The Basement Yard - #339 - How To Become A Priest

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Frank & Joe realize that they have no idea how to actually become a priest... y'know.. if they wanted to. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going, bud? You know, I'm living the dream, baby. I look great. I smell great. I feel even better. And you're wearing your Stolen Valor. Appreciate you coming on. No, stop that! See, this is not... I appreciate it. This is not st- First of all, I'd rather wear this than get into Formula One racing two days ago and somehow get a fuckin' McLaren sweatshirt. Okay, you know that's not true.

Uh, pretty sure it's true there, babe. I can't do anything without you just nagging me. You need to understand something. You're like a wife that I hate. Like, I hate my wife and kids. That's what you are to me. Well, you know, I'm giving you a trial run. Eventually, when you do have a wife and kids, you'll just learn... No, you'll know how to hate them because you've grown up hating me.

Oh, I've gotten... I know how to do it, bud. You know what I hate? No, you have to understand. You're in the upper echelon of New York Elite. Oh, my... Definitely YouTube socialites. So... Socialites? It's a word that I've heard that I think would work for you.

I was like, Paris Hilton was a social... For instance, are you a part of any exclusive clubs? What does that mean? What does that mean anything? Exclusive clubs. What's an exclusive club? That you can go to, like, like, Magnesis or Fire or, like, any of those, like... No. No? What am I...

Exclusive clubs? Yes, he is. Yeah, thank you so much, you son of a bitch. We've got him. Oh, so house. Oh, yeah. So home... So home house. Yeah, I forgot about that. So you are?

Yeah. Okay. And you have the ability to do this stuff, which I am ecstatic and beyond proud that you get the opportunity to do these things. I bet you are. But I absolutely am. I live vicariously through you. Some people don't need to throw their money at things in order to feel things. They can just look at other people do it and feel good about themselves. Clearly, Frankie doesn't throw money at anything. Damn right, I don't bitch, because I spend my money on my family and tea at Megazords.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, no, he throws money at Power Rangers. The Power Rangers franchise lives on because of Frank. Listen, you son of a bitch, I'm almost done with my Power Ranger collecting. It's almost finished. I think as of recording, I have four more Megazords that I need and that's it. I'm pretty sure that... The Ninja Zord? The Mighty Morphin Ninja Zord?

Well, the Assault Team Thunder Zord, whatever it's called. The original Titanus. The Dragon Zord. And the Turbo Rescue Zord. That's all I got left. Do you think any of those words mean anything to me? No, because you were a Power Ranger kid, but if you were, you'd get it. Yeah.

One of our friends will randomly send me a clip of them watching Top 10 Megazords on YouTube. And I'm like, yeah. What the fuck is doing that? I'm not going to tell you, but... You're not going to leak? Do you want me to leak? What? Is there a reason why we shouldn't?

You would never think it was this person. Oh my God, I need to know Pete. No. Damn it. Damn, if it was Pete, that would be good. But no, Pete sends me like, you know, like guys balls. No, because I know you guys went through like a Pokemon Go type of thing. First of all, we did and we went and bought like Nintendo DS's.

Bro. He played one Pokemon, I played the other, we just traded back and forth. But Pete would walk his dog for like two hours. Yeah. Just to catch Pokemon. Bro, the Pokemon Go in 2016, do you remember how nuts that shit was? Pokemon Go was fucking fire because all the Asian kids were like, yo, yeah, stereotyping for sure.

But no, no, but all these Asian kids would like go to because there were certain spots, there were like hotspots or whatever. Yeah. And then people would roll up on them and just rob them of their phone. Bro, there was, I remember there were like streamer, like popular streamers would be walking and they'd be like, oh, in this general area, there's a dragonite or some shit, which by the way, that dragonite is a great Pokemon. Oh, I love that Pokemon.

That's a great Pokemon. Yeah. Who involves in a dragonite show? That's a good question. You don't know. No. And people legitimately would roll up on them. There are videos on YouTube that you can find of people rolling up on them and just like

hitting them and just running away with their phone. Yeah. Which is hilarious. But it was like nuts. It was like starting, I remember there were like news reports of fucking Central Park. Mad people were out there. Yeah, bro. Yeah.

What do you got to do? You got to catch it. Bro, the first time I saw that shit, I was so hyped. I wanted to zap though so bad, but all I had was like geo dudes and like. Yeah. You would catch like the normal like, you know, not a squirrel. Mid. What's that fucking?

Oh, rat-tata, rat-tata-tata. Whatever the fuck that. Yikes. Oh, chill. Yeah. Josh, get that out of there. Yeah. The bloods are coming for him.

Nobody would, whatever. How do you say that name? Rat-tata, rat-tata. I always says ratata. Ratata. I think it's ratata. I don't know. And then radicate.

Right. Who's the dragonite original? So Dratini. Dratini, bro. The little whoop. Yeah. The little poop. Dragonair and then Dragonite.

Yeah. It's my shit, bro. But yeah, bro. That shit was everywhere. I said, don't you dare. Bro, the collecting industry is a big time industry. I believe it. Well, like Pokemon cards is ridiculous right now.

You can't get it like Pokemon cards for a reasonable price. Well, you can thank Logan Paul for that one. Yeah, that's it. Did you see he posted a picture recently of like his Pokemon card collection? It's not good. Bro. It's vast. He has like this floor covered in Pokemon cards.

Jeez. Like original, graded. Like he has like six Charizard's which go for like a million dollars each. Jeez. Yeah. It's not cool, man. Leave some for the rest of us. Oh, man.

Probably Gary Veegon is here. Dude, honestly, you need to listen to what the fuck I am saying. Bro, how old are you? You're 80? You're fucking young, you idiot. Forget about your family and friends to start working. That's really good. That's really good.

But I did see a video recently of Gary Vee. He was talking to Gunna. Who's a rapper? Okay. I was going to guess if I was being honest. Yeah. You know, just read the signs. Gunna.

Yeah. So he's a rapper and Gary Vee is like, they're like at a party or something and Gary Vee is just in his ear being like, bro, you could do this shit, bro, like this year. And then he started talking about TikTok. So he got to put out four videos a year, four videos a day on TikTok. What the fuck are you talking about? Hey, man, honestly, what did Gary Vee become famous on? Just talking shit like that, right?

Yeah, he was a motivational speaker and successful businessman from what I know. That is the most vanilla answer. What successful businessman doing what? I think that he worked and his father owned this wine store or something. You're making money. Yeah. He was born into money. I think so.

Yeah. Okay. You could say it. But he, he, the thing that he credits himself with or like someone, I saw a video to, he was like, fucking 10 years ago, you know, I worked a liquor store. It's like, it was your father's like wine store. Yeah. Relax.

It wasn't like a fucking liquor store down the block. Yeah. Come on. But, but he was able to like market it, I guess, and like make it like even more successful than it already was. And then he just kind of like did motivational speaking and stuff. And then he just floods the internet with his self. So like, he started to ignore.

So to his credit, I mean, he does flood the internet with a bunch of stuff. Entrepreneur, man. He built himself up. Good for him. Entrepreneur. It's just like you. Yeah. You and Gary Vee basically the same.

Same. A little taller than him. Is he like short? He's a smaller man. That, that talk, that makes sense. How tall is Gary Vee? How, how tall do you think? I'm going to say five, six.

That's a good guess, but he's actually, bro, if he's under five, four, I'm going to, he, I think he left his wife by the way. That just popped up. Oh, I'm sorry. That's not funny. But it is. Wait, can I get, can I get, can I get a height? Gary.

Is it like Barnett, Barnett Chuck? Yeah, but you could just, he's five. He's five, seven. Oh, all right. All right. So he's allowed to live in my book. He has a net worth of 200 million. That's a close to yours.

That's a big, that's a big net worth. That is crazy. Why good for him, man. You know, I saw a picture of the other day speaking to like seeing people out at parties. I saw one the other day that was like two people like out in fucking Nashville and it was Kid Rock and Tucker Carlson. Saw that. Bro.

Talk about a fucking grouping. Can you imagine that night? Oh, how mad, how mad were they to have seen one person of color? Yeah, I just like this country. This, yeah, everything's going to shit. And Nashville, my understanding is a pretty liberal place, isn't it? I mean, it was when I went. Oh, I mean, I don't know.

I think it changed in two years. No, I don't think people fuck with Kid Rock. Like he has like a bar there, but I think they, they made him like get rid of it or something. Really? Yeah. His bar was like the Honky Tonk or something. No, that's an awful name for a bar. I think so.

I don't really even know what that means. It's like a very like country term, like Honky Tonk. Yeah. It's a type of music. I also think it was just like they would use it to describe like a traditional Southern, you know, like pop, pop, popper, you know, like. Yeah. Honky Tonk.

I just think of this. Someone doing this. Honky Tonk. And the wrestler from the 80s and 90s. I don't. You don't remember him from WWF at the time and he was like, he's the Honky Tonk man. He's cool. He's cocky.

He's by. It sounds like doing Elvis Presley. That's him. He was an Elvis rip off and he called himself the Honky Tonk man and he would smash people over the head with guitars. Just like Jeff Jarrett. Fire. I know Jeff Jarrett.

You know, Jeff Jarrett, J-E-F-F-J-A-R-E-T. Ain't he great? That's his. Okay. We're going to move on from that. But I actually was out recently. With Kid Rock and Tuckle Car. No, no, no.

I didn't get the invite for that one. By the way, real quick, I just want to say this when we can move forward. Kid Rock, he just looks like an old dog that you put sunglasses on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't look like he's got much time left. He like is like, like full on just like lets the world know he blows down a lot of

Coke. Really? Yeah. Like I'm pretty sure in his songs he talks about like, you know, like booger sugar or whatever he calls it. Yeah. Yeah. Guy loves cocaine.

He's like, you can't cancel me simply because I don't give a fuck. It's like, we don't really give a fuck either. Yeah, we don't. I don't think that's how that works. One, but two. Yeah. Just, just leave. Just go away.

Tucker Carlson on the other hand. Boy, that night out has got to be something for the ages because what are they talking about? I don't listen. Political views aside, I think we can all agree this dude needs to get beat up like every morning. I don't really like, I care about his political views to a degree, but I just care more than he just kind of like spews just nonsense.

I just want to. And I just hate his face. Oh, one of the worst faces, dude. You're shy. What? Yeah. He's got a bad face. And he's got a big ass head.

He's got big head. Oh, big head. He needs to get hit. Yeah. I think he needs to just get punched in the mouth. Yeah. So, but I was out and I actually, funny that we brought up a wrestler, I met a wrestler. I met Bubba Ray Dudley.

Debunk at the tables. Debunk at the tables. Part of the Dudley boys. They didn't know ECW original, you know, then made this way over WWE at the time. I remember a famous clip of this man. Oh boy. It's a rough one. Don't go look it up.

Oh, but he says something like, uh, we got, bro, I can't believe this was a thing that happened in the world. Bro, he cut a pro on ECW. That was a little much. He's like, we got a woman here who taught her daughter how to suck dick. Yeah. I was like, bro, these are fans. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not listening. I'm sure everyone into a degree. It was the 90s. Wild shit. It was the times guys. It was the times.

It was the times. If you weren't telling a woman, a middle-aged woman that she taught her daughter how to how to fillate a man, then, you know, where are you? You weren't living in the 90s. Were you even there? Where were you going? Uh, but I, the reason I brought the story up is because I, I said something that I, Oh yeah.

What did you say? Cause Frank is, you know, Frank is a, especially when we were younger, we were all like very popular. Especially Bubba Ray, like if it was like someone like fucking, you know, like someone less, less big, like the Dudley boards are like one of the greatest tag teams ever, right? You know, if it, if it was like, I know you were hyped, bro. I was super pumped. And where did you see him?

I went to a restaurant in Red Bank, New Jersey. Oh my God. You walked out to his table. Excuse me. No, no, no. Cause I, now I've, I've come across. You stalked him out. You waited from outside.

No. Oddly enough, I've come across other wrestlers in establishments of food eatery. Just say restaurant. Okay. But I've come across them back a couple of, maybe like 2014, I walked into a Chipotle in Milford, Connecticut and I was online behind Seth Rollins and Cesaro and Dean Ambrose or as you know now, John Moxley. And I was, I was like, holy shit.

Like, and I didn't want to go up to them because one, they can dog me. Yeah. Bro, this dude Cesaro was fucking, that's the ball dude. Yeah. Dude. Yolked. Yeah. Yeah.

Like I've never seen muscle definition on a man like that. Whoa. Take it easy. I've never seen a man so oiled up and just cut up and just beautiful the way the sun was hitting off. They were sitting down eating their burritos and I went up to the table and I just said, listen guys, not going to ask for pictures, not going to bother you. Just want to say I'm a huge fan.

Have a good one. And they were like, thank you. And like, you know, because like when people are eating, you don't want to fuck with them, you know, especially guys that can get up and put your fucking head in the ground. Yeah. So he'll do a move to me. Yeah. Right.

So I was coming out of the, I didn't even see him. I didn't even know he was there. Never in a million years that I think like I would have fucking ran into this guy. I was coming out of the bathroom and he's walking toward me and I'm like, that's Bubba Ray. I stop and like in a split second, I realized it was Bubba Ray. So I put my hands on my chest like that, like this. Oh my God, dude.

And I fell back to the wall. Frankie. Yeah. And I said, and I quote, as I live and breathe, what, that was it? And he's, isn't there supposed to be more of that? Or you just, that's all you said. I went, wait, did you say that to him? You said it at this man.

You said, as I live and breathe, and what the fuck did he say? What? He stopped and he knew that I recognized it, but the guy was walking toward the bathroom. He probably had a fucking piss. You went like this? So he goes, he comes up to me and he's like, Hey, what's up man? And he initiated. And I was like, this is really nice.

Well you said as I live and breathe, and you also were doing this, you thought I was having a heart attack or some shit. This is what my grandma did when I like my graduation and pre-k. Yeah. As I live and breathe. And, what does that even mean? I've never heard this before. It's just like as I'm here on this earth right now, I've come across the, you know, and that's

what I said. You're speaking medieval now. As I live and breathe, it's a pretty medieval way to, you know, say that you met one of your favorite wrestlers. Hello, my liege. And he's like, Hey man, what's your name? What are you doing out here? And he was asking me.

I was like, Oh my God, you know, out with my wife, you know, Frank, nice to meet you. He's like, Hey, listen, I'm going to go use the bathroom. I'm sitting at the corner of the bar. When I come out, let's take a picture. I was like, Damn, what a nice guy. Bro, super fucking nice. This is the same man who said, We got a woman who tore her daughter out of a septic. What a nice guy, bro.

Yeah. Yeah. He also like a couple of weeks ago, he also came out and said, like that wrestler I just brought up, John Moxley, aka Dean Ambrose. He went to alcohol, like rehab, rehab for being an alcoholic. And he came back and he on his, cause he has a popular serious XM wrestling show called busted open that he hosts, but Bubba Ray Dudley busted. Yeah.

And he said, like, he should have apologized to the fans and people were like a little tone deaf, but you know, he was a really fucking nice guy. Oh, so he's in the news. He's definitely in the news. He's also on Stone Colds podcast is coming out in like a week or two. Nice. So I just shook a hand that like within a week, dapped up Stone Cold. Nice.

It's a good week. You just shove your hand in your mouth. No, no, no, I just, I didn't even bother like he came out, we took a picture. He stayed sitting at the bar with his friends and then I bought him. I bought him a drink. Him and his partner. I don't know if it was his wife or girlfriend or whatever, but I bought him, bought him a drink.

She was smoky. Good looking woman for a good looking guy. You know, he was, he was also fucking, he had your dad hands, dude. Big frying pan hands. Dude, this guy can fucking, he can like tear a Bible in half. I've never heard anyone say something like that. He could tear a Bible. Yeah.

Yeah. But sacrilege, babe. No. Yeah. Don't do it. If you ever want to fuck with your non-religious friends, just put a Bible in their house and they can't do anything about it. Wait, hold on.

Well, I mean, they could if they wanted to, but no, then it's like a bad thing to throw a Bible out. Sure. But what I will say is this. I think what you meant to say is a phone book. Phone book. Yeah. Not the fucking Bible.

Bible, not that hard to tear in half. Yeah. It's a smaller document. You know, it's so funny about these like strong men or whatever is like, I've seen videos where I'm like, a guy starts being like, I'm going to rip this phone book in half and then he rips it in half and you go, whoa. And then for a second, I'm like, okay. You know, like that's the end result.

Fuck out of here. That's hard as shit. I'm not debating that it's hard, but it's like, what, uh-oh. Yeah. It's like one of those weird, like old timey feats of strength. Yeah. Like, look what I could do. Yeah.

They can lift buckets of water over their head like, cool, dude. Awesome. Yeah. I once ripped a book in half, but it was a thinner book. Why'd you rip it in half? I was bet that I couldn't, just like I was bet that I couldn't touch that light, which you guys can see on the Patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard. We, you know, every Friday we put out an episode for those next tier, those a little higher

tier customers, patrons, and Joey dared me a thousand dollars, bet me a thousand dollars I couldn't touch that light because we're in the new studio. Yes. And I'm not going to say what happens. Does he touch it? Does he not touch it? You're going to have to watch. It gets a little off the rails, but patreon.com slash the basement yard.

Not only do you get for that first tier weekly episodes a week in advance, you also for that next tier up, you get those exclusive episodes every single Friday morning, start and end your week with the Patreon, uh, no, with the basement yard, basement yard on Patreon, patreon.com slash basement yard fell apart there at the end a little bit, a little bit, but no one's going to even say anything about it. They're happy for me. Right. I think that people are happier for me than you.

Yeah. Yeah. I, because you're, you're like out of their league. Well, you made me public, public enemy number one. Well, yeah. I just want to make sure that the world knows you're not public enemy. You're a very good caring, giving person. When the cameras, when the cameras are on, clip that clip that when they're on, no, I'm

kidding. Click that. No, no, no. I, but I like this narrative that I've spun this web of lies that I've spun that you're just a tyrant that doesn't respect or treat me with, you know, a plum, a plum, look that no, a plum. Oh, a plomb. Yes.

There's to be at the end. Yeah, a plomb. I like that. Also, I don't know what it means. What does it mean? You don't know. You don't fucking know. Do you know?

I think it's like, you do something with like, you know, like good skill and, and like grace self confidence or assurance. Yeah, there you go. Oh no. Good skill. Good skill. Confidence is a skill, man. You're really stretching that.

No, I don't think so. Uh, but that's funny. A plum. A plum. A plum. A plum. A plum, not a plum. A plum.

A plum. Plums, by the way, underrated fruit. Maybe if you're old and white. No, I think plums are delicious. Bro, you ever just... Oh, I'm thinking of prunes. Yeah, prunes suck. Yeah, there was a trash.

We give them to my daughter to shit. Like the juice. Yeah, I could have done without that. Well, she's a baby. Goodbye. Is it shit juice? It makes you poop? Oh, apparently.

Dude, apple juice. Really? Apple juice, dude. I'm shocked that... Martinelli is the glass one. Mad good. Really? Have that.

Literally 20 minutes later, my stomach's going... No. No. No. And I have to, you know... You need to go. Yeah, I... Does coffee do that to you?

Honestly, no. Wow, because coffee's weird. I believe people think coffee's more of a diuretic than... Well, some people go crazy with coffee. I only have... I will... Max, which is not usual. Majority of the time, I only have one cup of coffee a day.

Every day. But, like, I'll do one. I never have three. Ever. Three's psychopathic. It's... I mean, it's not psychopathic. But some people have, like, seven cups of coffee a day.

Bro, my mom... My mom, legitimately, in one morning, like, she came a couple weeks ago and spent the... Spent, like, the weekend. She... Within three hours, had at least four cups of coffee. Jesus. It was a lot. Yeah, no, I can't do that.

I'm afraid. I drink a lot of tea. But, like, tea is, like, you know, not as aggressive as coffee. What's bad for you and tea? I don't think there's really much bad for you. I mean, people say that if you have too much tea, you can get, like, what are the rocks in your peepee called? Kidney stones.

That's it. Kidney stones. That's a pretty big one. I don't want to piss out rocks. I've never gotten any kidney stones. How often do you drink tea? Multiple cups a day. Do you have, like, a little tea party every day?

I do. I do. I do have a Gong Fu set up. Gong Fu. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You know, more leaves, less in, you know, infusion time, so you can let your leaves last throughout,

you know, a couple hours. Oh, I didn't ask for that. Well, you got it. Yeah, I did. You got it, bitch. I did. You got it, bitch. It's hot.

It is getting hot in here. It's a little toasty in here. I got to take my hoodie off. What are we going to do in the summer? Oh, dude, we got the AC. We could blow it. But it's too loud. So you've got to blow it beforehand.

Oh, is it going to be like, truth? I don't know if it'll be like that. It'll be a truth. I'll be honest with you, but it'll be a truth. No. We do have a couple of things that we have to go over because there's a lot in the news, you know, at this time. But before we get to any of that, you had, you had a dream recently.

I did. You said that you had it. You briefly explained it over the phone. Very brief. Please. Please. I'll let the people know. I've been playing a lot of Mortal Kombat.

I've been playing a lot of Mortal Kombat. Please. I'll let the people know. I've been playing a lot of Mortal Kombat lately. Let's just preface this dream with that. Okay. And there was a group of people trying to harm my family and I had ice powers. Why are you saying group of people?

Because I don't remember who they were. Oh. I think the... I thought you were going to be like, oh, Russians. No. Well, I don't think they were Russian. I think the head was this kid I went to middle school, to high school with. The head of the gang?

The head of the gang. Who was an Asian-American male. And... Oh. But I don't remember anyone else being Asian-American. Oh. And he went to like college to like be like a pastor. Wait.

Wait. Yeah. Is this in the dream or in life? In real life. In real life, you know, an Asian man who went to college to become a pastor. To become like a man of God. Yeah. They teach pastorism in college?

I think you can go to like, you know, like Grand Canyon University and like all these like Christian schools and it's like, you can master, you can get your bachelors of science in fucking God. Bro, you can get like a God master? I'm pretty sure you can get it. Yeah. You can get like degrees and like religious studies. Wait.

Does that how you become a priest? And how do you become a deacon? Do you got to have like a master's degree? I think you need to be cool to become a deacon. Yeah. Anyone could be a priest. If you get the title deacon dude. No, no, no.

Dude, a priest is higher than a deacon. Yeah. A way cooler sounding than a fucking priest. That's true. It is cooler. Also a bishop, that's fire. No, you're trying. Now we're talking.

Or a cardinal son. Cardinals would be fire. Like if you could become a cardinal. Bro, you could become a cardinal. You're like in with like the league of shadows of the priest churchhood. Cardinals can become the pope, right? Yeah. Pope, by the way, they need a better name for the pope.

Yo, what's the fucking, what's the religious hierarchy, bro? I think it's like the pope, the papa. Obviously it's like men than women. Well, yeah. That's what they believe. Yeah. But you have the papa. Who's that?

Oh, the pope. And then I think you have like a bunch of cardinals. Because the cardinals choose the pope, don't they? And you need to be a cardinal to be a pope. Damn, they have something called an elder. That's like, that's kind of wizards and shit. Yeah, bro. He's fucking casting.

So I got it right. Excuse me? Okay. Who's the, who's the top, the papa? I mean, it's the pope. It's the papa. Yeah. And then we have the patriarch.

What the fuck is that? First of all, very symbolic. Second of all. Yeah. And then we have... It's a group of fathers. That's literally what patriarch means. Wait, I don't...

Or a patriarch means like a, like run by the... Sorry, sorry. At the top is God. Oh, fuck! Fuck, we forgot about the big one. We got the papa, we forgot about... You know. El supremo.

Abuelo. That's right, we fucked up. All right, so it's God. Yeah. And then the pope. El papa. And then we have Cardinals and Archbishop. Bitch.

Yikes. I meant bishops. No, we know exactly what you meant. I said bitch twice. You said archbitch. Bitch, bitch, bitch. And we have God, pope, Cardinals and Archbishop. Cardinals is way cooler than arch.

But arch? What does that mean? Is that like the, like the... Like the arch enemy? They're the ones that could throw it back. No, no, no. Yeah. And it has nothing to do with their arch.

Regular bishops that could just like fucking like wind and dine, dutty wine. You got like your bishops and then you got like your arch bishops. I thought arch would mean like, like your enemy. Like your arch enemy is like the fucking dope one. Yeah. So like I think the bishops and the arch bishops like fist fight like every lent. They're definitely against each other. Yeah.

I don't think they're cool with each other. The arch... Your bishops and arch bishops find out where you choose. Oh yeah. By the way, we're blaspheming hard this episode. I'm sprinting to hell. Cardinals and arch bishops. Cardinals is cooler.

Then you have regular bishops. Which I still think is cool. Well, that's probably why they're okay. You know, like first of all, least favorite chess piece. Second of all... Easily. That's not true. What?

The bishops? Bishops are trash, dude. Only go diagonal? Pawns are trash though. Pawns have the purpose though. They all got purpose. Well, but the bishops though, I'm not a big fan. I'll be honest with you, and like this is crazy coming from me because I love animals,

but the fucking horse. I like the horse. Horse can be good. You can get a nice little get up with the horse. We'll make an L. Fuck this piece. Only piece that can jump over other pieces, Joey. You don't care.

I don't. Go on. Then we have priests. So priests are pretty low on this totem pole. Oh yeah. They aren't like... They're not like... So like priests are like, you know, like teachers.

Yeah, they talk that shit like they're very close to God. But we got four levels of people above people. We kind of just... We exposed priests again. You just... We did it again. This is a better exposing, honestly. But yeah.

And then the last, we have deacons. Damn. Deacons are lowest? Yeah. And then the people, the civilians. Oh, so we're dirt to the children of God, yeah. We're all children of God, aren't we? That's what they say.

Yeah, but we don't teach. So what? Like one is a more favored child? I think under deacons is like CCD teachers. Yeah. And then under that's like your grandma. Oh. She's like a teacher.

Well, she's under because she's buried down under it. She's definitely under the earth's crust. That's for sure. Yeah, the outermost layer. Yeah, exactly. I would say deacon is just a cooler sounding name. We need to put that higher on the hierarchy. Yeah, I think we need to switch up these names and make them more modern.

Think about like this. How many comic book villains do you know that are named like Archbishop or Bishop? None. I know one named deacon. Who's that? Deacon Frost. Deacon Frost? Yeah, you got to look it up.

But I'm saying. Fire name. Yeah, right? Yeah. So like I think deacons deserve more of respect or priests. That's just a trash name. What does priest even mean? I'm sure it has some biblical meaning.

Probably means like teacher. No one wants to be a teacher anymore. They got underpaid and undervalued by every fucking. No, people want to be priests. That I don't know. I wonder what the priest markets like. I don't even know how to become a priest. You got to go to school.

I can guarantee. I thought you would have to go to like a priest school. Not just like, you know, you're taking math, phys ed and priest. Well, they don't teach certain sciences when you go to those schools. Like they'll be like, yo, like our sciences are like. No big bang. You know, basically earth science. No physics.

Son of a bitch. You can do earth science. Like, you know, rocks are for real. That's what I'm saying. Rocks and like the earth and like topography or whatever it's called typography. Yeah. Like the looking at like, like the different terrains. I think that's what that means.

I might be exposing that. I'm a bit of an idiot today. I think you said typography was like, that's like fonts like typing. Is it typography? I assume that priests need a type two. What? No, they're right with quills. Do they?

That's got to be a class calligraphy. I've never seen a priest write anything down. They usually just read from books and they do this. Do you think they have to go to like a rhythm class to like teach them how to be able to sing a bit? You have to be able to like sing a bit. They have to go to Caden's class. Caden's class.

It's got to be like a thing. Probably go to college for that. Damn. I think we've offended quite a few people here today. Who's fencing? We're trying to figure out in real time how to become a priest. Bro, look it up. How to become a priest?

I know how you become a nun. How do you become a nun? Isn't that you have to go to like a... You go to a convent. And you get like there's like a... Convent. That's what it's called. What'd you say?

Herbary. Herbary? What is that? Like where they have plants and shit. She wouldn't become a botanist maybe. No, you go to a convent and you go, yo, I'm trying to nun. And they go, all right, cool. And they put you on like probation.

Probation. Yeah, like, I mean, you can't... You can't what? You can't bang anybody. And you got to like learn, bro. You got to like learn the way of the nun. Oh, you think that like... A big nun comes and she puts you under her wing, right?

And she's like, yo, this is how we nun and shit. And then you get like a graduation. Damn, this is crazy. I never knew this. What's like the nun... What are they... Like, do they have like a hat that they throw or do they, you know? Oh, like Sister Act.

Remember that? Didn't they throw all their... Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, I mean, maybe. I don't know. They get down. You don't know any nuns? I'm surprised.

Your grandmother loved God, dude. She probably knew a nun or two. But I never was introduced. Or maybe I was. I was too young. You've been confirmed. Yeah, I got confirmed. So you're in in this world.

You're closer to being a priest than me, babe. Bro, yeah, 100%. I'm more qualified. Well, you're... Yeah, because... Yeah, in the eyes of the creator. The... You know, when I got confirmed, that was the first time I ever had wine.

Damn, what it tastes like. You throwing it back? Bro, I did not like it. You didn't like it? No. And also looking back on it, it's so weird that like we would go to church. And there'd be a bunch of old people that were like near death. A lot of them were very old.

No one's near death. Just how close they are. Thanks, Plato. But we were at church. We were at church and like we'd go up and they'd have the wine and people would take a sip and then the guy would just do this. Bro, germs. Bro, they don't believe in germs, man.

They should hand out nips. The church... Should I just slam this? Do you think they did that during like COVID? Hell no, bro. What were they doing during COVID? Were they even open? I don't know.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't think the church was open. I think it could. It had to have been open. I mean, they played by a different playbook than... Yeah, we all knew that. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know.

But that was the first time I had wine and I remember having it. And at first, because you're taught, it's the blood of Christ. And I was like, isn't there blood in this? Like blessed blood. Not like the blood... I always wanted to eat the body of Christ. Amen. Yeah, I've had that.

I mean, I've had it too. Like the little like... Yeah. But I like... Not bad, not bad, not bad. When I became older, like I haven't had that in like 15, 16 years. It's been a while since I've had some host. And honestly, I kind of miss it.

Can you buy this shit on like, yo? Yeah. Amazon. Not like restaurant depot. You can go there and get like a whole fucking box. Really? Yeah, probably. One time in CCD.

Yo, I scared the shit out of me. Who is it? It's Greg. Oh my God, bro. You scared the fucking meat, bro. You scared the dog shit out of us. God, he's in a window. You scared the fuck out of me.

But one time I was in CCD class and I saw in the back of the classroom, it was like, like you would put pretzels in, but it was filled with like hosts. The hosts? And I was like, yo, what the hell? They disrespect the body of Christ? She's putting them in jars and shit? No, but it makes sense. Where are they?

How, you have to package these. I don't know. I mean, it's kind of funny that it's the body of Christ and they sell it at restaurant depot. Well, I made that part up. 899. I made that part up. Greg.

It's definitely not that much. How religious are you? Zero. Okay. It's not religious. Ten percent. How do you, how do you gauge that? Ten percent religious?

Yeah. Does that mean that like you are, what does that mean? You need to get on camera. Frankie, you called them over here. I called from the other room I hope you could have answered. I'm 10 percent religious because my mom will get mad at me. Gotcha. Is your mom, what is your mom like study?

That's not what it's called, Frank. What is she study? Yeah. She's a practicing Catholic. She's a practicing Catholic. Okay. Yeah. So like, do you know like any nuns or priests?

I know a priest. Oh, I've seen a priest. I was at, I was at, I was at Rouse House one time and a priest was just chilling in the backyard and I was like, yo, are we supposed to, I was like, and I have, I'm walking in with white claws and shit. And I'm like, yo, is this okay, father? Like, and he's over there with it. Did he bless it?

No, I shouldn't. God damn it. Missed opportunity. But really you fucked up. Can you just wave your hand over? Just wave your hand over the white claws and you'll feel less bad about what you're about to do. Yeah.

As you dive into a table of fucking. I'm over there playing beer pong with fucking Father O'Malley here. Bro, if I was at a party and a priest or none showed up, I'm, I'm letting you know they're get shot in that whole show. I'd be like, yo, bring out the Eucharist. Yeah. What does it call it? The blood of Christ.

Amen. No. Yeah. Well, bring that shit out. Let's get drunk off the blood of Christ. He would love that dude. Yeah. What would make him happier than like people like just like basking in happiness and joy

and on his blood? Probably less alcohol. I would say. I would say. But then maybe make his blood not alcoholic then. Yeah. It's true. Honestly, that's true.

Yeah. Because Paul's a sin. Jesus turned the, the, oh, he turned water into wine. Water into wine. Yeah. I can imagine that power. Bro. I don't want anyone to drink, but I'm going to turn the water into wine.

I don't know what I'm talking about. It's really set me up for a million. That's why a lot of old. Entrapment. Well, yeah. We'll figure it out. Anyway, now that we've offended everyone, let's get to these ads. All right.

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So the Asian kid was like, they were trying to take my family, my kids, and I had ice powers. So when I would go like this, you had ice power ice powers, dude, sub zero. I'm talking like good one, not, not like beyond like the new sub zero. I don't get ahead as part of the Lin Kuei. I don't know what that is, but someone is getting their fucking archbishops at work, baby. I would go like this and I would make an ice sword.

Okay. I would go like this and I would make ice daggers. Oh, I thought you were doing claws. No, no, no. I would go like this and I would make like knuckles with like spikes on the end for fighting. This is all in your dream. In my dream. You had ice powers.

Yes. And then if I'd go like this, I could make balls and like fire them. I could make balls. Ice balls. Yeah. And snowballs. Yeah. Well, no, not snowballs.

They were ice balls. They were hard snowballs. Very hard. Yeah. Dangerous. Hail. Gotcha. And I was fighting this group of people that were trying to take my family.

I was trying to do the noble thing. The Asian people that you were right. No, no, no, no, no. They were led by a single Asian man. Right. It doesn't mean they were all Asian. I honestly, I think one of them was Jamie Foxx, oddly enough. Not helping my cause here.

He's not Asian. Yeah. Anyway, people are just, it was just, I think there was one or two whites. But how many people are you talking about, by the way? By the way, there was like four or five of them. And I was fighting. Oh, dude, I was thinking at least 30 here. No, I didn't take that many.

I mean, these people were coming for me. Yeah, there was like four or five of them. My kids, small. Yeah. One person can handle both of them. True. Two people to, you know, to, well, one with ice powers. Well, but I had the ice powers.

And no one in your family was powerful. None. Got it. You know, how did this end? I got woken up before I could save them. So I am right now, like in my dream, my family is gone and I'm just sitting there like iced out. Freaking woke up like this.

I actually, I swear to God, I woke up with my hands like this. Were you in the middle of a fight? I don't know what I was. Yes, I was. And he was holding my daughter and using one hand on me. I was getting fucked up in my own dream. You were getting fucked up in your own dream with a man who was holding your daughter and beating you up with one hand.

And I had ice powers and I couldn't do it. What did he have? Just really fast reflexes. That's my, that tells you about my confidence is I get beat up in my own dreams, even with his powers. Damn. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't farewell against this man, not a, not a good showing for you, but

I could have done better probably, but you know, you live and you learn. Well, you know, that's, that's one way to have dreams and actually that's a good segue into the next story that I have here that I want to tell you about. But I found this online and this girl thought she was having weird dreams because she would wake up and she thought she was hearing like these like demons or something in her head and she thought like she was being haunted or her house was haunted or some shit. And then I think she like set up a camera and then she was left stunned because she actually found out that on the camera, her boyfriend's mom would sneak into the room

at night and she would just whisper like evil shit to her. Wait, what? Yeah. She would, she would whisper evil, evil shit. Like demonic, like, you know, like summoning, summoning Baphomet or someone who's the bat. She said when she downloaded an app to hear herself snore at night, but she ended up hearing a voice saying it wants to unalive me and say hateful things. Oh, that's tick tock lingo because you can't say like kill because they'll be like they'll

pull the video. What? So they say unalive. But so it's like, she heard a voice saying like they're going to kill you and like saying hateful stuff. So she's like, she thought it was a ghost. So I think it's a ghost in my room, but it turns out as my boyfriend's mom coming into into my room and saying those things while I slept while hovering over me.

Dude, that is fire. How fucking crazy is that? That is first of all, super creepy. All these videos that people have of like, you know, like people sneaking into their home, like you ever see the one where it was like the guy like would notice he was missing food. So he set up a camera and he found like someone was like living in his crawl space. Bro, you never saw that shit.

Frankie, you never saw that. No. It's just right now. I find a video, but I find a video like that and I see that there's actually a man living in the crawl space showing his face and being like, yo, scary or it was like a skinny woman. Dude, nothing scares a man like a skinny woman. Quote that put that on a shirt and selling it for merch. Oh my God.

Nothing scares a man like a skinny woman. No, bro. Nothing creepy, but this is kind of like genius and super petty. She was saying things like, uh, you're so ugly and I hate you and curse words. Can you imagine sleeping at night? Your boyfriend's mom's like, you're ugly. You're ugly. I'm going to kill you in your sleep.

Just do it. I hate you. You're ugly. Bro, is that like a crime? I don't even know. Yeah, bro. You could say whatever the fuck you want. Like first amendment, baby, freedom of speech.

Um, uh, the woman says she has yet to confront her boyfriend's mom. Oh, well, too late. She's living in her house, uh, after she was recently, she was released from prison recently. The mother, I think. Oh, we're, we're throwing a little bit of a monkey wrench in here. She might have some mental disorder or something. What the fuck's that mean? That changes the fact that she's going.

You're ugly. You're a sleeping person. That's funny as shit. I'll tell you this right now, bro. Do not hover over me if I'm sleeping. I don't do that. And I, I, I, I'm letting you know right now, we're actually going to be away this weekend. You hover over me and I'm going to whisper something in your ear when you're sleeping

a 100,000%. And I know you're going to get upset about it. Like it beforehand. You're so ugly. We'll laugh about it afterward, but like in the moment you'll be like, Joe, are you like seriously? I mean, I'll be, I'll do that. If you do it at 4am.

I don't know. It might be four or five. You never know. I wake up pretty early. That's before you have a bunch of drinks and yeah. Oh man. Oh, and I would whisper this shit in your ear just like, you are, you are worthless. Everything about you has led to sadness in me.

Sadness in me. Yeah. No, I mean, do you know anyone that like you would do this to? Hover over them and say hateful stuff. I would do it to you. But like, I'd say like positive things, like reinforce you. I'd be like, I'm so pretty. I'm like, everything about you makes me proud.

That would honestly scare me too. Really? Yeah, dude. I get easily spooked at night. Like I really don't like fuck with voices and shit. You wouldn't, bro, you would not, there was one night I was sleeping and I woke up because I heard a doorbell go off. Like I heard it.

But the doorbell didn't go off. Didn't go off and there was no one there. See like that like makes me feel insane. I was knocked my contact up, but like that kind of shit makes me feel insane because I've had moments of that too where I've been like, someone just touched me and then I'm like alone and I'm like, no, I can't. I would love to see you in, by the way, God almighty, thank you for bringing this up. There is a Picky Boy video, well, say I got a studios video that's coming out in, I don't

know when, but Joey and I do like a scary VR game. It is the funniest. Yeah. It's scary, bro. I really don't do well. You're not, you're not good. When I know that like I'm about to be scared, I'm just like, sometimes I'll be watching a scary movie and I'll just be like looking at the screen, but not looking because I'm

like, I don't want to. That's what Becca does. Becca and I watch and she doesn't want to see what's going on. She just looks at me. She's just like, let me know. She goes, or I'll be like, oh, I got to get something from my pockets and just be like, I love that shit. I love that shit.

I watch it and I'm just like, yeah, bro. I'm all about that. Well, I went to the haunted houses at Universal and like that was fun for some reason. I guess it's different if I'm like, if it's in person, well, cause you know, they can't do anything. Like, you know, like they're going to jump out and not be able to touch you. I'd rather be jumped scared like in person than like on a TV. I don't know why that doesn't make any sense, but like, it just does dude.

Well, because I think like you don't know, like when you're in person again, like, you know, nothing is going to happen. But like, you're afraid of the unknown. I had nightmares the other day as a wrong man. What were they about? I don't remember. I had a nightmare too. And like, I remember waking up and being like, I don't want that to happen again.

I remember just waking up and being like, I am scared nightmares can be a little scary. Dude, they're not fun. As a kid, I used to not fuck with that, bro. You ever cried a sleepover? I'm sure I did. I can't remember much. I never cried a sleepover, but I love sleeping over people's ass. I love people sleeping over my house.

You remember sleepovers when you'd be like, yo, the boys are staying up late. We're just going to just talk shit and make each other worse. Eat gushers. I don't know, like Google girls or something. I actively remember sleeping over at your place and we would sleep in the living room and your mom on multiple occasions coming downstairs and being like, guys, go to sleep because we were laughing the whole night. Yeah, my parents were big on go to sleep.

My parents big on not having anyone sleep over. Yeah, I didn't really sleep over your house too much. Well, I don't think, have I ever slept over your house? Yeah, when we had like parties and stuff. It was because it was because it was tough, you know, with my grandmother and stuff being there. Yes. Or, or wherever she, I don't know, I don't know, my grandmother always told this story

for her, for her 10th birthday. She was born in like 26 or 29 or whatever. BC. Oh no, 1926. I think it was 26. She always told this story. It was 26 that for her like 10th birthday, she wanted like a girl that she was in school with a black girl from the neighborhood to come to her party and her parents wouldn't

let her and she, she like cried and cried and she always, always told this story. So you know how like everyone's like, dude, you know, everyone's like, oh, like your grandparents did and said some things like I, for the most part, think to my grandmother, my mom's mom. Yeah. It was like a nice woman. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's a very nice. That's a very nice loving thing to do in the fucking 30s, dude.

Yeah. It was like cool to be racist back then. Not cool like now, but like back then that's like, you know, they were smoking cigarettes and they were like, oh, everyone's doing it. Yeah. Damn, Gloria's going against the grain. Sam, right. Gloria from Astoria going against the grain, babe.

Damn. They probably called her that, didn't they? You know, yeah. Probably called her go-go. Well, she was a beauty queen. Do you know that? Your grandma? Yeah.

Your grandma was a rocket ship? Apparently she was a smoke. Damn, dude. You have old pictures of her? I, I'm sure if I like dig, I'm not going to do it now, but she won like Miss Astoria. Like they have pageants. They did back in the fucking 40s, I guess. Yeah.

She was like, they loved her. For Gloria. Yeah. And then she had a grandson that would prank call her about old friends from high school. Yeah. What a piece of shit he turned out to be. Can't win them all, babe. Wait.

Why are we talking about this? Go-go? Before that. We were talking about something. I wanted to say something. You were going, you were talking about your nightmares. And then we were talking about the woman whispering sweet nothings in that girl's ear. Well, sweet nothings.

I wouldn't really, honestly, if you find out that your mom is, you know, whispering sweet nothings into your partner's ear. Do you like- Hell no. You're not upset about it? Oh, no. I'm violently upset. Yeah.

I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? But like, would you like be like, all right, listen, like, you know- No, no. I wouldn't be nice. I'd be like, what are you doing? That's your mom, dude. 100%. You're going to scream at your mom?

I broke my mom's rib, you know. That's right. You did. You're a violent man. I broke my mom's rib. Damn. Broke the fuck out of it. She was in pain for months.

Yeah. She's all right. Yeah. I thought they're too hard when I was drunk. And she was like, oh, and I was like, no. Broke a rib. That's fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, dude.

I have never, I don't think like purposefully- That's what I realized. I'm like, oh my, you can't just like, you know, pick up your mom at this age, you know. Yeah, you can't, especially when you were drunk, you would have dropped her, made more damage. Well, I was wearing a Superman on Wednesday, so I did have some extra power. And beer muscles, Joe. So you definitely had extra power.

Definitely did a couple, one, two, three, four, five keg stands down there. The keg stands? Yeah, in the driveway. Damn. I've done like three keg stands in my whole life. I don't really like them. First time I did it- Let's drink upside down.

It's like, what are we, bad? Yeah, it was not that cool. It's not that cool. First time I did, I almost like really got sick, really, really bad. That was like the first time I ever remember getting like hung over, and it was a Pete's graduation party. So I did a keg stand of like lion's head. The fuck is that?

It was like a beard that they had in kegs. And you remember fucking Pete's place? Every time you go to Pete's place, he's like, yo, you want this Vietnamese chocolate brewed beer? And it's like, bro, just give me a fucking Coors Light or something, you know? And if you say that to Pete, he'll get pissed, boy. But- You drink that piss?

Yeah, you drink- Okay. This is absolutely absurd. This is abhorrent. And then as soon as I finished the keg stand, he handed me a nip of Jack Honey, and I was like, drink this. And I took it and I was like, this is, like I'm going to throw up. But I didn't.

You held it together. I didn't. Did I ever tell this story? Damn, I don't know if I ever told this story. All right, this was 2012. The world was supposed to end. And for me, it did that day. Did it?

I was out on Long Island, and I had a friend who had driven me out there, but it was like a girl that I was like kind of like, you know, maybe dating a little bit. Like, you know, we were interested in each other, but there was no like concrete like, hey, let's do this. She's not listening. Just go ahead. I don't know. I don't know, man.

Because I posted that clip for talking about New Haven, Connecticut, and there are people that commented on it that I was like, I forgot existed and I was like, oh, shit. But oh, God, I really hope she's not listening. But she, I'm not going to give her name. She drove me home and I like the next day, she like nursed me back to health because I was fucking, bro, I felt like garbage. Nurse like a baby nurse? No.

Like I was on the couch, like in the pitch black, she kept like bringing me food and like stuff to drink, Gatorade, blah, blah, blah, blah, nurse me back to health, made me feel like better. And she was my ride back to Astoria because I didn't have a car at the time. I don't think I have my license at this point in time. And she was like, oh, we're going to never repeat and never from Long Island. We're going to stop in Harlem at, we're going to see my dad. I'm like, oh, where's your dad?

And she's like, oh, he's in a home. Her father had suffered a stroke and he was in like a, not a vegetative state, but he was in a wheelchair and he couldn't speak. So this girl, as like that I was like interested in at the time, brought me and her dad just stared at me the whole time. Like breaking dad? Like that guy from Breaking Bad and, and like we were there for like an hour and he just stared at you.

He just stared at me and I remember feeling so uncomfortable, but like I didn't, did you say anything to him? Hi, Mr. Yeah. You know, like I introduced myself, like I was being respectful, but I remember like it was a parent. He didn't fuck with you. It was a parent.

He did not want me there. And like he clearly knew like his like young, you know, 20 year old, 21 year old daughter was bringing this kid. Like what do you think? Like as a father, you know what I mean? Like you immediately think like, who is this little douchebag? Yeah. And I was a douchebag.

But I remember just like, I was so uncomfortable and I felt so bad because I didn't want to be rude, but like he like didn't break eye contact with me the whole time. And she would like talk to him and he would like look at her and like, you know, like smile and then right back to me like a fucking like lasers, dude. But like shirt were you wearing? Maybe it was something you were wearing. I'm sure if I look up pictures, but it was, it was the morning after Pete's graduation party.

So I felt like garbage. I was in clothes. I probably slept in. Yeah. So you have a first impression on this guy that was anything to, you know, write home about. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't remember any of my first impressions of really, I remember one time I was like seeing this girl kind of and she was like, oh, like wait to meet my dad. Like everyone's afraid of him. You smacked the dog shit out of him. No, but I met this guy and I was like, I'll put this pipsqueak in a head block. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, he was like five, seven.

Well, Joe, you're five, eight, so don't, don't like five, not five, eight, no, sorry, five, six, five, 10. That was enough. I need every inch. I can get back. I know. But he was like five, seven. And I was just like, what?

And he wasn't like, oh, fuck it. How you doing? He was just like, hey, hey, how are you? He's like, he smoked cigars. All right. Cool. Yeah. I remember my, my dad, like that was like something my sister played up with my dad.

It was like, my dad like once did her like voicemail message. Remember when people would do that when they would either put in music or they would do like, like family members. So my dad, like for my sister's voicemail months, it was like, listen up, Jessica's not here. Don't fuck or leave a message. And it was like, oh, shit. Oh, he did. Yeah, he did.

I swear to God. My, my sister thought it would be funny and you know, damn, I never did anything cool like that. Never? No. Cause your dad probably wouldn't be able to like leave a message. You'd be like, yeah, my dad doesn't even know how to work a phone. My dad will send me an email.

There'll be nothing in, in like the email, but the subject line will be his email. So I'll just get an email with a long ass subject line and like nothing in this thing. And nothing in the like body. I just want to be like, dad, hit tab and then put that there, but he doesn't, he doesn't get it. Full senses. Never very technologically savvy. No, not that man at all.

Well, you know, you live and you learn. No, you don't. Second time I've said that this episode. Is it? Keeping track. When did you say it before? About something. I think about like, you know, like priests.

We got to get off priests. We need to stop. I think that's the last time we'll ever talk about priests. That's not true. Not true at all. Father forgive me. Okay. All right.

Before we wrap up the show, we can't not talk about this, but this guy, which I looked into it, he is a, I think a comedian, but he, he like walked into a, I don't know, what are these things? I think they're like, you know, like hearings, like you could like, like they're like open floors, like public town meetings. Yeah. You can go in there and be like, oh, the public bathrooms in the parks are dirty. Yeah.

They're like town hall meetings and stuff like that. Yeah. I remember seeing them on parks and recs. So they must be real. But this one was like, this guy came in and he just wrote like a rap song and I'll just play it. Oh, this is, this is, I hope you guys like my flavor, by the way, beat slaps a little bit.

All right, so we, we, he starts off, you know, being a stand for Ukraine, of course, and wanting to put a bullet in Putin's brain, Vladimir Putin, you know, you know, leader of Russia, the leader of Russia. I'm not going to sit here and parse through any political, we're not putting a bullet in anyone's brain. Um, definitely not literally. I mean, if it were to happen, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. That's right.

That's right. But I'm not saying I'm going to make it. Well, smart man. He's clearly doing a rap of some sort. He's establishing his message from the onset, you know, most of the great rappers of the last 30 years have been able to introduce to you their sentiments toward the beginning of their song. So as it progresses, it only strengthens that onward.

What's up? Okay. That's it. Stop. Stop that, stop that right now. He's a pimp on a blimp. He's on a blimp or does he own a blimp? I think it's I'm a pimp on a blimp.

I thought he said, I'm a pimp, I own a blimp. First of all, let's make it very clear, either of those. That's awesome. Really fucking cool. Because you don't see a blimp very often. You don't see blimp very often. So if you're a pimp on a blimp, that's exclusive. You don't see pimps very often either.

I haven't seen a pimp in 10 years. At least. Yeah. So you think about it. If you're a pimp. Right. That's where they've been this whole time. Also.

I'm the blimp. If you're a pimp and you own a blimp, very good pimp. That is a lucrative deal that you got right there. That is one successful pimp. I mean, you think about marketing alone and realistically, it's like the bat signal in the sky. People always see it and they're like, oh my God, Batman's around. If you're a pimp on a blimp, they're going to see the blimp and go, god damn, my pimp

is around. There's the pimp. You've got to be careful or else this pimp in nine to 10 hours will make it to the ground, make its way toward me. I'm in big trouble. You are in big trouble because they come to collect. They don't fuck around. And he talks about shrimp.

Yeah. There was something there at the end. Hold on. I'm a pimp. I own a blimp. Yeah. Unless they're stopping shrimp. No, you can't.

Unless they're stopping shrimp. Unless they're in Lassus stacking shrimp. Bro, I just want everyone to know something, right? Just so we're crystal clear. Yeah. This is happening in one of those rooms that you watch the news or something and you'll see people at a round table, like a professional setting and everyone's in suits in, I believe Plano Texas, which doesn't strike me as the most inviting environment for something like this

Pause it real quick First of all, let's break this down again Let's just say it out for like he's going hard. He's going very hard. Yeah, it's a linsky who I believe is the mayor of Kiev in Ukraine I could be wrong about that. You are big head. Well, who is he the president? Okay? Mayor president, you know priest archbishop I'm just saying like he's saying like right He's a VIP babe, he's a VIP He's got clearly likes him a lot and what they're not the like this guy said he's gonna fight for his country pretty honorable

Nice thing to do. Mm-hmm Doesn't have very nice thing to say about Vladimir Putin though. No, he wants to put a bone in his brain again Again like he's saying it again. Oh, yeah, he's driving home like bro. That's the plan. He said that's yeah I mean, that's his plan. We're not hey if listen There I'm not saying this some this guy in Plano, Texas is There were there were murmurs about cyber attacks coming from Russia. I'm just listen. We're just being neutral One second any grinds and shines Just got to my size

Oh Oh That's some bitch out, baby. He's what is he saying he's he's putting an anti-bacterial on his body on his body At the party sipping Bacardi. Yeah, God damn. I should be in drunk at a party and just putting anti-bacterial I mean, it'd probably be a little uncomfortable to a degree. I would say so although I do like that. It makes you feel cold What what are you doing with this is what I do? When I put on hand sanitizer, I go like this because it makes a cold You like that feeling yeah, like when you when you eat five gum. Yes

That's nice. Thank you I've got This is the commercials. You remember those it's like Like the truth I've got bro sipping Bacardi at the at the pod at the party with a hand sanitizer on his body Yeah, vaccinate him straighter gay Is that what he said? He said vaccinate me straight or gay I don't think there was a discrepancy about that. I I yeah, I didn't know I think he was just trying to make something That wrong might try to make some things rhyme. Also. I have yet to figure out that shrimp line. Yeah

I well, I think it's you know, he's stacking shrimp. Well, what we know about this man. He's a Zelensky stand He's a pimp on a blimp. Oh, he owns a blimp grinds and shines right He gave us a hall pass because he's teaching class exactly This guy really is just kind of breaking ground here. Also the plan put a bullet in Well, that's his plan. That's his plan. He's this is what mr. Plano Texas rapper said We're just reporting Listen, you know, no fake news here, babe. Just saying just letting you know what we have been told I can only just play the audio and that's what it is. We don't really have control over anything. Is there more?

I think there's a little more Yeah, but I didn't want to you know, I felt like he was respect respect the rapper. It was going too hard Oh, you thought he was gonna start like like letting like like Rachel Slur's pop. No, I wasn't afraid of that. Oh, by the way, this guy White yeah, yeah, we've known that yeah, he was wearing a blue suit with a with a gold tie He kind of looked like tucker tucker Carlson Oh, if this was I would love tucker Carlson and him to have just like a wrap beef And they just go back and forth and tucker Carlson's like, let me tell you I don't know anything about that guy, but he's like a comedian like I like looked him up

And he was like obviously fucking around when doing that and just being ridiculous But I really wish because when I first saw that I'm like, tell me this man. No, it holds office somewhere Tell me if he did he would be president in a week. I mean, yeah, I probably yeah Definitely vote for him if he spits bars like that Honestly, I think that's how we should decide who's gonna be president It's just be like a fucking a rap battle rap battle, you know March Madness style Oh, well, you know what? I gotta admit though if that was the case if it was like, you know, like Disraps Yeah, Trump never would have lost. Oh my god

Yeah, he would have had a Papa Doc like run. Oh my god, dude Yeah, we would have waited for fucking Beto O'Rourke be rabbit to come around and just smoke his ass Never would have happened Trump would have just hit him with a line. Just like you're so gay. Yeah, it's like damn Hey, he drops that G bomb. It's over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Like hey, hey, hey, my name is Trump. I'm gonna kick you in your rump Okay, Frank You're gonna tell me that white men don't use the term rump Do they my mom was big on the Haini back in the day, honey. Yeah

Oh, you should she's called my butt a Cooley. I've heard Cooley. Yeah, you're a little Cooley. Yeah miles You say he's got a Cooley. No, I don't say it But like I've heard like I think his grandmother when he like, you know when like kids don't wipe well and they and it like itches Okay, she said to him like you got Cooley bugs That's disgusting. Yeah, I imagine you got ass bugs dude. You got ass bugs, bro Fix your fucking stepson's ass He's got bugs in him. What a good day. Yeah, so that's that's the episode. I don't really know I honestly don't even know what we talked about. This was quite I got to be honest with you

I don't know why but I think when we record in here. It's just like we're in a bigger room time passes We've got more space. We're jumping. We're trying to hit lights. Yeah, we're talking out here. It's a good time I'm sweating again. Congrats on the new studio. I've congratulated you a couple times now. Thank you so much Glad to see you're doing big things I know you got some real cool stuff in the in the pipeline and if you don't pay me a hundred dollars right now I'm gonna tell everyone what they are Shut the fuck up No, but Frank where can I find you bud?

F albers 8085 on Twitter the Frank Albers on Instagram twitch. I mean, I'll start streaming again soon You know life is just busy But make sure you go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard every single Friday There are exclusive episodes on there if you're at that next tier that first tier you get these weekly episodes a week in advance Get in on the jokes the conversations the absurdity everything a week before everyone else patreon.com slash the basement yard We get the ten thousand Which we're approaching rapidly. I am going to be getting a Bikini wax Brazilian bikini wax

I've been told because we you know the ones from Brazil are more detailed So go check it out patreon.com slash the basement yard Yeah, and you guys can follow me at Joe Santagano go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and Instagram And that is all see you guys next time