The Basement Yard - #334 - Why Are People Buying Poop On The Internet?

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

Frank & Joe discover that a former Reality TV star is now selling her poop to her fans. Is she making a killing? Is she copying the Fart Jar lady? Is the world imploding? The answer is yes to everything. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. What were you doing? I was going like no, no, no, you weren't you thinking I was picking my nose No, you were smelling your fingers. No, no, no, no, no, no if I'm gonna smell my fingers I'm gonna smell I have no problem talking about smelling my fingers No, I think you picked your butthole and then you smelled your fingers you were going like this like you were playing No, I was going like you were playing a ghost harmonica. No, I was going like this I do this to to move my mustache touching the hair. I'm telling you what I was doing Listen, if I'm gonna if I'm going down under

I'll hang with them. I don't I don't give a fuck. No, I'll go I'll fucking I'll smell it right there. You do this. I'll do it. Oh Oh, I don't care Bro, I like my smell. I'm telling you what I saw. Will you smell my smell? No, what? Real bros. That's not what they do. That's what real bros do you and your brothers. They smell each other No, but Chris Pawnee's and Steve-o They're real bros. They're not Steve-o swallowed a condom a used condom full of Chris Pawnee's has come We do that for me

Is that that where we're going by fucking no, that's the standard Yeah, yeah, yeah in the new movie No, no, no and like us like one of his stunts online He like just like he had Chris Pawnee's jerk off to a condom and a little bit come in there Not a lot gotta imagine those nuts shots ain't letting those fish swim a lot and he tied it and just swallowed it Oh my god, that's that fuck you up. Yeah, it's disgusting. What would you do for me as a bro? Well, you wouldn't smell my balls like in the pants like just like I'll put my hands down there Why would I have to do that? I'm not saying. What are you doing sailor moon?

It's good. I'm not saying you have to smell it I'm just saying like no, I don't want to do that. I'm gonna avoid your balls at all costs I thought that was what without saying I I Presumed that you would but I just didn't know if like you'd be willing to just like hey now, you know Damn, I thought you'd smell my balls. No if you like yo like chanting a crowd. That's all I need I'll smell your balls. Yeah, that's what happened at Ruby's birthday when I smashed my face. Yeah, Frankie's Child's first birthday party. Everyone was just like Smash your face in the cake and he's like

As soon as you do it you were doing that. No, no, no, it's over. It's over He's doing and then he smushed his face. I did and you were wearing that shirt I was wearing the shirt and I'll tell you why first of all love. It's another lovages. I Didn't go harder because have you ever seen like recently ever growing up the cool thing was like, oh put their fucking face in the cake We never did any of that. We did it once and it was to Dumbars little brother JJ, okay and I remember doing it like hard you hit his head on the table not me like all like we all like did it

But like I remember David being like haha. Yeah, he went hard and just fucking like just palm in the kid's head I Was afraid there was a like a stake in it Like I didn't know if Becca like hamburger fucking Not like like a stick Yeah, yeah, yeah like a like a stick because sometimes when people make cakes to keep them on like the tears They put steaks in them. Do you can you imagine bro? You went to go put your face in this thing and you gouge out your eye

Oh, I've seen a video of it No, yeah picture of it and that's that scared me for life. You're like, I'm slowly Yeah, so I like slowly went in and if you notice I kept looking back and back and I was like steak and I don't think She saw or realized what I'm trying to say Yeah, no, but Rob you Google that picture. I remember seeing it It was like be careful whose face you smash in the cakes and I was like fuck that's scary. Yeah, no We never did any of that. We just saying happy birthday and we ate it. Yeah, and she wasn't she wasn't very happy Ruby That's why I did it right big daddy had a step in right. Would you be upset if I started calling myself big daddy?

No Like in the world not just in my home No, I mean I mean I would love for you to do that to be honest really yeah Maybe finally I'll get some merch. No, no, okay Look at my baby. Yeah. Um, also before we started the show. I found out something really interesting about Frankie He has no idea where anything is. Oh Geographically, yeah, geographically. He has no idea. I don't know you are correct We are in New York for people who don't know where that is Eastern seaboard northeast of the United States

I could point it out on a map Congratulations, I would fucking hope yeah, yeah but I Just booked a flight to Mekano's note and the jokes will be flying once we get closer to you go to Mekano's So I You're going with a bunch of guys by the way. I just want to make that very clear Yeah, uh, also the shorts that I buy for this thing the shortest shorts inseam for a four-inch inseam Yeah, I can't can we say something real quick? What do we remember amongst our friend group who started the short short trend?

Me okay, then Danny and josh Danny yeah, Danny and I went before the first time him and I went to Vegas, which was just him and I We went and bought just like short baby shorts and we were like bro thighs out skies out thighs out, babe Okay, you know you could have it. Oh, thank you. It's good. Um, but then I was like, yeah, that flight's gonna suck And frankie's like what's probably not bad like five hours Well, all right, so here here's my here's my reasoning my logic here How long do you think it takes to get to california five hours you did that I did that I did that five hours like five and a half Yeah, but this is across the pond. It's across the point. I've got to go across the pond and cross it land

I'll take a day. Yeah, and I think I cross the pond as you do hope skipping away It's six hours to like London, right? I just cut the accent out. I don't care anymore, right? It's I mean, I don't know I think it's six hours in London and Greece is above London, isn't it or like below it Above and below are opposites. They can't be one of the other like they're not like it's not like it's like an extra fucking thousand, you know, 1800 miles west or something or east A flight from New York to London Six hours and 55 minutes. Okay, seven hours

We're already We're closer and then we're talking about something further than that. I don't know, but why is it further? I thought it's just like, you know, like you throw a curveball. It just like kind of goes with the wind Even if it's Corialis of boreal Corialis effect, I think it's called maybe I mean, you're missing me on this stuff I don't know parabolas. I fell asleep that day. Yeah. I literally I literally this is a real thing The whole parabola and like whatever I legitimately Never learned that. Oh, I I learned I was very good at that actually It was in school like we had it in the but I must have been absent every time

I've never had a lesson on parabola. Really? I was able like I was very very good at that I actually recently broke out my math books. I'm going to reteach myself calculus Hot. Yeah. Wait, wait, hold on. What the fuck? I just let you say that. Would you say I just recently broke out because I was thinking to myself like bro Like that's a part of my brain that I haven't used in so long I broke out my old uh notebooks. Yeah, and my old math work and I'm going to reteach myself calculus because Keep the brain moving. Keep the brain moving people are going all over on wordle I'm going to start parabola wordle

perl You know what was like the worst time in my life when um, the second worst nine level was probably was pretty drunk But that takes a gig But cosine sine and whatever the fuck the other one was so katoha tangent, bro That whole thing that whole Time in high school. I was do you remember what so katoha stands for? And I I thought you I was I thought when you said that I thought a socket like a a sakaja. Wea. Yeah, like a person Yeah, I didn't even know so katoha. So do you remember what they're all right? So let's go. Let's let's let's

Bring back math. Let's do a little math for you. I took his notebook out a couple days ago. Yeah, I got it. No, this is like very elementary Okay, what what is sine cosine tangent? What are those used to determine? Uh triangles. Yeah stuff of angles, you know lengths of you know different like fucking blah, blah, blah What is what is like the three parts of the triangle the the the long part? What is it called the Hypotenuse there you go. Is that true? Yeah See hold that out of nowhere. So if I were to say So katoha, yeah To find out an angle the sign of an angle it would be what?

What's the o and what's the h? Up to no wait the h is the hypotenuse. There you go. Yeah What and then what was the exit the other question? So it's so it's not obtuse. It's opposite got it So cut cosine is uh adjacent over hypotenuse toa is tangent is opposite over adjacent Gotcha. Gotcha. There you go. Look at that teaching you math one day at a time. I still don't really know You don't know what it is. I know that you said words You know what I hated when people were like, yo, like I I can measure with circles I'm like, oh fuck you measure with straight lines. What's that? Oh compass, bro

Oh, people are like, oh, how do I measure and then draw a circle? I'm like, what? What are we doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah when they would fucking like take out that sharp weapon Yo weapon weapon, dude, why are we allowed to walk around with those 100%? Did not need to be that sharp. It didn't what is the point of that? I mean it needs to stay in place and I get that literally. Yeah, but you didn't have to make it a metal spike Yeah, it was a spear. I could have killed someone absolutely was a spear But I don't know where Greece is. Um, I'm pretty sure it's like below london It's like near the Mediterranean sea that yes, which is opposite of africa. What do you think's further?

East Uh east like further away from us. Yes, london Over I was gonna say like Greece, Italy. All right. Yeah, give me that Greece, Italy and France. Ah Uh, I'm gonna say Italy because the boot it like kicks that way it kicks back. No France. No, oh, it's Greece. Yeah, bro. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah Joe's gonna be partying up and just getting his butthole smoked and me can oh, why? Well, me can nose. What does that mean? I he's like a big gay pop. I think it's like the like the fire island of Greece

I'll take it. I mean, it's I know it's like the party island Yeah, like Lindsay Lohan's like 18 nightclubs there or something Say less. Yeah, you're going to party with lohan. I would love to meet Lindsay Lindsay lo hey, she don't got it like she used to I mean freaky friday. Lindsay It would have been hanging out had a good time. No mean girls Lindsay Yeah, I've around the same time. That was a good Lindsay. Generally. Yeah Herbie fully loaded Lindsay also, what you don't remember herbie fully loaded the fuck is that it was the Herbie the lovebug movie never heard of that with like the like magic

Volkswagen Beetle. No, what is this fucking drilling there? You're getting drilled Apparently prepping you for me But no yo to like a non-stop flight to Athens Which is not me can oh, which you could but like everything in Greece is so small you can like throw a rock to me This is like decently big what size how my medium. I don't know It's not brazil. That would be a large brazil's a large. Yeah. Yeah, like texas Is is Greece like texas? No, bro. It's but it's the racist bro. It's way It's a whole country like it's a big thing. Okay, but to get into Athens non-stop is

Nine hours 15 minutes Oh, you're flying first class there, babe Yeah, I unloaded the bank for that flight if you don't mind me asking 1200 Um, no more than that. What? Yeah, dude get the fuck out of here. First of all just to get there It's gonna be that anyway No, I mean like you can get like my I think my sister and Danny years ago got like Like um Frankie that was 10 years ago. No, they went like a couple years ago for their friend's wedding And it was like round trip. They did like

Before their first kid or like 670. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was no, it's like all the flights. I but I also was like I'm I don't like flying For nine hours, dude, and it's like you're gonna have to be hand-boned. Well. Yeah, I plan on that First class too. Are you getting like one of those like first class where you can like lay back and watch tv? Yeah It comes with your own tv. Damn and I was like, all right, like well all seats come with your own tv Well, yeah, it's like, you know So dumb, um, but yeah, I think there's their champagne involved, which you know me Champ, shampoos and a little orange juice. Joey is going to town. Drake thinks he's champagne poppy

But really once I get the champagne in me, it's Joey champagne daddy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You are absolutely Uh, but yeah, so I'm doing that and that'll be uh, just get loaded the first half of the flight We're stopping in France too and then doing the rest of the way on a different plane. Oh, so that's not that bad So what's that flight to France like seven? That's not that bad. Yeah, no To break it up a bit. It's a it's a long travel day for sure Can you just like name me and your will before you go god forbid anything seven hours? Would you expect like yo, you die tomorrow?

Would you expect me to take over the basement yard or just like put it to sleep? Like just like put it put a little blanket over it and to be like it was cool. It was his show I can't I can't do this. I don't know. What would you like realistically you die tomorrow? No What do you expect to happen all this can't get me not? Oh, I don't know bro. I have no idea. I don't really care I'm dead. Fuck you. No, you figure it out. Okay. All right. Now it's my responsibility You're like the grave don't fix your life. Hold on first of all I got a dwarf thing in this house

Okay, all right, it's true I mean you could go the the uh, I would I would I would every now and then like go to like your grave and just like Leave little letters. It should be like I just I thought it'd be funny if First episode back it's like joe's dad so dad He's up there with my dog and his dog. Yeah I would I would like that first episode would be like somber But then I'd go yeah, I mean the next episode I'd be like one episode back I think you said it for me too the first episode you'd be like, yo

Who's my best friend next episode you're like, yo this fucking piece of shit's gone So dead she's got a widow now Look as we got pictures of dead guys in the background. Yeah, that would be that would be something. Yeah, it would be cool Um, but yeah, you don't know where Greece is and that's good. I do know where Greece is I think I know more of like the united states and I do Greece Ah, you're a domestic I've never left the country. Do you know what nato stands for a north american trade Organization no no a north american trade. No north american

No Really? Yeah, it was a question yesterday at trivia. Oh, no, it's not north american. No, it's north something north Water atlantic. Yeah trade. No tea Triangle, oh, I mean, what is nato? What is a treaty? Yeah north atlantic treaty Organization. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. So yeah, I told you I'd get it. Yeah quick quick segue into something that pertains to this exactly um There's a woman selling her own shit on the internet. Wait, well, how does this

How does this have anything to do with nato? I don't know. I guess Oh, I guess What if all these people that are just like selling their butts and Fucking was like no it's bath water. Yeah, just like we're like, yo like let's bring countries together like yo like isreal palestine What do you need? some bath water I think it's a little more complicated than that, but he doesn't right? jesus christ

But like everyone like think of like the things that everyone has in common everyone gets fucking horned up Everyone gets horned up. Everyone gets horny. They just have different ways of dealing with it Right, you know like priests prayed away. Well, I think they do I think they're like god satan is trying to get me to you don't think priests are jerking off, bro I do I honestly don't know is that I think is a masturbation to sin Yeah, bro the priests love god. They're not going to do that to them I mean they do other stuff. Yeah. Well, then they they like repent afterward. They're like god. I'm so sorry Isn't that what they do? Yeah, but I don't know if god's he'd be like, yeah, no, it's fine

Yeah, no, no, no, but I think like he'd be upset about jerking off too. He'd be like, bro. I saw your dick, dude No, I mean when you guys like, you know, I'm always watching and I watch you crank that fucking soldier boy Yeah, I mean, no, I think they're I think they're slamming it I don't it depends how serious you take your priesthood. Is that what it is? I think it's priest priest hood Yeah, we're priests. They're priest life. Yeah, I don't know patch patch. No, no Uh, I would say that I don't think I really don't think yo, do you know any priests that we can just call up? I'll be like, yo, you fucking I told you when you still live on your fucking block, bro I didn't know that but he was like one of the ones that could marry and kiss a woman

Oh, like a cool priest like he would like pop shove it on a fucking skateboard and then he'd be like God helped me. He wasn't that cool. No. No, no He had one of the things he was like a deacon or something, which I don't really know what that means Deacon is like an evil priest. I think that's like every like bad religious figure in comic books. They're deacon something Uh, no, this is a cool guy. It's also a pretty good looking too. Really? Who's this hot priest? I I feel like I I feel like it's true that I don't know a hot priest and I knew everyone that lives on my block I think Yeah, I don't know. But I'm pretty sure there's a priest on your block. But anyway

Um, yeah, so ever since the story came out that we interviewed her Stephanie model came out and she was like Tooting into those mason jars and selling them off and just wiping her ass with with a cloth rose petal. Yeah Um, now farah abraham who was on 16 pregnant back in the day became super famous Uh, got a lot of a bunch of plastic surgery after the show made a porno that had a lot of anal seeds seeds I meant scenes. Oh, um, but yeah a lot of anal scenes in it Um, so she did that for a bit some porn stuff Has really better than news lately, but now she's selling her shit gotta get back in the news can't be out too long and uh, you know

She's she's selling her shit on the internet. Uh, she became famous for getting pregnant at 16. She built a fame of uh Wait, what it's such a depressing sentence. She got famous for getting pregnant at 16 Yeah, I mean, you know, uh a network wanted to exploit a child and they're basically yeah call it how it is joey Exactly. So that's what happened to her good for her. Um, but yeah, I think she's doing porn stuff Yeah films a sex tape. It was called wow. Okay. So I wasn't wrong with the anal stuff Farah superstar backed backdoor teen mom Who wrote was that like an asian? Oh with a porn star james dean, you know him I know, isn't there like a real james dean? Like yeah, not him though

Oh, like rebel without a cause james dean. No, this one's james dean with the with the fat dick Oh, well, we don't know if the real one had a fat dick. That's true. Um, but I mean doing porno Hey, man, good for you, but she's getting that butt beat up and then she's just fucking like Pooping into jars. Yeah, uh, she She's been on OnlyFans for a while now and in 2020 the world learned that she was selling videos of her pooping for 100 bucks That's it. Yeah, dude. If I'm if I'm no, no, you're worse Let me know how the sausage is made the recipe is gonna cost more than that You know what? That's gotta be a little tough though because basically she can

See this is this is what's tough about that market is that anyone can I presume for free? Go look at her butt get stuffed So like she needs to like introduce them to the idea of like, oh you like my butt I'll give you something for a little more Literally, that's what happened and a video posted to her OnlyFans account farah gave her followers the scoop opening things up with hate loves So so real quick So real quick personal nice. Um, so real quick. I wanted to show you how I shit in a jar and send it to you How's that real quick? Don't don't that's a that's a long that yeah, baby

Come on real quick. I shit in a jar. I want you to have it. Here you go. Yeah. I need some explanation. Oh, man Let's uh Yeah, oh, oh so cool. She explained and you get a video of me making it for you Let me let me tell you I I can't tell you how repulsed I am by this whole process Uh, but if I really wanted it, I would really want it So I I'm good for her for knowing that she'd want to like the behind the scene like the dvd extras, you know, like BTS yeah, you see steven spielberg talking to fucking, you know Someone about the movie you want to see how she's how she's doing the poop in there. Exactly

What's the process like? So she says she said she was in the bathroom all filming the video and she showed off a tiny jar She uses to hold the product. Well, how the product they that's how this the product. Yeah, it's shit. It's shit. Just call it shit Uh, then demonstrated how things work with her clothes on Explaining so I take my number. Oop. This is what she said. I take my number. Oop. Then I wipe my oop Why I don't know why she's saying oop Then I put it in here. She continued stuffing a clean cotton ball Inside the jar then I cork it and I get saran wrap and wrap it all up and put a special message on it and your name

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and I and I where's the poop and in the jar. How does she get it in there? Bro, I take my oop and she wipes her oop. Are you not listening? So she she goes in the jar I think that's honestly she's selling Cotton she's wiping with a cotton ball and she's getting shit residue. Oh my god. Yeah. No Also, you ever try to wipe your ass with a cotton ball? No, I have I can tell you right now It ain't gonna work. I I think it would be easy to wipe my ass It's like the Bermuda triangle. We put a cotton ball back there. It's gone forever. Yeah, yeah, honestly Not getting it back. Um

And just in case you were concerned she added that I've found that the cotton ball keeps the smell the best ever What So the cotton ball is trapping the smoke. I guess it's smart because like if she would not be able to produce enough shit to satisfy all orders What are you talking about? You should shit every day for the most part. You get five orders a day, dude What are you doing? You're gonna shit five different times. No, she has to fucking, you know portion her poop out That's true. You know, unless she's willing to get down and dirty I mean chop it up Yeah, not good. Uh-huh. I mean, what is that outside the realm of possibility now?

I mean, I guess if we're just cool with like pooping in jars, why not just like play with it? It's got myself that was so gross playing with shit is wack. Um, okay. You ever step and shit barefoot It's yes. I had oh my god. When did I do that? I did that recently. Oh a last summer I did it a couple something like a long time ago when I went to the hamptons one of the dogs I guess shit and I stepped in it I didn't I didn't hate it But then here's what I'll say it's gross because it's shit But it's a nice texture. No fuck off, dude

I'm saying fuck off if you step and shit and there was grass involved It wasn't like there was grass so it like curled around your foot and came through your toes Now you're ruining it But no, it was more near the side of my foot. So I got like mostly like my arch Yeah, that's awful, but it wasn't it wasn't that bad. No, it's when you look down you go shit. You go. Oh But it's not bad. It's not terrible. No, that sounds absolutely terrible. I would not be able I'd not be so cool I did it when I was a kid at the lake house. I stepped in a dog shit I was very upset and I like I had to go like instantly and like scrape it off

Yeah, obviously, what are you gonna scrape it off later? I don't know. I don't know if you kind of freak you are You love the way it feels. You might just sit there and let it fucking residue, you know, like Chill on your foot. I stepped in it. I was like, oh, what the fuck? And I was like, oh, no, but then Looking back on the experience. I was like that first step for a second there Was not terrible. It was not not good. Do you remember when our friend, uh Shit in a bag Tied it and then found it months later What the fuck are you talking about remember this someone's shit in a bag

There was a place in Astoria that we would all go to Where there was like no parent supervision now. I know you're talking about and A friend of ours growing up Shit in a bag or like shit in the toilet and took it out with a bag Like, you know how like you pick up dog shit. Hey, what wait, what you didn't remember Why did they do that? Because they were fucking Nuts like for for the sake of comedy. That's pretty comedic

If someone bro, if you're telling me a 13 year old kid walks out. He's like, yo, I have my shit in this bag That's not gonna elicit a laugh at a 13 year old joey. No, it's gonna elicit a break the window hop out the fucking window I remember us be like, yo, oh shit gross bro. No, I was That's what it was. It wasn't like I wasn't there for this by the way. No, you weren't I was um, and you were like I remember just be like dude. What the fuck? Yo, what but this is a crazy night But this was also probably, you know, like I was listening to a lot of Lil Wayne and dem franchise boys So it was probably more like were you all

That's old z That's my ghetto. That's my ghetto job. Did you uh, did you um, were you off the the sesame drinks at the moment? I don't Think I think it was pre sesame drinks. Okay, but this person might have been on, you know The rolled up a wet oregano. Gotcha. You catch my drift. Yes, I do and they so they should they they had their shit in a bag And they tied it off and they threw it across the room Oh Months later, we were at this place again. They found the bag opened it. It was white

Their shit was like a white powder Yeah, what is shit that had? Oh, no, dude. It was crazy though. I was just talking about this the other day You know how like back in the day you would make jokes and like, oh, you see white dog shit I haven't seen white dog shit since like 1998 bro. Where is it? They're not making it anymore They got rid of that They're like, I think it was probably because like they had like good like bacteria in their stomach now dogs are eating like Fucking mcdonalds and poppies and it's all dog shit. Oh, yeah It's like it's all so weird, right? Yeah, bro. I haven't seen but yo his shit turned white, dude

And I remember we were like it was like a layer of like powder on top It looked like those fucking like christmas pastries that are just covered in powdered sugar. Yeah, and they're like It was like a like a zeppelin. Yeah Yeah, and I remember everyone was like, yo, this is so fucking gross. That's so weird There was some wild shit that happened at that house, dude. I haven't had a zeppelin in so long I recently almost had a funnel cake, but I didn't And that's just a long zeppelin, right? It's like a stringy zeppelin. Yeah, it's like a lattice of zeppelin Yeah, but like a fat zeppelin. No, bro. I'd fuck a deep fried oreo. No, I've never been a big guy about those

They're okay. Shut the fuck up. I'll take a regular zap over a deep fried oreo any day. Excuse me any fucking day, dude It adds more flavor. There's a cookie in the middle of a zeppelin. No, no, no, no when I'm getting my zeppelin I'm expecting just fried dough and a lot of powdered sugar that I'll make fucking toni montana happy Exactly that bag is filled with mostly powdered sugar. Obviously, but like I don't want to bite into it and there'd be chunkling Why that's not what I want. Dude oreos. Nope. Nope. Nope. No, no, no don't want it I love that. I'm cool with just flat old zeps Flat like like regular like like plain zeps. I don't need to fry the oreo kind of you know reinventing the wheel here Dude going to the fucking fair that's over here the italian fair then when they have it and they have zeppelis

Oh, there's rats everywhere. Oh everywhere every single place But the lady she really fuck one time she's fucking This they had a big strong hairy armed italian woman. They're all they're all Carnies and italian women that are like old school italian women, you know. Yeah, yeah, exactly uh she Put on the zeppelis anything and then put like a bunch of powdered sugar and then she was mixing it

Like a fucking motherfucker, right? Oh go like a bang bang the bag breaks. Yeah. Zeppelis flying all over the place It was an explosion of fucking white powder and they don't what's fun is that they don't like drain the zeppelis They take them out the fryer in the bag. So the bag is then wet Soaked and then she just like it's like a fucking chemical reaction just puts in like 30 cups of powdered sugar So then it's like a bomb basically. I'm pretty sure that's how you make bombs. That's how you make bombs Yeah, dude. Oh my god. Let's just shake it up. Oh my god. I have a fucking zeppelis right now, dude. You ever had fried ice cream? No, yeah, fried ice cream is good too It's kind of like the zeppelis on the outside, but like it's a cold ice cream in the middle, dude

I like that. It's good change of temp. Yeah, because like they flash fry it. So it's like And then it comes out. It's like it doesn't know how to react. It's like i'm still cold in here Yeah Oh, there's no like Like dough or anything. No, it's like they like bread it almost They'll put it in like panko And like put it back in the freezer and then go from freezer to fucking fry it And it comes out like he's so good

I haven't had like something like deep fried in a while. I really want that. Yeah All you oh Dude deep fry your shit and put it in a jar and sell it and we'll get like this fucking girl What was her name? Which one the Farnit Farnit Farah Farnit. No Farah Abraham. Ah that was close Farnit Farnit. Yeah, um, also, uh She deleted it from her profile. So maybe she got shit shy Shit shy. Yeah, just I don't want to see her. But is there any picture of the jarred shit? I just need to know like what people are paying for what they're getting because she's saying a small jar, dude

She's this is what she's saying. Yeah, it's a little jar That's a small dude. That's a small that's like a fucking she's not putting actual shit in there. I'm thinking it was a mation jar. Why I guess you gotta pay more for that I mean, that's if you're putting like a whole poop in there, bro could what would you need to contain your dump? Me? Yeah a team Like what are you talking about Gatorade water cooler? Yeah, she corks this Like wine. Is there anyone any celebrity realistically you buy their shit Frankie? No J. Lo No, it's shit Jennifer Aniston

Maybe oh No, no, no, I would I would yeah much piss Pisses as far as I'll go. Yeah, and also like a vial of piss Maybe having a baby is desensitized me to shit like I'm not as gross out by it now But like yeah, because it's not a human shit yet. No, it's it's human shit I know but it's not an adult who eats shit. Yeah, it's not like a big old like fat boy. Yeah like a fat Shit. Yeah, listen. I'm picking up basically human shit. Yeah, that's a big dog, dude That's a big dog. He takes dumps and out in the snow, bro

You gotta like I know I'm picking up pieces of magma out there. It's just steamy. You're better than I am, dude It's insane. If my if I had a dog and we were walking and they shit in like in a big snow bank I'm covering it with snow and letting it melt Into the fucking earth. That's fertilizer. I can't that That's disgusting All right, we need to get to these ads into the ads talk about it human shit the first the first ad we have here Uh liquid iv big friend of the show. By the way liquid iv

Is making me drown in liquid iv. Yeah, bro. And so much so you won't even give me any No, I give it to you all the time. It's the joke. It's the joke. It's all it's a façade Um, it's a façade But I've given out so much liquid iv to everyone and they love it I'm actually going away this weekend and everyone's like bring fucking liquid iv But so for for liquid iv if you guys don't know what you should by now You put it in 16 ounces of water. It gives you all the essential vitamins five essential items a b3 b5 b6 b12 and vitamin c with three times the electrolytes of a traditional sports drink and it

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Frankie does fit bod. What's up, babe I think and i'm looking better. I lost some weight dude. You did I did I lost five pounds good for you I feel good. I don't look great, but I feel good. Got a good hairline Great hairline. Listen with fit bod new year new you new resolutions trying to get into a new routine Uh, you can get into shape using fit bod. Okay the path to achieve achieving your best look is different for everyone So they create a program based upon your unique goals your experience and your equipment So you don't have to go to a gym and have all the state-of-the-art stuff If you just want to do body weight stuff or you don't have access to a gym

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So, uh, also it also connects to uh, apple health fitbit and strava So you can keep track of how many calories you're losing or whatever you're doing. Um, but yeah, so go get fit bod It's great. They have a bunch of HD video tutorials, so you like learning new exercises and things like that. It makes it very easy Uh, but kick off the new year right? Uh, go to fit bod.me slash basement You'll get 25 off of a membership when you sign up now at fit bod.me slash basement That's 25 off your membership at fit bod.me slash basement. Hmm. I'll keep reporting on my weight loss journey

Nice keep doing that. Yeah Cool, uh Also, I had heard in zas news Well, you had sent me the link and I didn't think it was real. So I uh real boy, baby. I looked at a Build-a-bear Obviously great company. Yeah. No, you take your child there. They create a bear. They build a bear for 150 bucks You could build a bear. Oh my god. It's not cheap. It's not 150 bucks, but it's like well, they're not a sponsor. So what the fuck? Yeah It's a hundred dollar shot. If build a bear ever sponsored the show

The world's going to shit. But what hold on I remember also Way back in the day Someone sent me a package to a p.o. Box that I had opened up. I don't have one Um What? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, keep going. Keep going and they sent a bunch of build-a-bears So you're saying they're 150. I what cheap? No, I mean, I think they're more closer to like 75 dollars still but like it's like Do you pick out what like that? So I've recently been to build a bear, you know Within the last year you like pick the type of bear you want. Were you with a kid or it was just huge?

I know I was absolutely with a kid If I go into build a bear by myself Soundly alarmed. Yeah But I think we spoke about it too at the girl like she was like a weirdo But you like pick the type of bear. Oh, yeah, what does she say she's that's about conspiracy like the like she was like Isn't it weird that like all like ancient civilizations came up the idea of dragons Yeah, I fucking do but also why are you rigging this up creep? I love that Uh, but like you pick so you pick the bear

Or like the animal like a rabbit or whatever. Well, they have not bears bro. They have bears. They have animals. They have fucking like drafts bowser Super mario like you could make fucking whatever you could put super mario that yeah, yeah, yeah Evie pikachu Evie yep one of the hottest pokemon by the way very sexy. Sexy is one that we know though three two one nine tails Oh, yeah, it tells us so hot nine nine tails is but go on as you were saying we're building something about jinx build Oh, um, but build a bear

Oh Build a bear now has this is the the title of this article build a bear now has a horny after dark collection for adults So build a bear is like we're gonna expand. We're not gonna do bears. We're gonna do rabbits We're gonna do evie and pikachu and then and now they're like we need to expand even further Horny old people horny old people But listen, this is the thing I don't know if people like people are age because I guess we're getting older We're not getting older. I mean younger. We're getting older. Yeah, so they want us to be horny still, which

Not that hard. You know pretty horny group. Yeah, I would say but like bears ain't getting me horny I'm not getting a fucking teddy bear. What about rabbits? What about rabbits? Bro, okay, rabbits are a sexy animal, but like I'm not getting if bro if someone got me a Bear a horny bear a horny bear. I'd be like Bring this the fuck back. Well, so there's some pictures of one go to spencer's get furry handcuffs and a gummy dildo Yeah Oh my god, uh, they have a picture of one It's just a rabbit holding a glass of wine and the shirt says rose over roses

And there's a short black skirt and high black heels on this rabbit. Is she a hooker? Bro, this little whore this little filthy rabbit whore. I'm not saying that anyone that wears that is a whore I am but most people That's like that's like the the characterization of ladies of the night. This one is uh, What is it a dog? It's a dog and it's holding a mixed berry seltzer. Like a white claw. Yeah, damn Mixed berry seltzer. They're getting down like that This is a guy How is this one a horny? That's not horny. I guess that's the bill bellichick bear if it does the football does it for you

It's a sweater that says superbolt 56 That's weird. What's the other one this one below it This one says I want to take you out and it's a guy with uh with glasses like damn just being a creep Yeah, just like what's your postie life? That's what he's saying and he's wearing converse. It's a wrap. Have you ever done a bill to bear? Never never I've done a couple in my life more like a lot now that I think about it when I was like 14 I gave one to a girlfriend of mine. Okay, and he was in he was in boxers, dude

He was in boxers and a robe Like this guy that's a horny bear. It's a horny as bear. They've had these bears horny for a while Also, someone tweeted a picture in the store and they have like instructions on how to go about this. Yes. Yes And they say choose me. I remember that. Yeah name me. Yeah. Take me home. Yep Stuff me. Uh-huh. Yeah This is a horny store. That's a fucking an animal. Well, so this is not it's not in that order Obviously Uh, it's more like choose me name me stuff me take me home

Because like you have to like put this fucking thing bro. It's so you have to stuff it bro. Wait, bro Why what you don't go you don't do this build the bears? I thought you walk up You go here's a bear and then you start putting clothes on no, you know next stuff bro next time Next time what do you work for this company? Listen to me next time you come There's one in the mall down the road from my house It's like, uh, which yes, I know how badly you want to fucking do it It's you get a skin suit you get a fucking Buffalo bill skin suit, but how do you know what it looks like because it's the bear

It's the fucking skin of the bear It's just like flimsy and wobbly and then it the back is open And they give you a heart and it's like rub it and fucking kiss it and fucking hug it And then shove it in the bear Okay, and then there's a big machine in this fucking thing that's just fluff Going around and around And you have to put a pipe in this thing's ass basically and then they go They hit a pedal and you trip

And it fills up with stuffing You have to shove a pipe into this thing's ass in the middle of the store not it's ass maybe it's like lower back But yeah So the crack. Yeah, and they're like, oh, do you want to give it like a scented heart? So it could be a strawberry scented bear Why are you talking like that? That's how they all talk in there. That's how they all talk in there, dude All right, and there's like another like station where you can like give it a shower and a bath

What? No, you're making that up. No, I'm fucking not. Why would you wet a bear? You know, it's not like it's like it has like a spout and it's just air coming out of it and you like But like put it under there And then there's like close so you let the bear get blown is basically yeah, you're blowing this bear Is there anything about the store that isn't sexual? No, it's all pretty sexual Then there's like kinky outfits like a little cheerleader What the fuck is this place? Also, I didn't know it was like that. I thought that like they did most of the work for you

They the only thing they do is like they're the one that puts the pipe in the butt to stuff it They got why couldn't they just do that before I got there? Well, you know, they want you to have the full experience to bring this bear to life Then you give it like a fucking bro. You give it like a bird certificate It's like I am, you know, biblibop. I am from here. I'm six inches tall Or they're bigger than that. They're way bigger than that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're like a foot tall They should do build a bear but with like Dildos

You want to build a dildo build a dild build a dild Dild the dildo builder No, build a dild build a dild and you walk in and then you have to go in you have to get hard Well, hold on you have to why do you have to get hard because you're gonna mold a dild Oh, you're mold. No, that's different. I'm not saying you're molding it after yourself. You can buy penis molds I know you could buy that. I know. Um But like I don't know why I'm saying it like that. I don't know like I just know that. No, you know

I've never played my winner. You Are you sure about that? I'm yeah, I adore you don't even know what grease is No, but like it's like the skin like the silicone the outside And it's like you can then put like concrete in it or like marbles or or bees or some shit Or oh bro, you had a toy at your house and I was Fingering this thing. I was fucking that. I love that with my hand. Okay. Okay. Hand fucking that's fine It's like a thing that you like squeeze and there's like it pops out and there's like orbeez in it I'm like, it's an orbeez ball, but it's like covered in like a netting like a netting. Yeah

So when you squeeze it, it like pops out of the netting I would always get the most out of one single hole and I would hold it like that and I would just look at it Is that weird? No, I was doing the same thing, dude So the dildo's Yeah, build a dild build a dild you walk in or you know, you could have Uh famous builds so like you got Shaquille O'Neal's fucking ham-hawk back there or I hear what you're saying. You can use dimensions from different famous people like oh, this is Tommy Lee's length This is Shaquille O'Neal's girth

This is that would be a fucking monstrous thing. That would be even though. I don't know what jack's penis looks like I know Tommy Lee's dick is pretty long. Come on. Yeah. He has like a long like noodle dick, doesn't he? I think so. I don't think he has a big dick as much as it's just like I mean, it's a long It's a big dick. It's big in terms of like, you know the size the drive The drive, you know, like you're going 120 miles, but it only takes you two hours to get there. You catch my drift We have lost me. Sure. Yeah, I think so like for instance guys got a big dick though He has a long dick. So you're saying he has a thin dick I so I don't know the girth could be better. I think the girth could be better

I think when I was like 13. I saw the him and Pamela Anderson sex tape and I was just I remember being like That's a that's a stringy dick. That was the first time I saw two people having sex on a boat Have you seen more? Yeah, I've seen mad people Where? Oh like porn Yeah, Frank What what else would I be talking about? I've been on

The only boat I go on is yours. No, you've been on boats. I've been on your boat an s-boat boat. No, you've been on a yacht That was the one other boat that I thought I would I would assume that you would have seen some I thought I listen you go away. You go on trips every now and then I I I thought I'm going to orgies. No Um, maybe open sex parties. No, no, I don't but I thought you would have like seen because you've seen other people having sex in person I can assume right I think so So like I I can also have I have you

I'm trying to think Have I seen other people having sex in person? I've heard it Yeah, I've heard some stuff. I've heard about you know, like having sex Yeah, I know that it's happening sometimes like I'm like, oh, yeah, I don't think I've seen I don't know that I've seen it. I don't know. Oh, wait. Yeah, I've seen it. Yeah And now I'm just listening like I see max. I'm thinking about like, yeah Yeah, I've seen it. Not like I'm not like a voyeur, but I yeah, no, but I've definitely seen it. What have you seen it? I've seen it places. Yeah. Oh, so what's sex? Oh, I know what you're talking about

How do you know what I'm talking? I know what you're talking about. What am I talking about? You're talking about, you know, uh, some sort of uh You know, uh stage play Well, oh, I wasn't even thinking of that. Oh, you weren't even thinking of that. Did you see that? Add that to the list I've seen some sex stuff. He has but I've seen I've seen bloach. I've seen bloach. You've seen bloach You've seen bloach. I have seen bloach because we saw it together. We did see together and we were alone There's about 20 other people

At least at least 25. I would say a lot of people saw that. Yeah That is correct. I forgot about that story until he's very second. Yeah, holy shit. Just remember that that was a That was something Yeah, it was it was it wasn't nothing you want to say who was first and last absolutely not That's not one of the people yet First and last let's find absolutely not pay me to say stay quiet. Absolutely not Uh, I forgot the the the nice woman's name to be honest. I remember her name. I don't you want me to let it fly I feel like you want to know that I don't care. I don't even know who that is. I don't I don't but

Anyway, don't do it That's a heavy one. So the dildos build a dildo. Yeah, uh or the dildo bear No build a bear so it's a bear with a dildo on it Is he a smack you could you could you could do that if you really wanted to but I feel like that would that like it would Need a weird. Yeah, that would be like it wouldn't like stay it would like You know Like you would need more like some more like you need a wall behind it or something Yeah, you know it's velcro like those. Yeah, like those dildos that have the suction cups on them, right?

Like it works because you got you know good foundation behind you, right? Yeah, so I hear no you've you've had one Frankie you've made multiple videos with this thing It was a giant black dildo hold on with a suction cup Joey and he was throwing it against the wall And he got really good at it too I wish you still had those videos. I do what the other on my computer. Oh, I just gotta find them I would put that into the episode if it was allowed, but it's definitely not so what Joey is referencing is As a joke, I bought our friend first and last Uh, I bought him a dildo. It was Dylan Dylan and a big fan of the new york rangers. Yes, so I printed out the entire rangers roster

Laminated it like their pictures. Yes laminated it Which was also impressive. Yeah, and put little like command strip velcro things on it and the other velcro thing was on the bottom of the balls So when he's watching the game, I could say like oh like if fucking chris krider chris krider Fucked you Like you put you know velcro his picture to the balls and like let him fuck you let him fuck you If you're happy because they did something and like everyone's done this before we're like, ah, yeah, I'll fucking Kiss him or truck him off or something. Yeah. Um now it's possible now. It's possible. So and

which always referencing Is I made a uh trick shot compilation Yeah, he did where I was like throwing it behind my back and it would just fucking in slow mo Just like end over end and then just stick to the wall. Yeah, uh, I got very good at it I remember when I came to visit you at college you had it and we were just throwing it against the wall and drinking beers. Yeah Yeah, yeah, we were and we got good at it. It's like throwing axes. Yes, but a lot gayer. Yeah You're handling penis. So but yeah, this build build a dild thing. I think could really take off I think it will take off. You think so. Let's get to these ads. Damn. It's

After we're done. I'm going to look for that video. Yeah, I want to see it too. Um How you doing true bill guys are you out there over paying for subscriptions that you didn't even know you had You signed up for stupid whatever and you were paying for it or it was a free trial And then all of a sudden it turned into you paid for the whole year and you have no idea It's been coming out of your pocket. Well, true bill is going to help you Uh, it's a new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions that you don't need one or you just forgot about Like I said, on average people are saving up to 720 dollars a year You could do a lot with that money. You could open up your own store like we were talking about don't mention the name

We're doing that um True bill, uh concierge is there when you need them to cancel unwanted subscriptions. So you don't have to Uh, but yeah, go do it. Go save yourself some money. I'm sure there's ones that we've all signed up for We don't know about that. We have been paying for uh, and they have over two million users help them save over a hundred million dollars Crazy, uh, so don't fall for some subscription scams start canceling today at true bill dot com slash basement Go right now true bill dot com slash basement. It could save you thousands a year. Okay Uh, and lastly we have factor factor makes it easy to eat clean 24 seven with fresh never frozen

Prepared meals that are so delicious. You wouldn't believe they're actually good for you And I've been seeing a lot of advertising for this for factor on like instagram and tiktok and whatnot And now you're seeing it on this show really good though. I've had some of their meals. They're really good Uh, and yeah, I mean for someone like me like I don't I don't really enjoy Cooking consistently. I like going out of my way sometimes make them make something cool right now But not every single day. So this is like helpful in that way and like I said, you can eat clean They deliver chefcrafted meals to your doorstep eliminating the hassle of grocery shopping and meal prep Uh, and with more than 29 meal options each week

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God Do it. Those are pirates right there. Yeah Oh, yeah, do it do a good irish broke I don't know. Come on. You can do it Say like lase What was that that one too bad, but it also didn't make sense say like say, uh, can you pass the ketchup? Can you pass the ketchup? What the fuck was that? Holy shit, what the fuck you at you like started in one fucking dialect and you went to a complete other one

I don't know bro. I think of like Oh, that's good old boy right there. It's pretty good. It's not bad. It's not bad. Can you pass the ketchup? I like they probably call it something stupid over there like the red blood. Yeah, they're you know, I hate the irish I'm irish. Yeah, you can say it. That's right. The way I am with the spanish You can say it because you're irish and italian right and good Um, but yeah two men Try to pass off a dead body just to collect his pension. So if you're not familiar with we can have bernice

Basically, there's a dead guy. They probably put Sunglasses on him because you got it. You have to put because dead eyes. You ever seen dead eyes? Honestly two days ago What happened two days ago, there's a there's a friend of ours that works in a in a field Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, who we're sending dead. Sometimes sometimes they deal with dead people And he and we were at lunch and he just goes wait sometimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we are lunching. He goes confirmed You you want to see a dead guy? And I was like, yeah

You said yeah, I did damn and I saw a dead guy and in his eyes were like kind of sunken in Yeah, they're sunken in and they start to get like white by the way Probably soup's illegal. Oh, definitely. Yeah, this person definitely Breaking the law broke a couple laws at least probably. Yeah, um, but anyway, so That's why they probably put sunglasses on this man. Um, but they were southeast Want to see a dead guy? You want to see a dead guy literally uh unprovoked said that Uh, two men allegedly brought the body of an elderly man to a post office and propped him up and attempted

Get some money a post office. We're trying to get a stamp money They're all fucking weird all over in ireland The Irish Times reported that a man entered the post office to collect weekly pension Oh of another individual but was quickly told that the reception the recipient of the pension would have to be present The individual left but sometime later returned with two other men his accomplice and the unnamed man his 60s Whose pension they were trying to collect like full dead Fully dead full dead gotta you gotta imagine. He's in a wheelchair or something With while attempting to withdraw the money a woman in the post office became suspicious of the two and alerted staff

While the duo left the scene before any officials arrived. They did leave behind the body of the third man So they walked in that three guys one of them They didn't have pulse and then someone's like Something's not right here. Something smells funky. Yeah, something smells dead. Yeah And then uh, you know, they were right. They were right and then you ditched the body You ever hear of something like illegal and you're just like you can't get mad at it You're like they just beat us to it. Can you imagine being in the bank and a woman going?

Hey, wait a minute. Is that guy dead? Well, they're irish. So say it like her Do it you can't say it without we don't mean it. Okay. Yeah, you're getting there. You're getting there Yeah, I don't know. What are they called mad blokes? No, I think they're like, uh Cones I think that's england too. Is that cold dead? No, I think it would be like jimmy johnny Lassie no a lot

I don't know shut up. Yeah, um But imagine that and like there's two there's three guys and they're like, oh we're all just like friends and like holding each other up And then somebody's like, yo, is that is that dude dead? What's going on? You gotta get out of here And then they just let this body drop On the ground and you're like, oh that's just spaghetti at that point. Yeah, no, it's a pile of bones crazy I honestly I can't even get mad at them. Not that I'm anyone too get mad at them but like you can't be upset at them because Pretty smart

Gotta think about it. No one when when someone walks in no one's like they're weak and at bernie's They're weak ending at bernie's the son of a bitch right here and and they did they they pulled it off at least they tried which Hey, man, what was it? It's it's more or what is it? It's like the effort to like do something. There's a quote about that, right? About propping up a dead man. No, no, no, no, no about like the effort behind something is 90 of it or something I don't know could be wrong. But yeah, they did try the miss 100 of the shots you don't take Yeah, that's that's the one that's like appropriate michael scott. Yeah, and we also know someone who's kind of like rob dead dead As well. We do that's right. Yeah, one of our friends robbed the dead first and last let it fly. Absolutely not

I'm just afraid of what what happened to you. Yeah. Yeah, uh, and they made watch. I don't know but one of our One of our friends from fifth grade. Yeah, it was an associate of ours Um, who found a bunch of money in a dead person's house. Yeah Well, because my understanding and you're by the way part of the crime Um, let's hope that statute of limitations up, babe. What what did I do? Um I think they were like cleaning out the apartment and they were like, yeah, whatever you find in there Like you can keep To my knowledge they were sent in there to find something specific

But ended up finding a bunch of cash and they were like how much cash Hundreds of thousands Bro, what? Yeah, I thought it was just like, you know, like like 10 grand. No It was a lot of money. Really? Why don't you know old people? They don't trust like the government. They don't and I don't You know one does anymore, especially old people. Yeah, but like money is not even real anymore You know what I mean? Well, that's because when they were younger banks were getting robbed by fucking cowboys every other day And it's like why keep your money in there if it's just gonna be taken by an outlaw Yeah, we can't even transport there. So they're gonna rob the train. Yeah

A guy on a horse is gonna rob me. What are you crazy? Yeah, no, no, no, it doesn't work out You're gonna have to kill me On a horse dude, bro, I can run away better be on foot if you're gonna rob Listen horses are fast, but I can get away from one. You know what I mean? I don't respect anyone in that I run toward it and then just a quick dart Yeah, I could juke a horse. I can juke a horse. Absolutely. Yeah, you know, um, but or just throw myself at its legs I'll fuck die. I fucked her legs up, dude, bro. Well, yeah, the horse would go down and then they'd have to shoot it Well, once it's dead once it's on the ground, I don't care what happens to it next

I'm getting up. I'm getting out of there if a horse falls on you your your bones are crushed, bro. No, they're not that big Horses bro if a horse falls on me Maybe if I'm like up in the air and then come down but like if I'm all right, look horse is galloping at me I'm running at the horse Big mistake number one. Okay Follow me here. I'm running at the horse I'm Chop-blocking I'm throwing my body sideways into this horse and it's it's going down, dude

And what do you think happens to its legs? It kicks you in the ribs? No, your ribs are shattered when it's in the air like that, dude. I I'll get under it And I'll fucking I'll hurt it. Thank you. Vin Diesel. Who do you think you are? What are you talking about? I also how much does a horse weigh? Do you know? I say like 500 600 pounds. Yeah, 660 pounds. Okay. All right You think you can you that thing would fall on you and you'd just be cool I think if I tense up, you know, like I think I could take Nothing, but I'm also gonna put my hands up. No, I'm gonna break the fall a little bit. I'll put my legs up

I've I've leg pressed A lot of weight. Yeah, but maybe not a 600, but I've like pressed like 350 pounds. Okay It's not not quite there, but uh, no, it's not it's not there. It's about half Okay, it's about double the amount. Okay. If the horse falls on you Get comfortable because I'm staying there. Yeah I don't know. I mean like I know if it falls on me like if I'm on its back And it does the whole like, you know, nay thing where it gets scared and I go back I'm fucked up there. Of course, but if I'm

Throwing my body like a human cannonball. I'm taking this thing's legs out. I don't think it'll fall on me I Think it doesn't matter. You will be hurt. I mean, yeah, it'll hurt. I won't feel good, but I'll walk away I don't know about that. I think so you're gonna need help from another fellow cowboy Well, that's right. Oh, oh, I'll shoot its knees like you know how people shoot windows before they run through them Yeah, it's like fuck with the structural integrity You're gonna shoot. I'll shoot the kneecaps of the horse. Why would you need to dive under it at that point? You have a gun This kid wants to shoot the knees of a horse and then dive at it. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You're horrible at this I think I I think you literally could just Wait for it to run past you and shoot it in the head. Well, that's you gotta be a pretty good shot I think if it's coming toward me Just clip the knees it'll fuck like its legs will get like You know, no, it will go down Yeah, so then it goes down as I throw my body at it and I knock out the back legs No, am I wrong? Am I like all I don't even know what the what you're trying to accomplish

I don't I think I've completely forgot what we were even talking about. I was talking about like People on horses robbing people. Yeah, I'm saying how I'd get rid of the horse Yeah If you were to rob someone like if you needed If you needed to steal 600 bucks, yeah, how would you do it? Would you rob a person? I'd rob multiple people But in the right place too, but what does that mean?

Would you break into a house or were you rob people on the street on the street? Yeah? Yeah You probably just walk around wait for like an all I I legitimately have Like struggle thinking how people get caught like doing stuff like that in like a big city like man I agree because sometimes I'm walking around and I'm like this is a quiet neighborhood And like everyone's asleep. It's 2 a.m. What is this old woman doing out here with her purse? She's begging to get punched in the mouth and let me rob hold on. Hold on. Yeah, I swear No, I'm just thinking like in a big city. It's like bro. If I rob someone I'm going into the subway and I'm gone and I am gone

Like I am you'll never find me ever again. Well, they I know there's a lot of cameras and stuff in Manhattan and stuff like that You would have to wear a mask I mean, okay. I wear I wear a mask Right. So like in the city, there's like cameras and stuff They take the cameras from all these businesses And they like try to find you and get your face and like try to track you and like whatever, right? But if you're in like a small town Bro, like bro, if you live in the middle of Iowa, right? There's no cameras

Like there's store cameras. Don't punch anyone in the store. But just like on someone's property at night I'm socking an old woman and stealing 600 dollars, bro I know someone that told me a story of when I'm not doing that by the way. They were younger Which is like let's say like early 2000s like 2003 2004 they got caught Picking cherries at an orchard And it's like how the fuck like just run back into the orchard and run What are they gonna do? How are they gonna catch you?

Like these people that like go through the woods and they're like the cops are chasing after them Bro, I would never be caught ever maybe if they said the dogs after me. Oh my god. Those bloodhounds those bloodhounds Well, the bloodhounds are stupid. They got big ears. They'll fuck. They won't catch me. No, they have a good scent We got a big problem with german shepherd. So Those will kill you those will get me. Yeah, but like even a german shepherd Like I can just like when it goes to bite me, you know, and then just kind of grab it But how do these people get caught? You have like no concept of like fighting animals I think I can think that you could take out a horse kids an idiot

I'm not saying I'm saying if I throw my body cannonball style at it. I can take it out. Absolutely Bro, and if a fucking german shepherd comes after me, I just grab its head and put it to the ground And then I'm you know, I'm not gonna hurt it because I love animals What do you think you're king kong you can just grab a german shepherd like that A vicious one at that is a dog a canine. Okay, you're bro a canine. I can do it. I can absolutely do it frank There's dogs in the police academy, right? I know I've met a couple and all it takes Is for one of these officers to go, huh? And you're dead

No, it will kill you. It won't kill me. I saw a video once. I saw it and this was fucked up I saw a demonstration of what you're talking about Forget about demonstration. I saw a real life fucked up shit Oh, I don't want to video of a guy sitting on a couch and he's I think I'm pretty sure he was handcuffed already And this dog just bit his face And I was like, damn dude, that's the first time I've ever seen a dog bite a face I've gotten my face snapped at by a dog Um, but like bro, I saw like bill as you're saying like the dog will be like in the back seat

Let's be like And the dog fucking like opens the window and just like is out and it gets you pretty quickly I'm not saying I can outrun it. I know I can't outrun it But I can't if this thing came at me and I like timed it right as it jumps at me just grab the collar and Just shift it to the ground. No I don't know bro. I think I could I'm very quick No, you're not

I almost let that go I'm very quick I am very quick like in terms of like making like, you know, like, yeah stuff like that The delusion is just but yeah, so our we knew a kid that found apparently hundreds of thousands of dollars Yeah In an apartment and then didn't you like go out for a night on the town or something like this? Yeah, I was there Thank you. You said it yourself. Yeah

But I didn't find out how he got the money until later until that night. What was that night like? Lavish, um, not very heavy. He picked us up in a limo. Okay. That's kind of all he said to me was like I came up. He said he wanted to sponsor me and I was like, what? This was like in like like better health and liquid ivy. Yeah. No, but this is exactly he was like or like 2013 maybe and he was like and I had just started doing stuff like I didn't have like, you know That many followers like you but uh, he was like I want to sponsor you And you know, we'll get you on billboards and stuff and I was just like, you know in my head

I'm like, I don't want I don't know what's going on But it doesn't because I was like, how did you come across this money? Would you like win the lottery because all he would say was like I came across Or like I came up off You know something came into came into or whatever And then he wouldn't tell me he's like, I'll tell you about a person I don't because he didn't want you know the data points. He doesn't want to write it down. That's right. That's right guy Uh, and then when I was in person with him sitting in the limo, he told me he also had $7,000 in cash on him

Did he give you any he? Drunkenly at one point, which if this happened to me at any other time I was I was basically sober because I was like shocked at what was happening um He took a hundred dollars and like this and put it in my shirt So usually that would piss me off. That's fire, dude, but I was like right in the wallet. Yeah got paid for this Absolutely. Yeah, so I that's what I did. What was um We just got like drunk and we drove around what can I ask something because I legitimately

I think this is a good place to end too because I don't fucking get it Why are is it okay to get drunk as shit in a limo but not in a fucking car? I don't know why or like a party bus bro. Why I don't know Why could I be in the back of a limo and just be annihilated? drinking And then actively there's a bar. There's a fucking bar and then like in the back seat of a fucking ford explorer It's like no. Yeah, I don't know. Is it the partition? Maybe it is the partition, but then I'll just put a partition in my car Yeah, or not even a party. I'll just put a couple boxes up, but like

Why should that stop anything anyway? You know what I mean? I think like I get why we don't want open containers and vehicles Of course, but you have to explain that law people well because people can't control themselves It's more to like protect everyone. No, I meant explain the law that makes that different like I get it I'm all for people not being able to drink in their cars Can you look this up? Can you look like or is this just like an urban myth that you can drink in in limos? Bro, there's a bar in it doesn't it doesn't mean anything. I mean, does it mean like Because I've been in limos where it's like the bar is filled with like bottles of water

Can you drink alcohol in a limo? All right, I call the New York limo car allows you to bring your own alcoholic beverages provided that all passengers are over the age of 21 What's the difference the difference so if I could just call my car a limo I'm obviously I'm not going to be drinking and driving because I'm passengers in or drivers of a bus taxi limousine house car Or a camper or exempt from prosecution under california's open container laws. That's california though Oh my god, if I was in california and I was taking an uber to the club. I'm bringing So many beers in that car. Do you know how many times I've been here one time?

I got really drunk and I was drunk and then we got in an uber to a club This is one of the this is like when first when uber first came out. I think and I farted And it was louder than I like right now or no, no, no I'm saying in the uber and the guy kicked us all out. Really? He was like, oh, your parents raised you Because you farted. Yeah, the guy was like over here. I was like greek and he was tight and I got it I remember when we were when we were younger my thing one of one of my like party tricks even though it wasn't a party trick was like Walking out of the bar or club with beers I would like put them in my liner and like suck my chest in so it would just like look like my shirt fell

And then we'd be walking down the street and I'd pull out like four beers of my belt I remember that was like a party trick. I was like, yo, hurry up. You can't I was like, oh watch I got caught a couple times. Sure, but then you just finished a beer. Yeah Smart well There you go folks crime crime We're gonna tell you how to do it how we were like kind of doing crime. We're kind of doing crime. Yeah It was a good time. Where can I find you? On patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard where if you sign up for that first here

You get these weekly episodes a week in advance get in on the jokes of comments and stuff way before everybody else And then you get that next year you get exclusive episodes every Friday morning start and end your week with the basement yard when you go to basement yard Uh, the basement yard patreon account patreon.com slash the basement yard You could find me f albars 8085 on twitter the frank albars on instagram and twitch Hopefully i'll be streaming on twitch again soon And uh, yeah, where where where can they find you joe? Uh at joe sanagato on all platforms and also go follow the show on tiktok and instagram at the basement yard And that is all and joe will be in micanos

In august in august. See you guys next time. Bye