The Basement Yard - #337 - This Man Has A Battery Powered P*nis

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

Frank & Joe discuss an Iranian man's unfortunate mishap with an AA battery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. Go ahead. Blessums. Blessums. You remember, you know. Remember, what are you doing? I'm making fun of our friends. First of all, this cool shirt has a hood.

Well, I was going to say, it's not a shirt if it has a hood, right? No, it's a shirt. Well, no, it has a hood. Just a thin sweater. Did you get that in like a subscription pack? I didn't. I got it from my friend Joe.

I have two friends, Joe. Wow. You son of a bitch. OK. Joe Reiser, he has like a workout. Is that the kid who lifts weights and has a gun? Real muscle. Yes.

He's the one with the Desert Eagle that he takes pictures of. Oh. Where he's like. He doesn't take a picture like that. No, no, no. Like he's praying? Like he has the gun like here, and he's taking a picture like he's the poster of wanted.

What is going on? He's very muscular. He's a big muscley boy. Right. Might be overcompensating for some reason. I would say, I didn't want to say it. Listen, he's got real cool shirts. He's a real nice guy.

Listen. Does live in Florida. What does that mean? Living in Florida with a Desert Eagle? Well, yeah. Come on. Yeah, I know. You know, from Jersey.

I don't know if that helps or what. Oh, that doesn't help. I think it's a good thing. Of course you do. But he's from like the, like, you know, the good parts. The bad parts. Depends on how you define good. Well, I don't like the whole thing.

OK. No, he's fucking. I love this shirt. You know, I'm a big horror movie fan. That's a Jason. Just a muscular Jason Voorhees. But the hood on it. Is that through his head or is he just, like, winding it up?

I think he's, like, getting ready to hit you. Oh, nice. Like, one of these. I would never. Could you think you could stab someone? Yeah. Like, if it, like. I could shoot someone way before I could stab them.

Oh, that's tough. I would stab them in their sleep. I would, I don't know if I would be able to deal with them awake. You know, just like, cover their eyes. Hey, Frank, do you stab someone in their sleep? They're waking up. Not necessarily. They might do like a.

No, no, no. You stab someone, they go, you know, what? I don't think that's a response. Yeah, they go, oh, and then they wake up. They don't just go. I think they might, if you get it, if you get the right spot, if you start, you know, if you start in the right spot, you might just, like, catch them, like, so they stay asleep.

And that's why I say I'm covering their eyes. I don't want to see them waking up. Just, like. Why don't you want to see their eyes? That's the part that will get me. The eyes? Yeah. Because, like, all these people, like, I've never been hunting.

I've never shot an animal. Right. But that's the part that would fuck me up. You think you could shoot an animal? I think I could. I think I could, too. I think I could, too. And I love animals, dude.

Dude, I'm a big animal fan, unless I need to fight them. But for some reason, I want to shoot one with a bow and arrow. Bow and arrow? Have you ever shot a bow and arrow? It's very difficult. I'm very good. Are you? Dude, I'm like, I am very good.

You want to know where I shot a bow and arrow? On your grandfather's estate in Maine? No. And that's my uncle. And he had a cannon. Oh. Which I don't really know. He let us.

Not a bow and arrow, a fucking full-on cannon. He shot, we were leaving, and he shot a cannon into the forest. I'm like, this is not, the FBI will be here. Like, what are you doing? I don't think you can get in trouble for shooting a cannon. Guns, on the other hand. Well, he's got a bunch of those, too. Well, up in Maine, it's like, fucking, it's so,

it's like 99% woods. Yeah. They don't care what you shoot up there. That's the exact percentage, too. I'm pretty sure. I'm actually looking to do a trip to Acadia State Park, possibly. Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got, I went. Did you? Yeah. Was it nice? It was beautiful. Yeah, we're thinking about doing it.

Dude, eat the most lobster you've ever had in your life. I, I'm, I. You're going to eat it and shut up. I will eat it. Yeah. But I'll say this. Lobster rolls. Crab?

Yes. Lobster. Not that far. Take it easy. There's a big difference for me, personally. But those are like, we're talking about the kings of the seafood game here. Well, they're not called king crab for nothing.

No, kings and lobsters. Well, I'm not a big lobster guy. Lobster is too like, like it's too, you know what I mean? Like it's, let me stop you there. I have no idea what you mean. Why not? What are you doing? You know exactly what I mean.

Chewy? Chewy? But no, like use your words, babe. OK, it takes too much effort to bite through lobster. Like I want my animals when they're dead to just be like, I'm giving myself to you. Like I don't want to have to put in a lot of effort. Like I'm already, I already probably

killed this thing or no, hold on. No. Probably cooked it. Yeah, no you didn't. You probably went to a restaurant and ordered lobster. But if I'm paying the food for it, the money for it, am I having a stroke? I don't know what's going on with you.

You're paying in food, you're trading with the restaurant. I don't want there to be a lot of effort outside of crab legs. Crab legs are fun because you just fucking crack them and destroy them. Frankie, there's way more effort putting in, like that you have to put in to eat a crab leg. But then when I bite into a crab leg, it's like it just fucking comes out because it's so soft and plump and juicy

and beautiful. Yeah, but by that point, you had to like, ax it, crush it in a nutcracker. I'm cool with that. I'm cool with that. And what do you do with the lobster? You just put it in your mouth. Because it's like, it's so metaphorical.

It's like crabs have this like tough, spiky, spiny out exterior. But they come and you flip them over and you scrape. No, no, no. Now you're talking a different type of crab, Joey. No, we're talking about lobster, baby. OK, lobster, but like lobster, people, you ever see in like fucking like Miami,

people take clubs to lobsters? And then when they get inside? Clubs. Yeah, bro. You've never seen that shit? In like in a restaurant, taking out a bat. Basically, yes. They take out little mallets and they just fucking

bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. That seems unnecessary. It's already dead. You're damn right it is. And then when you get the meat, it's just like a tougher meat. So it's like, I don't want this. I want to bite into it and I want it like melting in my mouth, like crap.

OK. But I'm not, I'm not fine. I love crap. But like, I'm not fighting you on where they stand. Yeah. But I'm saying these two are at the top. I would say they're, no, I would even go there. There's other fish that I like over lobster.

Oosh fish, a fucking wonderful salmon. I don't like salmon. Salmon steak is so good. And then you, oh, have you ever had Chilean sea bass? That's good too. I feel like I might have. You probably have because you're rich. And I would say there's definitely other, like I actually

might even, I might go as far to say I like shrimp more. Don't make me come over there and hit you as hard as I can. That's a personal preference. I understand. Lobster is considered to be better. But then you have like, you ever have like what, like that yellow goopy sea urchin? Not good.

I just, I just had it for the first time not to long ago at a very good restaurant. And I was like, this is OK. Yeah. Ahi tuna. Incredible. I mean, now we're getting to specifics here. Also, I hate tuna.

Well, no, I don't hate tuna. You hate tuna fish. I hate tuna fish. Like, tuna fish is disgusting. Like canned tuna fish. Yeah. What is that? By the way, I was walking my dog.

There was just a can of it out. What are we feeding the straights? I have to admit, we definitely are feeding the straights. That's the problem with this country. I feel like, I feel like the birds and the stray cats are better well fed than the stray humans, which are, AKA the homeless. Well, yeah, because, you know, that's a weird way to say it.

Where did this go? There's a stray. Just pointing at just like someone homeless. Look at that, the stray. Now, that's how they describe people like at truck stops. If you're in a city, you're homeless. But if you're at a truck stop, you're a stray. Speaking of truck stops, what is dogging?

Is it a sex thing? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I would assume. I feel like it's only a British thing. But maybe we have talked about this before, but it's like. It sounds like a British thing. It's a porn thing, where it's like, oh, she went out dogging.

Like, what does that mean? What I'm thinking like. Like, it's like truck stoppy. I didn't know about truck stoppy, but I'm thinking like, if I hear the term like, oh, they're dogging you, like they're like really going to town on you, you know? Yeah.

Like they're eating the bajangers. It is British. British slang for engaging in sexual acts in a public or semi-public place or watching others do so. Why do they call it, oh, because dogs fuck anywhere. They don't care. They're raw like Monday night. Maybe that's it.

Maybe, yeah. So it's just like public fucking, dogging. That's weird. I mean, what would we call it here? Fucking, I guess, but like, PDA, but like. PDA is making out. It's not fucking. I don't think I've ever, I've seen like,

I would rather see people making out. I mean, I would rather see people. Yeah. I know where you were going with that. I would rather see people fucking than making out. No. Dude, making out is so intense. It could be intense because there's different levels

of intensity. Sex is sex. I'd rather see make out and be like, wow, look at, they turned it up to 12. Having sex in public is like, wow, they like there's a lack of self-awareness with that. Yeah. But then you could just be like, OK, crazy people.

They're nuts, you know, whatever. Unless you're like walking through the woods, and then you go, these people are cool. You know, like if it is a secluded area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you're on a hike and you catch someone getting blown, you're like, good for them. Good for them.

Those are good people. But if you're going down 3rd Avenue. And you're like, these guys are getting sucked on a bench. I just wanted to go in and get a fucking smoothie. Exactly. And I'm going to Pinkberry. You're getting a bludge on the fucking bench on Park Avenue. You guys are crazy.

You guys are nuts. Yeah. You know, but if you catch someone in a hike, you're like, these people are cool. I love how we've just, like, we define like these socially acceptable norms as just like, depending on where they are. Like as you're saying, like, sex in public in a city?

No, no. Sex in public in the woods. Montana. The whole state of Montana. No one cares. Who do literally at an inner church? People plan, well, hold on. People plan to go to like state parks on like crazy hikes

to be like, and then we're going to sneak off, and I'm going to diddle that off. Yeah, I'm going to start. You know, I'm going to go up. Why is that where you went first? No, I was like getting excited. No, no, no. No, I was getting excited.

No, no, no. I know what you were getting excited for. No, I was saying like, you know, yes, we're going to have sex. This is excited. This is something else. I didn't do this. Yes, you did. No, I said, yo, let's go.

Josh clipped that, and clipped that. No, I said, I said, let's go. We're going to hike. No, no, no. No, you'll plan. I didn't do this. You did that. You fucking.

You know what? It makes sense why you go on all those trips with fucking GO and beat. Watch it. I got excited. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know exactly what you were excited for. No, you're changing the angles with my hands.

They were here. They were here. No, no, no. The tape don't lie. The tape will show. Run it back. Run the shit back. Run the tape back.

I want to see you fucking rewind in the episode. And I want to see you doing it. I'm really not sure what I did. We know what you did. But people will plan to go to places just to have sex in wild places. And then if they, but never in highly populated areas, which I guess that's the part that's upsetting.

Well, you know, there's a higher chance of getting caught. Yes. Which is illegal. And then also, you probably have to report that to your neighbors and stuff. If you fucking public, I think they are like, yo, you're a sex fan. Oh, you got to like knock on doors, be like ding dong,

guess what? Don't get me started on the sex offender registry. I understand why it's there, but it does the opposite. Well, it's also a weird. Isn't it weird to be like, I have to go around and tell everyone? I just want you guys know like I did this thing. Like I get the idea behind it, but like it feels a little personal. I wouldn't want someone knocking on my door and be like,

I'm a sex offender. I'd be like, cool, dude, just like don't come in. Well, that's the point is that they're telling you in order to like just be like, listen, I live there. I'm a sex offender. Well, the thing that's weird is that like there are certain crimes that will get you on the sex offender registry that I don't get. Like I understand being in public, I get that.

If you're like peeing on a school for, you know, children or on a person or on a person, if you're peeing on the public, that's different. I get that peeing in public. Cool. Peeing on the public, very not cool. But also peeing on the public and inside of the public, bad. Yeah, yeah. And that's a big problem.

Also, you can't pee in front of the public. Yes, it needs to be on in or around the public. You have to pee privately in public. Yes. People, Jesus. Yes, obviously. But like I don't think like because the sex offender registry, bro, is like super like tough to like you can't live it within certain places.

You can't work certain places. And like I get it for people that have violent crimes against, you know, men, women or children or the elderly. But like, I think one of them is like, yo, if you're caught as a sex worker, like there have been cases I recently heard on last week tonight where like people that could engage in consensual sex work will get fucking sexually assaulted, reported and then get arrested and thrown on the registry. Well, like prostitutes.

Yeah, you got a cool name for him. No, I was just, you know, I don't know. It was playful. It's just that it doesn't necessarily make sense. I mean, I don't know. But what were you talking about? Oh, we've been all over the place. We started off with my friend with a big gun and a small wiener.

Yeah, we're talking about fucking in the woods. We're talking about fucking in the woods. Yeah. If you if you were to be like, because you've been hiking in different states and stuff like that. Yeah, for sure. Any of them that's like the first place you would do Diddle Dattle? Colorado was nice.

Colorado was just cold. It wasn't cold. It was summer. I heard your orgasm quicker there because of the altitude. You come harder down. You come. I can imagine it like drop like it drops in your balls quicker. Yeah, you get tired quicker.

I bet every person that has ever been to Colorado always for everything. The excuse is the altitude. It's literally when I went. That was the only thing that I kept saying or like I would have one beer and be like, damn, the altitude fucked up. Bro, I knew someone that went to school in Colorado and they were like, oh, I'd get drunk off of three beers like hard drunk off three beers. I'd be like, why?

And they're like, altitude. I don't believe that, though. Like, I guess it like makes sense. But for me, it didn't. But why not just lower the alcohol percentage of the beers? Like a course light over here is what? Like 5%? Hey, don't even put that out there in the universe.

All right. Like Utah is like 3% beers. I had to drink a thousand of them. Well, buzz. Well, it's because they got the Mormons over there. They don't want you drunk. They don't want you marrying a single person. Wait, what?

They don't want you to be drunk. They don't want you marrying just a single person. They want the polygamy. Yeah. Wait, do they do polygamy? Mormons? I'm pretty sure that's what they're. That's like their their shtick.

I thought it was just like multiple wives. I think that's also there's different levels of Mormon. I'm pretty sure that's what polygamy is defined as. Multiple partners. Yeah. But it's but I don't think the women can have multiple. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not polygamy then. Yes. Polygamy is like we're a couple. You get to have relationships. I get to have relations. So it's a misogynist form of polygamy. That's. Massage warmer.

Massage oligamy. Massage oligamy. Massage my ligaments. Massage my ligaments. What a fucking world. Yeah, I don't know. But anyway. So Colorado is where you'd go to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Colorado is. You're not afraid of like a cougar like coming up on you? Not like the person cougar. Yeah, because that would be nice. That would be probably what you want. A cougar, like a feral cat. Yeah. Oh, I meant like an older woman.

I'm saying you would want the older woman. Yeah, not a cat. Not a cat. Right. Is it hot in here? I don't know. What is going on? I just grabbed my tits.

I was like, yeah. Jerking yourself off. OK, I didn't do that. Oh, we did. We're going to run the tape, but we'll find out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, Colorado is really nice. I'll tell you where that wouldn't happen.

Fucking Utah, 105 degrees, wasn't sick. No? No, I like the heat. I can't complain about that. Oh. Something like when we would go to Vegas and it was like 110, dry, not a cloud in the sky. I was like, this is my jam.

I mean, it's nice, but also you get a lot of breaks in Vegas. You know, you get air conditioned places. You do. Pool parties with Utah. You're like, hey, man, enjoy this 12 mile hike in the fucking 100 degree weather. Yeah, and isn't it like the area to hike is like a walkway this big?

No, it's like you're like in a valley for sure. We did the subway hike and it was like, what happens if it rains when you're in the valley? Will you drown? Yeah, I mean, I have said this episode a long time ago because I almost died there. But they were like, if the guy told us like, yeah, there's like a 40% chance of rain today.

If it rains, get to high ground. And I'm like, what do we tell what? Well, that's famously valleys are for water. Yeah, if you see dirt in the water, that means get to high ground now. And I said, dude, how much time? Like I was just like, I was getting scared. But I was already, I'm already, I fucking,

we flew into Salt Lake and then drove four hours to Zion. And it was like the middle of the night. So we slept in the car and then woke up and I was like, I can't back out now. We didn't even have an Airbnb at that point. Oh, you were just there, just living like a vagabond. Yeah, we were just sleeping in our car. And then we were just like, all right, we have to do this hike.

And then the Airbnb will be ready after the hike. Was this before or after the? I didn't do that. Okay, okay. I didn't do that. I was just curious. I just wanted to know where you were. Who was driving the car?

You were in the backseat. I have no idea. Yeah, I was in the backseat. You are always, you're always in the backseat. Me and Eric were in the back. I think Pete was in the front and then maybe. I thought, I thought you liked Pete behind you normally. Hell no, I would never let that happen.

I don't have the butt for that. Welcome back to the basement yard. Yeah, we're talking about Arnold. Also, speaking of anal, I have something fucking put up in here. Fucking synergy, babe. I was wait, I knew anal was gonna come up. You knew anal will come up, it's the basement yard. But fucking comes up at least one time.

At least. The FDA just passed a new, passes new condom for anal sex. So there's a condom. Well, I don't even know if there's a new condom specifically like, yo, just for fucking asses. We're gonna put it. I mean, there's gotta be condoms like that, right?

Well, how would they differ? They would just be like tougher? I don't know. That's what I'm asking. I think like, I would assume they would want it. Oh, that's tough because the butt is a wild place. You'd want it to be like clean, right? Like a self-cleaning condom.

Like one that comes with like a little shower ring or something. No, wait, wait. Okay, go on. I was like, what are you talking about? But this article is hilarious. It just says, the first words, anal sex, period. Now they have our attention.

While many are not yet comfortable with doing this, many out there are very open to the idea of having anal sex. This type of penetration occurs in the anus. Thanks for that clarification. This is one of my least favorite things about whether it be articles online or like recipes, because you know, we cook, in my household, we cook a lot

and like, I'll go to look up a recipe and it'll start with a fucking novel. And then I have to scroll 30 times just to get to see that it's half teaspoon of garlic. Yeah. This type of penetration occurs in the anus and it's also deemed very pleasurable and rough. Is it deemed rough?

I feel like you've got to be like nice to it. Well, they're not really doing a good job selling it. Yeah, you're not really selling it, pleasurable and rough, even though it might pain very much at the beginning. But they're shooting themselves in the foot here. Guys, take it easy on the bot side. And listen, if you want to sell this condom, you say, you know, you could put that.

Euphoric. I think it's just like they can now, like companies can now advertise as this is for anal sex. You know what that means though? That means that people are out here in abundance, banging butts. So the FDA needs to run studies, right? Well, I think they have like, you know, surveys

that they send out. By the way, when people talk about surveys, who's taking a surfing? No one's ever asked me to take a survey. Well, because no one cares about you. Why? I'm a demographic. You're a demographic?

I have to be one. You are in multiple demographics, possibly. That's what I'm saying. But I don't think like you are a well representative of the communities that you live in. Because that's when you want to, when you pull people, you want to take like what is going to be like the most representative, you know,

part of that, you know, society, community. And you as a well off white man that has multiple hats with his name on it, you don't strike me as the people that they want to find out what they think. Come on, you need to know at least, you throw one of those. All right, you want me to run you a survey right now?

I'll just ask you some questions and we'll see how you rank. I have no basis of, you know, figuring out. Are you talking about, this is about butts? Yeah, it'll be about butts. What? All right, Joey, question one. Yeah.

Butts, thumb up, thumbs down. In what regard? Thumbs up, thumbs down. Up. Okay. Okay. No, but that's basically what they do is like they just ask questions

and they're either anonymous or, you know, you have to report like fucking like demographic information about yourself. Yeah, but apparently you're allowed to like, you know, whatever, but they, the FDA approved it. And there's one called the one male condom that is manufactured in Boston. Probably butt-fucking capital of the world, apparently.

What? Well, I made that part of it. Oh, fuck my ash. Bad? It sounded like Peter Griffin. Yeah, well. Fuck my ash. From that general area?

Yeah, I guess so. Pack your cat, my fucking stinky yad. Better? My stinky yard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think highly of my butt. Yeah, your stinky yard though. It sucks.

It sucks back there for me. You said you got something stuck back there? No, I got nothing stuck back there. I mean, maybe I do. As far as I know, I don't know. I feel like you should know. As far as I know, I don't know. Did you ever like land on something so hard

and it goes right in your fucking head? Bro, I was talking about this the other day. When we would be at the lake and we would jump into the water and your butt would just be open-season and just choch. Wait, what? Bro, you never jumped into the lake hard enough,

whether you're doing a cannonball or something and just fucking, you just get a natural anima. What are you jumping in the air while spreading your cheese? No, I mean, sometimes, when kids jump like this or they jump like pencil dive, I'm not clenching my butt when I'm jumping, but there have been times I've jumped in that water

and I know I'm not the only person out there. Don't look at me like I'm fucking crazy, Joe. No, because for me, it's my balls. It's not my ass. Oh, big ball, Joe. No, it's not about having big balls. It's about jumping with my legs a little too apart. And then the-

Your balls hit first? No, my legs- Are you jumping with your legs out like this and your balls just fucking- No, sometimes. No, you don't. You say like, you jump like you're doing a stunner to someone, you know?

And then you land in the water and then the fucking water just claps your balls. Listen to me, I'm very confident about my appendages. If I am sitting, my balls are not the first thing to touch anything. They're very, they're in their little pocket. Yeah, but like, it really depends the angle you hit. It's not every time.

I could stun her someone into some water and not hurt my balls. Why is this only with stuntering, Joey? Why is that so- How many stunners are you handing out to people? A bunch. Yeah, okay. Like jumping off a duck, oh!

Yeah, well, those were the times. The best times that we used to have at the lake was when we were doing wrestling moves off the dock to each other. And it was always to David. Yeah, those weren't the best times though. The best times when we would just get like absolutely- Oh, hand-bound.

Yeah, hand-bound. But no, dude, you're gonna tell me you never jumped into a body of water or went down a waterslide? What? Bro, one time a waterslide really fucked like legitimately- Broke your cherry. May have taken my virginity if I had,

if I had a fucking, what's that called, a herm, what's that? Hernia? Butt? No, no, what's- Hemorrhoid? No, what's the thing? What's the thing that girls have that breaks? A hymen?

Hymen. Ah! Did I say herman? You said her? You got a herman. You got that, my hermit crab back there. Oh my God. I went down a waterslide, broke my fucking herm in the head.

I wish I didn't answer. I should have just walked you through that one. Yeah, broke my fucking herm. If you had a hymen, you were just gonna bleed all over the place. Bro, I went to Splish Blash, I went down this slide, and there must have been a little lip in the slide because there was a little piece where water wasn't going

and it was like a little, like, are you doing? I came down, my asshole went right over it. Bow! Yeah, dude. Boke my herman. Yeah, well. I got off that thing and I was like, legitimately, like, I need to go home.

You were a different man. My coccyx was in trouble. Why are the guys' butts named like the most like, homoerotic stuff, are coccyx? I think that's all humans, bud. Well, I know, but like. And what else you got? It's just coccyx, man.

That's the one. I remember growing up with like, someone would like hurt their coccyx or growing up. We'd be like, yeah, it was their coccyx. We'd be like, oh, okay. What's your coccyx? That's sick. You got a coccyx behind you.

You got six coccyx. A coccyx in your butt? Oh man. Coccyx? You got six coccyx. No, dude, it was jumping in the water for me. That's when like, I got like some like, you know, like right into my butt.

Yeah, dude, and like, aggressive too, not. And like, alarming, cause like the water you're in for the most part, it's cold, you know what I mean? So like, you don't realize like, how cold it is until it's inside your anal cavity. Well, I usually clench with when I'm jumping into water and stuff.

I'm a free jumper. I don't clench much. Your hole's open? I'm, I mean, my hole's not open. I mean, apparently. But I'm not protecting it because like, realistically, it's just like water. What's the worst that can happen?

I mean, I don't know, infection, fish? Well, if my asshole opens big enough to let a fish in, I got another problem. Oh my God. Yeah. So I'm just picturing like, when they're approving this condom, Fauci just being like, oh, that's good. That's a good butt condom.

Fauci, you think Fauci's, yo, you ever think about that? Yeah. Fauci's got, I don't know what you're talking about, but yeah. He's gotten blown. And maybe he's banged a butt. I can't imagine this little fucking old Keebler Elf. Oh, he's like, isn't he from Brooklyn? If you're from Brooklyn,

you've been through it. You know what I mean? Like you can't be from Brooklyn and not have tried something wild like that. It's so weird to imagine old people like in their like slutty phases. You know who I think of like that? Oddly enough, from the Bronx, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Bro, he's from the Bronx. Nah, dude, he's getting sucked and telling you about space and black hole. He's just like, this is an amazing once in a millennium occurrence. And he's just fucking, the big bang is coming. Oh yes, this is nice. You know, that's what I think anytime he talks.

I can feel my orgasm from my toes. The orgasm. Leaning up the endocrine system is firing on all cylinders. It's actually pronounced urinous. Yeah. It has many moons. It's like, shut up, dude.

Just take this blow job. I don't think he knows much about the human body. He's like the space guy. Like he's the one that's just like, yeah, we don't know much about him either. Well, he's, I know he's from the Bronx and you can't be from the Bronx unless you, you know, you've been, you try a little bit.

Yeah. Bronx people are wild to me. You guys smoke some hookah. Oh, a hundred percent. He was, he was like, the reason he loves space is because he went there the first time he was smoking hookah. He was, if you're from the Bronx,

you've smoked hookah in an alleyway. In a alleyway, in a deli. In a deli. In a deli, you've smoked hookah and then had a chopped cheese and a fucking Jamaican beef patty within an hour. God damn, I wanted Jamaican beef patty. So they're so good.

All right, before, where are we going, dude? He just didn't kneel the grass, Tyson getting blown. I don't know what's happening to the show. The mysteries of the universe will be in your mouth in a minute. Oh my God. The mystery, it's not a bad fucking impression of him.

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and three free gifts, okay? So there you go, folks. Go get some free meals and go get to cooking, all right? Sorry, my phone, that was in there. Oh, I was just gonna say. Something that we didn't think we were gonna talk about today that's actually become a big topic on the internet is how we have just absolutely allowed

this plant behind us to die. Ah, yeah, big time. People are a little upset about it. I don't care much because they're plants. What's that about? Well, it's yours. It was. It was.

Honestly, I don't know how this plant is green. I'm shocked, like, I think someone like messaged the, like, left a comment on the video or something. And they were like, just so you know, that plant is very dead. Yeah, yeah. Please put it, like someone said, put it back in the ground.

And I was like, why would I do that? Yeah, what? If it's dead, I'm just gonna let it die more. What? Just let it, like, what? I can't do anything to help it now. Yeah, I, guys, that one's on me. Oh, 100%.

I have, so my other plants are in my living room. All dead. No, they're not. Except for, like, three. No, first of all, the money tree thriving. Yeah, thriving and happy, you're right. And then the, there's a plant, I don't know what it's called,

but it's on my, what's it called? The fucking console, the TV console thriving. Okay. I just got a brand new one from you, so that one's fine too. That's right. And then the old one I got from you, there was one leaf of it that would, that dove.

That's all right, you just, you know what you need to do? That guy wants a bigger pot, so you need to give him a bigger pot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just need to give him a bigger pot. A bigger pot. But yeah, you're not, like, people are very upset about that.

They were like, why isn't Joey, like, watering this thing? Or like, I think it's because it's on my side of the camera. People think it's more my issue. We're gonna blame you. Wait, that's okay. Yeah. I'll take it. You don't care for plants.

Very much. I do care for plants. That's not true. My wife has the greenest of green thumbs, and I've grown to love our plants. We have names for them now and stuff like that. There's Gloria, there's Dumbo, there's Kazooie. We have cute names for our plants.

You tried to name one of my plants, Kazooie. Well, because your plant, the one that I gave you, not this one, the one before, was a baby of Kazooie. Got it. So it's another Kazooie. Yeah. I wanted to name a banjo, but I don't know how I didn't get the naming rights,

and it just went straight to Kazooie. You water any of these ever? No, Becca, I don't touch the inside plants because I will kill them. I do all the outside stuff, though. I'm gonna thrive in there, too, babe. Nice. You know, we're doing good.

I'm getting my green thumb. You have a green thumb now you don't. No. You're getting your green thumb? Yeah. Like a black belt? Yeah. I need to be bestowed upon me by someone

that knows what they're doing. How do you get a belt for karate? You're asking the wrong person. You have to, like, fight a boss. I think you need to be able, yeah, like you need to be able to show that you can kick the right way. You have to fight a boss.

There are gonna be so many people in the comments like, these guys don't know what they're talking about. They don't, bro. Yeah, and that's what we're telling you. I haven't taken any sort of, like, Muay Thai or, you know. Not yet. You'll be there soon. The only reason why I haven't done Muay Thai or Jujitsu

is because of my knee. I never got surgery. So, like, if someone grabbed my knee, it would just pop. You're just, yeah, you're a fuckin' knee. Anyone puts me in a fuckin' heel lock. One knee bar, you're fucked. Knee block, yeah, a knee block. Well, I don't think you really need, like,

then don't worry about that. Like, do, like, capoeira, so you can strengthen it. Like, that would be the cool one to do. I don't even, isn't that just like a dance? It's like dancing more, like, I'm just gonna say Mortal Kombat. Like, dancing martial arts. Is it fighting?

Yeah. It's like, you can learn how to fight doin' it. And, like, it would kind of be cool, too. I could fight while dancing? I think you can. And, I mean, That's like Zumba. Bro, Zumba's the most, I'm so glad we got over Zumba

as a phase, like, as a collective society. Well, I think the white women are still Zumba-ing. Bro, when I was in college, they would have, like, Zumba nights at the gym. They would shut down the whole fuckin' gym. They go crazy, man. Bro, they would shut down the whole basketball court area and they would have, like, 120 people show up

to watch a white guy bounce for an hour. Bounce? Like, just fuckin'... Just, it's just so fuckin', and you need to be, like, certified to do it? Yeah, bro. I'm so glad, bro. It's fuckin', I, it's hard.

Like, I've seen, like, some classes and I'm like, this looks like, difficult. Bro, anything, But it's a little, yeah, you could say it. Crazy. Yeah. Cardiovascular, like, activity, I hate. Repetitive?

Bro, cause that's what a Zumba is. It's just you don't stop moving the whole time. Right. That's why, like, I stopped, like... You ever do hot yoga? I can tell you with so much confidence that there's zero percent of me that wants to do it. Let me tell you one thing about hot yoga.

First, it's hot. Yeah, it's like basically doing yoga in a sauna. And second, definitely yoga. Very yoga. Like, and also, I'm not flexible. Bro, the only time I ever almost did hot yoga, my fucking adult uncle asked me if I wanted to go with him. Let me make this very clear.

Well, your family also has married, your cousins married each other, so you never know. We're all fucked up. Let me make something very clear. You fucked your cousin, too. I know, no, no. I didn't stop that. This is a running joke that is abhorrent

and has only done poor for me. And bad things for my reputation. My uncle Tio. Oh, I know. You know uncle Tio. He wanted to do hot yoga. Bro, this is when he was living in Long Island City. He was like...

Oh, okay. You were like 13, that's weird. Yeah. Yeah, maybe younger. Bro, he was like, yo, you want to come and do hot yoga with me? And I respectfully said no. But inside, I was like, you fucking geek.

Why would I want to do this with a grown ass man around other adults? Yeah. That's heavy. That would be very... Not fun. Like yoga for me... Socks, bro.

I can't do it. It's too slow. Remember when like P90X, everyone was like, yo, do it. It's gonna fucking give you ripped abs. I couldn't do it. I did insanity. What's insanity?

Isn't that the same thing? No. Dude, you never did insanity? No. I never did any of these DVD things. I didn't spend money on it, thank God, because if I did, it'd be pissed. But...

Why, it wasn't good? No, it was like I'm saying before. It was just repetitive cardiovascular movement for 40 minutes. Non-stop. It's like jog in place and then do up downs and shit. You have this smoke show, Sean T, just screaming at you as fucking...

I gotta see this guy. Bro, hot dude. What kind of Sean? S-H-A-U-N? S-E-A-N. S-E-A-N. The good Sean. Sean what, Sean Connery?

T. T, just a T? Just Sean T. Sean T. A Sean T? No, no, no. Not a Sean T. Sean T.

Sean T. What's it, insanity? Yeah, Sean. Sean T. The letter T. Insanity. Woof. Yeah.

Bro, he's just in a fucking elementary school gym with other fucking ripped people screaming at you. Come on! Get up! Do it! Damn, and you did it. And I did. I did it one time all the way through

and then started it last year and didn't. Oh, you did it like recently. I tried to do it again recently during the pandemic. Oh. No, bad idea. Didn't happen. No, no, no, not at all. It was just too much.

Bro, you don't realize it's like fucking, you're jumping for 40 minutes, like doing basketball jumps for 40 minutes. The fuck is a basketball jump? Just fucking basketball shot. Jump shot. Oh, oh, he's just like, shoot it, shoot it. He's like, and down and shoot, and down and shoot,

and faster and shoot, and down and shoot. And it's like, dude, it's fucking wild. Jeez. I didn't sweat. Yeah. But it was misery. It does. One time, I don't know why I did this,

but there's these things called, what the fuck are they called? They're like military burpees or something. And I forget what it was, but it was like a burpee, but there was some sort of variation to it. And I decided one day in this apartment, I was like, I'm gonna do 100 of these. Like in one day?

In one sitting. Just do 100 burpees. Oh, I don't think I can do that. I got to 75 and stopped. And I was like, I, like, dude, legitimately, like especially back here, like the backs of- Wait, why? What is, so what, can you briefly explain

for the viewers in this idiot right here what a military burpee is? I don't remember exactly what it was. Yeah, so it's essentially, imagine a burpee, but it's like, there's like a pushup involved. Oh, Sean T makes you do that. Sean T makes you do it. Where it's like, you have to go, you just go from here

and then you go down to the floor and then it's like a pushup and you push yourself up and then jump. So all those pushups and jumping down and like getting back up and like whatever. And like, you know, I'm not popping up. Like after 40, I'm not popping up. Bro.

I'm like on a knee like, oh fuck. So I did 75 bro. I legitimately couldn't even get out of bed for like three days. First of all, super humble brag saying you did 75 pushups in the setting. I'm just saying. Bro, there was one part of insanity where it's up,

like you jump down, back, like a burpee, mountain climbers, in, out, where you like jump and like pull like both your legs in, out, 10 pushups. Excuse me? Do it again. And fucking Sean T is just ripped, oiled up abs, just like, you can do it. I know you can't.

And if you can't, you can. And it's like, but, but I can. But I definitely can't. But what if I, but what if I can't, then you can't. Exactly. That's what he was like. He wouldn't be doing it. He would just be walking around

telling people they can do it. Nice. Not doing it himself. No. But. It's tight. Yeah. He probably had to do it at some point. You'll end up in the hospital.

Yeah. Much like this, man. Synergy that we're talking about. We pulled an article from the internet. Obviously we had to talk about this because it involves it penis. Man rushed to the hospital after shoving battery into his penis.

First of all, I think it was Iran. Not where you expect to hear this from. A man was rushed to the hospital after shoving a battery into his penis. The 49 year old Iranian man had to be treated by medics after he inserted an AA battery into his urethra. For anyone out there that's not a battery expert like me. You know what I mean?

Hold on. Why didn't you say AA like a fucking foreigner? Just call it AA. I don't know. He inserted one AA into the back. I was like, what's wrong with you? It's a AA. It's a AA battery.

Why did I say AA? I don't know. Bro, a AA battery. For those, Joey's like for those that not experts, everyone knows what a fucking AA battery is. So, just so people are aware, this is a AA. This is an AA.

They want to see the girth. They want to see the girth of that boy. Look at that. This is like a put in a fucking sniper bullet. Bro, that's exactly what it is. You're shooting a 22 in your dick. A AAA, this would have been enough for me to be like, I need to go home.

You know what I mean? Bro, I don't think I can get that into my P-hole. I couldn't get a fucking string into my P-hole, dude. I got so many questions. This though, dude, this is a big. This guy must have a massive fucking donghole. Well, he, I mean, if he's starting, he's not starting with batteries.

You know, he probably went Q-tip first. You know, he worked his way up to AA. You don't start at AA, Joe. That's like starting with a fist. You don't start with a fist. You start with one. You introduce a fingy or two. Yeah.

And then you work your way up to fist. You don't start, he probably got through the AAA phase, but was just able to just ring it out. You know, like grab the bottom of his dick and just ring it out. Wait, what are you talking about? To get it out, the AAA. Oh.

The AA is where he had to go to the hospital. The AAA. The AAA. It's not the AAA. AAA. Put that down. The battery was removed. Oh, wait.

It is understood that the battery had been in his penis for over a day until he went to the hospital. Bro, full day, charged up dick? That's my next question. It's like, what, do you feel more energized because your body's just like... There's a battery in here.

There's a battery. And what do you do for a whole day? You're going food shopping with a battery in your shit? It's like, oh my God, maybe it'll just come out. Yeah, what if you got a peepee? I would imagine that that was an issue. I would imagine that he didn't pee. Bro, do you imagine if that fucking reacts

with the battery? That'd be a bad time. Isn't there like battery acid and shit? I mean, yeah, if it explodes. The battery was removed without surgery but the man was sent to the hospital again five months later as it had caused urinary blockage complications in his penis that required surgery.

Shocked. I am shocked. That's a pun on a battery. Ooh, accidental shocking battery. That's an AA. AA. I hate us. I hate us.

Bro, we're so wild. In this case, the presence of a battery in the urethra for 24 hours caused severe and progressive damage to the urethra and corpus spongy nosum. What's that? Corpus spongy. It sounds like a cool sponge. Wait, what the fuck?

There's just a picture of Benedict Cumberbatch here. Oh, what? It was a Benedict Cumberbatch? Bro, what the fuck? Did Benny, did Benny comes? Yo, wait. How did you know about that Benedict Cumberbatch? Cause we Googled Benedict Cumberbatch as Dick before.

We Googled a couple of dicks. But why did we do that? Why did you say that? I saw a tweet of him talking about like... Bro, that's in this article. What the fuck? Are you serious? It's like, he wrote of the shit.

And then, hold on, this is actually funny. Hold on, I wanna look at the corpus. All right, spoiler alert. We looked up dicks before we got on here. Benedict Cumberbatch, Sebastian Stan, Bradley Cooper, normal guy things, heterosexual men. Looking up Cox, hold on. Corpus spongy nosum.

Corpus spongy nosum. Sounds cool. A mass of erectile tissue along the corpus cavernosa. Bro, there's caverns in my dick? I mean, my shit's not that cavernous. You wanna go spelunking, baby? Yeah. I got a fucking cave you could dive in.

That's not it, man. Let's fucking go. But yeah, then after that, the article just goes, what a ding dong. What, they got them. And then it says, in related news, 2022 is officially becoming the year of the penis. In Hollywood, at least.

Is it? News to me. Expect more full frontal male nudity popping up in TV shows and movies. You can't show a cock on TV. I've been watching Pam and Tommy and Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee. Notorious for his big old thing.

Yeah, his face. Which I have said from what I remember was just more long than it was girthy. I could be wrong. It was long. In that show, he's got just a full loaded metal jacket. Yeah. Full metal jacket on him.

Nice. And I think in an interview, he said like, oh, no, it's not a prosthetic. It's me. Women go nude in TV and movies. Why can't I? And it's like, bro, I mean, bro, I wouldn't. If I had a fucking, you know, a King Kong like that,

you best believe I'd be more comfortable. But like, you know, I'm working with a, I'm working with like a, you know, moderate moving on. But they said, Benedict Cumberbatch, who bared all for 2021 Western psychological drama, The Power of the Dog. I heard about that. Wait, The Power of the Dog.

Is that like just about dogs? No, no, no. That's a movie about like gay cowboys. Yeah. The Power of the Dog. It's about gay cowboys. It got nominated for an Oscar. And you didn't hear about this?

Sam Elliott was like upset about it. This is about, oh, a domineering rancher responds with mocking cruelty when his brother brings home a new wife and her son. No dogs. No, just your dog. I thought it was like a nice- What I first heard about this movie,

and people were talking about it, I thought it was the one with Channing Tatum, where he's like the vet that has like a service dog. And I was like, damn, this movie is heavy. Yeah, they're showing. Dicks and Dicks. They're showing Dicks in this movie, like road trip comedy about a guy and his service dog.

Why does it have to be a dick in this? There was too many dog movies that came out recently for me to like not confuse the two. You know? So the guy who directed Euphoria is doing all these movies, there's just Dicks and Tits and all. Dicks and Tits are out everywhere. Oh my God, let's get to these ads here.

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not a bank banking services provided by Visa's debit card issued by Choice Financial Group, a member of FDIC. The current annual percentage yield is variable and may change at any time, terms and conditions may apply. Okay, there you go. Go get that $250. You scared the shit out of me. What'd you think it was, a firecracker?

I don't know, but I didn't expect you to clap. You're not a big clapping guy. That's a wild assumption. That's just not where you would just clap in the middle of an episode. Are you a good clapper? I am a unique clapper. We've discussed this quite at length.

I have multiple types of clap. I know that. I think I'm a great clapper, honestly. You know who's a good clapper? Oh, boss. Really? Oh yeah, well, he's got big old fat hands. He's got like booming, like pop, pop, pop, pop.

Yeah, he's got like a, with every clap. Like sometimes I'll give one of those, but then I'll go, yeah, yeah, I'll fuck it up. You know, that was a pretty good, that was a consistent, that was a consistent. You know, I, it depends on what I'm clapping for. You know what I hate when people clap up here? Shut the fuck up.

It doesn't mean more to me that you're sending your claps to the heavens. Oh, oh, oh, oh, like this is more polite. This is cool here. Right here, baby. Center chest, this is where I want my shit. That's where you get the most fucking power. Yeah.

You can't get the power up here. Bro, think about it, think about it. Submarine pitchers, less power. You know what I'm saying? Throwing over the top, more power. Over here, not enough power. You're gonna tear a rotator cup. You wanna be here, put your chest into it,

put your back into it. You know, I stick by my clapping techniques. I still have the best claps in the game. Yeah. That's a good one. That's a good one. That is a really good one. Unrivaled.

Yeah. You've never heard of a unique clapper until you met me. Yeah, I don't, yeah, I don't think so. Can you make up a clap right now? I do the snap clap. That's a new one I've done. Oh, I can do that. Snap clap is a good one.

You ever see those cycles that clap with one hand? What? They like have their fingers like that, but they're like. I can't even do this thing. I wish I could. How do you do that? You just let your finger go limp. Yeah.

Think about how small your dick is. And then just grab here. Hard? Not hard, just, and then you just snap your finger against it. You got to like hold these, hold these. So these are. All of this. Yeah, hold these so these are like,

and then you just have this finger snap. I suck, bro. I can do it with this hand, not this hand. My fingers, they get straight for some reason. Well, could you do, could you do the, like the snap, the snap clap? Oh, yeah. Oh, it's like that's such a Robert Downey Jr move.

How'd you do that? That sounded fucking cool. Do that again. You like that? That was a, that was a performance issue. That shit was tight. Performance anxiety. Nice, right?

I like that. That sounds like a horse galloping. Yeah. Not that other shit. Not that the other. I thought mine was, the people who were in the comments were like, yo, mine was better than yours. Yours was like, you're sounding.

That doesn't, that's what the mouth sounds like. Now that I'm refall, like, like revisiting this, that doesn't sound like a horse galloping. No, it does, bro. Mine did more. No, bro. You know. You haven't watched enough Westerns.

I, you're not wrong, but. I haven't seen anything. But I don't think that qualifies you to being a better. I've seen horses. You've seen horses. I've watched them. Can you do an impression of a pig eating from a trough? I, what?

Can you do any animal impressions? What are you doing? Honestly, I spent a lot of time in my car. So these are things, these are things I think of. You're in your car being like, hold on, time out. Don't speak. I need to know the answer to this question. You're in your car, and you're out loud, coming in.

Like, I wonder what a pig sounds like. Eating from a trough, and then you do that. Get ahead. You did that in your car by yourself. Listen. I spent a lot of time in the car, and your mind goes places, Joey. You're gonna tell me you've never thought about stuff

when you're alone that you're just like, yo, I can't tell anyone this. The only difference, me, American hero, I tell people what the dumb things I think about. American hero. I mean, yeah, we all like make like weird noises and like, for no reason or like. Yeah, boop.

Yeah, yeah. Last week, you're freaking. Last week, Joey was done. I have a video of it. Do you? Well, no, I have it for the aftermath. But Frankie, we were all like doing, we were filming videos for Santa Clara Studios,

and then Frankie, I don't know, he just goes, hero. Like, everyone was like laughing, but I caught it. And I just looked at him, and I almost passed out from laughing, because every now and then, you need a little like, hero. Yeah, Frankie just went, hero. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing?

And then this is Frankie. Again, I don't think I have Tourette's, by the way. This is Frankie's, yeah, he doesn't think so. Here we go. This is Frankie's laugh. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you fucking doing? That's me. Well, the coughing wasn't me, by the way. That was Ann. Yeah, no, but you were like whistling. I don't know how I did it. It was like a Mariah Carey note. Ooh, yeah.

Or an Ariana Grande. You know who has a good note, too? Steven Tyler. In Crazy. He hits like a whistle note. In Dream On. Remember, anytime I would sing that song at karaoke, I would try to do it,

and then instantly apologize. Oh, God. First time you did that, I thought I was gonna fucking... Yeah, carry on. I was like, I hope he doesn't put back to our table. Oh, really, that bad? Yeah, it was funny. I miss the days of just being able to just black out drunk,

scream, sing whatever you wanted at a bar, and people high-five you for it. Yeah. Because now I think people would be more critical. People would be like, oh, well, we got Mariah in the back here, who's gonna go up and crush it. I hate that, though. When people who are super good at singing show up to karaoke,

and then they do like four songs. They know what they're doing. Fuck off. They know what they're doing. My sister was like that, because my sister's a really good singer. Yeah, she can sing. But she would not show up trying to show off.

She would, you know, want to drink and hang out. Yeah. But there are people that have been like, oh my God, like, oh, no, okay, what? You know, and they're just fucking going for it. Put on Whitney Houston. It's like, all right. Damn, no, damn.

You need the trick with karaoke is you need to sing bar bangers. Sing along songs. You know? I remember I once went up there unprepared and very drunk to semi-charmed kind of life, did not work out well. You don't know the words to that.

I do know the words to it now. Oh. Skye was world, there was a man, da, da, da, da, da, da. My nose, I wish I could get back this, so I play back there. Sponsored the place we used to meet,

doing crystal meth, then they beat you up, then they beat you back, then don't stop. You say doing crystal meth? That's what they say in the song. Oh. It's a song about being high.

Cool. And doing crystal meth. Nice. You didn't know that, did you? Well, I've never done crystal meth. Me neither. Would you? Absolutely not you're not there yet. No, you're you're you're gonna approach drug Joe. No, I'm not you're gonna be there soon

I'm terrified of drugs. I am too. Don't do them Never have what kind of again. Well, no, that's straight edge. Oh, that's CM Punk baby straight edge superstar. Yeah well, I Mean you're not no, I am I guess the alcohol. Yeah, the alcohol does it Yeah, I'm not drinking for a month. Good for you. Yeah, you're waiting. I'm not drinking until I go to Florida until you go to Florida Yeah, I I don't I don't I don't drink a lot as it is period, you know So it's not like I like there's no like I'm avoiding it now Like I do sometimes to just be like to see if I can

But I don't drink enough to be like I have to stop. Yeah, it's just like so, you know what it is like it's so It's such a passive thing that it just adds up and like I Sometimes like meet people like on weekdays like oh like For like a meeting or something, but if it's like after five o'clock It's like let's just go grab a bite to eat or let's go just grab a beer or something and then it's like oh well I had these four drinks in two days Because I went out to just talk to someone or some shit and then out on the weekend you go out and you like

Sometimes you get fucking drunk and you drink a bunch. You're like, God damn it. See I'm the type that You know, I don't have an alcohol problem and I know what I'm going to say sounds like I do But like if I'm gonna drink I want to go for it You know what I mean like I don't want to be like casually like have an uglas of wine because then I just get sleepy like if I'm gonna drink Fucking put the boosters on my back and send me to the moon because I I'm ready. I I don't really drink like that. Like I like really enjoy you got pretty drunk. You're where you drunk your birthday dinner I mean, yeah, it was a lot of wine. I wine is cool though because I

I'm like, okay the next day because I can never drink like too much wine I drink enough that it'll fuck me up. Really? Yeah, but then I wake up and I'm like, oh I could drink a bottle of wine and be fucking like drunk and then wake up like fine I don't think I can like I don't think I don't four glasses Let's think we'll get you dry. Well, I think to get it to a point. Oh wait It's one twelve ounce or like eight ounce glass of wine. Well, definitely be bro. Yeah Like it'll fucking I don't think I can't honestly think of times. I've been wine drunk. Oh I don't drink a lot of wine though. That's a thing for the beginning of this pandemic. I was

Slamming red wine. Yeah, I remember remember same. I'm slamming good old Miller lattes, baby. Where are you? That's the way to go. We just went to the store and bought so much red wine I didn't have a ounce of white wine in 2020 Just read. I don't I don't like white wine. The only white I like is a dry Chardonnay I like I enjoy them. They're a lot sweeter But you're supposed to drink them with like fish or something. Well, yeah The color of your meats or sauces are supposed to match the color of your wine. All right, red meats red sausage red Sausage sauces

Red sausage red wine and then fish or like butter or cream sauces or white wine You didn't know that. No, I didn't damn. I fucking taught you and you know, I know nothing about wine Yeah, I mean either don't don't don't get it twisted. I know that when I order wine. I literally just like I know I told you about complete guess. It's a price thing. Honestly party. No, that's my foot. Oh It's a price party. It's a price thing if I look and I'm like, okay This isn't the cheapest bottle, but it isn't one of the expensive ones So it might be kind of good because it's right here. I Full-on I will be the first to admit this I buy on the label if I see a cool label and like a halfway decent price bottle of wine

I'm like, I'm fucking getting that. Yeah, cuz all the expensive bottles have serious labels You know, like they don't have like cool labels with like a lion on it or like some neon fucking, you know, Panther Like all the expensive wines It'll just be a white label that says like the name the grape and the fucking age and it's like dude be cool You know, like I want to see something fun. Show me some crayons or something and then I'm all there some You know but No, no, no, no, I

Greg's dad made wine and it was pretty good Bro, and the label was just black and then it had a red stormtroopers face on it. That's a fire, dude I was like, this is dope. Definitely probably got into a little bit of trouble with Disney for that one. He doesn't sell it. Well But Ang, Big Ang's grandfather made fucking she brought like big-ass bottles of wine Delicious. Yeah, absolutely incredible. I also would not be able to tell the difference between any sort of wine Bro, these people that like taste wine, they're like This is a 2015 a ze-be-lie-ge-ze-ve-vion from the, you know

It's like the Somalia's they call them. Yeah. Yeah, when it's like, oh, I'm getting vanilla. Are you getting vanilla? I was like, I'm getting drunk It's like I'm not getting anything. I do I'm getting more of this. I have to admit There are like teas that I've tasted where I can I can do that where I can be like There's a little bit of fucking, you know, like Juniper Berry and like cinnamon in here Sure, but like people when they're when they're taking when they're sipping wine and they're like, all right, I'm getting I'm getting spiked. I'm getting spiced peaches and it's like, bro They're grapes man. Just say that they're fucking grapes. You don't need to sit here and tell me that you're drinking wet wood

Wet wood. Yeah, tree bark. I'm getting tree bark. Dude. It makes absolutely no sense to me. It's dirty Yeah, I always feel weird when like I'm doing like the taste test or whatever, bro This wine could be corked tastes like shit and I'd be like fantastic We'll take yes, I already ordered it. You already came to the table. What do you think I'm gonna send this back? No, I'm not sending it back. I might get to yeah It doesn't like these people that like I do it to make it look like I know what I'm doing I I do it because it's like a formal and a lot of the times it really pains me not to just be like I Just fucking pour it. I don't know. I don't care. I don't know man

We're not I'm not in any position to send back wine No, if it comes to the table, I am going to drink it Yeah, and if I don't it's because there's something really wrong with it. Like it's too sweet That's the only time I won't drink wine if it's too too sweet if they bring it though, and it's too sweet you go. Oh, no, oh I don't know I wouldn't do that I only way that I would send one be like yo chill if there's like a mouse in it If yeah, if it was like a cockroach just like in my shit I'd be like well, sir. Well, some people would like that too. They'd be like, oh, this is the fucking

I also would look up and be like is that and he's like, yeah, yeah, okay This is a Malagasy hissing variety. Yeah, and it's like oh shit. I don't know. They're just getting crazy with this Yeah, bro. Give me a cool label and a decent, you know $20 bottle of wine. I'm there. I don't need anything nuts Yeah, you know, I won't get like the you know like the bottom shelf like you know like ten like five dollars for a fucking handle Yeah, and I won't get bagged wine. I'm a man of class No franzia for you. No fronds. I'm not slapping the bag anymore. Yeah, no, I've never done that I've never played that game. No, I'm talking wine sounds negative fun to me. Well because it's not wine. It's juice You're chugging hard juice hard juice. That's basically what I remember

I did it the first time I like my thing my freshman year and they were like come slap the bag and I Fucking cock back and smack this thing out of this kid's hand. They're like you're not supposed you're supposed to smack and drink it I was like, oh Yeah, man, that's all that's all we have for today. Oh, there's some stuff We didn't get to guess what maybe we'll do next week. Maybe we'll do it. Maybe we'll do it next week We have some stuff tune in. You know where you could also tune in in Patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard what you could do is you could sign up today And not only do you get these weekly episodes for that first tier a week in advance you get exclusive content, baby

That's right and your week every Friday morning with the basement yard start your week with the boys and your week with the boys Is there any better way patreon.com slash the basement yard? We set a record that if we get to 10,000 patrons I am begrudgingly going to get a full Brazilian wax, which I don't know how that's gonna go, but I'm gonna go good I'm gonna wear a thong for it, right like they don't get to see my balls What are you talking about? They got a wax on why they waxing my balls brother waxing From the waist right so you're gonna see my dick and balls. Yeah All right, no, I'm gonna see your fucking asshole, too

That one. I'm not gonna look at it. That one is a punishment. I'm gonna just like look at your face Just look at my face when my dick and balls are out. I'm shocked. Oh my god I didn't know that I thought like I wear like a thong and they go around it No, they get all the hair bro. What if they pull my balls out of their socket? That's a risk you have no it's not I didn't know this I don't know if they wax your balls Oh, I think they just wax like you know your pups and your yooch and your hole Well, if we get to 10,000 patrons, I will be doing that and Joey will be there holding my hand Literally and figuratively through the whole process. So we'll be great go to patreon.com slash the basement yard

and then you can find me at F alvers 8085 on Twitter and then the Frank Alvers on twitch and Instagram Yeah, go check it out. Yeah, and you guys can follow me at Joe Sanagato We'll go follow the show on tiktok and Instagram at the basement yard and that is all see you guys next time That