The Basement Yard - #351 - I've Made Love To My Car

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Joe and Frank discuss the people that really really love their cars! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to The Basement Yard. Frank, how's it going? I'm- I'm doing well. Oh. Oops. My drawer. It popped open at the perfect time. Oops, my drawer opened. Oh my god, that's hilarious.

Every now and then in this world, you get some happy mistakes. It was a good bit. It was a good bit. It was a good bit. You know it's a bad bit though. What's going on with you? How you doing? Whoa, what a-

It's dog-sucking season. You've been spending a lot of time outside. How you doing? Answer my fucking question. How am I doing? Yeah. Good. You can get more into like being a country boy or something.

What the hell's going on? I don't know. You tell me with your fucking trucker hat. Why are you wearing a trucker hat like it's Von Dutch 2006? What are you doing? What? I don't- I got it as a gift.

I'm sure you did. Who gave it to you? A prankster? Who gave you that? That guy that runs around Hope Depot going like, moon chomping, pomping. What are you talking about? No. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is he the one that got that for you? Yeah. That's who it was Frank. That's who gave it to me. You must have been Ashton Kutcher.

Pranking you. Punking you. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it's a cool hat and whoever gave it to you are probably nice people, but- Oh, now you're backtracking. No, I was immediately going to go right back to it and just say like, someone needs to tell them it's no longer trucker hat season.

It was Kid Rock. He gave me this hat. That sounds about right. All right. I've had one trucker hat in my life and you know when it was? I'd love to hear this. I'm going to blow your, I was going to say blow your back out. I'm going to blow your back out.

Blow your mind. Jackie Sweet 16. Remember how she- Oh, she had custom. They had like custom like graffiti ones. What did you say? Half money. If you're going to get one, you got to have it, you know, be representative of your personality.

Frankie showed up to this Sweet 16 and it was like, oh, it's like, what was it, the 20s? It was a roaring 20s themed Sweet 16. I showed up in a black shirt. Yeah. So it was like me, you, Dylan, Josh, Impey was there and so I heard roaring 20 steamed and she was a pretty good friend at the time. You know, I'm like, all right, I need to get a zoot suit. Frank was like, oh, your party.

Attention's all on me. No. They, fuck you. Frankie. Fuck you. You showed up looking like a 1920s. The only thing you were missing was a Tommy gun. You know why?

Because that was the fucking theme. Fuck you. What do you mean? I'm not an attention whore here. He had a big hat. Like a big hat. If you've seen the mask, you know when he does the dance where he's in the yellow suit at the Coco Bongo Club?

Literally that. That, but gray. Gray. Dark gray. Yeah. Fuck you. What do you mean? I was attention seeking.

No, I wasn't saying that. I was saying that you were just like, I'm going to, this is. No, that was not the intent. My intent. You were peacocking. Was to fit in because I in my head was told it was going to be a theme. I thought more people would do it. Much to my chagrin.

They did not. Yeah. There was like four people that were dressed as flappers. It was, it was like, not even the girl who sweet succina was didn't do the theme either. She kind of dressed like Jessica Rabbit, if I'm not mistaken. She probably did. I think she was just in a red dress, red dress, which is very Jessica Rabbit. But then her mom did it.

I did it. And I think that was it. And then you guys all showed up and just as black shirts, every 16 year old boy does black button up, black tie, sleeves rolled up, sleeves, sleeves rolled up, sleeves rolled up, sleeves rolled up. And you were probably wearing like white, you know, white Air Force ones or something. And no, I was wearing regular shoes, but I was doing a lot of pointing. I remember that.

I remember a lot of this. A lot of that. We have a very famous picture. Very famous is a, is it what? A very famous picture. We should have a picture. We have a picture. Yeah.

My picture of me and my zoot suit is a little more famous than yours. What is the term that I don't know? The zoot suit. What is the zoo? That's what it's called. Why is it a zoot suit? I didn't name it. I'm saying, are you insinuating that I came up with the name?

Obviously you didn't. But what is, what is the, what makes it zoot? Like how is it different than a regular suit? I don't know. I think it's just extra zooty. Frankie. Oh, because people were probably smoking that gas in it and they were fucking hella zooted.

They were smacked. They were smacked, sauced, hella zooted. What? Never mind. Oh. I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. But. Video came out.

Video came out? A video came out. I was saying, oh yeah, we just had a video come out with a, a competitive eater came in and we had him compete against Frankie, Danny, the other Danny, and then Ryan Lynch. Ryan Lynch's feature video debut. Yeah. First time. Not, not gonna be the last either.

Oh, I hope not. Yeah. The guy's a star. Yeah, he is a star. He's a sewage star. He actually texted me after that video because he competed against the eater. You can watch it at youtube.com slash San Diego Studios, by the way, but he competed against the eater with corn and all I could think about was like how much, because like

I have like a regular amount of corn at like a barbecue and you find it in your bowels for days. Well, like I just find like all of it. Yeah. You know what I mean? And they ate. A lot. Six or five.

It was just a ton of fucking corn. A lot more than the normal person. So you got to be shooting straight. He was probably like just like shooting out his butt. Like, you know, you know, like those, like those poops where it's just like, you know, dribble, drabble, like little pellets. You're pooping like a deer. Like a deer.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? He had to have done that for a day and a half. Yeah. I don't mind pooping like a deer. Okay. Well, that's good for you.

I mean, you know what? I understand anal beads because if you ever poop when you're constipated and it's those little pebbles, it's like, oh, I don't mind that. That was kind of cool. Well, I don't, I, I don't think people are using anal beads because they're cool. No. People use anal beads because of the sensation. I'm saying, I think because it's a horny thing.

Like it's like, I'm saying this is horny. This is horny on my butt. The sensation of the beads coming out is what they like, I think. I would assume it's the pleasure they get from it because it's like, that's what I'm saying though. Getting like pressed up against their like prostate. When it comes to anal beads, do you think the sensation is on the way in or on the way out?

I think the way out. I would say it's, it's probably, it feels like for people that are into that shit, it's like dope going in because it's like, yo, they're stuffing, they're stuffing the butt. They like to be stuffed. And then it's probably like you hold it. It's like doing reps in a gym. You know what I mean? Like you hold it and then that last one, it's like the relief of when you're done.

No, I think on the way out, it's the dope one where it's like, yeah, but it's relief. It's like when you pee, dude, it feels, relief is fire. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Coming is relief, bro. Coming is a form of relief. Absolutely. There you go. But I gotta assume that it's, you think the way in is cooler than the way out?

I never said cooler. I said, I'm sure they get a lot of pleasure from the way in too. I'm not saying that. I'm saying, which one do you think is doper? You never, you never hear about anal beads on the way in, you only hear about them on the way out. Yeah. It's gotta be hard to funnel this thing in there.

You gotta just kind of pack it in. I assume you gotta go like one by one. How many beads do you think you can fit in your shit? Don't say none because you could definitely warm that fucking hole up and get some in there. What the fuck? What do you, do you know something about me? I don't.

I don't know, but I know that butts open. I mean, what size beads are we going? Oh, I don't know that. Like gum ball or are we talking like gum ball? You just like issued like US issued coins for reference. I don't think I could, I don't think I could put a golf ball on my butt. I'm sure you could put a golf ball on your butt. I'm sure it was like, you know, grit and determination I could.

Yeah. With, you know, that, that, that entrepreneurial spirit you have, you can do anything. I could figure it out. Yeah. Put a team behind me to help me, but I don't, I don't, I don't know. You've created multiple. Gum ball? Well, I could, I could throw a gum ball in there.

Oh, gum ball. Easy. It's like. Lemon heads, whole box. All right. Wow. Boston baked beans. A little smaller.

You could probably go the same. Boston baked beans. I've never had them, but I know what they are. An unlimited amount. I think. Yeah. I mean, you poop more than that a day. Yeah.

Uh, I would say, all right, if we're going dimes, because they're the smallest coin. No, that's easy, buddy. You can go, you can go. How many dimes you think you can go? How many dimes can I fit my ass? Yeah. Bro. But like, it's not, it's not flat.

I'm saying like dime size, spherical shape. Oh, I was like, dimes dude, I could probably fit $27 in my ass. Wow. I could fit it much. For real? It's 270 dimes. Well, they're very dirty. So you could get some sort of.

Oh, yeah. You can't have change in your. Yeah. We've heard of people swallowing nickels and they go blind or something like that. Right. I've never heard of that at all. I definitely have. Uh, so dime size balls.

Let's go. Let's go. I could think I could do a 10. I could do 10. You could do 10. Okay. So you could do 10. I think I can do 10 pennies.

Probably still 10. Isn't that the same size as a dime? No, it's a little bigger. Dimes are the smallest. Dimes make no sense. Nickel. Nickels. A little girthier too.

Yeah. Probably go seven. I would say seven or eight. Yeah. I'd say eight or nine actually. I don't think there's much of a difference. Quarters. I can only do a dollar.

Quarters. You can only go for a buck. Maybe four before you get scared. All right. That would make sense. Okay. That's scared. And also if you get scared with your butt because you have to relax it.

But yeah. If you get scared and it closes. Yeah. Once the portal closes. You may not come back. Well, yeah. Once you leave the upside down, you can't go back. Dollars.

Then there's gold dollars. You'd be shoving Susan B. Anthony up your butt. Yeah. I don't think. I don't know about that. Half dollars. Who's on that? Kennedy.

Half dollar. Yeah. No, I couldn't fit a half dollar in my head. Get the fuck out of here. I think you could, dude. Again, with enough grit. I was going to say, yeah. I mean, look at the amount of apparel you've made.

You can definitely translate that into shoving something half dollar size in your butt. I don't know, man. That's a little fucking scary. But then again, people are getting fisted in their butts. Yeah. Bro, there are people who. I'm sure there's scientifically as possible, but like mentally for me. I have seen human fecal matter that is like basically like this, this big.

That's insane. You could do it, dude. How, how, what do you have to eat for that to happen? I don't know if it's amount that you eat. I think if I'm being honest, do you want me to be honest to you, Joe? Yeah. I want you to be completely honest with me with all of your heart. I think it was like a homeless person who doesn't often eat enough to shit.

Like on a regular basis. So it just, it just gets packed in there. So you think homeless people are shitting bangers? I think so. Is that your like hypothesis is that you think that homeless people don't shit regularly because they don't eat enough. So that means that they shit pipes. I believe so.

That is my theory and I'm sticking to it. Well, I don't know how, how much I agree with that. People that go on like diets and shit are like juice cleansers or something. Well, they don't. They can't be boofing too hard. Yeah. They don't, people that go on juice cleansers don't use the bathroom because they have no food in their stomach.

Well, it's just all pee pee. Yeah. But do they pee pee at the back? About the back? I did a juice cleanse for three days so I can talk about it. He's basically an, I was going to say an Epster. Epstein? Oh no.

Oh my God. No, careful with that one. Don't throw that around. You, I can confirm. You think Epstein was a bad guy? Shall we? I'm just asking. Yes.

Okay. Move forward. Oh my God. I think I'm going to start doing that from now on. Just throwing out easy ones. Yeah. And just see what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Just kind of, do you not know where I stand on most things in the world? Oh, we just got to find out. Oh, oh, you know. Now it's on wax. Now it's on wax. Yeah, it's been printed. Yeah.

I forgot what I was saying. That just threw me for a fucking loop. I tried to say something and I said Epstein. Yeah. That's right. That's right. Don't remember. I don't know.

We were talking about shoving shit in here. Oh, oh, oh, the juice cleanse. Like you pee a lot. Yeah. You pee a lot and that's it. Like you just are always hungry. It was not cool. So no boops?

I don't remember any boop. Maybe like the first day, it's like cleaning out what you got in there. But then that second day, third day and onward, I don't think you're doing much, much of booping. I would like to try a juice cleanse. I've never done one, but you should. It's honestly, I think it's just like a lot of sugar though. Am I crazy? Yeah, it is because it's all fruit, but you could also do lower fruit juice cleanses

like fucking vegetables and shit like that. Like that. Oh, dude, I did one that was so good. It was beets, red cabbage, carrot and ginger. Fucking awesome. Frank, listen, it's not delicious. No, it's like doable. No, I tasted good.

Bro, beets are not like a tasty thing. They're earthy. They're earthy and cabbage is a little spicy and so is ginger. That's why I liked it because it was a little spice. But carrots are sweet. Like to the taste, they're naturally sweet. Not really. Carrots?

Yes, dude. I have a juice in my fucking apartment right now. It's just straight up, it's carrots, ginger and turmeric. Yeah, ginger and turmeric are super fucking spicy, dude. I'm just saying though, but it's carrot-y as shit. What? It's mad carrots. There's like 36 carrots in this thing.

Okay, what's your point? Do you know how strong... It's like dominated by the carrots. Bro, do you know how strong turmeric and ginger are? You can use... You can have 36 carrots and you have this much fucking turmeric and it'll turn your... Like, it's insane.

May I ask you another question? Ask me another one. Go ahead. A bug's bunny carrot. With the leaves? That's pretty fire. Can you... No, can you fit that in your ass?

Up to the leaves so that you have a little green tail. How... that's long, dude. It really depends where you buy them. That's long. I mean, you can obviously get... If you go upstate and do that, no way, because they have big carrots up there. They got big-ass carrots up there.

Yeah. But like, you go to like a... You know, like a Whole Foods where those organic carrots are a little shorter and smaller. Yeah, yeah. You know, when they're more, you know, akin to you than me. Also, the carrots, when you really think about it,

that's the most butt-worthy fruit there is. Because they start out small and then get bigger. Yeah. Which is exactly what you want. They absolutely do. Not that I know. I've just... I've done some reading.

I'm sure reading is what you've done. I've done it. I've done it. I'm reading with your hands. They are made to be shoved into something, whether it be a butt, a mouth, or anything else. Mm-hmm. A vagina.

A vagina, for sure. They are scientifically engineered to work. Well, that's just the way the world works. Not scientifically. I would say that they... Look at the way that they are created. By Earth. Yeah.

High altitude, low opening. You know what I'm saying? You ever think about this? No. Maybe the Earth is God. Because the Earth, right, according to science... Yes. The Earth creates shit and shit and stuff.

Yeah. Creates everything, right? It grows. It does this. Environments, this and that. Whatever the fuck. Environments. O-zones and shit.

Weather. Yeah. Weathers. Weathers, fruits, o-zones. The three things that Earth makes. Resources and shit. Yeah. Yeah.

So, if God created, you know, whatever... Maybe God is the Earth. Okay. And you're throwing fucking litter on God's face. I'm not littering, bitch. You're littering. I don't litter. You definitely litter.

When do I litter? You told me the other day. You were like, yo, fuck littering. I love it. Frankie, I'd never said that to you. You did, dude. I did. I don't litter.

I don't. Okay. That's a good point. Maybe the Earth is God. Maybe the Earth is God. I mean, there are certain, like, ideologies that believe that Gaia, which is Mother Earth, is a real, like... Gaia.

Yeah. G-A-I-A. You've never heard of Gaia? I've seen a porno once with a woman named Gaia. I'm sure you have. Was she painted like the Earth? Was she painted like the Earth? Yeah, I would assume it.

If they're gonna put someone named Gaia in a porno, they're gonna make her Mother Earth and they're gonna have Mother Nature. Fuck us. No, but similar to the Earth, she was mostly water. Jesus Christ. Listen, I come on here and I tell the truth. What are you coming here for? Yeah, what are you coming here for?

What are you coming here for? Besides the truth. The truth. That's a good point. Yeah. How do you feel on God? You believe in God? Whoa, dude.

What? You can't ask someone that. You... What? You just asked me if I thought... Epstein was a bad guy. Yeah, and I answered with a resounding yes. Yeah.

Yes. And I'm asking you a simple, like, you believe in God. Um, I don't... It depends. I feel like that word is kind of... Have been jumbled and bumbled. It's been hijacked. I don't know that I believe in God in the way that a woman in her...

Whoa, dude. You don't believe in God? Like, women? Holy shit. I was going to say, like, a woman in her 80s probably believes in God. Women in their 80s? Well, because they're about to... They need to, like, repent.

They need it. Like, people get super religious toward the end of their life because they know who they're going to be talking to in a couple weeks, you know? No, I don't know. I honestly... Selfishly, I think I'm just not going to think about it until I have to. Yeah. That's how I think sometimes, too.

Yeah, whatever. I'm like, right now I don't believe in God, but if he apologizes... If I apologize and he's cool with it, I'll talk to him down the road. It's kind of like how I believe... Like, with my belief in ghosts, where it's like, I'm not going to say no. Just in case they... Because they don't want to upset them. Yeah, I don't want to, you know.

So, well... I'm trying to poke the bear. What were you saying the other day about stupid religions and stuff like that? I wasn't. Yeah, I think you were. Absolutely. I think you're always trying to set me up on the show. I absolutely am.

And one day I'll get you, you son of a bitch. Yeah. Do you have a favorite dictator? Technically, you do have to have a favorite. Well, I would say... Because they're all bad. They're all bad. But one is your favorite.

But no, I have... They're all tied for least favorite. But one of them stands above the rest. No, no, no, no, no. Frankie, which dictator do you hate the least? Well, I... So that would be your favorite. That's interesting that you brought this up, because you were recently telling me the

question that you most feel connected to. I never said anything like that. You did say that. Don't try to flip this on me. I can't flip anything that is already... Well, who's your favorite dictator? I don't have a favorite dictator, Joey. Oh, man.

Honestly, right now, you... Fucking Joseph Patrick Michael Quinlan Sanagato. Let me ask you a question. Never mind. Okay, what? No, I had notes, but it's on a different computer. Notes? Yeah.

Just a random man. I wanted to see what your opinion on him. No, go ahead. Now... I don't have them on me. So you don't remember this person's name? I remember their name, but that's not the point. The point is I was gonna have some facts about a person.

I wanted to see how you feel about them. Okay, this is a setup, and I know exactly what you're trying to do. I'm not setting you up. You're definitely setting me up. I don't have anything. I can't say to you if I don't have the thing. Well, no, when you do have the thing, you will be setting me up. I will be 100% setting you up.

You're a little butt hurt because I made fun of your trucker hat. Because this isn't 2006 Von Dutch, Joey. You're not bringing trucker hats back. I don't give a fuck. No one's trying to bring anything back? You're trying to bring it back, dude. Hair flip, bangs, trucker hats. That's the three things you've tried to bring back most recently.

And I'm not fucking here for it. Yeah, you think I wouldn't notice in your videos you got bangs now, Joe? No, sometimes I do. Male bangs are not cool. I don't have bangs. I just sometimes my hair gets a little long before I go, and then my hair naturally curls. So why is the rest of your hair perfectly faded? I just got a haircut.

Got them, ladies and gentlemen. I just got a haircut. I got you. Yeah. So why didn't they work on your fucking bangs, Alanis? Alanis. More set. She had bangs, right?

I don't think so. Wrong one. Swing and a miss. Fine. You've done a methodical job at jumping around your favorite dictator. I know. We will find out who it is. No, don't you dare, because I know what you're about to do.

Don't you fucking dare. Who's your favorite billionaire? Honestly? Yeah. LeBron James. Work your way around that, you stupid bitch. Good fucking answer. Work your way around that.

He's a new billionaire. He is a brand new billionaire. Mark Cuban ain't doing such bad things right now. He's trying to do some health care stuff, right? No, dude. He was just in the news. Oh, what did he do? Fuck.

Did you even hear about this? No. Fuck. Bro, you didn't hear about it? I think mad racist is like stat. Stop. You didn't read that. No.

Is that why you have that big poster of him out there? No. I also just made that up. Oh, good. Oh, man. Honestly, though, he's white, so it tracks. Well, it could happen. Well, Cuban.

Is he? I don't think that's how you get your last name. You're not Frankie Spanish. Well, I'm sure people would come to the US, and the US would just bastardize their last name and give them names for whatever. So I wouldn't be surprised if his ancestors came, and they're like, where are you from? They're like Cuba, and you're like, all right, you're Patrick Cuban. Mark Cuban, ethnicity.

It's got to be like fucking Czech. He's got a big face like a Spanish. He's a Romanian Jew, I think. Russian? What? I've been saying a lot right now. He's a Jew working class. Well, that's not true.

Well, his parents, he's not really working anymore. Well, he is still working. He's on Shark Tank. Well, you know, not the class. Yeah, he's a Romanian Jew, I think. Wow, weird. He's from Pittsburgh. Okay.

How did he end up in Dallas? Bought the team. Oh. That'll do it. I don't know. I don't know, Joey. I know. Speaking before about butt plugs and butt beads,

banal beads, that's what they're called. Anal beads. There was a story that recently came out about one Kim Kardashian. Who's that? She is a... I know who she is. Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure.

I know, you have. You watch that video all the time. Pete Davidson's girlfriend? Oh, fuck you. No, Pete Davidson's her boyfriend. Don't you dare disrespect her like that. Wow! Man, misogynist right here.

No, but I'm actually, you know me. I'm a big Kim fan. You are a big Kim fan? I'm a Kim... Kim? I'm a soldier? What are they? I always argue with people about Kim Kardashian.

Yeah. I used to be the other side of the coin where I was just like, this fucking, what is she doing? We're talent. We're skimpy outfits. I love when people talk about talent. It's like, guys, what are we doing? Welcome to the internet age.

There's people who go online and make millions of dollars just filming themselves walking around San Francisco. Talent. There's people that go online and get their asshole waxed for the world to see. Yeah. And scream into cameras about anal beads. Yeah.

No talent. Come on, guys. You know? Talent's gone. I used to be the other end of that coin. I really did. I used to be the other side of it where I was just like, she's so fucking who is she?

You know? The whole family has no talent. No talent, you know? But I've come back around. I respect Kim Kardashian. Yeah, I respect the fuck out of her. Because she's famous for sucking a cock. It's like, bro, you all suck cock.

You know what's got to fucking that much money? Bro, if I got... Good. Talk about cock. All I'm going to say is that if there were certain things that made me as famous and rich as her, sign me up right now. A cock?

I'm not saying a cock. I'm just saying, like, you know, you're going to tell me you wouldn't take a billion dollars and all you got to do is just do one blum. Whew. Without question. That's it? A billion dollars, bro?

Stupid. That's insane. Also, if I know that if I had to... If I had to suck wean to have a billion dollars, I would not spend a billion dollars, like, responsibly. Oh, because I would just do it again. Well, because it was just like, now I have to, like, really go hard because I had to, you know,

really, for me, suffer for this money. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because it would make no mistake. It would be a suffering. It would be suffering. You would be doing it begrudgingly. That is correct.

Yeah. But if you, like, earn it slowly, then, like, you can invest your money and stuff. But, like, if I got to, like, slam a card. That's no brainer. But she came out and said, if it meant keeping herself looking younger, she would eat poop.

Right. She did say... I actually have it pulled up right here. She said, I'll try anything. That's how it started. That's a heavy start. So she's been peed on. Because that's not nothing.

That is something. And she would try it. I mean, I guess so. We don't know too much more of her sex life outside of that one video. So I guess anything... You're familiar with the video? I'm not, actually.

I'm pretty familiar. I bet you are. Gaya wasn't in that video. Joey has the link tattoo on his leg, just in case he ever forgets about it. Right behind my knee. She said, I'll try anything. If you tell me that I literally had to eat poop

every single day and I would look younger, I might. I just might. That's heavy, dude. It's kind of bizarre. I gotta say, I... She does look super young, though. She, you know, takes good care of herself.

I don't know if... I think that's where I would draw the line. Bro, eating shit? Shit's a toughie. I'm sure... Maybe if I threw it into like a... like a smoothie. If it was...

I'll tell you this. If it was like a smoothie that was like in a bowl in the size of the fucking... metal lands, I'll eat shit all day. I don't know about that. But I'm saying, like, if you throw, like, one turd into, like, something,

you dilute it. Nah, like, you wouldn't eat this much shit. A ball of shit. Yeah, but it gets blended into your smoothie. I just put, like, bananas in there. But bananas and peanut butter, I guarantee you won't taste it as shade. Actually, I don't know.

But I would know it's in there, dude. That's the issue. Right. I would know it's in there. I'm starting to get fucking... Ugh. There's some stuff that I don't like eating, but when I put it in a smoothie

and just blend it up, I don't know it's... I can't really taste it. Famous story about me. Mustard. Hate it. But there are things I've had that have mustard in it,

and I don't realize it. Yo, by the way, I've always been on your side with the mustard shit. Thank you. Which I still am. I appreciate that. But, yo, honey mustard's fucking amazing.

Nah, fuck it. Fuck it all, dude. Honey mustard's really good. Mustard legitimately tastes like throw up. Like, you know when you burp and you burp a little bile? Yeah. That's what mustard tastes like.

And it does. You can't convince me otherwise. People just like that taste because they're fucking freaks. Yeller mustard is fucking disgusting. And it's been bastardized to the point that it's like, this doesn't look healthy or normal.

Like, I can understand, like, people like, like, gray poop. If you have the poop. The gray poop on. The poop. I get that. Because that's like a higher, and you know,

and then they have like whole grain mustard where it looks like, you know, deer poop, basically. Oh, there's like red beads in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like yellow mustard. I'll dunk a pretzel under that. No, thank you.

I'll dunk a pretzel under that. No, thank you. But would you, if it meant that you would look like this, bangs and all for the rest of your life, were you eating poop? Uh, I would probably, I would try it.

Really? I wouldn't eat just like a shit. Well, I mean, I assume you're, you know, if that is the secret to keeping you looking young, you're gonna have to eat a lot of it. What? No.

No, no, no. Shit. No, it depends. It depends. If it was like, bro. If it was in moderation, like, yo, he's like, you know, you eat like this much poop twice a week.

Twice a week, dude? Dude, too smoothies. Bang, bang. Oh my goodness. Bro, to keep looking hot. If it was like every pound of poop you eat, you live an extra 10 years. Yeah, dude.

I would at least get one pound. I would do one a year, dude. What do you want to live? Wait, what? I'm saying I would do like a pound of poop. A year. If like that's the- You would do a pound of poop?

If that's the carbon date on it, like if that's how long it'll fucking the shelf life. Yeah. It'll keep you alive for an extra 10 years, a pound of poop. How often are you doing it? I'm saying like once every two years, maybe every year.

Yeah, I'm not, I was saying I would only do it once. I would add like another 10 years to my life, and that would be it. I don't want to be 100 years. But what if you were gonna die tomorrow? And then you just- I'll tell you this right now.

I'd eat a lot of shit. Right? That's a lot of poop. At least six pounds. Another six years I got in me. Yo, six pounds of shit is ridiculous. I- I'm trying to visualize what six pounds of something is.

How much- You ever see Jurassic Park? Dude, that's a little more than six pounds. Yeah. What the fuck are we talking about? Kim Kred, Ejanine, boom. Yeah, I don't know about this. All I know is that Liquid IV-

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and the code is BASEMENT. Next year we have Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix will keep you looking fresh and nice. Basically like hiring your own stylist. You go on their site, you fill out their style quiz, and you put in your height and your weight, and what kind of fit you enjoy. Some people like a slim fit.

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we do have an interesting story that I wanted to talk to you about. And before you get to that story, I do want to remind the folks out there, the good friends over at patreon.com slash the basement yard. Who are those good friends? It's me and Joey.

We're good friends of you. You're good friends of us. patreon.com slash the basement yard. Sign up. Joey's going to be doing something at 12K. We're kind of readjusting, figuring out exactly what we're going to be doing. But something humiliating, painful,

quite possibly life-threatening, if not life-ending. So make sure you check it out at patreon.com slash the basement yard. We appreciate all of our friends at the patreon. And what do you get for being patrons? Not only do you get to support this beautiful face, shaved face, you know, something going on,

but you also get to support us, the show, okay? That first tier, you get these weekly episodes a week in advance. So when you go on YouTube and you see, oh, I just hit the fist under the table, which is another part of this. But those weekly episodes, you get every single week.

Well, you can get them a week earlier with that first tier. And then that second tier, guess what? You know how I came out of the drawer, that little rubber fist? Well, guess what? Those are Patreon-exclusive episodes that are a little saucy, a little dangerous that get released every single Friday.

So you can start and end your week with the basement yard. Go check it out right now. patreon.com slash the basement yard. We're continuing to break records. We love and appreciate everyone that has gotten us this far. And, you know, hopefully we'll keep getting farther and keep breaking records. I've started doing a new baby talk thing to my daughter.

You started who? Doing a new baby talk thing to my daughter. Go ahead. Where she'll do something. I'll be like, you're crazy. You'll say what? I'll be like, I'll just like get like deep like that. So like she'll do something.

I'll be like, she's a big time. You'll see when you have kids. Yeah. For some reason that one bothers me more than any of them. Really? Yeah, I don't know why. Even like what I would do like this one. Like she's a big time baby.

That one I like. Okay. So if I talk to you. Like a mysterious lisp. Like a detective, like not really sure. A rejected detective from the 20s. Let me tell you something. Something is going on right now.

Something's off. There is three big time Earth in this room. But the other one I hate. You don't like the other one? No, I don't. So I'll be like, you're crazy. I hate that. Damn.

That's upsetting. I feel like everyone knows a kid who used to sound like that when they were younger. Oh yeah, absolutely. They want to be like, mom. Yeah, and you're like. They're taking my clothes. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, you sound 40.

What the fuck is that? Taking my clothes. They're taking my clothes. What's going on with this kid? I wanted to talk about a love story that I found in the news. We all love a love story. We all love a little love. I love love.

You love love. You love love. You love. The devil hates love. That's right. The devil does not love love. He does not stand for it. He, huh?

You're not a feminist, Joe. You don't believe the devil could be a woman? I think that would be misogynist to say that the devil would be a woman. I almost got him, folks. Yeah, you're trying. So I found the story of a man in a relationship, sex life, their words, super special, and it's important. It's an Arkansas man.

Okay. Arkansas. Yeah. And his name is Nathaniel because obviously, well, he's from Arkansas. Arkansas. Nathaniel. Yeah, three names of him when you live in Arkansas. Nathaniel.

Yeah. Billy. And Bob. And he's in, he's in a relationship with his car. A 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo. Wait, what? I'm not familiar. Oh, he's, he's car.

Oh, he's like the, like the woman that has sex with a roller coaster. Yes. Gotcha. I'm going to look it up. 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo. I feel like there's Chevy Monte Carlo. This is not a nice car. Really?

I'm trying to think Chevy's are fine. You know what's sexy Chevy? A cobalt. Bro, that's where you're attracted to dude. That's the wackest car. That is the worst car I've ever seen. I'm not saying I wouldn't fuck a car. I'm saying I wouldn't fuck this car.

What kind of cars you fucking? Like, like some like sporty looking thing. Some sexy, right? Yeah. Yeah. Something where the headlights like. Oh, I think those are like Mazdas. Those are not very sexy.

Well, no, there's like old Ferrari. Does that do that? Really? Yeah. It's like a 1990 Ferrari. Yeah. You fucking it? Yeah.

That one's wack though. That looks like the first vibrator you ever get. Yes. Yes. White and plain. It's like off white. And it's like, you know what I'm saying? It's just wack.

Yeah. Hey, listen, for vibrator manufacturers out there, whites have had color for those. Why? We can agree, right? For, for a, for a vibra be for like a little bullet. Yeah. Like a bullet. A bullet, I think?

Like a 50 cal. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Why is it, why is white a bad color? I mean, white is a very, it's very susceptible to the elements. It can change color fairly quickly. So you're saying.

Maybe something a little different color. Yeah. You know, you don't know. Like if that, you put it in white, it comes out beige, then you got some trouble. Well, that could help you. I know you're an entrepreneur. I just thought of this. A vibrator that detects UTIs, STDs, baby shit.

Well, pregnancies. Yeah. That's what I meant. Bro, but they don't pee out the vagina hole. They pee out the pee-pee hole. Bro, there's piss around. There's piss all over that place. Come on.

Dude, there's piss on the walls. Let's make it, let's make it work. Yeah. I don't know. That's a good idea though. You know how they made those, what's it called? The nail polish for women to dip into drinks is tested. If there's any drugs in them, it could be like that, but with like health.

Yeah. What? You never heard about that? That's actually a good idea. Yeah. It's a nail polish that you could dip into alcohol or drinks, then it can detect ruffling or whatever, you know. Bro, what is psychotic?

Drugs are out there. I can't even like, it's hard for me to even believe that one person has done that. It's crazy. Yeah. A lot of people have done that. And then they made a rap song about it. Right. Gross.

Yeah. But so this guy is going to Bonetown. Yeah. He's 37. He revealed he was in a sexual relationship with his, oh, it's red. That does change something. That does change a little bit. That's a Jessica Rabbit.

Yeah. Yeah, it does. Back in 2012, he was featured on fucking My Strange Addiction. Okay. Good for him. And he did say, oh wait. Oh shit. This is gay.

This is gay shit. This is gay car shit. Oh, he's gay for his car? That's a guy car? Yeah. He gendered his car as male. That's pretty cool. He's car gay.

But I wonder if he's human straight. Could you be car gay and human straight? That's it. I mean, I assume you can identify. You guys thought there was too many pronouns. Wait until you get to the mechanics. Wait until you get to the car shop. But he did say, I like to lean over his fender, his, you know what I'm saying?

Oh. Did I say his name is Chase, the car? That makes sense. It's a very car name. That's my dead dog's name. That is correct. Your dog is dead. Yeah.

I like to lean over his fender and across his hood and kind of press up against him. Nathaniel said of how he engages in intercourse with his vehicle, which he has gendered as male and affectionately named Chase. Chase is, that's a good sexy car name. Fuck yeah. That's a fucking dad and like. Lightning. Like bolt.

Yeah. I don't know why I was like, wow, that's weird. Dude, we might be like. I thought lightning McQueen from cars. Oh, maybe that's why I thought that too. One of the more bold positions is for me to be underneath him. That's dangerous, dude. Getting under there like a fucking mechanic trying to fix the transmissions up top.

Yeah, I don't even know. What's underneath? I don't even know. Pipes. Is he driving this car? Does he get off when driving it? Because it's like a power thing where he's like, I'm going to turn your fucking wheel. Ooh, I'm going to put you in park and then you're going to put me in fucking doggy.

Yeah, I don't know. He said the driver additionally revealed that he frequently masturbates while standing next to the park car. How do you, I would get in the back seat and slam it. Yeah, I would. Because that's it got to be. Come in that car. Dude, not in that car.

Blow fucking loads in it. You know, show him a car cream pie. Dude, come in the glove box. Now we're talking about. Come in the tailpipe, bro. That's some dirty shit. That's the asshole of the car. That's definitely the ass.

But the glove box is a vagina. I would assume that's more of the mouth. Oh, maybe that is the mouth. Maybe that's the console. Because the glove box. Yeah, yeah. And then you shove it. Wait, what?

That's a glove box. You can shove your wiener in it. Yeah. You're talking, you put all your papers and stuff, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you can like. And then the console. Maybe that's the vagina.

The face. Like you could sit on a face and you sit on like that center console. Like the nose. Oh, no, that's it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the nose. What are you talking about? Head, this rear view mirrors are or side view mirrors, obviously ears.

You know, you would, you know, you would have someone suck on them. Remember, you were telling us how you'd have your mom suck on your earlobes, you freak. Yeah, I wish I could refute that, but that's a true statement. I did, I did have that. But I was young, bro. You making it seem like I was fucking 15. All right. 13.

Whatever. No, I was younger than that. What car do you think would get you there? And like, let's, let's do a car that you would date. This guy is in a relationship with his car. Yeah, that's cute. I hope committed. Yeah, yeah.

He's admitted. And then what car would you would be like your fuck, your fuck buddy? Your vehicle, your vehicle with benefits. Probably like a, like a, probably like one of those really expensive exotic cars. But you would never date one of those. I mean, like that's like a, those cars are all taken by the billionaires, Joe. Yeah. You know, that's the thing is those cars are all, they're just spending the time on

Ocean Ave in Miami. I got the answer. Okay. Honestly, the answer might be, as weird as the sound, the Range Rover, because you've got to figure it. For a date or for sex? For just sex. Just sex.

Yeah. Because I feel like if you have a Range Rover, then you're like, you could be a fucking asshole. Yeah. Because you come home with a Range Rover, your parents could be like, what, how did you, what is it? Just like, you know, you know, but then you want to come home with something you're going to marry that the parents are going to like.

Yeah. So Range Rover, you're like, oh, it was dope. Oh my God. It was the best eight months of my life. Exactly. You know, but I'm not going to keep. Yeah. And then you meet a nice Ford Escape.

Yeah. Well, okay. You meet a really nice cute, maybe a BMW. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. Like a white BMW. You want to order a German bride?

Yeah. Okay. You meet a nice BMW and the parents bring it home and like it shows off. You know, it has, you know, it has a credit. I would love a Ferrari. It's an accredited vehicle. I would love a Ferrari. Yeah.

But you know, Ferraris are not good enough for a Ferrari. A Ferrari is a hard to come by because a lot of Ferraris sometimes are there just for the money. You know, they're good to look at. They're good to look at. You know, but like Jennifer Lopez, Ferrari. What's under the hood? Not a whole lot.

We don't know. But then you get like a BMW, which is a car that you can bring home to your parents, you know, went to school as a good paying job. And it's solid. And like it's not cheap. It's a beautiful car and you can see it being a responsible partner. Yes. And it's not cheap, but it's also not super expensive.

It knows what it wants. It's in that little like. It's in that little area. Yeah. Like an upper little. Like the BMW is like I'll order lobster, but like you need to pay for it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You know, it's not it's not something that you can live on my own, but I don't have a balcony. Okay. Yeah, exactly. Yes. Yeah. I'm right there with you on that one. But you know, I would say what are you going for?

Oh, that's tough. I mean, the the the horror car. Let's see. Boy, that's tough. I mean, I think I'm a really good guy. Yeah. So I think like, you know, like a mess around car, I would, I would say like, you know, I would say like, like a, I would say a BMW too, you know, because I think that's my

limit. Like I think, you know, but then I would meet the love of my life, you know, is like a, you know, a Denali just like responsible. Well, that's a big. Well, you know, every every car needs a little love. A Denali, you know, a Denali or or something like a Nissan Altima. I'm very, I fell in love with my Nissan Altima. Like a Maxima.

It's a reliable car that I can trust with my life. And I know that if I were to, you know, build a home, that Nissan Altima would be there. It's not going to leave you for another drive. It wouldn't. It's responsible. And it knows that I would never do anything to hurt it either. Right. You know, but yeah, it's, it's everyone knows their, their type and this guy's type is a

Monte Carlo. This guy gets it. And honestly, I'm starting to fucking get it too. Yeah. What color are your cars? The, the, the range, the range Rover. Well, the range Rover is hard because whenever you think of like an exotic, like, you know, like one night stand kind of car, I always think of like red.

Ooh, just like exotic. Just wear it like coming up with like red. Maybe you got to have a red pumps range with red interior. That's slutty. You would, I think, I think you'd want pink interior. Well, yeah. They don't make pink interior. Oh, they'll make it if you ask.

It might. Yeah. And then what about the one you're bringing home? Like mom, dad, this is, it's just a regular, I think it's just a regular BMW like stock. You know what I'm saying? You can't change people. That's right. You can't customize the love of your life.

That's right. That's right. And you shouldn't, because you're the type that would bring it home and be like, I'm getting all this work done on this BMW because it needs to match what I like in people. I would be like, that is a beautiful BMW. I love that BMW for what it is. For what it is. For what it is.

Right. And I wouldn't try to change anything about it. But if that BMW chose that, hey, I need some new rims. Oh, I need, I need some, you know, I need a fender. Hey, man. Yeah. It happens. I support you.

Not my personal preference, but I support your, your, your autonomy. Right. You know, M six. But, uh, and what, what are the, what's the color of the, the one you're bringing home? Hmm. Probably white or black. Yeah. Knowing your preference, you'd probably stick with white.

Yes, I got them. I was trying so hard not to let you do that. I know what I did. I would, I, I, I'm with you there. White or black. Yeah. Cause those are like the stamp. I don't really like gray.

Great. But like I do like a dark gray, like I almost, you know, like it's like a Heather or charcoal. Okay. But like a silver, I got my silver car now. It's forgettable. Yeah. It's a car. Yeah.

Or like you can do something wild. Like, you know, cars nowadays love to be painted blue with nose rings and you know, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. They got armpit hair and stuff. What do you think you'd be the, you'd think you'd be the type to, uh, you think you'd be the type to have multiple cars? I would only have multiple cars if I had somewhere to put them.

So if I had like a summer house, I would put a different car. Keep one car up there. It doesn't interact with the other car. Right. Like an NBA player. Yeah. Keep one. Keep one.

They don't, they don't talk. They don't even know of each other. Really? But you drive one during the week, you go away on business and you go see the one on the weekend. Yeah. That's okay. And that one's fun too.

And then every now and then when you go on like a nice little vacation, you rent a car. I know that's what you're into. That's hilarious. Oh my God. That is fun. This is one of our better bits. I gotta say.

I can't believe it's still going. Like, and it makes sense. It does. It absolutely makes sense. It really does make sense when you think about these cars. Like it really does make sense. Yes. Because you're young, you're single, and like you're like, yo, I want to fucking, oh,

I can afford, I can afford a wild car. I'm going to do it. And I'm going to have a blast doing it. I'm going to talk about like, like, just like a, like a, like a 19 year old. 19 year old that buys a fuck that takes a crypto billionaire. 19 year old that buys. He's going to, he's going to have a lot of Ferraris around him. Yes.

Exactly. He won't know what to do. They're all going to let him down. Exactly. And they're only there for the money. And he won't know what to do with them. Exactly. He won't know how to drive them.

And you can't drive all of them. He won't drive them at all. And eventually they're going to break down and leave you and you're going to have to sell them. The cars that you treat like shit because you don't know how to drive. Right. You don't know how to get to them. You know,

Exactly. They go to the people that know how to drive. The professional drivers. Catch what I'm saying. Okay. Yeah. And what are like, Because it's not about the person, it's not about the person in the car.

It's about how they're driving. Catch my drift. The motion of the, Not the size. It's not the size of the pedal. It's the motion of the fucking V6. The gearbox or something. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think we can get to Shopify. Shopify gives entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big businesses. So startups and established businesses alike can sell everywhere, synchronize online and in person sales and effortlessly stay informed. If you're scaling your business or you're on that sort of thing, you're doing Ecom, definitely check out Spotify,

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Okay. What else do I have written down here? Oh! Fuckin' what's her name, who was on our show. Steph, she was shitting, and what was she doing?

Selling farting. Yeah, she was farting. She was selling farting. She was selling farting and jarring the farting. She was jarring farting and selling. Jarring farting, making money.

Yes. But now she has... Oh, I saw this! She has diversified and she has progressed. Real entrepreneurial spirit out of this go. If you guys didn't see that episode, go back and watch it.

Selling her farts has moved on now. Has moved on to selling her boob sweat, jars of her boob sweat. All you need is bottles, sun, cha-chas, or cha-cha-bingos, which are titties, and sit out like a maple tree for hours.

What? Where did you come up with cha-cha-bingos and sitting out like a maple tree? Well, the maple tree thing is in here. Oh, that's in the report? Cha-cha-bingos. Those are titties. What are their cha-chas,

cha-cha-bingos, bing-bongs? Hammers. Hammers. Thangs. Thangs. You remember you've used things. What else?

Boomers. Bangers. Well, titties. Yeah. Boomers. Boomers. Boomers. Boomers.

Boomers. Boomers. Poock-chops. Poock-chops. Bags. You've used bags. Full bags. Baggage.

Is that what you mean when you always tell me better when you know that has baggage? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, she makes thousands of dollars a day selling her jars

of her boob sweat. Back at it, huh. Yup, and she actually said something very interesting here. Each bottle of boob sweat costs $500, dude. And that...

I mean, I assume how much is she fill in his bottles with are they like little vials? Yeah, they're like vials Oh, you think there are freaks out there that are all God I would do that with that in a smoothie To live longer. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah drinking sweats easy drinking sweat is not bad at all, but it always reminds me that thing from jackass 3 You don't remember. I'm legitimately crying. Yeah, why cuz that's fucking gross. Which part? Stop. No, I'm serious the drinking sweat. Oh, yeah, that's not great Where Preston Lacey is on an elliptical and he's wearing a plastic suit

Oh, yeah, and then they squeeze the sweat out and drink it. Yeah. Oh my god. That's so bad Be a plus $500 and within a week of starting the venture. She has sold more than 50 jars 50 jars in a week Within a week of starting the venture $500 50 jars 500 times 50 is 25,000 Yep Is it yeah, look at that look at me. You have to clean on your taxes. How do you yes? You have to clean that on your tax. You make money. Uncle Sam wants some of it. Yeah, but it's my shit

Doesn't matter you figure that's capitalism, baby You figured out a way to make money you gotta give back to the people the government owns her sweat The government technically owns her and her sweat Government owns all of us. She said I like to call myself the human maple tree and boob sweat is my sap I Sit there and collect my sap the same way a maple tree does Does she do like how remember she previously did with the that she would wipe her butt and the farts with a Rose petal and then she'd shove it in a jar right and then sell it right Good for her man. This girl is she's making moves apparently she's cake and she is figuring out how to just profit off of

Whatever her body is Secrets she does have some bingos Okay, good for you for me. I mean I guess good for her for good for them for the people We'll go for the people also good for her because I think if you have smaller bing bongs I don't think this sweat has anything to do with the the banana sandwiches. I think it's all about If you have full bags, it generates more sweat, but I don't think anyone's gonna Look at me like this is big boob sweat. This is little boob sweat saying it's just easier to generate. Oh, yeah But I could also I can generate probably just as much sweat as her if not definitely more dude

Yeah, I sweat like fucking hell. I can start swelling my fucking bonch sweat and boom boom boom Yeah, we'll be making a couple hundred bucks a day for real. Can you imagine? Yo, how much would it take you to smell my bonch right now? How what do you mean smell it like I got to put my nose against your fucking you shove your hand in my bonch and take it out And smell it Oh, I'll put my hand in my own bonch and you smell my fingers. Oh, not a lot Say like a swift handshake and a hug is that money? Valuable to me damn it and a hug and a hug. Yeah, I'm really selling it

Sometimes it can vary how long it takes to fill up a jar as it depends on several scientific factors Okay, you're really milking this. Well, she's milking herself. This is This is smart because remember with the farting She she her diet cost her to go to the hospital. Yeah, I do adjust now That they're died now all she has to do is just drink water stay hydrated As she said so on several scientific factors mainly the heat movement and how hydrated I am Oh, it's not really several scientific. So this girl figured out because I remember during our conversation She said that people were telling her to like

Remember she was saying someone was telling her to like run on a treadmill for them or some shit like that Oh, yeah, so like she was just like, all right, you you'll fucking buy my sweat. I'm calling you out And listen, there's some girls out there. They got some sweaty fucking boobies I don't think it has to do with the boobs as much as it just has to do with this sweat Of course, but I'm saying if you have Big sweaty bags Okay, it's easier to fill up shit Some people don't sweat even if they have big bags

I really don't sweat from I sweat from literally nothing my like nether regions outward I don't sweat I sweat all of my sweat is you know where the Kraken lives My armpits barely sweat my head pores. There was a time where I was on steroids medically on steroids Make sure I make that clear And I would literally be dripping sweat from my armpits just just like sitting in a room like this I remember feeling and looking and seeing the drip coming off of my arms Yeah, it was not always makes you sweat. Well, it just enhances everything. It was

Prednisone. Was there anything cool that it was a hands? No, but I was told I couldn't drink so opposite of cool Yeah, what what else was that supposed to do at 15? I'm kidding. I was like 21 when I had to take them. When do we start drinking? I Always tell people that we started drinking late, which I think is true. Nope Well, what are you drinking a little before me? What do you consider late? like 17 Definitely not Joey. Absolutely not. I was 14

Yeah, but I wasn't drinking when you like went to your I would go hang out with my sister at the wall Your sister went to the same school. Yeah, and I would drink there Yeah, but I wasn't drinking back then. Yeah, but we had gotten drunk together You weren't drinking consistently, but like one time we had gotten drunk together in like 2006. What was that birthday party? Which one Dom's the day after I got my concussion in 2007. How old was that? We were you were 15. I was 14. I Remember that I remember that specifically being like this is the first time I'm drinking beer No, because we had gotten drunk on New Year's prior to that me and you remember when you took your shirt off swung

And the glass fell and cut my sister's foot What you don't hold on no, this is a legend. I That wasn't me. Yeah. Oh, yeah We stole Mike's hard and Corona's There may have been some thievery and we were drinking in the basement and we had like three each maybe and You as the ball dropped took off your shirt swung it around like this

Well, not to shame paint a champagne glass out of my sister's hand. It fell. She stepped on it cut her foot, right? That was you Well, I mean We weren't drinking like every weekend But there was a time where we started doing. Oh, yeah, it was I would say consistently I was at your house like every weekend 16 17 Really? Yeah, because 16 was when I had that big my 16th birthday party at the lake house Where you were awesome and picked up a beer can like this. Yeah for a picture

Yeah, I was okay. So that was that was your 16th birthday. That was my 16th birthday the summer 2008 So maybe I just I've been lying to myself You have been lying to yourself quite a bit and then I guess it just felt like because I felt like kids in our neighborhood Would drink earlier than us. No, a lot of the kids that we knew that we're drinking earlier were older like Fucking, you know, like like like John Hickey and Jeff and them They were like two three years older, but we were like drinking at like 15 Definitely me at 14 you at like 15 16, bro, and I was 16. I was going out to bars and pretending to be 21

Yeah, you were not because you could not pass for 21. No, I was a little Skimpy boy and to be honest, I shouldn't have passed for 21, but I did and it was wrong miles and Ruby If you're watching Your daughter's one She has no idea what's going on yet All right, I'm trying to remember like what other times we had drank before Dom's birthday I That was the first time I ever had beer I think I'm serious because I know I'm telling you you're wrong But I'm pretty sure I was 15 though. That was 15 when that happened

No, I could be right if it was New Year's you were 14 No, so yeah, but we had mics hard. I'm saying this is the first time I had beer and we had coronas too Because you were drunk taking your shirt off and swinging it around I was not blackout drawn I never said you were blackout. I was excited about the new year and I supported you I could have I could have been swinging my shirt for a number of reasons. You're happy when the ball dropped, you know 2006 good year trying to think who was Sean Alexander on the cover of Madden that year. You're probably very excited for that. Yes, definitely wanted that Yes, and also

We played a lot of manhunt that we did play a lot of manhunt that is confirmed. We had a lot more freedom less evil in the world Well, we just didn't know about the evil in the world. That's right. That's right It wasn't until a couple years later that we had been you know brought up to speed, right? But yeah, no, we were we were relatively young Joey because think about it like this I had a my like high school girlfriend. We started dating in the fall of to doubt I mean this the winter of 2007 the beginning and we were drinking then What the fuck does your girlfriend have to do with it? I'm just relating it to time. That's what I'm saying is like I just like don't remember I guess I

Remember going out to like clubs when I was like 18. Yeah. Well, that was we all remember those days. Yeah You'd go to NOAA studio studio studio 34 34 Studio 34 Imperial Yeah, I've only been there twice. You know that yeah, I'd only been there once and it was the worst experience of my life I had fun there

But and what was the other one that we used to go to? well, oh Remy no, oh Remy went one time. We went out. No, I went like three times a teen night Oh, really? I went one time It was Megan's birthday and then we slept at Zod's house and his cousin called me a sperm I remember that and there was a kid that had a hole in his head You don't remember that there was part of it was like, yo, I think I got a hole in my head and someone like in the pitch black Just yelled out. Well fucking fix it. Oh, yeah, so it's like Ramell or something like that

Yeah, but he called me a sperm. I was like, I don't know Is this like yeah, how we didn't get reported to the police for all the stupid shit? We would do it that kids sides house beyond me. Yeah, we would legitimately break into his home We did scale the side of the building. We did but they did make it easy Also, so they deserved it, right? There's it. Well, I'm just saying it's you know Make it. I know exactly what you're saying and I don't support it There's a video coming out soon. I'm just gonna say it Whatever we played we had like MP go on the street and play pay the price of some people

Oh, okay. I thought you were gonna say something else. I was like, no, no, no, I was watching the edit and Sods in it Just in the background and he just ran into him at fucking Washington Square Park. I was like Sod this kid just appears man They think he's like engaged. He was like with his like fiance's family or something. Oh, he wants and I'll say it because I don't give a fuck Oh, I was I like went to the pizza place that we would go to Rockos with my then-girlfriend and she was like sitting on my lap and he was hitting on her while sitting on my lap Quite the time. Yo, I miss Rocco's $2 for a slice. Man boy. That's when you introduced me to those red chili flakes game changer

It's an absolute game changer. Let me ask you this serious question. Mm-hmm a thousand dollars for a week You can pick out to live a week at any point in your life But you will be like gone from this part like you'll black out now wake up and you'll be in a week in the past And then when that week is done you black out and you're back here, but a week has gone by would you do it? Like that's what vacations will be in the future like you don't go to fucking Barbados or Greece you like go back to your childhood How like some Westworld shit, dude I would probably just go back to and do like a like a Like one of those Connecticut weekends that like we used to go to a really good time

I it's so tough because I would want to do one of those weeks where we would wake up and fucking play tackle football all day Yeah, but then we got school during the week now. It's sock, dude I would be super white Well, like in the summer when we were younger it was literally like I mean me I was up at like 730 at the park with Dennis and like no one else was at the park I remember that and then I'd go home and then we'd all meet at the park and like then go back to the park play Basketball or whatever and then at night we need to play football over you play football Then go home for dinner and then come back out and play manhunt until like 1130 when I had to be home

And then we would go on Xbox and play modern warfare Yeah, too all night. Yeah, and then I'd be back up at 7. I've been at the park. What a time That was a great time. I barely slept those days. Well, we didn't need my day was like wake up Go to the park go home to eat go to the park go home to eat go to the park go home play manhunt Yeah, that's it and and it's kind of weird like we would eat like so little and like shit You know what I mean? Like I actively remember like over the weekends It would be like pizza and subway pizza and subway pizza and subway But I would burn it off because we were just fucking running full speed the whole weekend

Yeah, those are days, but would you do that like some Westworld shit where you can go live a week in the past? um Maybe I probably would do it just for like the you know, whatever but a week is a very long time I would go back to like if I had to like relive a part of my life It would probably be in Connecticut like we all were there Like one of those weekends where you're just going just like get fucked up for fucking three days straight And also like never be hung over. Yeah, you'd feel perfect. Yeah, you'd wake up like yo, awesome I'll start drinking right now. Yeah, like I wasn't even like bloated back then like just made no sense

I I didn't start feeling the effect because I don't think I get traditionally hung over. I don't get like headaches and like nausea but I feel tired. So I guess that's a hangover, but like I still like I didn't start feeling that until I was like 25 I only get hung over if I don't eat anything and then drink liquor, but if I I could drink beer and like nothing damn Those are the days good times. Um, but anyway, uh, that's all for this week's episode frank. Where can I find you? Uh, you could find me burning joe's trucker hat immediately after this and then uh f alvars 80 85 v Frank alvarez on instagram and then like I said go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard It's always a good time

Yep, you can follow me at joe santa gao. Go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all See you guys next time