The Basement Yard - #331 - Is The Green M&M Too Sexy?

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

Frank & Joe discuss the desexualization of the Green M&M and try to find out which candy may possibly be sexier. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the baseman yard. How's everyone doing? I'm here everyone everyone everyone in this room Yeah, and and in there. I want to hear from you. Wait, what were you just talking about? I was like, I'll just say for the show. You said you got a bot message on Instagram Oh, you didn't see me post that I might have but you post so much stupid shit. I ignore a lot of it Okay, fuck you one you said you got a speed mail. I didn't get a speed mail spam email and Which they're not even trying anymore. That's that was my point. Okay, so I posted this and I actually want to find it in my photos because It's like clack like the bots it used to be like ooh follow me if you want to like

And there was oh, yeah, it was always like one word was also misspelled too. Yeah, it's like jerky off Yeah, we'll be like, oh my god come here if you want to spitty any mouth Yeah, like whoa This one I posted a picture and this is what the bot said. I don't know why everyone goes to the bathroom after watching my video Oh There's a couple of reasons why Honestly, no, that's a good one. That's at least got me curious But like let's let's check this out

But like you don't say going to the bathroom when reverting when referring to masturbation You're like, why does everyone go to take a shit? Well, my name is a lot of my a lot of these like, you know scammers are set up I watch that guy on YouTube scammer payback Brogy pretty cool. His name is pierogi. He called himself that part is pretty stupid But like the rest of the stuff is pretty cool. Brogy's are good though. Yeah, very good little dollop of sour cream How you doing? Okay, but He like talks to them in like India and like they clearly don't like English is not their first language

Right. So like a situation like that is it's probably such a rough translation We're like come on slaying to going in the bathroom. It's like jerking off in you know in India means like, you know touching yourself But oh man, that's I wouldn't I'm honestly curious as to what the video is Yeah, I don't know you have to like send them like a thousand dollars on cat cash app I think there's a lot of what's that going on here It's probably like the ones that are like, oh go to Best Buy buy 500, you know five five hundred dollar, you know gift cards I just don't get it like what is the end game here? You know like I don't know why everyone goes to the bathroom after watching my video And then this emoji

Everyone just keeps going to the bathroom taking a piss After they watch me I've said that about my my videos as well because like I I maybe they're laxatives for some people Cuz I don't think people are jerking off to me. Yeah, you know, but I don't Do people jerk off in bathrooms? I don't know if I've ever jerked off on a bathroom I would that's not true. I've jerked off them in like my own bathroom, but not it's not like I don't I Would presume it would be the most convenient place to jerk off because no your bedroom. Why what you jerk off You just like in shoot your load and to the garbage or like just like directly in the car I don't know garbage the toilet. I would I presume that would be the easiest place to do it

You can't throw your fucking sperm out. You got to put it through a shredder just like mail You got to put some hot sauce in it. You got to put some hot sauce. You got to put some hot sauce at it Um, no, I actually the toilet by the way. I would I'm I'm thinking convenience here I'm sitting there like if I want to get rid of come. Oh, you got to think of comfort forget about convenience. Well Comfort baby, you know, you're gonna stand over the the toilet like a gargoyle sit on it I'd stand on it. I don't know I'm sitting here. I'm giving possibilities We're spitball. These are alternate earths here, Joey, and I'm just showing you what the world could be Okay, but in the event that you were like, I'm gonna pick my my favorite

This is how I'm gonna do it. It wouldn't be in the bathroom. We'll be in your bedroom It's comfy in the bed. I don't know like I would I would presume and make a big old mess Or like that kid like who was gonna like in a kid like well I I have kids and kids get in the bed with us So like we need to be very yeah, but obviously it wouldn't be then you fucking Joey I'm saying like we need to shower the shower the shower Maybe maybe the shower I'm saying like when like the kids like you got to make sure you're cleaning up well when you have kids because the kids will

Come in the bed and you're just like, oh, okay Okay, I didn't need that. Well, you like that's a real fear. I get it married married with children Intimacy is different because like you need to worry like I'm just gonna wake up the kids. I can't be like, oh You got to be like Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up finally went down. Yeah. Yeah, like, you know like volume is more like damn You gotta be quiet. You got a you know a respectful. What about when the kids are out? You're like, you know, we can yell at each other. Where the fuck are they going? I have a six, you know, send them out

Send the kids out. We have grandma's house a six-year-old and Ruby Where's Ruby going? Oh, well Ruby. She doesn't count. She definitely counts. No, she she doesn't know what's going on I hope she doesn't become like one of those like savants that like remembers everything about every moment of their life She's gonna have a bad life. She's oon year old. Almost. Yeah, approach it noon So you can you have sex in front of that baby? Well, not to her to face the wall. Yeah, well, hold on. Yeah, not in front of it I just drape a blanket over her face. Yeah, that sounds bad Just put an eye an eye mask on her when I so going back to the the gift card scammers when I worked at Target

When I worked at Target, we had a lot of them Where they call up bro. No old women would come in old scamming bitches. No Fucking victims they would come in and they'd be like I need to buy ten a hundred dollar gift cards And we'd be like why and they're like They they would get phone calls and they would show us the call and they would call the person back and they and the call would be like your It'll be like something super like vague like your son got into an accident on the highway And he's here bleeding out if you don't get us these gift cards

we're gonna let him die and fucking hang up and Bro, there are multiple times where like these like super old women would come in and they would be like frantic like I need these gift cards and I would talk them down and be like listen like that is as it's a scam Have you tried calling your son? They're like well no that if they did get into an accident They're not gonna answer and I was like we'll try calling them, you know And they were fucking like they would fill out police reports and shit like that because yo They would actually get these poor women these poor old men and old women And then there was one time we weren't able to catch up a forehand and this guy came in and he was like bro

Mike I need to refund these gift cards like my grandpa and we're like we can't do anything Because like once once they give him that code on the back. They're fucking they're gone dude. They are gone damn Yeah, it's crazy scamming. How do you scam old motherfuckers, bro? I gotta admit if I'm gonna scam anyone it's gonna be old people now you rob old people You don't scam them no robbing old people cuz they what do they carry on them free dent gum and that rubber fucking cover for their thumbs Old people are weird with money. They don't trust the government or like anything. Well, no one trust the government nowadays Well, I know but they carry cash. They have money, you know, so what you're saying is money isn't even really more It's just like it's you know, what is what is credit? It's the idea of money. What are we talking about?

Yeah, I trust me don't get me started I complete and the fact that this imaginary money can affect your life like a buying a home I get a score a credits could fuck you. Yo stupid stupid don't get me started on credit bank big bank and big government I'm very upset big federal Big Federal Reserve is coming for us. They want us all to die. Yeah. Well, no, they need to live so they could be paid more I don't think so now that they made fake money Bitcoin, bro Bitcoin doesn't need us Bitcoin is just like self-sustaining. Yeah, but it's they don't have you know a hand in that They're gonna take the markets on you. They will Jeff Bezos. Oh, he'll make you know, and

Amazon, you know, and as a coin and as a coin. Yeah, a coin was on I'll tell you this I'm buying it though Oh, yeah, that's the best believe I'm buying that's I am riding Jeff Bezos's wheels till they come off Bro, have you ever stopped and thought like what right now is gonna be Amazon in 15 years and like on well I'm saying like what like like 15 years ago Amazon was fucking books, bro You buy fucking you could buy you know Gordon Ramsay's cookbook on theirs or Paula Deans racist ass cookbook Now you could buy everything from fucking batteries to toilet paper to you know food. Yeah You know and and and books and cool little like drinking glasses and mugs and fucking trinkets and shit Trinkets trinkets like that that what we can't show it on the weekly. Yeah, I know that Joey has a trinket that well

Goes to the bathroom after the video put it like that. Yeah, or if you want to start telling secrets from patreon Let's tell another secret. No, no, no, not a secret. Is that true? Is that is that true? Frankie had sex with his cousin. I did not have no no stop. Who's a guy? Nope on a sex swing Say I'm wrong. You are wrong You walked in no Frank Frankie went to his cousin's house Yeah, listen, you want the full story go to patreon.com slash the basement yard go sign up today This is this is the best fucking plug. We've ever done That's the basement yard that first year you get the weekly episodes a week in advance

We will be catching up with them. Don't worry about it and that second tier you get exclusive episodes every single Friday morning Start and end your week with the basement yard. I didn't have sex with my cousin never happened. You know what did happen Welcome to the dead dog club, baby. Yeah. Yeah, my dog died. It's gone. Well, not Charlie Charlie's a lot Charlie's my family hang it on hanging on a six relax Well, you know, no he uh my my dog chase. He was 14 years old and he was in bed shape So we had to put him down. Yeah, so we all kind of spoke that into existence. Yeah. Well, we spoke mine into existence Existence I said eggs. Oh, well, you know, we spoke mine, you know rogue into existence Yeah, and then she cut she she was gone days later. Yeah, she didn't even wait until the end of the week

Yeah, Jesus take it easy and then overachiever. Yeah, well, you know, you know, and then my and then my dog Yeah, we had to put him down. Yeah. Well, your dog yours was more sad because your dog is a mess Yeah, rogue just like ate a mushroom or something. Maybe I would argue. That's probably more sad. Nah Well, maybe probably more sudden we thought for a year. We're like, you know, I think for a couple months We were like, all right, she's gonna be going and then like it was just like she was good And then the next week was like, no, she ain't good. Yeah, my dogs been consistently bad So we were just like this is just all right. Well, you got you got rid of them What did you do with the ashes or did you do you cremate him or did you bury him?

No, no, we creamed we creamed him. You went cream. You put in a little dash in your coffee Yeah, we creamed him. No, we didn't make him a cream. Oh, are you gonna get another tattoo? No My I might you might get another time I told my mom I was like, yeah, you should get a tattoo and then I was joking because you know my mom's skin This bitch is og irish. Oh, so she's like translucent. I don't think you can count her veins Literally, I can see through my mom in the right sunlight, you know, like 7 a.m. Kind of son You could see right through my mom. Your mom is a very white woman And she bruises like a bait. Does she I've never hit your mom yet. I broke her fucking rib. That's right

You hugged her too tight hugged her too tight. That's a cute way to break a rib though. Yeah I was drunk. She was not happy with me. Well afterward. She was probably okay. Like it's a good story now Oh, yeah, now it's fun a couple years later. My but I broke my mom's rib Well, it's super sick very irish and angry and drunk of you. It was yeah, it was it was super Sunday Does your mom your mom drinks? Yeah, she has a couple wines. She loves the fucking Chardonnay. She's a chardonnay lady Yeah, that's a classy way to get drunk. Yeah, I don't want to like a Bud Light mom. That's crazy. Oh, man Yeah, but imagine having a Bud Light mom, bro. I have a tequila mom Tequila's not bad though. It's for my mom for my mom

It is your mom cries a lot to it my mom my mom cries. I'll call it right now. I'll be like mom Just be like mom. I love you. She'll burst into tears. She'll be like, no, she'll think something's wrong She'll be like what's going on? What did you do? That's exactly what you do. I love you. Where are you? What's going on? What what do you mean? You I? Love you too. I guess what my mom would do and then and then she would she'd be texting me What's going on like for fucking hours? Yeah, my mom's a Chardonnay mom You know she likes to shard, but I can't imagine having like a or a Bud Heavy mom

That's a red and white can Jesus. Oh, yeah, that'd be a lot. I mean my mom is my mom is a she's a seltzer mom What kind of seltzer truly white clothes. She's it. Wow. She claws it up. Wow Nancy claws it up. That's interesting and tequila That's the same and she drinks a little vodka, too I don't you know what I'm thinking about it. She doesn't not drink What doesn't she have I think she I think the only thing she really doesn't drink is like heavy beer like she didn't drink like stouts Yeah, no, my mom will drink Like coronas, I think if they're around my mom will have a corona

Yeah, like light light beers like that, but my mom doesn't like she's like, let me get a double IPA Yeah, my mommy and crush in no fucking, you know, yeah raging bitches, right? You know, but my mom when she drinks she gets like I don't know you've definitely see this It's hard to explain but like she like boops What not like how you call it like pooping poop boop, but like yeah, I got a boop. Yeah, boop Yeah, but like my mom will be like She'll touch you and she'll and she'll like do this thing where she like fake punches you and she was like Well, you need to fucking chill bro. I can't handle who like her. No, you're your mom every year for New Year's we cry

Oh, well, no, that doesn't change. She's still cry. She cries all the time. She cries and then she gets mad at me What's the one thing you can talk to your mom about right now and she'll start to cry on the spot? Easy one would be the dead dog. I'm walking the dog's dead. That would be easy outside of the dead dog or whatever There is a thing, but I don't want to say what it is. It's not it's not sad, but it's just like it's not it's not relevant That's what you want to talk about, but I know what it would I I know what it is, okay? Yeah, and she'd be like, well, it's like a favor that I I've done for her at one point in my life What the fuck? Yeah, that's weird. Why is that weird? I don't know the way you were that is a little weird I'll call my mom about her dead mom. She'll probably cry. Oh, but oh, yeah, if you call it

I'm just missing you. Yeah, bro. She'll lose if I if I were to call My mom right now. I could say I swear to God. I could make her cry in 10 words. I Can make her cry in 10 words. I Can be I can just like I can say something like I miss Ruby met. Yeah, yeah Fuck bro. Yo, don't do that Well, I do wish that so it's not mean right, but I'd be doing it to just make my mom cry, right, which that's mean The intent the intent is me fogged but something else that that we both have Lived through we both got dead dogs now. Yeah, it's all of our grandparents are dead all over dead and we just survived COVID

Yeah, we it got us finally. Yeah, I finally did. Is it fucked up that I was a little while. I was very upset I got it. Yeah, but like I also didn't get it for so long You know and I wanted to be that one kid in like 10 years. I'm like, bro. I never got it yet Yeah, I know but I also I was I was gonna be weirded out how that would look in like 25 years When we took we look back at covers like oh, it's crazy. It's like, yeah, I never got it. It's like what did you do? Yeah, what are you like? Yeah, it reaches a point where like you're not in the crew anymore and like people are like everyone got it Yeah, except me. Yeah, you know, but uh, bro, it fucked me Uh, I had I didn't even know if you didn't test positive. I never know that sucks for me

Yeah, but for me, it's like it's great. Oh, it was so bad and I remember I still have a little like the congestion's coming out I'm all good now by the way No, I'm good, but I kept saying cuz Becca and I got it and All I was saying was like bro if this is mild How the fuck were people dealing with this shit when it was Like not mild my my sister-in-law's father Was in the hospital for like a month. Yeah, like this is in 2020. Yeah, it's fucking So I survived man, I came out the other side. I'm very grateful, you know, but boy, oh boy

Did it was not fun? It was that cool It was not man And I think the thing that hurt was more frustrating was like I had like prepared myself mentally like brahman again It like it's just a matter of like fighting the inevitable at this point But like even when it happened I was like fuck man, and I think that's something that we're noticing now is like people are attributing getting COVID with some sort of like Laps and morality and it's like hey, you got sick. You're okay. I was height. I'm not gonna lie. Wait, what I was kind of height That's very white privilege of you Joe. Well, yeah, I guess yeah

No, but I was like I was in my penthouse and I was just so pumped And then as soon as I was good I went courtside to the Lakers Exactly what happened Yeah, I got nothing No, but I was it was like not that I was excited But I was in a weird way There was some relief because I had been dodging it for so long and I was like Quarantining on and off because I would hear people have it. They don't stay away from it

Ba-ba-ba, but if you get it you have some sort of like immunity For I think like 90 days or something that you don't have to worry about it when you after you like beat it and I had just been it was like every single week like I would get three days that I was like after a quarantine I'd be like, oh, I'm good. I'm negative like I go back out and then someone I know would test positive Yeah, I'd be back in the quarantine. Oh legitimately after you got it I said like yo everyone that I know had had it or has it. Yeah, and it was like the crazier part to me is that

90 90 I would say 90% of the people that I know that had it It was like at-home tests that were never fucking reported because there was not enough tests to report to the government You know like PCR tests and stuff like that in New York It's different because there's more access to PCRs But like by me and Becca side of the family when they had all contracted it They all just took rapid at-home tests confirmed positive. They had shitty symptoms. They got over it and boom So like you think of the number of people and it's probably been demonetized since fucking Jump Street But like you think of the amount of people that had it over the last

Two months and didn't report it bro It's got to be like I swear to God like over like 100 million people I was like, I mean I care. No, I know I'm just saying like at this point like We're here baby. Did it do anything to your wiener? I don't know yet What do you mean, you don't know yet? I don't know yet I felt like I was walking around with like like some more muscle. Oh, yeah more. I had more muscle Oh, I don't know. It seems pretty normal. I'm waiting to see like what happens

You know, like maybe I'll just get hard of my dick will pop or something. Oh, why you haven't been hard since no I'm just saying like a good question Do you wake up every morning with a boner? No, me neither. No, and every morning I used to when I was like a young 20-year-old stallion. Oh, yeah, I would wake up and I'd be like, well, I'm ready to I'm ready to have sex with the day Yeah, the day now. I'm like work. Yeah, now. I'm the one bending over for the day. Yeah, exactly Maybe that's the telltale sign that's what I wake up with a bonus like you're gonna fuck today If you wake up, but is just parched. Yeah, you know, just what is it?

Open ready. What's this? Pinched no, um puckered puckered. That's it pinched. What am I saying? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, the day is ready to take you Mm-hmm. I mean there are some days I wake up with a boner. But like there are I would say most if not like 51% of the time I don't I don't know the percentages, but you know, I used to I mean I used to like I said when I was young I mean, well, like you said we were younger. I used to wake up all the time raging bro 20-year-old Joey Had weird stuff though. Yeah, you did you did have a weird when I was younger Exactly said when I was younger I used to go to the park and just like climb stuff, too

We did well that you did that when we were like 15 not when we were 20. Yeah, I'm not who said 20 I said 20. Oh, I didn't mean 20. I'm like young buck. Oh, you're saying young buck ready to fuck. No, I'm not Separate ages now. Well, no, I'm being same age Around the age where I thought I was a monkey I would take off my socks at the park and climb I do remember it was like normal to like bro Why did we not care about shirts or socks? Oh, I use when I was younger. We never washed. Yo, I swear to God I I swear to God. I must have washed my hands between the age of like 13 and 18 20 times Yeah, what if that bro? Yeah only because my mom made me. Yeah, my stupid ass mom, too. Yeah

No, but when I was younger I used to flirt like a like an animal like I would like I went to the park Oh, yeah, I would like show off flirt. Yeah, and I'd be like, I'm gonna climb the swing set It's like what am I trying to press a monkey, bro? My yeah, I remember Yeah, yeah, I would one of my ways of flirting was like throwing my body through like a she like, you know Like a like a snow bank and be like, ah, I Put my body in the line on the line for nothing. Yeah, you know, yeah And why didn't we do that? Well, we I think we grew up in a time And it's been a long time before us to where it was like men showed that they had attraction to someone

Not using their words because it was like, bro, if you explained how you feel you're so gay It was like instead of just like teaching young boys like our age How to express themselves and like what they're feeling we like throw our bodies into shit in order to like You know put the sirens on and like tell everyone that there's something wrong and climb swing sets apparently Bro barefoot to I would climb barefoot because I had more grip He did have a lot of grip and I would be climbing and I would just get to the top and be like Oh, so high and I'll just hang on it like Tarzan, bro There was I remember there were kids that would normally just like sit up there for like, yeah

Like talking to their friends like on top of this very tall swing bro at least 20 feet Yeah, at least and yeah, it was it was fucking very dangerous But like that's what it was is that us is we were never taught to express ourselves using words. You want to know something crazy? There was one time I went to the park and I don't know if anyone was with me you fell. No, I didn't fall I I had like this climbing competition with one of Bridget's brothers Okay, I Lost okay, but no one was there

But I was struck that well, you shouldn't have anything Joey That's the first rule of like things happening when no one else is around well I'm just saying I'm thinking back now to my climbing days and I remember bro You think I tell the stories of pissing myself in my car. No because no one else was there Well, there goes that You ever shit in your car? Yeah. No, yes, you have no. Yes, you had Joey. Yes, you had I have not everyone has no I haven't either. I'm consider myself the lucky one in this situation. You haven't shit in your car. No, I Go to I find a lot of rest stops

Probably last time you shit outside Honestly don't know it must have been at the lake house at some point Yeah, you know, but because that's that's the most prime outside place There's nothing when you can confuse what you're seeing with with animal shit You won. Yeah, I I actually told my family this the other day That's a weird way to start this story But the other day I told my family I'm like sometimes when I have diarrhea cha-cha-cha It's so funny I was recently thinking like, you know, what's stupid shit

Did Joey's mom call him like Joey Kododo to do dude? No, Joey Lowy Lou. Oh, okay What was Keithy? Keithy Kododo, Shani Wanny, Poo Poo Panny and Sonny Bunny. I gotta say the Poo Poo Panny is bad Oh, yeah, that's the worst one. Shani Wanny shit her panties apparently. Apparently you're Joey Lolo Lou Lou Joey Lowy Lou. That's not bad. That's kind of cute. Oh, she used to call me a cuddle bunny, too That's cute. Why did I say that like that? Cuddle bunny too. It's cute. We got we all got cute names for our kids. I love my mom, bitch. What up? What up, my mom? Whoa, I almost said that but While we're here now I have to go

Three two one go my mom back in the day. I will used to make her suck on my ear lobes I swear to God, it's true. Boy weird, right? I wish you hadn't said that. I wasn't all I wasn't all I was young I was young. I was young doesn't matter. I mean it definitely matters. I was 15 doing that. You'd be like, bro But I was in yeah, fine. I was young but out but I was like, yo But you were able to voice that you liked it. Yep, it's too old and I remembered it too old Rob's this is tough for Liz. This is a tough look. No, no, no, no mom. He's she's a she's a lovely woman Yes, you are young. I hope she was. I'm her young cuddle bunny. You are the young baby You're the cuddle bunny baby Joey Lowy Lou and I

enjoyed a ear lobe sucking. Oh, man Boy, oh boy. That's weird. Yeah. No, I mean no, no It's weird. Okay. You're gonna have stuff with Ruby. That's gonna be borderline. I listen to me right now I have never sucked on my daughter's ear lobes yet. I have sucked on her hair her hair. Yeah When she was like first born she had like seven long hairs and I went when I would hold her and she'd be falling asleep I would Like a monkey like playing with the hair. Oh, and you don't think there's a possibility that one day an ear slips in

There's a difference between the crowd of her fucking head and her ear lobe Joey No, and if she can express that she likes it big fat problem. Honestly disgusting that you would sexualize that between me and my mom I'm not shame on you. I'm not sexualizing anything. Here goes another man. No, no, no No Sexualizing well reddit reddit is fucking going nuts for us. Yeah, we're there a basement yard reddit thread. I don't know I'm afraid to know. I've never been on red. I don't really know. I don't know anything about reddit I've been on reddit twice and it was for schmodown stuff I would love to put for clips of our shit to end up on reddit, but I don't know anything about it

Well, apparently there's one that ended up on reddit that like about us playing with our butts Yeah, it was and people are like, oh my god, why didn't white white white of men? Podcast and then no, it was the opposite people were actually excited. Oh, were they? Yeah, right What the hell are you doing? Okay? I'm proud of them for liking us No, there was there was because there was a lot of clips from podcasts of guys just like saying crazy shit We had talked about this but So when we came out and we put I put out I just posted a clip on my tiktok account if I was talking about like Oh, you're a player your butt. Yeah, do it all time and then women were like, you know what?

These men can have a podcast because you know, whatever because we were talking about playing with our butts and not like women should be less fat Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we also were very we're very supportive of women Yeah, there was that other clip that people were liking of us about women being pregnant and like having to give it a double jolt Having to give up. Yeah, we show actually we educated a lot of women on that as well Yeah, yeah, I saw someone that was like wait. Why can't women have cold cuts when they're pregnant? I was just gonna be like yo Listeria. Look that shit up. Yeah, look up Listeria dog That's scary. Salam Salam and now I'm gonna. Well, no, no, I mean, I mean, you know, I guess salmonella But like there's a small chance you could have it but like, you know, you can get salmonella from a lot of stuff

I know, you know So do you know that one time someone hit me up and said they were actively trying to give themselves salmonella by eating raw cookie dough And they never got it Whoa, I've eaten enough raw cookie dough that I'm shocked. I haven't had it Bro Do you know what I bought the other day the Power Rangers toy? Yes, but Yes, yeah, but also yeah Pillsbury sugar cookie dough

I'm so horny for that stuff But it was with lucky charm marshmallows in it dog. What? I Wait, wait, wait, wait. These are the ones where you like you just like cut it and it's no it comes like on a sheet Like on like that white sheet. Okay, and then like it's it's with the marshmallows from Lucky Charms in it What are you good? And they were fat fucking cookies. Yeah, and it was safe to eat raw Did you even cook them? I did. Yeah, but I eat raw one. I still got some raw ones at the house

I'm gonna pop those on bitches a what I get home Dude, they were so good Those fucking simple like pre-made like they have like character ones like during Christmas. They have like elf cookies Yeah, those are fire super good. Yeah, Scooby-Doo ones. We've gotten before You know the Halloween ones are always good pumpkin the pumpkins or the boo boo the boo ghost Well, the boo ghost. Oh, bro. I was not even thinking that you said boo ghost. I was like, what is that? You know, yeah, yeah, so oh man a lot crushing some raw cookie dough. I haven't had raw cookie dough in years. Really? Yeah Why not? I don't know. I haven't really made cookies. They make like just like cookie dough to eat now

Like it's not even meant to bake. Yeah, but that's not fun. I like the danger. I like the danger I like to be like this can kill me. Yeah, I like to be like, oh, I don't know Live close to the edge, you know, that's that's that little like scary scared boner fear boner is what they call it I think no, I don't get like well, I don't get hard but like It's cookie dough, man, you know Should we get to the ad you well better than never better over time's good segue to get to Alright first one we have here is true bill true bill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions You don't need one or simply forgot about you know what?

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Always good to talk friends of the show Speaking of decadent chocolate Joey, there's something that happened this last week that has the internet quite ablaze The parent company for ebonemes have announced that they are going to redesign the characters in order to better line up with Societal standards. Yeah, the green the green M&M is less sexy. Why? Well, I get it, but like is an M&M dude Tucker Carlson talked about this a little bit on his show and it was it was really he was real horny for candy Dude, yeah, he was like real horny for candy and I wanted to be like, oh god

You know full disclosure walk that I hate that guy, but yeah, I get I get what he meant in that I just hate the way he talks about everything out here So you're gonna tell me that you don't want candy to be sexy Let me tell you something absolutely right now. Yeah, okay. There is physically anatomically nothing about a candy bar That makes me want to hit around Ben Shapiro literally sounds like a fucking cartoon. Just change your voice and smart guy Okay, listen The the green M&M out of all the M&M's obviously the most obviously the hottest one obviously and like she had those lips She had the lips. She had those lips and she had a lip. She was round as a fucking bowling ball

I know but come on bro. I would say green M&M is the sexiest There was like the brown one was pretty yeah, the one was dumb He was an idiot the red one was like a fucking psycho the red one was like kind of too chatty. He was a site He was like a sociopath. He was just like, oh, yeah, come on. We're gonna go here It's like shut up bro anytime I'd go to the movies and it would be like that like Like little thing about like them getting strapped to a rocket and it's like the M&M song and it's like bro I want this red M&M to get his fucking his chocolate blown out the red one The red M&M was so annoying. Oh, come on guys

We're gonna he was like the leader but everyone didn't fuck with him The other one was an idiot, but he like was down for whatever the green one was so hot She was pretty hot man, but honestly now she's no no longer hot. No, she's wearing like sneakers now Let's let us off with the sneakers bro. Well, first of all, listen sneakers not you're not turning down the sexy You're just you're opening another door for sexy You know, she's not walking around like a creature of the night now She's like yo like I'm kicking it like fucking like bom bom. Yeah different outfit different outfit Still got the legs though. It wasn't but see it wasn't this sneakers that did it for me

It was those Luxurious legs on this green M&M. Yeah, that's what like pulled me in because they were like kind of muscular It was like a Shakira leg Yeah, Shakira's got some fucking bro J Lo leg J Lo's got a J horse leg a J leg Yeah, a J leg, you know and and she she rocked those pumps pretty pretty well Oh my god, that fucking green M&M could walk like a goddamn model But like people were like, you know first first Lola bunny and now honestly, I get it dude We're not I am against turning off the sexy. Mmm. I think that we need hot

Cartoon we need hot cartoons and we need hot nonhumans Yeah, okay. I get I guess I guess I get that I mean I am against the idea of sexualizing characters that are aimed at children because it just creates like a weird You know I am too in theory, but but like adult M&M's But who's eating M&M's and like oh my god, I'm eating these because that fucking clearly Tucker Carlson Yeah, he was like way too seriously like what can we have now if I'm not gonna be

Bricked up Rocked up watching this thing the children call it bricked up. Yeah, I'm upset. No cap, you know It's just I'm upset. No cap. All right. I think the easiest solution. First of all, this is stupid also I'll tell you why it's so stupid. Here's the stupidest reason why Not even a sexy candy dude. There's there's way hotter. Can't you know peach rings way sexy Hold on first of all just because they look like buttholes second of all first of all I don't know what your butthole looks like but mine doesn't look like that too How many peach rings have you figured in your life countless every single one every single one that's not the point

That's not the point is the M&M's the M&M's are known as the sexy candy melting your mouth How in your hand bro 50 cents at that I know melting your mouth girl not in your hand I'll take you to the candy shop. I'll let you look lollipop. Go head girl. Don't you know the song Frank What I'm saying here is that in this situation and in all situations M&M's are a sexy candy They're not also M&M's do not melt in your hand. That's why they say I melt in your mouth not in your hand But I would disagree I think that there is something kind of sexy about putting just like this like Hard piece of candy to your mouth and like it swishes around and it becomes like velvety chonkling No one eats M&M's that way. I

You chew them. I don't eat M&M's that way. You're not wrong But if I wanted to bro like if I was going to like yo sexy candy night like you know You're going to sexy. Yeah, you know making one. Yeah, and I'm like you I need to grab the sexiest candies Obviously first one I'm grabbing are those Ferrero Roche's That's not a sexy candy. That's a sexy. I mean like the the actions around it are probably sexy. That's fucking weird I'm getting a call from test results. Do you want to tell us about do I answer? I don't know. Yeah, fuck it. Why not? I'll sit over here, and I'll talk about stuff Yeah, so there's stuff going on Frank's getting test results apparently. Did you take a quiz? What is that the SATs?

No one was there test results That's very strange and quite frankly. That is scary. Yeah. Yeah, I would say that All right back to sexy candy night Ferrero Roche's are on there peach rings. Come on. No, they're fingerable But you're not met you don't want to finger the candy you want to finger the the beef What beef the person no, bro, there's no no, I'm just saying what are you gonna put the peach ring there and then go through it? Yeah, I don't know about that there, babe. I literally that's what we do pixie sticks What? Pixie sticks. No, there's what are the ones with the the the stick

stick So it's he pops dip Look in licking dip. No dip dip dip dibs. What is it? Oh shit? What's lick dip? Oh my god? dibs dibs Not dibs. It's like a little ice cream. What is it licking dip? No? Oh my god? Oh No, that's dipshit. Yo, what is that licking dip? What is that? I don't know. I don't remember those are pretty sexy The dust yeah, what the fuck? How do you not know this? I don't remember

dip dibs, it's by Willy Wonka. I think dip like that's a sexy one Bro, this is gonna bother me. I can't move on What do I type in lick dip lick dip candy stick powder candy? Fun dip fuck I said licking dip I said dibs. Oh my god fun dip Fun dip fun dip is sexy. Ew. No, it's not. Fun dip is a little sexy Yeah, I'm not having sex because people are like snorting it off each other's like pussy holes and butts. Wait, what?

You gotta think if they're not doing it with coke, they're doing it with fun dip jolly ranchers Jolly ranchers are a little sexy sexy because like, you know Are there are there other sexy like like Tony the tiger was kind of like fucking whoa, whoa, whoa He's a hunk. Whoa. Oh, are we going to like characters now that need to be like turned down? No I'm just saying like there are other ones. Well, it's not like the green M&M was like the hottest fucking I mean, she's the only female candy person I could think of right? Before we keep going on with this because this is great This is stupid because this is just a company that tried to make a headline out of something that literally nobody asked for

Yeah, like and I don't think there was ever a problem people like the M&Ms are too Yeah, no one literally it was someone trying to get ahead of it because they were thinking like people are gonna be upset at our sexy M&M go back to it bring those M&M whores out. Yeah, also, I'm all about being inclusive and like whatever super about it, but Like I also think it's like wildly unnecessary to literally have every single thing Not that this is happening. I'm not saying that I have no problem with any of this. Oh here comes the Tucker and Joey No, that's I'm just saying if we get to the point where it's like everything every single thing needs to be gender-neutral I think that is silly. Yeah, okay. I agree

But it's like we're gonna paint the walls of our kids rooms gray. It's like guys. I mean fucking who cares See Tony Tiger was a little hunky. He was you know I'm trying to think of other sexy candies or like candy mascots. I don't even know any candy mascots Tricks tricks rabbit. Not very sexy. No, it's probably got a problem hottest Candy Mascot yeah What am I what am I even searching right now? Oh

Oh We're missing one the raisins bitch who the raisins woman What if I want to bitch the woman? Yeah, what do you never seen a box of raisins, bro? It's a rocket ship wait a second. That's not the same person that first person. Yeah, I mean Yeah, oh also the butter the but the land the leaks butter girl. Yeah, she was Okay, that's not candy though. Damn that is kind of wild bro. That green M&M Is that her stripping? No, oh, yeah. Yeah. What?

Whoa, that's a little sexy dude. That's a little when she's taking off her candy coating to show you that chocolate dog Yeah, she's trying to show you her chocolate Pudge Okay, they had someone wrote on a clip of us like what is Pudge? Yeah No, you don't know it's your front boy's got Pudge girls got Pudge. Yeah, it's a front bag bottom pocket this that The I saw this article top five sexiest food mascots written by a man named Ellie Careful number five was Wendy

Bro, that's a child. That's creepy guys while miss Thomas is now a ripe age of 49 years old We're going to You know, okay, that was just weird and then we have the Land O'Lakes Okay, four legs. All right, okay Chiquita Chiquita banana. I don't even know what that looks like miss Chiquita banana She has like fruit on her head How is this not number one let me see oh My god, bro. I want to see this one This very good-looking banana woman. Yeah, that is my type

A banana woman Two is the Sunmaid girl Sunmaid girl Sunmaid girl. What's Sunmaid? I think those are the reasons Yeah, okay, I'm an idiot and then number one is the green M&M I believe yeah, it's the cream in M&M but You're having a lot of them but you're going through it today green M&M It's M. Ampersand M. Is that what that's called ampersand? Yes Yeah, she's she's fucking she's got fucking oh, she's like she look at those lips dude And they purposely didn't make the lips red either. They're just green as hell Yeah, this is stupid, what are they good?

Well, I saw someone tweet like what are they gonna do next take the dick vein out of Snickers There's like can't take that thing can't take that big vein out. It is a dick Snickers though It is a dick vein in that thing that is a That's a healthy looking dick vein. I'm not into Snickers. Snickers are too much for me personally What is that even like it's just it's a lot it is like people say like you know, they have it as like a meal Bro, that's a meal. It's your marketing scheme star starving candy. Yeah Chocolate caramel nougat don't know what that is. You know nougat nuts gross No, nougat's not gross nougat with other stuff is good, but like like three musketeers Milky Way

No, no, I don't know what that is, but it's gross Milky Way's are really good Like a like a three musketeers bar. It's just like strange to me. Yeah, it's just like you're biting on air It's just like power. It's like eating a soft eraser It's like biting into like a just almost filled balloon. It's like What it oddly specific That's what it is. Absolutely word association go penis one One penis one penis. Yeah, that's good. We haven't done this in a while go squirrel one I'm sorry one penis one squirrel, baby. That's the way we live

I Trouble guard Trouble guard, I guess guard. I was trying to say trouble guard trouble guard. What's the trouble guard? I don't know. I'm gonna do it to you. Ready. Yeah grenade penis Wait one two three pirates gone God yeah, go get two more. I'm gonna do you. Yeah, okay one two three eyelash given Given I don't give it an eyelash. You were given an eyelash. I guess I was what does that even mean give me two more?

I'm sorry. All right. Hold on. Wait. Let me clear my mind because there's clearly shit in it Go one two three boys ten The boys in a tin house, baby, I don't know ten boys ten boys the tin man the tin boys Bro, I don't even know what ten is by the way, it's a metal I know but like who uses ten and fucking like old prospectors and shit Honestly, don't know if it's still use it and have a place in this society. I don't think so last one Oh my god. Okay last one Battery gay I

Don't know a gay battery a gay battery. It'll charge you up Okay, but yeah, this whole M&M thing is super stupid. I agree. It's really stupid But the people that are also like this is an attack on fucking sexuality for men It's also like you're also stupid too. Like this is taking you this is not meant first of all This has nothing to do with you shocker. I know men straight cisgendered white men By by the way, and I thought we should mention this also. I wanted to mention because you mentioned earlier I did go to that

Wait, that may have been a patient on but I just want to give a shout out to see key because they sent me to the Laker net game and I sat on the floor and I was like feet away from Bronos fucking awesome, but for anyone Seekie is on as a sponsor on the show You know periodically, but shout out to see key if you guys want to get $20 off of Seekie tickets You can use the code Joe Yeah, going to the game was fucking crazy. That just popped into my head. I forgot and Seekie Guess what if you want to send me anywhere? I'd love to go somewhere too. I would have invited you But I know it's COVID COVID COVID COVID and child's and child guess where I'm going where Becca bought me tickets to something

That I legitimately believe I'm going to cry at it is Like an I met not an IMAX, but like a screening of Star Wars a new hope But all the music is done by a live orchestra Dan that's tight bro Count Basie theater and Red Bank. I Legitimately everything you just said. I don't know. What is it? It's the Count Basie theater in Red Bank, New Jersey Oh, you would love Red Bank. They have a place called yestercades. It's an arcade place, but they have like Xbox 360 set up So you can just be like, yo, you want to fucking 1v1 me. I'm rust and modern warfare 2

You want to fucking go up against Tom Morello and guitar hero 3? I like that. I went to the Dave and Buster's like years ago like four years ago Mm-hmm, and they had guitar hero there That's all I needed. Yeah. Well, not the same. Those good. Those arcade versions not the same. No, it's not arcade It was just like guitar hero. I know what you're saying. No, you don't oh So what they just had an Xbox and a guitar hero basically like it was like the guitar and you played I'm telling you. I know what you played and it was like a like guitar hero game But like set up like in like one of those places like how they'll have like fucking like the Fast and the Furious game

You know what I'm talking about. No, I don't but yeah, I think I'm gonna cry at that Star Wars thing, dude You know how fucking incredible that's gonna be I did go to a quartet thing once I don't know if that's the right way to say that. I think a quartet is like for singing people No, it was it was four people playing. It was like a cello Violin maybe another violin and then one of those little violins. Oh Viola Viola Just went to a show with just string instruments Yeah, so it was at the William Vail Hotel

I think in Brooklyn and you're on like a rooftop and I think it was like during COVID and They played like the Game of Thrones thing they played Harry Potter They played Star Wars, bro. It's like this is fucking sick and I was blasted off of wine I'm probably gonna get loaded up. It's not until like April I think but I'm gonna get loaded up and I might get like asked to leave because I'll be the one. I'll be like You know just like fucking like to start talking like the fucking Palpatine the whole time Although he's not in a new hope, but uh Is he not I?

Don't think he's in a new hope. I think his first appearance is a way Empire In like a recording back. I Because his first appearance no bro, he's in a new hope I believe he's at the end, but like they don't really give him like lines and shit No, he's not at the end I mean the only time I'm thinking he might be in a new hope is if when hit because the first time you see him It's in like a screen recording and he's like yes, you have to say the young you day No, when they do the screen record, I believe he's in it. Okay. Well either way if he goes on the screen

And I'm drunk I am gonna be talking like Palpatine all It was the second released movie, but it's technically the fifth one. I know yeah, yeah, you know, I said my release So I believe it was 78 80 82 Don't don't count me on that. So horny for Luke Skywalker back in the bro. I'm always horny for Luke Skywalker Like get it like a saber well He didn't do that that was that was more in the prequels if you want me to get super serious, honey Bro, do you know like I see like these people like making fun of kids like in the middle of like quads or parks in the dark having lightsaber battles Bro, I fucking wish I was in that so hard. Yeah, because I've never full transparency

No training with the sword in my whole life pretty sure I could beat anyone with a sword I'm gonna put my money up against anyone to like I can like Isn't it ridiculous that people used to sword fight back in the day, bro I thought I I Looked at swords me like you know, how does this kill you but yeah, I mean they're sharp They're very sharp. They're big sharp things. They're very very sure but like isn't that wild that people were like Fencing they were dancing with just sticks It's like ha ha ha. It was like so like I like I like

You know like ever since I played that game goes to shoot a sushi man watch like all like the old Kira curse album movies. They're like very like slow and methodical with it. So like they're not like dancing around. It's just like And then they're fucking like chop the person in half or some shit It's kind of gangster. Can you imagine cutting a person's head off? Well, that would be crazy Could you brawl? You know like that has like a legit like psychological effect on people like, you know doing that That was like common does that mean everyone's just like a fucking psychopath walking around back in the day I think people were just like super crazy. Can you be like socialized into thinking that it's like, okay? But like now it's like, you know, I gotta be honest. I gotta be honest if I were like

Maybe in my will I'll be like yo like set me up in a gallows in the middle of Manhattan and just fucking guillotine me That'd be sick, dude. How cool that pay Alive Well, I'd be I'd be like on my way out. I'd be like chase just sad pathetic, you know Please don't show your mom this episode. So wait, you're talking about being alive. Yeah, but being like I'm like Like yo, like pull the plug on me. I'm gonna die But they're gonna cut your head off and it's like yo, just do the guillotine. I

Don't know if guillotine would be the way I would probably do some other cool stuff. Why guillotine would be cool I don't know. What other way would there be that'd be cooler than that? Just like mad arrows. No that fucking hurt Yeah, probes That would hurt like a son of a bitch a guillotine is quick done cut you goddamn I need I need the Thelonious looking motherfucker to come out The executioner do you think that you're alive for a second if you like if you're in the guillotine, right? And they cut your head off And your head's rolling around

Do you think you can see for a second? I don't know man. That's good question. It's like a chicken without their head I know but even like if you unplug your charger real fast your phone still thinks it's charging for a second And then it's like and then it goes out. Oh, yeah, it's like. Oh, no, we're not charging. Yeah, maybe I don't know Maybe like for like a quarter of a second. You still like you see like your headless body. Yo, I'm fucking Well, yeah And then he's gone or maybe you feel the body and you are the body still and you could be like, you know Oh like phantom limb syndrome and shit like that like you've heard of that, right? Where it's like you moved. No, it's like MPT's it's like a real thing for like amputees

Well, they feel like they feel like they have an itch on their toes when they fucking lost their foot 10 years ago Yeah, yeah, you know, it's like wild shit. God, that's whack. Can you imagine bro? That's one of the perks of not having a foot. Yeah, never have to itch it again But to have that it's just a cruel trick, bro. I was watching kill bill First volume one where she tries to like she looks at her toe and tries to like focus on moving it. You ever done that? No, it like fucks up my head where I need to then move it or else I feel like I'm putting myself into some form of paralysis Bro, look at your thumb Think about moving your thumb, but don't move your thumb like wiggling it a lot

Okay, now just like pretend like it's wiggling back and forth, but don't Is that crazy I feel nothing. Oh What am I am I supposed to it like freaks me out when I do it. I'm just like Like try to move it, but don't move it, you know But I can just turn it up a try though, but how do I try to not try to move it, but don't move it What does that mean like get the movement there, but stop it Okay No, you're moving it I'm trying not to you telling me to try and then no try to move it, but don't

How do I try to not just don't move it Joey? It's not that hard so I will just not move it, but then think about moving it and try I Can think about it, but if I try I'm gonna move it try No, you moved, but I know no, I That's an attempt getting it. You're not getting it. You're not getting it My thumbs are becoming discussed. I'm looking at it. I'm grossed out Yeah, you ever do that with a word like you look at the word and you're like, what is this thumbs are kind of disgusting Yeah, mine are all chewed up. Yeah, you have disgusting hands

Hold on you do look at your fucking thumbs. I get over like in the car I'm just like, oh, there's a piece of hanging skin so I chew on it and I end up ripping half of the skin on my thumb off It looks like you were shoving it in your tailpipe basically my human tailpipe, but Never mind I was gonna ask you something, but I already know the answer what you're not shoving that thing in your tailpipe hell no Why are you so against that? I just don't I attribute everything going in my butt to being medical and I just don't like it What medicine? Whether it be medicine or colonoscopy or something so like the idea of like shove something up there for fun

It's like that's not what that's not how I have fun It's okay. I buy Power Rangers. That's how it is Actually got a Megazord waiting for me at home. I think would you put something in your butt for like your favorite Power Ranger thing? No, cuz I could afford it. Okay What if you couldn't? Then please employ me again. Okay again All right, I think that's where we can you put in a Power Ranger in your ass. Anyone got Power Rangers or want to sell me Please yeah, you guys you go check out the patreon if you want to find out about Frankie fucking his cousin

No, I didn't fuck my cousin Joey. I've never fucked my guy cousin. I've never fucked any guy I've never fucked any cousin. I've never fucked a guy cousin Well, you can see for yourself on the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard Alvers 8085 on Twitter the Frank Alvers on Twitter and Instagram go check it out check out the patreon page around That comes as the base me are we're gonna be loving to do a bigger thing We're gonna be in the studio soon gonna be in the studio soon All the furniture should be coming Have to paint a little bit and then I have furniture coming. Can I paint to like my side of the room?

Why you're gonna drive in to do that Exactly Did I ever tell you I wanted to paint my room in Astoria on the three walls around my bed the Greek, Colombian and Egyptian flag That sucks also you wouldn't be able to do that Especially I mean, oh wait, I'll let me it would have been easy Egypt also maybe I don't even know what the easy Greek would have been a little tough Yeah, it's just pinstripes white and blue pinstripes in the cross and I wish you did that Oh my god, like it would have it like under the flag of what have in graffiti said Greece, Colombia, Egypt

Just in case people didn't know Yeah, you guys can follow me at Joe's hand ago follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and Instagram and that is all See you guys next time. See ya