The Basement Yard - #344 - How To Win Every Argument

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

Joe and Frank discuss the best way to win an argument! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How's it going, bud? Well, it's going well with a caveat Hello, damn you putting down the white claws picking up the Celsius a polar Mandarin Isn't that? That's it. That's a Chinese language. That's a dialect of Chinese. Yeah, but that's also a fruit. I know It's an orange. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. What's the difference between a Mandarin and a tangerine and a Clementine and a Clement? Yes, what's the difference that there is none? I don't I don't think there is one either. I've literally if it's orange I just call it an orange. I don't really care. Well, how big how small what kind? No, what are you gonna say?

I was gonna say I'm kind of dreading That the day that this comes out for our patrons on patreon.com slash the basement yard will be the day that I'm getting my shvax Not not vaccine my well not my vaccine my waxing. Yeah, you're waxing. Oh, yeah, that's right Frank He's getting waxed on patreon We may put together a little bit of a trailer so you guys can see like what you're in for but we have a whole thing planned out There's gonna be about four of us. They are filming wait. I'll tell you this One too many. Yeah. Yeah, three would have been comfortable I would have been cool with just you and the waxer. Yeah, what's it? What's that? What's the wax specialist?

waxthusias Woman the woman. Yeah, okay But they're my understanding other people will be there too, so they're gonna mom's gonna come what? No, she's not okay, but you imagine No, I don't want to I know your mom your mom has known me a long time. Oh, I think you're gonna say I don't think she's there I don't think she's ever seen me naked. No, I don't think so I can I can almost with absolute certainty say that she is not Yeah, I think I could say that as well. I would hope

I'm sure we were like four years old and I was just like I need to get changed and I was just like naked But running out to my mom being like, okay done Why do you present yourself like Jesus? I don't know like kids like walk stupid kids They walk with their arms behind them and kids do kids run stupid as shit. Yeah, bro I their legs go in and out not even just that or their top bot like their top half just stays level and their legs are just Yeah, they're mad their stompers I have a problem We've spoke about this before like you know how like you walk by an old person

You're like I could I could just you know end it right now specifically old ladies. Yes There's that good old massage it is it's just I know I'm with you But any time I did take down an old man though. I Did take down an old man. When did you take down an old man when I was super young? I was not like take down like sex. No, bro. No, no, I took him down physically. Why well not for not for purpose Not on purpose. Have you accidentally take down an old man? I'm gonna tell you right now, Jimmy I was walking in CVS and I saw some like big candy thing I was like bet and an old guy was walking by and he had his cane and I just fucking ran into it

Cuz I was like fuck out of my way. Oh, gotcha because at that point I don't have like a concept of like yeah I specifically remember this I like ran to his cane anyone And he hit the ground like hard yeah, bro, I fucking knocked this old bitch on his ass. What kind of candy? I don't know. I mean that makes a big difference I mean, I don't know but I do remember that and the guy was screaming at me He was screaming at my mom because my mom's like he's a child And then he was like fuck ever and then the CVS got like involved like damn See now if I was that old man, and I saw you were running for like

Twix or like a dope candy like milk deads I'd be like alright go ahead. I'll buy it for you But if it was like you were running for like Reese's pieces of it or snow caps or good and plenty I would have fucking picked up that cane and beat you to death Okay, well, I wasn't running for snow caps and good and plenty. I'm not an idiot. I don't I don't know Joey That's why if you were running for peeps. I'd be very happy I'll talk about my peeps, but the same before any time I see a kid running I don't care who the kid is a part of me. It just wants to put my leg out and triple

Yeah, no, you know what I find myself Wanting to do when you see a kid just kind of like walking and it's like they can walk But they've only been walking for a few months. So they look a little dumb. I just want to shove them Just just give them a test and see like let's see how good you see if you could figure it out Yeah, yeah, I hate if you can handle that figure out to walk They're kind of doing one of these and it's just like just go down. Yeah, I'm with you there Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it is about it. Speaking of children Easter just passed. How was your Easter? It was good. Or did you have an Easter because I know you do that Greek idea? Well, Greek shit careful. You do that Greek shit

I do Greek shit Easter was good. I had a good time hosted, you know part of the family and you know good food And you know, I was good man, I mean, you know, so I ate a whole Buttload of Robin's eggs, dude. Let me tell you I like I like brother. They have the little ones which are cute and then they got the big old boys, dude They look like this fucking big Yeah, I mean eight inches. That's great That's pretty big. Yeah

No, I've never I don't really get down with that. I tell you what I did have though Yeah, I know you a lot of Twix. Yeah My mom bought this bag that it came with like starbursts and then Twix and also I had a bunch of jelly beans Yeah, you're a big starburst jelly bean fan. Yeah, which a lot of cookies too for some reason Cookies cookies. It was just like chocolate chip cookies around. I'll tell you this I have like 18 hard-boiled eggs in my fridge that will probably all be dyed blue the moment I take the shell off So if you want some hard-boiled eggs, you know who to come to Joe. Yeah Um

Did you do like an Easter egg hunt or did you dress up as the Easter bunny? I didn't dress up as the Easter bunny. I was cooking all day, you know back and I were kind of doing that So we had a little Easter egg hunt in the yard for the kids roll Remember what I told you about like how like the kids get money. I knew a kid. They got forty five dollars in Easter eggs Who's his parents Warren Buffett and fucking fucking Elon Musk and Warren Buffett. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, dude insane All ours were just filled with jelly beans and little Robin's eggs. Yeah That's it. That's it, babe We know we used to we used to my mom used to hide stuff in I'm like, oh here like you don't have to do the dishes

It's like a coupon damn. Yeah, I never did them anyway. Yeah Well, I always pretended that I had to take a shit I usually did but I even if I didn't I'd be like this is a chance to say chances are your bowels actually had to go Yeah, the IBS was screaming there was an eject button being hit whenever I ate I remember the dishes in your house like very vividly like everyone like it would always I vaguely remember Keith always doing them and being very very angry about them well because Yeah, it was like a whole thing honestly, and there was like a hierarchy those seniority in my house

After we had dinner my dad would give the same speech. He goes all right Listen, and he would sit at the end of the table and he go listen. Your mother's not doing a thing All right, she cooked this you guys are gonna clean it blah blah blah and Everyone would clear their own plates But then it was like a talk like you can't like four people four kids like all put the dishes in the dishwasher Yeah, and you guys had a pretty tight me and Keith would always get fucking Stuck with doing yeah, I was okay with doing the dishes because I'll tell you one thing this guy's not washing big pots Oh, no, you're hated. I remember just the rinse and in a ditch watch

Yeah, but no, but there was always big pots that you had to like hand wash your mom was big with big pastas and sauces I'll tell you this right now One time I put a big pot in the dishwasher because I was trying to save some time And my dad found out and literally tried to put me into the dishwasher. Wait what yeah You can't put pots why put pots in the dishwasher if the dishwasher say no because no It's not about it being safe because I'm sure he doesn't give a fuck about that It was just like if you put a big pot in the bottom I keep saying big pot big Bob, but he's put a big pot in the bottom then it blocks some of the water or something

You shove that big thing in the back there. Yeah, it backs it up a little bit. Okay now. We're are we still talking? Yes, we are talking about pot. Okay. I didn't know if you were saying anything else But yeah, no, I did that and he got really pissed off and he was probably you know My dad used to hit me for a bunch of reasons. What day is it Friday? Go mirror Bing pow and like I said, we used to get beaten tandem me and Keith So if he did something wrong, I would get hit anyway. Damn. I'm sorry. I mean I didn't tell us how to be a teen My dad just he didn't help us both accountable. Yeah, do you know one time? Oh, let me tell you a story Oh my god, I can't believe I just remember this

So growing up I had really good handwriting Keith to this day does not catch scratch. It looks like me drunk lefty Yeah, Joey has like very like girly swirly twirly handwriting. Yeah, so One day I don't know why I did this but I took a pen and I went to my Radiator and I wrote Keith's name in shithand writing you little bitch I don't know why you tell me. I'm a psychopath. Listen to this, right? My dad or my mom saw it got pissed off and then my dad yelled at Keith or whatever and Keith's like, bro, I didn't do that. Whatever

Where were you then? I I mean I Like knew was happening and I was like, oh my god, right? So I but it wasn't like my I wasn't trying to Get him in trouble. I just like I guess wanted to write on something I was like, this is a safe way to get what I want. I want to write on this So let me make the world believe it was not me exactly. Yeah Bro when my dad found out that it was me bro Bad

Horrible you got a bad. Yeah, I like I don't remember what happened but I like Whenever I think about I think I may have blacked it out But I'm pretty sure he like swung me like King Kong by my ankle Because I like he was like you because that was because that was evil. Yeah, that was just bad That was like deliberately evil framed your brother

Like that's bad, dude. Yeah, I remember that specifically and after that like man everyone's just like Joey's a Cunyving little piece of shit. Oh dude. My brothers used to write facts to my tag all over my All over the house in Sharpie and then my mom would be like you and I'd be like mom First of all, I would try to use a logic and be like mom. This is how I write it. Awesome. Not like my brother Who we're just writing like, you know super I would be like But they did it all over my house in Sharpie one time and my mom fucking to this day still thinks it was me My brothers have already admitted it wasn't But my sister did some diabolical shit like that when I was a baby

I must have been like one and a half or maybe like one one and a half maybe even closer to two And we had come home from the lake house And my parents were sitting in the living room when they were still together and they They said that they heard me starting to cry and then my sister being like shh. It's okay, brother It's okay And they were like that's so fucking sweet like

Frankie was crying his big sister like calmed him down. She slapped you slapped me dude My mom took me the next like day to like a check up or like a doctor And they saw a fucking bullseye and this is when Lyme's disease was like bro. You get Lyme's disease. You're good as dead Yeah, it's a wrap. Yeah, which I mean, I don't know if it's not true, but The early 90s people this we like to make a dramatic. Yeah, the doctor's like he's got he got me by a ticket It's over. It's done And my mom freaked out so she brought me to the doctor and or I was already at the doctor and the doctor was like Uh, does he have siblings and my sister's my mom is like, oh fuck. Oh fuck. He's you know

His sister might have must have it bro. My sister Bit me on the stomach. He goes. It's not a tick bite. It's a human bite Bit me on the stomach to make me cry and then shushed me to be a good sister Dude that's fire. That's fucking evil, dude. Where do people get this shit? And my mom like pit you on the you can just so many other bro You can hit me like I'd rather her just fucking backhand me or some shit Bro, you gotta bite a baby hard to leave a mark the next day Dude, that's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, she's got a strong bite. She's got a strong bite

That's some diabolical shit. You kind of deserve that beating though. Oh, yeah big time Your dad physically beat you. My dad just didn't show up to baseball games. Yeah. Yeah. Well my dad that too Okay You had the worst worst both were right. No, he came to some stuff, but other stuff he'd be like Yeah, my dad was no parking and my dad got work You're like, all right. I get it. Your dad's in colombia. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's got to work on the beach in cartagena You know, I'm just like, I don't know about that He's gonna see this and he's gonna be like, oh my dad first of all dad will not see this

Yeah, I don't know and he'll be like dad's really fucking mean. How are we always there for you? Mame. Mame But since we're talking about kids, uh, there was a story in the news that a parent who dressed up as the easter bunny this past weekend Uh, handed out condoms at a texas elementary school Oh, okay. I will say this. That's an easter treat. Well It apparently was an accident Oh, I don't know because I heard this story and apparently the guy like is like normally he works at like a sex clinic Maybe that's where he got the condoms from. Well, so I'm on Daily Mail and it says, uh

Incident appears to be a mix-up I love the mix-up He appears to be a mix-up caused by uh caused when pharmacist Mother grabbed a wrong basket of eggs meant for safe separate safe sex clinic Hey, man, here's an idea If you are going to hand out condoms and eggs make the eggs very different from the candy eggs Also, like bro check one of the eggs if you know, you have a bunch of condom eggs and a bunch of candy eggs A little shake shake test baby shake shake test. You can hear you hear. Oh couple jelly beans. No movement

Probably a jimmy the worst part The worst part about this is that people the other people are getting prophylactics or they're not getting prophylactics those kids that wanted Yeah, they weren't a prophylactics those high schoolers that get jelly beans. We're getting some free condoms out of this They're just getting jelly beans. Yeah, you know that red dye 40s in there might make them last longer You know, is that true? I thought that killed sperm or one of those I remember when I was in my high school I heard that last longer thing remember Woolies Woolies, you don't remember that. No, that's what people used to call those like on Like labeled drinks and they'd be like, yo, you drink like kill your oh, yeah the barrels the barrel

This is how fucking dumb we were when we were younger very dumb People would call these things Woolies and they were like, yo if you drink those like it kills your sperm So if you did get caught drinking them people were like you're gay Because they they equated being killing your sperm with being gay actively purposefully killing your sperm to being gay Hey checks out my book I don't know. No, I remember because it was like you got your laptop on your fucking lap You're killing your sperm. You gay gay guy Dude that there was the whole thing with like eating twizzlers when you were like when we were kids

It was like eating twizzlers will make you'll kill your sperm till you last long the idea that like killing your sperm Oh, thank you. Hold on. Hold on back. Hold on I have never heard that you what? I'm sitting here on the show. I know things kill your sperm But and and I've heard so I know the story of you eat shoving twizzlers in your mouth in my mouth Because you would thought it made you last yeah, yeah I never thought that you thought That killing sperm meant lasting longer that I didn't know I'm not going to sit here and inherit

Responsibility for making that up. I am pretty sure that's the way it was conveyed to me Is that killing your sperm like held them back like stopped them like they're dead so there's less in there You know what? I mean like the idea of like the armies at the gates. There's no army at the gate They can't run it. I used to think that people who got vasectomies like didn't come Like what did you stop thinking that because I'll tell you someone who recently thought that about a month ago You yeah I don't I don't know this stuff It's one of those things that unless you ask you don't know that you would just have sex and then nothing would come out

But you know what that feels like a come. That's one of the questions I asked That's one of the questions I asked you're all What happens do I just not come here because I didn't know tell me how you said it, please I said so what comes out when I when I feel like I didn't know if it was just like nothing or if it was like dust or some shit Look what he said what comes out. I don't know what he said. Why why are you getting on me for not knowing this? Psychotic did you 30? First of all 29, okay?

Wait 30 seconds. We're 30 What so what did he say? First of all, I've told that we told the story at the old studio and He was very aggressive. I had to tell him like yo chill He was like he wanted to be like the cool urologist that was just like, yo, I got your balls I got your ping-pong said don't listen enough so like When I asked I didn't think it was going to be a big deal and he was just like I was like so what comes out and he was like what?

He's like, oh, you still ejaculate. There's still ejaculate. It's just like you're shooting blanks. Yeah, I don't know that I thought it was like it's like you feel like because brah Okay Story time. Yeah. Oh my god. Yes When I was in like sixth grade I would come home from school and I would Slam that we I would slam the slam the ween you would spank you would spank you I wouldn't spank it as much as I had remember that back vibrator. I told you about that looked like alpha alpha

Yes, I mean not alpha alpha five from you know power rangers weird Well, I would sit there and hold it You would vibrate your penis. Yeah, and to the point where it felt like I like something was going to happen But nothing happened like that's when I knew like that's that's what I thought at the time That's what would happen. Right. So my brain into the age of 29 thought If I get a mastectomy because it would just cut the roads off, you know, like you put up a note do not drive sign Yeah, that's what I thought would happen fucking fire

That you thought that I don't think I am ridiculous for thinking that if anything I'll fall on the sword That's a tough one. I don't know You're gonna tell me in what what age did you realize that a vasectomy because you weren't asking about but you didn't even know What a vasectomy was probably until you were like 20 Uh, yeah, no, I didn't I didn't know what it was But I like I feel like shortly after finding out what it was You figure out like what happened Like a sperm count like like you go to the doctor and check your sperm count people check their sperm count sometimes to see like how like

Yeah, I was gonna say fluid how fertile how good Yeah, like how sick how rad they're how dope your soil is So I knew that so I put two and two together like yo people are going in there. They're getting different numbers They probably just get a whack number. I didn't know I didn't know that like I I didn't know it was like the Like the visc what does it have anything to do with like viscosity? Like that's what I asked I didn't just like, uh, you know, just like the cool like the coolness the cool level to their cum Like super fertile cum good sperm count is like dough like it's like liquid. It's like what's the What's the breast milk stuff called the formula? No, no, no, that ain't it. Well, I didn't know you were referring to

Like before women get their breast milk. They get like a like a like another fluid Ah, don't remember just had a kid a year ago. Now you're you're getting me. I don't know They have like pre-cum milk. Yeah Oh No, so women when they get pregnant they they milk it they milk I knew their shit shows up And it's like milk in them. It's yeah, but they have pre-cum milk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and this is an edible milk It's no it is. It's like it's like the best liquid gold. Yeah, it's like you're getting like, you know Top notch pressure like Michelin star breast milk. There's three Michelin stars

Damn, but I can't remember the name of it and I remember damn. I didn't fucking know that dude You didn't know that Their pre-cum is fucking sick and ours is wack. ours is so Awful, dude. Just try to say eight words. Yeah, I did I Yeah, they they're like pre-cum milk is like dope, dude. I forgot what it's called. Uh, fuck I'll go go pre-cum milk. I'm gonna hear the name and I'm gonna be upset Uh, uh, what should I type? Um, just like before breast milk. What's the liquid called? Uh

Before breast milk comes in Everyone's watching this screaming. Colostrum. Colostrum, baby. They're screaming. Colostrum. Yeah, Colostrum you idiot They're saying like it's like the best shit on the planet. Yeah, hold on. I don't know that motherfuckers know what Colostrum is Like maybe if you've like, you know, you know, but there are women there are women out there Because women are told more about their body than men are told about women's bodies, which Yeah, yeah, well, the women are told more about bodies period. Yeah, we don't know anything. We don't know. God damn We just judge them when we say, ah, you're fat. Yeah, that's gross. That's what we do gross boy and uh No, I've been we've judged women's bodies. Oh, okay. They don't tell us anything about them

We're like, we don't we don't know what your vagina is, but you're fat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's kind of don't ask me what your ovaries do but they suck. Yeah Uh, but no the Colostrum they say like is like bro. It's like the best shit in the world It's like sought after it's like the baby's first thing that they have and it's like super fucking potent and like Nutrients and vitamins can like dudes have that not like dude. I mean boys can lactate dude You suck on this nipple hard enough. Something's coming out. I know I learned that for uh, that's you know That would take a lot But on other people's lives we had talked to a woman who uh has a breastfeeding fetish or something like that

Yeah, so sometimes she'll have someone just suck on our tip for like four hours and she's not pregnant But she'll eventually lactate. Wow. That's crazy. She also says like, yeah, you suck on a dude And it for long enough you'll get some well something's coming out. I'm not quite sure what it is though some butter Let's get to these ads Okay, let's get to these ads the first one we have here is mvmt mvmt makes really cool fine jewelry and nice watches Uh, you it's also a fraction of the price you go to a department store You're looking at like five six hundred dollars for a watch. You can get a really nice watch at a fraction of the price super affordable

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Uh, and there's a bunch of clips of it going viral on tiktok one of which I wanted to talk about What what a world we live in there's a suit between two people in hollywood about, you know, possible abuse And it's just we get our news. Let's mean this. Yeah tiktok. Yeah, but I saw it on tiktok and um I want to get your thoughts. Okay. I want to hear it now. Like I said, I don't know much about this You know, I hear that You know, whatever they were not a great couple. I will say there was stuff going on We're not social warriors. We're not gonna parse through who's right. Who's wrong. We don't know what's going on But I do know this

I do know that Johnny depp was on the stand and being testifying testifying and told a story of One time when they were in an argument. Okay, and she Shit on his bed boy. What shit on his side of the bed

So they had shared a bed You share a bed. Which side do you sleep on? Uh looking at the bed. I sleep on the right Now imagine I live on the right side, baby Uh Now imagine you and your wife get into an argument. Stop you there. I love my wife I hold her in such high regard went for the blood. I do not want to think about her shitting on my bed I don't want to think about her shitting barion. Yeah Uh

If I came home if I was in an argument Because I'm you know how I am about arguing. I am very like I'm very like, you know Like I can drive people nuts because I'm I'm a little I'm a little detail oriented about conversation and I've I've been trying to get better is not being so matter of a fact If I found out yeah that that my beautiful Yeah, incredible wife shit on my side of the bed for sure On my fucking bed, dude my boy. I sleep I am burning that house at the ground. Yeah, I think and the reason why I brought this up is because

I think that She wins that argument You know like I think yeah, dude I think a shit on a side of a bed kind of trumps everything else, bro You know, I get so angry sometimes like I just like I have to sit like fucking Like bro, I get like, you know, I don't scream I I don't scream and I don't raise my voice, but I get so like, you know Yeah, if I got angry to the point that to get back at someone I shit on their side of the bed also

Think about how crazy this is right She shits on his side of the bed, whatever well, we're forgetting Is that she sleeps in that bed? She's She sleeps on the other side. What happens like she exactly she took that whole fucking that's some honorable Shit It was a bold move. That was a bold move because you have to live in whatever is coming out of you Bro, I can't imagine shitting on a bed. I can't imagine being like

I'm probably if I shit in that side of the room this whole room is room. Oh, it's a wrap. It's all done No matter what's in here. It's all getting and I know you You would you forgot to wash a plate and you threw out all of your fucking dinnerware. I'm pulling this rug up The rug dude, you'll give away the building the studio. This place is gone Someone shits on my floor. That's like bro Imagine How mad you have to be to then be like, I'm just gonna squad here and shit I want to know what the argument was about because if it had anything to do with shit

That's even more evil, dude. I think it was like a probably a compound Anger where it was like years of just it built it built up building up to the point where it's like I have to release this God The argument was just fibrous and just it let it all out I don't know dude if I had found it like if it was just like an argument about like something Someone said at a party or someone bubba bubba bar. You didn't clean the dishes the right way. That's one thing It's an inexplicable anger shit But if she

Work like if it was like you didn't clean up the dog shit and then she was like I'm not only gonna I'm gonna double down and then take a shit on your side of the fucking sheets I mean, dude, I would say this If I I'm johnny dip, of course you are and I Now i'm johnny dip. That was pretty good. That was weird in that couple Oh Jesus christ, give me your best captain jack I don't want to ruin it. Yeah, I don't want to ruin it. John L. Way

John L. Way quit while he was ahead. Oh, okay um If i'm johnny dip and I walk into this bedroom and I see human shit on the bed And she's just like yeah That's what happens. I'd be like I'd be a different person. Yeah, I would too. I would be like I I would almost I would have to I'd be so confused. I wouldn't know what to say or who to tell I would just probably just like concede it completely bro. I I think you just shit on my bed like I would have to in a way like

Congrats you you went there you won this one, but I'm gonna get you back. I would have to smile I'd be like Oh, there would be zero smiles in the alvaro household not do well with butts and poop I'm not a big poop guy. Not a big fart guy. You're a sexist when it comes to shit I'll wear that proudly. No, I know I but I know but I'm farting I'll but I'll also say this. I don't like anyone talking about shit or farting when you do it. I don't like it either well nope

Nope, I'm pretty I mean we talk about shitting. Yeah, when do I really talk about shitting? I mean, I'm sure we can find a compilation I'm sure you could find clip from my fucking Year two years on the show. No, but I I'm saying right now jokes aside if becca had done that That I'm walking out of there a different man. I would be honestly. I think at first I'd be like Very scared. I would because I'd be like this. I'm not dealing with a Person who like bro has any sort of I like I'd be like they can kill me Like killing is way easier than shitting on a bed. I think no no no no

I would think the shitting on a bed is I mean it's evil. That's a thing Not killing but definitely like stabbing with a fork you need to be in such an enraged state that you Disrobe You pull your Bajon out And you in your head don't stop what is coming out of your body You have a moment. You have a couple moments, dude

You need to squat on that bed and get and like Did she have to shit or did she sit there like bro, that's the other way you waited on it How long did she wait on it? Yeah, if it's like I'm so angry. I've been having to shit this whole time that I'm just gonna You you kind of feel but if it's like bro, how long she's sitting there, dude I don't know, but I'll tell you this right now after hearing the story I'll never I'll I'm never gonna argue with a full woman ever again. Not after dinner. No, no Like early morning. You only are you all know that's a tough time, too You gotta be careful, Joe. I'm fucking your midday your arguments only

Yeah, yes, like two to six p.m. Not even two to four. I'll wait until she's like I'm starving. I feel like okay now we gotta talk Dude, this would ruin me completely and I'm not gonna listen. It's a big move. It's a big move I understand we can get into the big respect honestly big respect of I don't know if that's respectful Not big respect big respect. You gotta get big respect to you know, I'll let you do this one You'll be a tiktok pretty soon. There'll be a tiktok of you talking about amber herd and saying big respect Um, not everyone could do something like that because even if I'm in a body of water I'm like, I'm just gonna piss in this lake or whatever my my my dick is like Very conservative. No, wait. Oh, you sure? Wait. Wait. Yeah, okay fine

Yeah, so like it takes a while for me to be able to just pee you got checks and balances in your body Yeah, like my butt would be like bro, bro, bro And then I'd be like just your brain is telling you go for it But your your your pee pee and your your bod is saying like yo like are we sure about this? Like bro, I'll tell you this the only people I've seen openly shit in public are homeless people So if you get angry to the point that you are gonna act just like a just a fucking crazy ass homeless person That is a level of anger. I've never gotten to hope I never do That's not true I've gotten there, but I don't think to the point where I'm I'm ready to to chin

I'm triggered and I don't know if I've ever seen someone take a Dude, I've seen I've seen I've walked through parts of new york where people homeless people just love pooping, dude I mean, you gotta poop when you gotta go. You gotta go. I get it. Think about that. Hold on. I just thought of something go ahead There's so many homeless people Which that then has to translate to there's a lot of homeless shit Not necessarily. I mean there are places well as of late taken from someone that Often needs to find a bathroom joe. Yeah

A lot of places never used to allow people to like use the bathroom You'd need to be a customer There have been times I've gone into whether it be like is that against the law now I I don't know if it's against the law as much as like There have been companies that have gotten in trouble like starbucks was a big one Starbucks a couple like a year and a half ago had like not allowed or maybe two years ago Whatever it was had not allowed. I believe it was like a black teenager in in minhattan

to use their bathroom unless they bought something and Twitter was pissed twitter was like it's because you're they're black you're racist, you know So now anyone can go in and use the bathroom. You don't need to be which for people like me Love it. I don't get that like why are you holding your bathroom rants? I'm like you think I'm like like I well, it's because unfortunately like you do have the small percentage of times where People go in and they use drugs or they make they just destroy it You know what I mean like if I go in and buy something It's easier to like kind of track who it was so like god forbid you needed to like file a police report

But dude, there's times where I have to shit. I will literally give you my social security number Bro, I would walk in there were times where I had to use the bathroom so bad. I would walk Bro, I did it in minhattan I walked into that crispy cream near time square and I was like I was like give me any doughnut and any drink. I'm going to use the bathroom and they's like, okay And then I come back and it's I just get I have a doughnut and a tea or you know, like I think one time they gave me just a bottle of water. I was fine with that too Dan dude take a shit and I need a warm doughnut. That's fire

Bro, have you been to the crispy cream factory in minhattan? No, you can see them make the doughnuts, dude Pretty cool. I could watch someone make doughnuts all day Dude, I got sucked in a black hole the other day on tiktok watching an old man make taffy Oh where they they flip the Yeah, he like does it on like a hot pan and then he then there's a hook on the wall and he's just like yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love those. I love that fucking video the sugar flip Where he's just like and he puts like a little strawberry thing in it And he just flips it and it looks like he's not even doing he's like he's like, yeah

We put a little birthday cake in it and he put like a little bit I was like, bro, put some more fucking birthday cake in it. Don't have a birthday cake in that bitch, boy Don't be a little shy with the birthday cake you little bitch I want to go to one of those factories where they just throw candy on a hook on the wall It's a store, bro. Let's do it. Let's go. Yeah, let's make our own candy. I'd love to do that Honestly, that sounds like it looks like so tiring It does look hard, bro. They pour molten sugar on like a fucking marble counter Bro, how many you got he makes it in the window, dude

I would just be standing outside watching this fucking guy. I'm a tactile boy If I like something I have to touch it So I would I would have to I would have to feel it and I'd probably burn myself every time I burnt my hand on hibachi You burnt your hand at hibachi. Yeah Pretty bad too. I've also never been to hibachi in my life, dude There was a hibachi place next to my college that was notorious Lunch special 11 of 3 p.m. 11 a.m. 3 p.m. Half price or buy one get get one free drinks Oh, what buy one get one free and half off hibachi like lunch meal

So you can get like bro, we would go and I'd get a scorpion bowl for two What is a scorpion bowl bro? It comes in a fucking giant bowl like this with a fire in the middle It's like it's bachardi 151 in the middle on fire and it's a giant alcoholic and it's for two people But you get it for yourself. Yeah, and then you get one free So I was drinking for four people for one bro. I got so drunk at this place but we would go like a bunch of my friends and I and We would always ask for the same

Hibachi chef because he would always bro. He'd squirt sake in our mouths for days, dude I was sucking sake down like it was no one's problem. Yeah, do you feel like that's a little bit like He's like big dick in you. Yeah a little bit Or it's like you go there with like your wife and he's just like, oh, I got you Yeah, dude, but I don't care. I go I could do it non-stop. Keep spraying her Bro, I've gone once with Becca and miles and miles was like, whoa, and I was like I was just sucking down sake. Oh, it's in front of my son. Can you From a man from a man

But we would always ask for the same chef because he would like he was super far away Bro far away. He put one in the like he had a little doll that like squirt from his pp He did that. Wait, hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you went to hibachi and they had a doll that pissed out sake. Yeah into your mouth. Yeah It was sick, dude. It was sake. I didn't care how it was getting in sounds pretty sick. You didn't care about how it was getting in I said turn around open your ass dude And it's kind of pissing doll bro. I'm telling you we would front of your step son Oh, no, no miles wasn't there when the doll pissed sake in my mouth

This was in college. All right, I had prime doll pissing years I wouldn't do that in front of my son, joey. Come on. I'd just talk about it for thousands hundreds of thousands of people to see millions hopefully and He would like let us fucking cook because he would do like the volcano He would do the egg and shit So we would get so drunk and give this place so much money That he was just like, yo, you want to come up and cook? So like there are pictures of me behind the thing throwing this fucking

Throwing the broccoli at people and shit and he tried to teach me how to do the volcano But bro, I was blacked out drunk You had a couple scorpions in I had two scorpion bowls in me I was blacked out drunk and how he would do the volcano is he would set up the onion He would put a little thing of you know, like oil and like light it on fire and then he would go really quick He'd go boom boom And like he would spray it in there hands. Yeah, but it was happening so fast that like he doesn't feel it Well, he let you do this. Oh, yeah, so drunk Frankie. So I was like, I got this

Should I go over and I'm just like And I wiped wait, was your hand on a stove on the stove, dude, I burnt my whole hand Bad, what did you did you scream? I was so drunk. I didn't even realize it at first The next day when I woke up my hand hurt so fucking bad It burnt off like a layer of skin on my on my hand. It was that bad It was fucking bad, dude, and you didn't go No, dude, I was bro those scorpion bowls. Did you like the volcano? No Oh, I fucked up the volcano. I think I actually like knocked it over. Yeah, he was like, all right sit the fuck down

Okay, I have another scorpion bowl, dude, bro. I don't know what was in those goddamn things But I would what 51 bro two of them. I would black out like hard last time I did it was they my grandmother died Oh, dude, awesome. Yeah, dude. He's fucking rad That's a good benchmark I had I had my dad almost drove up to get me because no one could get in touch with me I woke up to like 30 missed calls and my buddies sly banging on the door I'm like, what happened? He goes your parents have been trying to reach you and I'm like, oh And I look at my phone and it's like grandma's gone. I was like

oops All right. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, scorpion bold. Yeah. She burnt your hand. She she that's what it was. Yeah It was the power of Zeus burning the hand. That's what it was That's a great story. Yeah, I never heard that one. Really? No Uh, we need to get you to hibachi, dude We do need to do that because I want to be sprayed. You want to be I don't want to be pissed on by a doll Pissed on by a doll with sake is it sounds awful a lot of fun. I can't believe that's true. It's a lot of fun

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All right, so that's all we have for today as far as uh, well, well, you know We spoke earlier about patreon. I want to make sure I plug it here patreon.com slash the basement yard Guys, we reached 10 000 patrons. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it as a result I will be getting a man brazilian which is a manzilian. I've been told yes And uh, it is going to be exclusively on patreon for all of our patrons to award them and reward them For getting us to where we are. We don't want to stop though Keep that growth going baby 11 000 joey's going in a shark tank. Yeah, and uh, I know it's something that we've Spoken about on patreon episodes before but uh, we want to get there

So please patreon.com slash the basement yard. We're not just telling you to sign up for something You don't get anything for that first tier. Guess what these weekly episodes get them a week in advance You go on the comment section of youtube and you see six days ago and you're like how the heck did that happen? Guess what they're patrons patreon.com slash the basement yard and then on that next tier Well, guess what you can start your week with the basement yard and end your week What's exclusive episodes that nobody else sees sign up and you get to see every single past patreon exclusive that has been put on there There's hundreds of episodes hundreds of hours of content that you're going to be able to see so please go check it out patreon.com slash the basement yard sign up now get us to 11 000 joey's getting eaten by some sharks

Okay Why would you even jinx that possibly eaten by some shark? I'm not going to get eaten by sharks What would they if they bite you they take a leg maybe You're you're what do you need a leg for you're gonna run another fucking half marathon joe I mean You didn't are you gonna ask me what why I would want to have another well I know why you would want to have a leg but like yeah, you could lose worse things like your pp Is that worse that's a good question that's the liberal joe right there progressive joe asking the right questions

Is it worse? I don't know. That's a really good question. I'm sure if you ask I feel like I could Get a dick. I well, I think like you could yeah you you could definitely get actually the leg The leg might be the answer because you could definitely get a leg. I've seen people with legs. Well with prosthetic legs That's what I mean, but like I think you could still get a dick And like I think they could still extract like if they just bite off if a shark just bites pp and not like balls I'm pretty sure you could still like bear children How you just like rub it like a no, I'm sure they'd have to like extract

Oh, you know like a medical extraction of ejaculate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, I don't I mean I guess Yeah, I haven't really asked that question before. Well speaking of almost losing body parts I don't know if you saw this joey, but in the news Mike Tyson beat the dog shit out of this kid on a plane Kid Yeah, oh, yeah, he was I mean in his 20s Really bro, you didn't see the video I saw a headline, but I didn't know it was a 20 year old

So, I mean, I'm he might not be 20. He looks like he's in his mid to late 20s. I could be wrong, but um, basically this kid is just It looks like he's drunk sitting in first class behind Mike Tyson iron Mike one of the greatest fighters ever in the history of boxing In the history of the world, I'll say and Whatever he did whatever he said whatever whatever happened Mike Tyson turned around and gave him a couple dude Apparently Tyson was being really cool The witness tells us Mike took a selfie with him and then the patient And then was patient with his overly excited buddy who kept trying to talk to the 50 or 5 year old fighter

Eventually though we're told Tyson had enough of the guy behind him Talking in his ear and told him to chill when the guy didn't that's when the witnesses say Tarsen started several punches Well good, dude, listen up Bro Out of all people Mike Tyson, that's what I'm saying You need to be a special level of stupid to fuck with a fighter Period bro, like if I saw like Conor McGregor in the street like Conor McGregor, not a big guy Could kill me with his hands probably his legs too

Yeah But if I saw him I could understand why someone would fuck with him because he's not that big Well, I would do fuck with any like any fighter. Yes, I'm saying but like of all people dude Mike Tyson Mike Tyson the guy who was literally called the most dangerous man in the world Yeah, he's a savage. I'm watching the video now for the first time. Oh, he's taking a picture with him He's being cool. Clearly this guy is like he looks like a drunk idiot. He was clearly drunk at one point Like part of the video he's calling like people on the plane peasants, which clearly only drunk people do Hopefully

Guess what also Don't mean to shock the world here the kid white Why was that why you know, I hate when people are like annoying to Celebrities like this like I'm watching this right now. I'm just like bro It's actually fucking amazing. It's funny because it cuts it cuts and then he's looking at the camera like this And he has blood down his head bro I don't know if there are many people like I would avoid fucking with because like, you know me joey I like to mess around with people like jokingly though, but bro Mike Tyson

I'm not like bro. You're getting a handshake. Nice to meet you iron. Mike. Mr. Tyson probably And then I'm fucking going the other way. You think he's gonna get in trouble for this without a fucking gitty Dude, the world we live in first of all, I'm being antagonized. I know I know if we're being honest It's the litigious nature that we live in and I work in this field He's gonna get sued for fucking three million dollars That's and the kid's gonna be like you it was on the internet. You fucking ruined me and all this ba ba ba But is there not like some sort of law that's like if someone is in your ear like that like, you know I don't know. I can't I can't speak to the actual verbiage of the law

I'm sure I'll I'll hit up my boy legal legal and he'll let me know Who you've never seen the legal eagle on youtube, dude The legal eagle bro. Is it a bird? No, it's a fucking It's a guy who's like a fucking seasoned trial lawyer And he just breaks down different things in the news about the legality behind them and Like he'll watch like tv shows and break down movies and shit like that It's my boy devon stone. Whatever his name is. He looks like a devon stone if we're being honest the legal eagle He's got like a fucking when you watch this all the time every now and then why what cases are you interested in?

Well, he does ones that are like he breaks down like remember the the bird law episode of it's always sunny Yeah, he breaks that down and basically talk to that like it just like shit like that and like how stupid it is But I don't know there's gotta be a rule that like if you fuck with someone they're gonna hate you Yeah, like if you're in mike tyson's ear and it's like, all right, dude, we get it like chill chill I need to keep going and keep going. You're like, all right, man Like And just get sucked of all people too mike tyson Also suing mike tyson for that like if you if he does end up suing him like you're a bitch

Yeah, you're if you you need to wear this one take the l. Yeah, you know if you fucked with mike tyson It's kind of cool. You got beat up by mike tyson Not a lot of people could say that if that was like your bachelor party or feel like yo It was fucking fire like we had a great time and then on the way home We got beat up by mike tyson is sick dude You have to imagine that this kid instantly like landed and called his dad Like dad Get call our lawyer

I wouldn't even like tell my parents. I would be embarrassed if something if this was me and I was like just Like blackout and like talking to someone too long. I'd be like damn Well, it seems like it's his boy that posted the video So I wonder if like His boy will get in trouble if he's like, you know, the world saw me get beat up and it's like well Yeah, your boy posted it. You could have told him not to yeah I don't I don't think I think he'll be okay. I think my ties gonna be all right There have ever been people that have come up to you and like you've been like bro

I want to hit this I want to sock this person right in the mouth No, but some people are very weird and they make me uncomfortable like when we were in qwest Oh, yeah, that that one dude was just so weird. I could have had the gash on the back of his hand No, no not him the other one. Oh the one that was like Oh, you my wife likes you you want to fucking drink with me bro? Yeah, it's like let's get drunk right now. I was like What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, and I was just trying to be like because I felt like a weird energy from the dude I was just like what the fuck is going on

But I get that like being in a situation where people are just like, oh and then just like throw your arm around you and you're just like, okay Yeah, the people that see celebrities are people of any stature and think like I I'm cool with this person enough to like throw my arm on them. Yeah, like dude. That's a very personal Yeah, like don't do that. I don't even do that to you Yeah, you don't the last time I did I think you punched me. Yeah We're learning something about ourselves today. I didn't do that. No, you didn't hit me And I also don't think I've ever put my arm around you like as my pal Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you have like in pre-k

Pre-k definitely pre-k. Do you remember when you used to complain that I would play with buttons? Yeah, Frankie would talk to me if I was wearing like a polo shirt and he would just play with the buttons He's like, yo one. I'm like fucking stop. It was it was a problem You're a fidgeter dude. I Can be a little bit of a fidgeter. Yeah, by the way before we like wrap up here Can we just quickly fit in the like dumbbell story that you? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so there was a uh Brazilian man That got what was that? Yeah, you know, that was brazilian that got a two kilogram dumbbell stuck in his

bahant But he was complaining. Two kilogram. What is that like a pound? I don't know. It's gotta be like a pound I don't know these kilograms. You know like well like yeah, I don't know but Um, he was like complaining that he like couldn't fart couldn't use the bathroom and was super like well There's a dumb. Oh, yes. Well. Yeah, because you're fucking backed up with you know iron iron Like and uh, the doctor did an x-ray and found a basically I guess one pound Dumbbell, but did you see the dumbbell? No

It's a little penis looking Looks like a penis. It does. Well, it's only one pound I can't imagine it would be like because like you think of like a 10 pound dumbbell, right? Like it has like those things on either side. Yeah. Yeah, how would you even get that in your ass? Yeah, but like even like if you go and look at like a two pound dumbbell, they have ends that are bigger Right, but it has a smaller handle right so it makes like it's like preventing people from shoving it in its ass Well, well, yes, I would almost say that this is probably the like This dumbbell looked a little penis shaped

so you're thinking If I Why would you go to the doctor and complain like I don't know what's going on? I can't fart like you know, you shoved a dumbbell on your ass You know that you have to assume the reason why you can't fart or poop or whatever It's because you shoved a dumbbell in your ass and if you don't know that that's the reason you have way bigger problems to go through Or oblivious. Can you be you shoved an iron? For an object into your soul and like can you feel that? Like can you feel it in there dude?

Yeah, I'm sure you can have you've never really had anything in your butt, right? Definitely not something that's two kilograms. I've had for medical reasons a finger Right and like I felt it there, but you didn't always you didn't even get like a full thing No, trust me. I got a pretty good looking thing. No, but did you get like a whole finger? I got like I think it was like this one dude, but like all the way down to the knuckle I don't I was fighting it the whole time. I'll tell you that he was like He was looking finger in my butt, dude uh, and um

I felt that but like What if what a dumbbell past the gates? It's like in a place where it's just like part of your body then, you know and like you don't really feel it Oh, like if it's in your colon. Yeah, what is at the front here sphincter. No No, like once you get inside, right? I think that's your sphincter, dude That's like the the barrier. No, I thought the sphincter was it sphincter sphincter is like the rim I thought I think yeah, it's like the open closed like your eye like your eyelid exactly the bouncer But once you get inside, I think you're in the colon

I think you know what or what's a rectum? Let's let's there's a really easy way to figure this out You ready for this? It's better. Just a spitball anatomy of a butt hole Okay, all right We've got some pictures here joe. All right school me So All right, what's a rectum Wait, hold on so

If you could see here That's a butt bro. That's an open ass. That's an open asshole, dude. Okay. Why are your hair? Yeah, everyone's got a little hair near the butthole maybe like so unnecessary for this. All right So you got the fatty cheeks, right? Yeah, all right So that those are called the that's the anal verge The anal verge. That's a bad name like virgin. I'm an anal verge You are

And then and you're going up. It's the anoderm and anoderm anoderm Okay Then there's the anal crypt. Whoa. Whoa. I got a crib. You got a crypt in your butt It's pretty sick. Only cool people have crypts. Yeah, like you hide secrets in there So that up until a certain point that that's the anal canal All right, so we got a canal going. Yeah. All right. So then we got the pectinate or dentate line

You got a denture in your bun. Dude, we got teeth. You got the squat. Uh-oh Squamo columnar junction, which is like, I guess like ribbed for poop pleasure. I don't know who that's ribbed for It's a junction for sure. Anal columns or morgagni Which I guess are like the cool ribbed parts of your butthole And then you go up a little bit. That's where your rectum is. So you need to get into the hole like maybe like We don't know how how like zoomed in we are here. It could be maybe not that far Well, yeah, it's not drawn to scale Like if I put my finger in your butt, would I touch your rectum?

Yeah, if you go deep enough, maybe I don't know. All right here. We got another picture here And this one includes dick and balls. Oh my god, that's a fucking ball So there's there's your testes. Yo testicles look like dumplings It says Giants penis. I thought it said giant penis. Yeah, I was gonna say yeah, that is giant So it looks like your anus is the butthole and then inside is your rectum. Yeah, but where's the colon? So it looks like oh, that's a woman's That's a woman stuff. Yeah, wait. Why is what is what is that? Oh, is that a boob woman's butt dude and puns That's a butt. Yeah, dude. What's that on the left side?

That's the butt cheek show the show the camera Will we get to monetize? I mean, it's educational. We're trying to educate see on that left side That's why I thought it was a boob. That looks like a boob hang That's not a butt. No, that's butt dude because look underneath pussy No, I don't obviously oh, they got a picture with a finger in a butt to kind of give you all perfect perfect Give you an idea here. Wow. This is so prostate. Nice. Okay. Show them this Do Okay, all right, so prostate is like a little button

Near that's like the one that makes you like oh, that's like. Yeah, apparently dude your penis goes straight to your prostate Look at that. Yeah, dude. The prostate creates a part of the stuff What was that to come? Oh, I didn't know that so you can just like poke Damn like through the wall. Yeah, you gotta like scratch like a like some fucking upside down like stranger things. Shit You gotta scratch and sniff it. Damn. Oh, no I didn't know my bladder was up there. Yeah, your bladders bladders above your pee pee I thought my bladder was like like downstairs Oh

There's a there's an clearly an animal asshole that I stumbled upon a cat. I don't I mean you had to have known it was an how'd you know it was an animal because if that's a human we got a problem Why it was very hairy furry Click on that Don't just don't show. Oh, there's multiple. There's multiple assholes. Yeah, hold on zoom in. I want to see if I can guess this Oh my god, that's a weird looking one. No that Well, that's a vagina too

So it's a female. That's that's a female Uh animal. All right. I don't want to oh, oh, I don't want to I'm seeing some gross stuff Yeah, your full asshole. I'm seeing some gross stuff. I'm seeing just like shadows of holes What is that? Oh, it looks like that looks like you shoved like a bunch of red hots into a worm. Yeah. Oh god, dude All right, here we go. Here we go. So we got Anus butthole course you go down the street a little bit Rectum rectum. Oh, you're calling round the round the bend is the calling

That's your large intestine and then your small intestine connects to that. That's the wiggly waggles Right. Yeah, that's the the switchbacks switchbacks. Yeah, look at that Science guys science. You're welcome. Hope you learned something idiots. We sure didn't yeah You know what I learned? But that was an animal's asshole. That was definitely an animal's asshole It was a collection of them. There was a few. There was a few an abundance Yeah, I think we can end it there, you know, why not? Well next time we talk about assholes, we'll be sure to get right into the ads Yeah, yeah, yeah F alvers 8085 on twitter and then d frank alvers on instagram

Go check it out and then make sure you check out the patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard I believe we're over 10k again, and we get to 11. Guess what joey's getting eaten by sharks, baby So go check it out patreon.com slash the baseman yard. It's not going to be funny if it actually happens People will blame me for it. Uh, you guys can follow me at joe sandagon Go follow the show at the base me on a tick tock and instagram and that is all see you guys next time