The Basement Yard - #352 - Can A Human Win A Fight Against A Gorilla?

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

Joe and Frank discuss what would happen if a human has to throw hands with a gorilla! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. Yeah, do what you were doing. I was doing, I was doing the middle finger. Wait, why did you do like a... I was gonna say. You did an M&M eight mile one. I was gonna say, do you remember this was the my space middle finger? Which one?

That sucks. That's super suck. This is your whack middle finger. Yeah, just go with the... Like, this is a hard one. Like... Cause you're holding down the other fingers. Yeah.

And you can... That one's a skateboard. That one is, you're right. Did you drink Monster's Energy? It's eight mile, it's Brittany Murphy. That's a Brittany Murphy finger. Yeah, this is like, I live at home and I'm 30. Yes.

This is, I still listen to Cascada on a normal basis. This is like, you really ain't... Yeah, if you get one with like the fingers held down, you deserve that. Yeah. But these, this was my space all day, baby. Yeah, I find it hard to even do. This was an Italian from Howard Beach that took a picture with the boys. Or the girls.

The girls. The girls. Yeah. And they were just like... Yeah. You know, people can't smile in pictures because it makes them look weak. Absolutely not. Speaking of that...

Speaking of weakness? No, just speaking of pictures, which kind of reminded me of something yesterday. Uh-huh. I get a face time from a number I don't know. You have to answer it. I don't know why I did, but I did. Good. Guess who was on the other end?

I mean, someone from our past? Yeah. Ooh. Karina Hindle. No? Am I off? Just so you guys know, that is the name of a girl in our pre-K class. Well, we had seen her later on in life as well.

Not me. Yeah, she was around her and her brother Matthew. I remember her brother Matthew. Yes. And they were around. But I hadn't seen Karina. She was around. She had gotten beat up at a park.

At 48th Street Park, I'm pretty sure she got like, whopped. She got Molly whopped? Mollied. Yeah. At the park. At the park by a handful of people. I can't confirm. I honestly don't have many memories.

Took it like a champ though, probably. Probably, but I assume it wasn't Karina Hindle on the other line. It was fucking not. Okay. All right. Who was it? No, it was my dad. My dad had face time.

Your dad has face time now? My dad has had a fucking flip phone forever and he had an iPhone. And the only reason you want to hear this, he bought an iPhone because he wanted to go to a concert and they said you need to have it on your phone and you can't do that with a flip phone. So he bought an iPhone just to get into the concert and then he just leaves it in the box. Don't even try to tell us that this world's an agist and we're not trying to just like

all these old people just like shove them down underneath the pillow. So listen, I ended up being him and Thomas at the same time. My dad has the phone like this. He's laying down. He's like, no, he's sitting in a chair. He's sitting in a chair and he has his phone here. Why? Because he's like, God, this opens the door to so many possibilities.

Bro, yeah. Now he's going to FaceTime me. Now you have to see your dad's face. Nobody FaceTime me. And he was like, bro, I immediately I fucking burst it out laughing. Well, yeah. Duh. I lost it because of the angle.

I'm like, where am I doing? I'm staring at the top of your head. Yeah. I don't get it with parents. They can't hold a phone. They can't hold a phone. When I talk, when I FaceTime my mom, she keeps it here. Yeah.

The whole time. My mom too. It doesn't matter what she says. She could be like, oh, look, look at what I made. Yeah. And I'm like, mom, turn the phone around. Do click, you know, and yeah, but my mom holds the phone like this. And I'm like, are you trying to read the nutritional facts of the phone?

There's none there. It's just me. It doesn't make any sense. You're trying to read like, is there is there a how much potassium is in this? I'm like, back the fuck up, bitch. Listen, I haven't seen your dad in a couple of years. Probably not his best angle coming from the top down. It's better than the bottom up.

Oh, it is better from the bottom up. I mean, it's always better from the bottom up. Wait, is it? No. It's like, this is a worse angle. No. Yeah. That's a way worse angle.

That's why girls, you see girls take pictures and they're like this. Up high. Yeah. Up high because it gets, you know, the shadows cut parts of their body, you know, that they didn't want, you know, as accentuated by the light. I have no idea what it is. I think that's what it is. Dude, also asking my mom to take a picture like, I don't know what it is

because before you were saying it, old people with phones. They don't get it. My mom takes pictures like she's firing a shotgun. She's like, she gets in a stance like this and she's like, I'm like, yo, right here, dude, move your body around. But she's like, she doesn't get it. She doesn't understand how to be limber and get, you know, but she's, she's trying to do the right thing.

She wants it still. Tommy, Tommy. Well, it's because cameras at her day, if she had moved a half an inch, she would fucking ruin the entire picture. Well, back then it's like, oh yeah, I want to take a picture. You got to bring an umbrella with you. What the fuck was that? Yeah, there was umbrellas.

And it was smoke? Bro. Yeah, I was going to, fucking bro. They had giant fucking lights with like a fucking like 900 watt bulb. What is that? And you would take a picture and there'd be smoke coming out. Yeah. And yeah, exactly.

It would be like dust and smoke. It's just harnessing the power of the sun to get a photo. Yeah, it didn't make any, but that, you know, back then, you know, they were all fucked up. It was probably cocaine in those lights. No, I think that it was probably like asbestos. Oh, definitely a hundred percent asbestos. It always reminds me of like when I was a kid, I watched the Flintstones

and I always thought the cameras were like inside how it had like a little parrot that was like chiseling like, I'm taking the picture or like move quicker or staying still. You know, I always thought because I swear to God cameras make no sense to me. Like digital cameras make sense because they're just capturing what they see in there. Just like that's it. It's stopping. It's stopping it. But like real cameras.

Bro, forget about cameras. Think about this. A telephone call. What the fuck are we doing? Yeah, I don't know that and not connected to nothing. Even if it was connected to something, I'm talking to you through like a wire. It doesn't make what the fuck and like it's in the air. And like when you make a call, it's in the air so I can grab it where I can't.

I'm fucking up conversations. Honestly, honestly, I don't know. Landlines used to fuck me up back in the day because it was like it had to connect somewhere and then go to that place and it just never I it's one of those things that like I'll never be smart enough to comprehend. You know, bro, like phones are just like I still don't understand them. Like even like the very basic level of phone. I don't I don't get how it works.

I I in my head. I think of like two cups in a string and I'm like, oh, it's the vibration. But there ain't no vibration with a with a phone. Zero vibrate doesn't make any sense. Did you go to the one of those parks that had like the underground pipe system where it was like you can go to one part of the of the under of the park and you can talk into man. I think your dad was just bringing you to work.

That wasn't a part. No, trust me, he did a lot of that. Yeah, it was it's like it's around here. I see like the Jewish kids using it. There's only Jewish kids around here. There are. It's his acidic as shit. There are confirmed.

I don't know if I can say that. There's a lot of acidic. There are a lot of Jewish people, but it's it's serious. There's like speakers at the other side of the park and you talk into it and you could talk to the other person on the other side. I need to confess something. You're afraid of the Jewish people. No, I need to confess.

Go ahead. You anti semi one day I I I'm not but I felt like one that day because someone one this little Jewish kid fucking gave me to the craziest eyes ever but I drove by this park and there was that and I had never seen that before. So there's a little park when you get onto the highway over here where they have like it's it comes out of the ground. It's like a big thing and one kid was yelling in it and then I saw the other kid. He like ran to the other one and he's got his ear to it.

Yeah, it's listening. So I took my phone out because I'm like that's fucking sick. That's not why you did it. I swear to God. That's why I did it. Go ahead. Right. I took my phone out and I go to take a picture of these kids using this thing.

So I was going to send it to someone to be like, yo, have you guys ever seen this before? Like this is fire because we didn't have that. Our park. Yeah, we did not our main park, but there were parks that had it. Which one not in Astoria, but definitely I've been to parks that had it. Oh, I'm saying our park that we grew up at. No, no, no, no, no, I did not. So I was like baffled.

So but as I was taking the picture, there was like a little Jewish kid who was like he was like maybe 1213 like old enough to like, you know, and I think he thought that I was like, oh, look, Jews taking pictures, you know, like, look at these guys. And the curls or whatever, you know, which I, but I was baffled by the playground machine science. Yeah, the science that is happening in this playground. I was like, this is fucking awesome. But he just looked at me like this.

Damn. And I was like, I got, I got me mugged. I got me mugged too. We recently filmed and had like an evening shoot doing something and I drove home at about 930 and you would have thought it was like the normal like 2pm with people playing in the streets and it was just all young like Jewish boys and Jewish girls like in the fucking street playing. Yeah.

And it was like, you know, like those like movies and TV shows where like they, someone drives through and they're like playing stickball and they're like car and they all move aside and then the car goes through and they all fucking all come back. That's what it was like, but there was a lot. Yeah. There was a lot and it was like 930 at night. I was like, what the fuck? There's a lot of people out for it blew my mind.

But dude, we need to get your dad on FaceTime now. Can I have a number? I don't know, but the phone's probably not. It's probably in a fucking box somewhere. Oh, you think he just FaceTime? No, now that he knows he can FaceTime you and your siblings. It's a wrap, dude. Yeah, I don't know.

He's going to be wanting to talk to you. By the way, love the Jews. Great playgrounds. Oh, we were talking about your dad. Well, I'm just saying love the Jews, not your dad. No, that's not what I was saying. I love my dad too. You just want to make sure, you know, we all have our problems.

But yeah, so it kind of, you know, that was that was a little point for me. Really got me by surprise there. Yeah, I can see how that guy by surprise. It flustered me. I thought about it all the whole way home. I was like, I hope that kid doesn't think that I was. Well, now he now he went home and like he you were a topic of conversation. I do think though, I thought that always comes into my mind when I see.

I mean, only because I see them every single day. But the Hasidic Jews, they were the same sort of like outfits every day. I don't know the name for them. So I don't want to be offensive. But what you just called them outfits. So yeah, well, they are outfits. They are clothing. Gotcha.

But I wonder what they think. Like, do they do they think that like your outfit, they're looking at you and they're going like either like, damn, that shit is fire. Like, I wish I could wear that. Or are they going like this dude fucking going to hell? Probably going to hell part. I don't know. I feel I don't know.

Well, I think a lot of their daily lifestyle and this is me speaking with, guess what, zero basis. Yeah, I but I do think that that part of their their lifestyle, whether it be, you know, the choices they make, obviously the choice they make, but their their outfit as well is some it has some sort of religious connection. Bro, duh. I'm just saying like that thought has to pop into your mind. Yeah, they see like anyone at 14 year old, you know, or 15 year old

who's like in at that age where they're like trying to oh any any religion any like hardcore like religious group like people that are not in it. They're just like, I'll see when the rapture comes best of luck. Yeah, you know, like they believe that we're going to get fucking, you know, murdered by and that's so funny. Like whatever God you believe in is supposed to be like this all knowing all loving. I forgive everything. Everyone's welcome.

We were all my children, but when I come back, if you're not on my board, I'm going to kill you. Yeah, you know, it's like it doesn't that doesn't really, you know, line up. I, you know, do your thing. That's but I was just thinking like in my head, you know, you guys, I have the reverse. I go, yo, what? Maybe I should start.

I I tend to I tend to like look at like in a situation like that and you have to imagine that they're thinking like they're going to hell. That's the way I think about it is that they whenever I'm around any like hardcore religious or they don't think I'm going to hell, but they do think that like they're like, you're not doing like completely the right thing. Yeah. No, you're wrong. God will get you in some way here.

You're not that you're wrong, but you're like, you could be better. No, they're, yeah, they're probably like, you're probably a good person. It's nice to meet you, but like hell will be hot. Yeah, it will. Yeah. Just let me know how it is. Yeah. Just let me know exactly.

Bring sunscreen or something. All a guess, babe. Oh yeah. I don't and guess what? Don't know. Don't care to know. I mean, I'll find out at one day. If I find that kid again, I'm going to have to pull him over and be like, listen, man.

Hey, do me a favor. When you pull up to a kid at a park, don't pull over and get out and try to talk to him and call him over. That that might be a bad idea. Yeah, just an idea. It could be. I don't know. No, I would almost absolutely guarantee that a white man pulling up to a bunch of Jewish kids in a park saying, come here, you, you, come here.

Bad idea. Yeah. Maybe I should just yell from my car. Yo, yeah. Yell from your car and be like, I got come here. I got something for you. I swear I don't. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you think that I got candy in my car line is ever really worked? I mean, it had to. I guess. Yeah, you can't. You can't be afraid of something if it didn't happen. At least I'll be honest with you, bro. That shit would have got me. Oh, yeah.

I loved candy. A hundred percent. They were like, yo, I got a lollipop paint shop in here. Come on. I'd be like, bro, where's the paint shop? First, you got to lick it. Lick it. Then you dip it.

I'm right there. Yeah. Depending on the candy, though. Yeah. Like, all right. If it Joey, if it were Jolly Ranchers, you going? Probably not. Okay.

All blue Jolly Ranchers. Warmer, but no, I was not big on Jolly Ranchers. Hey, I got a bucket full of pink starbursts in this car. I'd have to see that. Oh, really? Because especially at that time, the all pink thing, which like now they make. Now they make. That didn't exist.

So I'd be like, all pink, no way. It was like, literally it was like opening a pack of Pokemon cards when you would get like a sleeve of starbursts because you were like, you didn't know what was in there. Like there would be, there we go in order. No, they were always random. No, I remember them being random. Bro, they go in an order.

Oh, maybe, maybe I just got the Fugazi ones. Starbe Durst. No, but, uh, but we also got, I would be sad as before we got into the ice cream fan. So yes, he was a good dude. Babalu, my guy. Babalu is my guy. Also was the guy to several people using cocaine in Asoria to my understanding.

Oh, he was selling that thing. I believe so. I believe he was selling dad. He sold that out of the van, out of the van and, uh, and the ice cream. Well, the ice cream is the best part. Yeah, but he was selling ice cream and he was the snowman. He was the snowman. It was cold in there.

It was quite cool. I have like a weird place in my heart for the smell of a Mr. Softy truck. You get like ice cream. Sprinkles exhaust. Yeah. Yeah. And you like, you get like the old and I would inhale exhaust and then just

pass out for three hours. What I would do for a milkshake and then what I could do after drinking the milkshake is nothing, but I would have to eat one. You, you would not be consciously be doing it. Your body would be doing something with the milkshake and that's squirting it directly out of your fucking sphincter. Yeah. Yo, one, I had a milkshake once.

I had been eating like super clean for like two weeks and then I was driving somewhere and I passed to McDonald's and I was like, you know, fuck this, like I pulled the trigger so bad. I went through the drive-thru and I got a medium fry and a vanilla shake. Wait, that's it? Yeah. Cause I just wanted the shake. You know, I was like, the fry is also like, you dip.

Yeah. You're one of those people. Well, not that, not that about the dipping. It was just, it was, and I didn't dip it. It was just nice to have like a thing and then wash it down with a milkshake. Bro, fuck that milkshake hit so hard. And it hurt me because at like 2am, I had like just right here was hot and then down here was cold.

So there was clearly a weather battle going on. Yeah. There was a chemical reaction inside of your body. Bro, and then like my lower like my foopa was just like really just bubbling. Yeah. The bubblegut. Yeah. And then I just fucking spit you spit out your butt.

Yeah. That does not sound fun. I will say as of today, I am still clean. No fast food. And not even like this whole year. This whole year so far. Feel good. I feel great.

What's fast food though? Like is all got Olive Garden fast food? Um, I wouldn't consider it fast food, but I also wouldn't go. Yeah, I wouldn't go either. Olive Garden. I knew a person. I've never been. I'll tell you a story.

I was in college. I knew someone who's friend worked at Olive Garden and like either sued the Olive Garden or some shit because she, no, not that she worked there. She went to eat there and her ex was a cook there or some shit like that. And she came in it. It apparently whoa. He came in it. I was joking.

Yeah. No, apparently came in or what? Clam chowder. I would, you know, I don't know if they sell fettuccine. I would say it probably be the fettuccine. Yeah. Cause you can't come in red sauce. We'd know.

Well, no, you can, you can do, I mean, you can come in anything really. You can hide it if you really want to hide it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, that just made me never want to go to Olive Garden again on top of the taste. Well, also it's just kind of like it, you know, like I would never go to like Long John Silver's like, oh man, I would love a filet of fish right now. Like I have never gotten fish like seafood fast food, like a filet of fish. I've never, I, that's like playing Russian roulette to me.

Russian roulette. No, you don't know what you're eating. You're what you're eating is not fish. Guys, if you go to McDonald's and get a filet of fish, I can guarantee you one thing, it ain't. I had sushi the other day and they played a fucking trick on me. What'd they do? I ordered a spicy crab roll.

So I'm just eating it. Mike, this is amazing. It's pretty good. One of them without me knowing was just sitting in Wasabi and I had no fucking idea. They got you. So I put it in my mouth and I immediately choked and aspirated because like rice went everywhere and because I wasn't expecting that at all.

And it hit me right in the fucking uvula. What's that called? I think the only girls have those. Uvula. Yeah. The only girls. What would you say? Only girls have uvulas.

What the fuck did you hear? I heard I think the only, I think the only girls have those. And I was like, are you talking about like girls with only fans? Like what are you talking about? I don't know. I don't know. No, but we all got them. Is that what that is?

The dangly thing. Is that what it's called? Do you know one time? I know I'm jumping from top to top here. Yeah, this is by the way. Hello, podcast. How's it going? Comedy.

One time I was drinking and I woke up and I was just gagging and I was like, what the fuck is going on? And I was like, yo, what is this in the back of my throat? I kept gagging. I look in the mirror. My shit in the back of my throat was elongated and resting on my tongue. Yeah, I've heard that happen to other people too. And I was just gagging the whole day.

What does that thing do? It like fucking, I don't know. It's like a bouncer. It's like, yo, it's like warning people like, yo, they're coming. It's a lookout. Who's promo code you got? I think it's like a lookout. Like it's like letting the throat know like, yo, something's common.

That's actually pretty smart. Yeah, it's like a, like a door. Can you touch it? Can I touch it? Touch them right now. I don't like putting my hands in my mouth. Why not? Cause they're dirty.

I mean, so. All right. Put a pen, put it. Oh yeah. Let me get your fucking pen that you don't know where it is with your, your fingers on it. shove that in my face. I think you could touch it.

I think I can. I think I've touched it. I think I've touched my own. I don't think I've ever touched anyone else's. It's not, it's not the cards, you know, not the cards for me. It's their fault. Not your fault. 100% they had a really long mouth.

You had a long jaw. They had a long head. A long face. A long face. Yeah. Uh, I actually recently drove by a Joe's Crab Shag. Is that guy shagging crabs in there or is this banging crab? A Joe's Crab Shag.

I don't know what that is. It's basically, it's like, yeah, it's like a chain of crab spot, you know, and I just looked at it and said like, God, I'm so glad I don't eat fucking fast food, seafood, like seafood fast food. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's kind of sarcastic to me. Long John Silver's. What are you doing, dude?

Yeah, I know. What are you doing? Don't do that. Also like Golden Corral. I'm going to say it. No, don't say it. I've been to a Golden Corral in the motherland of Golden Corrals, AKA Daytona, Florida.

Oh, and it was fucking not bad. It was okay. Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying. So I don't know. Oh, I thought you were going to say like it's fucking hot trash. Oh, yeah, I believe that. Oh, no, I was going to say it wasn't that bad.

I'm not doing that. It's not like a sizzler. You remember sizzler? They had good cocktails. King China buffet? Not that they had King. I mean, I was only there when I was like super young. I don't remember fucking very bad.

But they had a cool fountain. They had a koi pond and that we threw a lot of things in a lot of pennies. I thought I was making wishes. What I was really doing is killing fish. Yeah, it's all right. I mean, they're only fish. They don't have hearts and souls. They have hearts, no souls.

Oh boy, we got some stories. Oh, no, hold on. I just want to I wanted to talk. I wanted to ask you something. Not that I wanted to ask you, but I had an observation. I do want to make it very clear, abundantly clear. Sorry, I don't mean to cut you off. We'll get right to you.

Yeah. Second week still wearing a trucker hat. Okay. I noticed this the other day. Who's the shortest man that you know? Or just pick a short. We think a short a short man, Greg. He's not the shortest man.

You know, he's pretty short. How short is he? Like five, four. Bro, are you insane? Jose Altuve. How tall is he? I think he's like five, four. I hate him so much.

He's not five, four, bro. Jose Altuve height. Second baseman for the Houston Astros line. Five, six. He's shit. So here's the here's my thing, right? When I think of short men. Yeah.

Who are like legitimately short. I think they're like five, five, right? Like five, two. No, but that's the thing. I don't think that men are that size. They're definitely men. That's how you remember. Bro, I've never.

Have you ever seen a man who was five one ever? No, bagel boss. You see people that are like, you remember Bagel boss? That guy in the Long Island Bagel shop or he was like, they're fucking making fun of me. Calling me names. You guys don't remember him? Women on dating apps.

Yeah. Calling me short fucking low life. He was actually kind of funny. These girls at a point. Yeah, but like, but my point is this, right? You never see a guy anywhere from five foot to five, four. Yeah, because they've all killed themselves. I'm kidding.

No, but you never see anyone that height. Like women, you see that height all the time, you know? And like you and I know like two girls that are like four, eleven and you're like, oh, you're like right on the board or like technically I can get a handicap space because I'm in like a little person or something. Like I think that's like the cut off or some shit, but it's like, okay, you're still not, you know, and it's different

because there's little people who are however height, but then there's people who don't classify as little people who are just short people. Yes. But with men, they're not in that range. I think they are. Short men are like five, five. They're just well hidden, dude.

They don't want like people to know they exist. So where are they? And they wear like boots, bro. But yeah, we'll know. Fuck it. If you're wearing Timberland and you're fucking five, five, I'm like, bro, you're five, three. Yeah, and I don't know any five, three men.

I don't know. I don't know. I guess I'd have to like look around. Oh, you don't see five, three men out there. So we're all five, five. We someone took a screenshot from the Santa Gata Studios video where we did the competitive beating, which you should go check out and they, it was me and you next to each other.

And they were like, bro, Frankie towers over Joe. Yeah. Yo, in that video, I looked tiny. Well, also crazy like he was like six, three, six, four. But also I think I was not wearing shoes. And then I was also standing behind you guys. So I looked like legitimately a foot shorter than that. Stop, stop making excuses, Joe.

You're shorter than us. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm like three inches shorter than you. You're five, nine. I'm five, 10. You're not five, 10, dude. Get the tape.

Get the tape. And you're six. Six foot. Six foot. I'm six foot, man. Six foot if I want to be. Sketch your boots on. Sketch your boots.

You're six, seven. Platform. Sketch your boots. Yeah. No, you're right about that. I, and I, I feel like you only see people in like the fucking like the general average height range. Like you really don't see like super tall women either.

I think like the tallest woman I knew was like five, 10. No, no, no. There was that one girl that we've met. She was like six foot. She played volleyball. Who? She's from Florida. I don't know that.

Oh, yeah. She was tall. She was tall. She was very, very, very tall. You're saying very, very, very recently. She was like 2012 when we met. I was like, who did we meet? Oh, yeah.

She was tall. Yeah. She was very tall. She's also an athlete. She was quite the athlete. Yeah. And she was just an athlete. Yo, I don't want to laugh.

All right, all right, all right. 10 years ago. Yeah, well, I'm sure if you check old episodes, there's something about her on there. But yeah, that's kind of like nuts to me. Like I legitimately don't know any men who are five foot to five four. And I think I'd like to know more.

Yeah, I think we know. I'm trying to think who's the shortest of our friends. Davino maybe? Yeah, Davino's close. He's got to be like five, five. I think he's five, six. Well, him and Dominic are similar in height. Dominic's real small.

I think Dominic's taller than him, though. But Dominic has a machismo to him. That makes him appear bigger. Davino doesn't. Davino, you guys know Davino. He is legit. Well, Dominic's wedding. He's super Italian.

And I was one of his groomsmen. And our friend, who's Frankie's brother-in-law, is six, seven. Yes. Yes, he is. He was one of the best men. And then I was the second tallest groomsman. Isn't that crazy?

We're in the church and I'm like, oh my God. I'm texting Davino how tall are you? He's going to, well, he might ham it. He might ham it up. Yeah. Whatever he says, I'm going to just minus two inches. Right. It's just, that's the way it is.

It's the way it works with men. Men are always lying about their height. And they're girth. They're definitely their wiener-wienes. Yeah, they're what? They're wiener-wienes? Wienes? Wiener-wienes.

Oh, wiener-wienes. That's one thing. That's one whole thing right there. Gotcha. So we're going to find out about Davino's penis. Oh, no, not his penis. I guess I can ask that too. But something tells me he's probably normal.

I think he's going to say five-seven. And then we're going to go, okay, five-six. A low five-six. No, five-five, I would say. He said five-eight. He said five-nine. What'd he say? Five-five.

Oh, yeah. So Davino's like a five-four. You know, that's how tall Lil Wayne is. He said he's five-five. Damn right. And he kisses daddy. Yeah, but he says, I'm five-nine, but I could six-nine and then beat that pussy like Klitschko,

who just won an award for being courageous and fighting in the Ukraine war. That's kind of cool. Yeah. But it all kind of fits together. You see what I'm saying? I haven't texted Davino since April. And I just said, how tall are you?

He replied five-five. I just went back, damn. He's going to call you and be like, yeah, what was that? I'm going to say a bar up in the episode. He's going to be like, you fuck. No, then he'll be like, should I quit my job and just be a podcaster full-time? Never know.

That's what I did. Yeah, enough about Davino's penis. Let's get to BetterHelp right now. BetterHelp is going to help you. One of the best ongoing bits with that, if not the only one. Yeah. But BetterHelp is going to help you. It's online therapy.

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You get free shipping, free returns, and 15% off today by going to MVMT.com slash basement. That's MVMT.com slash basement, all right? So yeah, 15% off and yeah, MVMT.com slash basement, free shipping and free returns. Now, moving on, we have a pretty exciting story about one of my favorite animals of all time. What's your top three animals?

Top three animals? Honestly, you're gonna joke about it. Lions, tigers, bears. Oh my, there we go. I also really like sharks. Tigers are two and bears are three. Yeah, I would say so. You don't like dogs or cats?

I like cats and dogs, but like not as much like a lion is pretty dope, dude. Technically, a lion is a cat. So, but like household cats, I like them. Them and dogs are like right in the middle, like both, I like them both equally. I think I'm gonna go dogs. Wait, dogs are your all time favorite animal?

Yeah, I fucking love dogs. Well, just for the simple fact that they're also accessible, like you can hug them and like, you know, I can't fuck, I'm never gonna be around a lion, bro. Yeah, but a lion is way doper than a dog. Bro, a lion is way doper than a dog. They can lick the fucking flesh off your bones, dude. That's so cool.

What do dogs do? Lick their own shit? First of all, my dog doesn't lick his own shit. Does lick his fucking penis, though. You look at that penis hard or what's left of it. You don't got much left. No, he doesn't have balls. He has a lot of dick left.

Oh, okay, all right. Yeah, and I don't think you lose it anyway. They, no, but I would say dogs, then probably, I like lions too, but like probably lions and then monkeys, dude. Monkeys are a cool one, man. Because, you know, I didn't follow him and I'm a fucking idiot I should have

and it was one of my biggest regrets in my entire life. But I saw this guy on TikTok and he owns a monkey and he puts like a diaper on it. Wait, not following this guy on TikTok is one of the biggest regrets of your whole life? One of them, yeah. Wow, what a life. Yeah, is up there with not asking.

But see, what kind of monkeys? It's, bro, whatever. Like a gorilla or a orangutan. No, I'm a orangutan. Orangutans are cool, dude. Bro, no, they're not. Orangutans are the worst monkey. No, they're fucking not.

Orangutans? The worst monkey are the ones that have the wild ass, the fucking red baboons. So evil shit? Bro, baboons are evil as shit. No, but they're, dude, they look fucking cool. They're fucking wild, dude. They look like a whole, like, like a cross.

Their asses are only out when they're horny. Yeah, but look at their face. It doesn't give a fuck. Their ass is always red like that. Bro, they're evil as shit. I would say chimps are the coolest. Chimps are gorillas, dude. Gorillas are fire.

Gorillas are fucking sick. Bro, gorillas just walk. Yeah, ooh, fire. I would love for a, well, I don't know. If I could guarantee me living, I would let a gorilla beat the shit out of me. No, no. I just need to live and be fully recovered, though.

Well, you'd be walking away with a couple of. I don't want to feel any of the pain. I don't want to fully recover in like a month, but I'd let a gorilla beat the shit out of me because that's how cool I think they are. I would fist fight a gorilla. Just like take my ankle and just fuck it. Bam, bam, bam.

Yeah, no, gorillas are strong. I do think like of all the animals I named, I wouldn't be able to beat any of them in a fight. Gorilla, the only one I stood a chance though, because I could like, ah, whoa, whoa. Stupid. Listen, Frankie. Listen, listen, just listen.

They can pick up a whole car. I know they can, but they won't with me. And I'll tell you why. Because I've got something. You're a good all, is that why? Look at what I'm saying. Like they're, like those animals you can reason with, you can emote with.

What, you think you're gonna gaslight a gorilla? I'm not saying, that's your specialty, Joe. No, you're just talking about manipulating. I'm not saying manipulating. I'm not saying manipulating, but like if I let it feel pain and sympathy for me when I'm trying to kill it, I would be able to- You're gaslighting.

No, you're attempting to gaslight a gorilla. I don't think gaslighting is the right terminology here, Joe. You would be friended and then stab it in the back. I would want it to feel safe with me, and then I would betray it. I would give it a false sense of security. Yeah, and then I would do what I had to do. You would make this gorilla think,

you would fall in love with it and make the gorilla think it was crazy. I would be like, oh my God, this gorilla's in here? Like, yo, you don't want to, I'd get down to it. I'd do the hand thing that monkeys do. What the fuck is that? That's like a place to- You never see these new Planet of the Apes things

where they like give them their hand and like they wait for them to do that? Are you referencing a movie about a planet of apes in outer space? First of all, we're all in outer space, technically. Second of all, the most recent movies took place on Earth in San Francisco. And if I can reason with anyone,

it's people in San Francisco, okay? So like, I'm just saying, like the monkeys in the other corner, I'm over here. And this thing is like piss. You see, it's piss. It wants to hurt me, but like I get down and I cower and I'm like, oh my God, like we have more in common. I try to communicate with it.

Cocoa, the gorilla. You know, Cocoa, the gorilla. Yes, they were able to do it with Cocoa. So I can then, you know, like, oh my God, things are great, things are great. And then I take one of these wires and I strangle it. See, all of that was okay. Until the very end there.

Until the end where you were like, I'll strangle it. The second you decide, other than using a literal bazooka or the sharpest katana that could just slice through a gorilla like butter. Katanas are real. Yeah. If you are going to be like,

I'll just strangle the gorilla. The gorilla is going to turn around and look at you while you have all of your mind around its neck and it's going to go. No, no, no, no, no. Fucking ass fucking. I think I could. Also, you ever see a video of gorillas fucking?

No, that I haven't. Bro, they fuck so hard. Do they? Is it like a good fuck? Oh, is that Bruno Mars song, dog? You and me, baby, making love like gorillas. Oh my God, that's right. What a weird thing to write a song about.

It's like I need inspiration for a song. Me and you fucking like wild monkeys. Yeah, how about that? I mean, I guess, man. No, I will say, of all those, like I stand no chance with a lion. No chance with a tiger. No chance with a bear.

Dogs, good chance. I would strike to say that I don't think there's a single dog on this planet that can kill me. Wrong again. I do think of 50-50 chance with a gorilla because I would be friended and I would have fallen love with me.

Yeah. And I would make it feel safe and secure. And then when it's last expecting it, boom, I'll break off a piece of that chair. Frankie, you couldn't even do that. You want it? You're breaking off a steel chair. You think, hold on.

You think, first of all, I could definitely break off a piece of that steel chair and it could be jagged and I can stab it. I'll put you in a room with a gorilla and I will give you 100 knives and you will fucking lose in seconds. 100 knives, dude. 100 knives.

I'm throwing 20 of those off the bat. Throwing them? You're not a ninja. Bro, you give me 20 chances to throw a knife. I can do damage. You're only going to throw one. That's what's going to happen. You're going to throw it.

It's going to hit it. It's going to go, oh my God, this thing hurt me. And then it's going to put you through the wall. No, I honestly think that I could, I stand a bit of a chance. Name other animals and I'll tell you if I legitimately believe I stand a chance. I'm not saying horse.

Horse. I stand a chance for the horse. Absolutely, I stand a chance for the horse. How are you going to hurt a horse? Get on it and choke it. Hold on. Hold on. Frankie, real quick.

How are you getting on a horse? How are you getting on a horse? Is there a ladder on it? Because that's the only way. You need a other guy going one, two. Also, we've discussed this. If the horse is running at me, I'll just cannonball my body into its legs.

I'm not going to have that conversation again because it's the limit. That thing goes down. It'll go down hard. Also, horses are really, I just need to feed it like a bad carrot. That thing will be dead in an hour. They have very sensitive intestines.

I've heard this from a very trusted source. You got a horse guy? I got a horse guy. Yeah. What about, all right, cheetahs. No, no chance, dude. Thank you. No, no chance.

Absolutely what a giraffe. Yeah. Absolutely what? I absolutely stand a chance for the giraffe. Okay, what are you going to do? Tell me you're going to get on that too, you fucking idiot. I think I could.

You can't even touch the rim. I think I can definitely touch rim, dude. I think again, like you got to take it. Look at its legs. It's walking around like these fucking tripods. They got no weight to them. They're all fucking bony and they got no, they got no support.

What are you going to do if the giraffe picks up its leg and you miss? I need to do it again. I got a limited ability to cannonball my body. This giraffe will get tired eventually. Hippos. No, no shit. Hippos?

Are you crazy? Bro, hippos are like the most deadly animal on the planet. Killer whales. Anything in the water, no chance. Okay. If I am, if now killer whale in this room with no water, I stand a very good chance. Well, yeah, you should stand in the corner.

I just stand in the corner for an hour and I'm good. But in water, it could be like a school of fucking krill. I'm dead. Yeah, yeah. Hmm. What about some vicious birds? Like a hawk.

What about a vulture? Probably no bird can kill me. Unless they give me like bird flu or some shit. If I die from a bird, I deserve to be dead. I'll be honest with you. Birds are probably one of the last animals that I ever want to be attacked by because of their hands, dude. I don't like, you know what?

I don't like birds either. You know, I don't like insects and shit. I don't really like the idea of a bird coming at me because the thing about this, a bird is coming at you, right? It's got little feet that I don't like. And they're sharp, too, dude. And they're talents, right? And there's only like three of them.

And one's like in the back. Bro, eagles have picked up like deer and like flown away with them. They have hands like this. Like, what the fuck is that? Yeah. And like, they come at you, right? But then the feathers are like, like, I just like, it's disgusting.

I mean, I would, I would, I would, there's no bird on this planet that can take me down unless it's like a sneak attack. Like, they get me from the back and they like, no, like an ostrich fucking. No, ostriches too. I'm choking the shit out of that thing. Are you kidding me? Bro, I think you're underestimating how big an ostrich is.

I know ostriches are big, but they're not as strong as you. Well, you also said you were going to beat up a giraffe. So I don't know why I'm even recent. I don't look, I, I'm not saying I will, I will beat up a giraffe. I'm saying that I have a chance because giraffe are kind animals. You have to classify two things in the animal kingdoms, ruthless and kind. And the reality is that giraffes are in that kind bracket. Hippos, lions, tigers, cheetahs, ruthless dude.

No, those are not, yo bro, none of those animals. Bro, are you kidding me? Every animal in the animal kingdom, they have birth. They gave birth to a baby that's like, oh, it's a little deformed. It's like, what a fucking idiot. They take it down a hill and they want to get eaten. They might be, they might, they don't have the capacity for love as, as we do. That's what I'm saying.

That's why, but that's why I think the, the, the gorilla and I have a chance because gorillas were descendants of gorillas eventually, you know, through time and stuff like that. If you want to make arguments, I think that I can reason with a gorilla into not killing me. I do. Dude, Jane Goodall did it and she was in like the fucking jungles. She didn't kill one.

She didn't have to. She was befriending it. Also, I think that little bread old bitch couldn't have killed one. I think also, hold on, might have backfired there. I think they killed her. I think she's like, I think they did kill her. I think they disappeared. What was the name of the movie?

Like in the mist or something like that. Jane Goodall. The mist of the jungle. Death. Jungle's mist. I think she was taken away and killed. No, no, no. Oh, yeah.

She died 88. So she, she really, uh, she really got after it. Who was the one person that got killed by the gorillas, dude? Bro, mad people. Also fucking orangutans. Yeah, those motherfuckers fuck people up. Bro, orangutans and, and what are the ones? Baboons.

Baboons will rip your face off. Baboons are reckless. They remind me a little warrior is honestly fucking bright butts. They do got bright butts. I can't find it. Wait, is she alive? No. She's alive.

Is she? I thought for sure she was gone. There is one that, that. She's alive, bro. Is it Jane Austen? Who was the one that got Jane Austen? Who's that? I don't know.

There was one person that was like, I can't find anything on her death. There was one person that was like a gorilla person that got killed. I know that it's like a famous one. I mean, you know any other famous gorilla ladies? No. I only know Jane. Is Jane Goodall even a gorilla lady? Yeah.

Okay. I just wanted to make sure. She's a gorilla lady. Or chimpanzees. Oh, chimpanzees dude. Me one on one with a chimp? No, it's a rat. I just want to make it very clear.

I don't want to hurt these animals. Are chimpanzees strong? I love all animals. Chimp muscle performance found that on average they're 1.5 times more powerful than humans in pulling and jumping tasks. All right. So I just got to push it. They're good at pulling and jumping.

No. How about he pulls your fucking head off? That would be a problem. But I don't think humans have the ability to pull another human's head off. So 1.5 times that means that they're not much stronger than us. Chimps are much stronger than we are. Yeah. When it comes to pulling weights, they had twice the amount of strength than a human.

Oh, all right. Cool. So this fucking chimp could do a better seated row than me. Awesome. What is that going to do when I throw a punch at it? Again, I don't want to hurt any animals. I love, I'm a fan of all animals. Yeah.

I'm a member of the animal loving community. Oh, but if I needed to defend myself, I think I'd do okay. I'll say this, right? When it comes to animals, real ones, because you don't stand a chance against T-Rexes, obviously. That one, yeah. Any dinosaur can kill me. But at the top of my list of animals that I think could just like kill me, the very top,

I have gorilla. Why? I would say the very top is a lion, dude. I stand no chance of the lion. Why? I'm not saying, not why, like of course, but bro, a gorilla, because you can kick the shit out of a lion. Bro, we've had this conversation.

Bro, a gorilla beats the shit out of a lion, bro. We've had this conversation, bro. Lions are fucking up a gorilla. We've done this before, man. You really want to rehash this conversation? We already agreed to disagree. Bro, lions have everything on them. No, they don't.

What are gorillas going to do? Just walk angry. They're going to walk angry. Dude, this four swipes of these fucking paws. Bro, you ever seen this size? Swipe of a paw. It's a cat. This thing fights like a human.

Yeah. Swipe. This thing's going to punch you like fucking. Yeah. And it punches, and then it misses, and then these fucking talons, these claws are going to rip off a quarter inch of skin. Let me ask you a question. You seen Tarzan?

What happened to that cheetah? That was a cheetah, not a lion. So, bro, what happened to it? Cheetahs are smaller than lions, dude. Cheetahs are smaller than lions, bro. And he was going up against a guy with a gun. Fucking what's the guy missed? He had a musket.

He did have a, what the fuck was that? That was a, I hate guns like that, dude. Yeah. The opening's like, why? Yeah, it's like a trumpet or a musket. Doesn't make any sense. Nerd? Bro, lions are fucking up.

Who's stronger? Lions or gorillas? You're, how do you judge who's stronger? Maybe a fucking lion can't do as many push-ups, but guess what? It can bite down with the force of a thousand suns. They weigh about the same. Oh, he's seeing something that's going to. No, they prove him wrong.

No, because this doesn't, it just says they tend to be stronger, but I don't know. Oh, the beginning of this thing says whoever's bigger tends to be stronger, but they're the same size. I'm telling you right now. We've had this conversation. Okay. Here we go. Here's the, here's the measurables. All right. Tell them to tape. The lions are anywhere from four foot seven to eight foot two.

Eight foot two. Oh, and they stand up, I guess. And then gorillas, bro, gorillas, how do I talk? Yeah, bro, they're like five four. Okay. They are. They, bro, this thing is double its fucking height. What's the, the bite PSI in a lion, 650. They have 30 teeth, including four, four inch canines.

What's the bite PSI of a gorilla? If the lion, I don't know, Joe, fucking tell me a lion is 650. Yo, a gorilla is 1300. Okay. Guess what? They have human ass mouths, bro. Bro, if you got a stronger bite than a fucking, if you had a stronger bite than a dog, I'd be like, all right, cool. But you don't got a cool mouth like a dog. Bro, animals fight like animals.

You don't think they're going to bite each other at some point. This thing will bite its fucking head right off. Yeah. But what I'm saying is that if you have a small mouth that is stronger, attacking a big mouth that is not as strong, but still can do some fucking damage, bro. That's law of nature. Highly intelligent and capable of using tools and weapons to a small extent. That's gorillas. So this thing is going to use rocks. Oh, my God.

It's going to fight dirty. Oh, okay. It's going to use a rock against an animal that it's fucking literally its daily life is killing other animals. Gorillas are like, yo, peace, man. Peace. Just give me some fucking leaves. Are you insane? Just give me some leaves. And the lines are like, yo, I rise and grind every day. This is like saying who's going to win in a fight?

Fucking Francis and Ganu or Michael Cera? It's an opportunistic predator. So when the opportunity arises, beat the fuck out of this line. Bro. Dude, this is a whole article about if they fought. It's a lion, dude. No, I'm going gorilla. Those things are fucking brolic. Also, do you remember how I started this thing?

We have about your favorite animal. And then we were down talking about it. No, it's over. I feel like this is such a dude podcast topic. This has been one of the most dude episodes where we've spoken about nothing, but about a lot. Right, of course. Let's just get to the last ad we have here, which is bird dogs. Okay, we got the fucking the bird dog shorts.

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Incredible. Actually, I prefer that because it makes me feel nice in the summer. When all of a sudden you start getting a little like sweaty or something. Go get yourself a pair of bird dogs. Enter that promo code basement. Get yourself a free hat folks. But the reason why. Well, before you get to that reason, I got to tell people about the patreon.

Joey, come on. I'm going to tell people about the patreon. Do it. That's right. patreon.com slash the basement yard. And we tell you guys all the time about the patreon. But for some reason, if you're new here or if you haven't heard about us talking about it. Sign up for the patreon today.

We are closing in on 11,000. Where are we at right now? Joey, cool. And we hope to do some more things for you. Obviously at 10,000. I went and as a patreon exclusive video, I got a man's zillion. A Brazilian wax on a man. And it was an awful experience, but it's all right there for you guys to watch on the patreon.

If you're a member of the patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard. That first year you get these weekly episodes a week in advance. Get in on the jokes, the conversations, the stupidity. Tell me why a lion is going to beat a bear sooner than anybody else's that is not a patron. And then next year that $10 tier. Well, guess what? You get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you could start and end your week with the basement yard with me with Joey.

Mostly me because this let's be honest. That's why you're here. No, it's not patreon.com slash the basement yard. Go check it out. Thank you. Thank you for that. I'm very good. Oh, and humble too.

I'm so humble. I'm the humblest. Remember when Trump said that? I might be the most humble. Honestly, we knew someone. We know someone that used to talk like that. I feel like I'm so humble. Like no one is as humble and realistic and down to earth as me.

I'm so like people need to be and it's like shut the fuck up. No, yeah, you're right. Yeah. But yeah, the reason why we brought up animals is because there was a story that came out that an elephant killed a woman, which is very sad because elephants are cool. But also it's sad because a woman died. Well, I should have said that first. Let's be honest.

What? Well, I don't know her. So yeah, she could have been like bad. I was going to say that. All right, we're going to. Okay. People are dying. An elephant killed a woman.

That's not the interesting part. Elephants, apparently I assume they kill people all the time. They also never forget. They don't. They have really good memories. So if you fuck with an elephant, this might happen to you because this elephant killed a woman and then it returned to the funeral and then it trampled the corpse. Damn.

I'm not going to sit. I don't want to speak ill of the deceased. Yes. She deserved it. I'll say it. No, I'm going to say that we should at least ask. We should ask some questions. Do you know the elephant?

What are the chances that happens? We need to probe a little bit because. It's not often you hear about an elephant trampling someone to death. Trampling the same person twice though. That's like getting struck by lightning 10 times. Yeah. That's not going to happen at all. On your birthday every year.

What are the chances? We always see these videos of elephants being kind and saving their children and doing other things that are like dope. We spoke bad about someone, didn't we? She was a 70-year-old woman. 70? 70. Oh, I thought you were saying seven.

If it was a child, that would have felt upset. 70. She was a woman. She was meeting her maker one day. Yeah, no. It's kind of a cool way to go out. Yeah, actually it is. You never hear about elephants just being like super fucking wild, you know?

This must have been an elephant on like Rumspringer. It was. It's straight away from the wildlife sanctuary. Look at that folks. It's straight away, which is like 10 miles from the city, and she was going to like collect water and an elephant just like fucking trampled her. This might sound like a really stupid question. How do you not get out of the way of an elephant running at you?

Bro. Think of an elephant running at you. That's terrifying. Yeah, but like I see it and then I move to my left or right. Elephants aren't good with lateral movement. Yeah, but they can like. You can juke an elephant right out of their fucking paws. Bro, you'd be surprised.

Like I've seen elephants like attack. Bro, I saw a fucking video one time of people in like a safari car and they were like in the woods and there was an elephant. They could see it and it was like hiding behind trees and shit. And then it fucking charged through the fucking leaves and made that like elephant noise. I know it's funny. And just fucking stopped real quick to try and like scare them. I would have shit in your pants.

Bro, just move. They were in a car. An even better reason to move. Punch it. Yeah, just fucking hit the gas. Dude. Yeah, no, this elephant knew something about this woman that most people didn't. Like what was she doing when she was collecting water?

Oh my God, dude. Oh, it's getting worse, isn't it? Are we going to have to cut this? Dude, this is so fucked. No, I mean, we already got to what it was like, but the thing came back for the funeral and it trampled her body. No, it grabbed the body and then trampled it and then threw it away. Bro, what the fuck is wrong with this elephant? What did this woman do?

Honestly, that's an elephant. You got to put that elephant down. Well, yeah, you got to catch it first. I don't know. This thing is fucking... I mean, catch it. This thing is the fugitive of elephants. Yeah, this one's not a good elephant.

You need to send Tommy Lee Jones after this elephant. Tommy Lee Jones. You ever saw the fugitive? I have. Harrison Ford, Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah, but you think he could have killed an elephant? I would have picked any other fictional character. The joke is I just made he's the fugitive.

Yeah. You know, I didn't kill my wife. I don't care. You know. No, this elephant, I'm telling you right now. Elephants, most of the time we hear about elephants, they're kind. They're docile. They're cute.

They drink water out of their snouts. This one had something going on. This one woke up on the wrong side of the plane. It's funny you say that because elephants are generally benign and passive. They don't rush out of nowhere to attack people that pose no threat to them or to their safety or babies or anything like that. So this incident is surprising because it shows no provocation of the elephant. Maybe elephants are just like Will Smith.

Like people thought like you must have fucking forgot where we're from, bitch. I'm a fucking elephant. Like I'm from fucking, I'm from West Philly. You think that just because I've been, you know, making cute videos and like people make stuff animals of me and painting that I'm a cute animal. But no, motherfucker. Yeah, that's crazy, man. And they just fucking run your head over to a seven year old woman and then came back

and said, I'm not done. That's crazy. That's, that's some, like you hear about shit like that in movies only. Bro, I saw another video recently of an elephant. It's weird how elephants are kind of following me around now. So careful. They'll follow you to the end and then, and then after they'll come back for you. They, I saw a video of an elephant like someone was on a safari again and they were just stopped

and an elephant's fucking right there. And it's the whole wall. It's that big. Dude, legit. Dude, bro. All right. It's like half the wall. It's fucking huge.

And the tusk. Yeah. Tusk to the scary part. It goes right in this guy's face. It starts. The tusks. Blowing air at him. I would have.

Oh, no. Not the tusk. The tusk. I mean the fucking trunk. The snout. The trunk. That's it. The snout.

If I would have made it out of there alive, I'd have been like, yo, this is it. That's pretty cool. Honestly. That's awesome. Not if it's also terrifying. Yeah. Or there's a place in Kenya that you can go and have like fucking lunch or whatever. And then like fucking giraffes just stick their heads with a window and they're like,

Well, you guys got pancake? Yeah. And I'm like, yo, this is sick. Bro, there have been mad videos coming out lately of people fucking with animals and animals being like, yo, you must have forgotten who the fuck we are, bro. There was that one guy that put his finger in a fucking lion cage and the lion was like, yeah, took the fingers right off. Yeah.

Then there was the other one. The orangutan. The orangutan. This guy was like standing all cute like, yo, yo, yo. And this orangutan grabbed his shirt and was like, get the fuck over. Yeah. Yeah. Come here.

Give me your light. Give me some shit. Bro, these animals, I'm telling you right now, us as a society have forgotten that animals are just fucking wild, dude. Without guns, we stand no chance. We stand no chance. Even with like cool things like spears and rocks, very little bit of a chance. I literally could do nothing with this.

Put me in a room with a machine gun. I'll take anything down. Tell me I'm wrong. Can you kill an alligator? I can kill an alligator. No machine gun. We've already spoken about this. I mean, aren't they like bulletproof or something?

That might be dumb. No, but they apparently are. No, because they don't make bulletproof handbags when they're taken and made into like alligator skin handbags and boots and shit like that. So who thought to wear them on your feet? The fucking south, dude. They're crazy down there. They got too many of them.

They're like, oh, we need to do something. Let's eat their meat and turn their skin into fucking fanny packs. And go dancing in them. Let's go dancing. Let's go dancing. Let's go dancing in their fucking skin. Yeah. Who you wearing, Billy?

It's like now it's the croc from, why am I giving this an accent? I don't know. They went right to Australia though. Croc. Do you ever think that like alligators like see like an alligator skin and they're like, they can recognize it's like their nephew or something? No. They all go there.

I don't think they go off of sight more than, I mean they do, but like scent I think is the big one. Well, you gotta imagine those alligator skin bags still give off an alligator scent. Nah, bro. They've been processed. Think so? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I hit like my funny bone a little bit. What is the funny bone? It's like a nerve or something. It's not funny. No, it's not. But like what is it? I don't know, but it gives me a little, you know, a little stinger.

And why did they call it the funny bone at first? Because I think it feels funny. You're welcome. That one's free. In the next one I'll charge you. Oh. I also don't like that saying like, I don't know, I just feel funny. It's like, all right, but funny is supposed to be good.

Yeah. I think off. I like to say like, I feel off. I was like, no, I don't know. It's something I just feel funny. I feel off right now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel a little off.

What the fuck was that? What? The tongue? Oh, I just cleaned my mouth. You just cleaned your mouth? Yeah. What does that mean? You know, you don't ever do that when you got something.

You just clean it. You had something in your tongue? You're talking like the Joker now. No, I'm not. You like did the Joker thing? No, the Joker. Yeah. That's the Joker, dude.

It's like, I don't know how I got these scars or something like that. That's the Joker. That was not bad. I'm telling you, dude, I'm a really good impressionist. Dude, Jack, dude. Okay. Dude, Jane Goodall. Oh, no, she's alive.

That's right. We went over this frame. Oh, yeah. That's right. That's my Jane Goodall impression. Stroking the back of a silverback gorilla. Can I ask you a question? With one arm.

You ever get into anime? No. Does it interest you? Not in the sl- I mean, I guess if you consider like Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh anime, then I guess I did. No. But like, you know, like Demon Slayer, you know. And I don't even count like Dragon Ball Z.

Like, I don't count that. I mean, that's technically anime, too. Of course it is. But like, I think that that's like, two American eyes. Two American eyes, yeah. So I'm like, all right. That's shit. Like, do you watch like-

Oh, so- They're gonna get you. Why? They're gonna get you. That's anime, bro. They're gonna get you. No, I- When I think of anime, I think, oh, it's all good.

Bro, someone recently sent me a clip. I need to pull it. I'll show it after we're done. But it's like, everyone knows that one kid in school that watches too much anime and they like talk. And like, I like it. Yeah, yeah. Where they're like, my brain isn't taking in all of your information right now.

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, all right, dude. Like, chill out. Like, the one that does like the Naruto run and everywhere they go. Yeah. People like that. Yeah. Not me though.

You know? No. And I thought about this because I was like, I met someone recently who said they were like into anime or whatever. And like, I don't know how to feel about it. It's not that I don't. I just think it's like fine. Like, I'm sure some of it's great, but I just don't.

Like, that's like- No, I know. I know. Like Cowboy Bebop and Demon Slayer or shit like that. Like, I- I don't even know. I thought you were making those names. No, those are real names.

Bebop? Cowboy Bebop. Cowboy Bebop. Yeah. And like, I- I've got a lot of moments. So forgive me. But I'm sure that they're good.

I hear great things about them. I- I- Nothing but great things. But- What do you think of like, when you- When someone's like, oh hey, how ya doing? I love anime.

I think of grown men with like anime pillows with big ol- Big ol- Bang Bangs. Big-Titty Pillows? Yeah. Bro, that's like a whole sect. It's like a whole- Oh yeah.

I mean, Big-Titties is part of anime. No, no, no. Not like the Big-Titties part, but like- They like- They like Mary and like fuck their pillows and shit like that. that. I just think this is the thing and I know this is not all anime and it's not the representation of anime that it wants to give off in that community but a lot of what you see from like an outsider's perspective is like super

sexualizing like little school girls they'll like show up in short skirts and just their fucking chest popping out of their shirt and the teachers you know like spanks them and it's like what was that episode about it was like oh it was about human rights and it's like what yeah you know it and the laughing it's where it's like oh it's like no one laughs this way why do you keep going I don't know this is my anime impression yeah oh boy you're gonna get roasted for this episode yeah you're gonna get it like cuz I'm wrong about anime I've never watched no I I'm with you there I I'm I've never watched it either so I

can't really speak much about it but I know people that are super into it I feel like the people that watch it too are like so into it to the point where it's like I want to fuck that cartoon like there's so many tweets online or like a Twitter accounts that are like replying to shit and all their like pictures are these like random anime characters they're like the shit I would do to this dick if it was real and I'm like damn yeah and then like it's it's that's the part that I'm saying is like from an outsider's perspective looking in like it's been bastardized to be just completely sexualized and like

again of course there's like legitimate merit and like story and like a lot of them I'm sure I've never watched it but yes what you see is like people on Twitter that are like you know like I don't want any black people in Star Wars give me you know just the anime girls all the time oh I've never seen that oh it's there baby oh it is there yeah and then you ever noticed you ever see about you because I don't know why but I thank you for cutting me off there's like yeah thank god there was like I don't even know what you're gonna say but the you know the group BTS yeah of course they apparently aren't breaking up

huh there's a 400 of them how could they oh I heard that they're all exploring solo options really yeah good for them yes that's that that's good no what you do so here I hope not okay I don't like when you look towards the window it's just scares me I always look that way to make sure it's recording okay but yeah I always think that there's like some crossover there but there's like crazy k-pop and anime feel like the most strong like fan their feverish they're just like fanatics they are and they'll like defend it to hell yeah it's insane there's some pretty hardcore fandoms out there that are like that BTS is one of

them the the beehive yeah they came from me the Swifties Swifties also came from me also went for you took my fucking head off honestly yeah they almost killed you like you wish you were as relevant as Taylor Swift like yeah wouldn't you Jesus I told you I told you what the beehive they told me like they're like oh yeah this kid he's making fun of Beyonce but he's only worth 120th of what she's worth I was like I wish I wish man Jesus one 20th of a billion ain't bad it's like 20 million dollars yeah I wish so he's worth triple that yeah I remember that article 208 million 208 million that's great I was gonna if you

were legitimately worth 208 million I gotta say you wear it well because you are not like yeah instead of besides your car and your watch you're not like very snobby we're halfway there but yeah I think we can we can wrap up right here man just we ended with beehive beehive I don't want to get in there it goes who's gonna get you this week the beehive the Swifties or the anime people god I hope the anime people don't get over you the one that were telling me that you watch don't even oh okay all right you were gonna make something up I was gonna say well no I wasn't I was I was gonna make something up but I'll be serious for a

sec you watch anime porn I have watched it I don't know that was a joke do you really I don't watch it I have seen it I've seen it like years and years and years ago and it was like a teen Titans rip off teen Titans I've never watched it like with my dick in my hand I've watched it because I'm like yeah I never I never watched it like getting ready to know I could get into that though if I if I wanted to really like are you like the guy that clicks on like the ads that pop up that are like Lois Griffin and Homer Simpson get it on no but I don't go oh no I go Lois she's doing her thing let me find the exit click away yeah

I can't I can't but where can I find you right if Alvarez 8085 on Twitter the Frank Alvarez on Instagram and go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard so you can get more episodes exclusive episodes if you sign up for that second tier get these weekly episodes a week in advance we get the 12,000 Joe's gonna do something he might get a tattoo of my name somewhere on his body I don't know and you never know literally no you guys can go follow me at Joe Sanagato go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and Instagram and that is all see you guys next time