiskey to the place and they were like laughing and shit. That's tight I was I was like god, yeah, you know, like I had to learn that like not everywhere Is it considered to be like the saddest day? It's like other places are like, yo, this is fucking dope He's gonna go live a great fucking afterlife. Yeah, we're stuck in hell right now Right, you know, so they they celebrate that son of a bitch up. I get it. I get it. I mean listen at the end of the day Is it funny to make fun of kind of but at the end of the day, bro If your dad's gonna go down You better look sexy doing it. Damn right. You could look sexy

I'm letting you know and she looks great. The girl looks great I'm letting you know right now. You never see people poorly dressed at wakes or funerals They fucking get dressed to the nines. Yeah because they want to look good Well, you have to turn down the hotness because you can't go to a funeral and be like I'm gonna be the hottest You can't be doing like open top. You can't go boobs, you know, can't go boobs You can't go boobs. You can't go with guys. You can't go skinny jeans You need to have like appropriate boot cut. Yeah, you know

Uh, but when my when my no no fish net Yeah, no fish net tight dresses though. The closest net you'll get is the black veil over the face That's like, you know, I'm so sad. Yeah, but like I'm telling you man like I hope when I go people are like showing up like in the fucking like a hawaiian shirt Looking great and shit. Wow. I want to look good. You know, when my dad goes, I'm gonna look great too I might feel bad. Yeah, but I'll look good. Yeah I'm gonna show up looking great now And I'm right and I'm gonna take some pictures

And that'd be my my dad would be super cool with it. Be like, take take a fucking picture of me. Do I look good? People love when you do that accent people want me to call my dad all the time I try to I try to tell people like, yo, he sounds like that. He recently is funny. He recently I was talking to him yesterday. I don't like I talked to him yesterday and uh, he recently like reconnected with like a Childhood friend of his and he's like super fucking pumped. They were friends up until my grandmother died full circle. Look at this Back to the dead people back to dead and he never like called my dad's like, you know Say sorry or something for his mom dying. So my dad was like, fuck this piece of shit. It's fucking rat It's fucking rap bastard piece of shit

So then recently my dad was like, yeah, we connected with him. It's fucking super fun I was like, dad, you used to curse his name a lot. He's like, yeah, people change Yeah, he's a forgiving man. I guess so good for him. Yeah, my dad is very forgiving. I will say that Yeah, but he forgets a lot He still doesn't believe that he took another family to disney for my birthday, but that's a whole other story trauma, um Let's get to some ads Folks do it. Let's get some ads. Let's see who we got. Um, I'm if if your father

Takes another family to disney world on your birthday. You're gonna need help. You're gonna need some help not just good help What's a little bit more than that better help Better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist You can start communicating just under 48 hours. So if you want to start doing your own therapy You can reach out to better help and they will like I said match you up with a licensed therapist They have people who are specialized in certain areas whether it be, you know childhood trauma or depression or anxiety or things like that

Um, so yeah, and you they make it very seamless to jump from therapist to therapist to find the right fit for you and um You can also save some money here. All right, since we're sponsored by better help Basement yard listeners can get 10 off of their first month at betterhelp.com slash yard. That is better help.com slash yard Okay, join the over million People who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional Definitely go check out better help and enjoy um, and then

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That's gonna help you stay healthy in it and they all taste amazing They have lemon lime strawberry watermelon passion fruit guava, pina colada. I haven't had the pina colada yet Don't know why I have done that But we're gonna try it out actually immediately after this because I am a little dehydrated Um, also has the cellular transport technology. Everyone knows the ctt. All right It gets you hydrated quicker than water delivers water into the bloodstream quicker Um, so yeah, go check go check out liquid ivy. Go get yourself some They're really good to have I usually have them before I go drink and then after in the morning when I wake up

Uh, you know, you can get them nationwide at walmart or get 25 off when you go to liquid ivy.com Use the code basement at checkout that is 25 off anything you order when you get better hydration today using the promo code basement at liquid ivy dot com folks How was that that was really really good nailed it. Um, all right cool We have another dad thing. We have so many dad things but before that I feel like we should talk about this Wait, what was the other dad thing the other dad thing? Oh

Yes, yes, yes, yes You know, you know, it's crazy. I love that sound I love it. It reminds me of All right, take it easy. Oh that one that last one hurt. You're gonna give yourself a lot joe It reminds me of the the little crocs and um donkey kong donkey kong Yeah Those little fucks those little kremling. So I got it. They're called kremlins by the way. I don't want to get in trouble Why is that like an offensive word? I think I think it is for like the russians

Kremlins. Yeah. No, what did they call them like? I don't know something crouts. That's german. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's isn't that the one No, you don't remember and like the when like everyone was afraid of everyone being a communist or like what are you? You're part of the kremlin there. They're all drinking by the way. That's okay. Yeah, I don't know that Ah, well, um, but anyway, I got a dm Uh-oh from someone these are always good These are great So we're just gonna go through it because I read it and I was like, you know what?

We need to talk about this because it's something I haven't really heard of before. Oh, okay. Um, so it's from a girl Her name's hailey Just give it all out. Why don't know if she wanted me to say that but too late Because we don't do a whole lot of editing on this show. Uh, uh, uh, all right Let me just make sure we're all good. Okay. Uh, she goes. I know you guys at the basement yard. Love a good kink story Hey, uh, not wrong. We do we do not wrong Do I have a story for you? Just today I was texting with a guy I've been talking to for about a month. Uh, we have yet to meet schedule issues

Yeah, he's not real catfish. No, it's I don't know But that hasn't stopped us from texting almost every day true love story Um, he asks if I can send a picture of my butt in a pair of jeans Okay, it seems pretty normal. I love that. I guess I love a good button jeans button pair of jeans Classic american a but not in jeans also cool. Yeah, but not in jeans button jeans But painted like to look like they're wearing jeans that one is probably third of my list Problem, I would assume it's probably but no jeans but jeans but paint jeans a butt just next to a pair of jeans

Also, it's very nice. Um Very specific, but I send him a uh I send him a close-up picture and he's impressed but not quite what he was looking for Yikes, I think closer to the butt is what we want. I mean, well, how close did this person get? I mean, I really yeah, I mean, I would assume with a butt picture you need to go to You know to the side a little bit Well, you need to get under so you can show like the the butt crease the butt the under butt the Y'all the that crease will you put your finger in it?

You know put your finger in a butt crease on my own What I've put it in my I felt my own butt like that. I don't think I've done a lot of like other butt fingering Butt crease fingering during my lifetime Why'd you correct that? Damn dude, this kid's Okay, anyway, um very specific Not quite what he was looking for He wanted a specific angle and even sent me a picture of the exact pose he wanted now

We're flirting with what do do we have a picture of the pose that we don't But I would have loved one But I'm trying to imagine a man being like no like this and then you getting a picture of his ass Yeah, also probably not good to follow up saying hey send me the pictures because that might be a little creepy on your end But yeah, this no this message happened a while ago. Oh, okay So I don't remember exactly when it was it was like, you know, I've been holding on to this for some time um but yeah

So he sent a picture of the exact pose he wanted I obliged Uh because I had to figure out where this was going. I like that. It's like what okay, um I was not prepared to say the least He informs me that he has he's got this kink and listen, we're not kink shaming, but we are kink questioning You're definitely kink questioning kink questioning kink questioning kink question It's just like there's a lot of things out there that like hey, you want to do it go for it But I got a lot of questions to see where it came from Also, let's not pretend like these things aren't funny. Silly and I'm all for you. Yo get your fucking button 100% percent

If you get off to poo poo pee pee Awesome. Yeah, but acknowledge that poo poo pee pee is fucking hysterical. Yeah, and it's also. Yeah, it's poo poo It's really funny and pee pee. Yeah um He forms that he's got a kink a kink where he gets turned on by picturing himself now wearing all caps um a kink where he gets turned on by picturing himself As only a couple of hold on. I'm sorry I'm gonna reread that. Yes

A kink where he gets turned on by picturing himself as only a couple inches tall and I am carrying him around in my back pocket There's a lot more riding. Okay. Can we can we stop there or you want to keep going? We can stop. What do you want? How's that a kink? That's just a weird fantasy. He wants to be a little small boy So like what during sex he's like, oh, I'm gonna fucking just fold you up and just write in my back pocket No, no, he wants to be small. Yes. That's what I'm saying like oh like yo put me in your pocket Why what I mean? That doesn't sound very cool. Also Butt pockets on jeans a little tight. You might have a little bit of trouble breathing in there big old pal Yeah, but if there's any pocket you're gonna jump into it's gonna be the butt one fair enough go on

um unless you know clearly this isn't a hispanic girl from you know 2010 because they didn't have pockets on their jeans. They did not they Let me tell you those brazilian jeans, baby. Whoo Goddamn Just brought me way back. Yep. Um, okay So uh picture himself as only a couple inches tall and I'm carrying him around in my back pocket Or at least that his preferred method or at least that's his preferred method of being carried I asked if he was joking about the whole thing. Oh, no, he's dead serious

Now here's the second part Uh, he informs me that he's turned on by feeling small and being controlled Okay Submissive that that makes sense. That's a legit kink. Yeah. Well. Yeah, it's like I'm a small little bitch Yeah, like make me make me smaller make me a little bitch. Tell me what you want me to do because I can't Say no, yeah, like just put me in your pocket. Throw me around exactly. Yeah, you know that one makes sense He wants to be one of those little shit dogs that girls can't fucking hate those little pieces of shit Yeah, there's a little teak up your barely dogs

Basically if if I can kick it farther than I can kick a football It shouldn't be alive. No, I don't know about that. I could fucking kick a lot of dogs Oh, I know further than you think a football farther than a kick. Oh, oh, you know, I could kick a fucking football pretty far Yeah, um, the man is six six Wants to wants to be able to take me out to dinner, but also carried by me I don't know this girl. I know she needs six six I don't give a fuck who you are. Yeah, unless you're direct No one is going to get fucking carried at that height. Yeah six six is a big carry job

Yeah, that's a lot. Also if you're six six, I'm sorry to break it to you, bro But unless like mr. Beast makes a fucking video where he's like, we're gonna make the world's biggest pocket You ain't getting in no pocket. Damn right, you know, you're way too big and what carries he looking for Is he looking for baby carries? He's looking for side carries. He wants to get stuffed in there like a wallet Well, he wants so he wants to go in the pocket. Yeah I mean I at least put your hand in the pocket or something make it feel you gotta pretend a little bit If you want this person to bend to your fantasy, you need to bend to the reality of the fucking world too. Yeah um

whoa When I asked how he would play this out in the bedroom, he said he doesn't really But sitting on his face would be good because essentially he would pretend like he's being sat on by a giant Oh I've actually heard of this part the sitting on like like people Dudes who are into like face sitting. I mean, I've heard of face sitting Well, yeah, but like dudes who like pretend that it's like a giant is sitting on my face and I can't get up I mean, that's just like claustrophobic for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I

Yeah, that's a bit much. I remember when I was in college. There was someone I knew who Was very attracted to you To me Yes, and was always like tell him I'll sit on his face and I didn't know how to say this but like that That's not like a thing to like entice someone. Yeah, you know what I like especially someone one. You don't know and to like, you know, like that's that's that you're starting you're starting swinging for the fences Yeah, you're like asking for something, you know, exactly. Yeah, it's like, you know, I'll let him fuck me

It's like well That would make more sense because then I'd be getting something out of that I guess so you're right But it would be that the opposite would be me being like, oh that girl's mad hot tell her I'll let her blow me It's like what? Like how does that's what you're going with? That's exactly what it is. Yeah, it's so weird come on into our restaurant We'll make you pay double. Yeah, it's like what we're not So stupid. Um, but yeah, uh, I don't kink shame, but this is all too weird, right?

He keeps trying to go on with it saying things like I'm literal, okay This can be tough if you're like not into it. Of course. Yeah, you know, just get into it. Get in the get all right No, I'm not saying me. I'm gonna be like, I'm J. Lo Joey getting to wait Are you familiar with how she sounds? I know she has a bit of a twang. She doesn't a little bit Uh, he keeps trying. Remember when J. Lo used to say the n-word? Dude crazy times. No, I think bro. Yes on songs like legitimately Then she threw that out. I would have to hear these songs. She's from the Bronx Yeah, you're gonna do they can honestly they can do whatever the fuck they want up there

Yeah, they've been doing it and they will continue the boogie down, baby. Yeah Um, but he keeps trying to go on with it saying things like I'm literally the size of a piece of lint in your pocket That's weird. I mean, it's also like funny, you know, I mean, this is what I mean like if you're not into it and reading that You're probably like this is this is this is silly. Yeah I'm literally the size of a piece of lint in your pocket and I'm literally so small that my screams don't even make it to your ear That's the real part. That's also very small. That's That's the fucking real part. Yo, this guy must love honey. I shrunk the kids. Oh my god This kid that's probably where he fucking got his kink from he's probably jerked off to them. Oh, he's so hard

He's like, oh my god, Rick Moranis. Oh, man ant man. Oh, forget about it. Paul Rudd He's like, yo, I would love to go. What's that thing called like the Quantum realm when he sees him go in that he's just fucking lost. He's like, oh my god, this guy's very small very sexy He starts getting like fucking like, you know scientific with he's like, oh, it's I'm smaller than matter. It's like And then she asks should I go on talking to this guy If I'm not into this or move on any ideas would be great. Love you guys She wants our advice. She wants our advice. She's talking to a man that wants her to be giant She's talking to a giant man who wants to be tiny. She yeah, so he's a big boy six six not very small

I would say that you should continue talking to him. I also think it's an opportunity. Well, it really depends on, you know, you if you are more Submissive than you are dominant then maybe this probably wouldn't interest you at all But if you are dominant, this is your chance to be like, I'm a big giant woman and sit on a dude's face I mean, listen, you know, like it's all about what you feel comfortable with realistically and if and if you're okay Basically with someone being underneath you and saying like I can't you can't hear me, you know Yeah, and just like pantomiming screaming that you can't hear right go for it. I mean, what's the worst that can happen, you know

Someone could get killed. Well, yes, that is literally the very worst But like in this situation like this guy can you know, he might be able to he might be able to do it for you Yeah, might might be pretty good time six six. You got to figure there's some sort of correlation to a cock I mean, you would hope so. Yeah, you know, maybe he wants to be so small because everything else on him is so fucking big Like they're like I could imagine like if he just has a massive or maybe and he's just like yo Tell me I have a micro penis like it's just so useless cock some some Some people are into that like I know dick humiliation. Yeah, maybe he's like, you know, this is like a little bean Maybe like as a kid this guy was just like his parents were just like yo like

You big stupid fuck like I wish you were smaller with your giant penis Wait, his parents were saying that maybe when he was super young, you know, I don't think they You never know he might have topped out early It's true or he has a small penis and he's really tall and he wants to be like more like because if he was smaller Then it would look better. He wants to be more. Yeah, like if he was like my penis is Normal size, but everything else about me is really small. Yeah. Yeah, that would make sense What is the average penis size? I think it's like five inches Really? I think so. So let's just say hypothetically

It's like five inches and you take a six foot six man and you put a five inch penis on him Fucking micro that dick might as well be one inch. Yeah, you're useless. Yeah, but if you're like, you know, five Seven five seven five inches you're doing okay. It's just like you're probably doing better than okay if you're five seven Because you're what you're five nine five ten five ten. Yeah, okay, and your dick is It looks bigger than normal because of your height Oh Man, oh you set that one up joey. I'm sorry. Yes, I am dunked right into it. Jesus Um, but yeah, you know, I think um all in all I think you should keep talking to this guy

See what he's about You might be see how big you can get and this guy might just be a fucking whiz in the fucking You know, yeah in the sheets. He might be like super like i'm a small little bitch. Let me play inside your your pussy pocket Yeah, yeah, that's what he wants realistically. He's like, I want to play the drums in here I just want to get in there clitoris or whatever. He just wants to get in there and just move around. Yeah living it Like miss miss frizzy miss frizzle, you know i'm saying this guy get in the school bus get small get in that bloodstream That episode of fucking magic school bus got this dude so horny, bro Dude, what are you talking about? I was like every episode. Yeah, well

No, no, like when they went into the person where it was like we're going through your nose And like miss frizzle and the kids like went into boogers and shit Yeah, or like the episode of rug rats when he swallows that when chucky swallows the watermelon seed Yeah, holy shit, dude. This kid is fucking getting off. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I used to get so mad when I was younger I'm like, yo these fucking people are like Flying into people's bloodstream and I got to get a permission slip to go see a goat at the zoo Yeah, it was a little tough to watch like I haven't seen one permission slip on this whole fucking show They had a dope teacher that had red hair not not hot, you know, I'm saying not not hot but not not not hot

But not not hot. Yeah, it's not like But definitely like Let you know You know and she had an iguana Hell yeah, wasn't it? No, it was a chameleon. I think that's the same animal. No Uh, what's the one with the colors where it could change chameleon? Yeah, and then like, you know, but the kids in that class sucked There was that little red-headed piece of shit that I want to beat up. I don't even remember the kids, bro

I don't remember his name. I don't remember this hot fucking magic teacher. Did you see the remake of miss, uh, frizzle? Oh, she's smoky. I don't remember. I'm asking I know they remade it. Just look up magic school's remake She what are we looking rocket ship, holy fucking Dude boom boom to the moon, baby boom boom to the motherfucking Oh my god Oh my god Is this real or is this like it's gonna be something like fanfic of her getting doubled down

That's miss frizzle, bro, bro. This has to be like her daughter who's now a teacher or something. No, it just says miss frizzle Bro, that's crazy. Bro. If I had a teacher like that We did purposely get left back. We not like that. Not like that. What are you talking about? fourth grade Come on guys Yeah, no, just a smoke jab. Um, anyway All right, let's get to these next two ads and then we have one more thing to talk about We have hello fresh. Um, hello fresh, uh, basically, you know, they have pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your front door

Skip the trips of the grocery store. All right, you go on to their site. You pick out the meals that you want. They send pre-portioned, uh You know a package with pre-portioned ingredients in it And then they give you a little cookbook to teach you how to cook it and then you make it and it's a really cool meal And it's a good way to get into cooking and also stay healthy. They have a lot of uh, you know different kind of Like menus to choose from if you want to do like low calorie or you know, whatever the case may be Um, I also also like I said, they have seasonal recipes. So they have like pillsberry pumpkin cookie dough Uh, or they have, you know, turkey ragu niochi And they have like chicken rum and stuff like they have all all this stuff and it's all like good stuff too. Um

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Three free gifts. All right, so go check them out. Like I said pre portion shows up to your door Then you get to make it keep the little card. You know what I'm saying make a little cookbook with it You can make it again down the line. Now, you know how to make it. It's a great way to get into it All right, so go check it out. Hello fresh.com slash basement 14 and lastly here We have ckeek. All right, who recently did like this little uh What's that called when you to new colors or something? What's that called redesign redesign

Rebranding that's what I got. Uh, but ckeek is so beloved by butts everywhere They've made it the highest rated ticketing app. All right, so get your butts in the seats Is what I'm trying to say. All right, you want to go to a concert. You want to go to a play You want to go to some sporting event? You know what I'm saying use ckeek. That's what I'm using All I use is ckeek to get my tickets. Uh, I love it. They also make it, you know, very easy to You can see what the what the uh What you're what it will look like when you're sitting in the chair They rate every ticket from zero to tens, you know, you're getting a good deal green means good red means get out of there

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Um, dad dad episode baby big dad episode daddy episode the daddy app people wish that we had our dads on the dad episode Oh, yeah, should I call my dad? No right now. No not doing it. Yeah. No, that's that's something I'm gonna have to prepare Therefore Um, eventually I'm gonna have my dad Be on the show. Oh boy. Yeah, that's gonna. I'll try to get mine for the same episode But that'll be a fucking nuclear explosion. I don't know if I could handle both of them at the same time It would be a lot. Yeah a lot of heavy breathing for no reason at all My dad would be y'all we sweat in here. Can you imagine my dad?

He'd be a pool your dad could sweat in 10 degree weather. It's a fact. Um, but anyway, uh, this story came out Um, apparently, you know, we're american so we don't know too much about soccer Or football football. Um for a for a you fucking wank I would attack like The fucking bay hive before I attacked like football fans because they would fucking they'd like come to my house and kill me Yeah, yeah, yeah If I were to talk shit about fucking man, you like they would they would beat me up. Well, we're about to Oh, uh, so manchester united legend paul

shoals Shoals is getting roasted over a bizarre video where he's sucking on his daughter's toes Ah, well, he's not sucking her. What is he sucking her toes? He was I believe in the video was he was biting her toenail to like clip her toenail. Oh, I'm seeing the video Yeah First of all, bro, when I first heard the story, I'm like All right, the dude's biting his daughter's toenails No, no, don't don't bury the lead here. Why are you just going right over that? Like, all right, whatever

I'm just getting to it. You bitch But when I first heard it, I was like, all right, the dude's biting the daughter's toenails, whatever then I see that she's 20 years old A way too old for that. Uh, I'm gonna I'm I'll do you one further joey I don't give a fuck how old my daughter is

I'm not biting her fucking toenails to clip her toes a toddler like Bro, I mean, listen, I have a little baby. You can't bite those things. If I did it's come right off Well, yeah, and also like I joke around and say like give me your foot. Num, num, num, num, num, you know You've put the foot in your mouth. Well, not in my mouth the whole foot. No I'm kind of a fucking psychopath. You think I am the whole foot but like put a toe in your mouth But I don't put it in my mouth or I'm just like Yeah, I'm not saying you bite it. I'm just saying what I hear in my mouth. I think like, oh

Yeah, that's in your mouth close lip. I don't do that. Oh, I don't close lip on any Feet, okay. Yeah, I don't think that's crazy though. Oh to put put a baby's foot in your mouth I'm one that you're like you are related to yes, okay fine But like I don't I'm not clipping my daughter's toenails with my fucking teeth That just doesn't seem efficient. I know you don't clip your toenails often, but when you do Doesn't it smell like fucking garbage? No, bro What bro when I clip my toenails. I'm like, yo, what's that smell and my feet aren't gross because I wash my feet

But like my fucking toenail itself smells like just fucking straight up like garbage What the fuck you never have that I can't be the only one out there ladies gents Wait, not alone here. Your toes smell like shit. My toenail smells like shit, dude But like if your toes don't stink Then why is it that when you cut off the nail that suddenly it releases an odor because like underneath the nail is like, oh Yeah Who are you walking in garbage over there?

Yeah, commercial, you know what i'm talking about the fucking like the mucinex. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I live under your dough now Yeah, you know, that's what's under there. So that's why it stinks You know, you're not following me at all on this, are you? Well, I just don't relate. I just don't relate I guess so but but the video shows this guy uh He's he's he's got It's a it's pretty heavy the guy has her whole toe basically in his mouth And he's biting off something and she put it on her instagram story and then she captioned it true love

Whoa, also true love weird caption for your pops. He's Especially when he's fucking putting your toe in his mouth. Yeah, also She's 20 years old so I can say this I Broke it ship No, I didn't know that doesn't matter if it's your daughter. I would say that makes it even weirder You're not what are you gonna be like donald trump where he's like his daughter is fucking high She'd be like, uh, he's like, yeah, if I wasn't her dad, I'd fuck her

And they're like, yo, dude, whoa, take it easy, dude. He's in there D trumps easy What's his daughter's name again three two one Something something. I don't remember Ivanka. No, that says why no Melania's his wife. That's the fact I don't give a fuck how old my the older the worse. I'm not putting my daughter my 20 year old daughter's fucking weird ass foot in my mouth Yeah, that's heavy. That's probably been in a club Yeah, that's not a good place to be it's definitely run on grass and girl. I mean that I'm happy fine with but like What That I'm happy fine with yeah

Like but like in a fucking like open like girls are wearing open toe shoes in a club Yeah, getting stepped on getting stepped on their fucking dollar or like their whiskey sours How about that after the club being like, oh my feet are hurting you just walking the concrete And this guy's just shoving a whole fucking avenue in his mouth disgusting Yeah, when you have all of broadway going down your fucking throat, then you got a problem Where they're from the uk, so I don't know any cool streets Abbey road Is that even in

What's a famous one in London in London to fucking beat me in palace a Piccadilly circus Yeah, Piccadilly circus. Yeah Streets called the circus. It's like a It's like you don't remember that map from call of duty. Oh, yeah, Piccadilly. Yeah, that's a real place. Oh, it's called Piccadilly circus Is it just like a roundabout? It's a roundabout. It's like with lights. Yeah, that's exactly what it is But they call it a circus because they're fucking so cool But like you don't in here. Well, you don't last night. Maybe you have a circus. Well, you don't last night

Put give me your foot. Yeah Yeah, put your foot my mouth I mean, he's a he's a British people have to hate us dude. Probably. Yeah Yeah, he just shoved that thing in his mouth, dude. It's kind of heavy. All right Joey you end up having a daughter. Whoa, dude. She's got bombs. Look ahead 20 20 years old and she's like dad Like what did he like jokingly start doing this or did she ask? What's the problem there? Bing bomb

Good. What's like, how did this come about? Like is she like dad? Can you do me favor? Can't do it. Can you cut my toenail? Yeah Can you can you take it off for me or is he like, oh my little baby Give me your foot. Yeah, I need help you groom. I'ma I'ma take off your toe. No What in what fucking world like made this come about? Yeah, honestly, that's a really good question because I don't know how this behavior starts because the shit better not have started at 20 Well, no, I hope this is if this happened. It's been happening for a while Yeah, I think this is a father daughter bonding thing where it's like when he was oh you do this when I was a little girl

I'll do it again. He's just like, yeah Yeah, but like when when like kids are like small and you bite their toes. It's like it's not like a It's like a cute bite. It's like No, I know he was fucking I saw the video. Yeah, he was fucking biting that He like to the side like, you know, like when you're like biting a grenade for the torque Yeah, you know, he was fucking ready to pull the pin on this thing. Yeah, he was so this isn't you know a cute little Act of kindness or love. This is like uh, I'm on dowie. Yeah, I'm gonna get this motherfucker. I'm a fucking dowie Are you biting you biting my toe?

Fuck no, bro. 10,000 patrons patreon.com slash a base. No, bro. I'm not binding your fucking toning bro 10,000 patrons A little no 12,000 you bite mine. How's that? All right at 12,000, but you have to bite it at 10. No 11,000 I'm not going first. Damn. All right. Well, we were close. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah, this is this has got big fat problem written all over it It's fucking sun's beaming on me. Yeah, it's it's uh It's like I turned around I got in my eye, right Yeah, that's what that doctor said about your ass boy what he said Can you imagine going home after that doctor's play? How was your day? It's like well some kid pooped blood all over me

I didn't poop blood Whoa, I mean you shot blood out of your hole. No, it was not my asshole though. It was the fucking You know the neighbor down the street the asshole adjacent. Yeah. Yeah, you know Uh, but I would rather No, I wouldn't I would say I'd rather get blood on me than bite my daughter's fucking toenail But that's not true Dude, I would literally bite my daughter's toenails for the rest of time to not get blood on me Are you biting your daughter's toenails at the age of 20 if she's like dad?

No, you're punished first of all Get to your room. Yeah, like no. Yeah It's like make your fucking boyfriend do that or something at me. Oh, wow like you're gonna be cool with dating at 20 That's mad old. Oh, all right. Hey, man. You don't have a daughter. Let's see what happens My daughter's not dating until she's dead like a hundred years old Until she's dead. I think I would be cool with my daughter dating. Um In high school Yeah

That's the worst That's when kids are at their most dangerous. You were at your most sexually I was gonna say sexually dangerous. That sounds bad sexually dangerous. You were at your most, uh, Curious in high school. So you'd be like, oh, like let's skip math and just go fucking blow fingers in each other. Yeah, but Yeah, but you don't want to be like on top of kids at that age because if if if like they can be like They're like, oh, yeah, no, this is fine. Then like it's cool. But if you like try to suppress that from them I think that's when you turn into like, yo, my dad won't let me do this. That's it standing 69 in the gym Whoa, Jesus

Yeah, like we're getting gb. I gotta Gang bang. It's back gang bang. It's back. I gotta admit though If my kid got in trouble in high school for doing a standing 69 in the middle of the gym I'd be more proud. I'd be like, yo, I'm like, yo, I would yell and then when when your mom left I'd tap them up so hard, dude. I'm like, yo You're not strong. You gotta be to do that Oh my god, that would be fucking I'd be like, yo, good for you, man. Good for you So I could live it up. It's like my high school experience was a little different a lot of different. Yeah

Joey was not doing standing 69s in a gym. I've never done that. He was getting yelled at by father pritchard Yeah, brother Andrew, bro. Oh man, guys, son to me so many times. He's got you good Guy son me in fucking math class, bro. Yeah, he's like, yo, you're failing this class. I was like, all right, chill, bro I had an 84 the first fucking quarter. Now I have a 65. Yeah. So he called a shot Yeah, because I was like, can we go over this and he's like That, uh, quarter I did Because failing in my high school was 75 yikes. Yeah Failing in my I think failing in Brian was 55

You really had to really try to not do well. Yeah, my lowest grade I think was that that quarter and he just let me have it because I was a good student like my my my Average was like 84 and then it went to 65 and then it was like 87 and 90 So like I was fine, but I missed like two days of school because I was sick So I asked him if we can go over something and he was like, he's like, no, you didn't take notes I was like, bro sick and he was like, bro. We're not going over this like blah blah blah And then I didn't you hate that when like in high school They'd be like it would like senior or junior year and they'd be like in college if you missed a day

You had to make it up on your own so figure it out and it was like bro. Fuck you. This isn't college You get paid like shit. Yeah, give me my work. I literally was gonna be like, yo, I'm telling god Oh Y'all that you should have done that more often. I'm gonna get you fired, bro. And that has a different meaning when we're talking about jesus That could mean Hll double hockey sticks. Well, no, that would be hell That's where the worst hll double hockey sticks where the worst people go Some people go to he double hockey sticks the worst kind go to hell

Hell hell. Hello. Um, wow. I'm just eliminated right now. You look great. I gotta look honest I Look honest. I'm hungry man. I gotta admit. I'm hungry and tired. Where can they find you? Uh, well after the jewish community fucking kill me. Yeah, uh, probably Dead, uh, but before then f alvarez 8085 on twitter Uh, the frank alvarez on uh, instagram and twitch, which I haven't been able to stream But I'll be back to it soon and then uh, go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard Every single week if you sign up for the second tier you get exclusive episodes on the fridays

And so you get monday episodes friday episodes start your weekend your week with the baseman yard and you get weekly episodes Like this one right here a week in advance. So go check it out patreon.com slash the baseman yard Yes, and you guys can go follow the show at the baseman yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all See you guys next time