The Basement Yard - #322 - Getting Peed On At A Concert

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

Frank & Joe discuss the video that went viral where a concertgoer got on stage and had the lead female vocalist piss on his face. Rock N Roll! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement. What the fuck was that? All right, for those of you guys, well, you weren't here. I can't wait to see how fucking foolish you look right now. Get ahead. Joey made a joke and I said, you deserve it. Literally right before we put this on and he goes, you deserve it. And I was like, what is that?

That's not a real song. And you said, it's a gospel song. It's a gospel song. I was like, bullshit, gospel is not real music. Oh, what? Yes, it is. Only by Ruben Stuttered. He does gospel?

He loves God. Well, yeah, I mean, that doesn't mean he does gospel. No, he does. He's a gospel guy. So he was sorry for 2004, was to God? That was not, I think that was the only song not for God. Everything around it was for Jesus. Was for Jesus.

But like that song was like, yeah, this is for the normies. Yeah. And then you were like, yeah, it is a song. I was like, by who? JJ Hairston. JJ Hairston. This is not a real person. Bro, I'm telling you.

I'm letting you know. I'm going to, welcome back. I'm going to pull my phone out. Yeah. I'm going to look this up. I'll look it up for you. I have a playlist. You listen to the gospel?

What are we learning today? You deserve it. It's a really good song. Are you just a gospel guy now? Gospel Joe. Who's that? Whoa, hold on. That's JJ, baby.

JJ Hairston. Hairston's real. Weird that his name is Hairston. He doesn't have any hair. He's a bald man. On the top. Bro. So hard.

I'll tell you how it came across the song. Where the fuck did this come from? I'm so confused because you're the farthest person. I went to church in Atlanta. No. Wait. Oh, that's a joke. Okay.

No, I've never actually been to Atlanta. You've been to church. I have been to church, but white churches. There's no drums. They're not fun ones. Yeah, it's not fun. If they had better songs at white churches, I would think about going. Oh my God.

Well, that's the appeal. Everyone that has seen a black church in a movie, TV show, it's like... Way cooler, dude. My God. The only thing that sucks about the black churches is that none of them really look like they have air conditioning. So they're all fanning. They got fans. They got suits.

They got fans. So I'm like, yo, big old robes. The boy sweats. Yeah. I would never last. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do your impression of a pastor. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Bro, hold on. Did you ever see the video of like the short little fat kid who thinks he's like a pastor? No. And like, you know how pastors like pull out like the... And they're like white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweat and whatever.

And there's like no air conditioning. There like... You need to be better air conditioning. I don't think... I don't think... It's just like Southern churches are just a different world, dude. Well, also it's very hot out there. They have like stadiums, basically.

We're like fucking... Oh, those. Joel Osteen comes out. That crook. That guy's a crook. Oh my God. What about the one that was like... Corona.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I'll blow you away. Yeah. It's like... What was his name? Oh, I don't know any of their names. But back to what you were saying, down there, they're fucking...

They're crazy. They come out and they're just... They're sweat everywhere. Yeah. They're like taking... Like they're putting their hand on people and like taking demons from their chest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking wild.

I would be very interested in going to one of those. I would do it. Yeah. Why? Why? Because I know you like to travel. Why you haven't done a road trip around the U.S. yet and just done... Churches?

What are you talking about? Just go to a couple churches. Why you haven't done a church tour is beyond me. I'm not saying a church tour, but like if you're going to travel, like you need to mark these things off the bucket list. I got to imagine that one of those Southern Baptist churches going in there is on there. I mean, it wasn't, but like I respect it. When you play along or would you be like, yeah, this is stupid?

Is what stupid? Like where they like, you know, like take the demon out of your chest. Oh, I don't think. I think it's kind of like, you know, like you go to one of those shows where they hypnotize people. Like I'm not like, I'm not bought in enough to, to, to, to it to happen. Yeah. And hey, listen, I don't, I'm not saying it's fake or real or, you know, anything.

I have no fucking idea. Hypnotism? What? Hypnotism? Oh no, that I'm like pretty certain is, is dumb. Big old bag of bullshit. I think, I don't, I actually, I don't know. People get hypnotized.

It's like, oh, I stopped smoking cigarettes. I'm like, what the fuck? Bro, I heard about that too. And it's like, I think it's just like they're looking for a reason to stop. So they, something gives them the push and their brain is like, this helps. I wouldn't be surprised if that, I was referring to the demon extraction, by the way. Yeah. Demon attraction.

That one's a little harder for me to just believe, but like, I'm not saying it's fake, but what was I talking about? Uh, the Joel Austin stadium. Oh yeah. Hypnotism. Oh, the hypnotism. Yeah. So that, I think that there's maybe a scientific thing to that.

Like if you can actually get someone bought it enough to where you can hypnotize them, because I think that maybe that's real. I find it hard to believe that someone can just be like, all right, you're a chicken now. And like the guy snaps his finger and they're a chicken. Like I think that's a little. I think people say that like, hypnotism is not like fucking with the mind as much as it's just like getting people that are super, uh, like not submissive, but what's the word

I'm looking for? Like you can just talk them into anything, uh, you know, gullible, I guess, yeah, I guess gullible is the term to use. So it's not like you're not rewiring something as much as you're just being like convinced. You're gaslighting these poor fucking people. Yeah. Hypnotists, the best gaslighters, let me tell you. You gotta be submissive.

And I'm not, I'm a daddy dom. You are. You are a daddy dom. Like a hypnotist. Hypnotists get into like an attitude with their partner. I want the key. It's like, no, you were lying about that whole thing. And in three, two, one, you were lying.

Here we go. Yeah. And you're like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Dating a hypnotist must be rough. Oh boy. That's gotta be something. Dishes.

He's like, dishes have been done. Dishes have been done. On the count of three, you're going to wake up. Dishes are done. Yeah. And you believe you're a cow. It's like, where the fucking dish you're an idiot. Anyway, speaking of going to shows and whatnot, something very eventful happened over the

weekend. Oh, yeah. So there was a viral video that went, I was going to say there was a viral video that went viral recently. Boy, oh boy, you're getting up there in age close to 30. Talk about Redundun. Yeah. No, there was a video over the past weekend that I saw where a guy just gets on stage

and gets his whole fucking face pissed all over by a woman. Hold on. Yeah. She vagina pisses on. First of all, that's the first time I think I've ever seen a full vagina pee. Yeah, vagina. Let's, let's, let's discuss this for first part. Sure.

Vagina pee is way crazier than penis pee. It's definitely, definitely messier. Well, penis pee just like, it just like comes out the bottle. Well, it's like, you know, vagina pee needs to go through the seven stages of hell before it gets out there. No. Dude, the, if you, if you ever grabbed a hose, right? Yeah.

A man pee is just, you put on like, it's called like stream or something, but if you put it on full and it just kind of like falls out, vaginas pee hard and it, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like water spilling over a rock. It's not like, it's like, it's like this. Water, water from a hose, you put the hose on the pee, the boy pee pee, the water falls out. Yeah. You put your thumb on that son of a bitch.

Oh no. That's a hard piss. That's a hard piss. That's what I feel like vagina pee. No, no. It was very different than that. Oh. Oh, I didn't see the video.

Bro, there was just a mess of piss. So wait, what kind of show is this? Was this like one of those weird fucking like rich people shows you go to where people fuck each other with like spike dildos? No, different show. It was just a rock show where like, it was like a band playing and then apparently like I had heard this or whatever. The woman, the main, she's the lead vocalist, she was, she was talked about how she had

to go to the bathroom or whatever. And there was a guy in the front row who looked like, you know, he wanted to get pissed on and he was volunteering to get pissed on. So she was like, come on stage. How does one look like they want to get pissed on? I mean, are they wearing a shirt that says like pee pee here? It's no squirt here. No, that would honestly be less, more normal than the pee pee one, I guess.

But anyway, you know, the guy in the front row apparently was like, I'll do piss on me. So she brought him on stage and he laid down and she took off her pants and took the biggest and mediest piss ever, dude. Wait, so hold on, think about day drinking for eight hours and holding in that pee and then just letting it out all over a man's face in front of a crowd. This is, wow, what a collection of events. First of all, what it is is fucking rock hero. This isn't very metal if you ask me.

Why, like what, what would be, I'm trying to like picture this scenario that led them to the place where she's like, do you want me to pee on you? Yeah. Like why, why is that part of the show? Is it like their thing? So no, is this like Steve Aoki throws cakes and this band pisses on faces. Pisses on faces. That would be cool.

Because what happened was there was a woman there and her like 10 year old son or daughter was there too. Yeah. She didn't even call, she called 911. Can you imagine that call? It was like, excuse me. It was like, yeah, 911 emergency response. What was the name of the band?

I don't know. I've never heard of them before. Is it one of those freaks like co-heating Cambria or some shit? That's a good band. Guar. That one I'm not familiar with, but I've heard of them. You never watch an episode of Viva LaBam if you don't know who Guar is obviously. Oh well, apparently.

I don't know. I don't know. I know slipknot obviously. Because of the masks. Slipknot peed on people? They might have bled on people. Yeah, I think there was some blood involved. But no, so they put out a statement because they were like, oh, my daughter was there

and it was traumatizing, something like that. Bro, relax. Your kid could see pee. Bro, your kid's going to see someone get pissed on at some point. Everyone chill. First of all, if you're bringing them to a metal concert, you have to expect that they're going to see something ridiculous. So some people pay to get pissed on or to watch people pee.

This guy not only paid to be there, but then had the time of his life. Have you ever seen something, not with your naked eyes, but maybe on the internet, seen someone get pissed on? No, I can actually say I've in real life seen someone get pissed on. Perfect. See? And I've seen videos of people getting pissed on. It wasn't a cool pissed on.

What's a bad pissed on? It was a bad pissed on. I was quite inebriated. You pissed on someone? I never peed on someone. I was quite inebriated with one of our friends. We were at one of those wild nights that we used to inexplicably have at the bowling alley in Astoria.

Come on. Nothing says crazy like a spare. And there was someone there that got so drunk, they passed out in the stall. And another person there, I was in the bathroom, using the bathroom like a normal person. And they were like, yo, I was like, yo, I remember the person that was standing next to me using the saw. I'm keeping names out of this, obviously, for a good reason. I remember I was like, yo, because there's like pee in a stall you don't smell.

But like pee in the air, that's pee particles everywhere. You smell that pee. It's potent. And I'm like, yo, it smells like piss. But like not like, like of course it smells like piss in the bathroom, but like it smelled like free open range, like fresh, cage free piss. And I turn around and there was someone peeing on a person passed out in the stall, peeing on them.

Wait, we know the person? Yeah. Which person do we know? The pisser. We didn't know the past. I don't believe I knew the passed out person. But damn, you saw that. And I was like, yo, like, what are you, like, chill, like, stop, like, how do you tell,

you don't prepare to tell someone to stop peeing on someone. Yeah. I'm like, yo, chill out. And like, I'm done anyways. And that was it. At that point, what are you going to do? You can't take his piss back. You can't.

Literally, you only like, I think we like called the manager and be like, yo, we need to get this guy out of here because he was passed out in a bathroom stall. Covered in someone's piss. Now covered in pee. And you know what? He'll never know that it wasn't his piss. You can't identify your own piss. I mean, you can identify it when it's on your fucking neckline.

That's fair. When your fucking collar. Were they sitting on the toilet? They were like, if this is the toilet, they were like. Eyes closed. Passed out. Bro, that's crazy. You're, you're pissing on someone facing you.

Yeah. That's what a brave. Not one of our immediate friends. Definitely not. No, no, no, no, no. It was an older. It was someone that we, it's more of an associate than a friend. Right.

That's what I mean. But like, we're friendly with them. Ones that are like, like around our sister's ages, but no, no, no, no, our age group. Here, I'll slide. I don't have a guess. I'll just slide the name to you and you'll, this might, oh, perfect. It might, it might make you, it might make, it might bring things, you know, oh my God, more of a, I might just, it just aired out depending on who it is.

Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a pee pee boy. Yeah.

That dude. You know, because when I think about that, someone doing that, like peeing on a person who is like passed out and like facing you is crazy. And you better be able to like hold your own if they wake up. Yeah. And he probably could. He definitely would have been able, he would have been all right. If this person woke up, he would have been like in a world of trouble.

He would have been covered in piss and blood. He would have been like, oh, it's fighting time. Yeah. You know, it's clobbering time. But back to the person getting a concert, I mean, listen, if you're bringing your 10 year old kid to a rock concert, like you're going to see something, like you're lucky the only thing that you saw was piss. Well, the point that I was getting to is this woman called 911 and then the band put

out a statement and they made it very aware to everyone that like this wasn't planned. This is not something we do. You know, this is not something we do every show. It's not part of the show. And it will never happen again. I mean, you know now the sales for this band are going to go through the roof because people are going. I mean, the piss community is definitely tuning in.

People are going to see it was, oh, it was a female lead singer because you said it was vagina pee. Oh yeah. It was big. Are you kidding me? I'm telling you right now. I don't know. Like this bitch might have three bladders.

You know, really? Dude, it was mad. I pulled the video up as I make this next point, bro. But like I, you know how they say like no press is bad press. Like in this situation, like no, like piss is bad piss because when you're like publicly peeing on someone, you're tapping into a new fandom and a new market that you are just like you didn't even know. It's like the Marvel universe, how they'll always bring in different characters that

it's always someone's favorite characters, so they're just going to get people super pumped. It's like in this situation, it's a band that people are like, oh, maybe I don't like the band. Their music, maybe not for me. Oh, but they're peeing on people. I'm the biggest fan in the world now. Yeah.

If you're like, if you're into the piss, you're tapped in now. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Here, Frankie, look at this piss. We can't show it on the show obviously. Yeah. I'm pissing on a fucking man. Yeah.

Well, so he lays down. Okay. White pants. White pants too. Fucking quick. Duh. Yeah. Okay.

She's pulling them down behind her butt. Oh, dude. She goes full out. She's trying to do like a sexy pull down. There's no sexy pull down. Sexy way to piss on a face. Yeah. Whoa.

Watch how much piss, dude. Tell me. Look at the guy in the back just playing the trumpet. Like what the fuck is going on? Yeah, there's a man playing a trumpet. It takes her time. She's a little shy. Well, duh.

I'll be afraid to see. You ran off the... No, no. Wait, wait, wait. Dude. This is an insane amount of piss. There are showers I've been in that have that same fucking pressure. Bro, that's a crazy amount of piss.

It doesn't stop. Bro. This guy's just playing the trumpet behind her. There's a guy just playing the trumpet while this woman takes a fat piss on. She's got a fat butt too. I mean... And they just keep playing. Bro, that's fun.

And he was like... He was like... He was really into that. Wow. That's intense, dude. I've been in showers that have had worse water pressure than that fucking stream. That's kind of impressive. I'm not a pee guy, but I know there are people out there watching this that are like, you

know, I'm all in now. About the piss. Do you want to give the... What's the name of the band? Do you know? Um... Yeah, I do want to give the name of the man. I mean...

If it's like Streams Are We or something like that, I'm like... No, it's not about piss, dude. I'm telling you now. So this is not who we're about. This is unplanned. What did the lead singer have to say? Like, I'm sorry I got in the moment and peed on someone? They're called Brass Against.

Shitty name. Yeah. The woman's name is so... Yeah, and she's good looking. She's better. This is the face of a woman who's pissing. Let me see this. Is she just like really tan or...

What do you mean? Is she like a tan white woman or is that a woman of color? Bro, I don't fucking know. I can't tell. Sophia Uriesta. Sophia... What does that fucking matter? I'm just...

It was at a confusion. I don't know how it has anything to do. Oh, she put out a statement. Oh! I gotta read this. Oh my god. Hey everyone. Oh man.

I love that. I love just the casual, hey guys, just walking in like, hey everyone. I want to speak to my performance at Rockville METER, hey everyone, I want to speak to my performance at Rockville Metal Festival in Daytona. Oh, stop. Daytona, baby. Florida. Oh, how did we not?

Yeah. I always push the limits in music and on stage. That night, I pushed the limits too far. Listen, maybe your bladder was the one doing the push-in. She pushed her bladder to the point where it fucking probably ruptured. Dude, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, yo, she's gotta have more than one bladder.

That was good pee. It was, yo. I will say this. What a hydrated woman. It did not, yes. From our angle, the lighting hit it so it looked more clear than golden. Well, it was just a lot. So you don't, you're not dehydrated and taking a fat piss like that.

No, that's a fat old thing. That's a, you know, she might be cut and wait for a UFC fight with that piss. Oh man. Okay. Bro, oh my god. I have always pushed the limits in music and on stage. That night, I pushed the limits too far. I love my family, the band.

I love my family. Why? Where did the family come from? I don't know. Is she married? Fuck knows, dude. Her partner must have been like, first of all, if she's pissing on faces on stage, she's pissing on faces at home.

I don't know about that, man. You don't piss on a face on stage for the first time. All right. Go on. I don't know. I love my family, the band and the fans more than anything. And I know that some were hurt or offended by what I did. I apologize to them and want them to know that I didn't mean to hurt them.

I am not a shock artist. I always want to put the music first. I'm grateful for all of your continued love and support. Well. And then the first reply, you did nothing wrong. I've been to four Faith No More concerts, and Mike Patton pissed on people at two of them. I don't even know what these people are, but that's hilarious.

Faith No More sounds familiar for my rock band days. Nobody's pressuring Patton to apologize. Find a band that'll have your back. You're too cool for all this drama. Yeah. Find a band that'll be cool with you. Could you imagine that? I would be like, so, you're a great vocalist.

Do you pee on people? Yeah. Push the limits and like push some fucking piss out. I mean, now we need to look up the craziest band stories. I mean, that could be another episode in and of itself. Let me put that on my list of episode ideas, but I mean, are there going to be like, there's got to be, oh, I actually, that's funny that this brought up. I recently watched a documentary on Woodstock 99, which before Firefest, that was like the

one festival that people spoke about as being like the biggest shit show. Yeah. Which first of all, did you see the documentary? The other day, it's funny to bring that up because the other day, I met my mom's house and I can't even speak. I said my mom's mouth. I was at my mom's house and Keith goes, mom, you went to Woodstock, right? She was like, the fuck?

No, I didn't. It was so funny, but they, there was like a party like they were like part of like Woodstock was like they were hanging out and like partying and like what they thought was this mud pit, but it was sewage. So like they were like, you know, people were like thinking they were like throwing mud at each other and like putting mud on their bodies. It was fucking dump. Bro, I'll tell you this right now.

Even if I like lost my sense of taste, touch, smell, everything, I would know the difference between mud and poop. You hope so. I diagnose. Oh, but like, it's like that thing where like you smell like shit for so long, you forget, you smell like shit and you like, you get used to your own scent and it's like talking about poop. Bro, think about the times we used to spend at Elm Jack playing fucking ball and sip.

Like you get there and you're like, oh my God, it smells like the Bay 20 minutes. You don't smell it anymore. What I'm saying is you're there and you're like, oh my God, it smells like shit. 20 minutes go by. You got some beers in you. You got some ayahuasca or whatever the fuck they were doing at Woodstock. You're living the dream. You don't even know what shit.

No, bro. I know. I love it. In that documentary, if you haven't watched the tiny HBO Max, you guys watch it. It's good. If you don't have HBO Max, you're a plebe. But there's, they're like, yeah, well, what do you expect to happen? They're like, every like artist that was there or like the biggest artist that was there

just wanted to like tap into the white male rage of the generation. And it was fucking Limp Bizkit. And they were saying that. So like, break yourself. Like, break some shit. And it's like, wow, they were fucking right. Chocolate starfish. Chocolate starfish in the hotdog flavored water.

That was a great album. Rollin' My Way, Other Songs. Other ones. Break Stuff. Was it on that? I don't know. That might have been on their debut album, which was called Pussy Cookie. It wasn't.

But boy. Oh my God, you've had me going hard. I would have believed that for a second. Of course you would have. Yeah. Pussy Cookie, dude. Oh, that was the other song from them. I just thought about this the other day.

Go ahead. Can you just name a store, whatever you want? Like, could I open up a restaurant and just name it Deep Fuck? Not even spelled, like, with F-U-Q, like, Deep Fuck. Can I do that? No, probably not. Because there are ordinances against, like, profanity and stuff like that. Like the woman in Jersey that got in trouble for having a Fuck Joe Biden flag on the front

of her house. Wait, I don't have a house. Yeah. She got in trouble for having a flag at her house. In front of her house. The fuck? I thought that was allowed. It says Fuck.

Yeah. Joe Biden. I mean, forget it. By the way, the Let's Go Brandon thing, hilarious. I think that's the nerdiest thing in the world. That is the funniest shit, where they're like, oh, you don't like Fuck Joe Biden? How about Let's Go Brandon? And I'm like, yeah, that's funnier, actually.

I also, I don't know, I just think it's nerdy. But yeah, she got in trouble because it's like, the ordinance is like, you can't have offensive or profane, like, signage in front of your home. And she's fighting because, like, basically saying it violates a First Amendment right. But like, hey, man. I mean, I think you should be allowed to fly a Fuck. No, no, no, not like a F, Star, Star, K. No, I know.

I know. Yeah. But it says Fuck. I know. I didn't know. Like, I don't know. A fucking first grader walking by. Gary Vee would not like this.

Oh, Gary Vee. Gary Vee. Guy loves to curse. Oh, okay. He loves when people ask him, why do you curse so much? He's like, I fucking, I fucking talk this way. I fucking, I fucking, I'm like, all right, relax, chill out. You don't have to celebrate it.

But what was I saying? I think that like, I mean, yeah, I mean, first of all, let me just say this, let me be very clear here. If you have, like, flags. Any of them. I don't care. Guys, flags? What are we, pirates?

Bro, I. What are you doing, flags? I love my family so much, but I, you'll never see me flying. I love my fucking family flag. Dude, a flag. Nothing. A flag should be, like, above an arena and attached to a plane. I don't care.

And that's it. I'm starting. If it's not the American, like, even the, like the American flag, I understand. You know, like the. Parades. The LGBT. Flag. All you.

LGBTQ plus flag. Cool. You know. But flags. But like flags to, like, show your support for something. Flags. Dumb. Flags.

Real dumb. Flags. It just doesn't make sense. Attached to your car? Bro. Bro. Do you know how many people I know? Not that I know personally, but my brother lives in Long Island.

And he. Long Island is Florida of New York. Well, yep. Oh, yes. That was so good. But anyway, he was at, he's like, you know, he went to the beach and he was taking pictures. So many people just brought flags. Yeah.

And it's like, well, what are we doing with the flags? And some of them at this point have gotten lazy. Like, I guess I, you know, do you want to have your political beliefs, whatever? But in the terms of this conversation, it's entirely relevant. But like, one of them, like I saw one that was like shirtless Donald Trump on a velocity velociraptor, like on a fucking battleship to firing an AR. That sounds fucking sick, though. Super sick.

Super sick. Doesn't need to be on a flag though. Yeah. I don't know. The whole idea of flags is kind of like down by us, people love Saturdays are for the boys flags. You brought that to the beach. Like, what the fuck are you doing?

Were you trying to rally other date rapists? That's not about Barstil. My understanding, Barstil, great, great group of guys and girls. Hey, man, I know a lot of people. But like the target demographic, like those like Fratstar fucking college kids, yikes. Big yikes. Put the flags down, guys. Chill with the flags.

Jesus Christ. And this, and I'm not saying like, don't, what I'm not saying is like, don't support what you believe in or whatever. I'm just saying flags are just mad outdated. Like, can we update this? Bro. Can we do some core? There was like a flag and a floutist at the fucking American Revolutionary War.

What are you talking about? Floutist. What the fuck is that? Is that like a real term? Or did you just make that up? No, no, no. That's it. Floutist?

Floutist. Yeah. Look it up. What do you call a flute player? Also. Are you a flute player? Sorry, Joe. Do you want me to be your definition of cool?

While we're at it, get rid of flutes. Yeah, what the hell? We don't need them. We don't need them. I'll tell you this though, whoever that trumpet player was, give him a raise. He's stuck through. Fuck with trumpets. He understood the fucking, you know, assignment and played through.

The show must go on. And before I get to these ads, I just want to say one thing. Because on an episode recently, I talked about how like I'm really into baseball players for some reason. Dude, if the ugliest person you know picks up a saxophone, I'm into them. I'm so, so sick. They have to be able to play it. So sick.

Can't just pick it up. But if like I'm walking around, there's some guy and he's just like ugly. Look at Kenny G. Kenny G. Ugly fuck. Yeah. With the saxophone? Hard 10.

Oh my God. Hard 10. Sing to me on Christmas. Because that's the only like real instrument that where you can get the hips into it. Oh. You have to hump it. You have to hump the air when playing a saxophone. It's like there's no other way to play it.

The saxophone is an extension of your penis if you're a man. Yeah. If you're a woman, it's an extension of your lady penis. Yeah. You're clitoris. And when you're playing it, you need to, you need to make love to that thing. Yeah. And also a saxophone just like screams and it makes you go like.

Yeah. Even when you. I just got the, look at me. I just got the chills. Yo saxophone. When you like really hit it. It gets like. Oh my God.

Oh my. The horniest instrument dude. Oh God. I'm so into saxophone. SNL did that digital short years ago of John Hamm in Suspenders playing a saxophone. His name was Sergio and boy. Don't even get me started. I find out things about myself that day.

Yeah. I don't even want to watch that because I'm afraid of like what could happen. Like I'm on a good track right now. I can't just throw a loop like that 30 years in. Life is going well for you. Don't need a monkey wrench. I can't just, I can't just change my whole life now. All right.

Let's get to this. Please tell me it's so like. Did you see what I posted on my story by the way? Which one? Someone left a comment on one of my tiktoks. It was the one I was talking about. I was like, I'm really into baseball players or whatever. He goes, I feel like I've been, I've been watching Joe Sanagato come out of the closet

slowly since 24 for the last four years. And then replied to his own comment and wrote like a gay tortoise. I was dying. Yeah. Pretty accurate. All right. Cool. Here we go.

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Charlie. Oh, what are you doing over there? It's like biting his hair. Oh, he's got a bite. He's got a mark. No. Yeah, look. It's a blood.

It's a fucking dog, dude. I'm gonna kill him. This dog always has a fucking cut. Some sort of infection or some shit. I don't know. He's got like some weird skin thing. That's what you get. You're hot and easy to deal with.

So you got a dog that's a dumb fucking idiot. Don't even know how to respond to that. You don't have to. Oh my God. But yeah, anyway, so I also wanted to talk about something important. What happened? Oh, here we go. This is how he tells me.

He's the show's ending and I'm out of a job. No. No, but I want to, you know what it is. Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh, okay. And Jeff Bezos. I knew this was coming up, but I didn't know this was important. Oh, I know.

I'm just, I was just kidding. But there was a video of Jeff Bezos with his girlfriend. Is that his girlfriend? New lady, apparently. Yeah, I don't know. By the way, gotta be weird to date Jeff Bezos. Dude, what do you do? I can't figure that guy's face out.

He is, he is Dr. Evil. He's got like, does he have a lazy eye? Yeah. Why is his eye so like closed? Because he's fucking Blofeld. That's a James, that's a James Bond reference for you. No, it's, it is so I, the guy is a fucking put it like this. You ever seen a picture of him before 2010?

Yeah. When? I saw like when he first started Amazon, like in like his garage or something. What's with these job places in their garage, these companies? It's like Pixar, Apple, Microsoft, Amazon. In the garage. Buy a garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, whoa. They all, they all started in the garage. Okay. But yeah, I saw a picture of him. His hair was like thinning back then. You might be like the prime, you know, like a spokesperson for podcasts in the basement. Oh yeah. Started in the basement.

Boy. Yeah. We got the garage guys in the basement boy. You're the basement boy right now. There you go. That's me. But dating a base, dating base. I was going to be weird.

I want to look this woman up because she looked like, I was like, yeah, who the fucking hell is that? Can you imagine, like how do you start dating? Cause that, at that level of wealth, you know, even below that, but like especially that level of wealth, when you're dating someone, you have to be super worried that they're just dating you because of your fucking, bro, endless money. If you're Jeff Bezos, dude, you're not particularly good looking. Yeah.

Ugly fuck. Probably small pp. You know, one of your eyes is always kind of closed and, uh, you know, you have to assume that everyone's just like, be cool though to date the richest guy in the world. Yeah. Is he still the richest guy in the world? That's gotta be. It's either him or Musk.

No. Musk just sold a bunch of shit. Oh, maybe to help him. I don't know. Um, but yeah. So this is her. What's her name? Uh, Lauren Sanchez.

Lauren Sanchez. He's dating a Hispanic woman. Yeah. So she looks like, she looks like Jessica Biel and Eva Longoria had a love child. I was thinking Sophia Vergara kind of, let me see one more time. It's kind of weird because there's like a thing in front of her face. Yeah. I would say Sophia Vergara and Jessica Biel had a love child and Eva Longoria, like,

you know, like she put her little jeans in the pot. Oh my God, Eva Longoria is so good looking. She's a very good looking woman. She is. Uh, but there's a video anyway of Jeff Bezos walking up with, uh, Laura Sanchez and, uh, she gets weirdly close to Leo. Like she's, he's like talking to them and then she like slunks up against him. Kind of.

She's like, looking like looking at him like, ha ha ha ha ha. So tall. You're ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Like really. Now listen, I'm not going to be one of those guys that's like, you know, look at how she's treating him. She clearly wants him.

I had this, uh, analyzed by a forensic expert, uh, of the female gender, uh, my wife and she confirmed that it is apparent that Miss Sanchez is like a star struck by Leo DeCavrio. I mean, yeah. To put it lightly, we're talking the great Gatsby here, but yeah, but like, you know, what, it's, you know, he's a good looking guy, but like, yeah, there's better looking guy. Not the Hollywood hunk. Oh, but if, but he's a, he's a one to give me three Hollywood good looking guys.

I'm not saying like smokey hot. I'm saying like just a good looking guy that would be above Leo DeCavrio in like stat. Like what do you mean? It looks George Clooney. Oh yeah. That's a good looking guy. Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt.

Good looking guy. Chris Hennie. Hennie. I was going to say Idris Elba. Bro, Idris Elba, bro. He's a hot boy. Bro, I'm watching The Wire for the first time. Yeah, great show.

Bro, he looks the fucking same. Yeah, he does. Those 80 years ago. Yeah. That's my impression. He does. I mean, in that show, he's not British, but yeah, but like she is like, and like Bezos, I couldn't tell if he was like also into Leonardo DeCaprio, so like he wasn't upset

about it. Or if he was just kind of like, you know, I might be into this. And I don't know if Leonardo DeCaprio, he was, he was standing on like a, cause I'm like this guy's towering over them. Like where do they both five foot nothing? And he looks like he's lecturing them on like climate change. Yeah. I was like, don't, don't drive boats.

We will talk about the polar bears, something like that, you know? Don't drive boats. Don't drive boats. But I will say to JB's credit, he, cause, oh, he actually, that is insane. I didn't even know that. Quote to. Quote tweeted. Quote tweeted Barstool.

Jeff Bezos? Yeah. So Barstool put up the video. To be Barstool, man. Yeah. Barstool put up the video and wrote, Leo is Mr. Steelio Girl. And then he quote tweeted it with this picture of him, like with his arms on a sign that says danger, steep clip, fatal drop.

And then he wrote, Leo, come over here. I want to show you something. Oh no. I just did the Bezos laugh. You did. You just laughed at a billionaire. You filthy freak. Oh no.

That is funny. Hey. All right. You got a, you got a bit of a, you know, you got a bit of a sense of humor about it. Yeah. But then he was mad. He went back and he was like, are you ever going to be Barstool? I'm taking away the island.

Yeah. I was just fucking, I was going to be so weird. Like I couldn't tell from that video if he was into it though. Yeah. If you're a billionaire, I feel like you, like, you, you, you're, your sexual preference can't be anything that I could even think of. Bro, there is a level of, like, there is a level of satisfaction you get from money that like you need to do wild shit to make up for in every other facet of your life.

I mean, like, yo, like, what's sexier, this sex or fucking $80 billion in the bank? So like, you need to make that sex awesome. I mean, he's probably like, yo, I'm going to fly you to Africa, kill a lion, and then we're going to fuck on the blood of the lion. Like he's got to do wild shit like that. Damn. I'm saying though, I mean, this is Bezos, you would probably have to get a couple shots before you do something like that.

Well, like, kill the lion. That's not that hard. What? To kill a lion? Bro, fly over with a machine gun, bing, bang, boom. Oh, machine gun. Oh, that's against the law. But yeah, because Bezos probably really lives to the law.

Probably pay off a bunch of governments. You probably buy the law. I own law now. Excuse me. I'd like to buy the law. But like, oh, hello, law. You're mine now. Yeah.

I'm just saying like, he's probably got to do some weird shit in order to like keep his like billion dollar boner up. I guess so. I mean, I'm not like against that theory. Give me some other scenarios where you think things that he can do to keep the sex life interesting. But do you think I'm going to top killing a lion and fucking with the blood? I think you could come up with something.

I don't know, man. Nothing? No. I mean, listen, billionaires have hanging a hammock from underneath the Tower Bridge in London and just going to town on butts, each other's butts. I got more. You want me to just keep going? In a hammock under the London Bridge?

It's not called a London Bridge. Because that one fell down. Yeah. That one's gone. The Tower Bridge in London. Oh, OK. That's the one with this, like real British, or just like in the middle of a pile of like just like sand you collect from the Pyramids of Giza.

You could do this. This is Jeff Bezos. You could get sand. But like from the inside the pyramid, like a like a sarcophagus. Like yeah, like being like, yo, there's King Tut, there's King. I would love to have sex in a pyramid. You know what? If I'm a billionaire, that's what I do.

I mean, that's not, you can go to a pyramid, you can go to the fucking Luxor in Las Vegas. I'm not fucking like going, no, that doesn't count. I'm talking about you go to Giza. Well, you can't get in there one. How about getting in there first? Oh, if I'm a billionaire, I'm paying off who's ever watching the God damn thing. I'm saying go buy the pyramids and he's like, yo, this is sand from King Tut tomb. This is from Cleopatra's tomb.

This is from Nefertiti and then just like putting it together and like just making a sand bed and just fucking spitting on each other on it. Let me get, let me ask you a question. Go ahead. Let's say you're a billionaire and you're able to buy your way into getting inside of a pyramid and as they're like, yo, you got 30 minutes do whatever you want in there. And you go in there, right? And you open up the fucking thing where King Tut is or whoever the fuck's in there.

I think King Tut's in a museum now. Bro, fuck that. So he's in there. Yep. So, but you're able to be like whatever and he's just like dust kind of mommy dust. Would you do this and eat him? Oh, would you eat Tut? Yeah.

Right? That's like, what was the guy? Bro, if you put me in the presence of a fucking like a thousand year old Pharaoh, I'm eating it. I'm going to eat him. Bro, because, because I'm a part of history, history is in me. Yes. Now, yes.

I'll probably be sick of shit. No, you'll be alright. It's a little dusty. Keith Richard snorted his dad's remains. I am going. I'm meeting King Tut and I'm drizzle him in my fucking tea. I'll put him over some of my fucking chicken. I'll eat that shit just like it is.

Right? I don't care. I'm going to take a little bit of a handful. Uh-oh. Careful. 14. Oh, Jesus. Yeah.

Way to go. Oh, not anymore. She's like a thousand and 14. Oh, yeah. She's like 2015 at this point. Sure. I didn't know that. Yeah.

Wait. She was like a queen and she was 14 back then. The like Egyptians. They'd be like, yo, you're 11. Like you have land now. And they're like, yo, sweet. She was 14. Just like running shit.

But she was probably very convincing. Don't quote me on this. But I'm pretty sure she was like 14. I mean, look it up. They find like jars of honey from like ancient Egypt all the time. And it's like, yo, I'm, I'm sucking that bad boy down. Oh, 39. Yeah.

Dumb fuck. They didn't live to be 39. She's 39. Cleopatra. The ancient, the ancient Egypt age expectancy was like 21 at best. She was born 69 BC in Alexandria, Egypt, and she died there as well. Um, August 10th, 30 BC. She lived to be 39.

Yeah. But she was queen from when? Oh, no. I was talking about both. I was talking about the ashes. I thought you were trying to get me into what a 14-year-old ash. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That 14-year-old ash will get you. Yeah. Never mind. No. What were you going to say? No, I was going to. Oh, she died by suicide.

Nice. When the triumphant Roman arrived, she attempted to seduce him, but he resisted her charms. Damn. Son held it down. Uh, rather than. You ain't go tie me down. Rather than fall under Octavian's domination, Cleopatra died by suicide on August 12, 30 BC, possibly by means of an ASP, a poisonous Egyptian serpent, a symbol of divinity.

Yikes. Damn. That's fire, bro. Bro, being like, I'm going to kill myself by putting a snake in my room? How about the fucking, how about the attempt by her to be like, yo. Oh, you want to take my. Yeah. She's like, oh, you're going to, you're going to rule?

And he's like, she's like, what if I suck you off? Yeah, exactly. You want my pyramid? Yeah. Literally. Yeah. You know, just like do a shit like that. And then he's like, nah, bro.

I'm good. Okay. Yeah. No, then she picked up a snake. She picked up a snake. She picked up a snake and did that thing that every person that handles a snake does where they pinch the side of its mouth and they open and they. Yeah.

And she's like, all right, see ya. Yeah. Literally, that's what happened. History is amazing, huh? Bro, I'm, I'm, I'm telling you, don't put me near ancient artifacts because I'm going to use them all and touch them all. What about, uh, there was an ancient man named Mark Anthony. Yeah.

Oh, he betrayed Caesar. Yeah. I was going to say he was some Roman, uh, Roman guy. He's a Roman guy. Yeah. Roman politician. There's also like Brutus and like Lazarus and like Gartumius or some shit like that. Brutus is a cool name, dude.

That's a dope name. Nefertiti. Nefertiti is the Egyptian one. Yeah. She lost her eye. How did she lose her? She was missing a left eye. Uh, assumed that the quartz iris had fallen out when, oh, the, the statue is missing.

And I thought it was one eye. Oh, I thought, I thought we were going like, you know, Hammurabi's code eye for an eye. Oh, no, no, no. The missing eye led to speculation that Nefertiti may have suffered from it. Oh, no. Oh, no. So the statue, something fell out of the eye. So when they found it, they thought she was one eye.

Oh, they actually, it was actually just like a malfunction. It was just a fucking over time. Yeah. Yo, her full name is fucking out here, dude. Go ahead. Nefer, Nefer, Nefer, Neferut and Nefertiti. Crazy. That's hard.

Shorter names, dude. Now we got Mike. Yeah. Mike, Joe, Mike, Frank, Joe, Nefertiti. It's fucking crazy. It ain't like it used to be. It ain't, baby. All right.

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You're so good at those. I just, you know, one day I'll be there. Yeah. One, one day. We also, to end the show, we have to, sorry. To end the show, we have to, baby, talk about. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard where you could sign up to become a patron and you get weekly episodes a week in advance. And you get exclusive episodes every Friday morning so you could start and end your week with The Basement Yard.

Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Correct. But we have to talk about that woman that you were talking about who like retired from fucking. Oh. So I saw a headline. I tried to confirm it. Couldn't find anything to confirm it. If it was like real?

Yeah. Don't care. It's real to me. Oh yeah. It's real to me. Yeah. And it was this Nevada sex worker, which we're just, they're just out and about now. Oh, Las Vegas, bro?

They're just, I mean, listen, I know they're out in Las Vegas, but like, I mean, like, they're like out of the shadows, like the X-Men. Like they're like, yo, I'm not hiding anymore. I'm a sex worker. Yeah, dude. I was approached in Miami once by a woman with braces and I was like, this is not good for business. Don't read the room. Yeah. Listen, adult braces, I understand you need them.

Yeah. But you figure it out. Yeah. And also, you know, if I got braces, I would fully expect people to be like, hey, man, come on. Yeah. You know? So the line here, the title is US Nevada sex worker retires at 76 after 54 years of satisfying 500,000 clients, including four American presidents.

Whoa. Dude, first of all, four presidents. This woman deserves something for that. Coolest presidents that you'd want to like bing bong with? Obama. Duh. Probs. Obama, maybe like someone real early, like a Jefferson or something.

Yeah. Black as high real quick. Yeah, beat the shit out of him. You know what I mean? The whole slave thing. Yeah. Not cool, Jeff. No.

Tommy J. I don't know. Probably Taft too. Yeah. So just kind of like get the whole spectrum. Yeah. One more. Give me one more.

I don't know. Fucking. Got to go Lincoln. That was tall. Damn, dude. Lincoln would probably take me for a ride in my life. How do you forget? Also, Reagan was good looking, but he was, you know, right?

Yeah. But he like, I wouldn't be too cocky for me. I wouldn't be able to deal with the voice too. Like, they all got shit voices. Oh my God. Yeah. You know, remember Nixon? What about George Washington?

Do you remember Nixon, Joe? I don't remember Nixon. That was my Nixon. You know, I don't remember anything. Like, I actually, I have a very vague memory of the election with Al Gore and George W. Bush. I remember that. And like, but that's, and I was like, what?

I just remember because everyone was saying hanging chads like a hundred thousand times every day. I literally just wanted to watch Boy Meets World. I remember that. I've been like, yo, just put on Boy Meets World. Bro. You know, this woman, I mean, if you're thinking 54 years, she's been at it. You got to think, all right, what president she been going after, you know, Billy C's

in there. Because Billy C, it's like a. Oh yeah. He was like, he was doing the tour. Yeah. Blowjob Bill. You know, I want to see the Washington Monument. I want to see, you know, Statue of Liberty.

I want to meet this whole Nevada. Yeah. Like, you know, he did it. Also played the sax, just saying. Oh yeah. God damn it. It's also what on Twitter called him the first black president. I lost it.

Yeah. Well, you know, she was probably hanging out with like, you know, like Carter, like the weird, like the losers, you know, Linda B Johnson. All right. You think FDR. Wait, how far back? Yeah. FDR was like the 40s.

See, I don't really know what's happening. Wait, is that possible? No. What year is it? She's 76. Oh, she was born in 45. So she was born like, when she was a baby, like the first round of baby boomers, like everyone's like, oh, shit, fucking Hiroshima, let's have kids, you know, or that might have

been years later, but you got what I'm saying. Listen, this is not a history show. But I just did the math. Yeah. So first of all, she reportedly satisfied 500,000 clients. 500,000? 500,000. Half a million.

Bro. Dude, what does your vagina look like after that? I'm not saying. Joey, that is a modern myth. I know, I know. Modern myth. I know that, but I'm just saying 500,000, something's going to happen, something's going to change. Yeah, listen, 500,000, anything is going to change your life.

You know, like that guy that has had Big Macs every day of his life, you know, on heaven's door, hello, you know, death is going to be fucking hanging out with him soon. But like 500,000, so I did the math, 54, and I know there are some leap years in there. I don't care. 54 times 365. If she, for 54 years, fucked a person every single day, it's 19,710. Bro, so 500,000. Yeah, there's no way.

That means 10,000 people a year, which divided by 365 is like 25 people a day. Dude, where do you get the time? Where do you get the time? Where do you get it? There's no way. I'm more inclined to think this ain't real. Yeah, I would do 500,000. It's real.

That's impressive, dude. Was there a picture? That's incredible time management. There was a picture of her. Do you think? Not for me. Well, yeah, but do you think that maybe at some point she was foxy? No, I'm sure she was.

Oh, yeah, no, she was probably a rocket ship. She was probably a rocket ship. When? Shit, I don't know. Well, she's been doing this for 54 years. What was that? 60? 40 years ago.

67? What does that math come out to, by the way? What? What is that? How old are you? 22 when you started fucking? If she's 76, yeah, 22. Well, she started doing it for work.

She was fucking before that. I would assume so. I wouldn't know. Yo, you fuck four presidents, bro. That's fucking cool. I'm sorry, it is. You know how we were saying in a previous episode, I don't care about meeting the president. I also wouldn't care about booping him.

What? Why? That's not that cool. What? Why? Bro, you're telling me that whatever, some female, let's just say Hillary won. Relax, everyone. No!

Lock her up. Let's just say Hillary won. Yeah. I don't know. We're just like, you're a single guy at this point too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have children and shit. And I forgot, I didn't even hear about the Benghazi emails yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're better looking. Yeah, of course. Complete wild scenario. Yeah, great. Great. This would never happen. Ever.

You're skinny, happy. You're skinny, happy. This would never happen. Never, ever. No, but we're, but you're like out and the president, who is Hillary Clinton at the time, comes at you. Her face bothers me. But anyway, she walks in and she comes on to you and she's like, I'm going to throw

this presidential cat at you. You're not going to take down Hillary Clinton for the, for the, I banged the president? Listen, in a 22 year old Frankie doing it for the story, we might have a conversation there. A 22 year old me. I might even fuck Obama if he was coming on to me. I mean, listen, Obama, that's a smoky guy. He is. He's got a good, yeah, he's got a nice butt.

You know, great pussy. You know, you never know what he's saying. Great pussy. You got to imagine his dirty talk is out of control. Great pussy. We're going to take back that ass. Come in and conquer for America. That's so funny.

I guess, I guess so. You would. Not like anything lower than the president. I'm like Hillary Clinton is not unattractive. Well, no, no. I mean, maybe, maybe I don't, I would say never unattractive and not for me. Well, Benghazi Joe. Well, besides that, let's say that didn't happen either.

But even so, honestly, I probably just don't even ask me what happened. And Benghazi, I wouldn't know. Yeah, I don't. You know, is that even a place? I don't know. It sounds like a cool, like a spicy sauce. I was going to say it's like a fucking like urban like restaurant in like that urban space, like a restaurant in urban spaces when I'm talking about it.

You ever been to urban space? The fuck is urban space? You ever been to urban space? It's like the like, it's like Schmorgensborg in Brooklyn. Oh, it's just like a warehouse and there's a bunch of shit in there. Right. It's like, oh, try fucking handmade sushi donuts or weird shit. Sushi donuts.

Yeah. Yeah. Those things exist. But man, 54 years, 500,000 girls. That's just like physically impossible. Unless it was like your, like your, your gang banging like 25 a day. That's a one an hour. No one's built for that kind of shit.

You know, that's one an hour. You need to take a break, eat lunch. You gotta sleep. You know, I mean, maybe she could have knocked these all out like in like, you know, fucking like all at once. You know, just like, oh, like, let me get like, just like 10 at the same time, you know. That's cheating. No, it's not.

Yeah. I mean, I mean, you would have to have to Guinness World Records guys sitting there and like really counting on realistically Joe sex worker Joe. Yeah. It comes out and introduces himself to the world in five years. So how much for handy? Blowy. I'm sucking or handing.

Yeah. Handy. Wait, this really depends. Do I do I have like the same following because I would definitely leverage that. Trust me, we know you would. Look at your hat. No, you everything about you is the same just in five more years. I was like, yo, I'm quitting this.

I'm doing sex work. You'd be like, yo, like I got an only fans and like meet me in the Bowery, you know, handy, blowy, full night. Why blowy? I can't be a like a like a jiggaloo. Like I can't fuck women. Yeah. Like lady blowy.

Okay. Lady blowy. Lady blowy or oral of some sort. Lady blowy is fucking great. So handy, like just finger stuff, I guess. Or jerkies. If the money's there, you're taking it, Joey. Don't fuck around.

Well, it really would depend. Well, then there you go. Set your rate. I would say I probably leverage as much as I can. And then I do know that my price would come down because I probably wouldn't get what I wanted. Or at least enough money. You'd bargain.

You'd give them the plea deal. I'd aim high and then I come down. Like, yo, 800 a night and it's like, yo, chill out. I'm talking about, I probably do like, I want to be like a high end escort. Really? Yeah, like 20 G's. You got the eyes for it. Yeah.

You're good looking. You got the eyes in the jawline. I'll like, you know what I'm saying? Like I want to be one of those people that's like, you know, you just go out on dates with like old men, but like they're like with their boys and they all have escorts. So you guys are just like hanging out. You're not really even fucking. You're just kind of like chilling.

It's like talking. Yeah. Like I want to be around a bunch of like old rich ladies and me and a bunch of other dudes are just kind of sitting there like boys. Yeah. Like we were getting paid as like escorts to be there. Okay. You get like free lobster and shit.

Like I would do that. I mean, but, but you know what they say, the saying with lobster, if you buy the lobster tail, you got to put out Joey. I mean, I'm not, you know, I'm not holding in. What is that? Oh, well, yeah. That's right. So what's your going right?

A night with Joe Sanagato. I would aim high. I would say 20,000. Play to your strengths. What would you wear? Jordan's. Oh, whatever they wanted. I'd go to like, I think we're talking about fancy places.

So maybe I would wear just like fucking like really nice suits and shit. Oh, all right. Well, then you reinvest, of course. You got to reinvest into that. You reinvest double down on the brand. There you go. You know, it's like you start right off. Bingo.

That's actually really smart. Gym memberships, shampoos, spa days. Oh, I didn't. I thought that was one word. I said spa days. Spa days. Spa days. Spa days.

Spa days. Yeah. A diet plan. Personal trainer. Yeah. Write that off, baby. You get that money. That's tactics.

Suits, clothes. Oh, you know, that's, that's why you're a smart businessman, Joe. And if I want to bleach my BH, it's probably covered by the government as well. I would have to, I'd have to bleach and get a fucking hole. You'd have to power wash that thing. Oh man. Yeah. I'm talking like.

With a generator. Pool cleaning amount of satisfaction. Yeah. You'd have to shock that. Oh my God. Just put a bowl around my ass and throw a tablet of fucking chlorine in it. You don't want to go in for a couple of weeks. Give it like 45 minutes.

Don't open your eyes. It'll hurt. Chlorinating his asshole. I don't know what it would be. Mine would be. Don't open your eyes. Mine'd be lower. It'd be like 1500.

I don't got the following you have and like, I mean, I would just leverage it, but I honestly, I don't think I'm getting 20. I don't have to be in better shape. Like I would have to be way more lean and just be like more chiseled. I'm shocked you haven't had any offers or have you had offers? No. Hmm. To be like an escort?

You're getting them now. Yeah. I'm turning them all down. I mean, if someone's got the right amount. Yeah. Shoot. I would have to be like a big fat rich old. Go like 80 grand for the night.

I'll wine you, dine you and then fucking porcupine you, you know. Like an old woman if she offered me that. Yeah. I mean, yo, meet me at meet me at fucking what? Whoa. Meet me at coat. Okay. 8pm.

Yeah. Suit. Light colored shirt underneath. Nice. Tie optional and get ready. And she was going to give me 80 grand. She's going to give you 80 grand cash. I mean, the networking alone.

Tell your friends about me. Tell your friends. Tell your friends. Everyone's ever looking to hang out with me. Yeah. Have a good night. No, that's got to be the networking. I feel like I could probably talk my way of having to have sex with her too.

Do you? Definitely. No, I would talk her out of it. I mean, if she's that old, you would just need to walk down the block and she'd be too tired. She'd be like, oh man, I hope your Dr. Scholes aren't acting up. Yeah. So listen, she's got a bunion.

Yeah. So my mom's got a bunion. Yeah. Gross. Disgusting. I don't know about that. Yeah. It's like, whatever.

It's like a thing on your foot. When I was younger, seeing the back of my mom, like her heels. Your mom's got shit heels. You know what I reminded me of? Yeah. You know what I reminded me of? Remember that fucking, like the desert scene in A Bug's Life? Yeah.

Oh, well, all cracked up. Cracked up. Your mom's got cracked up heels. It was all cracked up. Damn, her Achilles is all like a desert. Flick is hiding in between those creases. I was like, dang. I mean, I think she's since gotten like pedicures and like fixed the problem.

Wait, you get pedicures for the back of your fucking ankles? Yeah. Back of your feet, dude. Like your back. Her heel. Her up more by her ankle. Oh, I thought we were talking about like a crusty Achilles. No, no, no, no.

I was like, damn, dude. What the fuck is your mom doing over there? Yeah, she was just living the dream. Apparently there's a price you pay for living the dream. Those fucking feet. She was just walking. Yeah. So, yeah.

It's beautiful. Anyway, we can wrap this up, I think. Where can they find you, Frank? Well, after this, my mom will disown me. So if anyone's looking to adopt. The Frank Albers on Instagram and Twitch. FLB4885 on Twitter. Go check out.

We got videos up there. The one that just came out. Well, I was recording the most recent one that came out was trying weird foods. You got me to do it again. You got me to eat mustard again. Yep. You're a two for two. Technically, that wasn't me.

That was me. Yeah. I didn't put this together. I'm sure you had nothing to do with that. Literally didn't know. But go check it out. Standing out of studios on YouTube and then make sure you go follow the page everywhere. Basement yard pretty much everywhere.

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See ya.