The Basement Yard - #345 - They're Teaching This In Schools?!

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

Joe and Frank have a wild discussion about schooling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How's it going? Oh, yeah, you dumb son of a bitch. I Didn't know we were bringing stone cold. I don't want a lot of old wrestling I know the other day you were posting your story watching wrestling. I was with my daughter Yeah, mommy mom was away. Mommy was away for the weekend, right? So daddy daughter time was watching stone cold stone cold. You know calling people son of a bitch son of bitch Son of bitch son of bitch. Yes flipping people off right, you know giving giving the power fingers Is this demonetized? It's gotta be to a degree, right? But I'm not doing it to like the the Lord

Down to the devil fuck the devil. Yeah, exactly. Um, I I fuck the middle to the present time Who's the middle? I think us. We're the middle I don't think we should fuck the middle as much as we should fuck the bad part of the middle Which is the lower middle the poor you mean? No, I Don't think of everything in terms of socioeconomic status like you do Joe Fuck the poor. Oh First of all, I was making a joke. I'm not saying that I was God. I was watching 30 Rock I think I was like, yeah, like the war on the homeless. Oh, no, it was like

Like he said something like like the war on the poor and she's like you mean the homeless. He's like, yeah, sure Yeah, but um so talk to me you you're you're lighter I can tell that you're lighter I just by looking at you. Well, yes, because one I have been working out more but two I know exactly what you're referencing you stupid son of a bitch What happened to you? I lost a couple pounds because I would say like a pound and a half Well, that even that even might be a bit much Frank that is oh stupid amount of fucking weight I got waxed Frankie got a Brazilian wax on a man's man's zillion a man's zillion because a Brazilian is for women And you're not a woman. I'm not as well. I'm she might have tore off my bits and kibbles

So I might be a woman now. That's true. He may be No, well, we had said for those of you guys that have not been watching week by week, which is what's wrong you if we got to 10,000 patrons, I would get a Brazilian a man man zillion as it was so lovingly called right by our esthetician and How you pronounce that Please tell me you were saying Ethic it's Titian, bro I don't even like I would see that word and some girls Instagram bios and be like

It's just fake. That's what I would just be like. I don't know It was just too much for me. I was just like s just It could be a bit. I also didn't know what it was. It's like estate lauder. What the fuck is that? You know estate lauder is they're like a like a beauty product company. Oh, I thought that was like a like an actor No, no, but just put esthetician got it. No, I got it now. Yeah, I can repeat words Yeah, exactly that good old, you know private high school fucking education, you know But also so here's what happened on our patreon. We hit 10,000 patrons, which thank you guys so much and for every thousand We usually do something and for 11,000. I'm gonna jump in a shark tank and

There's a place out in Long Island that allows you to jump into a shark tank So I'm gonna do that when we hit 11,000 10,000 Frank said he was gonna get a Brazilian wax on his Well, you said it. You said I didn't say it. Okay. Hold on. Let's go. Let's go back a couple minutes You said it. This is like one of those like David Koresh, you know Jim Jones types of situations where like I am the lauder type stuff. That's the lauder. Yeah, I am living under your cult Okay, so like you didn't have to say it, but you would be like wow I'd be great if someone got a man's zillion. That's not true at all. I can't honestly, you know

All the tape back. I don't remember out of thin air. You were like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, what no No, I don't think I said out of thin air. I think it was probably in conversation We weren't talking about like the weather and I was just like I'll get a Brazilian wax No, we were I think it was on the show. Well, and you were just like, oh 10,000 I get a wax I was like fire. All right. Yeah, and we got it done last week There is a video coming out on the patreon by the time the general public sees this it's out Yeah, by the time the patrons see it because patrons on that first tier guess what they see this early They're watching this on patreon. It's coming out tomorrow. So it'll come out Tuesday May 2nd on patreon

It's over 20 minutes long and we do have a clip a little sizzle reel That will play on right now Play on right now. I was gonna say on the show and also right now. So we're gonna play it on right now but Yeah, so we had we drove out to Long Island and Frankie got a Brazilian wax and if you don't know what that means That means they waxed his pubic area his shaft balls and my gooch his gooch and his hole and my asshole. Yes, right? So the whole shebang is Now slick it is it is fast. Yeah, it is like it is water's just fucking flying. It's like action park back there

I mean, it's dangerous. Basically. That's fucking dope. Yeah, this feels cool in the shower. Um, I Honestly, I think it's weird like the part that I really feel is I'm always feeling like I'm sitting in a puddle. Mm-hmm. I don't know what the hair did But I guess it like absorbed the moisture. So it took it took the hair out and put a bucket of water in Yeah, sweet. Yeah, and now the the esthetician at the end I don't know if it's in the video But at the end I said like what should I expect and she's like, do you make noise when you fart? And I was like, no, not really and she's like, well, you will now

And I'm like really and she's like, yeah, and like we joked around about it. It sounded like gunshots It sounds like fucking gunshots. Really? You're fucking clapping over there in order to I had to test the theory out Yeah, you know when in Rome. Yeah, you know ride a gondola, right and well, yeah, so I was alone and that's Venice I think regardless I was alone and I was just like, let's see what happens, bro It literally was cat cat cat cat cat. It was a lot of it was it was it sounded like someone's firing off an AK in my backyard You're a drive-by. Yeah, it was a little scary and I feel lighter. I feel Very hairless. Mm-hmm. The first like day and a half. I was very raw and sensitive

Okay, but I'm so raw Yeah, I don't yeah, I was just like cursing at my wife. Yeah, that's raw I don't know if it was because I was like emotionally damaged or if because the area was just like super sensitive Yeah, hold on before we get any further. Let's roll the clip Yeah, so you guys can see what it is if you want to join the patreon at 11,000 I'm gonna jump in a shark tank 12,000. We're probably we're gonna have to up to any even more I don't know what the hell we're gonna do, but Joey's gonna get a I'm gonna do the Brazilian on Joey. That's not happening But yeah, so here's the clip enjoy

Frankie is going to arrive here, and I will be taking him to his Brazilian wax appointment. Wait. So you're going in my ass Yes, cool. Oh my god. What are you doing? Wow? How hello? Good morning? Whenever you're ready, I'll call you in a couple hours. This is my balls I Mind you this yeah, I'm here. Yes. Are you okay? No, all right. You don't care unclench your legs I you're asking me to fight nature down right through its Gooch Okay, okay, and I'm gonna pull pop that

Fuck hate you, dude So there it is. Yeah, there it is I Will say this yeah, I've gotten it done. She was a nice lady. She was really nice Except well at one point the video spoiler. She calls you a pussy. She calls. She does absolutely She also talks she's very she was kind of demeaning. I liked it and oh did you for you? Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. She was doing that. Someone else was doing it instead of you this time, right? It was nice to watch you get demeaned birds of a feather, right? I

I She she was good at what she did what she did was not good for me though. Yeah, she ripped your balls out Yeah, she she really did was she like She did she touch your rim at one point or something Not like with like fingertips. Well, she was like she was like there were points. She had to put powder What's weird is that this is what my daughter does when she's hungry. Oh Jesus Christ We're talking about your ass. Oh for God's sake, you know Like when she like put powder in it she like

She's like card swipe. Oh, she credit card. Yeah, she credit carded me and it was really weird I think the biggest thing was I was real uncomfortable. Well, yeah It was really really uncomfortable. Well, you're face down ass up for a part of it, but I like oddly enough That was the best part You felt the most comfortable I'm not gonna confirm nor deny, but I that was not the worst so you're saying is dog style is your favorite It was a fucking experience which guys if you for some reason are not patrons you're missing out on this video Please go to patreon.com

Slash the basement yard. We were over 10,000 and we really really appreciate it If we get to 11,000 which we're only as a recording about like seven seven and change away Yeah, Joey's going in a shark tank, which he says he's pumped about I know Joey. I'm not like pumped. I'm like I'm like pumped like I gotta like do this You're pumped that it's not like I'm afraid of sharks, you know, you're not getting your bussy wax That's why you're pumped like I'm afraid of sharks and like I'm not Like that cool with the ocean and I'm not that we're going in the ocean, but ocean life ocean life Yeah, ocean life is not for sure sharks. Yeah, and yeah, so yeah, so Frankie's got so mad at me during the shoot

He's like when you jump in that tank. I'm throwing chum. Yeah, I'm throwing I'm gonna fucking like prick my finger and there's blood going in that water bed I feel like I should pet a shark Pet like pet like pettit. Oh, maybe buy some chain mail going in chain mail. Yeah. Yeah, just I don't know where you can buy Actually, can I get out of chain mail? No, I mean like if I jump in water and I got chain mail, that's very heavy No, it's not it's it's not that heavy chain mail. You can swim with chain mail on dude. I Don't know I think you'd be all right But all this stuff is available for you guys at patreon.com slash the basement yard that waxing video will be on patreon

Against my will yeah, but no it's on there patreon.com slash the basement yard sign up for that first year You get these weekly episodes a week in advance that second tier gets you exclusive episodes every single Friday So guess what our patrons next week are gonna be getting three episodes They're gonna be getting a weekly a week in advance They're gonna be getting the waxing video and they're getting an exclusive episode on Friday mornings at 7 a.m Yes, start and end your week with the basement yard patreon.com Better little sale. I'm getting there. Yeah, so I tell me about your balls What do you want to know like do they feel any different like I'm assuming your assholes like very slick and very slick very

Very are you how are your butt cheeks? Are they like more like friends now? My butt cheeks rose cool, you know my like it's just inside Like she I think she had mentioned. She's like, you'll know when you'll notice it when you wipe and like no difference Oh, really no difference when I wipe Mainly because it's like sandpaper back there regardless. You know, cool You're all torn up. I'm torn up from the ground up. Yeah No, but the I would say the biggest thing it's like I really don't notice it unless I'm peeing Because then I grab my balls and it's just like whose balls are these?

Wait, you pee you notice your Brazilian wax when you pee because you grab your balls when you pee. Yeah, you know Wait, wait, wait, you don't grab your balls one second when you go to the bathroom and you're standing right and you're peeing there Yes, instead of holding your penis you grab your balls. I grab both Like in one hand. Yeah Why You grab your balls and dick in one shot one mess. Yes You just scrunched it all together and piss. Yes. Why is that weird? Yeah, I mean considering the fact that no one else does that. How do you know?

Did he run a fucking survey of the people of the world because why would you there serves no purr? I think it's just you know, like I'm there might as well grab everything in one shot Make sure everything is cool copacetic kosher and available. Yeah, but God forbid I needed them, you know, they're there. What does grabbing the balls do for the piss? I think it just kind of makes everyone feel comfortable. Are you referring to your testicles? Yes? Yeah, they don't want to feel neglected. My balls don't get they don't do much. I mean, they you know produce and provide Life. Yeah, but I think like everyone just wants a little love every now and then so it's like the kids You know if you say you love one of the kids make sure you say you love all the kids

I have never cradled my balls while peeing. Oh, well try it. You might that affect Something. Oh, no, I don't got like how do you grab it? Do you like smush them? No, I don't smush them. I just kind of hold them there. I Can't even wrap my mind around why? Because it serves no purpose. I grabbed my penis. No, I'll tell you I'll tell you why I started doing this because a couple of While back on another episode I I explained that when I pee I use the the part of my pants You just unzip your gene hole and everything comes out Wait, why didn't know that I said this before if you're wearing jeans

I am right now won't unbuckle them. No, you'll just zip it down. Yes and pull your dick and Balls out of it. Yeah, you take a piss and then on top of that you will hold your dick in balls Yes through this yes, and I'll tell you why I don't care why There's logic to it Frankie. There's zero logic There is definitely logic to it and the fact that you are reacting as you are reacting shows me that you don't understand the logic You're fucking right about that. You're right. Listen It is it makes sense because the teeth of your zipper could be a little scary They could be a little jagged and rough so when I pull everything out instead of letting them like hang and fall

You know and maybe a little crack or you know a little sneaks into the teeth of the zipper I just hold them so the zipper doesn't affect it You know it was a more effective way of not letting the zipper affect it Unbuttoning that cool little button at the top and then just folding your pants out and presenting your dick in balls to the earth Just like a tulip. Yeah, and then nothing touches the zipper I you're over there jamming it through a hole a zipper hole Joey. It's a lot easier Dude, I knew you took your I knew you peed through your gene hole, which is crazy But the fact that you also put really what I'm talking made for Joey. Why is that crazy?

I'm using what it is meant to be. It's not made to piss. It's meant to it's meant to have quick and easy access It's made just to make the jeans tighter. I think I don't know. See now. You're wrong No, I know what you're talking about in order to take them off. You have to like Open it. Yes, that's a pissed or it's not a piss hole Well, then they wouldn't have made it so easily accessible. It's not like old Navy's like oh try these new jeans These are the jeans. These are the pockets. This is the piss hole. No one says that I think you're wrong here. I really do So what in those sweatpants that have a zipper on the side of them you piss out of that? No, because I ain't reaching down there. Yeah, I mean anything, but why would they have that?

I think it's for people that have zipper pockets Breastfeed out of them. You don't use zipper pockets. No, I did. I mean, yeah, I use it for pockets Because they're not for pissing. Well, there it doesn't matter what they're used for it's for securing the pocket Yeah, that's for that's an easier way to have access to your dim ball This is insane. No, it's not insane Joey. I think that you well We're such you're such like a literal person where it's like it was not made for your penis So it's not gonna be used for your penis and it's like well bro Just fucking if it's there and it's easier access just fucking use it

Do you know how much easier it is? To unbutton the button and to pull your zipper down and just have everything out like no you are I wear belts Let me I wear belts Joey. Let me show you what you're doing. I wear belts You're doing this you're you're great. You wear belts. You got one more second. I'm taking your belt Oh, listen, these belts are a little tight because I I have lost weight But it's I'm still not where I want to be listen This is what you're doing right you go to the fucking Urinal or whatever. Do you do this at a urinal? Of course I do so you're at a urinal and you unzip your thing

I don't I don't I don't discriminate depending on where I'm being you can be in the woods I'll do it there, too. Listen you think this is easier than just opening up your shit and just starting to pee You're unzipping and then taking your hand and digging in yes like a surgeon Yeah, and then pulling out your balls and wean and then holding those yes and being yes Listen I've been wrong watch this watch this. I've been wrong in the show before right now is one of them I will be Stounded if people are like yeah, all right, so we're gonna put out a pull dick and balls and through the gene hole That's all the gene hole don't even don't even know don't put which way do you pee because I'm sure people always pee the way that you're referencing

I'm saying is it weird that I pee that way. I think most people just say no I Think you're fucking and I think that you're really offending half of the population Maybe even a little more than half of the population the women that wish that they hadn't fucking zipper like that because I'll tell you this They do have zippers you idiot. Yeah, but they can't piss out of it That's not that's not the what you I bet I bet if they did have Women genes that like zipped underneath they would use that for peeing you think women if they had a gene hole That zipped like this they would just open their gene hole and hold it open and pee like that It'd be a lot easier than having it basically women have to get buck fucking naked if they want to pee sometimes

They're wearing a romper, but I didn't fucking build those You most of all wearing jeans you didn't you're right or they wear those leotard things. I'm gonna time you right now Oh, you're not you're not wearing jeans. Are you wearing jeans? No, you're not wearing sweatpants I'm wearing jeans and a belt and I guarantee it takes me longer to unbuckle my jeans unbutton and unzip and then Retrieve the goods compared to just unzip retrieval Okay, yeah, but you have to fish it through a fucking a teeth hole Well, if you're if you're uncoordinated that could be a little tough. You know what? I'm gonna stand right here behind the cameras. Watch this. Okay. Watch this

You're gonna pull your new slick dick out your new slick dick and balls. You're gonna pull it right out of the holes I'm watching Frankie ready go. Oh, let me time it Yo, I swear to God if you go slower for one of these Okay Ready set go Okay Nine seconds nine seconds right that was my way the nine seconds Now you're gonna have to fish those out of that fucking hole

All right, put that fucking belt back on This is ridiculous. Okay, ready set go He's digging all right Oh Fucking freaky's right again, baby, but we can agree and I fumbled a little bit You saw but I fumbled the ball. We can't agree though that One you started with your hand on your second. What have I done? What have I put on the internet over the last week? We can agree though

Your method looks way weirder because you were in there digging in there like there was like you're fine Listen, listen, I'm not in the bathroom to worry about being judged. I'm in there doing things that are against their sacrilegious as they are I guess Let me guess. Let me guess Your balls great by the way, they are slick they really are She said at the the ascetician said she goes Your wife is gonna thank me and oh, no, I remember what she said She did say that but the one part that stood out to me was said that she

Was going to put you in positions that your wife never puts you in yeah, he's like my wife's never put me You'll be in positions that no no one's ever put you in I was like, yeah, that sounds about right I've never been banged. So I don't she's she's explained that she has some clientele that like really loved the process And she was kind she was a good sport for us being in there Not getting a repeat customer out of me probably not she said that there were people that go in there and get like erect Yeah, they get super hard and she actually said that it Makes her job easier because when the skin is more taut it makes it easier for the hair Oh, well good for them. That's why at one point. She was like oh pull

Your stomach up. Yeah, yeah, my stomach up Not the first time I've been asked that Yeah, I I Cannot understand. I was so uncomfortable. Yeah, I cannot understand someone going in there and just being like I'm loving every second of this and here's my erect pp. Yeah, what and What hurt more the dick balls or asshole? Everything at this point is a blur. Yeah, I think They like I and I said this in the video, which you guys will see if you haven't already

The whole process got worse But I'm not sure if it got worse because I just became more uncomfortable or if it hurt more it all sucked No way around it period you got your asshole credit carded That was the not the worst part the worst part was when it got shredded What got shredded my shawl? Let's get to the ads Don't try to walk you to a certain point All right, let's get to them right. Yeah shredded asshole right into the ads

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I mean it's online counseling you talk to a therapist you can text them you can talk to them And you also when you sign up you can talk to a you can find a therapist in just under 48 hours So you can start communicating that quickly you also make it very seamless to jump from you know person to person so that you can find the right fit for you So yeah therapy definitely recommended for everyone. I've been in it for two years now. It's amazing I do it every single week. So yeah, you can also you know control the volume at which you will have sessions or whatnot So yeah, it's all up to you. It's great Enjoy it better help is customize online therapy like I said they have

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So now I'm like really in a hole here. Yeah, it's about a baby boys penis. Why are we doing this? We should have got to the edge right? Let's just get to the edge. Let's just go back But yeah, no, there was a there was a boy who had a what's the the term is called My dick will no dive dive failure Fail fail fail. Oh, yeah, die is to die. Yeah die economy. Yeah, die Die, just die. Please drop dead. Yes. Die, please But no a boy in San Paolo, Sao Paulo. Oh back to the Brazilians. Yeah, those bastards. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the Brazil Wow Yeah, the zillion. Yeah, I asked really quick sidebar. That's the Titian I asked

I was like, why is it called the Brazilian? Who do we need a blame for this? Yeah, who do we blame? But yeah, a boy a youngster was born with a With a die fallium, which means that you have two penises and some of them are like, you know You have a penis and then like a little little penis sidebar. Yeah, but this one was like a straight up double dicker double dicker Yeah, does it come with like the double like internal organ and stuff? Like if he's peeing is it like one of those like wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men they? They said that

So he had complete die fallia as opposed to only having an accessory penis or a stump The unnamed patient was two years old by the time he had surgery for reasons that were not explained Also, they were different. They were different in size. The whole reason why this was even written Was because the doctors decided they had to take one off because one of them didn't urinate But they both did get a problem. Yeah, they both did get erect Which is that's the dream To have two erect penis to have one dick for peeing one dick for not well

Yeah, I don't know the the medical Why do you have to because there is a guy that has two penises like a grown man Like a big old big old man boy like a like two grown a grown man penises seen the penises. I have how do they look? Like like two like just like separate like their neighbors like it's like a duplex Like bro like like you're drunk staring at a dick too family home like I see two pull it up. Yeah, look look look Um, where I type in two dick man Double dicker. I wrote two dick man Yeah, happy met

Dude, these are cocks, dude. Are they're both cocks. Yeah, that's kind of fucked up actually give some to the rest of us, bitch okay One might be circumcised and the other one might not be that that's a smart man He's playing. You know, what do you like prefix menu? You know take a little bit of column a little bit of column b Here we go Whoa, dude. Those are dicks. Those are Those are dicks. I'm pretty sure this dude did porn too Those are those are rich

I guess I mean Oh, that's fake never mind. I was like damn that looks like a blooming onion penis because like there was like five dicks Oh, but it wasn't person. Oh, they were like dildos in the one penis. Oh, okay Okay, all right, let's get to the end. That's kind of that's kind of crazy Could you imagine like and I think the as you were saying like the the bigger one was the one that was cut off Yeah, they got rid of the bigger one because that was the one unfortunately that can urinate damn I'd be I'd be I'd be like, you know, just like fucking just go in there like an electrician rewire that shit And then get the smaller one. Yeah, you'll figure it out, bro. I got this ham on me like go figure it out

Can you can you imagine if you had like one like three inch penis? Can you imagine and Can you even can you even just imagine yourself in that position? I feel like it would feel probably like I feel now. What do you like? What's going on crazy? um No, but like You had like a like a two incher and then the other one was like a nine incher I wouldn't want a nine inch piece piece

I was gonna say pieces, but I wouldn't want a nine inch penis. That to me seems all right seven and a half Fire that's a pretty good nine. It's crazy though nine. It's nine. It's like bro That's another inch and a half that you don't need. Yeah That's one that like gets people like talking like the town will know people get so upset at like people like elan musk buying twitter Like he has so much money. What is he like? He's blowing it away and it's like, yo people like have so much dick like donated, dude Yeah, there's got to be a dick a dick dick donation center. I don't think you can bro. You can't ddc it Nah, why not? I don't think so bro. Just imagine like you would you cut it off at the base and just shorten it Oh, just like it's a it's got to be a fluid, right? Like it's got to be like I always think of like

Austin Powers is mojo With the extract me Yeah, like just remove a little of that fluid and just just pump it into somebody else a little more deserving Do you know what dicks are? It sounds like you think they're fluid No, I know what they are But like there's got to be a way to donate some of it like a dick donation, dude Also, like Penises are muscles

Oh, you can't but you that's the only muscle you can't get bigger. I know what the hell and your tongue Right tongue. You can't work on your tongue either. Isn't that strange? I believe this tongue is the strongest like perp perp capita It is the strongest muscle in the body It is bro. I can I tongues are like ants Mad strong for their size. They are they're pretty big pretty strong for their size Bro ants can lift like humans if they wanted to All I'm saying is like think of like someone you know or someone you don't know if they if they were like, yeah Think of somewhere to giant penis

All right, I got one Oh You know what buddy is he is the most humbled not a humbled big penis ever ever Yeah, he hates when people talk about it. Yeah until they talk about it and he's like, yeah, whatever There's some curses though to be had with the big penis. I don't I don't know that I would want to uh, he cursed with knowledge Like if Thanos in the infinity war, he said like he weren't the only man cursed with knowledge. Yeah, dude. He's cursed Pete's cursed with Yeah, a big old problem. Yeah, he is because

When we go on vacation and stuff and like you sleep in your boxers, you know And then you wake up in the morning and you're like, I'm not gonna get like fully dressed I'm in a house with my boys or whatever. Yeah, and he's walking around just he looks like he's got a dirty diaper on always Yeah, he looks like he's got a full bag. Yeah, he looks like he honestly swear to god. Sorry, Pete It looks like he's wearing boxer briefs and he poked his pants all the time There's just something hanging Yeah, dude, his underwear looks like a tote bag

Oh god He's gonna be so pissed. He's gonna be not happy and what's even funnier is there are people listening to this like But it's not even that big I've never even like seen it. I've I've stared at it. No, no, I'm not in person. It's like medusa I I think you look at it through a camera and yeah, it's like it's like a basilisk, but you You can look at it through a mirror. You look at it. You look at it straight up. You're petrified Petrified bro, that's why people thank you so you remember her Mike I

Fuck it morning myrtle fucking ghost ass. Oh my god. Where do you think they got the fucking? Yeah, please I'm gonna get a text. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get a text like dude not cool Jesus no, but you gotta imagine like if people are like, yo like take an inch off me and give it to somebody else If that were actually true, I would harass him. I well, I do think I'm like I'm your boy. Yeah, your cousin your blood for god's sake. I do think that your blood not by penis I do think that there's like For like cosmetic reasons or like like like surgical like health reasons you can get like a new penis

Of course, but I don't think for like you can make a penis out of a vagina That's crazy and your arm you take you take a skin graph of your arm and you form a penis Bro, my arm is way cooler than my penis on other people other people's lives. We talked to Uh, a guy who had a phalloplasty, which is like Rhino-plasty, but for phallus Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good. I'm pretty good rhino You don't need to explain I know I said the word so maybe maybe at like

20,000 patrons you get a pinoplasty Did you even listen to what I said? It's not called that Fallow. Yeah. Thelodoplasty. I can't get a falloplasty. I have a penis. Well, like could you get like a cooler one? That is only a google search No, see like I think you can I think you can just get like a penis implant I mean, I'm cool. I'm not like can you look it up? Just I don't have a hand just out of curiosity Not for me for my boy who goes to another school I don't have a hankering for uh for a bigger penis or anything. Yeah, no, I mean like obviously I'm fine too

But I typed in hankering and then hunk of cheese came up A hankering hunk of cheese. Yeah sounds delicious. Oh, what am I looking at? Can you get penis implants? Can you get a bigger? Just penis implants is better If you type in to google Can you get a bigger the first thing can you get a bigger backpack and room scape? It's been listening it knows who it knows who your brother is. Oh my god, none of these things Can you get a bigger stash and escape from tar cut? What is that escape from tar cut is a video game?

Can you get a bigger diamond in your engagement? Jesus? What am I a bigger penis? Penis implants, dude Many men believe that increasing the size of the penis will make them a better lover or make them more attractive But chances are your penis is within the normal range If your penis is smaller than average, it may not matter to your partner. In addition, there's no proven way to make a penis larger Really? That's surprising. That's Mayo Clinic bro The the way that the world has been run by men for the last fucking 22,000 years And we haven't figured out a way to get bigger wangs

There's a fucking web md article and I just imagine Because web md is like, oh you want a bigger penis? There's actually no way to do it. By the way, you got cancer. Yeah You got it. You're in it. You got an issue. By the way, does your head hurt? You better go ahead. Yeah It's like a headache and toothache. What does it mean? Toe cancer? You're gone. Yeah, you're done diabetes is on its way. It's a wrap um What are we talking about getting a new penis? Yeah, I don't think that that's happening Yeah, well a lot of people say, you know, it's not it's not the size of the ship. It's the motion of the ocean

Well, the usually big ships can go overboard too. People say boats, but yeah Ship boat potato tomato. Is there a difference between a boat and a ship? I feel like a ship is like a bigger one I think a ship is like a tight the titanic was a ship. Yes, because it was shipping things I think a boat is just like a cool thing. Oh yeah Like the titanic was like shipping people bro, you know, I never Put that together. You never put that together not once really If it's moving cargo goods

It's a ship. Yeah, if it's just people are just like hanging out drinking beer and doing blow. It's a boat Got it. Yeah Falling in love with poor men You know teaching them how to spit or they're teaching you how to spit. What the fuck are you talking about the fucking titanic Yeah, no titanic was a ship Bro, have you seen the comparison of what the like the size of the titanic compared to like current cruise lines tiny, right? Bro, it's like a third of the size

Probably like way more dude. You came to the beach when we were in qs, right? Oh my god That was nuts. We went to the beach when we were in qs and a fucking cruise line thing drove a boat Drove by it was the biggest thing I've ever it looked like the empire state building like on its side driving This is gonna sound weird to you because you you don't think this way But if you ever like been driving or you're looking at like the horizon and you're like, yo I wonder what it would be like if fucking Godzilla just popped up. I do that. Oh, okay. Good. I want to make sure All the time bro. This was that it was one minute everyone was just and then you just saw fucking

The Godzilla of the Norwegian cruise ship. Yeah, just coming through and it was huge massive You know what else I do Whenever I'm this happens in a kinetic it a lot if I'm staring at a bunch of mountains I just picture fucking water coming over the top of that. Oh, I do too. I'm dead. I do too You know, I do too. I don't know. Why do we do that? We put ourselves in these situations in order to like convince ourselves that we would survive Like, oh, I don't think I'm gonna survive. Oh, I I I think like, oh, all I need to do is and then I'd be good All of the time I'm wrong

Yeah But I like to think like I've always like thought to myself like if I fall from a building Just grab on to something when the reality is I probably wouldn't be able to grab on to anything Yeah, because you'll be flying well, or you know, just like if I were to hit something The impact would fucking break my arms that too or my chest, right, you know gave my chest it But oh, I do that all the time the one that gets me though is like Do you remember when you're growing up in Australia? We would hear a lot of like out of nowhere. It would just be like Yeah

And it was because What the fuck because of how close we'd look to the airport And it would be like on like a super is that a plane? Yeah You know what I'm talking about though, you definitely do a plane flying overhead Yes, but that sound that like echoes that comes with it. All right, okay I've always thought to myself like what if that's just a fucking wave coming to take us out Or like what if an asteroid is hit and it's just like the fire is coming for us. Yeah It'd be crazy, right? Well, you remember when that fucking thing at connet exploded. I thought a new kit and I was like

One two three Yeah, you were counting uh, that was terrifying. So yeah I've been woken up in a couple dreams by like seeing an asteroid in the fire getting me and it's fucking freaky Seeing an asteroid. Yeah, and the fire getting you. What does that mean? Yeah, like the impact of the asteroid Oh, you've never seen any fucking movie with an asteroid. You said the fire. I don't yeah It hits and then the fire goes out and that's what gets everything around it, you know Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was uh, there was a Prank show that did that

They set up in a room like this for an interview with someone and they had a window like that one But it was a tv screen Oh, I've seen this and they have it look like an asteroid hits and the lights are going out bro I swear to god, I I'd fucking lose my mind. I'd be I'd probably die from the stress. Yeah. Yeah I remember it was like a like an asian game show or like maybe it was like a tv commercial or something Whatever it was. It was it was genius marketing. Oh my god. Absolutely genius. Japanese game shows are the best ever And a lot of them

Don't make any sense. Yeah. It was a whole show. Well a lot of game shows anyway Don't make sense But there was a whole show Of people walking around a room and just eating like trying and biting things because some of the things are chocolate Oh, that sounds pretty so they're like trying to eat a desk and it's like no, that's that's a desk That's a desk and then they eat like the door handle. It's like no, that's chocolate. So they eat it and oh, that's chocolate That's a whole show. I'd be very good at that. But how do you win? And how do you lose find the most chocolate?

Whoever doesn't find chocolate loses, bro. I would put my mouth on everything in this room If you thought it was chocolate if it was a game show, yeah, yeah, I mean I would be biting the desk too I'd be fine. I have been wanting to get on a game show so bad I really think that when when that show floor is lava came out I thought me you and Danny could have crushed it on there That would have been something and then obviously our failed bid at getting on legends of the hidden temple Motherfuckers, which guess what? I haven't seen the show. So fuck you jokes on you because you didn't have us on it We would have brought some viewership you bitch. Absolutely. Who who are you getting? Who are you getting a fucking?

Cool, you know a high school kid from Iowa some stupid white family Oh, yeah, tell me about how much the person from Des Moines needs the money. Yeah Des Moines, yeah But I remember seeing one japanese game show that was like they put their head up and a fucking lizard runs at them You never saw that shit. It was like a table And there are holes cut out and person have like whoever keeps their head above the hole the longest wins And the reason that you don't keep your head up is because there's a fucking lizard in the middle that like runs at you If you pick your head up

Does it bite? I assume it would You've never seen this shit after we get off. I want to show you that the lizard head show. No, I haven't yeah Yeah, yeah, and then you remember mxc The greatest show ever bro I always wanted to be on that shit The dubbing was just like awful so bad It was a good time It was

Those are good shows and also the prank show is a really great too. I once saw a prank On something like japanese show where a guy Goes to the bathroom. He's in a hotel room, right like on top of a ski resort And he goes to the bathroom And when he's on the toilet shitting the

the fucking whole bathroom Breaks away from the building And is on skis And he's skiing down the back of a mountain looking behind him on a toilet Shitting with his pants down. That would be awesome. That's fucking amazing. How do you even sign a release form for that? I don't think they care much about releases because they're all just good sports. Yeah, we'll figure it out Like they're all just like, you know like all right like they're they're not gonna like you'd want to be on something like that

Because that's pretty cool. That's fucking hilarious the ones that get me I don't know if you saw this one It was like people went in an elevator and they like rigged an elevator with like a trap door And like the air in the elevator they feel it stop the lights go out and then like a little like girl looking like she's from the ring pops up I might tell you something right now, bro. I'm I'm fight. I swear to god. I'll swing on them. Yeah, I will I honestly would not Do well That girl's getting hit Yeah, don't put me in that situation. Don't put me in that situation because listen I I when I get afraid

We saw it on the laxing when I'm in trouble And my body senses fear or or pain it gets pushy. Yeah, it does, you know So, uh, I I would want to yeah probably hit the kid Yeah, don't put any like little scary demonic children around me because I will punch them in the face. Let's get to these ads Never fails never fail. This is why he's this is why he is who he is, baby. This is why you got what you got now I can't wait to get an email. It's like, uh, the advertisers would prefer if you didn't lead into this by saying you little children Sorry, um, not my kid If they're ghosts, I'm gonna think they're just ghosts, bro. I'll punch a ghost. I don't care how old how young

Yeah, no, I'm a demon is getting these hands. Yeah, regular children. I won't hit unless they're mine. Maybe I don't know yet We'll figure it out Better help Actually, no what we have here is hello fresh Hello fresh is gonna teach you how to be a good cook Because what they do is you go on their website you pick out the meals that you want and they have great meals Organic stuff they have Certain if you're like keto or you're like you want to have a low calorie meal

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And a digital scale no long-term commitment or contracts Um, just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and enter the code Basement. All right. There you go folks Okay What the hell were we talking about? I Consistently am shocked at how we go from talking about one thing to just going elsewhere I had all this stuff written down and now I don't why don't you tell me? How was it watching me get wax joey?

Which again, if you're not a patron patreon.com slash the basement yard video will be there It's well worth it. We get to 11,000 joey's gonna get eaten by a shark. Good times. I get my fucking bussy wax Right now patreon.com slash the patron get my fucking bussy. How was it watching me get wax? Did you feel any pain regret? Pain Well, like I had a second hand. I had you had a headache from laughing. Oh, okay Because I couldn't breathe at points. Okay, because you get wax and then A lot of the times you were just screaming. Yeah, but there would be the times where you She would rip one of the things and then you just

Right at me like this is all my fault. You were just like it kind of is but also not Yeah, you know, I I owned you were a trooper, man. I thank you. I own my decisions And wear them well, I think yes, but you got to do what you got to do, you know, of course And what better way to to wrap up this episode than talking about this article? Frankie texted this to me and I have no idea what it's about So we're kind of going to read it together in a way But the headline is us college offers course that lets students teachers watch pornography together Yeah, just call it porn. You don't need to use the porn one on one. You don't need to use its government

Pornography that just feels like geography and we're talking about like Yeah, like oh, you know, we did a pornographic pornographic person. Yeah There was a joke in there, but you're a little hungry. I'm a little hungry. Um But yeah, I don't I like did you read into this at all? Like yes, so there's a school in I believe hold on Hold I found the thing. Okay. Sorry that I I immediately asked you to explain. I was like shut the fuck up your show, joey No This is what the course is. It's called film asterisk 300

Oh porn Two credits Two credits, by the way, that's an elective baby. That's a that's a people are watching that for fun Um, and this is the beginning of it. It just says hardcore pornography as an american Is as american as apple pie and more popular than sunday night football Never really thought about it that way Our approach to what do you watch more often porn or football? If football was on more

A sunday A week a typical week. Yeah in football season. What do you watch more porn or football? Definitely football. Really? It's the whole day. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're like it's the whole day. Yeah, and you're born you watch for maybe like 30 seconds Right, joe. Yeah, right Uh hardcore pornography is american as apple pie and more popular than sunday football Our approach to this billion dollar industry as both a cultural phenomenon that reflects and reinforces sexual inequities Imparancies but holds the potential to challenge sexual and gender norms Excuse me

Uh and as an art form that requires serious contemplation We will watch pornographic films together and discuss the sexualization of race class and gender And as an experimental radical and then I got cut off. Hey, so hold on That's the that's the song that's not the porn song that was a random add that was playing that's porn song That's the porn song. No Say porn song again all right Is I I have openly said that I I I think porn is strange. I don't watch porn. Oh, shit. This is in utah

Yeah, bro. It's in fucking Mormon backyard. Wow That makes this even more interesting because back there Well, do the do the Mormons believe in porn or do they like, you know, no alcohol no porn Nine wives more. Yeah. Yeah. Well Mormons. They wear a certain nothing says anything to do with porn, but they wear like this Thing to bed Huh? They wear like a onesie like the dudes wear like this one like those old timey like I love lucy with the fucking little hat But no hats, but the thing it's a onesie. Why?

Like tradition What did the did gods say that they couldn't fucking Wear nothing to bed. That's that's very confusing. They dress like uh grandpa joe from really well, yeah That's that's what it is I Out the porn game Is there something I'm missing is is current porn like trying to be like super progressive with its

Approach to watching someone get fucking bukkake. Uh, not the kind I watch Like that's why that's why I pulled this up because one you talk crazy. It's happening there. Oh, yeah That's you've been literally the last state that you've been. Yeah, and you can confirm like they have like different beers there Yeah, all their beers are they every major beer company makes a separate batch of their beer for utah That's so weird It's the only state that has like these things like beers are like three percent whereas Like a bud light. It's usually four point two and white claws are usually five percent Both of those are three percent in utah. That's so weird. Yeah, but um

Then like the idea that like they're gonna watch hardcore porn because they very specifically say hardcore porn That's the first word of the class description. It's hardcore pornography Is as american as apple pie. What that I would say probably more american than apple pie Also, apple pie is trash. Yeah, I don't like apple pie. What's more america? What's like? What's a good representative hot dogs? Hot dogs fucking, uh, baseball racism. Yeah Okay, yeah, but social inequities. Yes, of course Uh gaslighting. Yeah Uh

I don't see how watching porn with like people in a class bro. Someone's getting caught jerking off in this class Dude, uh, maybe not jerking off, but definitely like if you sit me in a classroom And put on porn for an hour at a certain point my penis is gonna be like, should I be hard? And then maybe it gets a little dropped and then i'm in class dog. Don't ask me a question Yeah, it's it's a weird it's a weird thing to to sit in because like apparently they're gonna go through class Gender normities and stuff like that. I don't hey man. I don't think that's why people are gonna sign up for it Yeah, like what was it? It was uh, we will watch pornographic films together and discuss the sexualization of race class and gender as an experiment You're talking about

Like ebony teen Ebony petite teen. Yeah, ebony petite teen gang gang, you know, yeah fucking like All and I there's actually a really good documentary called after porn ends. I think there's like two or three of them Oh, yeah, I haven't seen it bro. It's really good and one of them I don't remember if it's the first or the second one because it's the only two I've seen but they talk about like the Like class representation and race representation in porn and like it's like you're basically It's okay to get away with like openly racist portrayals of people like anytime it's you know

Black american it'll be like, you know, black gang banger, you know takes little petite southern bell to the fucking prom in her hole, you know, like And it's just like it's wild. So like I don't know how prom is gonna teach I mean prom how porn is gonna teach people About that as much as it's just gonna fucking point out that it's just awful. Yeah. I mean I I don't I don't know. I maybe there is like pc porn out there for people But I don't know. I mean, it's gotta be what all these fucking You know Trump lovers watch, right?

What regular porn I assume is there's too many people of color for all the Trump lovers out there That's fucked up, dude. Not everyone who votes for Trump is racist. You're right, but all the racists vote for Trump That is up for debate No, it's pretty close Um, but yeah, someone said, uh, this is not education. It makes me sick something like this Is even offered they fucked up in the article This is not education. It makes me sick like something like this is offered I'm so disappointed that anything like this would be offered at an educational institution

People are not happy with this fucking porn this porn the porn is not gonna last bro It's not gonna last well, you got to imagine you said it's it's like Film 301 so you can't take it as a freshman So all those fucking frosh that are going in there trying to watch them people get their bones on Not today, dude at byu. I don't think you can Like have sex What? Yeah, bro. You think they can't have sex at byu. You think zack wilson wasn't just it made deep He went to byu white, right? Yeah. Wait, who zack wilson? Oh, I don't know. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah

Yeah, no, but but they what they do do and you know what soaking is Huh, you don't know what soaking is no bro Mormons do this thing. It's called soaking and it's genius Biggest loophole ever. All right. Oh, is it like where they soak like a tampon in alcohol and shove it in their dungeon? No Are you talking about no soaking people do that by the way because you can't have sex, right? Yeah So they will just take their penis and they'll put it on a vagina, right? And they'll just lay in it and they'll just leave it in there and let it soak What and they won't have sex but they'll put it in a vagina and they'll just go

But isn't that the act of having sex the insert no the act well Yes, yes to them the the act is like the continuous So so the Mormons don't sign gotcha. Yeah, so the Mormons don't view the the initial penetration as sex Yeah, they think so much of themselves that they think like sex is only when you just fucking absolutely bash guts And you go to town on each other. Yeah, but if you just leave it in there I mean personally for me if I Like put my penis into a vagina. That's the point. I'm this counts Basket count. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah

One at the line and one that counts. Yeah, put the points on the board. Absolutely. That was not on the floor No, yeah, that's that's basic. That's just that's just sex I don't know how they got around this and how no no I think no Mormon wants to avoid that. Like I don't think they want to correct that They just want to be like, what are you talking about? What's what's what is that? I have no idea. It's allowed Yeah, I mean here's urban dictionary This just says like planking Okay, I know all your dick is inside of Mormon. That's what that's okay. I mean, I guess so

So like they can't even caress each other hold each other They just kind of need to like their hands on the their butts or something Um, I think they I think probably they just like put in and they just like just chill there and they just like shut up It's like dan. This is like sick Do you think that would be enough For who? You know You need in and out you need a little go in and out

Do you think though at a certain point because like we're both like the inside of a vagina like It moves and shit. Look, I like going to the candy store, but I need to get something while I'm there You know what I mean? Yeah, but yeah, I'm at a window shopper. That's penis window shopping right there That is penis window shopping They go into the store. They try they try some clothes on and they're like they walk out like no I'm not gonna get anything It's kind of like when when like you want a dog really bad and you go to the pet store and you see a bunch of dogs And you're like, you know, you're not getting a dog today. Why are you torturing yourself?

It's penis window shopping soaking. You're like a masochist in a way. Honestly, absolutely I would say that's one of the things that we can call them Do you imagine that what do you say or do or look just don't you look you need I think they go in you go Well, if they're going in with the mentality of like soaking they obviously are religious So they need to like play it up. So like maybe they're in there being like I hate this I hate this so much like so like whatever God or gods that they believe in like aren't like judging them for it You know what I mean? So like the act of soaking if it's viewed okay

They probably have the mentality of like well, I need to pretend like this is awful Did you follow anything of what I said? I did But I don't think that's right. Well, yeah, it's all bullshit. They they they want to fang Yeah, they want to do it like that kids fang well use protection though. Absolutely Absolutely, you know, yeah Protection man. Oh, also, weren't we talking about condoms on an episode recently like flavor condoms? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes Yeah, I got a dm someone told me that they found out they were allergic to strawberries because they Wow, the strawberry condom. Wow. Yeah, that's fun

Yeah, I was a bit confused at first because I wasn't realizing what was happening Well, I the first place you go naturally is someone shoving strawberries Well, now that I think about it one lucky you finding out you're allergic to strawberries because you sucked on a strawberry flavored Ding-dong condom ding-dong. Yeah um But also Is this thing actually made out of like yeah, I think it's just like a net like it's like non strawberry extract

Yeah, it's like flavoring. It's not like it's like an organic ass condom. That's a honestly good for them Whatever gave that condom. They were like about the cause made with real fruit juice. That's pretty cool I don't think most condoms are you were probably you know, red dye number 40 that they put in there Yeah, you know press plus the strawberry fragrance, right? Yes, or just yeah that too. Yeah, I don't think they were And like how do you not have strawberries or strawberry flavored thing in any part of your life until you suck on a billy bob? That's true Bro like a billy bob, you know, honestly Yeah, what the fuck there's mad strawberries. There's strawberries regular strawberries. There's fucking like cereal. There's uh fucking lip gloss

There's juice. Yes. There's mad shit dude juice. Yeah strawberry kiwi Oh, okay, like like a smoothie kind of too. Oh, yeah, like a smoothie Yeah, like how do you not have strawberries in any other part of your life? Man weird, that is weird, but the condom did it the condom Uh, yeah, you might think she was off on that one. We might have figured something out for you Yeah, I don't think it was the ding dong send the check to Basement yard. Yeah, thank you so much. You just figured out. Yeah, you might be allergic to something else Yeah, give the strawberries another shot or the latex

Whatever think about that. Oh, yeah, maybe you were allergic to the latex latex allergies aren't very real Also, I got to say this sheepskin. No, no, no, I was gonna say I'm all for protecting yourself But but a condom blows Hey, man, I'm not gonna be one to judge people want to protect themselves go for it They got to make something cooler than a condom for blogeys I mean that just feels like an extra layer. How have we not made hold on? Yeah, how have we not made like a gel?

That is like acts as a condom Like hand sanitizer, but for your fucking dick. Oh wait a sec Sperma saddle lube. Yeah, you dumb bitch. That's on every condom Well, that didn't work that well then well, you can't just put it on and be like, oh, I'm just gonna raw dog Just like lather your fucking beanie bones With some spurtle-side lube and it does trick. Well, that that kills the sperm, but what about the stids? Well, yeah, that's the problem too. Yeah, I think people are would weigh more You'd rather an std than a baby. I would I would think that's a consensus

Unless I know that there are some sexually transmitted diseases out there that could be like threatening I'll take I'll take some gonorrhea before I take a Little tyler or something. You know what I mean? That's the name you're going with your first kid. Absolutely You just gave it the whitest name possible tyler. This is tyler santa. God tyler get down here. Yeah I never can't do it because there's no cool name for tyler. It's a tyler or ty Even worse way worse. You know, my mom almost named my brother skylar I was like, dude, I would have Disrespected him. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you got to beat him up at that point. Yeah, I was almost

Fuck what was my other name? Well, if I was a girl I was francesca Was that name sucks too No, francesca. I feel like francescas are usually pretty I don't know if I know any francescas I mean, you have to know a francesca I do It's just like a very common name. Oh, I know. I don't think I do joey You don't know any italian people. I'm sure they have a daughter named francesca

Well, no, all the italians that I know are juliana maria Elisabetta Elisabetta, yeah, I don't know. I don't know many italians like with like names like Ashley Marie How many actually fucking marie's do you know? I knew a bunch of and uh, like and marie and marie or uh, Just a marie anything marie. Yeah, I've known so many marie I used to do that was like my little trick back in the day sometimes when I was like flirting with girls If they go, I bet I could guess your middle name and they're like, what is it marie and or nicole I would just say marie every time. Oh my god. Yeah

Well, you went to school with like high school was like all those like, you know, like Howard beach fresh meadows italians That like their parents named them like bucatini This is my daughter rigatoni. Yeah, say hello. This is raviola. This is fettuccine her twin brother ravioli Raviolo, he's a boy. Yeah, and I know there's my son over there. Hey, hey plum tomatoes. How you doing brazil? Yeah Copy coal I would love for you right now. There's nicol copy coal We're off the deep end. Yeah, we've we're tired. Anyway. Yeah, uh, we've we've we've dicked around long enough guys Go check out the patreon patreon.com slash base me are franky's waxing video. It's over 20 minutes long Uh, patreon.com slash base me yard when we get to 11,000. I'm jumping in a shark tank frank. Where can they find you?

Ah Falvors 80 85 on twitter the frank alvarez on instagram and twitch Hopefully i'll be making my return to twitch soon, but if they take that 50 50 revenue, I'll be going fucking somewhere else, bitch uh, and then uh Yeah, the page patreon patreon.com slash base me yard Yep, you guys can find me at joe santa gato and go follow the show the basement yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all See you guys next time