The Basement Yard - #341 - Our First Gay Bar Experience

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

Frank & Joe head to Key West for their first real gay bar experience... and boy is It a dooozy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? This is it. Yeah. You bought a Slim Jim. Yeah, I did. Why did you buy a Slim Jim? Probably saw it. Is this a sponsored post that I don't know about?

No, it ain't. So you're just gonna slam a Slim Jim on the show? You want a bite? No, I don't. You kinda do. I don't like beef jerky. This is not beef jerky. This is bullshit. It's salt and meat.

It's beef jerky. It is salty. Can you not chew into them? I'm disgusted by this. It sounds like you're eating worms. What is that? Slim Jim, baby. Okay, please stop.

When was the last time you had one of these bad boys? In 1998. Really? Yeah. I'm gonna tell you something about me that you're gonna probably hate. Yeah. Well, most of what you know about me you hate. Right.

A little spice. I would buy them in high school. I would just put them in my mouth like that. And I'd chew on them all day. You would chew on the beef jerky throughout the day? You're disgusted right now. I'm disgusted by you. Not just the beef jerky, but just like a Slim Jim.

I would just all day. I would just be like, the answer is 12. This is high school where the answer would be more than 12. Right. 12. The answer would be like 12 apples. C equals X. And then I would hold it like I was smoking a cigar.

That's good. Well, you're getting used to having a meat stick in your mouth. That's good. What? I mean, we just got back from Key West. Oh, boy, did we. And now you're sucking on meat sticks. You want to take a little poll?

No, I don't want to take. Take a little poll. Take a little bite right here. I don't want to take a poll. Let's take a little, a little beep beep. I'm not eating it ever. Why? Because I don't like it.

Bro, just how do you remember that you don't like it though? What does that even begin to mean? How do you remember? Maybe your taste buds have changed. Maybe I don't fucking want it. Maybe, bro, this is fucking delicious, bro. Cool. This is the regular, so it's not super spicy,

which they can get spicy. Yeah. This is not like the mild one. This is like the normal spice. And, you know, you just, you go... You feel good? I do, actually. I'm actually pretty pumped at myself that I got this.

But, I will say this. I know you. You'll get legitimately upset if I don't stop eating this. I'm furious. So, I'll just show it in my mouth. Now it's like a little Cubano. Like a... Aha!

I'm hating it more as time's going on. It's not making it better that you're doing that. Bro. No Slim Jim commercials. Snap into a Slim Jim! Eat me! Yeah. Those are good commercials.

Yeah, they are. They are, Frank. They're good, aren't they? I hate this kid. Here's the funniest part about all this. Yeah. I walked in and I said, oh, I have a good way to start the episode.

Yeah, this is what... Franky said, yo, I have something, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. I'm like, oh, all right, cool. And then you just ate a Slim Jim. I just ate a Slim Jim. You never know.

I'm a wild car, baby. The next time you tell me you have... Oh, I have an idea of how to start. I'm going to go, no. Well, no. Now I know the level at which, like, your expectations are. Because you were like, yo, like, how funny is this going to be?

I'm like, yo, not that funny. It's just something random. And, uh, no. Are you having trouble breathing over there? I got to be honest. A little spicier than I remembered. Yeah. Still good.

It sounds like you're breathing pretty hard over there. It's not easy to be me. Jesus Christ. I used to suck on it so much that this, like, the casing, I'd be able to peel the whole casing back. Do you want me to show you? No, Frank. I'd like this to be over as soon as possible,

to be honest with you. I'm sick of this now. I can get it off. No. This is too much Slim Jim content, Frank. Bro, this is never... First of all, first time they're seeing this. This is...

Moving forward. Look at that. I'm not even going to count this one. Literally, I'm going to throw up. It's disgusting. But yeah, no, we saw Dick and Balls in Key West, dude. We went to Key West. We just got back.

We went on a gay bachelor party. So we were expecting some... As we call it, Gatchler. A Gatchler party. And we were expecting some D&B, Dick and Balls, and butts. I will say, we went with a friend of ours who's gay. But one of those gay people that is like, I hate all other gays. That's a rough way to put it.

That's a stretch. Yeah, it's a stretch, too. Not that he hates all the... No, no, no. Not that he hates gays, but like, he doesn't... He's not... A big part of gay culture is like a bit of flamboyancy. Like, they like to be a little...

Speak on the gay community. Go ahead. No, no, no. No, you're the spokesman. I'm not the spokesman. Tell us how gay people act and what they think and feel and how they tick. Tell us how the gays tick. There is a loud part of the community.

Wow. Go ahead. I'm just backing myself into the corner here. He's not flamboyant. That's all you have to say. That's it. That's what I was looking for. But you're like, there is a sector of this community.

There is a subset. There's a couple of streets of this... There's a cohort within this group. And it was... I had been to gay bars before. I thought I went to the gayest bar that I had ever been to. You did not. Boy, was I wrong.

I think it was... Was that the first bar we went to? No. No, no, no. So the first bar we went to was the one where fucking Susan Boyle was singing. That's right. This... bro. Oh, we went to a karaoke bar in Key West.

There was a woman there singing the sound of music. Bro. Listen. We understand that not everyone is professional karaokeers like Joey and I, but... Not a term. You better fucking be on your game if we're coming to town, baby. But not only that, but like, bro, if you're going to do karaoke, you pick a song that people are going to sing to.

That's what I'm saying. Sing the late Ms. Rob. Yes. Come on. She went up there. She's like, I had a dream of her. And we were like, come on, bro. We're all having beers, having a good time.

And you're going to go up there and sing fucking Ave Maria. First bar that we... Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, first bar we went to. It was just, you know, not a good introduction. Yeah, no. We got to place a little jump in. Yeah.

But... Some guy asked me if I was gay immediately. Nice, dude. We went into a bar. The guy was like, you gay? And I was like, nah. And he's like, cool. I got called the cute one of our group.

I got called your next. That's what the guy said. You don't remember that? I vaguely do. There was a guy that came over. Fucking the gay Goldberg. So let me just explain what happened. He did look like Goldberg.

He did. All right. But, no. So here's what happened. We go into this bar, a different gay bar than the karaoke bar. There was multiple. Yeah. We were, yeah.

There was gay bars and abundance. But we walk into a gay bar and... A cable clade. Myriad. Go ahead. That's it. Do you have any more? I have two.

Jesus. So we walk into this gay bar and then there was like this little hallway. And then there was on the door in the back, there was a sign that said men only. And we're like, well, that's... You think that's the clientele that are coming to the bar to begin with? We're in a gay bar and then that door says, no women. No women. Oh, super gay part of the bar.

Well, before we went, we had, before we got to that bar, because that was like the peak. The one after it was a little, you know, like it went over that peak. It jumped the shark a little bit. But before that, we went to one and it was like, bro, like a fucking dance floor. Lasers. They were playing good music. Me and Ryan Lynch were just fucking pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. I remember that.

Taking some shots. Drinking some drinks. Yes. Was a good time. Yeah. And the guy, we asked him like, yo, like where should we go? And the guy was like, there's a bar close called Bourbon Street. And then there's another one called La Tida.

And we were like, all right, cool. We saw, like, I think Pete on his phone looked up where Bourbon Street was. Guess what? Right across the street. So we're like, perfect. So we all had a couple drinks in us at that point. We're feeling a little loosey goose. And then we found the men only section of Bourbon Street.

What was the point of that? I want to hear myself talk. Yeah. I just literally got us there. And then you said we went to a bar before. Fuck you. I'm very, I'm very mad of a fact. What, what, what the fuck is wrong with me?

You for day. Because you're in the shit house, in the shit house. That's not expression at all. Listen, you enjoyed your fucking Slim Jim. I did. You're done now. You want me to take another bite? No.

Okay. But anyway, so we go to this gay bar. And like I said, it was the men only section. We get back there immediately. No lie. All men. Which we were expecting. And it was actually a sick bar because it was like sand.

There was two pools. They had a stage with a giant stiletto. Yeah. And they had seating everywhere. And like lights, just fucking lights going everywhere. That was the music. Did you hear my words? I don't know where you went.

There was men kissing. There was like. There was a couple men kissing. The ramparts, red glare and shit. Bombs were bursting. I don't, I'm not going to tell you where though. Bombs were bursting. The rockets, red glare.

What is the words? I don't even know. Bombs bursting in air. I don't know what I said. Gave poop to the night. Yes. But then we go up to the bar and the bartender has his back to me and his asshole staring at me.

And I'm like, all right, cool. Gay bar. Bartender's got his butt out. Figured. It's like expected, you know. So you're like, but this guy's wearing a pouch. Someone to cover the D and B. Bring a dog to a dog park.

There's going to be poop on the ground, you know. Exactly. Then the man turned around. Yeah. And he didn't even have nothing. No pouch. So we're talking dick, balls, pews, like that V, like some hip. I saw it all.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I had to order a round of drinks from a man, full cock and ball out. Bro, I would like, and his cock and balls were like level with like where he got the cups from. Yeah. I was like, where are you going?

Yeah. Where are you going? Can you at least crouch to get the cups? Yeah. Because listen, I am no scientist. I think we've discovered that. Yeah. But I know a thing or two about food safety.

And I got to imagine that full on dick and balls on a bar, not the cleanest, most sanitary thing in the world. It was an interesting feat. I'll say this, the confidence on this man through the roof. And he also, the bartender was also like still a bartender. You know how all bartenders are kind of like pissed all the time? Like, what do you need? Yeah.

I was like, dude, your dick's out. Yeah. It's like your dog. Your dog is out, dude. You got your dog out. He's got the whole fucking gang out. He's hanging out with everyone. Fat Al and the gang are just chilling.

Hey, hey, hey. And you're imagining that he's going to be just like, you know, like he gets it. He's in on the joke. Right. But no, he was still like, all right, what's up guys? What do you need? You said Miller Lights? Two Millers?

You know, like your card? Like bro, just pretending cock out. He didn't have his cock out. And this is the part that got me. The dogs were in the house. Yeah. And they were barking. Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So wait, right after. Confidence on this man, by the way. Got the drink. Stiller. Why? Not like pretty average looking dick. Well, I mean, that's the beauty of the human body world.

Beauty of the human body, that's right. We should all be less judgmental. Right after you said that. And more accepting. But right after that, we got our drinks and we walked over to a sandy part of the bar and sat down. We did. And then a gentleman comes over and starts talking to us.

Very nice. Yeah. And then immediately he goes, oh, you'd be the next one. And I was like, who's the first and who's the next? Who's the last? Yeah. But we're like, oh no, we're all straight, but our friend is gay. And then he's like, yeah, if there was anyone else that was going to be next up to be gay,

you. And I was like, OK. Yeah. I mean, he singled you out. Took that stride by the way. He singled you out pretty quickly, made it abundantly clear that he was interested in you. Because I was a little flirtatious on his part, I would say.

Oh yeah, he fucking, yeah. That's where I was called the cute one. So when we were ordering drinks from Cthulhu behind the bar, what's that mean? You don't know who Cthulhu is? Who is that? It's an HP, look it up. HPV. HP Lovecraft.

Got you. HP Lovecraft. Yeah, bro. Come on. Get fucking brought on your horizons. You got anime with digout? What are you talking about? HP Lovecraft.

It sounds like a password. It sounds like a printer. Yeah, it's like a printer. Got the new HP Lovecraft. And then as we're getting the drinks, the guy just kindly scratched me on the back of the arm. Scratched you. He goes, excuse me.

And he goes, ooh. Because when we walked in, it was, it was a gang of men. It was a gang of men and they were all very happy to see us because we had pretty much outnumbered everyone that was there. We rolled like 10 persons deep. Yeah. There was a good amount of people and there was like three sets of dudes just fucking hooking up.

Hooking up. Hard dude. Hard dude. I'm talking about like hooking up. Like yeah, they were putting hips and shoulder into this. Like I'm talking about teeth clashing like mouth on mouth. Welcome to my mouth. Yeah.

Welcome to the jungle dude. Yeah. That was a thick dense jungle, baby. It was. It was. But he goes, you know, out of everyone, you're the cute one. I didn't know if it was because I was standing closest to him. I would like to think I was the cutest.

It's still am the cutest of all the people over there. Right. It's still am. I still am. Five days ago. Well, you know. Yeah. So, yeah, boy, dick and ball.

Then the next, well, first of all, you remember the bathroom for that place? I didn't go. Oh. No. First of all, just one bedroom, which meant only, meant only. Oh, the outdoor bathroom. Yes. Oh, cool.

And there was no doors on anything except the stall, which had like a padlock on it. Wait, doesn't that make sense? No, but like a, like a, not like a normal like, you know, you're saying no doors. Why would there be doors with urinals? No, like no doors to get into the bathroom. Oh, open door. Just like, like you, if you look at the bathroom, you see everything. Gotcha.

Like around the corner, um, no, uh, like the bathroom sink, not that, not that great. Right. Not working that well. Gotcha. Uh, but then we went to the next bar. What was the next one? So the next bar, we get there and, uh, we order some drinks as we, oh, this is Lottie Da.

Yeah. Order some drinks that we've been doing and the guy goes, oh, you guys are here for, you know, talking to us and we're like, oh, yeah, our friend's bachelor party, buh-buh. And he goes, oh, okay. You guys should go to the back, the back bar. No, no, no. That's not what he said. And he goes, and we're like, why?

What's going on in the back bar? And he goes, oh, it's the porn bar. He's like, you guys go to the porn room? We're like, we're like, what, why, where? She's like, what'd you say, Jack? You mentioned porn? Give me one more time. Mill, two millers.

Two millers in the porn room. Explanation on the porn. Can we get a, can we get a 3-1-1 on the porn? He didn't even elaborate. He was just like, yeah, just go. I didn't end up going. I was going to, but I didn't. I was approached as I left the bar, so I didn't get to go either.

And at this point, some of our groups made it. I think three of them transitioned to the porn bar. They made it, yeah. And they came out, and guess what? They were on brand. It was porn. It was porn. It was gay porn.

It was a very gay porn, apparently. Yeah. There was like a gay wrestling match going on. My understanding is that it was a lot of jerking off. That is a part of gay porn. I would assume. It's a big part. You know it.

Yeah. Oh. Oh, no. No, wait. Yeah. No, no. I was assuming. No.

And someone took a video, too, which I don't know if that's legal. One of our friends broke the gay law. They broke the law of the gay bar, the porn bar. Yeah. Yeah, there's a bar that just played porn, which I don't know, are these things even like, but I mean, it's Key West. We're on an island, babe. Don't forget about Key West, Florida.

They do whatever the fuck they want down there. That's fine. They don't give a fuck, dude. Yeah. So I missed the porn bar. Yeah. I missed the porn. I missed it like I didn't go.

Not like, aw, man, like I missed you. It was actually funny when I walked outside that bar, these people recognized me and then were talking to me and then they were saying a lot of weird shit. Like it was a guy and a girl and the guy was like, I'm trying to fuck her husband. And then she was like, I'm trying to fuck his wife and I'm like, cool. I'm like, I don't know what's going on. You guys have a lot to figure out. And then the husband showed up and like he was being cool, kind of, but I felt like

he felt a little intimidated by you, not intimidated, but he thought I was like trying to get at his wife or some shit because he was going, yo, we should get drunk. Like right. Let's get fucked up. Me and you. Let's go. Yeah. Basically.

And I was like, I was like, what is going on? You're burying the lead here. I was like, my friends are in the porn room. I'm trying to just, you know, you're burying the lead here. There was a kid that spoke to people like Keith where he speaks to people like this. He was very close. And he was like all in your face to the point where like I jokingly came over pretending to be your security guard.

And I was like, uh, Mr. Santa God, oh, sir, do you need me to, you know, step in and you were like, get the fuck out of here. But he had a bullet wound in his hand, bro. I come up and he's like putting his hands like in Joey's face. Like yo, what's up dude? Like, yo, I remember you from fucking YouTube and like, bro, he had a gash right here on the back and I just stopped him and was like, what the fuck happened to your hand? It was like a very, it was like a Jesus style.

It, oh. What? Too soon? Too soon, too soon. Joey, 2022 years? Too soon. Yeah. But he wasn't crucified on year zero.

Yeah. Bro. I don't think it's called before Christ. That might be true. Before the birth of Christ? Yeah. Yeah. But not the death of Christ.

Well, what year did, wait a sec, what year did Jesus die? Like two? I thought it was like negative something. Well, then it would be BC because BC goes negative. What year did Jesus? We stumbled about something here. Die on the cross. Oh dude, 33 AD, Anno Damani.

So third three years post the birth of Christ. Wait. So birth of Christ is like the, the. Is that zero? Zero. Yeah. You don't know. It's a big.

No, I do. That's why it's called BC before Christ. I don't know if that's right. Bro, I'm telling you that. Then what is AD? Anno Damani. What does that mean? I don't know.

But it doesn't mean before Christ. I know that. What does BC mean? Is it like giving you like British Columbia? It says before common era. I guess, I guess the non-religious, you know, kind of commonly refer to it. But my understanding, everything I was taught was before Christ. Anno Damani.

What is Anno Damani? It's like, you know, fucking Latin for like lal. I don't know what it, whatever. Jesus. Yeah. Eventually AD. What a year that was. What were we talking about?

Oh yeah. The guy had fucking gashes in the back of his hand. Yeah. We were like, you know, back up a little bit. It got in an open wound. Yeah. He was, you know. He had some stuff.

And then, yeah. Then that night ended with finding our friend. Oh, well, well, we found one of our friends in an alleyway, literally by accident, sitting on an abandoned washing machine. Yeah. Which honestly, that wasn't the only abandoned washing machine I had seen all weekend. Yeah. There was one across the street from where we were staying.

Why are they abandoning washing machines? I guess they go out of business quick there. And no one picks them up. But the highlight of that night was, I don't know, I think we should have the person remain nameless. Yeah. Was quite a liability. Big time.

So for those of you guys that haven't been at Key West, very, a lot of like really old historic buildings, clearly built in like the early 1900s. And there was one that was a bed and breakfast and had like an old white picket fence. And our friend full speed ran and body checked this thing. Like a goat. Like a ram. Bro, like a fucking hippo. Like a ram.

Hippo. Hippos don't do that. I think they body check. Rams do it, dude. Rhino. That would be a better one. That's a better one. Yeah.

And was trying to destroy this fence and we're like, bro, what the fuck are you doing? And he just kept looking back and going, I'm acting, it's impromptu. It's a bit. I might stop hitting the fence and he's like, he's like, it was a, it was a good time. Yeah. We had a good time. Keys were really interesting because our friend fell asleep in the hot tub in fully closed.

Yes. Woke up and had alcohol poisoning. That was the day prior. Well, you know, it all kind of it all blends together. That's the reason the genesis of the alcohol poisoning could be the dehydration. That is correct. From sleeping fully clothed in a fucking and then in the morning waking up sober and microwaving his cat and I was like, dude, that's not a good.

I thought the fucking hot tub thing was dumb. Well, he was. This is stupid. He had an excuse for the hot tub thing. He was hammered. Yeah. Sober. He was like, you, you, you microwave it eight seconds at a time.

I was like, just leave it out in the sun. It's 90 degrees. And it's paper. It tries fairly quickly. Yeah. You know, it's not like you need to really do much to it. Blow dried at me. Yeah.

Uh, but, um, there, there are other stories I want to tell, but I know we can't. We don't have to go into super deeds. I was really like, it is. So we walked down that main street there, uh, Duval, Duval Street, yeah, yeah, a ton of bars, dude. Yeah. All gay bars, you hit a block and then it is no more gay anything. Yeah.

It was kind of jarring. Like I was a little like, it was weird to see like it is literally like the, I guess the gay bars are like their own section of, of the city. And then everything else is like, that makes sense though. Why? Because if you want a bar hop, I mean, I mean, imagine having a bar hop and it's like, I got to walk 10 blocks now to go to the next gay bar. Yeah, bro, but I'm saying like if they're more scattered, like not if they're just

all in the same like fucking corner. And the way that our place was positioned, we were right next to the gay bar. So we would start every night gay, then go straight and come back and get one gay one more time. We'd get gay. One more bit. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's how we did. Also, just to mention before we get off of the keys, uh, the last day we were there, we ended up at that same backyard gay bar, dick gal bartender, but the bartender had clothes on at this moment. No dick out. But we traded a bartender dick out for a patron dick out. There were two patrons, uh, and they were in the pool and they were fucking dick out.

And they were happy and they were pressing it up against each other. Yeah. And so that bar on Saturday, which we didn't go, I kind of wanted to go, uh, had naked volleyball naked volleyball tournaments, dude, in one of their pools. Yeah. How fucking cool is that? Yeah. I mean, volleyball is not a very physical sport.

I always feel weird about those things because I don't, I'm not there to be like, what the fuck? Dude, fucking dick. You're there to play volleyball. No, I'm not. You know, he's not there to like see dicks and drink. No, I'm not trying to. If he's going to a volleyball tournament, he's going to fucking play volleyball.

I'm going to win, dude. No, I'm saying. Just like super, like hyper, hyper masculine, like smack into those fucking go. Um, no, I wasn't trying to be there to be like, oh, it's so funny. You know, I didn't want it to be. Yeah. Exactly. That's why I was like, I don't want to.

There's a point where it becomes like a gimmick and it's like almost disrespectful. That's what I was trying to avoid. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's a volleyball tournament with a bunch of dudes flopping their dicks around, spiking the ball. We were very like, let's make it very clear. When we saw dick and balls out at this place, we were not like, whoa, whoa, we were respectful.

We talked about it after. Right. Yeah. Fucking guy. It's all over the place. Right there. Yeah. But like, there's something like super disrespectful to be straight man or woman.

Go to a gay bar and it's like, you're at the zoo. Zoo. Yeah. You know, where it's like, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. It's like, bro, just fucking, you know, live it up, suck it down, live it up and suck it down. There was, let's get to these ads. Oh.

No, are you going to say I was joking? I was going to say. And then a couple of blocks down, we went to a bar where there was a full on male grown man in a shirt at a bar, like young man that said, stomp my flag. I'll stomp your ass. Yeah. I do remember that. Bro.

Dude, making a statement. Making a statement. That's quite the statement that you put no thought into what you were going to wear to go out that night. It's a tough one to wear. It's like when I went, when I was younger, I was in church. That was young. Yeah.

And there was a guy. Before all this blaspheme that we've done. Well, dad, you've done. And it said, your ass is grass and I'm going to smoke it. It was also, it was kind of one of those things that it's like. You had that shirt? No, not me. Someone else wore it.

Oh. I was going to say. My dad was like, look at this. And I was like, relax. Yeah, your dad. I was like, dude, it's X-Pac. It was a fucking, it was an X-Pac shirt. Oh, yeah, that's kind of fire.

Your ass is grass and I'm going to smoke it. X-Pac. It's like, bro, the Holy Spirit's around. You can't wear that. The Holy Spirit gets down. It's that little thing they put in the fucking, the little stuff they put in that ball that they swing around and almost take people's heads off with. Dude, it's like holy water.

They fucking. No, they're smoking it, dude. Oh, incense, bro, incense. Smoke out the whole fucking church. My church was old, too. When I went, when I was younger, they didn't have air conditioning or anything. So when they started smoking it up, it was smoky at a whole fucking. Right.

They're a little, a little, a little, you know, a little key for a little THC in that son of a bitch. We all get, we bake it out. You'll be seeing the Holy Spirit out, right? They used to hot bucks the church with that incense. It was like, bro, take it easy on the incense. I remember every single time he would light the incense, which I don't know when they would do it for.

I think it was like Easter or some shit. I think they did it for like real cool holidays. Yeah. Like Palm Sunday. Yeah. Yeah. Like cool by the church's standards. Right.

Palm Sunday is like, you know, everyone gets a plan. It's like, all right. We're taking these leaves and putting them into a cross. Yeah. It's like, all right. It's kind of tight though. I'm not going to lie. Ash Wednesday.

I used to get a little jealous when I'd see kids come to school late, which is fucking black shit on their head. Yeah. Well, not shit. Ash. Ash. But the ash of what? Of the...

They're token up? No. It's just like ash. That's a good question, actually. What are they burning? Do they get the ash sent to them or do they... You know, some priests are not really good at doing the ashes on Ash Wednesday. Like they come...

They're supposed to do it in like a cross. It's supposed to look like a cross, but sometimes you get a lazy priest and it just looks like a fucking stamp. Yeah. It looks like fucking... Yeah. It's like, you know, put some effort into this Father Morrezka. Fucking...

Just fucking... That's a fucking name. Yeah. Rafiki rubbing the shit on Simba's fucking forehead. Yeah. It's like, you know, because we sat in the back... Put some elbow grease in the way. Put some of that religious elbow grease.

What do they call it? The Tabernacle or something? The Tabernacle? I don't know. I'm just... No, no, no. I'm saying like, what do they call like... Hutzpah.

That's Jewish. Yeah. But I'm saying for the Christians or the Catholics. Just... I don't know. Just put some... Spirit. Put some spirit into it.

I don't know, bro. That's gotta be it. So by the time we got up there, his hand was probably tired and he was just like, you know... I never had a good... I've never had a good ash. I don't think I've ever gotten ash. I've never gotten a good ashing.

But I do remember the kids would like show up like an hour and a half late for school and be like, he's fucking... Oh my God. So lucky. I would so... I want to be religious just to get out of school. All right, cool. Let's get to the ad.

The first ads that we have on the show today, the first one being, hello! Better help. Better help. People don't always realize the, you know, the physical symptoms like headaches, teeth grinding, and even digestive issues that can be indicators of stress. But if you have some of these things and you are feeling a little bit stressed, it could be helpful. Are you eating the beef jerky, Frank?

Bro, these are our ads. Okay. Fuck them up. But yes. So if you are dealing with stress, reach out to BetterHelp. You can talk to a counselor online and they can start communicating just under 48 hours and they make it very easy to jump from counselor to counselor so that you can kind of... help you deal with your problems.

I've been in therapy for a couple of years now and it's great. I love it. Even when you're not having anything like traumatic going on or anything like that, it's just good to have someone to talk to every single week, like an hour dedicated to that. So yeah. And BetterHelp is customized online therapy, offers video, phone, even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. So they make it easy for whatever you want.

BetterHelp is much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can get 10% off of your first month at BetterHelp.com slash basement yard. Again that is B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basement yard, 10% off your first month already affordable online therapy. So yeah. BetterHelp.com slash basement yard, get started with that. Next here we have Stamps.com which brings you all of the amazing services of the post office right to your fingertips in your home with Stamps.com.

You go to their website and you get discounts, all right? So not only saving time but you don't have to go straight to the post office, maybe waiting online or drive or whatever it is, you can do it in the comfort of your own home. But you also save money as well. Up to 40% off USPS shipping rates and up to 76% off UPS. It automatically connects you to stores bringing together all your shipping information from Amazon, Etsy, Shopify, eBay and many more. But it's great.

So like I said, save time, save money, make sense. If you're going to be shipping anything, especially if you're a small business that does a lot of shipping, you're going to want Stamps.com. Stop worrying about shipping and start saving time and money today with Stamps.com. No risk and with the promo code basement you get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital shipping scale. No long term commitment either. Again, just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and

type in basement. Stamps.com, the promo code is basement and you will get all that. So go check them out. Stamps.com. All right. Moving on with a story that I wanted, what are you doing? I'm waiting on you. Are you eating the beef jerky?

You're like a child. You're like a child. Is this what it's like being a teacher and you can see people like chewing gum? Yeah, you never, hold on. You know what I never really understood? How pissed teachers used to get at us? Why do teachers treat gum like it's fucking insane? Oh, I was going to say something.

You're going to say a gun. I was going to say a firearm. Uh-oh. You're going to say the word firearm? Jesus, officer, relax. We were just in Florida, dude. No, but like, I remember teachers would see you chewing gum and they go, ah, no. But like, why?

Bro, you know what I recently remembered too? It's gone. Not even just that. You didn't go to a public high school wearing hats. Bro. Hated hats? Bro, you wore a hat in high school, your hat got taken away and you could get fucking detention.

What the hell? Bro, they were mad upset about that. You used to be cell phone. I can imagine. I think it's like an old school thing of like, when you walk into a place, take your hat off like. They're so stupid, dude. I don't care about your home.

Let alone your feelings. Your home. Yeah, like your home. Like when you go into and they're like, oh no, I'm talking about like, if you go into a place of business, you're like, oh, a little merry hat. Well, yeah, because they used to take off their fucking rain hat or whatever they wore on the way there. Yeah.

You know? But bro, they used to hate gum, dude. Yeah, I don't know. It makes sense. It kind of does make sense because I was one of those kids in high school that would get big, like chewing gum and blow big bubbles and it would be distracting to everyone. Don't blow bubbles, but you could chew gum. No, I get the phone thing like, oh, don't take your phone because you're looking at your

phone. You're distracting, whatever. But it's not like people are playing with their gum and doing, it's just like they're having gum. No, they really, really did not like, I remember phones like were like early on for us. So like, it wasn't as bad because like most people didn't have texting like, well, like up until high school for us, but like now I got to imagine phones in high schools are fucking rampant.

Dude. But also, you ever get your phone taken away in high school? I think so, yeah. You've gotten your phone taken away in high school? I think so, but my mom worked in my high school, so they just gave it to her. Bro, I've gotten in mad trouble in high school so many times because they go give me your phone and I go, no. Because in my head, I'm like, what are they going to do?

They're like, we're going to give you detention. I'm like, that's great. I'm keeping my phone there too. Bro, I'll tell you exactly what they would do. They would take, I remember in my high school, they would take kids' phones. I had it made because like, one, I was a good fucking student. In high school, and at least 10th and 12th, 11th and 12th grade, and my mom worked there. Bro, I saw kids get their cell phones taken and they would be like, yo, you're not getting

it back until your mom comes to get it. And it'd be like days. No way. Bro, if someone took my kids' phone, I'm fucking going to school that day and pimp-smacking the fuck out of there, dude. I just like, I would just be like, I'm not giving you my phone, not giving it to me right now. I'd be like, no.

Yeah. I'm not giving it to you. Fuck it. And even then, I'm not going to let you. Yeah. We will wrestle. You'll wrestle that teach? 100%.

Teacher grabs me. I'm fucking pow, dude. I went to a Catholic high school. Just say that you felt like a pinch on your butt and they'll stop. No. You pinched my ass, dude. Yeah. What the fuck?

You grabbed my pussy? That's all you have to say here, teacher. We're back up. You just grabbed my pussy, dude. Yeah. They'd be like, no, I didn't. But I would just be like, no, I'm not giving it to you. And they'd be like, oh, nope.

Then I'm going to call your parents. I'm like, dude, I don't care. I remember once in college. In college, they were like, it was like either. They would take your phones in college? Yeah, bro. Bro, I would laugh in a professor's face. But I'm saying, the story I'm telling here is like in college, I had, they would also

like, you would like lose points. They'd like put in the syllabus like, yo, if you get caught with your phone, like, you go down a letter grade or some shit like that, like, that was their fucking. But I remember there was one teacher who was like, he literally did not give a fuck what we did. He was like, I have to be here. You have to be here. I don't care what you do when you're here.

Literally he did not care what we did. And there was one day that he had like a student teacher sitting in with him. So he like wanted to show off and I was playing on my phone and like, I went to click on a video, but like I really quick like went to like, like lock my phone at the time. So I put it down, but the video kept playing. So I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

So I played it dumb. I didn't work. Right. Did not work. I also got screamed at at a teacher in college by a teacher in college, which is like too old to scream at kids. Yeah. I figured you just don't care at that level.

It's been like, yo, you want to fucking fail being like, yes, like, bro, he was one of those teachers. Again, he literally told us he's like, all I care is you show up when what you do in this class. I do not care. You could sleep. You could fucking talk to your friend. I don't care.

Right. Just show up. His initials were BK and like everyone had like a playful banter with awfully close to BJ. Yeah. Very close. Everyone had like playful banter with him. Guess not me.

People were like, he would like laugh and joke with people. But one day he said something. I was like, you're a clown BK. He was like, don't you ever. He's like, yo, yo, yo, chill out, dude. It's like, no, don't you ever call me a clown. I was like, bro, I'm just fucking joking around. Oh, he was mad about the clown.

Yeah, bro. He didn't care about BK. He cared about the clown, dude. Wow. He did not like being called a clown. Wow. I think it was because he was a scrawny little like nerd looking dude. He's like, yo, I'm not going to let you.

He had a show dominance. Right. You know, I was six foot six. He topped you. I was six foot six, super ripped abs and he just needed to let the world know that he was not a clown. Super ripped abs. Super ripped.

Yeah. I only remember being screamed at, well, I've definitely been screamed at by teachers, but I only remember one time and like, I was such a. I was a good student. So I like didn't really understand when teachers would like if they were having a bad day or someone else pissed them off and then I was like the straw that broke the camel's back or something. Like I was pretty, I was pretty chill about the whole thing because I was like, I really

don't care what happens to me here. Like threaten me with detention. Like you're not getting my phone. I don't care if you kick me out of school. Like you guys are insane. Like you're not getting. This isn't wild to me. Yeah.

You were, you got to play it careful though because you were at a private school and they could fucking do whatever the hell they want there. They could put in the law books that they could beat you and fucking torture you in a chamber. I would have fought back, but my, my, one of my teachers like screamed at me because I was doing this worksheet and he asked me a question. I wasn't paying attention, but I was doing the worksheet that he had given us. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry.

I wasn't paying attention. I was doing the worksheet. He's like, get out. And I was like, what? He's like, get out of my class. And I was like, dude, why? I was like doing the fucking worksheet. He's like, get out of my class.

I was like, Jesus. All right, fine. I was leaving and I walk out the door. This dude slammed the door. The fucking hinges almost came off. And that just like enraged me because I'm like, bro, I like, it's not like I was like, he's trying to make an example. You're not YouTube.

Yeah. So I was like, what the fuck? So I opened the door and I was like, relax, dude. And I shut the door and left. You just started a fire. I did. But he never, he never came out into the hallway. Oh, he never chased you.

No, I would have scrapped it. I'm right there. I want to chase a shit out of you. He was a big dude. He's like, bro, I, I don't know. Like there must, there had to have been more moments where our teacher just wanted to beat the dog shit out of us, but they, but they didn't. I got domed by your calling it that by my top, my math teacher once I like missed like

two days of school and I came back and we were doing, I don't know what the fuck we were. Oh, it was like cosine intent, but I never caught up to any of that. And I was like, can we go over this? This dude flipped on me, dude. He was like, we're not going backwards because you are sick and your immune system. I was like, yo, you're sending my immune system to him. He fucked you up.

I got my averages. I remember like in, in that class were like, cause it was four. It was like the whole year. Yeah. It was like the marking periods. It was like 82, 85, 61, 85. I was like, because I couldn't, once you missed that, it was like, we didn't even talk. Yeah.

That's a big, that's a big foundation. I have a feeling he was hiding from me. Like he was hiding. He wanted you to fail. Like a hundred percent. He wanted you to fail. It was a learning moment. Domed me, dude.

And every kid, like every, every day had like a gym class of some sort, whatever it would be like softball or, or basketball or football, whatever. And ours was football and our football coach taught it. And he would just pick, literally he would just hand pick all the kids that he wanted in the class because we would have kids that weren't on the football team. They would do whatever the fuck they wanted. And we would have the kids that were on the football team that were in the class would just go over tape, game tape and stuff like that.

And there was one kid that was in the class who was a friend of like all like the Yugoslavian kids that we know, Carlos. Okay. And our football coach hated him so much that every day it became like a running gag. Like you know the running gag of like DJ Jazzy Jeff getting thrown out of the fucking house in Fresh Prince. Bro, every day it became a running gag and how he was going to get kicked out. And it was the funniest shit, bro, like just the dumbest, like he wouldn't have to do anything.

The teacher would like, our coach would be talking and he would like sneeze and he'd go, Carlos, get out. And we would pop so hard, but there was one time where we would always tell like our coach's stories about like when we would like go out and stuff like that. And the kid Carlos was telling the story and he's like, I met this beautiful girl and I like, and my coach was like, all right, like you, like you took her on a date where you like a respectful man. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't, his words, he's like, he's like, I don't know.

You know, if she's really my type. And the coach is like, why, what do you mean? She wasn't your type. He's like, ah, I just, you know, like I have a preference in women and he's like, all right, well, what's your preference? He's like, well, she was a mix and he's like, I like women that are just like one thing, like they're just Italian or they're just Irish or they're just black or whatever. And he goes, well, why?

And he goes, well, coach, she was, she was Blyrish and our coach goes, Carlos, get out. Blyrish. Black and Irish. Well, you know, bro, he fucking, you know, we would pop so hard, it was the funniest shit. And then he would just roam the hallways. Like he didn't care where he went, he just wanted him out of the fucking class. That happened to me one time in seventh grade, our math class.

I think there was something where like our math class was like really bad and our average was down. So they were sending us to a different math class, like as an elective or something because everyone got to pick an elective, but our class would have to do math on like a different floor. So we went and it was like the first day and we're lining up like outside the classroom, they're letting everyone in. And then she just, she goes, all right, these names meet, like stay outside.

And it was like me and like three of my friends or three or four of my friends. And they're like, she's like, you guys are going to Project Save. And we're like, what the fuck? Why? Project Save? That sounds like an evil villain's fucking corporation to like kill kids. You know what Project Save was in my middle school? The entire day you had to sit in this one small room with boards like this, so you couldn't

see to the left or right of you. And you did work the entire day, you could go to the bathroom twice and you had to line up and you go into the bathroom one at a time. There was no talking. Bro, it sounds like kind of scary. You weren't allowed to go outside for recess. And that was like, that was Project Save. So they wanted us to go there for the elective.

So she's like, go to Project Save. Are these classes on the fourth floor? Project Save was on like the second. So she's like, go. So we start going and we're walking there. And then my, this kid George was just like, bro, we're not going. And I was like, fuck. I was like, all right.

So we don't go. And then the security guards are looking for us because they're expecting us to be at this thing. And now I'm like, I'm like already like, I just, it's fucking, the elective was a half an hour. So I'm like, bro, we're not doing the whole day there. Like it's a half an hour. Like I don't care.

Bro, we're at the top of the stairs and we can hear the security guys coming. And I'm like, yo, let's just fucking get out of here. Let's just go to, and this kid George just leans over, yells down the stairs, fuck security. And I go, bro. And now I'm stuck in this. Now you're trapped. I just started running away. Bro.

I'm like, oh my God. I'm trapped at this fucking kid. Listen, I don't know. Hidden the bathroom. The rest of the period. Bro. Kids in high school or in middle school are fucking ruthless, dude. Yeah.

I would never want to see this. They're out for blood. Fuck. And they're like, they'll do and say anything that like, yo, there were kids in our school that would just fucking unload on some of these teach. I heard, bro, wild shit in some of these classrooms. Bro, I've seen a kid punch a teacher in the face. I also saw my friend scream a substitute teacher's name.

And then he was wearing, he was, because our substitute teacher, I, oh my God, Mr. like green something, but he had, oh no, it was Gornick, but he, he had a fucking newspaper that he would just read and he wouldn't do anything. And some kid yelled his name and he just folded it down. And then this kid just threw an eraser and hit off his head. And I was like, dude, and I literally was like, dude, like, what the fuck are you doing? And then he ran out of the class. Psychopaths.

Yeah. I was like, dude, what is this fucking wrong with people? Bro. The most dangerous group of people in the world. Six to eighth. Terrible. Bro, six to, six to like 11. Yeah.

That last year, people were like, all right, maybe we need to figure it out. But six to 11th grade. No rules. Next. All right, let's get to these second buckets of ads. And then I'm going to get to the story that I need to tell you because I don't, I think you have no idea what's going on. But this next one we have here is Green Chef.

Green Chef is a certified meal kit company. Green Chef makes it easy to eat well with plans to fit every lifestyle, whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, whatever you are, you're looking for any type of specific meal plan. They have it for you. They have recipes that suit your preferences. They have sustainable foods. They have, like I said, they have all these types of things.

You go on their site and you pick what you want and then you get it to your house pre-portion. They teach you how to cook it. You make it. It's amazing. And you, they're green. So you're saving your carbon footprint and it's amazing. So yeah, go check out Green Chef. Go to greenchef.com slash basement 130 and use the code basement 130 to get $130 off plus

free shipping. Again, that is greenchef.com slash basement 130. Use the code basement 130 to get $130 off plus free shipping. But it's great. It's a, you know, they have expert chefs. They curate every recipe so you can enjoy restaurant quality dishes at home without compromising on taste. And it's more affordable and you're saving $130.

Come on, folks. This is a great way to get into cooking and it's a great way to, you know, learn about these new recipes, which is probably the hardest part about cooking is knowing, like, what should I make? These people do that for you while staying in the, you know, in bounds with your, your diet. So yeah, go check them out, Green Chef. And then lastly here, we have blenders.

Blenders is an eyewear company. All right. Chase Fisher is the guy's name. He started blenders by selling his beachy shades out of a backpack while doubling as a surf instructor on Pacific Beach. I mean, let's be serious. If you're going to buy sunglasses from anyone, it's a person named Chase that was selling sunglasses out of his backpack on the beach while doubling as a surf instructor.

This is the guy that you want to get your sunglasses from. You're not wrong. All right. And unlike expensive big brands, shades that you probably like lost or smashed in the past, blenders are actually affordable, so you're not going to cry as much when the inevitable happens and you shatter them and, you know, you sit on them or whatever. I literally slept on my glasses last night in bed. Gone.

Smith. I actually bent them back, so we're okay. But if they're sunglasses, they're like plastic, whatever, snapped. It would have been done. Luckily, I don't wear sunglasses too bad. Blenders team of in-house designers are constantly coming out with new styles from orange polarized wraparounds, tortoise shell frames with purple lenses to classic gold arms with black lenses. I have a pair, but I forgot to bring them, but they're these big fight like they're like

turquoise green. Damn. They're sick. No, what's up? Something to pay me? Yeah. We're going to get some in there. It's not just sunglasses also.

They have prescription glasses, readers, blue lights, as well as a snow collection with goggles and accessories. So any type of like eyewear you need, you're going to go to blenders because like I said, the guy's name is Chase. His last name is Fisher, by the way. Fish? That's a very white name. I don't know if he's white.

To score 15% off, Blenders purchase. You don't know if he's white? Have you heard everything else about this? You can assume, but I'm just saying, I don't know if you're sure. To score 50% off with Blenders purchase, visit blenderseyewear.com and the promo code BasementVIP. That's blenderseyewear.com, code BasementVIP for 15% off, go to blenders, get some, rock them. They're amazing.

The summer's coming, babe. Let's go crazy. All right. Today on that, now, to get to this pretty disgusting, big thing that I had found, I had heard about. You can't start an episode talking about bingbongs that we saw on Key West, boy bingbongs, and then you say a pretty big, disgusting, meaty, dripping, wet, throbbing. I feel like you added a lot of stuff to what I said. Like what are two?

It's a lot of stuff. I don't know that I, because I had seen this on TikTok and then on the old talk and you kind of reminded me because you're like, Oh, did you hear about this? And I was like, no, bro. I have a better story. Worse? Yeah. Way worse.

Oh no. So the story that Frankie is mentioning is this guy just discovered that his daughter was making porn. She had a pretty X-ray only fans and she had a porn hub and stuff like that. And I was like, okay, cool. I read the one quote from it and I was like, we have to talk about this. He was like, as soon as I saw the first picture, I knew it was her and it was like, bro, what did you see?

Yeah. It could have been her face. Listen, what the fuck did you see? That's my daughter's ass. No, I'm hope. He's, yeah. Yeah. I understand what you're saying.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But no, do you think any part of me would be instantly recognizable? Yes. Not my face. Like if you saw just my ass, would you be like, that's Frankie's ass? I haven't seen your ass in a while.

Can you pick? I just saw it before. I literally just saw it today. I walked through my ass out. Yeah. Wanted to show you the goods. No, I couldn't pick that up. My tasty cakes.

No, I couldn't pick that up out of the line. You don't think so? You could recognize me? I think I could, Joey. What part? Your ass. My whole? I remember in sixth grade, you had long ass pubes.

What? Seventh grade. I had long pubes in seventh grade. Yeah. Or eighth. The older it gets, the worse it is. I guess so. But yeah.

No, but in this account, in this situation, in this case, I'm going to call it a case. Oh, it's a case? It's a case. I had saw it on TikTok and it was like one of those videos where it's like, they just write it bunch of shit. Yeah. And I was like, I don't really believe what I'm reading here. But I'm just going to read the article because there's an article.

In a series of TikToks posted on January 28th, TikTok and OnlyFans creator, her name's in there, but I don't really care. Don't do it. Don't let it fly. Just call her Frank Alvarez. This Frank Alvarez detailed the childhood sexual abuse she says she suffered from her father and other adults, which culminated in Frank Alvarez discovering that his father ...

Okay. No, this is not where I thought this was going. ... subscribed to her OnlyFans. Bro. Right? Hold on. That's bad. That's fucking ...

That's horrible. My skin is crawling. The father was subscribed to this girl's OnlyFans, right? Whom he sexually abused. I guess. That part I didn't know, but the only part that I knew was that this girl found out that her father was subscribed to her OnlyFans, right? Now we can all agree, Icky Gross.

Pure evil. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Then she wrote that she found out her father had been subscribed to her OnlyFans with two accounts, by the way, because one's not enough, need two accounts for over a year. I don't understand that. He ... Yeah, he needed to be two different people. How do you think she found out?

Give it a guess. Check. You know what? Don't guess. I don't know why I'm even putting you in that kind of seat. Yeah. I was going to say ... No.

According to her, the only way ... This is her quote. The only way I found out is because he called me to play with myself for $150 and she could hear her mom talking in the background. Bro. How fucked? Why did you choose this story over mine? We could have made fun of mine. I mean, this is crazy.

This is fucking nuts. It's fucking ... I mean, this man deserves jail. And a swift fucking nine millimeter in between his eyes. Well, a swift therapist, I would say, too. Well, my way's a little funner. I would say not a ... You don't kill this man. You torture him a little. And then kill him.

You make him do therapy and then ... Then kill him. Well ... No, bro. I can't ... That's so fucked. This is like ... This guy ... First of all, I hope he got ... Did she file a fucking ... Some sort of ... Did she block him, file some shit? Because in terms of internet ... What's it called? Stalking. Can't you fucking figure out ways to block people so they can't come back with different

names and shit like that? I don't know. I mean, if you can't, that's fucking insane, dude. This is evil. Pure evil. This guy ... I don't want to make fun of this because it's like ... Well, we're not making fun of it. You've reminded me of the story and it's like, wow, that's a fucking crazy thing that happened

and what the fuck. But this is like ... Bro, how do you ... And then how do you go to your dad and ask him? Like, hey, by the way, I ... I don't think she did. Well, she had to have confirmed it. If she knew it was two different accounts ... Dad, I don't know how that happened. How did she confirm it? I assume. I assume.

I assume. But I feel like that's a person's worst nightmare. Like, if you're going to have an OnlyFans account being like, well, I hope my co-workers ... Well, the worst nightmare probably started with the abuse. That's not what I'm talking about. Yeah. I'm talking about the population of people who do OnlyFans. You're like, I hope my family and whoever don't see this and ...

Well, the story that I had brought to you, the guy had discovered it and tried to talk to his daughter about it and just said, listen, as long as you're ... You know, being safe and smart and you know this is out there forever, like, I respect your decisions and she apparently was like, not cool. She was upset about it. She was upset about what? Her dad, like, speaking to her about that type of shit. And like ... I feel like that was a pretty ... That's a pretty responsible and adult

thing to do. Yeah. A way to approach that. You find out your daughter's making OnlyFans stuff. You're like, hey, listen, I just want to ... Get in the fucking car and I'm going to beat your ass. Wait, what? Like, I would be very ... I would take a different approach, like, what the fuck are you doing?

Bro, I'm sorry. Of course, like, through time, I'm sure I would have to have some sort of fucking conversation, but like, my initial reaction would not be like, oh, well, let's talk. Well, that article that you're talking about, that guy waited. And I'm saying I'm wrong. I just want to make that very clear, like, I know I'm wrong. I just ... I don't think that would be my appropriate reaction. Yeah.

I mean, your kid, do what you want, but I think that article, which I read a little bit of it, the one that you sent me, that guy waited, like, I think a full year before he said anything. He didn't like ... He wasn't subscribed to it. Bro, that's still a lot, dude. He just like ... Oh yeah, I saw that. He knew, and he told her a year later at a family function. He spoke to her about it.

Oh, that's not the place. Come on, dude. Read the room. Dude, go to Applebee's. Read the room. Yeah. I don't know. Don't say it in front of Grandma.

I am very aware that my reaction would be inappropriate and wrong, and I would probably need to be like, you know what, you're a grown woman at this point. Bro, I would never say anything. I don't ... Actually, you know what? I have dreams of being the type of father that ... Oh, I thought you were saying, I have dreams that my kids get in a porn. No, no, no. It's like, Joey, pull back.

I hope that I have a relationship with my kids that they're very open to the point that when they're 16, 17, they can talk about sex and do whatever. Bro, I do too. I would rather that instead of trying to hide it and doing ... I have to admit, that's I think ... My parents never talked to me about sex ever. Bro, zero. One time, my dad sent me down and all he said was this, with zero context, there was no

sex. I was not going out on a date. There was nothing. Joey didn't have sex ever. I have yet no. No. No, he has plenty. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry. He fucking ... He pulls. I'm up to here, dude. But my dad always said to me out of nowhere, right? I'm like sitting on the couch and he comes over and he's like walking out the door and he just goes, I just want to let you know. Just be safe.

By the way, no context. No context. Just be safe. You could be blue. You could be yellow. You could be red. You could be whatever you want. Just be safe.

And he left. And I was like, what the fuck is that? And then I had to figure out that he was talking about condoms. Bro, your dad was so proud of that. Your dad walked out of there and in the car threw on some fucking Leonard Skinner and it was like ... I just felt like that. Yeah.

He just went, yes. You could be blue. You could be blue. I was like, I was racking my brain. I was like, what is he talking about? That doesn't make any sense. I grew up in a home and I didn't notice how apparent it was until Becca's family are very comfortable and emotionally mature way of speaking to each other about stuff.

It never gets inappropriate. They've always been very ... They acknowledge that each other have their own personal lives and stuff like that, but it was so jarring to me because I grew up in a house that was the opposite. Yeah, me too. My dad spoke to me about it once and he was, well, I guess twice. And the first time it was like, don't get fucking anyone peckning. Don't fucking do this.

Wear your condom. Bye-bye. And then the other time when I asked my dad to buy me condoms, you would have thought it was the 4th of July. But outside of that, dude, my siblings and I never spoke about it. My parents and I never spoke about it. We just didn't talk about it. And I don't think that the other end of the spectrum is right either where parents are

like, yo, you getting that fucking pussy tonight, bro? Yeah. That's heavy. There needs to be some sort of like boundary, but I do think ... I wish the conversation was more with my parents because they just pretended like no one's fucking. What is fuck? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bro, exactly. It was like, you're not having sex? Yeah. Don't do it. We're being loud. My parents were like cool though because I feel like with a lot of things, they never really cared about what I was doing too much. She was like, call me, keep in contact, be home at these times, but other than that,

just do whatever you want. We were walking to school in like fucking 3rd and 4th grade, which is insane when I think about it. Dude, now that I have kids, that's nuts. This is mad young. That's really young. So they were trusting in those ways, but when it came to that, they were just kind of like, I remember one time specifically, I don't know if I've ever said this on the show before,

but a girl had come over and I guess she brought a little thing of KY jelly, which I did not use. Not even just butts, but you were just like young kids, you were both primed and ready to go. Yeah. Fuck you need KY jelly for. You took it away from a horny old man that night. I think it was, I didn't bring it.

She brought it, but then she had left it. Oh, do I know who? No. What did you have over that? I didn't fucking know about it, bitch. I thought you meant, never mind. You'll tell me after. Yeah.

So she left in the middle of the night, I was a sneak in job. Oh, sneaky snacks. By the way, don't clip this. Do not click this. No, please. Cause my mom will see this. No, who cares? That is weird.

Yo, let's wait till you hear what happens next. Shut up. Number 10 will surprise you. So it was just like on the ground and my mom came down in the morning to like do laundry or something and she goes, what is this? And I know what it was. Your mom's horny. She gets it.

Frank. It's okay, man. Oh my God. It's so good. So Frank. So she goes, what is this? And I was like, I had just woken up. So it's like my eyes had been crusted over with pink eyes.

I was going, well, I can't, what? And I was like, I don't even, what is that? And then she just like took it and went into the next room and we never talked about it and never. So it was never like, you know, who are you fucking ass? What is this? Bro. I mean, I, but I think it is like of our parents generation, they see KY, they don't go to

butt stuff immediately because that was like, I mean, what was it? Maybe she thought I was absolutely hammering my wiener. Yeah, just like you would jerk off. You'd go by KY jelly just to jerk off. I would hope my mom was thinking I was doing anal and not just jerking off with it. I think she, I would hope she thinks I was cooler than that. I'm hoping she is. Oh my God.

My son jerks off. No, I was like, no, I was fucking back in the box, don't, bro, that'd be so fucking fun. No, yeah. We actually never considered that she thought you were just jerking off it right now. I always assumed that she thought I was like nailing, but I think my, my family, I don't know if my dad as much, but definitely my mom was to the point where like, it was like out of sight, out of mind. She didn't want to know it was happening.

And if it was, if she didn't know it was happening, it wasn't happening. Right. You know what I mean? There was, I'll tell you this, and don't clip this. There was one time that I almost got real caught real quick, but like I didn't because there was like, remember there was like an old van in my backyard. Do I remember? Yeah.

And one of the, like there were multiple for some reason. You guys are just collecting vans. Yeah. One of them was my uncles that he used for work and kids being kids wanted to go in there and stuff like that. And my mom was sitting on the deck with her friend. Oh boy. And we were like, you know what?

Nah, we were, we're, it's too close. Like we can't, like we were like, we were like, no, no, no. Oh, you were going to bang bomb. Five minutes later, my uncle showed up to pick up the van. Like Joe, not even five minutes later. He would have caught you. Cause my uncle also would have been the type to have been like, Hey, guess what? Bro, he gave me for like my 12th birthday.

He gave me a card that said, I know what you're doing in the shower. Happy birthday. Like what the fuck dude? This is not an uncle card. Jesus. You know, like they're trying to be cool uncle or something like that. It's like, no, I know you fucking thought yourself. Yeah.

No, dude, they, my parents were definitely, but yes, I, I gotta tell you, I would not be good at it. Thank God Becca is so fucking good at establishing like a healthy line of communication because it's six. Bro. You guys talk about this? No, we don't talk about that, but like he has seen like two men kissing and instead of just being like, Oh yeah, we like tell them like they're men and men love each other.

Like, yeah. That's easy. No, but like, no, we're not telling him like, you know, all right, but wait until he finds the peepies and butts and shit like that. But like there's she, what I'm saying is like, she is very good. Wait, no, she finds a bottle of K. Y. And it's fucking rule. Like, well, yeah, no, that'd be about that.

Different conversation. Be a big problem. She's like, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,